#mekh tries to write yee

[blainehellyes]

Hell/Heaven

Pairing: Ethan x MC (Dr.Anika Warren)

Words: 3.5k ..I just..went off w this

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, trauma, swear words??

Author’s Note: Okay yall so idfk what this is tbh. I just had an idea and went on to write 3.5k words about it. This is my interpretation of the  aftermath of ch.11. I genuinely don’t know if this makes sense or it’s just a bunch of words slammed together.

Also, I did not really proofread this so please do feel free to point out any mistakes. I’m sorry for the mistakes.

I’m scared of writing people OOC and I’m still learning so please keep it in mind.

Anyway, I did not make it two parts but it’s pretty long so yeah.

Anika’s thoughts will be in italics.

xxxx

 It had been almost 16 hours since the combined diagnostics team along with her friends barged into the isolation ward and told her that they had found a cure. Eight hours since Ethan said the magic words 

“Get up. There are no traces of the toxin in  your body.”

She had been lightheaded, whether it was from happiness or if it was from some weird side effect she didn’t know about was up in the air. She was still a bit wobbly.

In her 29 years of living, Dr.Anika Warren had not had such a whirlwind of a day. 24 hours ago ,she was barging into the senator’s room trying to stop an assassination. She didn’t know how she got caught up in a death trap but after that it was as if her brain had recorded every single moment with perfect accuracy.The whole thing was playing in a loop , the cannister being deployed, Rafael Aveiro, superman and ultimate idiot jumping in to protect her , Danny and Bobby Gunderson’s life leaving his eyes in front of her. She had watched a lot of people pass away in her career, and each one affected her . No matter how much she wanted to get used to it. But this was different, this was a man who was talking to her about how he wanted to afford a car for his daughter’s 16th. Bobby used to greet her with a smile every day, and even with minimal interaction she had gotten close to him.

And now his daughter won’t have a father, much less a car. And it’s because you were dumb enough to jump in to the room before having backup.

She pushed the thoughts away as she wearily walked through Edenbrook’s long corridors. 

Most of her friends had returned home in hopes of having some rest, but she couldn’t. Raf was still admitted, albeit not in a coma and she couldn’t just leave him. She didn’t want to leave anyway,trying to get as much done as she could to distract herself. She didn’t want to face her thoughts, which she would eventually have to when she’d go home. But for now, she was delaying the inevitable by trying to help any and every doctor she came across. 

“Dr.Warren? Why are you still here?”

Esme. I love her but dear god if one more person tells me to go home I’ll start crying in the middle of the corridor.

“Uhh, I’m just finishing off some work. You should be too , Dr.Ortega. Stop interrogating people and get to work.”

Wow when did I become Ethan? That was one of the most out of character things I’ve ever said. Looks like his personality is seeping into me. 

“ Um..Anika? You good? No offense but that really doesn’t sound like you. ”

Well..crap. 

“Then what does it sound like, Dr.Ortega?”

“ It sounds like you’re trying to put on a tough person persona to deflect questions”

This girl is way too smart. Am I the only dumb one here with no people skills or…?

 “ I just..I just don’t want to go home. And I don’t want to talk about it. Please don’t mind”

Please leave me alone please please please 

Esme shrugged but the look of concern on her face wasn’t gone. “If that’s what you want then sure. Take care of yourself, I’m not the one who almost died" 

 With that she turned around and left. 

Anika continued to make her way through the hospital. Her mind was racing with the possibilities of what could have happened. She could not stop thinking about how she trusted the senator, but most of all, one thing was repeating in her mind. 

So, Ethan Ramsey, are you single?

Ethan looked at me for a brief second

"I’m sorry… But no, I’m not" 

He had actually admitted his feelings on national television. Well, almost but the point still stood.

And yet it’s complicated. He’s not single but we’re not dating. What the fuck Ethan Ramsey? We doing Schrodinger dating or what? 

This was her hell.

"Dr. Warren?" 

This time, she wasn’t annoyed at her name being called. This time, it was more relief than frustration. 

"Anika..?” Ethan’s voice hit her once again. 

“Um.. Hi” she didn’t know what to say. Her face was flushed from thinking about the moment they shared after the interview, and all the subtle moments that had in the past few months. 

“You’re supposed to be home. But Dr.Ortega did mention something about you not wanting to. What is it?" 

Ah there it is. Damn you Esme. I mean, no but yes.

"It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it”

She tried to sound as normal and unbothered as she could. She didn’t want to even think about it, much less talk it out which would just make it much more real for her. She wanted to live in denial and pretend everything was normal for a while. 

 Her thoughts were interrupted by a sudden hold on her wrist. She snapped back into reality to notice that Ethan was pulling her somewhere. It was in the general direction of his office so she presumed that much but couldn’t help protesting the sudden force.

“Wai- Wha- Where are you taking me?!”

The reply only affirmed her presumption.

“To my office, Rookie. You’re clearly not well and you need to rest and if you won’t go home I’ll make sure you rest here.”

Why is this man so stubborn? I love him but why?

They were soon in his sparsely decorated office. Everything was organised with no stray papers or journals lying around which was usually the case with most of the other offices in the hospital.  Ethan sat her down on the couch and sat down beside her.

“Wait, I thought you wanted me to rest. What is this Dr.Ramsey? A plot to get me alone with you hmmm..?” She wanted to get alone with him. Ever since the confession the other night and him saying he wasn’t single, she needed some answers. 

“No. I just wanted to ask you about why exactly you didn’t want to go home. Dr.Ortega told me you looked disturbed and kind of in a trance and I got worried” Ethan said with worry clearly etched onto his face 

Why the hell is he so cute even when he’s worried? I’m so so in love ugh

His palm touched her face , snapping her out of her thoughts yet again. His gentle touch was something she wasn’t yet that used to, and he had been much more gentle and kind since the confession the previous night. He was acting so unlike the Ethan she knew and she had to get used to this. 

“Tell me , Anika. What’s wrong? Talk to me. I’m here.”

Memories of the previous few days flooded her all at once. Her poaching the senator from MK, him intruding on the diagnostics team meetings, Travis behaving so normally that she could never in a million years imagine him being such a …. psychopath. 

The phone call she overheard, her disappointment on how she trusted a politician who wanted the same things as everyone else.

She was spiralling, and she was spiralling hard. It was hard not to, she was feeling guilty. She wanted to go back and not agree to June’s idea. She wanted to undo the whole thing.

Ethan noticed her face contorting with the painful memories and he immediately took her into his arms and that was all it took for her to start sobbing. 

“ I just..I feel guilty Ethan. I shouldn’t have gone to MK, I shouldn’t have followed June’s advice. I shouldn’t have trusted a politician. And most of all I shouldn’t have ran into the room like some kind of a superhero in a Hollywood movie without having proper back up”

Ethan’s face was grim. He understood the guilt over going over to MK and stealing their patient, he had been feeling it too. But he couldn’t understand the other feelings, it would be impossible to. He wanted to comfort her, let her know that she did absolutely nothing wrong but he knew his words wouldn’t matter much. 

Ethan’s thoughts were interrupted by more violent sobs, she was breaking in front of him and he couldn’t take it. He hugged her tighter and whispered sweet nothings, trying to tell her that she was only trying to do something good. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong Anika, you were doing your duty. You wanted to help. It’s okay, you’re okay. You’re here. ”

He wanted to comfort her and never hear her cry again.

Anika on the other hand couldn’t stop. She felt bad, she felt bad when she thought about Danny and Sienna , when she thought about Bobby Gunderson and his daughter. “ Sienna probably hates me.." 

Ethan was taken aback by that comment, if he had noticed one thing about Dr.Trinh ,it was that she was someone you could absolutely trust. Her hating Anika was far fetched. ” She won’t, why would she hate you? She was so scared Anika, she was so scared that you would ….“ He couldn’t complete the sentence. He couldn’t even complete the though. 

” No, Ethan. Sienna loved Danny. And..and if I hadn’t..if I hadn’t..done something so stupid..he would still be here..they had a future Ethan, they really did..“ and she broke down into another fit of sobs. 

Ethan didn’t know what to do. He held her and helped her cry it out. Eventually the exhaustion hit her and she somehow fell asleep. He noticed though,that she had a fever. And was in the process of waking her up gently and giving her some medicine that the door opened. 

Naveen Banerji was worried. He was worried about Rafael , the paramedic he had somehow grown close to. He was worried about Ethan , his mentee and his "son”. But most of all, he was worried about Dr.Warren. She had taken the toll of the previous days hard and as soon as he heard that she was acting unusual, he wanted to find her. He couldn’t though and decided that the best way to approach this was to ask Ethan.  

He had just opened the door when he saw that Anika was with Ethan in the room, and they both looked very cosy. Ethan was in the process of giving her some kind of medication and he didn’t want to interrupt but it was clear that they had been having a moment.  And Anika looked deathly pale and after listening to a concerned Dr.Ortega about how she was a walking zombie and how he should force her to take time off work and seeing it himself, he decided to actually listen to Dr.Ortega and give Anika a week off. 

He silently closed the door as he did not want to interrupt and instead paged Ethan to come to his office. He not only wanted Anika to take a few days off work, he wanted Ethan to take care of her. He had never seen Ethan so happy with anybody before and it hurt him to see them push each other away. And if this was a chance for him to push Ethan towards his happiness, he would use it. 

Ethan had just finished giving Anika a tablet for her temperature and let her fall asleep again when his pager beeped. He walked briskly to Naveen’s office, curious to know why he called him. It was rare, getting paged by Naveen so he was a bit nervous. 

When he had entered and sat down, Naveen wasted no time in getting to the point. “ I’ve heard that Dr.Warren has been showing some trauma symptoms lately, and she has gone through a lot so I want to give her a week off” he said.

Ethan was happy, he wanted this to happen but he was confused as to why the chief had told him this .

“ Before you ask me why and how this concerns you, I want you to know that I want you to take care of her in this one week. And hence , I am giving you a whole week off too” Naveen finished with a smile on his face.

Ethan was surprised. He wanted to spend time with her, especially after his late night revelations. But taking a whole week off work was out of question. The diagnostics team would be two members down and he couldn’t let that happen.

“Naveen, that simply isn’t feasible. It’s already hard with a nurse down and a doctor down and me going would make it all the more difficult for the team.”

Naveen cut him off, he didn’t want to hear it

“ Son, just listen to me this time. I’ll take over the diagnostics team myself for the week and the workload can be handled. I want you both to take a while off and figure things out and that’s all I’ll say. Nothing you say will change this decision.”

Ethan didn’t have the heart to protest. Even though he was worried about how the team would function without two members, the fact that Naveen would take over eased him. 

Besides that, he really did want to forget the world for a bit and just hold her in his arms. The endeavour the previous day had shown him how much he cared and after that , he couldn’t keep her away. He almost lost her, and in those few hours where he had to put up a brave façade for the hospital while he was breaking inside were the worst few hours in his entire life. 

He didn’t know what he would do without her, just the thought of not having her jab at him randomly, do weird things just to annoy him and all of her little quirks which frustrated him to no end in the beginning which he had grown to love killed him. He needed her. 

He walked through the hospital to his office to find her awake and scrolling through her phone. This comforted him a bit as she looked tranquil and didn’t have the worry on her face like earlier. 

He entered the room and her face immediately lit up. This was something he would never tire of seeing , her smile. It made him feel all excited and warm. 

“ Ethan! I was waiting for you!” She chirped. He loved her voice and it automatically brought an easy smile onto his face.

He sat down beside her , absentmindedly stroking her hand and started speaking.

“ Naveen has ordered both of us to take a whole week off. He wouldn’t listen to anything. "  He said with a bemused smirk on his face. This whole idea of Naveen, was amusing to him. It was such an obvious attempt at getting them together that he couldn’t help but laugh at it.

” Wait what? What about the diagnostics team?! They can’t function with two members down. I mean they can but what if we get an important case?! What about my patients? What about your patients? This simply won’t-“

Ethan cut her off with a kiss. He wanted to do that for so long and looking at her get so worked up about the hospital was too cute for him to control himself. 

” Oh my ,Dr.Ramsey, so forward of you. I didn’t think someone like you could do something so scandalous" Anika chuckled between kisses and Ethan was too absorbed to even take offense to the statement.

Eventually, they got up and made their way to Ethan’s apartment. Anika had to inform her flatmates , everyone looking at her with raised eyebrows except Sienna , who she couldn’t look in the eyes. She also made sure to check up on Raf and Kyra, and shed a few tears looking at them. She was glad that both of them were alright because she wouldn’t forgive herself if anything happened to anyone. 

Ethan’s apartment was as she remembered, clean and monochromatic. At this point, she had visited enough for her to just walk straight in and start playing with Jenner without any hesitation. Ethan loved seeing her like this, in his home , comfortable. He couldn’t help but imagine a future where she would just live there instead of visiting. 

After taking a shower ,they started working on dinner. Ethan didn’t want to make her work at all but she was adamant about helping. Watching her move across the kitchen with ease made him happy. But he didn’t forget to make her rest, as she was still weak which was evident when she lost focus suddenly and fainted.  Ethan dropped his spatula into the pan and rushed to get her up. She had started to have a rise in her temperature again. 

“ You can’t keep doing this Rookie , you’re sick and you’re literally working yourself to exhaustion. Now just take your medicine and relax , okay? I’ll take care of dinner.” He cooed into her ears as he lifted her up and carried her to his bed. 

Anika obliged with a pout, not letting him go back without a proper kiss. She wanted him to stay but her stomach rumbling made it obvious that she needed food. And the only source of food was Ethan cooking and she had to let him go.

Her fever had subsided by the time he poked his head into the bedroom telling her that dinner was ready. She had almost fallen asleep, exhaustion taking over her but dinner was important.

I need to talk to him about the interview. And the night before. I need to talk to him about so much. 

They had dinner in relative peace, having proper substantial food after all the hospital food she had eaten felt good. They were I’m easy conversation and she didn’t have the heart to bring up the topic of feelings.

He will shut down , and I don’t want him to shut down. 

Only when they had completed eating and ended up in bed cuddling could she force herself to ask him. 

Just do it Anika. It’s not too hard. He won’t push you away. Trust yourself. 

“ Ethan?” She spoke up with a timid voice. In the hospital, she was the person who would talk back when anything was wrong or if anybody did anything questionable, but here she was out of her depth.

“ Yes?” He answered with an inquisitive tone.

“I wanted to ask you about something” she went on. “ Uh..um.. the interview when you said you weren’t single..” she took a deep breath. 

Come on , just say it. Why are you so anxious?! 

Ethan immediately tensed up a bit. He meant every single word he said, both in the interview and in the night that followed and yet, he didn’t know how to approach this.  He was looking at her intently , waiting for her to continue when she started speaking again.

“ Yesterday night, when you talked about how you regretted keeping me away and how you wished you didn’t do it… did you mean it?” She finished, bracing for impact. She was so sure that he’d push her away yet again and they’d have to spend the rest of the week in awkwardness that his next words took her a moment to register. 

“ I meant every single word , Anika” he said, bringing her closer to him. He kissed her forehead and continued. “ I meant it. All of it. You are the light in my life, my sunshine. When I saw you behind the glass, covered in that grease , my heart stopped. I had to pick myself up and put on a face for the team but I was breaking into a million pieces. Each time I failed to diagnose what was wrong , I remembered that I could lose you. And that broke me even further. There was nothing I wanted to do more than run into the room and hold you in my hands. I can’t live without you Anika, I don’t want to imagine a life without you. ”

By this point , both of them were in tears. They were hugging each other, tears flowing freely. 

“ I was so scared ,Ethan. I just wanted to be in your arms. And I was scared for Raf. When you told me we had lost Danny, I realised I couldn’t lose Raf. And every moment, all I wanted was to be with you. You’re the most important thing in my life , Ethan. And I was so scared to talk to you about this, so scared that you would push me away again.”

Ethan took a sharp breath. Pushing her away after all this was impossible. He hugged her tighter , letting her cry , letting himself cry it out. 

“ I won’t push you away. I won’t ever push you away. I’m all in if you are” he said, through tears. 

Anika looked at him and could see a vulnerable man. She could see he was scared too, to admit his feelings and to let his walls down and she was determined to never hurt him.

“ I’m all in ,Ethan. Forever. ”

That night was one of the best nights of their lives. They just spent it cuddling and talking to each other about their dreams, their aspirations and themselves. 

Ethan hadn’t felt so at ease in years. He was ready to take care of her forever. He had never imagined falling in love but now, he couldn’t imagine not being in love. 

And that night , they knew that the next seven days and the rest of their lives would be amazing. 

And this, was her heaven.

THANK YOU IF YOU READ TILL HERE.

Tag List? Sort of?

@drethanramslay @hatescapsicum @nooruleman @anonymously-cool @mrsbhandari @kaavyaethanramsey @apphia12 @queencarb @mvalentine @openheart12 @starrystarrytrouble

@crazynutella tagging @oofchoices @ohramsey if yall are interested

xxxx