#miriam. — a real bad seed. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

glowcrizzle · 4 years

Audio

Today is the 1 year AO3 anniversary of Slow Show by @mia-ugly. I am beyond grateful that this experience (and it is an experience) has existed in my life for a year and felt it needed commemorating. 🎂

I’m not a creator but I made this playlist for me, so I could take the fic with me, have it with my eyes closed, while driving -- you get it. Today seems like an appropriate day to share it.

It’s a. It’s a lot. Excessive you might even say. Tumblr will only give you the first 100 songs in this, so, Spotify will fulfill you (or overwhelm you). If you hit my username on the playlist, there are separate playlists for each chapter.

This is also on Apple Music, if that’s your jam, just hit me up and I’ll send you the link.

🎉 Happy Slow Show Day!! 🎉

13 pages of track-lists and excerpts below the cut. Godspeed! 💙

Key:

Songs from Mia’s soundtrack

Songs from the Fic

--Title--

Slow Show – The National

--Prequel--

Loverman – Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

Devils – Say Hi

--Chapter 1--

Here I Go Again – Whitesnake

bad guy – Billie Eilish

-trash a set and shag your husband

Something About You (ODESZA Remix) – Hayden James

-what it would take for Avery Fell to let his guard down

A Little Wicked – Valerie Broussard

-The handkerchief in his hand is now stained purple

You Light Me Up In the Dark – The Hounds Below

-His hair catches the light like a halo, making him look more of an angel than ever.

Lazarus – David Bowie

-This could be a problem

--Chapter 2--

Unsteady – X Ambassadors

-much easier than talking about the way his heartbeat is still racing

Heart of a Dog – The Kills

-Call me darling again.

The Twilight Hour - Still Corners

-Looked across the set and thought, Ah fuck me. I’m in love with him.

God’s Mistake – Tears for Fears

-Avery: He’s closed his eyes again, mouth going flat and still.

Lounge Act – Nirvana

-Tell her all the terrible things I want to do to her husband

Transatlanticism – Death Cab for Cutie

-There’s a strange urgency tonight, though, and Crowley can guess why.

Do I Wanna Know? – Arctic Monkeys

-What could it hurt?

Clueless – The Marias

-“Better - yeah. ‘S late.”

Motel – Meg Myers

-The hotel room is another disaster

--Chapter 3--

Alone in a Room – Asking Alexandria

-“I’m having a moment here!”

Since You’ve Been Around – Rosie Thomas

-makes Crowley feel like he can breathe again

Home Again – The Disco Biscuits

-It’s starting to feel like home again

Every Other Freckle – alt-J

-Perfect. Ridiculous and impossible and perfect.

Something For the Longing – The Orchids

As Far As I Can See – Phantogram

-it’s been a really, really long time

Sinister Kid – The Black Keys

-“Mothering buggering shit-”

All These Things That I’ve Done – The Killers

-Crowley fists one of his hands against his forehead, shuts his eyes tightly.

--Chapter 4--

I Like Me Better – Lauv

-I liked the outline of your face under the stagelights

I Do This for You (ft. Marlene) – Giorgio Moroder

-“Let me see what I can do. About your precious Hamlet.”

The Longing – Imelda May

-Avery POV: “Look at him like - like - you can’t let him see the way you look at him.”

Just a Man – Los Lobos

-Avery POV: like he’s being led into battle and not onto a set to do the job he loves

World In My Eyes – Depeche Mode

-wants to make that bastard purr

Tired (ft. Gavin James) – Alan Walker

-Let me be a magpie for you

Blow My Mind – The Benjamin Gate

-Avery: “I know you now.”

Breathe You in My Dreams – Trixie Whitley

-Crowley’s seen that expression on Avery’s face in his dreams

Love Me Like That (ft. Carly Rae Jepsen) – The Knocks

-What have I done to - oh. Oh. Right.

Like Real People Do - Hozier

-“Sure, angel, what- whatever.”

Clearly – Grace VanderWaal

-Crowley waits for the rest of the night.

Gwendel – PeelsDeen

-Az sits in the back seat, away from Crowley. Alone.

Now I’m In It – HAIM

-Avery POV: It’s a look like an open grave, a look like desire tempered with grief…

Flesh for Fantasy – Billy Idol

-Crowley isn’t lonely for the rest of the night

--Chapter 5 (Avery POV)--

Smalltown Boy – Rosborough

-1978, Hartlepool

Bright Horses – Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

-1986, Newcastle Upon Tyne

The Runner – Foals

-1991, Bristol

Shock To Your System – Tegan and Sara

-Tracy: “Why d’you let them?”

Cracking Codes – Andrew Bird

-“Forever, of course. I’ll never -”

Colour me In – Damien Rice

-Their fingers - just touch. Slightly.

I’m Not in Love – 10cc

-Less to regret by not ever speaking of it.

--Chapter 6--

Electric Current – Lower Dens

-“I’ll let you know when you find it.”

Guess I Miss(ed) You – The Daylights

-Keep talking, keep him here a little while longer.

Reflecting Light – Sam Phillips

-“don’t meet his eyes like that, it looks like it’s a lead-in to a kiss”

King of Pain – The Police

-a good reminder of the kind of life he’s got to live

I Wanna Get Better – The Bleachers

-and Avery’s gaze is so gentle it hurts a bit

Feather – X Ambassadors

-Avery: “Someone has to”

Darker Side - Jonny Lang

-Avery: “Oh - good Lord.”

Firestone (Acoustic) – Conrad Sewell

-“Will you show me?”

Velvet Gloves and Spit - Timber Timbre

-“Anthony - ”

Wrong – Depeche Mode

-Avery: “I have to go.”

F**k it I love you – Lana Del Rey

-“Not your fault, angel”

--Chapter 7--

Somebody to Love – Queen

Heavenly – Cigarettes After Sex

-“I fucking still.”

Will Do - TV on the Radio

-“You too. I’ll see you there.”

Monster – Colours

-No wonder Avery ran off like a thief after a heist

Swallow My Pride – Ramones

-“I feel fucking ill about it.”

I Was Wrong - The Oh Hellos

-Avery: “I’m the one who has to apologize, not you.”

The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret – Queens of the Stone Age

-Avery: “Please don’t tell anyone”

Wait for Me – Kings of Leon

-Avery: “Right now, I’m just - a bit in pieces.”

Don’t Stay – X Ambassadors

-“You can - stay or leave or - whatever you like.”

The Moth - Aimee Mann

-Avery’s eyes meet his, and then it’s like a car accident

Red Door – Julien Baker

-“I can - I can wait longer.”

Can’t Pretend - Tom Odell

-“I wasn’t apologizing for that. This morning. I won’t.”

Come Down to Me – Saving Jane

-Avery: “You were wonderful”

Secret Smile – Semisonic

-And if sometimes he catches Az watching him between takes

I Want More - KALEO

-Az laces both of their hands together, stares at them.

I’m Gonna Do My Thing – Royal Deluxe

-“So don’t tell me what will hurt me. I know what hurts.”

--Chapter 8--

Perfect Day – Lou Reed

Remember to Breathe – Sturgil Simpson

-“You can’t sit in the car all night you absolute nightmare”

Wild Love (Acoustic) – James Bay

-The two of them stare at each other and then both look away awkwardly.

Seasons – Future Islands

-finally, fucking finally, he’s exactly where he wants to be

Closer – Tegan and Sara

-Avery: “if you like”

I Want All of You – The Verve Pipe

-“If you think I can survive this without looking at you -”

Use Me – Miguel

-whatever he sees in Crowley’s face makes him come to some sort of decision

So Much Love – Depeche Mode

-Love, he said love

Don’t Be Scared, I Love You – Bill Ryder-Jones

-I know you, Crowley wants to say, but doesn’t.

Become My Dream – Silya & The Sailors

-“Even if - anything, angel.”

I Belong In Your Arms – Chairlift

-For nearly two weeks it goes like this.

Faster - Matt Nathanson

-“You’re going to fucking kill me, angel -”

Come Together (feat. Sivu) – LAUREL

-In case you think they don’t wake up together

The High – Kelela

-Az has pulled a stool over to the edge of the tub

Just in Time – Valerie June

-Then Az’s hand is on his shoulder, turning him around.

I Can’t Take It – Tegan and Sara

-Avery: “Don’t rush, just - like this.”

Like This – Jake Scott

-Avery murmurs and it takes Crowley back to their first kiss

Terrible Love – The National

-Flinches away from him.

Help You Out - Emarosa

-And he nods.

--Chapter 9--

I Remember You – Ramones

-The first person Crowley loved was a liar.

Brighter Skies - Race Banyon

-As if they were cut with a jigsaw, as if they were meant to fit.

Not Tonight – Tegan and Sara

-When they reach the edge of the city, his hand slides out of Crowley’s.

As Sure as I Am – Crowded House

-So Crowley kisses him.

A Promise – Miriam Makeba

-And for awhile, he believed her.

Mistaken for Strangers – The National

-They’re only two small words, but they still make Crowley’s teeth ache.

Hey, That’s No Way To Say Goodbye – Leonard Cohen

-“Good-“ Swallow, speak, leave.

The Fear – Pulp

-Crowley should have been smarter this time. He really should have been.

Take Me – Leela James

-“I’d like you to close your blinds.”

Whenever You Want It – Clare Maguire

-“What do we do now?”

At My Weakest – James Arthur

-“It will be.”

Komm zurück - Fotos

-For years and years and years, nothing did.

Come on Get Higher – Matt Nathanson

-their feet sliding in the tub

Lay Down – Sarah Proctor

-I want to wake up with you.

Sort Of - Ingrid Michaelson

-Why is my heart breaking?

Fairytale of New York – The Pogues

-Just pump that shit straight into his veins.

What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve? – Ella Fitzgerald

-Avery: “What do you think?”

We’re Gonna Have A Real Good Time Together – The Velvet Underground

-“You want to grab dinner somewhere?”

Hiding – IAN SWEET

-Crowley stops walking. Looks at Az in the darkness.

Romance Dawn – Radkey

-A slice of light cuts through the darkness.

Crown of Love – Arcade Fire

-Crowley feels like the world has never been darker, and his heart will never stop beating

Devil’s Backbone – The Civil Wars

-He thought he was ready for this conversation, but at the sight of Az’s face, his throat has gotten too tight to speak.

Sinners – Lauren Aquilina

-“If this all goes down in flames, if it all falls apart - we can go off together.”

Please Forgive Me (Song of the Crow) – William Fitzsimmons

-Avery: “It’s over. I’m - I’m so sorry.”

Start a War – The National

-He twitches and trips and yet somehow manages to walk away without falling over.

Broken – Daley

-And this soft heartache was somehow the sharpest of them all.

--Chapter 10 (Avery POV)--

Daily Battles - Thom Yorke & Flea

-He tries to remember these things - but the background is still a chorus of beeping machines. There’s nowhere he can be but here.

Everybody Wants You - Red Hearse

-Go out and surround himself with people much more interesting and available than Avery. Better people, certainly.

A Thin Line – Blackchords

-But still - roads not taken, and other fun middle-aged spirals.

My Own Soul’s Warning - The Killers

-When was the last time someone asked Avery that? When was the last time he asked himself?

Who Am I - NEEDTOBREATHE

-I miss you. There. It didn’t hurt as much as he thought it would.

Wait for Me - Jack Curley

-What he wants to say is ‘don’t find someone else. Not yet. You and your black leather and your cut-glass profile: you’re gorgeous and God knows other people want you.’

Coming & Going – Amaal

-“Two ships passing in the night,” he says quietly. Then he takes a swallow of wine, lets it roll down his throat. “If you were here -”

Iron - Woodkid

-Crowley leaves him there, pressed against the wet brick wall. Crowley leaves him there. Crowley steps between Avery and a camera, and then leaves him.

The Greatest Bastard - Damien Rice

-He can’t be the person that kicks Crowley into the ashes again. He can’t hurt him like this, and Avery’s going to hurt him - he already has.

No Right to Love You – Rhys Lewis

-He deserves someone like - like Daniel. Deserves to be loved in the daylight.

If It’s Hurting You - Robbie Williams

-Time is a tricky business when you’re dying slowly; it skips like a flat stone on a quiet lake.

Happy For You – Gayle

-But surely - surely he’s allowed just this much. Just one message, just so Crowley knows that - that he’s happy for him. That Avery is so happy.

I See You (ICU) - Phoebe Bridgers

-When Avery sees Crowley on the red carpet, it feels like the sudden remembrance of a lovely dream.

Once In My Life - The Decemberists

-Crowley: “I know there’ve been some - hard times. That’s - that is what it is. But for me - it’s been a privilege. A dream. So.” He nods and nods and nods again. “Thank you.”

Coming Down - Dum Dum Girls

-Tracy: “But I wasn’t. I was hurting you. This whole time, Az.” She shakes her head, wiping frantically at tears that won’t stop falling. “He loves you.”

I Don’t Know Anything – Little Voice Cast

-He’s afraid of finding out that all this time - he was doing the wrong thing anyway. He’s afraid that Anthony Crowley will never talk to him again.

Sweet Sour - Band of Skulls

-"And you're fired"

Heart Attack - Devarrow

-The sun is still rising when Avery gets out of the car, closes the door behind him. Though some of the roads have changed, his feet still know the way down to the docks of his youth. He was never a sailor, but the shoreline is familiar as a childhood sweetheart, as a long lost love.

Landslide - Robyn Sherwell

-He’s alone, and he’s nearly fifty years old. He could get on a ship, he could throw himself into the sea. There’s no one holding him back anymore.

All I Can - Sharon van Etten

-And he knows. He knows.

--Chapter 11--

Salvation - The Strumbellas

- there’s a moment where he swears he sees a young idiot in black standing in the crowd. Red hair gelled up into spikes, black t-shirt full of holes and safety pins. A young man who has no idea how much he’s about to lose.

Soldier - Fleurie

-And he’s still fucking here.

Easier – Mansionair

-Then he gets the fuck above ground and he calls Beez (oh great, they’re his emotional-support-asshole now. That’s healthy).

Deep End – Holly Humberstone

-“I brought you cheese,” Beez says, and Crowley starts crying.

Falling Short – Lapsley

-For the next few days, he lets his stupid body do what it needs to do to keep himself upright.

Chariot (Stripped Version) - Gavin DeGraw

-Shit, this was a bad bad idea.

Quiet Light - The National

-There’s a text from Az later that night, and his name on Crowley’s phone makes him feel like jumping off a cliff.

All That We Had is Lost - Postiljonen

-He’s not allowed to be in love with that man anymore. Wasn’t ever, really.

Heal - Tom Odell

-It makes a rather hysterical laugh well out of his throat. Anthony fucking Crowley. You are still alive.

Let Me Go - HAIM

-Crowley tries to ignore the soft, injured expression on the other man’s face as he turns away.

A Beginning Song - The Decemberists

-“What’s more frightening than having a choice?”

The Spark - William Prince

-And he likes to think he would have just burned the world to ashes with the power of his love, would have said fuck everyone, I choose you – but who knows.

Sharp Scratch - The Slow Show

-So stupid, I know, and I’m - sorry, I still love you and I’m tryin’ to stop and I will I just - needed to tell you that. I’ll be fine. You’ll be fine. Just miss you.

Beautiful & Brutal – Plested

-Crowley moves without thinking. Falls like a stagelight, glass everywhere. He walks forward and is kissing Az before the door has even been pulled shut.

Bad Chemistry - Fake Shark

-“I’ve been - thinking about this -” Az says between darts of his tongue against Crowley’s overheated skin.

All We Do – Oh Wonder

-“But I - I love you. And I can’t - hide. It hurts too much.”

Broken Strings - James Morrison (ft Nelly Furtado)

-“I wouldn’t survive it. That way it was. I wouldn’t.”

Stole the Show – Parson James

-But even on their distant shores, Crowley and Az don’t stop looking at each other. It feels like an ending. Maybe it is one. Not a happy ending, but not a bad one either.

Level Up - Vienna Teng

-excerpt from Anthony Crowley: Out of the shadows, under the spotlight

The Wire (Alternate Version) – Patrick Droney

-Avery: “I’m rather in - in love with you.”

Sweet Thing - Van Morrison

-“You can stay at my place. If you like.”

Falling in Love - Cigarettes After Sex

-“I love you. I’ve missed you, and I love you, and I want you -”

Stay - Cat Power

-He watches the slow flicker of awareness in Avery’s blue eyes. The curve of his mouth into a shade of smile that Crowley’s never seen before.

Freedom - George Michael

-“To the world.”

--Chapter 12--

Banks - NEEDTOBREATHE

-What he wasn’t used to was bringing someone else down with him, and jail would be a bloody blessing compared to seeing Az grey-faced and staring out windows, or that one time Crowley’s pretty sure the man was crying in the bathroom, trying to swallow down the sound so that Crowley didn’t notice (he clenches his hands into fists just thinking about it).

Black Mambo - Glass Animals

-“It’ll have to be.” Crowley drops to his knees. “There’s a lot of ground to cover.”

Florets - Grace VanderWaal

-Crowley can let his fingers curl against Az’s palm, can watch him open as a flame, not caring who notices.

Sight of the Sun - fun.

-That this longing won’t destroy him, and won’t destroy Az either. It’s not a shovel for burying Crowley alive - it’s a spade for planting things.

Pale Blue Eyes - The Velvet Underground

-Az drops his hand onto Crowley’s knee (“What is this song? I rather like it.”).

Only Everything (Acoustic) – Quinn Lewis

-“It’s nice to have someone make it for you, right? Sometimes,” Crowley says softly, too much love in his throat and in his hands. It’s hard to breathe around it, especially when Avery is looking at him.

The Book of Love - The Magnetic Fields

-“You bought a cottage for us.” Crowley is an animal being taught to speak through scraps of meat and electric shocks. “This cottage.”

Say You’ll Be Mine – Christopher Cross

-Avery: “But if you wanted -” Fuck, there are tears in Avery’s eyes. “If you want. I’d like to call you my husband. I’d like to say ‘let me ask my husband,’ or ‘I brought my husband with me’ or ‘my husband won a BAFTA’.”

Anthem - Leonard Cohen

-Their broken edges match. And somehow, the light still shines through.

Precious Love – James Morrison

-When the light catches them both, they shine. And so do you. So do we.

Good Man (acoustic) - Josh Ritter

If you made it this far...wow, hi hello. So, this is ours and my musical exposure is limited, if you’ve got a better song for an excerpt, feel free to shoot it over, more than happy for this to be a living changeable thing. 🤡

#slow show #slow show playlist #tumblr html code after read more is some bullshit #it's fic for your ears

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lindberghtm · 4 years

Text

* . desirée lindbergh was spotted in the fashion district adorning prada platform chelsea boots , with some airpod pros on . they’re most likely listening to you know i'm no good by amy winehouse . you may know them as @desi or as that aisha potter lookalike . their twenty first birthday just passed . while living in the upper east side , they’ve gained a bit of a reputation . they’re known to be duplicitous but on the other hand reliable . wonder if they’ll be the next person to hit the headlines . ( cis female / she/her + c / 21+ / she/her ) .

hey !!!!!! i was planning on coming thru with a cool intro to establish myself as a ~ cool ~ person , but covid has absolutely ✨ decimated ✨ my social skills so ,,,,,,, this is what im left with . anywho hi i’m c ( short for clown tbfh ) , im 21+ , from the rainy ole’ pnw , & i use she / her pronouns . i was in wealthy like , , , , AGES ago & tbh i’ve been missing it real bad lately so here i am with a brand new bitch , , , , , ms . desi lindbergh 🖤 i just finished reading the girl with the dragon tattoo so you’ll find elements from that novel in my biography like the names , & the general ‘ company comes first ‘ & ‘ no one gets a divorce in this family ’ attitudes . but hennyway here’s a pinterest board , & my discord is 𝐌 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐁#1264 ( the best tiktok song imo ) . my bio is rambly but there are stats at the top , personality & wanted connections ( inc . this sideblog w wanted plots ) at the bottom ! xoxo

* . stats .

full name : desirée ‘ desi ’ charlotte lindbergh - montenegro

age : twenty - two

gender : cis female

pronouns : she / her

pob ; current home : london , england ; current residence in tribeca .

family : henrik lindbergh ( 80 , deceased , ceo of lindbergh corporation ) ; miriam montenegro ( 46 , lives in the upper east side & london , supermodel turned vindictive widow ) ; no siblings or pets .

birthday : september 2 , 1998 ; virgo sun , taurus moon , cancer rising .

career : heiress / model / daddy’s credit card swiper .

drinking / drugs / smoking : yes / no / occasionally .

physical : aisha potter fc , dark brown mid - length hair , dark brown eyes , no tattoos , two ear lobe piercings in each ear , 5 ′ 6 ″ .

* . character biography .

1998 : miriam montenegro , an english model coming from a humble background , made it big when she was scouted for runway shows , eventually making her way to being a household name . by the age of twenty five , she’d found love ( or , financial comfort , rather ) with the fifty nine year old henrik lindbergh , a swedish business magnate whose involvement in global industrialization spanned far wider than the european economy . the relationship took the world by surprise , miriam’s friends being far more involved in pop culture than an aged man . while she claims it was love , the world had already made up its mind on her motive — money .

the pair got married six months after they initially became involved , & desi was born a year after . her father , the product of the ‘ silent generation ‘ , was of the impression that children should be seen , not heard , an outdated idea that her mother was comfortable abiding by . desirée , by association , quickly became accustomed to the spotlight , the interest in the uncommon relationship between miriam & henrik only growing after the birth of their sole child . desi grew up a prop , a toy for her mother to dress up in matching outfits & parade on the global stage , before stepping behind closed doors & forgetting about the child entirely . this led to desi being raised almost exclusively by nannies , her mother more interested in savouring the last of her youth & her father too busy with his international duties . originally based in london , the family moved to new york when desirée was starting her schooling to be closer to the hustle & bustle of american life .

2017 : desirée is graduating high school a year early after having been sent to institut auf dem rosenberg , a swiss private school that prides itself on being highly exclusive∫ˆ highly expensive . the name was a selling point for her father , but more importantly she would be safe & out of the way on another continent while her parents bickered ceaselessly . desirée found herself to be nothing special at rosenberg , her identity having been formed on the idea that public exposure equated to popularity ; without the constant public eye while at school , desi found a freedom & lightness she hadn’t before experienced . she could be real , & have real friends , & not be putting on a fake smile to allude an air of comfort . most of all , she could get away from her spiteful mother , who , once desi hit puberty , saw her as a threat to her own beauty , success , & public popularity . being sent to private school was the best thing to happen to desi & her mother’s relationship .

after graduating , desirée moved back to new york city , moving back into the expansive upper east side apartment , & being sure to move into a room on the opposite side of the home from her parents . being thrust back into the spotlight , a ‘ homecoming ‘ of sorts that her mother capitalized on , desi fell into a depression . she feared leaving the house , she feared that people would only want to be her friend in order to access the family’s wealth ( a seed of an idea planted in her father at the age of twelve , when she was told there was to be no dating unless their family’s net worth was over 500 million ) . soon enough , though , desi made the choice to get in contact with her mother’s rival modeling agency , inquiring about the possibility about modeling . they , of course , welcomed the legacy with open arms ; her mother , however , decided that this deceipt would not be tolerated under her roof , & kicked desi out as soon as she’d heard . desi called her father crying , explaining the situation over the phone , who immediately created a separate bank account of her own for desi , secretly hidden away in an overseas bank to avoid her mother finding out . the account held far more than desirée needed , but it was her father who enabled her to get back on her feet , find her own home , & start a career for herself .

2020 : desirée hardly speaks to her mother , though they keep up the public illusion that they are as close as a mother - daughter duo can be . her father though , now 80 years old , was actually close with desi , the two catching up daily & him celebrating her accomplishments she believed were self - earned . in october , though , she received a phone call from her father’s attorney , mr. berger , who informed her that henrik was in the hospital in critical condition after a heart attack . she flew to stockholm , where her father had been taking care of business items , & realized that it was time to say her goodbyes . her father & her played chess , talked about her childhood , & reconciled on any old issues . he passed away three days after she’d arrived . seeming as if he’d been able to tell something horrible was coming , henrik had updated his will a matter of weeks before the heart attack , naming desiree as the sole inheritor of all his assets & belongings . except , of course , her mother , who inherited a whopping five dollars from her husband . this was , mr . berger explained to desi , so that miriam could not claim that she had accidentally been left out , & was entitled to more of his estate .

if this wasn’t enough , the press soon released that interntional business mogul henrik lindbergh had passed away , & the companies he owned were now owned by a twenty one year old model who had never truly worked one day in her life . to make matters worse , her mother quickly played the victim , launching a multitude of lawsuits against her own daughter for defamation & coercing her father to leave her mother out of it . berger quickly chose desirée’s side , though he couldn’t become her personal attorney out of conflict of interest with the executing of the will . as the accounts lie in limbo during the legal battle , desi is relying solely on the secret account her father made her in switzerland ; if her mother knew , she would try to go after it , as well .

2021 : desirée has layed low over the last few months , her mother continuing her public display of heartache as the widow . desi can be said to be two - faced due to her sweet disposition one day & her cold attitude the next . in reality , she is normally kind & thoughtful , giving the benefit of the doubt to those two wrong her , but lately she has become more withdrawn , secretive , & volatile . she was recently photographed in a restaurant , crying on the phone with her head in her hand , something she would never normally allow to happen . overall , though , she doesn't want to speak publicly about the legal battle because she considers it a delicate matter & wants to take the high road . because of this , she puts on a face that she's happy , has done her mourning , & intentionally does things to make it seem like life is normal , like making appearances at events about new york city & being spotted hanging out with friends . only a very small handful in her inner circle notice the immense stress she's under because she's good at managing it , & doesn't want to be pitied .

* . personality .

personality wise , she is quite bubbly , thoughtful , dependable , observant , calm , & chooses her words carefully . on the other hand , she can be very hot & cold , self - isolating , two - faced , & tells blatant lies when she ought not to , & denies vehemently when others call her on her bs . she’s the type to remember someone saying they like something , in passing , then suddenly she shows up with that exact thing when she sees them next . her love language is definitely gifts & acts of service . considers herself a good advice giver but won’t take any advice others give her . kind of an air head , in that she can get so wrapped up in her own world that she forgets that others aren’t just npc’s in her life sfjklsd . can get overwhelmed easily , & retracts back into herself & isolates in her apartment for days on end , pampering herself with huge shopping sprees , overpriced face masks , & too much champagne . her way to deal with problems is to pretend they’re not there until eventually they go away 🤡

the world knows the bulk of the lindbergh - montenegro affair , as its known in the media , thanks to her mother taking interviews left & right to allude to her being snubbed by her own daughter . desi pretends that it does not bother her , that justice will be served & that legality will prevail over her mother’s cries , but the weight of the affair is taking a toll on her .

* . wanted plots .

click here for sideblog with wanted plots !

best friend / ride or die : someone desi’s been friends with for YEARS , knows all her family’s bs , prob has called her mother a b*tch to her face dflkjsdkl . literally the nicole to her paris , the lorelai to her rory .

squad : a group of friends who go clubbing every saturday & get brunch & gossip the next morning , have shady nicknames in their gc , have designated ‘ roles ’ in the friend group ( mom friend , the cr*ckhead , the wingperson , etc . ) , go on trips together , have the wildest birthday parties , etc . please !!

first love : this would’ve been in their teens , a summer fling that she fell hard for & who her father didn’t approve of bc he’s business - minded first . they tried to do long distance when she went back to school in the fall , but it didn’t work out & now they’re either on good terms & have sweet memories of that time , or one is still kinda salty how things ended .

bad influence : encourages desi to get the stick out of her *ss , & when she hangs out with them , they tend to go overboard on whatever the entertainment of the night may be .

friends to lovers / slow - burn romance : they’re friends first , but there’s been undeniable romantic tension between the two of them ( imagine pope towards kiara in obx ) , & their friends can pick up on it . they’ve never acted on it , worried of ruining the friendship , but they’re always a lil disappointed when the other goes home with or gets involved with someone else , but are ultimately there to pick up the pieces afterwards .

enemies / mutual dislike : maybe someone whose family her father screwed in business , their parents could have been friends before desi’s mom turned on them somehow , they think desi thinks she’s queen of the world , etc . let’s plan it out hehe

cheating : oop ! i love the angst , so gimme someone who either a ) cheated on desi , or b ) they think she cheated on them due to some tabloid article , rumor around town she was seen with someone , etc . their relationship was prob rocky as fuck , toxic , & lacked trust & communication . just a total shit show tbh .

that’s all i can think of now dskljfkl please feel free to reach out over tumblr msgs or on discord !

#wealthyhq:intro #excited 2 be here 🖤

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yourdeepestfathoms · 4 years

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We All Still Die (part four)

i literally burned myself out of all my motivation after Fractal Scarring and i fucking hate it. but i wanted to post, so have the next scene from We All Still Die that was supposed to be longer but this was all i had in my drafts

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Ladies in waiting and maids in waiting alike were lined up in a large council hall, their light green and pale yellow and washed out red and faded blue dresses whisking slightly in the breeze slipping through the half open windows. And, before them, in a glittering silver gown, stalked Henry’s new wife.

She walked up and down in front of them, seeming more like the head of the guard lecturing new soldiers than the queen of England. She was as cruel as the head of the guard, though, as she had just fired a poor lady in waiting just because she was adorned in a green dress. Now, the other girl clad in green was fidgeting anxiously, waiting for her life to be ruined.

That wasn’t Joan, thank God. She was so lucky she decided to not wear the former queen’s favorite color and rather went with a grey and yellow dress. She did, however, have her prayer book on her and a necklace with a false emerald pendant, but she hid them both. Jane’s cold grey eyes slid right past her. For now.

A foot nudged Joan’s heel. She glanced away from the queen to look to her left. She saw Abigail subtly up to one of the window sills and dared to follow her gaze.

A beautiful black bird was sitting on the window sill. Its back was a galaxy of amethyst purple and metallic blue and golden yellow, glinting like melted gemstones in the sunlight.

“It’s a starling,” Abigail whispered.

“It’s pretty.” Joan whispered back, momentarily forgetting that she probably shouldn’t be talking.

“Isn’t it?” A smile ghosted Abigail’s lips. “They’re all over my family’s farm. We had chicks in our-”

“Abigail.” Jane suddenly materialized in front of them like a sparkling silver iceberg in an Arctic Ocean.

“Your Majesty,” Abigail scrambled into a clumsy bow. Joan snapped her head forward and saw the starling fly off, as if it had foresaw the oncoming storm about to erupt inside of the hall. She wished she could sprout wings and fly away, too.

“I do hope you are taking this seriously.” Jane said. She turned her gaze to scrutinize Joan, and she struggled not to squirm.

“I am, Your Majesty.” Abigail said, bobbing her head frantically.

“Hm.” Jane tipped her head. Her eyes narrowed and her glossed lips curled upwards into a wicked smile. “Since you’re so fascinated in the birds at your family’s farm, why don’t you go visit them? Permanently.”

Abigail froze. In the three and a half years she’s known her, Joan has never seen so much terror on her face before, not even when she got the news of Anne’s execution.

“Wh-what are you...”

“You’re done here.” Jane said coldly. “You will not be working for me. I don’t need ladies who are more fascinated in birdwatching than working. Get your belongings and go.”

Abigail opened and closed her mouth several times like a cloth-swathed fish out of water. She stared, dumbfounded, at Jane, who looked two seconds away from striking her across the face before she finally stepped out of the line and headed to the door. She didn’t walk with her usual pomp or confidence, but rather defeat and grief. She glanced over her shoulder one last time, then left the hall. And Joan’s life forever.

“W-wait!” Joan cried seconds too late. “Don’t punish her! It’s my fault! I-I pointed out the bird to her!”

“Do I look stupid to you?” Jane said.

“Illiterate, from what I’ve heard,” Muttered a voice further down the line. Jane whipped her head in that direction, but strangely didn’t pursue the offender. She just set her jaw tightly and craned her head back to Joan.

“No.” She said firmly. “You will do.”

Joan felt dizzy. The queen had approved of her? But not Abigail? Sure, Abigail was silly and loud, but she was so much better at sewing and cleaning and just about everything than she was.

“I-I-”

Jane smiled crookedly at her internal dilemma. Then, so fast Joan and a few others actually jumped, she snapped her head to the left.

Whimpering.

Sniffling.

Shaking breaths.

Someone was crying.

Jane stalked down the line and Joan leaned forward slightly to see her stop before a girl her age. She recognized her as Miriam, one of the girls who had defended her from Mildred when she first became a maid in waiting.

“What is wrong with you?” Jane spat.

“I’m- I’m s-sorry,” Miriam gasped. “I’m s-sorry, I just-”

“I don’t have time for this,” Jane rubbed her forehead impatiently, making Miriam cry even more and frantically blubber out apologies. “Go.”

The girl standing next to Miriam backed away slightly. Jane looked at her.

“No, not you, Patricia. You’re doing fine.” She turned her uncaring gaze back to Miriam. “Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Courtyard. Carriage. Goodbye.”

“Will you stop acting like a mosquito-buggerer, Jane?”

All heads turned in to direction of the voice, which Joan recognized as the one that had spoken out before. A woman with sleek brown hair and the sharpest, most piercing ice blue eyes Joan had ever seen before stepped forward.

Gasps and murmurs swelled through the line of ladies and maids.

“It’s really her,” Murmured the girl who has taken Abigail’s spot.

“I thought I had seen her, but I didn’t know for sure,” Said the one next to her.

“What is she doing back here?” Whispered a third. “How was she allowed back?”

“I think the real question is: how was she not killed?” Wondered a fourth softly.

Joan had only heard of the grouchy, majestic lady in stories. It started when she overhead the phrase, “Bless’ee Bessie Blount” and when she had asked her fellow maids in waiting what it meant during one of their classes, it spurred all sorts of rumors about her. They swore she was so powerful she could knock down a tower just by breathing on it. They said Henry still snuck out to be with her once every month. They warned that she would climb into bedrooms and rip out the ovaries and eat the wombs of bad little girls who had affairs and committed adultery and had sex before they were betrothed. They said the only reason that that didn’t happen to Anne was because she’s afraid of the dungeon tower and refused to go anywhere near it.

But the woman standing before them all didn’t look like the type to pull out organs and eat them at all, although she did give off a very tough, aggressive vibe. Waves upon waves of anger radiated off of her, hot and flickering and burning like roaring flames. She was covered in damp, rotten vileness and her gaze held years worth of resentment and bitterness, and yet Joan could see warmth and love and care hidden underneath all those layers of ice and thorns. And then, even further beyond that, was locked away trauma and deep-seeded agony.

“Elizabeth Blount.” Jane spat the name like it was a curse.

“Bessie,” The woman corrected. “It’s Bessie.”

She stepped out a little more, and Joan was slightly shocked to realize that she was wearing a dark purple cotton tunic and tan trousers instead of a dress. She wore no jewelry aside from a single diamond-shaped earring that was the color of firelight, had no makeup on, her wrists were strangely blemished in symmetrical scars, and she kept her long, luscious brown hair spilled out on her shoulders and back, with her messy bangs drifting into her mysterious blue eyes. And yet, she was still more beautiful than the queen was and maybe even more than Anne had been.

Jane flared her nostrils and glowered at this woman. Bessie was definitely older than her, but quite a bit shorter. Plus, Joan swore she though she saw muscles rippled across her arms.

“Leave this poor girl alone.” Bessie said. “She isn’t doing anything wrong.”

“I don’t need sniveling mules in my court.” Jane said, curling her nose in indignation.

“She’s mourning.” Bessie replied smoothly. “Whether you like it or not, some of these girls were greatly devastated by the death of Anne Boleyn. You can’t expect them to bounce back instantly.”

Jane couldn’t appear to come up with something good to reply with, so she just just growled out, “Girl. Leave.”

“Girl. Stay.” Bessie said to Miriam, who had taken one step forward to scramble out of the room. The girl was bug-eyed, looking from Jane to Bessie and then back to Jane.

Bessie was arguing with her, Joan realized dizzily. She’s arguing with Queen Jane Seymour. She’s saying no to her.

Who was this woman?

“I’ll have you thrown out on your arse right now,” Jane warned lowly.

“You can’t do that.” Bessie said coolly. “Henry wouldn’t let you.” A smirk twisted on her pale lips. “He loved me more than he would ever love you. And if you dispose of me, that will just get lower and lower until you end up just like—” She then stopped and glanced around her, seemingly noting how many of Anne’s ladies and/or maids were still around. “Me.”

Jane clenched her fists tightly at her sides. She was working herself up to a proper temper, it seemed.

“I don’t even know why allowed whores back in the castle,” She hissed.

Bessie didn’t seem phased, but Joan swore she saw a flicker of pain and guilt and terror flash for a split second in her eyes.

“If that were the case,” She said, “then you wouldn’t be queen right now. Because I’m sure getting knocked up by the king on the day his wife was beheaded, mere minutes after, even, would count as impure.”

Small gasps and murmurs and even giggles sounded from across the line. Jane’s face turned dark red with embarrassment and rage, but she doesn’t strike back. Bessie raised her nose and exhaled a victorious breath. She stepped back in line, but not without noticing Joan ogling her.

The smile Joan gets sent a flurry of butterflies flapping wildly in her stomach.

#six the musical #six the musical fanfic #six the musical famfiction #six fanfiction #six fanfic #joan on the keys #jane seymour #bessie on the bass #anne boleyn

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theoldgods · 6 years

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A Discovery of Witches is a silly, frothy show based on a silly, frothy book, for both good and bad, and it’s fascinating to watch as a case study in adaptation.

It’s visually quite gorgeous--the production design and cinematography, as well as the use of the scenery of Oxford, Venice, and France, are overall great, quite possibly the strongest aspect of the show. The sparkling, slightly swoony (in love, in fear) atmospheres they set go a long way toward paving over the myriad sins inherent to the story. The acting is reliably good to great, doing the best possible with the material given, though I am not such a fan of Teresa Palmer, whose sometimes wooden/awkward deliveries are often usptaged by far more experienced and naturalistic actors (Alex Kingston, Valarie Pettiford, Owen Teale, and Lindsay Duncan, most notably) in their scenes together. (I think half of Palmer’s problem is trying to maintain an American accent; I suspect if she didn’t have to do that, her vocal delivery would be that much better, and I do like some of her physicality and her general look as Diana.) Palmer also does have good chemistry with Goode, which is key to any romance and which helps to sell the show and their super rushed relationship as much as possible.

[more post-rewatch TL;DR and spoilers under the cut]

In many ways the show is an improvement over the books. Matthew is far, far less abusive in the show than in the books--there’s no presumptively ordering Miriam to guard over Diana (a creature he barely even knows!) in the Bodleian, just for starters, and most of his outrageously possessive and controlling moments are washed away or severely toned down. (Even their big fight at the end of episode 4 when he temporarily leaves her involves far less horrifically controlling and taunting physical behavior from Matthew; really the only time we see him being knowingly, physically menacing to Diana is during the dinner scene in episode 3, which is much pared down from any of the myriad instances of him doing this in the book.) Diana emerges as someone with much more chutzpah from the get-go, as opposed to a clueless-about-her-own-world special chosen one with barely more impetus than a dishrag who goes wherever Matthew tells her to go and has to grow (mostly in books 2 and 3) into any semblance of agency at all. She’s still an adult Chosen One (™), but she’s somewhat less...naive about the world, somehow? It makes their fraught relationship easier to handle, for me, with a little less fetishized power imbalance than in the book. (Their relationship has never been my favorite part of the books, honestly--the reason I’ve read them multiple times now is all because of the side characters, Harkness’s conception of witchcraft and weavers, and a bit of Diana’s character development.) I also almost forgot while watching about the entire LET’S TALK ABOUT GENETICS AND HOW YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE MAGIC JESUS BABIES TO RESTORE MAGIC TO THE WORLD! subplot that takes up the last quarter of the book, and although it’s crucial and will end up being seeded into the show somehow, I’m sure, I’m glad that so far the “let’s have baaaaaabiessss”-ness is absent.

The quality of storytelling is also much more even in the show. The book, told strictly from Diana’s POV, has a terrible habit of throwing entire subplots and characters at her and Matthew out of nowhere (the most egregious of which is possibly Sophie and Nathaniel just randomly showing up unforeshadowed out of nowhere and magically dropping plot solutions at Diana’s feet at the Madison house with ~5 chapters to go), while the show seeds these side stories in much earlier and gives us a much fuller and more coherent vision of this world much earlier than the books do. (Seeing the intravampire and intradaemon politicking, and bringing up more directly how daemons are basically third-class citizens in this world, is also appreciated, even if the casual viewer will leave the series with no real sense of wtf a daemon can do, a problem that, to be fair, is hardly better addressed in the books.) Harkness has a tendency to show multiple versions of the same thing (multiple dinners, multiple horse rides at Sept-Tours, etc.), as if she’s stalling for time while waiting for Plot Inspiration to strike her again, and those have been effectively compressed and the timeline in general streamlined. And although there’s still a decent amount of telling and not showing and cringy on-the-nose dialogue in the show, the show does use visual storytelling to quite efficiently cut down on the worst of Harkness’s waffling about furniture or wine or long asides about Diana’s family, mostly for the better, and the infamous yoga subplot has been mercifully killed.

That said, the show still suffers from some of the inherent limitations of its source material: a magically fast instalove, awkward at times pacing (mostly re: the love story), and an extremely side-eye-worthy treatment of a black character (Juliette is given more backstory in the show, but I’m not sure it helps to further develop her via lots of onscreen torture only to unceremoniously kill her off in about 2 minutes at the start of an episode, all for the glory of a white protagonist), to name three I can think of off the top of my head. It also has a couple scenes that aren’t as powerful as they are in the books: the witchwater mostly looks like cheesy music video drama-rain as opposed to a real cataclysm that threatens to actually kill Diana, as it is in the book, and the entire confrontation with Juliette is rushed, their vision of the goddess as a giant-ass light like in a made-for-TV biblical movie incredibly cheesy in a bad way. Harkness, for all her mediocrity with a lot of her prose, is indeed imaginative (her main fault as a writer is that her line-by-line prose skill just does not match her ambition and her sense of character- and worldbuilding); she does have a fairly good sense for what makes epic show-stopping moments suitably rich and emotionally moving when they need to be, and the clipped pace of the show shortchanges her there with some of these moments.

All that said, I’ve obviously gotten something out of this series over the past year, and I actually find this to be a fascinating case study for exploring book-to-television adaptation, given the mediocrity of the book in question. I’ll be curious as to how they handle the much more plot-unwieldy second book, especially if the second season stays only 8 episodes--if that’s the case, a lot will have to be streamlined, especially if they also want to keep the show’s broader focus and not simply cut away from everyone in the present for 80+% of the season, and I so far think they may be able to do that pretty well.

We’ll see!

#all souls trilogy #a discovery of witches #deborah harkness

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apieceofpoetry · 8 years

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10 songs/10 people tag

Thank you @muse-engel and @sturmxundxdrang for tagging me :) The Rules Shuffle 10 songs on your preferred music device and tag 10 followers 1. Engel - Rammstein 2. Do You Love Me? - Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds 3. Mein Herz Brennt (Piano Version by Sven Helbig) - Rammstein 4. Strong - London Grammar 5. Fivefold - Agnes Obel 6. Do Right Woman, Do Right Man - Aretha Franklin 7. Ett Sista Glas - Miriam Bryant 8. Spieluhr - Rammstein 9. Everything You Can Imagine Is Real - Violet Cold 10. Rock City - Emigrate

I tag @nonbinarygeek, @mareavera, @tills-suspenders, @lindemannvevo, @donaukinder94 and everyone else who wants to be tagged.

#taggy thing #rammstein #emigrate #aretha franklin #london grammar #agnes obel #nick cave #miriam bryant #music

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thebeautyoftorah · 6 years

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Pinchas

bs'd

Shalom.

The thought of this week from my book 'Healing Anger'

"Personal improvement does not happen overnight. It requires hard work and perseverance. Yet, we will never totally complete the correction of our middot. There will always be more to do and more to fix because character development is a lifetime process".

Buy my book at http://www.feldheim.com/healing-anger.html

If you want to buy it from me in Israel let me know.

This article based partially on the ideas of R' Zvi Belovski. To support this publication or if you know anyone who is interested in receiving it, please contact me. Feel free to forward these words of Torah to any other fellow Jew.

Enjoy it and Shabbat Shalom.

Pinchas- Kayin and Pinchas: A Mystical Connection

The end of last week's Parsha describes how Bilam managed to lead many of our people into inappropriate relationships with Moabite women and ultimately into idolatry. This week's parsha begins with the conclusion of this story, in which Pinchas, a grandson of Aharon, took a spear and executed Zimri, prince of the tribe of Shimon, who brazenly conducted a sexual liaison with Kozbi, a Moabite princess. He is praised for his zealousness, and he is promised that he and his descendants will be kohanim for all time[1]: It shall be for him and his seed after him a covenant of everlasting priesthood, for he was zealous for his G-d and he made atonement for the Children of Israel. Rashi at loc. introduces a remarkable idea: And it shall be for him - this covenant. A covenant of everlasting priesthood - for even though the priesthood was already given to the seed of Aharon, it was only given to Aharon and his sons who were anointed with him and their descendants who would be born after their anointing. However, Pinchas, who was born before this, was not anointed and was not included among the kohanim until now. As it is taught in Zevachim (101b), Pinchas was not made a kohen until after he killed Zimri.

Why was Pinchas not made a kohen until now? Although Rashi provides a reasonable explanation, what lies behind this? Let us begin with a quote from the Zohar Hakadosh[2]: Come and see: Any kohen who kills someone is forever invalidated from the kehunah [priesthood], for this act certainly abrogates his spiritual level. As for Pinchas [after he killed Zimri and Kozbi] according to the law, he was excluded from the kehunah forevermore. And because he was zealous for G-d, He needed to give to him a brand-new kehunah, for him and his descendants after him, for all generations.

This text cannot mean that Pinchas received the kehunah for killing Zimri. If so, it would not have been a reward. Rather, he would have retained it, despite the fact that he should have lost it. Instead, let us propose a mystical explanation.

The Arizal notes that Pinchas found his spiritual roots in Kayin, the son of Adam and Chavah, who killed his brother, Hevel. As such, Pinchas had the murderous tendencies of Kayin deep within him and thus was intrinsically unsuitable for membership of the kehunah. The fault within his personality would have to be expunged before he could receive the gift of kehunah. This was achieved by killing Zimri.

This obviously needs much explanation. Let us briefly consider the personality of Kayin. The name Kayin finds its root in the word kinyan (acquisition). When he was born, the Torah says: She conceived and gave birth to Kayin, and she said, "I have acquired a man from G-d." (Bereishit 4:1)

The name of a person indicates his true nature. In this case, we discover that Kayin was a man who saw himself as significant - an entity of substance, a person who himself was an "acquisition." This apparently small fault was the cause of all of the evil he perpetrated, for he saw himself as important, even to the extent that he placed himself above Hashem. Apart from murdering his brother our Sages tell us that he transgressed in other areas[3]: The twin of Hevel was the fairest of women, and Kayin desired her in his heart. He said, "I'll kill Hevel, my brother, and take his twin sister from him..."

There are also rabbinical traditions that Kayin's reverence for himself led to idolatry and denial of G-d's supervision of the world. The arrogance and self-importance which so characterized Kayin led to the worst sins, for we have seen that he murdered and committed sexual immorality and idolatry.

But, as always, every bad trait has a counterpart which is productive. The very same motivation which led Kayin to do all of these terrible sins can also lead to a profound appreciation of human worth. King Yehoshofat is described as follows[4]: His heart was lifted up in the ways of Hashem...

While the king indeed saw himself as a significant, valuable person, he directed this feeling toward Divine service [5]: Every person must say, "Because of me, the world was created."

The ability to say this, and to genuinely feel it to be true, stems from the good side of Kayin's character trait. We must consider ourselves important and worthy and that our contribution to the world is of paramount value. This explains the real intention behind Chavah's exclamation when Kayin was born: "I have acquired a man from G-d." He was to be a man of self-worth, a person who knew his own value. But this was to be utilized for Hashem and not in self-aggrandizement. Unfortunately, it was Kayin himself who misused his powers, becoming instead an egocentric sinner.

As we mentioned before, Pinchas had the same spiritual root as Kayin. It was thus his task to utilize Kayin's character trait, not as his ancestor had done, but productively and within the Torah framework. Pinchas was most successful at this task. We have seen that he was described as "zealous for his G-d" when he killed Zimri and Kozbi. He was not actually obliged to perform this execution but was entitled to do so under a complex and misunderstood law. Pinchas was a man of such spiritual sensitivity that he could not bear to witness Zimri's flagrant sin and so acted to restore Hashem's honor. This was the moment at which he demonstrated that he had overcome his "Kayin" tendency and redirected it to good purposes.

When Pinchas felt unable to tolerate the sin of Zimri and Kozbi, it was his personality expressing itself. Indeed, no other member of the nation was motivated to act against them to punish their sin. But as Pinchas felt a great degree of self-worth, he was personally affronted by their actions. He directed these feelings into zeal for Hashem and acted alone to punish them. He, as did Yehoshofat, "lifted his heart in the ways of Hashem."

It is significant that Pinchas took his own initiative and did not act in response to a command from G-d. This was a further indication that his zeal was genuine and God-oriented, for no one in klal Israel, nor even Hashem himself, could have obliged him to act. When he did so, he demonstrated a deep personal commitment to God's honor and image in the world.

Through his actions, Pinchas rectified the damage done by those of the nation who sinned with the Moabite women. They had committed immoral acts with those women and worshipped Baal Peor, the vile deity of Mo'av. Additionally, they so lowered themselves by these foul acts that they diminished their human status; this is akin to murder. When Pinchas stepped forward to stem the tide of sin he 'caused' Hashem to say: ...turned back My anger from upon the Children of Israel by being zealous on My behalf among them, so I did not destroy the Children of Israel in My vengeance. (Bemidbar 25:11)

By so doing, Pinchas rectified Kayin's residual defect which lay deep within him. Kayin's ego prompted him to commit idolatry, murder, and sexual immorality. Pinchas, in contrast, used the very same trait to undo the damage caused by these three cardinal sins. This done, Pinchas could now receive the gift of everlasting kehunah, which had been denied him thus far. _________________________________________ [1] Bemidbar 25:13 [2] Zohar HaKadosh 3:214a. [3] Pirke De Rabbi Eliezer 21.

[4] Divre HaYamim II 17:6

[5] Sanhedrin 38a.

Le Iluy nishmat Eliahu ben Simcha, Mordechai ben Shlomo, Perla bat Simcha, Abraham Meir ben Leah,Moshe ben Gila,Yaakov ben Gila, Sara bat Gila, Yitzchak ben Perla, Leah bat Chavah, Abraham Meir ben Leah,Itamar Ben Reb Yehuda, Yehuda Ben Shmuel Tzvi, Tova Chaya bat Dovid.

Refua Shelema of Yaacov ben Miriam, Yehuda ben Simcha, Menachem Chaim ben Malka, Naftali Dovid ben Naomi Tzipora, Nechemia Efraim ben Beyla Mina, Gila bat Tzipora, Tzipora bat Gila, Dvir ben Leah, Sender ben Sara, Eliezer Chaim ben Chaya Batya, Noa bat Batsheva Devorah,Shlomo Yoel ben Chaya Leah and Dovid Yehoshua ben Leba Malka. Atzlacha to Daniel ben Mazal Tov, Debora Leah Bat Henshe Rachel, Shmuel ben Mazal tov, Yehuda ben Mazal Sara and Zivug agun to Marielle Gabriela bat Gila, Naftali Dovid ben Naomi Tzipora, Yehudit bat Malka, Elisheva bat Malka.

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