#misfityong writes

[misfityong]

STRIPED CARNATION

↳ In which two best friends love each other, but their timing is off. 

pairing: Jaehyun x fem!reader

warning: lots of angst, mentions of anxiety

word count: 2.4k

a/n: hello! I hope you enjoy my first nct fanfic this was a revamp of an old fanfic I wrote years ago! Please let me know if you’d like a part 2 or epilogue sort of thing <3 also requests are open!

You and Jaehyun have been friends since you were little. He was your special person and you were his. Your friends always used to joke that the two of you would end up getting married considering how joint at the hip you were, and for a while you truly believed it until one day she came into his life.

She was radiant.

The kind of girl you always aspired to be like, long beautiful hair, a smile that could outshine the sun and the worst trait of all... a genuinely nice person. You think it was this quality that made you hate her the most, she was perfect for Jaehyun and you couldn’t deny it one bit. That's why you shut your mouth and held back your tears when Jaehyun came to you one day and handed you an envelope.

You are invited to the wedding of Jung Jaehyun and…

Your first instinct was to pinch yourself which earned you a strange look from Jaehyun. Your second instinct was the laugh, how ironic. Your third instinct was to cry, to beg him not to get married. 

But as you looked back up at Jaehyun who was eagerly waiting for your approval, you decided it was best to smile as genuinely as you could and congratulate him on getting someone as perfect as her to be his wife. Little did Jaehyun know, that you went home and cried yourself to sleep that night. 

The day had arrived, from today onwards Jaehyun would officially be yours no longer. You could no longer call him anymore in the middle of the night when you felt anxious and needed someone with you to lull you to sleep. You could no longer ask him to be your date to work functions where all your coworkers would showcase their happy relationships. You could no longer be even the tiniest bit selfish and just want to be around him. He no longer needed you, so you had to learn to no longer need him. 

“Hey…” you spoke, opening the door to Jaehyun’s old room, a room filled with so many memories of your childhood. A gasp left your mouth as you saw him in his suit, of course you always thought he was attractive but there was just something about him today that left you speechless. Hearing your voice, he spun around, that all too familiar smile appeared on his face showcasing his dimples as he embraced you in a hug. Oh how you adored his dimples. “Y/N, you’re here.” he spoke almost breathlessly, which confused you slightly. 

“Of course I'm here, I couldn’t miss my best friend’s wedding.” That was the first lie of the day. You had been pondering all night as to whether or not you went, but you know that by not going Jaehyun would have a lot of questions. 

“Still can’t tie a bowtie?” you laughed softly, moving over to help the man out. After a moment of silence you decided to distract yourself from the close proximity that you stood to him. “Are you nervous?” Jaehyun let out a shaky laugh at this as you finished his bow and took a step back.”It’s totally normal to be nervous you know, Jae. You’re getting married!” moving to sit on his bed, you let him keep getting ready as you watched him begin to pace.

“Am I making the right decision, Y/N?” eyes wide, tears begin to brim your eyes as you prepared yourself for the second lie of the day. “Yes, Jaehyun. You’re making the right decision.” Suddenly the bed dipped next to you and Jaehyun’s head was on your shoulder, face burrowed into your neck. Slowly you began to stroke his hair, trying to calm him down as you felt him starting to panic. His head quickly shot off your shoulder as he turned his body to face you. “I don’t think I can marry her. I-I love you, Y/N!”  

“W-what?!” you yelped, quickly standing up and beginning to pace around Jaehyun’s bedroom. You moved back over to Jaehyun and whacked the back of his head. “WHAT THE HECK Y/N?” he rubbed the back of his head which had begun to throb. You turned around fuming and pointed angrily at him “WHAT THE HECK? JAEHYUN, YOU’RE ABOUT TO GET MARRIED!” breaths starting to become short you rushed into Jaehyun’s ensuite bathroom and lock the door. Luckily you had made it into the bathroom before Jaehyun could see the tears fall from your eyes. “Y/N, let me in…” Jaehyun spoke from the other side of the door as you moved towards the sink and splashed your face with some water.

“Y/N…” Jaehyun spoke softly, you could hear him moving to sit with his back against the other side of the door. “Do you really love me Jaehyun?” you spoke wearily, trying not to get your hopes up. You knew it was just his nerves talking but a small part of you was hopeful that he really did return the intense feelings you had for him. A soft chuckle could be heard before Jaehyun replied “Why are you questioning it? We’ve been friends since we were kids, of course I love you.” You let out a bitter laugh at this “I’ve seen love in different forms, Jaehyun. What you feel towards me is familiar love, I’m the safe option…” more tears left your eyes as you began to grasp what was happening.

You sat in the bathroom in silence for a few minutes, silent tears falling as you tried to muffle your sobs. “Do you love me?” Jaehyun spoke breaking the silence, his voice evidently sad. Here came the third lie you would tell today “I loved you. Loved, past tense.” you only hoped that he wouldn’t pick up on you lying through your teeth, but you knew better than that. 

“…Maybe if you looked me in the eyes when you said that, I’d actually believe you.” he choked out. Moving towards the door, you leant your ear against it. Jaehyun at this point had moved away from the door which was your cue to quickly leave the bathroom and his room. Slowly you move your hand towards the handle and open it, but before you could escape Jaehyun had pulled you into a tight hug which you couldn’t break free of. “J-Jaehyun, let me go.” you pleaded, trying to push at his chest to separate the two of you. “Do you love me, Y/N?” Jaehyun asked again, this time he loosened his grip to look at you. 

Mustering as much courage as you could, you look at him with a serious expression “I loved you. Loved, past tense.” the fourth lie of the day. A single tear slipped down Jaehyun’s cheek. Sighing deeply, you pull one of the flowers you had neatly placed in your hair and pinned it to his jacket pocket. “Good luck, I’ll see you out there.” smiling weakly you move out the door. Looking over your shoulder, you watch as Jaehyun inspects the flower. 

A striped carnation.

I’m sorry I can’t be with you, I wish I could. This is what a striped carnation symbolises. I can’t have him. But I can’t stop thinking about him. 

Quickly walking out of the room and down the hallway, you take a moment to support yourself against the wall, “I do love you, Jaehyun. So damn much.”

“Y/n! There you are!” a voice spoke from down the hall as the figure rushed towards you. Quickly wiping your eyes, you came face to face with Johnny, your other best friend. Noticing your tears, he spoke knowingly “He told you didn’t he?” with the single nod of your head, he pulled you into a tight hug. 

“I love him, Johnny.” you begin to sob into his chest as he pulls you down the hallway to somewhere more private, which ended up being his car. “So he told you, huh…” Johnny spoke, before running a hand through his hair and sighing. “You told him you loved him back right?” Johnny asked as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Shaking your head no you begin to cry more, prompting Johnny to take his handkerchief out of his jacket pocket and hand it to you. “No. Just- just please get me out of here.” nodding his head, Johnny put his seatbelt on. 

“Y/N!” The front door slammed open as Jaehyun yelled after you. “Johnny, please start the car.” Johnny looked between you and Jaehyun before sighing sadly and starting the car. You slump back into the seat, eyes flickering over to the side mirror of the car, heart shattering as you spot Jaehyun standing in the driveway, shoulders slumped and eyes staring longingly in your direction. 

“I can turn the car around...” Johnny spoke softly. You open your mouth about to cave in but were cut off by the buzzing of my phone. 

Jaehyun 💘 I have so much I need to say, please, please come back.

More tears ran down your face as you read the pleading message. “Why’d you do it?” Johnny spoke up, eyes never leaving the road. “Why’d I do what?” you responded, locking your phone and putting it in the cupholder. Ignoring, the continuous flash of your screen which you assumed to be new messages from Jaehyun “Everyone knows you love him back, Why’d you tell him that you didn’t?” Taking a deep breath, you close your eyes. “I never intended to hurt him... but I will not be a homewrecker. I thought that I’d be alright, that I could handle being around Jaehyun. But I underestimated how strong my feelings were…”

“I saw it. The carnation, Y/N. I know what it means...” Johnny spoke sadly, waiting to see how you would react. “It matched his suit, that’s all.” you spoke nonchalantly, pretending your heart wasn’t hurting at the thought of the flower. You thought you could give it to him today and finally be done with your feelings for him, but that’s not what ended up happening.

“Yeah, whatever you say. Are you ready to go to the church?” After driving around for a while, your tears had finally dried. Nodding your head slowly, you lay back in the seat replaying everything that just happened in your head. If only you had told him how you really felt, maybe it would’ve saved the both of you from heartache.

“I can’t do this!” 

Arriving at the church and after a lot of convincing, you finally get out of Johnny’s car. Johnny walked over to you and crossed his arms “What do you mean, you can’t do this?”. Grabbing you by the shoulders he looks you in the eye sternly. “You can do this. You will do this. You said it yourself, Jaehyun deserves to be happy and I know for a fact that he’ll be heartbroken if you’re not inside that church when he gets there.”

Shaking your head stubbornly, you remove his hands from your shoulders and close your eyes briefly before opening them. “Okay.” Gently, you intertwined your hand with Johnny’s and moved into the church, heart breaking with every step you take. 

Not long after, Jaehyun arrived at the church, his eyes immediately scanned the room and stopped on you. He began to quickly move towards you, but was stopped by Johnny who shook his head. “Man, it’s time.” Eyes going wide, Jaehyung moved his gaze over to you before looking over at the pianist who had begun to play the Bride’s entrance song. Nodding his head defeated, he moved to the altar, eyes never leaving your face. 

Hearing the music, reality set in and you began to feel sick as you watched Jaehyun’s bride walk down the aisle. Once she reached Jaehyun, you turned to look over at Johnny and shook your head, mouthing to him “I can’t do this.” Quickly, you stood up and rushed out of the church as quietly as you could. Once you were out the doors you kicked your heels off, leaving them on the hood of Johnny’s car. Not knowing where you were going, you just began to run. Focusing on getting as far away from the church as possible. Tiring quickly, you found yourself on a bench, your ragged breaths forming into hysterical sobs. 

“Y/N?…” a familiar voice spoke gently. Furrowed eyebrows you shook your head, trying to clear your mind. You were just imagining things, Jaehyun was at the church right now probably just about to say ‘I do’.

“Y/N…” a man sat down next to you and wiped your tears, looking up you let out a gasp as you realised that your brain wasn’t playing tricks on you. Jaehyun was really sitting next to you. His hair a bit dishevelled from the wind and his bow that you had tied perfectly hours before loose and untied around his neck. Wiping your eyes you looked at Jaehyun and shook your head disapprovingly “What the hell are you doing here?!” 

“I’m- I…” he let out a defeated sigh and ran a nervous hand through his hair. “I-I know my timing is awful and that you don’t feel the same-“

“I love you too, Jaehyun.” Your sudden words made Jaehyun’s eyes go wide. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. You breathed out, pulling one of the other flowers you had in your hair and twirling it. 

“Jaehyun, you shouldn’t be here…”

Closing his eyes, a single tear slipped down his cheek as he gingerly interlaced his fingers with yours. “I know.” he spoke, taking off his wedding band and twirling it between his fingers.

“Our timing was off.” you spoke, looking ahead at the cars that passed by, trying to focus on not breaking down again. “Yeah.” he replied letting out a bitter chuckle and squeezing your hand. 

You knew the answer to the next question would break your heart, but you still asked it anyway. “Do you love her?” there was a moment of silence before Jaehyun nodded his head yes. You knew deep down that you weren’t fated to be together and there was nothing you could do about it.

“Then that’s all that matters.” you spoke calmly before taking the ring out of Jaehyun’s hand and sliding it back onto his ring finger. 

“But I love you too-” Jaehyun interjected, grabbing your face in his hands. Tears brimming his eyes as he gently caressed your face. Smiling sadly you removed his hands from your face and moved over a bit. “You can’t”. The two of you sat on the park bench in silence, looking ahead at the cars that drove past. 

Oh, what trouble a simple four words could cause.