#me @ myself: FINISH SOME FUCKING ART U COWARD

[honeyidareyou]

going to actually start using tumblr again i swear. apologies in advance that this blog will become 90% ffxiv lol

i might make a side blog for ffxiv ocs eventually as i have SO many

anyway hello! i’m going to try using cohost more too that site seems chill, feel free to say hi if you’re on there!

here’s where you can find me generally (mutuals feel free to ask about discord i am way more responsive on there) https://linktr.ee/sianach

[smolfrogi]

Love amongst the Himbos

by: Roman

tw’s: homophobia(briefly), swearing, some violence

Multiple parts, I’ve got a lot of world building and not enough space in one part

“Get up, bitchboy.” Ah, one of Toph’s lovely greetings.

“I’m doing it, I’m doing it.” Sokka lied.

“I may be blind but I know you’re still in bed, pissbaby,” Toph growled. “Don’t make me get Katara.”

“I should’ve never given you a house key.” Sokka grumbled, standing up. He wrapped up his arms in white bandages and put his hair up in a ponytail. “If I get called to the guidance councilor for wearing these one more time, I’m gonna kill someone.”

“I genuinely do not care.”

“You’re so nice, why don’t you have more friends?” Sokka retorted.

“They can’t handle the power of my greatness. I’m the greatest earthbender in the world, y'know.” Toph answered.

“Alright, let’s go.” Sokka walked through the door, with Toph following. Katara joined them. They walked out the door and down the street. Why is this sophomore hanging out with a 7th grader? Who cares.

“I heard there’s a new kid at school.” Aang added when they picked him up on the way. “He’s from New York or something, a private school kid, y'know?”

“Hm. I wonder why he’s moving here.” Katara thought out loud, opening the door to the school.

“Oh, did I tell y'all I hit 4k on tiktok?” Sokka bragged.

“Yes. Like 40 times.” Toph stated bluntly. The cafeteria was chaos as always. Sokka walked across the cafeteria to get the school’s breakfast since he didnt have time earlier.

Sokka’s stomach filled up with dread. Hide,  fucking Hide. He was the worst. Hide tormented all of the students, especially the 6th graders just trying to find somewhere to sit. Lucky for him, Hide never tried to make fun of Sokka. What we he even insult him over? “Haha! You have straight A’s and biceps!”? Sokka didn’t recognize half the kids at school anyway, why should he care about some asshole?

“Oooo! What’s this?” Hide’s ‘crew’ circled around an almost empty table. “A new kid? What’s your name, shorty?”

No response. Shouldn’t have done that.

“He asked for your name.” One of his goons thumped his hands on the table.

“Cool.” The boy muttered. His voice was raspy and deep. He spoke quietly, but with a fatal amount of sass. Hide, an asshole, obviously didn’t like that.

“You think you can talk to me like that?” He snapped. Where the hell are the teachers? He yanked the boy out of his seat.

The kid had dark hair that fell over his eyes and crept down his neck. On the left side of his face, a huge scar covered his eye and reached across his ear, which had a hearing aid. “Leave me alone.”

“Oh, I will! After I kill you.” Hide swung at Zuko, but his hand was blocked before he could reach. Sokka clenched his wrist and twisted it around his back before shoving him.

“You’re a coward, Hide.” Sokka challenged.

“What’s wrong, faggot? Got a crush on him already?” He mocked. Sokka stepped back.

“No. But you’ve just about pissed me off-” The bell rang and interrupted Sokka.

“Saved by the bell. See you after school.” Hide smirked before walking off.

“I can handle myself.” The kid grabbed his bag.

“I never caught your name, emo.” Sokka remarked.

“Yeah, I didn’t throw it.” He paused, throwing the bad over his shoulder. “It’s Zuko,” he answered. “yours?”

“Sokka. Well Zuko,” Sokka cleared his throat. “What’s your first class?”

“History.”

“Ah, my pal Mr Zei. Follow me.” Sokka started toward the hallway.

“Why are you doing this?”

“I have history, and I’m late already. Now I can say I was showing you around.”

Zuko nodded.

“Sokka, you’re late? You’re never late, are you okay?” Zei asked.

“Yeah, of course, I was helping the new kid!” Sokka answered. Zei nodded and gestured towards Sokka’s seat. “Psst! Zuko!”

Zuko didn’t even look at him.

“Zukooo!”

No reply.

Sokka poked him in the arm.

“What?” Zuko asked, he had one hand on his ear.

“Are you paying attention?” He asked.

“They were being loud earlier, I turned my hearing aid off.”

“Oh, well Zei’s starting a lesson.”

Zuko nodded.

Zuko pov

“And that concludes the Tutum Unision. Can anyone tell me about the siege on Ba Sing Se?” Zuko flinched at the mention of it. “Hide?”

“General Iroh, a-k-a the Dragon of the West, started the siege on Ba Sing Se in 2013 with his son, Lu Ten,” Hide started. Zuko closed his fists. “The siege ended when-”

“Can I go to the bathroom?” Zuko clenched his teeth. “Please?”

“Um…yes. You may. Raise your hand next time.” 

Zuko ran down the hall, trying to shake the panic. He went into the bathroom and sighed. Fuck. You’re such a pussy..

Zuko breathed slowly, releasing some fire through his breath, he closed his eyes. There’s no more war. There was never war in Tutum. That’s why we’re here. Zuko thought to himself. He pulled himself together after a few minutes. He left the bathroom slowly enough to get back almost the moment they were about to leave.

“Sorry about…whatever that was…” Sokka sighed.

“It’s fine.”

“Well anyway, what’s next?”

“English Language Arts.”

Sokka rolled his eyes. “It’s down the hall- just look for the room with cartoon book stickers on the door.”

“Thanks.” He smiled, mostly just to be polite. He felt strangely upset that Sokka wasn’t coming.

“Romeo and Juliet. Chapter one, who wants to start?”

French, already speak it. “Bonsoir! Je parle français. Vous aussi.”

Math. “If X is 2 and Y is 6, What is K?”

Chemistry. “Safety must be taken very seriously in this class…”

It all felt useless, y’know?

“Zuko?” Sokka had seen Zuko from his desk. His blue eyes were squinted, almost shut, in a bright smile. His hair was pulled back messily. He wore a dark gray pullover hoodie, with a NASA logo on the right side of his chest, that fit him just right. Zuko thought about how beautiful Sokka was until he snapped himself out of it, that’s not who he was, he didnt think like that.

Sokka came over and sat down next to him. He breathed softly while he copied the instructions onto notebook paper, small animals and trees were scribbled into the margins.

Sokka pov

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH C U T E

Sokka scribbled in the margins of his paper to distract himself. Turtleducks and Badgermoles, even Aang’s Bison. He started sketching out a sheepcat.

“I have some of those.” Zuko pointed at his drawing. “Sheepcats, I mean.”

“Oh. That’s,” Sokka paused. Say something, dumbass! “nice?” DUMBASS 

“Yeah.” Zuko looked back at his paper.

“I- uh, what are their, their names?” He asked, trying to keep the conversation going, it’s not like they’re going to do anything. Imagine! Doing actual activities in Study Hall!

“Druk, Ursh, and…” He paused.

“And?”

“Lu Ten jr.- Lu for short.” He finished.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

They kind of sat looking at each other, not knowing what to say. Sokka looked down at his paper. “I, uhm, I have a polar bear dog.”

“You do?”

“Yeah.”

Alright, this officially sucks.

It ain’t much, but it’s chapter 1.

[tired-toby]

it's been nearly a year since my first suicide attempt, since the worst summer of my fucking life that i STILL CANT REMEMBER.

and i feel like i've gone nowhere

i'm still the same piece of shit who couldn't even acknowledge the people she hurt, who still tries to victimize herself when she's anything but the victim, who is wasting the time of everyone around her

i know all this. i know these flaws. i'm self-aware and that makes it worse because despite everything i do i feel like i haven't gotten any better, like i haven't improved at all and if anything i've just sunk deeper into this pit

and it's not like i haven't had people reach out!

my math teacher has kept up with me the WHOLE YEAR yet time and time again i let myself fall short.

i want to be better. i need to be better, for the people that are here now and for those that i've hurt in the past.

for my guinea pigs. for my rats. for my dogs. for everyone.

yet here i am just fucking wallowing, crying on an empty blog that no one will read or give a shit about because it's just me.

i graduate soon. well. i /might/ graduate soon

god

i've fallen so far.

my friends are going to harvard, to mit. i feel like i'm just going to a shallow grave.

i wish things were easy, that i could take a few pills and just be /better./ i want to stop feeling this way, i just want to feel better. i've changed my ways! i only drink water, i eat healthier, i walk my dogs for two hours every day, i've taken up new and old hobbies. but i still fall into slumps, i feel like i am a slump.

i've barely told anyone but i haven't felt like myself in weeks and i'm so fucking scared. i feel like i don't know who i am anymore and the coping mechanisms that i've used to try and feel like myself aren't working like they used to. i feel like im fragmented and being pulled apart at the seams. maybe i'm giving myself too much credit

a overfilled trash bag thats splitting and spilling nothing but garbage

that's better.

i'm just overdramatic

i'm just tired

i even have a healthy sleep schedule, did i mention that? in bed by 10, up by 7. i walk my sister to the bus stop almost everyday.

i thought i did everything right. why doesn't it work why aren't i better why am i still the same asshole why am i no one why am i nothing why can't i just be better why am i not fucking dead

55 days until i'm 18

54 until the night i became the world's greatest failure

what kind of idiot fails to kill themself? twice, at that?

i feel like i'm faking this. i read these words i type and i cry and if eel like im faking it. that i'm doing it for attention. i'm manipulative, i lie to emotionally abuse people

i know this and i'm probably doing it now

seems like something i'd do

my mom says my laptop will be back soon, finally repaired. i don't think i mentioned it here but the harddrive broke and i lost everything

stories. hundreds of thousands of words and i WISH that was an exaggeration

my fucking POKEMON. ALL MY GODDAMN POKEMON!!! I BEAT SOUL SILVER WITH JUST AN AMPHAROS AND ITS FUCKING GONE. MARILYN IM SORRY. NOT TO MENTION ALL MY OTHER SAVES

all my art. all those sketches. i've barely drawn since, nothing feels right anymore. not like i know where my art tablet is anyway :/ that's just

gone

everything's gone

once i have a laptop again, i think i'll be happier. i hope i'm happier. my life is there, my happiness is there. it's not healthy to stare at a screen for who knows how many hours of a day but it makes me happy

i want to have fun with graey again. the weeks we'd spend just playing minecraft and stardew and we haven't been able to do anything because i'm just on my phone and a shitty school laptop that can't even run google and word at the same time

i don't know what i'm going to do. this whole thing is a mess, just so much bullshit. and it's barely the tip of the iceberg

i didn't even mention how my dad found another rope in my brother's room. part of me hopes it's not what i think it is and some part of how i once opened his girlfriend's snapchat and found him listed as daddy

fucking discord moderator lookin' ass. it's the trauma innit

i'm doing dnd again. it's not full campaigns, just one-shots with the sewer rats every other weekend or so where i dm and they can have fun.

i like making them happy

i love all of them. they're my family. caesar, crypt, xeno, cat, moe, roo, blink, cig, fox, graey, even fed and ag. if it weren't for you guys, i'd be nothing. i'd be gone.

caesar, you've been with me through everything. i wouldn't be here if you weren't there for me. i'm glad we're getting close again, i've missed your company

i'm glad i'm the one you tag when you see if anyone wants to watch u stream :)

crypt, for all the shit i give you i love you. when are we going to finish mamma mia together u rat ass bitch

xeno u are one of the funniest motherfuckers i've met, even if u are a literal fetus. whenever i see u join vc im always so fucking hyped

cat why r u so fucking racist. when r we gonna play phasmo

moe stop touching kids.

roo i am not gonna lie sometimes u feel like my mom i s2g granted u are geriatric so maybe that makes u my grandma. point still stands, also when r we gonna plot wren and dhova i want my twink-turned-twunk

blink i still need to dm u back give me a sec.

cig u are also a fetus but u are one of my FAVORITE people to brainstorm and plot with. UR BRAIN IS SO WRINKLY AND UR ALWAYS SO RESPONSIVE IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY!!

fox. ANOTHER FETUS. but also an amazing dm and just?? ur so creative. U ARE SO CREATIVE. UR CHARACTER DESIGN. UR ART SKILLS. ur so underappreciated?

graey when r we having the dildo battle. i will come to alaska and live in a shack in the woods with ur nasty unshowering ass if it means i get to punch u in the face irl and laugh abt the usual bullshit with you.

fed stop being british it's literally so gross idk how u do it. if u stop being british i'll stop bullying u abt ur terrible typing skills

ag u are just. cool. like if i had to pin someone as like the 'cool/chill' person of the sewers it would 100% be u i am ngl. play roblox cats with me u fucking coward

enough of being sappy. they need to stop accusing me of being a lesbian I AM NOT A LESBIAN

ok

im happy again

thinking about them makes me happy

in other news celestial bodies by ghost data is a nice song

[damienthepious]

did u know: yesterday was the last Lizard Kissin’ Tuesday before new Second Citadel content starts up again. i’m losing my fucking mind. I published two fics yesterday. here’s the one that is ten thousand words long and smutty thank you goodbye.

The Stranger The Better

[ao3]

[Rating: Explicit

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla

Characters: Lord Arum, Sir Damien, Rilla

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Lizard Kissin’ Tuesday, Established Relationship, Porn with Feelings, First Time, (first time all together not like. first time full stop), Talking, (just... so much talking), Enthusiastic Consent, (i’m not a scalie but i’m also not a coward)

Summary: Rilla, Damien, and Arum are all quite eager to find out precisely how they will all fit together in their new relationship. This eagerness carries over into the bedroom, too.

Notes: I've been working on this since March. Why is it coming out NOW, you may ask? Well, this is my 69th fic on ao3, and i am a goddamn dweeb. It had to be smut. It had to be THIS. Oh boy I hope this is any goddamn good. Title from the song Someone New, by Hozier, because of COURSE it is.

~

“You’re sure you want to do this, Arum?” Rilla asks as the Keep closes the way behind them, primly moving its focus off to other parts of the structure far, far away from Rilla’s room. “You don’t have to if you aren’t comfortable with-”

“I told you that I did, didn’t I?” Arum growls, folding one pair of hands across his chest. He doesn’t blush - he can’t blush - but she knows the way his frill shivers when he’s embarrassed by now, the way his tail twists, curling in anxious coils, his scales whispering against each other. “Just because you want to hear me debase myself by asking-”

“You know that’s not what I’m doing,” she says with a calm shrug. “If you’re sure, you’re sure. Damien?” She turns to her fiancé now, and she’s glad she refocused because he’s starting to look a little flighty. “You okay?”

“I’m fine, my love,” he says after a deep breath. “Just thinking.”

“I don’t recommend that,” she says with a laugh, and Damien blinks and then smiles, clearly embarrassed. She doesn’t give him the time to be uncomfortable, plopping herself down on the rather large leafy bed in the center of the room. “Do you want help with your armor?”

“Yes,” Damien says, blushing more than enough for he and Arum both. “Would you-?”

Rilla nods and gestures for Damien to come closer. This part of their ritual is well-trod ground, by now. It is odd to have a third party observing, or pretending not to observe as Arum is intent on doing now, but there is a certain kind of thrill there too. She imagines how deft and practiced her fingers must look, moving through the slow process of unlacing the ties and undoing the straps of the light leather armor that keeps Damien safe.

Whether bored, irritated by the lack of attention sent his way, or merely drawn by the desire to be included, it doesn’t take long for Arum to unfold his hands from across his chest, shrug his cape off and set it aside, and then slink closer. He doesn’t sit by them, but crouches on the floor beside instead and lifts a hesitant hand towards Damien.

“May I- show me how, Amaryllis.”

Rilla smiles, ignoring the way Arum wrinkles his nose, defensive, and then she takes his hand to guide it to the remaining buckles. He is actually better suited towards unlacing the leather ties than she is; his claws can slide between the tight knots to loosen them, and provided he moves carefully he can do so without cutting clean through.

Damien has gone entirely silent, as the six hands on his torso slowly take his outer layer apart, and Rilla can’t really blame him. She does worry that he might be getting in his own head, though, so she lets Arum finish pulling the armor off, and she settles a hand on Damien’s cheek to turn his face towards hers.

“Is this alright?”

“Yes. Though it is- it is unexpectedly intense, my love.”

“We’ve barely begun,” Arum complains, though his frill is trembling again and he is breathing slightly fast. He sets Damien’s chest piece aside and then hesitates a moment before he climbs up onto the bed with them at last, and settles his hand on Damien’s arm, just above the shiny red line of the scar from his claw wound. Arum draws his thumb along the line, watching as Damien shivers at the gentle touch, or possibly at the simultaneous gentle touch of Rilla’s hands sliding beneath his undershirt to pull it off of him. “I’ve never-” Arum pauses, narrowing his eyes as both of his humans stop to look at him. “Stop that. I’ve- there are many aspects of this situation that I have never-”

“Have you had sex before?” Rilla asks, matter-of-fact and ignoring the noise of embarrassed anguish Damien makes.

“Of course I have,” Arum barks. “But never- never with a human, obviously, takatakataka. And never with two partners at the same- let alone two who were already lovers, and not-” he winces, then rolls his eyes at himself. “Not with… anyone at all, in quite some time. It stopped being worth the effort for- for those I did not truly care for. Not like it is with y- don’t you dare look at me like that, honeysuckle,” he snarls. “I will not be pitied.”

“I wasn’t- I’m not!” Damien reaches a hand out and Arum glares but still lets him touch his arm, as if echoing Arum’s earlier gesture, the absurd warmth of Damien’s calloused fingers sliding gently over his scales. “Rather,” Damien gives a single embarrassed laugh, cheeks dark and flushing darker as he speaks, “I was thinking that it is a terrible shame that a creature so luminous and seductive should have gone unloved and unappreciated for so long, a work of art cloistered away from the world. I was thinking that I should be grateful to share so rare an encounter as this, with two beings of such brilliance and beauty.”

“Prattler,” Arum says in a breathless rush, entirely unable to tear his eyes from Damien’s. “All your pretty little words-”

“All for you, my two most lovely flowers,” he says, soft and earnest. “They are all I have to give.”

“Oh, no they aren’t,” Rilla says, and kisses him. One hand cups Damien’s cheek, and the other slips down to undo Damien’s belt, and Arum is staring still because he can’t seem to make himself stop.

They are almost painfully gorgeous like that, his humans, with her dark skin and rippling night-river hair, his leanly muscled torso and scattered, silvery scars, and the easy way they fit together seems magnetic. Magical.

Damien’s hand remains on Arum’s arm, fingers flexing against his scales as his mouth slides against Rilla’s. After a long moment Rilla pulls away with a hum, leaving Damien gasping as she glances to Arum. “You can do more than just watch, you know.”

Arum growls under his breath, tail thrashing in irritation and embarrassment. “I know that, obviously. But I can’t exactly do- do that, takatakataka,” he says, gesturing vaguely at their kiss as a whole.

“Is that all? You’re worried about kissing us?” Rilla smiles wickedly and it twists in Arum’s stomach like hunger, her confidence, her fearlessness. She meets Damien’s eye and smiles, and when he nods in response to whatever that silent communication was, she squeezes his arm and then climbs off from halfway in his lap as she ended up after the kiss. Then she’s beside Arum, kneeling on the covers. It’s one of very few possible positions that means that Arum has to look up at her, and when she settles her hands on his shoulders, her dark eyes pin him in place. “Arum,” she says, voice gone to half a purr, “I’m a scientist.”

“So what?” Arum growls, adamantly ignoring the way his voice has gone ragged at the edges, ignoring how Damien is staring at them just as Arum had stared a few moments earlier. “Are you planning on measuring the width of my mouth or my number of teeth or something equally ridiculous?”

“Not quite, Arum,” Rilla murmurs, leaning closer. “I plan to experiment, until we are all very, very satisfied with the results.”

“Ah…” Arum pauses to clear his throat. “Well then. If that is the case… experiment away, Amaryllis.”

She grins, then leans down slowly, her hands sliding up from his shoulders to his neck, tilting his head to the side so she can press her lips to the line of his jaw, kissing a slow, lingering trail up until she can whisper right into his ear. “For this experiment to be successful, Arum, you are going to need to be rather vocal with the results.”

Damien, who rarely needs encouragement to be vocal, makes a small wordless noise beside them as he watches, and Rilla’s smile slides a little wider.

“If you insist, Amaryllis,” Arum says, breathless.

Rilla nods, pleased, and then she lifts her hands to gently sink her fingers into the frill that folds there, the delicate webbing of scales like cool satin at her touch. He makes a low ticking noise in his chest, eyes fluttering shut for a moment, but when he doesn’t speak up she prompts, “What does that feel like, Arum?”

He growls to himself for a moment, and she feels the frill tremble, rising slightly to her touch, as he settles one pair of hands on her waist. “Strange. Not unpleasantly so, though- it is sensitive.”

“I can tell,” Rilla says, her thumb running along the edge, and then she lowers her mouth so she can kiss the scales just beside the frill, the crook of his neck, and he makes another noise at that. More animal, more growl. “And that?”

“Amaryllis-”

She presses her lips there again, then opens her mouth properly to tongue his scales, fascinated by the texture and a taste that reminds her vaguely of aloe. Fascinated as well by the strangled noises that Damien and Arum make in tandem. “How does that feel?”

He makes a breathless clicking purr, jaw clenching while his hands flex carefully at her waist, still conscious of the claws.

Rilla smiles, then gently tips Arum’s head back further so she can kiss the hollow at the base of his neck, then draw her tongue up the column of his throat, and finally she drags her teeth along his scales to bite down where his neck meets his shoulder. Lips still brushing his scales, she murmurs, “You have to tell me how it feels, Arum.”

“Good it feels good Amaryllis of course it does,” he snarls above her, his frill flaring out around his head like a halo. “Will you stop- stop- stopping?”

“Only good. Hm,” she muses, and then she’s sitting back and leaving Arum grasping after her with an expression of almost comical confusion on his face. “Damien, your turn.”

Damien gives her a wide-eyed look, but he quickly does as instructed, coming closer and sliding into Rilla’s former position, looking down at Arum with a flush across his cheeks.

“Good. Now, useful experimental results should be reproducible,” Rilla says pointedly, leaning sideways on the bed and watching them both through dark eyelashes. “So Damien, you should do exactly what I just did, and we’ll see if he reacts the same way.”

Damien makes the mistake of meeting Arum’s eyes, and then he whips his head to the side, flushing even darker and biting his lip.

“Well, little knight, you shouldn’t leave our herbalist waiting,” Arum says. “I believe she’s expecting a show.”

“It’s important data,” she counters, voice calm despite the hunger in her eyes. “Do you need a reminder of where to start, Damien?”

Damien inhales, shaky, and then lifts his hands, caressing Arum’s shoulders and then skating them up his neck. He tilts Arum’s head in precisely the same way Rilla had, and Rilla hadn’t actually expected Damien to have paid quite that close attention. The visual- Arum had joked about her expecting a show, but Rilla realizes in this moment that she underestimated how incredibly delicious the pair of them would look; Damien, shirtless and strong and moving with determined gentleness, and Arum, regal and gleaming in the low light, holding himself so carefully still and watching Damien through slitted eyes, and as she looks at the two of them together - Damien slowly pressing his lips up Arum’s jaw, Arum purring and flicking his tongue, their different textures contrasting against each other - Rilla’s mouth goes completely dry with want.

“Did- did that feel the same?” Damien murmurs when his lips are level with Arum’s ear.

“Not quite, honeysuckle. You… you don’t kiss in the same way. You are more- cautious.”

Damien touches the frill at Arum’s neck, leans down to kiss the edge of it, and Arum hisses softly in response. He lifts his hands again to grip Damien’s sides; four cool, textured palms on his ribs and back making Damien give a breathless gasp, and Rilla thinks, this may not be good science, but it is good science.

Damien kisses Arum’s neck again, then slips his tongue out, soft pink licking up Arum’s glossy green scales. Rilla bites her lip hard at the sight, and Arum’s mouth falls open so he can pant out a shaking breath.

More cautious, Arum said of Damien’s approach, but Rilla thinks it’s something else. Damien isn’t being playful like Rilla, isn’t trying to tease a reaction out of Arum. He is kissing where Rilla kissed before him, but with an earnest tenderness, with near-reverence, and if Rilla’s read is correct it is having an even more intense effect on Arum than her own attempts. Rilla isn’t surprised, when she thinks about it. She knows firsthand how overwhelming it can feel, to be the focus of Damien’s full, worshipful attention in the bedroom.

Arum doesn’t seem to know what to do with that tenderness, doesn’t seem to know how to react to being treated gently, aside from trembling and holding himself as still as possible. Arum very deliberately does not clench his hands on Damien’s soft human skin, wary of his claws; he just holds him there and lets Damien do as he pleases. Lord of the Swamp, willingly at the mercy of two humans. It’s a display of trust that pulls on something behind Rilla’s ribcage and makes her want to end the game, the experiment, and just-

Damien’s last kiss drags up Arum’s throat, then back down to bite so very gently, so sweetly, at the crook of Arum’s neck, and Arum chokes out a gasping rattle and then two of his hands are lifting Damien’s face towards his own, and Arum flicks his tongue out to taste the air and then again to taste Damien’s lips. When Damien opens his mouth - surprise, desire, all of it wrapped up together - Arum sinks his teeth into his bottom lip, just as gentle as Damien had been despite the growl emanating from his throat, and Damien moans, and Rilla-

Really needs to be closer to the both of them right this instant.

She crawls up behind Damien, pressing her chest into his back and wrapping her arms around him so she can lean over his shoulder. This is obviously a genius, brilliant maneuver because when Arum sees her close by he releases Damien’s lip and presses his face in between theirs, flicking his tongue along Rilla’s jaw and purring into her ear.

“Ridiculous- ridiculous little humans and- and-”

“You seem to be enjoying yourself at least a little,” Rilla teases.

Arum tries to growl, but it catches on the purr instead, making it louder, and two of his hands are on Damien but the other two are wrapped around Rilla now, his tail curling around all three of them and pressing them together more tightly. “I didn’t realize humans spent so much time on the- the playing before the act itself,” he says breathlessly.

“Anticipation draws sweetness to the surface,” Damien breathes, and the cadence of his voice pools hot at the base of Rilla’s spine. “The tender touch of each raindrop in the spring serves to feed the flowers to follow-”

Arum’s breath catches, and he sinks his teeth into Damien’s bare shoulder carefully, though it still startles Damien out of his poetics and into a gasp.

“While I am enjoying this,” Rilla says, her nails scraping lightly across Damien’s stomach, “we should probably discuss what we want to happen next. Or- what Arum wants to happen next.”

Arum disengages from the bite, and Rilla struggles not to be too distracted by the soft, pale marks his teeth left in Damien’s skin. “Why me?” he asks.

“Because Damien and I already know each other’s tastes quite intimately,” Rilla says, and Damien nods in agreement in front of her. “We don’t know what you’ll like yet, so you’ll have to tell us. We’re here, we love you, and we’re all willing to see where this goes next- so what exactly do you want to do, Arum?”

Arum takes a steadying breath, then releases the humans and leans back on the bed. Damien makes a quiet noise that is distinctly a whine, hands twitching towards the lizard, and Rilla kisses the bite mark on his bare shoulder with an amused smile.

“I want,” Arum says, a low rattle rumbling in his chest. “I want-”

“Don’t think too hard about it,” Rilla says gently. “I just want to make sure you’re gonna enjoy yourself.”

“Obviously,” Arum growls, frill flaring enough that when he turns his head away it hides half his face, “obviously I want to- to ravish the both of you senseless.”

Damien makes another noise, leaning back into Rilla’s embrace for support as she shakes with silent laughter.

“A very, very appealing idea,” Rilla says. “But I was thinking more along the lines of specifics for right this moment, Arum.”

Arum snarls under his breath, flicks his eyes towards the humans and then away. “We are collectively wearing too much clothing,” he mutters. “That should be dealt with before we continue.”

Rilla is surprised to find that, in fact, her skirt and top are still on her person. Damien’s pants, too, have somehow managed not to fall entirely off of him yet. “A fair point,” she says, and then she shifts away from Damien enough that she can slip her top off over her head and toss it to the floor. Damien exhales like he’s been punched in the sternum, which is his usual reaction to seeing Rilla topless, but Arum looks curious more than anything else. “Damien,” she says firmly, “your pants?”

He stares at her for a breath or two, then starts slightly. “Er- right, yes, of course my love-”

While he is busying himself with that, Rilla turns back to Arum, who doesn’t appear to have made any further progress undressing. He looks ridiculously tempting as is, bare from the hips up without his cape, reclined back on the softness of the bed and staring up at her with his pupils blown to wide dark diamonds. She leans over him, drawing her hand purposefully up his chest, admiring his musculature and then leaning to press a kiss to his shoulder and then his neck as her other hand slides in the opposite direction, until her fingertips are dancing along the edge of his loose pants.

“May I?” she asks with her hand on his waistband, her lips close against Arum’s neck, and she feels him freeze for a moment before he glances down at her.

“Ah…” he hedges, eyes flicking away for a moment.

She takes her hand away immediately, leaning back.

“Are you uncomfortable undressing in front of us, or is something else wrong?”

Arum is briefly distracted from the question as Damien climbs back onto the bed, the only one of the three who is properly unclothed, now, and the knight blushes again when Arum looks him over without any pretense, tongue flicking in the air. Arum takes a deep breath, then, before he looks at Amaryllis again with a wry expression.

“I have far more experience than the pair of you, I should think, with negotiating a variety of different sexual organs,” he says with a half smile, and Damien’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. Rilla, for her part, appears substantially less shocked by this turn of conversation. “Monsters are quite diverse in that way as in all others,” he explains, “while I understand that humans are limited primarily to two types, yes?”

Rilla makes a so-so gesture with her hand. “There’s some variation, it falls along a sort of spectrum, but for the most part we hit one of two ends on the bell curve, yeah.”

“Then I hope-” he pauses, teeth clicking together for a moment. “I hope you will not be- I hope that I will be to your liking, even if I am somewhat- different-”

“Oh, Arum-” Damien begins, but Rilla puts a firm hand on his bicep to stop him before he starts to actually wax poetic on how much he’s going to love whatever equipment Arum is working with. It’s likely that will do more to embarrass him than anything else.

“If there’s a practical way for us to fuck each other,” Rilla says, enjoying the way Damien jolts when she curses, “I think we’ll all be pretty content with the situation. And if there isn’t a practical way, well, I’m sure we can get creative about it.”

“Our Rilla is particularly skilled with that style of creativity,” Damien murmurs, his expression going both embarrassed and hotly pleased.

For a moment, Arum indulges himself in thoughts of how Amaryllis may have used her creativity on the knight in the past, and then he gives a laugh. “I am unsurprised. Clever in all things, our herbalist.”

“I’m immune to your flattery,” Rilla says, but she’s smiling too hard to properly scowl. “You’re stalling again. You want to continue, right? If you’re not comfortable, we can totally stop.”

“No,” Arum snaps, and then he repeats more gently, “No, I would like to continue, despite my feeling that the two of you together may likely be the death of me.”

Rilla smiles wider. “I’m gonna choose to take that as a compliment.”

“Indeed it was,” Arum says, his eyes flicking hungrily down her body, then shooting to do the same to Damien again as he squirms. He takes a breath, and then he meets Rilla’s eyes. “Here.” He uses two hands to lift himself slightly from the bed, one to undo the tie at the small of his back so the cloth can slip down around his tail, and the last to guide Rilla’s hand back to his hips to let her pull the fabric down.

She looks far less surprised than he expects when she bares him, his cocks already out and hard merely from the teasing ministrations of his lovers’ mouths. Lovers in fact, soon, he thinks, and his cocks twitch in anticipation.

“Everted hemipenes,” Rilla murmurs to herself, science and hunger both warring in her expression, and Arum wrinkles his snout. “Vertically aligned rather than side by side, that’s unexpected, and-”

“I will thank you not to call them that,” he says, glaring up at her. “Have you been theorizing about my anatomy again, herbalist? I am not another experiment of yours-”

“T-two?” Damien squeaks beside them, and when Arum turns to him he looks as if he is trying valiantly to hide some measure of both intimidation and delight. Unfortunately for the poet, he wears his heart on his sleeve too easily to deceive.

“Two,” Arum agrees, raising an eyebrow and starting to feel embarrassed again. “Is this an issue, or may we-”

“Not an issue, not at all,” Damien shakes his head quickly, eyes wide as he crawls closer on the bed. “May I kiss you again, Lord Arum?”

Arum’s frill flares, his embarrassment mingling with pleasure, though he scoffs to try to cover both. “You- you need not ask, honeysuckle.”

Damien smiles, and the earnestness of the expression pierces Arum as it always does when the knight leans closer. His hand cups the side of Arum’s face so softly that it makes his scales tingle, and he presses his lips to the corner of Arum’s mouth with equal care. Arum’s own mouth slips open automatically, and Damien seems to take that as an invitation because he flicks his tongue out, hot and soft against the edge of his scales. Tasting Damien so close and sharp and vibrant, the scent of leather and ink and lust, it makes him feel wild.

“If you cannot decide how you would like to proceed, my love, perhaps I could make a suggestion?” Damien murmurs close against his mouth, and Arum hears Rilla chuckle low beside them.

“Wh… what did you have in mind, honeysuckle?”

“I would very much like to kiss you, Lord Arum.”

Arum laughs lightly. “I told you, honeysuckle, you do not need to-”

“Not,” Damien interrupts, blushing despite his determined eye contact, “upon the mouth.”

Arum stares for a moment, very aware of Damien’s warm body above his own, of Amaryllis at his side with her hands caressing his shoulder and arm, and then he realizes that Damien expects Arum to actually respond to that. To respond verbally, even, and not just stare in shock. He swallows, pants out a breath, and nods.

“That- I- I believe I would- yes.”

He can feel Amaryllis laughing at him, but when he turns his head to scowl at her Damien leans down and presses a kiss to the hollow at the base of his throat, and then he presses his lips lower, over Arum’s heart. The gesture is so tender, the look on the knight’s face so sweet, and Arum feels it like lightning arcing out from his center. He should be embarrassed about how sharply he responds to such a simple touch, but Damien is still moving lower, and Arum does not have space in his mind for embarrassment next to the anticipation already rushing through him so vividly.

Damien’s eyes slip closed as he flicks his tongue along Arum’s hipbone, and then he looks up at Arum through dark eyelashes as he kisses his hip. Arum clamps his jaw shut to muffle the growl that wants to escape, and then Damien kisses him there again at the same time Rilla leans in to press her lips to his shoulder, and his breath whirs roughly in the back of his throat.

“May I, Lord Arum?” Damien breathes, his thumbs brushing over the scales at the tops of his thighs, and Arum’s entire body is coiling with heat and tension and the thought of Damien’s soft, sweet lips-

“Y-yes, honeysuckle,” he manages, only barely. “Damien.”

Damien smiles, and then he lowers his head. Arum clenches his teeth in a way that feels dangerous, the heat of Damien’s breath already enough to make him want- oh, Arum has not wanted this deeply in ages-

Damien closes his eyes and kisses the head of Arum’s higher cock, ember-hot but still feather light in a way that Arum is sure would be deliberately teasing if this were Amaryllis. With Damien, though, he knows it is not. Arum’s breath hitches sharp, and he only just manages to stop his hips from rocking automatically towards the contact when Damien repeats the kiss on his lower cock with barely more pressure. He slips his tongue out to draw up the underside, and Arum hisses through the entire long, slow lick. His hands want badly to cup Damien’s head, to draw through his hair, but Arum is terrified of the possibility of accidentally cutting the poet with his claws if his focus wavers.

And, considering the determined rhythm Damien’s tongue is dragging up his length, Arum’s focus is not long for this world. He digs his claws into the bed instead, hissing a breath through his clenched teeth, and then Amaryllis sinks her own blunt teeth into his shoulder at the same moment Damien finally lowers his mouth over Arum properly, and Arum barely manages to muffle a shout. Rilla breathes a laugh against his scales and kisses his neck soothingly, and Arum turns his face towards hers, panting out a breath as he nuzzles against her. Her mouth is just as hot as Damien’s, pressed against the crook of his neck, and one of her hands grips his bicep as the other scrapes light nails down his chest.

Arum can hear Damien’s heartbeat pick up as he starts to bob his head in earnest, can smell his arousal rising. He realizes with a jolt how much Damien is enjoying this, enjoying him, and then with his eyes still closed the knight reaches a hand up to wrap around Arum’s other cock, stroking in time with the movements of his head, and Arum loses ground in his internal battle for control. His hips stutter automatically, meeting Damien’s mouth and hand, and when the knight groans around him he can’t help himself. His hips rock up again, and again, and soon it is less Damien bobbing his head down over Arum, and more Arum steadily fucking Damien’s mouth.

“Fuck,” Amaryllis says emphatically, leaning against his shoulder as she stares down his body at Damien, and Arum rather agrees. Damien’s curls are falling into his face with each thrust, his eyes closed, his expression something close to rapturous, his bowstring-calloused hand wrapped gentle but determined around him and his free hand clinging to Arum’s muscular thigh for support- the combined effect is breathtaking, and Arum has barely any breath left to give.

He feels suspended in the rhythm for a time he can’t measure, moments or minutes, but then Damien starts to move faster and Arum still doesn’t know entirely what he wants to do, but he does know that he wants this night to last quite a bit longer than it will if he allows Damien to continue on his current course.

Arum unclenches a hand from where it has been tearing holes in the bed and reaches down, brushing knuckles so very gently down Damien’s cheek until he opens his eyes again. “That’s enough,” he says softly, and he takes the hand Damien has wrapped around him and uses it to pull the knight back up instead. A twinge of embarrassment flashes across Damien’s face as he wipes his mouth, but Arum pulls him flush against his chest, nuzzles against his cheek with a purr, and nips fondly at his jaw. “I should not be surprised that a poet would possess such a talented tongue, honeysuckle.”

Damien gives a pleased little burst of laughter at that. “The flattery of a Lord must count for much,” he says, his voice noticeably huskier than it typically is. “I admit that I was rather enjoying myself,” he says, and Arum can feel the heat rushing to the poet’s face as he flicks his tongue up Damien’s cheek. “It has been some time since I have had cause to apply those particular skills.”

“Looked like you didn’t lose your touch,” Rilla says, raising an eyebrow and grinning.

“I would return your affections in kind right now, honeysuckle, but I don’t wish to neglect our Amaryllis any longer.”

Damien’s eyes go wide for a moment before Rilla laughs and pats his arm. “I am not feeling neglected, Damien. Don’t worry. Though,” she aims her hungry gaze towards Arum for a moment, “I’ve been trying to work out the best way for all three of us to play all together, but the logistics of that might get pretty complicated for a first attempt. So, I guess one way to go might be…” she purses her lips, then looks to Arum again. “Do you want to fuck us?” she asks with a raised eyebrow, and Arum sputters.

“I-” he snaps his teeth, his frill flaring high around his head as he sits up a bit straighter, still holding Damien close against his chest. “Obviously.”

“Hey, I’m just making sure that’s something you want, like, specifically. Unfamiliar anatomy, Arum,” she says with a wry smile and shrug. “I’d rather ask than make any assumptions. It seemed like you probably wanted to fuck us, but you could have just as easily wanted to be fucked. Or maybe just stick with hands and mouths for the night. Anything, really.”

“I… I suppose that’s fair,” he breathes, ducking his head and looking away. “P-perhaps. Perhaps on- on another night. We might discuss that second option.” He pauses, then clears his throat. “But- yes. Indeed. If you- if either of you desire me in that way, I am- I am eager to see how we- how we fit together.”

Rilla’s smile blooms so very warm, and Damien makes a small, helpless noise in his arms, reaching to cup Arum’s cheek.

“Of course we desire you,” he says, voice trembling with the apparent force of that desire, and then he leans in to press his lips to Arum’s mouth, just once, just lightly.

“Definitely,” Rilla agrees, her hungry eyes raking down his body and then back up. “So. Like I said, I think trying to work out the best way to fuck both of you at the same time might be a little- overwhelming? For tonight, at least. So, Arum, did you want to try this out this whole sex-with-humans thing with me, first, or with Damien?

“I-” Arum’s eyes go wide, flicking between the pair of them as his tail thrashes behind him in obvious distress. “I couldn’t possibly- I could not possibly make that choice. Amaryllis I want- I love- I want both of you, there is no part of me which desires one of you over the other, it is not as if- I cannot choose-”

“Okay, it’s okay, Arum, that’s… that’s fair. Fair, and kind of sweet, actually,” Rilla says with half a laugh, patting his arm soothingly as he growls, and then she shoots Damien a considering look, her eyebrow raised. “And… be honest, Damien, are you going to feel guilty about it if I let the two of you play without me?”

Damien flushes dark, and after a moment of hesitation he nods, pulling back slightly from Arum’s embrace so he can reach a hand to tangle with Rilla’s own. “It would be difficult not to feel as if I am being inattentive to you, my flower, leaving you aside that way.”

“Okay. I thought you might.” She pauses. “I mean, that’s silly because I feel like watching the two of you together would be… completely fucking incredible on its own and I do have two perfectly good hands, but I understand. I don’t want you to feel guilty while we’re supposed to be enjoying ourselves.”

She wriggles against the covers for a moment, then, finally kicking off her skirt, and then she moves to sit between the pair of them, and she puts a hand on each of their shoulders.

“And you’re both sure that you’re comfortable with this, for tonight?” Her smile goes a little- embarrassed for a moment, then. “I know I’m kind of- repeating that question a lot, but I really, really want to do this right, and I’d rather ask more than I need to than start leaping ahead again.”

“Oh, my precious flower-” Damien slips his arms around her, kissing her cheek with an absurd sort of delicacy. “Oh, I love you so much-”

“Making sure you’re gonna enjoy yourself is pretty baseline, Damien, you don’t have to-”

“I know,” he says. “I know. It is simply that I- I feel so utterly lucky, to be here with the both of you. I never could have imagined such an abundance of fortune, such a blissful bounty of delight-”

“And you aren’t upset,” she asks firmly, meeting Damien’s eyes, “that this first go-around with the three of us is gonna be me and him?”

Arum tenses beside them, his eyes on Damien as well, clearly anxious for his answer.

Damien laughs, though. “I already had a rather delightful taste, my love,” he says, sounding almost sly. “I would not dream of denying you a turn with our mutual monster.” He leans closer again, kissing Rilla gentle, easy. “I will be most comfortable with this, for the evening. We have countless more evenings awaiting us in the future, where we may try countless other embraces. Allow me the pleasure of observing, this first time, the way my beautiful Amaryllis and my lovely lily twine together. It will be an honor, merely to be beside you.”

“Looking for new material to write with?” Rilla asks, teasing despite the color in her own cheeks, despite her slight breathlessness and the way she seems as enraptured by Damien’s lilting tone as Arum himself is.

“You are poetry itself, love,” Damien says, and kisses her again. “The pair of you together- I imagine you shall be lucky if I do not bubble up into verse at the mere sight of you.”

Arum raises an eyebrow. “You must tell me if he is serious, Amaryllis. Has he sprung metaphor and rhyme upon you even in this?”

“Oh, absolutely,” Rilla says with a laugh. “I’ve learned that there are some poems that only belong in the bedroom, actually.”

Arum laughs, and then Rilla’s arms are slipping around his shoulders and his mirth abruptly shifts, the heat of her in his arms like nothing else as she cups his skull in her hand, stroking her fingers down the ridge of horns along his spine. He shivers automatically (he is unsure- has anyone ever touched him there? Touched him like that?) and her other hand lifts his chin towards her, so she can kiss him again.

He purrs low, entirely out of his own control, and then he twines his arms around Amaryllis in turn and gathers her close, crowding close until he is leaning over her. He presses his body against her heat, the softness of her skin, and he growls low and nips lightly at her jaw, his mind going fuzzy and pleased when that makes her laugh again, her stomach jumping.

“Okay,” she says while he nuzzles against her neck, and he growls a questioning noise. “So- I still wanna take my time a little longer, and I have noticed that you don’t seem too keen on using your hands, but honestly I really would like it if you touched me-”

“I would rather not cut you to ribbons, Amaryllis,” Arum says, layering snideness over his embarrassed worry.

“I think you’ve proven yourself capable of being careful.” She pulls back from him enough to interlace her fingers with his, then she presses a kiss to his cheek as she deliberately and pointedly moves his hand to her chest. “We wouldn’t be here if we didn’t trust you, you know,” she breathes, moving their hands together against her breast, brushing her own thumb over her nipple with a sigh.

Arum is wary for another moment, flexing his hand so his claws are as far from her skin as they can be with his palm caressing her, but it only takes a moment for his curiosity and desire to edge past his nerves. He watches her face, watches her reactions with fascination as together they touch this apparently sensitive curve, and he mimics the slow movement of her hands with incredible, delicate care. When he has grown comfortable with this touch he feels bold enough to lean closer, experimentally flicking his tongue out to tease her other nipple, and Amaryllis gives a breathy laugh that Arum instantly desires to hear again. Her skin is so strangely smooth against his palm, hot as his humans are everywhere, and he curls his tongue around the curve of her breast, watching the way she bites her lip, and when his tongue drags over her nipple again she gasps, her other hand lifting to grasp one of his horns, pulling him closer, and his own breath hitches in a wavering purr.

She blinks, and then the grip on his horn shifts, and she wraps her fingers around the curve, dragging her palm over it, and his eyes flutter closed, the purr pitching louder automatically.

“That feels… good, then?” she asks quietly, and he pulls his tongue away to answer.

“It is… it can be soothing, I suppose,” he murmurs. He slits an eye open to look at her, at the unselfconscious way she’s laying back against the cushions beneath him, bare and beautiful and smiling with one hand still tangled with his own over her breast, the other caressing him so gently. “Not precisely the intent of the night, so far as I understand it.”

“No, I guess not,” she says with a shrug, “but it’s good to know anyway.” Then she lifts her other hand away from her breast, cupping his chin instead and pulling him closer so she can kiss his mouth, so she can sigh against the sharp edge of his teeth as he carefully caresses her chest. He only needs one hand to hold himself up over her, so he lifts the other two to join the first, still so utterly careful of his sharpness as he massages her other breast, as he gently cups her cheek. “Arum,” she murmurs against his lips with a smile. “See? I trust you to be careful, and I know that-” she pauses to hum lightly as he brushes thumbs over both of her nipples simultaneously, and then she laughs. “Proving my- my point. I was gonna say that I know-” she breaks off to gasp as he experimentally dances the tips of his claws just lightly, so lightly down the column of her throat. “I know,” she tries a third time, breathless, “that however you touch me, it’s gonna feel good.”

Arum cannot think of a single thing he desires more, in this moment, than making his humans feel good.

He leans closer, pressing his mouth against the crook of her neck in as close to a kiss as he can manage, and then he scrapes his teeth softly over her shoulder as he touches her, as he feels her heat radiating into his scales and her heart drumming close, and then he feels the shake of her light laughter, too.

“Do we look good, Damien?” she asks, voice low as she rolls her body up in a delicious wave against his own, her fingertips pressing into his back.

Arum hears Damien breathe sharply, his voice shaking as he replies, “A-always, my love. Oh, you are so radiant, so utterly captivating, the sight of you together makes my heart ache, makes-”

“Not just your heart, I don’t think.”

Damien chokes, and Arum runs his tongue up Amaryllis’ throat and caresses her chest and imagines the deliciously dark shade their poet’s cheeks must be turning, just now. “R-Rilla, oh-”

“You know you’re allowed to touch yourself if you want to, Damien,” Rilla says, warm and not particularly teasing. “I don’t want you to feel like tonight is just for us, over here.”

Arum finally glances over his shoulder, then, to see Damien beside them, halfway between sitting and laying on the bed as he watches them with flushed cheeks, his shoulders stiff at the sudden scrutiny and- well. Certain other relevant parts of him stiff, as well.

He flushes darker when Arum’s eyes settle upon him, and he looks aside, biting his lip.

Arum cannot breathe, for half a moment, at how utterly beautiful Damien looks. His subtle, easy strength, the ripples of his soft hair, the tender, shy affection in his eyes, the eager tension of his hardness. Arum needs to blink the glow from his own eyes before he can catch enough breath to speak again.

“I do not know why you should be so demure, little honeysuckle,” he breathes, and Damien flicks his eyes back up. “This is why we are here, is it not? To- to give each other pleasure. It would please me greatly to see you take that pleasure for yourself. You are… tempting beyond reason. The sight of you- honeysuckle, you make me ravenous, and to see you so ravenous yourself-”

“Might make him a bit too anxious if you stare,” Rilla murmurs close, and Arum blinks away from Damien’s wide-eyed face and nearly opens his mouth to say how ridiculous that is, because Damien is absurdly stunning. He has no reason to be concerned with being observed, he is magnificent- but the knowing look in Rilla’s eye stops his words, and he refocuses on her instead. She gives him a grateful smile then, and then- a somewhat more sly smile.

She shifts rather quickly, rolling the both of them so that Arum is on his back, with Amaryllis above him, her knees framing his hips. He gives a helpless gasping snarl, more from the hungry way she is looking down at him than the sudden movement.

“Ah, Amaryllis-”

“I think I’d like to be on top, if that’s okay?”

Arum can feel his frill flaring, can feel his cocks twitch at her heat so close and her easy tone and the knowledge that Damien is watching them, and he jerks his head in a nod. “Of course, Amaryllis. However- however you would like me.”

Rilla raises an eyebrow, settling her hips closer and rocking very, very lightly against him, making him clench his teeth through a hiss. “But is that how you want me?”

“Amaryllis I-” he growls low, gripping her hips in two hands and rocking his own up to meet her. “I want you, I want you with such fierceness that the how does not even factor in. I simply want. You could have me however you liked, however you most desired, and I would- I would be grateful to be allowed such pleasure, and grateful to be allowed to give you whatever pleasure you wished for yourself.”

“Saints,” Rilla murmurs, her expression gone a little dazed. “Y’know, I said earlier that I was immune to the flattery but like, honestly, Arum, between you and Damien even I’m gonna get a little- a little flustered. I-” she laughs, “I think I want you inside me now. Like, right now. If you’re ready.”

“If I am-” Arum exhales sharply, his hands squeezing Amaryllis’ hips. “Amaryllis, please,” he says, but the sardonic veneer is not quite enough to hide the sharp desire in his plea. “If I am ready. Ridiculous-”

She goes up on her knees, reaching a hand between her own legs, and Arum loses his words and then his breath entirely, and he hears Damien make a similarly strangled noise, and she is above him and touching herself and her smile is a little fuzzy at the edges and Arum still feels, at times, as if there must be something fey about her. Something wild, that she only barely concerns herself to hide.

“This is a slightly awkward question,” she says with another grin, “but which of your hemipe-”

“I am going to insist that you call them my cocks and never apply your jargon to my anatomy again,” he growls quickly, and she laughs outright.

“Okay, okay, then which of your cocks do you plan to fuck me with tonight?” she says, and her tone could only be described as a purr. “I’m sure we’ll have all kinds of fun with that whole duality in the future, but I think I wanna keep things simple for tonight.”

Arum- forgets a rather embarrassing amount of spoken language, for a moment, and instead he gives a strangled little ha noise. He inhales sharply, shakes his head, and considers the way she is touching herself, the way he can use his body to most please her. “H-here,” he mutters after a moment, reaching down to take himself in hand as she widens her knees, lowering herself carefully, and he positions the head of his lower cock against her.

Her heat-

He hisses sharp, his eyes closing automatically, and he is still holding himself with one hand but the others he buries in the bed instead, claws shredding silk. So warm- these mammals with all their irresponsible overabundance of heat, as if they each carry a fire within them. When he blinks his eyes back open, her own dark eyes burn with that heat too, precisely as hungry as he feels, and he may be a Lord but this creature could command him with the twitch of her lips, could knock him to his knees with a glance.

(He is already longing to go to his knees for her, already imagining all the ways they will tangle together in the future-)

“Ready?” she murmurs, and Arum does not quite have the breath to scoff, so he gives a sharp nod instead. His heart is thundering so loud, now, that he cannot hear her own, anymore, despite her closeness. She smiles, a hint of smugness mingling with her eager joy, and then she glances aside. “Okay, Damien?”

Arum looks as well, and he is surprised to find that his heart can beat even harder.

Damien is splayed out beside them, his eyes fixed upon them and his lower lip caught between his teeth, with one hand pressed over his heart and the other stroking his own cock, slow and measured and patient.

“H-honeysuckle,” Arum breathes, and Damien meets his eyes with a little gasp.

“I think we’ve kept our lily in suspense for long enough, my love,” Damien says, voice low and shaking, and Rilla laughs.

“Fair point,” she says with a grin, and then she fixes her eyes on Arum again, pinning him against the bed, and she raises her eyebrow in one last question.

“I am not going to beg, takatakataka,” Arum growls breathlessly, and when her grin goes wider and more predatory at that he feels a rush of further heat in his stomach, and if he had enough breath left in his lungs he would laugh at himself. He should have known the herbalist would take that as a challenge. “Not- not tonight, at the very least,” he concedes in a mutter, and Rilla smirks indulgently down at him.

“I’ll put that on the quickly-growing list of future experiments,” she says slyly.

Then, before he can decide if he would prefer if that list were a joke or not, she at last starts to sink herself down.

She watches him as she meets his hips with her own, wet heat slowly enveloping him, and he whines sharp and low as two of his hands grasp at her thighs, the other two still clinging desperately to the bed beneath him, and Arum cannot possibly help the purr rumbling in his chest.

When she has taken him as deep as possible, she stills for a moment. She bites her lip, closing her eyes and giving a shaky breath as she shifts her hips, adjusting to how different he must feel from their poet, the new texture, new coolness, new angle. She hums, then, her lip curling into a smile as she opens her eyes again, pleasure obvious on her face, and-

“You are- impossibly beautiful,” Arum hisses, his own voice shaking, and her smile goes softer.

“You’re pretty damn gorgeous yourself,” she says as she starts to move, and even the slow, testing rhythm she starts with makes him feel dizzy. “I mean Saints, Arum, look at you.”

“The both of you,” Damien says breathlessly, and now he is touching himself in time with the pace Rilla has set, matching her rise and fall with the stroke of his own hand. “Oh- oh such exquisite, wild beauty- oh you burn so brightly I can hardly look at you, oh my radiant loves-”

Rilla shivers at Damien’s voice; Arum can feel her trembling around him, above him. He chokes out a breath and rocks his hips up to meet hers, helpless, his palms caressing her strong thighs.

“Ah- yes,” she breathes, and then she leans closer, supporting herself with a hand on each of his shoulders as she starts to move faster, as she meets his thrusts and rolls her body with them. “Is- is this- does that feel- good, Arum?”

He chokes through a laugh. “R-ridiculous, ridiculous that you would even ask-”

“Maybe- maybe I want to hear you say it, Arum,” she grins, and her tone would be teasing if she didn’t sound so utterly breathless herself.

“Ridiculous,” he hisses again. “You are incredible, of course you are- you feel- you make me-” he breaks into a formless growl, lifting his other hands from the bed at last to tangle in her hair, to pull her face close so he can nuzzle against her lips until she graces him with a kiss, and then another, lips soft and tongue hot against him, biting his lip with her blunt short teeth. “Good,” he breathes, “would be an unconscionable understatement, Amaryllis.”

“Flattery again,” she says, and it is difficult to focus beyond the movement of her hips, beyond the feeling of her hands, but he manages to shake his head.

“Honesty, Amaryllis.” He pulls his hands through her hair, drawing his tongue up her neck and purring low as she moves with him. “You are so very- very many things, but the word good is insufficient to describe- you are ferocious, you are- you are brilliant and wild and- so shockingly bold-”

“Luminous and brave and ingenious,” Damien continues in a lilt. “Though- though that applies equally to the both of you, I should say, like two stars crashing together, a burst of color and light and radiance so far beyond what should by rights be possible, all magic and miracle-”

“Saints, the pair of you,” she breathes through an overwhelmed sort of smile, and then she leans back again to sit upright on his lap, the cool air rushing against his scales in a shocking wave as she rolls her hips faster, with more purpose, making him snap his teeth together with a hissing whine. She reaches a hand down again, wrapping her palm around the curve of the cock not inside of her, and he chokes out a breath as she strokes him with her soft, hot hand, and when she bounces on his lap she holds him so the curve of his second cock rubs against her folds, so it rubs against the bundle of nerves at the top of her sex each time he thrusts into her. She bites her lips, gasps, throws her head back and her hair ripples behind her like a waterfall, like ink.

“If- if you continue with that- I will not-” Arum tenses, throwing his head to the side to pant wildly for a moment, “I will not last terribly long, Amaryllis. You are too- too-”

“That’s okay, Arum,” she says, her voice a gentle purr as she moves her hand and rocks her hips and gives not a single inch. “I was just thinking - and tell me if this is too greedy of me - that I could make you come for me, and then Damien and I-”

Damien makes a strangled noise at his name, and Arum’s hips stutter automatically. “Greed-” Arum breathes. “Perhaps, but only the same greed I feel for you- the same greed-” he breaks off to snarl as she twists her hips unexpectedly. “If- if you think I should not be utterly enraptured to watch you take honeysuckle as you are taking me-”

“Good, ah, that’s what I was- was hoping you’d say. Damien,” Amaryllis gasps, her movements speeding as she reaches her unoccupied hand towards their poet. “Here, c’mere, I want-”

Damien obeys, crawling closer on the bed until she can reach him, and then she pulls him closer and tilts her head and drags him into a kiss, and Arum watches their mouths and tongues sliding together as Amaryllis fucks him, and it feels so impossible, so utterly impossible that Arum should be allowed this.

When the kiss breaks Amaryllis gasps, and the way her hips are moving now is less controlled, and Damien smiles in a knowing, fond sort of way, and then he shifts again, slipping behind the herbalist and pressing himself against her back. She gasps again, and then Damien’s hands are resting light on Amaryllis’ waist and he presses a kiss to her neck, and Arum realizes with a jolt and a helpless growl that Damien is watching him, his eyes attentive and rapturous upon him over Amaryllis’ shoulder.

“Honeysuckle,” he gasps, and Rilla’s eyes are closed, now, her lower lip caught between her teeth, and every time their hips meet she makes a tiny delighted noise, and Arum thinks that noise is like her laughter, bright and bubbling and it makes his heart feel almost painfully full, and he thrusts to meet her even deeper, tries greedily to pull even more such noises from her.

“So beautiful,” Damien breathes, his lips against Amaryllis’ neck, and Arum gasps and growls and the pair of them together are so beyond anything else he has ever been lucky enough to have. “May I?” Damien murmurs into her ear, and Arum is not sure what he intends, but Amaryllis gasps and nods quickly and leans back just slightly into Damien’s arms.

“Yes, Damien- Damien please- want to feel you too-”

And Damien is smiling, soft and easy though his cheeks are still dark with desire, and one of the hands on Rilla’s waist drifts forward, his arm curling around her body and his fingertips tickling over her stomach and then up to cup her breast, caressing her softness so gently, and the sight of him teasing Amaryllis with such tender care as she moves with such wildness between them makes Arum feel the love pooling at his center with such a vivid stab that it blurs his vision.

And then Damien is moving his other hand, slipping it down and forward and the poet meets Arum’s eyes in a question just before his hand brushes over Rilla’s fingers, wrapped around his second cock. As he realizes what Damien intends, Arum’s body thrums with even more heat, and it must show on his face because Damien’s smile goes softer, more fond, and his fingers slip between Amaryllis’, curling around him. Arum hisses at the combined touch, the new layer of heat, the knowledge of the both of them touching him and wanting him and something within him tips over, the hot hot affection he feels rushing out in a wave.

“H-honeys-” he breaks into a hiss, an utterly uncontrolled whine. “Amaryllis, I- I-”

He keens sharp, but Damien’s eyes are warm and Rilla’s are hungry and neither of them cease their movements, and Arum cannot stop the crashing pulse of heat that careens through him, and so he does not try, he simply clings to Amaryllis’ thighs and rolls his body helplessly into hers and feels their hands and their heat and their love and for one hot moment he loses himself entirely in that rush.

Then he is panting and warm, trembling and spent, and Amaryllis has leaned down close to press her smiling lips to his mouth.

“That,” she says, “was perfect, Arum.”

He swallows roughly, something about the praise making him feel- strange and warm and overwhelmed, and he reaches up with surprisingly clumsy hands to cup her face. “You…” he says, and then he does not know what words should come next, so he simply sighs deep and flicks his tongue out to lick her cheek affectionately. “Amaryllis.”

“Arum,” she repeats, still smiling, and then she kisses him again before she leans back away. She gasps as she lifts herself off of him, then hums contentedly as Damien holds her in strong gentle arms, softly lowering the both of them so Rilla is draped along Arum’s side, kissing his cheek and his frill and his neck as Damien curls behind her and kisses a light trail of affection across her shoulder. “So that was-” she laughs. “Good?”

Arum growls, pulling her closer and nuzzling his snout into her hair. “Unconscionable understatement,” he mutters again, and her laughter shakes through her.

She wriggles slightly against him, and behind her Damien makes a breathless sort of noise. “So did you mean it, before, when you said you wanted to watch us?”

“Obviously,” Arum purrs, too warm and sated to pretend any level of indifference. “Our poor honeysuckle has been so very patient, tonight, so attentive and affectionate… and I do not believe that you were quite satiated yet yourself, my Amaryllis. I would- I would be quite pleased to see you- to see you both satisfied.”

She grins, and then she twists in his arms so her back is resting against his chest, and her hands find Damien’s shoulders to pull him closer. “C’mon, Sir Poet, Arum’s right. Your turn to enjoy yourself a little.”

“I have been enjoying myself quite thoroughly, my love,” Damien says, looking down at her with wonder and adoration. He climbs closer despite his words, however, positioning himself above Amaryllis as she lets her legs fall open. “You are so utterly enchanting, so seductive, so beautiful when you take your pleasure- I was enthralled to watch you with our lily, the pair of you together bind me like silk around every inch of my body, you leave me utterly helpless- but of course if you mean that you desire me, my Rilla, I would be honored to make love to you-”

“Damien,” Amaryllis says with a laugh, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and squeezing, “you have no idea how ready I am right now, the sweet talk is lovely and all but really I-”

She cuts off in a gasp as Damien sinks into her, and then there is a breath of pause before she laughs again in delight and leans up to kiss him and he starts to thrust in earnest, and now Arum knows that sensation too, knows precisely how his honeysuckle feels with Amaryllis’ warm smile upon him and her heat all around him, and Arum is too sated to feel his own arousal again but they are so, so beautiful, so warm with each other, so-

Arum watches them, Amaryllis carefully held against his chest as Damien fills her, warm and tender. He watches their soft dark skin press together, watches Amaryllis’ easy smile and Damien’s expression of aching fondness, watches the ease with which they move each other, the comfort of Damien murmuring soft verse into the shell of Amaryllis’ ear, and Arum finds that he does not feel at all intimidated by their gentle familiarity.

He feels his own future, instead. He feels his heart pulse for them, feels so utterly, inarguably sure that he will earn that familiarity too. He loves them, loves the way they love each other, and Arum may be an impatient creature but for this he wishes to take his time, to learn each nuance of these remarkable creatures with whom he has chosen to share himself, these wild beings who have chosen to share themselves with him.

Amaryllis is trembling in his arms, giving those quiet little moans again as Damien whispers gentle and holds her face in his hands and makes love to her with all the care in the world, and Arum nuzzles closer, holds her more securely, loves them both with a depth of which he did not think himself capable.

When Amaryllis comes she shakes, gasping and writhing and clinging to Damien so tightly that her knuckles go pale, the impressions of her fingertips left behind in his shoulders and on his back as she arches her spine and presses herself harder and deeper against him. When she settles back against Arum’s chest, exhaling a deep, deep sigh as her heart thrums hot in her chest, Damien kisses her cheek so terribly gently, and Arum can’t help but nuzzle against Amaryllis’ neck as well, flicking his tongue out in his own echoing almost-kiss. And then Rilla is laughing breathlessly between them, pulling Damien closer with clumsy but decisive hands, and it takes only a very few more eager, determined thrusts for Amaryllis to pull Damien through to his own release as well.

Damien glows with his own sort of beauty when he comes, trembling with his eyes closed and his face utterly blissful, utterly serene, and the small helpless moans that slip from his lips are almost musical.

When Damien near-collapses on top of Amaryllis, both of their weights rest in Arum’s arms, and he does not think that any weight before has felt so right. He leans down to nuzzle Damien’s hair, his hands gently caressing the both of them wherever he can reach, and he whispers vague wordless affection above them until Rilla snorts a laugh and gently starts shoving Damien off to give herself room to breathe again, leaving the knight boneless and pliant and murmuring softly against the scales of Arum’s shoulder.

She exhales, still a little breathless, and runs a hand through her own hair as she shoots Arum a sleepy grin. “So. I would say that was a successful experiment.”

He barks his own laugh, then, rolling his eyes before he leans to nudge his snout fondly into her cheek. “Ridiculous creature. Yes, obviously I would have to agree. However- if this was an experiment-” he hesitates, and Rilla raises an eyebrow at him, gesturing for him to continue. “That means we will need to repeat it, yes? To ensure our results are… reproducible.” He pauses, and the smirk Rilla is giving him and the startled laugh that Damien gives in arms makes his frill flare wide, even as it makes his heart flare warm. “Preferably soon. Preferably very, very soon. And often.”

“I believe I quite agree,” Damien mumbles, his face still buried in Arum’s neck, and Rilla laughs outright.

“Well,” she says smugly, leaning close for another kiss. “I’m certainly not gonna argue with that.”

[boymeetsweevil]

THANK YOU

I’m just crying no big deal thank you for being so kind i’m gonna go curl up a d*e now :’)

HONEYYYYY 💕💕💕💕 I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANK YOU!!! For Science was beautiful and I loved every bit of it. Bot matter the wait, its completely worth it because you put so much thought into it. The ending was so nice and im so happy for oc and kookie. Please keep up with your amazing writing love ❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

i just read fs7 for a second time (bc yes i had to read it twice to fully take it in) and oh my god it’s so amazing 😭😭 you really outdid yourself w this series. i can’t tell you how many times i’ve read through it all and i love it even more every time i do. you’re such a talented writer honestly thank you so much for gifting us this fic ❤️

The ending to FS was so authentic!! Awkward and mushy and funny and hot! You really did their relationship justice. Thank you for putting in so much work I'm so happy the series ended this way. You're amazing!

FS7 was a fuckin ride and it was everything I could’ve wanted and more 😫💘 it was amazing like I honestly can’t put into words how satisfying it was but I was smiling sm while reading 🤧 you’re so talented thank you for writing this masterpiece!! FS FINALEEEE IM CRYINGGGGG UWUUUUUUUUU

haaaaaaiiiii just wanna say those 27k words of amazingness was SO worth the wait! thank you so much for the FS series, you did great and can't wait to read more stories from you <33

The last part of for science ahhhhh I screamed! I loved and missed the whole friend group and you put so many funny one liners your dialogue is so natural and entertaining

FS! Oh man where do I start... it was so so so sososososooooo good!!! THE WHOLE SERIES IS JUST SOOOO GOOD. THEY WAY U WRITE IS SO FREAKING WONDERFUL. The scenarios aren’t cheesy or too overtop, the feelings and everything are just sooo realllll. YOUR CHARACTERS ARE JUST SO WELL CONSTRUCTED ARGHHH. Freaking Jungkook and his Captain America crush, same JK I love Chris Pratt and his ass too. So sad that FS has come to and end but it was the perfect finale. I LOVE YOU ❤️ The way i cried, laughed, and just the overjoy from FS 7 i swear to god i hate ending something so wonderful i get a lil disappointed going back to my regular life and not living thru this amazing art thank you for this series i loved it!! I just reread your entire FS series again and the ending was so sweet 😭😭 thank you so much for sharing ur writing!! I also really liked how everyone’s friendship developed in FS7

I just finished FS and I loved it! Awesome job ✌🏼 I love your writing style. It’s not try hard but it’s also not boring lol idk how to explain it but it’s captivating. I’m excited for your future works if you plan on continuing to write 💜 Also, good luck on finals! wahhhhhhhhhh that ending was PERFECTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!! i am so so happy but also so so sad to say goodbye to these characters. i'm gonna miss fs!jungkook so much!!!!!! :(( thank you for sharing this wonderful story with us!!

OH NO WHEN DID YOU POST THAT FINALE :((((( I LITERALLY LOVE IT!!!! THE WHOLE GROUP IS BACK AND JUNGKOOK STOPPED BEING A COWARD CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?????? I AM SO HAPPY 🥺 When I started reading this, it only had 3 released parts, and now it’s done :(((( i’ll miss you clowning FS jk!!

i've waited a full day to really formulate my thots on the finale of fs... and damn bitch u KILLED me I LOVED ALL OF IT THANK U FOR WRITING ALL THAT BC REALLY? WHAT A FUCKING TRIP THIS HAS BEEN love u forever and ever and ever and am so blessed that u share ur work with lil ol me!! love u to the moon and back <3 u deserve all the good things life has to offer you ! -- crack cocaine anon

I wish I could give you better feedback dissecting every. little. bit. of For Science and how I thoroughly enjoyed the entire series but it's coming out as word vomit lol. I absolutely cackled at the sex Pavlov'd and watermelon slapping. Yoori was fantastic as always ("one day I'm going to get a fresh manicure just so my hands look good when I finally smack the shit out of him." Beautiful) and I just love the group dynamics as a whole. They remind me of my friends :( And the main couple,their whole sometimes-awkward-and-painful process of working things out and then slowly, naturally falling (back?) into love hit me in all the best ways. Overall 10/10, will definitely read this again and anything else you write <3

wow you really snapped with that ending for FS huh i’m- wow seriously one of the best writers ever I feel happy and sad now that FS has ended. Happy because I feel like it was the perfect ending to an amazing series and sad because we have to say goodbye to all these amazing /funny/cray cray characters. You are an amazing writer and I hope we get the chance to read more of your stuff in the future!

I am actually devastated high crying that FS is over. I invested so much EMOTION. Bless your soul. FS finale is amazing. you wrote beautifully and progressed the plot at an anticipating rate. i loved it!!! wondering, did you go off of any certain real life jk looks for his platinum hair, piercings and no glasses? and the ripped jeans...... if u did please post them i wanna see!!!! (ANON, unfortunately I couldn’t find a pic with all of those in one, but there’s this edit and this outfit)

Just needed to let u kno that FS is a masterpiece and i loved it so so so much~ its def my fave fic i've ever read and i love your characterization! Im sad its over but ahhhhh it was so good and i wanna say thanks for writing it - 💖🐰

For science was amazing, I want to congratulate you for writing such a beautiful story for us!!!! Really!!! thank you!!!! for the time and effort bc your fic is genuinely one of the best I've ever read!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ jesus, i cannot express to you how much I love FS, it was everything i want in a story like it took ages to read but yet it felt like minutes and when i was done i was heartbroken that i’ll never see the characters again, i can really relate a lot of the characters to some of my own friends and i love that despite finding it strange, when i was reading it i found myself laughing out loud at the jokes and cringing at overly handsy jk, your writing is top tier and i’m going to miss FS so much

my heart is swelling while reading the last chapter of fs. It’s been a wild ride and I’m so happy to b part of it!!!!!! Thank u for writing such an amazing story

[rabbit-masks]

2020 Resolution time!

So each year I do a resolution but I first checkmark my 2019 resolution and then talk about my 2020 one! In another post, I’ll be posting my Art Summary! 

Let’s goo see what I did~ (and didn’t do :v )

-2019 Resolution-

1) QUIT JOB. You’ll be happier.

I did quit! Woah...and it’s close to a year now...time fliees....

2) Prepare Patreon, maintain it, organize shop!

I have a patreon but have not open it yet because I’m a coward. :,C hopefully this new year!

3) Do the coloring and light studies!! IMPROVE ART PLEASE FUTURE ME.

DON’T YELL AT ME PAST ME. I DID TRY SOME STUFF, I DID SAW improvement on some art pieces but deff gotta do MORE.

4) Enter at least 1 competition..don’t stress about it…

UM HOPEFULLY trying to enter a zine and workshop counts! ;u; !

5) Model a full 3D Character!

HMMM....I DID BUT not completely retopologize or textured lmao.

I did test out PBR this year and I’m very proud of myself for it! It was nice and fun and hopefully will do more the new year!

6) PLEASE FINISH CHAPTER 1 OF PIXEL CAT

CHAPTER 1 and 2 BABYYYYYYYY!!!!!~

7) CLEAN ROOM PROPERLY

I DIIID!! I’m proud of myself!! Thank you Marie Kondo for influencing my mind on tidiness I’m so damn happy to know exactly where everything is in my room!~ 

8) Do a tiny art book! Or at least some pages for it even if testing it!

I did do some testing at least! AND Started a new comic series of Sweet Buns buns! : D

9) GO TO JAPAN YOU FOOL. GO GET THAT HAPPINESS.

I DID GO TO JAPAN. IT WAS SO GOOOOOOD. GODDD I MISS IT SO MUUUUCHH!!! I WANNA GO BAACK!

10) Study Japanese MORE!!! You better learn at least 10 Kanjii’s and do proper conversations!!

I FUCKING LEARN 200+ KANJI’S BOOIIIIII!!! I’m very proud though of course, I need to learn more! But damn 200+ words THO. Talking to Japanese people in Japan was so nice ;u; I actually understood them a bit better than my first time going too!

11) Learn some game recipes, anime recipes! DO THEM.

Surprisingly not many game recipes but started doing Keto and fixed my stomach with those Keto recipes I’m very proud and happy of myself for that ;u; didn’t expect it this year but I’m glad to be healing my stomach finally.

12) Practice Singing lessons! DO AT LEAST 1 COVER!!

LMAO I did various Vocaloid Covers not the best voice but I will also never reveal where I posted those songs. :V I was so happy to sing more this year tho ;u;

13) RELAX DURING WEEKENDS. NO WORK..ONLY RELAX and hang with friends.

SEMI-SEMI..I did kinda hang out this year with friends more but no weekend I relaxed ; o ; I’m sorry I’m such a workaholic!

14) Please…rest…fix the sleeping schedule. Be happy.

I did started fixing sleep schedule more this year ;u; I notice how good it was to sleep early and wake early!! Super more energy!! Just gotta keep at it!

15) Learn/Do something new you didn’t expect this year to learn or do! Surprise me!

+Learn Keto Recipes! : D 

+Learn to render more of my draws! 

+Used PBR for the first time!! 

+I talk and understood Japanese in Japan more than I thought!

+ Bought me a new bed drawer thing that really changed my mood in my room...it’s so nice!

+ Made more friends surprisingly a lot of artists that are so nice and became dear to my heart this year!

+SIng my heart out in karaoke with a friend!ww

+Did more traditionals than ever this year I’m so surprised of myself! ;u; My friend teach me watercolor so good I’m very happy!~

This year was definitely better than my last year where my heart was hurting a lot. I’m still trying to heal my heart but I just need to be patient with myself ;; 

Be strong future me...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok now for the 2020 Resolution TIME!!!

1) DO 80% 3D -20% ART!!!!! Better up those 3D skills bub.

2) Learn 100 new Kanjis!!

3) Don’t be harsh on your own heart. It’s alright to relax.

4) Sing 3 covers at least!~

5) OPEN PATREON!!

6) Make Artstation Portfolio!

7) Travel for work or vacation!

8) Try to take things calmly. Please play 3 different games and learn to relax.

9) Work on a game project! :3

10) Enter an Art Competition or Zine!

11) Finish Chapter 3 of Pixel Cat!

12) Finish a course study of anything!

13) Do a full body PBR!

14) Study Colors MORE! I want to see colorful pieces!

15) Dejar el miedo en el gavetero.

16) Color hair white mYSELF!!

17) Do traditional and 3D studies!

18) Do Art Livestreams!! BE BRAVE!

19) Get or do Real Kimu Rabbit MASK!

20) Learn/Do something new you didn’t expect this year to learn or do! Surprise me!

Let’s bring in the new year!! 2020!~

[smireyac]

yea boi u already kno what it issssss 🍾🎆🎉🍾🎆🎉

hey so i started writing this at 8 o’ clock so i would be ahead of the game and actually have more than an hour to write but HEY its already 20 after midnight so who the eff care amiright ladies

WOOOOO 🍾🍾🎆 🎉 🎆 🍾 🎉 🎉 🍾 🍾 🍾 🎆🎆 🎆 🎉 🎆 🎉🍾 🎉 🍾🎆 🎉

so.................... its 2019.....................

i watched vox’s “2018 in 5 minutes” video and cried so thats how this year has been :^) a lot of lows......... we always think we leave the shittiest year behind then lo.............. the next year rears its ugly head and we never learn............ despite this, im gonna try to keep a positive outlook on the new year......... its literally just another day and i have to be in at work @ 9 tmrw but its what ever im already super fucking tired whats losing another hour of sleep anywahy?? its practically expected of me any way what with being a youth,,, ANYWAY i spent my time ringing in the new year watching spiderman homecoming so i think that wa sGREAt its also great  that im gonna get to see spiderverse AGAIN tmrw after work so SUCK ON THAT im ringing in the new year RIGHT!! its a very spidey new year and i wouldnt have it any other way heh.....

alright

so its time.... to reflect...........

and actually reflect this time last year was weak sauce compared to the first year “im too unfocused right now happy new year or whatever” *scoffs* what r u too good for self reflecting now a days huhh

been doing a lot of self reflecting this year,,,,,, but today we will look back on how the previous years have gotten me to where i am today...

if 2016 was the year of change and 2017 was the year of getting used to things.............. 2018 felt like............ the year of getting TOO used to things, of not ENOUGH change............. like alright i scratched a few of the bigger things on my yearly “to do” list/resolutions, i. e. finally going back to school and getting a job at the library, but like.......... i definitly dont feel like i did enough........... my art game was SO WEAK and i feel like i wrote less than 10,000 words ALL YEAR (not counting my academic papers) i didnt really CREATE anything this i dont have ANYTHING significant to show for this year............and to get more negative i didnt even make any friends all year NONE FRIENDS im only *just* starting to get more friendly with people at the library thank GOD theyre nice and gave my shy ass a chance to open up but i still dont feel like ill make FRIEND friends theyre just work friends and u kno what thats making me so pissed bc its tricking my dumb ass into thinking i have a crush on someone at work aND that i want a *romantic* relationship with them!!! OUTRAGEOUS im so peeved.......................... i also still havent gotten behind a wheel but at this point im not sure if i will anytime soon bc im That Way..... grrrr im just mad thinking of all the things i didnt do so motherfucker i will make 2019 the year of DOING!!!! and i had so many resolutions last year i feel like the more i had the less i felt like i had to do them, like i was just saying all that to be like “oh wouldnt it be nice if any of these things happened lmao” so yeah 2019: the year of DOING... and since ive kinda sorta figured out that writing is my thang.... i think i wanna focus on doing that.. and anything that will help me do it

SO: #GOALS for 2K19

-WRITE AT LEAST 50.000 WORDS U COWARD, more than just “brainstorming” too bc thats like a cop out, write like stories or dialogue or scenes or scripts or WHATEVER just make it to 50,000 pls some people do that in like a month

-READ UR GOD DAMN BOOKS, u *cant* buy anymore if u dont read the ones u’ve already bought,,,, im willing to make an acception re: checking things out from the library................ but u rlly shouldnt IT WOULD’VE BEEN SO EASY TO WIN THE BET DUDE srsly..... maybe .... an hour b4 bed ? try to read ? at least try to read once a week dude....

-heres a curve ball WATCH MORE MOVIES !!! u say u love film well fuckin act like u do...... u only went to the movie theater 5 times all year and three of those were all in the last month to go see spiderverse, more than that HOW MANY movies are there on netflix that u see and go “oh i should watch that finally” or “people say thats rlly good bro” and u scroll right past to watch the same 3 fuckin movies i s2g

-oh yeah back to the writing thing, to reach that 50,000 goal u should write about what you read and watch, there u’ll prob meet the goal b4 summer if u do that bro but....u actually gotta do it....................

ok those r the 4 im REALLY gonna work on and try to keep track of in either of the journals sien got me :^) these next few i rlly want to happen but..... we’ll see

-make some friends pls.... pls be more friendly......... ENGAGE  people when u have the opportunity askQUESTIONS about them like if they have a dog or a hobbie jesus h christ

-go out..... on ur own..... do stuff............by urself if u have to... go to the movies by urself go to a park, walk around down town for the fuck of it idk DO STUFF

-finish something............ for once in ur miserable life...................................... finish the vlog or the scrapbook..... or the reading list or this set of goals PLEAsE ANYTHING

im not even gonna put draw/art blog related stuff on here bc........ its not what i want........ like i love drawing and i dont think im terrible at it, im at a good place with it but i dont wanna put my energy this year into drawing stuff for the sake of me being able to say “i did it” like...... last yr and the yr b4 i rlly RLLY wanted to get better at art to idk prove that i could?? but like i havent picked up my drawing tablet in months ... that makes me really sad but i dont really feel like picking it up either? ? i said i wanted to take a painting/color theory/ life drawing class maybe i will this yr and it’ll reinvigorate my love of drawing........ tbh spiderverse got me *this close* to being pumped about art and animation and like yeah i still am, i love the medium and its still a dream of mine to be apart of it but it feels like a pipe dream if i try to go thru the art angle........ so many people r better than me at that and its not really what i wanna do,,, i wanna CREATE STORIES and worlds and characters and like i used my art to help *me* develop those but... i dont wanna use my art to do it for someone else i guess............. the art of animation itself still facsinates me so they door isnt close yet but,,, i wanna focus on the other aspect of myself that im more and at the same time LESS confident about lmao WRITING like alright,,, i think im a good writer .... sorta ? like yeah people tell me i am and sometimes when i look back on things ive written im like “dAMN i wrote this ???” but like,,,, there are some things to writing that still. escape me... like poetry.... and a lot of other aspects to it that i cant describe write now bc it would take too long and im getting cold and tired SO YEAH hopefully this english class will help me, even tho its just writting for college essays, i need to start somewhere and if shes rlly as good of a professor as rate my professor says then ill learn smthg new

where was i

well the year wasnt ALL bad, like i said i got the job at the library i wanted and FINALLY got to go to school, stressful as that mightve been........ and i got to see my love, my darling, the light of my life rhys again for one glorious week,, hopefully ill be able to see more of my friends this year? either in miami or milwuakee idc which MAYBE BOTH lmao im not that rich but hey i can dream,,,

alright its 1:12am i think im ready to sign off,,,,,,,,, here’s to DOING in 2019

🥂 cheers