#michael your man rayner believes in you.

[clearwerewolfsong]

Y'all. Someone NEEDS to do a detailed fanfic of this moment. Burnham looks like she is about to cry when Rayner tells her he SEES the stuff she is going through. Cause man. Imagine what she is going through before this? And to have someone LOOK at her like that? I'M about to cry. And the look on HIS face? "I DARE you to shoot me. Matter of fact, here let me make it easy for you.

But I know you won't." Please make a fanfic of this moment. It's intense. It's beautiful.

#rayner #michael burnham #burnham × rayner #commander rayner #captain rayner #sonequa martin-green #callum keith rennie #discovery spoilers

[zabala0z]

I’m very scared to watch the next episodes. Anyways hi, it’s me, your friendly neighborhood host. I got a lot of thoughts and I’m dying here 😭

MAG 72: Takeaway

Another meat thing oh god. Like I physically grimaced when Goodall had his Achilles heel cut like genuinely that’s one of my fears. Also another direct connection to like Christianity and meat. Or like kinda because in Rations I think, that guy made a prayer that was originally a Christian prayer I believe but altered it to put meat in. ALSO, Haan killed his wife but apparently she had self-inflicted wounds as well. I’m thinking this is maybe cult or some kind of like sacrificial thing going on. Maybe the wife wanted to die.

We also have Haans nephew who appeared in “Killing Floor”. He had his own meat sort of story. Guess it runs in the family 💀

MAG 73: Police Lights

I feel like Maxwell Rayner is not dead simply because it’s not the most implausible thing considering Michael Crew pops up in a couple episodes after jumping out a window. But who knows maybe Rayner is truly gone (I am betting not) also Natalie was there which definitely made me feel a little sad. I always feel a lot in terms of cults. I’m trying to figure out what Rayner and like the cult was planning on doing to the kid. Maybe kill him? But I feel like that’s too basic, they were probably doing something else. The fog seemed to hurt when it hit that one police guy like it burned him. Came out of that dusty old man’s mouth after all.

Also Basira quitting? Queen shit. I cannot blame her.

MAG 74: Fatigue

Oh yeah this is good. Something about the disjointed events really adds to the sleep deprived perspective I love it. Also MICHAEL. What is Michael I swear to god. Every appearance of this weirdo makes me more and more confused. What does he get out of this? Is it just for fun? He didn’t seem to benefit at all, like he even told Lydia she looked terrible 💀

It was said he was making spirals out of grass blades. What is with this creature and spirals, like that corridor was trippy too. I’m wondering if spirals are fractals. Lydia was drawing them for some reason. Similar to Evo’s dad in Burned Out.

And I KNEW Sasha was going through the tunnels. Like duh. I think she was the one who screwed up the quality because multiple times have electronics have been screwed around like tape recorder and the computer. I have no idea who that man is though.

MAG 75: A Long Way Down

This statement takes place after Michael jumps out the window. I guess he changed a lot. And he got some drip because why is he wearing a full suit?? I can’t tell if he actually contributed to Grants disappearance because maybe he was doing something else y’all 😭 (I’m in denial.) I am wondering what his little spell did back in Literary Heights. Did he like- bind himself with the lightning thing? I don’t know how that would work. He did say “I am yours” so did he like..sell his soul. That’s what I’m thinking.

Feeling really bad for grant. I don’t have a major fear of heights but the way the situation is described, I’d develop one.

MAG 76: The Smell of Blood

Wooo Melanie King! First time a character gave two statements which is cool. I’m wondering what kind of meme she ended up. Someone draw that.

Not much to say about this episode but oh my god I’m so happy someone noticed Sasha. I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long. I miss Sasha dude 😭

One thing I’m curious about is like…what is going to be the ending. Because right now, the institute, or technically Jon, has so many probable enemies right now. Like you got the Church of yada yada, the circus, Fake Sasha, all those diseased people, Michael, the Lukas family, etc. Who is going to drop the other shoe? Because right now, they all have the other shoe istg.

[lonelyeyesweek]

Lonelyeyes week starts in four days! Time for guest list to be revealed and see if anyone is invited. 👁️⚓

[ID: A cream paper on a light green background. The paper has a thin, navy border along the sides. At the top of the paper, there is a translucent light blue stripe going the width of the paper. In it reads, “Guest List”

Underneath it, in Peter’s blue print, it says, “Why is this list so long? I don’t even know these people…” To which Elias, in green print, has responded, “You are doing your best not to know anyone Peter, that is not an argument”

Thus begins the list. Names have been written in Elias’ green cursive, but each has been crossed out. Next to each name follows a conversation between Peter and Elias in their respective prints.

At the top is “Michael” which has been crossed out by Elias who also wrote, “He never bothered to hand in his resignation properly. Getting consumed by Spiral is not an excuse.” Peter has added, “Ah, I remember him, had to take him and Gertrude to Russia. Poor guy would have been a good lonely avatar.”

Following that is “Oliver Banks” Elias also crossed out this name and wrote, “Something about him just makes me uncomfortable…” Peter put, “Please you are just being paranoid.”

Next is “Jane Prentiss” Elias crossed this off and put, “Actually inviting anyone of Corruption is probably a bad idea.” Peter added, “If I see any worms in our food I’m leaving your Elias >:(“

Then “Hezekiah Wakely” Elias crossed this off and added, “He never responded to my last letter. Also he probably passed away a century ago.” To which Peter responded, “Leave it to the old man to forget which friends are already dead.” Peter has also drawn a little tombstone next to this.

The next name is “Simon Fairchild” which Peter has crossed off this time and wrote, “No” Elias responded “Why? I thought you don’t mind Simon. Is he teasing you about some lost bet or…?” Peter added, “I don’t want to talk about it” Elias then said, “I think I need to have some chat with him now.” Peter’s last part is overlapping with Elias’ last message, he wrote “NO!” very largely over the last word

Next is “Jared Hopworth” which Elias crossed out and added, “Flesh avatars are such an Eyesore” Peter added, “ . . . pun intended?” And Elias has drawn a little eye next to this

Then “Alfred Grifter” Elias crossed his name off and wrote, “I still cannot believe you hired him once to play at our wedding” Peter responded, “I didn’t even know he is an avatar of the Slaughter! I just hired the first person I met, what did you even expect from me?”

“Jude Perry” is next and was crossed off by Elias who also wrote, “She burnt decorations last time” Peter added, “Yes, she missed, I think she aimed at you…” Elias responded to that saying, “She was just upset because Agnes was in the middle of dating that young man and I invited her to the wedding.”

Then “Nikola Orsinov” Elias crossed her off and added, “No, for obvious reasons” Peter responded, “Aww you don’t want our wedding to be a spectacle?” Elias responded to that saying, “Peter, if you want skinned people and blood dripping everywhere, be my guest.” Peter added, “Just teasing you. I don’t like the stranger.” And he also drew the tragedy and comedy masks next to this.

Next is “Maxwell Rayner” both Elias and Peter have crossed him off the list. Elias wrote, “No, for even more obvious reasons! He also keeps flirting with me even when I told him no.” Peter added, “No idea who he is but kick him out.” Elias responded, “You really don’t listen when I complain, do you? Also oh? Is someone jealous?” Peter added, “NO! Let’s move on” and Elias responded to that, italicised, “You do care!” Elias also drew a heart on the right side of the text.

Following that is “Gertrude Robinson'' whom Peter has crossed off and added, “I don’t want there to be any Archivist. Also didn’t you kill her?” Elias added, “Oh true I did” Elias also drew a gun that says, “Bang bang the witch is dead” underneath it.

The name “Jonathan Sims” was crossed off by Peter who wrote, “I said don’t want there ANY Archivist” Elias has added a crying emoticon.

Both Elias and Peter crossed off “Nathaniel Lukas” Peter wrote, “I don’t want there any members of my family” Elias added, “Don’t worry I doubt they would come anyway” Peter added, “Thank god for that, I don’t think I could handle any more disapproving stares.” Elias responded, “Rude, I am delightful!!!”

Lastly is “Annabelle Cane” whom Peter crossed off. Elias wrote, “She asked me not to send her more junk mail which she defines as: ‘questions about Web related statements, attempts at friendly correspondence, articles about spiders and wedding invitations if it is more than once a year’” Peter added, “Wish you listened to me like that when I say I don’t want to answer questions about my crew” and he drew a small ship with a heart next to it. Elias drew a web with a spider on the other side of the text.

At the bottom of the paper, Peter has written, “Why do the list when you scratch out everyone anyway?” To which Elias has responded, “I want to know why exactly I am not inviting them (and you scratched some people away too…)”

There is also a pen laying on the bottom right of the paper. End ID]

[smallestclowninthecircus]

Season 4 notes

Ep 121: mmmm tape recorder turning on without them knowing goes brrr. AAAhjhdsjfhjdf "do you mind if i call you jon" its like "can i call you elias?" is this the dream guy with the tendrils? who wants to bet the boat is captained by peter lukas? big man if it killed yall how are you still here. oh boy the tape is doin that thing. who do we think it is? did he wake up? hmm. ep 122: lol jon. 6 months!?!? bruh quit movin big man. he just Knows things sometimes you know how it is. nah b/c i can relate to feeling like other ppl/ things arent real, thats the biggest mood BUT i think it is kinda pretentious to entertain the idea that youre the only Real person. If you dont see a body dont believe it. i'll hold out hope for a bit. theres not a new archivist is there? surely i wouldve heard about that. oh god peter what changes did you make. ep 123: web development. hope its about spiders. she blames him. bruh why. if they hadnt done anything the world would've ended piss off melanie. why are ppl acting like he chose to be in a coma for 6 months. we know this they just appear. no longer "head archivist of the magnus institute, london" now he's just "the archivist" covered in spiders? cuz ik the spider has to do with controlling what youre doing and all this stuff but i cant think of how this connects to that. ep 124: ugh vertigo. is michael crew an old man? oooh. fairchild. how did he know it was martin? hmm. GRR I LOST MY NOTES AGAIN. FROM EPISODE 125 - part of 131. ep 131: bruh he's so hard to understand big man ur voice is so low. Jared Hotworth. the boneturner. "the ones i helped find their proper bodies" name a better top surgeon? our favorite trans ally? ep 132: woo field trip into the coffin! static lol. he says "chill out im just poppin in for a quick recall mission" is the rib thing actually gonna work? bruh it feels so odd and contrived but he's an odd man with some odd powers so idk. rip that archivist ayyy statement time. voices? recordings? are those tape recorders? was it the tape recorders? did they pull him back? i hope so b/c if the rib thing actually worked im gonna be so disappointed. ep 133: predicting the lonely? tundra. like the lukases. hmm. sanikova! like sanikov land. so its the hunt? i suppose? yeah. so daisy's clearly rejecting the hunt, which makes sense cuz she doesnt seem to like the entities that much. wait so are we just not gonna talk abt all the tapes playing on the ground?? no? ep 134: not an archival assistant anymore? Adelard Decker (or however you spell it) i recognize that name. 15th power. i was right there are 15. the extinction? im trying to remember what ive heard. oooh spooky. no i gotta be real i dont understand this fear but i'll believe you that its a thing. ew lukas is so squealy. lukas can turn invisible? oh boy. oooh martin put the tape recorders there. lol lukas is worried he's gonna be an avatar of the eye. ep 135: yoo its the third Daedalus statement! maxwell rayner (reiner? reigner?) i dont know who that is but ik its somebody. is he the cult leader guy? church of the divine host? 4 people?? what? did they kidnap somebody and keep them up there?? oh dear jon are you dying? did he try to See or Know or whatever? why does everyone call basira detective lol. ep 136: he was the one from the spider movie that ate ppl right? the special effects artist? is it annabelle cane? "its a joke jon" lol. hmm they wanted to record the therapy session with melanie? i wonder who that is. i almost wanna guess annabelle cane but im not sure. ep 137: this is the one! he went to the other place and read the war statement but it wasnt the one she took. not the music again. sounds like the slaughter. who the heck is eric lol. "the watcher's crown" like the crown of eyes we saw in the piccrew ep 138: oh boy Robert Smirk time. is that elias? as unhelpful as usual. if new powers can be "born" can others die out? did jonah magnus wear the watchers crown? maybe they were born from our fear or maybe our fears were born from them. ceaseless watcher does ceaselessly watch so. idk what you want

big man. yeah jonah for sure did something. ep 139: agnes!! lol that one dude threw off all their plans thats so funny. BUT this does tell us something. the tree in the backyard of the hilltop house? not made by her. it going down didnt kill agnes. im guessing gertrude tied agnes to the house using the tree? u good jon? cuz every time you try to Know smth intentionally it seems like it causes you great pain. how come he can do it accidentally with no problem but the second he wants to know smth of plot relevance he gets a headache or whatever ep 140: lol pagan exultation. classic. "oh thats my rib" lmaoo. ppl are always so mad at jon and his Eye powers except when it benefits them. they're like "oh you shouldnt do that its not right" and then all of a sudden they want to know something and its all "oh cmon jon its the only way" ep 142: oh god jon what did you do. its interesting she's giving her statement in the way that they do when jon Asks. did he see her in the Coffin? and so he's following her? ok cmon jon you're supposed to let them come to you. lmao ikr martin. "start to hear the blood" "suure." lmao ep 143: lol that awkward moment when gertrude is already dead. big J if you die im gonna kill you. bruh. ayo helen? i guess it worked? ep 144: lol this reminds me of that one edgar allan poe story where he kills the old dude with the weird eye. spooky music stuff. lol thats my favorite symptom of a heart attack its hilarious. so its smth abt the location probably? bro i feel like you should write down the numbers idk. 162830165049 564846474827. seems like the distortion? like the kinda thing that causes you to go crazy because of the numbers. oh boy is it the extinction again. bro what?? im?? his dad just died and he's like eh. martin dont be mean. he's being all lonely again. big man ur pushing ppl away. oh god its fucking squealy boy. ep 145: that almost sounds like breekon/hope... Arthur? agnes. aah was he from the lightless flame cult. a tree. lol he's just ranting rn. hehehe fuck landlords amirite. yay someone tells jon outright to go to therapy. now do it big man. ep 146: oh great! the distortion! i'm making a spiral themed building in mc right now! jon maybe accept you did a bad? nah this goes back to what i said before. they're fine with him compelling ppl when its convenient for them but otherwise its "no jon you cant, youre a monster jon" the tapes didnt turn on. i spose that means its not important? i agree with daisy, this seems unecessarily dangerous. ep 147: is that a tape? the first tape? well that went better than i expected tbh. BAHAKJASHDJKF she did the "can i call you jon" like nikola says "elias, can i call you elias?" damn annabelle is such a girlboss. oh! the one thing from the picrew. its been a while since ive connected smth to that. lol all the other avatars always talk abt their patron so lovingly and the jon just. absolutely hates the eye. ep 148: lol thats the most elias thing. "i just like the way it sounds" ep 149: did he disappear? bruhh. ur lonely powers are popping off i guess. oops i accidentally deleted my notes for 150 - 152 ep 153: thats the cult right? yeah. it doesnt sound like the church of the divine host? idk. if it is the church of the divine host then they worship the dark right? so is the eleventh the dark star or wtvr? it almost sounds like the corruption b/c of the oil or grease or whatever. oh dear what happened. oh its the hunters. theyre so annyoing. not an "it" he has a name. he's a person. is this a page from the skin book? ep 154: oh shit this is gerry's dad! oh shit he quit! oh dear god. jon don't you do it. haha martin. yeahhhh... is he gonna tell the others? cuz you know theyre gonna get mad if he doesnt. oh also picrew connection! the bandages over the eyes? yeah thats this im guessing. ep 155: oh good he told them. oh my god what did you do. lol i have no mouth and i must scream. nah you get none of my sympathy you're straight up murdering ppl. its like the desolation, destroying lives to sustain your own. ok but taking their statements doesnt

kill them. oh... bye melanie. ep 156: lmao imagine if the tape recorder spoke back. oh boy decker! i swear we got a statement from him already. oh god mirrors scary. They're gonna eat the body arent they. Yup... sounds like the flesh or the slaughter, but I'm not sure. Could be the extinction for sure. Smth at the center! Like Helen mentioned. God Peter you dick. Ep 157: peter's just so :/ another decker statement i see. a statement about the corruption? hmm. maybe its not abt the corruption. the extinction. lol pandemics. topical. John Amherst. helen? lol i can hear admiral purring in the background. oh cmon helen dont be like that. im trying real hard to like you but you make it so difficult. ep 158: did they fucking free the stranger? im gonna lose it. you absolute dumbass. im sorry who is that? jonah magnus? my guy. peter. you absolute dickhead. that's elias. (im p sure i had this spoiled for me that elias is jonah) oh dear this is her death. god peter you prick. i hope this is a pop off martin moment and not a "martin you idiot" moment. i hope the hunters kill the stranger entity. or she kills them. furry daisy pop off! yeah fuck you peter martin can make his own decisions. you know that clip from Twisted where jafar says "ok what the fuck was that" martin D: ok like i know its gonna work but still D: D: ep 159: peter you bitchboy. because if im alone i cant hurt anyone else. imnotgonnacryimnotgonnacryimnotgonnacry do it do it do it do it. pop off jon. ok its a pretty good idea for a ritual i gotta be honest. she didnt even have to blow it up lol. oh dear that was certainly a noise. "he gets you" did he not have jon already? he's back! our boy is back! awwww thats so cute. ep 160: oh right this is the thing in the safe house. i love him. "obviously im going to tell you if i see any good cows" martin my beloved <3 :)) oh boy who is this. fuckin. people. jonah you dick. gahh. you can tell he's trying to resist so hard lol. ohh. hehe keep an *eye* on him. altho if the extinction is a real thing he needs to be marked by that right? lol he sounds so intense im sorry- i want martin to just burst in and be like "look at this cow i saw!" its so dramatic and for why.

[mindwideopen]

Disclaimer: anyone embarrassed of my cleavage, please bypass this post. Thank you. (Again, repeat this disclaimer out loud, and say it like Steve Martin being his insane yet loving character “ruprecht” in “dirty rotten scoundrels”)

Faux Monty python auditions:

Disclaimer 2: NOT based in reality, because the actual members of Monty python are gentlemen, and are kind. No character assassination intended. My intention for writing this is harmless satire because of my admiration for their group. And, the fact that as women, they are prettier than I am.

(Lights up on a very large board room with a very long table. All of the members of Monty python are sitting in a row, facing Kari.)

Kari: hey! Nice to meet you all! (Shakes their hands) you guys are fantastic! I’m so happy to get the opportunity to audition for you, and be considered for your group.

Monty python: nice to make your acquaintance. (Whispers amongst themselves at the long board table they’re sitting at, evaluating Kari) who is she?! A bird. What kind of bird? I don’t know... let’s analyze... pull up her headshot. A “headshot” is a picture for you people who don’t know what a head shot is. We don’t mean an actual gun shot to the head.

(To Kari) Ok. Let’s...

Kari: let’s what?

Monty python: look at your portfolio of character work.

Kari: I write, mostly, but these are silly pictures of me for fun.

Monty python: we love fun. Quite.

Kari: we have that in common then!

Monty python: quite.

Monty python: no. Ok. You are not a bird. This is not you, is it? No, it can’t be. You are a cat woman. Unusual.

Kari: oh, that’s a filter on Snapchat.

Monty python characters: Snapchat? What’s that?

Kari: it’s an app that makes you into different creatures.

Monty python: what’s an app? Our show is based primarily in the 1970s we think, we have to look it up to be reminded, and haven’t the foggiest idea what you’re talking about. Well, regardless, let’s all pull up a better picture of you, since you are not really a cat. We’re quite sure, yes, quite, that you are a human being, although not sure, so no. Next slide, please! (We’re British, so we’re polite about our requests...)

Monty python: ok, no. In this one, you are a shocked and lacey, bear creature. Are you a biological man?

Kari: no.

Monty python: one of the criteria of joining our group is that you are a man.

Kari: well, I’m not. See the next slide.

Monty python: please discuss something amongst yourself while we confer about you, in front of you.

Kari: ok. (Kari starts talking about ray rayner, and chelveston the duck to herself...)

Monty python: well, we’re not sure why she’s here if she’s not a man. We play all the women in our sketches. Um, also, we hate to bring this up and look naive, but is she writing us? We don’t know. Some of us aren’t even alive, so it’s hard to determine what’s happening in this case, as we’re all speaking the same words at the same time. If she is writing us this is highly irregular, which is a state that we’re used to being in. The words keep coming. Yes, but she never differentiates the difference between one of us, and all... so we sound like a men’s spoken word chorus. Do those exist? They do now, we are it. Who is this insane woman? God only knows...

God: no, I don’t.

Kari: well, I’m done with my conversation with myself, are you guys done as well?

Monty python characters: yes. Quite. ok, well, next slide pleeeeease.

Monty python: oh my.... yes. Not a man. Ahem. Yes. Clearly. Right. Kari, would you please excuse us again, as we need to confab about you yet again.

Kari: ok. (Kari discusses her love of Kurt Russell and Goldie yawn amongst herself. Both national treasures, both not in the movie, “national treasury, or whatever it’s called...)

Monty python: all in favor of her being in our group, say we! Wait! Before we vote, oh. My... (they Hub hub hub hub peas and carrots. Please say the hub hubs and the peas and carrots like all of the characters in the movie “waiting for guffman”.)

Monty python: Kari, We need a moment to discuss you.

Kari: do you want to discuss me, with me?

Terry Gilliam: yes! Absolutely eventually at some point not now no yes. But we need some privacy at this time.

Kari: ok. I need to take a shit. I’ll be back.

(Monty python all sit and analyze this photo. 4 hours later)

Monty python: yes. Quite. ok! Next slide, please.

John Cleese: um, I’m not done. You all proceed. I’ll hang back a bit, because she looks like she could get rough. I will protect us... because she’s evil... I hope.

The rest of Monty python: very well, next slide, please.

Monty python sans the John Cleese cause he went off to shoot his cameo in the “great muppet caper” 40 years ago...: jooooohhhhnnnnn..... she is evil....

John Cleese: on it! (Mumbling to himself but half to us, the reader, which is me only, cause I write for my own amusement) But not, because she’s married and I think I am but I’m not sure, cause she’s writing this, and unaware of my marital status...) I will call, the only ghostbuster she isn’t pissed at right now because he’s dead... and doesn’t ignore her insane writing because he’s unaware or aware that she writes... oh Egon....

Egon Spangler (as portrayed back in the 80s, by Harold Ramis, or, as Kari lovingly refers to him, Hamis.): yes, this is a classic class F case of a “she be piiiiiiiissed” poltergeist, fairly common around these parts as of late, shouldn’t be an issue. I accept rubies (not to be confused with a ruby gem stone) and zorks currency as payment. Payment due up front.

John Cleese: (yelling) well I don’t have a ruby or a zork on me?!? What do you think I am?! The queen or something?!

Queen the band: definitely not.

John Cleese: (yelling and flailing his arms around like Kermit the frog because he idolizes him, and just worked with him, in the great muppet caper, so he’s heavily influenced by his dynamic personality) see?!?! Now how are we supposed to exercise her?!? She’s the devil! She writes insane things not unlike us, but we’re fine because we’re men that dress like women, and that is socially acceptable, but a woman who acts like a man, is not! And she sometimes acts like a black man, and that is doubly not acceptable, not in a way that cancels itself out, but in a way that emphasizes my point profoundly. She MUST be exercised!

Richard Pryor: have you tried walking her around the block after meals?

John Cleese: (still yelling per the ush) what the hell are you talking about??!? Walk her around the block after meals?! I couldn’t get a harness around her if I tried! She’s writing me flailing around like Kermit the frog! The woman must be stopped!!!!!!

Richard Pryor: just a suggestion. You need to relax, Jack, ok? Cause you’re more than a little uptight.

George Carlin: British.

Richard Pryor: ok. Got it.

Carlin: and isn’t it, exorcised?

Richard Pryor: not as funny.

Carlin: ok. got it.

Eric idle, who stands idle to the fact that his last name is also “idol” when said, and also leaves too many questions like others who suffer with the same affliction have... which idol are we discussing? The sun god, Rah? The sacred cow? American?

Eric idle character: oh god.... scene...

God: I love Kari, I do, because she believes I love everyone, so yes, scene is fine.

John Cleese character: yes! Quite.

Egon Spangler: 70 zorks, please. No personal checks.

Svengoolie (not his son, just him): yes. No.... personal.... checks.....

(Kari walks into an empty conference room)

Kari: um, hey guys? Anyone here? Oh well, I feel better now that I’ve pooped!

(Monty python jump out from underneath the long board table)

Monty python: Boo!

Kari: oh! You startled me! Good thing I just pooped!

Monty python: yes, quite. So, here’s the thing; we’ve reviewed your portfolio and you’re brilliant with the exception of a few things.

Kari: what’s that?

Monty python: well, the first thing is that you’re a woman.

Kari: yes, I am. I saw proof of that in the bathroom.

Monty python: ah, yes. The second thing is that according to Wikipedia, a website we have never heard of at the point in which we were in the first picture, let alone the fact that the internet as we know it was not conceived yet either, and all we had were encyclopedia brittanicas, our show ran from 1969–1983, 1989, 1998–1999, 2002, 2013–2014. All years past. You were born, when?

Kari: 1974.

Monty python: ok, now see? We were in full swing at that point in time. You were a bit too, not available for us, and also too much of a woman for us all, and that’s great! Because you’re way more intelligent than we imagined, we can tell by your pictures, and truth be told, we’re more than a little afraid of you, because you write for us, even though some of us have ceased to exist on this celestial plane. And although we enjoyed our time chatting, we are going to have to take a pass.

Kari: that’s ok! It was nice watching you chat about me a bit while I talked to myself. I’m going to get a soy pumpkin spice latte now from Starbucks. Care to join me?

Monty python: no, thank you. As Starbucks isn’t invented, and neither were pumpkin spice lattes.

Kari: ok! Maybe in 2020 after the Covid shit subsides a bit.

Monty python: yes. Quite.

Scene, scene... (whisper this one) scene.

The aforementioned scene was not real, nor was it endorsed by the real Terry Gilliam, Michael Palin, Eric Idle and John Cleese. But, I think terry jones and graham Chapman (who is a chap, and a man, making him a double man, which is very manly indeed, loves me, Kari Keillor, for who I am. Not egoic, but loves herself enough to write still, even its for her own pleasure, and to herself. ❤️)

[d2kvirus]

Dickheads of the Month: October 2020

As it seems that there are people who say or do things that are remarkably dickheaded yet somehow people try to make excuses for them or pretend it never happened, here is a collection of some of the dickheaded actions we saw in the month of October 2020 to make sure that they are never forgotten.

After months of the Tory government fucking up their response to the Covid pandemic you would think that they’d have some baseline of competence by now, but no, it turns out that the Test & Trace program they were so proud of was nothing more than an Excel spreadsheet - an Excel spreadsheet that lost the data of at least 16,000 people, while also begging the question how they spend £12bn of taxpayer’s money on an Excel spreadsheet, to which the answer is...they didn’t, it was existing software, they just pocketed the cash

It comes as no surprise that proven liar Boris Johnson puts the blame on the rising Covid numbers in the UK on the public - because it's definitely not been his master advisor breaking the lockdown rules to pop to Durham with his family after testing positive for Covid on what just so happened to be his wife’s birthday, not the Tory government changing the rules on masks when Michael Gove was spotted in Pret Manger without one, and definitely nothing to do with cases rising significantly within two weeks of the double whammy of the Tory government saying children “must” go back to school and people must go back to work as they can now be fired if they don’t.  Definitely not their fault,  Not at all...

The approach of the Tory government to Manchester being upgraded to Tier 3 boils down to initially promising to provide the fully-costed £60m package that Mayor of Manchester Andy Burnham requested, only to turn around and give them £20m instead and try and justify it by saying it boils down to £8 per head for the entire population.  After all, if Burnham really wanted that money, he’d have been one of Dominic Cummings’ mates and completely unqualified for the job, as that’s the quickest way to open the purse strings as wide as he’d like

It was quite impressive that Margaret Ferrier came to the conclusion that, having tested positive for Covid while in London, obviously the best course of action would be to take a train journey 400 miles back to Scotland before self-isolating, because of course nobody else used that train

...although some of the Tory MPs criticising Ferrier really should have paused before commenting, mainly to check whether they were the ones vociferously defending Dominic Cummings for his 300 mile drive to Durham after testing positive or his subsequent drive to Bernard Castle to test his eyesight

Not only did the Tory government vote against giving free school meals to children a mere ten days after awarding Marcus Rashford an MBE for his work in trying to give underprivileged children free school meals, but they tried all manner of excuses to defend it best exemplified by Nicky Morgan saying she voted to let children starve because Angela Rayner called one of her parliamentary colleagues “scum”, while Twitter troll Ben Bradley claimed that people spent their free school meal vouchers in crack dens and brothels, before claiming he was “misquoted” - which is Tory code for “I have deleted that tweet, because I do not understand how screengrabs work”

Remember how Rishi Sunak has been presented as the human face of the Tory party?  I have to ask, since he decided to yank £1000 a month from Universal Credit payments, and for some reason the “centrists” of Twitter who have been lionising him for several months have been oddly quiet

The batshittery of the Home Office has now extended to coming up with increasingly ludicrous plans to prevent migrants, with the latest bright idea of Priti Patel (and don’t pretend it was anyone else) being to have ships in the English Channel using pipes to blow air into the water that will create waves to send them back to France - as if a dinghy wouldn’t just steer around the ship, or that they wouldn’t make Calais and Sangat the best surfing destinations in northern France overnight

...and it got worse when we learned that Priti Patel was informed that a knife-wielding man stormed into the office of a migration solicitor spouting the exact same rhetoric and injured the receptionist, to which her response was to double down on the rhetoric as if she and proven liar Boris Johnson weren’t inciting violence at this point

...which makes smirking cretin Priti Patel issuing a statement expressing sadness at a couple of child migrants drowning in the English Channel about as sincere and reassuring as a card from Harold Shipman expressing sympathy for the death of an elderly relative

Not for the first time Keir Starmer managed to take all the focus off the Tories and onto the Labour party with his moronic approach to running his own party, namely by suspending Jeremy Corbyn for the crime of...hang on, he actually hasn't said what infraction Corbyn committed by responding to the EHRB report into antisemitism in the Labour party, but he suspended him anyway

...while Lisa Nandy supported this by using a blatant strawman argument saying “There are some on the left” who believe blatant anti semitic tropes...blatant anti semitic tropes that she invoked in the exact same sentence as her obvious strawman argument

Suspected rapist Brett Kavanaugh has been busy using legal loopholes to try and claim that votes in Wisconsin only count if they were tallied up on Election Day and no day past that.  Because as we know, US Presidential Elections have often been straightforward affairs where both vote counts and recounts are always necessary, as Kavanaugh obviously remembers as he was working for George W Bush’s campaign in Florida after the 2000 election

How nice of the Tory government to use a parliamentary loophole to completely avoid allowing a vote on whether or not the UK should import chlorinated chicken, therefore enshrining both the importance of democracy and the importance of food safety standards - in the EU

Once again Keir Starmer seems to think “Opposition” means “Whip your MPs into abstaining”, this time on the Covert Human Intelligence Sources Bill, because as we all know letting legislation pass that absolves the police of any and all illegal activity is definitely going to win voters around

Good guy Rishi Sunak took the Tim Martin approach to worker relations by telling musicians to get another job if they were so worried about their finances - which not only ignores the fact that plenty of musicians do already have more than one job, but also begs the question why this same advice hasn’t been given to the landlords carping about rent holidays etc 

Not only did The Sun blatantly lie by claiming a photo of Jeremy Corbyn taken at a wake was at a “posh dinner party” as obvious rage bait for their knuckle-dragging readership, but it has to be asked where they got the photos from as they weren’t shared publicly on Twitter or Instagram

...although the Freudian slip by the BBC when reporting the non-story, calling Corbyn “the Labour leader”, not only sums up just how shit they are at reporting facts these days, but also underlines he’s doing a better job of rattling the establishment’s cages than Keir Starmer has

Definitely not a conspiracy theorist Julia Halfwit Hartley-Brewer claimed that the government are combining Covid numbers and flu numbers so that they could...anyone got any idea what the point of making this up was?

Instead of keeping Robert Jenrick locked in a cupboard until the whole “Getting backhanders which influence who he gives property contracts to” thing goes away (spoilers: it won’t) instead they sent him out to justify £25m to a Jake Berry’s constituency - to which he said it was fine, as Jake Berry gave £25m to Jenrick’s constituency so there’s no reason to say anything dodgy is going on

For some strange reason Dominic Cummings doesn't have to face any charges for his failure to pay £30,000 worth of council tax on a property he also broke planning laws to have extended.  Yes, there’s a reason I put this directly after the phases “Robert Jenrick” and “backhanders”...

The ridiculousness that is Liz Truss started the month proudly stating that post-Britait trade negotiations with the US would undermine Britsh farmers - and this wasn’t a flub, she genuinely meant to express this - and ended with the frankly baffling crowing from the Department of Trade about how “soya sauce” which was being sued by Great British Bake Off contestants would be cost the same post-departure thanks to the UK-Japan trade deal, which ignores the fact that most soy sauce is imported from China - also that paying zero tariffs on £100k of stilton being exported to a country with high lactose intolerance while Nissa, Toyota et al face no tariffs when importing tens of millions of pounds of cars a year is not what anyone should be calling a victory...unless they work for Nissan, Toyota et al, anyway

Convicted criminal Darren Grimes learned that there’s such a thing as “responsibility” when he learned that the police were investigating his interview with David Starkey for incitement of hatred, which could have easily been avoided if he was in any way competent or if he admitted he isn't a journalist - and of course, the usual voices of Toby Young, Laurence Fox and Julia Halfwit Hartley-Brewer all came running to his defence...and shut up when they were informed this ruling was introduced by Thatcher

Somebody should have explained to WWE that, when their move to ban their employees independent contractors from third party platforms such as Twitch already cast a remarkably negative light on their shady employment practices, they should ramp it up by demanding their employees independent contractors hand over those third party platforms and then out of the goodness of their hearts WWE would hand them a percentage of those earnings

As if Steve Baker describing himself as “the hard man of Britait” isn’t reason enough to include him, his demanding that the Church of England be disestablished if it doesn’t fall in line with their No Deal death cult certainly is

It has to be asked why Ross Clark saw Jacinda Ardern winning a a record mandate in the New Zealand elections so decided it was in his interests to write a Telegraph article claiming her Covid has been a disaster...you know, a country which currently has 0 cases and a total of 25 deaths since February.  It’s almost as if the thought of a left-leaning leader who hasn’t had a disastrous response to Covid being rewarded by the electorate has Clark worried for some reason...

Professional victim Laurence Fox has identified the biggest problem in modern society: Sainsburys supporting Black History Month.  Of course, it definitely wouldn’t be something like Laurence Fox calling anyone who disagrees with him a paedophile, that’s all part of a healthy society...

The latest idea of Tim Davie to make sure that BBC newsreaders remain compliant drones was to bring in a set of rules saying they are never allowed to state an opinion ever (no doubt aimed at Emily Maitlis, who did) and to ban that favourite buzzphrase of the right, any form of “virtue signalling” no matter how worthy the cause...except for wearing poppies, that’s still allowed, in spite being a clear example of this “virtue signalling” that Davie is banning

Complete and utter nutcase Dan Wootton is dangerous as well.  That’s both the entry, and also a quote from Labour MP Chris Bryant in response to him banging on about herd immunity as if he's an expert and not The Sun’s showbiz bottom feeder who has been elevated for no logical reason

Once again Laura Kuenssberg is quoting anonymous “sources” critical of the Opposition - meaning she’s either not a very good journalist as she can’t even name her source, or she doesn’t have a source so she's a liar.  Has anyone else noticed this is a regular occurrence with Kuenssberg yet?

How thoughtful of Manchester United and Liverpool to pitch a wonderful idea that the Premier League be reduced to eighteen teams, while also christening the concept with the definitely not Orwellian moniker of Project Big Picture under the guise of helping the Football League and not, say, easing their fixture lists by four league games per season.  Of course, they’re volunteering to give up their Premier League places, aren’t they?

Once again Isabel Oakeshott just had to be on the wrong side of a story, this time howling in outrage that an anti-lockdown petition with 15,000 signatures is being ignored - signatures including Harold Shipman, Bernard Castle,  Dominic Cummings of Bernard Castle, Dr Johnny Bananas, Dr Person Fakename, and last but by no means least, Dr Corona McCoronaface...

Former wrestler Joey Ryan is dealing with his wrestling career being over due to a wealth of allegations of him being a sexual abuser in the most healthy manner possible, namely filing lawsuits against literally anyone he can blame, be it the accusers, his former employers, or random people who call him out via social media

So far it appears Shaun Bailey is planning on winning the London Mayoral election with batshit promises to allow corporations to sponsor London Underground stations and change the names appropriately (which won’t be confusing for tourist guides...) and try and say that Sadiq Khan is at fault for fans not being allowed into football stadiums nationwide

Clueless grifter Tim Pool came up with a genius answer when asked why his “centrist” podcast only ever seems to have right-wing guests and that was to claim that his setup couldn’t handle remote interviews - which would make sense if a.) He hadn’t been saying how much money had been poured into his setup, b.) Zoom didn’t exist, and c.) We forget all the times he’s done remote interviews in the past

Your would think that Lars Sullivan would have learned to not potentially jeopardise WWE’s efforts to promote him after a combination of injury and also not mentioning him for months due to being a creepy bastard online, but no, as soon as he returned to TV he was being a creepy bastard to a yoga instructor - while using his official WWE Instagram account to be a creepy bastard

Not only did Alex Hutchison open himself up for criticism by outright stating that Twitch streamers can count themselves lucky that they don’t have to pay licensing fees to stream games and their careers would be over if they did, he also opened himself up for ridicule when his aforementioned idiotic statement led to Google seeing his Twitter bio and telling him that, no, he was not a lead designer for Stadia and needed to change that shit PDQ

Once again Arsenal showed their lack of understanding of juxtaposition, with them announcing their longtime mascot was being let go for cost-cutting measures - and then a few hours later announcing they’d signed a player with a £200k a week wage

Some faultless logic from Apple regarding the the iPhone 12: the box won’t include a charger or earbuds to reduce packaging...yet it cost the same as if it did, while also meaning people have to buy chargers and earbuds separately that requires far more packaging

To nobody’s surprise it’s clear that Kim Kardashian does need it explained to her that saying how haaaaaaaaaaaaaard it is to spend two weeks being screened and self-isolating so you can go to the private island for your birthday is galling most of the time, but outright disgusting during a global pandemic

Oh dear, it looks like Eric Trump tried being clever again asking how Joe Biden owns a house that’s worth $4m on his senator’s salary of $174k...only to be told that Biden bought the house for $185k, sold it in 1996, pays more than $750 in taxes and loves his son

And finally, testing positive for Covid, is Donald Trump - but he assures us that he is fine and definitely not a contamination risk having been pumped full of steroids and aborted foetus cells which are available to so many people, and definitely didn’t need a better Twitter password

[healieas]

“ Then you should know that you’re wasting your time. ” - ofvast

“I don’t consider it a waste of time, Mister Crew.” He drew back, staring at the chalkboard critically. “It’s an investment.” If he could convince Peter and Simon to let him in on the entire project, but Michael was right in that Rayner likely had the stronger claim. Satellite paranoia was a thing of the twentieth century for most people, but Elias still believed. That rush had been so good -- why let it go? But a space station manned by three people... no, the one in isolation, at least, would feel like he was being watched at all times. He and Peter had discussed this at length, he just needed him to fund the Institute’s participation! And why was he being so damn stingy, anyways? Could it be that he was, in some way, upset? He was going to write the fool a strongly-worded email on why that was not a good look for him.

[blogparadiseisland]

Business Manslaughter defendant in ‘stand your ground’ case said he felt scared in altercation

Business Manslaughter defendant in ‘stand your ground’ case said he felt scared in altercation Business Manslaughter defendant in ‘stand your ground’ case said he felt scared in altercation http://www.nature-business.com/business-manslaughter-defendant-in-stand-your-ground-case-said-he-felt-scared-in-altercation/

Business

(CNN)Michael Drejka, the Florida man who shot dead Markeis McGlockton after McGlockton shoved him, said he feared for his life during the parking lot altercation.

“I was very scared. I’ve never been confronted like that, never been assaulted like that, if you will, ever,” Drejka said in a recent jailhouse interview.

Drejka fatally shot McGlockton after an argument with McGlockton’s girlfriend over a handicapped parking space in July. Pinellas County Sheriff Bob Gualtieri initially declined to arrest Drejka, citing the state’s “stand your ground” law. But Pinellas and Pasco County State Attorney Bernie McCabe charged Drejka with manslaughter in August.

Drejka’s interview last Friday with WTSP were his first public comments since his arrest. The sheriff’s office released video of the interview over the weekend.

During the nearly 30-minute interview, Drejka said he

believed he followed the “stand your ground” law

and felt “vindicated” when Gualtieri initially didn’t charge him. Drejka, who is white, seemed to express little remorse for fatally shooting McGlockton, who is black, and denied being a racist.

The altercation with McGlockton left him feeling stunned, like he had been tackled — not shoved — in the Clearwater parking lot, Drejka said.

Drejka said he “didn’t know it was a shove.”

“It felt like I was tackled, or someone hit me from behind with something. I left my feet, and slid along the ground,” Drejka, 48, said in the interview.

Drejka’s comments echoed what he told authorities, according to a copy of his criminal complaint.

Drejka, who has pleaded not guilty, was being held in the Pinellas County Jail. The sheriff’s office said bail has been set at $100,000.

McGlockton, 28, died July 19 after the altercation between the two men. McGlockton’s girlfriend, Britany Jacobs, had parked in the handicapped space and Drejka confronted her while McGlockton was in a store.

McGlockton came outside, approached Drejka and shoved him to the ground, surveillance video shows. Drejka pulled out a handgun and, as McGlockton backed away from him, shot him in the chest.

According to the criminal complaint, Drejka said McGlockton tackled him and he was afraid during the incident and fired in self-defense. But a detective wrote that Drejka was more than 10 feet away from McGlockton when he opened fire.

Drejka said he becomes frustrated when he sees people misuse handicapped parking spaces. A high school sweetheart, who is now deceased, became handicapped after an accident as a teenager, Drejka said. His mother-in-law is handicapped, too, he said.

“It’s always touched a nerve with me … the way they’re abused and used,” he said.

When asked if there is anything he would change about that day, Drejka said he didn’t see anything he would change.

Drejka initially declined to address McGlockton’s family directly when asked if there was anything he wanted to say to them.

“I really don’t think this is the right place to talk to the family directly,” he said.

Later in the interview, Drejka apologized to McGlockton’s family.

“I’m sorry. That’s all I can really say to them. …Thinking about it, would you accept those kinds of words from someone? I don’t think I would,” he said. “I think there’s too much hate already … for me to be able to say anything that would make any kind of difference,” he said.

McGlockton’s father said his son was rightly standing up for his family and that there’s no way the shooting could be justified.

“If you push a man down to the ground, that man does not deserve to be shot. Stand up and fight with your fists,” Michael McGlockton said before Drejka was charged.

McGlockton’s family has said Drejka “killed Markeis in cold blood without a second thought about the devastating impact his actions would have on our family,” according to a statement released after Drejka was charged.

The family believed the manslaughter charge was appropriate, the family’s attorney Michele Rayner said then.

Florida’s “stand your ground law,” which is perhaps the strongest in the country, grants immunity to the person acting in self-defense. The state has to prove that a shooter didn’t act in self-defense and is therefore not entitled to immunity.

Gualtieri’s initial decision not to file charges caused critics to question whether the sheriff was correctly interpreting the law.

Drejka said he was “shocked” and “devasted’ when prosecutors charged him.

“I followed the law the way I felt the law was supposed to be followed. I cleared every hurdle that that law had,” Drejka said.

CNN’s Eliott C. McLaughlin and Jamiel Lynch contributed to this report.

Read More | Darran Simon, CNN,

Business Manslaughter defendant in ‘stand your ground’ case said he felt scared in altercation, in 2018-09-04 03:43:22

[clearwerewolfsong]

girlies. I’m hyperventilating. This man just bit his lip at her. But he not only bit his lip at her he also opened his mouth slightly after he bit his lip. With that icy blue stare of his. I’m deceased. Writer girlies. You KNOW what that means. When an author is writing a scene like this and specifically mentions: he “bit his lip, he walks towards her biting his lips.” I’m okay. I’m calm. It’s not all in my head. 5 gold stars to the writer girly who knows when you write this description “he walks towards her and bit his lip.” exactly what you are foreshadowing. It means my man got hit with desire. It was this moment where he couldn’t help his desire for his Captain.

[clearwerewolfsong]

Y’all I can’t wait for all the sexy fanfics of these two 😈😏.

A few fun song ideas:

[clearwerewolfsong]

After letting Moll and L’Ak go, the entire bridge crew turns and stares at Rayner. There are wolf calls and cat calls (not made in a demeaning way) no one says a thing. Because they all know their Captain. Everyone can see that sparkle in his eyes. He is in love.

Meanwhile on the Antares, Rayners number one is taking bets on the major events of Rayner and Burnham’s relationship. And EVERYONE is making a bet on something. There are bets on everything from how soon will they marry, when will the captain finally get a good look at her personal quarters 😏, who will kiss who first, who will say I love you first, first date theories, who will make the first move, how soon will Burnham figure out Rayner is a poet, etc. the entire crew will be watching