#mild failpost

[bivampir]

5 months pre-T / 5 years on T / 32 years on T

[bivampirical]

Jacob Anderson and Sam Reid's friendship is something that can be so personal. they get ice cream and buy stickers together. they wear matching rings. they introduce themselves by their joint name. they laugh about that time they gave each other hickeys at work. before they met irl they send each other live pictures of themselves with their vampfangs. they're best friends they're coworkers they're as if your best friend suddenly started working with you they're like the best friend you only talk to at work. they're tumblr mutuals they're middleschoolers befriending each other on the first day of school. they're married they've known each other forever despite knowing each other for less than a year. they're both die hard stans of the characters they're possed by. i want what they have

[bivampir]

you watch evil dead and you're like holy shit this is the greatest thing I've ever seen and then you watch evil dead ii and you're like holy shit this is the greatest thing i've ever seen and then you watch army of darkness and you're like holy shit this is the greatest thing i've ever seen and then you watch ash vs the evil dead and you're like holy shit this is the greatest thing i've ever seen and then you watch and then you watch evil dead:the musical and you're like holy shit this is the greatest thing i've ever seen and then you watch and then

[bivampir]

[bivampir]

[bivampir]

Maurice has the best plot of all time. Are you classist? Do you struggle with internalized homophobia because ur boyfriend refuses to touch you? Try Poor Person Dick! It Will Heal You. and then it does. 10/10 no notes

[bivampir]

ash williams went through all that unscathed bc he works at a supermarket. he's used to horrors beyond human comprehension

[bivampir]

fellas is it gay to build your roommate the perfect woman made from perfect parts of other women (including the heart of his tragically died fiancée you gave to him as a reminder of everything he loved in her) and to tenderly put your hand on his shoulder while he reanimates her. asking for a friend

[bivampir]

“pool boy at the vampire mansion” style t-shirt except is says “journalist at the vampire penthouse”

[bivampir]

BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[bivampir]

obsessed with the idea that crawford tillinghast and herbert west are brothers because it unlocks unreal comedy-horror potential in the life of dan cain. imagine herbert drags him to some family reunion and there's herbert west 2: heterosexual edition AND he's dating the lookalike of the tragically deceased love of dan's life. dan's brain would self-lobotomize on the spot i think

[bivampir]

the frankenhooker serum being estrogen based leads to the logical conclusion that the re-animator re-agent is testosterone based

[bivampir]

i need to put him in a jar and shake him violently yet with love

[bivampir]

[bivampir]

idk what about dog day afternoon made me go so insane but like. the fact sonny is a character who tries to make everyone happy so bad but he's a terrible person and the efforts always go wrong. every decision he makes is to make someone else feel better but it doesn't fix anything, it doesn't fix his mistakes it doesn't fix their problems it doesn't fix the whole situation he just slaps a bandaid on a broken bone and says there, i helped! im trying my best can't you see! and the whole time he's digging his grave deeper and deeper and he wipes the sweat off of his brow and says there, it's fixed now, it's working, we've been doing so well, why did you broke it when it was going so well, because he's incapable of seeing that he's standing in the grave he dug himself. he keeps trying and it's all for nothing. masterclass

[bivampir]

Lestat crying and kneeling in the woods while Louis gets head 🤝 Antoinette smoking and crying while Lestat gets hatefucked by his ex in her own house