#mmmmmmmmmmm i wrote too mcuh on this im so sorry but i hope someone out there enjoys this

[lady-snow-flower]

Letters To: Summer / Letters from Xuemei’s Past

Read here! 

Listen along!

A/N: “Letters To” will be my backstory project for Snow, and in theory I should write four parts in total. This is the first part, and I’ve worked on it a long, long time, on and off-- basically since I began conceptualizing Snow back in September. I felt shy about posting what I had for many reasons (like it felt really random to?? shouldn’t i have a reason?? shouldn’t i get even FARTHER into the project??), but figured the musical task was a great opportunity to craft a soundtrack to go along with the first part of this project. This feels especially fitting because, for me, Snow really did start coming together when I put together her playlist. 

In fact, for a bit there, I struggled to find her voice! It’s important to me before I get a character to write something with them. With Snow, I had written about 1000 words and it hadn’t exactly...clicked. Despite that, I felt her intensely. I had scenes lined up in my brain, scenes I was so so excited to write, many inspired by music. Why couldn’t I write it!!!

Then it hit me-- Snow’s trauma meant that it was just...very hard for me to access that part of her in my most comfortable writing style (3rd person limited/close). I’ve always loved this writing style because it lets me be more descriptive and figurative in my language than a character might be, while also using stylized language, but it just wasn’t clicking here. I got the idea to try something really UNnatural for me: 1st person. 

But not any 1st person lol. Epistolary 1st person. I’ve loved epistolary novels since I was young, and with Snow, I got to know her humor, her relationship with her parents, and the things she wanted to divulge, in HER way of telling it. It still wasn’t the complete story though, so that’s where I took inspiration from the Locked Tomb series I was reading at the same time (for Snow, actually lol), where part of it is told in 2nd person. These 2nd person POVs fill in the gap and cover the traumatic ground Snow wouldn’t let me cover. It gives her distance, but the reader closeness.

You know. In theory! 

Sorry for rambling! I wanted to share the process this go around, and sort of explain why I felt like I had to put it on a Google Doc. The line breaks and different fonts (nothing too crazy I promise) are important to the epistolary experience. I really hope y’all read and enjoy it and it isn’t confusing!

Below are the songs with my thinking behind it. I really did try to think of it as a musical! DO NOT READ BELOW before u read the story unless you want spoilers! 

eight (DooPiano Cover) 

I’ve mentioned in tags, I’ve posted it I think twice...I consider ‘eight’ by IU to be Snow’s theme. It’s a song about grief, nostalgia, and yearning for better yesterdays-- a place you can no longer return to. My favorite line in it is ‘Forever is a sandcastle.’ However, I put on a cover. Why? Because musicals have overtures, of course! I can’t make a true overture so this was as good as I was going to get, but it sets the tone I want. And makes me cry.

The Florist (pekoe) 

This song is an introduction to Snow and her character-- what’s going on and where she is now. We start Snow’s story right in the middle of it: post-death, post-affair, so this is giving the audience the backstory we need: 

My heavy heart slumbered into a dream And my tears fed the emptiness that silenced me As I grew fond of eternal sleep A lady arose with inflorescent skin Picking daisies to plant on her body And wear on her sleeve

It points to what is coming next-- Snow’s travels away from her home and the life she knew: “I know it’s a big world out there.”

In terms of the story itself, this is the Prologue baby-- a farewell to her parents. 

Flyweight love (Vienna Teng)

Ah, the TRAVEL song! Snow is leaving home! Set change! She lands in China! She is meeting new people! I like the upbeat nature of this song and the optimism within it because I think that’s where Snow begins her journey. I considered a lot of diff songs for this but I liked imagining this kind of montage on stage, Snow ‘meeting’ some people on her journey with their own stories and reasons for being Flyweight Loves. 

Took a train to the stubborn coast Off-season towns half shuttered Said hello to the rising breeze Made a note of the setting sun

Dear Wormwood (The Oh Hellos)

Ah yes, the waking of Snow’s magic at night. This dramatic lil indie folk number I imagine happens as Snow gets up and finds the skeleton in the watch tower! I don’t have more to say, it’s really quite that simple. (Though I like that it’s sort of like an acknowledgment of her magic... which is the beginning of her arc, aka, learning about necromancy and embracing it.) 

In a musical (ok i have more to say) in theory one would like the skeleton to come to life and share its story with the audience dont u think 

I know who you are now I know who you are

Revenant (Anais Mitchell) 

This is the scene where Ai gives Snow her first real lead-- that thread of hope that what’s happening to her doesn’t have to be a bad thing. She finds hope in a letter correspondence and so I liked that this song mentions letters and other old things and how they beckon the past forward. That’s what Snow is doing in a lot of ways: reviving a ‘lost’ art of necromancy. It’s so soft and delicate as well and I wanted the conversation to be warm and gentle for her. 

Read your letters all again Coffee rings and a ballpoint pen Tear stains every now and then I remember what they meant

Traveling Song (Ryn Weaver) 

Another traveling song!! I well, needed a transition from China to Ireland and this folksy Ryn Weaver song will do! Again, I just like the storytelling nature of it and it does what Flyweight Love does in capturing the liminal nature of travel. Snow is very much in a traveling state of mind u know-- she doesn’t have a home yet. 

Nobody knows where they are going Oh, how we try to wrap our minds Over the edge of all our knowings Be it a bang or the divine Tip of my iceberg blues are showing I've never been one for goodbyes So, 'til I meet you there, I'm singing A traveling song to ease the ride And so you know, everywhere I roam I'll see you on the road

There Beneath (The Oh Hellos) 

This song is technically about my favorite letters I got to write-- Snow getting into her necromancy!! She is learning how to “locate memory within an object” as well as “wake a bone up and remind it of its purpose”, two things which, in turn, help Snow grow as a person and rethink her entire outlook on the world, really. These were the scenes I was so excited about when I was conceptualizing Snow, and I’m still very happy with how it turned out.  There beneath the willow tree I learned a lot about the way of things I learned that everything (the wind, the leaves) has breath inside They were pointing ever east To see the ever-turning aeon cease Their wills were ever bent on waiting with all their might

I know (I know) I know this There is beauty in the way of things

Secret Garden (IU)

This song is the song of Snow’s healing and most importantly, the introduction of Ottilie, Snow’s new friend. So yes, her getting to know Ottilie and feeling comfortable in her life here!! Ideally this one perhaps be a duet in a musical and I maybe should have gone to find a duet but I love these lyrics, IU’s soft voice, and the idea that friendship is a secret garden. 

Forget the things of yesterday Everyone gets things slightly wrong There’s no such thing as a perfect person Look at me, filled with mistakes and loneliness

Feels like I’ve been born again After I met you From the moment you accepted My pitiful heart

Day by day, things will get better Now that you’re watching over me I must have strength, I must be happy Like a flower that bloomed late

Never Look Away (Vienna Teng)

But enough of that nice stuff, let’s get back to conflict! 

This occurs during the scene when Snow first makes contact with a distressed soul and decides she should perform a seance. It’s her first seance. It doesn’t go well. This song is also about Snow really pushing the boundaries of her magic and testing her new beliefs. I love how dark and dramatic it is, and I imagine Snow could be singing to the ghost, but it’s also the ghosts singing to Snow to really wake up and face herself 

So if you're out there in the cold I'll cover you in moonlight If you're a stranger to your soul I'll bring you to your birthright I want the storm inside you awoken now I want your warm bright eyes To never look away Don't you ever look away

To My Youth (BOL4) 

But it isn’t the show stopper. This is the final song before the curtain closes! We are ending the first act, so to speak, in a terrible place, with an aching, soaring ballad. This is one of my favorite songs of all time, I’ve posted it SEVERAL times, I guess I just am desperate for people to listen to it and validate me idk lmfao. 

But I like it because 1. it’s a letter to yourself, thus echoing the form of this project. 2. it ends so hopeful, with the singer saying they still want to be a “light in the world” and to find themself. It hurts me actually, as at the end, as the music softens, the singer really sympathizes with the younger version of themselves: “How painful must it have been? How high must my hopes have been?” 

So yes I think about this at the end, Snow picking herself up. This probably happens right after the scene with Ottilie. ugh i like her a lot, my character.