#mikoshi really messed him up

[dalekinapaintedparadise]

[imadhatt3r]

You know what? That one line from that Phantom Liberty ending where V can call Johnny a "big ol' softie"? They're right. They're absolutely right.

Johnny is a softie. He goofs off on multiple occasions in V's field of view despite knowing that nobody can see him, probably to his own and V's amusement. He screams on the rollercoaster and grins like crazy at V. He adores Nibbles. He wanted to check on Kerry when he heard that he was suicidal. He finally took Rogue on that car cinema date and can flirt with her in a goofy way straight out of his favorite "Bushido" movies. He has fun on the reunion concert and gives Kerry his DeLuze Orphean as a goodbye gift. He narrates that one quest like a noir narrator just to mess with V. He understands Barry's grief over his tortoise. He's respectful when watching Joshua's crucifiction. He's nice to Spider Murphy and calls her "Spider". He sheepishly apologizes to Alt in "The Sun" ending. He puffs up his chest when Denny says she misses him. He's fuming over the kids in "Talent Academy" being treated like products, probably because it reminds him of how he was treated in the military. He feels for Solomon Reed because he sees himself in him. He feels for Songbird because her circumstances remind him of V's.

And speaking of, he really loves V. He just loves them so much; He's always on watch for any danger and does his best to give them advice. He promises that he will do everything he can to cure them. He will encourage them to take a break if they're feeling sick. He will attempt the most dangerous stunts to get them to Mikoshi. He promises V to let them wipe him from the Relic and he keeps that promise. He will realize that they're his only loved one left and will ask for the last chance, and when he gets it he does everything he can to make them proud and happy. He accepts their decision no matter what it is, because it's their body and life. His worst fear is getting to live again, but without his friend/partner/soulmate/beloved (depending on interpretation) with him. He's proud to be able to call himself V's friend. He's proud of them. He's sad that he won't be able to see how V will change. He choses to stay calm and positive before he will be innevitably killed so that his beloved V will live to keep them calm and comfort them.

That whole hardass, asshole act? It's a ruse, it's a front, it's a persona he had to put on due to bad childhood, PTSD from being drafted as a teenager, seeing other teenagers die horribly around him, losing his limb and being branded with the Arasaka logo he did his best to scratch out and being tossed into a rockstar life of drinking, drugs and fans when he was likely not much older.

He might fight it, but he will never be the detached, emotionless action hero he wants to be, because that's not at all who he is! I think that his slight grin when V says it is one of relief, that he was able to show his most vulnerable, tender and gentle side to the one person he holds dear and not be punished for it, playfully teased but with clear sympathy on V's part. After decades of struggle with who he is being so different from who he wants to be, he can finally be seen for who he is, and who he would be if his life went oh so differently.

[ixiot-ghostrebel]

What if the reader was the child of the creator and had these gorgeous horns until one day, they were being looked after by Raiden, Venti, Nahida, Zhongli and they hear this mixed sounds of rocks breaking and bone snapping suddenly appearing and reader's large and gorgeous horns is suddenly not attached and in their hands while blood drips from their head. Apparently their horns were feeling pretty wobbly and they wanted to pull them to get rid of the feeling because it felt annoying.

PS: this is normal for this to happen, it's like pulling a tooth and a new one grows back.

How would they react to the graces child's horns no longer attached to their head.

OOOHH BOY, ARCHONS BUCKLE YOUR SEATBELTS, YOUR BABYSITTING CAREERS ARE ABOUT TO BE SHOOT THROUGH A BIG ROLLERCOASTER!

Honestly cannot blame them for panicking though—I would honestly do the same if I were in that position—

(Disclaimers: Might be OOC!)

Raiden Ei

The moment she sees the Almighty Creator's child's head bleeding, she is already scolding herself greatly for not being able to protect a child.

And then she sees the horns. That's when her panic begins to really spike up. That is—until she remembers Mikoshi Chiyo—her dear oni friend of bygone times—mention something about how some animals shed their horns during certain times of the year. And how her children have their teeth fall out when they were younger but we don't talk about that-

"Your Younger Grace, let us clean this all up before it becomes more of a mess." She tries to soften her voice towards you, knowing that she is dealing with a) a child and b) the literal descendant of the Almighty Creator. She does not dare to try and be cruel to the child who's parent can literally strike her down faster than lightning and time itself.

She's not exactly the most open nowadays, but she would still try to make herself as approachable as possible, if you two weren't close before.

If you two were? Well, that makes it a lot easier—her concern is easily detected and she's already cleaning up the blood and taking your previous horns somewhere else (probably a place where nobody would begin to panic just at the sight of it).

She won't even speak a single word about this incident after it's over. Ei does not want to look back at this memory and remember just how much of a heart attack she just gained by staring at the Divine One's child.

Venti

This man, hands down, will panic for a good few hours. Probably won't think straight as he thinks he's failed the Almighty Creator.

"Your Younger Grace, quick—let's get that cleaned up now!" Man would probably also yeet your horns away (gently) so that he never has to see it again. Venti is 100% traumatized again.

Would keep an eye on you whenever you touch your head now—this guy is making sure you never repeat the same thing again.

It won't be 'till a LONGG time before he realizes it's like a deer with your horns—but still, it's still pretty traumatic for our wisp boi, let's be hoenst—

Nahida

She would naturally be very upset that you would hurt yourself. However, she's not as panicked—she compares this situation like a deer. Or, actually—she hypothesizes.

Nevertheless, Nahida is still pretty upset you have to bleed because of this. She never wants to see you hurt, ever!

"Your Younger Grace, please let one of my people tend to your head..." She would call in her best medics from her nation to make sure your bleeding stops, before she deals with the horns that you practically tore off.

She will admit, it was very strange to hold the pieces of the Almighty Creator's child's horns as if they were collectible items. So, for the time being, she'll just keep them in a wrapped cloth to hide them.

Every time you do this, Nahida is now extra prepared for your "horn regrowth," as she calls it.

Zhongli

Dude is honestly the least surprised out of them all. I mean—can you blame him? He legit has seen it happen—remember what animal Moon Carver is? Yeah, that's right: a deer. Man's seen the guy shed antlers all the time, honestly.

But what he didn't expect is that you would actually bleed from pulling your horns off. That's what gets this grandpa of an Archon moving.

"Your Grace, allow me to tend to your injuries." Would treat it so seriously you think you were actually injured—you're just sitting there trying to recall how you might have hurt yourself until you realize Zhongli was talking about the horns you pulled off.

Pretty calm about the horns, honestly. Like I said, he's probably seen it one too many times. He'll probably ask the Almighty Creator themself of what he should do with them.

Would also probably educate the other archons so that they could stop having an absolute panic attack each time you decide to make your head bleed (cough looking at you, Venti cough).

And that's it! Everyone's except Ei's is short, but I do hope you like it! See you all around :)

Ghost Rebel Side Note: Yes, I did do some research with Ei's part—mainly because I don't really know how exactly she would react to a situation like this. I'm taking in terms with the fact that she is also mentally arguing/dealing with the Puppet Shogun, so there is some sort of rationalism behind her actions because of this. And, no, I don't believe Oni are able to shed off their horns, so I just made one of Ei's friends mention something about re-growing horns/teeth lol-

Check the Ghost Rebel's Blog Description to See if Their Mailbox is Open!

[captainderyn]

Gets out of my carbon pocket

Psst psst glitter anon here hihi >:]

> thoughts about Johnny silverhand

Ams hcs of judy/v !! go crazy GO STUPID

Glitter Anon!!! Hi :D

Oooh okay so my thoughts about Johnny. So, first thing is first, he took awhile to grow on me. I actually really didn't like him at first because I thought he was an abrasive asshole lol. Cuz, ya know, he is. And I didn't go into Cyberpunk knowing ANY of the lore from the TTRPG (I still don't really know any of the lore from the ttrpg).

When I first played V she was incredibly hostile towards Johnny throughout the entire game, the only reason she changed that tune is because I wanted to get the secret ending that wasn't-so-secret-to-me because my husband had played the game. So I chose V's dialogue accordingly. And it was during Johnny's quest line that he really grew on me and I love him even though he's a massive jerk. I think the concept of he and V becoming more and more meshed to the point that they don't know what parts were him and what parts were her is fascinating and I have a soft spot for their unlikely friendship and banter :)

This second playthrough, now that I've solidified my take on V more, has been not quite as aggressively hostile as it had been. She still really does not get along with JOhnny at first, but they grow on each other a lot more a lot quicker. And I think, deep down (and as the game shows), Johnny does come around to care for V and whatever complicated mess of feelings that opens up.

I discussed it somewhere in a post I cannot find, but I haven't really settled on one of the canon endings as 'canon' for my V yet because nothing truly fits exactly how she interacts with Night City. HOWEVER, pulling from some Phantom Liberty stuff here for Johnny and V thoughts and headcanons, I'll toss those and the Judy/V headcanons beneath a cut!

Spoilers for PL starting NOW

I found the post I rambled in so I am just going to copy and paste that for everyone's convenience (not PL, but the secret ending):

I cannot shake the horror of V waking up after Mikoshi and her head is just…dead silent for the first time in a long while. It’s deafening. It’s terrifying. It feels wrong.

There’s no Johnny materializing in the corner of her vision with some quick remark. Some ongoing internal monologue. It’s silent. It’s…empty. It feels like part of her has been ripped out of her, like there’s a hole that needs to be filled.

She’s been working towards this for however long. This has been the GOAL it’s what Johnny urged her to do, there in the end.

So why does she feel so empty? Why does she feel panicky and guilty and everything she shouldn’t be feeling?

If this was what she’s been working towards, why does her voice tremble when she calls out “…Johnny?”

And why do her eyes burn when there’s no response? Something in her has been fundamentally broken since the Relic brought her back.

Now multiply all that previous sentiment combined with the PL ending where V goes through the surgery. She broke some kind of trust with Johnny when she did that if I remember correctly, but she did it to preserve the life she'd been trying to make for herself. Only for that to slip through her fingers like smoke. What she gave up to go through with that surgery, leaving things on "bad terms" with Johnny like that, only to wake up to have two years of her life gone. Judy's gone, moved on, like most everyone else V had close to her at the end...leaving her with nothing. No one. Hollowed out and empty with nothing but Night City around her. And I think in those times she probably wishes that she didn't go through with any of this. That she'd let Johnny have her body because she's alone anyway, she might as well have had him up to the very end ;--;

---

Judy/V Headcanons

-First and foremost I guess I should say that my V and Judy were never meant to last forever. I love them together in the time they have, I think they're sweet, but they're flame that fizzles out fast. They were a fire lit in the wake of immense tragedy and I think Judy was searching for someone, even subconsciously, to hold onto in the overwhelming ocean of grief and pain she was going through. It also just comes down to the fact that Judy was always going to leave Night City, V never was. V doesn't want to go out in a blaze of glory or become the queen of the Afterlife; that was Jackie's dream not hers, but NC is her home and she can't imagine herself anywhere else.

-Judy tries really hard to get V to leave NC, gets her perhaps halfway warmed up to the thought of leaving. Then the raid on Arasaka happens and V comes back a shell of herself. Judy thinks that maybe V needs time, but it becomes clear in her mind that V is more a ghost that haunts NC than herself anymore.

-Despite V being tied to NC, she would do anything to grant Judy's wish to get out of the city. Even if it mean that V wouldn't be going with her. She isn't lying when she says she's working towards it--I imagine that either in any ending that has Judy and V apart, Judy still gets a fat sum of eddies into her account from V. Her "get out of town fund".

-They have a great dynamic, they get along like a house on fire. To Judy, V is fiery, has a sense of humor like a whip, is a little dumb like an excitable golden retriever, and makes her feel safe and secure for awhile. She’s so intensely V in a Night City that tries to squash anyone who dares to live that vibrantly.

-V starts to change, as the Relic’s malfunctions get worse. She starts adopting mannerisms, ways of speaking, that aren’t entirely her. They’re Johnny. The cadence of her voice is off sometimes, she starts wearing different clothes–that ratty replica Samurai jacket Rogue found for her. She starts smoking more–the old V never would’ve touched a cigarette with a ten foot pole. And I think those subtle shifts raise alarm bells, raise some walls for Judy. Especially after the incident while diving and seeing exactly what V’s time running out looks like. I think as much as that date starts Judy and V's relationship for real, it also starts ticking down to the end. Because as bright and hot as those passion flames burn, Judy knows what's on the other side.

-Outside of the pits of angst lol, I can see V and Judy, ripping through the streets of NC on V's motorcycle. Judy clinging to V, wind billowing her jacket as V drives way faster than she probably should, to the outskirts of the city where they sit on an outcropping to watch the sun set over the skyline. That's the energy they have. The kind of relationship that sweeps you off your feet, the air out of your lungs.

-I don't really think Judy knows what to do with V lol. She doesn't know what to do with the big muscled merc who sings bad syth-pop at the top of her lungs in Judy's van and throws herself down like a big puppy on Judy's couch with a smile that lights up the entire room. And I think V is the one to get some of the most unfiltered Judy that NC ever sees.

-Looking at things from The Sun ending, despite the shadow that remains as V, I think for a moment Judy considers what it would be like to stay in NC with her. That perhaps NC wouldn't be so bad if she had someone she loved, who wasn't eaten alive by the city, to face it with. But then she realizes that she lost some part of V in Arasaka Tower that she won't get back, and realizes her days with V are still numbered. And that's when those walls come slamming back up, when she makes that choice to cut V off before she can hurt Judy, even unintentionally. In her mind she has to protect herself, there was always that last 5% of trust that she never gave to V.

[inavagrant-a]

@bushiido​

Who would have thought that such a place would exist in the most inner depths of Inazuma. An entire kingdom, a long forgotten civilization, before his own times? Surely Tetsuya has been aware of such things, knowing well that the world didn’t just begin when he was created, but to see it and to experience it for himself is an entirely different demon. With arms over his chest he looks up at the mechanism in the middle of this long forgotten kingdom’s most grand structures with curiosity. According to the briefing notes he’s come to read before his arrival that’s supposed to be this kingdom’s sun of sorts, manufactured and created by human hands with borrowed knowledge from the merciful divine. Of course it was the Gods, there is simply no plausible way a human would be able to come up with such a thing without the added assistance of a God. He didn’t bother to look too into the detailed notes that were given to him and his fellow companion Kaedehara by the traveler, but all of this is lost history and it isn’t something Tetsuya’s going to be beating his head about. 

“The Dainichi Mikoshi...” He says the name out loud, silently taken by it. Apparently it’s broken or, well, not working when in the past it did. Oddly enough it isn’t so much that they want it to be fixed as much as they just want to make sure that there’s nothing happening down here that shouldn’t be. Tetsuya didn’t bother with the details, but he did come to understand that apparently there’s vishaps down here that thrive in this thick darkened oblivion and there was some sort of silent agreement in the past where they wouldn’t be messing with Enkanomiya anymore. Whatever that may be it isn’t any of his business and he’s not about to make it so. However it is because of the vishaps that Tetsuya was sent down here, apparently they are quite deadly, especially in the dark. Tetsuya has encountered them before, but in the surface world, this would be his first time dealing with them in their, apparently, natural habitat. He can’t say he’s not looking forward to seeing if there’s a difference between them or not.

It did take some convincing from the traveler to get Tetsuya to leave Sumeru, especially when he was told that the location of interest was so near to Inazuma. To quote: It’s in Inazuma, but not really, according to the traveler which only confused Tetsuya at the time, but in that same coin also peaked his interest. (A place in Inazuma I didn’t know about?) Was what Tetsuya thought. Apparently the traveler had other matters at hand and they wouldn’t be able to investigate Enkanomiya so they reached out to him and another for assistance. Buer gave the okay if Tetsuya was willing, eventually Tetsuya agreed with the request, since he’s still adamant on having his dues paid properly and the prospect of an entirely new location was far too seducing. Something new, something fresh, for someone as jaded and monotonously eternal as he.

... At least that was the case until he actually got here and saw just who it was he’d be exploring this place with. The last time he saw him... the experience was less than pleasant, but for now the location is enough to keep his attention. He can only hope it stays that way.

Peculiar... how this kingdom is in the depths of oblivion and yet the sound of the wind is still ever present here, a breeze that blows continuously out of seemingly nowhere.

“Did your friend relay any more information to you?” Tetsuya speaks towards Kazuha, his eyes still captured by the device above that moves but does nothing. “That’s the sun to this place is it not?” He nods towards the device again high above.

[mindsmade]

what i don’t wish is for you to leave. 🥲

meme

He never thought he'd be on the receiving end of that line. It'd always been him to think it, though rarely to say it — too scared of the repercussions of airing out his worst fears like that. V thinks it makes him a coward and therefore, by extent, this makes So Mi brave. For a moment, in his puzzlement, he wonders if she struggles with telling him this, with confiding in him so, just like he knows he would had their roles been reversed.

His end lies looming on the horizon, though, so maybe she's simply recognized she doesn't have anything to lose now. Neither does he, really, but he supposes his avoidant is also a real fuckin' stubborn one. So he chews on the sentiment she's just shared with him, his eyes searching hers for some indication of a lie — perhaps a white lie to placate him because, despite his best intentions, maybe she's seen through his forced distance; his eternal self-restraint, because what if his presence repels her, or what if his feelings do?

He sees none of that, not even with his signature paranoia keeping his expectations on a tight leash. V tips his head sideways some as such, his eyebrows knitting together.

❛  Y'mean it?  ❜

He hadn't wanted to leave, anyway. Ironically, being stuck with the bastard that is Johnny Silverhand has made him all the more keen on sticking around; on living to see the end of this fucked-up tale. Quite the change from his usual disregard for his own life.

He'd be one big liar if he'd deny the role others have played in the second spark given to his will to live, though. Jackie ( man, how he misses him, still ), Panam, Judy — and, despite their rocky track record ( or maybe even because of it ), So Mi. Oh, So Mi, the one that fucked him over the hardest, and contrarily did the most to undo any damage done.

A slight smile splits his features, overpowering the bemusement stuck fast till now. Though reading facial expressions is hardly one of his strengths ( that unyielding scepticism of his sees to that ), he's sure he detects a current of sadness sweeping across her features. Not even the iridescent gradient of her hair he so loves could distract him from that.

Uncharacteristically boldly, he pierces the perimeter of the personal space he always ensures he sticks to ( even if others are invited into it ), placing his right hand on her shoulder — closer to her neck than to her upper arm.

As the silence stretches on a moment longer, he considers his chances; whether they're good enough to merit a promise from his end. Mikoshi, for all intents and purposes, should be the panacea he's been after. One assault, one cure, one escape, and that's it.

Still, he doesn't have the courage to commit to any promises. The uncertainty underscoring that fact frightens him somewhat, but he swallows it down for now, comforted by the knowledge that he's not alone in the fight of and for his life.

❛  I'm doin' all I can to stick around, So Mi. Somehow, this mess has gone and done the impossible of actually makin' me want to live.  ❜ He squeezes her shoulder gently, cementing his resolution to stay. Before he finishes his train of thought, he withdraws his touch, gesturing towards her. ❛  I'll even admit to wantin' to stay just to spend more time with you.  ❜

Here, his gaze peels off her, briefly flitting towards the NCART coasting along the tracks in the distance. It sticks there only for a second or two for that penetrating silence's sake, before his eyes inevitably find hers again. This time, the smile on his face bears a sheepish quality.

❛  Unless you're talkin' about not wantin' me to leave this specific spot just now — in which case: my bad, first of all. Second: I've got some time left 'fore I have to go meet Rogue.  ❜

[sephiwhore]

Prompt: Johnny and V have their own bodies, are no longer dying, and are discussing their future together *fluffy af*

“Here you are, one bacon cheeseburger, and a triple bacon cheeseburger.”

V could tell the waiter was trying to hide the suspicious look as he set down Johnny’s plate of bacon with a side of cheeseburger, but he wasn’t very good at it. Ironically, he looked like he’d seen a ghost, and he wasted no time in scurrying away from their table.

“I’m tellin’ you, don’t get too excited.”

“C’mon, how can you mess up bacon? Fifty years ago they were making beef out of fuckin’ plants, imagine how far the bacon sciences have come.”

V placed her forearms on the table and watched in amused anticipation as Johnny smashed down the pile of bacon with one hand and shoved the pile of meat into his mouth. Seconds later, he bowed his head between his arms, elbows rested on the table. A couple seconds after that, he lifted an index finger from the burger still in his hands and V waited patiently, lips stretched into a grin, for him to finish chewing.

Finally, his head bobbed as he swallowed, and then lifted, his eyes wide.

“Holy shit, V,” he breathed. “Food is fuckin’ GOOD!”

V burst into a fit of laughter. “Yeah, Johnny. Yeah it is.”

“You’re right,” Johnny nodded, taking another, smaller bite, “meat is shit now, but this is the first thing I’ve eaten in half a century so I really don’t care.”

As Johnny happily chewed away, V reached across the table and brushed her fingertips along his ‘ganic arm. One of her many, many reminders to herself that he was really there. She could feel him, not merely a ghost of a touch conjured by her brain, but a real, solid feeling.

“What the fuck do we do now?” she muttered, half to herself.

She didn’t even notice Johnny had set down his food and wiped his hands clean, until his fingers were around hers.

“We live,” he replied softly.

V let out a deep, slow sigh while she gathered her thoughts. Live. A few days ago, she’d almost given up hope that that was a possibility anymore. It almost wasn’t, wouldn’t have been if her and Johnny hadn’t sat with Alt inside Mikoshi for what felt like hours, brainstorming ways to ensure that they both lived. 

Even now, as they both sat there in the flesh—synth-flesh, in Johnny’s case—she struggled to accept it that it was really over, they were both safe and alive and—

She felt a gentle squeeze of her hands.

“V?”

“Yeah. Sorry,” she met Johnny’s eyes with a sad smile. “Quiet in here now, easy to get lost in thought.”

Johnny returned her smile, but his was happy. Hopeful. “But I’m right here, V. Okay?” He lifted her hands to his lips and placed a gentle kiss to her fingers. “And we can do whatever your little merc heart desires.”

V sighed again, but with the exhale went some of her fear, and she smiled.

“Yeah.”

[trashcatsnark]

Big fan of how exasperated he sounds in "Pyramid Song" after V almost drowns; "Told you that diving into that toxic sludge would end badly, but you just don't FUCKING listen! 😡" like, okay mother hen 👀

YES I LOVE THAT MISSION AND HIS RESPONSE TO IT SO MUCH

Honestly, I think Pyramid Song is without a doubt one of the biggest showcases of how much he does care about and is like clingy to V outside of main missions. Because by all intents and purposes, it is one of the safest missions as well as a romance one if you’re fem v. Like, its diving sure, but Judy is a pro who’s dived a billion times, has professional equipment, there’s no threat. Its just having a good time with Judy. 

But, Johnny, doesn’t want V to have any part of it. (I also tend to subscribe to the theory this is part because he’s very claustrophobic after mikoshi and doesn’t want to be trapped in the dark deep sea and the malfunction at that point is a reflection of him having a panic attack, but thats me). Whether from his own fear or not, he sees this as dangerous and wants them to have nothing to do with it. 

Tells V, don’t do it, it’s dangerous, I don’t like it, don’t even think about. And then they do and something goes wrong and he’s fuming, frustrated, yOU DONT FUCKING LISTEN! And I imagine not only his mother hen concerned protectiveness is coming out, but its also this frustration that he can’t do anything but backseat drive. 

We know from flashbacks, the first meeting with V,  and the moments he’s in control, Johnny is a very physically forceful person. There is no doubt in my mind that if he could have, Johnny would have tried to physically pull V away from the whole mess. But he can’t, all he can do is warn, is nag, is give what he thinks is good advice. But because V won’t fuckin listen, it all amounts to nothing, he can’t protect them or drag them away from danger. Going with the mother hen analogy, I imagine he feels like a parent watching their kid about to run into traffic and he wants to physically grab them and pull them to safety, but all he can do is yell and hope they listen, and they don’t, they never fucking do and now he’s stuck watching them gasping for air, nearly died, and he can’t do anything about it. 

Johnny probably feels so fucking helpless when it comes to V sometimes, only able to really intervene and help in a few moments, mostly just having to nag and hope they stop being stubborn for a moment. 

And then even V’s recovered and safe, doing fine, its the middle of the night and they’re comforting Judy now. What does Johnny do? Asks them to leave Judy, just ditch her as she has a panic attack V, because Johnny no likey Judy. (for reasons terribly ironic given their similarities, like really you don’t like Judy because she’s an idealist who wants to shake up system but her plans are half cooked, impulsive, and messy?) 

sidenote; johnny as a mother hen reminded me of how he will something say V... like a disappointed mother if you yank your hand out of placide’s grip. 

Also SORRY I GIVE LIKE 5 RAGE RANTS IN RESPONSE TO ASKS, I JUST LACK THE ABILITY TO NOT RAMBLE 

[x-nephophile-x]

Johnny and fem!V and the bullet necklace- just a dumb fanfic i wrote and read over maybe twice to cope with the game and idk just take it away from me im not good with posting my stuff online ive only ever done it once and just take it im tired -takes place after Temperance-

This is written with the idea of Johnny getting his own body recovered and V having her own back- whether that is via cloning or cyber splitting, etc., bottom line is- they’re okay. How they got there is up to you (Or CDPR in DLC… because… please?) ---------------------------------------------------------- It had been roughly half a year, according to her friends, that she’d been gone. Though to them, she hadn’t been too far gone. After all, they still saw her face, heard her voice, but it wasn’t her, it was Johnny. The man who saved her life; who really did. He was the reason she was back, back in a flesh body, back with the occasional migraine and auras of data. A leftover side effect from being beyond the black wall.

Her body still feels alien at times. Johnny feels alien too; his touch before cold and sterile now warm and full of life. Life that they somehow both fought for, fought and chased and clutched tightly, even when it seemed that no matter what they did, they’d lose it forever. She’d somehow made a fearful kind of peace with it in Mikoshi only for Johnny to continue the fight in her stead.

As she rounds the corner from her stash, she spies Johnny as he sits on her couch, a smoke in hand, glaring at Nibbles who is busy making a bed in the clothes beside him, messing up the neatly folded pile. “Hey, pass me that box will ya’?” V calls out, balancing knick-knacks atop a pile of books that sit awkwardly at her waist, pinned there and digging uncomfortably into her skin, but it’s a sensation and it feels louder than it did before she died and came back so she welcomes it anyway.

Wordlessly, Johnny brings her an empty cardboard box, setting it down in front of her, taking the pile from her to stack inside it. “Just about done?”

“Just got what’s on the couch to pack.”

“I’ll get it.”

“Thanks- hey, careful, don’t break my shit.”

Johnny snorts, glancing over his shoulder at her as she turns to the stash room, then back again, habitually, to check if he’s still there.

And he is.

She knew before that she was hallucinating his presence when she saw him. At first an annoying production of the biochip, and then a comforting one. She was simply hallucinating whenever he had touched her, hallucinating whenever he seemed to move things around her. It had become an odd habit whenever he disappeared from her view to check to see if he were still there, as if it would’ve changed anything. It was always disconcerting somehow when he wasn’t. It’s the last thing she remembers doing before taking the plunge beyond the wall, his eyes locked on her as she walked away, seemingly forever.

And yet there he was, shooing Nibbles off the clothes and decor, picking at a dark t-shirt that lay on top, looking as if he has half a mind to refold it.

It still feels surreal.

They work for another half hour, until her apartment is as bare as the day she moved in and the boxes sit out in that old Hella EC-D of hers. She finds herself thankful that Johnny kept it safe with the Aldecaldos while she was away. Panam had, of course, kept it in preem shape, for the day V returned.

Was she away during that time? Dead? She still isn’t quite sure what to call it. She’d meant it to be death. She’d been so terrified of dying, so scared of nothingness.

And then what did she do?

She took a bullet for Johnny.

And he’d managed to claw it out, rebuild her piece by piece, save her.

“There’s one place I wanna’ stop before we head out.” Johnny states as he rounds the corner from her stash room, likely double checking if they’d gotten everything, while she stands in the doorway, Nibbles in her arms, taking it all in. She still remembers the housewarming party- Jackie, Mama Welles, Misty, Vik and herself, cooped up with tequila and chili and tamales and mole and all the best food Mama Welles could think up. They drank and laughed, one of the few times Mama Welles tolerated Misty’s presence. It’s hard to imagine the distant, cold feeling they carried before when now Misty had become a focus for her as she coped slowly with the loss of Jackie, and she would be coping forever. V would too in her own way. She was still in that garage mentally sometimes.

“V?”

“Sorry, yea, uh-…“

“You alright?” Johnny asks, a knit in his brow as he approaches her, and she pulls back just a step instinctively. Something sharp near your heart. She feels it pang harshly. Johnny stops as if he’s hit a wall and she isn’t sure what to make of the flash of hurt she’s almost sure she’s hallucinated on his face.

“Yea, just… ya’ know, taking it in. Gonna’ be the last I see of the place.” She states slowly, wistfully, eyeing the corner of the room where she’d first seen Johnny, him banging his head against the wall, like a caged animal. It almost doesn’t seem to mesh with the Johnny she sees now who runs his hand through his hair, turns to eye the room and, seemingly, the same spot near the bed.

A long moment passes before Johnny finally breaks the silence. “It’ll have some naïve, gonk merc eyeing to become a Night City Legend in here this time next week, I’m sure.”

V chuckles then eyes the city scape. The sun is resting atop the skyline, maybe an hour or two before it’ll disappear and leave for the night. It casts nostalgia-filled golden hues through the apartment that feels strangely ready to be left behind. “Hope it works out for ‘em.”

“Having regrets?” Johnny muses almost tactically.

“Nah…” She musters the courage to look at him, catching his dark eyed gaze in her own, a cryptic look in his eyes that she can’t quite place. “No regrets.”

That cryptic look unlocks, drops and morphs into one of… almost a guilt-ridden graciousness. Something she only recognizes because it was there, in a way, just an echo before, in Mikoshi when they’d finally made it to Alt, only then there was anger too, when she said she’d go. Now the anger is gone and what space remains in its absence only grows sadder.

“Come on, let’s head out. Time we hit the road.” V says, a bit more harshly than she means to. Johnny dips his head, eyes the space near her bed once more, then turns on his heel to follow her out the door.

They take separate cars, Johnny in his Porsche, her in the EC-D, each packed almost so full that its hard to see out of the rear window. She follows behind him, loyally following the Samurai writing on the bumper until eventually he pulls aside to park.

She figured they’d head to Afterlife, to maybe say goodbye to Rogue, or any bar for one last drink, or maybe even that kid’s place he’d mentioned. Steven, she thinks it was. He hadn’t told her much, but enough to know she’d done good in her choice at the end of it all, the beginning of it all. The fact that she was driving now, feeling the sun on her face once more, the roar of an engine beneath her, the wind whipping through her hair, was even more proof that she’d made the right call saving him. Dying for him.

But now, they park at the Columbarium of all places. She watches as Johnny opens his car door, swings his feet to rest on the asphalt, leans on his knees. He runs both hands through his hair, takes off his sunglasses and tosses them onto the dash before finally leaving the car behind in favor of approaching hers.

“You coming?” He asks as she finally pushes her door open, her features twisted in confusion.

“Why are we here?”

“Just… come on, V, don’t be stubborn, for once in your life.”

V snorts, then follows him reluctantly up the steps. She knows Jackie is here in these halls. She visited once and only ever the once. She’d made her peace, or at least as much as she was likely to. There would always be a distinct Jackie shaped void in her heart, she’s accepted it though. She’s sure he can’t have brought her out this way for that. “Is this about Jackie, Johnny?” She finally asks when Johnny’s steps start to slow enough for her to catch up. He glances over at her, peering down at her with a guarded gaze.

“No, it’s about you.”

“What?”

After a moment, his footsteps trailing slower to an eventual stop in front of a niche, he stands in front of it. She slowly approaches him, stands closer than she has since she’s been back, since their first and only hug, she’s sure of it, so she can see whose grave it is—

Oh.

Oh.

“Johnny…” She words breathlessly. If being alive felt surreal then seeing her own grave felt like a punch in the gut. She reads over her name then below it where written simply is the word: dreamer.

Dreamer.

With a slow breath she knows she isn’t meant to notice, Johnny accesses it and the small drawer greets him with an smooth whoosh. Inside the drawer is just one thing; the small necklace Misty had made her, with the bullet nestled inside, held carefully yet strongly in white string. Johnny wraps his fingers around it, holds it out to her. “Just… wanted to see if you’d want this back.”

“You… you got me a niche?”

“You saw my grave. Apparently, I’m here too- no body of course, thanks to Arasaka…” Johnny lets out a dark ‘hmph’, then meets her eyes with a ghost of a somber smile. “Look at us, two ghosts back from the dead.”

“You wanted me to be remembered.” She states bluntly, taking the charm from him, letting it rest in her palm, her eyes working over the knots in the string like the ones in her head.

“Of course I did…” He clenches and unclenches his jaw, ducks his head when his gaze falters to the charm in her hand for too long. The thing that started it all, a bullet to the head. Her eyes flick up to eye Johnny who twists his fingers anxiously; tension from wanting a smoke in between them instead of the empty air.

The only good thing that had come from that stupid heist.

“You deserved to be remembered, in some way, somehow…It was the least I could do when it all went down. After what you did for me.” He states slowly, almost in a meandering, rambling sort of way, but the words are heavy and poignant all the same. “Fuck, V, this is… fucking stupid but… I don’t know, didn’t feel right leaving without you at least knowin’ about this, deciding on it.”

“It wasn’t stupid, Johnny, this is…” She looks at her name, ‘dreamer’, turns it over and over in her mind, then looks to him, his face a mix of unsureness and a tinge of regret. “This is sweet. Really.” She offers him a smile before turning to the box, holding the keepsake up once more before she lets it slowly fall into the drawer. “But, I’m good. It can stay, with your grave, Jack’s…I don’t need it to remember.” Then with a breath, “I got you, that’s good enough for me.”

Johnny eyes her, then finally smiles, warm and bright, as he shakes his head. “Shit, that was cheesy even for you.”

She grins, reaches out without thinking, lands her knuckles against his shoulder lightly only she can’t bring herself to pull back, not when his skin is warm and real and solid underneath her touch, doesn’t flicker and falter. Instead, she lets her fist unfurl, resting her palm against him. He looks down at her, gaze guarded and careful and yet vulnerable and she mirrors it- both afraid they’ll collapse and fade away if they move, if they blink.

“This just… means a lot, Johnny, more than I can probably put into words. At least non-cheesy words.”

He smiles softly, and she moves her hand up to the back of his neck, standing on her tip-toes to quickly press herself against him hard, like the chance won’t come again. She presses against him, feeling him tense, real and alive, and the shockwave of it all is enough to make her want to scream and sob and smile all at once. She feels his arms slowly snake around her waist, feels him press his head against hers, the ends of his hair tickling her cheek and it all just somehow feels like home.

When a few seconds too many pass, and she’s done dreaming of what could be, she finally regains enough sense to pull away and, before she loses her nerve, she presses her lips against his cheek, not eager to hear the ribbing he’ll give her for something so chaste and cliché. “Seriously, thank you.” She peers up at him, then slowly pulls back until his arms slip from around her, leaving a hole in her chest somehow. “We better hit the road, it’s getting late.”

“Yea.” He offers quietly.

She turns, takes a few steps though his footfalls lag just enough to make her glance back to check that he’s following her.

Except then he grabs her shoulder, spins her to face him-

His lips crash against hers, his metal hand moving to cup her face, his free one wrapping around her waist to pull her against him. She doesn’t move, freezes up, because all that hits her is him- his beard against her skin, the comfortable coolness of the metal hand against her cheek,  the pressure in the small of her back, the way his hand fists the fabric of her shirt—

And then all at once, everything is gone and she thinks this is it, whatever this was, it’s gone, stolen, never there to begin with; she has to still be in cyberspace and all everything has been is one big hallucination, dreams of need and regrets—

“Fuck, V, I--… Shit.”

His voice crashes against her ears, breathy and panicked and she opens her eyes to see him pacing, turned from her.

She reaches forward, calls for him as she grips his forearm and he reluctantly meets her gaze, his own wide with fear, like she’s going to yell or scream or leave him here at her grave, alone; like he’s finally managed to fuck up what they have.

“Johnny, fucking kiss me again.” Is all she offers as she wraps her arms around his neck, stands on her tiptoes to meet his mouth and he obliges just as eagerly. This time, it is a deep and yearning and slow thing, feeling and feeling and focusing on that feeling; the warmth, the intimacy, the love that somewhere along the line started and grew and became all-encompassing.

When she finally pulls away, she mumbles something that she means to be something- his name or an urging to leave or even a ‘wow’ but they all sort of jumble together into a barely audible hum of shock and contentment and amazement. Johnny swallows thickly, his arms lingering around her waist, though his metal hand moves up and down her back slowly. “Mm. Agree, I think.”

She lets out a winded laugh and looks up at him with a smile that feels as wide as an ocean and warm as the sunrays that just make it through the cracks of the towering graves, disappearing slowly, but graciously. His eyes are warm, tender, soft, and just a bit hooded.

“Think we oughta’ go. It’s getting late, but we can hit up Noah’s hotel for the night.”

“That’s not that far. Thought the plan was to drive most of the night?”

“Yeah but after this? I don’t think either of us will last that long.” She teases coyly though she lets her hand wander across his skin up to cup his cheek, her thumb stroking slowly. It’s intimate and not enough and yet more than she could ever ask for.

Johnny chuckles, his tongue darting out over his lips before he slowly moves a hand to mirror hers; cupping her face in his palm, watching as she curls her face into it like she’s touch starved and for him she is.

“Guess you’re right. Though honestly… well, waited this long for that and it was more than worth it, so I think you’re just worth the wait.”

“Now who’s being cheesy, ya’ gonk?” V chastises with a grin, moves to grip his metal hand in hers before leading him back to the cars.

As she settles into her seat, her body buzzing with adrenaline and change on the horizon, she eyes her glovebox. She opens it, digs around until metal meets her fingertips and she pulls out Johnny’s dog tags. With a smile, she puts them on.

She wouldn’t need that little bullet to remember the heist, to be thankful she lived, to have as a lucky charm.

She had all the reminder she needed, and her reminder was honking his horn at her impatiently to get her to drive ahead of him. She flips him off with a smile as she passes slowly by. He gives her a broad smile and flips her off in kind and she knows she’s on her way home.

[i-am-vpelno]

What Really Happened During the Arasaka Nuke Assault (Theory) :

!Spoilers for Cyberpunk 2077, Red and 2020!

We all know the story, a vengeful Johnny Silverhand gathered a team of the best mercs he knew and led a charge on the Arasaka HQ in Night City. He planted a nuke and before he could escape, was defeated and captured by Adam Smasher before being ‘killed’ by Soulkiller. Now he’s an engram and his body lays in a cement grave in the middle of nowhere...or is it? We’re told time and time again what an unreliable narrator Johnny is and it’s weird that Blackhand would just be replaced like that. I’d like to brain storm some theories on what really happened that night and why there are so many different canonical takes on this event (other than the game not being finished.)

A few key things from Cyberpunk lore:

In Cyberpunk 2020, the actual leader of the Arasaka nuke assault is Morgan Blackhand

In Cyberpunk 2077, very few people know that Johnny was involved in the attack

It’s Morgan Blackhand that goes missing after facing Smasher in 2020

A nuke is already planted by Arasaka before the assault

A preserved body was hidden with the arasaka planted nuke before it was shipped out

A Silverhand fan named Angel is now in possession of the body and the nuke

First, what really happened according to Cyberpunk 2020 and Mike Pondsmith. Mike says that its Thompson, the media that helped Johnny when Alt was kidnapped, that set up the entire operation and that Militech provided the bomb and Morgan Blackhand to lead. Morgan Blackhand, a famous solo, took a contract under Militech to take down Arasaka in the fourth corporate wars. He led three teams: Omega (his own), Beta (Your player character from the tabletop game) and Alpha (Johnny and crew.) There’s this US military guy called Eddington who is giving Morgan and Thompson all this information and resources. His plan is to use team Alpha as a distraction while stealing Arasaka intel and destroying the tower. Spider Murphy ‘finds out’ Alt is being held in Mikoshi and informs Johnny. Johnny is killed by Adam Smasher before the nuke goes off. Meanwhile, “someone” sets off the nuke prematurely and Morgan faces off with Smasher, never to be heard from again.

Mike says Johnny’s memories are scrambled due to radiation and so he misattributes some events. The question is, which events are misattributed? This is where it gets complicated. Due to the fact that, Johnny’s survival was changed completely from the original story and the fact that now we know his memory is faulty, there’s a lot we just can’t answer ourselves and will have to wait for Mike or CD Projekt Red to fill in the blanks. For now, the obvious replacement of Blackhand and why he’s missing from the memory entirely. During the flashbacks, it may be a stylistic choice but after a major scene plays out, the screen will cut to black and the memory will jump forward in time. It looks like after Alt’s death Johnny jumps straight into the assault, however according to his wiki, Johnny spent some undocumented years with Santiago and the Aldecaldos between then and the assault. We also don’t get to see Thompson’s involvement, the deal with Militech, or how they even got the nuke. Instead we get the bombastic power trip and Johnny’s badass fiery end. Now, that is a lot of important context missing in exchange for a Hollywood ending and I don’t think it’s just Johnny’s own mind embellishing the memory! Everyone who wasn’t involved and isn’t someone who knows for a fact that Johnny was involved, says something that insinuates doubt that he was actually there. That concert and riot the game shows, it happened in 2013 ten years earlier! There’s also a scene of news helicopters coming to the scene while Johnny is being taken into an ambulance, wouldn’t that show confirmed proof that Johnny was at the scene? Finally, what about his gun, car and Rogue being taken in by Smasher, something isn’t adding up.

It’s too Hollywood to be real and too much is missing for just embellishment of a dying mind. I think Arasaka had a plan for Johnny, there was a purpose for changing his memories the way they did but letting him know they did it. We know that the Relic we get is only a prototype, so it’s easy to assume Arasaka was probably just messing with the memories because they wanted to test everything they were able to do. The prototype Relic allows Johnny’s engram to take over a body with no relation to him, killing the original host in the process. Saburo Arasaka’s Relic must be put into someone with similar genes but we can assume it functions the same way. We can assume Saburo’s version of the Relic is superiorly made compared to Johnny’s, then why change it from killing a stranger to killing a relative? What sort of consequences does Saburo avoid? I don’t think I can answer this since we don’t get to watch Saburo acclimatize to his new body or if Yorinobu fights back, also if Johnny develops his own issues living in V’s body. I can note some things and develop some theories here though. The Relic’s true purpose was to collect people’s engrams in order to harvest data and secrets, though it also worked to make a “back up” of a person in case they died. In Johnny’s case, he couldn’t control V unless they took a medication or until he waited until his engram had control of their body. We could see V’s body sustained damage from the seizures caused by the Relic and V, we can assume Johnny as well, could not be brought back to life again after the first use of the Relic. We can assume Saburo’s relic protected Yorinobu’s body and allowed him immediate direct control of the new body. What’s also interesting is that the only ending that allows Saburo to not just come back but take over his son’s body, is the Devil Ending where Johnny’s engram is shredded. I think they deleted Johnny’s engram but took the data from V’s experience with it to make Saburo’s new Relic. Johnny’s memories being flawed was also a prominent issue, so if they weren’t tampered with Arasaka must have seen that as a flaw to be corrected for Saburo.

Let’s talk about that second nuke. As mentioned, despite this group going to bomb the tower, Arasaka was planning to blow themselves up anyway. Eddington’s plan was to put a ‘pocket nuke’ in an elevator, send it to the basement and detonate it at the foundation of the tower without any other buildings suffering casualties. A strange coincidence that the nuke didn’t reach the basement nuke, which obviously would have caused even greater damage. It’s not likely but perhaps there was already a body stored within that “someone” wanted to protect or that “someone” knew the second nuke was there and wanted to avoid that level of damage. Despite what really happened, Arasaka was accused of suicide bombing their tower as a last ditch effort against the US and they were banished from almost every country. Thus ended the 4th corporate war and began the Time of the Red. In 2045 Trace Santiago, son of the leader of the Aldecados Santiago, was following a lead to get his hands on the full recording of Black Dog for Samantha Stevens. I’m just now reading her wiki and WOW this is crazy! She straight up recovered and preserved some of Johnny’s possessions gun, car and DEAD BODY included. She sends Trace and crew with the package to Angel who gives them the song, one of the crew keeps the gun and she’s the last known person to allegedly be in possession of Johnny’s body. Who knows if she still has it however as this would be 32 years from the game. So despite the nuke 99.9% for sure containing Johnny’s body, it’s not certain why or how Samantha got her hands on it or if this opens up a possibility for Johnny to come back. At least we might be able to give him a proper burial.

Let’s revisit Adam Smasher’s involvement. Smasher was tasked with recovering Johnny’s body and possessions, according to the wiki, from 2023-2045. He found Samantha Steven’s garage full of Johnny’s stuff and might’ve killed or found Trace Santiago’s associate who was holding onto Johnny’s gun. It’s unclear if he found and recovered Johnny’s body or if it’s still with Angel. It’s also unclear what kind of work Rogue did with him or any explanation for their team up (though it would be hilarious if she was involved in Mike’s ‘Michiko’s 18th Birthday’ storyline, the timeline fits!) What is strange, either way you look at it, it’s super dark and strange that Rogue would work with him after what he did to Johnny. What is likely to have happened, since Rogue did know Trace Santiago’s team, was that Smasher had to approach Rogue for help tracking them down or somewhere down the line Angel being in possession of Johnny’s body needed to be tracked down and Rogue volunteered her help. I just refuse to believe a woman like Rogue would push papers or merc for her enemies. Probably the most important factor is Morgan Blackhand and that his rivalry with Smasher was swapped. Smasher had an obsession with fighting Morgan one on one but they rarely or even never fought before the assault. Again it’s hard to say, but we never get to see Smasher than incensed over anyone so maybe Morgan is dead or Smasher is still looking for him offscreen.

So why would Arasaka want to hide Morgan Blackhand’s involvement? The top solo, leader of this incursion and the most ambiguous figure in all of Cyberpunk. He could’ve just died, been turned into an engram ,or even lived to a hundred. I really don’t know, but speculating has been fun! Let me know your theories and ideas too, let’s figure this out!

[neowolf]

I never really put much thought about any other V other than Vinegar and even if his story is over I still think about him....

Under the cut all the ideas I have and some personal commentary on my V boy, Vinegar.

23 years old Street Kid Vinegar with big dreams and bigger heart.

He always wanted to become some sort of hero. Becoming Merc was supposed to help him. I mean... It was a Merc that saved his life (by accident) and he grew up with romanticised idea of this line of work.

His first cyberware was eye implant, he lost it when running away from (idk, did not think about this one yet and probably never will <3).

When he moved to Atlanta he expected his life to change. It didn't. It was pretty much same shit, different place so it was a much better idea to come back to place where you know your surroundings. 

Jackie was the first person he could really trust in a long time. It was such a breeze of new air in his life. New force that made him finally move forward in this city. Then The Heist happened. Jackie’s death shook him to the very core, I don’t think he was fully accepting that Jackie died which is why he decided to send his body to Victor. 

Then Johnny happened. And oh boy, it was a mess. Rockerboy terrorist in head of idealistic pure hearted V? Bad combo. He hated Silverhand, he hated him so much. This rockerboy tried to kill him, he was the one responsible for what was happening to him. V did not want to die, not like this, not when had so much to achieve. 

Then he learned more about Silverhand. Kinda hard not to when you have him in your head 24/7... Vinegar began warming up to him. The terrorist wasn’t as bad as he was painted. Don’t get it wrong, he was still sarcastic and rude but it was just more bearable. And he sometimes made some good points. This was like a form of equivalent exchange between Johnny’s rudeness and Vinegar’s general sunny attitude. 

When it comes to love and romance V is a clueless idiot. Someone could get naked in front of him and he’d be like “You too hot?”. The idea of having friends was always enough for him. This might be my own self leaking onto him tho XD 

Then Kerry happened. It wasn’t love at first sight. This was... Weird. At first it went with regular “potential friend? yes? friend material?” but you don’t get this weird pang of jealousy over a friend now, do you? When it finally dawned on him what it might possibly be... When did it happen? Was it during the gig? Was it the calls and texts? Maybe it was the mix of it all? It did not matter. Vinegar found himself hopelessly in love. 

And it worked. He really did went there, Silverhand always by his side that entire time. Entire attack was a blur in his mind. No idea how he managed to survive it with Relic malfunction just wrecking havoc on his body and mind at this point. 

And the infamous “Meet Hanako at Embers”. He was given the choice. He could let Johnny take the wheel, he could ask Aldecaldos for help. He never thought about getting help from Arasaka. Maybe it was Johnny’s influence but he started to distrust them. 

So he chose none. Vinegar did not want to risk anyone’s life. When he sat at the rooftop holding both tabs, ocasionally looking at the gun, The World card ominously glitching in and out of his vision he finally heard Johnny. The crazy idea of his to just storm Arasaka tower all by himself... Well, two of them. 

You ever wake up and feel like something’s missing? Those were hard weeks for Vinegar. His memories on what happened in Mikoshi are messy and missing. His memory in general's like a swiss cheese. Before he took over Afterlife he wanted some alone time just to put himself together. But at this point there was one element missing. That one, annoying, rude piece. 

When he finally got back into the game it didn’t feel like him. Did Soulkiller really kill V as he knew him? He was distracting himself with crazy amount of work, with finding a way to stop the damage Relic had done to his body. 

And if there is nowhere to go this means you have to go up, to The Sun. 

[trashcatsnark]

I've been thinking about what you've touched on before, that Johnny doesn't think that he's good enough for V, and he's both too stubborn and too anxious to confess how he feels about them, and he sees them falling in love with other people and knows that the day they will have to split for forever in Mikoshi is coming soon... reminded me of "Something about us" by Daft Punk 😥

Oooh, thank you for the song rec!

And johnny hidden behind his arrogant front, knows how cruel hes been how far hes pushed everyone away. Calling himself a selfish bastard comes really easily, same with calling himself fucked up in the Sinnerman quest series.

I always find his wording in that interesting. Because that mission series happens later on in the game. I believe you need to have Life During Wartime (panam main quest missions) done and maybe have a specific street cred level but im less sure on that part. Meaning its generally meant to be a later stage mission. Personally, I like to so it after the oil fields talk, so that also impacts my perception, so your mileage might vary on this.

In those main quests, Johnny largely is always trying to tease and taunt V that they're just as fucked up as him. That they were fucked up before he came along: "that makes you a real deviant", "you're more like me than you know", "you're starting to remind me of me, fifty years back minus the charisma and impressive cock". Yes, i had to fully quote that last one. V never hesitates to tell Johnny he's garbo in the beginning; they question his actions, his morality, his everything. And Johnny does what he does best when someones poking at his feelings and making him feel worse than he already does about himself; he lashes out and projects. Oh no no no no, you're fucked up too, V. Dont act like Im the only asshole here.

Then things change, V gives him more chances than he deserves. He starts to awknowledge his faults without projecting them on V and wants to change. Hell, if V at the oil fields mentions that sometimes they feel more like Johnny, do things he'd do and it feels right. He is terrified and says, we need to get this chip taken care of thats not good. The man who once was trying to convince V how similar they are; hates hearing V admit they may be becoming more like him and doesnt hesitate to blame it on the chip instead of implying V may just be as fucked up as him.

And again, the nonlinear nature of some of the missions can throw some of this off, but like in sinnerman, at the convo in the dinner, i feel like we see a subtle shift. Johnny does go his usual full lecture spiel in this mission, hes annoyed at V talking religion to him, and even jumps to try to make himself sound/feel badass about how V drops to their knees before gods and he pops them in the head. So, in general it has pretty usual Johnny lecture vibes. But this wording always catches me.

"Hes fucked in the head. And you're fucked in the head, cause my fucked up head is inside it. Maybe thats the trick to changing the world, first step gotta get fucked in the head"

Its subtle, but I think him fully saying he is the reason V is fucked in the head, says a lot. Hes no longer trying to act like V and him are both fuck ups, disasters, and morally bankrupt people. Hes the reason V is fucked up. And i think that, among other things, does help show that at a certain point he really does see himself a being this fucked up mess and V is this too good of a person, who for some inconceivable reason doesnt hate him.

Also while i dont have the heart to play it, but looking at some of his dialogue from devil ending and how he can literally tell V that the relic made them more like the old him and hes become more like how they were before the relic; the awknowledgement that before this betrayal, he saw them as good.

Like all of that tells me he does massively feel like V is this too nice for their own good, strangely kind merc. And hes just an asshole, finally trying to change after fucking up his first life.

This answer kind of went on a tangent, but i also wanna say with love interests and potentially watching V fall in love with someone else. I think Johnny gets real torn between that part of him that wants to be better, knows V deserves better and he'll be gone anyway...so he shouldnt even think of getting in the way of it. And this more selfish jealous part of him, that for as long as he is here, he wants to hold on to keeping V to himself and they can find someone else once hes gone so he doesnt have to see it.

[trashcatsnark]

Ok your headcanon about sympathy boners and Johnny trying to redefine his self-worth and I love it! It also reminded me of a glitch I saw where someone fucked up doing a clothing swap which resulted in Johnny wearing a shirt saying "eats pussy" and no pants.... or dick, which got me thinking. How would Johnny handle not having a dick at all(as a engram)/having erectile dysfunction (fix-it)?

Oh my god, if the engram was just like smooth like a ken doll????? That’d be hilarious, oh my god, poor Johnny. JOHNNY SCREAMING THAT ARASAKA STOLE HIS DICK, i cant, i cant. He’d be so furious, full tantrum everyday, every second. V’s worrying about dying and this fucking man child is fuming in their head cAUSE THEY TOOK HIS DICK, YOU DONT UNDERSTAND V!!!!

As far as him having issues getting it up, Johnny is definitely one of those guys who’s humilitated and is furious and just like “No no no no no, i’ll get there, I just uhhh”. And I’ve thought about before, (cause I’m a weirdo who’s thought about Johnny having trouble getting hard before) like a situation where post mikoshi, fix it, but him and V aren’t together yet and are avoiding their feelings. Johnny trying to like go hookup with people like he use to and finding...he can’t perform, so to speak. Because, his heart isn’t in it. His boner is now suddenly directed linked to his heart and soul and is saying, nope, not V, not happening. Which is very silly I know and a hundred percent cause I say an episode of that 70′s show with the premise and found it funny. But, sometimes that stuff really is very internal and emotional, so, theorectically, as much as it’s a shit post, it could happen (me trying to justify my shitty ideas, activated) 

Now, if it’s with V and in their relationship, and Johnny’s...struggling in that arena, I could see it being an issue of him having put too much pressure on himself to like, use sex to keep V satisified with him because he doesn’t think he offers much else. And that internal mess of insecurity and pressure, making his little rockerboy struggle to get on stage. In which case, I think it’d be critical for V to pick up on what’s happening and just fucking talk it out, reassure Johnny, that hey...you bring value to my life just by being here, you don’t have to be anyone but you, I see value in you as a person and how hard I know you try to be a better person everyday, and I love you, regardless of anything else.