#mxmarsblurbs

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improt body horror time!! (my attempt at least)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63010762

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i wrote more wl!alienkeep fanfic because the end of session two was just too good to NOT write about

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my piece for the fifth edition of the @trafficzine :D

check it out here!! it would mean a lot <3

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merry christmas. have traffic!imp and skizz angst as a present <3

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wl!whitecastle in limbo what will they do (hate each other and have unresolved tension)

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no yaoi today you guys get a scuffed little character study instead

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happy new year

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mars writes sometimes yada yada wl!alienkeep hurt/comfort be upon ye

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impulse is the earth.

he’s warm, he’s bright, he’s untapped potential. he’s resourceful, he’s nourishing, he’s kind. most importantly, he’s alive. he has humanity. so, so much humanity. so much humility and patience, so much love and care inside of him it flows out of him like waterfalls. he’s a person at his core, and he thrives with other people, people he can help and house and laugh with. he’s got a little bit of everything, things that make him a joy to be around, someone to settle down with, someone to love.

someone to use. someone to manipulate, and take from, and leave behind once he’s got nothing left. something that can only give so much before bits of him are lost forever, stolen from him unjustly, plucked from him like petals on a beautiful flower. a thing that is only good for providing, being a foundation to live on, that can be abandoned when the going gets tough. it’s dehumanizing.

there’s only so much he can give, only so much he can sacrifice. eventually, he’ll be used up, worthless without a purpose, without an ability to provide. and once all the green is gone, all the thriving plants and rushing rivers, he’s a husk. just some rock, barely even a foundation with all the cracks and bits taken from him. it’s then that he’s unforgiving. it’s then that he gets angry, and selfish, and relentless. some days he’s closed off, cold, reserved and unwilling to help. other’s he’s burning with an angry fire, but not his usual blaze thats always roaring in his heart. something manmade, something put inside of him that shouldn’t be there, that someone else left him with and now he’s forced to burn with it. he can’t help it. he can’t afford to give up anymore.

but, despite it all, he can grow. he can heal. maybe not everything, maybe there will always be parts of him missing, parts that will never be the same. it’s okay, though, because even if he’ll never be whole again like he was before the games, his warmth will soon return, his own warmth, core alight with love and compassion and something so, so beautiful. something human. and of course, he’s not perfect. he’s everything a person is. he’s loving and kind and helpful. he’s selfish and scared and stupid. he makes mistakes and is littered with imperfections. it’s incredible.

he’s one of the closest things to human left, at least to those who helped him flourish again, and that shines like gold in comparison to the carnage and dark days ahead. impulse is just one person, just one planet, and he’s nothing too big or special. but to those who love him, to those who settle down and live with him and take care of him, he’s the most important thing they’ll ever know. maybe all they’ll ever know, which is a daunting thought, but impulse can take it. he’s strong and reliable. he houses life so well for a reason.

nobody does it quite like him. he’s unique and extraordinary and a miracle. he’s the earth. he’s impulse.

listen I know he didn’t win but let me dream and have fun okay

people were characterizing on twitter and it gave me motivation to finally expand on my idea sorry traffic!scar people saying he’s the earth these are just my thoughts </3

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made a little analysis thread on twitter and thought I’d share it here too if that’s chill ^_^

anyways traffic!impulse using self destruction and the destruction of others as a way to cope with his own frustration and resentment throughout the life series: a messy ramble-y post because I’m crazy.

most of this behavior really only starts after third life. his destructive behavior before then is usually outward and not with malicious intent. instead, he hurt others in third life because he was asked to. it was a part of a greater plan he was undoubtably loyal to and that would later get him killed and tarnish his reputation for seasons to come.

that’s why in last life, he’s much more open to antagonistic behavior (which he barely partook in before and only would if asked of). this mostly includes all the stealing he did that season, the numerous break ins, and of course, spawning the wither. this could also include his personal insistence on becoming the boogeyman and even planning it out in advance (which would later get him killed, his own hubris). he was itching for it to be his turn.

it’s such a huge shift from how he acted in third life, and why? personally, I think it’s because of all the strain and pressure put on him by others and their disdain towards him. specifically the rumors spread about him and the reluctance of others to believe and trust him after what he’d done the season prior. which for some people is justified, like ren and etho, but for others, like bdubs, is not. and this was shown to upset impulse a lot, given how it resulted in him being thrown under the bus, even by his own teammates.

but he’s supposed to be nice and considerate and smart to make up for all he’s done, right? that’s why he sticks with his alliance the whole time and makes a point to be loyal to them and them only. but that doesn’t stop the resentment and anger boiling, and he can only take so much before he has to let off some steam, and destructive behavior seems to be a means to do so.

it turns from him doing bad things because he’s asked to to him doing it because he wants to, to cope. which is why when all else fails and the southlands fall apart, despite him taking the measures to prevent it earlier on, he helps grian spawn the wither, even with the risks and deaths. and he insists on doing it at best’s base, because they ruined him. it gets him killed. he should’ve been smarter.

it gets worse in double life, specifically when homewrecking is proposed. while he’s not the one to bring it up or start the rumors, he soon grows comfortable enough to start talking smack himself. him and bdubs deliberately try to ruin the relationships of others, and they tell themselves it’s to steal away half of each pair for their own benefit, but maybe there’s more to it. maybe they ARE projecting, just like joel had said.

it doesn’t help that impulse is having his soulbound questioned and bdubs “needs” a clock and the horns won’t shut up. when they’re exposed, he takes his destruction to the deep dark. he throws snowballs, he spooks unsuspecting people, he yells into the dark when he finds out his voice can trigger the sensors. throughout the season, he makes multiple efforts to cause distress in the deep dark, malicious intent or not. and maybe it’s to cope with the fact that bdubs keeps sending him down there or etho won’t stop yapping about how bdubs doesn’t want him or how bdubs put a major target on their backs.

and this is when self destructive behavior really starts, too. impulse gives away valuable resources when he realistically could’ve not, he takes risks he absolutely doesn’t have to take (despite how much he values his and, by extension, bdubs’s life), when he’s linked to the fishing rod sequence of death, all he says to bdubs is that it was fun while it lasted. and then he loses their first life trying to get a music disc.

whether he means to or not, he’s slowly killing himself and his soulmate, too. and eventually, by the time he’s red, he just gives in. he starts blowing horn (surely there’s some symbolism there), he terrorizes those better off than him, he wants to cause problems. yet there’s always still some humanity in him that shines through, regardless of his destructive ways of coping.

but this isn’t about that. before the final fight, he even grabs the golden apple him and bdubs had been stashing away, saying if they can’t win, no one can. he would’ve ate it. he should’ve ate it. yet he didn’t, and he died by bdubs’s hand again. more resentment grows.

by limited life, it’s obvious he’s open to dabbling into more chaotic pastimes. bdubs’s ignorance and unwillingness to see his flaws and apologize only fuels the fire. when he’s chosen as the boogeyman, he has a time with it. but he still has the mind to know not to hurt his team, even refusing to use skizz’s accidental death to cleanse himself. but he bombs bread bridge freely, somehow even getting tango and skizz to help him. it’s almost concerning how much fun he has with it.

then of course there’s the complete destruction of bread bridge, which he happily takes part in. and tango’s boogey kill on bdubs, in which he lures bdubs to his demise (something he had been itching to do for seasons). he amasses a huge kill count over the season, his first time murdering anyone since third life.

most of his behavior this season turns more outward, and he grows more keen on sustaining himself the more faith his team puts in him. he is also shown to hold other alliances much less dear than ties, even if they benefit him. this results in the betrayal of many, most notably mean gills in the finale. he fights like hell, he gets his final revenge on bdubs and ends his season, and yet it still isn’t enough.

he begs martyn to kill him, because he’s alone, and he’s scared, and he did all he was asked to do. but they keep him around, despite his pleas. he’s given the illusion of free will, a chance to win, to be given a fair fight. martyn slaughters him in cold blood. a cruel betrayal.

secret life feels like a reset, and most scores are settled, and secret tasks heavily dictate how the sessions go. he isn’t given the chance to cause mass destruction like he could the season prior. he’s not sure if he wants to. most of his mistakes are honest, no self destructive or malicious intent, same with his tasks.

he’s with a team he can trust and confide in. they help him. they care about him. his first two deaths are consensual and willing, something’s he’s never known. the season is rough, but he’s happy. he tries to use his trap as he’s being chased, risky as it was, a final act of stubbornness.

he dies, alone and scared, hearts quivering. nothing’s new. he’ll just have to be ready to cope again tomorrow. get some blood of his hands, whether it’s his enemies or his own.

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i need specific songs on when the pawn and who they relate to on the life series immediately.

THIS IS MY TIME \^u^/

spoiler alert. most of them link back to either traffic!impulse/clock duo or traffic!pearl (and sometimes traffic!tango) because i’m crazy and am mentally ill about them specifically >_< sorry

this is also all just my interpretations and if you want to see if these songs are applicable to your favorite characters, LISTEN TO THE ALBUM. IT’S SO GOOD.

ANYWAYS here’s my list. explanations below the cut.

on the bound: impulse (clock duo?)

to your love: impulse (clock duo)

limp: impulse (clock duo), tango (tangdubs), pearl (her + scott/divorce quartet)

love ridden: impulse (clock duo)

paper bag: impulse (clock duo), pearl (her + scott)

a mistake: impulse, pearl, tango

fast as you can: pearl (her + scott/divorce quartet)

the way things are: impulse (clock duo), pearl (her + scott/divorce quartet)

get gone: impulse (clock duo)

i know: impulse (clock duo)

on the bound:

this one specifically reminds me of 3l and dl impulse kind of centering around him putting so much faith into certain things, bdubs specifically. these decisions have never ended well for him and often get him into even deeper trouble, but he still thinks it’ll do him some good. even if something inside of him is smart enough to know it won’t.

to your love:

very liml clock duo to me. impulse just trying so hard to move on and distance himself from bdubs but seeming to still have that soft spot for him. he tries to hold his ground, stick to the promises he’s made to himself, but bdubs always seems to make him break. think back to the clock giving scene that season, how impulse crumbles and shuts up when bdubs refuses to listen to him but is still so sweet to him. bdubs never takes him seriously and it makes cutting things off so hard. even with the distance and resistance, impulse folds.

limp:

what is something impulse, tango, and pearl all have in common? the people who have hurt them just seem to refuse to take accountability! ever! hell, they even egg them on just to get a rise out of them and to vilify them later.

bdubs is the common perpetrator for two of those three. impulse and tango never wronged bdubs, and yet he betrayed them mercilessly anyway. and then he tries to paint himself as a hero and saint later, deny his sins to their faces, laugh at them. he fondles their trigger and blames their gun. gives them a reason to get revenge and gets mad when they do it.

very similar with dl pearl, it’s kind of self explanatory. even if she wasn’t perfect, she’s never given any closure and her life is actively made worse by those just as bad as her. they claim to be above her, to have some moral high ground, even when they abandoned her just like they accused her of doing. and they never fail to hold it above her head.

love ridden:

more clock duo, just following their relationship as it slowly but surely falls apart. they just don’t work, no matter how hard they try to push down the problems and start over. they have such a beautiful relationship arc to me, and this song specifically reminds me of how liml serves as their breakup. impulse finally puts his foot down and realizes he can’t put up with bdubs anymore. he’s not his soulmate or husband anymore. he’s just bdubs. and that’s okay. they’ll both move on one day.

paper bag:

oh, the pain of wanting someone so badly but knowing you can’t because they only hurt you. even attempting to make things work is futile. all hope is done in vain. so maybe it’s better to not hope at all.

which is why i think it fits liml clock duo very well (the first verse being the disappointment impulse felt during either his 3l or dl death, you choose). impulse, despite everything, is desperate to make something work. and he tries, but bdubs just refuses to do the same. impulse and his trauma is the mess he doesn’t want to clean up. and every time he tries to get closure, to talk to bdubs about how he feels, it’s shut down. bdubs just doesn’t seem to understand and can’t take him seriously. impulse thought he was a man, but he was just a little boy. so he turns to starving, to distancing himself, to abandoning that hope. it hurts, but it works.

and dl pearl! funny coincidence that the song references a star and scott is associated with those. she’s still lingering on the good things they had in last life and has that hope that it might be the same this time around, but it isn’t. scott hates her, and y’know what? she hates him, too. because she has to. he denies her feelings and calls her crazy, how can she not hate him? she’s forced to distance herself for her own sake and his by extension. she’s the mess he doesn’t want to clean up. that he doesn’t want to face and accept. it’s killing them both, but if starving is what it takes to survive, she’ll do it. she has to. he left her no choice.

a mistake:

i love when normally relatively level headed and smart characters go batshit. that should happen a lot more often. please.

this song has and continues to remind me so much of traffic!impulse, specifically his ll, liml, and wl variants. he’s forced to be responsible and mature and good all the time, it’s exhausting. so when he starts going array, he can’t stop himself. it feels so good letting lose, dabbling in the chaos, letting that imperfection shine through. impulse is a kind person at heart, of course, but he’s just so tired. why does he have to always be the bigger person? why can’t he just make a mistake? and he will always be vilified for this, which is all the more encouragement. if they’re going to treat him like the bad guy, he might as well give them a reason.

this song reminds me of pearl (dl + wl) and tango (liml + wl) for very similar reasons. they are so often made out to be a bad person whenever they act out of line, even if that out of line is just acting like everybody else or having a valid reaction to being wronged or hurt. a person can only take so much demonization before they crack and be the villain they’re painted as. what’s the point in being good if nobody even cares?

fast as you can:

dl pearl time! she cannot catch a break and neither can her soulmate and the rest of the quartet (and anybody else caught in the crossfire). she is crazy and she is messy and she is ruthless. it’s all she’s allowed to be given her circumstances. and towards the end, when she has to band together with those people who drove her to that state, it’s hard. she can’t just forgive them for all they put her through, but she won’t deny that it’s nice having a place in the group. being taken care of. having someone sacrifice themself for you. but the fight is never over. she’ll always be choking on “why”s.

it also kind of reminds me of clock duo and tangdubs, but that’s just me being crazy. i don’t think it warrants an in-depth explanation.

the way things are:

imagining being stuck with someone who’s hurt you so badly, having to stomach being by their side because you can’t escape them. that could ABSOLUTELY be impulse and pearl.

honestly for clock duo, it reminds me more of liml than dl, despite the soulbound. but there’s definitely still some footing in the latter. impulse is still linked to bdubs, even if the soulbound is broken. and it’s hard being apart the next season, but it’s for the best, impulse knows that. he hopes that eventually all the pain and suffering will be worth it. that he’ll be able to move on. and y’know what? he does. he’s forced to bear every dismissed concern and unreasonable excuse and betrayal, and it hurts, but he moves on.

very similar for dl pearl, especially at the end of the season. she ends up teaming with the people she hates the most because she kind of has to. she knows it’s her best bet, even if it’s nauseating. and it’s hard, fighting on their behalf, by their side. but she manages. even with all the name calling and victim blaming and fighting, she moves on as well. maybe not entirely, but enough to get her through the season and the ones to follow.

get gone:

this is one of THE liml clock duo breakup anthems to me. impulse just wants bdubs gone. he’s put up with his shit for too long, and he can’t do it anymore, and he’s completely in the right for that. because he tried. he tried to make things work and talk about their issues and come back stronger, but bdubs just won’t listen. and impulse is tired of waiting for him to. he’s tired of sitting around, hoping bdubs will care, praying he’ll change. impulse knows now what is good for him, and it’s not bdubs. and he can only take so much of that man before he just can’t anymore. before that price needs to be paid. before he makes sure bdubs finally pays it.

i know:

clock duo are never beating the dysfunctional and miscommunication allegations. impulse knows what bdubs did. bdubs knows what he did, too. he just won’t admit it. and for a long while, impulse is able to handle that, even if it aches. he lets bdubs ignore their past, ignore all the mistakes he’s made, all of what he’s ruined. but eventually impulse realizes he can’t let him bury it any longer. it’s not helping either of them. he’ll be there if bdubs does confess, but if he doesn’t, that’s whatever. impulse will be gone by then. hopefully.

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impulse is no stranger to begging.

pathetic as it is, he’s found himself begging far too many times throughout the many seasons of the life series. every game, without fail, he’s had to scream and cry and beg for things no person should have to beg for.

he’s begged for his life. he’s sobbed and ached and pleaded for peace and pause and patience, for violence to cease and for reason to prevail. he’s cried far too many tears and screamed far too many pleas just for the right to exist, to be heard and seen and cared about.

he’s begged for death. to be put out of his misery, to have it all be over and done with, to take the coward’s way out. he’s tried to convince people to just do it, kill him, take his time, his hearts, his life. it doesn’t matter if he’ll come back afterwards, if it’s his first life or his last. he’s broken down and fallen to his knees, he’s taunted others and egged them on. he’s wanted release, and he’s gotten it. he knows it’ll happen again, whether he asks for it or not. that’s just how death works.

he’s begged for love. to have somebody look at him and see something beautiful, something special, something worth loving back. he’s done the stupidest things to ensure his relationships, things no rational person would find normal and okay. but these games have proven that sometimes impulse isn’t the most sane. sometimes he’s willing to play into other peoples’ sick needs, so long as it means they’ll stay, that they’ll love him. he can spare a clock and swallow the disgust that comes with hearing each agonizing tick.

he’s begged for closure. for apologies, for sympathy, for just some semblance of regret or remorse, maybe even guilt. he’s tried being patient and understanding. he’s tried so, so hard. but there’s only so much dismissal and immaturity and outright victim blaming he can take before it’s just too much. before murder and vengeance and ugly, disgusting things sound much more appealing than making amends. he’s put up with so much, taken so much shit and dealt with so much absurdity and abuse. he’s long since earned some revenge.

he’s begged for second chances. impulse isn’t perfect, not at all, but he can’t even begin to stomach the thought of being like the people who’ve hurt him. impulse isn’t a monster, and he has to prove that. anything he can do to better himself, he’ll do it. he’d work himself to death if it meant clearing his name, clearing the heads of the people he’s hurt, giving them the closure he himself fought so hard to get. he refuses to go down a villain. that’s not who he is, he swears.

he’s begged for peace. even when arrows are flying and blood is shedding, he still finds it in himself to try and put an end to the violence. impulse isn’t a fighter, not in any way that counts in games like these. at his core, impulse is made of love, love that he wants to give and share. and so he begs for the chance to love instead of hate, to talk instead of fight, for peace instead of everything else the life series stands for. it’s a futile effort. he begs anyways.

he’s begged to win. impulse, at his core, is also competitive. he’s gotten so close so many times, had the crown just out of reach, ripped away from him. it’s like some sick joke, like the universe finds pleasure in seeing him crumble and shatter, having everything taken from him. he’s tired of being a stepping stone, tired of being a means to an end. always an angel, never a god. impulse wants to be god. he prays he will one day.

he’s begged to be a person. he’s begged for basic human decency. he’s begged for things nobody should ever have to even ask for. no person should have to plead to be seen as human, as someone worthy of love and care. he deserves patience and compassion and gentle hands to hold him when he falls apart. he deserves the same care he gives others. he deserves to be happy.

impulse can’t help but feel dumb, asking for such stupid things. he feels like an idiot for crying over the injustices he’s faced and the times he’s been denied, when his pleading has been refused or ignored.

he knows it’s annoying, repetitive, pathetic. but he won’t stop. it’s the fault of his affirmation, his blessing and his curse: his persistence. impulse won’t stop until his prayers are answered, until he gets what he wants.

impulse doesn’t want to beg anymore.

please, please, please. let him get what he wants.

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wrote some more dl!clock duo angst for anybody interested ^_^

make sure to mind the tags !! this one does contain some violence and death

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vampire au. that’s it. that’s the tweet.

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i’m back in the fucking building again

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for the people of tumblr that want some clock duo to maybe read ^_^