#me trauma got in the way of that 😅 oops

[beevean]

(the Gerald anon)

No worries, I am also dramaticising things a bit: but my thoughts indeed stemmed from the post that Gerald did not allow Maria to call Shadow his brother (came across it this morning), interlinked by my memories of other posts that (head)canoned about Shadow getting tortured on the ARK and not treated as a being worthy of respect who maybe only got loved in private and certainly not public, was only seen as important for giving Maria a cure and nothing else, etc.

And like... Yes, Gerald did cave to the president's wishes for a research on immortality to hopefully find a way to cure Maria's NIDS. Shadow was indeed created with that purpose in mind. But to me, that does not at all mean Gerald didn't love Shadow, or automatically just had to mistreat him because "of course every artificial creation doesn't get respect from the people who made it." I truly cannot recall a single indication in the games that Shadow's time on the ARK was nothing short of just... happy! I feel like the angst of Shadow's creation hits way harder when said happy, almost idyllic life got torn away so suddenly and the person who loved him was driven insane and turned him into a tool of revenge, than when said life already was one huge shitshow and this was just yet another thing that came on top.

I really need to replay Battle one time. Love that game and Shadow's story!

(I just saw your reblog... Sorry for sending you into the rabbit hole, oops😅)

(Gerald anon again) I forgot to add, a reasoning for Gerald being a cruel scientist that I've seen be provided before is the fact you can see incomplete models of hedgehogs/Shadow in I believe ShTH if you use a camera hack somewhere. Make of that what you will.

This is one of those "appeal to emotions" analyses other people were talking about the other day. It's angst for the sake of angst. Poor Shadow, not allowed to be considered a person, part of the family, except for Maria who is literally the only person who ever loved him.

It was stated in the manuals that Shadow and Maria had a "sibling-like" relationship. This doesn't mean they saw each other a literal siblings to the point that Maria had to fight for her right to call Shadow her brother. Nothing about Gerald indicates that he'd correct Maria over this: for what purpose? Just to remind her that Shadow is not a "real" person?

Gerald gave Shadow a soul like Maria's. To me, this means that he really cared about him as a person and wanted him to be good; otherwise he would have only focused on his powers and healing properties. Yes, he then used him as a tool after Maria's death. He literally went insane with grief: that is not an indication of his usual personality.

Shadow was happy on the ARK. He and Maria literally played games:

such torture. many pain.

That Shadow was experimented on is a perfectly reasonable conclusion to reach: they needed to check his stability, his progress, his powers, etc. That those experiments were awful or dehumanizing is a reach. He already has trauma from getting his life ripped out of him: why add more? And as you said, him being perfectly content on the ARK makes the loss even more devastating.

Also what do the Shadow embryos have to do with anything? Of course there'd be Shadow embryos. Do you think my man went from creating the Biolizard to creating Shadow in one night? He tried again and again.

[misc-obeyme]

questions.. I love qiestions

If it's an MC, did they get to the Devildom in the usual way or were they already aware of it? How do they interact with the demons? What's their first impression upon arriving in the Devildom? Basics about their personality like are they outgoing or shy? Something specific about them, like if they have a phobia or a special power, etc.

OKAY I'm going to do a very very short description of him- he's m- jk

he wasn't chosen for the program at first. He was, mistakenly brought to the devildom. a tiny error lol. the original exchange student (Pari) was summoned a few minutes after and then they deal with the terrified wet injured cat™ smth smth later they decided that he will be staying too until they find a safe place for him in the human world.

and plans changed after Leviathan almost amputated his hand :"

and that's why he lives in the HOL.( always annoyed me how mc lives with the demon brothers instead of other exchange students lol no idc about canon)

he was running from his old abusers when he, being the magic magent he was, was summoned to the devildom. he didn'vknow wether he died by his abusers, or was saved, or a secret third thing. yep he was silent and dissociated in the first week. hehe trauma

he was very wary of his surroundings at the start, but slowly got more comfortable around the cast, minus Levi, Mammon and Simeon. he hates how Mammon doesn't respect his privacy and Levi makes him too overwhelmed. Simeon on the other hand? he's scary to him. kinda funny from someone who's friend is Barbatos lol

and now about his weird power,,

And what does Barbatos do once he figures out that Sharo has the same power as him? I mean, he's gotta be curious I bet he doesn't run into that ever.

I hope Barbatos tells him about it so that Sharo realizes the truth about what's happening. I suspect that'd be kind of a relief to finally understand why he's having those visions and things.

Barbatos realizes it pretty early in the castle tour, but keeps it hidden for the next three-four years. in that time only Diavolo, Lucifer, Simeon and Solomon knew about it.

I mean he didn't really think it was necessary for Sharo to know. it was better that he thought they were hallucinations - such power can destroy a human's brain and soul. not to mention his power was.. "illegal" (for the lack of a better word) and he was too weak at that time to fight against the higher ups.*

and it was Sharo who brought it up first. — "I feel like I can change the future. it, it just doesn't make sense you know-" — and then he understood what he was. that time he had powerful magic. with power of the seven strongest demons in the universe and the ring of light on his side, so it was safe for him to know. he was still very weak in this ability of his, so Barbatos decides to take him under his wing and teach him how to control it.

The fact you've got human in quotes makes me think Sharo must not be fully human? Is this at all related to Lilith's angel DNA or is it something different?

he isn't lilith's descendant! Lilith didn' have any children when she was a human, since his corrupted angel DNA just.. killed any baby she tried to have. sad ending😅 (nw she comes back but this isn't important) he is something else.*

*they both are too complicated to put here- I've written them, but it will turn this already long message to a 5000+ word non-sense lmao

this is the first time i'm publicly talking abt this marysue bastard I feel embarrassed :((

Okay, first of all, please don't feel embarrassed. My blog is always a safe space for all MC and OC ideas, Mary Sue or otherwise!

I think it's pretty normal for MCs to have their own extra powers and such like! I mean, the generic OM MC is already totally OP so.

Anyway, this all sounds really interesting to me!

So he wasn't even meant to be there! Oops! What happens with the other exchange student? Do they become friends or is it more like they avoid him?

Ahh oh no trauma. Well okay and I get the thing with Mammon, that guy is always bursting in unannounced! Simeon made me laugh, but he's also different from Barbatos imo. They both hide their true feelings, but Simeon acts like he doesn't while Barb doesn't act like he isn't hiding stuff. Like Simeon is the one going "Oh, what, I'm not hiding anything." and Barb is like "Yes, I am not telling you everything. It is for your own good." lol I love them both, but I would understand why that difference might make him uncomfortable!

Okay okay, so knowing about his power might actually be worse than believing he was having hallucinations... I was thinking I would want to know if I was experiencing something like that and everybody made me think it was just my brain malfunctioning when really it was magic. Though if it's problematic magic, then I see why it could be better to not know! I'm still glad he figures it out though lol.

And Barbatos doesn't leave him hanging! I love that he's like okay well now that you're aware, I will teach you the ways! Barb won't let him flounder!

Oh no! Lilith is childless? Then how does that change things for Lesson 16? Since the only reason MC could free Belphie was because they had Lilith's DNA? Or did that not happen at all in your story?

[minniepetals]

hiii dearest author! I got ill, so I wasn't able to send a reaction about the recent update (my mind is quite foggy and typing in proper english is challenging me rn...I'm a bit conscious with my grammar and stuff 🫣) buuuut seeing that long ass ask/ criticism about your work fueled me up to send this ask 🤧

first, I want you to know that you're doing great! I've been with you as a reader for over a year now, and all the waiting is honestly worth it.

second, I hope that comment won't deter you from your writing. If anyone finds that your story is not their cup of tea, then don't drink it. Just stop?

third, I might be getting too defensive because I'm just really riled up rn hahaha life outside tumblr was being a bish and when I checked my tumblr, I saw that long ass post... you don't do that to my fave author 🤨 I haven't thought about cmar y/n being an angsty teen or what. Maybe it comes with experience (and what I've studied), but some people can really be emotionless when you push them too far.

Lastly, NAKYUM!!! I won't say too much jic some didn't read the long ass ask, but can I just say that I hope Y/N finds an ally with alexander? I know karl's his son...but we can hope, right? Alexander seems to be sensible and would be a great ally 😅

---

Thank you for updating yesterday! I'm treating it as a birthday gift again 😅 (my birthday's tomorrow tho). This is my 2nd birthday with a cmar update 🥰

first of all happy birthday!! i hope your day goes wonderfully with nothing but sweetness and happiness because you deserve nothing but the best.

i guess i understand a bit of the criticism but it's as you said, if it's not your cup of tea, don't drink it. sometimes i read something and come to love it until the characters make certain decisions that don't really resonate well with me so i just stop reading it to keep my blood pressure leveled lmao. i mean obviously cmar isn't for just anyone but it does kind of get a bit old when people criticize my y/n for the way that she is and she can't really fix that because of the circumstances in her life.

like in the beginning, someone complained about y/n a doormat and letting everyone walk on her and that she should just stand up and grow some confidence. and now it's being said that she should stop wailing in her pain all the time and just get to the healing part already and it just puts me a bit off guard because like...in the real world, you can't just...pick yourself up because you want to? that's not how things work? and writing things unrealistically is a little....not really my cup of tea when it comes to dealing with trauma and stuff.

also i had a bit of a fear a few months ago when i thought cmar was gonna get to at least 30 chapters because there may be people who don't like long series and the wait being too much for them but honestly i don't really care anymore. at the end of the day, they don't have to read it and wait, you know? and i've had almost everything planned out since i decided to make cmar a series so i'm not gonna cut out certain things just to satisfy people because personally for me, there are certain things that needs to be addressed before y/n does head off to her healing arc.

if people don't wanna wait, they don't have to wait.

if i make alexander into an ally, our girl's gonna have big international connections oop- 🤭

[hourcat]

it's hilarious (in a good way!!) when you wrote in your first piarles fic that it would be your only f1 writing 😭😭

KSBDKDNDKDNDK yeah i really played myself didnt i

[ravenrune]

any headcanons for carlos with a s/o that gets hurt because of him (not killed though), either by someone from his line of work or just because he was distracted/busy? angst gets me going, i'm sorry.

I love this! No apologies needed, it gets me going too. I fear I got carried away really badly. This is a long one, it could've been written as a fanfic. 😅 Warnings: Implied violence. Hospitals. Bit of angst? Word count: Around 1300. Oops.

● Carlos was shocked when he received a phone call from the hospital. They told him you'd been severely injured by getting stabbed in your lower abdominal area while walking down the street that night. They'd found his number in your phone and decided to call him based on the text messages you'd been sending each other.

● It took him several minutes to regain his composure and calm down enough to actually do anything. With trembling hands, he'd tried to unlock the door to his car, but it took him a while as he kept on dropping his keys.

● He immediately rushed to the hospital, not paying very close attention to his speedometer, or even oncoming traffic. It was kind of a miracle he arrived in one piece.

● At the reception, he found himself fumbling for the right words, and it took him a while to even pronounce your name the correct way. The receptionist was very patient, however, and they gently told him to take a deep breath and to slow down a little bit.

● Once they knew what Carlos had come to the hospital for, a nurse was called to come pick him up from the reception desk. He gently led Carlos to a quiet waiting room, where he told the other man about was currently going on. You'd come in just an hour ago, and you'd gone into surgery straight away. Sadly, he couldn't tell Carlos exactly how bad your injuries were or how long surgery would take.

● The nurse made sure Carlos had access to something to drink and something to eat and told him to try and relax. He reassured the other man that you were in good hands.

● As Carlos waited, he couldn't stop thinking about who could've stabbed you and why. He wondered if it had had something to do with him, but he had a hard time coming up with someone who was out to get him. He didn't work as a mercenary very often anymore, and he always made certain to keep his personal life to himself.

● After about an hour and a half, a trauma surgeon showed up to talk to Carlos. She told him about the injuries you'd sustained, and how she'd tried to patch you up to the best of her abilities. She also informed him you weren't completely out of the woods yet, as you'd lost a lot of blood and complications could still arise. That said, the surgery had gone well, but you'd definitely need a lot of time to recover.

● As soon as you were out of recovery, Carlos was allowed to go see you. His heart broke into a million pieces when he saw you lying in the hospital bed, surrounded by machines and wires, and with some tubes sticking out of body. He was relieved to see you were breathing on your own, though, because he didn't think he would've been able to handle seeing you intubated and in an artificial coma.

● He spent the entire night sitting next to you, gently caressing your hand and softly whispering things about how you just needed to hang in there, about and how he couldn't do without you anymore. And he couldn't stop saying how sorry he was he hadn't picked you up from work, because he'd been out with some friends.

● Eventually he fell asleep in his chair, his arms leaning on your bed and his head resting on his arms. He never let go of your hand, even while sleeping. The nurses that came to check on you did their work very quietly, allowing Carlos to get some much needed rest.

● The next morning, he woke up to the sound of someone calling his name. For a moment he didn't remember where he was, but then it hit him like a ton of bricks. Instantly fully awake, he looked up to check on you and found himself staring into a pair of tired and confused eyes.

● "Oh baby..." For the first time since the phonecall, Carlos had to fight back tears. He felt as though all of his emotions were trying to come out at once. He quickly stood up from his chair, ignoring the pain in his legs and his back, and leaned over you. "How are you feeling baby?" He asked, softly placing his hand on your cheek.

● You were in pain, but it was manageable because of the pain killers you'd been given throughout the course of the night. You tried to explain what had happened, but you only remembered a couple of words that had been said before you were stabbed. Betrayal, Umbrella, mercenaries and something about cash. "I'm sorry, Carlos, I don't remember anything else..."

● "That's fine, bebê, save your strength..." Carlos reassured you that everything was going to be okay and apologised profusely for having put you through something like that. He didn't stop until you told him to, and that you weren't blaming him.

● It broke Carlos' heart how close you'd come to dying because of things he'd done in the past. The fact that the remnants of Umbrella were still after him after several years filled him with fear. He decided he wouldn't leave you alone in the hospital for even half an hour, and ended up asking a friend to bring you some of your stuff.

● While you were in the hospital, he never left your side. He ended up calling Leon to ask about any safe houses you two could go to, and made arrangements to move out of your house as soon as you'd leave the hospital.

● When you two finally made it to a safe house Leon had found for you, Carlos kept on worrying. Not about himself, but about you. He couldn't control the sense of guilt, and kept on apologising, much to your dismay.

● He took very good care of you at the safe house, making sure your recovery was going smoothly. He couldn't stop fussing over you. He cooked for you, cleaned everything before you even had a chance to do anything, and constantly made sure you were taking your medication when it was time.

● At night, he held you tightly, afraid someone would rip you from his arms and take you away from him forever. The thought of losing you had always scared him, but after the stabbing, he dealt with a lot of anxiety. He would become extremely protective of you and would only leave the house if Leon, Jill or Claire was with you.

● It had been almost as traumatising to him as it had been to you, so the two of you talked a lot; about what had happened, about where to go from there, and about making sure it would never happen again.

● After discussing everything at length with Jill, Chris and Leon, Carlos decided to not try and track down the person who had stabbed you. Jill promised they would dive into this case because it was possibly related to Umbrella, and Leon assured them he'd provide them with any information Hunnigan could get her hands on.

● After several months of staying at the safe house, you and Carlos finally moved to another place that you'd be able to call home again. He was still worried about letting you go out by yourself, but after spending a lot of time talking about it, he felt he couldn't just keep you imprisoned in your own house.

● Still, every time he is away from you for longer than half an hour, he cannot help but worry.

I'm sorry if it's too long. I couldn't stop typing. Hope whoever read this entire thing enjoyed it. ♡