#monos last three brain cells

[mhynvxii]

Hii! Could I get headcanons for Murasakibara, Kiyoshi and kagami finding out that the reader is pregnant and their reaction, thank you,!!

(it's totally okay if you don't want to do it)

A/N : It’s totally ok with me it was even quite relaxing to do for me somehow ! Idk why. Thank you for your request !

Warning : Suggestives moments mentioned, unplanned pregnancy, pregnancy symptoms.

Kiyoshi, Kagami and Murasakibara figuring out you’re pregnant.

KIYOSHI TEPPEI –

He has been very worried for you recently, seeing you in the morning feeling nauseous and sick for no specific reason. And what’s worse is that Teppei can’t do barely a thing about it except monitoring you and giving you medication that obviously didn’t help out : what does even further rise his worry.

He’s taking an appointment to the doctor once it has been 3 consecutive days you have been in that state and he’s surprised to hear the doctor ask him if you had any sexual activities for the past three weeks.

He’s a little embarrassed but say a loud : « Of course we did ! » and after trying to hold their laugh because they saw the flustered face you made, the doctor write down on your prescription a pregnancy test.

«  Oh ? I know I didn’t go easy with her last time but– Do you really think those details are necessary, Kiyoshi !?! »

Uh, he’s tempted to say yes but the look on your face dissuade him to, he just stay still for the rest of the appointment and think about the idea of you potentially carrying in your stomach the fusion of both of you, a lovely kid that he will have to rise and that he would cherish, an human that both of you gave life to.

And excited by the idea can’t keep his mouth shut as you two return home. Now that he’s thinking about it it’s very likely that it’s the reason why you’re having those symptoms every morning and he’s already imagining your belly cutely going bigger and bigger as the kid grow.

«  I think that we should already search an appropriate name for him don’t you think y/n ? – Him ? Why do you even think it’s going to be a boy and don’t start hyping this too much it’s just an hypothesis.. »

Hearing you say that, Kiyoshi let out a chuckle that reminds you some naughty memories in bed, as his little laugh sound genuine yet also suggestive and teasing. He should’nt be playing with your nerves right now as your mood can easily change but he was completely oblivious to it for the moment : to how a woman can make your life on earth a living hell when pregnant.

« Don’t worry, I know this is just a probability but just imagine this : a little girl that I could pamper everyday could be nice but she’s always going to be on your side it’s not fun… isn’t it ? She likely won’t help me playing tricks on you because of that feminine solidarity when I’m pretty sure that mini me will not hesitate twice… Yeah I’m even convinced of it but… maybe a little girl would be better, girl tends to be calmer and really gentle, I would finally have the occasion to play tea again and I’m also having the feeling that mini me can end up being a mama’s boy somehow…»

You listen to him rambling all the way as he’s clearly exposing his thoughts for you to see. He is able to think that much ? Like the dude you’ve been together for so long, you always knew him for having a mono cell as a brain… but you can’t help but laugh to see him so wrapped up by you being pregnant. You’re happy to know that your relationship is strong enough for him to be comfortable about you potentially waiting for a kid. Despite having a mono cell he’s really mature and compassionate.

When you get home, you directly go do the test as Teppei smile at you reassuringly, not putting any pressure on your shoulders. He’s even massaging them and murmuring sweet words in your ears as both of you are waiting for results.

When only few time is left to know the results, he’s holding your hands, shaking a little as he lose himself in your eyes : he’s totally silent but you can hear him say that he’s ready to be a father. It’s something in him, echoing in all your being.

As you finally read the positive test, Kiyoshi don’t say a word staring at you so strangely : just to smile like an old man learning that he’s a grandpa. He’s in heaven and take you in his arms and jumps in excitement as he remembers two seconds after he has to be careful with you because the child is in here.

He start crying when really realizing all his life is going to change and call his grand-parents to let them knows the important news.

«  We’re pregnant 🤰 !! Good teamwork ! »

He’s kissing softly all your face and engage to be your slave for the future 9 incoming months.

Kissing your hands like you’re royalty.

He’s already thinking about the room, the school and everything, seeing big and far in the future.

KAGAMI TAIGA –

The irony with Taiga figuring out you’re pregnant is that he recently fucked the shit out of you so passionately but still wonder how you got pregnant : the condom even cracked that he had to change if you remember well.

He was so excited and happy by all the success and accomplishments that he realized recently : marking his name in the NBA league thanks to the amazing prestation he did in the last competition… The sales of his jersey rising by a big amount, buying a really nice car and appartement for the both of you.

He was living the dream and the fire turmoiling in him had to be exalted through differents kind of celebrations, some happening in the intimacy of your room.

He didn’t notice a thing except that you would feel tired quite early in the afternoon and that you started to be picky about food but he putted it all on the fast rythym between parties, celebrations, mediatic apparences and salary negotiations etc…

But if Taiga was pushed to admit, seeing you not finishing some meals saddened him sometimes . He’s very insistent about cooking even if it’s taking him his precious time as an NBA rising star and it worries him.

If only he knew soon that you would be eating so much that there will barely something left for him…

You don’t know if Kagami is ready to be a father, he never talked about it so you’re a little anxious at the idea to tell him especially since his career just began at the level he always desired.

So you choose to let him know through a funny way : you passed command of a baby sized Kagami’s jersey and demanded for a dedicaced basketball. Weirded out by the addition of your odds request Kagami is curious but don’t assume anything, being fucking oblivious.

«  Uh… Yesterday it was my jersey and now my signature on this ball ? Are we waiting for a kid or something ? » He says as if the answer could only be no, you easily can tell in his tone that he’s excepting a good excuse that infirm the little bit of suspicion he has just to watch him panicking as you don’t answer and look at him in the eyes.

He start blushing like crazy before stuttering and having an hard time forming a sentence.

«  Y/N, YOU’RE PREGNANT ?!

He holds your hand strongly, his eyes widened, he don’t know what to say or do. Surprised and still having a doubt until you expose to him the positive test.

«  Yes, i have your kid in here. »

Immediately he kiss you and take you into a hug, carrying you so high that your feet probably don’t even touch the floor anymore. He’s celebrating as if he won a finale again. «  Why didn’t you told me earlier ? »

You can feel his heart beat so strongly against your chest, few minutes after jumping and shouting «  I’M GOING TO BE A DAD ! » . It’s with a big smile that he’s calling Himuro and Alex first.

Kagami probably already made you his fiancé before it if not you better believe the ring will soon decorate your finger.

The news about your baby is quick to be known by Kagami teammates and friends on the court because Taiga keep bragging about his future kid beating his enemy potential kids in basketball as well, especially Aomine.

«  I’m so happy for us, y/n !! »

Even if parenthood represent a big responsibility he’s not sure to fulfill completely as he didn’t himself had an always present dad for him, Taiga is ready to overcome all difficulties and is excited for another life style coming in the corner.

´

MURASAKIBARA ATSUSHI –

Like Teppei Murasakibara got really worried about you because when you would sleep peacefully on his naked chest, cuddling a little and babying him Inde lot of kiss. You would also abruptly shaken that peace by running « aggressively » in the toilets in the morning to vomit. During the journey you would also have some trouble standing up sometimes, as you would ne strike by some dizziness.

But he absolutely didn’t excepted you to be knocked up : okay he recently had a lot of fun with you in bed as he had to make up for the loss time caused by the basketball competition but you were on birth control and for him that was enough to avoid a non planed pregnancy but destiny proved him wrong.

He got really surprised when the doctor, so professional and costly simply recommended you to look for a radio but didn’t think a lot about it.

So when you announced him with an echography in your hands, it was completely unexpected : his mouth dropped and after a moment of silence he started crying, emotions taking over him. He tried to stop it and hide from you knowing that you could take it the wrong way but he overcame his shame and fear and putted you in his arms. Talking about how he’s going to do his best and be a good husband for you as he hold you so strongly.

Compared to Kagami and Teppei, Murasakibara is definitely not ready for parenthood but what is so precious about him is that he’s willing to try : like really willing to try for you and for this kid because he loves you both strongly.

«  The fruit of Y/n-chin and I love… I’m going to cherish it.»

He kiss the top of your head lovingly and laugh about how ridiculous the situation is : Him, known to be childish and immature in contrast to his tall height was going to be a father. It’s so much responsibility on his shoulder and he’s desiring to do things cautiously, having high exceptations for himself.

If you’re not married you better believe he’s going to marry you on the spot, kneeling down right away after the announcement.

He’s scared to not be good, he’s scared about not being able to educate your daughter well : He knows it’s a girl because there is barely a comparable amount of men in the Murasakibara family tree and thinks he won’t escape from that traditional discourse and any way he wish it’s a girl as well.

Even if your stomach is still not getting bigger he already kiss it delicately and promise so much things to this kid : You rarely saw him that serious that it’s almost making you jealous.

He’s signing up to be your special chef during the whole pregnancy but still play basketball as you demanded him to, knowing how much that sport meant to him.

He buys you chocolates and lots of snacks just for you, he only pick in your plate if you allow him to for once.

He’s calling his whole family and his best friend Himuro to tell the good news and also taking advices. He boast about your pregnancy to his teammates and GOM after he get comfortable about the idea of the new life awaiting for him, so maybe just two weeks after learning about it.

«  Meanwhile some of us still are single, Y/n-chin and I are waiting for a baby. I guess everyone goes to the different steps of life at their own speed..»

Probably going for Aomine, Kise and Midorima throats when saying that, the most likely to be bachelors.

You two even go visit his family in Japan for you to celebrate the news with the Murasakibara’s and your pregnancy is so hyped up.

Is already waiting for the second pregnancy.

«  Y/n-chin you swear you won’t stop giving me attention because of her ? If yes that kid is going to be my rival..! »

He still act immature and childish but ask him anything and he’s going through you request everytime with consistency and reliability.

[missinghan]

dandelion ⤖ hwang hyunjin

❖ genre : strangers to lovers!au; fluff; angst

❖ word count : 12,2k.

❖ warning : explicit language 

❖ summary : it’s funny how you’ve been second-guessing every single thing in life to the T but the only thing you didn’t just happens to be running after a total stranger named Hwang Hyunjin.

one.

“And that, my friend, is the end of the chapter. See, that wasn’t so hard, you just need to pay more attention to the details.” Minho shuts his textbook closed and grins at you from your laptop screen. 

Your typical Monday starts with online school and ends with Lee Minho since your non-existent brain cells furiously agree to comprehend zero ounce of what your teacher rambled about accounting. Being the sly snake that he is, Minho ‘kindly’ offered you a weekly tutor session with him. Kindly, that is. And you simply cannot see that specific word in his less than appropriate vocabulary when all he did for the past ninety minutes was repeating the same damn things that your teacher did last week. 

You groan rather quietly. “How am I supposed to pay more attention to them when they’re so fucking small ?” And you don’t even have to think twice to see that smug smile appearing on your friend’s face. 

One that pops up whenever he’s clinging onto Han Jisung’s back like the sloth that he is, one that also occurs when he’s mentally prepare himself to clapping back at you with the most obnoxious yet witty comment that’s gonna make you wanna jump through the laptop screen and strangle him until he begs you to stop.

“Well, aren’t you being unreasonable ?” Minho tuts. “In fact, the smallest details are by far the most important.” You can’t help but scowl when he’s talking all calmly in his wisdom glory as if he’s Sherlock Holmes and you’re John Waston, running after him from one place to another as he keeps lecturing you and acting all mysterious with his stupid deerstalker. 

As if he’s asking you to examine a dead body with grand conclusions and spits at you afterwards “Nice one John, you missed every single essential detail that’d give us a lead, again.” A stark contrast compared to when he’s yelling and running around spontaneously. Tsk, so unnecessary. 

You feel a rush of air rising up in your rib cage as you cough harshly into the sleeves of your shirt. “Alright— smartie pants, how about you— go find Han and just make— out on Changbin’s expensive leather couch, yeah ?” You say between coughs, hand reaching for the oxygen tubes that’s carelessly thrown on the side of your bed. 

The boys always come over to Changbin’s place for a movie night every Monday. You believe that they’re planning on seeing the sequel of ‘Jumanji’ to switch it up instead of watching Woojin’s sappy dramas. How fitting. 

Minho pouts. “Come on sour patch, don’t be mad. I didn’t mean to point out how much of a dumbass you are.” And it’s no doubt that those words of his are dripping with sarcasm and fake empathy. He’s too predictable at this point. 

Normal people would have freaked out to see their friend choking on air like this but it’s been countless times since Minho saw you hacking up lungs and had people yelling at him “Why the fuck are you just standing there ? She’s dying !” But truthfully, you do that all the time and he just doesn’t want to waste a single chance to at least make fun of you.

You sneer at him. “Hold your fucking tongue, you hypocrite.” As you put on the oxygen tubes and loop them around the rim of your ears, you breath adjusts itself slowly and steadily until you don’t sound like a drowning donkey again. 

“Whatever Y/N, I hope you don’t fail Park’s accounting class because that’d ruin my reputation.” Minho rolls his eyes dramatically as if the scene he’s just caused wasn’t dramatic enough in the first place. “Do you have the slightest idea of what I was trying to teach you for the past hour and a half ?” He asks semi-seriously because no matter how passionate he is about pestering you, you failing a subject because of him is the last thing he wants to go home with on his conscience. 

“Nope.” You beam. 

Minho closes his eyes and takes in a sharp breath. He’s trying so hard not to scream out loud right now, such an amusing sight. “It’s fine, it’s fine.” He repeats after himself, sounding more like he’s trying to prevent himself from exploding rather than comforting you about your stupidity. “We can just start over, I’ll just make a quick summary and you try to do the assignments by yourself after this, okay ?” 

“Fine.” 

And as Minho starts blabbering about the mere basics of accounting, the door swings open to reveal Jackson - your nurse - who’s pushing a cart full of medications inside your room, the wheels screeching against the tiled floor. “Having fun with maths again, I see.” Jackson comments with a mischievous smile. 

“Hey Jackson !” Minho inquires innocently. They both used to share a room when Jackson was still in college. Not to mention, he was good friends with 3racha and made dope music for Minho’s auditions. So you can say that Minho’s technically allowed to fanboy a little over your nurse. “You best believe that Y/N has been doing the most to comprehend what I was saying since she just appreciates me so much.” 

Jackson cackles loudly, too loudly for the sake of being in a hospital. He’s lucky that they spent a good amount of cold, hard cash to make the walls soundproof. “Just bear with her until freshman year is over. Don’t pick on the sick kid, that’s not very nice.” And now all you want to do is to put both of their heads on a stick because you know that having both Jackson Wang and Lee Minho in the same conversation is equivalent to the definition of ‘oneself against the world’. Because Jackson too, acts like an old bitchy cat and loves to laugh his ass off at your impending misery. 

You grit. “Square the fuck up.” But the scowl on your face soon fades as your nurse reaches his hand outwards underneath the blue fabric that has the whole cart covered and pulls out a brown paper bag. Now, it’s Jackson’s turn to give you a dirty look when you gratefully take the McDonal’s order from his hand like a three-year-old. “You peasants can live for the time being.” 

“You’re lucky that your body needs 3000 calories per day or else Jaebum will fire me for feeding you junk food so often.” He informs you rather sarcastically as he scatters your description medications across the table where you’d chose to put your collection of stuffed animals instead of other necessities like textbooks or plastic binders. “I didn’t sign up for this FYI, ugh, I need money to pay off student’s loan too you know ?”

And that’s another perfect example of one hundred and one reasons why you’re not pumped for college like other kids. First off, what do you mean if someone’s privileged then they get to turn the assignment in later than everyone else ? And secondly, how the fuck can a graduate pay off their loans when they’re struggling like a fish out of water to find a decent job ? Not to mention, college dramas are the absolute worst. Things won’t be as lighthearted as highschool when students are entering bars with fake IDs and do drugs to get their minds off things that are stressing them out, which is almost everything. 

In conclusion, college is just more of a shithole than highschool so you don’t really get the hype about it. 

“You’ll be fine, Wang, stop being so whiny.” You snicker and drop a french fire into your mouth before chewing obnoxiously. “Have fun with your night shift.” You wave him off as he glares at you while pushing the cart outside. The moment Jackson swings the door open again, you can see a figure passing by but this one in particular catches your attention. And surprisingly, it’s a boy because it’s been ages since you have some kind of interest in guys, non-platonically of course. 

Not to be one of those creepy people, but you’d admit it, he’s quite the looker. Defined nose, full lips and cute mono lids, the air tossing his black mullet like how every protagonist makes their entrance into the movie. But he also has oxygen tubes put on just like you, perhaps you’re in the same boat ? Either way, that’s not the point because while pretty boy’s out there looking like a runway model in sweatpants, you’re nothing more than a couch potato because you’ve been doing nothing other than staying in bed all day. 

Good gracious he’s cute. 

“And that is how you can work on simple balance sheets.” Your friend closes in but frowns at your lack of attention. The door finally closes with a soft ‘click’, hurrying you back to reality to find a not-so-happy looking Minho. “Y/N, would you be a sweetheart and tell me that you didn’t miss a single detail during the last five minutes ?” His smile is rather stiff because his facial muscles are struggling hard not to burst as anger slowly bottles up inside of his chest captivity. For fuck’s sake, he hates it when you don’t listen on purpose. 

You cock your head to the side dumbfoundedly. “Wait— everything makes no sense.” 

Minho sighs in desperation. “Oh... what if you were smarter ?” 

two.

“Kkami !” Someone exclaims from behind you. 

You stop in the middle of your track and take out a side of your earbuds. The footsteps are getting louder and louder by the second along with the male voice. “Excuse me- pardon- Kkami I swear to God !” You decide to take a full ten seconds to comprehend what’s happening before turning around. The next thing you know is your head comes in contact with something hard, causing you to stagger backwards and land on your bottom. 

“Ugh, my head.” You wince at the aching feeling on your back as your pupils slowly dilate and adjust your vision on the current surroundings. The moment you lay your eyes on the figure in front of you, your mouth automatically lets out a silent scream. A cute boy just bumped into you, but then again, you wouldn’t overreact if he’s just any other cute boy. But he’s that cute boy who managed to distract you from Minho, who got your attention even when you just stared at him through a barely opened door. 

The boy widens his eyes when he sees what he’s caused. “Oh shit, I’m so sorry.” He apologizes with a smile, offering you a hand to pull you up right. “Are you okay ?”

You take his hand, almost flinching when his touch sends electricity throughout your body. His hands are much bigger than yours and are fully capable of enveloping your smaller ones with ease. You like that about him because you’ve never truly experienced what it feels like to hold someone’s hand in a non-platonic way. “Uhm, yeah, I’m okay but are you though ? You sounded like you’re going through a crisis looking for someone.” 

He smiles at you, eyes forming little crescent moon shape. “My mom brought my dog here and he accidentally ran off.” His laugh is melodic, sounding just like Mozart to your ears and you can’t help but crack a smile too. “It was nice meeting you, and I really have to go find him before he got to the NICUs or something… but I think we should get to know each other more. What do you say ?” He chides with a slight smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. 

You yank his hand away harshly. “I thought you’re better than that.” It’s ridiculous how boys with A+ look can just slide into your lives and stay for as long as they want then just disappear as if they’ve never been there in the first place. You’d hate to see a version of yourself who spends all day crying in bed because some bastard doesn’t love her back so this pretty boy over here better go before you throw him off a cliff. 

“Don’t ever talk to me again.” And with that, you walk away without turning your head, not even once. Well, so much for a Tuesday afternoon. Tuesdays are supposed to be easy-going for you since you just have to get yourself through several assignments and essays but someone just had to pop up in your life and ruin everything. 

The scowl on your face drops when you push the glass door of the pediatric unit open. Immediately, the kids see you and quickly abandon their nurses to run towards your direction. Your dad just got back from a business trip in Sydney and he still thinks that you’re a nine-year-old so your room is basically filled with candies and other sweet treats. That’d better change today. “Behave well and all of you will have one.” You chuckle at the kids’ eagerness, personally handing one bag over to each and every one of them. 

Five minutes later, the amount of treats are slowly trickling down until there’s only one bag left. In which, you’ve saved it for a specific someone since he’s just that obsessed with Australian candies. Your phone buzzes. How convenient. 

[ 3:45p.m. ]

yongbokie | okay, I’m here, where are you ?

y/n | seventh floor, just go straight down the hallway and it’s on the right side. 

“Here’s your worksheets, now where’s my Tim Tam Slam ?” Felix shoves the stack of papers into your arms as soon as he spots you inside the pediatric unit, surrounded by children, a whole lot of children. He knows your love for kids all too well and the fact that you’re lonely in this hospital is no shocker. Meaning, you’re a part-time kindergarten teacher ( aka whenever you feel like slacking off on school work ). 

You scoff at him, throwing the bag of candies at him with as much aggression. “Changbin’s gonna kick you out sooner or later if you end up looking like a pig, enjoy it while you can.” That’s obviously useless since Seo Changbin is as utterly soft for Lee Felix as you are for kids. Both are annoying little pricks but somehow, your little heart can never get mad. “And you better share that with Chan too or else he’s gonna write an entire diss track about me.” 

“CB97’s new diss track material is apparently Tim Tam Slam, how terrific.” Your friend snickers and tears the bag open single handedly with his teeth while his other hand tapping away on his phone. He doesn’t even need a cup of hot chocolate, that’s how bad Felix is craving his childhood candy. 

“Ooh, earrings ? And jeans too ?” He cocks a brow at your dainty pieces of jewelry. And you never wear jeans in the hospital, never. You think that’s it’s equivalent to asking someone to suffocate you as if the hospital isn’t suffocating enough. “Who are you trying to impress ?” 

Upon his teasing, you let out an audible groan. For once in your life, you’ve made up your mind and actually packed something decent because hospital romance is a thing and you need to be prepared at all times. Not to mention, you might as well snatch yourself a guy who’s totally father material because you hang out at the pediatric unit most of the time. “Haha, very funny. Try and find me someone cute then.” 

Just then, very slowly, a familiar figure takes long strides towards your direction. “Anyone, but him.” You deadpan.

“Him ?” Felix says over a mouthful of chocolate as he turns his head to the front door. 

And holy shit. 

To your dismay - with a bag over his shoulder, face flushed from running with beads of sweat rolling down his cheeks that make him glow like Edward Cullen and his wet fringe covering his eyes slightly — is the pretty boy from yesterday, well, more like five minutes ago. They say everything’s uglier close-up but not him. He’s absolutely breathtaking, undeniably brilliant as if he had just stepped out from an anime. But you’re not falling for that perfect smile again, at least for the time being. 

“Oh hell no.” Felix quickly identifies the boy and hangs his jaw open, the plastic wrapper falling out from his hand. You look at your friend in disbelief, your expression mirroring his - completely lost for words. 

The boy waves his hand at him and smiles widely. “Yongbok !” And just like that, your brain starts to process the new amount of overwhelming information. Slowly, and steadily, all the dots are connected. That guy is definitely heading towards your direction. No one knows Felix’s Korean name unless they’re close friends or family members. Jesus motherfucking Christ-

Felix demands loudly. “Hyunjin, do not move !” 

The pretty boy - whose name is apparently Hyunjin - stops abruptly at his friend’s sudden outburst. He turns his head only to accidentally make eye contact with you. Cocking a brow, he averts his attention back to Felix. You too, tug on your friend’s sleeve before questioning him. 

“You know him ?” “You know her ?” 

Felix widens his eyes in terror and quickly pushes Hyunjin away. “You people are insane ! Six feet away at all times, it’s a fucking simple protocol !” 

“Huh- wait what ?” You stutter. Soon enough, all of the colors on Hyunjin’s face are completely drained and a worrisome feeling suddenly runs down your spine. 

You exchange a weird look with him. “Don’t tell me that you’re a...“

“Are you also a… “ 

Felix face palms himself. “You fucking guessed it.” 

three.

The next few weeks get a little bit mayhem since you’re wrapping up the semester while being hospitalized at the same time. Meaning, you’re struggling real hard to balance the whole feud with finals and all of the medical stuff along with really boring paperwork because your body decided to fail you once again. 

No one was really able to give you company since they have to deal with their own problems too. Your parents are busy with their draining business trips while your brother - Woojin is getting his bachelor degree soon. And Minho is graduating in less than a month. Moreover, you haven’t met the pretty boy since your first and only encounter. 

Speaking of the Devil, “Fancy seeing you here.” 

You peel your eyes away from your laptop and see Hyunjin. In which, almost makes you fall right off the stool that you’ve been occupying for the last hour. You’re still procrastinating like highschool but you’re actually determined to finish your essay because if not, you won’t be able to walk away from your problems again. 

“Six feet away at all times, not six feet under the ground. So knock it off.” You deadpan, ushering him further away with a wave of your hand. If you were being completely honest, Hyunjin just took the breath right out of your lungs at the slightest glance. Time really does make people blind because you almost forgot that although he did try to flirt with you that one time, he’s also drop dead gorgeous. And that makes your heart tingles, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. 

Hyunjin makes a ‘I’mma-need-you-to-relax’ face and takes a seat on the opposite side of the table. “You still radiate big passive aggressive energy, not so good of a first impression.” 

You laugh dryly. “Speak for yourself. Talk about some shitty flirting skills.” 

“In my defense,” He raises a brow and throws you a look, one that makes you feel personally attacked. “I was genuinely trying to make friends, you sure know how lonely it is to be hospitalized all the time, don’t you ?”

You sneer at him. “Well, you picked the wrong person.” 

“How am I supposed to know that you’re also a CF-er ?! You weren’t wearing your oxygen tubes.” 

Apparently, you think that life hates you more than most of the world’s population because you weren’t just born with cystic fibrosis, you were born into it. The genetic disease gifts you with constant lung infections and gives you a hard time to breath in order to function like a normal human being. More accurately, the protein inside your body becomes dysfunctional so it loses the ability to move chloride to the cell surface. Meaning, the mucus in various organs can attract more bacteria along with germs, causing infections and inflammation. 

So naturally, minimizing contact with any kind of germs and other CF-er are your top priorities unless you want to catch their bacteria and choke to death on it instead. With that being said, you’ve just come to a realization that Hyunjin touched you the other day, skin to skin without any kind of protection like gloves. Some CF-ers have caught each other’s bacteria before by touching a doorknob, and that story scared you shitless. 

You speak up, finally. “Uhm… so.. were you okay ?” 

“If you’re asking if I got cross-infection or not, then no, I’m totally fine. None of that B. cepacia shit.” Hyunjin answers while avoiding your eyes. He quietly reaches inside his backpack and pulls out a blue binder that looks like it’s been used since elementary school because plastic never really goes away. 

You raise a curious brow when he pulls out some pieces of papers that are covered in an awfully dizzy amount of words. “What you got there, pretty boy ?” 

“Now you’re talking, I almost ended up on the ground laughing when you thought that I was nothing but a shallow fuckboy.” Hyunjin is still pissed off because not only did you despise him, you also happens to be Felix’s best friend. Totally irrelevant, but he’s also mad at Felix for not telling him about you sooner. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t want the both of you to accidentally kill each other or anything but still, Hyunjin did hold your hand and nothing happened. 

You prop your head on your hand, lips cracking a smile. “But I’m interested now, no hard feelings. You really need to lighten up drama lama.” You’re just noticing this now, but it seems like he’s really similar to Felix. Point break, he’s an easy victim to pick on anytime, anywhere. Of course you’re going to take advantage of this. 

Hyunjin replies monotonously. “I need to practice my lines for the upcoming play for finals season.” He’s trying so hard not to give in and smile at you because he’s decided to play hard to get. 

“No wonder why you’re a dramatic little dipshit. How fitting.” You grin coyly at the scowl on his face. “Okay, sorry, let me tone that down. What are you guys playing ?” 

Hyunjin groans. “We’re trying to fit an entire season of ‘Once Upon a Time’ into a two-hour play. And my fucking God, Captain Hook has a shit ton of lines.” Although it does appeal as a privilege to other people that drama majors can skip through the whole ‘cramming and crying’ to pass their finals, what people don’t know is the amount of work and effort that needs to be put into a single play. It requires patience, team chemistry, diligence and lots of, lots of caffeine to have a decent performance for the whole school. 

There was this one time he pulled seven all nighters in a row just to finish ‘Peter Pan’ before the holiday hit. And for the following five days, he basically lived on his bed and fed on leftover pizza that his roommate refused to microwave. 

You offer him kindly. “Maybe I can help you practice ?” You really feel like a fucking angel with your own imaginary halo shining ever so brightly on the top of your head. “I got nothing better to do anyway, not planning on being stuck with accounting 24/7 or I’m gonna end up in an insane asylum.”

“Thought you’re already in one.” 

“Say that again and I’ll skin you alive !” 

four.

Hwang Hyunjin is fortunately blessed by whatever gods up there because you finally finished finals way before the D-day of his play. Which means you feel even more obligated to help him practice his lines. 

But in all seriousness, he technically doesn’t need you because all you do is read the other characters’ lines right off the script anyway. Unlike you, even in the hospital cafeteria with a stainless steel fork as the hook on his right hand, Hyunjin plays the character as if he’s the one and only, non-biological heir of Leo DiCaprio. 

You can see why he chose the dramatic arts because he embraces and studies closely every movement, every gesture, every inch of flesh, every drop of emotion that his character has to offer. No wonder why they let him play one of the male protagonists because you can’t imagine anyone other than him play the iconic Captain Hook. And it’s actually nice to not having him spatting some kind of witty comments at you every two minutes. 

You clap your hands together. “Act 4. Scene 1.” 

“I already told you, I’m just a blacksmith !” Hyunjin tries to whimper as quietly as possible to avoid dirty looks from other people. He’s portraying that scene where Hook basically got tied up on a tree so that the others could get him talking. 

Your eyes narrow down into a glare, mentally throwing daggers at his general direction. Meaning if Hook doesn’t spill who he really is, he’s gonna be the monster’s meal in a matter of time. “You won’t talk to us ? Maybe they’ll talk to you and snatch one of your limbs for lunch.”

“You can’t just leave me here like this !” He sudden yelps, startling you in the process. You quickly avert your attention from the script to his eyes, clearly they show nothing but desperation and mischief. As the character should have. 

“Su-Sure you’re not.” You stutter, not knowing how to express the words inside the parentheses. 

Hyunjin guides you patiently. “Say it like you’re gonna set me on fire if I dare to test you. Be aggressive, talk aggressively, act aggressively. Aggressive is your middle name now.” His voice starts to get louder and louder at the end, a thing that he accidentally adapted from Chan. He doesn’t even need megaphones to yell at someone at this point. 

You give him a curt nod before gripping the script tightly once again. If you’re gonna help him, you’ll have to make it seem like you’re not slacking off. 

“Sure you’re not.” You deadpan, cringing at your own attempt to sound intimidating. Acting was never your thing either way. You’ve only been chosen for pity roles like ‘Girl #2’ or ‘Tree #5’ for some plays back in middle school and the beginning of highschool. 

He smirks. “Good for you. You bested me. I can assure you that the number of people who have done that before can only be counted on one hand.”

Another thing, you fucking love Emma Swan because she’s practically your twin. The only thing is that you’re not even half as badass as her. Sometimes you don’t even realize that there’s a script in your hands this whole time. “I’m sorry, was that supposed to be funny ? Who are you ?”

“Kilian Jones.” Hyunjin says with a glint of fierceness flickering in his irises. His intense gaze almost makes you run straight into the restroom and scream for a good five minutes. “But most people have taken to call me by my more colorful moniker, Hook.” The rasp in his voice sends chills to the core of your bones. 

You cock a brow. “As in, Captain Hook ?”

He beams. “Ah, so you’ve heard of me.”

You pant slightly out of nervousness, gripping onto the edge of the wooden stool for fuck’s sake. “Hurry up, they’re getting closer. Unless you want to be dinner, you better start talking.” 

Hyunjin shakes his head gently. “Don’t just read out the line. Don’t become the character. Make the character yours. Make it seems like her lines are personally tailored to every single detail of your existence.” He’s mentoring you as if you’re the one who plays Emma Swan and not that one pretty girl from his class. You swear, you’re not a stalker, he literally just spilled everything about his life after very few conversations with you. 

You nod. “Hurry up, they’re getting closer. Unless you want to be dinner, you better start talking.” This time, you finally got a good grip on the character’s emotions, slowly falling into a haze. 

“Cora told me to gain your trust so that I can learn everything there is to know about your storybook.” Hyunjin singsongs, lips curling upwards. You really want to deck him in the face right now. That’s how good of an actor he is. “She didn’t want any surprises when she got over there.”

You pretend to be in disbelief, jaw dropping in the process. “She can’t go there. We already destroyed the wardrobe.” 

He chuckles this time. God you wish you can wipe that stupid smirk off his face, although everything’s just an act. “Ah, my enchantment remained. Cora gathered the ashes and she’s gonna use them to open a new portal.” He looks at you, wiggling his brows to show off his skills before continues. “Now, if you’d just kindly cut me loose—“

“Let’s go.” You say monotonously to your non-existent cast, waving your free hand as a signal for them to walk away. 

“Wait !” Hyunjin slams his fist on the table loudly. It seems like he’s getting immersed in the character again because he can’t be bothered to give two shits about the fact that everyone’s having their eyes on him. More accurately, on the two of you. “You need me alive !”

You also try to ignore all of the weird looks. “Why ?”

“Because we both want the same thing. To get back to your land.” When you meet Hyunjin’s eyes, you nod at him to continue with the script. “I initially arranged for transport with Cora, but seeing just how resourceful you are, I’ll offer you the same deal. I’ll help you as long as you promise to take me along.”

You clear your throat. “How are you going to help us ?”

Hyunjin proceeds to elaborate, slowly. “The ashes will open a portal but to get to your land, she’ll need more. There’s an enchanted compass, Cora seeks it. I’ll help you obtain it before she does.”

“So Cora won’t make it to Storybrooke and we’ll be one step closer to being home. Sounds too good to be true.” You mock him, the corners of your mouth twitching slightly. 

“Well, there’s only one way to find out.”

“I’ll need you to tell me one thing then.” You point the tip of your sword (knife) directly at his throat (a good three inches away) as an attempt to threaten him. “What does the infamous Captain Hook want in Storybrooke ?”

“To exact revenge on the man who took my hand. Rumplestiltskin.” Hyunjin finishes his line and claps, breaking out of character. He looks disturbed at the particular way that you’re pointing the knife at him. “And… cut ! Put the knife down, Y/N. You’re a sadist, not a murderer.” He pushes the piece of cutlery away as if it’s a ticking bomb. 

This time, it’s your turn to wiggle your brows at him. “You don’t know me. What if I’m an actual murderer who preys on the innocent at night, when everyone’s fast asleep in their cozy beds, when they’re the most vulnerable ? What if I’ve been living a double life this entire time and you’re my next target ?” Actually, scratch that. Hyunjin thinks you’re pretty fitting for the role of Regina aka the Evil Queen. 

“Admit it you moron, you’re a sucker for my acting.” He flips his imaginary long hair and you make a gagging noise. It seems like Hyunjin has adapted the habit of holding grudges from Felix because the shy pretty boy that you met a few weeks ago is nowhere to be seen. Like he has grown accustomed to you, he treats you like an old friend, just catching up on things with each other. But in reality, his confidence level just went from a 100 to Han Jisung because you’ve been feeding his ego way too much. 

“There’s room for improvement.” You shrug, trying to keep a straight face. Emphasis on the ‘trying’ part. “Bet you’d do better if that pretty girl was here.”

Hyunjin blows a few strands of loose hair out of his face. He looks really good with disheveled hair, and it’s tickling something at very bottom pit of your stomach. “Kinda wish you could play Emma. You two are literally the same person. She’s just slightly cooler because at least she doesn’t sleep with opened windows.” 

“Is this a fucking call out ?” You hold back the urge to slap him with your slippers. “My room’s on the third floor for fuck’s sake.”

“Rapists can climb.” He smiles cheekily and it makes you ponder about how many more questionable behaviors of his you'd have to deal with for the long future. “You’re definitely going, don’t leave me hanging okay ?” Hyunjin declares and slaps a ticket on the wooden surface, sliding it across the dining table. 

You blink countless times at the ticket, hesitating to grab it with your bare hands. “Take it, I’m wearing gloves anyway.” He reassures you, skimming through some of the scenes that he feels like he could do better. Hyunjin might not look like it but he’s really hard on himself. He takes every single scene, every single line seriously and you admire that about him. He even complained to you how he could have done better for the role of Diaval for ‘Maleficent’ from last month’s play. 

“So the play’s on March 20th ?” You play dumb and pretend to question him after reading the bold letters written in gold. 

Hyunjin peels his eyes away from the script and smiles, eyes forming little crescent moon shape. “Yeah, the day that I’m turning 21, kinda terrifying but since it’s adulthood, I’ll have to bear with it for the rest of my life. At least I have the right to make decisions for myself now.” 

You ask him timidly as your hand fiddle with the sleeves of your hoodie. “Uhm so, do you wanna, I don’t know, get coffee after that or something ?” 

He gives you a dirty look, hard. Clearly Hyunjin’s annoyed. “Look who wants coffee now.” 

“That’s not a ‘no’ that I heard.” 

“You’d better pay up then, I haven’t got paid yet.” 

five.

[ 8:23p.m. ]

y/n | meet me on the terrace.

“Oh my god oh my god oh my god.” Hyunjin mutters as he rushes to the dressing room, and even more loops of ‘oh my god’ run through his mind, faster than a lighting bolt. He totally forgot about you until you made eye contact with him when the cast members took a full ninety degrees bow to the audience. You were clapping, cheering on for him like an old friend. But you were smiling, so brightly that he thought you could have lit up the entire stadium on your own. 

Chan finally finishes bowing to the rest of the cast and the crew. He feels like he can only breathe properly once the play came out smoothly. Unfortunately, it didn’t. Minho slipped over his long coat during the second scene, Seungmin was struggling with the lighting and Jisung nearly threw himself over the balcony. Besides that, everything went pretty okay. Little errors are unavoidable so he’ll let everything slide, because the play that he spent months planning out, training the cast so eagerly didn’t come out as a flop. 

“Woah, mate, where are you going in such a hurry ?” He quirks a brow when Hyunjin swings the door open, hair disheveled with ‘panic’ written in bold capital letters across his forehead. 

Changbin supplies unhelpfully as he steps out from behind the black curtain. Little strips of confetti are sticking onto his sweaty hair, thanks to Jisoo who kinda went overboard with the can of hairspray. “He invited a friend to come in and watch the play, can’t leave her hanging now, can he ?” He wiggles his brows in the most obnoxious way possible, being the little pest that he is. 

“I didn’t even say that my friend’s a girl— she’s not even my friend— wait, she is but we’re not that close— what, fuck you.” Hyunjin gives up after four attempts of forming an actual sentence. As if he’s forgotten how to speak, his voice fails him once again when a witty retort lingers at the tip of his tongue. He gives in and goes behind the curtain, quickly changing out of his costume. Like okay, pirates are cool and all but their sense of fashion is pretty questionable because leather boots and salt water ? Not compatible. 

Changbin peels the confetti off his hair before singsonging. “Our Hyunjinnie got himself a date, he’s all grown up now.” 

Chan throws his head back and laughs wholeheartedly. This is why he’s not planning on falling for someone soon because having a chaotic, annoying group of friends can only make things so much more difficult. “Give him a break, Bin. A boy can love whoever his heart yearns for.” Then he pauses, and continues. “Do you want to tell us something about her ?” 

Hyunjin scrunches his nose and starts singing. “Sing a yo ho, you can beg, plead and whine. But yo ho you are wasting your time.” The moment he finishes the line, he’s already changed into his normal clothing and pushed the curtain open. 

Chan and Changbin looks unimpressed. They both think that their friend should really stop quoting his own lines. Hyunjin throws Changbin the hook, then checks his own reflection in the mirror. Not too shabby, at least he didn’t forget to shave this morning. But it’s just you after all, you’d never judge him… wait no you’re highly judgmental. You once called him out for having a piece of carrot in the corner of his lips, shameless. 

“Hear me out one last time, mates. Then I’ve got a date with destiny.” Hyunjin continues to sing because he’s absolutely enjoying every moment of Changbin suffering and mentally dying on the floor. He wouldn’t even feel bad if his ears started bleeding or something, hanging out with weird people have turned him into a sadist, just like them. Tragic. 

Before Chan decides to wrestle him to the floor, Hyunjin starts moonwalking towards the door as he jumps straight to the last bits of the song. “Sing a yo ho, I’ll meet her tonight. Yo ho must be fate’s design. At last our hearts can be intertwined, can’t wait, can’t wait, can’t wait. God is on my side.” He’s just making up lyrics at this point nothing makes sense anymore. 

The door shuts with a small ‘click’, making him snap his mouth closed. Then I’ve got a date with destiny. Right, a date. Well, it’s technically not a date when you asked him to meet up on the terrace where there’s so much to offer. A brilliant view of the city, the ethereal moonlight which sets the atmosphere, just you and him standing face to face.. holy shit it’s a date ? 

“You’re late.” 

Hyunjin whines loudly at your cold statement and supports himself on his knees, chest heaving up and down at an abnormal space. Cystic fibrosis and ten flights of stairs are like water and oil, they don’t blend. “I was changing, do you know how hard it is to slip out of those leather combat boots ?” Upon your silence, he leans himself against the metal railings and sighs, standing a good six feet away from you. “Hey, at least I looked fly in them.” 

You automatically groan because fuck yes, he did look hot. Pirates aren’t supposed to be hot, they’re supposed to be smelly barbarians with shitty attitude. “Since when are you so cocky ?” 

Hyunjin tuts. “I’m very much aware of how good looking I am, thank you for taking your precious time to care about my tiny existence on this glorious planet.” He cocks his head sideways, narrowing his eyes at your sketchy posture. Both hands are hidden behind your back and you’re trying too hard to keep a straight face. “What are you hiding from me ?”

“Nothing.” You let out a small giggle. Clearly he’s not buying it. “Fine, close your eyes.” 

Hyunjin frowns at you but still closes his eyes nonetheless. He has enough faith in you that you won’t have the heart to knock him out cold before selling him off to some kind of mafia organization. “Y/N if you’re planning on kidnapping me, you might as well just do it—“ The words grow dead on his tongue once a small ‘pop’ occurs. What the fuck ? 

“Hey Hyunjin.” 

He flutters his eyes open at the sound of his name rolling off your tongue. His hand immediately fly to his mouth to stop himself from screaming. “Oh my god, shut the fuck up !” He utters, shocked at what’s happening in front of his eyes. “You’re kidding, you’re kidding, you’ve got to be kidding me.” 

You laugh loudly at how frantic he is once you get down on one knee with a black velvet box in your hand. A silver band with his name engraved on the inside. “Hwang Hyunjin, can you fathom enough courage to walk with me through your youth even though sometimes you wish you could throw me off a cliff ? Can you bear the burden of indulging an impulsive and indecisive person like me in the long run ? Because if you can, then happy 21st birthday, you’re officially stuck with me with the label of being best friends.”

Hyunjin teases, lips curling up into a smile. “Can’t you be a little bit more romantic ?” Although he’s decently attractive, he’s still one of those guys who bury themselves in hopeless romance just because he spends way too much time on Netflix watching some random sappy show while Kkami is watching some stupid dog documentary right next to him on the couch. 

“Fine, I also got myself one. We’re matching.” You confess, showing him your band resting nicely around your index finger. “Since I just know you so well, are you happy with your present now birthday boy ?” 

You finish it off by slipping the ring onto his finger like a cherry on top of a sundae, watching in amusement at how his face is lighting up with joy. “Wow,” He manages the breath out, as light as a feather. “You’re so fucking cheesy, I hate you.” 

You laugh wholeheartedly. “Come on, let’s go downstairs. You have a whole party waiting for you to inhale. Cakes and junk food and all.”

When you stand up right again, shivers run down on your spine at the cold breeze passing by. The wind greets concrete and your skin just the same, tearing through the air and banging loudly against your eardrums. Hyunjin suddenly grabs the sides of your face, still keeping a good distance between you two. Your cheeks are instantly tinted pink at his touch. “Y/N ! Can you hear me ?!” He tries to shout over the wind but fails miserably. 

“What ??” You ask loudly, not being able to catch what he was trying to say. 

“No, you can’t hear me ??”

“What ? I can’t hear you !”

He beams at you and the strangest warm feeling bubbles up inside his stomach. “I have something to tell you !” If he’s doing this now, there’s no going back. 

“I still can’t hear you !”

Hyunjin ignores your confused expression. He slowly inhales to take a deep breath before shouting his heart out at you. “Y/N, I’ll protect you ! No matter what !”  

You can’t quite understand what he’s trying to convey to you but seeing him smiling so widely like this, you know that you could never trade him for anything else. Because no one has ever made you feel this way before, heart pounding inside your rib cage so loudly just by looking at him. You like how you can just see him, and be happy. 

He’s irreplaceable.

six.

Felix glares at the silver band wrapping around your finger, one that’s particularly matching with Hyunjin’s. “So what ? You two are dating now ?” 

“Lee Felix I swear to god, for the tenth time, it’s a just birthday present !” You cry loudly at your best friend overreaction. 

Jeongin butts in. “Yeah right, rings, matching and all. Don’t you think that’s a little bit romantic ?” You’re so fed up with these theatre kids it’s actually ridiculous, you’d rather be cursed than have them singsong into your ears everyday about how you and Hyunjin are acting somewhat sketchy. Sure, being dramatic is naturally what they do for a passion but sometimes you just can’t help it but snap at them to go and kiss a statue. 

“That’s the point of it, dipshit.” Hyunjin sips on his drink obnoxiously, reading through the final page of his reading assignment in a haze. He’s a little bit out of it from running around all day to not get yelled at by his professors for being late to every single damn lecture. “I’m desperate, I need something cute to lighten up my sad life so don’t judge me.”

Jisung suddenly pries loudly because unlike you or Hyunjin, he actually gives zero fuck about publicity and personal information. “Hyunjin and Y/N ? I ship it ! Since you both have been super single and super antisocial for so long, why not date each other ? Get married even, don’t you dare forget my invitation.” 

Needless to say, he quickly earns a smack on the head from Seungmin, hard. Hard enough to knock some logic and common sense into that little disturbing glimpse of thing that they call ‘a brain’ inside his head. “God, Han, you’re so dumb. If you want them to both choke on each other’s bacteria and die, then yeah, hit a five-star restaurant up with that reservation.” 

Sometimes Seungmin wonders why he even befriended Han Jisung in the first place. They nearly threw hands at each other back in highschool because Jisung would constantly forget his stuff inside Seungmin’s locker and Chan had to manually pull them apart later. 

“Actually..” Hyunjin fiddles with the strings of his hoodie. “I think I might have my eyes on someone.” Your heart automatically sinks at his words. Is this what betrayal feels like ? How come he’s never told you before ? Didn’t he promise that he’d never hide anything from you ? Does your friendship mean nothing to him at all ? 

You’d be lying if you said that you haven’t once thought about dating Hyunjin. But you don’t really see the point because it’s just a label over your relationship, it’s not gonna change how you treat each other. At least it’s not gonna change how you treat him. 

But in the end, you want nothing but the best for him so you’re obligated to become his dating counselor. 

Felix tuts eagerly. “Ooh, spill the tea. I’m here for it.”

“Let me guess, it’s that girl from Literature & Criticism 19B ?” Jeongin yawns lazily. Apparently he’s not digging the fact that Hyunjin doesn’t have any non-platonic interest in you. 

Hyunjin shakes his head profusely. “No ! We barely talk, it was only for a presentation from last month. And also I feel kinda awkward around her. Things never click between us.” 

Then, he proceeds to continue with dreamy eyes. “The girl that I’m talking about is so beautiful, so smart, so brave. She enjoys food like no other, like no one is watching and isn’t ashamed of the fact that she can live off donuts and Netflix for three weeks straight. She’s honest, playful but also very gentle and caring. Kinda reminds me of my mom, which is weird but whatever. Maybe people finding a sense of comfort in their partner who’s similar to their parents is a thing.” 

The look in his eyes makes your heart crack a bit. Just a teeny tiny bit. It’s that kind of look that you’ve never seen before but know too well what’s behind those brown eyes of his. The goddamn look one can only have when they’re thinking about that special someone who effortlessly makes their heart swell, who puts a smile on their face no matter what. It’s also that kind of look that you have whenever you’re thinking about Hyunjin. 

“Alright lover boy,” You crack a smile, rolling up your sleeves because things are about to go down. “You’ve just got yourself a dating counselor. A good old trusty friend who’s gonna be there if you accidentally have a mini mental breakdown on your first date.” 

“What do you know about dating ?” Felix’s more than stingy comment just stabs your sky high ego like a needle pricking the tip of a finger. 

You kick his knee from under the table, earning a low grunt in return. “I am the best in the business. Jackson Wang and Mark Tuan ? I did that.” 

Then you lace your fingers together neatly and look at Hyunjin dead in the eye. “So, what’s your ideal first date ?” 

He makes a thinking face. “I haven’t thought about that yet but maybe.. a hike ?” 

“Huh, cool.” You take a total of ten full seconds to process what he just said. 

You deadpan. “It’s a hard no. Consider the fact that she needs nothing but donuts and Netflix in her life, you’re gonna have to rage war with Satan in order to get her out of the house. Popcorn and blankets are total necessities, make them extra fuzzy too. Let’s stick a pin in that, we’ll get back to it later.” 

Felix asks, followed by a loud yawn. “Copy that, what shows is she into ?”

Hyunjin lets out a prolonged sigh. “I’m not so sure but she hates rom-coms and sappy dramas with a passion.” If you’re being completely honest, he really needs to calm down because if a girl is willing to cuddle with him, she’ll literally watch anything. And by that, you mean she will definitely pass out after the long winded introduction of the two protagonists. 

“Sounds like a gal who’d watch The Umbrella Academy.” And you totally didn’t say that just because it’s your favorite show. Because for once, Netflix actually didn’t produce something that was undeniably shitty. 

Hyunjin sounds uncertain. “I have never seen it before.” 

“But he can ?” Jeongin raises a brow.

You shake your head gently. “The show is vicious, violent and contains extremely disturbing content along with really shitty relationships between siblings. Also, the humor doesn’t suit you. Does a fifty-year-old man who’s stuck inside a thirteen-year-old boy’s body and is also someone who fell in love with a mannequin, grew up in a broken family, and became a murderer who timetravels sound enjoyable or what ?” 

Seungmin makes a face. “That can be a dealbreaker.” 

“Meet us halfway here !” Jisung clatters loudly. 

“Sorry, let me back it up a little bit.” You put your hands up in defense. “Hyunjin, it doesn’t matter if all you want to do is go out on a hike and she just wants to curl up into a ball inside her blanket. It doesn’t matter if you guys have different taste in movies. Nothing matters if she truly feels the same way for you because as long as the feeling is mutual, she’d definitely do anything to satisfy your picky ass.” 

Hyunjin doesn’t say anything. He turns his head to face the window and a grin quietly curls its way up on his lips. 

You should have seen the look on your face. 

seven.

Woojin growls at you from your laptop screen. “It’s one in the morning ! Get the fuck back to sleep !” 

He’s extra cranky today because he just finished off his final paper before graduation happens. Running on one hour of sleep per day with a cup of espresso doesn’t sound like the most ideal thing to do but fuck that, he’s not gonna throw all those years of crying over overdue projects in the trash. 

You on the other hand, are so fucking close to soil your pants because your heart is literally dangling off the edge. It’s either gonna roll backwards and land safely as if nothing has ever happened or everything’s going downhill from there. An endless pit of impending misery. And you’d hate to see yourself shedding tears while hogging a bucket of ice cream in your bed like a psychopath. So your only option is unfortunately, your hard headed, dumbass brother. 

But he’s not a complete idiot because his brotherly sixth sense is still there, and it’s never been better. “Okay, something’s up. Spill before I personally drag my ass to the hospital and beat you up to get something out of you.” 

You stutter, tripping over your own words like an absolute fool. “It’s— uhm… whatever, it’s not a secret anymore. It’s— it’s—“

“It’s Hwang Hyunjin.” Your brother reads your mind like a magician, leaving you utterly speechless. But it’s not even a surprise because apparently, everyone knows about your feelings for Hyunjin, just not Hyunjin himself. He’s unbelievably dumb even when Minho and Jisung keep on hinting at him in a not very subtle way. And that makes you wonder why you even fell for him in the first place. Even that fat cat who always takes naps on your balcony knows because you’d be smiling stupidly while FaceTime-ing Hyunjin all the time. It’s a miracle that the cat has not once given you a dirty look. 

You sigh. “Yeah, I‘m confused.”

“About what ?” Woojin huffs tiredly and blows some strands of hair out of his face. 

You blurt, panic mode is fully on. “About why I like Hwang Hyunjin so fucking much when he already had romantic interests in another girl !” 

Woojin thinks you’re being ridiculous and stubborn at the same time, which can make things that much harder for him to break it down for you. Firstly, if one is loved, then one is loved. There’s no reason needed for loving. This might sound like total bullshit, but ‘love at first sight’ is a thing, people are just too heartbroken to accept it these days. Secondly, if you really like Hyunjin all that much, you should be spilling your heart out at him, not at your brother. But whatever, Woojin is one step closer to pushing you towards confessing to your crush because he’s gifted with the ability to prevent you from doing anything dumb. 

“Then what makes you not wanting to like him ?” 

You widen your eyes. “What ?”

Woojin shakes his head gently, an exasperated sigh escapes his lips. “You can’t love all of him. This is real life, not a fucking John Legend’s song. If you don’t even know what you hate about him in the first place, you’re not gonna know why you like him relentlessly.” His words slowly sink into your mind, trains after trains of thoughts are dashing through your mind at the speed of light. Goddamn, your brother is right. 

“Gosh, I don’t know. I can’t hate him even when I want to.” Before you can pick every single strand of hair off your head, Woojin once again snaps you back into reality with a serious look on his face. He’s not messing around this time. “One, he’s a CF-er. And two, I’m not gonna be the one who walks down the aisle to have them announce our marriage. Three, he only sees me as a friend.” There’s no happy ending for people like you, especially you. The moment you found out that Hyunjin’s also a CF-er, you knew all too well that it’s over for you both. 

Your brother scrunches his nose in annoyance. He really should have signed you up for a dating counseling session. “You don’t know what the future holds. It could be better, it could be worse. Or nothing would change at all. Whatever happens, humans still yearn for the happy ending of their own imagination. Because after all, we were the one who pushed ourselves towards dead ends.” 

“What’s so wrong with loving someone ?” 

“There’s nothing wrong with loving someone, but how we love them.” 

Again, Woojin’s right. Every minute, every second, every moment with Hyunjin always leaves you completely stripped and vulnerable. All of your concerns, insecurities, and strength are revealed unintentionally. And the walls that you’ve spent years building ? Mercilessly destroyed. Someday, you’ll either look back on it and smile or you’ll realize that once you’ve fallen, there’s no turning back. You just can’t control who you’ll fall for. 

Being in love with Hyunjin is another reason why you believe that life hates you to the very core of your bones. It’s like the whole universe is playing with your mind, because all it takes is to make Hyunjin exists at the same time as you do. That alone is enough to mess up your entire existence. 

You cover your face with your blanket, voice muffled beneath the soft fabric. “What’s your point then ?”

“My point,” Woojin sits straight up from his bed and yawns in the loudest, most obnoxious way possible. “is that you can still fall for Hyunjin even when he’s a CF-er, even when he likes someone else. Hyunjin is still Hyunjin. Cystic fibrosis or none, he’s still just Hyunjin. And you love him for who he is. Don’t ever forget that. And don’t get mad when things don’t work out because loving is hard, loving is painful. You just try your best not to get hurt. Every scar has a story and it represents how you’ve grown throughout time. So it doesn’t matter if you accidentally trip and make a fool of yourself. You simply like Hwang Hyunjin, and I’m not going against that.”

You unknowingly smile. The perks of having an older brother always come at the most unexpected time. You suddenly feel bad for all of those kids who grew up without siblings. 

“So are you telling me not to be all sad and miserable ?”

Woojin nods absentmindedly. “Precisely. One day you might be strong enough to smile as you watch him intertwining his fingers with another woman’s. Give them your blessings, countless words will never be enough. What they want is your genuine honesty, how you’re truly happy for them. After that, take a different turn, or just move on as it is in silence. But do not let the memories that you made with him become meaningless because trust me, that hits harder. And that’s how you can love someone without being petty about it for the rest of your life.” 

You say. “I think I can hold back my tears when Hyunjin’s getting married now.”

“But he needs to know first.” Woojin interrupts you abruptly. 

You break out of your trance and ask. “Knows what ?”

“About your stupid feelings for him !” Woojin is quick enough to hold back the scream stuck inside his throat because if not, Chan’s gonna grill his ass so hard for making questionable noises in the middle of the night while his roommate is stressing over a song that’s yet to be complete. The double life between a college student and a SoundCloud rapper isn’t as hot as people tend to think. It just consists of a whole lot of cramming homework while trying to come up with a new batch of lyrics every two weeks. 

“He deserves to know that. The sooner the better.”

Conveniently, your phone buzzes on your night stand. 

[ 1:17a.m. ] 

hyunjin | I’m gonna do it. 

hyunjin | I’ll confess to her.

hyunjin | this is so terrifying what do I do ?

eight.

“Y/N wait up, you still have to take your medication !” Mark yells after your panicked figure dashing through the hallway while he’s pushing a cart with an awful amount of medicines piled up. 

You shout back at him abruptly. “I’ll be back in an hour ! Don’t tell Jackson about this !” Whatever, you hate being on a drug trials anyway. Having multiple pills shoved down your throat each and everyday makes you sick to the core. It seems like you’re only getting closer to being buried six feet under the ground. But that’s not the point. 

Point is, if you’re going to die sooner or later, there’s no way in hell you’d let your life end before you tell Hyunjin how you truly feel about him. 

“Hyunjin, where exactly are you going ?” You manage to talk in between short breaths while having him on the other line. 

He replies bluntly, uneven breathing and quick footsteps can be heard. “You know how everyone has their own youth, right ?” You keep running despite the fact that what he said just makes no sense. What on Earth is he planning on doing ? 

“I also have a youth of my own.” He pauses for a while. “But it seems like… my youth is one to be forever reserved.”

You shake your head furiously, confused at what he’s trying to convey. “Hyunjin, I don’t get it. One moment you’re talking about how you’ll confess to the love of your life and now you’re telling me this ? Did something happen ?” 

Hyunjin ignores your question and continues. “My parents would always urge each other to work harder, to make more money so that I can have a lung transplant and prolong my life day after day. But it’ll cost us five hundred thousand dollars, eight hundred even. So I was more than happy to tell them that I’m ready to stop walking on this beautiful flower path anytime. Then, I saw the heartbroken look in my mom’s eyes. That look, it’s— it’s haunting, and hurt me profoundingly.”

His breath hitches, making your heart drop to the pit of your stomach. Knowing that he’s in such a vulnerable state but there’s nothing you can do about it hits so hard that you hate yourself. “There was a man who came up and met me in my hospital room one day, told me that he saw every single play that I’ve participated in. He wanted to sponsor me, to let me fully enjoy my own youth, to give me the money to fly to the States, to get a lung transplant, and lead me to stardom afterwards.”

“But..” He suddenly chuckles. “I have no desire to receive his generosity. Not even one bit. Now, before you start yelling at me, hear me out. I know that I’m selfish, I know that I’m being stubborn but the life that he’s talking about. That’s not the life that I’ve always dreamt of. The life that I wanted, is one where all of my family and friends, are eternally safe, and happy. That’s it, it’s as simple as that. Hence, I’m willing to give that chance to someone else. Someone who’s very special and close to my heart.” 

Hyunjin lets out a muffled sob on the other line and you’ve never felt so helpless before. You just wish you could run to him, tell him that everything’s gonna be okay, and touch him. You don’t know how someone who’s so close can be so far away at the same time. 

“Because.. well, because cystic fibrosis isn’t just leading me on a path that’s one step closer to death, but it’s also threatening the happiness of the girl I’ve unfortunately fallen for. Unfortunately, that is. She’s always been the biggest ‘what if’ because there were nights where insomnia would creep up on my spine, it was impossible to shut my eyes with her on my conscience. Because why me ? Why me ? I just need a little bit more time, just a little so that I can see her smile, so that I can hold her close, so that I can finally tell her how I really feel.” 

“Time is a currency that you can only use, not make. And I’m already running low. Obviously, I can care less even if I die tomorrow. But as long as I’m alive, let me live as merrily as possible, as happily as possible, and to be able to see my loved ones as long as possible.”

Just then, it feels like the whole world just stops spinning when all you can hear is the sound of your shoes tapping against the ground, and him sobbing like a distressed child, raw deep down from the inside. You didn’t realize that you’re crying uncontrollably until salty drops of tears trickle down on your cheeks and drench the collar of your shirt. They blur your vision but you keep on running because Hyunjin needs you, he needs you now. 

The icy grey sky is like a piece of fabric draped over the whole town. Dark clouds snuggle closer to each other as they hold in the heavy rain in their delicate forms. All of a sudden, rain pours over you with a roar, thunders grumble vigorously in the distance. The coldness of its touch pierces right through your skin and chills run down your spine beneath your clothes that are now soaking wet. Your footsteps never once falter and continue to move on down the slippery path. 

“To love you as long as possible.” Hyunjin breathes out, as light as a feather. “Y/N, I hate to break it to you but I no longer want to be friends with you. Because I already love you too much to accept the label of being best friends.” He says with such determination and huffs. “With that being said, I’ll now consider the ring on my finger as a proposal. And to answer your question on my birthday, yes, I would love to walk with you on this path with the remaining time. I want to be with you for the rest of my life, to care for you, to be someone that you can lean on. So what do you say ? Are you ready to take my hand and my hand only ?”

“Yes, I am.” You stop once you’re right in front of the café that Jisung used to work in, where many unforgettable memories were made throughout time. And on the opposite side of the road, is Hyunjin. Your knees grow weak at the sight of him. Damp hair, teary eyes with a smile on his face. He’s absolutely ethereal and it’ll only take you a few more steps to get to him. “Hyunjin !” You wave at him, the balls of your feet automatically send you running towards his direction. 

You feel like you’re hazing because everything’s all too good to be true. How he’s looking at you lovingly, how you’re yearning for his touch, how you’re so close to have him in your arms. Sadly, the sound of rubber tyres hissing against the concrete floor snaps you back to reality. Before you can even process anything, there are two lights ahead blinding your eyes. With a jolt, you realize that those lights belong to a car. 

You didn’t know how it happened but the next thing you know is the feeling of the entire weight of your body is pinning you to the ground. Every single limb, every part, every organ inside your body feels like they are being crumbled like a piece of paper. Pain, there’s so much pain. The metallic taste of blood is soaking through your teeth, leaving you in that weird grey area between being awake and being unconscious. You can feel your flesh being torn open, your bones cracking, your lungs caving in for cramped air in silence. Silence, that scares you more than the blow itself. It feels like an eternity, just lying there, completely paralyzed as you wait for Death to arrive. 

It seems as if the agonizing pain is the only thing that's keeping you alive. 

“Y/N ! Y/N !” Hyunjin calls out to you helplessly as he cups the sides of your cheeks. Seconds later, you can feel his mouth against yours, giving you the amount of air that your lungs has been dying to have. “Y/N, stay with me, stay with me.” He mumbles against your ear before wrapping your arms around his neck to carry you on his back. Hyunjin is chasing time through the night, through the hellish downpour to not waste a single minute, a single second to keep you safe. Because he’s just so sick, so fucking sick of life for taking everything away from him. He’s not gonna lose you, not like this. 

“Hyunjin,” You whisper weakly.

He shakes his head. “Don’t fucking die on me or I’m never gonna be able to forgive you.” 

“Hyunjin, I’m kinda sleepy.” You laugh, tasting the coopery blood inside your mouth. “I’ll just take a nap, just for a while, okay ?” Hyunjin doesn’t say anything, you can’t tell whether he’s just being stubborn or he can’t hear you with the heavy rain down pouring onto him. But that doesn’t matter anymore because you’re far too exhausted to start arguing with him. Naturally, you’re going to allow yourself to black out either way. 

nine.

Weeks later, you’re standing on the rooftop by yourself to run away from the stuffy air of the hospital, those floors and walls that all have an undertone of bleach. They suffocate you, everything does. 

You watch the sunset at horizon, enjoying the majestic sight in front of you as if it’s the last thing you’ll ever witness. Rich hues of red, yellow, orange blend into one another gracefully, dancing in between the pink fluffy puffs of clouds. Your spirit soars into the distance as you inhale deeply, feeling refreshed after a long day. It does feel nice to not have all sorts of machines attached to your body like ropes that are tying you down into a single place and trapping you inside a tiny box. 

Everyday, you’d sneak out of your room to come up here, and meet him again. 

“Y/N,” You close your eyes, smiling at the sound of his voice echoing inside your ears. “By the time that you’re listening to this audio, I would probably, you know, be gone.” 

A single tear silently roll down on your cheek. “But I’ll tell you what. I’m not scared of dying, because having the persistent information that I’m always one step closer to hell than everyone else has accidentally made me numb. I am terribly afraid of one thing though.” Hyunjin clears his throat. “I don’t want to be separated from my friends, my family, and from you. Moreover, I don’t want to see the people whom I love so devotedly suffer just because of me. I know what you’re doing, wipe those tears off your face right now. Chin up, and smile. Or you’ll end up complaining about your face getting puffy again.”  

You laugh at his words, and attempt to wipe your eyes with the sleeve of your shirt. “Once I’m no longer walking on this flower path with you, that means a new chapter is ready to be open. I cannot thank you enough for bumping into me that day. And thank you for agreeing to practice my lines with me. I could have never played Captain Hook if it weren’t for you. And thank you, for the ring, it’s the most precious thing I've ever had on my hand. But I’ve figured… you deserve a new life. I know that five years doesn’t sound like much but maybe in those five years, things might change and there will finally be a cure for cystic fibrosis.”

“You might think, how could you possibly move on without me ? Well, think of me as a dandelion. Oddly charming, with a short life span. But I’ll never really go away because at the end of its life, a dandelion’s pistil will give birth to countless of seeds. Those seeds will be carried away by the wind and continue to grow, to breed, to multiply themselves for so many more purposes.” 

Hyunjin suddenly starts crying quietly, you can hear how he’s trying to muffle his sobs and it makes your heart shatter into a million pieces. There’s absolutely nothing that you can do. “I’m very content with the life current that I have, or had. At least I’ll die knowing that I have no regrets.” He chuckles. “But there’s still something that I need to tell you, just in case. Not to be pessimistic, but just in case.”

“Y/N, I love you, more than anything in the whole wide world. It’s so frustrating because there were times where I wish I could just have you in my arms, to feel your warmth, to kiss you, to touch you. I don’t care about labels because that wouldn’t change my feelings for you. I’d still love you foolishly because I care too much. Too much that it hurts. I want to spend the little amount of remaining time with you. I even don’t know if you’re the one but I need you in my life. You and only you.” 

His voice cracks. “...just don’t miss me too much, okay ?” 

You can swear that it’s not hazing but if you look far enough, Hyunjin is still there, waving at you with a smile on his face. 

Approximately six feet away. 

[tsarisfanfiction]

Long Way From Home: Chapter 5

Fandom: Thunderbirds Rating: Teen Genre: Family/Friendship Characters: Scott, Tracy Family

Some of you predicted this was coming... although I hardly tried to hide it.  This is the longest chapter so far because once you get the fish going, he never shuts up.  Most of you know I adore Scott; some of you probably know my favourite brother relationship is Scott&Gordon.  If you didn’t, this fic is probably going to make that very obvious.  I have plans for these two...

Also, trying to sort out TAG’s timeline is a headache and I ended up fudging a lot of it.  Please just roll with it because I spent far too long agonising over this before giving up and throwing this out into the void.  It’s fiction.  It doesn’t have to make sense.

<<<Chapter 4

The problem with plans was their tendency to go wrong. Finding his way back to the infirmary was no challenge – the white building made for a clear target, and the trail was clear enough to Scott’s eye.  Getting back inside was no issue, either.  The window was left ajar, simple enough to silently pull open and slip through.

Finding Other-Gordon perched on one of the chairs, one of Scott’s bracers in his hands, was not part of the plan, and he mentally cursed himself. He’d escaped from the infirmary, so it would be obvious to anyone with a brain cell that he’d return that way, too, especially with his gear there.  Gordon had many brain cells, which he frequently used in unorthodox ways, and Other-John had even warned him that Other-Gordon was crafty.

“Welcome back,” the ginger greeted him calmly.  “The others are on a mission.”  Scott swiped the gear from him, carefully running his hands over the remote control units to make sure they were still intact.  He didn’t know their range, and doubted that even Brains had managed to make something that could get signals through multiple universes – especially as his comm unit failed to do so – but he was still cautious about activating them.  Just in case.

“I saw.”  Technically he’d only seen One’s launch, Two’s runway presumably out of sight from Other-Scott’s hiding place.  “Power plant meltdown.”  Other-Gordon’s gazed briefly flicked to his wrist, where Other-Scott’s watch still sat.

“Has John found your brothers?” he asked, and Scott shook his head.  “Ah well, no news is good news, right?  If John can’t find them, they’re still safe at home.”

Unwilling to engage in further conversation, he scooped up the rest of his uniform, tempted for a moment to put it on for comfort’s sake but discarding the notion, before glancing at the map in the watch face and heading out of the room.

“You’re not going to put that back on, are you?” Other-Gordon asked him, following.  Scott ignored him, following the hallway almost to the kitchen, where Other-Kyrano was doing something with the odd contraption in the middle of the floor, before making the right turn towards the stairs.  “Father’s in the lounge.”  For someone who had been almost silent the entire time up until then, Other-Gordon was suddenly making a lot of noise.

“I’m not going there,” he told him firmly.

“You’re stealing Scott’s clothes.”  Other-Gordon didn’t bat an eyelid.  “I’ll help.”  Scott wished he was surprised, but it was a Gordon thing to do.  “Here, this way.”  Unlike his father, Other-Gordon had a preference for the stairs, which suited Scott just fine.  He had no issues with elevators, but the one at the end of the hallway was another example of the different technology.  Stairs were far more trustworthy.

Last time, Not-Dad had guided him quickly and firmly into the lounge, but Other-Gordon strode ahead after reaching the top of the stairs, away from the door to the lounge, and turned into an extended corridor with six doors all set into the right-hand side.  These, according to the map in his watch, were six equally-sized rooms, all with smaller rooms set into them.  The second one from the far end contained the flashing blue light indicating that it was Other-Scott’s room.  Presumably, that put the rest of them as the other four brothers’ rooms, and probably Not-Dad’s room.

“My room,” Other-Gordon waved vaguely to the door immediately in front of the branch of hallway they’d just left.  “John’s is that one.”  He indicated the door next to his, at the end of the corridor, before continuing to walk.  “Alan’s, Virgil’s, and here we are!  Scott’s.” He pushed open the door with no hesitation and strode inside.  Scott checked the watch face again.  It agreed with Other-Gordon, so he followed.

Even without either guides, he wouldn’t have had any problems identifying the room’s owner.  Images of various, fast, planes decorated the walls – many unrecognisable to him, but unmistakable in their theme regardless.  Blue was the prominent colour, edging its way around the room and various screens and alcoves set into the walls.  The bed linen was also blue.  Towards the far wall, the en suite took out a reasonably small chunk of the room.

Other-Gordon didn’t wait for him to adjust to the reality that yes, this room felt like a room he could see himself having, heading over to a closet door and throwing it open.

“Clothes,” he announced.  Scott was slightly concerned at just how nonchalantly the younger man was rummaging through his older brother’s room, although, he was a Gordon. His Gordon was probably just as likely to do that.  Well, that was one of the hazards of younger brothers, he supposed.  Thoughts like that just made him remember just how far away from his own younger brothers he was, and he stepped forwards to the closet to look at Other-Scott’s wardrobe before he started dwelling over things he currently couldn’t change.

Clearly, his counterpart liked rollnecks and shirts. There was quite a collection of them, ranging from simple mono-coloured designs to rather louder, patterned, offerings. Scott dismissed the rollnecks immediately, hunting through the shirts until he found a mono-coloured one that felt like it might be some sort of cotton, rather than silk.  Silk was for special occasions – business meetings, and formal events he attended only because he had to.  The selected shirt was some sort of yellow-brown colour, not his first choice but apparently the only blue Other-Scott owned was in the forms of rollnecks and cardigans.

Ignoring Other-Gordon’s presence in the room, he shrugged off the by now muddy pyjama top he’d woken in and pulled the shirt on, leaving the top buttons undone and rolling the sleeves up until it mimicked his preferred style at home.  There were no jeans in sight, so with some reluctance he found the least-smart pair of pants, which were at least dark blue, and in concession to company retreated into the en suite long enough to shed the pyjama bottoms and pull them on.

“How long have you been wearing those underpants?” Other-Gordon asked him when he emerged, and Scott rolled his eyes.

“There is a line,” he said firmly.  “Unless there are some new, unworn ones lying around, I’ll stick with what I’m wearing, thanks.  Now, shoes?” Other-Gordon pointed to the next door over, sitting himself down on the bed and letting his feet rest on the headrest. Scott paused, the position familiar.

“Your back bothering you?” he asked.  Amber eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“How do you know about my back?” Other-Gordon asked slowly. Scott yanked open the indicated door and glanced over the various shoes in a growing state of despair.  No sneakers.  How could there be a Scott who didn’t own any sneakers?

“Hydrofoil accident,” he said.  “Four months in hospital.”

Other-Gordon let out a noise that sounded almost like a hiss, which Scott ignored as he poked at the shoes dubiously.  What was with all the smart shoes or sandals?  Did Other-Scott have nothing in between?

“Scott wouldn’t have told you,” Other-Gordon mused out loud. “Nor would John.  You haven’t spoken to anyone else.”  He sighed.  “Your Gordon, too?”

“When he was sixteen,” Scott confirmed.  “Finished his career in W.A.S.P. before it even started. They said he’d never walk again.” Other-Gordon made a noise of agreement.

“They said that about me, too,” he said as Scott finally accepted that a pair of sneakers were not about to materialise and, as with the pants, grabbed the least-smart pair of shoes and a random pair of what felt like cotton socks.  “I guess they were wrong.”

Scott let himself smile.  “Gordon’s got the gold medal to prove it.”  Remembering the accident, and the months of pain after it, hurt. Remembering the moment Gordon stood on the first place podium, gold medal around his neck and American national anthem blaring out all around them barely two years later filled him with pride.

“So do I,” Other-Gordon said, watching him pull on the shoes and tie the laces firmly.  “Father’s going to have a fit if he sees you looking like that, you know.” Scott glanced down at himself, light brown shirt still unbuttoned at the top and sleeves rolled up to three-quarter length, untucked over dark blue slacks and a pair of black shoes.  It was almost just like home.

“I don’t see the problem,” he retorted.  Other-Gordon eyed him dubiously.

“Well, it’s your funeral,” he conceded, stretching out and shifting into a sitting position.  “I’ll show you the guest rooms.”  Scott gathered up his uniform and waited for him to stand, leading the way out of the room and closing the door behind them.  “Dad’s room.”  Other-Gordon gestured to the last door on that stretch of the corridor, and then headed down the hallway opposite, stopping at the first door.  “Kyrano got this room ready for you.”

Right by Not-Dad’s room.  Scott sighed but entered the room.  It was a nice enough room, the same size as Other-Scott’s with a queen-size bed, en suite, and even a veranda he could step out onto.  The view was impressive, with palm trees and craggy rocks co-existing harmoniously, and the shimmering ocean behind.  No view of the pool, he noticed, not quite sure how he felt about that.  Sure, his room at home didn’t directly overlook the pool, but he could at least see if he looked in the right direction.

He located a closet and placed his uniform inside, out of immediate sight of curious individuals.  No doubt Other-Brains would want to examine it in detail at some point, and if Scott wanted the best chance of getting home, he would have to allow that, but that would be happening under his supervision.  Just in case the remote controls were still active.

“Do you want the rest of the house tour now or later?” Other-Gordon asked him.

“Now works for me,” he said, glancing at the watch on his wrist. It still showed the map, a flashing blue light signifying Other-Scott’s room.  How did he turn that off?  It had served its purpose now, and Scott was used to maps being easily dismissed if they didn’t automatically vanish.

“Third dial,” Other-Gordon said, gesturing to the same knob on his own watch.  “That’s basically the ‘stop’ button.”  Scott glanced at him, wondering if he was really that easy to read, before pressing the end transmission button Other-Scott had shown him.  Sure enough, the map vanished and the analogue clock face stared back at him instead.  “Thunderbird Two won’t be far short of the danger zone now, so Dad’ll be busy in the lounge for a while yet.”

That sounded like a perfect time to explore the rest of the house, and the hangars, too, if he could wrangle it.  Thunderbird One had appeared to be reasonably close to his own; he was curious about the other Thunderbirds.

“So what else do you have here?” he asked, heading for the door, and Other-Gordon was quick to catch up.

“Well, you know the bedrooms and the lounge,” he said.  “If we keep going round there’s another guest room next to yours.”  He nodded at another door, set further down the hallway.  “And that is Brains’ main lab opposite.”  That drew Scott’s attention.  Somewhere in there, the scientist was looking for a way to get him home.  If Other-Gordon hadn’t been with him, he wouldn’t have been able to resist entering, Other-John’s caution to not interrupt him discarded.  As it was, he had company and Other-Gordon wasn’t showing any inclination to enter it.  Indeed, he was already carrying on down the hallway, past the other guest room. Scott jogged to keep up.

Another door marked the end of the hallway.  Other-Gordon pushed it open.

“Rather a narrow hallway, this one, but it has a gorgeous view of the ocean,” he said, stepping through and turning a corner to reveal a corridor – narrow, just as Other-Gordon had warned – and lined with windows.  The view was indeed beautiful, but Scott’s attention was caught by the runway protruding from the beach much further below them.  He could just about see the end of what looked like a row of palm trees on either side.

Other-Gordon stepped closer to him, following his line of sight before making a noise of amusement.

“See something familiar?” he asked.  Scott nodded.

“Seems like there’s more similarities than differences between Thunderbirds One and Two so far,” he commented.  It was easy to visualise the trees bowing backwards as a green behemoth travelled between them.

At least, he was assuming Thunderbird Two was green in this universe.  Thunderbird One’s colourings had been identical, anyway.

“It’s not just for Thunderbird Two,” Other-Gordon told him. “The domestic jets use that one, too. It’s where I launch Thunderbird Four if Virgil isn’t giving us a lift, too.”

“Thunderbird Four?” Scott asked.  “You don’t have an underwater tunnel for your island launch?”

Amber eyes flickered with interest.

“Underwater tunnel?” Other-Gordon returned.  “You have an underwater tunnel?  How do you get Four there from the Pod?”

Scott mentally translated pod to module.  Different yet similar terminology was a nuisance, but it was a nuisance he was going to have to get used to if he wanted to get home. He refused to consider the idea that he’d be stuck here forever.

“Magnetic grabs and pulleys,” he said.  It was a rather over-simplification of the complex mechanism Brains had set up in order to get the submarine quickly and efficiently between Module Four and the nicknamed ‘squid tank’ she otherwise settled in by Thunderbird One, but with the difference in technology – and the fact that Scott didn’t fully understand the nuances of that particular A to B journey anyway – he saw no point in explaining further.  After a moment or two of silence, Other-Gordon clearly hoping for a little more detail, the ginger man sighed.

“Well, this is what I think you’re really after,” he said, turning away from the sea and heading further along the corridor.  What he was really after?  Scott followed, intrigued as Other-Gordon rotated a large vase ninety degrees only for a section of wall to slide back.

Okay, so yes, this was what Scott was really after.  Thunderbird One’s hangar looked different without the ‘bird inside, a large square hole where she normally sat.  Trailing off down beneath the walkway they were stood on – the same one as earlier, Scott could see the lamps in the wall further along – was a slope.  Scott assumed that headed in the direction of the pool.

The fact that their Thunderbird One was literally stored in the villa still felt odd to him, especially with no sign of any of her sisters nearby.  Where was Thunderbird Three, towering above them?  The landing pad for the space elevator, sharing One’s gantry?  Thunderbird Four’s little tank, the little yellow sub bobbing happily beside her larger sisters?

It felt wrong, his Thunderbird stored all alone – even if she wasn’t his Thunderbird, strictly speaking.  Other-Gordon fell back, letting him walk over to the lamps.  The route was partially blocked by a large metal tube snaking down and away, and it took some manoeuvring to pass it.  He couldn’t see where it led, but he could probably make an educated guess.

“What about the others?” he asked, and Other-Gordon raised an eyebrow at him.

“You want to see the other hangars?” he asked, in a voice that told Scott that Other-Gordon had no intentions of being his guide there. In fact, with the ginger man between him and the door they’d come through, Scott realised he’d been cornered. Even though he was closer to the other exit, Other-Scott’s own access point, that lead to the lounge and Not-Dad, and a situation he was not interested in facing just yet.  He scowled.

“What do you want from me?”

“Answers,” Other-Gordon said, at least having the grace not to deny the trap now that Scott was aware of it.  He really needed to get his head in the game; he couldn’t afford to be making slip-ups.

“Well I want those, too,” he retorted, crossing his arms and fixing the shorter man with a hard look.  “Particularly about how I’m getting home.”

“John’s given you all the answers we have on that front,” Other-Gordon said calmly.  Scott knew that, but it didn’t do much for the frustration that he was stuck away from his family, with no way of letting them know where he was – or even that he was still alive.  “I want to know about you.”

Scott’s brain screeched to a halt.  Him?  He’d been expecting a grilling on his home, his family, his own International Rescue.  Other-John had already done some probing, and Other-Brains would doubtless be after every scrap of information that could help him solve the puzzle, but information on him?

“Why?” he asked, back-footed, cornered, and hating every moment he wasn’t in control.

“Because I want to know exactly who we’ve got living with us until we can get you home,” Other-Gordon said bluntly.  “You’re like Scott, which was apparently enough to have you two trying to punch each other’s lights out once already, but you’re also not like Scott.”

“That’s not what your John said.”  On the one hand, Scott was glad he wasn’t the only one who thought there were some differences – cowering from his father being the immediate one that sprang to mind, never mind fashion sense, although from Other-Gordon’s attire, it might just be that fashion was different in general – but on the other, he wasn’t sure he wanted to be micro-analysed by a too-sharp ginger.

“I’m not John,” Other-Gordon pointed out.  “I also don’t have the luxury of hiding in space while a stranger with my brother’s face appears and throws my family for a loop.”

“Throws your family-” Scott started, fully prepared to remind him that his family would be out of their minds, but Other-Gordon talked over him as though he wasn’t talking.

“You’ve already punched my brother, broken my Dad’s nose, and then also got into a shouting match with my Dad,” he reminded him.  “I don’t know what your family’s like, but here, Dad’s word is law.  No-one talks back to him like that.  Not us, not Kyrano, not his friends.  So where do you get off disrespecting him in his own home?”

It wasn’t rage Scott saw in amber eyes glaring up at him, not budging an inch despite the height difference putting him at a natural disadvantage.  Not entirely. There was curiosity there, and a healthy dose of suspicion.  Annoyance, and maybe even a hint of compassion, buried right at the back. Scott was reminded of his own outburst, sometime earlier, in that very same hangar, and knew he wasn’t the only one thinking about it.

Other-Gordon didn’t mention it, however, remaining stock still and pinning Scott with the intensity of his gaze.  Behind him was the escape to the lounge, and the very man he was determined to avoid.  Other-Gordon blocked the other way out, and Scott wasn’t naïve enough to think he’d be able to get past him.  Gordon could match him just fine – Other-Gordon looked to be older, a little wiser.  Almost certainly stronger.

Besides, Scott was tired of running away.  In order to get home, he knew he needed to co-operate, and while Not-Dad was high on his list of individuals to avoid as much as possible because Other-Gordon was right, he would keep clashing with the man as long as he tried to act as Scott’s superior, he wasn’t a coward and had no intentions of starting to be one now.

“You heard what I said earlier,” he started.  “My father’s gone.  You’re not an idiot, work it out.  What would you do if yours vanished without a trace?”  He didn’t want to talk about it.  He could barely talk about their Dad and the Zero-X with his own brothers, let alone strangers who knew nothing.  It was easier to fall into the tried and true big brother mode of making them reach the answers by themselves, even if the man standing in front of him wasn’t one of his brothers.

From the sharp look Other-Gordon sent him, he’d seen through the façade.

“Scott would take full command.”  It seemed like he’d be humoured anyway.  “And he’d be terrible at it.”  Wait, what? Scott squinted, trying to work out who the insult was aimed at and why.  “How long ago?”

That was unexpected.

“Why?”

“Because I’ve seen Scott when he’s been left entirely in charge,” Other-Gordon said.  “Dad tore into every decision he made when he got back. Didn’t agree with any of it, even though Scott was trying to follow what he thought Dad would have done.  You aren’t fumbling for approval, but I bet you were to start with.”

What would Dad do? It was an instinctive mantra at this point.  Other-Gordon was wrong; he still wanted Dad’s approval, he wanted to know he was doing things right.  Should he have pulled Alan from school?  Should he have let Alan join the team so young?  Were the changes he’d made in the eight damn years since the Zero-X the best things he could have done?

If Dad came back, would he be proud of him?  Or would he be like Not-Dad, and tear into all his decisions?

It was that line of thought again, and he trampled it down firmly.  He couldn’t think like that.  Not now, not ever.  If he started to doubt, if he started second-guessing himself…  No.  He had to look forwards.  Always look forwards, never back.

Other-Gordon was watching him like a hawk, and Scott wondered how much of what he’d been thinking had been visible on his face.  The ginger didn’t give him any clues, simply standing and waiting for him to talk.

“Too long,” he admitted. “Eight years.”

Other-Gordon’s poker face broke for just a moment, shock flitting across his expression before he slammed the walls back up.

“Geez,” he muttered under his breath, before he frowned.  “Your International Rescue’s been operating for eight years?”

“IR did their first rescue just over eight years ago,” Scott confirmed.  Six months Before, with Dad, Kyrano and Uncle Lee doing the heavy lifting while Scott and then John assisted around college.  Five years out of operation, until they were all old enough – except Alan, who was too young but snuck in anyway.  Three years since they’d taken up the reins again, with him at the helm.

Other-Gordon looked like he had several questions.  Scott didn’t want him asking any of them.

“What about here?” he asked, challenging Other-Gordon to try and turn it back into a one-sided interrogation.

“Three years,” the man admitted, but the calculating look was still in his eyes and Scott wasn’t sure he liked it.  Something along those lines must have shown in his face, because all at once, tension leaked from the other man’s shoulders.  “You do realise we’re on the same side, here?”

“You’re the one that started interrogating me,” Scott snapped back, and Other-Gordon raised his hands in mock-surrender, just like Other-John had done earlier.

“Were you going to tell me anything if I didn’t?” he asked, and Scott had to admit that no, he wouldn’t.  A thought struck him and he glared at the shorter man.

“You’d better not tell anyone.”  The only thing worse than telling them himself would be having them gossiping about him behind his back, putting together bits and pieces with no guarantee of finding the right answers.

“Tell them what?” Other-Gordon challenged.  “That the reason you’re so snappy is because you’ve been single-handedly looking after your family for eight years and being separated from them has you on edge?  Or that Dad’s got you off-kilter because secretly you still want approval from yours but know you can’t get it?”

For the second time that day, Scott’s knuckles found the wall of the hangar, and protested loudly at the treatment.  He’d realised Other-Gordon was getting something more than he’d outright said, but hearing the thoughts he’d been determinedly burying even from himself thrown in his face by a stranger with his brother’s eyes was more than he could take.

“Geez,” Other-Gordon muttered, stepping closer and taking hold of his outstretched fist.  “Are you always this self-destructive?”  Scott tried to pull his hand back, but the other man’s grip was strong.  “You’ve gone and wrecked Tin-Tin’s bandaging; she won’t be happy about that.”  Scott scowled and tugged again; Other-Gordon let him pull free that time.  “Scott.” It was the first time the man had referred to him by name and he met his eyes.  “We’re going to help you.  Remember, we’re International Rescue, too.”

Scott glanced sideways, at the empty hangar that usually housed Thunderbird One – not his Thunderbird One, but Thunderbird One regardless.  Earlier, he’d been too overwhelmed by everything to properly appreciate what that meant.  Two conversations later, it was starting to sink in.

“I guess that’s true,” he admitted.

“You guess?” Other-Gordon demanded, but there was a grin on his face and a sparkle in his eyes that stole Scott’s breath all over again.  He’d known he was this universe’s Gordon, but with the serious face and wrong colour hair, it hadn’t really hit.

With his face lit up like that, he wondered how he could have ever looked at the unknown ginger man sitting between him and Other-Scott in the kitchen what felt like hours earlier and dismissed the niggling familiarity.  This man, ginger hair and older age aside, was definitely Gordon.

“You okay?” Other-Gordon asked, and Scott’s shoulders slumped.

“I miss them,” he admitted.

“Of course you do,” Other-Gordon said, putting a hand on his shoulder.  “If there’s one thing I bet you and my Scott are definitely identical in, it’s being a ridiculous smother hen.”  Despite everything, Scott had to grin ruefully at that.  “Come on, let’s get something done about that hand of yours before Tin-Tin spots it.”

Other-Gordon turned and climbed around the large metal pipe without waiting to see if Scott was following. Scott watched him go, noticing that he was just as nimble as his Gordon, and frowned.  Should he not be letting Gordon go out on missions after all?  Or was Other-Gordon actually perfectly fit for duty, and Not-Dad was grounding him for no good reason?

“If you had the choice,” he started, mouth running ahead of his brain, “would you go on more rescues?”

Other-Gordon stopped and turned to face him again, amber eyes searching.

“Why?” he asked. Scott met his gaze evenly and waited. Other-Gordon grumbled something under his breath about there being two of them now.  “I’d go on all of them, if Dad let me.”  The bitterness that crept in told Scott everything he needed to know.

“No reason,” he shrugged, casting one last look at the empty space where Thunderbird One lived before heading for the door himself.  Other-Gordon made a noise of protest, a little brother’s my big brother is being annoying again noise that made something go tight in his chest, but he didn’t let it show.

“Seriously?” Other-Gordon grumbled a little louder.  “You don’t think I believe that, do you?”  Scott shrugged at him, and amber eyes narrowed.  “Just because you look like my big brother doesn’t mean you get to act like it!”

“I’m acting like me, not him,” Scott informed him airily, falling into the familiarity of brotherly banter, even if this wasn’t his brother.

“Well just because I look like your brother doesn’t mean you get to act like I am,” Other-Gordon continued, not at all deterred.  Just short of the door, Scott stopped suddenly.

“What?”

“You heard me,” Other-Gordon insisted, although there was something ever so slightly different in his voice, a note of uncertainty as though he’d realised he’d said something wrong but wasn’t sure what.  “Just because I look like-”

“You don’t,” Scott cut him off, turning round to face him.  Other-Gordon blinked, mouth half-open a little like a fish before he closed it again.

“I… don’t?” he asked. “But… you and Scott are near enough identical, and you said Dad looked like-”  He cut himself off before he could finish that sentence; Scott was grateful for it.

“You don’t,” he admitted. “I can tell you’re him, but you don’t look like him.”  No, that was a lie.  He had the same high cheekbones, the same angled jaw, the same eyes.  It was just the hair and the fact that there was no question he was a man, not a teenager just crossing into adulthood, that made him look different.

If it was just Other-Gordon, he’d wonder if the man had dyed his hair – Other-Scott was also older than him, although he didn’t want to ponder on what that meant for timeline continuity – but Other-John and Other-Virgil also had the wrong colour hair. Other-Brains, Other-Kyrano and Mrs Tracy also looked notably different, and Tin-Tin was not only visually different but had a different name as well.

“That’s strange,” Other-Gordon mused.  “Is it just me?”  Scott shook his head.

“More like it’s only me and your Scott,” he said.  “And your father.  Everyone else is different.”

“So if someone other than Scott had come in, you might not have attacked them?” Other-Gordon asked, almost dryly.  Scott shrugged.

“Who knows,” he replied, although privately he doubted it.  It didn’t matter what the other party looked like if his brothers were at stake.  Other-Gordon sent him a small grin, before brushing past him and opening the door.

“Still, you’ll have to tell the others that,” he said, strolling back along the narrow corridor. Scott followed, ignoring the pain shooting through his knuckles.  “I know the fellas are keeping an eye out for anyone else that looks like us while they’re off base just in case, but if they don’t know what they’re looking for they might miss something.”

He was right, and Scott nodded.  He hadn’t realised they were all looking, not just Thunderbird Five, but it made sense and there was a rush of gratitude at their efforts.

“Talk to Virg once he’s back,” Other-Gordon continued.  “That’ll be the easiest way to make sure we get it right.”  They skirted the lounge door with Not-Dad’s voice emitting from it, interspersed with Other-Scott’s tinny speaker-voice reports and traipsed down the stairs again – a route that was rapidly becoming familiar as they once again headed for the infirmary.  “But come on, what does your Gordon look like?  He’s gotta be handsome, right?”  There was that grin – that Gordon grin – again, and Scott rolled his eyes.

“I’m the wrong person to ask about that,” he scoffed, watching Other-Gordon pull a disgruntled face, and managing a small grin of his own.  “His hair’s blond, and…” he trailed off, not sure how to put it into words. As far as basic descriptions went, there wasn’t any other big differences, just lots of small things Scott couldn’t even put his finger on exactly.

“And..?” Other-Gordon prompted, although he was tugging at his bangs – falling in front of his forehead, rather than swept back like his Gordon’s – and trying to look at them, no doubt trying to figure out how he’d look blond.  Scott shrugged helplessly.

“I’m a pilot, not a novelist,” he pointed out.  “It’s not the big things, it’s the little ones.”  He frowned.  “How old are you?”

“How old are you?” Other-Gordon shot back, releasing his hair in favour of pushing the infirmary door open and pointing towards a chair.  “I’d say you’re younger than Scott, except he’s not going grey yet.” Scott scowled and resisted the urge to touch his temples, where he knew the accused hairs were most prominent.

“I asked first,” he pointed out, and Other-Gordon rolled his eyes.

“Twenty-three, now sit down or I’ll get Tin-Tin to redress your hand.”  Tin-Tin had seemed like a sweet enough young woman, but if she was being used as a threat – and Scott knew a threat from a sibling when he heard it – then she was no doubt more Kayo-like than first impressions betrayed. Scott sat.  “Why?”

“That would probably explain the rest,” Scott muttered, trying to work out what his Gordon would look like in four years’ time.  The same age as Virgil, which meant Other-Scott, and probably Other-John as well were older than him.  He consoled himself with the fact that with Not-Dad around, they were probably under less stress, hence the lack of greys.  “Gordon – my Gordon – is nineteen.”

“So I look different because I’m older?” Other-Gordon surmised, unwrapping the old bandages and pouring something that stung like disinfectant on his swollen and once again bleeding knuckles.  “You didn’t answer my question.”

“I’m twenty-seven,” Scott admitted, and Other-Gordon blinked.

“Not twenty-six?”

“Why would I be twenty-six?” Scott asked, taken aback.  Other-Gordon frowned and opened a fresh roll of bandages, carefully but efficiently rewrapping his hand.

“Well if your Gordon is four years younger than me, you should be four years younger than Scott, right? Scott’s thirty.”  It was Scott’s turn to frown.  Clearly there were more differences than just technology, and his gut coiled unpleasantly, not sure it liked the implications.  “What are your other brothers’ ages?”

“What are yours’?” he retorted, and Other-Gordon raised an eyebrow at him as he tied off the bandage.

“I asked first.” Typical younger brother, turning his earlier words against him.

“John’s twenty-five, Virgil’s twenty-three and Alan’s fifteen,” he said.  “Yours?”

“Your Alan’s-”

“Yours?” he repeated firmly, cutting off any comments about his youngest brother and International Rescue.  He knew fifteen was too young; he didn’t need to hear that from an alternate universe’s version of one of his own brothers.  Other-Gordon gave him a look that said the topic was not dropped, but answered anyway.

“John’s twenty-eight, Virg’s twenty-six and Alan’s twenty.  Seems like the difference is me and Alan,” he observed.  Scott didn’t miss the intent in his voice when he said the youngest’s name, but ignored it.

“Seems like it,” he agreed instead, checking over the bandaging despite knowing it was professionally done.  Other-Gordon was sharp, too sharp, and once again their conversation was veering into territory Scott would rather it didn’t.  “That seems like something Brains should know about,” he said, and once again ignored the look the younger man sent him.  Other-Gordon knew exactly what he was doing, and Scott got the uncomfortable feeling he was once again being humoured.

His dislike of being humoured didn’t outweigh his determination not to talk about things like Alan’s young age or Dad’s crash, though, so he suffered through it with a glare.

“We’ll tell Brains when he comes looking for more information,” Other-Gordon said out loud. “Surely your Brains hates being interrupted mid-flow, too?”  He did, but that had never stopped Scott from doing it when it was an emergency, and anything relating to getting him home qualified in his books.

A hand landed on his shoulder, Other-Gordon leaning down slightly to meet his eyes firmly.

“I know you want to get home, but don’t take it out on Brains,” he said, his grip tight. “Brains will find you once he’s finished processing the data he got from your arrival.”  Scott scowled, glancing away, and the other man sighed.  “I can stop asking questions if that helps.”

That would help. He met Other-Gordon’s eyes again and relaxed at the sincerity he saw in them, nodding.  Other-Gordon scrutinised him, although what he was looking for, Scott didn’t know, before letting go and taking a step back.

“Normally I sit in on the mission,” he informed him.  “We can go to the lounge if you want, or there’s the games room if billiards or chess is more your speed right now.”  The offer to continue evading Not-Dad was clear.

“And if I want to be alone?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“If you want to be alone, I’ve shown you your room,” Other-Gordon began.  “But I don’t think you do.”  Didn’t he?  Scott wanted time to let it all sink in, mull over all the information Other-John and Other-Gordon had bombarded him with and figure out what it all meant for him and his chances of getting home.

He caught sight of his useless communicator, still on his wrist, and remembered curling up against a boulder, begging and screaming for it to connect with another universe. Maybe Other-Gordon was right; if he was alone again he’d go back to focusing on what had happened.  Dwelling, his brothers called it immediately before they did something outrageous to get him to stop staring into nothing, brain stuck in a loop of past events.

Looking back, letting himself think about what had happened always threatened to drive him crazy. It had been that way since the Zero-X, and held true even now.  Especially now, when events defied all probabilities.  He sighed.

“It’s been a while since I last played chess,” he said by way of an answer, and Other-Gordon cracked a grin.  Chess would keep his mind focused, especially if Other-Gordon was half as good as Gordon or John; if he was, Scott was in for an inevitable thrashing.

Other-Gordon at least had the grace not to say ‘I told you so’, simply straightening up and offering him a hand, which he accepted, pulling himself to his feet.

“The games room’s this way,” he gestured, leading the way out of the infirmary and then further along the hallway, to a brightly lit room dominated by a billiards table.  Various chairs and small tables dotted one side of the room – spectators for the game, or perfectly positioned for a quiet game of chess in the corner, as Other-Gordon withdrew a chess set and placed it on the table.

“White or black?” he offered as Scott stared at it.  A proper, wooden chessboard with real, hand-carved pieces.  He picked up a white knight and stroked its mane, feeling the indents of the carved hair with the pad of his finger.

“White,” he replied after a moment.  Other-Gordon watched him closely, but as promised didn’t ask.  Scott shrugged, folding himself into the comfortable chair and placing the piece back where it belonged.  “It’s been a long time since I last used a wooden set,” he volunteered.  “Gordon’s the only one that owns one and no-one’s allowed to use it until they beat him.”

“You haven’t?” Other-Gordon asked – despite his promise otherwise, but Scott knew he had opened himself up for that one.  Talking about something as mundane as chess didn’t hurt as much as their previous conversation had.

“Not since he got that board,” he admitted.  “John and-” he caught himself, not wanting to mention EOS and open that can of worms for debate.  “John’s the only one that has; they play whenever he’s down from Five.” Other-Gordon’s eyes flickered in interest, catching the slip, but to his credit he didn’t ask.

“White goes first,” he reminded him needlessly, and Scott picked up the knight again, leaping it over the row of pawns.  Other-Gordon hummed in interest before nudging a pawn forward.  Scott recalled that particular opening as Gordon’s favourite to use, a win in five moves unless their opponent knew the counter. It might have been a while since he’d last had the time to play – and the inclination to probably lose to Gordon – but Scott still remembered the counter, moving his knight into position.

Other-Gordon laughed, seeing his experiment foiled, and switched tactics.  Scott got the feeling he’d just passed some sort of test.

The game went much as he suspected it would – while he wasn’t bad at chess, he was out of practice and Other-Gordon was very, very good.  He held out for a while, half an hour maybe, but eventually the inevitable conclusion of his King toppling occurred and he bit back a laugh, laying down the piece with good grace.

“You’re not too terrible,” Other-Gordon commented, collecting up the mass of white captured pieces and handing them over.  “Some practice and you might even be a challenge.”  He winked, and Scott groaned good-naturedly, trying hard not to think about why he didn’t get much practice before that ruined his mood.  “Again?”  What were his other options?  Billiards, or sitting in on a mission with Not-Dad.  It wasn’t exactly a difficult decision.

In answer, Scott pulled his King upright and set up his forces again.

Chapter 6>>>

[jamaisjoons]

everythingoes | kth & jjk

Summary: He is all the things you feel when fireworks light up the night sky. But everything is momentary and everything fades, just like those very same fireworks.

Pairing: Fuckboy!Taehyung x Reader; Jungkook x Reader

Genre: ANGST, so much fucking angst, smut, (barely there) fluff

Word Count: 24k

Warnings: cheating, sweet taehyung being a dick (I’m sorry tiger cub, I love you), a toxic relationship, possessive Taehyung, sex while semi-intoxicated (they can still consent), oral (fem and male receiving), panty play? I think, taehyung with a monster schlong, deep throating, face fucking, dirty talk, breast play, very slight cock/body worship, face sitting/riding, squirting, cum eating, riding, taehyung having a crazy amount of stamina, hair pulling, multiple orgasms, spanking, forced orgasm, creampie, slight breeding kink

A/N: Highkey, I was listening to mono when I came up with this plot and then when I was typing a certain scene. I wonder if you can guess exactly what scene that is lmao. In other news, this AU fried my last remaining brain cell and honestly I just want to rest for three years. My fingers are practically number from typing. UNEDITED because I’m DONE with it (for now). I’ll edit when my brain cells regenerate

You sat in the corner of the lecture room, trying your hardest to focus on the reading material in front of you. Usually, you barely paid attention in lectures, preferring to scroll through social media. It wasn’t that you were a bad student, in most classes, you would pay attention. The sole reason for your lack of attention in this one class was due to the professor reading off the slides, word for word. She never explained anything further and therefore her lectures were as boring as boring could get. But it also meant that you could do what you want and not miss a single thing.

So why was it that you were trying so hard to pay attention, this particular lecture?

You heard a small giggle and stiffened in your seat, the sound causing the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up. You grit your teeth and slid further down into your seat, trying to make yourself as small as possible. Thatwas the reason for your sudden attention to the Professor’s material. You glared at the screen, trying your hardest to keep your eyes from wandering away from your screen. However, when a deep chuckle followed, you couldn’t help but chance a glance. It was almost as if you were drawn to the sound, completely ensnared by the deep throaty laugh. Almost like the temptation of a siren’s song.

And then it was as if you couldn’t look away.

Try as you might, you can’t seem to break your gaze away from him. No, instead you take in the sight of from your seat. You’re currently at the back of the lecturer room, as far into the corner as you could be and your seat gives you the perfect view of him. Or well, technically a perfect view of the back of his head and side profile. With a slight wave of nostalgia, you realise he’s growing out his hair again and there are signs of the cutest mullet. The locks by the nape of his neck stick out in different directions and for a brief moment you get irresistible urge to run your fingers through them. His hair, unlike two weeks ago, was bleached to a light shade of blonde and while you love his natural hair best, you can’t help but think he looks devilishly handsome.

You had met Kim Taehyung six years ago, when the both of you were sixteen. Of course, you had known of Taehyung throughout the entirety of your high school career. He was the highschool heartthrob, the most beautiful boy to walk the halls of Busan High. He had broken more hearts than you could count on your hands. Of course, that was more due to the sheer number of girls who were in love with him. It was almost impossible to not know who Kim Taehyung was. Despite his status, he was still loved by everyone and anyone. He was as charismatic and friendly as they come; traits that leant to his ‘heartthrob’ persona and sometimes you wondered how a sweetheart such as Taehyung had even managed to break hearts. The boy was a dork and as sweet as cotton candy.

You had never thought much of Taehyung, even in school. However, that had all changed one faithful day.

{Flashback: March 2013}

You were sitting in your art and photography class, staring out the window as you waited class to start. It was the middle of Spring and the plum blossoms had already bloomed, the roads completely littered with the petals. Even with the light wind, you could see the rustling of the branches, with each movement, more and more blush pink, delicate petals scattering in the air. You lose yourself in the scenic landscape for a couple more minutes. That is, until you’re cut out of your daydream by a series of giggles and you turn your attention to the girls sitting at the front of the class.

Their eyes are solely fixated on the boy walking through the door, a large boxy smile on his face, framed either side by his chubby cheeks. His large brown eyes are sparkling, uneven lids just adding to the subtle beauty that surrounds him. Kim Taehyung was the school heartthrob and for good reasons. He was even best friends with the school council president Park Jimin, the two as thick as thieves ever since Taehyung moved from Daegu to Busan. The girls continued giggling as they stared dreamily at Taehyung, their faces flushed lightly as they sent him their brightest smile.

Taehyung sent them both flirtatious winks, causing both of them to fluster, one even dropping her books. Taehyung let out a small chuckle before he bent over to pick them up, squatting down until he’s face to face with the girl. You watched as he slowly gathers the books into his hand before rising back to his full height. You keep your attention trained at him, eyes narrowed on his figure, watching as he hands the books over to the girl, fingertips brushing against hers before smiling at her cheekily. The girl lets out a small squeak, her hot red before she turns and quickly runs away. You roll your eyes at the cheesy exchange, sneering slightly at the girls before turning your attention back out the window.

Soon enough, class begins and your teacher drones on and on about still life drawings and the depth of emotion you can capture with them. He continues monotonously monologuing the ‘true’ nature of still art and it takes every single ounce of your control to resist the urge to scream. This was practically all he spoke about, and you understood it stemmed from his passion for still life (despite the complete lack of emotion in his voice); but at the same time, you’d rather learn about something else. Especially considering this was your fifth class about still life drawing.

Therefore, instead of paying attention, you continue ignoring the teacher; choosing to daydream as you stare out the window instead. You imagine yourself being somewhere far away from here, quite literally anywherebut here and before you know it, your teacher is dismissing you. You let out a sigh of relief as you begin packing up, shoving your books back into your bag before getting up to leave. However, as soon as you stood up, you come face to chest with someone. You tilt your head, eyebrow shooting into your hairline as you were met with Taehyung’s smiling face.

You reel back slightly, trying to put in some distance between you and the man, wondering what on earthhe could want with you. You look around the room slightly, confused by the baffling glares of all the girls who were also in your class. You sent them a sneer, causing them to let out a scoff before walking away, muttering something about how something or the other wasn’t fair. You briefly recognise the girl who had dropped her books earlier looking slightly disheartened, sending a longing glance towards Taehyung before looking at you with jealousy. You turn your attention back to Taehyung, raising your eyebrow once against.

“Is there something you need, Taehyung-ssi?” You asked and Taehyung’s face morphed into one of confusion.

“Were you paying attention ____-ssi? We’re partners” Taehyung replies and you almost choke, spluttering at him.

“What? Partners for what?” You splutter and Taehyung laughs at you, the noise deep and baritone and you wonder whatsixteen-year old’s voice is so deep. He sounds more like a man than anything.

“Miss Ahn partnered us up for the end of term project. We have two weeks to come up with what we want to do, art or photography wise” Taehyung replies cheerily and you nod along, finally understanding why the girls were angry at you. You let out a small sigh, this was surely going to cause problems. How were you and Taehyung supposed to work on a project for two weeks without you being murdered by his fan club? You silently pray to whatever god is out there, because you were sure you were going to need it.

“Alright, drop me your number and we can figure out when we need to meet and work on it. Have you thought of something you want to work on?” You ask and Taehyung nods eagerly as he punches his number into your phone.

“I’ve got a few ideas, one of them inspired by Van Gogh. However, I also want to do something photography related. But we can speak more about another day” Taehyung says and you nod swiftly.

“Alright perfect. I look forward to working with you Taehyung-ssi” You say more out of obligation and societal politeness than anything else and Taehyung’s only response is a large grin, a cheeky wink following as he turns to leave.

{End of Flashback}

That’s the first time you meet Taehyung. You had been expecting to work on a simple project and then both move on to your separate ways. What you didn’t expect is to genuinely enjoy his company over the next two weeks. Sure, his flirting was borderline excessive and ridiculous. But Taehyung was still fun to work with, especially when you realised how serious he was and how much he loved art. You didn’t expect to somehow grow attached and you especially didn’t expect for Taehyung to become your best friend. But, throughout working with him, you had realised that everyone was right. It was physically impossible to hate Taehyung; he was entirely too sweet. Suddenly, you understood exactly why all the girls would swoon over him.

Your lecturer continued droning on and on and you resisted the urge to face plant your desk out of misery. You were both in Art History, it was your minor and the only reason you had taken it was because you needed to make up the credits. You had always had a vagueinterest in art, but it could never measure up to Taehyung’s love for all things old, classic and artsy. You however, preferred academics and your major was chemistry. Why you had to take Art History to complete your Chemistry degree, you had no idea. But it was either Art History or Politics and you would ratherdiethan spend a single minute surrounded by pretentious conservatives who thought they knew how the world worked despite daddy’s money paying for everything.

The lecturer cracked a joke and you rolled your eyes from the back of the lecture hall, wishing the torture would just end. However, your attention is once again drawn by a deep chuckle, a sound that you could recognise anywhere. You watch Taehyung laugh with the rest of the class, his eyes sparkling with happiness and his lips pulled into a huge grin. His face fills you with nostalgia and you’re thrown back to the first time you questioned your previously platonic feelings for Taehyung.

{June 2014}

“____! Come on, just get in. I promise nothing will happen. You knowyou’re safest when with me” Taehyung pleads and you scoff at him, arms crossed around your chest as you eye him wearily. It’s been a good year since you befriended Taehyung. It had been a rocky start, especially considering Taehyung had tried to flirt with you constantly, despite you refusing his advances time and time again. However, eventually he had realised that you weren’t going to give in and had toned it down. Despite your art project ending, you had still kept in touch. But you could never have imagined that somehow, he’d have ended up as your best and closest friend. You trust Taehyung with your entire life. Figuratively. But as he stands there in front of you, a pout on his lips and his eyes pleading as he holds out car keys, his newly gifted car behind him, you wonder if you couldquite literallytrust Taehyung with your life.

You’re still seventeen, but Taehyung is older than you and he’s just completed his eighteenth birthday, which means that legallyTaehyung is allowed to drive. And with that, comes a test of how much you actuallytrust him. On a good day, he has your complete, unfaltering trust. But today, you’re not so sure. Because he’sjustpassed his test and you aren’t sure whether you want to get in a car with him, where he’s behind the wheel. Especially at night time, when the roads are dark and barely lit.

But Taehyung is insistent. He wants the first person he drives to be you and it has to be now, at night, because he’s driving his mother to the airport the next day. He continuously pleads and when he lets out a small whine; you give in, throwing your hands in the air. Taehyung yelps in victory, fist pumping through the air before opening your door like the gentleman he is. As soon as you get in, you buckle up; Taehyung getting into his own seat, grinning at you widely. He’s entirely too giddy and you wonder what you’re getting into. He’s got something planned and you know it as well as you know the back of your own hand.

“What?” You ask, and Taehyung lets out a little giggle. He reaches over you and rummages through the glove box before pulling something out.

“Okay, so you know, how the other day, RM dropped his new mixtape Mono? And how we said it’d be perfect to listen to on a night drive?” Taehyung says and you quirk an eyebrow, nodding slightly. He lifts up the album he pulled out and your eyebrows shoot up. So, he hadbeen planning something.

“God damn it, I should have known you were planning something. You don’thave to drop your mother to the airport, tomorrow do you? This is all just some elaborate plan for you to rope me into doing dumb shit with you at midnight” You whine, pointing an accusatory finger at Taehyung and you internally cheer victoriously when Taehyung throws his hands up in defeat, a sheepish smile on his face.

“Okay, okay, you caught me! But I didwant you to be the first person I drove. Also, today is a beautiful night and I want to show this with you. Come on, ____ pretty please? For me?” Taehyung pouts and as soon as his lip quivers you know you are done for. You let out an infuriated scream, tugging your hair in frustration before smacking the dashboard. Taehyung watches you with an amused smile and you resist the urge to lean over and throttle him. Because both of you know exactlywhat Taehyung’s puppy dog look does to you. How was anyonesupposed to resist him when he was flashing his wide brown eyes, plush lips pulled into a perfected pout?

“Fuck! Fine! Fine, just fucking drive. But I just want you to know, if we die, I’m haunting your ass forever” You threaten and Taehyung grins brightly before turning the key and starting the ignition. A small sense of dread fills you when Taehyung slightly revs the engine, one hand on the gear stick. You dotrust Taehyung to keep you safe, because he was right, you weresafest when with him. However, Taehyung was known to be slightly reckless and you didn’t put it past him to suddenly speed down the motorway.

“Alright babe, get ready for the best night of your life” Taehyung says with a wink and you jokingly gag at his words. Even though you were both best friends, Taehyung still threw his lame pickup lines or ‘smooth’ moves on you every now and then ‘To keep you on your toes’ he claimed, but you both knew he just enjoyed riling you up. Plus, it was more out of habit than anything, because at 18, Taehyung is somehow a bigger flirt than he was at 17. You theorise that perhaps it’s to do with his newfound growth spurt, making his already tall stature even taller.

Taehyung shifts the gear and slowly begins reversing, one hand around the back of your seat as he turns around, making sure the space behind him his clear through the rear window. Once you’re out of the drive, Taehyung shifts gears once again and presses down on the accelerator and suddenly the two of you are driving down the empty roads of Busan.

“Come on Iris, play the CD” Taehyung says and you hope Taehyung doesn’t hear the sharp intake of breath. He had begun calling you Iris three months into your friendship, the nickname solely reserved for you. You had questioned him many times as to why he called you that, but each time the explanation changed. The first was because according to him, ‘Irises’ was his favourite painting by Vincent Van Gogh; however, you knew that to be false because his favourite painting was ‘Starry Night over the Rhône’. The second time you asked, he had said it was because irises were a beautiful flower and somehow, they just suited you, even ifyour favourite flower were chrysanthemums. The third time you ask, he finally admits it’s because Iris is the god of Rainbows and irises are purple. The last colour of the rainbow. He says the colour signifies how you’d be together forever. Just you and him. You liked that idea.

“Iris? ____? You okay?” Taehyung asks and you blink owlishly as he pulls you out of your reverie. You shake your head slightly, smiling sheepishly as you slot the CD into the player. You turn the volume up slightly and you hear the soft sound of a car driving on the road begin before the loud chiming as ‘Tokyo’ starts playing, the soft sound of the piano filling the car. RM’s deep, but low husky voice begins and you’re slowly plunged into the calm of the atmosphere.

It’s completely dark outside as it’s nearing 1am, and neither you nor Taehyung speak as he navigates expertly through the streets of Busan. You lean your head against the window, condensation slightly blurring your view. But even then, you can still make out the dim lights of the stars and moon as they shine above you, the city lights drowning them out. However, the further you drive, the more you notice them as they slowly become brighter and brighter, and suddenly; when you can see them clearly, you realise that Taehyung has driven you far from the city.

The two of you are on a road by the beachside, the lights of the city now faint and behind you. You can faintly hear the crashing of the ocean waves on the beach as you race through empty roads. You startle slightly as you breathe in the crisp, slightly salted air, wondering when Taehyung had rolled down the windows. A part of you wonders how long you were staring out the window, completely lost in your thoughts. ‘uhgood’ is currently playing and with a startling realisation, you recognize it being the fourth time it’s been played, which means you’ve been driving for more than an hour. You glance at the clock in the car, eyes widening at the display. How was it already nearing 2am? The drive barelyfelt like twenty minutes, how had a complete two hours passed?

You turn back to Taehyung, opening your mouth to say something about turning back but instead you’re utterly floored by the view you’re met with. Taehyung is completely focused on the road, his grip on the steering wheel loose. He looks at ease, a soft smile on his face as the mixtape continues playing in the background. The wind slowly rustles through his hair, the susurrus noises only adding to the stillness of the atmosphere surrounding you. You’re almost captivated by how beautiful he is. He always has been. You know this. It is not an opinion but a mere fact. Because Taehyung isbeautiful. But seeing him now, you’re almost pulled into a trance.

Taehyung has grown up the last year, he’s lost some of his chubbiness, but you can still see hints around his cheekbones. His jaw is slightly more angled now and his features sharp, especially his eyes as they twinkle with mischief. The soft glow of the moonlight highlights his high cheekbones, his tan skin softly glowing, the darkness completely encasing him; almost as if it’s highlighting him in the low light. His hair is softly blowing in the wind, the dark locks slightly ruffled and simply adding to his charm. From your angle, you can see his long thick eyelashes brush against his cheeks every time he blinks. Right here, right now, Taehyung is the most gorgeous creature you have ever seen or could ever know. You don’t think he could get anymore stunning.

And then he turns to you.

And he smiles.

Your breath hitches slightly, the large grin pushing up his cheeks and emphasizing the slight chubbiness he still has with him, thanks to his grandmother’s constant mission to keep him well fed and healthy. His boxy smile stirs something in you and then he winks and applies more pressure onto the accelerator, speeding up. You know you should be slightly worried; it’s dark and Taehyung is speeding. But you’re so caught up in how breath-taking he looks that you fail to reprimand him. Instead, you drown further into him.

“You alright Iris?” Taehyung asks, his voice deep and husky and you have no idea why, but your heart achesat his words.

“I’m fine Tae, just fine” You breathe out, hoping he doesn’t notice the slight breathlessness to your voice. Especially when he moves his hand from the back of your seat to take your hand in his, squeezing it slightly.

{End of Flashback}

You scoff at your past self, wishing desperately that you could go back in time and rewind everything. That was the day you began falling for your best friend. A huge cliché, you were aware. But how could you notfall for Taehyung? He was almost perfect. However, Taehyung didn’t date. He was a flirt and a fuckboy through and through. You knew this better than anyone. You had always thought you’d be immune to it, but how the mighty have fallen. You smiled bitterly as you pondered your very much unrequited love for your best friend. Best friend. You continue perusing Taehyung, your heart plummeting in your chest.

Sometimes it hurt just looking at him.

You could still clearly remember the day you had the startling realisation that you were in love with your best friend. It was almost four years ago, when the two of you had just graduated from highschool.

{Flashback July 2015}

“Iris, come on sweet, it’s our last night as highschool students! We can’tmiss this” Taehyung whines and you ignore the way your heartbeat slightly speeds up at his nickname.

“God Taehyung, why are you dragging me along? It’s not as if you’ll actually be with me the night anyway” You glare at him and Taehyung looks at you in both surprise and confusion.

“____, why would I not be with you?” Taehyung asks and you let out a little scoff. You knew Taehyung like the back of your hand. You had been best friends for almost two years now and you’d like to think you knew exactly what would happen at the celebratory bonfire for seniors. Taehyung would spend twenty minutes with you, keeping you company and making sure you were alright. But then, he’d find himself a girl and chase after her and then he’d disappear. Like he always did.

“Tae come on, we both know you’re going to leave the minute you find a girl you want to fuck” You sneer and as soon as the words are out, you wonder why they leave a bad taste in your mouth. Or why your stomach churns at the thought of Taehyung with another girl.

“God ____, I know I’m usually like that, but I’m not going to ditch you tonight of all nights. If I promise to stay with you, will you come?” Taehyung pouts and you narrow your eyes at him slightly. Taehyung only deepens his pout and you let out a sigh of defeat, Taehyung grinning when he hears it. You silently berated yourself, wondering why he had so much power over you. Why was it that a singlepout always had you doing his bidding? It was as if he did it and cast a spell on you, making sure you always bent to his whims.

“Fuck, fine! But if you leave me Kim Taehyung, I swear to any god out there, I willfind you and castrate you. Whether you’re balls deep in the girl or not” You threatened, Taehyung wincing slightly before wrapping his arms around you, hugging you tight to his body.

“Gods Iris, I promise not to leave you. I just wanna spend the night having fun with my best friend” Taehyung promises, placing a soft kiss onto your temple and silently you wonder just what you’ve gotten yourself into.

A couple hours later, you find yourself sitting beside a bonfire, surrounded by various other people in your year who are graduating with you. True to his word, Taehyung has refused to leave your side; even when girls come over to try and lure him from you. Taehyung, however, obediently stays by your side. Which is why, you find yourself seated on the grass, Taehyung sitting behind you on one of the makeshift seats. Your back is pressed tightly against his chest, one of his arms is loosely thrown around your body and this you’re completely encompassed by his warmth. You’re so close to Taehyung that you can feel the deep rumbles of his laughter more than you can hear it.

“I can’t believe we’re finally graduating from this hell hole of a school. I honestly didn’t even think we’d make it this far” Park Jimin, Taehyung’s other best friend and self-proclaimed soulmate laments and you roll your eyes at him, throwing some grass at him.

“Agreed on the hell hole, but didn’t you love school? You were one of the best students in our year, not to mention school president ever since you set foot in Busan High” You teased and Jimin looks at you with wide eyes, full of shock and mock betrayal.

“Hey! Just because I excelled at school, doesn’t mean I didn’t think it was a hell hole. I can’t wait to go to university and study dance. Goodbye maths, goodbye science” Jimin cheers victoriously and you snort at him.

“Weren’t you top of the class in maths and science?” You snicker and Jimin slams the ground with his small palms in mock rage, pointing at you accusatorily.

“YAH! Stop pocking holes in my story and let me whine in peace” Jimin yells and you snicker.

“Sorry Jiminie, please Mr. School President, tell us all about how much you hated school and are glad to be moving onto university” You tease and this time Jimin turns to Taehyung.

“Yah, Taehyung, control your girl” Jimin complains and you immediately freeze, wondering why your heart skips a beat and begins racing at the speed of hummingbird wings. You except Taehyung to rebuff and correct Jimin, but all he does is chuckle and you can feel the deep baritone sound against your back; the feeling only serving to speed up your heartbeat further.

“Iris does whatever she wants Jiminie, if I can’t stop her teasing me, I don’t know how I’m supposed to stop her teasing you” Taehyung chortles and you wince slightly, your skin suddenly feeling very flushed.

“Hey! It’s started!” Someone calls out, pointing up at the sky. All your attention is drawn towards the sky and this time, your breath is taken away by the beautiful display of sparks lighting up the sky. The intense kaleidoscopic display fills up the entire night sky, loud booms and high whistling filling the night air as they continuously go off. Hues of every shade fill your vision, blues, greens, oranges, reds, golds and so many more and you completely lose yourself in this sight of it all.

“____, look! It’s so beautiful! Hey, that one was purple and yellow, those are our favourite colours!” Taehyung says, bouncing with delight. Your face softens slightly. No matter how old he got, Taehyung never lost his childlike innocence and playfulness. You feel his giddiness course through your veins and it only causes your heart to flutter more. You try and focus on the lights, aweing and oohing along with everyone else. But then, Taehyung wraps his arms tighter around your body, pulling you closer into his embrace and briefly you feel him nuzzle his nose in your hair; breathing in your scent, but you’re positiveyou’ve made it up. And  then, he says something that has you breaking out of your stupor.

“I’m glad you’re here with me. I wouldn’t want to share this with anyone else” Taehyung whispers into your hair and you snap your head to face him, almost giving yourself whiplash. However, when you come face to face with him, his attention is already back on the sky. But now, your attention is solely focused on him.

His skin glows in the dim amber flames of the bonfire, and every now the flashes of the fireworks illume him even more. For the second time in your life, you’re completely floored by how trulybeautifulKim Taehyung is. Once again, your heart aches but this time you know exactly how you feel. Because for an entire year now you’ve questioned whether your feelings were completely platonic. And now, in this very moment, with the prismatic explosion of colour in the background, you sincerely understand the depth of the emotions you feel for your best friend. Taehyung is all the things you feel when fireworks illuminate the sky.

You finally realise, that you are completely, utterly and irrevocably in love with Kim Taehyung.

{End of Flashback}

After that day, your relationship with Taehyung had somewhat changed. Not on his end obviously, but more on yours. Every time he did something sweet, your heart would cinch. Every compliment, every flirtatious comment, every term of endearment, drove you wild. There were times you wanted to scream and run, there were times when you wanted to grab him by the collar and kiss him senseless, confessing your love for him. But instead, you kept everything bottled up and loved him from far.

There is very little you wouldn’t give to go back in time to that very moment and yell at yourself to not do it. To not fall in love with him. Taehyung had never had a relationship. He was always a lone fuckboy who spent more time running from commitment than he did between girls’ legs. Which, considering just howmany people he’d bedded, was a lotof time running from commitment. There was a time, when Taehyung was a hopeless romantic. A time when he dreamt about meeting the one and falling in love. A time when he spent dreaming about a marriage, children and a white picket fence. That had all changed when his parents had split up and his entire world had crashed around him, leaving a disillusioned boy with major commitment and trust issues.

Taehyung never being in a relationship had made life so much easier for you. Sure, you had to deal with him sleeping around, but you never had to deal with him being in love or seeing someone else. For a very long time, the only constant female in Taehyung’s life was you. Secretly, you had loved it because it meant, that in a weird twisted way, Taehyung was yours and only yours. The girl he ran to with problems, the girl he took on ‘dates’, the girl he spent valentines with. Every important moment was spent with you. You were the one he always ran to at the end of the day and you had loved it, cherished it. Held it close to your heart.

But nothing lasted forever. Everything was fleeting and a couple years after falling in love with him, you soon realised that Taehyung’s solo career was also temporary.

{Flashback November 2017}

You sit on the sofa, casually flicking through the different films and series on Netflix, looking for something, anythingto watch and cure your boredom as you slurp on ramen aka your very nutritious and filling dinner for the night. Note your sarcasm. But, it’s what student life was like and you were entirely too poor to complain about it. You’re in your shared flat with Jimin and Taehyung but both boys have made themselves scarce. Jimin had left for dance practice twenty minutes ago and Taehyung had been out the entire day.

Deadline season was quickly approaching, which meant that Taehyung had become desperate to find a model for his photography project, especially after putting off the assignment for a month. You had offered and he’d almost taken you up on your offer, until someone finally responded to his flyer. He had quickly apologised for almost ‘forcing’ you into working with him, kissed your forehead and had then run out. A part of you had felt dejected but you quickly brushed those feelings off. And now here you were, all by your lonesome, scrolling endlessly through Netflix. Ten minutes later, you’re ready to give up and head to bed, when the door bursts open and Taehyung enters.

You regard him with weariness, wondering why he looks so happy. His eyes are sparkling and his lips are pulled into a wide smile. His shoulders are shaking, he’s giddy, and full of that childlike exuberance you love so much and despite yourself, somehow, he manages to cause you to fall in love all over again. A feat you thought completely impossible. And yet, there he was proving you wrong all over again. He walks up to you and throws himself on the sofa next to you. You raise an eyebrow at him and briefly wonder why he’s so happy.

“The best thing happened to me. I think I’m cured” Taehyung says cheerily and now you’re definitely intrigued. What could have happened in the few hours that he was gone to get him so happy? You hadn’t ever seen him like this, at least, not since the divorce.

“I take it, your photography project went well? Got all the shots you needed?” You ask and Taehyung nods enthusiastically, but you sense it’s more than that.

“Oh, what is it? Why are you so excited? And cured of what?” You ask, but now, looking back, you wished you had left. You wished you had gone to bed earlier. You wished you had been his model because nothingcould have prepared you for the words that spilled out his mouth next.

“It went more than well. There’s a girl in our Art History class, I don’t know if you’ve heard of her, but her name is Choi Hyorin. She’s the one that answered my ad” Taehyung begins and dread begins pooling in your stomach. You want to wave it off because Taehyung’s always been surrounded by girls, but they’ve never lasted more than a one-night stand. You want to think that the dread is because he’s about to go into detail about his little rendezvous but deep down, you know it’s more than that.

“I think I’ve heard of her; she’s the one with the small face, big eyes and long black hair, right?” You ask and Taehyung nods enthusiastically.

“Yes! So, we did a few shots, and I don’t know how I never noticed how cute she was. We spent the entire day going around looking for the best place to take the photos. We went to parks, graffitied buildings, rooftops. Anywhere with aesthetic shots and I shit you not, everypicture was beautiful. And she’sso beautiful, not to mention funny and oh my gods, ____, we have the exact same interests! I’ve never met anyone like her, we just clickedand never once did I even think of fucking and ditching her. We click on so many things, she loves blues, RnB and jazz, her favourite artist is Van Gogh and she loves H.E.R. as well. I loved spending every moment with her and we’re even meeting again in a couple days to head to that jazz night in the karaoke bar” Taehyung gushes and rants and each and every word is like a dagger to your quickly plummeting heart. You feel like your entire world is falling apart and you want nothing more than to run into your room and cocoon yourself in your sheets and never come out again, but Taehyung continues ranting and raving about how amazing she was and how she has the cutest laugh, and the way her eyes sparkle in the setting sun and the way she feels against him. He goes on and on for what feels like hours and you can do nothing more than smile and nod, despite how much your heart is breaking; because you are nothingbut his best friend and it’s your job to listen to him.

He doesn’t know what you feel for him.

He doesn’t know how much he owns your heart.

He doesn’t know that his next words break that very same heart.

“____, I’m telling you. I’ve never felt like this about anyone in my entire life. I… I honestly believe she’s the one. I think she’s the girl of my dreams. I know I’ve sworn of love and relationships because of my parents… but I think she’s the girl to heal those wounds. I think, if it’s her, I can truly love again. Am I crazy?” Taehyung asks, looking at you in wide eyed wonder and you take in a shuddering deep breath. You bottle all your feelings for him and give him your best, brightest smile despite how much it feels like an elephant has stomped all over your chest and you hug him.

“Of course, not Taehyung. If you honestly feel like that, then I’m sure you’re not crazy. I’m glad you found someone that makes you happy” You choke out, internally cheering at how level your voice is. Despite everything, you’re not lying. You areglad he’s found someone. Because even if you were in love with him, at the end of the day, you were his best friend.

And Taehyung’s happiness always comes first.

{End of flashback}

The giggle you heard before once again fills the room and you sink further into your seat. You try hard to block out Hyorin’s giggles, especially since she’s the reason you’re trying to focus on the dreaded lecture notes but it’s hard to do so, especially when it’s followed by Taehyung’s deep chuckles. It’s been fifteen months since Hyorin and Taehyung became a couple. Fifteen whole months of nothing but heartbreak, fake smiles and unrequited love. You had tried so very hard to get over Taehyung, you had dated, fallen into your own trysts of one-night stands, hell you even tried Tinder in a desperate attempt. But no one had ever compared to Taehyung. None of them were as exciting or stole your breath like he did. And so, after ten months, you had given up all hope of ever moving on and instead accepted your condemned fate of forever being in love with your best friend.

However, it had become slightly easier. Despite the tumultuous love you felt for Taehyung, it had become easier. But not because you were accepting of his love for Hyorin. It had become easier because ever since they had gotten together, you and Taehyung had become distant. You had once been the only constant female in Taehyung’s life, but that had changed when he and Hyorin became exclusive. Suddenly, that position was no longer reserved for you, but for her.

Now he spent valentine’s day with her, he took her on dates, he bought her meaningful Christmas gifts, spent his birthday with her and only her. She was the girl he now ran to and the girl who dealt with his problems. It hadn’t started out like that, he had made a lot of time for you. Promised things would never change and that you’d always be the number one girl in his life. But that was the thing about relationships. When a new person was added, it always changed. There was no way it couldn’t. He had tried. He really had and you couldn’t fault him for it. Because he hadtried to balance you both, but at the end of the day, she always took precedence and slowly, you began drifting.

He spent less time with you, and spent more time with her. He spent less time speaking and texting you, and spent more time texting and speaking to her. And now, he spent more time at her apartment than he spent in the home he shared with you and Jimin. You lived with Taehyung and yet the most you’d seen him was in your shared Art History class. And yet, you couldn’t fault him for anything because she’s the one. You watch as he throws his arm around her shoulder, pulling her in closer to him. You see the way he smiles at her, his eyes filled with nothing but adoration. You see it all.

Taehyung is completely, utterly and irrevocably in love.

But not with you.

“Gods, are you okay, ____? You look a right mess” Jimin says as he enters your room and you glare at him.

“I’m fine Jimin, what do you want?” You ask and Jimin shrugs, entering your room and sitting on your bed. Ever since you moved in with him and Taehyung, you and Jimin had grown a lot closer. Sure, your friendship never matched the one you had with Taehyung, but you were close nevertheless.

“Nothing really, Taehyung is out with Hyorin and I’m bored. That’s like the fifth time this month he’s ditched me for her” Jimin pouts and you wince slightly because the last thing you want right now, especially since Taehyung hadn’t even madeplans with you for over three weeks.

You quieten down and become maudlin. Distance with Taehyung is something you have become awfully familiar with. Something you never thought you’d have to become familiar with. But you’re feeling particularly morose today and you’re plunged into the ‘what ifs’. What if you had confessed to Taehyung, what if youhad modelled for his art project instead of Hyorin. What if you had never met him?These are the thoughts that fill your head currently. What ifs are dangerous territory and your thoughts only serve in causing you to sink further into heartbreak. You miss Taehyung. You miss the friendship dates, you miss visits to cafes and museums, you miss his stupid pickup lines and flirtatious comments. But most of all, you miss him. You miss your best friend more than anything.

“You look like you’re about to cry” Jimin says, breaking you out of your thoughts and you suck in a sharp breath, blinking away the tears in your eyes. When had you even began welling up?

“Should I call Taehyung?” Jimin asks and you quickly shake your head, curling your fists around your sheets are you tried to get your emotions back in check.

“Please don’t” You whisper and Jimin hums in thought.

“Because he’s the reason you’re crying?” Jimin asks and you snap your head towards him. Your breath hitches in fear as you stare at him in wide eyed panic but Jimin just shrugs nonchalantly, sending you a knowing look.

“Please, I know how you feel about him. Everyone knows it. You know it, I know it, the entire campus knows it. The only person who doesn’t is Taehyung” Jimin says and you let out a choked sound, trying to find the words to deny his claims.

“Please don’t try and deny it. Don’t insult my intelligence like that. Everyone knows.And yes, that everyone includes Hyorin” Jimin replies and your eyebrows furrow.

“What do you mean?” You ask and Jimin lets out a bemused chuckle.

“Why do you think you and Taehyung have barely been spending time together? She knew and she was jealous. She knew you loved him and she knew that Taehyung and your friendship was something special. So, she tried to monopolise his time as much as possible. And surprise, surprise it worked. There were times he wanted to hang out with you, but she asked him on those days and he said yes. It only worked because you were so willing to let him go. Because at some point, you stopped fighting her for his time and attention” Jimin said and you stammer, unsure of what to make of things.

“Y-You mean he chose her? Over me? As in, there were days when he wanted to spend time with me, but chose to spend time with her instead?” You ask, fearing his answer.

“I guess you could see it like that yeah” Jimin says and despair fills your ever fibre. You had always assumed that Taehyung’s distance had been because he was consumed by Hyorin. You had never once thought that Taehyung if given the option to spend time with you, Taehyung would still choose her. Mainly because you thought you meant more to him than that. You let out a small sob, tears welling in your eyes and Jimin looks at you sadly.

“I’m sorry ____. But I have watched you be in love with my idiot of a best friend for years. And he was too stupid to realise he loved you too” Jimin says sadly and you snort,  looking at him in cynicism.

“Oh yeah, Taehyung in love with me. Please Jimin, next joke” You sneer out and Jimin lets out a humourless laugh.

“Please. He did. I know he did. Every time you’d sleep with someone, or date someone, he’d get angry and overprotective. There were times when he even threatened guys to stay away from you. You don’t do that for justa best friend. He loved you. He loves you. He’s just too much of an idiot to see it but when he and Hyorin break up, he’ll realise how much he loves you and what he lost. Trust me” Jimin says and you shake your head, sneering once again.

“Please don’t lie to me Jimin, he never loved me and never could. I’m not her” You reply, your tone full of defeat and Jimin lets out a shriek of frustration.

“Stop that! I know Taehyung. I know him better than anyone and that may not include you, but your judgement is clouded by your feelings. I have watched you idiots be in love with each other for so long. But Hyorin comes and Taehyung being theidiothe is decides to think with his dick and convince himself he’s in love with her when he’s not. I have watched you love him this entire time, I have watched him break your heart. I have watched him slowly destroy you and turn you into the shell of a person you once were. And I’m tired. I love him but I’m sorry to say that your love is wasted on him. He doesn’t deserve it. You are a beautiful, vibrant girl. A girl whose love is better spent on someone else. It’s time you moved on” Jimin rants and you scoff at him.

“Easy for you to say that. I’ve tried that and it didn’t work” You sneer and Jimin shakes his head. He get up and heads to your closet; you watch in confusion as he pulls out an outfit and lays it on your bed.

“Well you’re going to try again. Get up and shower, we’re going out. I’m not going to sit by and watch you slowly break apart anymore. I care about you too much for that” Jimin says and you let out a small sigh.

“Jimin it’s not going to work. I’ve tried the getting under someone else approach” You say and he looks at you in annoyance.

“Well you’re going to try harder. I’m not taking no for an answer. Get up and shower. Now” Jimin’s tone is final and you know him well enough to know that you’re not winning this battle. So, you let out a small groan and grab the clothes he’d laid out, grumbling to yourself as you pop into the shower.

“Cheers!” Jimin says, clinking his shot glass against yours before you wrap your lips around the rim and down it in one go. You wince slightly at the taste of tequila searing down your throat before shaking your head. You were already four shots deep and the alcohol was blurring your mind, the haze surrounding you and making you feel happier and lighter than you had in a while. You still have your wits about you and you’re nowhere close to being drunk but it’s enough to take off the nervous edge. The music was pounding in your ear drums and you could feel the bass vibrate through your entire body, your hips moving slowly to the rhythm despite yourself.

“Alright, let’s find you someone to go home with” Jimin says, the two of you turning around to scout the different guys.

“What about him?” You point out and Jimin shakes his head.

“That’s Jung Hoseok, he’s a year above me and in my dance classes. He’s seeing someone called Sooyun or something” Jimin says and you sigh before you continue looking around.

“How about him?” You ask pointing out another guy.

“Yoongi-hyung? No, he’s gay and probably dragged here by Hoseokie-hyung. Why do we know so many people who are here?” Jimin asks with a sigh and you giggle.

“Because this club is popular in our university. Hey, how about that guy?” You say, pointing out to someone else.

“Ah, Kim Yugyeom. He’s also in my dance class but he’s single and loves to sleep around. No strings attached and from what I’ve heard a good lay. Go for it” Jimin says and you smile brightly at him before looking swigging your next shot. You begin walking towards him and soon he spots you walking towards him. He gives you a wide grin and winks, and before you know it, you’re face to chest with the tall boy. Yugyeom immediately grips you by the waist and begins moving his hips, body rolling against you.

The way he moves is sinful and you throw caution to the wind. You close your eyes and grind against him, head thrown just under his shoulder as you move your ass against his hips. Yugyeom’s hands move to your hips and his fingertips grip onto them, fingers bruising. He swirls his hips particularly hard, pressing his crotch against your ass as his lips trail along your neck, pressing soft kisses against it. You let out a moan that gets lost in the noise of the club but Yugyeom feels the vibration. He spins you around, arm wrapping around your back as he continues grinding against you. His lips slowly begin descending on yours and just when they meet, you’re roughly pulled apart.

You turn around in shock and your eyes widen when you’re met face to face with a very angry Taehyung. He’s glaring at the slightly taller man before pushing Yugyeom off of you. You splutter, unsure what to say and frantically look around for Jimin but he’s nowhere to be seen. Taehyung grabs you by the wrist and begins pulling you out of the club. You try to break free but Taehyung turns around and glares at you and immediately you feel weak and dejected. You allow him to slowly drag him out of the club. He hails a taxi and puts you in before getting in on the other side. The entire drive is tense and you have so many questions. But instead, you sit in silence, stewing over the events. The more time passes and the more time you have to think about it, only serves to make you angry. You were so ready to move on and he just had to ruin it. Where did he even come from? Wasn’t he with Hyorin in the first place?

You soon reach your apartment building and the two of you get out. Taehyung walks ahead of you, stalking into the building, simply expecting you to follow him. You glare at his back in anger, stomping after him and with each step to your shared flat, your anger rises. Soon, you’re stood in front of your flat door, glaring daggers into Taehyung’s back as you seethe. If looks could kill, he’d be dead thrice over. He unlocks the door and opens it with a slam, beckoning you in with a look. You stomp inside throwing your purse onto the table before turning around and pointing at him.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing Kim Taehyung?” You seethe, your voice barely above a whisper. The shots are taking more effect and you’re feeling bold enough to fight with him.

“Saving you. What the fuck were you doing there? I went out with some friends, I didn’t expect you to be there. Why were you dancing with Yugyeom? Do you not know he’s a fuckboy?” Taehyung asks and you scoff.

“Yes I did! I was tryingto fuck him! What is it to you?” You shriek and Taehyung sneers at you.

“That’s not who you are. You don’t just fuck around” Taehyung jeers and you have the irresistible urge to throttle him.

“That’s fucking rich coming from you. You used to do it all the fucking time. Suddenly, I’m not allowed to sleep around?” You throw back and Taehyung reels, his eyes turning into slits.

“Don’t you dare. It was different with me. You don’t get to sleep around” Taehyung says and your eyes widen, body shaking with rage.

“Excuse me? Who the fuck do you think you are? You don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do. If I want to sleep with the next fifty guys I see, I damn well will. Who the fuck are you to tell me no?” You scream and Taehyung slams his fist on a table.

“I’m your best fucking friend! I can’t stand seeing you with others. Especially when they don’t fucking deserve you” Taehyung shouts and you sneer.

“Abest friend. Justa best friend Kim Taehyung. So news flash, that means you don’t get to decide who is good for me or not. I decide that. You being my best friend doesn’t mean you get to tell me who I fuck. And you can’t keep boys away from me forever. If I want to fuck Yugyeom I will. Hell, Jimin knows him. I could still ask him for Yugyeom’s number” You say with a mocking tone, daring him to challenge you.

“Oh, I don’t fucking think so. Not if I have any say in it” Taehyung says, stalking towards you, his eyes glinting in the low light.

“Well, you don’tfucking have a say in it. Now move out of my way” You say, and Taehyung growls at you.

“I said no. You’re not fucking Yugyeom” Taehyung grits out, teeth clenched.

“WHY THE FUCK NOT?” You scream and Taehyung pushes you up against the wall, his breathing heavy as he glares down at you.

“Because you’re fucking mine” Taehyung growls and you freeze in shock but you don’t have enough time to process his words because the next moments, his lips are locked against yours. Taehyung’s hands pinned yours against the wall his other hand wandering all over your body as he kissed you fervently. You moan in response, breaking out of his grasp as his other hand moves to hold your cheek, your own hands tangling into Taehyung’s hair and tugging on it, pulling him closer towards you.

This was wrong. You knew this was wrong, but Jimin’s previous words about Taehyung being in love with you and his possessiveness had given you a small inkling of hope; and with every kiss and soft moan, that small inkling was building into a raging fire. He tasted of soju and coffee, the taste almost intoxicating. You know that alcohol was most likely clouding both your judgement, and that Taehyung was very much in a relationship. But with every passing moment locked in his embrace, those doubts and warnings disappeared, leaving you with nothing but a racing heart and a stomach full of heat. You pressed your body against Taehyung’s, pressed your lips harder against his as you poured out all your feelings into the kiss.

Taehyung let out a soft growl before reaching behind your back and unzipping your dress. He let it fall to the ground, the dress pooling around your feet, leaving you in your semi-soaked panties and no bra. You attempted to kick off your heels but Taehyung growled his disagreement and you let out a small giggle. You jumped up slightly, Taehyung easily catching you as you wrapped your legs around his waist, grinding your cloth-covered core against his own hardened cock. Taehyung let out a soft whine before he carried you towards your bedroom; your lips quickly breaking apart as he trailed kisses down your neck.

He tossed you onto the bed, before kneeling beside you. He stared down at you with intense dark eyes, eyes flitting over your body. You were flushed underneath him, your chest heaving as you breathed heavily, attempting to get your breathing under check. His eyes traced your body, from your collarbones, across your chest, groaning when your nipples hardened under his stare, forming twin peaks. He continued his perusal off your body, down your stomach and towards your hips and thighs. Your knees are slightly spread, giving him a hint of the arousal-soaked panties clinging to your core and leaving nothing to imagination. Taehyung licked his lips before he descended back down, picking your leg up.

He placed a small kiss on your ankle before trailing his lips up your leg, placing another kiss on your knee then your inner thigh. His lips trailed across your hips, his tongue tracing the bone before he kissed his way up to your belly button, circling and dipping hi wet appendage into it, causing you to arch your back and moan, begging him to stop teasing you. With every one of his ministrations, your heart ached. You briefly wondered if he fucked Hyorin like this, if we paid this much attention to her. You slightly shook your head, trying to push those damning thoughts out of your mind as you focused on Taehyung’s attention on your body.

Taehyung smirked against your skin. He continued up your body nuzzling the valley of your breasts and placing a tender kiss on your sternum. Continuing his worship of you, he brushed his lips against your collarbones, sucking on them slightly before running his nose up the length of your neck, placing soft kisses along your throat. Finally, he reached your lips, bending down and capturing your mouth once again with his. You gasped as one of his hands brushed up from your leg to grip your hip tightly. Taehyung used your gasp to his advantage, forcing his tongue into your mouth and massaging your own tongue with his. You moaned at the taste that was wholly him, pushing your lip even harder against his, trying to meld both of you into one being.

"Gods ____, you're so beautiful, " Taehyung whispered against your ear, biting the shell and tugging it slightly. Your heart plummets in your chest because it’s been sovery long since you’ve heard those words come out of his mouth and his tone is filled with so much emotion. Instead of responding you shake your head and pull him against you once more. If this was the only time, if this was your only chance with him, you didn’t want to waste it with meaningless words that would disappear when the sun rose and he returned to her.

“Stop talking Taehyung and just fuck me” You whisper, your tone pleading and filled with desperation as you stare into his lust filled eyes. Taehyung lets out a lazy boxy smile and you ignore the small lurch in your heart as he regards you with pure love. Once again, you wonder how many times Hyorin has seen this exact sight.

“Gladly Iris” Taehyung responds and you take in a shuddering breath, hoping it passes off for lust and not for the heartache you were really feeling. He bent his head forward and struck out his tongue, flicking your hardened nipple. You shuddered against his lips, this time with lust, causing him to smile before he pulled the nipple into his mouth, rolling it between his teeth while sucking on it. His hand moved from your hip to your other breast, kneading the mound in his hands before pinching and pulling your nipple, you moaned at the slight pain and Taehyung let out a wicked grin against your breast before once again tugging harshly again on the sensitive nipple. His lips moaned against your other breast and you felt the vibrations rush through your nerves and straight to your core, making your wetter. You brought your hands up to his head, your nails scratching his scalp as you hissed at him in pleasure. Taehyung let go off your nipple with a pop before attaching onto the next one and resuming his actions.

"Taehyung please, more. I need more. I need your mouth on me" You groaned, arching your back.

“You’re such a sin, a beautiful sin that belongs to no one else but me” Taehyung whispers before kissing down your stomach. You spread your legs wider, causing him to grin as he took in the sight of the darkened material clinging to your slit. The smell of your arousal was so strong he was almost lost himself further into the intoxication of alcohol and your scent, the combination driving him crazy with need. His member leaked against his boxers, his trousers becoming entirely too tight.

He leaned forward, licking your covered slit, making you whimper in pleasure. Taehyung smirked before repeating himself over and over again, teasing you endlessly, until you were thrashing around, grinding your core against his face, lashing, gyrating, doing anything that would stop his hellish teasing and cause more friction. Taehyung finally relented sucking your panty covered clit into his mouth, you let out a strangled scream as your bundle of nerves were finally stimulated. You screamed his name as Taehyung repeatedly sucked and lashed at your clit with his tongue until you finally came. You let out another incoherent scream as your hips lifted of the bed. Taehyung attached himself to your clit again sucking and drawing out your orgasm as he watched your eyes roll back. Taehyung sat up as you came down from your high, grinning down at you wickedly.

“Did I just make you cum from having your panties licked?” Taehyung teased and you let out a small whine when he pressed his thumb against your covered slit, rubbing up and down and spreading your wetness even more. You were almost positive you could never wear these again, they were wellpassed ruin.

"Great, now my panties are completely soaked" You pouted and Taehyung let out a small giggle, kisses the corner of your mouth as he tried to push your pout away. Once again, your heart cinches and you almost turn away, trying to blink away the tears. He far too attentive, too soft and too loving. Every action is filled with love and adoration and it both drives you wild and making you want to break down into a fit of sobs, because you know that as soon as daylight strikes, he’ll be far gone from you.

"Just how I like them," He replied with a wicked grin, drawing you back from your impending breakdown. You push away the thoughts once again and your eyes darkened with lust as you watched him slowly strip above you. Long, dextrous fingers move smoothly as he unbuttons and divests himself off his shirt, leaving nothing but a smooth expanse of tanned skin. Your eyes trail over his wide shoulders, before tracing down his body, dark nipples hard in the cold of his room and soft belly with small rolls making your heart hurt. You always loved Taehyung’s soft belly, so completely different from most guys with hard abs. So completely him.

You need to stop these treacherous thoughts. You can’t fall more in love with him and you need to somehow distract yourself. So, you use what little strength you have and flip him over. Taehyung lets out a choked yelp of surprise and quickly moves to push you until you begin trailing down his body. You press small kisses against the waistband of his trousers. You slowly unbutton them before pulling them down his legs, along with his boxers. His cock spring up and you jerk backwards, eyes wide at the sheer size of it.

It's beautiful. Long and so very thick, something you definitely were not expecting. His cock is smooth and tan, perfectly veined and his purple cockhead is angry and weeping with precum. He leaks down his own tip and cock and your mouth waters at the sheer sight of it all. You smiled at the large member, licking your lips as you imagined the way it would fill your mouth and the way it’ll no doubt stretch your pussy later. You kissed the base before kissing up the length until you reached the tip, licking the leaking head and almost moaning at the salted, tangy taste of him on your lips. You’re addicted. You know you are.

You grabbed the middle of his shaft gently and rubbed the tip along your lips, almost as if applying lipstick. Taehyung groans as you pleasured his frenulum before letting out a shark breath of air as you sucked on the tip, the tongue flicking against the tip over and over again. You slowly took the head in until the cockhead was completely in your mouth and then you began sucking. Hard. Taehyung gasped out, his fingers twisting into your long hair and trying to push your further down. However, you held still, sucking on the tip as you swirled your tongue around the tip causing Taehyung to buck his hips.

"Fuck, ____" Taehyung hissed, and you smiled at the begging, pleading tone that occupies his voice. You decide to have some sort of mercy on him and begin taking the rest of his thick, long cock in your mouth. Your jaw aches and you’ve barely taken any of his cock and he’s already hitting the back of your throat, but you refuse to give up. Inch by inch, you continue swallowing him down your throat and when he hits your gag reflex to choke slightly and hold still. Tears pull in your eyes but you calm down, breath as much as you can through your nose before you swallow. Taehyung let’s out a choked groan, bucking slightly into you as slowly swallow him whole. You internally cheer victoriously when your nose hits against the wiry dark hair around his crotch, trimmed neatly.

"God yes, take that cock in," Taehyung moaned, holding your head as you gagged on his engorged dick. You started bobbing up and down, Taehyung helping as he thrust up and into your mouth, you smiled against his dick before moving one hand down to his balls, raking your long fingers along the tender flesh.

"Shit yes" Taehyung murmured in pleasure. While sucking on his dick, you ran your hot tongue along the base of his dick, right in the middle causing Taehyung to shudder and hiss once again as your teeth raked against the base all the way to his tip. Taehyung was elated from the feeling of your hot, warm and silky mouth around his dick. He felt the coil in his abdomen winding tighter and tighter as his orgasm approached.

"I'm coming baby, that's it. Yes! Make me cum" Taehyung groaned, bucking his hips erratically and fucking your mouth while you continued bobbing your head up and down, gagging every now and then. You felt his dick swell and let his cock go with a pop before sucking one of his balls into your mouth, Taehyung yelling in pleasure as your fist pumped his dick up and down.

"Cumming. Fuck I'm cumming. Fuck, sweetheart swallow my cum" Taehyung orders and you quickly released his balls from your mouth to wrap around the tip of his dick, taking it all in once again as his cum rushed out of his dick and down your throat. You moaned at the slightly salty taste of his cum, drinking it down as he continued to spill it into your throat while you continued lightly massaging his balls. Several pumps later, Taehyung was finally done and you came of his dick, licking your lips and grinning up at him. Taehyung stared at you through lidded eyes before beckoning you up.

"F-face. Sit on my face" Taehyung gasped out as he came down from his orgasm induced high. You quickly shimmied out of your underwear before crawling over him, not needing to be told twice. You swung one of your knees over his head being careful not to accidentally hit him until your legs were spread over his face, Taehyung stared at your folds, licking his lips at the completely soaked lips and your quivering pussy, almost dripping on his face.

"God are you always this wet? You tasted so sweet before, I wonder whether you taste better straight from that sweet, sweet cunt" Taehyung whispered against your pussy before tugging your slit into his mouth.

"Only for you Taehyung. Always for you" You confessed into the night, your voice low, before you bent backwards, placing one of your hands on his chest, the other moving up to play with your breasts. You didn’t think you were loud enough for him to hear you. But he does.

"You're damn right. No one else will ever see you like this. You're mine" Taehyung growled possessively against your slit, and you close your eyes, glad that he can’t see the pain etched onto your face. You stare up at the ceiling, blinking out the tears of despair, something you shouldn’t be doing when Taehyung is buried face deep between your legs. But you can’t control it. You swallow thickly and bite your lips.

“Just make me cum” You choke out, you want to walk away. But Taehyung is like a drug and instead you find yourself falling deeper and deeper into him. The small part of you wonders and hopes, that maybe after all this is done, maybe he may stay. Maybe Jimin was right and Taehyung really loved you, and was too blind to see it. Maybe you could show him, you were the one for him.

“Don’t worry Iris, you’ll be coming so many times you’ll be begging me to stop by the end of the night” Taehyung promises ominously from under your folds, swatting your ass as he did so.

He pointed his tongue and licked it up and down your slit, parting your folds slightly. You ground your hips, trying to get him to enter your as you rolled your nipples between your fingers. Taehyung moved his hands to hold your hips still as he continued teasing you. He pulled your folds into his mouth, teeth raking over the sensitive flesh causing you to shriek in pleasure and increase your efforts in moving your hips. Taehyung nuzzled your clit with his nose before parting your lips slightly and harshly licking a line from your core to your clit before sucking on the bundle of nerves. You were dripping all over his face, your pussy quivering as your best friend worked his sinful magic with his tongue. He lapped at your clit over and over again causing before nibbling slowly on the bundle and you let out a small shriek as you begin cumming all over his tongue.

"Taehyung!" You screamed, Taehyung let go of your hips causing you to buck wildly into his mouth.

As you were coming down from your orgasm, he moved his hands and used his thumbs to spread your lips and stuck his tongue into your core, swirling his tongue before thrusting it in and out, tasting your sweet nectar as the thick juices coated his tongue. You tasted so sweet, almost like the forbidden nectar of the gods. He groaned against you, your pussy clamping around his tongue from your orgasm. Taehyung moved one of his hands to your clit, pinching and pulling on it as he tried to get your to cum again. You screamed as he tugged harshly on your little pearl, falling forward and gripping tightly onto the headboard.

“Stop, oh gods Taehyung please stop” You beg, but Taehyung just thrusts two fingers into you. You wince slightly at the stretch but begin losing yourself into your third, almost painful orgasm from your still sensitive quivering lips as Taehyung thrusts his fingers in wildly, angling them to hit your g-spot with each thrust.

“Beg” Taehyung demands and you fall forward, gripping onto the bed frame as you shake violently over him, thighs quaking on either side of his head. Your eyes roll back into your skull and you try to move away, but one of Taehyung’s hand grips you ass tightly, holding you near him.

“I said beg” Taehyung once against demands, lips vibrating and causing you to shriek in pleasure once again. He pinches your clit with his thumb and forefinger and its more than you can take.

“FUCK! Taehyung! Taehyung make me cum, please. Please I can’t. I need you to make me cum” You sob and Taehyung smirks against your folds at your words.

Taehyung moved his lips to your clit, thrusting his two fingers into your core with newfound energy, twisting and pumping them in. He felt the spongy tissue of your g-spot and grinned before biting down lightly on your clit as he rubbed your g-spot. You stilled above him, your knuckles white as you clenched the headboard. Then with a loud, incoherent scream you gushed all over his tongue, the pain of him biting your clit, the over sensitisation of your sex and pleasure of his fingers against your g-spot making your squirt all over his mouth. Taehyung groaned, moving his mouth over your lips and sucking them as you flooded his mouth. You breathed heavily before falling down and rolling off of him, being careful not to suffocate him with your dripping slit. Although Taehyung couldn't think of a better way to die. You hit your head on the pillow, chest heaving, breasts jiggling slightly as the waves of pleasure continued to rush through your body. Your body convulsed and you shut your thighs as tears dripped down your cheeks.

"We're not done yet baby" Taehyung said softly, brushing the matted hair out of your eyes, taking in the sight of you glistening from sweat and still in the aftershocks of your orgasm. His hands wandered up your knees and spread them before he crawled in between.

"I love you, so much" Taehyung whispers quietly and your heart races and soars at his admission. Hope once against ignites in your chest, especially when he kissed your forehead before slowly entering you. He rubs his cockhead against your entrance and slowly begins pushing in. You let out a small whimper when his sheer girth begins stretching you out. You wince, but lay still, letting him slowly fuck you open with his massive cock. When he’s finally buried deep inside you, you almost feel sick, he’s so deep he’s buried in your guts but you would have it no other way. You feel more connected to him than you ever have and you know after this, you’re completely ruined for anyone else. Taehyung moans in pleasure as your velvety walls wrapped around him.

"I love you too Taehyung. Always. It’s always been you" You confessed back, a tear slipping down your cheek as you wrap your arms around his neck. Taehyung buried his face into the crook between your throat and collarbones, breathing in your scent, eyes rolling back as your pussy clamped around him and then he begins thrusting. He slowly pulls out, whining when he feels your walls grip around each and every inch before thrusting all the way back in.

"Harder Taehyung, give it to me" You begged, Taehyung smirking as he began to thrust harder and faster. You screamed his name as he moved his arms so they were on either side of your head, bracing all his weight on them. He moved his head so that it was on top of yours, watching as you looked up at him, through half lidded eyes, your face contorted in pleasure as he thrust his cock into your, his pelvic bone brushing against your clit with every thrust.

"I'm going to cum again Taehyung" You whispered hoarsely, throat dry and strained from all your screaming. Taehyung lifted one of your legs and placed it on his shoulder, allowing him to go deeper into you. You hissed in pain; you didn’t think it was possible for him to go any deeper and yet there he was. Your legs were spread wide and he was thrusting so hard and deep that there were hints of pain entangled with the pleasure but you could do nothing except just lay and take it.

"Cum around my cock baby" Taehyung urged, speeding up his thrusts before angling them so he hit your g-spot with every plunge of his cock.

"Fuck" You hissed, arching your back as you came. Taehyung latched onto your breast, sucking and teasing your nipple as you milked his cock. Taehyung flipped you over so you were on top of him, dick still buried deep in your pussy. He placed his hands behind his head, watching your breasts sway as you breathed, completely entranced by the way them moved with every breath.

"Ride me babe" Taehyung urged, you moving your hips slowly, grinding lazily against his dick as you lacked enough energy to do anything else. After a few minutes of the slow pace Taehyung grew impatient and moved his hands to your hips. He lifted you up before pulling your down as he thrust up, plunging his dick as deep as he could. You let out a small yelp as he continued his harsh thrusting. You could feel your orgasm approaching fast, your sensitive walls rubbing against Taehyung' dick, the friction almost too much. The sound of sweaty skin slapping filled the bedroom along with your soft whines and Taehyung’s deep, raspy breaths.

"Are you cumming again baby?" Taehyung questioned as your face twisted, your eyelids closing completely as you threw your head back in pleasure. You fell down, your palms on the bed on either side of his head as you struggled to stay up.

"Yes! I'm cumming again" You moaned, Taehyung smiling as he moved one hand to play with your clit roughly before lifting his neck and suckling on the breast that was dangling in front of his face. His other hand manipulated your hips so that you continued moving. You convulsed on top of him again, your voice cracking as you groaned out his name. Taehyung, however wasn’t finished yet. You hoped to the gods above that he was close because you were running out of fumes at this point. No wonder he had a reputation, his stamina was almost unmatched. Taehyung turned you over so you were on your knees. Even he could tell you were nearing your end, both from your heavy breathing and the way your head was resting against the pillow, your ass sticking up into the air. Taehyung grabbed your hips and entered again, you letting out a soft moan, both in pain and pleasure as your swollen pussy gripped and rippled against him uncontrollably.

"Taehyung… last one?" You gasped out, letting him know that you couldn't go on after this.

"Yeah baby, don't worry this is the last I promise" Taehyung said as he began to thrust into you quickly. You weren’t expecting it and with how wet both you and he were, he slid in so easily that he immediately hit the back of your cervix. You let out a small scream as he began a brutal, punishing pace.

Taehyung reached down and grabbed your hair, pulling your head up causing your back to arch downwards as he continued to thrust into you. He watched your fleshy ass bounce and shake as he thrust into you. He moved his other hand across your back before smacking your ass. You screamed out his name, your walls clamping around his cock causing him to groan at the feeling. Taehyung smirked before he spanked your again. He increased the speed of his thrusts, spanking your ass until it was deep red, you bucking your hips in both pain and pleasure. Taehyung kept his grip on your hair, pulling it as he continued to spank you. He felt his orgasm approaching and knew he wouldn't last long. He let go of your hair before bending over you, the speed of his thrusts decreasing, instead plunging into you with long powerful strokes. He moved his hand to between your thighs, rubbing your clit. You let out a shriek as he thrust in particularly deep. One of his hands moved to rub against your stomach and he groaned low into your ear.

“I’m going to cum soon baby. I’m going to cum and fill this belly with all my cum and you’re going to take it aren’t you? Like my good little cum dump, you’re going to let me breed you. Aren’t you baby?” Taehyung asked, his huge hands splayed across your lower belly as his thumb continued brushing against your clit. His words caused your cunt to grip around him once again as you imagined the feeling of him shooting his cum so deep within you.

“Yes, god yes Taehyung fill me up. I want nothing more” You plead and Taehyung chuckles against your ear.

“Whatever you want sweetheart. I’m going to fill you up so good and watch that pretty little pussy drip with my cum” Taehyung promises before he resumes his brutal pace, pinching and rubbing your clit in hard circles. You stilled once again before you arched off the bed, your whole-body shuddering as you squirted once again, all over Taehyung' dick. Taehyung felt your gush around him and couldn't help himself, the speed and power of his thrusts increased, going as fast as he can while you continued to gush.

"Please! Taehyung please cum in me! I can't take it anymore! Please cum in me! Please just cum" You sob, your voice strained and raspy as you plead. Taehyung presses his chest against hard against your back and thrusts in deep, hitting your cervix once again before cumming in you. His palms grip your hips harshly as he pulls you to him, trying to get in as deep as he can go. He lets out a strained roar as he begins filling you up. His cock spurts out his seed, coating your walls in his cum and filling you up completely. He stays in you for the duration of his orgasm, his dick pulsing and twitching as he rides of the aftershocks of his orgasm. When he’s finally finished, Taehyung pulls out his flaccid dick before falling onto the bed, completely spent. You moaned at the feeling of Taehyung' cum dripping out of your before you rolled onto your side, pressed up against his sweaty body.

A small part of you wants to speak about what just happened, but you’re far too exhausted to care at this point so instead, you give into your heavy lids and allow sleep to take you. Taehyung is right next to you as you fall asleep, completely spent and equally passed out. However, your last thought before succumbing to exhaustion is how much you’re dreading what will happen when the sun cums up and the alcohol is out both your systems.

“Oh fuck. Oh, fucking fuck” You hear a voice and you’re immediately roused from sleep. You groan and open your eyes, hissing slightly at the bright light. You sit up and immediately regret your decision as every single one of your muscles protests the movement. You feel stickiness between your legs along with the ache and soreness and immediately you’re wide awake. Last night’s memories come crashing down and you snap your head to the panicking boy, who’s staring at you with horror and regret.

“What the fuck happened last night?” Taehyung rages and you wince at his loud voice. You knewthe alcohol had clouded your judgement and now you were paying the consequences. Of course, it wasn’t all your fault. Taehyung had equally, if not, more of the blame considering he started it from what you recalled. But you were still hoping for something, anythingespecially after his confession last night.

“Well we obviously fucked. Do you not remember?” You ask and Taehyung growls and your heartbeat increases as you remember how he growled at you last night.

“Obviously I fucking remember. God, ____ this is such a mess, what am I going to do?” Taehyung asks and you wonder what he means.

“What do you mean?” You ask stupidly and Taehyung send you a ‘are you serious’ look.

“About Hyorin, ____? What am I supposed to do about Hyorin?” Taehyung asks and you wince.

“Well, you’re going to tell her and break up with her, aren’t you?” You ask and Taehyung scoffs, looking at you as if you had two heads.

“Why would I break up with her? I love her! She can’t know this happened. You can’t tell her. This has to stay between us” Taehyung pleads and you stiffen. Your blood runs cold and you can do nothing but look at him in a completely new light. What did he mean he loved her? Didn’t he confess his love for you yesterday? Was it all just a lie? You can feel the tears well up in your eyes as your heartbreaks for the countless time, all because of Taehyung.

“You… Taehyung how am I supposed to keep this between us? You cheated on your girlfriend. With me. How am I supposed to act as if nothing has changed?” You ask and Taehyung sighs.

“___, it was just sex. Meaningless sex. I love Hyorin. She’s the one I want to marry” Taehyung says and your heart immediately plummets in your chest and suddenly it feels like your chest is caving in and it hurts.Your heart hurtsso much that it’s hard to breathe.

“Mean- Meaningless sex? Taehyung, you told me you loved me” You reply with a broken, almost emotionless voice as your brain tries to comprehend his words.

“I didn’t mean it. At least not in that sense. ____, I’m sorry but last night was a mistake. We were both drinking and we didn’t make the right decisions. I don’t love you. Last night meant nothing” Taehyung says and your worst fears are confirmed.

“But Taehyung, it meant something to me.I love you. I wasn’t lying when I told you I loved you. I loveyou” You heartbrokenly confess and Taehyung lets out a deep sigh.

“I know” Taehyung whispers and your head snaps to him, staring at him with bewilderment and fear.

“What? What did you say? You knew? How did you know?” You ask, your voice louder than before. This could not be happening. Within the space of a few words your life was slowly falling apart.

“I knew. At least, I had an idea. Hyorin told me. I didn’t believe her at first but she was convinced and worried about how I would leave her for you. It’s why we haven’t been spending as much time together. I didn’t want to lead you on and… I love Hyorin” Taehyung confesses and despite how much you want to break down and cry, you grit your teeth.

“Excuse me? Did you… did you just admit that you chose Hyorin over me? Because she was fucking worried about me taking you away from her? And you agreed? I was your best fucking friend Taehyung. Despite how long I have loved you, I have never once stood in the way of your happiness and I would never, neverjeopardise your relationship. How could you? I thought you knew me better than that” You seethe, your voice full of dismay and disbelief.

“Yes, well last night definitely jeopardised my relationship, don’t you think” Taehyung sneers and you find yourself reeling.

“Don’t. Don’t fucking put this all on me. I wasn’t even looking to sleep with you yesterday. You, you fucking did this. I was happily going to go home with Yugyeom until you pulled me away. You have just as much blame in this as me” You fume, pointing an accusatory finger at him.

“Fuck. Okay listen, last night never fucking happened. I’m sorry. I know you love me, but I don’t… I can’tlove you like that. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry and I hope somehow, we can recover from this. But last night was a mistake. I love Hyorin, I’m so fucking in love with her. Last night may have given you hope, but I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean any of my words and I’m so sorry but I regret it all. I don’t want to hurt you, but… I could never love you the way I love her” Taehyung confesses and the last word ring loudly in your head over and over again.

‘I could never love you the way I love her’.

Ten words. Ten whole words strung together with so much meaning. You could never comprehend how much words could rip your life apart. That was until today. Suddenly, you felt completely numb and the ache in your heart simply grows larger and stronger until it is all you can feel. Taehyung is still rambling, but you hear none of it. Instead, all you can hear are those ten words ringing deep in your mind. You need to leave. You need to somehow get out of here or make him leave. You need something, you need space. But most importantly you need him gone.

“Get out” You whisper and Taehyung stops mid rant, looking at you in panic and wide eyed. He notices the blank expression on your face and immediately walks towards you, trying to comfort you. But when his touch once used to soothe the demons in your soul, his touch now simply burns and you can’t help but cowering away. Taehyung’s jerks his hand back, looking at you in fear. You had never once shrunk away from him but here you were, staring at him with an expressionless face and cowering from him and suddenly, he felt as if he were the worst person on this planet. He never wanted to hurt you.

“Iris, I’m sorry” Taehyung begins, but you cut him off with a scoff, blinking away the hot tears.

“Don’t. Don’t call me that. I’m not your Iris, I’m not your anything. Please just leave” You say and your words burn into Taehyung’s being. His eyes are wide and suddenly he wants to cry beside you.

“No, please. Don’t say that. Don’t fucking say that. You’re my Iris, my best friend. ____ please, please don’t run away from me” Taehyung pleads, he wants to reach out and touch you but he knows it’s the last thing you want. You notice your state of undress and suddenly you feel sick and dirty and all you want to do is shower and remove the scent and feel of him off of your skin. You pick up your sheets and cling them tightly to you, as if they are your last line of defence.

“No. No I’m not. Not anymore. I can’t be your best friend anymore, I can’t be your Iris. I don’t think you understand Taehyung. I have been in love with you for six years now. You have owned every inch of my heart for six years and I’m tired. I’m emotionally exhausted and completely drained. I’m tired of you breaking my heart. I thought… I thought I could deal with it, but after yesterday after your words today, I can’t. I love you, but I love myself more. And I need you gone, out of my room and out of my life. Please” You plead and Taehyung feels a sharp pain in his chest at the completely exhaustion and defeat in your voice and the way tears simply fall from your eyes. But you don’t notice them, instead you’re simply staring blankly at him. Except you’re not looking at him, but through him. It’s as if you can’t see him, that he’s completely removed from your life.

“I… I’ll go. But I’m not leaving your life. I’ll leave your room but please. You’re my best friend, I need you. Please don’t leave me” Taehyung pleads but you don’t respond. You’re too tired to respond, so you choose to not say anything. You vaguely register him gathering his clothes before walking towards your bedroom door.

“I need to go see Hyorin… but this conversation isn’t over. I don’t want to lose you” Taehyung says, conviction in his voice and then he leaves. He disappears through the door and it may not seem like it for him, but for you, that’s your final goodbye. By the time you respond, he’s long gone and far from ear shot and your words fall on deaf ears in the silence of your bedroom.

“You’ve already lost me”

In a way, you think you’re lucky that whatever happened, happened at the time it did. You had slept with Taehyung a few days before your university broke up for the holidays. But considering it had happened during the second term, it also meant that you were officially done with classes and all that was left was for you to sit your exams and then graduate. Which consequently meant, that if you played it right, you’d never have to see Taehyung ever again. The decision was hard to make. But as you sat in the quiet of your room, the day Taehyung had walked out after your one-night stand; you decided that you were too tired, too drained to continue loving him. Especially when it was unrequited.

So, you used your newfound heartache and directed it to something productive. You pushed Taehyung and your feelings as far out of your mind as you could and instead you directed all your energy into revising for your finals. You barely spent any time in your apartment, instead choosing to practically live in the library. The only time you were home was to shower and catch some quick sleep but then you were gone. Before anyone noticed you were home. Before Taehyung could find you. You spent the past few months doing nothing but revising and studied and it had all paid off. You had just finished your final exam and it was like a huge weight had been lifted off of your shoulders.

But now that you were done with your exams, you had nothing else to focus on. You had nothing else to run to in order to distract you from your woeful unrequited love. But that didn’t mean you couldn’t run away. You thanked your lucky star that Taehyung’s art and photography exam was about to start, just as you finished, which meant that the house was most likely empty unless Jimin was home. Subsequently, that also meant you had a couple of hours to pack up all your things and move out before anyone could stop you. Sure, you’d have to be back in a few months for the graduation ceremony and then once again to complete your Masters, but for now it was enough time to begin getting over Taehyung. To put even more distance between the two of you. A vacation was exactly what you needed.

You quickly rushed back to your apartment, letting out a breath of relief when you found the home empty. You quickly gathered some boxes and your suitcases, packing everything as quick as you could. Mainly the essentials; you figured you could get the rest of it some other time. Or even have Jimin send them to you. A couple hours later you had packed everything you’d need for a long vacation away and the rest of the stuff were in boxes for you to collect when you were ready. Your flight was booked, even if it had decimated the entirety of your bank account but you figured you could find a job at Jeju Island to get you by. Plus, you had some savings that you could make use of for a few weeks. You grabbed your suitcase and opened your bedroom door but only came face to chest with someone. You steeled yourself and looked up before letting out a shriek of relief.

“Fucking hell! Park Jimin, don’t you ever scare me like that again!” You scream, smacking him in the middle of the chest. Jimin however doesn’t move, instead he’s looking at you with a sad smile.

“You were really going to leave without saying goodbye?” He asks quietly and you feel the pang of guilt in your chest. Jimin was a good man. And an even better friend. He had tried to help you and while you may have not been as close to him as you had been with Taehyung; he was still a friend you cherished. And you’d miss him. You knew you would.

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t take any chances” You say apologetically and Jimin nods before entering. He looks around at the empty room littered with boxes before sitting down on your completely stripped bed.

“I never realised how big and empty this room could be. It looks… dead without all your stuff” Jimin says quietly and you bite your lip, unsure what to say. You need to get out as soon as possible or risk Taehyung coming back and catching you. You assume Jimin notices your shiftiness and restlessness because he lets out a small, humourless chuckle.

“He’s not going to be back for a while don’t worry. He’s out with Hyorin” Jimin says and he spits her name with so much venom that even youwince.

“Jimin… I’m sorry” You whisper and Jimin shakes his head, his shoulders shaking with rage before he explodes.

“No! You’re not the one at fault! It’s Taehyung and that stupid bitch who’s turning him against all his friends. She’s manipulative. So, fucking manipulative and he doesn’t even see it. You know she stopped him from seeing me? I’m a bad influence apparently, just because I bring home a lot of women. It’s not as if he sleeps with them. God, I hate her and now you’re leaving because of her and him and I hate them even more” Jimin fumes and you put your bag down and approach him, hugging him tightly.

“Don’t say that. He’s your best friend and he’s going to need you. I need you to look out for him Jimin. Please, for me” You ask and Jimin shakes his head, fists clenched at his sides.

“No! I don’t want to! He’s pushed you away and he’s going to regret it so fucking much. I know you slept together and I know exactly what happened the next day. I heard it all. These walls are so fucking thin and I fucking heard how he confessed his love and I was so fucking happy. But then I heard what that idiotsaid the next day and how he said it and I know… I fucking knowhow much he broke your heart and he’s a fucking coward. He loves you. I fucking know he does but he’s so far up her ass he can’t even see it. But he’s going to fucking regret it. I know he is. Right now, he thinks he can still make it up with you despite it being three fucking months but he can’t. And now you’re leaving and he’s going to see just how much he fucked up and I’m glad. He’s such a fucking coward and I don’t fucking know who he is anymore.” Jimin seethes, mouth practically foaming in rage and you have no words to calm him down.

“I know. I know this all Jimin but I’m leaving and no matter what he’s done he’s still our best friend and he needs us. He needs youbecause I can’t be here for him anymore. I can’t do it without losing my sanity. But despite it all, I still fucking love him and it hurts. It hurts so much and I need to go away but I can’t if I know he’s alone. So please, Park Jimin, promise me you’ll look after him even if it’s from afar. I know him and I know he’ll try and run after me and he’ll look for me and feel so guilty he won’t be able to sleep or eat, but I needyou to look after him. Make sure he eats, make sure he sleeps, make sure he doesn’t break down. I need you to do that for me, please” You beg, your tone laced with desperation and Jimin sighs before pulling you in for a hug.

“You are a beautiful human being and if there was one thing Taehyung got right, it was that no one deserves you. Not even him. But fine, for you, I’ll look after him. Just make sure you keep in touch? If not with him, with me. It doesn’t have to be often. Just every now and then drop me a text that lets me know you’re alright. Please” Jimin pleads and you nod against his chest, hugging him tighter to you.

“I promise. I have to go now, I’ve got a flight to catch. Take care of Taehyung and please take care of yourself” You say and Jimin nods from above your head.

“Take care of yourself too. And find someone else. Find someone better and fall in love again and make sure they love you back. You deserve that and so much more. So please, just find someone. Don’t close yourself to love” Jimin advises and you take his words to heart, silently promising yourself to move on and find someone worth your time. Someone who won’t break your heart.

“I promise. Now I really have to go or I’m going to miss my flight. Goodbye Jimin” You call out, waving bye before leaving. Jimin watches you walk out of the apartment once and for all and he can’t help but feel as if he’s lost a part of home. Even if you weren’t super close, he knew he’d miss coming home to you doing yoga, or returning to you watching the most random TV series on Netflix. Despite everything, you were still a piece of his home and now that you were gone, the house felt emptier than it should have.

You had once assumed you’d always be in love with Taehyung. But the longer you spend in Jeju, away from him and with his callous words still ringing in your mind, the easier you find it to slowly move on. Taehyung’s words hurt, but the more nights you spend awake at three am thinking about them, the more you realise it would probably never work. The more you realise all he did was take you for granted. You didn’t care that Taehyung didn’t love you back, at least not anymore. What bothered you so much was how he handled everything, the way he threw his words heartlessly, without any thought you how you felt. The more you thought back to your relationship, the more you realised that was often the case. Taehyung was one to speak first and think and apologise later. Of course, he had never meant it to be malicious and he couldn’t intentionally hurt a fly. But that didn’t mean it was excusable, especially when his words and tone were cruel enough to completely dismiss your feelings.

You sigh in fatigue before checking your phone; 1:18am it read and you curse Taehyung for another sleepless night. You were practically nocturnal at this point, staying up all night surrounded by thoughts of the entire Taehyung dilemma. You rubbed your face and got out of bed, deciding to take a walk down the beach pier. Not that anyone really used it so late at night bar a few stragglers. You quickly get dressed before leaving the safety of your Airbnb. You made your way down towards the beach, the walk almost second nature to you. You had found a job working at the pier; considering it was summer it meant that the place was packed with tourists and businesses were more than happy for the extra help.

You walk along the pier, looking at the various arcades, all shut and completely dark. It’s completely different to the usual scene you’re met when you work nights, with bright prismatic lights illuminating the pier from the various attractions. But then again, it’s nearing 4am so why would they be on or even open currently. You’re about to turn back when a very familiar noise draws your attention. It’s the arcade-restaurant you work at and for some reason, the lights of the games are all flashing and on. The sight is particularly peculiar considering the rest of the pier is completely dead and silent. Curiosity wins you over and you decide to investigate.

You enter the arcade and come face to side with a boy who looks roughly the same age as you. He’s giggling to himself as he plays the first-person shooter game, drawing up more points than you’ve ever seen. You assume he’s going for the record and can’t help but think that with his skills, he definitely will break it. He’s got dark chocolate hair that falls into his eyes softly and wide, round almond almost doe like eyes. His ears are pierced multiple times, at least from the angle you see him at and he’s got soft pink, albeit slightly thin lips. His jaw is strong and defined and from the thin t-shirt you can tell his arms are completely muscular and packed with muscle. His chest looks well defined and his thighs even more so, the muscles bulging and rippling in his tight trousers. He giggles, his face scrunching adorably and he’s got the cutest, almost rabbit-esque smile and you wonder if it was possible to be enchanted by teeth.

All in all, he’s completely opposite to Taehyung.

“What are you doing here? Don’t you know this place is closed” He says, looking at you with a slight mischievous look, his game awaiting him to place in some more tokens before he can continue. You raise an eyebrow and shrug.

“Of course, I do. I work in the restaurant in the day time. I was merely curious as to why the lights were on and why the music was playing. So, tell me, don’t youknow this place is closed? So technically, aren’t you breaking and entering?” You question and he laughs once again, the sound rings in your head and your brain goes blank. It’s a wonderful sound, soft and sweet, yet with a lower note to it that has you completely enthralled.

“I don’t think it’s possible for me to break and enter into my own restaurant or arcade. Well technically, my dad owns it. But you catch me drift” He says with a wink and you roll your eyes; you approach him with less caution, watching as he inserts the token and resumes his game.

“Ah, the owner’s son. Why didn’tI guess that? So, you any good?” You ask and he throws you a lopsided grin.

“I’ll have you know, I’m the seventh-year reigning champion. I come down here every summer to just chill out and play games. Every record in the arcade belongs to me. All I have to do is beat myself each year to ensure I remain reigning champion” he boasts and you scoff at his misplaced sense of achievement. Then again, holding a record for seven years is definitely something impressive. Especially a record for every single game. You guess his sense of achievement isn’t so misplaced after all.

“So, what are you doing here? It’s unusual for women to be walking alone so late at night. Not that you shouldn’t. I’m sure you can defend yourself perfect and wait, not that you should haveto defend yourself but you knowsome people are pricks. You know what, I’m just going to shut up” he rambles and suddenly all his bravado is gone and you’re left with an adorably shy guy, his lips slightly pouting and his cheeks flushed.

“Cute” You whisper without meaning to and you quickly clamp your hands over your mouth, but he hears it and all he does is laugh.

“So, you think I’m cute?” He asks and giggling when you shake your head in panic.

“I could say the same about you. I’m Jungkook by the way. Jeon Jungkook” Jungkook introduces and you not to him.

“____. Kim ____. Nice to meet you Jungkook-ssi” You greet back and he sends you a bright smile, eyes crinkling in the corner.

“So, you wanna join? Perks of being the owner’s son is I get all the free, unlimited tokens I want” Jungkook says, wiggling his eyebrows and despite yourself, you let out a small snort.

“Of course, you do and sure why not, I have nothing better to be doing” You accept, taking him up on his offer and Jungkook immediately stops shooting, bringing a quick end to his game. The screen counts down before the dramatic ‘You Died’ screen pops up.

“I hope you feel special, I don’t just selfishly sacrifice myself for just anyone” Jungkook teases and you stick your tongue out at him.

“I didn’t askyou to do that, though did I?” You mock and Jungkook rolls his eyes before he enters some more tokens, this time for both of you.

“Is this how my kindness is repaid? With mockery? Oh, my poor wounded heart” Jungkook jests, a dramatic hand on his heart as he scrunches up his face in mock pain. You once again stick your tongue out at him before gesturing to the game.

“Oh, come on Bun Boy, let’s just play” You joke and Jungkook throws a fake affronted look.

“Bun Boy? Now you’re really going to get it Kim. I refuse to go easy on you” Jungkook threatens and you let out a small laugh.

“Alright, bring it on Jeon” You challenge and soon the two of you begin playing your game.

You spend the entire night laughing and playing various different arcade games before Jungkook offers you a walk on the beach just because. You talk about nothing and yet you talk about everything. Each conversation is completely meaningless and yet that in itself has meaning. You don’t tell him about Taehyung, you don’t tell him anything of true substance and yet by the end, you feel you know Jungkook almost as well as you know Taehyung and you feel he knows you just as well. You don’t think you’ve felt so carefree in years, it’s like all your problems have disappeared for a night. Jungkook is like a breath of fresh air, full of life and jokes and his slightly weirdtendencies have you cracking up, like the way he randomly screeches some inhumane noises, or how he randomly dances or twerks. Not once do you think of Kim Taehyung. There is not a single moment where he even crosses your mind. It’s early into the morning when you find yourself sitting on the beach with him, facing the sunrise.

Jungkook has long since crashed, his body curled up next to you, hair full of sand as he lets out small high-pitched snores. You however, still aren’t able to sleep. But not for any other reason than that for the first time in months, you’ve felt completely alive. It’s as if the one night with Jungkook has completely recharged your battery. You know longer feel restless or emotionally drained. All the small meaningless conversations with Jungkook puts everything into perspective. Everything passes. Everything goes. And you finally realise that Taehyung too will pass. You close your eyes and breathe in deeply, smelling the refreshing salted air. You feel the warmth of the sun and you open your eyes, smiling at the amber lit sky, the colours of dawn painted across the sky.

You can’t help but feel as if this is a new beginning.

“Where is she?” Taehyung asks and Jimin simply rolls his eyes.

“Jimin please, you have to tell me. I have to find her! She’s been gone for weeks. I haveto find her” Taehyung pleads and Jimin scoffs at him.

“Why? Haven’t hurt her enough?” Jimin taunts and Taehyung flinches at the harsh tone of his best friend’s voice.

“I know. I know I made some mistakes, but I have to find her and make things right. Please… I can’t… I can’t lose her” Taehyung says dejectedly and Jimin’s ire once again rises.

“Fuck you Taehyung. Fuck you and your god damn role of playing the victim. It was youractions that forced her to run away. You were so fucking awful to her and don’t think I don’t fucking know” Jimin begins and Taehyung’s eyes widen slightly.

“Jimin-“ Taehyung tries to cut him off but Jimin shakes his head.

“No. No! You willfucking listen to me and only when I’m done will you speak” Jimin seethes and Taehyung immediately shuts up, knowing that Jimin is the last person you’d want to anger when already angry.

“I was there. I was fucking there when I watched you drag her away from Yugyeom and I thought, finally. Finally,he realises just exactly what he feels but just in case I followed you home and when I got here, I heardyou fuck her. I heardyou tell her you loved her and I heard her finally confess her love for you and once again I thought, finally. Maybe I won’t have to watch you slowly break that poor girl apart with your dumb one-night stands and then even more with your relationship with Hyorin. I thought that finally, ____ would get the happiness she deserves. I have watchedher be in love with you for almost as long as she’s known you. I have watched you break her apart with every one-night stand and then I watched her break apart every time, every single fucking timeyou ditched her for Hyorin. And you know what?” Jimin stop his tirade and takes in a deep breath before he continues.

“She never fucking complained. She just took all the hurt you dished out and she never once demanded anything from you. She nevercomplained and the gods know she was well within her fucking right to do so. Youabandoned her. You chose Hyorin, Hyorinof all people over her, the girl who has stood by your side no matter what, who has loved you unconditionally for as long as she’s known what love is. And you threwit all aside for Hyorin. And then how do you repay her? By sleeping with her and then trying to blame it all on her so that you can save your farce of a relationship. Just like I heard you fuck her, I heard you tell her you could neverlove her the next day. How the fuck do you think that made her feel? When you so recklessly threw aside her own feelings and used your words so callously to make her feel so small. She ran away to get away from you. To get away from all the pain you caused her. You didn’t fucking see her the day she left. How tired she looked, how fucking exhausted and lifeless she was. But I did. I fucking saw it and my heart broke her for all over again. So fucking tell me Kim Taehyung, do you deserve to even think about losing her?” Jimin finally spat out, ending his rant and Taehyung looked so lost and broken that Jimin almostregretted his words. But then he remembered you and the shell of a person you had become and he was angry all over again.

“I know. I know what I did. I know what I said. You don’t have to remind me because I know. It haunts me every night that I could have hurt her like that. I… that night was the best night of my life but I was so convinced Hyorin was the one that I hurt the only girl I have ever cared about. And I regret it. I regret is so fucking much Jimin. I… I love her and I know, I know I don’t get to say that now. It shouldn’t have taken me losing her to find out just how much she means to me but I miss her. I miss her so fucking much and it hurts. It fucking hurts. But I need to find her, I need to tell her what I feel and I need to at least try and make amends because not having her here is making me lose my fucking mind. I can’t be without her. I can’t fucking lose her Jimin” Taehyung rants, his voice is filled with need and desperation but Jimin simply shakes his head.

“I’m sorry Taehyung, but I still can’t tell you where she is. Mainly because she hasn’t told me. I’m sorry it took you all this to finally realise what you feel, but it may be too late. You’ve already lost her” Jimin says, his tone final and then he walks away.

By the time you return from Jeju Island, you’ve spent slightly more than two happy, carefree months with Jungkook. There was not a single night or day where you hadn’t spent some semblance of time with him. During afternoons, he’d join you and help wait tables in his father’s restaurant and then once you were both off of work, he’d whisk you away on some new adventure that would leave you completely exhilarated and breathless. There were days when he’d take you hiking through the woods or on other days he’d take you fishing at night. It seemed that every day was a new experience with Jungkook and you were deeply enjoying your time with him.

A month into your holiday, Jungkook had done something you had both anticipated and dreaded.

{Flashback – A month ago}

You’re lying in a small meadow, just off the roadside, overlooking the mountains and sea that surround Jeju. It’s not exactly the most ideal spot considering you’re just opposite a road, but the cars that drive past are so scarce that it doesn’t even register in your mind. Jungkook had parked his car somewhere of the side and now you two were simply laying on the grass, surrounded by beautiful purple blossoms. You breathe in the fresh air, so reminiscent of the sea salted air of Busan and yet so different from the place you called home in Seoul. The scent of grass accompanied by the scent of the sea has you feeling nostalgic and maudlin. Back to the days when life had been easier, when Taehyung hadn’t hurt you so deeply and when you were just friends, nothing more.

It’s been so long since you’ve thought of Taehyung. The hurt is still there but it’s no longer as fresh or raw. His words don’t stab at your heart anymore. Instead, they’ve left a dull ache of a wound that is slowly healing. Thoughts of Taehyung don’t send you plummeting into despair anymore. Instead, they leave you with a weird sense of nostalgia and ache. An ache for the feelings that you’ve lost, an ache for your best friend. Nothing more. You’ve long since accepted that you and Taehyung were not meant to be, nor could you ever be. There was too much bad blood, too much hurt. You were willing to forgive, but you could never forget.

“Wanna tell me what’s occupying that pretty little head of yours?” Jungkook asks, breaking you out of your inner musings. You send him a wistful smile and he notices the expression, one you’ve worn very often but have refused to divulge your secrets. Jungkook recognises the signs of someone running away from their problem, but he’s also noticed you slowly become more open with him, slowly become livelier and so he’s left it. He trusts that you know what’s best for you and that you’re dealing with your problems in your own way.

“Just stuff from home. Every now and then I think about it and it still hurts, but each day it gets better. It hurts less. It certainly hurts less than it did when I got here” You say, a genuine bright smile on your face and Jungkook smiles at your cheeriness.

“Have I been any help?” He asks, more so in a teasing tone because he would never presume that he was the answer to all your problems. But your expression once again turns reflective and there’s a certain bliss to your features that there wasn’t before, a certain lightness to your eyes.

“You’re joking, but yes. You’ve helped a lot. Thank you” You reply, genuine gratitude lacing your voice and Jungkook is instantly floored, unable to say anything. He doesn’t think he’s done anything great; all he knows is that he loves spending time with you. All he knows is that he wants to continue spending time with you, whether it was watching you attempt to break his arcade records, or sharing leftovers from the restaurant, or even if it was laying on some grass by the roadside. He wanted many more adventures with you, many more late nights and many more days spent doing anything and everything under the sun.

“Let’s go out” Jungkook says suddenly and you raise your eyebrow at him before giggling.

“We areout. But where do you want to go?” You ask curiously and he shakes his head.

“No, I mean. Let’s date. I want to take you out. On a real date. With romantic intentions” Jungkook elaborate and you stiffen, looking at him with wide eyes.

Your feelings were in complete chaos, a part of you, the broken part, wanted to run; because no matter how much you’ve forgiven him and how much you want to be over him, Taehyung has left his scars on you. Scars that will never heal. Scars tell you that you won’t ever be loved the way you want to. And you dread that. You dread falling in love with someone, giving someone everything you have only for them to leave. You somehow survived Taehyung, you doubt you’ll survive someone else leaving. You doubt you’ll survive Jungkook leaving.

But another part of you, the bigger part of you that is healed; the part that heeds Jimin’s advice, wants you to dive straight into him. It wants you to experience a love with is completely reciprocated. It wants you to experience happiness, and joy and most of all it wants you to experience love. Even if Jungkook doesn’t end up being the one, that part of you wants to try. To move on once and for all. Not everyone is Taehyung. Not everyone is going to hurt you so deeply. You rationalise that. You know that. And yet, a part of you still fears; still holds you back.

Another part of you feels guilty. You’re not completely over Taehyung. There are still residual feelings and this part of you, doesn’t want to use Jungkook as a rebound. This part of you understands that Jungkook’s feelings are pure and this part doesn’t want you taking advantage of those feelings in order to move on. It’s wrong and Jungkook doesn’t deserve that. He’s sweet, still full of life and so, somuch stronger than you. He’s experienced his own disillusionment of love; his last girlfriend cheated. And yet here he was, so ready and willing to dive head first into you, someone who was still haunted by her past love. He was stronger than you could ever be.

“You’re not saying anything. If you don’t want to, just say so. It’s not that big a deal” Jungkook says with a shrug but you can see the slight nervousness in his eyes. It is a big deal. It’s bigger than he could ever know. Were you willing to put yourself in that position again? You had no idea. But… maybe you just owed it to yourself to try. To explain why you’re so wary and why you both want to and don’t want to date him. So, you do. Explain that is.

You come clean about everything. You tell him about Taehyung, you tell him about how you fell in love and how you were always just the best friend. You tell him about the day he gets a girlfriend, and then all the times he’s left you for her. You tell him about the night you fuck and then the huge blow up the day after. You tell him about how you ran away to Jeju and then met him. You tell him about how much he unknowingly healed you and why you’re so reluctant to date him, even if you want to. You don’t want to hurt him and you don’t want to use him. You tell him everything and Jungkook just listens. He listens and listens and then when you’re done he pulls you close and hugs you until the tears are all dried and you’re left with nothing but feelings of safety and comfort, wrapped up in Jungkook’s embrace.

“I don’t want to be hurt anymore” You confess with a sniffer and Jungkook nods, his chin resting on the top of your head. He holds you tighter and presses a soft kiss against your temple.

“I know. I know baby. I’m sorry you went through that. I’m sorry he was too much of an idiot to realise how amazing you are. But his loss, is still my gain. I want to date you. I want you to be mine. I want to show you what it means to love and be loved; I want to show you the joys of being in love. I can’t promise you it’ll all be sunshine and rainbows. But my god ____, I can promise that I won’t everhurt you the way he did. So, forget everything else and tell me what you want. If you want to try, I’m here. If you don’t feel ready, then I’ll still be here; I’ll wait until you’re ready. Because I want you. I want everything about you. I want your smile, your tears, your heartache but most importantly your love. I want it all” Jungkook says and you have no idea how he does it, but once again it’s like a huge burden is lifted off your shoulders. Jungkook is far stronger than you could ever hope to be. But a part of you wonders, that maybe, just maybeif you stick by him, he’ll lend you some of that strength.

So, you say yes.

And he kisses you.

{End of Flashback}

Now it’s been almost two and a half months since you’ve been in Jeju and it’s time you went back. Graduation was in a week; you had gotten your results two week before hand and surprisingly, you’d passed all your modules. You were getting a degree. You had immediately run to Jungkook and the two of you had celebrated with a quick picnic on the beach, Jungkook snatching a bottle of wine from the restaurant’s wine cellar. You had packed up all your things and were finally ready to head back to Seoul and face real life. You couldn’t run from your life; something Jungkook had reminded you of everyday.

“Ready to go?” Jungkook asked, his own bag packed with him. You smiled at him and nodded. You turned to the flat once again, smiling nostalgically before you turned off all the lights and deposited the keys where they were supposed to be. He grabbed your bag and carried it towards the taxi waiting for the two of you. Jungkook was returning with you for two reasons. The first being, to your great surprise, was that he too attended university in Seoul and therefore, he too had to return back to everyday life. The second being, that he really wanted to watch you graduate.

There was very little you could refuse Jungkook and so you had accepted, more than happy to be returning with him. You had worried about needed to return to Seoul. You had come to develop a deep fondness for Jungkook. It wasn’t love yet, you were still wary and Jungkook understood. He was in a similar position. But that didn’t mean you weren’t particularly fond of each other. For now, it was more than enough. There was no way to say what the future entailed, but you had some hope that you’d somehow last.

Your feelings for Jungkook were day and night in comparison to your feelings for Taehyung. You weren’t consumed with a burning want like you had for Taehyung; instead you were filled with a small need for him. The need to tell him how your day went, to the need to touch him whether it be a small brush of your hands or his arms around you in bed. You were filled with the need to see him smile and to see him flourish and you were assured the feelings were reciprocated. Being with Jungkook was one of the best things to ever happen to you and you were soglad you had run away and found him.

But now, it was time to go home.

A small part of you dreaded returning. You had no idea what was happening; sure, you’d kept in touch with Jimin, dropping him texts every now and then but you never asked about Taehyung and he never bothered telling you. You were going back blind and it filled you with nervousness. You’d messaged Jimin, letting him know you’d be moving back in. Jimin was ecstatic, but he questioned whether it was wise. You weren’t entirely sure yourself. But you were done running, that was your home as much as it was Taehyung’s and you were not giving it up. Besides, you sincerely hoped that you and Taehyung could move on and continue being friends. Of course, it shouldn’t be too much of a problem once he realised you’d moved on and he could happily be with Hyorin.

However, only time would tell.

“I can’t believe you’re back! I missed you so much! Tell me everything, how was Jeju?” Jimin bounces over to you, happiness radiating off of him as he greets you with a hug. You let out a small laugh and hug him back once you place your bags down.

“I can’t believe I’m back either. I missed you too! Can I unpack first? My room is still available right. I didn’t even ask before dropping you a text telling you I was moving back in” You say apologetically and Jimin shakes his head.

“We rented out your room for a bit, but your stuff is still there and your name is still on the lease so it’s all good. Do you need any… help unpacking?” Jimin trails off when Jungkook enters your shared apartment. He gives Jimin a shy smile and Jimin’s eyes widen to the size of saucers. He turns to look at you, gaping like a fish as he flicks between you and Jungkook.

“Babe, where do you want this?” Jungkook asks and Jimin splutters. You send him a weird look before pointing your room out to Jungkook.

“Down there, Kook. I’ll come help in a bit” You say and Jungkook nods as he grabs your stuff and his before taking it into your room. Once he’s out of earshot, Jimin rounds on you.

“Who is that? Is he staying here? Whatthe fuck happened in Jeju? Are you over Taehyung?” Jimin rapidly questions and you reel back slightly before laughing at him as you pat his shoulder, trying to calm him down.

“That Jungkook… my boyfriend I guess. He’s staying for a short while; his apartment is still being room is still being rented to some summer tenants so he has to wait it out. So much happened in Jeju but the main thing was that I started seeing Jungkook. And I don’t think I’ll everbe over Taehyung, but I’m better. Definitely much better” You say with a soft smile and Jimin raises his eyebrow.

“Does Jungkook know?” Jimin asks and you send him an agitated look.

“Of course, he knows. I wouldn’t keep such a big thing from him. He knows all about Taehyung and he’s super understanding. It’s more that I deserve” You reply and Jimin scowls at you.

“Don’t do that. You deserve more than you think you do. But damn, all hell is going to break loose when Taehyung returns” Jimin says and you frown, eyebrows furrowed as you ponder his words.

“What do you mean? Why would all hell break loose?” You ask but before he could answer, the front door clicks open and Taehyung enters holding grocery bags.

“Hey Jimin, the store didn’t have your favourite ramen so I got another type-“ Taehyung begins but he stops short when his head lifts up and he meets your gaze. Time seems to stand still as the two of you look at each other. Taehyung’s is one of shock while a small unsure smile is painted upon your lips. It’s been almost half a year since you’ve seen Taehyung. You avoided him like the plague during exam season and then you disappeared to Jeju Island. He’s still as beautiful as the day he walked out of your room. Except now, his mullet is gone and in place a shorter version; and his hair is no longer blonde but back to its natural dark colouring.

“Is… is that really you?” Taehyung asks and you not shyly, unsure why you’re so unnerved. Taehyung immediately drops his bags and stalks over to you and before you know it, his arms are wrapped around you, pulling you close to his chest and encasing you in his embrace. You breathe out a sigh of relief and hug back. Maybe this would be easier than you imagined.

“Surprise!” You say quietly but Taehyung ignored it, instead he holds you at arm’s length and takes in every inch of your appearance.

“I can’t believe it’s you. I can’t believe you’re back. I missed you. I missed you so much, please don’t ever leave me again. I love you” Taehyung confesses and you freeze, your brain short circuiting for a bit but before you can respond, Taehyung’s lips are locked against yours. Your eyes widen in shock and you stand stock-still for a couple moments before your brain registers exactly what is happen. You quickly struggle against his hold and finally managed to break away, pushing him off of you. Taehyung looks at you in shock and you regard him in disbelief and anger.

“What do you think you’re doing? You can’t just kiss me like that Kim Taehyung! What made you think that was okay?” You cry, pointing an accusatory finger at him.

“What? Why not? I love you. I’m sorry, I was such an idiot before and it took you leaving for me to realise just what I feel for you. I know it sounds like a cop out and you have no reason to believe me after what I said, but I dolove you. And I’m willing to spend the rest of my life showing you just how much I love you” Taehyung says and you scoff in incredulity.

“Are you fucking kidding me Kim Taehyung? You’re right I don’t believe you. I don’t want to believe you. You told me you could neverlove me the way you love Hyorin. Speaking of, where is she? We made the mistake of cheating once, I won’t do it again” You spit out, ire rising with each passing moment. How could he do this to you? You were finallymoving on and here he was, throwing a wrench in your work. Well you wouldn’t allow it, you refuseto be a part of his game anymore.

“I broke up with her. I was an idiot. Such an idiot, I never should have ditched you. I never should have distanced myself from you. I love you. I love you so much and I know you love me. So please, just give me a chance” Taehyung pleads, reaching one hand out to grab yours. You pull it away and shake your head at him.

“Yeah, you were. But that’s in the past. I can’t give you a chance anymore. I’m sorry, you lost that the minute you walked out of my door that day. You left me completely broken. You hurt me, in a way I never expected you to. I’m fine now, I got over it. But I’m sorry to say Taehyung… I don’t love you anymore” You whisper and you yourself are startled by the truth of your words. But it’s true. You don’tlove him anymore. All those feelings are replaced by placid feelings of fondness for your best friend and nothing else.

“No. No, you don’t mean that. You love me. You’ve loved me for years. You can’t be over me so easily. It’s only been half a year. You love me. Please tell me you love me” Taehyung begs, tears pooling in his eyes and a part of you aches for him. You know exactly what he’s feeling; the desperation to be loved by the one you love. But you couldn’t offer him that solace anymore.

“I can’t. I can’t say that, because it’s not true. I love you Taehyung, but not in that way. Not anymore. That’s what happens when you’re hurt that muchby the person you love. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry to do this and I hope one day we can go back to being friends. But any romantic notion of me and you, died that day Taehyung” You say with a small sob, you hadn’t even registered you were crying. But these tears aren’t for yourself. These are for Taehyung. These tears are for the heart you know you’re breaking with your words. But you can’t lead him on. You can’t do what he did to you for so long.

“NO! No! Please, I love you” Taehyung implores and you desperately wish he had done this months ago. But it’s too late now. His confession is far too delayed and you can’t help but wonder if you and Taehyung were cursed with nothing but missed opportunities and incorrect timing. In another world, in another life, you could see yourself with Taehyung. But not in this life. Not in this world. You were happy with Jungkook and you weren’t going to give that up.

“Is everything okay?” Jungkook asks as he walks our wearily, he regards Taehyung with a guarded expression before his eyes fall onto you. His eyes widen in panic at your tear streaked face; he quickly walks over to you and pull you into him. His hand cups your cheek and lifts your chin up to look at him.

“____? Are you okay baby? What’s wrong?” Jungkook ask and the concern etched onto his face only makes you cry harder. You’re convinced you don’t deserve him, but you’d be damned if you were letting him go. So, you do the only thing you can. You pull him into a kiss and pour out all your emotions into it. It’s not love and Jungkook knows it, but right now it’s the closest thing to it and he’ll take it.

“Take me away. We can unpack later, but right now. I just want to watch the sunset with you” You whisper and Jungkook immediately nods. He runs into your room and grabs both your jacket before he grabs your hand and tugs you along with him. He waves Jimin goodbye and regards Taehyung with an apologetic look before leading you out of your flat. You stop briefly and turn to Taehyung.

“I’m sorry Taehyung. I really am” You whisper and then Jungkook shuts the door.

This time, Taehyung watches you leave. His chest feels likes its being caved in and he’s filled with despair. He watches you leave with Jungkook, your hands entwined and he wants nothing more than to be in his place. But he saw the hint of love in your eyes when you looked at Jungkook. It’s not as strong as how you used to look at him, but it’s there and his heart shatters. When he finally hears the door shut, he knows that this is the end. You’ve walked out of his life, once and for all. There’s no more you and Taehyung. He lost that right a while ago. Doubt clouds his mind and he ponders the what ifs. What if he realised his feelings sooner, what if he ran after you? What if he’d never walked out that day? Maybe, just maybe he’d have you in his arms right now.

But he can’t change the past.

He can’t change the inkling of love you have for Jungkook.

He can’t make you love him again.

And Taehyung briefly wonders, how do you cope with losing something you both had and didn’t have?

A/N: This AU took everything out of me. So I hope you enjoyed that!

Masterlist

[poshtae]

Mono saved my last three brain cells 😔✊ stream for clear skin, good grades, job promotions, healthy hearts and souls 😤

[zombiedonutz]

my last three brain cells right now: mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mono mo-

[firealder2005]

heya @my-last-brain-cell-is-socrates!

thanks for the tag! would've responded sooner but i was on vacation

Three ships: SkyJadLorian (also DinLuke & SkyJade are thrown into here as mono ships), Apollo X Hyacinthus (I'm on a Greek Mythology burn rn and THESE TWO MAKE ME FEEL THINGS), and...........brain failing............idk. i'll just throw a list out there: Percabeth, Hinny, Jarogen- WAIT I GOT IT.

so i don't actually "ship" them as an "endgame" ship, but as a ship for the feeling you catch my drift? In the Trials of Apollo, it's reveled that Apollo previously had a relationship with Emperor Commodus, a previous (terrible!) Roman Emperor and he's back from the dead/never stayed dead (even though Apollo killed him but don't worry the not-death makes sense in the story but anyway) and. oh boy. so much BAGGAGE and ANGST and FEELINGS in there! there are SO FEW fanfics focusing on them and I WANT MORE because I like seeing these kind of complicated relationships come back round and bite people in the butt.

especially if it's Apollo, my newest blorbo <3 it's always fun seeing your favs suffer.

First ship: Hinny (Harry Potter & Ginny Weasley) my beloved first bi power couple i love you

Last Song: "From Now On" From The Greatest Showman (that i have not watched) and "Apollo" by Timebelle

Last movie: Zootopia was playing on Disney channel on vacation so i watched that one night lol

Currently reading: "Warriors: A Warrior's Choice" by Erin Hunter & "Warriors: Squirrelflight's Hope" by Erin Hunter plus many fanfics. mainly Apollo-centered ones because he's my fav greek god and The Trials of Apollo have come back to haunt me.

Currently watching: I am on the EDGE OF MY SEAT waiting for S3 of Mandalorian so i don't have a show fix right now BUT I WILL. THREE DAYS LEFT YA'LL

Currently craving: not anything at the moment but for lunch i was craving mozzarella sticks so i got mozzarella sticks. yummy

Tagging Time!!!! and 9 people oh boi uh...

@meadowfoxglen @airlocksandaviaries @phoenixkaptain @snakeplantships @screw-real-life-i-pick-fandoms @twilightarc-gm @apageintotheoblivion @jaebeanie @mandobogwitch

Tag meme

tag 9 people you want to get to know better

hey @carmarthenfan, @system-of-cells-interlinked, thanks for tagging me and sorry for being so slow in responding i'm making you guys share. i really do appreciate it 🥰🥰

three ships: probably Luke Skywalker/Mara Jade, Ben Skywalker/Vestara Khai, and the mess that is Church/Tex from Red vs Blue

first ship: uhhh I’m gonna say Rumo/Rala from Rumo And His Miraculous Adventures

last song: They’re Taking The Hobbits To Isengard 😌

last movie: this made me realize I haven’t seen a movie this year yet… last one I saw was Glass Onion back when I was paying for netflix. last time I was in the cinema was the second avatar movie and the last time I had a good time in the cinema was a double feature showing of Nightmare Before Christmas and Tokyo Godfathers. that slapped

currently reading: hilariously I am also reading Roadside Picnic (it’s my dad’s favorite book and we were reminded of it while playing the boardgame Zona, which seems to be an (unauthorised) adaptation of its world). thing is, I started reading it on the train/public transport and now that I’ve been home for weeks the environment just isn’t right somehow. so it’s on hold till I go back to college lmao

currently watching: The Last of Us (fucking amazing), Poker Face (really fun so far), and RWBY (RWBY)

currently craving: literally any chewable food. being on a liquid diet makes me want to punch drywall pasta ❤

tagging @strangeeesnowman, @bluntblade, @kaleidoscope1967eyes, @bloodgulchbluess, @tylerloki-talks, @easterndreamer, @my-last-brain-cell-is-socrates, @gicolette, @bluemilkandchocolate. no pressure!

[musclegymfactory]

6 TYPES OF NUTRITION

6 TYPES OF NUTRITION

The 6 types of nutrition are essential for everyone, from children to old age, so we describe exactly what are they And how can you benefit from them.

1- Protein 

Protein can be defined as a chain of amino acids as it is not only important for building muscle, but also for obtaining strong hair, clean skin, and good nails. Protein consists mainly of twenty amino acids, thirteen of them the body can make themselves, while the other nine come from eating. The body needs an average of 1g for each 1kg or 2.2Lbs Protein sources can be divided into two main categories: The Animal sources or what's we called high biological value protein. The vegetable sources or what are we called the low biological value protein.

Animal Protein - Facts and figures

Animal Protein: Helps build tissues and muscles, helps wound heal and does not show osteoporosis, in addition to increasing the burning fat process and reducing appetite. Animal protein usually contains complete essential amino acids. No Fiber, no antioxidants, and high cholesterol, inflammation triggers, insulin-like growth factor 1 and all of  It can create an environment for the growth of cancer cells. How to Protect yourself from this?   Avoid red meat as much as possible because it ranked as a carcinogenic element and every 50g of red Meat increase colorectal cancer by 18%. Top five best animal protein sources. 100g of Fish > 26g of protein 100g of White-meat > 25g of proteins Cottage cheese 100g >  12g protein One Cup of Milk > 8g of protein  1egg ( 50g)  > 6g of protein 

Vegetable Protein - Facts and figures

Unlike animal protein and vegetable protein, it does not contain all the essential amino acids but this does not mean that you cannot get all of the vegetable proteins that can come from different sources. More than one ingredient can be combined to obtain complete amino acids. Most sources of vegetable protein come with great advantages, such as the absence of fats in the cans of the elements. Also, there are no saturated fats or cholesterol in addition to containing a large percentage of fiber and iron. Top five best vegetarian protein sources. 1.5 Cup of lentils > 26 g of protein 1.5 Cup of black beans > 18g protein  2 Cups beans> 15 g protein 1.5 Cup of chickpeas> 12 g protein 25 g almonds> 6 g protein

2- Carbohydrate

What are carbohydrates: It is a class of organic compounds that contains a group of carbon and oxygen associated with at least two groups of hydrogen and oxygen, that's why it is known as carbo-hydrates. Its role: It is considered the fuel that the body needs, as it is considered the main source of energy in the body. Types: Carbohydrates are divided according to how quickly they turn into glucose inside the blood, which is known as the glycemic index IG.  Carbohydrates are divided into three types: simple, complex and fibers.

The simple Carbohydrates:

It consists of one or two parts of sugar, and its glycemic index is high, as it is absorbed by the blood at a fast rate and is considered one of the quick sources of energy. We mention; Fructose: which is the sugar found in fruits, honey,  Lactose: which is the sugar found in milk and dairy products.

The complex Carbohydrates:

 It consists of three or more parts of sugar linked together to form longer chains and the percentage of glycemic index in them is low as it is absorbed by the blood in a slower way than simple carbohydrates, including Beans such as lentils and beans.whole grains such as brown rice and oats Starchy vegetables, such as sweet potatoes and sweet potatoes.

Fibers Carbohydrates:

 It is rich in vitamins and iron and is necessary to maintain the health of the digestive system. Also, it's low in calories and causing satiety, it is abundant in vegetables such as carrots, lettuce, red and green peppers, and spinach.

3- Fats 

Fats are chains of fatty acids that are not dissolving in water and are considered to be one of the most energy-producing nutrients as the equation 1g of FAT = 9 Calories while 1g of protein or carbohydrates = 4 calories. In addition to being one of the energy sources of the body, it helps in forming the outer membrane of cells in the body, as it transports protein, hormones, and vitamins A, E, D, K inside the blood. Fats are divided into: Saturated fats with a large number of hydrogen. unsaturated fats with a smaller number of hydrogen.

Saturated fat 

contributes to the formation of the outer shell of body cells by 50%. It also helps in calcium absorption by the bone, but excessive intake will lead to heart diseases, as well as the body's inability to use fat as an energy source, so it is known as bad fat. These fats are found in vegetable oils ranging between 10% - 15% in red meat by 25% - 30%, dairy products by between 50% - 60%, especially full-fat. To avoid falling into the dangers of bad fats, we must not excessively consume them, as the recommended daily amount is 20 grams for women and 30 grams for men per day.

Unsaturated fats consist of: 

Multiple fats

Mono fats

Trans fats

Multiple fats:

They are omega-3 and omega-6 fatty acids, also known as good fats. They are essential for the human body because the human body cannot produce them while taking them through to eat. They contribute to the activity of the immune system and nerve cells and reduce the incidence of heart disease. These fatty acids are found in fish, avocado, coconut, and spinach.

Mono fats:

They are omega-9 fatty acids known as neutral fats. Although the body can produce them, they are considered one of the essential fats, as they contribute to protecting the heart and blood vessels. These fatty acids are found in olive oil, avocado, and dry fruits such as almonds

Trans fats:

 They are fats in which hydrogen is increased industrially and is also known as harmful fats due to the damage that it causes to human health and has no benefits.

These fats are found in fast foods and in processed grains.

4- Water

Numerous studies have proven that a 2% lack of water leads to a 20% decline in the body’s capabilities, as they are considered essential to the human body, so we cannot live without it for only a few days, as it contributes to building body cells, excreting body waste through the urinary tract and maintaining stability Body temperature.

Types of water: There are three types of water

Mineral water

source water

tap water

As for source water and mineral water, it is untreated natural water, while tap water is treated, and it often comes from winter water or desalination of seawater. The amount of water per day: For the average person it is multiplied by the body weight in 30 ml. As for the athletes, it is the product of multiplying the body weight by 50 ml. What is the right water for our body: To choose the right water for our body, we must rely on several characteristics.

5- Mineral

Magnesium

 is an important mineral not only for athletes, as it is necessary to activate all enzymes from energy and protein metabolism in the human body. Without magnesium, metabolic processes in the body cannot function as quickly as possible. Men should have 350 mg per day, while women need about 300 mg

Calcium

 is one of the important mineral elements of the body, and even calcium is one of the most present in the human body. Benefits of calcium, many of which are bone and teeth and are necessary for growth, protect from osteoporosis and maintain bone density and strength as it helps to regulate heart palpitations and thrombosis Blood and muscle contraction reduce the speed of irritation of the nerve muscles, in contrast to the action of sodium and potassium.

Potassium

 is a very important mineral for the different functions of all cells, tissues, and organs in the human body, and it is also a conductor of electricity in the body, along with sodium and magnesium. Also, potassium is essential for the work of the heart and plays a major role in muscle contraction and the skeleton, This makes it important for the normal functioning of the digestive system and its muscle function.

Sodium

unlike other minerals, it has a distinctive and attractive taste. It is usually found in table salt, which is 40% of sodium and is formed. The last part of table salt is made of chloride.

Sodium regulates the water balance inside and outside the cells, so the person does not become dehydrated, forms the main part of the gastric juices, regulates the balance of acidity and muscle sensitivity, and regulates blood pressure.

Phosphorus 

is an essential element for building bones and teeth as it is involved in the synthesis of all cells of the body in addition to entering into the structure of the system of transferring and absorbing fats and also the structure plasma composition in the blood as it nourishes the brain and stimulates nerves and strengthens memory.

6- Vitamins

Although the body needs it in small quantities, it is considered one of the elements that contribute to the success of the diet for athletes. Vitamins are organic compounds that contribute to the normal functions of the body and, unlike proteins, fats, and carbohydrates, the body needs them in small quantities and does not contain calories. What is its role: It contributes to the metabolism and strengthening of the cells of the body, as well as protecting the body from many diseases.

Vitamins are divided into two groups: 

Nine Water-soluble vitamins

Four fat-soluble vitamins.

The body does not store these vitamins. Rather, the body takes its need from it and disposes of it in a period ranging between 8 and 14 hours. Plus, it is excreted through the urinary tract.

Water-soluble vitamins

It consists of Vitamin C, which contributes to protecting the heart and preventing diseases and helps to absorb iron inside the body, so it can be obtained by eating oranges, spinach, peppers, strawberries, and kiwi. Vitamin B, which includes B1 - B2 - B3 - B5 -B6- B8 - B9 - B12 in general, contributes to converting food into energy for the body that we can obtain by eating meat, chicken, eggs, and wheat.

Fat-soluble vitamins

The body stores them in the fatty tissue, which is what makes it toxic to the body when it is taken up. They are found in dietary fat and consists of Vitamin A, which plays an important role in the visual system, also contributes to the regulation of the immune system and bone strengthening.

Vitamin E helps the body fight disease and contributes to hair growth and fights hair loss.

Vitamin K helps improve heart health and combats many diseases.

Vitamin D: This is produced by the body when exposed to sunlight and helps delay aging and increases testosterone for men.

FEATURED, nutrition from Blogger https://ift.tt/38DzDIH via IFTTT

[dreddymd]

Omega-7 Fatty Acids: Benefits of a Lesser-Known Omega Fatty Acid

Source: Omega-7 Fatty Acids: Benefits of a Lesser-Known Omega Fatty Acid

by Dr. Edward Group DC, NP, DACBN, DCBCN, DABFM 

Fats often get a bad rap, but the truth is, your body needs healthy fats for energy production, nutrient absorption, and overall cell health.

Along with carbohydrates and protein, fats provide energy, maintain brain and heart health, and even help reduce inflammation in the body. Every cell in your body uses fats and their building blocks — called fatty acids.

You have probably heard of omega-3 fatty acids, which many people buy as supplements. You may have even heard of omega-6s — a fatty acid that people often get too much of.

However, a lesser known fatty acid — omega-7s— plays a vital role in your health, and it’s worth learning a bit more about them. In this article, we will discuss the many benefits of omega-7s and what they do for your body and your health.

What Is an Omega-7 Fatty Acid?

Omega-7s are a group of unsaturated fatty acids, including palmitoleic acid, rumenic acid, vaccenic acid, and others.

Palmitoleic acid is the most abundant omega-7 found in plant sources, including macadamia nuts, avocado, and sea buckthorn oils. Olive oil contains palmitic acid, which the body converts to palmitoleic acid.

Did you know that your body produces omega-7 fatty acids in your tissues!

Your body makes omega-7s on its own, so they are not considered “essential fatty acids” like omega-3 and omega-6. Omega-7s are one of the most abundant fatty acids in your tissues, especially in adipose (fat) and liver tissue.[1]

Omega-7’s have many functions in the body. Their benefits range from protecting your skin from premature aging to reducing internal and external inflammation.[2, 3]

Although no dietary recommendations exist for the intake of omega-7s, their importance is well-supported by science.

Omega-7 vs. Omega-3, -6, & -9

You may wonder how omega-7s relate to the more popular fatty acids, omega-3, -6, and -9. The number refers to where the first (or only, if there’s one) double bond occurs on the molecular structure. In an omega-3 fatty acid, the first double bond occurs three carbon atoms from the end of the molecule.

Omega-3s, -6s, and -9s are polyunsaturated fats (PUFAs), while omega-7s can be monounsaturated (like palmitoleic acid), polyunsaturated fats, or even saturated (like rumenic acid).

Mono- and polyunsaturated fats have fewer hydrogen atoms in their carbon chains and are considered healthier compared to saturated fats and are liquid at room temperature, rather than solid.[4]

Top Omega-7 Benefits

If you’re looking for natural ways to reduce swelling, dampen skin irritation, curb hunger, or boost the health of your heart, don’t overlook omega-7s in your balanced diet or supplement toolkit.

Below are the top benefits omega-7s provide.

Boosts Heart Health

Swelling in blood vessels may lead to conditions like high blood pressure and hardening of the arteries (atherosclerosis). Studies have found that omega-7 fatty acids can reduce your risk of these conditions by normalizing blood vessel swelling, both acute (short-term) and chronic.[5, 6, 7]

With less chronic cardiovascular swelling, you lower your risk of cardiovascular disease. Palmitoleic acid also encourages normal triglyceride levels in the body, which helps heart health.[8]

Last, but not least, omega-7s boost your immune system, which also reduces swelling and helps the heart.

Curbs Hunger & Reduces Weight Gain

Taking omega-7 fatty acids, whether in food or supplement form, may help you eat less.

Omega-7s are proven to curb hunger by releasing a fullness hormone!

When you feel more full and satisfied after a meal, you tend to eat less and lose weight. That’s exactly what happened in one study on laboratory rats. Consuming the omega-7 palmitoleic acid not only led rats to eat less, it also caused their bodies to release a fullness hormone. Olive oil did not have similar effects in the same study.[9]

Other studies show that palmitoleic acid may reduce fat cell size and total lipids (fats) circulating in the bloodstream, while boosting fat-burning. A study on sheep found that the omega-7 fat-burning powers may operate by increasing fatty acid oxidation and normalizing how much glucose is taken up by cells.[10]

Another study also found that omega-7s balanced insulin resistance in people prone to developing type 2 diabetes, and other studies suggest it has a positive impact on metabolism.[11] Overall, these factors may help curb hunger and weight gain.

Maintains Skin Health

If you want to have healthy skin, nails, and hair, consider omega-7s! They may prove useful as part of your anti-aging beauty regimen for multiple reasons.

When exposed to chemicals, pollution, or the sun, your skin cells get “oxidized,” which leads to premature skin aging. Omega-7 fatty acids protect against this “oxidative cell damage” by spurring the creation of new skin cells.

Omega-7 fatty acids spark the body’s production of new skin cells, and also boost collagen and elastin levels.

Omega-7s also boost the body’s production of collagen and elastin, proteins that keep your skin youthful and supple, with fewer wrinkles.[1]

Sea buckthorn berries, sold as a supplement, not only contain high levels of palmitoleic acid, but also tocopherols, a form of vitamin E that protects cells against sun damage, provides moisture, and reduces swelling.[12, 13] Sea buckthorn oil also increases blood circulation and can protect against infections and allergies.[14]

Normalizes Insulin Resistance

When a person experiences insulin resistance, cells cannot as easily absorb insulin, a protein that shuttles blood sugar (glucose) into muscles and throughout the body. As a consequence, the body pumps out more insulin in an attempt to regulate blood sugar levels.

If insulin resistance continues, the body can reach a prediabetic state, when blood glucose levels remain high.[10] Some animal studies have found that omega-7s protect against insulin resistance.[10, 11]

Palmitoleic acid may also improve glucose metabolism, or, in other words, breaking down glucose so that it does not build up in the blood. This is especially useful for people at higher risk of diabetes, prediabetes, or metabolic syndrome.

Reduces Swelling

Redness and swelling, part of your body’s immune response, can be helpful when your body is responding to an injury, whether it’s a bug bite or a bump on the head. But when inflammation becomes chronic and remains in your body, it can cause problems.

Studies found that sea buckthorn’s palmitoleic acid may reduce chronic swelling in various ways. Omega-7s like palmitoleic acid may curb the body’s swelling in response to chronic conditions such as ulcerative colitis, a form of inflammatory bowel disease.[2] It may also help dry eyes, which is connected to inflammation.

Heavy alcohol usage or obesity can also cause internal organs to swell, leading to alcoholic and non-alcoholic fatty liver disease. People with organ swelling may benefit from taking omega-7 fatty acid.[16]

Omega-7s also help get both your good cholesterol (HDL) and bad cholesterol (LDL) where they need to be. It does this by balancing levels of an inflammatory marker called C-reactive protein (CRP).[17]

Best Omega-7 Sources

You can find omega-7s in foods, particularly oils, but also in supplement form. Here are the most common sources. Medical professionals have not established an omega-7 recommended dosage, but eating foods rich in this fatty acid can help you stay on top of your game.

Macadamia Oil

The macadamia nut is one of the best sources of omega-7 fatty acids. It contains 80 percent monounsaturated fatty acids — around 60 percent oleic acid (an omega-9 fatty acid) and approximately 20 percent palmitoleic acid.[18]

Macadamia oil is one of the richest sources of omega-7s. Not only is it a heart-healthy oil, but it’s a great cooking agent.

A diet that contains moderate amounts of macadamia oil may be beneficial. Its unique balance of fats makes this oil heart-healthy. It protects against heart disease by protecting cells from oxidative stress.

Also, monounsaturated fats are less susceptible to going bad than polyunsaturated fats, so they are better for cooking and can handle higher temperatures.

Sea Buckthorn Oil

The oil from sea buckthorn contains a great source of omega-7s, especially for use on the skin and hair. Extracted from the pulp, the oil is also rich in vitamins C and A, the latter of which causes its orange color.

You will often find sea buckthorn in beauty products due to its collagen-boosting and elastin-enhancing properties.

This omega-7-rich oil isn’t for cooking. Try sea buckthorn oil as a face serum or a capsule to receive its powerful benefits.

Filled with antioxidants, sea buckthorn oil also protects against cell damage when used both externally and internally. Apply a small amount to skin after cleansing and adding serum to lock in the moisture and form a protective barrier on your skin. Or take a capsule to encourage similar benefits from the inside out.

Avocado Oil

The oil from avocado fruits contains palmitoleic acid, in addition to other monounsaturated, polyunsaturated, and saturated fats.

You can substitute avocado oil for other cooking oils; it has a very high smoke point (520 degrees Fahrenheit), meaning it can tolerate higher temperatures than many other oils. In fact, its smoke point is higher than extra-virgin olive oil and sunflower oil.

Olive Oil

You can find omega-7s in smaller concentrations in olive oil. Even trace amounts of the fat can be beneficial.

Olive oil contains healthy monounsaturated fats and polyunsaturated fats as well as up to 20 percent palmitic acid, which synthesizes into palmitoleic acid.

Olive oil is great for drizzling on prepared foods and salads after cooking and delivers a ton of health benefits beyond (and thanks to) its fatty acid content.

Precautions & Side Effects

Some people have found that sea buckthorn — one of the most common omega-7 supplements available — has a laxative effect, but these are also a benefit. In traditional Chinese medicine, it was used for its detoxifying properties as it helps the body process chemicals and shed excess waste.

Buckthorn, in particular, may also result in dark-colored urine, which resembles the yellow or orange color it takes on when you are dehydrated — even when you aren’t. This is simply due to the orange color of sea buckthorn berries. Some people find that it may also cause their body odor to change.

Some health experts believe that palmitic oil — which is found in some unpurified supplements — may have harmful health effects, primarily because it is a saturated fat. However, other experts believe that heart-healthy saturated fats exist in plant oils, like coconut oil. Also, it is believed that the palmitic oil in olive oil converts to palmitoleic acid in the body. Typically, omega-7s supplements come “purified,” whereby they contain only palmitoleic acid (a monounsaturated fat) without the palmitic acid (a saturated fat).

Points to Remember

There seems to be a wealth of reasons to consider adding omega-7 and omega-3 fatty acids to your supplement regimen, including heart health, weight loss, and skin health. Omega-7s may reduce swelling and redness throughout the body, protecting blood vessels and the heart.

Studies have found omega-7s also may encourage weight loss. Taking omega-7s may reduce hunger, decrease fat cell size, normalize insulin sensitivity, and boost metabolism.

Palmitoleic is the most common plant-based omega-7 fatty acid, and much research has linked it to positive health benefits. You can find it in macadamia nuts and oil, sea buckthorn berries or oil, and small amounts in olive oil.

Omega-7s are yet one more heart-healthy fatty acid to consider adding to your dietary regimen. Have you added omega-7 to your diet? What’s your experience with it? Share your thoughts in the comments!

References (18)

Frigolet M, Gutiérrez-Aguilar R. The role of the novel lipokine palmitoleic acid in health and disease 1,2,3. Adv Nutr. 2017;8(1):173S–181S.

Song I-B, et al. Effects of 7-MEGATM 500 on oxidative stress, inflammation, and skin regeneration in H2O2-treated skin cells. Toxicol Res. 2018;34(2):103–110.

Bueno-Hernández N, et al. Effect of cis-palmitoleic acid supplementation on inflammation and expression of HNF4γ, HNF4α and IL6 in patients with ulcerative colitis. Minerva Gastroenterol Dietol. 2017;63(3):257-263.

The Truth About Fats: the Good, the Bad, and the In-between. Harvard University, Harvard Medical School. Updated 13 Aug 2018. Accessed 22 Oct 2018.

Gimbrone MJ, García-Cardeña G. Endothelial cell dysfunction and the pathobiology of atherosclerosis. Circ Res. 2016;118(4):620–636.

Deshmane SL, et al. Monocyte chemoattractant protein-1 (MCP-1): an overview. J Interferon Cytokine Res. 2009;29(6):313–326.

Souza CO, et al. Palmitoleic acid reduces the inflammation in LPS-stimulated macrophages by inhibition of NFκB, independently of PPARs. Clin Exp Pharmacol Physiol. 2017;44(5):566–575.

Matthan NR, et al. Effects of dietary palmitoleic acid on plasma lipoprotein profile and aortic cholesterol accumulation are similar to those of other unsaturated fatty acids in the F1B golden Syrian hamster. J Nutr. 2009;139(2):215–221.

Yang ZH, et al. Oral administration of omega-7 palmitoleic acid induces satiety and the release of appetite-related hormones in male rats. Appetite. 2013;65:1–7.

Duckett SK, et al. Palmitoleic acid reduces intramuscular lipid and restores insulin sensitivity in obese sheep. Diabetes Metab Syndr Obes. 2014;7:553–563.

Nunes EA, Rafacho A. Implications of palmitoleic acid (palmitoleate) on glucose homeostasis, insulin resistance and diabetes. Curr Drug Targets. 2017;18(6):619–628.

Vitamin E and Skin Health. Oregon State University, Linus Pauling Institute Micronutrient Information Center. Feb 2012. Accessed 22 Oct 2018.

Fatima T, et al. Fatty acid composition of developing sea buckthorn (Hippophae rhamnoides L.) berry and the transcriptome of the mature seed. PLoS One. 2012;7(4):e34099.

Zielińska A, Nowak I. Abundance of active ingredients in sea-buckthorn oil. Lipids Health Dis. 2017;16:95.

Insulin Resistance & Prediabetes. National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases, National Institutes of Health. Published May 2018. Accessed 22 Oct 2018.

Guo X, et al. Palmitoleate induces hepatic steatosis but suppresses liver inflammatory response in mice. PLoS One. 2012;7(6):e39286.

Bernstein AM. Purified palmitoleic acid for the reduction of high-sensitivity C-reactive protein and serum lipids: a double-blinded, randomized, placebo controlled study. J Clin Lipidol. 2014;8(6):612–617.

Aquino-Bolanos E, et al. Fatty acids profile of oil from nine varieties of Macadamia nut. Int J Food Prop. 2017;20(6):1262–1269.

Related Posts

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Folate Deficiency: Symptoms, Causes, and Remedies

The Importance of Healthy Fats for Nutrient Absorption

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[monocub]

it’s 2 am but im still thinking about this ace and sabo play mat for the one piece tcg

LIKE ???

it’s times like this i appreciate the tcg cause the art that comes from that game is so immaculate 😩😩😩

if you see me getting this despite just finding out the tcg exisited …no you didn’t 😁👍anyway here’s what my friend sent immediately after sending me the mat gn 😭

[lifeinstereo-blog1]

An Introduction.

The official first post of my blog! Yay!

I feel like it’s only right to start off with a little more background information about myself. this might be long. Bear with me here.

I am a nineteen (well, I will be nineteen tomorrow...so it’s close enough) year old female who just happened to be born completely and utterly deaf in both ears. I can’t hear anything. Nothing. To put that into perspective, I can’t hear a gun being fired, a jet taking off, people screaming at me (which is nice in some situations, hah), pretty much anything you throw at me, I can’t hear.

My parents did not know (I missed the hearing test requirement for all newborns by about a year) until I was nine months old. Although, my mom had sneaking suspicions starting at about six months. I wasn’t startling or turning my head to sounds. I’d sleep easily. I believe one day, I was sitting on the floor unaware that my mom was behind me. My mom had gotten pots and pans and banged on them and made noise. No response from me. After that was when I was taken to the doctor and it was confirmed I was deaf as heck.

It is believed what caused my deafness was a virus called cytomegalovirus, or abbreviated as CMV. Most of the population gets it sometime in their lifetime and it’s no big deal. It basically shows up as a cold or maybe doesn’t have any symptoms. The only populations that should be at least somewhat concerned about it is very young children, the elderly and those who are pregnant. Emphasis on the last population. That’s where CMV can do the most damage. My mom was pregnant with me and must have picked it up from somewhere. But she didn’t know she had contracted it. She was never sick, she never even had any morning sickness. I ended up getting the brunt of the CMV. I was born with profound bilateral sensorineural deafness, poor leg muscle tone, and slight brain damage. The brain damage was superficial and I grew out of that. The poor leg muscle tone resulted in a delayed ability to walk and years of physical therapy in elementary school.’The bilateral sensorineural (having to do with the cochlea, it’s hair cells and the auditory nerve) deafness was due to the CMV stunting the growth of the thousands of the tiny hair cells that are found in the cochlea. So basically, my cochleas are bald. If there are any hair cells, they’re either broken, non-functioning, or there just isn’t enough of them to actually produce any sensation of sound.

In normal hearing, sound travels through the air by vibrating the molecules in air and those vibrating air molecules hits the eardrum (tympanic membrane) and causes it to vibrate. This in turn, causes the ossicles (those three tiny ear bones called the malleus, incus, and stapes... better known as the hammer, anvil, and stirrup, respectively) to move. The stapes is connected to something called the oval window. The oval window is part of the cochlear-vestibular structure and when the stapes vibrates, it causes fluid that is inside of the cochlea (the snail-shaped structure in the inner ear) to move. The cochlea contains the organ of Corti, which has four rows of hair cells that stick out from the surface. When the fluid moves, it makes those hair cells move as well. When those hair cells move, it creates electrical impulses that are sent to the auditory (hearing) nerve, The brain receives these signals and perceives them as sound. To me, I think of the whole process like a domino effect. You take out one domino, then it won’t work. That domino in this scenario is my hair cells. My eardrums and ossicles function perfectly fine, but because I don’t have these microscopic little things, I can’t hear sh*t. But that’s fine with me.

After much research. my parents found out about cochlear implants. They took me to an audiologist to see if I was a candidate. I failed all hearing tests. With pediatric cases, a 3-month trial with hearing aids is required. We tried that, and there was no observable benefit from them. I had CT scans of my temporal bones done to look for normal cochlea structure. My cochleas were normal and not ossified. It was made sure that my family and I had realistic expectations and the necessary motivation to train me to hear with the cochlear implant, since it would take a lot of work and practice. After all evalutations, I was deemed to be an excellent candidate for a CI. However, doctors said not to expect much, since CIs aren’t a miracle cure, They said I probably wouldn’t like music, that it would be screechy and unpleasant. But that was okay with my parents. They wanted me to have environmental awareness so that I would be safe from cars passing by or hear sirens, fire alarms, etc. After much consideration and trepidation, my parents decided to go ahead with the surgery. In November of 2000, I was implanted with Clarion’s (it would later become Advanced Bionics, one of the three cochlear implant companies) C1.2 implant, the newest technology they had at the time. During the candidacy process, I was learning and using ASL (American Sign Language) so that I could communicate with my parents and others.

A cochlear implant bypasses the non-functioning part of the ear (in this case, it’s the cochlea) and sends electrical signals to the auditory nerve. It essentially takes the place of those hair cells. A CI consists of two main parts: the external and internal parts. The external part consists of a sound processor that can be worn behind the ear (BTE) or off the ear, depending on your preference (I prefer the BTE version). The sound processor is powered by a battery that slides on and off of it. The battery can be disposable or rechargeable. The sound processor has microphones that pick up sound and the processor sorts out the sound into information that is sent through a wire to the headpiece that is attached magnetically to the internal processor. The information is sent via FM radio communication to the internal chip which is a computer that sends electrical impulses down an electrode array that is inserted in the cochlea. Depending on how the sound is sorted, certain electrodes will be stimulated and the electric impulses from the electrodes come into contact with the auditory nerve. The brain perceives this as sound, albeit, a different type of sound.

When my first CI was activated, sound actually scared me. Eventually I got used to it and it took about two years for it to really get to full potential. However, I still did a lot of speech therapy and listening practice, as well as just daily activities like having conversations and listening to music—that’s right, I defied the doctor’s expectations and enjoyed music! I even joined the school string orchestra and played viola from fourth grade until I graduated. It’s been a deep passion of mine.

Even though I exceeded expectations and was able to gain full use of English, my cochlear implant wasn’t perfect. And it still isn’t. I still had an interpreter up until seventh grade, then had captioning from eighth to tenth grade, then after that I was completely self-reliant. I can carry a conversation near perfectly or perfectly if it is one-on-one in a quiet setting and I can lip-read. In noise, it gets a little harder, I rely more on lip-reading in that situation. The more noise there is, the more I need to lip-read. I often have a hard time following a conversation between multiple people with background noise. Think of something like a school cafeteria or a noisy restaurant (even harder if it’s dimly lit!). Those situations are the worst for me. I can talk over the phone sometimes. If the person’s voice is loud. clear, and at a normal pace, I can understand them okay, I will probably have to ask them to repeat things several times but it is not impossible. I prefer to talk with speakerphone on and have someone with me so they can relay information to me if I don’t get everything. However, these days I use a videophone so I have an interpreter sign what the other person is saying. I can sign back and the interpreter voices for me, or I can voice for myself. I prefer to voice for myself. It’s a pretty neat tool to use. Since I only have 1 CI, it’s basically equivalent to hearing out of one ear. That means I also have a hard time locating where sound comes from. If someone yells out my name, I sometimes have to do a full 360 to find where the person is. I also hear in “2D” since I only have 1 CI. I can’t really say for myself because I have no comparison, but apparently 1 CI/1 ear only gives you a flat quality of sound. There’s no depth or fullness to it. Sound isn't as rich and layered. So it will be interesting going from hearing in mono to hearing in stereo. Listening to music and my experience in orchestra is a whole other blog post.

Enough about my ears. Other things about me... I am a freshman in college who is majoring in biomedical science and on the pre-med track. If you couldn’t tell, the detailed description of how hearing works should’ve tipped you off that I’m a science nerd. Other than science, I enjoy art and music. I draw with graphite, charcoal, and prismacolors. Portraits are my favorite thing to draw. I paint with watercolor and I like to combine abstract and realistic concepts in my paintings. I like to play music on my viola, as well as listen to it. I listen to a wide range of music, from classical to rap. However, I absolutely love to listen to string music. I also am a huge, huge fan of the 1965 movie production of the Sound of Music and listen to the soundtrack constantly. Julie Andrews’s voice is just magical. I also love to read (although I have to admit I haven't been reading a lot recently) and am a fan of Greek mythology. Other than that, I like to spend my time on the internet on social media and other websites like YouTube, I am a YouTube addict and love watching videos (although I’d like it if all of them were captioned so I wouldn’t have to use as much effort to listen and understand the videos). If you go to any of my social media profiles, you’ll see that I’m pretty passionate about social justice. I like to learn and educate myself about things that are happening right now in our politics and culture.

That basically sums me up. I think this was a good (and quite long) self-introductory post. I really look forward to making more posts in the future!

Ashley

[jesseneufeld]

Omega-3s: Everything You Need to Know

As a health-minded individual, you’ve no doubt gotten the memo that omega-3 fatty acids are important. You may dutifully eat your weekly servings of small, oily fish. Perhaps a fish oil pill is even part of your daily supplement routine. But do you know why?

Looking back, I used to write about omega-3s a lot in the early days of Mark’s Daily Apple (more than a decade ago, geez!) Since then, I’ve covered the topic here and there, but I thought it was time for a refresher. Today I’m going to focus on giving you a broad overview of their function and an update on the state of the research literature.

It would be impossible to cover all the reasons that omega-3s are important for health in a single post, nor all the areas of ongoing research. I’ll try to hit the big ones here. Let me know in the comments what else you’d like me to cover in future posts.

What Are Omega-3 Fatty Acids?

Omega-3s are essential polyunsaturated fatty acids (PUFAs)—“essential” means the body can’t synthesize them. We have to get them from food or supplements.

As Primal folks, you might have an adverse reaction to the word “polyunsaturated.” It’s true that in the ancestral health world, we tend to be wary of PUFAs—or really, oils containing high proportions of PUFAs such as safflower and canola—due to their propensity to become rancid and be pro-inflammatory. However, this is a don’t-throw-the-baby-out-with-the bathwater situation. First, when it comes to overconsumption and inflammation, we are primarily concerned with omega-6 fatty acids, not omega-3s. Second, PUFAs, both omega-3s and even the oft-maligned omega-6s, serve many functions in the human body.

I’ll return to the issue of omega-6s vis-à-vis omega-3s later in this post. For now, I just want you to understand that omega-3s are polyunsaturated, essential, and important.

A Quick Primer on Polyunsaturated Fatty Acids

Omega-3s and omega-6s are both types of polyunsaturated fatty acids. What does this mean? Fatty acids comprise chains of carbon atoms of differing lengths. Picture each carbon atom having four arms. They “hold hands” to form the chain. With the remaining hand(s), they hold on to one or more hydrogen atoms.

If each carbon atom uses one hand to hold the carbon on its left and one to hold the carbon on its right, that leaves two hands free for hydrogen. When each carbon is attached to two hydrogen atoms, these fatty acids are called saturated.

Sometimes carbons form double bonds, meaning they use two hands two grab a neighboring carbon. This leaves only one hand free for hydrogen. These are unsaturated fatty acids. When fatty acids only have one double bond along the carbon chain, they are called monounsaturated. When they have multiple double bonds, they are polyunsaturated.

The number in the name of the fatty acid tells you where you can find the first double bond. In omega-3s, the first double bond is on the third carbon atom from the omega (methyl) end. In omega-6s, it’s on the sixth carbon atom.

Double bonds form “kinks” in the fatty acid chains, affecting the shape, and ultimately the function, of the fatty acid. It is not inherently bad for a fatty acid to be polyunsaturated, but it does mean that they are especially vulnerable to oxidation. Omega-3 and omega-6 fatty acids (along with their less appreciated cousins, the omega-9 fatty acids) are each important in their own way.

The Three Main Types of Omega-3s

There are many forms of omega-3 fatty acids, of which three are particularly noteworthy for humans:

Alpha-linolenic acid (ALA)

Eicosapentaenoic acid (EPA)

Docosahexaenoic acid (DHA)

ALA is the most abundant in the diet. In humans, its main biological function is as a precursor for EPA and DHA. ALA that is not converted to EPA or DHA is used mainly for energy.

Even though ALA is converted into EPA and DHA, the latter two are still considered essential (or “conditionally essential”) because conversion rates are too low to provide all the EPA and DHA needed for optimal functioning. Females are better able to convert ALA thanks to higher estrogen, but both sexes need to get EPA and DHA in their diet and/or from supplements.1

But What Do Omega-3 Fatty Acids DO?

Omega-3s are found throughout the body, notably in cell membranes, where they affect the fluidity of the membranes and, ultimately, gene expression. All the omega-3s play numerous important roles in the body, including in cellular metabolism, immune system function, and cardiovascular health.

EPA is involved in producing signaling molecules called eicosanoids that modulate inflammation, while DHA is an important structural component especially in the nervous system and retinas. Both EPA and DHA are generally considered to be anti-inflammatory, although that’s something of an oversimplification. Their effect on the immune system depends on the context.

Generally speaking, though, EPA and DHA exert anti-inflammatory effects, in contrast to omega-6s, especially arachidonic acid (AA), which tend to be pro-inflammatory. Omega-3s work their anti-inflammatory magic in a number of ways, including by producing specific eicosanoids, suppressing pro-inflammatory transcription factors, decreasing production of inflammatory cytokines, and by “turning off” inflammatory responses once they have done their job.2 3

Omega-3s’ Roles in Disease

Because inflammation is characteristic of so many disease states, omega-3s are a major area of research interest. Researchers have studied how omega-3s interact with practically every major disease and developmental process you can think of.

I’ll tell you up front, we still have a lot more questions than answers. Sometimes it seems that omega-3 intake in the diet buffers against a certain health issue, but the results aren’t replicated in randomized control trials. (It may be that the initial epidemiological studies are flawed – I’m highly skeptical of this methodology overall.) Experiments often yield inconsistent results. There may be differences between getting omega-3s from whole foods versus supplements, or certain populations may respond differently than others to supplementation. Studies may not be targeting the optimal dose. On and on.

The fast is, there are few “knowns” with regard to specific diseases. It’s fair to say that it’s clearer that omega-3s are important in a global sense — for overall health — than for any specific disease or disorder.

Cardiovascular Health

The potential for omega-3s to prevent or treat cardiovascular disease has probably has received the most attention. There is lots of data here… and the results are all over the map. Let me try to summarize some of the major findings, focusing on recent meta-analyses where possible:

Observational studies suggest that people who eat one or two servings of fish per week have better cardiovascular health than people who do not.4

A recent meta-analysis evaluated 19 studies, with 45,637 participants, in which researchers assessed biomarkers of omega-3s—basically, how much omega-3 people had in their systems. ALA and DHA were associated with lower risk of fatal coronary heart disease but not total coronary heart disease.5

Some research suggests that omega-3 supplementation may be particularly helpful for individuals with existing cardiac disease, at least in terms of reducing the risk of cardiac and all-cause mortality.6 However, other analyses show minimal benefit.7 8

EPA and DHA may be useful in reducing high blood pressure.9

Overall, the data from many studies seems promising, though it gets messy when you really dig into the literature. Despite the messiness, last year the U.S. Food and Drug Administration concluded that there is “credible evidence” that EPA and DHA may reduce the risk of coronary heart disease and hypertension.10

On the other hand, a Cochrane Review published earlier this year takes a different stance.11 The authors conclude that there it is unlikely that omega-3 supplementation meaningful affects mortality, although they concede that there might be some benefit for cardiovascular disease events and arrhythmia. Effects of supplementation may vary by dose, which might help explain inconsistencies between studies.12 13 Optimal dose could depend on what outcomes you’re hoping to achieve.

One area where omega-3 supplementation seems to shine is in the treatment of hypertriglyceridemia, or high triglycerides.14 Multiple studies show a benefit, but at doses higher that you’re likely to take over the counter. To reduce triglycerides, the American Heart Association recommends taking 2 to 4 grams of EPA+DHA under a doctor’s supervision.15

Mental Health

Omega-3s are abundant in the brain and play key roles in neuronal functioning. It’s no surprise that they would be considered in the treatment of mental health disorders. Some disorders, notably depression, are also thought to be inflammatory, making anti-inflammatory omega-3s a potentially useful intervention. What does the data say?

People who eat more fish are at lower risk of depression16, and individuals diagnosed with depression may have chronically low levels of omega-3s in their cells.17 18

Some studies show that omega-3s, especially EPA, reduce depressive episodes19 and clinical anxiety20.

Omega-3s are also under investigation for a number of other mental health disorders including schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, but there is not enough evidence to draw firm conclusions about their efficacy.21

Aging and Age-Related Cognitive Decline

There are multiple pathways by which omega-3s might support healthy aging, especially in the brain. A couple small studies demonstrated positive effects of supplementation on brain structure and function in older adults.22 23 However, results have been inconsistent overall, with no clear benefit for preventing or treating Alzheimer’s or dementia.

Other studies have looked at whether omega-3s can improve physical functioning. One found that in older adults with coronary artery disease, EPA+DHA improved functioning and was associated with getting more weekly exercise.24 Another showed increased muscle protein synthesis with supplementation.25

Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA)

Likely due to their anti-inflammatory properties, omega-3s show promise for the treatment of rheumatoid arthritis. A recent meta-analysis of 20 randomized control trials linked omega-3 supplementation to improvements in 8 distinct health markers for RA, including stiffness in the morning and joint tenderness.26 Some studies, but not all, find that omega-3 supplementation reduces arthritis pain.27

Cancer

The data with regard to cancer are too disparate to summarize neatly. Researchers are particularly interested in the possibility that omega-3s may reduce incidence of breast and colorectal cancers. I’ll be keeping my eye on this.

One important note is that some studies have found limited evidence of a positive association between omega-3 intake and prostate cancer. However, other large-scale epidemiological studies suggest that men who consume more fish are at lower risk for prostate cancer.28 29 It’s not clear what’s going on here, but it does suggest that you should talk to your doctor if you’re considering supplementing with omega-3s and you have had, or are at high risk for developing, prostate cancer.

What does it all mean?

Here’s how I read the situation: There is no doubt that omega-3s are crucial for health. You don’t want to be chronically low in omega-3s. Whether there is a benefit for supplementing with omega-3s—especially above and beyond what you get from your diet—depends on what you hope to get out of it. If you’re thinking about using omega-3s to treat a specific health issue, talk to your doctor. There are too many variables at play—your dietary intake and health status, types and omega-3s and dosing—to make blanket recommendations.

How to Get Omega-3s

Dietary Sources of Omega-3 Fatty Acids

Marine animals are the primary dietary sources of EPA and DHA in the human diet. This is why I and others have argued previously that fish and shellfish played a critical role in human evolution.30 The abundance of DHA in particular was probably pivotal to our advanced brain development.

Some of the best sources of EPA and DHA are salmon, mackerel, anchovies, sardines, herring, and oysters. Cod livers are delightfully mild and pack a wallop of vitamins A and D to boot. Primal-friendly sources of ALA include flax seeds, chia seeds, and walnuts. You also get some omega-3s in meat and eggs (chickens are often fed omega-enriched feed). Grass-finished beef and pastured eggs31 will deliver higher doses.

Although seafood is by far the best source of EPA and DHA, if you are vegetarian or vegan, you can get these important fatty acids from algal oil. Seaweed and chlorella also contain omega-3s, but nowhere near the quantities found in seafood.

How Much Do You Need?

The generally accepted advice is to aim for one to two servings per week of seafood, but there is no set recommended daily allowance (RDA) for ALA, EPA, or DHA. Generally, you’ll find recommendations to consume anywhere from 250 to 500mg per day of combined EPA+DHA. I developed an omega-3 formula with clean ingredients to make it easy to get sufficient EPA and DHA every day.

Does Your Omega-3:Omega-6 Ratio Matter?

In the body, omega-6s compete for space with omega-3s. Both can be incorporated into cell membranes, where they affect the membranes’ fluidity, permeability, and signaling pathways. Research shows that the amount of each in cell membranes is proportional to omega-3 and omega-6 consumption in the diet. An imbalance of omega-3 to omega-6 PUFAs can negatively affect how the cells—including in immune cells and neurons—function.32

The primary omega-6 fatty acid is linoleic acid (LA). LA and the primary omega-3 ALA use the same enzymatic pathways to convert into longer-chain fatty acids: arachidonic acid (AA, in the case of LA) and EPA and DHA (in the case of ALA). High LA levels can crowd out the ALA and make it so that it can’t make the all-important EPA and DHA.

You can directly impact the amount of omega-3s and omega-6s in your tissues by changing your diet.33 This, in turn, can affect your levels of inflammation and disease risk. For example, across cultures with diverse diets, greater intake of omega-6s is associated with having more omega-6 in the tissues and with greater incidence of cardiovascular disease. This effect is moderated by omega-3 intake. Across all levels of omega-6 intake, higher omega-3 consumption is associated with lower disease risk. The lower the omega-3 intake, the higher the risk.34

Although some research suggests that the high ratio of omega-6 to omega-3 in modern diets puts people at risk for developing certain diseases such as heart disease and cancers,35 Experts argue that our ancestors evolved with a diet that had approximately equal proportions of omega-3s and omega-6s.36 Depending on whom you ask, modern diets may have a ratio of 1:10, 1:16, 1:20, or more!

I used to bang the drum about hitting the right omega-3:omega-6 ratio in your daily diet. In recent years I’ve backed off that stance somewhat. I still think modern diets like SAD are way too high in omega-6s, but the answer isn’t to pile on heaping servings of omega-3s to balance it and “correct” the ratio. The solution is to reduce consumption of omega-6s (mostly from refined seed and vegetable oils, and products containing those oils) while getting adequate omega-3s.

Should I Supplement With Fish Oil?

It is certainly possible to be deficient in omega-3s. Clinical deficiencies usually manifest as scaly rashes. Severe omega-3 deficiencies are rare in most parts of the world, though. Subclinical low omega-3 levels may manifest as brittle nails and hair, poor sleep, or mood disturbances.

Despite a mountain of evidence that omega-3s are essential for health, there is still no clear guidance about who exactly should supplement and how much. It seems to me that the best practice, and one I follow myself is: aim to get omega-3s from food, and supplement wisely as needed. In practice, this means I select grass-fed meat when I can, and I eat pastured eggs most days, and I eat a couple servings of small-oily fish every week. I take an omega-3 supplement most days, but I’ll skip that on the days when I eat fatty fish. Plus, I eat a lot of ALA-containing vegetables.

The other thing I do, of course, is limit my omega-6 consumption by avoiding refined seed and vegetable oils. I’m not overly concerned with omega-6s found in nuts, which I don’t eat in huge quantities anyway, or other whole foods.

For folks who are already eating a lot of omega-3-rich foods, further supplementation may not offer a ton of benefit.37 If you’re not sure where you fall, you can ask your doctor for a blood test for omega-3 levels. You can also just track your food for a few days in an app like Cronometer that tells you how much you’re consuming.

Are There Any Downsides?

Perhaps. Some people have raised the concern that because they are polyunsaturated, omega-3s, especially in supplement form, are subject to rancidity and may cause oxidative stress. This speaks to the importance of sourcing your supplements from a reputable source. Store them according to instructions on the label and use them by their best-by dates. It’s another argument for prioritizing food sources as well.

Furthermore, it seems clear that more is not better, especially when it comes to supplementation. Excessive intake may lead to bleeding since EPA and DHA can reduce platelet aggregation, although this doesn’t seem to be a big risk for the average person. Nevertheless, the FDA recommends of cap of 3 grams EPA+DHA per day, with no more than 2 grams coming from supplements. Higher doses should only be taken with a doctor’s supervision.

In any case, these risks seem to me to be considerably less than the potential downsides of getting insufficient omega-3s. I still count omega-3s as a central player in overall health and healthy aging.

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References

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https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4054797/

https://www.fda.gov/food/cfsan-constituent-updates/fda-announces-new-qualified-health-claims-epa-and-dha-omega-3-consumption-and-risk-hypertension-and

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https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18408140/ [/red] scientists have not been able to establish an optimum ratio.[ref]https://archive.ahrq.gov/downloads/pub/evidence/pdf/o3cardio/o3cardio.pdf

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[lauramalchowblog]

Omega-3s: Everything You Need to Know

As a health-minded individual, you’ve no doubt gotten the memo that omega-3 fatty acids are important. You may dutifully eat your weekly servings of small, oily fish. Perhaps a fish oil pill is even part of your daily supplement routine. But do you know why?

Looking back, I used to write about omega-3s a lot in the early days of Mark’s Daily Apple (more than a decade ago, geez!) Since then, I’ve covered the topic here and there, but I thought it was time for a refresher. Today I’m going to focus on giving you a broad overview of their function and an update on the state of the research literature.

It would be impossible to cover all the reasons that omega-3s are important for health in a single post, nor all the areas of ongoing research. I’ll try to hit the big ones here. Let me know in the comments what else you’d like me to cover in future posts.

What Are Omega-3 Fatty Acids?

Omega-3s are essential polyunsaturated fatty acids (PUFAs)—“essential” means the body can’t synthesize them. We have to get them from food or supplements.

As Primal folks, you might have an adverse reaction to the word “polyunsaturated.” It’s true that in the ancestral health world, we tend to be wary of PUFAs—or really, oils containing high proportions of PUFAs such as safflower and canola—due to their propensity to become rancid and be pro-inflammatory. However, this is a don’t-throw-the-baby-out-with-the bathwater situation. First, when it comes to overconsumption and inflammation, we are primarily concerned with omega-6 fatty acids, not omega-3s. Second, PUFAs, both omega-3s and even the oft-maligned omega-6s, serve many functions in the human body.

I’ll return to the issue of omega-6s vis-à-vis omega-3s later in this post. For now, I just want you to understand that omega-3s are polyunsaturated, essential, and important.

A Quick Primer on Polyunsaturated Fatty Acids

Omega-3s and omega-6s are both types of polyunsaturated fatty acids. What does this mean? Fatty acids comprise chains of carbon atoms of differing lengths. Picture each carbon atom having four arms. They “hold hands” to form the chain. With the remaining hand(s), they hold on to one or more hydrogen atoms.

If each carbon atom uses one hand to hold the carbon on its left and one to hold the carbon on its right, that leaves two hands free for hydrogen. When each carbon is attached to two hydrogen atoms, these fatty acids are called saturated.

Sometimes carbons form double bonds, meaning they use two hands two grab a neighboring carbon. This leaves only one hand free for hydrogen. These are unsaturated fatty acids. When fatty acids only have one double bond along the carbon chain, they are called monounsaturated. When they have multiple double bonds, they are polyunsaturated.

The number in the name of the fatty acid tells you where you can find the first double bond. In omega-3s, the first double bond is on the third carbon atom from the omega (methyl) end. In omega-6s, it’s on the sixth carbon atom.

Double bonds form “kinks” in the fatty acid chains, affecting the shape, and ultimately the function, of the fatty acid. It is not inherently bad for a fatty acid to be polyunsaturated, but it does mean that they are especially vulnerable to oxidation. Omega-3 and omega-6 fatty acids (along with their less appreciated cousins, the omega-9 fatty acids) are each important in their own way.

The Three Main Types of Omega-3s

There are many forms of omega-3 fatty acids, of which three are particularly noteworthy for humans:

Alpha-linolenic acid (ALA)

Eicosapentaenoic acid (EPA)

Docosahexaenoic acid (DHA)

ALA is the most abundant in the diet. In humans, its main biological function is as a precursor for EPA and DHA. ALA that is not converted to EPA or DHA is used mainly for energy.

Even though ALA is converted into EPA and DHA, the latter two are still considered essential (or “conditionally essential”) because conversion rates are too low to provide all the EPA and DHA needed for optimal functioning. Females are better able to convert ALA thanks to higher estrogen, but both sexes need to get EPA and DHA in their diet and/or from supplements.1

But What Do Omega-3 Fatty Acids DO?

Omega-3s are found throughout the body, notably in cell membranes, where they affect the fluidity of the membranes and, ultimately, gene expression. All the omega-3s play numerous important roles in the body, including in cellular metabolism, immune system function, and cardiovascular health.

EPA is involved in producing signaling molecules called eicosanoids that modulate inflammation, while DHA is an important structural component especially in the nervous system and retinas. Both EPA and DHA are generally considered to be anti-inflammatory, although that’s something of an oversimplification. Their effect on the immune system depends on the context.

Generally speaking, though, EPA and DHA exert anti-inflammatory effects, in contrast to omega-6s, especially arachidonic acid (AA), which tend to be pro-inflammatory. Omega-3s work their anti-inflammatory magic in a number of ways, including by producing specific eicosanoids, suppressing pro-inflammatory transcription factors, decreasing production of inflammatory cytokines, and by “turning off” inflammatory responses once they have done their job.2 3

Omega-3s’ Roles in Disease

Because inflammation is characteristic of so many disease states, omega-3s are a major area of research interest. Researchers have studied how omega-3s interact with practically every major disease and developmental process you can think of.

I’ll tell you up front, we still have a lot more questions than answers. Sometimes it seems that omega-3 intake in the diet buffers against a certain health issue, but the results aren’t replicated in randomized control trials. (It may be that the initial epidemiological studies are flawed – I’m highly skeptical of this methodology overall.) Experiments often yield inconsistent results. There may be differences between getting omega-3s from whole foods versus supplements, or certain populations may respond differently than others to supplementation. Studies may not be targeting the optimal dose. On and on.

The fast is, there are few “knowns” with regard to specific diseases. It’s fair to say that it’s clearer that omega-3s are important in a global sense — for overall health — than for any specific disease or disorder.

Cardiovascular Health

The potential for omega-3s to prevent or treat cardiovascular disease has probably has received the most attention. There is lots of data here… and the results are all over the map. Let me try to summarize some of the major findings, focusing on recent meta-analyses where possible:

Observational studies suggest that people who eat one or two servings of fish per week have better cardiovascular health than people who do not.4

A recent meta-analysis evaluated 19 studies, with 45,637 participants, in which researchers assessed biomarkers of omega-3s—basically, how much omega-3 people had in their systems. ALA and DHA were associated with lower risk of fatal coronary heart disease but not total coronary heart disease.5

Some research suggests that omega-3 supplementation may be particularly helpful for individuals with existing cardiac disease, at least in terms of reducing the risk of cardiac and all-cause mortality.6 However, other analyses show minimal benefit.7 8

EPA and DHA may be useful in reducing high blood pressure.9

Overall, the data from many studies seems promising, though it gets messy when you really dig into the literature. Despite the messiness, last year the U.S. Food and Drug Administration concluded that there is “credible evidence” that EPA and DHA may reduce the risk of coronary heart disease and hypertension.10

On the other hand, a Cochrane Review published earlier this year takes a different stance.11 The authors conclude that there it is unlikely that omega-3 supplementation meaningful affects mortality, although they concede that there might be some benefit for cardiovascular disease events and arrhythmia. Effects of supplementation may vary by dose, which might help explain inconsistencies between studies.12 13 Optimal dose could depend on what outcomes you’re hoping to achieve.

One area where omega-3 supplementation seems to shine is in the treatment of hypertriglyceridemia, or high triglycerides.14 Multiple studies show a benefit, but at doses higher that you’re likely to take over the counter. To reduce triglycerides, the American Heart Association recommends taking 2 to 4 grams of EPA+DHA under a doctor’s supervision.15

Mental Health

Omega-3s are abundant in the brain and play key roles in neuronal functioning. It’s no surprise that they would be considered in the treatment of mental health disorders. Some disorders, notably depression, are also thought to be inflammatory, making anti-inflammatory omega-3s a potentially useful intervention. What does the data say?

People who eat more fish are at lower risk of depression16, and individuals diagnosed with depression may have chronically low levels of omega-3s in their cells.17 18

Some studies show that omega-3s, especially EPA, reduce depressive episodes19 and clinical anxiety20.

Omega-3s are also under investigation for a number of other mental health disorders including schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, but there is not enough evidence to draw firm conclusions about their efficacy.21

Aging and Age-Related Cognitive Decline

There are multiple pathways by which omega-3s might support healthy aging, especially in the brain. A couple small studies demonstrated positive effects of supplementation on brain structure and function in older adults.22 23 However, results have been inconsistent overall, with no clear benefit for preventing or treating Alzheimer’s or dementia.

Other studies have looked at whether omega-3s can improve physical functioning. One found that in older adults with coronary artery disease, EPA+DHA improved functioning and was associated with getting more weekly exercise.24 Another showed increased muscle protein synthesis with supplementation.25

Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA)

Likely due to their anti-inflammatory properties, omega-3s show promise for the treatment of rheumatoid arthritis. A recent meta-analysis of 20 randomized control trials linked omega-3 supplementation to improvements in 8 distinct health markers for RA, including stiffness in the morning and joint tenderness.26 Some studies, but not all, find that omega-3 supplementation reduces arthritis pain.27

Cancer

The data with regard to cancer are too disparate to summarize neatly. Researchers are particularly interested in the possibility that omega-3s may reduce incidence of breast and colorectal cancers. I’ll be keeping my eye on this.

One important note is that some studies have found limited evidence of a positive association between omega-3 intake and prostate cancer. However, other large-scale epidemiological studies suggest that men who consume more fish are at lower risk for prostate cancer.28 29 It’s not clear what’s going on here, but it does suggest that you should talk to your doctor if you’re considering supplementing with omega-3s and you have had, or are at high risk for developing, prostate cancer.

What does it all mean?

Here’s how I read the situation: There is no doubt that omega-3s are crucial for health. You don’t want to be chronically low in omega-3s. Whether there is a benefit for supplementing with omega-3s—especially above and beyond what you get from your diet—depends on what you hope to get out of it. If you’re thinking about using omega-3s to treat a specific health issue, talk to your doctor. There are too many variables at play—your dietary intake and health status, types and omega-3s and dosing—to make blanket recommendations.

How to Get Omega-3s

Dietary Sources of Omega-3 Fatty Acids

Marine animals are the primary dietary sources of EPA and DHA in the human diet. This is why I and others have argued previously that fish and shellfish played a critical role in human evolution.30 The abundance of DHA in particular was probably pivotal to our advanced brain development.

Some of the best sources of EPA and DHA are salmon, mackerel, anchovies, sardines, herring, and oysters. Cod livers are delightfully mild and pack a wallop of vitamins A and D to boot. Primal-friendly sources of ALA include flax seeds, chia seeds, and walnuts. You also get some omega-3s in meat and eggs (chickens are often fed omega-enriched feed). Grass-finished beef and pastured eggs31 will deliver higher doses.

Although seafood is by far the best source of EPA and DHA, if you are vegetarian or vegan, you can get these important fatty acids from algal oil. Seaweed and chlorella also contain omega-3s, but nowhere near the quantities found in seafood.

How Much Do You Need?

The generally accepted advice is to aim for one to two servings per week of seafood, but there is no set recommended daily allowance (RDA) for ALA, EPA, or DHA. Generally, you’ll find recommendations to consume anywhere from 250 to 500mg per day of combined EPA+DHA. I developed an omega-3 formula with clean ingredients to make it easy to get sufficient EPA and DHA every day.

Does Your Omega-3:Omega-6 Ratio Matter?

In the body, omega-6s compete for space with omega-3s. Both can be incorporated into cell membranes, where they affect the membranes’ fluidity, permeability, and signaling pathways. Research shows that the amount of each in cell membranes is proportional to omega-3 and omega-6 consumption in the diet. An imbalance of omega-3 to omega-6 PUFAs can negatively affect how the cells—including in immune cells and neurons—function.32

The primary omega-6 fatty acid is linoleic acid (LA). LA and the primary omega-3 ALA use the same enzymatic pathways to convert into longer-chain fatty acids: arachidonic acid (AA, in the case of LA) and EPA and DHA (in the case of ALA). High LA levels can crowd out the ALA and make it so that it can’t make the all-important EPA and DHA.

You can directly impact the amount of omega-3s and omega-6s in your tissues by changing your diet.33 This, in turn, can affect your levels of inflammation and disease risk. For example, across cultures with diverse diets, greater intake of omega-6s is associated with having more omega-6 in the tissues and with greater incidence of cardiovascular disease. This effect is moderated by omega-3 intake. Across all levels of omega-6 intake, higher omega-3 consumption is associated with lower disease risk. The lower the omega-3 intake, the higher the risk.34

Although some research suggests that the high ratio of omega-6 to omega-3 in modern diets puts people at risk for developing certain diseases such as heart disease and cancers,35 Experts argue that our ancestors evolved with a diet that had approximately equal proportions of omega-3s and omega-6s.36 Depending on whom you ask, modern diets may have a ratio of 1:10, 1:16, 1:20, or more!

I used to bang the drum about hitting the right omega-3:omega-6 ratio in your daily diet. In recent years I’ve backed off that stance somewhat. I still think modern diets like SAD are way too high in omega-6s, but the answer isn’t to pile on heaping servings of omega-3s to balance it and “correct” the ratio. The solution is to reduce consumption of omega-6s (mostly from refined seed and vegetable oils, and products containing those oils) while getting adequate omega-3s.

Should I Supplement With Fish Oil?

It is certainly possible to be deficient in omega-3s. Clinical deficiencies usually manifest as scaly rashes. Severe omega-3 deficiencies are rare in most parts of the world, though. Subclinical low omega-3 levels may manifest as brittle nails and hair, poor sleep, or mood disturbances.

Despite a mountain of evidence that omega-3s are essential for health, there is still no clear guidance about who exactly should supplement and how much. It seems to me that the best practice, and one I follow myself is: aim to get omega-3s from food, and supplement wisely as needed. In practice, this means I select grass-fed meat when I can, and I eat pastured eggs most days, and I eat a couple servings of small-oily fish every week. I take an omega-3 supplement most days, but I’ll skip that on the days when I eat fatty fish. Plus, I eat a lot of ALA-containing vegetables.

The other thing I do, of course, is limit my omega-6 consumption by avoiding refined seed and vegetable oils. I’m not overly concerned with omega-6s found in nuts, which I don’t eat in huge quantities anyway, or other whole foods.

For folks who are already eating a lot of omega-3-rich foods, further supplementation may not offer a ton of benefit.37 If you’re not sure where you fall, you can ask your doctor for a blood test for omega-3 levels. You can also just track your food for a few days in an app like Cronometer that tells you how much you’re consuming.

Are There Any Downsides?

Perhaps. Some people have raised the concern that because they are polyunsaturated, omega-3s, especially in supplement form, are subject to rancidity and may cause oxidative stress. This speaks to the importance of sourcing your supplements from a reputable source. Store them according to instructions on the label and use them by their best-by dates. It’s another argument for prioritizing food sources as well.

Furthermore, it seems clear that more is not better, especially when it comes to supplementation. Excessive intake may lead to bleeding since EPA and DHA can reduce platelet aggregation, although this doesn’t seem to be a big risk for the average person. Nevertheless, the FDA recommends of cap of 3 grams EPA+DHA per day, with no more than 2 grams coming from supplements. Higher doses should only be taken with a doctor’s supervision.

In any case, these risks seem to me to be considerably less than the potential downsides of getting insufficient omega-3s. I still count omega-3s as a central player in overall health and healthy aging.

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https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/30521670

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4054797/

https://www.fda.gov/food/cfsan-constituent-updates/fda-announces-new-qualified-health-claims-epa-and-dha-omega-3-consumption-and-risk-hypertension-and

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6513557/

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https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6324500/

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https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25210201

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https://aocs.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1007/BF02562227

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https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18408140/ [/red] scientists have not been able to establish an optimum ratio.[ref]https://archive.ahrq.gov/downloads/pub/evidence/pdf/o3cardio/o3cardio.pdf

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5093368/

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The post Omega-3s: Everything You Need to Know appeared first on Mark's Daily Apple.

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[dinakaplan]

What Is Nutritional Yeast? Is This Secret Plant-Based Ingredient Good for You?

You’ll find nutritional yeast in many plant-based recipes. It may look like a shaker of flakes you would feed to a pet fish, but it’s not fish food! What is nutritional yeast? And can it be a healthy addition to your meals?

If an Oscar existed for terrible brand marketing, the person who invented the name “nutritional yeast” would get one.

When newbies first encounter this product, they never think, “OMG, this sounds fabulous! I’m gonna add this stuff to everything now! Can I get it in 50-pound sacks?”

Yet you’ll probably find a vat of nutritional yeast — often called “nooch” for short — in the fridge or pantry of most plant-based eaters. I even know people who carry a jar or shaker in their purse or car in case they encounter a bland meal.

So what is nutritional yeast? How is it made? Why are some people fanatical about this ingredient? And also: Can you overdose on it? And who should consume it, and who shouldn’t?

Wonder no more. Here’s a deep dive into the topic to bring you everything you ever wanted to know about nutritional yeast.

What Is Nutritional Yeast? And How Is It Made?

Plant-based eaters use nutritional yeast as a condiment to add a savory, cheesy flavor to a myriad of dishes. It’s also used as a rich source of important vitamins and minerals, protein, and fiber.

Most nutritional yeasts don’t contain any animal-derived ingredients. This makes nooch a useful alternative to dairy cheese in certain dishes.

Nutritional yeast is the same species of yeast (Saccharomyces cerevisiae) used to make beer, bread, or kombucha. But it’s a different end product.

One major difference is that, for the most part, people use baker’s and brewer’s yeast in their active form. Nutritional yeast is inactive, so it has no leavening ability. In other words, it won’t make dough rise — and it won’t reproduce inside you, even if you eat it raw.

Nutritional yeast is made by growing S. cerevisiae on a sugar-rich molasses medium. Then, it is deactivated with heat, washed, pasteurized, dried, and crumbled.

It’s almost always fortified with nutrients, particularly B vitamins, before ending up on store shelves. Unfortified versions are also available.

In the lingo of yeast professionals, nutritional yeast is a primary-grown yeast. That means it’s cultivated specifically for its nutritional value and not as a by-product or a means to another recipe.

Which pretty much answers the next question.

Does Nutritional Yeast Offer Health Benefits?

Not only does nutritional yeast taste good, but it can also be good for you!

Nooch has an unassuming appearance you might associate with fish food or dandruff. But it’s packed with several nutrients that are in short supply in the modern Western diet.

Mini-disclaimer: Though exact nutrients and their amounts can vary between brands, most nutritional yeasts have a similar makeup. Take a peek at the ingredient label to be sure a particular brand contains what you’re looking for.

B Vitamins

Fortified nutritional yeast is a B vitamin powerhouse.

One tablespoon contains 30 to 180% of the Reference Daily Intake (RDI) for various B vitamins. Some of these form naturally as yeast grows, and others — especially vitamins B6 and B12 — are added through fortification.

B vitamins are involved in important bodily processes, such as metabolism, energy production, DNA synthesis, brain function, hormone regulation, and making blood cells.

People who eat a plant-based diet might be looking to nutritional yeast as a source of vitamin B12. Though fortified versions will contain B12, it’s usually not enough to rely upon for all your needs, so other sources are still important. (For more about how to how to get the B12 you need, read this article about key supplements we recommend.)

Protein

Nutritional yeast is over 50% protein by weight.

In fact, it contains more protein per calorie than any meat product out there! In only a ¼ cup, you’ll find eight grams of protein, three grams of fiber, very little sodium, and no sugar.

Nutritional yeast is particularly rich in lysine and tryptophan. These amino acids have received particularly good press. Lysine may prevent cold sores. And tryptophan gets converted into the “good mood and sleep” hormone, serotonin.

Minerals

Nutritional yeast contains a wealth of trace minerals.

Some of these include zinc, selenium, magnesium, molybdenum, phosphorus, and potassium. These are all essential for good health. They also support a strong immune system and active metabolism.

Yeast is also a rich source of chromium, which your body needs to regulate blood sugar. For this reason, it can be beneficial for people with prediabetes, diabetes, or anyone concerned about balancing their blood sugar levels.

Antioxidants

Nutritional yeast contains potent antioxidants, which help to prevent cell damage that can lead to many chronic diseases.

One potent antioxidant, in particular, is glutathione. It can help protect your cells and eliminate toxins from your body.

Glutathione plays an important role in cellular defense mechanisms. Nutritional yeast contains around 2.5 mg of glutathione per gram — which is a very concentrated amount.

Science Says Nutritional Yeast Has Other Benefits, Too

Minimalist Baker’s plant-based parmesan “cheese” made with nutritional yeast.

These little yellow flakes are much more than an easy way to sprinkle vitamins and minerals into your diet.

Antibacterial and Antiviral Properties

Because of its antibacterial and antiviral properties, nutritional yeast is the fourth most prescribed natural mono-preparation in Germany. (It’s beaten only by Ginkgo, St. John’s Wort, and Horse Chestnut.)

It contains certain carbohydrates — including trehalose and beta glucans — that can fight infection and support immune function.

Trehalose is a disaccharide that helps maintain the health of brain cells. (A disaccharide, if you’re looking to geek out on the chemistry, is a sugar molecule consisting of two monosaccharides with a water molecule removed. If chemistry isn’t your thing, don’t worry. You don’t have to say “disaccharide” three times backward to eat good food!)

Beta-glucans, in particular, have been shown to have antitumor, anti-inflammatory, anti-obesity, anti-allergic, and anti-osteoporotic abilities.

A 2007 study published in Lifestyle Science focused on pigs. It showed the ability of beta-glucan and alpha-mannan to protect against infection by boosting immunity, fighting bacteria, and inhibiting harmful toxins.

It Can Help Lower Blood Cholesterol Levels

The beta-glucans in nutritional yeast may also help lower blood cholesterol and triglyceride levels. (This is good news for your heart!)

This effect has been researched primarily in oats (another rich source of beta-glucans), but yeast has similar effects.

The impact of yeast on cholesterol has actually been of scientific interest for a long time. In a small 1999 study, published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, 15 obese men with high blood cholesterol levels consumed 15 grams of yeast-derived beta-glucans every day for eight weeks. They experienced an 8% reduction in their LDL (bad) cholesterol levels by the end of the study.

Other more recent studies have found a similar impact on the cholesterol levels of mice.

It Can Boost Immune Function

Studies show that the immune function of elite athletes is typically impaired by strenuous exercise. This makes them more likely (in the short run) to get sick. Nutritional yeast to the rescue! In one study, athletes who ate just ¾ teaspoon of nutritional yeast per day experienced improved immune function.

Another study focused on marathon runners who consumed a spoonful of nutritional yeast daily. As a result, it reduced post-race incidence of upper respiratory infections. It also increased the runners’ overall physical AND mental health.

(I’m definitely no elite athlete, but I know how worn out I can be after a hard workout. After doing this research, I’m going to be sprinkling on more nutritional yeast. And since I love the taste, it’s not like I’m going to have to force myself.)

Are There Any Health Risks Associated With Eating Nutritional Yeast?

Nutritional yeast offers a lot of nutrients. But is there such a thing as getting too much nutrition from one source?

Maybe. But as long as you’re not piling every meal high with a mountain of yellow flakes, overdosing is more than likely not a problem.

There is a phenomenon that can occur from eating vitamin B2, or riboflavin, in excess: neon yellow urine.

Nutritional yeast provides 160% of the Daily Value (DV) for vitamin B2 in one tablespoon. B vitamins are water soluble. That means when you eat them in large amounts, your kidneys will excrete whatever your body doesn’t need. This results in yellower-than-normal, vitamin B-rich urine. For some people, the color change can be pretty dramatic.

That’s right, not only do you have to make a mental note of when you eat beets (no, you’re not bleeding to death — you just ate beets last night!), you also may want to keep track of any substantial nutritional yeast consumption. That way you won’t freak out the next day by a stream that practically glows in the dark.

Why Some People Should Probably Avoid Nutritional Yeast

You probably want to avoid nutritional yeast if you have a yeast allergy.

Similarly, if you have celiac disease or severe gluten intolerance, you might want to call the manufacturer and inquire about their testing processes. Nutritional yeast is occasionally grown using a medium that contains grains. Therefore, cross-contamination with gluten can occur. You can also look for a certified gluten-free brand.

Additionally, individuals with Crohn’s disease should avoid nutritional yeast. A 1988 study found that, after placing Crohn’s patients on a yeast-free diet, even reintroducing a quarter-teaspoon caused significant recurrence of symptoms. In 1992, another study found that Crohn’s patients with elevated yeast antibodies had higher disease activity when given small yeast capsules.

Lastly, some nutritional yeast varieties come fortified with folic acid, which is the synthetic form of the vitamin B9. (Folate is the natural form.) While B9 can be beneficial, folate and folic acid function very differently in the body. There are some good reasons to avoid folic acid, especially if you have a MTHFR genetic mutation (which causes impaired folic acid metabolism).

Nutritional Yeast Myths

You may also run across a couple of misconceptions about nutritional yeast if you surf too many evidence-deficient websites.

Nutritional Yeast and Candidiasis

One myth is that consuming too much of it will cause yeast overgrowth in your body. This doesn’t happen because nutritional yeast is inactivate, and it doesn’t contain Candida albicans.

Nutritional Yeast and MSG

Because of its natural umami flavor, nutritional yeast is sometimes thought to contain monosodium glutamate (MSG).

MSG is an excitotoxin that can cause migraine headaches. Too much MSG consumption can actually lead to brain damage, so it makes sense that you wouldn’t want to eat it by the pound (or even by the microgram!).

But nutritional yeast does not contain MSG. The glutamate in yeast that gives it an umami taste is bound to other amino acids and proteins. This means that your body controls how much it absorbs and excretes.

How to Find and Use Nutritional Yeast

Now that you know all about this unique ingredient, what do you do with it?

You can find nutritional yeast in a shaker container, a bag, or from the bulk section at natural grocery stores. Depending on where I shop, I’ve found it stocked with the health foods, in the baking aisle, and even mixed in with the condiments.

To preserve its vitamins and minerals, store nutritional yeast in a cool, dry place, like your refrigerator. When stored properly, nutritional yeast can last for up to two years.

A typical serving size for nutritional yeast is one to two tablespoons. Some recipes call for ¼ to ½ cup, or even more.

Nutritional yeast offers a mildly nutty, cheesy flavor that goes well with many hot and cold dishes.

Many people use it in place of Parmesan cheese. I’ve mixed it into soups, stews, homemade bread doughs, and salad dressings. And I’ve even sprinkled it onto salad, pizza, and avocado toast.

It also works well in creamy, cashew-based cheese sauces and as a light seasoning for air-popped popcorn. Some die-hard fans even enjoy the savory flavor it adds to smoothies.

5 Great Recipes That Use Nutritional Yeast

Image via chocolatecoveredkatie.com

Ultimate Vegan “Cheese” Sauce

This easy, white-bean-based sauce gets its cheesiness from nutritional yeast. Use it as a dip, a pasta sauce, or poured over cooked veggies.

Vegan Parmesan “Cheese”

Here’s a quick, four-ingredient, dairy-free alternative to Parmesan cheese. It uses nooch, cashews, and seasoning.

Oil-Free Lemon Basil Pesto

You can use this pesto on sandwiches, mixed into noodle dishes, or as a dip for crackers and raw vegetables.

Chef AJ’s Disappearing Lasagna

Nutritional yeast is used to make the cheesy layers in this lasagna, which is perfect for a hearty and healthy family meal.

Healthy Mushroom Fettuccine Alfredo

Nooch makes this savory Alfredo sauce possible. This recipe makes a great alternative to the butter, cream, and cheese in traditional alfredo recipes.

How to Choose a High-Quality Nutritional Yeast

When it comes to quality and safety, you should keep a couple of things in mind when choosing which nutritional yeast brand is for you:

1) Some nutritional yeasts may use beet molasses, or other mediums that were genetically engineered, to grow.

(About 90% of the sugar beets in the United States are the result of genetic engineering.) Some nutritional yeast brands state that they are non-GMO. Unless they are certified organic, it is possible that these may still have, in some cases, grown on a substrate that had GMO origins.

Many tell us that independent testing finds no presence of any GMO protein or DNA in the yeast. And some say that it isn’t found in the substrate, either.

I’m inclined to believe them. But it’s also possible that this is because the substrate is highly refined. And it could conceivably still have come from source materials, like sugar beets, which were genetically engineered.

I haven’t been able to get a direct answer about this from the manufacturers I’ve contacted, but this could be a point of concern for some non-GMO purists. If you want to be 100% sure, you may want to go with a certified organic option, like this nutritional yeast from Starwest Botanicals.

2) Many nutritional yeasts are fortified with synthetic vitamins.

While this fortification may provide some helpful nutrients, I am concerned especially about the use of folic acid.

If that doesn’t bother you, Bragg makes a delicious fortified, non-GMO nutritional yeast. If you want one that’s not fortified, Sari Foods, Foods Alive, and Dr. Joel Fuhrman all make non-GMO options that are free of added vitamins.

Nutritional Yeast for the Win

I think of nutritional yeast as the hush-hush culinary secret of plant-based eaters.

Not only does it offer an abundance of vital nutrients, but it also boosts immunity and can help protect us from diseases. And on top of all that, when used well, it adds some pretty fantastic flavor!

So keep a bottle in your car, purse, briefcase, or backpack, and become a nooch-evangelist to your friends. Once they’re hooked, they’ll understand how all those veggies you eat can be so delicious!

Tell us in the comments:

Does this help you understand, what is nutritional yeast? Do you still have questions?

What do YOU think of nutritional yeast?

If you eat it, do you have a favorite brand or a favorite way to use it?

Read Next:

10 secrets for eating healthy on a budget (yes, it’s possible!)

[Read More ...] https://foodrevolution.org/blog/what-is-nutritional-yeast/

[weightloss18-blog1]

Can You Lose Weight By Eating Fats? -High Fat Low carb KETO DIET

New Post has been published on https://designweightloss.com/can-you-lose-weight-by-eating-fats-high-fat-low-carb-keto-diet/

Can You Lose Weight By Eating Fats? -High Fat Low carb KETO DIET

– Fats Good or bad? Can you actually lose weight by eating fat? Is it dangerous to eat too much fat? The answers to these questions coming up

(calm music) Hi, I'm Sarah Jane and this is all about losing weight using keto So if you haven't seen any of my other videos before, make sure you click on Subscribe Fats What do they do in the body? Which ones should you eat and which ones should you avoid? The ketogenic diet is made up of the macronutrients of 10% carbohydrates, 20% protein and 70% fats So usually when most people hear that, they freak out all about the fats

So before you go ahead and do that, in this video, we're going to talk all about fats Fats have an important function in the body They keep your body warm They give you energy They build your cells

They protect your organs and they absorb vitamins and minerals from your food and they also create the hormones that help your body work properly So let's get down to basics There are three categories of fats, trans fats, saturated fats and unsaturated fats The difference between these three lies in their chemical structure All fats are made up of a chain of carbon atoms that are linked or bonded to a hydrogen atom

So in the case of saturated fats, the carbon atom is covered completely by the hydrogen atom hence saturated and also this is what makes it solid at room temperature Unsaturated fats have fewer hydrogen atoms that are linked and this is what makes them liquid at room temperature Trans fats go through an industrial process known as hydrogenation So you'll probably see these listed as partly hydrogenated oils on your ingredients So this is to disguise the fact that they are actually trans fats

Trans fats are created to last longer, to improve the taste and improve the texture You'll find trans fats in things like cakes, cookies, biscuits, margarine, all of those yummy things but whilst trans fats may taste good, they are not good for you They will increase your LDL cholesterol as well as your risk of heart disease, stroke and diabetes So avoid trans fats at all costs Saturated fats are your animal fats

So these are your butter, cheese, cream, eggs, coconut oils So eat these in moderation Unsaturated fats These are the ones that I want you to eat the most of These are your plant based fats

So these are further broken down into two more categories, monounsaturated fats and polyunsaturated fats Mono meaning one chemical bond attached and these are your avocados, your peanut oil, olive oils, your nuts, almonds, hazelnuts and macadamias Polyunsaturated fats Poly meaning many chemical bonds attached and these are your essential fatty acids So these are your flaxseeds, your chia seeds, leafy green vegetables and all of your fatty fishes like your salmon, tuna, mackerel, sardines

So these are going to give you your omega-3s and omega-6s and your heart and your brain loves these So focus on these So to sum up, stay away from those trans fats, eat your animal fats, the saturated fats in moderation and focus more on the unsaturated fats to give you your omega-3s and omega-6s that your heart and brain loves These are what's going to give you the healthy mind and body and it's also going to get you to achieve the weight loss that you're after So I hope you've enjoyed this video today

Put down any questions or comments that you have and I'll see you in the next video (calm music)

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Fasting Detox for Health and Cellular Regeneration

Liquid Nutrient Delivery

“When vitamins are delivered intravenously they reach the blood faster than when taken orally. Many people who receive the infusions report feeling healthy immediately afterward,” said Dr. Robert Graham, an internist at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York. Intravenous medicine provides a method of increasing nutrient absorption so that the body can become healthy enough to heal itself.

The cells need to be healthy enough to have enough energy to bring in the nutrients required for repair, but a sick cell may not be able to do so even if those nutrients are around. In order to have a therapeutic effect, nutrients need to be adequately absorbed and delivered to the cell. When one drinks water full of magnesium, bicarbonate and iodine one receives a basket-full of nutrients, which will reach the cells almost as easily as if they were given intravenously. Water Medicine changes what is possible in medicine and it forever changes the way we look at fasting because even the strictest water fast is different because now we will be adding magnesium bicarbonate to the water. The world of medicine will hopefully wake up to what the World Health Organization has been saying about having a minimum amount of magnesium in drinking water and of course the same can be said about bicarbonate levels. There are many forms of fasting or liquid diets of various types, which are thought of as mono-forms of fasting. In the beginning there was the pure water fast. Now we have the fruit fast, the vegetable juice fast, wheatgrass and barley juice fasts, spirulina fasts and the grape and grapefruit fasts. Many years ago I did a brown rice fast for two weeks. All of these different forms of fasting effect strong changes in our bodies and brains. All of these liquid diets generate detoxification—that is, elimination of toxins from the body just as pure water fasts would.

I do recommend everyone do 24 hour water fasts to experience the baseline of fasting but of course to do that with magnesium bicarbonate water. Also it is wonderful to start one’s day drinking one or two 8 oz. glasses of magnesium bicarbonate iodine water. Taking this even further, drinking fluid only till lunch everyday helps the body detox on a consistent basis. Even better is when the first glass of fluids is your now standard magnesium bicarbonate rich water mixed with edible clay.

To reduce our intake down to just water offers a learning experience with self as well as providing a diet that will propel you in the right direction. I like naturopath Walter Last’s lemon juice and spirulina fast, which is a radical but effective treatment for serious diseases including diabetes. Going liquid is a good idea if one has cancer, or going as liquid as possible. What this chapter is about is loading up the liquid with dense nutrients that will act as rocket fuel for the cells.

A liquid fast gives the body the best opportunity to detoxify and regenerate.

In fact we will now be suggesting that magnesium bicarbonate be added to Dr. Max Gerson’s protocol that already floods the body with nutrients from about 15-20 pounds of organically grown fruits and vegetables daily, mostly from raw carrot, apple and green-leafy vegetables, which are used to make fresh raw juice. These juices are ingested at up to one glass every hour and up to 13 times per day. (We will be publishing a new site for more information on magnesium bicarbonate within the week – future address is magbicarb.com) Imagine if each of those 13 glasses had three to four hundred milligrams of magnesium bicarbonate. That would be somewhere between four and five grams of magnesium bicarbonate intake and this is rocket fuel medicine!

Even these organically grown fruits and vegetables can be lacking in vital minerals if the soil is deficient in mineral content. If a person is already drinking the best possible quality of water and juicing the best quality fruits and vegetables what could be missing? What are missing would be trace elements that are not in the soil and therefore not in the food we grow on it. While they are high in certain vitamins and other healthy nutrients, fruits and vegetables are, for the most part, low in trace and ultra-trace minerals.

Sick soils mean sick plants, sick animals and sick people. Physical, mental and moral fitness depends largely upon an ample supply and a proper proportion of minerals in our foods. Dr. Charles Northen

Our bodies are made from the elements of the earth and to be optimally well we need all the elements present, the macro, micro, trace and ultra-trace minerals need to be in our body in the correct amounts at all times. As our body uses them to perform any activity at all, we need to replace them on a daily basis. We need to ingest them in the right form that the body can use (digest, absorb and activate on a cellular level), which means in ionic form from living plants, which is the way our body was designed to receive and absorb these nutrients.

Trace minerals play a huge role in human physiology. The significant loss of these essential trace minerals within the vegetables available to us highlights the need to supplement with a well-balanced, naturally derived product. Dr. David Thomas

The most nutrient dense environment on the planet is our oceans and the most nutrient dense foods therefore are sea vegetables. One of the best liquid medicines I have found is Body Balance and I have been drinking it on and off for years. When one is dealing with cancer or any other serious disease it is more than helpful to have a broad array of liquid tools and at least one that provides all the trace minerals necessary for optimal physiological function.

Without minerals, vitamins are useless.                        Dr. Linus Pauling

Without aloe don’t work. The body heavily depends on enzyme reactions for the production of many of the living bio-chemicals needed for full health. Enzymes in turn are heavily dependent on minerals and trace elements, as we have seen with the immune system. Minerals are the bedrock of life so supplying in large quantities the macro minerals we need and all the trace minerals at appropriate levels brings large dividends in terms of health and the recovery from cancer and all other diseases.

Body Balance has 9 distinct wild harvested sea vegetables with certified organically grown and processed Aloe Vera (Aloe Barbadensis Millar). Ingesting the most nutrient dense plants as a liquid organic wholefood is the fastest way to re-mineralize across the full spectrum of minerals that exists and there are great benefits for everyone to take from the Aloe plant.

Dr. Lawrence G. Plaskett, vice-chair of the Nutritional Council in the U.K. states, “The action of substances in aloe vera does activate and intensify the immune response, and this constitutes one of the fundamental scientifically established actions of aloe upon the body. It is amazing in view of all the positive indications that exist for all the anti-cancer effects of aloe vera that no medical studies have been initiated in human cancer.”

Body Balance has a great taste and that is one of the reasons I have been drinking it. There is something very special that happens though when such nutrients are mixed with Aloe Vera and having such ready-made super nutrition already in liquid form is a boon to all who follow the liquid nutritious path. Body Balance comes in addition to the Rejuvenate formula I have been recommending in my protocol.

Aloe Vera & Cancer

The aloe arborescens protocol for cancer has been around for many years and has been proven to be very effective on advanced cancer patients. The protocol began in Brazil and then it traveled to Europe and is finally to America. The protocol is designed to supercharge the immune system but no matter how it works on cancer, it safely gets rid of cancer cells and floods the body with super nutrients.

A Catholic priest, Father Romano Zago, OFM, developed the official protocol and wrote the book, Cancer Can Be Cured! on the history of the cure and details of its use. The book has a long list of impressive case studies for different kinds of cancer. Father Zago also lists many nutrients in the plant and demonstrates that it is highly non-toxic. It would be very difficult, if not impossible, to overdose on this product!

The U.S. Department of Agriculture has approved aloe for the treatment of soft tissue cancers in animals (1992) as well as feline leukemia; and aloe is approved as an important component in European AIDS therapy where it has a powerful effect on the immune system and complements certain drug therapies.

Aloe has the capacity to augment the antioxidant effects of certain vitamins such as vitamins E and C. This is due to its ability to enhance the quality of blood and its ability to carry essential nutrients and oxygen to the body’s tissues and cells.

Officially recognized studies indicate that aloe may be successfully associated with chemotherapy to increase its efficacy in terms of tumor regression rate and survival time,[1] inducing apoptosis[2] and binding to the tumor cell membrane and activating T cells.[3] Aloe vera has been demonstrated to enhance the immune system’s response to cancer, promote the growth of new and healthy cells, and reduce the overall viral load within the body thereby revitalizing the body in its fight against cancer.

Aloe Vera acts as a curative to burns obtained from radiotherapy treatment for cancer. Internal and external uses of Aloe Vera quicken the healing process and provide immense relief.

Aloe is an anti-inflammatory and may be taken internally as a remedy to ease heartburn, ulcers, diverticular disorders, and other types of digestive upsets. European folk medicine calls for using the juice to relieve heartburn and ulcers.

In the case of this particular protocol item in my Natural Allopathic Medicine I have arranged for private support. Manfred Raunigg has been sending me Body Balance for years and recently in an emergency was generous enough to send Body Balance down here to Brazil to a dear friend of my wife who is battling late stage breast cancer.

It is from a multi-marketing organization and you have not heard so readily from me about this until now because of that. Sometimes we have to make exceptions when we find the best products. I have always promoted in my medical work the things I use for myself and my family, which of course have to be the best at affordable cost. In terms of my personal testimony I am stocking Body Balance and magnesium bicarbonate concentrate at my Sanctuary in the interior of Brazil, not gold.

I suggest a regular person drink one bottle per week, so for one person order a 4 pack (or more depending on the need) on auto ship (that’s 10% discount on regular price and it will come every month unless you change or cancel. It is easy to manage by email or phone.) I mention this because the real purpose and reason I am backing this product from a multilevel organization is that it is wonderful and very serious medicine especially for cancer patients. Instead of consuming one’s entire day making juices via the Gerson method you can drink Body Balance to your heart’s content along with Rejuvenate based smoothies made with magnesium bicarbonate water.

The Grape Juice Fast

The Grape Juice Fast was a famous anti-cancer discovery in the 1920s. Purple (Concord) grapes (with their skin and seeds), and to a slightly lesser degree red and black grapes, contain several nutrients that are known to kill cancer cells. Grapes contain nutrients that kill cancer cells as well as substances that help the body detoxify. This cancer treatment was developed by Johanna Brandt who spent many years experimenting with fasting and diets before she found her grape cure. Her book on the grape cure was published in the 1920s.

Lately I have been experimenting with grape juice (which is already high in magnesium), fortified with magnesium bicarbonate and iodine. Another incredibly delicious nutritional medicine concoction to add to the list of easy to consume super medicines! Even my five year old loves it!

.Note: organic grape juice ranges from 15-40 gm. of carbohydrates per serving, and is considered a high sugar and high calorie drink!  In one organic grape juice source they say that there are 70 calories per ounce, and that’s with no sugar added. That is over 500 calories per 8 oz. glass of grape juice and should be taken into account as the carbohydrates and calories can quickly add up.

Drinking high octane liquid nutrition triggers a cleansing process that reaches right down to each and every cell and tissue in the body as organs and glands get a much-needed and well-deserved rest, during which their tissues are purified and rejuvenated and their functions balanced and regulated. Fasting provides a much-needed rest for the internal organs, restoring and normalizing glandular, metabolic and nervous-system functions, speeding up the elimination of morbid accumulations, toxic wastes and dead cells, accelerating new cell and tissue generation and enhancing cell-oxygenation.

Liquid fasting facilitates the body’s healing mechanisms. It is a gift to an overburdened body. It is extremely effective in creating an internal environment where the body can do what it does best—heal itself. Liquid fasting increases the process of elimination and the release of toxins

from the colon, kidneys and bladder, lungs and sinuses, and skin. This process can generate discharge such as mucus from the gastrointestinal tract, respiratory tract, sinuses, or in the urine.[4]

The fast is Nature’s remedy for all diseases and there are few exceptions to the rule. When you feel sick, fast. Do not wait until the next day, when you will feel stronger, nor till the next week, when you are going away into the country, but stop eating at once. Upton Sinclair

The Fasting Cure

Quick Lesson in Nutrition

Malnutrition is a common development in cancer patients; it’s something they most likely had that led up to the condition of cancer developing, and it is something that worsens as the cancer develops. Reports from the National Cancer Institute indicate that 20-40% of cancer patients die from causes related to malnutrition rather than the cancer itself.[5] According to Dr. Rudolf Breuss, solid foods are what nourish cancer cells. He concluded that if a person with cancer lives on juice and tea for a period of time, the cancer growth will die, but the person will be able to live. In terms of diet for cancer patients I recommend that liquid medicine be used to the maximum extent tolerable. But it’s not only water that’s needed, even if it is laden with high levels of magnesium bicarbonate. One needs to drink plenty of iodine in one’s water and add some liquid liposomal selenium and a full spread of vitamins.

In one influential study[6] a powerful carcinogen known as DMBA was given to a group of female rats. Then the rats were given none, one of four, two of four, three of four, or all of four nutrients: the minerals selenium and magnesium, and vitamins C and A. When no nutrients were administered, all of the rats developed breast cancer. When one of the nutrients was given, 46.4 to 57.1 percent of the rats developed tumors, depending on the nutrient. When two of the nutrients were given in combination, the tumor incidence decreased to 29.9 to 34.6 percent, depending on which nutrients were used in combination. Administration of nutrients in groups of threes resulted in further reduction of tumor incidences coming down to somewhere between 16 to 23.1 percent. And when all four nutrients were given together, tumor incidence dropped to 12 percent. Human DNA is 99 percent identical to that of rats.

Dr. Mark Sircus AC., OMD, DM (P)

References (6)

A randomized study of chemotherapy versus biochemotherapy with chemotherapy plus Aloe arborescens in patients with metastatic cancer; Lissoni P, et al; In Vivo. 2009 Jan-Feb;23(1):171-5; http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19368145.

Aloe-emodin induces apoptosis in T24 human bladder cancer cells through the p53 dependent apoptotic pathway; Lin JG, et al; J Urol. 2006 Jan;175(1):343-7.; http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16406939

Plant lectin, ATF1011, on the tumor cell surface augments tumor-specific immunity through activation of T cells specific for the lectin; Yoshimoto R, Kondoh N, Isawa M, Hamuro J; Cancer Immunol Immunother. 1987;25(1):25-30; http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/3496156 http://www.healthy.net/scr/Article.asp?Id=1996&xcntr=1

http://www.healthy.net/scr/Article.asp?Id=1996&xcntr=1

http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/pdq/supportivecare/nutrition/HealthProfessional/page1/AllPages

Ramesha et al. 1990

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