#monotreme monologue

[trashshouldnt]

chapter 2 of the mad scientist rp with @localcanadiancryptid22

ooh, knuckles! he was my favorite as a kid because i knew way too much about IRL echidnas for my own good lol. did you know echidnas are one of the last species of monotremes on earth? *continues info-dumping, rambling about biology and somehow ending up monologuing about sea slugs*

...

look how much fun we're having! ^^

[theradioghost]

Last January I set a goal for myself -- I had written the first draft of Midnight Radio during the previous three months, so I said okay, by the end of the year I'm going to get out there and make this. Whatever that took, just have at least one episode of it out by the end of the year. And that decision, honestly, is the only reason that first draft didn't just go into my files to be nitpicked at and thought of as a pipe dream for the next however many years until I inevitably gave up on or forgot about it.

It took me longer this time because I sure as hell don't have a whole script right now, but I think I've figured out my sort-of-New-Year's-Resolution-Thing this time around, and it's a two-parter: be at the next PodCon, and be working on something when I get there. Maybe not releasing it yet, but making it, and ideally far along in that process.

So that's 2019's goal! Here's hoping that posting it publicly helps me hold myself to it. And here's also hoping that it goes as unexpectedly well as 2018's did.

[starpaw0007]

Unloveable (this is not a ship post)

Perry the Platypus expertly steers his glider. In a well practiced maneuver, he drops onto his nemesis' balcony- rolling into a ready fighting stance.

He waits a beat.

Strange, usually the monotreme would have been captured by now in some obscure trap. Perry glances around, studying his surroundings. The entire apartment is dark; none of the lights are on. The room relies on what little natural light is available. Most notably, there is no evil scheme in sight. It is far too quiet. 

Very strange.

He spots his nemesis. Doofenshmirtz is sitting on the floor, knees to his chest, his face buried in his arms. The agent in him wonders if this some sort of elaborate trick.

Perry chatters questioningly. Doofenshmirtz gives no indication he heard him. 

The agent slowly relaxes his fighting stance and regards his nemesis curiously.

Slowly, cautiously, he approaches Doofenshmirtz. On closer inspection, the man is a wreck.

Perry chatters again, alerting the man of his presence.

This time Doofenshmirtz jumps a bit in surprise. He lifts his head and Perry can see that he has been crying. His eyes are puffy and glossy, tears stream down his cheeks in waves.

The small agent is not equipped to deal with this situation. He can't recall anything in his training to prepare him for… whatever this is.

Doofenshmirtz sniffs wetly.

"Oh, hello Perry the Platypus." His voice is devoid of its usual dramatic and enthusiastic flare.

"I'm sorry, I don't have an evil scheme planned for today. Something… personal came up."

If Perry knows anything about his nemesis, it's that nothing is ever truly personal with him. He always finds a way to make his problems everyone else's business- through his evil schemes, through his painfully long monologues. It just wasn't in his nature to keep his cards close to his chest.

Luckily for Perry, there was no need to prod for information because it seemed his silent presence was enough of an invitation for Doofenshmirtz to start talking. 

"As you know, I've been dating again. And it was going great! I met someone and I thought we really connected, you know?"

He glances at Perry, checking to see if he was listening. The platypus gestures for the scientist to continue. 

"And, well…" Doofenshmirtz's voice trembles. Fresh tears flood his eyes and his face twists into a pitiful expression.

"She dumped me!"

Perry wasn't sure how to comfort the man. He couldn't understand what Doofenshmirtz was going through as he had no frame of reference. The agent had never dated before- he wasn't interested in things like romantic relationships. This entire situation was foreign to him. Especially being as he was, you know, a platypus.

Doofenshmirtz sloppily wipes his face with his sleeve. 

"Am I just unlovable?"

That just breaks Perry's heart.

Doofenshmirtz was selfish, he was annoying and pessimistic and stubborn- but he was also caring and surprisingly fun to be around. Not everyone could handle his personality, but Perry had to admit that he cared about his nemesis a lot. It hurt to see his frienemy in this state. 

He wasn't unlovable, Perry was proof of that. 

Perry pounds his fist against his chest twice, where his heart was, and points to Doofenshmirtz. He tries to convey the message and his feelings as best he can through his expression. 

"You… you really care about me, right?" Doofenshmirtz looks at him hopefully, there is hesitance- as if he can't quite believe it.

Perry nods his head, smiling warmly. He may not love him in the romantic sense, but he loved Doofenshmirtz in his own way. He hoped the man would understand this. 

He was far from unlovable. 

It seemed Doofenshmirtz did understand because he smiles back, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"Thank you, Perry the Platypus."

[elucubrare]

My own work on the fossil monotremes--"

"Which is a tissue of inaccuracies and half-baked deductions!" shouted Dodd.

Bram started as if a whip had lashed him. "Liar!" he bawled. "Do you think that I, who left the Greystoke expedition in a howling blizzard because I knew that here, in the inner earth, I could refute your miserable impostures--do you think that I am in the mood to listen to your wretched farrago of impossibilities?"

hey Dodd, you might want to, like, stop telling the dude who's made himself the king of the giant beetles and who has been monologuing about how beetles are going to supplant humanity, that his theories are wrong 

[theradioghost]

I’ve been having a corpsing problem in rehearsals because our Dogberry is so fucking funny (I’m Verges) and I can’t stop laughing. At one point he’s supposed to get angry at me and drag me forward, and obviously I’m not supposed to be enjoying this, but I can’t help smiling or giggling every time we do it. With the show coming up just next week this is a looming problem.

This came up at rehearsal on Tuesday and one of my castmates said to me, “You have to imagine he’s dragging you towards a pit of spiders.”

“Well,” I said, “I actually really like spiders.”

“Oh, damn it, I thought you might,” she said.

Now at this point, I’ve gotta know. I absolutely need to know what it is about me -- short, quiet, chubby, awkward, graphic-t-shirt-wearing me -- that has convinced this person that I would probably be cool with, and even coo over, a pit of spiders. So I ask.

“You just seem like the kind of person who listens to Welcome to Night Vale,” she says.

I’d say that this must be what fuckor is, but honestly I’m kind of pleased to know that’s the vibe I give off.

[theradioghost]

i dont want to write this final i want to go home and smooch my cat

[theradioghost]

weeks n weeks ago i made a big batch of cookie dough and froze it in portions so that I could make one tray of fresh cookies whenever I felt the need for cookies & i thought I’d eaten them all but GUESS WHAT I JUST FOUND ONE LAST BAG OF COOKIE DOUGH IN THE FREEZER

[theradioghost]

also like. that jupeter/pushing daisies fic i mentioned is still happening. it’s just a LONG one, and my priorities are currently swamped by moving between countries, the last finals of my bachelor’s degree, and midnight radio. But! hopefully starting in late april i will have a LOT of time to work on it & then uh. you’ll all get this fic where juno and peter literally can’t touch or peter dies

[theradioghost]

recently found out that the agonizing focus problems i’ve been having this year are probably because of the lexapro, so that’s fun

[theradioghost]

ive been making too many pointless texts posts tonight. anyway it’s terrifying that i’m heading a serious audio drama project and graduating college in like a month bc i’m literally so stupid that today i swallowed a bunch of neosporin bc i can’t read a fucking label

[theradioghost]

“I wish we could watch it just to laugh at it. It’s like a racist dumpster fire that they can’t put out.” --> my film professor on the Ghost in the Shell remake

[theradioghost]

very good news update:

ive got a very fat happy freddie mercury on top of my feet right now

[theradioghost]

hey guess who just finished up her podcast queue & immediately downloaded Mabel and MBMBAM

[theradioghost]

I lost my best friend this year and I really, really thought that he was gonna be there with me when I pressed play on this last episode. I wish he knew that this came out okay. I wish he got to come home. But I gotta be honest I’m really really glad that I got a happy ending and closure and not to get too fucking using-the-internet-for-therapy-like-a-stupid-bitch, as though I haven’t done that already, but I’m so glad Jacobi made it out, because I kind of needed him to. that kind of got personal for me. And tbqh, I’m gonna cling to this feeling. To this feeling of complete happiness with this ending. I’m gonna do my best, just for myself, to be happy.

I’m so grateful I’ve had this show, that he got to have this show, that we got to have it together, that I’ll always have it. This was the past two and a half years of my life and I don’t regret a second of it. I wish I was better at interpersonal words and that I knew whether or how there was a good way to express any of this to the cast and crew? also I wish that my sister would hurry up and finish the last season so I can yell inarticulately at her about this. But what a good story. What a story that I’m going to hold in my heart.

[theradioghost]

i cant believe it was as hard as it was for me to find a good dark green lipstick bc tbqh i look fucking great

[theradioghost]

how many audio drama projects about GAY GHOSTS can i work on simultaneously