#mom is finally coming back from helping sis after the transplant

[pearl-kite]

Currently hiding from the bizarre clean-everything mood dad is in by going to meet a friend an hour earlier than the actual meet-up time

I am an adult

[lokisgame]

A Generous Donation [12]

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [part 6] [part 7] [part 8] [part 9] [part 10] [part 11]

The food looked and smelled as delicious as always, but when Charlie took his place at the table, looking around the faces gathered there, it all felt wrong, he didn't feel grateful at all. Dana and Will's absence gaped like a black hole, a fearful reminder sucking up all cheer. Even young Mathew kept his head down, bending under pressure of being the only child present. Him, Bill and Tara, lived their lives in California where Bill was stationed, making them rare guests at the table. That however didn't stop the eldest Scully son from taking place of honour and carving the turkey. After short and meaningless grace, he started handing out thick slices, leaving the best and most tender for himself. "Dana isn't coming?" He asked, finally sitting down. "She's at the hospital," Maggie said, "with Will." 

Charlie noticed disproval on his brother's face and glared, ready for the sermon, Bill Jr. was about to deliver. "I always knew that pride would be her fall." He said apropos of nothing, around a mouthful of turkey. "Like you said mom, back in the day, IVF was for people who can't have kids, not to satisfy her whims, and now God is making her see it." He stuffed his face while others looked at him in disbelief. "She should accept his will, letting the boy spend last days with his family and not keep poking and prodding him, if it was clearly never meant to be." Bill loaded his fork with stuffing and peas and Charlie snapped, pushing his chair back so hard it almost fell back. His fists were clenched, knuckles white, but he said nothing. Instead he rounded the table and took Bill's mostly full plate away from him. "What the hell!" "Shut up Bill," he said, "just shut up." "What do you think you're doing?" Bill yelled, while the rest of the family sat frozen in their places. "I'm taking this to Dana," Charlie said not bothering to stop, his voice thick with rage. "She needs this more than you do." "Charles, please." Maggie said, finally finding her voice among tears and shame. "No, mom, I'm not sharing table with him, not tonight." He said and went to the kitchen. Doors and drawers began slamming and Emily got up, taking her plate with her. "I'm going with him." "Emily, don't." Missy said with a hint of plea and warning. "Don't what? Tolerate this kind of talk?" Emily looked at her mother, cold fury burning behind her blue eyes, then around the table, at all the food and family, growing colder by the second. Charlie came back with boxes, handing one to her, and they began loading them up with turkey, mashed potatoes, salads and stuffing, while the rest watched in stunned silence for a few excruciatingly long minutes. "I'll get you the pie," Maggie said, finally getting up and wiping tears from her eyes. "Thanks mom." Charlie said, and started loading another box. "Now listen, Charles," Bill tried to get up, but Tara caught the sleeve go his jacket and pulled him down. By the time Maggie was back, they had all four boxes filled and packed, along with their own plates. Somewhere in the middle, Missy and Tara began to help, while Bill sat with his arms crossed, in stubborn silence. "I should go with you," Maggie said, walking Charlie and Emily to the door. "No point, they won't let all of us through the quarantine zone." "Right, right," she sighed, resigned, and Charlie let go of some of his rage, putting his arm around her. "I'll call you once I know how Will is doing, okay?" "Thank you, give them my best." "Will do," Charlie said and followed Emily out.

They did the best they could to blow out his spark, reducing him to a tiny blue flame, a tea-light with one last drop of paraffin keeping it alive. She held his hand, stroking its' back with her thumb, while life trickled down the line, back into his veins. She should have asked Mulder about that vampire joke. "Why does Mulder call you Scully?" Will spoke suddenly, his voice barely audible, head turning on the pillow with tremendous effort. "It's an FBI thing." She said and his brow furrowed. "He did some consulting for the bureau in the 90's and it turned into a habit. I don't mind really. Do you?" Will's head twitched sideways. "Rest honey," Scully said, pressing her lips to his hand, ignoring the sterile mask, "save your strength." Her phone chirped in its' ziplock bag and she glanced anxiously at the ID. It was her second favourite caller.   "Hi sis," said a cheerful voice, "come out for a minute, we brought you something." Scully looked up and through the glass to the corridor beyond, and saw Charlie and Emily waving at her just outside the airlock doors. "I'll be right with you." She said and hung up. "Who is it?" Will mumbled half awake. "Charlie and Em are here," she said, patting his hand and he opened his eyes, managing a faint smile. He lifted his head and waved at the couple outside. Emily grinned and made a face, crossing eyes and sticking out her tongue and Will smiled back, a little wider this time. "Tell them hi," he said and fell back down. "I'll be right back."

"Hi," Scully grinned, hugging her brother and niece, "did mom send you?""We sent ourselves," Emily said, handing her a paper bag, "but grandma cooked." "We figured you could use some real food." "Thanks," she said, opening the box, "how bad was the dinner?" "I hate Bill," Emily said, staying by the window, her eyes never leaving Will. "He's been a royal asshole." "Charlie." "Good thing you weren't there to hear it." "That bad?" She looked up from her cold turkey, fork half way up to her mouth. "I wanted to kill him," Charlie said, gritting his teeth, "self-righteous prick. You know, sometimes I think he's been switched in his crib and he's some kind of half-troll changeling." "His neck is short enough for it," Emily said, grin in her voice. "You're both so mean," Scully said, but smiled as well. Mocking Bill behind his back was a long-standing tradition of theirs. "How's Will doing?" Charlie asked. "He got the marrow around 3pm, so now we wait. He's stable, no sign of immediate rejection." "That's good, right?" "It's too soon to tell, but it's definitely not bad." "When will we be able to see him?" "Give it a couple of days, it will all depend on his progress." "I hate waiting." Emily said. "I know Em," Scully said and got up, standing by the window with her arm around her, "I'll make sure he calls you, once he's lucid enough." "Okay," Em nodded, locking her eyes with Will, and putting her hand to the glass. She never saw him this fragile, even when he was a child and she filled her with dread. "We'll let you go back to him," Charlie said, joining them, "unless you want to feed him turkey as well." "Can't, hospital food only." "Rain check then, you need anything else?" "No, I think I'm good now," she said, feeling a little more human. Few days ago she wouldn't be able to swallow home cooking without bursting into tears, but she ate it all and talked to her family and finally had a feeling, that life would go back to normal. "You know," she said remembering the calls she made earlier, "I tried to reach Mulder but he didn't answer, could you?" "Sure," Charlie said, "just give me the address." "Thanks."

Mulder slept through the day. His aching back chained him to the couch, making anything beyond a bathroom trip, not worth the pain or the nausea. He ate toast for breakfast and canned soup for lunch, and slept with the tv on low for background. It was easier to handle the stress that way. If the transplant wouldn't work and the kid forfeited his life, the pain Scully would feel was impossible for him to imagine. So when the doorbell rang somewhere around seven, his heart began to pound, filling his head with worst images possible. He forced himself to get up, bracing for tears, fists and knives in his heart, then turned the lock and his jaw dropped. "Good evening," said Charlie Scully, accompanied by willowy, short-haired girl, who looked like something between him and Scully. "It's too soon for carolling," Mulder said, trying to read the news from their faces. "We're the Thanksgiving committee." The girl grinned and relief washed over him, making his knees weak. "Easy man, Will's okay," Charlie said catching him and stepping through the threshold, guiding Mulder back to the couch. The girl closed the doors behind them from the inside. "They did it?" "Yeah, this afternoon, he's sleeping it off." Charlie eased Mulder to the seat, lifting his face up for a second, glancing at his eyes and checking pulse. "You feel dizzy? Faint?" "You a doctor too?" "No, but I had first aid training." "EMT?" "Cop," Charlie smiled, and moved back. "This is my niece, Emily." "Hi," Emily said, smiling. Mulder looked at the girl, who looked like a punk who raided Scully's closet for her business casual. She showed him the paper bag. "We brought dinner." Mulder laughed and leaned back. "Sure you did." "May I?" Emily asked and nodded towards the kitchen. "Go ahead." "We brought more, mind if we join you?" "Not at all." Mulder said and looked at Charlie again. "How's Scully," "We fed her too, don't worry, she asked us to come check up on you, said you didn't return her calls." "She called?" Mulder picked up his phone from the coffee table and found three unanswered calls and the switch on the side set on mute. "Frohike must have turned it off so no one would wake me. Excuse me." "Sure, I'll go help Emily."

Scully picked up on the fourth ring. "Hi." "Hi, it's me, sorry I didn't call back, a bee stung me, had to sleep it off." She laughed. "It's okay, how are you feeling?" "Weak and aching, but I'll live. Will's better?" "He's not worse." She said cautiously. "Afraid you'll jinx it?" "Something like that. Charlie’s there?" "Yeah, I guess feeding people runs in the family." "We're old fashioned, if we feed you, you're part of the family." "In that case, I'll have seconds." "Knowing my brother, you'll have enough for it and probably lunch tomorrow." "We'll see, smells good." Mulder paused, then added softly. "You're not bailing on me, are you?" "Wouldn't dream of it," she said and the warmth in her tone was all the assurance he needed. Someone tapped his shoulder and he looked up to see Emily. "Dinner's ready." "Thanks," he said to the girl, then to the phone. "Food's here, wanna know what I'm thankful for?" "You'll tell me when I see you." "Why?" "Because I want to tell you too, in person." "Then, I'll see you." "Take care of yourself." "Ha, I've got people for that now." "Right, go eat, we'll talk later." "Bye." Mulder hung up and dragged himself off the couch. “Who wants to say grace?” Asked Charlie, reaching hands across the table, palms up. “I’m half jewish,” Mulder said, but took Emily’s hand. “No problem,” Charlie grinned and closed the circle, pausing, before he began speaking in a low voice. “We’re thankful for this year, with all its’ graces and trials, ones we've overcome and the ones we’re still facing. We’re thankful for our family and friends, old and new, and all the kindness we received, hoping that we can be there for them too, in time of need.” Both hands tightened around Mulder’s fingers and when he looked up, he couldn’t speak. “Amen,” said Emily, smiling at him. “Amen,” Charlie echoed and Mulder nodded, touched to his core. “We should have brought some gravy,” Emily said, breaking the moment as she reached for potatoes. “I’m hungry.” “There’s wine,” Mulder said, clearing his throat, “I shouldn’t, but you’re welcome to it.” “Got beer?” Charlie asked. “Yeah,” he chuckled, “there’s beer too.” “Perfect.” “I’ll have one too.” Mulder stared to get up, but Charlie stopped him. “Fridge?” He nodded and Charlie retrieved two bottles and glasses from the cupboard. “Glass, classy,” Emily grinned. “It’s Thanksgiving, you can behave like a human for one evening.” “Do I have to?” She looked at Mulder and hit him with a pout that would befit a five year-old, if it wasn’t for all the piercing. He couldn’t stop the laugh. “You brought food, do what you want.” “Thank you!” She sang and took the bottle from Charlie, who too, gladly skipped the glass. “Less dishes,” he chuckled and sat back down. “Try the turkey,” Emily told Mulder, “it’s the only reason I dress up for grandmas’ dinners.” “I had your aunts’ lasagna, was that where Scully learned to cook?” “Mostly,” Charlie said, finally tasting the turkey. Even reheated, it was great. "Don’t get your hopes too high though, lasagna is her specialty, watch out for the meatloaf.” “Okay.” “I like Dana’s meatloaf," said Emily. “Because you’re still practically a student, if it’s free, you’ll eat anything.” “It’s not a money thing, I work too much,” she bristled, “I get distracted, and things just...” “Burn.” Charlie finished for her. “Is that a challenge?” “Yup, when you’re staying with me, you cook once a week.” “Sure,” she said, unfazed. “But if you burn it, it doesn’t count.” “Fine.” She mixed the potatoes with stuffing, her interest fading. “And it can’t be takeout,” Charlie insisted. “I said fine!” Emily mumbled around mouthful of turkey. “Mulder heard you, so you can’t back out” Charlie grinned, then turning to Mulder said in a stage whisper, “I’m joking, she only burned one pie.” “And I’ll never live it down.” Emily said, taking a swig from her bottle to wash down the food. “So what do you do Emily?” Mulder asked, changing subject politely. “I’m a programer," she replied, before taking another bite, "I spent some time in Silicon Valley, but I’m moving back here, to finish my thesis at MIT.” “I have friends there, what's the thesis about?” “Statistical analysis of data shared through social media and potential applications. But let's not talk about work, or at least not my work, Charlie catching bad guys is so much more interesting." "Yeah, like I can ever talk about it." He chuckled, deflecting, "Mulder, Will showed me your book." "He did?" "You wrote about this former FBI guy, who though he was abducted by aliens." "Duane Barry, yes." "Any truth to that? He was injured in the line of duty, wasn't that just the brain damage talking?" "He did have pieces of metal in various places inside his body." "So you believed him?" "Every story of alien abduction is different, touching different people, coming from different backgrounds. Some accept it, feeling chosen, and some break under the pressure of constantly looking over their shoulder. Ask yourself, why would you make up a story, that would make everyone think you've gone crazy?" "Attention?" Emily asked, sipping her beer. "It's usually negative, where's the pay off?" "You're the psychologist," Charlie said, "you tell me." "I can't, that's my point, some of these people are lying, that's just people, but some of them have gone through crazy things, and they didn't do it to themselves. Someone had to seek out and target these specific individuals, using them for their experiments without their consent, and since it's all so crazy and no one really takes it seriously, these people end up marginalised, ridiculed and never see justice, so the circle of exclusion closes. There are private groups and societies that provide support and connect people with similar experiences, but like I said, it's all very us against them." "I know what you mean," Emily sighed, chasing peas around her plate, "try being a math geek in a hippy home. Mom was supportive, but she never really understood me." "Good thing you're a Scully," Charlie said, "we're a stubborn lot." "And thank God for that." Mulder smiled and raised his glass of water, for lack of a better toast. "To stubborn Scully's, who never give up without a fight." Emily glanced up and met Mulder's eyes, his warm smile oddly familiar, and a thought dawned on her. "Never," she grinned and raised her beer, looking at Charlie. "We don't mind some help, though." He said, raising his bottle. Glass clinked. "And that's probably the core of your strength."

They left Mulder's place around nine, full and happy, the Bill incident all but forgotten. Emily looked out the windshield at the rain that started drizzling, waking up the wipers to squeak lazily. The streets were almost empty, carb coma took over the city. "Does Will know?" She said, moving her gaze to Charlie. "Know what?" "No Will," she let her breath wheeze, "I am your father." "What?" "Search your feelings," she kept up the poor Darth Vader impression, "you know it to be true." "Stop that." "C'mon Charlie," she grinned, sensing she was onto something, "the smile, the jaw, the matching DNA!" Charlie kept his eyes on the road. "You really are a Scully." "Holly shit!" "Language!" "So it is true." "Dana's going to kill me," he sighed, "yeah, Mulder is Will's dad." "How does that work?" "Listen kid," he said, emotions flaring, "it was a long time ago. You were just a toddler, rambling with your mother when it happened. What Bill said tonight, was just a shadow of how it was back then and none of us want to go back. If you have the guts, ask Dana about it. All I can say, is that it ended when Will was born and everybody loved him ever since, he's ours. And even if Dana's reasons might have been childish, she loved him the most and she's a great mom." "Easy there, uncle Charlie," she said, teasing but only slightly, "I won't tell anyone, if that's what you mean." "Don't tell Will," Charlie took a deep breath, reining in his temper, "or Mulder. Let Dana do it, when she's ready." "Okay, I promise." She said, smiling slightly. "But you have to admit, it's cute as hell." "Em, Will is going to live," he sighed, "that's all I care about." "What are the odds." She mused, laugh still in her voice. Charlie smiled and said, "Apparently, one in five billion."

[fortunatelycooltrash]

So people love to say that America doesn’t have free healthcare because the quality would sink and the waits would go up. Now, while those are valid worries despite being no excuse for the atrociously high prices of even minior procedures, I’d like to share some bullshit that I’ve experienced involving normal US hospitals and medical branches alike.

My root canal is going to cost 2500 dollars because it is not covered by most dental plans despite it being a completely necessary procedure that directly affects my health. Absorb that then absorb the fact this plan covers some of braces. The crown alone is costing over 1200.

I almost died in a hospital waiting room because my ‘stomach ache’ that was causing me so much pain I was sick with it wasn’t severe enough to qualify for immediate attention. Undiagnosed Appendicitis.

My nephew and sister almost met their end because an incompetent doctor misdiagnosed my sister with a URI. She had type A flu.

My cousins father had a doctor who refused to diagnose him despite him coming back constantly because of lethargy. Said he couldn’t find anything wrong. Her father was poor and had really bad insurance. Finally he went to another doctor and was diagnosed with kidney cancer. He could have lived if he had been diagnosed a year or two prior before it spead but by the time he got his diagnosis, it was too late. He died, I believe, a few months later but I was young so he might have made it a year or longer.

I suffered from chronic nosebleeds as a child to the point that blood didn’t even scare me anymore. The doctor told my mother that it was coming from wounds inside my nose and I was most likely picking at it and there was nothing medically wrong with me. My mother, knowing even as a child I knew not to waste her money, took me to another doctor. Severe Anemia. Still suffer from it too this day. Have to take those horrid tasting red pills🤢.

My aunt constantly butchering her budget because she needs her insulin and it’s cost keeps getting higher despite it remaining relatively the same. Luckily my state is looking to cap it at 100 though if that will actually go into effect isn’t determined yet.

My mom, bless her, repeatedly going in for her back aching only to be told pain was normal for someone of her weight and age. Nope, she is a nurse and turned people that were 300 pounds or more. She had completely blown her back and had a pinched nerve that was so severe she could barely stand without pain. The doctor that diagnosed her was surprised she could even walk.

My sister, having a grand mal seizure in the nurses office of a high school. They told her to stop faking. That bitch wasn’t even a real nurse so this one doesn’t count but I had to mention this because why the fuck wasn’t a registered nurse hired?

My (other) aunt having minor chest pain then suffering a heart attack in the waiting room because they had her wait so long since she didn’t seem serious. I’m sure that’s going to have lasting damage that could have been easily prevented.

My sister giving birth and getting a 28,000 dollar bill for a room and care for her and the baby. She was there for a day and a half. She didn’t even have a long or complicated delivery.

My mother being told she was completely fine to continue working despite having an off feeling about her third pregnancy(about 24 years ago) the doctor told her there were no complications and she could go on as normal. She miscarried her seven month along daughter three days later because her placenta was underneath the baby and tore. That doctor is still in practice.

The nurses in my mothers delivery room ignoring both her and the monitor. Which, if they had been looking at, clearly desplayed my older brother with his umbilical core wrapped tight around his neck. He lived because my moms main doctor walked in and had a conniption fit when he noticed the vitals dropping. He’s the doc my sis uses now. A good man.

(Same bro)My older brother turning blue everytime he cried being brushed off. Hole in his heart that has since closed.

When I was younger, I slipped in the shower and hit my head so hard against the metal lining of it(stall shower) that the skin split open and abscessed. My doc treated the abscess but did no further testing after a 4 hour wait. As we were leaving, I don’t remember much of this week my mom told me, I vomited and passed out in the parking lot. Had a concussion.

My brother being misdiagnosed with the flu, strep, and a few other things over the course of a few weeks before one doctor finally tested him for HIV. It was positive. Luckily he only had one partner. Unluckily, the partner was the one that gave it to him via cheating on him.

Me, almost dying of a violent case of strep throat because they said I had a sinus infection. My fever peaked at 104 then, blessedly, broke. I do not remember this as the memories of the days I was sick are incredibly fever burned but I remember wrapping blankets around me because I was so cold.

The strep attacked so quick and harshly that if I had lived alone it probably would have killed me since I wouldn’t have been able to get help and I would’ve kept trying to get ‘warmer’ and helped raise my temp over 106. You typically don’t come back from that one unharmed. If at all.

My older bro(cord baby) being told suffering from auditory hallucinations was a common thing(not wrong but they should have actually asked about his family history and idk, did more??) he had undiagnosed bipolar disorder. He is medicated and much happier now.

Me breaking my gotdamn pointer knuckle and the x-ray person getting blurry x-rays that she used despite the fact that they weren’t accurate. Thank you bitch, now my abnormally short pointer finger clicks because it began to set wrong.

Theres a few more but I’m currently giving my bro a hard time for texting me a text meant for his bf so imma bounce for now. May add more later. The whole point to this was to show people that don’t want free health care because the ‘quality would go down’ or the ‘wait would be too long’ that the wait is already long enough for you to die anyway and the quality already sucks ass if you’re poor because they will not diagnose you correctly.

Or They will misdiagnose you then blame YOU when you sue(happened to my mom in that miscarriage one but because he hadn’t wrote a release back to work she had no actual proof he’d told her she could.)

Or They will overcharge you for things that have a far cheaper value simply because they can and you can’t do anything about it because you need that procedure or medicine to keep your health good.

I can understand things like heart surgery or transplants, you know, the big major stuff not being free because yeah that shit takes a fuck ton of resources and care so I get it, I do. I can reasonably say “Yup that should cost thousands.” I mean, I’m don’t even avocate for fully FREE healthcare, I just want a limit on their overpricing bull shit to where it matches with economic standards.

You can’t expect someone with an average 7-4 job that pays 10/hr(oooh ya, y’all think I’d go higher? Guess what, young people starting out their careers also get sick!) to drop thousands upon thousands of dollars for whatever. The sad thing is I can say ‘whatever’ and you can actually think of multiple things that aren’t that major or that resource draining yet still cost thousands.

Even someone making 15/hour couldn’t do that and I’d be hard pressed to say even 20-25/hr could do that. They may have it better and be able to pay it off faster but they’d still be in debt for a while or have to work years after their planned retirement to make up for the lost savings if they were lucky enough to have them.

I’ve also heard people complaining about it raising taxes but you’ll spend way more getting something done at a hospital then you’d spend on those taxes in a year.

Besides, if you’re so pissed about taxes then to even it out protest the stupid taxes. Your house? Taxed. Your inheritance that you gain but also leave behind to care for your family? Taxed. Your property that you bought 100% full price paid? Taxed every year. Your car? Taxed.

How bout getting pissed about those instead of getting pissy about people getting their health fixed? There are plenty of ridiculous taxes so I don’t know why people are so against having one that actually helps people.

Sorry for this rant, I know it’s not centered around my profile theme but I am majorly pissed off that I’m about to have to let a tooth rot out of my head because my insurance decided that: covering something cosmetic like braces? Yeah! Covering a completely necessary surgery that can actually harm/kill the person via infection if left untreated? Nope, that costs us more!

I can’t drop two fucking grand on dental surgery. It’s just not happening. I don’t know anyone who can do that shit. Anyone who gets pissed off about me posting this: go slam a hammer against your tooth until it cracks down the middle, exposing your nerve to the harsh unforgiving world then let it develop a cavity around it.

Afterwards, try to eat literally anything: hot, cold, hard, soft, it doesn’t matter. You’ll cry, I promise. Now imagine being told the only way to fix that is to cough up over two grand and if you can’t well then oh fucking well? Kinda hurts ya a bit. Not nearly as much as the tooth but still.

Hell, I know dental probably wouldnt even get covered if they made healthcare reduced or free but this whole situation has reminded me just how fucked you are if you get anything remotely wrong with you in the U.S

[heroesandvillainsofmbti]

INFP: Keiko Ishikawa-O’Brien, “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine”

INFP – the Healer, the Dreamer, the Clarifier

Keiko O’Brien put up with a lot, and never really got her due. She joined the crew way back in TNG, then left her career to cross over with her husband Miles to DS9, highlighting the show’s themes of family life and diversity. Once the focus shifted to the O’Brien-Bashir bromance (which, to be clear, I think is wonderful), our intrepid botanist went neglected.

Most of her episodes catch Keiko on her bad days, bickering with her husband or worrying what to do with her life. It was tough deciding whether she was always in the grip, or just aggressively using her higher functions. When we see her on good days, she’s obviously smart, sweet, and crazy in love with an Irish engineer who’s as stubborn as she is.

Dominant Function: (Fi) Introverted Feeling, “The Deep Well”

Keiko and Miles love each other deeply in a way that’s obvious to everyone, but also a little inexplicable given how often they seem to be at odds. They clash in the hard-headed way of two Fi-users exasperated with constant compromise. His Fi is lower, so he has trouble working out how to emotionally respond, while her higher Fi wants to be understood without having to explain itself (as an INFP who has dated two ISTJs, I can assure you this never happens in real life…ahem).

Their marriage isn’t easy, but it’s interesting to note that Keiko never brings up the option of separation once she’s committed to Miles. She’s mama-bear protective of her husband and kids on the multiple occasions when various outer space phenomena threaten them, as they do often to Starfleet types. She argues loud for her husband’s innocence when he’s unjustly accused by the Cardassians, and she has a gut feeling that he’s still alive after he’s apparently killed. She has to hold in her feelings when interacting with Miles’ imposter, but the creepiness proves overwhelming, and she makes excuses to get away.

Keiko will stick to what she believes outside of her family life, too. She feels that the kids on DS9 need education, so she starts a school. Vedek Winn tries to shut her down for teaching the scientific explanation about the wormhole without the religious story, but Keiko refuses to budge. She takes in a Cardassian war orphan, and pulls her husband aside during dinner to confront him over his bigoted behavior toward the boy.

They may sound argumentative to those outside the O’Brien household, but Miles declares that Keiko is the most supportive person he knows. When Lwaxana’s telepathic illness causes various members of the crew to randomly fall in love with each other, nothing happens to Keiko and Miles. The others were affected because of latent attractions they held unconsciously, but the O’Briens’ internal compasses point only at each other.

Auxiliary Function: (Ne) Extraverted Intuition, “The Hiking Trails”

Keiko is willing to pick up and move their family to DS9 for the sake of Miles’ career, and after a few weeks of boredom, she finds something productive to do and throws herself into the project. She protests Vedek Winn’s intrusion into her classroom because she sees her job as opening the minds of her students and exposing them to new and diverse ideas. When her unborn child has to be transplanted into Kira after an accident, Keiko just rolls with the new situation, inviting Nerys to live with them during the pregnancy and learning the Bajoran birthing ritual.

When we first meet her, Keiko’s freaking out over her impending marriage to Miles. She backs out, then re-commits, changing her mind virtually every few hours. She knows she loves Miles, but she’s anxious about making the right decision for her life.

This is the frustrating thing with Fi+Ne. Every types’ functions push and pull against each other, particularly when they’re far apart in the stack. It’s how the MBTI model explains the inner contradictions we all have, and helps us to grow. But even our top two functions, the ones that turn us into stereotypes if we only work from them without our lower half, can conflict with each other. Fi, in my INFP experience, is often the most rigid of the functions, while Ne is the most changeable.

Living with these two functions tag-teaming each other at the top of your stack gets exhausting.

On the one hand, you want to stick with the position you know is right, but on the other hand, you’re compelled to always be hunting for unexplored options. So while Keiko looks like a crazy person to her husband, I can completely sympathize with her frustration. She wants to support Miles in his career, but she needs to have her own opportunities to pursue.

Being a stay-at-home mom doesn’t work for her (particularly in an advanced future where there’s not much housework). Being a schoolteacher fulfills her for a while, but then that well dries up. Miles tries to build her a small arboretum where she can work with plants in her spare time, but botany isn’t her hobby—it’s her vocation.

Keiko needs to be a botanist. She joins a Bajoran expedition to explore undocumented species on the planet, and then she’s continuously gone on missions for most of the rest of the series. It’s a constantly moving, always changing lifestyle, and it seems to be the best choice she ever made.

Tertiary Function: (Si) Introverted Sensing, “The Study”

Keiko gets bored with routine. She assures Miles she’s okay sitting in their quarters when he leaves for work, but she needs something to engage her interests and skills. Still, she values her home life, and after months of traveling for work, she feels relief at coming back where she belongs. She keeps many traditions, especially food, from her Japanese heritage, and her wedding to Miles is a tasteful mix of Japanese and Irish customs.

Keiko gets help from a telepath to help her recollect the details from a certain childhood memory. She has various pieces—images, textures, a piece of a song—but she can’t quite recall why it’s important to her. The experience brings her memory into focus, and she finally remembers time spent with her grandmother doing calligraphy.

Keiko believes that footage of her husband’s death has been faked, because it shows him drinking coffee in the afternoon, and Miles never drinks coffee in the afternoon. Her certainty sends Sisko and the crew off on a whole investigation, and sure enough they discover Miles (and Julian) still alive and on the run. When she gets him back, Keiko discovers that she’s mistaken—Miles drinks coffee in the afternoon all the time (cue laugh track, freeze frame, end credits)!

Inferior Function: (Te) Extraverted Thinking, “The Workshop”

Keiko can put her foot down, and often does, leading to stand-offs with her Te-aux husband. She rises to the occasion when she decides the station urgently needs a school, planning and scheduling the curriculum and persuading Sisko to give her the space for it. She even gets Rom on board, convincing him that education will be good for his son.

And let’s not forget she managed to give birth to Molly in the middle of a ship-wide disaster.

(In the not-strictly-canon post-TV novels, Keiko takes a job after the war helping Cardassia regrow its biosphere, and then it’s Miles’ turn to give up his career for his partner. I think it’s a lovely development, bringing the O’Brien family full circle.)

Originally, I didn’t think I would be able to fully type Keiko, and I intended to include her in a quick list of supporting characters. While writing the list, I argued myself into an INFP typing. Back in the TNG series, I ended up typing another troublesome Star Trek character as an INFP, and I’m hoping this doesn’t reveal some sort of bias. I have no deep personal connection to Wesley or Keiko, so I don’t think I’m projecting my own type onto them. If I had to guess, when the show requires a character to act one way this week and another way next week, that Fi-Ne combo seems like an easy explanation.

As always, I welcome input and opinions.

Rosalind Chao certainly deserved better, so catch “The Assignment” from Season 5 to see her absolutely owning the episode.

[kaceyburnvillerp-blog]

oh brother...

“Jane! Enough!,” I scooched her out of my office for what I hoped was the last time before my brother Kevin arrived. She was trying to be helpful, but I wasn't entirely sure Kevin would want to get lunch, or dinner, or whatever when he arrived - and I definitely didn't know when he would arrive - he'd said “11:00” but that could mean anytime between then and 2:00. Her constant asking about our plans only made me more anxious as I waited.

Kevin had called a couple days before to ask if I'd want to “grab a bite” while he was in town. He'd been away so often recently with his new work since graduation - his internship with New Orleans Petroleum. Now he had a junior engineering position after he finished his graduate degree last spring and my mom couldn't stop talking about his trips to Dubai, to “Sow-dee”, and “even Canada!”. I wasn't exactly sure what Kevin did but I'm sure it was important and he sounded happy. Mike only asked me if I needed reservations made anywhere - but when I told him about Kevin’s lack of planning when it came to running on time...well, he narrowly missed the pillow I tossed at him when he asked something about whether it was “genetic”. Kevin knew I'd moved in with Mike - he got that much from my mother, of course. But I'm pretty sure he didn't know much else. And by “much else,” I meant the 26 other “else's” separating Mike and me. Kevin was only 6 years younger than me, but he'd spent the last few “looking after” me like only a good, young southern man would towards his sister. Or so that's what he told my mother. The truth was - from what I could tell - was that he spent a lot of his time giving me a hard time about not getting him a brother-in-law to hang out with with Dad and Paul (Kevin’s best friend since high school). Kevin didn't go hunting with Dad, that was something only Uncle Bill did, but he, Paul, and Dad did enjoy watching football or baseball - or anything else they could drink beer and yell at all together. Adding another leading man into the mix seemed only logical by most southern social standards. In my opinion, I thought Kevin needed his own partner to keep him in line and to worry way less about me. But southern women were never in a hurry to marry off their sons. Just their daughters. Sigh. Reason enough to elope in my opinion. But I had plenty of time to worry about that.

The truth though, was that I was crazy excited to see Kevin. I missed him. I miss the mess we made together and the trouble we always seemed to get into and how we could drive our mother crazy in ways only we knew how - and only our Dad could reign in. I wanted him to meet Mike. I wanted Mike to love him and him to love Mike. I really just wanted him to be happy for me - and I knew he would once he got to know Mike. But mostly...I just wanted his ass to show up on time!

--------------------

I hadn't seen Kace since before Christmas. It wasn't my fault or hers - just work. I loved it though. But the time passed by so fast and I always felt like I was missing something. Which is exactly why I was happy to have the next few weeks back in town to see my family and meet up with Paul and some of the other guys. Watching the Super Bowl in Canada was bull shit - let me tell you.

But apparently I'd really missed something because Mom wouldn't shut up about Kacey and some guy named Mike. Well, yeah, she would, but only after Dad gave her the “Beth…” we all knew meant “shut up unless you have something nice to say”. At which point Mom would usually say something like, “Well I'm sure she's happy, that's what matters.” and I knew damn well that was not what mattered to Mom. As much as I found it hilarious that something Kacey was up to was driving Mom crazy - it was about time it wasn't me - I was, despite Dad’s shrug of “she knows what she's doing,” worried for my sis. I didn't want some guy giving her hell or taking advantage of her. She was smart but could be pretty naive when it came to men. We weren't exactly the most...considerate...things, if you know what I mean. And she'd already moved in with this guy. I mean, if she had nothing to hide, she'd have told me more about him herself, right? Oh well. I'd meet his ass soon enough.

Truth? Half of me wanted to be the tough brother who made his life hell if he didn't seem up to the job of taking care of her like she deserved. The other half was hoping I might soon have a brother-in-law to be proud of and I just wanted to see she was happy. Although that last bit was getting less likely...it was already 12:30 and she didn't even know I'd be staying with her tonight. Yet.

--------------------

Kacey hadn’t really mentioned her brother too often. At least not before we reconnected and she moved in with me. It was fun seeing her get so excited when she found out that he was coming to town though. I had the feeling that they were quite a force to be reckoned with when they were growing up and wished I had known to ask her Dad about him when we got together.

Now, I was on my way to meet Kacey at her office so we could go to lunch with Kevin. She was nervous about when he might actually show up, so I made a point of taking a half day and heading over early. I wanted to hopefully keep her from losing her mind as she waited. I also had a feeling that Kevin had no clue about our age difference. Better to see his face and his honest opinion than show up later after Kacey filled him in. No sense in giving him a chance to mask how he felt, right?

The drive wasn’t too long and, before I knew it, I was pulling up at her school. Since I figured I might be “on display” for some of her coworkers as well as her brother, I made sure to dress accordingly. One of her favorite shirts and my darkest jeans. At least when she saw me, I knew I’d get a smile.

---------------------

I had to shut the door so I could cry alone. One of our students who’d been waiting for a kidney had gotten a call early this morning and was rushed to the hospital hoping for a transplant - and we all were so excited for her and with her family - only to learn just now that it didn't go through. She'd been placed back on the list. Amazing kid. Years ahead in her ability - and a good thing too because she missed so much school going to dialysis so frequently. She'd spent many afternoons in my office or with the nurse just resting while reading or trying to finish her class work. I wanted to take her home and fix everything. I wanted to give her mom a hug. Some things we just can't fix.

It was right around this time Mike arrived. What a mess to walk into. Jane was a mess, Kelli in attendance was a mess, even the school nurse was out of her office just trying to hold it together with Jane out front. It wasn't even that it was so awful to be honest - I mean it was - obviously - but it was the high of the morning coupled with the loss this afternoon and knowing how dear Maya was to all of us and how tired she was of fighting this.

There was a soft knock at my door and Jane stuck her head in. She'd stopped crying, but it was clear in her eyes it was just waiting to roll down again. “There's someone here for you,” she said quietly, and handed me a tissue just before walking out again. Oh god...in the buzz of everything in the last hour I'd totally forgotten! And I wasn't sure if she meant Kevin or Mike...what a mess.

I walked out and saw Mike’s face filled with concern and coupled with a bit of confusion. I couldn't help it. I didn't have the words at the moment, so I just walked up and wrapped my arms around his waist while he held me tight and stroked my hair. “Darlin’, what's wrong?,” he asked quietly. I didn't want him over worried, so I started to explain. Just as I told him about Maya losing the kidney, Jane came up with more tissues for me and asked if she could get “you and your friend” anything. Leave it to Jane to make herself helpful and nosey all at the same time. I laughed, slightly, and for the first time in the last couple of hours. I stood up on my toes and gave Mike a kiss before taking his hand and walking him through the office to introduce him to everyone. Most knew I'd recently moved. Jane knew I was living with Mike, and she was convinced we’d have a summer wedding followed by a summer baby - typical for teachers. I had to remind her I worked year-round on more than one occasion - to which she always replied, “then even sooner!”

Mike was, well, handsome...calm, perfect - as expected. He was quiet, genuinely concerned and conciliatory, and happy to just listen as I shared everything with him while the others offered their own support and stories. Soon we were all smiling and quietly enjoying the friendly company together. That’s when Kevin finally showed up.

As bright as day and as loud as a whip - he walked in and before I could turn to see what Jane was making that face for, I was already being picked up and spun around. To his credit, as soon as Kevin saw my eyes...and face...and finally picked up on the tone of the room, he knocked it down a notch and just went with “Hi, everyone. Hey, Kace. What's wrong? D’you miss me that much?” - always trying to get a smile. And he did. Slightly. “Not quite. I’ll explain later.” Kevin just nodded and waved slightly in the direction of the office staff as he hung back a bit and stepped out in the hall. I took Mike’s hand and let him know I wanted to grab my things and freshen up - but before I walked away...well, I had an introduction to make. I hoped Mike could see in my face how wrung out I was though. I just squeezed his hand tightly and looked up to him for his leading as we walked out of the office and up to Kevin. “Kevin?,” I called, waiting for him to turn around from whatever poster he was busy “reading.”

---------------------

Well, fuck. I had no clue I was walking into some sort of funeral - and shit, it may have been one for all I knew. I was just so excited to see her that I couldn't help it. And I've only seen her in her office maybe once or twice - and not really since she took this job. She was totally in her element though. It was funny - if you asked most people who she grew up around - Kacey hated little kids. She was great with them. But she just hated being around them. Maybe that's ‘cause the ones we were often around were our little cousins and they were little shits. I mean, so were we, but…

I turned when I heard my name and there she was. When I saw her, I always saw her as the sister who made me put on mud pie parades and who taught me to climb the fence but then blamed me when we got caught. I loved her. But who was this? Nah…this couldn't be - but there he was, walking out holding her hand, his arm around her and guiding her out the door. Holy shit…

“Hey Kace, man, I’m sorry,” I started, then turned and held my hand out to the guy she walked out with, “Hey, how are you?”

---------------

The last thing I expected to walk into was an office in tears. Yet another reason I was glad I got there early. They seemed to be a close knit group which helped as they comforted one another. Brandee would have been much more helpful here than I was. My focus was on Kacey of course. I suspected tonight would be another pampering session and an early night. Not that I would complain. Making her happy made me happy. Who knew?

Then her brother arrived like a sudden summer storm. Luckily, like those storms, he simmered down quickly once he realized what he walked into. He looked like her. Same twinkle in his eye. Same smile. Until he got a better look at me. He recovered quickly, and I had a feeling Kacey was still out of sorts enough not to notice.

I smiled and extended my hand. “Nice to finally meet you. I'm Mike.” I shook his hand. Nice firm grip. He might have been younger, but I could pick up on how protective he was. I appreciated it.

“Sweetheart, why don't you get your things? Kevin and I will wait for you here.” I turned and kissed her on the forehead before giving her a reassuring smile. “Take your time.”

-----------------

Well hell.

Honest to god, my first thought was that I could literally get away with anything now and still not piss our mom off as much as this must. But that was fleeting because he was legit. You know how sometimes you can just tell? Yeah. Like that. He focused on her like...honest it made me wonder what that was like. No woman had ever caught me like whatever Kacey had done to Mike. (And yeah, I am a little proud of that...for now.)

“Hey Mike, yeah, nice to meet you.” I watched as Kace went back in her office and the other women peeked out through the blinds at us in the hallway. Nah, let me correct that...as the other women peeked out at Mike in the hallway. You could hear the metal blinds snap against the window when one of them noticed me and got caught staring for a second. To be fair, I waved and that must have scared the crap out of her. Mike turned, I’m assuming he expected Kacey back already - either he hadn't been around to see how long she could take or she somehow had gotten better at getting her shit together - but nope, it was whichever one of them seemed most interested in Mike. “I think you have a fan club,” I said as I nodded towards the office. He just turned away from them and shook his head. “So, you guys have any idea what you want to do for lunch?” Straight to the point, right? I mean, what else did I have to work with?

-----------------

Once my face was slightly less a mess and I'd managed to get some of the redness out of my eyes, I grabbed my laptop and bag, headed out for the day, and told Jane to keep me posted on Maya should anything change. I warned her I might not be in tomorrow - and may work from home. Or come in late at the very least. I wanted to drop in on Maya at the hospital and see her mother and I wanted to take some time off with my brother and Mike.

I caught them through the window and could see Kevin was lost. He had the same look on his face as when he'd come home from school and mom or dad would ask him about his classes - no clue what to say because he had nothing to work with. While I loved seeing him squirm awkwardly, nothing about that moment must have been comfortable for Mike. Ugh. Of all days...this was the sort where I just wanted to have Mike drop me by the hospital with some flowers and then take me home and put me to bed. Maybe curl up with an old movie together.

Not happening. But it was for the best, I think. It can't always be easy. What would be easy would be choosing somewhere to eat though - I had one thing in mind…

“Hey guys,” I said as I walked out and slipped my hand back in Mike’s with a squeeze, “how about we just pick something up and bring it back to our place? I'm in the mood for something simple. That ok?”

I looked to Kevin then to Mike, both seemed to look at the other, neither wanting to overstep. I ran my thumb along the inside of Mike’s palm, knowing he'd understand I wanted him to decide.

------------------

Shaking my head at the thought of Kacey's coworkers being any sort of fan club, I chose not to acknowledge or possibly embarrass the women peeking through the blinds. Curiosity was a perfectly natural response to...visitors. And Kevin had caused a bit of a commotion with his boisterous entrance. So he shared the responsibility for the “fan club” as much as I did.

Before I could answer him, Kacey was back at my side, her hand fitting perfectly in mine. I squeezed back and tugged her even closer. What I really wanted to do was pulled her into my arms and just hold her. Then carry her out to the car and take her home. That wasn't in the cards unfortunately. But her suggestion about picking up food and bringing it home worked.

“Takeout sounds like a great idea. Do you want your favorite tortilla soup from the Mexican place or should we grab Chinese?” I didn't mean to ignore what Kevin might want, not really. I was more concerned with getting something that would make Kacey feel better instead of worse. I still needed to figure out her go to comfort foods.

-------------

“Soup. Soup and tamales.” I was tired, and I knew he knew it. I couldn’t be more thankful for this man. I slipped my arm around his waist and looked up at him, “Would you mind going to pick it up? I think I’m going to head home first and take a quick shower,” I looked over to Kevin and asked, “Do you want to go with Mike and pick something out? Or?” I figured he was old enough to figure out what he wanted - and I didn’t feel rude expecting him to give me a bit of time to myself to sort my thoughts after the up and down of the last few hours. I wanted to be fresh - physically, mentally, and emotionally. I knew Mike understood me well enough to sense it.

-------------

“Sure, no problem.” Man, she looked terrible for a moment. No, not terrible. Tired. It made me miss her a hundred times more than I knew I did. It was always so easy to give her a hard time, but now that we were adults, it was harder to “forget” how wonderful she was as a person. I could tell from the way he looked after her just in the minutes we stood there that Mike knew what he had with her.

He was old as shit, though.

I mean, not in a bad way. But he had to be as old as our Dad. No wonder Mom flipped...shit Kace, I’m impressed. But he seemed younger in just how he was with her. Maybe she just made him look young. I don’t know. I decided then that I liked the guy. He was good to her, I could tell. And he must be used to putting up with her shit, so kudos to him. I don’t know, he just seemed sort of like the older guys I worked with who I could still give a hard time and have a beer with but who knew way more shit about the work than I did but didn’t act like it, you know? At least he didn’t dress like those assholes though. I could have a beer with Mike and not be embarrassed by his bull shit pleated pants.

“Mike, you want to drive - or should I follow you? Kacey can take herself home,” I caught myself and looked to her, “unless you want one of us to drop you off? Y’all tell me.” This wasn’t my circus.

-------------

I hugged her to me.”Darlin’, did you forget I dropped you off? Since we were going out to lunch with Kevin we decided it made more sense.” Her eyes widened briefly and she gave me that “please forget whatever I just said since I clearly lost my mind or wasn’t thinking” look. I kissed her forehead and handed her my keys. “As long as you feel like you can drive, you can take my car. Let me have your keys so I can let us in after we pick up the food. I’m sure Kevin won’t mind driving, right?” I looked to her brother with a smile. “Course. No problem.”  Kacey dug her keys out of her purse and handed them to me with a whispered “thank you” only I could hear.  After saying our goodbyes to the so-called fan club, we walked Kacey over to my car. I held the door open and leaned in to kiss her before closing the driver’s side door. “I love you, darlin’. See you in a little bit.” We stood there and watched her pull away before I turned to Kevin. “The restaurant’s not far.”

------------------

I shut the door behind me and leaned against it. I hadn’t realised how tired I was until the day had come to an end...and it wasn’t even over yet. Debating what to do first, I decided to leave things as they were around the house because everything looked fine. I didn’t need to worry what Kevin thought. This is a guy who spent nights sharing apartments with men whose idea of “decor” included a BBQ pit for a kitchen and a stack of pallets for a coffee table.

I slipped my heels off and rather than leave them at the door, I picked them up and headed to the bedroom. Mike would be proud. I actually stood them up on one of the shelves he installed for all my shoes in the closet. I needed to just pull my hair back and touch up my cheeks and lip gloss after changing into a cute pair of sweats and a tank with a hoodie - something I knew Mike likes to see me in because he knows I’m comfortable.

After quickly checking the fridge and being glad I’d already stocked it with Mike’s favorite beer last weekend, I laid out some plates and cups. No ice. Yet. Now I just had to wait. The mirror in the hall gave me a chance to fluff my hair into a messy bun and pinch my cheeks before collapsing on the couch in the living room. I sent Mike a quick text, “Thank you. I’m comfy and all is ready. Love you.”

A passing thought of Maya popped in my head and I said a quick prayer for her and her family. I was so blessed. We all were. You just never know it. I picked my phone back up and distracted myself with looking at our pics from our getaway...Mike was right, I know it was just a couple weekends ago, but I wanted to run away with him again. It couldn’t come too soon.

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“So do we need to grab anything for drinks? Dessert?,” I asked after handing over the bags of dinner to Mike to hold onto while I drove. I put in the address he gave me and waited for an answer one way or the other. “No, your sister helps us stay well stocked on drinks and ice cream. We’re good.” Of course she did... I laughed, “Sounds right. Alright, let’s go.”

As we drove around towards their place, I pointed out some of the old places I used to know from when I got my undergrad. The Chimes was still there. Still looked like shit, probably still smelled like it too. Canes, too. Only it didn’t smell like shit. I guess. I hadn’t been there in a long time. Mike was easy to talk to, I appreciated that. Asked about work and seemed to know enough about the oil industry just from the area to understand what I did. Before I knew it, we were already at their place. It wasn’t until I saw it that I realised what the hell was really going on, you know? Until I saw him opening the door and the house and her stuff, his stuff - not some nice but small first apartment you know - but like a real house? My sister was all grown and settled. I liked that. I wonder if she invited Mom and Dad over yet? I may have to suggest that...to them. Ah shit, she would die. I loved it.

-------------

Her text made me feel a little better about letting her go home alone.

Kevin was an entertaining tour guide as we headed home. Reminded me of one of my students. Not a bad thing. The look on his face when we pulled up was priceless. Not sure what she told him or what he expected. I was guessing our house wasn't it.

I couldn't help but smile when I saw her unfold herself from the couch. “Hey, Darlin’. Got your soup.” I stopped to steal a kiss and a whispered “I love you” before taking the food to the kitchen. “Why don't you give Kevin a tour while I set the food up?” I had a feeling he’d want a few minutes alone with her for some third degree now that we’d talked a bit.

She had everything set out for us. We worked well as a team. I figured Kevin and I would have beer, but I didn't want to assume she would. I wasn't sure how she was feeling. If she was as tired as I thought, beer might be the last thing she'd want. I got everything else ready and waited for them to return.

---------------

I fought the urge to follow the smell of dinner into the kitchen. But I knew Mike would already have my bowl ready by the time we got back in a few minutes. In fact, knowing him, he was giving me a second alone with Kevin just so he could set things up for us. I only hoped he knew how much I appreciated all those little things. They added up.

I put my arm through Kevin’s and dragged him through the living room before he had a chance to grab the remote and park himself in front of our ridiculously large tv. I still have no idea why Mike has that thing considering how little tv we watch. I’m the only one who watched football when it was on. But he said it was nice for movies and I couldn’t disagree. I suppose it was nice for the few minutes I actually managed to stay awake on the couch with him.

“I want to show you the view from Mike’s office.” Besides our view from our bedroom, it was my favorite. “You can see the lake through the oaks. Mike’s promised me there are baby ducks out there each spring,” and before he could say anything - because I know Kevin, “and no, you don’t get to have any.” He couldn’t even hold his incredulous look longer than a second before his grin broke through and he laughed. “See? I know you.”

We wandered through a couple of the rooms upstairs, mostly Mike and I didn’t use them. The house was much bigger than we needed for the time being, but as Mike repeatedly told me: They don’t sell small homes in this area. Kevin and I were standing in one of the larger, more open rooms upstairs which for now, functioned mostly as a storage area for the furniture I hadn’t yet sold or passed along since moving in. I reached up above the french doors and found the key I knew would be there and led Kevin outside to the porch that wrapped around and connected to one of the upstairs bedrooms. Seeing his reaction to the sunset made me smile. It didn’t matter how old he was. He was always my baby brother. I joined him as he leaned over the railing and slipped his arm around my shoulders. He might be my baby brother, but he was definitely my “big” brother. When had he gotten so tall?

---------------

“This place is gorgeous, Kace.” I wouldn’t tell her, but I was only a little more than jealous at the view. I knew the view from the other side of the lake, further away where the greek houses were, but they were nothing like this. Well, maybe some of the sorority houses. The ones with nice landscaping and those damn uncomfortable white painted iron benches - I was still convinced those existed only to keep us from sitting on them longer than the house mothers wanted us to. But I’d never been inside any of those. I also doubt Mike had a foosball table.

We enjoyed the quiet for a minute as we watched the sun drop down below the tree line across the lake - a rare quiet moment between us until I had to break it, of course, “So this is what being an adult is like, huh?”

She just laughed. But she had no idea. I think I was half-genuine. She seemed to have it figured out. I know as hell I didn't.

--------------

While they wandered around, I plated up our food and put everyone’s plates on trays. I figured casual was best, and we’d probably end up in the living room anyway. Why not make everyone comfortable from the get go? It also meant I could sit closer to her and make sure she was really okay. I know she was happy to have Kevin here, but his timing was not the most ideal. Not his fault. I just wanted their visit to go well.

I was just placing the last of our trays on the coffee table when I heard them coming back from the porch. My tray and Kevin’s held beers. I hadn’t gotten her a drink yet. “How did the tour go? Have you decided that it’s acceptable for your sister to be here?” I laughed while trying to pick up on the current mood. I took his “It’ll do” for a yes when he grinned. “Glad to hear it. I kinda like having her around. I got us beers,” I said as I gestured to the trays. “Thought we’d be more comfortable in here. What would you like to drink, darlin’? Wasn’t sure if you’d want me to make you some tea or something else.”

-----------------

Kevin leaned in and took one of the beers and then pulled his keys out, bottle-opener at the ready. “Really, Kev?”, I said as I rolled my eyes just before I caught Mike smirking out of the corner of them.

“Hey, you never know, right? Came in handy,” he chuckled as he offered to open Mike’s beer. After a nod and a “thanks,” Mike looked back to me expectantly. “Oh! Um...water is fine. No ice, please. Thank you,” I smiled his way and leaned in for quick kiss.

Kevin had already made himself comfortable and was grabbing his food. I watched two of my favorite men as they went about being exactly who they were and sat back on the couch with a very satisfied smile. Perfect timing, Mike walked back in and picked up a throw off the chair next to me as he handed me my water and laid the blanket next to me on the couch.

The water was exactly what I needed - I was starting to have the inkling of a headache I knew now was because I was hungry and thirsty. I picked at my tamale a bit and took a small bite. Kevin was nearly finished his tamales already, and I could tell Mike was still waiting on me to dig in. I smiled as I held up my fork to him and he gave me a quick wink before he started on his own plate.

Once Kevin slowed down a bit, which only took a minute as he was nearly done already, I asked, “So, where are you staying for now? You're not driving back to New Orleans tonight are you?” I knew he had some friends to catch up with - but I couldn't imagine him crashing on a couch for a week while he got settled on his own. I've seen his friends’ places. They don't have the sort of couches you want to sleep on. I don't even know if I'd sit on some of them.

-----------------

Kace was pushing half a tamale my way and there's no way I was taking it. She hadn't even touched her soup and by the way Mike was looking after her, I wasn't going to be her reason for not eating enough. I admired the guy. You could see it in how he looked at her. He loved her. Genuinely. I'd gone from wanting to hold him to a standard to realizing he may be one himself. I don't know, though. I not only had very little time with work to date, the sort of girls I ran into...well let's just say they aren't the sort you look after except to maybe make sure they get home safe the next morning. I couldn't even remember the last real date I'd been on. High school? Do people even date anymore? I wasn't as bad as some of the guys picking up chicks on tinder and bringing them by for the night after meeting late at the bar, but I wasn't exactly meeting decent girls while I was out at the bar with ‘em. Did it matter how you met the girl if you both knew you were in it for only a night?

Mike did not strike me as that sort of guy. And definitely not with Kace. And I liked only imagining she'd only been with Mike anyway. I wasn't about to wonder about her dating habits. Ugh.

“Nah, I'm staying here in town. I ain't driving. It's too late and I know if I did I'd just be driving back so why? I already got in touch with Paul and a couple others out here - did you know Paul was still at LSU? I mean he ain't attending anymore, but I think he still hangs around. Still works nearby. He’s still living off Highland. The apartments passed the university - not the new ones, the ones way back…” I had been peeling the paper off my beer as I talked and looked up to catch Kace and Mike looking at each other. “What?”

-----------

I was constantly surprised at how in sync Kacey and I were. When we exchanged looks just now, no words were necessary. I gave her a smile and nodded slightly before turning to Kevin. “You can say no, but I think Kacey and I would be much happier if you would stay here with us. I’m sure you saw that we have plenty of room. I don't think today was exactly the reunion you or Kacey were hoping for.”

I looked from Kacey to Kevin as they exchanged looks this time. “As far as I’m concerned, you’re welcome to come and go as you please, Kevin. We can give you a spare key. And if you and your sister want some time alone, I can make myself scarce.”

----------------

Thank goodness he understood. I'd explain later, but there was no way I wanted Kevin back in some apartment that probably still had the same sheets and ratty towels in it from 2005. For one, he was a grown man now whether he knew it or not. For two...just...no.

“Kevin, you already know I'm going to win so you may as well not argue. You're staying. You already saw we have plenty of room upstairs. You'd have your own space. We’ll figure the rest out. I know you're looking for a place of your own - mom already told me she wants you down in New Orleans - but take your time. Figure out what works for you…” I smiled and tried catching his eye. He’d run out of paper on his beer and I knew when he was blushing even when no one else could. He was. “Kev, say ‘ok’, please?”

I looked over to Mike who gave me an eyebrow and a smile as he shook his head slightly. I knew the look. It was the “watch it,” but still pleased look. “Kevin,” Mike said as he stood up and started picking up our trays, “I think you know as well as I do she won't quit.” He was right. I wouldn't.

----------------

Mike didn't have to say anything, I knew once she started I had to agree, otherwise I wouldn't hear the end of it. “Alright, alright,” I stood to hand Mike some of the food still out in front of her before sitting back down next to her. “I’ll stay - for a few days until I figure out a place out here. That's all I'll agree to for now. Fair?” I leaned back against the couch and she plopped her feet in my lap.

“Really?” She never changed. Gross. I shook my head and left her feet alone. “You've got someone to rub your feet for you. I should be getting you to do that for me.” At least I’d have my own bathroom here. I can't lie, the idea of sharing a bathroom with any of the guys sounded more disgusting than rubbing her feet.

“Ok, look, before it's late, let me get my stuff and get situated. I don't have much. Just a suitcase and my gym bag. Do me a favor - don't call mom until I do. She thinks I’m with Paul; Paul won't even noticed I haven't come by yet. If she hears I’m staying with you - I can promise you she’ll be here by Sunday to visit,” I caught her eye - yeah, you read me.

I stood and shook Mike’s hand as he walked back in and I mentioned a quick “thanks” before I headed outside to grab my things. When I got to the car, I turned back and saw Mike through the window as he reached over the back of the couch and wrapped his arms around Kacey. She and mom were going to have to figure this -whatever this was- between them both eventually because Mike was legit. He loved her. He was in for the long haul. I could tell. Mom may be convinced this was some sort of “nonsense” for Kacey, but I think Dad was right - this was serious.

Looks like I might soon have that brother-in-law I’ve been giving her a hard time about after all.

[rjhg53ji-blog]

Car insurance coverage?

Car insurance coverage?

So, my car was stolen from my driveway and was found crashed into two houses in a few towns over. My insurance policy doesn t cover theft/vandalism but it covers collision. Since my car was recovered from the theft but ultimately ended up in a collision, shouldn t I be covered? Professional opinions only, please.

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :insurancefastfinder.xyz

SOURCES:

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[sonniquick]

  Listen to I’m Someone Time Forgot by Sonni Quick #np on #SoundCloud https://soundcloud.com/sonni-quick/im-someone-time-forgot

  I’m Someone Time Forgot 

  Jamie was stressed. It created a restlessness inside him he couldn’t get under control. He craved the feeling of walking. To go outside in the fresh air and push his legs to walk his full stride, and feel his arms swinging by his side. He wanted to walk with purpose because there was someplace he wanted to be.      He wanted to walk and breathe deep until his body was exhausted. He couldn’t do that in his cell with only two full steps of walking space before he had to stop and turn around. If he was outside the cell, walking down the hallway, he could walk in a slow, shuffling stride of about twelve inches, the length of the chain between his ankles. If he went any faster he would fall on his face. Since his hands were cuffed behind his back it would be a pretty nasty fall. Even so, the more he craved walking, and couldn’t, the more stress he felt.      He knew what Sonni would say, “Chant about it.” Taking in deep breaths to chant was like meditating and it had a calming effect. But right now he felt too hopeless to chant because everything in his life was out of control. It was so hot and that made it hard to concentrate. How was he going to make it through the remaining years he had when he could barely make it through the day?

Earlier, Jamie asked to be taken to see the doctor because he was having bad dizzy spells. All the doctor did was tell him to get some rest. Beyond that there was nothing he could do for him. What did that fool think he did all day in a segregated cell?      Jamie was afraid of falling. He had a couple bad falls during seisures and there were only hard things to fall on. He had some bad cuts and around here cuts got infected. The nurse always let injuries get infected before they did anything about it because they didn’t think there was any need to keep it from getting infected. Then, getting it treated by the doctor took time. Nothing ever happened fast. Infections could be prevented but they didn’t see it that way.      The doctor don’t treat nothing until it’s about ready to kill you. He seemed to hate his job, especially the inmates, like they weren’t worth helping. He never even said hello, or anything like he hoped you would feel better soon. A smile of friendliness? Forget that. It was part of his job to make you feel like shit because you were in here.      He didn’t like treating inmates. There were some scary ones he wouldn’t want to be around either, but he didn’t need to make sure everyone who needed to see him knew you were inferior to him because he was a doctor. This job at the prison was probably the only job he could get. Why would you be a doctor in here if you could get a job a somewhere else? Did they even have a valid license that hadn’t been revoked?      Jamie was lightheaded and passed out a couple times and now this fool told him that to fix it he was to go rest? Wasn’t it part of his job as a doctor to find out why it was happening, especially because of his epilepsy? Was it too far above what the prison allowed for the “adequate” medical care the law dictated. Ordering rest as a treatment didn’t cost the prison a cent. Running blood tests does. That ate into the profit they made off the inmates being here. They were kept alive with minimal food and care like other caged animals.      Sleep was beyond him at night because all he did was toss and turn. When he finally did fall asleep he would jerk himself awake. He was sure it had a lot to do with not knowing what was happening with his family on the outside.      He constantly thought about them, especially when he was trying not to. He hadn’t heard from no one in his family for a long time. Maybe no news was good news but he still needed to know. How was his son? Morgan wrote sometimes but she often put a lot of time between her letters.

Jamie lay on his bunk thinking about everyone he knew, one at a time. He didn’t have the mental strength to stop. When he got depressed this always pushed him further down the hole, and then he wanted to let it all go, but he couldn’t stop himself. He felt he was someone time forgot. Out of sight, out of mind. He didn’t exist for them anymore, until he got out. No one thought about the effect it was having on him right now as he lived it.      During these times of depression he always said he was going to give up, cut them off and never write to nobody again. He said that over and over through the years. He needed to hear from the people in his life who knew he was in here and that rarely happened. Almost no one took the time to do that to let him know they cared or write to tell him what was going on out there. No one cared that little Jamie needed him. Being in prison made it doubly hard for his son. He needed a relationship with his dad. All this made him terribly lonely.      He was worried about Morgan. She was working two jobs. She had no choice with kids to take care of. He needed to be able to do his part and couldn’t, and that made him feel guilty.      Sonni was sick and that was probably why she hadn’t written or come to see him in her dreams. Maybe she was saving her strength. Not knowing, he could only guess when it was time for her to get the liver transplant she was waiting for. She wouldn’t know until the last minute, so there wouldn’t be time to tell him.      When too much time passed between letters he always worried the time had finally come, that she was in the hospital and no one would be there with her except her husband. No blood family. A time when family should be there to wait for her to wake up and know she was okay – to support her and make her feel loved. He knew deep down that this was going to happen. No matter what differences there were, her family should be there. They didn’t live too far away. The writing was on the wall and he felt bad about that. He knew what it felt like and would there if he could. He knew he would.

This was the worst thing that kept him awake at night, tossing and turning. It seemed to him that family thought they had the right to hurt you the most. It was important to him and important to Sonni to be there for each other. It’s hard to go through things like this and be alone. It messes up your head and makes you feel helpless to not be able to help. If only he could shut off the thoughts.      He liked calling her Mom. She knew he needed family and because she was his son’s grandmother they really were connected like they were family. It meant a lot to him because she stuck by someone like him the way she did. Some people look down on people in prison and treat them bad even after they get out like they weren’t already punished enough. She didn’t see him as a bad person. She never tried to make him feel bad. If she wanted, she could be angry at him because he did something that made her daughter’s life hard, but she didn’t. Now she was the only connection he could count on who always remembered he was here.      Now she needed him to be there and he wasn’t good for nothing and was letting her down, too. He loved her because she took the time to be good to him. He wanted to do the same for her.      It wasn’t unusual to hear this same story in here. He heard it plenty of times. Family stopped writing or visiting, or the drive was too long, or they got tired of being asked for money, like somehow the inmates found a way to get the things they needed without doing something that could have far reaching consequences. So they stopped answering letters. Maybe they didn’t want to know what was happening inside. Maybe they couldn’t scrape together twenty bucks between them to put on his account. A lot of dudes were on their own with no help. He had Sonni. He would never forget that.      Jamie knew his family hadn’t stopped loving him. They just didn’t know how to show it. Maybe they took his love for granted. He would love them no matter if they wrote. And he would, he always would, but it was hard to keep making excuses their absence. He knew they had their own problems to deal with. He wanted to know what was going on in their lives and they didn’t tell him. But he knew what was going on Sonni’s life because they wrote to each other. He could pray for her about that and feel like he did something to help because he needed to do something besides sit here.      Whether someone prayed to God or simply prayed and put it out there, it was the focus of the prayer and the mental energy that went into it that mattered the most. So he prayed urgently that she was okay. He needed her to be okay. He didn’t want to be without her. She was all he had.

Jamie looked up at the sound of banging on the cell doors. It broke into his thoughts and he stood up to go stand at the door. It was time for the meal cart to bring dinner. It had lots of shelves with trays stacked on top of trays. He was hungry tonight. There hadn’t been much for the mid day meal except two baloney sandwiches with nothing but a slice of meat and cheap bread. That wasn’t enough for a man his size.      He thought about a real sandwich. Lots of meat, tomato and lettuce, two slices of cheddar cheese with lots of mayo and pickles, too – and chips. That made him hungry. He laughed a little. He shouldn’t torture himself like that. It had been a good while since he had a hot meal. No matter what they brought to eat it was always cold when it was put through the slot. Sometimes he thought they never heated the meals at all.      The trays were prepared ahead of time and kept frozen in big freezers in the kitchen and were brought to them just as they were. They couldn’t prepare them at mealtime. How were they going to serve hot food to all the inmates? Were they going to heat them up in microwaves, or prepare trays one at a time like they would at a hospital? Fat was congealed on the meat like it hadn’t been heated again. It was bland, no seasoning of any kind. It was horrible food and he was always afraid of getting sick eating it.      The dudes in gen pop ate hot meals because they walked to where it was served. He was trying to get back to G4 so he could walk to chow. In the chow hall it was important to have eyes in the back of your head because you never knew who was gong to start trouble with you, but it was worth it for a hot meal. It wasn’t exactly fine dining but it was better than what was slid through the food slot.      Jamie had lost a lot of weight since he was locked up because he couldn’t choke down a lot of what was given to him to eat because it was so bad. No use complaining about it, though. It wouldn’t change anything. Jamie looked down at himself. It was getting hard to keep his pants up. He hadn’t been this skinny since he was a kid, and he was chubby then, too.      He heard laughing and the bang of a food slot slamming shut a few cells down.      “Oh, you thought you was gettin’ food tonight?” he heard one of guards say, laughing.      “I’m sorry,” he added sarcastically, drawing out the words. “I guess they forgot about you in the kitchen.”      A few seconds later he heard, “Too bad if you’re hungry. It’s not my fault. It’s too late to go get more. I’m not your servant and I’m not going to make a trip to the kitchen just for you.”      The guard’s voice started to get a threatening edge to it because the dude in the cell wouldn’t quit talking and getting louder, too. The guard only worked here. He didn’t make the rules. If he wanted to keep his job he did what he was told, and he was told to bring food to only some of the inmates. Was he supposed to care if they were hungry? They were fucking criminals. They should be glad he brought them anything at all. Sometimes he felt like a goddam babysitter.      “So I guess it’s no dinner for you tonight,” the guard sneered as he turned to walk away. “You’ll have to wait until morning. Deal with it,” and continued on to the next cell.      His drawn out Texas twang had a nasally sound like he had a marble stuck up his nose. It grated on Jamie’s nerves like hearing fingers scraping up a chalkboard. He could hear the dude in the cell raise his voice, calling him every name he could think of, but that only made the guard laugh. He turned around and stood there, far enough away from the door, hands on his hips where he couldn’t be reached through the bars. What a dick.

Jacking their food happened at at least for one meal a getting food. There was no reason for this. Messing with the inmates might feel like a sport to the guards but it would end up causing a lot of problems for all of them. You can only push people just so far before they come back at you.      The guards were finding ways to make the segregation inmates miserable. No one was going to stop them. They were probably encouraged to do it. Even if they all filed a grievance about it nothing would come of it.      It didn’t do it at every meal, but it happened enough times to make them all worried about being hungry. The food might not be worth feeding a dog, but it was the only food they had. Sometimes, when they brought a tray half the food was missing when they put it through the slot. Some of the dudes planned to get even with the guards because they had nothing to lose if they got in more trouble. Some were going to be here for most, if not all of their lives anyway. They didn’t care.      The day before, an inmate cut an officer pretty bad when he didn’t get his food. A lot of these dudes had a weapon of some sort they had made. They could get creative when finding materials they could sharpen and turn into a something they could stab into someone. This dude was waiting for just the right time and he cut him. He was lucky he didn’t kill him. What did the guards expect? They thought they could be assholes and no one would try to get even? These dudes had all the time in the world to plan what they were going to do.      Fires were set inside the cells and there were no fires extinguishers anywhere to put them out. It caused a lot of chaos and it was a mess to clean up. Others flooded the halls by stopping up the toilets and overflowing the sinks. It stank in here. The heat made it worse. Imagine breathing in that stink with every breath you take and you can’t get away from it.      Jamie didn’t want to be included when the officers retaliated so he drank a lot of water when they passed him by with no food and didn’t say anything. He wasn’t going to react emotionally. It wouldn’t do no good. It wouldn’t make them bring him food, so he was better off in the long run if he just let it pass.      Joining in when they started getting crazy wasn’t a good idea, either. He tried to stay cool. The last thing he wanted was to do something stupid he would later regret that could get him written up or have more time added to his sentence.      That is where this was headed if it didn’t stop. He guessed that was what Sonni meant when she wrote about cause and effect. What he chose to do right now could affect his future and he needed to make the right choices.      The officers were taking it out on everyone on account of that guard getting cut. It wasn’t right, making all of them pay because of what one dude did, but that is the way they did things in here. There is no justice on the outside and there is damn sure no justice on the inside.      Jamie tried to do his best to cope with everything, but sooner or later he knew something would happen. Things got crazier every day as it got hotter. Tempers rose. Days went by. Hopefully things wouldn’t get any worse.

The next month didn’t get any better. Each day was like the one before it. When the heat started rising in March everyone knew it was fixin’ to be a long, bad summer. No way they were going to spend the money for AC unless they were made to do it legally.      Money the prisons paid out to families 11 people died was less than the cost of installing an AC or heating system. The winners cold get pretty cold, too. There were a few articles written each year but nothing was done and when it got hot the next year they wondered if would be bad enough to make the prisons fix it. The newer prisons were built with it, but not the older ones.      Jamie passed out from the heat one year. When someone gets that hot, and they haven’t been given their meds every day, it puts those people in danger who have high blood pressure or diabetes and other illnesses like him with epilepsy. But it keeps happening.      This year bad heatwaves were happening everywhere in the country, even up north. It seemed like it was getting worse every year. It was up over a hundred for weeks. That meant it was doubly hot for inmates in the south.

It was mid July and Jamie hadn’t heard from Sonni in more than a month. She had been saying the doctors told her to expect July would be her turn for a transplant because she was getting close to the top of the transplant list, but there wasn’t an exact day and all kinds of things could go wrong.      The reason she moved up the list so fast is because two cancer tumors were growing in her liver. If one more developed they would take her off the list because her chance of surviving the transplant would be less. If one got out of the liver it would over, too.      He wished he knew why she hadn’t written. If something happened, what if no one told him? The more he thought about it the more he worried. Add to it that it was so hot breathing was an effort and the water that came out of the faucet was rank. Terrible as it was he couldn’t drink enough of it. He couldn’t drink enough of it because he was so dehydrated.      There was nothing to do and nothing new to read. He didn’t feel like re-reading his books again or more time so he took out his letters and began reading them from the beginning. They were in order by the date so it was almost like reading a book. Some of the letters were almost memorized. He knew all the good parts. He held the images they created in his mind and tried to imagine living inside the stories.      He laid back down on his bed and had almost fallen asleep when he heard the mail cart outside his door along with his name being called.      “Cummings. Mail.”      Jamie jumped off his bunk and moved the few feet to the door. A Jpay letter was pushed through the slot. He thought it was from Sonni until he looked closer. It was from her sister, but she must have used Sonni’s Jpay account. He recognized her first name.      The waiting was over. It was finally over. The relief was overwhelming. She had the liver transplant two weeks ago and was home now. She hadn’t been able to write or type, that is why he didn’t hear from her. He was right in feeling so unsettled. He had been worried about her because he didn’t go this long without hearing from her, but she was okay. The stress of waiting was finally over. They had talked about the transplant happening for a long time.      The letter was dated, July 17th, 2012 and this is what her sister wrote:

“Sonni has asked me to write to you. She finally had her liver transplant on Sunday July 1. The six-hour surgery went well. She spent 10 days in the hospital and they have finally sent her home to start the slow healing process. Her recovery is amazing. She wants a normal life so bad. When I visited her on Saturday she told me she had received a letter from you. It will be some time before she can sit at her computer but she wanted you to know her long wait and surgery were finally over. She looks like my sister again, not a puffed up marshmallow. I know from our talks she cares alot about you and she didn’t want you to worry.

Take care and I know she will write herself as soon as she is able.”

On August 6, he got his first letter from her. He could tell it wasn’t easy for her to type. He was relieved to finally hear from her. Life was going to be rough for her for awhile but she made it this far and the transplant was over now.

” dear jamie-im getting a little better every day. slow and hard. i tried 2 send u money but my card was out of date. i have 2 call 4 a replacement. im learning how to walk n talk all over again. i am bored we each have a cell but i know that yours is much worse. i chanted nam myoho renge kyo so hard in my head-screamed it. pain meds dont work on me and i have felt everything they did 2 me.but ive turned a corner n its a little better. i think of u every day hoping u werent 2 worried. everyone has their own choices and does things that cause unhappy things to happen. my grandfather taught me from childhood – To thine OWN SELF be true. no one can know u really. some think once a loser always a loser. that isn’t true because i guess that would makes me a loser 2 – former drug addict and all that comes with it. i just didnt get caught. u arent a loser. neither am i. i have to go. nurse is here. be good! Mom”

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I’m Someone Time Forgot – Chapter From ITFO

Listen to I’m Someone Time Forgot by Sonni Quick #np on #SoundCloud I’m Someone Time Forgot 

I’m Someone Time Forgot – Chapter From ITFO Listen to I'm Someone Time Forgot by Sonni Quick #np on #SoundCloud I'm Someone Time Forgot 

[sonniq]

  Listen to I’m Someone Time Forgot by Sonni Quick #np on #SoundCloud https://soundcloud.com/sonni-quick/im-someone-time-forgot

  I’m Someone Time Forgot 

  Jamie was stressed. It created a restlessness inside him he couldn’t get under control. He craved the feeling of walking. To go outside in the fresh air and push his legs to walk his full stride, and feel his arms swinging by his side. He wanted to walk with purpose because there was someplace he wanted to be.      He wanted to walk and breathe deep until his body was exhausted. He couldn’t do that in his cell with only two full steps of walking space before he had to stop and turn around. If he was outside the cell, walking down the hallway, he could walk in a slow, shuffling stride of about twelve inches, the length of the chain between his ankles. If he went any faster he would fall on his face. Since his hands were cuffed behind his back it would be a pretty nasty fall. Even so, the more he craved walking, and couldn’t, the more stress he felt.      He knew what Sonni would say, “Chant about it.” Taking in deep breaths to chant was like meditating and it had a calming effect. But right now he felt too hopeless to chant because everything in his life was out of control. It was so hot and that made it hard to concentrate. How was he going to make it through the remaining years he had when he could barely make it through the day?

Earlier, Jamie asked to be taken to see the doctor because he was having bad dizzy spells. All the doctor did was tell him to get some rest. Beyond that there was nothing he could do for him. What did that fool think he did all day in a segregated cell?      Jamie was afraid of falling. He had a couple bad falls during seisures and there were only hard things to fall on. He had some bad cuts and around here cuts got infected. The nurse always let injuries get infected before they did anything about it because they didn’t think there was any need to keep it from getting infected. Then, getting it treated by the doctor took time. Nothing ever happened fast. Infections could be prevented but they didn’t see it that way.      The doctor don’t treat nothing until it’s about ready to kill you. He seemed to hate his job, especially the inmates, like they weren’t worth helping. He never even said hello, or anything like he hoped you would feel better soon. A smile of friendliness? Forget that. It was part of his job to make you feel like shit because you were in here.      He didn’t like treating inmates. There were some scary ones he wouldn’t want to be around either, but he didn’t need to make sure everyone who needed to see him knew you were inferior to him because he was a doctor. This job at the prison was probably the only job he could get. Why would you be a doctor in here if you could get a job a somewhere else? Did they even have a valid license that hadn’t been revoked?      Jamie was lightheaded and passed out a couple times and now this fool told him that to fix it he was to go rest? Wasn’t it part of his job as a doctor to find out why it was happening, especially because of his epilepsy? Was it too far above what the prison allowed for the “adequate” medical care the law dictated. Ordering rest as a treatment didn’t cost the prison a cent. Running blood tests does. That ate into the profit they made off the inmates being here. They were kept alive with minimal food and care like other caged animals.      Sleep was beyond him at night because all he did was toss and turn. When he finally did fall asleep he would jerk himself awake. He was sure it had a lot to do with not knowing what was happening with his family on the outside.      He constantly thought about them, especially when he was trying not to. He hadn’t heard from no one in his family for a long time. Maybe no news was good news but he still needed to know. How was his son? Morgan wrote sometimes but she often put a lot of time between her letters.

Jamie lay on his bunk thinking about everyone he knew, one at a time. He didn’t have the mental strength to stop. When he got depressed this always pushed him further down the hole, and then he wanted to let it all go, but he couldn’t stop himself. He felt he was someone time forgot. Out of sight, out of mind. He didn’t exist for them anymore, until he got out. No one thought about the effect it was having on him right now as he lived it.      During these times of depression he always said he was going to give up, cut them off and never write to nobody again. He said that over and over through the years. He needed to hear from the people in his life who knew he was in here and that rarely happened. Almost no one took the time to do that to let him know they cared or write to tell him what was going on out there. No one cared that little Jamie needed him. Being in prison made it doubly hard for his son. He needed a relationship with his dad. All this made him terribly lonely.      He was worried about Morgan. She was working two jobs. She had no choice with kids to take care of. He needed to be able to do his part and couldn’t, and that made him feel guilty.      Sonni was sick and that was probably why she hadn’t written or come to see him in her dreams. Maybe she was saving her strength. Not knowing, he could only guess when it was time for her to get the liver transplant she was waiting for. She wouldn’t know until the last minute, so there wouldn’t be time to tell him.      When too much time passed between letters he always worried the time had finally come, that she was in the hospital and no one would be there with her except her husband. No blood family. A time when family should be there to wait for her to wake up and know she was okay – to support her and make her feel loved. He knew deep down that this was going to happen. No matter what differences there were, her family should be there. They didn’t live too far away. The writing was on the wall and he felt bad about that. He knew what it felt like and would there if he could. He knew he would.

This was the worst thing that kept him awake at night, tossing and turning. It seemed to him that family thought they had the right to hurt you the most. It was important to him and important to Sonni to be there for each other. It’s hard to go through things like this and be alone. It messes up your head and makes you feel helpless to not be able to help. If only he could shut off the thoughts.      He liked calling her Mom. She knew he needed family and because she was his son’s grandmother they really were connected like they were family. It meant a lot to him because she stuck by someone like him the way she did. Some people look down on people in prison and treat them bad even after they get out like they weren’t already punished enough. She didn’t see him as a bad person. She never tried to make him feel bad. If she wanted, she could be angry at him because he did something that made her daughter’s life hard, but she didn’t. Now she was the only connection he could count on who always remembered he was here.      Now she needed him to be there and he wasn’t good for nothing and was letting her down, too. He loved her because she took the time to be good to him. He wanted to do the same for her.      It wasn’t unusual to hear this same story in here. He heard it plenty of times. Family stopped writing or visiting, or the drive was too long, or they got tired of being asked for money, like somehow the inmates found a way to get the things they needed without doing something that could have far reaching consequences. So they stopped answering letters. Maybe they didn’t want to know what was happening inside. Maybe they couldn’t scrape together twenty bucks between them to put on his account. A lot of dudes were on their own with no help. He had Sonni. He would never forget that.      Jamie knew his family hadn’t stopped loving him. They just didn’t know how to show it. Maybe they took his love for granted. He would love them no matter if they wrote. And he would, he always would, but it was hard to keep making excuses their absence. He knew they had their own problems to deal with. He wanted to know what was going on in their lives and they didn’t tell him. But he knew what was going on Sonni’s life because they wrote to each other. He could pray for her about that and feel like he did something to help because he needed to do something besides sit here.      Whether someone prayed to God or simply prayed and put it out there, it was the focus of the prayer and the mental energy that went into it that mattered the most. So he prayed urgently that she was okay. He needed her to be okay. He didn’t want to be without her. She was all he had.

Jamie looked up at the sound of banging on the cell doors. It broke into his thoughts and he stood up to go stand at the door. It was time for the meal cart to bring dinner. It had lots of shelves with trays stacked on top of trays. He was hungry tonight. There hadn’t been much for the mid day meal except two baloney sandwiches with nothing but a slice of meat and cheap bread. That wasn’t enough for a man his size.      He thought about a real sandwich. Lots of meat, tomato and lettuce, two slices of cheddar cheese with lots of mayo and pickles, too – and chips. That made him hungry. He laughed a little. He shouldn’t torture himself like that. It had been a good while since he had a hot meal. No matter what they brought to eat it was always cold when it was put through the slot. Sometimes he thought they never heated the meals at all.      The trays were prepared ahead of time and kept frozen in big freezers in the kitchen and were brought to them just as they were. They couldn’t prepare them at mealtime. How were they going to serve hot food to all the inmates? Were they going to heat them up in microwaves, or prepare trays one at a time like they would at a hospital? Fat was congealed on the meat like it hadn’t been heated again. It was bland, no seasoning of any kind. It was horrible food and he was always afraid of getting sick eating it.      The dudes in gen pop ate hot meals because they walked to where it was served. He was trying to get back to G4 so he could walk to chow. In the chow hall it was important to have eyes in the back of your head because you never knew who was gong to start trouble with you, but it was worth it for a hot meal. It wasn’t exactly fine dining but it was better than what was slid through the food slot.      Jamie had lost a lot of weight since he was locked up because he couldn’t choke down a lot of what was given to him to eat because it was so bad. No use complaining about it, though. It wouldn’t change anything. Jamie looked down at himself. It was getting hard to keep his pants up. He hadn’t been this skinny since he was a kid, and he was chubby then, too.      He heard laughing and the bang of a food slot slamming shut a few cells down.      “Oh, you thought you was gettin’ food tonight?” he heard one of guards say, laughing.      “I’m sorry,” he added sarcastically, drawing out the words. “I guess they forgot about you in the kitchen.”      A few seconds later he heard, “Too bad if you’re hungry. It’s not my fault. It’s too late to go get more. I’m not your servant and I’m not going to make a trip to the kitchen just for you.”      The guard’s voice started to get a threatening edge to it because the dude in the cell wouldn’t quit talking and getting louder, too. The guard only worked here. He didn’t make the rules. If he wanted to keep his job he did what he was told, and he was told to bring food to only some of the inmates. Was he supposed to care if they were hungry? They were fucking criminals. They should be glad he brought them anything at all. Sometimes he felt like a goddam babysitter.      “So I guess it’s no dinner for you tonight,” the guard sneered as he turned to walk away. “You’ll have to wait until morning. Deal with it,” and continued on to the next cell.      His drawn out Texas twang had a nasally sound like he had a marble stuck up his nose. It grated on Jamie’s nerves like hearing fingers scraping up a chalkboard. He could hear the dude in the cell raise his voice, calling him every name he could think of, but that only made the guard laugh. He turned around and stood there, far enough away from the door, hands on his hips where he couldn’t be reached through the bars. What a dick.

Jacking their food happened at at least for one meal a getting food. There was no reason for this. Messing with the inmates might feel like a sport to the guards but it would end up causing a lot of problems for all of them. You can only push people just so far before they come back at you.      The guards were finding ways to make the segregation inmates miserable. No one was going to stop them. They were probably encouraged to do it. Even if they all filed a grievance about it nothing would come of it.      It didn’t do it at every meal, but it happened enough times to make them all worried about being hungry. The food might not be worth feeding a dog, but it was the only food they had. Sometimes, when they brought a tray half the food was missing when they put it through the slot. Some of the dudes planned to get even with the guards because they had nothing to lose if they got in more trouble. Some were going to be here for most, if not all of their lives anyway. They didn’t care.      The day before, an inmate cut an officer pretty bad when he didn’t get his food. A lot of these dudes had a weapon of some sort they had made. They could get creative when finding materials they could sharpen and turn into a something they could stab into someone. This dude was waiting for just the right time and he cut him. He was lucky he didn’t kill him. What did the guards expect? They thought they could be assholes and no one would try to get even? These dudes had all the time in the world to plan what they were going to do.      Fires were set inside the cells and there were no fires extinguishers anywhere to put them out. It caused a lot of chaos and it was a mess to clean up. Others flooded the halls by stopping up the toilets and overflowing the sinks. It stank in here. The heat made it worse. Imagine breathing in that stink with every breath you take and you can’t get away from it.      Jamie didn’t want to be included when the officers retaliated so he drank a lot of water when they passed him by with no food and didn’t say anything. He wasn’t going to react emotionally. It wouldn’t do no good. It wouldn’t make them bring him food, so he was better off in the long run if he just let it pass.      Joining in when they started getting crazy wasn’t a good idea, either. He tried to stay cool. The last thing he wanted was to do something stupid he would later regret that could get him written up or have more time added to his sentence.      That is where this was headed if it didn’t stop. He guessed that was what Sonni meant when she wrote about cause and effect. What he chose to do right now could affect his future and he needed to make the right choices.      The officers were taking it out on everyone on account of that guard getting cut. It wasn’t right, making all of them pay because of what one dude did, but that is the way they did things in here. There is no justice on the outside and there is damn sure no justice on the inside.      Jamie tried to do his best to cope with everything, but sooner or later he knew something would happen. Things got crazier every day as it got hotter. Tempers rose. Days went by. Hopefully things wouldn’t get any worse.

The next month didn’t get any better. Each day was like the one before it. When the heat started rising in March everyone knew it was fixin’ to be a long, bad summer. No way they were going to spend the money for AC unless they were made to do it legally.      Money the prisons paid out to families 11 people died was less than the cost of installing an AC or heating system. The winners cold get pretty cold, too. There were a few articles written each year but nothing was done and when it got hot the next year they wondered if would be bad enough to make the prisons fix it. The newer prisons were built with it, but not the older ones.      Jamie passed out from the heat one year. When someone gets that hot, and they haven’t been given their meds every day, it puts those people in danger who have high blood pressure or diabetes and other illnesses like him with epilepsy. But it keeps happening.      This year bad heatwaves were happening everywhere in the country, even up north. It seemed like it was getting worse every year. It was up over a hundred for weeks. That meant it was doubly hot for inmates in the south.

It was mid July and Jamie hadn’t heard from Sonni in more than a month. She had been saying the doctors told her to expect July would be her turn for a transplant because she was getting close to the top of the transplant list, but there wasn’t an exact day and all kinds of things could go wrong.      The reason she moved up the list so fast is because two cancer tumors were growing in her liver. If one more developed they would take her off the list because her chance of surviving the transplant would be less. If one got out of the liver it would over, too.      He wished he knew why she hadn’t written. If something happened, what if no one told him? The more he thought about it the more he worried. Add to it that it was so hot breathing was an effort and the water that came out of the faucet was rank. Terrible as it was he couldn’t drink enough of it. He couldn’t drink enough of it because he was so dehydrated.      There was nothing to do and nothing new to read. He didn’t feel like re-reading his books again or more time so he took out his letters and began reading them from the beginning. They were in order by the date so it was almost like reading a book. Some of the letters were almost memorized. He knew all the good parts. He held the images they created in his mind and tried to imagine living inside the stories.      He laid back down on his bed and had almost fallen asleep when he heard the mail cart outside his door along with his name being called.      “Cummings. Mail.”      Jamie jumped off his bunk and moved the few feet to the door. A Jpay letter was pushed through the slot. He thought it was from Sonni until he looked closer. It was from her sister, but she must have used Sonni’s Jpay account. He recognized her first name.      The waiting was over. It was finally over. The relief was overwhelming. She had the liver transplant two weeks ago and was home now. She hadn’t been able to write or type, that is why he didn’t hear from her. He was right in feeling so unsettled. He had been worried about her because he didn’t go this long without hearing from her, but she was okay. The stress of waiting was finally over. They had talked about the transplant happening for a long time.      The letter was dated, July 17th, 2012 and this is what her sister wrote:

“Sonni has asked me to write to you. She finally had her liver transplant on Sunday July 1. The six-hour surgery went well. She spent 10 days in the hospital and they have finally sent her home to start the slow healing process. Her recovery is amazing. She wants a normal life so bad. When I visited her on Saturday she told me she had received a letter from you. It will be some time before she can sit at her computer but she wanted you to know her long wait and surgery were finally over. She looks like my sister again, not a puffed up marshmallow. I know from our talks she cares alot about you and she didn’t want you to worry.

Take care and I know she will write herself as soon as she is able.”

On August 6, he got his first letter from her. He could tell it wasn’t easy for her to type. He was relieved to finally hear from her. Life was going to be rough for her for awhile but she made it this far and the transplant was over now.

” dear jamie-im getting a little better every day. slow and hard. i tried 2 send u money but my card was out of date. i have 2 call 4 a replacement. im learning how to walk n talk all over again. i am bored we each have a cell but i know that yours is much worse. i chanted nam myoho renge kyo so hard in my head-screamed it. pain meds dont work on me and i have felt everything they did 2 me.but ive turned a corner n its a little better. i think of u every day hoping u werent 2 worried. everyone has their own choices and does things that cause unhappy things to happen. my grandfather taught me from childhood – To thine OWN SELF be true. no one can know u really. some think once a loser always a loser. that isn’t true because i guess that would makes me a loser 2 – former drug addict and all that comes with it. i just didnt get caught. u arent a loser. neither am i. i have to go. nurse is here. be good! Mom”

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I’m Someone Time Forgot – Chapter From ITFO Listen to I'm Someone Time Forgot by Sonni Quick #np on #SoundCloud I'm Someone Time Forgot