#maybe isfp too because my sister came to mind while writing this

[cupidelocket]

I adore how the most obvious mbti groups are INTx and xNFP because it’s just neurodivergent people in different fonts.

[funkymbtifiction]

Fe or Fi?

Hello there, how are you doing? Sorry to add one more submission ion flooding your blog, I’m not sure this will be of any use but I’d have a little question… The other day, I had a conversation via texting in a group chat, when this guy started taking me apart and we had a nice chat about MBTi but the thing is it completely destabilized me… To contextualize, a girl said something about ISFPs being the most honest type and got a shitstorm of offended people calling her out (not really relevant to the whole story but that’s related to the first answer I wrote) and I started chatting with her. Then the guy came in and here is what we said (Sidenote: I use a fair amount of emojis when I write… I’m not sure how important it is to the whole wooly booly but “he” mentions me being “bouncy” in the beginning so I thought I’d clarify what he means by that since we never met in real life ^^)

Me: sorry but the « we’re thankfully not that miserable » SOUNDS like trying to put ISFPs on a « special snowflakes » position :/ I’m not saying that’s what you intended, just that’s how it sounds to others and I think it’s important to understand what’s wrong in how you deliver a genuine good message and causes you to be misunderstood ^^’ Him: offtopic but I’ve been thinking for a while, are you sure you’re not ENFP ? You’ve got that emotional enthusiasm a lot of times, where I just wouldn’t bother (like… here ^^). Could be mobilizing Fe, but I’m starting to think it extends beyond that and includes Fi views (of being inclusive and enthusiastic). Me: I thought for a long time I was a Fi user too (and I still have moments when I question my type…) :) But after asking people who knew better than me, read about all those differences and basically, I care way too much to fit in and be accepted at the price of being my “true self” to be a Fi, even more a high Fi user. The person I show in this group is far from being the same as I am in real life :) The contrast with my sister, who is ESTJ and one of my ENFP friend is shocking (that’s when I started wondering if I was really one ^^). Even what you point out could be a proof I have Fe since Fe tries to actively impact others’ opinions and mood while a healthy Fi would be more “as long as you don’t hurt me or someone I like, I don’t care what you think :) ”. This quote for example, I used to think I had this mindset, that I wouldn’t mind what someone else believes or does, but the sad truth is I do. I will never violently shut someone off because of that but I’ll try to convince them what they believe or do makes no sense, and become extremely obnoxious in the process… Recently I started wondering if I’m not an FJ, maybe my Fe is actually higher than I first thought, but again, when I meet my ESFJ friends, my ISFJ step mother and my ENFJ best friend, I can see I’m clearly not as easy going with my emotions and feelings as them. I can be expressive and even fake emotions to adapt to the people around me, but in comparison, they’re way more enthusiastic and upbeat than I am, and know exactly how to respond to someone in distress when I would just stand there, awkwardly… ^^‘ I don’t know, of course I could be wrong and I’m still constantly learning but anytime I doubt, I see someone posting about ENxP and ExTP and I just feel a punch like “that’s so relatable it hurts” x) But I’m interested in all comments and advice ^^ I’m still trying to stop constantly questioning if I’m not an ISxJ or any other type, anyhow… Him: mmh, Fi users can be as much concerned with what others think of them. Fe vs. Fi is rather a question of how/why :) At least, I’m pretty convinced you’re not an ISTJ (and I don’t think I know when ENTP that could have doubts being ISTJ… doubts usually revolve around ENTJ, INTP, stuff like that, so this one is weird ^^). Me: Haha I’ve been through every single one of them x) I think the only types I was sure not being were INxJ and ENTJ since I don’t relate to high Ni at all :)

Now I guess it’s all a little confusing and really, if you don’t have an answer, I won’t expect you to bother thinking too much about it, but my only real question is if anything I said showed I’m a Fi user? :/ I won’t ask about my exact type, it’s just somehow, I “absorbed” this person’s opinion like a sponge, as if it were mine… and the more I think about it, the more I think maybe I was wrong all along… Also, the people I mention (friends, family…) are people I tried typing myself, so it could explain my mistakes, since I used them as comparisons. If any of you have the patience going through this, thank you a lot (thank you a lot anyway ^^) and have a nice day/evening!

There’s misconceptions about the judging axis from both of you, here.

Fi is not “emotional enthusiasm.” Fi is subjective judgments. A Fi user will judge that as fine, and this as not fine, in an inconsistent manner. When a Ti user points out, “But that is inconsistent,” a Fi will shrug and say, “That’s how I feel. I care about this, and I do not care about that.” It has nothing to do with emojis, or coming across as :) in conversations, it’s a process of self-filtering that ultimately comes down to, “I do not like this. I would not like that to happen to me. I have no experience with that to pull from, so I cannot tell you how I would act in that situation…” in an uncompromising manner. That’s why people call Fi “selfish.” It goes through SELF.

Fe is others-referencing. It needs no personal experience to care, it does not filter through self, it mirrors other people’s feelings, and it often “forgets” self in defending others and/or seeing through their eyes. “You should not do that, it is inappropriate / it offends others / it is an ill-informed opinion.” That is why Fe can be called “overbearing” or “interfering,” because it tends to police people who are not behaving appropriate to the situation. Fe thinks there are appropriate emotions in this context, and inappropriate emotions, and it’s better to express the right ones.

Just about everyone cares what other people think, just on a sliding basis. I care very much what people think of me… but it is all tied to my core Enneagram. I have no doubt your caring is also tied to your Enneagram, and that you have a social stacking, which further makes you AWARE of what others think of you.

Your comment that you “fake feelings to fit in” makes me think you are not high Fi, but then why are you doing it? It’s the why that matters, not the what. It’s why you think as you do, and feel as you do, and react as you do, that makes up your type, not what you are doing. People of different functions do the same things for different reasons. Other people being enthusiastic and upbeat really has nothing to do with you, because you may not be an enthusiastic or upbeat person, and neither of those things are “necessary” to be a Ne-dom. All you need to be a Ne-dom is... well, dominant Ne and inferior Si.

Several thoughts:

1)     The fact that you others-reference so much in your argument could be one or two things – you are an extrovert or you are a Fe. An extrovert is not inward focused, it looks to the outer world first. A Fe is so busy thinking about other people’s behavior, it’s not thinking about itself. Which one are you doing?

2)     Your inability to find your type and “constant questioning” does suggest high Ne, because they are universally the people who find it hardest to settle on a type and who are prone to picking out minor details to support a ridiculous self-typing (I say this from experience, I look back on typing ISFJ with angst). This comes from Ne’s tendency to believe things without any proof, and inferior Si’s inability to come up with specifics to ground their thinking in reality.

3)     “I absorbed this person’s opinion like a sponge.” If you are running with other people’s ideas because they seem rational and reverse your thinking process to incorporate this new idea (despite having no proof), then you are probably a Ne-dom – they are inconsistent in their thinking because other people’s ideas stick to them like flypaper. It makes them adaptable and open-minded but also prone to pursuing absurd ideas about themselves, because that’s what this other person said about me!!

- ENFP Mod