#meri answers

[slxtmeri]

Hello! If u have open requests can u do more quackity bf headcanons? (Also can I be 🇵🇱 anon?)

hi, anon!! ofc you can be 🇵🇱 anon <3

a/n: i've been literally praying for a headcanon request omfg i have no motivation for fics rn

bf!quackity headcanons : part 2

♡ absolutely would teach you how to cook mexican dishes. he may not be the best cook, but he wants to share his culture with you!!

♡ gives you piggyback rides

♡ anytime you're playing/streaming a game together that requires teams, he always insists on teaming up with you.

- if it's auto generated and he ends up on a different team, he never kills you or attempts to beat you (which sometimes results in his team losing)

♡ BAKING STREAMS TOGETHER OMG. YOU'D HAVE CUTE LITTLE MATCHING APRONS

♡ listening to latino music and him teaching you how to properly dance to it

♡ loves having you on his lap when you make out, it gives him much better access

♡ like schlatt, he'd love it when you tug on his hair. it automatically turns him on

[meri-is-best-axolotl]

GUN TO YOUR HEAD ONLY ONE TOPPING ON A PIZZA WHATS IT GONNA BE

(cheeze and sauce comes gratis)

Every Lady Gaga album on cassette

[sundogsandrainbows]

Hi, I'm sorry to write to you out of the blue, but Of Elves and Humans was the first DA longfic that got me hooked back in 2011 when I, as a dumb teen, happened to pick up DAO. Ever since then, the DA universe has been a constant fixation of mine and my admiration for you as a writer as well as someone who isn’t afraid to call out the franchise's flaws has never wavered. Now that Bioware decided to take a massive shit on everything pre-DAV and their oldest fans specifically, I'm really devastated and feel like a fool for having been so invested in DA and its lore for those past 13 years. It’s incredibly encouraging, however, to see you keep on keeping on. "So since they spat in my face like this I ignore this atrocity of a game even exists" is where I hope to be at soon, too. Thank you.

(First of all apologies for the late reply, I put it in my drafts when i was too tired to complete it, and then my adhd brain forgot it existed due to being distracted by new shinies 😂☠)

But aww omg i cannot believe i was the gateway drug into dragon age, or rather the old version of my story on FFN was. I am so very honored <3 And nonnie, I feel you. I am invested in DA as a series since DA:O's release in 2009, like I bought it on a whim for XBox because I liked Mass Effect 1 sm. So that is 15 yrs of my life i spent loving and discussing a thing while still being critical of the thing, but now i feel so very protective of the world, lore and its characters that "New Bioware" has decided to take a massive dump of shit on, and not only the games but the old fans I feel are treated with disdain too and do not matter to them any longer.

Long, subjective rant about current bioware aka the shambling corpse of its former self and talent incoming. Spoilers for Veilguard bc i don't give a fuck to avoid them :D You (general you, not you in particular dearest nonny <3) should use your time better than to play this shit anyhow 😂

It feels like calculated malice of new Bioware to apply the scorched earth tactics to offscreen destroy everything that old fans and fans of the other games in general held dear, and was supposed to suck out the enjoyment of DAO, DA2 and DAI. Like it is obvious they plan to create a sequel on DA's scorched bones, but jfc, you can do so story-wise without spitting everyone loving what old bioware has built in the face after dropkicking them. But to me that is part of the problem, since if i remember correctly and i wish i could find the bit... they praised Veilguard as "The best Dragon Age game ever", with the most interesting companions and best most improved combat system, comparing it to the other three games in a near smug fashion. There is marketing and there is putting the other games down to prop up your most favorite and only child mattering and they were definitely doing the latter. And don't get me started on the whole "Who is Zevran" debacle or we are gonna here all day.

Bottom line is new/current devs and writer do not give a shit about and very possibly have never played any other game than Inquisition, and you cannot tell me otherwise. And since a lot of devs/writer have left since the start of this project that would become this abysmal game, I also have the impression that there is a lot of underlying resentment toward what these former colleagues have created and so they piss on it in order to make it fully theirs now. Like dogs marking their territory, and well that did not work out, imo. At all.

Ever since they announced respecting our past choices by ignoring them (????) it was clear to me that I would not play Veilguard but just watch a playthrough and all spoilers and then move on. And everything i saw before release was shocking... like i was flabbergasted at how baaaad the dialogue was, which as a writer myself is super important to me in my story. There was no subtext, characters just blurt out everything they think and feel, like a lifeless doll you squeeze and words tumbling out and just as natural. It is stilted, awkward and 80% of it exists for info dump or info dumb rather as they keep repeating the same shit they just told you a few seconds ago as if you as the player are braindead. Here is a good example of what i mean.

Jfc, who edited this crap? There is so much superfluous dialogue that adds nothing to a scene but annoyance for the player and says nothing at all. Just pure senseless yapping in the most cringy way. Why was no one there to trim this nonsense as you should as a writer/editor? Hell, they really disregarded every simple and basic writing rule (everything is told never SHOWN for example especially in dialogue) which really made me question their competence in what they were doing and thus the quality of the upcoming game but i still held out hope for it to not be that bad.

Well shit, it was even worse. In all regards. Especially the writing that cringed this writer into a new dimension with its incoherent incompetence. Jfc. they got paid for that? I'm convinced the majority of fandom writer can do much better, even unpaid. Hell my cat just by walking over the keyboard can manage a better draft and script...💀

But I digress. That is a rant for another time. Point is, nonny, despite my defiant words, I struggled too for days after i got to know the full extent of Bioware's spiteful fuckery to even look at anything da related, in my case my Alistair/Mahariel longfic. I was really down for a few days, ngl. Then again, there is nothing better than spite fueling my creativity to prove "i can write better" soooo in the end and with the help of the much better first version of DA4 in the artbook, I was able to exorcise the demons and feverdream-mindfuck of mediocrity sold to me as a turd with gold-glitter that is this game.

I have successfully now rejected its existence, filled the void with the version that should have been from the artbook and vowed to give no fucks what bioware is doing or saying and infinitely more fucks when writing my own version of thedas and the version of DA4 that should be. REWRITES BBY hell yeah. So OEAH:R is just the beginning of a verse-wise rewrite. But if you need a pick me up, nonny, you are very much welcome to take a trip down memory lane to Dragon 9:30 and see how much this iteration of the story differs from my first one back in the days. Because in this house of mine, we grow and learn as writers, unlike bioware where writer ego reigns surpreme (oh boy and does it ever show in VG) aka eating their own turds and tell themselves it is the finest chocolate 💀

There is still a lot of good about DA out there, but we have to accept it does not come from Bioware any longer. Instead it came, comes and will come from the fans and creators of art and texts and words defying their bullshit with their love and respect for the world, its lore and characters. Also very unlike Bioware.

As we should <3

[merinomeri]

Happy Halloween merinomero :D! Here's some candy as a treat and I hope you have spooktactular day :>!

THANK YOU SO MUCH, GUY I TOTALLY REMEMBER!! ;o; ♥ I hope your day was super spooktacular as well!

[zarnzarn]

lamb who kills the one who waits when the time comes to decide, furious and betrayed at being asked to lay down their life after everything they'd done, after-

they kill him, and don't stop to see what happens to the body, carried away by their celebrating followers. They rejoice the whole day, of a final victory against evil, riling each other up to the heights of joy and mania until late in the night.

And then Lamb goes to bed and blows out the lamp and the their decision finally sinks in.

what have they done.

they wake the next day trembling from forgotten nightmares, overheating as they make their way through the day's chores, blank-faced and numb. the call to sermon is waved off in face of a headache, as they try not to think about how much of what they preach no longer is relevant.

the week passes in a haze- they unthinkingly leave offerings in the wooden chest until they rot in the summer noon; call out the rituals in Narinder's language and pretend the power isn't fainter than usual, go on a crusade to get their mind off things- except the last is the worst of it all, because the crown's eye is pale pink, pupil fat with power, instead of the crimson cat-eye that Lamb is used to, and there's no getting away from the fact on how silent it is when no one is watching behind it.

how silent it is because no one is there.

yet somehow worse still is-

"hope you feel better soon, leader!" a younger follower says, tucking a camelia into their wool. they know they've been distant lately, avoiding worries left right and centre. "praise the one! he'll make everything alright."

it's like a hammer to the chest, leaving them breathless and stunned, to realise- they never commissioned a statue of Narinder, after all these years. so stubborn in only leaving the crimson eye scratched around the cult grounds as his symbol until he found an artist worthy of Lamb sharing the image of the god of death, that-

no one else except the lamb knew what narinder looked like. they had no idea whose defeat they'd celebrated.

no one but Lamb remembers their god.

..

it gets harder after that.

Lamb isn't sure how many people have left the cult by the time the Mystic Seller's demand comes through, to save what's left of the Bishops from endless purgatory, before their violent shadows disrupted the fabric of the four realms.

They stare, speechless and disbelieving, at the outrageous ask, before it suddenly sinks in that-

The bishops.

The bishops.

They run through the lands once more with eagerness, sword slashing harder each time, ruthless and relentless in their kills. They reconquer Leshy and Heket brutally, curtly setting out the terms when they are diminished back to mortal and forced to stay in the cult. They agree, and agree to keeping their peace as well when Kallamar and Shamura join them, surrounded by a cult that's flourishing once more, waiting eagerly for a familiar stranger. Lamb tells stories around the fire about The One Who Waits, watches the smiles on their followers' faces reappear, the ones who had fled their anger and depression slowly making their way back to the flock, and the cult grows back to its full potential once more.

And then Lamb runs up the stairs when it's all ready and beautiful and welcoming, beams at the Seller as they wait for their instructions.

The Seller frowns. "Yes?"

Lamb tilts their head, rusted bell on their neck tinkling. It had broken the day after Narinder's defeat, the collar finally fluttering to the ground in tatters like a cloth of eighty years should; but Lamb had repaired and maintained and polished it until it wrapped proud around their neck once again. Their heart is beating in their chest, excitement running through their veins. They'd forgotten how it felt to be on the cusp of going to meet the One Who Waits.

"The last bishop still remains," They laugh, joy spreading through them. "I have to go get him too, yes? For the good of the universe and all."

The Mystic Seller... is silent.

"Narinder was not a Bishop," It says finally. Lamb's smile drops. "The Three-Eyed Cat had completed his ascension when he mastered the resurrection ritual. He was a God."

Lamb's heart drops to their stomach, stumbling like they've taken a hit. "What? So what? Can't I bring him back?"

The Mystic Seller tilts their head. "No."

"What do you mean no?" Lamb's nostrils flare, red crown sparking as they take a step closer. "I brought all those others back, why can't I-"

"They were the pillars of the very order of the world-"

"They were fucking MONSTERS!" Lamb shouts. "And what, death isn't?"

"It is," The Seller says, unaffected by the screaming. "But you are the Bishop of Death now. The cycle has begun again."

Lamb feels like they've taken an arrow to the chest. They stumble forward, and then to their knees. "No," they whimper. "There has- has to be some way to bring him back."

The Mystic Seller stares at them. "You were the one to kill him," They point out, and Lamb feels bile rise in their mouth as their breathing gets faster. "Why would you want him back? A thriving cult, an usurped crown, his spells in your hand-"

"Shut up," Lamb hisses.

"-you have all the power you could ever want, little sheep. Your revenge against the murder of your people."

"He wasn't the one to do it!" They shout up at the Seller, despite the hypocrisy- it had been part of their thoughts when they'd raised the axe again and again and again; the resentment of if it wasn't for you-

"No, no, no, no, no," They whimper, holding onto their biceps and shaking. "Narinder."

It is the first time they have said his name in five years. That realization is what makes the tears finally fall.

Their throat is hoarse when they finish, eyes swollen and blood pooled around them, skin already healing back to perfection where they had clawed through. The Mystic Seller stares at them and sways, silent.

"No," The Lamb finally says, and gets up, determined. Walks past the Seller, to the door behind, leading to the Gateway.

They wonder how they never realized. Or maybe they did, and were just lying to themselves that they didn't.

Lamb reaches the crater, with the rusted chains and wooden crucifixes rising out from the fog around it and comes to a halt.

Narinder is exactly where they left him.

Bones only now. Blackened by all the rituals he performed, he'd told them once; perfectly placed, like he had just fallen.

Lamb still has the ointment they made with their first cult sitting in the back of their cupboard, back when they were naive enough to think it would only take months. Ointment spelled to help grow back the fur on his rotting arms, worn to nothing by a thousand years of pulling at the chains and them tightening on him every time he moved in response.

The skull could be anyone's, now.

Two ribs are broken, where Lamb's axe went through. Straight to the heart.

Lamb exhales and shakily kneels to the ground, lowering himself to Narinder's side, careful to not dislodge a single bone out of place, and molds their body around the skeleton in a perverse mockery of a lover's embrace. Violently, abruptly, they want that, so much it burns- Narinder's arms holding the close one last time. It feels unbearable, to have- to have him lowered to meet Lamb at his level, to have him attainable instead of a towering, unreachable, terrible eldritch horror, and for him to be dead.

Oh, Lamb thinks, shaking as tears form in their eyes. Oh, I loved you. I love you.

"Darling," They choke out, tracing one cheekbone. "My baby. My one. My death. Come back, will you?"

Narinder opens his eyes and shoots them an unimpressed look. Lamb sobs, shoulders heaving, gasping as claws embed themselves in their throat- whole, complete, strong, paw soft as a cloud, faint markings on the fur Lamb never knew he had now drenched with blood.

They laugh, smiling through the tears as they push forward into the claws, flesh ripping and tearing as they push their mouth closer to Narinder's.

"I am sorry," They whisper. Narinder growls. "i love you."

"Traitor-"

"Fuck the crown," Lamb breathes back, moving to straddle Narinder to interrupt him, keeping the weight on their own knees to not damage his healing ribs. His claws are still in their throat, tangled in their stitches. "Fuck the power. Fuck the cult. Fuck religion. I only ever wanted you."

Narinder stills, looking up at them with sharp eyes. Lamb laughs around his beloved's fingers. "I only ever want you. What is life without you, Antim?"

Narinder studies them. Lamb waits, bloodied and grinning, patiently waiting, smitten to have those beautiful trifecta eyes upon them once more.

"I promised you," They whisper. "I promised to break you out of here. Let me, my one. My only one, who has waited so long."

Narinder takes a breath, tilting his chin down and then up. His claws twitch in Lamb's vocal chords, drawing them down closer to him.

Lamb whoops in joy and reaches up to toss the crown to the side, fitting their hooves to the last chain wrapped around Narinder's neck, binding him still to the Gateway, and splinters it into a thousand pieces, never to hold anyone ever again.

"Come," The Lamb whispers finally, moving back and gathering their lover up in their arms, still pressing their mouths together. "Let me take you home, Narinder. Mere jaan. Meri mrityu. My one."

Narinder sighs and buries his face in the crook of Lamb's neck as they start to walk away. "Turn back around, idiot. We cannot leave without the damned crown. And I am picking out the wedding decorations."

"Of course, my love," Lamb coos, and leans in again to kiss their greatest mistake.

[misery-has-no-company-now]

With the Pope dead Messi is now the only full-time employed Argentinian

I-

I don't know why you're telling me this?? Like, I'm neither Catholic nor Argentinian. Also, I know they've got inflation problems but that just can't be true. There's got to be a lot more employed people in Argentina.

[miyakuli]

I'm deeply sad tonight.....

If you have been following the Hyouka fandom, you might know the amazing Mery who offered us so many fanarts and kept the fandom alive for so long.

But she has been bullied on social media by stupid trolls for a while, and at first she took a break and left twitter but now, it appears she has been deleted every artworks she made on every of her social medias (twitter, pixiv etc...)

She always appeared to have so much joy to share her works of Hyouka and I'm so disgusted that she went through harassment at the point that she had to stop and delete everything :'(( I just hope that she is doing alright on her side and that she'll keep doing what she likes even if it doesn't imply to share it online. But she'll be missed for sure ;o;

Also, I used to share her works with her consent but now I don't know what to do with it :/ I doubt I'll be able to contact her because I wouldn't keep those on my pages if it makes her uncomfortable....idk...

[jeahreading]

Pls be proud

WOAH THAT IS A HUGE NO, HOOLY SHIT

What is it about!!!

That's is freaking amazing btw, I am so proud of you/genuine <3

[stolenbybirds]

I love your Meri and Clef art so much you should draw clef getting the shit headbutted out of him by meri maybe idk as a treat👨‍🏫

I know her antlers aren't sharp (yet) but that must hurt getting it in one of your eyes. These two are the cutest... I love just drawing them being together. I really do need to do it more. - O5-6

[lady-merian]

So. We had a meeting about what to do today and I had a wonderful idea. I thought an entertaining way to spend the day would be to invite questions. Seems they’re called AMAs around here.

We took a vote. Wynn, Erandir, Merian, Arric, Raya, and myself (Caliam) will all participate. Jessamine was the only one who voted no and also refused, saying she’d prefer to sketch. (A certain someone else voted no but since the vote was against her decided she might as well accept questions. Not naming names.)

[hershelchocolateart]

A quick comp of all the new icons I made for characters on Art Fight this year! It's an absolute godsend on actually getting me to update my character profiles <3 Two of these were also updated icons rather than new ones! Can you guess which ones?

Patreon / Commissions / Tip Jar

[meri-is-best-axolotl]

thanks for being my booping target again :D

Thank you for BOOping me ^-^

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

oizys u should explain mouthwashing game to me alkdfjals;dkfj ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ it sounds neat but too horror-y for me 😭 but i'm getting. idk just like vague hints that you've heard about it or something <3 sooo if u want to then i could hear about it without having to experience it directly 👀

i dont know what would give you the implication ive seen it im so subtle about my enjoyment of it (lying) but yes ill be happy to provide an explanation :)

specifically what im going to do is . copy and paste the Extremely Detailed Run Through of the game that i told blink in a fit of madness, which is pretty much as close as you can get to playing/watching the game Without playing/watching it imltho

and Then since that explanation will still be kinda horror-y and may not be enjoyed by all ill put at the end of it a tl;dr section that's a more str8-forward explanation of the game with minimal horror elements explained in depth

so if u want to read the whole thing Great, if not feel free to speed scroll to the bottom and read there :) if u have any thoughts or follow up questions Please let me know i love being normal about this game

warnings for: blood, gore, mutilation, severe injury, implied assault (general and sexual), death, general Horror and Tension vibes

mouthwashing is a sci-fi horror game, set on the ship 'the tulpar' with its 5 crew members. there's curly, the captain jimmy, the co-pilot, second-in-command anya, the ship's nurse swansea, the ship's mechanic and daisuke, swansea's intern curly and jimmy are old friends, anya's about their age, swansea's an older man with a family back on earth, and daisuke is a teen/twenties smth who doesnt really know what he's doing with his life

when the game Opens u are told it's '0 days until the crash' and u get to have fun playing as a not-immediately-identified character who's running their ship into an asteroid following that scene you switch to '2 months after the crash' where you're playing as jimmy, with most of the rest of the crew sitting at a table with u and talking about whether or not to open up your cargo hold- as a delivery ship, it's against regulations, but you're stuck in the middle of space, the only thing protecting you from death in the vacuum being piles of emergency foam, and if there's food or medical supplies in there, you need them if youve any chance to survive

you learn in short order that the missing crew member- curly, your former captain now that jimmy's taken over that responsibility- was missing bc he's been in the medical ward for 2 months, devoid of his hands, feet, skin, and one eye. he was in the cockpit when the ship crashed, and it shows. if youve seen the fucked up bandaged guy assoiated with the game, surprise! that's post-crash curly

u get to Have Fun feeding him pain meds after anya asks for your help, saying she cant do it herself. this game has Wonderful sound design so. well. no one's having fun

jimmy then gets to go find a way into the cargo hold, along the way learning that the utility room is foamed up to hells and swansea isnt letting anyone else in there for the time being- the ship's cyro pods live in there, and theyre delicate, so he doesnt trust anyone else to break through the foam without a) killing them b) destroying the pods

once u break into the cargo hold, u see shelves upon shelves of cardboard boxes before the game switches gears to flash u back to 7 days before the crash

u learn ur now playing as curly, who's finishing up a psych eval with anya. he passes, huzzah! and offers to do jimmy's for anya when she mentions that he never takes it seriously, making stupid jokes that she then has to write down for the official report

before doing so, however, curly finds that daisuke has trapped himself in some foam trying to fix a utility vent that leads between the utility room and the medical room. curly gets the axe out for swansea to free daisuke with + clear the rest of the foam. luckily, no one is injured, and the pods (right next to the vent) weren't broken. swansea makes it clear that no one, especially daisuke, is to go back into that vent. it's too fucked up, it can't be fixed, you'll be cut and burned and shocked to death trying

curly takes note before leaving to do the eval with jimmy, with it going over more-normal since curly is doing it instead of anya. they then talk about their respective life positions- jimmy feels he's never going to be good enough, that he's never really gotten anywhere meaningful, and curly is torn between staying in his role as a great ship captain or trying to see if he'd be better off somewhere else, if being a captain is really what he wants to do forever

jimmy makes a comment about how curly's choosing between staying at the top of his current ladder or switching for another, but he's still got 'a long way down/to fall' either way

theyre cut off when a message from the higher ups comes in, and jimmy leaves so curly can read it privately

back to 2 months after the crash, the crew reveals what theyve been shipping: mouthwash. boxes upon boxes of mouthwash. one of them makes a comment about how this is what they wanted us crating across the stars? only mouthwash? anya notes that the mouthwash has too much sugar to be used as a disinfectant, and points out the 14% ethanol content. swansea takes this as a good sign to take a swig of the stuff to Swallow, making a comment about 15 years of sobriety down the drain

we return to 7 days before the crash, where curly has read the message from the higher ups and it is Not Good. he goes to tell the crew, only to have them all greet him with hats and balloons- surprise! happy birthday, curly

they only get one birthday celebration per trip, and they take turns each trip with whose bday they focus on, and this time it's curly. jimmy comments on how the tradition is corny, but he's kinda grown to like it, and he looks forward to the next one. curly reacts oddly before he goes to make the cake; he has to be the one to do it, bc only the captain has the rights to make sugar packets

the crew ask him to do a speech, but as he puts the cake down, they realize something's wrong. they ask what, and curly reveals the news of the note- the 'pony express' they work for is pulling the plug on them. this mouthwash expedition will be their last one- they will get paid for it, curly says, they assured me the crew

doesnt exactly take the news well

swansea said they shouldve seen it coming, pony express was the last organization to run manned delivery ships, the writing was on the wall. anya expresses that she doesnt know what to do- she doesnt have any savings. daisuke asks if they can even do this

jimmy gets more into it, pointing out Specifically how fucked they are- swansea's hardly got that many more working years in him, anya never finished nursing school and hey we all know she never will, but, yknow what, daisuke's got a rich mommy and daddy, so thank gods he'll be just fine. jimmy's got nothing waiting for him on earth, but whatever, i'll be fine, isnt that what you said, curly? that im always fine? down here on the bottom of the rungs? and of course, for curly, this is the best possible outcome! a chance to leave being a captain with none of the guilt of the choice. he wasnt even running from being a captain, just from being around them, but he has to be hero. he's always the hero. and now he's still the damn hero

curly tries to calm jimmy, jimmy slams his hands on the table, and tells him to just cut the goddamn cake

curly does so. it looks more like a stabbing motion

back to post-crash, it's the middle of the night. daisuke's asleep, anya + swansea are missing, and curly's scream-groans are echoing through the ship

jimmy goes to check on curly, finds him flailing. he needs more painkillers, but jimmy's not sure if he's had his set for the day cycle yet, so he goes to find anya. both her and swansea are found in the cockpit, talking about something. anya's not sure what to do. they cut off when jimmy appears, ask him if he's having trouble sleeping too

jimmy asks about the meds, anya says she forgot to do it. jimmy berates her for it before saying he'll take care of it- anya tries to insist she can, but jimmy ignores her to do it himself

curly flails more, pained, screaming, but he gets the meds, jimmy sees to that. theyre running low. once theyre out, jimmy muses, they wont have anything to give curly for the pain, to keep him still

still jimmy, we now enter a This Isnt Reality moment

jimmy's in the main area, the screen that simulates a sky cracked and flashing EMERGENCY on it. at the table is curly, in all his bloody bandage glory. the cake's between him and jimmy. curly- who can talk here, who cant talk in real life anymore- wants to eat the cake. jimmy says it's shitty, subpar, not worth it. curly argues that u need meh things to make the good things Good. he asks jimmy to cut it, and jimmy says he will once he finds a knife

the cake knife is in the broken cockpit, buried in the back of the captain's headrest. jimmy comes back and finds the cake is gone, now curly's on the table instead. the game glitches and cuts to 3 months post-crash before you cut anything

jimmy's in the cargo hold. the place's been lightly ransacked, some boxes open, spilling off the shelves. you need to check on the crew

daisuke's on the floor right outside the hold, sick with a mouthwash in hand. he's drunk some. jimmy says he should stop, it'll kill him-

-faster than anything, daisuke finishes. he gives the mouthwash to jimmy. he never wants to see it again

anya's at the table in the main area, staring at an unopened bottle. there's a backup medical storage area, trapped in the foam, but not That trapped. she thinks they can get to it. they need more medicine

jimmy goes to get the axe from swansea. he's wasted on mouthwash (side note, this crew's ability to survive things that usually kill over the longterm is oddly high. no offense curly and swansea, but you both should be dead well before the end of this affair) and dancing with the axe in hand

jimmy wants it? wants to risk cracking a hole in their ship's emergency foam and killing them all? be his guest- swansea buries the axe in the sky screen behind him, right in the center of the fake sun, and lets jimmy take it away

he gets to the medicine. painkillers- different type, different dose- and medicinal rubbing alcohol (pure alcohol, the inventory tells you, so strong that it could kill)

anya asks him to give the pills to curly again. jimmy breaks again, yelling at anya- can she not do her job?? doesnt she know how busy he is as captain, how much he has to do?? find the scanner, get into the cargo hold, check on the crew, get the axe, and of course, give curly his fucking pills. anya backpedals, says she can do it- but no. jimmy's been asked, jimmy's got it. he'll give curly his fucking pills (the swear is in the mission objective now!)

i get it now, jimmy tells a pained curly, about wanting to get out. being captain's hard. you have to do everything. but don't worry curly. jimmy's going to get them all through this. he's going to fix this. he gives curly his fucking medicine

we now cut to 6 hours before "judgement". jimmy's locked himself in the cockpit- outside, swansea is yelling for him, telling him he cant hide, shaking the door. jimmy rushes to the supply cabinet, finds a broken metal pipe and some rope, these can be useful

he shoves the metal pipe into the door, trying to reinforce the lock. he grabs the rope and swansea breaks through the door's window, reaching through the broken glass for the lock

3 days before the crash, anya's sitting in the main area, looking at the simulated sky. it's set for night, deep blue and silver moon. curly sits next to her. neither of them can sleep, anya says she's been having trouble for a few nights now

there's a dead pixel in the top corner, anya tells curly, if you look closely enough curly cant see it, but he says it'll haunt him. now that you've told me, anya, it'll always be in the back of my mind anya asks how much longer they have to the trip. 273 days, curly responds, just under- -8 months, anya finishes. sits for another moment. captain, why do they have a lock on the door for the medical room, but not the sleeping quarters? same reason they do the cockpit, curly replies. safety the screen glitches out on the word

post crash, 5 months. there's an emergency, daisuke tells us- anya's locked in the medical room with curly

jimmy and daisuke go to investigate, try to force the door open. jimmy asks how hard anya's tried to unstick it on her end, has she put her back into it? she's silent. jimmy asks if the door is really stuck. it isnt, she admits, and she isnt going to unlock it

jimmy says she needs to get over herself, that she needs to learn to deal with hardship. all their meds are in there. she needs to open the door

anya says that she still believes people arent as bad as their worst moment (an earlier conversation, back when we were only 2 months post crash, when jimmy was musing on why they chose to keep curly alive despite the cost, despite 'what he did'). that she believes this isnt her worst moment. they wont stop her from what she must do

jimmy, worried about curly, asks daisuke if there's any other way into the medical room. there is. it's the super duper completely off limits vent that starts in the also currently off limits utility room

to get in the utility room, they need to get past swansea. he's got the key and he's still not letting anyone in, looking miserable and ill as he sits outside the utility room door. he's not dead yet, but the mouthwash isnt exactly doing him any favours

8 hours before judgement. daisuke's on his bedroll, bloody and in agony. they need disinfectant- where's the medicinal alcohol? swansea asks (demands) jimmy tells him cocktail, and swansea curses, tells him to go look for something else. swansea goes to the medical room, door now open. you can't see the area where curly is, cant find anya; the screen glitches out in grey stripes you go the cargo hold. the stairs leading down into them are longer, longer than you remember, too long. take responsibility, take care of it. there's a monster in the cargo, and if you move when it's too close it'll get you

you find a bottle of mouthwash, not yet opened, in the hands of the ship's horse mascot polle

you take it back to daisuke. he tells you he's sorry he messed up, you tell him not to speak

it's too much sugar. you have nothing else you close your eyes and daisuke screams

5 months after the crash. you need to get past swansea. he's got a high tolerance, but it can only be so high, right? you mix a cocktail, one part mouthwash, one part medical alcohol (so strong it could kill)

swansea accepts the 'peace offering.' he hits the ground and the key falls out of his pocket. daisuke worries, will he be ok? it's fine. he has a high tolerance

you open the utility room and find that it's not filled to the brim with foam. the edges are, sure, and most of the cyro pods are ruined, but it's clear overall. there's still one pod standing

daisuke's impressed. swansea's done more work than we thought! jimmy argues he hasn't done any work, he's been lying through his teeth the entire time, hiding the remaining cyro pod as his own secret and excuse to keep welding the axe. only one of them can survive, and swansea's setting it up to be him

daisuke isnt convinced, says they should wait to ask swansea about it. jimmy says theyll deal with him later. for now- the vent

it's still a danger, electricity sparking from a loose wire. daisuke's not convinced this is a good idea. sure, swansea may have been lying about the utility room being foamed out, but he was really serious about this vent. maybe they shouldnt go in

jimmy reminds him this is there only way in, to anya, to curly. daisuke has to go in- he'll be fine, and then, swansea will be so proud of him. he'll have done so well. he'll have done good.... under captain's orders

daisuke folds. he's going to do it. he climbs into the vent. you listen to him clunk through, shuffle over the metal- a pained sound, a groan, and then he's into the medical room. oh, anya, what did you do?

it's 1 day before the crash now. your objective is to find the gun

it's not in the medical room, not in the main area. you go to the cockpit, where it should be, and find anya, kneeling on the floor, distraught. as the nurse, she gave all the psych evals, but no one gave her one. you shouldve. you should have done a lot of things

you'll take care of this, you promise her, you'll get this all figured out. it doesnt have to go on the report logs. where's the gun?

anya tells curly she's pregnant. he asks who.

captain, anya says, i told you.

curly asks for the gun again, says he'll talk to him, he's known him a long time, but he needs the gun back

she reminds him that only the captain can open the case, that she doesnt really have the gun, just the case holding it, hidden away. the bylaws wont let you arm her with it against him, but she wont let it fall into his hands

6 hours before judgement. jimmy cant get daisuke's bleeding to stop. swansea's kneeling next to the kid. he's got the axe again

he talks to daisuke, for a bit. about how he hadnt been able to do anything right, about how swansea didnt know why he had come to the ship in the first place. about how he was just a kid trying to figure everything out. about how he was still always Trying. always wanting to Learn. useless ray of goddamn sunshine. you couldve taught an old fool like me a lot. close your eyes, daisuke

swansea raises his axe and strikes the center of the sun

jimmy starts arguing with swansea, angry, why'd he do that? didnt he see jimmy was fixing it, that he just needed time? why will no one on this damn ship give him any time?

swansea says he's done with jimmy's trying to 'fix' everything, that there was no more hope for any of them, that he was sparing daisuke from spending another second with jimmy and his delusions

jimmy accuses swansea of less selfless motivations, tells him that he knows about the utility room, the one remaining cyro pod- swansea's planning to try and be the last one standing, isnt he? 20 years in a cyro chamber is a better chance than the months theyve got on the ship before food runs out

swansea laughs at him. he doesnt want the cyro chamber. he's got everything he needs right there on the ship. does jimmy want it? he's welcome to it - he can tell whatever story he wants when the rescue crews finally find him. he can be the hero. curly and the rest of them'll take the blame. jimmy can be the hero

jimmy brushes him off, goes to the medical room. anya's on the floor, vomit on her chest and three bottles scattered around her slumped over form. curly, still alive, watches you with one eye as you pry open her hidden drawer and find the gun case. you can open it. you're captain now

you go to the medical door. open it up to find swansea running at you, full tilt, axe raised over his head. you slam the door shut

curly laughs at you. as you open the case, get the gun, find swansea running at you. bloody hunk of meat and he's laugh-crying at you

0 days before the crash. anya's in the medical room, on her knees. she told jimmy. curly says he wishes she wouldve waited for him. it doesnt matter. jimmy didnt take the news well, stormed off. curly goes to follow him. he can fix this. he'll fix this

jimmy's outside the utility room. i can fix this, curly tells him. you'll get through this

it's not just me though, is it? jimmy points out. it's your ship, captain. your responsibility (take responsibility, take care of it). that'll follow you around for the rest of your life

or they'll just see it as your best attempt. a tragedy, despite its impeccable captain's supposed best efforts. no survivors to tell the tale

for a moment, the first moment, you cut out of both jimmy and curly's bodies. you watch jimmy put his hand on curly's arm. take care of it, take care of it, take care of it, kills 99.9%-

jimmy says he'll take care of it, and he walks away

moments later, the ship is crashing, jimmy sitting outside of the cockpit. tell me you didn't-? no response. you pry open the doors to the cockpit, rush in headfirst. you'll fix it. you will fix it, even as fire consumes your vision

1 hour before judgement. you've got curly in your arms now. you walk him out to the main area- surprise! happy birthday jimmy

the crew's seated at the table again; anya with her vomit-covered chest, daisuke with a bloody line through his face, swansea with a bullet through his forehead. jimmy places curly on the table. theyre all celebrating him, begging him for a speech. you pick up the knife

for some people, it's enough just to put food on the table. but not for curly. he needs more. you've always needed more, curly, but that's alright. i still believe in you. even like this

a view from above shows the crew slumped over and unmoving. a view from jimmy's eyes show them sitting up, breathing, smiling. swansea's drinking more mouthwash

you cut through the cake with a stabbing motion, a sawing motion, dropping a slab on each member's plate. the cake sits. curly stares. both his legs are shorter than they were before the crash, but one even more so now. feast

you're in the vents now. take responsibility. there's no going back now. you turn around and something- a face- in the darkness- you're facing the vent again. there's no going back now

you crawl, backwards, through the vents. a bloody note reads responsibility and you crawl from it the fastest. axes line the vents. now flowers, hibiscuses, bright pink like the one's on daisuke's shirt

you tie up swansea. you can still fix this, you tell him. you'll fix this

swansea tells a story. how he used to be a drunkard, always down the bottle, until one day he looked in the mirror and scared himself, saw a bloated body in a ditch if he didnt straighten out. he got sober, got a job, a mortgage, a collared shirt. a wife, kids. none of his achievements ever felt as good as he wanted them too. those days, lost to the bottle, living on the edge- they were some of the best he ever had

if i couldve done one thing right, he tells you, i wouldve saved that kid. that would have been worth it. that would have meant something

jimmy says he can fix this. swansea tells him to fuck off. jimmy fires his gun

you walk through the endless halls of the ship. the walls are sporting eyes, and all of them are watching you. curly's eye, eyes. watching you. you crawl out of his throat and find him where you bolted him into the ship, half machine, surrounded by tvs

you go to the tv, watch a cartoon. it's mother goose's birthday. you grab the cake and pull out a slice of curly's leg. he'll thank you one day. you twist the knobs until the cake goes down a treat, until he can't spit it back up. he'll thank you one day

there's flesh in the ship and it's beating, bleating, horses like fetuses in the warmth. the blob blinks filmy eyes out at you and screams

polle's talking to you now. backdrop of the cargo hold. backdrop of the skyscreen, set to night. poor you, polle coos in false sympathy, caged and unbelieved

i tried my best! jimmy argues, me and curly both did. but curly's the better man

why are you still so concerned with him?

jimmy carries curly to the utility room. puts him in the pod. closes the door

we're curly again, watching our old friend through the glass

i wanted to help you, but all i did was hurt you. but you're safe now. no one can harm you now. together we can fix anything, right? we fixed it. i.... i fixed it

jimmy walks out of sight. you hear a gunshot. a moment of panic, blind- did he forget? did he leave you here, trapped, alone-

and the cyro kicks in, blue and cool, as the credits roll through your vision

TL;DR RECAPPING

mouthwashing is about a cargo ship crew stuck in space after their ship was purposefully crashed by one of their own. you take turns playing the game 'before the crash' as curly, the official captain, and playing 'after the crash' as jimmy, the co-pilot and unofficial captain once curly is severely injured by the crash. other characters are anya, the ship's nurse, swansea, the ship's mechanic, daisuke, swansea's intern, and polle, the ship's mascot who is only alive in some nightmares

throughout the game you learn that, while he's convinced the others it was curly, jimmy crashed the ship in a fit of desperation after learning that anya- whom he assaulted- was pregnant. the child was evidence he wouldnt be able to hide when they reached their destination, so... why not crash the ship and doom everyone!

the game gets its name from the fact that the only thing the crew was hauling turns out to be mouthwashing, which swansea uses to get drunk, but otherwise isnt very helpful. many good symbolic/metaphorical implications contained in it though!

by the end of the game, all characters end up dead, save for curly. anya commits suicide with pills, swansea mercy kills daisuke after jimmy goaded him into doing something stupid that got him seriously injured, swansea gets shot when going after jimmy, and jimmy kills himself with gunshot after putting curly in a cyropod. it's possible curly wont survive too, but he's the only crew member with a chance at it

the game has Many themes and concepts and such but some of the most important to take away are:

responsibility and complicity. jimmy and curly are the two player characters for a reason; they're parallels to each other. jimmy is the primary/direct cause for most of what goes wrong, but he wouldn't have been able to do everything he did if curly had done his job and stopped him. curly's complicity in jimmy's crimes are what ultimately doom himself and the entire ship. jimmy does everything, curly does nothing, and they are both to blame

the rampant effects of misogyny, in the workplace and general, and how even in issues that are All about them, women are often excluded from their own narratives. mouthwashing is driven by the injustice anya faces at both jimmy and curly's hands, in how jimmy treats her and in how curly refuses to see what jimmy's done because He's An Old Friend, He Wouldn't Do That, Right? yet, despite this, anya is often strikingly absent from the story, especially in jimmy's hallucinations. he's willing to accept the blame, the responsibility for everything... but not anya. he begs forgiveness for wronging curly, but he never even thinks of it for anya. in a story so largely controlled by the mistreatment she faces and everything she tries to do to combat it, anya is constantly sidelined. this is purposeful. this is unreliable narrator at their finest

turning the blind eye eventually comes back to hurt everyone, especially the ones who looked away the hardest. curly does nothing to help anya, only to end up in a position where he's the one entirely at jimmy's violent mercy. see the previously mentioned points

and there is So Much More but those are some base points u can carry away with u whether u read the full debrief or just the tldr :) hope you enjoyed . i am mentally well (lying)

[merinomeri]

OOOHHHHH ASK GAME SPOTTED >:3

I think you remind me of Lissa from Fire Emblem Awakening the most!!! Cute, sweet, yet also with just the right amount of 'tude 😉✨️✨️

wait omg?! that's so sweet, I love Lissa! thank you Reffie!!! ♥

love a princess who is technically a cleric but will swing an axe at you with all her might.

[avatarskywalker78]

P Q AND R for Meri and Lexa!

P) Is there something or someone they cannot stand? Why?  

Meri

Obviously she hates the Emperor and everything he stands for, but she also hates slavers - they're some of the worst people in the entire galaxy, in her opinion, and she'd happily space every last one of them

Lexa

Well, it's not exactly not standing, but the rest of the Old Guard aren't exactly in her good books - wanting space after Booker's betrayal because of how badly it affected them all? That's fair enough, she gets that, she even understands the century long exile ...to a certain extent.

Them severing all contact when Booker feeling isolated, depressed and unable to talk to anyone about things was the very problem that led to this whole mess in the first place because he's actively suicidal??? Absolutely fucking not because why do that, and that's not even getting to the point that any one of them can lose their immortality at any time - what happens if Booker suddenly becomes mortal and dies one day and none of them know for decades? Because Lexa witnesses him hit emotional rock bottom, she knows how bad his mental health is - at the very least they should have some kind of check-in arranged and she's deeply unimpressed that he's just been left alone like this.

Q) Did they do something extremely dangerous at some point in their life?

Meri

A lot of her life's involved nothing but danger from the word go, but at one point she had to jump from one ship down to another while avoiding blaster fire from all angles and trying not to get captured again (she was taken as leverage but that did not go so well for the guy responsible) - and when I say jump I mean more of a drop straight down while both ships were at high speeds so not something she really wants to repeat

Lexa

Yep - first in her stint in the army, then after she quit went to work for the Red Cross, and faced quite a number of harrowing situations over the fifteen odd years she was with them

R) Is there something they wish they could do/achieve but can’t? 

Meri

Not really. The closest thing is her finding the Jedi and their abilities interesting but ultimately she woudln't want to be one - she's just fine as she is, thank you very much

Lexa

Honestly Lexa wishes she could help Booker more than she can - it hurts seeing someone in so much pain and she just wants to help, but all she can do is be there for him and try and persuade to get therapy (something she and Copley will both be working towards since he's got the connections to find someone who can be trusted with the secret)

OC ask game

Tagging (let me know if you want to be added or removed): @shrinkthisviolet @starstruckpurpledragon @dream-beyond-the-fantasy @ofbriarandrose

[jeahreading]

Jeah ah

helli ih

YEAHHHYEAHH