#me reading the description: Ok Ouch wtf

[cntritum]

SHAPE OF YOUR PAIN  .

flowers    —      your pain takes the shape of flowers,   or something else  beautiful  &  free .    you can't help but see what you don't have in the beautiful thing,   can't help but feel pain as you see what you're missing out on.    maybe you even wish that you could just be happy and surround yourself in flowers,   but you can't,   because each time you see them it's like a reminder of the empty hole you carry.      they say that pain is beauty... right ?

tagged by :  no one i stole it from my levi tagging :   i have like 6 followers and im p sure all of u got tagged dont be greedy

[thecrenellations]

Return of the Thief Notes, Part One: The Book of Pheris, Volume I

Notes from my first read, October 2020. (Part Two | Part Three | TaT)

Contents:  "So, so, so” watch, Costis watch, swearing, trashing the king’s attendants, being objectively wrong, boundless enthusiasm and love 

I promise I’ve had more developed thoughts since these often incoherent ones, but I’ve enjoyed having these notes to refer to - for sentimental reasons and for  entertainment, so here they are, for others who enjoy liveblogs and/or being whisked back in time to their first read of this wonderful book.

Format: Page number. My thoughts (Context?)

Dedication, Table of Contents, Exordium:

There it is – to Sounis

Exordium – vocab #1

Interregnum?!? Alyta?

Pheris!!!

Yeah I love him from the first page

MOIRA

MOCKING COMMENTS HELP! Gen lives!

A new level of unreliable narrator

Moira, messages of Gods, Pheris, messages of __

Wtf is going on in this study? A zoo?

high king vs great king vs annux?

okie dokie dude

Chapter 1

1. Susa – Costis

2. Infirmity – who gets to be hero/tell story (I started reading right after the book launch, in which mwt spent some time talking about her writing influences and decisions connect to this question - Pheris isn’t her first disabled protagonist and storyteller, of course, but it was lovely to meet him properly directly after hearing her talk about it. Book launch foreshadowing part 1...)

Melisande?

Is this why he wasn’t taught to read?

3. Always the summer

Bees!

4. Hunting cat… hm…

Ok … shrine … 😬

5. Once again we start with a disaster or having to flee

Which Eugenides precipitated

Bite!

Little monster :(

6. Falling…

:(

7. :( :( :(

His purpose? D:

8. YIKES

Chapter 2

9. Hello there! (Gen!)

Massive chair?

10. CRACKED WATER JUG (amphora motif???)

11. Triangle from seal!

Gen that’s rude to Pheris :( (“He will fit in very well with my attendants”)

Wait. This must have happened before ACoK! (nope)

12. :(

Xikander … never made an impression before

How old is Pheris? (lol)

13. Philologos come thru!

Royal closet reappears!

14. Hello weird secondhand scene!

He is Eugenides

Marina…

15. Petrus? GALEN? OH SHIT! 

Is this why Galen was called? (nope)

16. Hell yea Petrus

Miras’ golden balls oh no

All these previously unnamed sucky attendants!

17. Ula – goddess of hearth and healing

Ok … Galen … or a god? Eugenides????? (why did these options occur to me before Mr. Shows Up At Your Bedside At Night himself)

18. Finally the attendant floor plans I crave + hunting scenes!

19. EXCUSE ME he slept through Sounis + Eddis wedding!!!

Again – high king!

20. So Ion is beautiful … hmm.

Yeah … Sejanus has facets. I like it.

21. Clearly no one would know what king would do … lol

Don’t mind me just sorting the attendants on a spectrum of awfulness!!!

22. SO SO SO – ION!!!!!

How many fucking attendants are there and how many are on my hit list!

Is “the necessaries” bathrooms or like … him stealing? (just the bathrooms ... the Gen-Pheris parallels were really getting to me at this point)

:(

23. OH MY GOD THE UNIFIED CREST

Also … frogs. Frogs.

24. Big day for Gen huh

Definitely an aura of Something as he writes about Gen

25. HELLO EVERYONE

26. Sorry Kamet, Pheris does the physical descriptions better. They’re beautiful

I’m blacking out at Eddis and Sounis

27. Jesus Christ. The bear.

Cousin time!

Under the table is the new up on the roof!

Uh… twin imagery ….

Gen’s feet!

Jesus. The matching

28. Cleon … wtf? A cousin?

A trial for Sophos?

Show! Us! Sophos’s! Shoes!

29. If u throw things out the air shaft you might hit the king

Was it a chicken?

Lol nvm the guy at night is Gen. That is … very sweet

- Showing up at night

- Accent

- Complaining about Petrus

- Swearing

- One hand

I am judging Costis and Sophos for not describing the paneling in Gen’s room!

Chapter 3

30. Was it a chicken?

An earring huh, good hand huh

31. Literally screaming “NO!” at Gen. Don’t joke about dying! I am killed by Gen on annux day. This is. My boy. Yes he is perfect. Yes he will refuse to get up. I love him. I died on page 31

Philologos is still the best of them

32. Dancing bear indeed

Always the powdered gold

Ruby!!!!! <3

Aww a smile!!! <3

Pheris he likes you!

33. They both love invisibility and lost it … I cry

Erupt like the sacred mountain excuse me!

OR WORSE return to bed! Lol

34. He’s Eugenides when he’s talking to Attolia

Ouch hero talk

! from Irene!

My queen!

Hey Phresine!

They way we do <3 he’s hating it but he’s so comfortable with her

Sister and bro mention! C’mon!

I love them

EYEBROW

35. Honestly that’s a yes (“I have no idea what you mean, my queen”)

It’s so cute they hang out in the morning … like how long was it even since they’ve seen each other lol

:( tough walk for Pheris

Is it prophecy time?

Lol how long does this construction take?!

Also … she’s pregnant, huh? but no one knows (nope)

Is befriending someone weaponized as a prank count for Gen’s enemies to friends list?

Also SHOW ME the magus. I know he’s here!

36. Pheris excuse me, why not recreate this!

Lol cast off language of history indeed

Feel the thrum of the goddess!

EXCUSE ME… a minor goddess? Mystery goddess? Or Philia?

Oh Gen

37. Well, Gen, someone is having a worse day than you.

Damn, how far we come.

Aww Sounis, babe, I love you and so does Gen

[drawing of the four of them sitting in a row]

38. Artadorus???? Pomegranate?

39. HEIRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A friend! Also lol. Two smiles, for Pheris and Heiro..

40. Yesss Melheret joke in action.

Costis has left tho right?

Jesus, Melheret

SHE GAVE HIM A HORSE (I COULD NOT DEAL with this entire conversation, but then again I could not deal with this whole book.)

41. I love them all so much

“on that horse, you will look like a king” I can’t with her sense of humor

He sure did say that

I feel like I’m missing something with the fight on foot thing … remembering battles?

Helen called him Gen!

Sophos stop talking about yourself and bringing apricots into everything lol

Lol these bystanders don’t know how lucky they are. Nor does Pheris, yet

42. She’s protecting him

Also … Gen … you didn’t want to be a soldier.

43. Guards have capes

2 startled men … hm …

Oh Gen. The fucking brutal echoes…

44. :( :( :(

Gen tell your wife you’re sick!

The attendants are so dumb

45. So, so, so :(

Tell who? Petrus?

Wink!

Yes?

46. Bleeding! Salt! Lemon! Heck no! What is he, a piece of meat?

Oranges?

47. “savoring each bite as if it were my last” ... Same … but with this book

Hmm… Alyta! Goddess of the gentle rain! (despite this “hmm,” I did not put the pieces together)

48. Oh no Teleus! And someone?

Aw he realized <3 lemon water

49. Gen eat your broth lol

50. I love them.

Ion’s really trying to make up for what he did that one time

51. Without the approval of the great goddess HAHAHA

I love them. Cousin time! Growl?

Idk whether or not to be reassured, Gen.

Wow Cleon I do not like that. Also didn’t he die? (...)

Comma (“I am not, Eddis”)

Go smack him!

52. Gen I love you.

Helen I love you.

He’s so bad at self care but I love him

Chapter 4

55. love that our narrator just disappears and reappears

56. Attolia’s brother’s bedroom? Yikes. Ominous. A detail in a story we’ve already gotten, different every time <3

57. fucking attendants. 3 good ones. Medander you were beneath Costis’s notice before but I hate you. Costis didn’t have time for you or Xikos or Xikander and nor do I

58. interesting pawn talk!!!

59. <3 Pheris :(

The Gen comparisons though

:( :( :( :(

60. flamboyance <3

Cemphora bush

Bees

61. I love him

62. I love them

Also lol “Your majesty?”

63. Name … hm … (“I have deliberately omitted [my tutor’s] name here”)

64. more twin imagery I swear

WAIT … it was his birthday! Not just Annux day?!! Gen was born in late summer???

Attendant list thank you

65. laying it all out there, huh … (that one Gen quote)

Lol they’re the same but Pheris likes horses

66. Insellia! Hello nice to meet you

67. Gen that’s mean. (“He is hardly even half of one.”)

68. Coleus leves???

“I am Eugenides.” <3

Gen why

69. Gold cups???? Hmmmmm. Also lioness. Def invoking Costis. (they’re probably not the cups, but STILL)

Earth….

70. Moira! Hi!!! Rainbow shawl!

Like a rabbit!

Pester!

I’m … very sad he uses his Attolian accent with Helen

71. Aaah so good

Mortals

Moira knows another messenger?

Does he think he can’t die in battle?

72. hmm are they WRANGLING?! (Galen and Petrus and my Fire and Hemlock word association)

Kill that pastry Irene I love you

morning training with his … guard? (Is that the whole guard or a guard? Costis senses tingling once again.)

73. Oh gen.

Ouch! (“to send people to their deaths and not risk my own is contemptible”)

Is she implying he’s paying Therespides?

74. Interesting Cleon plan. So many doubles

OUCH. (“Only if he comes back from the dead.” I assumed Lader had died in the war; it’s a different ouch now. I love that they both accidentally say things to each other that poke old wounds, and it’s not a big deal but it’s also not dismissed! Their relationship has come so far, and I love them so much.)

75. Verimius – Lavia – Celia??? Somebody is queer in there!

A GUARD

This scene confuses me. Xortix? Layteres? Aris! but dice thing is less political … so maybe? (just wait....)

76. So many reasons to hate Medander

Hey Costis! You exist! KoA happened!

Gen is just … still so uncomfortable and miserable. He chose, he has people, but still.

RIP Clopius also WHAT

77. Lol Hilarion’s grand statements

78. Yorn Fordad Hello!

Luxurious mustache

The mighty Pents?

Besin Quedue – she’s coming 4 you watch out

79. RIP Baron Hippias

Chapter 5

80. Spring! Plays! Cenna!

81. Oh dear

Oh dear

At least they said he was pretty

83. ?!? :( wine

Uh oh. Stockpiling

85. What even.

AAAAAAAAAH COSTIS

86. Omg Irene. Hissing. I love her.

Also … Gen’s the viper

Also this scene was written by Pheris.

Damn.

87. oh no.

What better man

She fucking quoted Howl. I love them.

Also, bees (this scene killed me)

90. Falling?

Oh shit

Also … Juridius and Pheris, Susa and Costis (comparing demands for information)

93. oh my god (IT’S THE WINDOW SCENE)

Oh my god

Uh

94. She! Called! Him! Gen!

I love this and it scares me

Lol Chloe

Irene you learned from her though

95. D:

96. :(

97. water stuff

98. what the heck

OH NO (Quedue scene)

Hm

100. yikes

Omg

Wow.

102. yikes yikes YIKES

103. a blade has protruded from his chest (tbt to The Thief)

jesus

106. shit

Did Gen hit him?

108. lol Phresine

109. lol

I want genuinely every character’s reaction to this shit

Chapter 6

111. what the heck Gen.

112. like a god [crown doodle]

114. Perma?

116. Gen. Gen. Gen. Do not.

117. AAAA (god intervention)

122. Juridius to Dite

124. bye Iolanthe and Ileia! Tell us about Caeta and Silla.

125. did not expect so much Ion

Chapter 7

127. Fryst god of winter

She laughed!

They’re so married

128. OH SHIT (Costis ship is sighted and I remember what’s about to happen next)

Interesting timing

He rode the horse home?

131. Beauty and good, beauty and kind

134. The gods’ goodwill

Keep them safe <3

135. Is that his MOM?!! Wtf (it was!)

Pheris steal those earrings!!!

RING! SMASH BOX!

137. AMPHORA EARRINGS (and flowers)

138. I love Phresine

139. Why do I feel like all the game birds are pigeons

140. meanwhile Gen’s been hanging out with Kamet. Shit. I cannot.

WELCOME HOME BOYS!

HELL YEAH KAMET ATTEND THOSE MEETINGS!

RELIUS COME THRU

141. lethium soup! The reversal

Safe for you

142. of course he knew <3

143. Kamet time! I love him. We get to see Kamet!!!

Also … echo of Gen’s notes on Mede

145. very handsome. … gaycostis vindication (referring to @costis’s url at the time and this post. Little did I know what else was to come in the next chapter and then a few months later with the adaptation news...)

Do you know who I am?

Chapter 8

147. Of course he’s a cartographer

A favorite huh

148. of course she didn’t tell us his age!

149. the angsty window staring I crave

Music!

151. adventure, huh

I do have a soft spot for Melheret

152. concerned about amphora gift

153. Glad they can be well and united in spite!! (Gen and Melheret)

154. Pheris loves math and I love him

155. Hello Teleus. Hello olives

Lol Relius is not into math

156. pigeons. Inkpot!

157. yeah honestly. He tortures people. He was NOT tortured by the king

159. lol (“I have noted the elective nature of certain behaviors” ... I love Relius and Pheris.)

160. The Invitation! I <3 it

161. EXCUSE ME WHO

Legarus!

FOLKS HERE WE ARE (I cannot overstate how wonderful it was to read this page. I did not know who the poem was from, and “Someone loves me very much, even with all my faults” is even sweeter to reread, but it’s just ... his confidence is so different from the tentative consideration of a new philosophy of trust and love we see in KoA. And there is subtextual queerness in the books before this one, some more apparent and some more subtle (and what is obvious to one reader may be subtle or invisible to another, in these books especially), and there is the attendant love triangle a few chapters back, but HERE - here, Pheris acknowledges the real feeling and love in Legarus’s disastrous relationship and tells us directly that his lover was a man, here he seamlessly makes it clear how bi and poly Relius is, and he quietly ties these relationships and realities to his growing understanding of the world. It’s not subtext. And there’s a lot more to come, but this page really hit me, and sort of promised the “more to come” while assuring me that what had come before, more subtly, was there. I used to have heteronormative readings of both these books and myself, and when Thick as Thieves brought them crashing back into my heart after years away, I knew better about myself, and I saw that - or the possibility of that reading -  reflected in the new book, and it was such a good surprise. It meant a lot, and this page meant a lot, and that is why I’m writing a small essay to accompany this note.) 

Lol wow

162. Where are you traveling, man (this question remains)

163. Fuck you, Orutus

164. Stole an inkpot!

165. the map!!! (Kamet’s)

166. I love them!

167. The Math Master hmm

Am I an oracle (Nope! :) )

[mihanada]

Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation

(back to masterpost)

I might have been silently screaming this entire chapter despite knowing our main characters obviously make it out of here alive.

Chapter 53: Courage (Part 3)

No joke, this chapter really was quite awesome. Aside from the brief fight against Xue Yang in the Yi City arc and a few scuffles with the mysterious face-concealed dude, there hasn’t been much fighting or longer action sequences. Also, I finally get to find out what happened with this giant tortoise thing after hearing about it a while back through spoilers.

So, at first I thought the maple leaves were sort of funny in a cognitive dissonance sort of way, but turns out that they’re quite significant for getting the hell out of this place.

“Wei WuXian, “… What a large… tortoise…””

don’t you love his reaction.

I’m actually kind of surprised Wen Chao didn’t scream his head off the moment the tortoise-snake looked at them. He held it together until it blew out steam, I’ll give him that.

lol this line (”beast craved slaughter more than anything”) seems on par for giant beast thing except it’s probably been stuck in this underground cave for years? is the hole at the bottom of the lake even big enough for it to fit through? it’s probably starving and looking for a good meal haha

“one suddenly started twitching like a worm” very accurate description of Wen Chao, yes.

and welp there goes your only weapon. maybe aim for the eyes next time?

you know, narrative, you conveniently left out why this guy is called the “core melting hand” >.> 

“...as though something was about to be sucked out of his arm...” doesn’t sound too good. I was on the edge of my seat at this part though, like damn, we have a giant tortoise snake wanting to munch people and a guy with a mysterious power called “core melting”...

What is Wang Lingjiao’s problem, geez. Literally, her three helpers are shot down and she just merrily continues to try to burn Mianmian’s face like wtf I’d at least be concerned if I was next to get an arrow in the back??

I wonder if we get to find out her fate later on...

And that’s how Wei Wuxian got his brand! Finally found out, 53 chapters into the story! ...will it be over chapter 100 by the time we get to find out how Lan Wangji got his?

Wei Wuxian really has this hero-like disregard for his own safety as a kid, and he never hesitates in helping others. He’s almost always the first to act as long as someone isn’t holding him back. But, it’s kind of ominous and scary that he’s really so flippant about himself. He even tells Jiang Cheng “there’s a piece of cooked meat here. You want to eat it?” talk about gallows humor. at the same time, this bravado really can’t last forever, can it?

“Wen Chao saw that his eyes were bloodshot and had on a terrifying expression.” think he’s talking about Jiang Cheng here. Ah, Jiang Cheng is still but a youngling, I don’t think his scary face is nearly as terrifying as when he becomes an adult haha.

I’m still wondering how anyone knew a beast was in the area but ok. Everyone is now trapped underground. I’d be concerned if I didn’t already know these guys all survive at least this part of the story.

ah, poor Mianmian, literally this happened just because Wang Lingjiao was jealous. and will we ever learn your whole name.

“Okay, enough, Jiang Cheng, stop carrying me. It’s not like my leg is broken.”

OH, you little shit. Ha. Remember when they were in the Cloud Recesses and he got whipped a bit, then was a drama queen about it and Jiang Cheng carried him? Now he’s more terribly wounded and saying ‘let me down’.

well, this also why he feels no qualms about offering to carry Lan Wangji. he gets carried by Jiang Cheng all the time lol. though, I think by ‘carry’ in this scene they mean he’s got an arm wrapped around his shoulders, otherwise there would be no need to say ‘propped him up’ earlier.

“No matter what, it’s better than waiting for our parents here and doing nothing.”

in a sort of meta sense...what irony. Wei Wuxian would be waiting forever, because he doesn’t have parents anymore.

I dunno, I like that the Yunmeng Jiang is the water sect where everyone’s good at swimming xD

ahh and despite being injured so badly (seared to a human crisp), Wei Wuxian takes charge. truly our lovable mc, right? He still does this in the present, just in a more teacher-ly sounding way.

like I keep mentioning: character consistency.

 “Jiang Cheng raged, “What are you doing?!””

every time I read ‘Jiang Cheng raged’, I laugh. Ah, I really love this guy, asshole that he becomes. let me not bore you though.

also: GOD DAMNIT, NAMELESS LAN SECT DISCIPLE. shame on you. wtf you hit the guy trying to save your asses with a stray arrow you saw that arrows did absolutely nothing to this thing. he’s just lucky Wei Wuxian isn’t the vengeful sort of guy.

ahh don’t you know not to pull out things stuck in your body and preventing you from bleeding out?? >.< I guess not lol. um, lucky it wasn’t the main artery in your arm??

I probably did a low screech when Lan Wangji came to save Wei Wuxian. It’s the first time we get to see him really act reckless and out of his usual composed shell (aside from the times Wei Wuxian prodded him enough to get him to snap), and it’s to save his crush. :3 Granted, Lan Wangji does have a good character so it’s understandable how Wei Wuxian never figured out he liked him. Still, there’s something nice about knowing a guy was willing to get munched on by a giant beast for you??

ouch I winced for poor Lan Wangji’s leg though, they were in a really dire situation here. If they weren’t the main characters and we know for a fact they don’t die or get crippled here, it’d be really scary and tense

ahhh and Wei Wuxian also does not disappoint, literally throwing himself at the tortoise thing and stopping its jaws with his whole body. it’s true though, people can achieve herculean strength in desperate times. And suitably, as soon as the one he was trying to save was in the clear, it no longer could hold out

“The two rows of fangs were already deep into Lan WangJi’s blood and bones.”

uh...ew...and poor Lan Zhan. it’s a good thing this is a fantasy world where we have magic cultivation stuff because it’s doubtful he’d realistically ever be able to heal from all the damage unless he got really lucky.

“Hovering on his back, Lan WangJi’s voice possessed the rare emotional fluctuation, “How could this be pleasant?! Let me down!””

indeed, let’s savor this moment.

“Wei WuXian’s mouth refused to rest even as he was running for his life,”

Accurate. This is literally his character. xD

“Wei WuXian, Oh no, Lan Zhan’s injury will worsen again.”

see his total unconcern about his own pretty bad wounds. Instead, he’s worried about Lan Wangji’s injury, which is actually quite dire.

So...let’s see what happens next. I’m really liking this flashback so far.

(quotes from ExR’s translations)

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