#might post the versions of these without text n stuff bc i liked them

[astralarias]

your god. my oath. let's see which prevails.

deep breath. PALADINS. paladins are so cool. dragonborn are also so cool. combining the two gave me (one of) my blorbos of all time, mrs raotel eventually-dekarios, and I love her so much so have some edits (lyrics from here)

[th3houseofleaves]

i am simply thinking about samuel vasilyev today.

he's such a good older brother and teacher.

like i just know his students love him because he's so chill? and he tries so hard to make sure all his assignments n such are accessible to all of his students. bc he's got enough experience with his siblings and his cousin to understand that sometimes, school can be hard. not everyone learns the same.

spending time with noah and seeing some of the difficulties he has reading (bc the language he first learned to read in wasn't english AND dyslexia on top of that) and he decides to research more accessible fonts n types of assignments n books n such for his students that would benefit from them. within the first couple of weeks after he's started offering alternate versions of text (usually that he's personally retyped in a dyslexia friendly font, or that he's found in different languages [as they're available] on the off chance that one of his students isn't as comfortable reading in english as they might be in there first language, something that he definitely understands) students that had been struggling and performing poorly start to improve bc they! can actually understand the assignments and it's not so frustrating to sit down and do them.

& spending time with his cousin milan, someone with the WORST adhd who struggles so much with school, pushes him to figure out ways he can accommodate students that he has that are neurodivergent. he asks milan what usually works best for him and he says that it's the easiest for him to learn when he can listen to the lesson in a recording while working on the assignment, sitting in a lecture hall is hard for him but when he actually records the lecture and can listen back to it, he figured out that he understands things better AND it lets him learn while also keeping himself busy!! bc milan can sit still but it's easier for him to focus on one thing if he's doing another.

so sam takes that into account and when he can he finds audio sources for some of the stuff he assigns to read and shares those resources with his students. he lets them record his lessons, or even does it himself, so that they can listen to it later if they need to and even for neurotypical students, once he starts doing this? grades start improving a lot and students are less stressed about completing assignments and coming to class.

and sam makes sure his students know that if they need any kind of accommodation, he will try and do that for them. if one student needs a little bit more time to do an assignment, he'll give it no questions asked. if a student tells them they have anxiety attacks when they test, he'll ask how he can help and if that means that when they test with him they get to listen to their music or take their test during their free period / lunch period than he'll do it. if a student is worried about having a fidget or about needing to stand or move during class he explains that as long as they're not purposefully trying to disrupt class than they're okay to do what they need. he starts adding visuals to his assignments and using more clearly defined prompts instead of vague ones when students tell him that they learn better when they can see examples or they struggle to complete an assignment when it's not clearly laid out for them. like yes, if it's something requiring their opinion or whatever he's not completely telling them what to write but he is letting them know like. what he wants them to write about? if that makes sense. he's not just asking them to comment on what they read without explaining what exactly he'd like to see. (this is based on my own struggles with my soc class last semester bc my professor didn't have prompts for our weekly discussion posts so i had anxiety attacks bc i had no idea what she expected from me bc i need rules to exist lmao)

and he refuses to startle any of his students who fall asleep during class. he's had that happen to him as a kid and he quite literally ran from the class because it triggered him real real bad. and he's seen how both his brothers react when someone does that and. he's not about to get fucking punched at school lmao (if you wake aeron up and catch them by surprise they come out swinging, something that noah failed to mention the first time sam tried to gently shake aeron awake. the incident ended with aeron apologizing over and over and sam holding an ice pack to his face and rocking a black eye for like the next week.) the other thing with this is, if a kid falls asleep in his class he's gonna figure they need the sleep. he knows how stressful high school / middle school is (idk what year he teaches atm) and he knows what the workload is like + a lot of his students have other responsibilities outside of school. he gets that they're bound to be tired as hell. so if they need to take a little nap during the period they're with him than so be it. he's got the lessons recorded anyways and he knows his students are surprisingly good at helping each other out?

other teachers don't understand why he's so fucking popular lmao and he's like ??? im literally doing the bare minimum and not being a dickhead to these kids i really don't get it either.

he doesn't see anything he does as going above and beyond when it is! he's using so much of his limited free time to make learning easier for his students! he's doing so much, he's doing more than basically every teacher bc they don't have the time or the resources!! and that's no shame on them at all. being a teacher is hard as hell.

[gingus-arts]

i did this >:) i also wrote a mini informal essay [read: i rambled] to explain my choices in depth and i will post that here because the character limit on instagram will not let me ;;;

also here is it in photos if that's easier 2 read (i,, spent all this time editing them for insta—)

here’s the text version-

“ okay so i'm gonna explain my choices bc i like talkin bout shit :D

0. their heights r just based on what the wiki said and their ages (and sexualities) r just my headcannons based on what i feel suits them, + a bit of what i've seem in the fandom

1. big spoon v. little spoon – i think kai would default to big spoon just bc shin is smaller than him & kai is protective but i don't think kai would mind being the little spoon at all, however his hair gets in shin's face when shin's the big spoon djshjfd. generally i don't think they'd spoon that much just because shin would be pretty hesitant to do something as overtly vulnerable and romantic as cuddling but kai likes that kind of stuff so shin would compromise occasionally u//u and as they're together longer he'd get more okay with it

2. lends clothes v. borrows clothes – i just think shin would steal kai's clothes and kai would let it happen. he finds it endearing (at least,, until he runs out of clothes ajdksj) [oh ya also i think they'd be roommates so that's how he'd steal his clothes u.u] shin probably would deny he was doing it if kai brought it up but it's very obvious

3. doesn't use pet names v. uses pet names – i just think shin would feel awkward using pet names shdjsj and in general show affection more with his actions than words, but i think kai would be okay with the occasional "darling" and "my love," esp if it gets a reaction out of shin

4. introverted v. extroverted – they r just both introverted 😔😔 i think they'd both like their alone time a lot (esp shin). i do think kai would like hanging out with other ppl a lot but find it somewhat draining to function in normal social situations for too long. u could say the same about shin but to a lesser degree, and it's a bit different since it's more about shin having a mask up in public & less abt being alert and not used 2 it like kai

5. affection thru words v. affection thru actions – i just think they'd both be really awkward when it comes to voicing their affections aaa, especially shin, just bc of the vulnerability it requires,, i think shin would try very hard not to make himself vulnerable after having that shit relationship he did w/ midori (ik it didn't specify what their relationship was or what midori was like but i have my hc's ajdjs)

6. confesses first v. waits for confession – i don't think shin would believe that kai likes him, even if it was really obvious that he did, without some very obvious sign. like he'd suspect it but keep denying it and not want to ask bc he might get turned down— i think kai would b a little less likely to get caught up in that because he'd be okay with shin turning him down (like,, not "okay with" per se but he'd understand why because he doesn't think he'd be much of a partner or friend in general 😭😭 so he'd force himself to be okay with it for the sake of not being "selfish") also i think kai would want to get The Feelings over with whereas shin would b like Repress Repress Repress Repre

7. screams about bugs v. squashes bugs w/ shoe – i think shin would b That Brand of afraid of bugs where u just avoid them or leave the room if they're there but scream if they come too close. kai's not afraid but i think he'd let the bugs live sometimes instead of just killing them

8. drives the car v. can't drive lol – i just think kai'd be good at driving since he's very meticulous and attentive, tho i just don't think he'd have too much experience. shin, on the other hand, has experience but is Not meticulous or particularly attentive sjfhdjdj

9. can't cook for shit v. cooks dinner – kai's placement is pretty self explanatory DJSHJF i just think he'd like cooking for shin and he also hates seeing shin drown himself in noodle cups & other store bought things when he could have An Actual Meal. shin,, has barely ever cooked so he's just Not Good At It At All

10. dislikes pda v. loves pda – i think shin would hate pda since he would even be uncomfortable with private affection to some degree (esp in the start of their relationship) because Vulnerability and blah blah blah but kai likes a little bit of it, like h*lding h*nds and occasional kisses on cheeks, and shin can live with that (even tho he does get flustered by it)

11. overprotective v. chill going – kai was (is?) legit sara's protector i think he'd have a hard time giving up the solid sense of protectiveness he feels for the people he cares about, especially when he's quite capable in protecting them. generally i think shin would b pretty chill but protective in the sense that kai can be his own worst enemy sometimes. small things like (subtly, bc he wouldn't want kai to know what he's doing) checking that kai's eating & sleeping enough, making sure no one's taking advantage of kai's tendency(? idk if that's the right word) to take care of others. generally this kind of stuff probably wouldn't be a problem but i think if kai was in a bad state he may fall into it. idk if that even counts as protectiveness tho 😔😔

12. has more relationship experience v. has NO relationship experience – THEY BOTH WOULD HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP EXPERIENCE (except shin w/ sou but that's really unhealthy so it like barely counts sjfjs) and i'd wager that they have,, little relationship experience in general. like, including friendships and stuff. i think that's neat in this case bc they're on the same level in that sense and can learn to communicate healthily and other relationship stuffs alongside each other u//u 👉🏼👈🏼 i feel like mishima would help them out in that regard a lot lol. it'd be fun if joe and sara did too 🥺

13. HORNY LEVEL – i,, i'm not sure if this needs an explanation but— i don't think shin would be too horny and kai wouldn't want to bother his partner with him being horny so he'd just deal w/ it. like his wants have just been stifled by being groomed to be used, if that makes sense

14.  AWKWARDNESS LEVEL – soo if this was in general i would've put both of their awkwardness levels lower but i assume this is in the context of relationship awkwardness so YES i think they'd both be pretty awkward around romantic stuff. just not understanding what to do and how to do it and stuff sjhfdfh

15. JEALOUSY LEVEL – okay so, kai and shin are two different flavours of insecure. shin is the type where when he feels inadequate he'd get jealous or bitter / upset, and when kai feels inadequate he'd accept that he's not good enough and shy away, n he'd probably feel pretty sad about it if his inadequacy was prolonged. so, if shin thinks that kai's hanging out with others more than him and seems to be happier with them, he's going to get really jealous (and mayhaps,, kinda feel like shit about it since he knows he shouldn't be jealous or upset bc kai is happy) and maybe a little distant or passive aggressive consequently. kai would just be like "aw shin's making friends :>" and if he starts to feel insecure about how much time or how shin acts around others compared 2 him, he'd internalize it and be like "well yeah i suck so this was bound to happen. Anyway i am going to make eggs benedict and cry now" “

[amaranthprincess21]

As the Curtain Falls

Rating: M Fandom: Twisted Wonderland Pairing: Vil/Reader (Eventually >:3c) Synopsis: As summer approaches, you look for a job on El Capitan: Twisted Wonderland's version of Broadway. Getting into a show is the chance of a lifetime, but as rehearsals go on, the flaws of the show and its production team slowly come to light. The ship you're on is burning and there's no way of backing out. You will have to make the best of things and deal with the drama that comes your way. And here comes Vil, your co-star, making things more complicated as the two of you become closer during rehearsals.

A/N: okay so I need to make some things explicit: 1) Although this going to heavily riff on LND, a lot of experiences that are in this fic are experiences I had while acting and a lot of this fic is honestly just me trying to make sense of some of the weird shit I went through. A bad sequel musical is really just the setting and I doubt any of this stuff actually happened during LND production so don't like, look into too much? I just wanna bitch about acting drama I went through years ago and also make some jokes about LND. I'll most likely talk about those experiences more in author notes so I guess look forward to that? 2) also i'm sorry if you genuinely like LND bc I will be making fun of it a lot. And also Phantom like I'm a fan but I'm def gonna roast it 3) For reals tho, I don't know if this is going to be slow burn or not so alskjdfahsd

----

The moment I stepped into the large rehearsal space, a sense of dread and excitement washed over me. The space looked like a small warehouse more than anything else. Large props or set pieces (I couldn’t tell) were pushed towards the back of the room. One whole wall was full of mirrors. I wasn’t the first one here, thank God. But seeing just how many people were in the room was… not reassuring. Along one wall there was a long table set up and several people were seated behind it. It had to be the investors and the production team. 

Man, I was really in over my head, wasn’t I? My callback would be getting judged by ten people and I was up against so many people. But then again, I should’ve expected this. This wasn’t some school musical: this was the Broadway of Twisted Wonderland. Everything was bigger here and the stakes were higher. I needed to make sure I was perfect. I needed this job. I needed this role. 

A few people were already warming up, stretching on the ground. Okay, let’s be social. After all, these might be my new coworkers. I tried to exude friendliness and confidence as I went over to the group, saying hi and introducing myself, but I just wanted to throw up. More people trickled in and every time the door opened, I found myself looking over. Some joined us in warming up, others went behind the table. 

“So, what’s your background?” a tall redhead woman asked. My head whipped to look at the group to see everyone staring right at me, expectantly.

“Oh, uh, I don’t have much of one, to be honest. I did musical theater in school, but this is my first professional audition,” I told them.

“Really? Congrats on making it to callbacks, then!” someone said. I wasn’t sure if it was genuine or a snide remark. 

“T-Thanks.” Might as well err on the side of niceness. “What’s your guys’ backgrounds?”

“I’ve only ever done ensemble before, so this is my first time being called back for a principal role,” one said. As they all started talking about their backgrounds, the door opened again and I instinctively looked. I had to do a double take as Vil walked in, joining the others behind the table. 

“Am I seeing that right?!” the brunette next to me demanded, elbowing me. “Is that Vil Schoenheit?!”

“That, or we’re having the same hallucination,” I told her. It wasn’t like I was friends with him or anything, but I didn’t know he liked musical theater. I thought he was just a model with some TV guest star credits. But then again, I didn’t know him. We just saw each other during prefect meetings with Headmaster Crowley. But I think Jack mentioned one time he was wealthy. Maybe he’s investing in the show? I mean, it’s that or he’s a part of the production team.

“Well, this just got way more interesting,” she commented. I glanced back over to the table. Vil seemed deep in conversation with the other auditioners. Yeah, interesting seemed like a good fit. An older man with a bright teal tie stood up from behind the table and clapped his hands. All conversation died and we all looked at him.

“Welcome to the callbacks for Romance is Immortal. You’ve all done well to make it this far. But sadly, only a few of you will make it into the cast,” he said. Way to pile the pressure on. “We’ll start with the sides and song we emailed you. We’ll call you in as small groups. The holding room is through that door.” He pointed and wordlessly, a few actors got up and made their way over. 

Okay, this was happening. This was really happening. The callback was starting. The brunette helped me to my feet and as I walked to the holding, I stole another glance at the panel. Vil’s sharp amethyst eyes caught mine. He gave me a small nod. This was weird. This was so weird. To think Vil would be judging my audition was a strange one. Would things stay this weird if I got the role? Would it be weirder if I didn’t? 

The holding room was fairly spacious and I found a spot by the water cooler. One of the auditioners was at the door, calling a few names already. The auditioner and actors left and the door shut behind them. Quiet conversation started up, filling the room. I pulled my phone out of my bag and saw a few texts from Ace and Deuce, telling me to break a leg. Those poor guys. I’d dragged them along on this journey and sang so much in our hotel room that Ace left to get noise cancelling headphones at one point. It wasn’t the most reassuring thing, even if he told me he just got them because he couldn’t hear his video game audio. But I knew he wasn’t really into musical theater. Deuce wasn’t either, but his mom loved musicals so he at least was willing to try and sing opposite me for prepping this callback piece. That was awkward. I never want to act like we have sexual tension ever, ever again.

I texted them back, thanking them and asking how sightseeing was going. I opened Magicam to see if they posted anything. They hadn’t put anything up yet, but Vil did. He had some vague things on his story. Showing he clearly wasn’t at Night Raven College, getting a smoothie this morning, basic things like that. I started scrolling through his profile, wondering if I’d find any past work of his on there. Mostly it was just selfies and modeling pictures. He really was pretty. Beautiful, even. Unfairly so. A notification popped up on my phone; a text message from Deuce, saying they were at an observation tower taking in the views. I really wish I could’ve seen that with them, but I had a job to get. Maybe if I got this role and got a place here, I could go sometime.

I waited and waited and waited for what felt like hours, although my phone said it was just a half hour. The first group returned and the assistant called out a few more names. My stomach lurched as my name was called. Trying not to shake, I stood up and followed him and a few others out to the main audition space. The room looked so much bigger without all the actors there. The assistant motioned for us to sit on the sidelines against the mirrored wall. As I sat down, I glanced over to Vil again, only to see him getting up. Was he leaving?

“We’ll start with auditioning our potential Opera Ghosts and Carolines. We’ll be double-casting these roles,” the man in the teal tie told us. “We’ve already had Mr. Schoenheit sign on as our main Opera Ghost -” Huh?! He was already in the show?! Was there another audition session I missed? Something about this unnerved me and I couldn’t place my finger on it. Sure, it was unusual, but I couldn’t tell why it was bothering me so. 

The man in the teal tie called out a name and a woman stood up, joining Vil in front of the auditioner’s table. I looked down at my script, reading through the lines again. I didn’t really need to; I was a fast learner and Deuce and I had gone over this enough times for me to remember it. But it was nice to stare at something that wasn’t other people.

Nerves were starting to eat at my stomach. The other actress sounded so good. Was I really cut out for this? I mean, I’d be thankful for any role in this show, but what if I bombed this so badly I wasn’t cast at all? 

… No. I couldn’t think like that. I had to get this job. I had to. I just needed to put everything I had into this. Nerves or awkwardness be damned. If I didn’t get this job, I wouldn’t have the money to get a place to stay this summer. I’d be homeless. Grim would be homeless. If I blew it, it wouldn’t be just me that would suffer. I needed to get this role at any cost.

I breathed in and out, trying to calm myself as one by one, each actress went up and read with either Vil or another man. I listened to the notes the auditioners gave, watched the way each actress portrayed Caroline, decided what choices I could make. I needed to keep a level head. I needed to destroy the competition. 

Suddenly, my name was called out as someone returned to sit with us. A deep breath. I could do this. I could do this. I got up and walked to where Vil was standing. I wasn’t sure if reading with someone I was acquainted with was going to be the most comfortable, but whatever. 

“Are you off-book on the sides?” A woman from behind the table asked. 

“I am,” I replied. She grinned.

“Go ahead and stow your script under the chaise lounge, then,” she instructed me. I gently tossed it under the lavish chaise right behind Vil and I. She was writing something down when I looked up; a majority of them were. My stomach was starting to knot itself again as I waited for the go-ahead.

“Hey.” Vil’s voice in my ear made me flinch. I looked at him. Up close, he was ever more beautiful, more beautiful than any photo could capture. “Is it okay if I touch you?”

“Huh? Yeah, it’s totally fine. Is it all right if I touch you?” I asked back. 

“Don’t mess up my hair or makeup,” he replied. 

“If you set your makeup right, that shouldn’t be a problem,” I said, grinning. He raised an eyebrow and I couldn’t decipher the look on his face. He was amused or pissed. One of those.

“All right, places!” the man in the teal tie called. Vil and I hurried to our spots, him on the chaise lounge and me just off to the side. I tried to channel Caroline, the heroine of the show. “Begin scene!”

After the sudden disappearance of the Opera Ghost, my mentor, I’d found his hiding place. I barged in, breathless, relieved that I’d found him. Yet, despite my joy, I was unsure, no, in denial about the true reason I wanted to find him. He shot up from his seat, shock written on his face.

“I…” The situation was hitting me. What could I say to him after everything that had happened? “I’ve found you.”

“So you have.” Cautious. He moved behind the chaise, keeping it between us. “Why are you here? To bring a mob to me?”

“No,” I breathed. I couldn’t bear the thought of him being hurt. “I don’t want you to be hurt.”

“Even after everything I did?” he demanded. Slowly, I started to move toward him.

“Even then.” I reached out to grab his hand, but in a flash, he moved away from me. My hand slowly fell back to my side.

“You have always been too kind for your own good,” he said softly. “...  I am not worthy of your kindness.”

“Don’t say that!” I cupped his face with my hands, praying my touch could convey my feelings for him. “You are deserving of love…” He smirked, his fingers brushing against my cheek. The touch made my heart race. I leaned into him.

“Do you really believe so?” he asked with a smirk.

The music began, the keyboard blaring. The heavy notes filled my blood and I could only imagine how it would sound with a full orchestra. Vil’s honeyed voice filled the air and I had to fight back surprise. Who knew he could sing? His hand slipped into mine, leading me around the room. His words dripped with innuendo and the walls around my heart were falling. Although I was to be wed soon, I fell under the Ghost’s spell. 

Soon, he wasn’t just leading me. I grabbed at him, pulling him close, desperate to be closer to him. His fingers dug into my hips. In an instant, he twirled me around, body pressing into my back. Oh, he wasn’t kidding when he said he was going to touch me; his hand was right on top of my thigh. Our duet was becoming faster, heavier. All I wanted was him to take me, to ravage me, to make me his. I was tired of his teasing touches. I needed more.

Once again, his hands gripped my hips tightly, walking me back to the chaise. Carefully, he laid me down. My heart was racing as he climbed on top of me. This wasn’t the closest we’d been and yet my heart was thudding so loudly I worried other people could hear it. I reached out, hand resting on his back and bringing him closer to me. We sang our last notes together, voices melting together. His face got closer to mine, our lips practically touching. But he didn’t close the small gap. We froze, waiting for the auditioners to end the scene.

“End!” someone called. I breathed a sigh of relief as Vil got off of me. My heart was still racing in my chest and I hated to admit it, but I felt winded from that scene. Vil offered his hand to me and helped me get off the chaise lounge. Was it so obvious? 

Some auditioners were still jotting down notes, others looking up at us. Vil stood by me, waiting patiently to receive notes.

“Your chemistry is fantastic,” one person said to us. They turned to me. “Towards the end, you were losing a little bit of energy. Be sure to keep that up through the whole piece.”

“Thank you,” I replied.

“Your vocal performance didn’t suffer too much from it, but again, it wasn’t as confident as we’d like,” another added. It hurt, but I nodded.

“Thank you,” I replied again.

“Vil, come back here. We’ll audition for another Opera Ghost.” Vil didn’t spare me a single glance, heading back to the table to join the producers and creative team. It’s not that I wanted him to stay with me, but man, I needed a breather after doing an intense scene like that.

The rest of the audition went fine. No one was as intense as Vil was and I did my best to take the notes I’d been given and improve on it. As I sat on the sidelines, I watched after time and time again Vil be fairly aggressive with the other potential Carolines. Part of me wished they were intimidated by it, but no, they all did really well. As expected of professional actors. 

“Great job, everyone,” the man in the teal tie told us as callbacks wrapped up. “We’ll email you with the results. If you don’t hear back within the week, you haven’t been cast.” Why did we have to wait so long? I’d have to spend this whole week anxious and checking my emails every hour.

“Have a good evening, everyone,” one of the auditioners called out from behind the table. The tension in the air disappeared immediately. It was over. I pulled out my phone, ready to text Ace and Deuce that I was done. As I left, I glanced over to the table. Vil was deep discussion with the producers. Oh well. I could get away with not saying bye. 

---

“So, did you have to do anything other than the song and lines?” Deuce asked me as we sat in our hotel room, boxes of pizzas in front of us. 

“Yeah. We did a quick dance portion, but it was mostly the sides and singing,” I replied. Now the audition was done, I could indulge a little in junk food.

“Doesn’t sound too bad,” Ace said, mouth full.

“It wasn’t. It was tiring, though,” I admitted. “I started off intense so it was an uphill battle. Vil was pretty aggressive.”

“Vil? He auditioned too?” 

“Yeah. It was that seduction scene Deuce and I suffered through and he was going for it. A couple times I legit thought he was going to touch me. But he didn’t!” I added hurriedly as looks of rage came over both Ace and Deuce. “He asked if he could touch me and I said it was fine, don’t worry. He wasn’t going around just grabbing my thighs like a life preserver without consent.” Their bodies relaxed.

“Are you sure you want to do this show if the audition is like this?” Ace asked. 

“Of course I do! If I get into this show, it’s a job and I don’t have to rely on Headmaster Crowley for everything!” I fired back.

“Jeez, calm down.” Ace crossed his arms in front of his chest. “This just seems like a weird show.”

“You’re saying that as if the first musical wasn’t weird,” Deuce commented.

“I’ve never seen The Opera Ghost and I’m not going to. My grandma took me to see Dance of the Vampires when I was a kid and that’s the first and last musical I’ll ever see,” Ace said indignantly.

“You can’t base every musical off of one you saw,” Deuce argued. I just grabbed another slice of pizza and kept eating as they fought. As much as I hated it, Ace’s words stuck with me. Sure, I didn’t know the first musical, but this was a job. A job I needed. Right now, I was technically taking dorm funds for necessities and although I doubted Crowley cared, I needed some way of making my own money. Who knew how long I was going to be here? 

I needed to start trying to be independent.

… No. I’ve worked hard. I can worry about money later. I pushed the anxiety to the back of my mind, jumping back into the conversation Deuce and Ace were having. The night went on and despite my long day, I had a hard time sleeping. 

I lay awake in the stiff hotel bed, staring up at the ceiling. Deuce was sound asleep in the roll-away bed that was wedged between mine and Ace’s beds. I sighed, rolling over towards him and the night stand. I grabbed my phone and unlocked it. Instinctively, I double-checked I was on the hotel’s wifi before doing anything.

There was a notification bubble on my email app and my stomach did a backflip. I took a deep breath and opened it. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, but still, my insides were starting to vibrate. There were two emails, one from the school about something I didn’t care about and the other from the people who’d sent me the music and sides for the audition. My body was shaking as I opened the email. My eyes read over the words quickly and that bubbly feeling grew and grew.

They offered me the role of Caroline.

My phone fell onto the mattress with a soft thud. My heart was about to beat out of my chest yet again today. I did it. I got the part. I wouldn’t have to worry about money soon. I had a job. I had a paying job. 

I got up and went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. My body shook and I jumped up and down, trying to get the adrenaline out of my body. I did it! I had a job! Everything was going to be okay.

But as I tried to calm myself down, something came to mind. My audition with Vil. Who was already cast. … Was I going to have to do that scene again in front of more people?!

[rannzy]

now that i’m living in london i decided i might as well keep track of all the exhibitions i’ve seen because i know that when im 40 im definitely going to forget about all of this... i was thinking of doing multiple posts but at this point i cba (‘cant be arsed,’ a term my welsh flatmate anjelica has taught me)

sense sound/sound sense @ whitechapel gallery 

this exhibition was about fluxus’ explorations into sound art. i rly like fluxus to begin with so i was excited to see this exhibition. it was nice bc the works were rly gud (i liked mieko shiomi’s embryo of music, which plays an entangled/mangled version of a cassette tape recording of mozart’s minuet -- direct from the accompanying text: “As described by the artist, it is ‘an awkward performance (as if music were taking its initial form)’” -- which i think is a great way to look/hear that work). the exhibition was a collection show w works owned by fondazione bonotto (never heard of them) though unfortunately the room was too small to accommodate everything it kinda just looked like a mess although i really liked the works individually.

luchita hurtado: i live i die i will be reborn @ serpentine galleries

its a shame i cant get with surrealism... this lil old lady had some works about the universe and womanhood w a dash of like strange colors and forms and envisioning the light u would see upon exiting ur mothers womb. but anyway i liked this self-portrait she painted

interim @ goldsmiths

so this exhibition was an in between exhibition done by the mfa 1st year now 2nd year students to show what works theyve been making. really there is no curatorial anything behind this nor any description behind any work so ur really just meant to look at the form unless u ask the artist whats the haps... so i didnt really gather anything from it -- there were works that i really liked looking at and works that i didnt. my mom said the exhibition was too depressing because there were some stuff about death and racism and violence

i liked this work by rafael perez evans despite knowing nothing, though i wonder if its just a better version of a spectacle than works by mark justiniani??? maybe i am just amused bc it is my first time to see it?? i dont know but i thought his work was nicely polished compared to many others from his class

i also liked this hair work by pei-chi wu. i kept on thinking about where she harvested this hair and how she was able to make it into a loosely knit scarf kinda thing without her fingers getting cramped??? also the title (’It’s a long story’) is great

olafur eliasson: in real life @ tate modern

it took my mom and i 3 tries to get into this exhibition!!! the first two times we went to tate, a part of the exhibition was closed n we definitely did not want to pay gbp 20 to get in to see an incomplete exhibition. i was able to see some olafur works in the past 2 years but its def better seeing a hella big version of it. im p sure everyone’s favorite work was ‘Your blind passenger,’ which was this long straight hallway filled w fog that u could only see about 1.5m in front of u. the light changes from white to yellow to blue to white again and its rly such an experience walking slowly and feeling for the walls bc u think ur gonna trip. im p sure tate advertises this as the main selling point of the exhibition which i think it rly is, nothing else in the show compares to this work everything else kinda reminds me of being in mind museum (he had a kaleidoscope tunnel thing, constructed rainbows from mist, and other tricks of the eye)

untitled by danh vo @ south london gallery

apparently ‘danh vo’ in reverse (vo danh) means unnamed in vietnamese. danh vo collabed with a buncha other artists n ppl and used their work in his exhibition. the main space had these big mirrors with glow in the dark paint washed over them and also these portraits (i-D vibing) of his nephew/muse taken by his lover, which felt kinda call me by your name ish even though i havent seen the film. everyone seems to be raving about this exhibition though i only really liked one work, which was a letter sent by this french missionary to his father on the eve of his execution. danh vo collabed with his own father who doesn’t speak french but carefully replicated the calligraphy in the letter.

tony cokes: If UR Reading This It’s 2 Late: Vol.1 @ goldsmiths cca

the exhibition was full of diff video works that all had some text flashing with like poppy disco/other fun music playing in the bg. the artist apparently is a professor at brown university and incorporates some theory and political jabs, w quotes by diff figures in history. he had a whole work about how morrissey from the smiths is now a tory but dont worry we dont all have to be tories when we get old. idk i feel like this work was a lil bit too lukewarm take for me?? maybe i have to sit down w it longer n watch everything thru and thru but i think that young hae chang heavy industries does it better

other spaces: UVA @ 180 the strand

this was COOL HAHHAHAA it was super spectacle but i was really amused and intrigued!!! uva apparently is a collective of artists that work across new media and video and walking thru this exhibition felt like being in some sort of interstellar-star trek-matrix kinda vibe?? the first room were these lamps that were swinging around by themselves (kinda like the lamps u would picture in a police interrogation in the films) -- the room was foggy too so u couldnt really see the end of the ceiling it really just looked like lights floating. its supposed to be a commentary on surveillance n stuff?? typical things global north people care about but it was amusing to watch. the other works were like this light beam that made walls?? and theyd close in on u? it was reimagining space as framed by lights. and the last work was this animal orchestra where a bioacoustician recorded snippets from the amazon/ocean/etc and isolate specific sounds by certain species

this was a LONG POST THE END