#mr mr glowstick dick

[transingthoseformers]

Service top Tarn this, service top Tarn that. But what if... not? Spoiler alert! I imagine pre-empurata Damus being an innocent flower and a hopeless romantic and saving himself for his conjunx. Post-empurata "Glitch" being an empuratee and not even considering an option for someone to desire him (and also saving himself for his conjunx, see "hopeless romantic" part). And as Tarn he is just being Tarn, saving himself for Megs. (And I don't think Megs has ever taken him to berth. I think Megs preserves his own bodily autonomy and doesn't want to use his sexuality as a tool to punish or reward his subordinates.)

And the second reason why he doesn't interface, if he ever needed another one, is 'cause he's an addict. The hell he knows what a good fuck will do to him. He'll become horribly attached to a partner. WEAK. Holy shit. But being so hooked on pleasure, he 100% has his array modded with extra sensor nodes. Like, his spike looks more pink than black because of nodes. And they are glowing, lol. So, he's super sensitive and probably gets super wet when revved up. And his sexual starvation is MASSIVE. Shame Megatron would never have him. There will never be a conjunx. Others too afraid of him or repulsed by his personality to try wooing him properly or forcing him. Oh boy, Tarn is gonna die a virgin. Virginity kink? Virginity kink.

Omg yes, of course Tarn would try to perfect himself for his Lord— at least, what he thinks his lord would think is perfect.

His jerk off sessions have to be fucking amazing though with all the mods

[kauriart]

WIP Wednesday

Tagged by @ljandersen and @elveny! <3 <3

Joker isn’t sure what hurts worse. The way Kaidan’s entire body is so heavy with grief he rarely sits up straight anymore –– or the way he looks at Joker.

Not like a murderer. Not like the impetus of all this disaster. Not like the one who should abso-fucking-lutely have been left behind to die; to freeze or burn or get spat out into the silence of the stars.

Kaidan looks at Joker like he’s glad he’s still alive. And fuck him. Honestly. 

Of the myriad of things he’s ever wanted from Kaidan, undeserved forgiveness isn’t one of them.

He’d rather have rage. Hate. Abuse, even. But there isn’t a mean bone in Kaidan’s body.

And for one bright moment Joker thinks if it had been reversed, Shepard would have yelled at him at least once for being so goddamn in love with a ship that he had to look around, had to say good-bye, had to waste those precious seconds –– 

Fucking idiot.

But the Normandy was made of mortal stuff; mere titanium-thirium mesh. It was Shepard who was indestructible. Shepard who could walk through fire. Shepard who could badass her way out of any situation. Shepard who thought Joker’s life was worth more than the risk of taking two steps more to save them both.

[mara-xx217]

What r ur headcanons for how big each of the killers PPs are

I'm genuinely surprised it's taken this long for someone to ask this question. Congrats on being the lucky Anon to ask! I might die of embarrassment after this one lads

You know what's under the cut lol

Evan Macmillan/the Trapper

Average length of around 6 inches

Slightly thicker than average girth

"Average joe" of dicks

Thinks he's all that and a bag of chips

Max Thompson Jr./the Hillbilly

About 5 and a half inches in length

Average girth

He has similar disfigurements to the skin along one side just like he does all over his body

Timid and shy... at first

Philip Ojomo/the Wraith

Just over 6 inches in length

On the slimmer side girth wise

Has an odd texture, much like the rest of his body

And is COLD

Too fast for his own good

Herman Carter/the Doctor

Bigger than average at 7 and a half inches

Hella thick

Will shock the piss out of you

He's a giggler

Jeffery Hawk/the Clown

Ugh- Average...

Average...

Please don't make me talk about Clown dick ;_;

Frank Morrison/the Legion

Man's at 5 and a half inches in length

Average girth

Piercings ;)

Danny Johnson/Ghostface

Danny "Big Dick" Johnson is totally average at about 5 inches

On the slimmer side girth wise

Selfish prick (ha)

It's gonna be a cold day in Hell when I give this jerk the word "the" in front of his cringe killer-sona

Demogorgon (Stranger Things)

Uh, does it even have a static size-?

Monster dick

Should be terrifying and painful

For more context: here ;)

Kazan Yamaoka/the Oni

Big man is nearly 8 inches in length

A member of the THICC boy club

Rarely a rage fucker, but definitely loses control easily

Caleb Quinn/the Deathslinger

My gut tells me he's another for the "Average Joe" club

Very average in all aspects

A bad boy that would only break your heart

Pyramid Head/the Executioner (SH 2)

Uh- He's hyper aggressive and toxic masculinity incarnate sooo...

Big

Bigger

Probably DISGUSTING

Good thing he only punishes the Guilty, eh?

Talbot Grimes/the Blight

Mr. Average Man

An Average Peen

But you can crack it like a glowstick

I dare you

Ji-Woon Hak/the Trickster

Thinks he's hot shit

Spoiler: he's average

All around

Selfish lover

Nemesis (RE 3)

Does he even have anything to work with?

If he did, he would have a MASSIVE DONG

MAGNUM CONDOMS FOR HIS MASSIVE PEEN-

Carry me like a football Mr. Bioweapon

Michael Myers/the Shape (Halloween)

He's among the biggest alongside Jason at nearly 9 inches in length

Not as thick as Jason but he's going to hurt without a doubt

Pain and suffering

Jason Voorhees/Killer of Camp Blood (Friday the 13th)

Big boi is at 9 inches in length

And he is THICC

Kinda... cold

Ride this man please he's horny and terrified-

Freddy Kruger/the Nightmare (Nightmare on Elm's Street)

Slightly smaller than average

Ew

Looks bad

Smells even worse

Do not fuck this gremlin

Bubba Sawyer/Leatherface (TCM)

On the shorter side at just under 5 inches

What he lacks in length he make up for in girth

You need to tell him what to do so he doesn't hurt you...

Thomas Hewitt/Leatherface (TCM Remake)

A very respectable 7 inches in length

THICC

An uncomfortable fit but he's careful

Bo Sinclair (HoW)

Nearly 6 inches in length

Average girth

In the "Average Joe" club with his brother and Evan

Thinks Vincent is his better but he's not

Vincent Sinclair (HoW)

He's exactly like his twin

"Average Joe"

Thinks he's better than Bo but he's not

Lester Sinclair (HoW)

Just above 5 inches in length

On the slimmer side in girth

He's a sweet bean don't break his heart please

@prettycutebunny, @infinitewhore, @kennbb, @slutwithadegree, @dead-bxxxtch-walking, @space-arsonist, @pink-soft-shadow, @sinlessdesire

[authorracheljoy]

OC ask Henri 1 2 3 5 7 8 10 13 14 15 17 18 20 24 25 26 27 29 30 32 33 34 35 36 38 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 51 52 53 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 69 70 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 81 82 83 84 85 87 88 90 91 92 93 94 96 ENJOY TALKING ABOUT YOUR BABIES, FRIENDO! 😉🤗❤

SORRY THIS IS SO LATE BUT IT TOOK FOREVERRRR

1. What is their favourite food?

As a human, roasted duck (don’t ask why)

As a vampire.. BLOOD!

2. Do they have a fear of an animal? If so, what animal?

None that I can think off the top of my head, no~

3. What do they wear to bed?

Black. Boxer. Shorts.

No. Shirt.

5. Do they have a secret handshake with anyone?

Nope!

7. Do they like chocolate?

Maybe as a human he did? But now it’s just… blegh.

8. What are their good and bad traits?

Well that’s a loaded question but alright! Good traits include patience and confidence (that can sometimes become stubbornness or just. being a dick I guess!) Bad traits include, well, what I just said in the parentheses :) He can also be SUPER arrogant at times so~

10. What is their favourite room to be in, in the house they live in?

Aaaa his personal study, which is lined with pictures of his travels as well as his family ;;;

13. Do they believe in dragons?

Well, I mean… they exist in that universe so DUH! Of course ;)

14. What is a pet peeve of theirs?

People not listening to him when he’s talking -__-

15. What was the last thing they cried about?

Uhhhhmmmm…. Probably something dealing with Kira? Probably?

I dunno… it takes a lot to make Henri - Mr. Stoneface himself - to cry?

17. Do they have a best friend? If so, who, and what makes them their best friend?

Henri’s best friend is actually one of the shadows (human slaves) he picked up while he was in England (before America was discovered of course). The shadow’s name was Mason and they grew to be very good friends, especially after Henri offered him immortality! 

18. Have they ever been in a romantic relationship?

There was a one-sided fling he had with Giselle, but THAT. DID. NOT. END. WELL. Plus, it was just unhealthy :/ So I guess Toni is the next best thing here ^^ Although, I wouldn’t consider their relationship to be romantic just yet!

20. Do they have a pet?

Does Toni’s cat count? (probably NOT)

24. Can they play an instrument? If so, what instrument and what can they play?

Henri’s a master at piano ;D

25. What type a high schooler are/were they?

Henri never went to high school! So ahhhhh I don’t really know how to answer this sorry!! 

26. Have they ever been in a physical fight before? If so, with who? Who won?

Even before he became a vampire, Henri was always ending fights that his twin brother, Gavin, frequently got himself into. So technically, Henri wasn’t involved too much. Oh, and he ALWAYS won. ^^

27. What is their favourite holiday?

Henri doesn’t DO holidays XD

But if I had to choose one, it’d probably be Halloween~ Not to be cliche or anything but… yeah~

29. Do they wants kids? If they already have kids, do they want more?

Henri. does. not. want. kids. at. the. moment.

Thank you.

30. Do they have a job?

He’s been a lotta things, but clubowner is the job title he’s held onto the longest so.. I hope that counts :D (I just wanna stay out of spoiler territory, ya know??)

32. Do they get stressed out easily?

Nah! 

It would take a LOT to make Henri stressed or especially angry :X

33. Did they ever dye their hair before? If so, to what colour? Did they like it?

Henri has never dyed his hair before, no! 

(and he probably never will!)

34. Have they ever broken the law?

Oh, COUNTLESS TIMES. Mmmhmmmmmmm.

35. Do they own a plant?

Hell nah!

36. Have they ever rode a horse before?

Sure! 

38. Do they get along with others easily?

Ehh not really? 

It depends on the person actually..

41. What is their favourite breed of dog?

German Shepard! 

42. Do they live with anyone? If so, who?

Ok, so it might end up being a spoiler, so I’m bailing on this one :X

43. Where is their dream vacation?

He wants to back to France someday so. yeah~

44. Do they know more than one language?

Of course! Not only does Henri know French and English fluently, he also knows German, Russian, and Latin!

45. Are they a quick learner?

Ahh yes!

46. Have they ever won a contest before? If so, what for? What did they win?

Henri doesn’t DO contests!

47. If the world were to end in 24 hours, where would they be and who would they be with?

Henri would be wherever Toni is

48. What does their room look like?

Lots of tan and white. Marble. He’s got a suite so~ High luxury!

49. If they could have an extinct animal for a pet, what would they have?

Henri doesn’t want a pet sorry!

51. Have they ever shot a gun before?

Yes.

52. Have they ever been axe throwing?

Probably not?

53. What is something that they want but can’t have?

The ability to grow old with someone~

55. What is something they always wanted to do but too scared?

Take a boat ride to Europe. Let’s just say that… he had a rocky road to America back in the day XD

56. Do they own their own baby pictures?

Nah, most of them were burned :X

57. What makes them standout among others?

Power drips off of his person. He’s eye-catching, smooth, confident. RICH. Fuck, I wish he was real!!

58. Do they like to show off?

Only sometimes!

59. What is their favourite song?

Anything classical~

60. What would be their dream vehicle?

Henri doesn’t care about cars so XD He likes his limo~

61. What is their favourite book?

*shrugs* I got nothing! 

I mean… he has a thing for the mystery/thriller genre so. something like that?

62. Who, in their opinion, makes the best food?

Despite all the shit Henri tends to give Micah constantly, that werewolf can make some GOOD FOOD! 

63. Are they approachable?

Hell yeah!

… Until you get to know him of course >.>

64. Did they ever change their appearance?

Not really?

65. What makes them smile?

His loved ones~

66. Do they like glowsticks?

They’re stupid, in his opinion.

67. What is something that is simple, but always makes them smile?

His sister’s enthusiasm? Does that count??

69. Are they allergic to anything?

As a human, no. 

As a vampire: pretty much everything that vampires can be hurt by? Silver. Aspen. Wood (the stake variety of course).

70. What do you, the creator of this OC, like most about them?

I like his confidence mainly. Oh, and the fact that he can make Toni shut up and listen to reason for once. I like that too

72. Do they currently have a significant other? If not, are they going to get one later one?

Yeah, Toni counts (I think)!

73. What attracts them to another person?

Having a strong mentality and determination.

He likes a girl with smarts!

74. Who is one person that can always make them laugh?

Kira~

75. Have they ever partied too hard and their friends had to take them home?

No. Never.

Henri doesn’t have friends. XD Besides Mason.

76. Who would be their cuddle buddy?

Toni of course~

77. Who would cheer them up after a long day?

Probably Kira

78. If they had a nightmare, who would they run to?

Also Kira ^^ 

They have such a nice sibling bond~

79. What object do they care for the most?

A blood diamond ring that belonged to his ancestors ;)

81. How would they react if someone broke into their home?

Honestly, he would probably just compel them to leave XD

82. Does anyone make them have butterflies in their stomach?

Ehhhh no?

83. What is something that they are good at?

Playing the piano, dominating conversations and parties ;D

84. What is their neutral expression?

~UNIMPRESSED~

85. Do they like to cook?

Not really, no! He doesn’t really do his own cooking XD

87. Who is someone that they rely on?

Imma give you the list instead of just one: Toni, Kira, Tom, and Mason!

88. Do they liked to be tickled?

HELL NO.

90. What is a joke that they would find funny?

Henri just isn’t the joking type!

91. Do they have a place that can go and turn off their brain?

Not really XD

92. What was their childhood like?

Fair enough~

93. What are they like as an adult?

SUPER SALTY XDD

94. Do they take criticism well?

It honestly depends on the person criticizing him :X

Yeah…

96. Who do they like to make jokes with?

Mason and sometimes Tom! ^^

Thanks again for the ask, Friendo! There was so many questions in this one that it took me SO LONG! Sorry for the wait

[kauriart]

WIP Kaidan x f!Sheprd x Joker playing truth or dare.

“You know this is a drinking game. Lighthearted? You’re supposed to be asking immature stuff like what did you name your dick?”

“Fine,” Shepard grins, “what did you name your dick?”

“Nope. Not falling for that. Not my turn.”

They look at Kaidan, who seems a bit alarmed, but answers dutifully.

“Mr. Glowstick.”

“What?!” Joker sputters on a half-laugh. “No. No. That’s the worst. Why would you do that to yourself?”

“I was twelve.”

“Well in that case, I’m surprised you didn’t name it blue balls.”

“Joker, why would I name my dick, blue balls?”

“Because you’re terrible at naming things. I thought we already established that.”

Shepard slings an arm across Joker’s shoulder and carefully refills his glass. “Think you can do better?”

“Yes. I can. Absolutely,” he grins. “Wait for it. Normandy’s Forward Canon. Best dick name of all time. I know. I have a database. I’ve checked.”

Shepard makes a sound alarmingly close to a giggle — oh shit they’re gonna die the world is ending — while Kaidan just gapes at him.

“Did you just name it that?”

“Well, three years ago, yeah. I was the Normandy’s first formal crew member. I’m allowed.”

Kaidan frowns. “Wait. You were the first crew member? They never assign flight first. How did you manage that?”

Joker smirks. “That’s classified.”

“He stole the ship,” Shepard doesn’t miss a beat.

“I stole the ship,” Joker nods. “So technically I stole it twice.” He gestures between them. “See? We’re talking about dicks and crime! Much better than talking about our emotions, am I right?”

The hilarity in the room tempers almost at once.

Joker winces. “So…” he swirls his semi-full glass around awkwardly. “Anybody do more crimes? Or… have more dicks, or anything?”