#me to my bf

[chantalstacys]

the ex-mrs. bradford (1936)

[thedogeveryonehates]

I drink oversteeped tea bcus I like it that way not bcus I forgot

It also happens to be lukewarm by choice

[donaviolet]

He may be a cringefail malewife but he's MY cringefail malewife

[poorpastel-pain]

i love him so fucking much

[faaun]

WHEN ON PERIOD:

do not crash out

your feelings are NOT valid

do not send that text

don't kill yourself. lock in

do not act on negative emotions until at least 2 days have elapsed

[ravenwitch45]

@aveismaschine Me to You :3

good morning to fat men only

[warriorblood1]

im playing disco elysium for the first time and it might be too early to call it but i think ive come across the funniest goddamn exchange in the game

[heavenbarnes]

not being able to find older bf!simon around the house and while you’re looking for him, you catch something out the window-

nearly all the women in your neighbourhood gathered at the end of your driveway

you come outside to investigate only to find them with their attention glued to the front of your car, it’s not till you walk around the front you find the lower half of simon sticking out from under it

on his back, knees bent, massive boots planted into the concrete, bare arm occasionally stretching out to find another tool

“you alright, si?”

you hear him grunt before he’s calling out to you

“yeah, i’m right sweet’art- sortin’ out that bit thas’ been givin’ y’grief”

breaking your gaze from his massive thighs flexing under his jeans, you scan back over the crowd that’d formed

all of them married, all of them a good ten years older than even he was- you couldn’t really blame them really, you had eyes

you could hear him shuffling out from under the car before he suddenly straightened to full height, wiping greasy hands on the front of his old-white-singlet

he pulled up the bottom of it to swipe his forehead and you think you heard someone gasp

wrapping a firm arm around you, he gives your backside a pat before he kisses the top of your head

“got t’keep y’safe, y’know?”

“thank you, baby- now be polite and say hello to your audience”

oblivious as ever to anything other than you, simon threw a look over his shoulder before he followed you back into the house

“oh, ‘ello ladies”

(someone throws a street barbecue and you force simon to talk to the other men around the burner and multiple husbands request him to start “doing that shit” in the garage with the door shut, please)

[xpurplepiex]

found out about the existence of this pairing like a month ago and im already in love with these two <33

[mysillycomics]

the otter pops! a lil redesign of the original six zippy flavors

[t-thingbiterrrrrrr]

"That's a good boy" please please please please please please can I suck you off cna you fuck me stupid fuck me full of you ? please please please please please please please please please please please please please please i'll be so good please plea

op is t4t mlm

[sleepydragonforever]

[warmfuzzyanimal]

alright tumblr, here's your homegrown cowgirl C:{

what do you think of her?

[baradragon]

i think you people put too much pressure on what is or isnt a date like a date is literally just being together with the person you want to be with

[hellspawnmotel]

intimacy between an evil spiteful building-sized supercomputer and the lone scientist left behind after everyone else ditched and forgot about her (in which computer wants to kill scientist really bad but her programming wont let her so she just attempts to make her as miserable as possible instead, which also doesn't work because scientist is a freak)