#my 2.5 eyeliners and I would like to know

[acaplaya-musings]

Voiceplay Visuals: Dream On

Perhaps a bit of a shorter post than some of my recent/previous ones, but Voiceplay's video for Dream On is certainly far from dull, and the arrangement (a collaboration between Rob Dietz and Geoff) is absolutely killer!

The video for Dream On was released on the 9th of April, 2022, and features Omar Cardona, back again!

Don't have a ton to say about outfits/costuming in this one (though shoutout to Geoff, who is credited with "costuming look", as well as co-direction and overall video (he's a polymath genius I swear)), but might as well "shine a spotlight" on everyone individually, since I don't expect to have a lot to say for this video otherwise, and the vocalists all start off by themselves in the video before "banding together".

Hey Geoff isn't the only one with exposed shoulders for once! 😝

Cesar is, yet again, a style icon. And according to an interview he did with Mortius (that was simultaneously a reaction video for Dream On), the little "smoky eye"/eyeliner look he's got going on here was his idea! Love that for him!

(Also shoutout to Rick Underwood for yet again being a makeup whiz!)

Actually wait I forgot, uncovered shoulders actually outnumber covered shoulders in this one!

(Also this was filmed in some old school I believe? I think maybe Cesar's old school or something?)

There he is! <3

(Also love the fingerless gloves 👌)

Random fun fact: I used this shot about a month ago (though for you reading this it'll be more like 2-2.5 months ago) as a pose/proportions reference!

(And peep the little white-grey streak of hair framing his face <3 )

And of course I haven't forgotten about Layne! (No clue what he's wearing over his shirt, but my brain always thinks of a bulletproof vest, though that's obviously not correct)

(Also it's getting frankly a little embarassing now that back in my This Is Halloween post I was like "hey is that tattoo on Layne's wrist real? I've literally never seen it before", when apparently it has been visible at least a couple of times since, and I'm obviously not always as observant as I like to think I am 😅)

Fun fact: apparently Omar and Cesar are good friends, stemming from the fact that they used to be roommates? And now one of them is a permanent Voiceplay member, and the other is a frequent Voiceplay collaborator? (And had sung with them before Cesar joined the group, even). What are the odds? Like how freaking close-knit is the singing/acapella community in Florida?

(Btw that is one hell of a mohawk, Cesar! Go off!)

Group shot! (Also peep the book just behind Eli and Omar (that I only just noticed) - is that the same one Eli was holding/drawing in earlier?)

(Cesar matching Geoff with the fingerless gloves!)

"So how many lines and textures do you want in your clothes for this one?" "Yes" (No seriously, there is a lot going on with the outfits in this one. I'm not judging or criticising, but I would hate to try and draw them!)

Very brief but very cool distortion effect!

Obligatory "he's so pretty" screencap 😁

Screw it, have another Geoff hair study!

(I'm amassing a fair collection of these now, though I'm contemplating going and doing some more for older videos at some point so I can have a better visual representation of the main stages of growth, before it reached shoulder-length)

Is Layne in the freaking boiler room or something? (I'm not super familiar with boiler rooms (not super common in Australia, that I know of), but that looks like that would be an example of one!)

The "tenor trio" absolutely giving this performance their all! (As they always do, of course)

I'm doing this post on the same day (or well, night now) as the post I did for The Dragonborn Comes, so I'm still eagerly awaiting the video for Omar's newest collaboration with Voiceplay, and I can barely wait! It's gonna be amazing, I can feel it!

[legionofpotatoes]

alright here’s ma thoughts on that flick I mentioned

we hatewatched a*my of the dead because we were CONVINCED “zombies in las vegas” would be an impossible concept to screw up, but in so assuming we obviously invoked a holy wager with the universe and got reminded, once again, that hoping for improvement from someone who’s dependably put out bad art is never a wise choice 😐

but we were honestly kinda roped in by the marketing??? and expected a goofy fast-paced flick with the odd traditional undead metaphor thrown in, framing some sort of relationship drama maybe or hell even nothing at all! we’d have taken pure indulgent storytelling, idk italian job with zombies in las vegas, I don’t know fucking anything but??? whatever this was???? spoilers below for it is time for One Of My Rants

I mean the main reason I really want to write all this and complain. this film here probably has the most unappealing cinematography I have ever experienced in my life and that is saying something. who the fuck signed off on that CONSTANT shallow-ass depth of field that imprisons your eyeline and turns every shot into bokeh paste???? and I mean every shot almost!!!! I promise if you think I am overreacting just throw a dart at the seek bar and watch twenty seconds from wherever it lands. it is horrifying to look at. at least it gave my girlfriend a good visual shorthand for what it’s like when I lose my glasses

why was sean spicer in this movie. did they pay him to be here. was sean spicer paid hollywood money for his scene in this film because fuck everyone who was involved in that decision

the legitimately baffling hints at the extraterrestrial origins of the infection that went absolutely nowhere and had no dramatic or plot-level bearing. we love to see the franchise sprouts fellas

yet another big budget waste of everything hiroyuki sanada has to offer. and bautista too I guess? I like him but man was this an odd career move

what was the crux of his conflict/resolution with his daughter btw. I understand it was rooted in miscommunication over their forms of grief irt mom but uhh… it was all rather clunky and didn’t land for me. I tried I really tried to buy in but something was wrong fundamentally with the groundwork there, it did not click and their catharsis felt unearned. I know there’s massive amounts of tragic baggage being projected there from the author so I’m not slapping any judgment down really;

but again it would be an easy thing to wave off if they just had a vibrant cast of lovable simpletons with good chemistry and the kinetic sense of plotting the trailers promised (and this premise never discounts good drama, either). but instead it was just two and a half (!) hours of meandering into situations the filmmaking instincts had no idea how to flow in and out of

to wit. I know talking about “bad pacing” is associated with armchair bullshit but consider the example of the scene were dieter does an out of nowhere little dance after childishly screaming but then still-killing a zombie, with the film framing this as a micro character triumph, and not a second later the bg soundtrack instantly fades into an orchestral score dramatizing a nearby mcguffin reveal, completely 180 degreeing the tone without a semblance of deft insert shot stitching or even I dont know a fucking jump cut maybe. now imagine this whiplash for 2.5 hrs uninterrupted

I will keep complaining about the length yeah because this was not a story requiring this much real estate to be told. Uhh in my humble and personal opinion, of course

[man sees zombie tiger] “this is crossing the line!” you can in fact write dialogue that is not utter nonsense that falls apart once you drill down its single fickle layer of referential meta winking. what line are you talking about. you have rules in this insane situation you’re in? total nitpick moment I know but it got burned in my brain for some reason. like a microcosm of the mismanaged dramatic instincts paired with weird writing that dots this movie. I am sure the director calls this either satire or genre deconstruction. I am SO sure

tumblr domino meme that goes from “dude getting sucked off while driving” to “entire las vegas literally nuked”

tig notaro is always great to see but once you know she’s been filmed as a separate greenscreen plate months after photography wrapped - cause she had to apparently replace some abusive asshole but that’s a whole other pig not worth fucking - it becomes impossible to unsee her odd detachment from everyone else in the movie lmao. it doesn’t really “ruin” anything on its lonesome but it is hard to unsee

why. was. sean. spicer. in. this. movie

a very simple key ingredient missing from fully turning lip service sympathy for main uruk hai dude into actual empathy that would generate meaningful conflict with hero family would be to spend a bit more time articulating what he internally wanted the most. because he was obviously trying to do something here with pointed agenda. a family, to have kids, build a caste system, save his wife’s head, return to his planet??? all of these could represent the bigger context in his psychology that spurred his vengeance but none of them are dramatically emphasized long enough for you to cheer him on. I’m not asking too much I promise. Articulating interiority of a mute character is pretty doable with deft cinema language, just gotta linger and hold a shot here and there for a few seconds, frame as his POV, donezo. I know this is also one of those like. “who cares” moments but the movie does, very evidently so, in making this guy an actual character. you can kinda piece it together and create a framework of sympathy for him, sure, but then again he ultimately becomes a foil to be killed and not defeated, so. Ehh whatever

quarantine zone stuff was not a wildly childish covid allegory quarantine zone stuff was not a wildly childish covid allegory quarantine zone stuff was n

the rooftop helicopter fakout at the end was such an ass-backwards, manufactured moment of what could be a simple setup/payoff it just pissed me off??? you gain nothing by giving sad dad five seconds of pointless crisis that flips right back to previous status quo ANYWAY, except for a weaksauce waste of runtime, which could be used instead to get inside notaro’s head and actually SHOW the remorse form as she took off, literally maybe even a frown playing on her face as she’s headed for safety right before we cut back to drax and the kid. just a simple-ass, minimal, momentary setup for what is the most basic filmmaking trick of creating macro catharsis moments. Just???? g o d if you can’t even land that shit why are you even doing any of this

that lil run final pam did was very very charming and super choreographed in a way that was the tiiiniest bit overdone

the whole intro with the simul-backstories and posing with family photos was just… oddly motivated. what was the goal? “here’s what we’re fighting for” vignettes? why? it’s not a functional setup in that vein. what was all that

also I am sorry if this is insensitive but the reasons most characters end up articulating to justify going back into the hell that destroyed their lives makes them sound seriously insane

I dont like complaining about CGI (honestly) but so much of it in modern movies can achieve higher fidelity if the animation is simply subdued. Do not overengineer and over-apply 2D cell methodologies and kinematics to each tiny twitch and movement in a hyper 3D model and I promise you. it will look a thousand times more natural. look at thanos in those last two movies. your rendering and detail are absolutely perfect with the tiger you just have to let stuff sit instead of constantly simulating swaying hair strands and firing off all facial muscles at once. great moment at one point where makeup zombie horse and CG zombie tiger are both in one shot together and just by unnecessary amounts of movement alone you can tell who doesn’t belong. again; detail, rendering, compositing, lighting, all picture-perfect; but y’all just gotta let the animation breathe sometimes, and chill it out

plot holes don’t really matter to me but it was kinda funny how lilly decided not to mention the enormous wrinkle in intel pertaining to an actual territorial tribe of intelligent zombies that require human offerings to let you pass, just so that reveal could play out in real time through the joyous punishment of the cartoonishly misogynistic dude

total chad move for mister uruk hai and final pam to rule from a rusted swimming pool complex

the ending with vanderohe oh my god. with the. cash stacks at the airport register. and specifically them working in his favor. that is literally something you do to get arrested under suspicion of theft. it was almost played for laughs and I respect that. coulda been goofier. make these movies goofy ya dorks

anyway, weird, weird movie. bad marketing. message unclear (something something sins of the father???), baffling editing instincts, literal worst-looking cinematography I ever laid eyes upon. Confidently dying on that last hill

[nazghoulz]

The Definitive Ranking of Richard Armitage’s Acting Roles, Rated Exclusively by How Hot I Find Him In Screengrabs

Richard Armitage. As a diehard Thorin Oakenshield fan I certainly have a complicated relationship with him, mainly because I can never decide if I find him inherently hot or not. On the one hand, I’m a hardcore Thorinfucker. On the other hand my gay ass sees a headshot of Mr. Armitage and I’m just like, “Oh, no thank you.” So in order to set myself to rights, I have gone through Mr. Armitage’s IMDB and done a definitive ranking of all his 44 screen roles on there, based completely and arbitrarily on how hot I find him in screenshots. (Thank you to all the hardcore Armitage Fuckers who keep wordpress blogs with screengrabs of his various cameos and bit parts; my respect for you cannot be put into words.) I haven’t seen like 90% of these properties, and I didn’t bother to research them, so these are mainly just gut first impressions. I hope this helps anyone else out there who as confused by him as I am. Enjoy ?

44. Father Quart in The Seville Communion/The Man From Rome (2020)   — ??/10

I don’t think this movie is out yet? Idk I haven’t been able to find any stills of him, let alone much information about the movie itself. It’s listed on his IMDB though! And apparently he’s playing a priest...which could be extremely  👁️👁️ if done correctly.

43. Unnamed Naboo Fighter Pilot in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999) — 1/10

OH SWEETIE NO!!!!! This physically pains me to say this, because I unironically love this terrible movie with my whole heart, but unlike a yung Kiera Knightley’s role (pictured front and center) as Padmé’s loyal body double Sabé, this is probably a cameo that we would all like to forget about. The only thing Richard has to offer is this unfortunate turtle-faced realness. This helmet does him no favors.

42. Man in Pub in Boon (1992) — 2/10

As far as I know this is Richard’s first acting credit on IMDB, and he for sure is working the background extra energy. Go on girl give us nothing! He does have a decent backside though, and it’s better than looking at unfortunate turtle face, so I give this one a 2.

41. Paul Andrews in Between the Sheets (2003)  — 2/10

I can’t really articulate why, but I absolutely despise every screenshot I see of Richard Armitage in this role. He is completely unhot, and not even in a way I can laugh at. He takes no advantage of his assets, he has no charisma, no magnetism, no nothing. This is Richard Armitage at his most white bread rando, in a way that makes me actively dislike him. Pbbbbttth. Bad. Throw this whole thing away.

40. Craig Parker in Casualty (2001)  — 2/10

I don’t know, it’s like the perfect storm of the gelled 2001 hair, the terrible quarter? eighth? zip sweater, and overall, er, skeezy vibes that he gives off that makes him particularly unhot in this role. Perhaps not as reprehensible as Unhot Paul, but still. I think the sheer boringness of this has to count for something. Blech.

39. Dr. Tom Steele in Doctors (2001) — 2.5/10

He honestly looks like a villain in an early season of Alias, which... well. Quentin Tarantino was cast as a bit-part villain in Alias season one, so take that as you will. But at least he’s compelling here, which is why he gets half a point over Unhot Paul.

38. Steven in Frozen (2005) — 3/10

Get some rest, tall child! You can’t keep burning the candle at both ends! Also short haircuts do nothing for you, Richard. Styled like this, they just serve to make you look sort of like a sleaze.

37. Peter Macduff in ShakespeaRe-Told (2005) — 3/10

He honestly looks like he could be a guest star in Friends in this one, where he’s a guy named Jason who Ross meets in Central Perk where they find they have a lot in common. Ross introduces Jason to Monica and they really hit it off, but it all comes crashing down because while Jason is sensitive and writes poetry, he also thinks that the Earth is flat. The rest of the episode is trying to get rid of Jason while he becomes increasingly obsessed with Monica, and Ross cannot quite let go trying to prove to Jason that the world is round. Anyway. Macduff Flat Earth Jason isn’t quite as unhot as Unhot Paul, but he’s pretty much on the same level as Tired Steven.

36. Phillip Durrant in Marple (2007) — 3/10

Something about him in this image really makes me want to punch him in the face. It’s huge Peter Parker in Spider-Man 3 energy.

35. Young Claude Monet in The Impressionists (2006) — 3.5/10

I’M LOSING MY FUCKING MIND THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND IS !!! CARNIVAL BARKER !!!!! STEP RIGHT UP TO SEE THE WORST GOATEE IN HISTORY !!! I was actually going to give Yung Claude a 2 but the more I look at this terrible beard the more impressed I am with the boldness of this look, so I had to bump it up to 3.5. Idk. Just look at this. It’s incredible, especially knowing what kind of beard Armitage can grow himself !!!!!!!!

34. Heinz Kruger in Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) — 3.5/10

This is definitely the best looking he’s been so far in this list, but he’s a Nazi in this one, which makes him unsexy on principle. But do I feel a little something when he gets pinned to the ground by jacked Chris Evans with the above look on his face right before he swallows his cyanide pill? Can neither confirm nor deny. They are also truly playing into his inherently sinister bone structure, so I can respect that.

33. Percy Courtney in Miss Marie Lloyd (2007) — 4/10

Even including Yung Claude and Nazi Heinz, I think Nothing Percy is probably the weakest of Richard’s period looks, mostly because he looks like, well, nothing. He certainly doesn’t pull off that top hat like he does in North and South, and the secret to that might be the lack of sideburns. In this one he just sort of reminds me of the asshole fiance in Titanic.

32. Philip Turner in The Inspector Lynley Mysteries (2005) — 4/10

He’s really giving off bargain bin Hugh Jackman as Wolverine vibes here, if Logan’s energy was more “murderer in a Hallmark channel mystery” than “superhero.” Though, given what sort of show this is, that may be the point! Idk, this isn’t the worst. At least he has a decent haircut in this one. Still, I feel absolutely nothing when I look at him. He’s simply royalty-free stock music given human form.

31. Dr. Alec Track in The Golden Hour (2005) — 4.5/10

I could see how this conceivably be sexy in this role, but to be honest, he’s still nothing to me, sorry. He gets some extra points because he obviously worked out for this role and the hard nips through a white undershirt is a commendable look. I whole-heartedly respect Doctor Alec’s thottitude.

30. Daryl in Staged (1999) — 4.5/10

Speaking of thottitude!!!!! This is one cream-faced business boy that I can certainly get into! He looks like the love interest in a pre-Hayes code homoerotic thriller from the early 1930s. I’m sure that’s just because of the lighting and general staging of this production, but hm... demure. Love it.

29. Capt. Ian Macalwain in Ultimate Force (2003) — 4.5/10

Well, he looks like a character from M*A*S*H but with no charisma, or like an extra in The Great Escape who snitches on Steve McQueen to the Nazis. Also in half the pictures I find of him from this he’s wearing this terrible beret, which I know he can pull off because of a role that ranks much higher on this list. Whoever styles this man really needs to pay attention to what sort of headgear they put on him.  

28. Epiphanes in Cleopatra (1999) — 5/10

Speaking of headgear, you know what?? He doesn’t look awful here. A solid 5, perfectly acceptable. I think the helmet does a lot to accentuate the sharpness of his face in this extremely bit part, though the eyeliner definitely also helps as well.

27. John Mulligan in Moving On (2009) — 5/10

Mr. Armitage’s characters can really have potential when a production’s stylist allows him to wear scruff (IN A WAY THAT LOOKS NATURAL, LOOKING AT YOU YUNG CLAUDE). However, as it is with John Mulligan in Moving On here, he just sort of looks like a rando? They’re not playing into the inherent angularity of his face, which for me makes it sort of confusing regarding what sort of emotion I’m supposed to feel while looking at him. As it is, I’m just like, “Yup, that sure is a regular human man, right there.”

26. Smug Man at Party in This Year’s Love (1999) — 5/10

This is the face of a man who less smug and is more DRUNK OUT OF HIS MIND !!!! Idk. He’s cute here, I’ll admit. That’s all I have to say about it.

25. John Standring in Sparkhouse (2002) — 5.5/10

I enjoy the bold choice of giving him wavy hair in this one, but I’m not sure he quite pulls it off. It doesn’t look bad, per se, just... he looks completely nonthreatening. Which I guess could be someone’s thing, but not mine. He honestly looks like a knock-off Will Graham, sans dogs and trauma.

24. Gary in Into the Storm (2014) — 5.5/10

I think the thing that really gets me is that this character’s name is Gary. Who on God’s green Earth looks at Richard Armitage and goes, “Ah yes, you do look like a Gary” ??? I don’t think I know of a single non-American Gary, especially since the name Gary only got popularized after Gary Cooper renamed himself after his hometown of Gary, Indiana!!!! It wasn’t really a name for human men before that!!!! I want to live in the alternate universe where Frank Cooper was originally from Albuquerque and named himself Albuquerque Cooper and this character is named as such. Gary. Really.

23. King Oleron in Alice Through the Looking Glass (2016) — 5.5/10

I truly hate how much his facial expressions in these stills remind me of Thorin, considering how bad he looks otherwise. Like his face his fine, I guess, especially since this is the first instance of his full beard. I’m charmed despite myself! Take me to wonderland, O King.

22. Adam Price in The Stranger (2020) — 5.5/10

For as compelling as people call this series, Richard here isn’t very much so imo. But despite my utter lack of interest, he doesn’t look bad per se. He just sort of has that stubbly white man blandness that colors a lot of his more recent roles. Like, at least his bad mid-2000′s styling had character. This is just the visual representation of a vague handwave.

21. Harry Kennedy in The Vicar of Dibley (2006)  — 6/10

Gosh... floppy hair, cute sweaters... he also seems to be smiling a lot in this one, which is nice! The only thing I have to complain about is that he looks very much like if Bradley Cooper and Hugh Jackman circa Kate and Leopold had a baby, which may not necessarily be too much of a bad thing, but I can’t unsee it.

20. Sgt. John Porter in Strike Back (2010)  — 6/10

Ah, back to poorly suited haircuts. At least he’s a little bit gritter and grimier than we’ve seen so far, and I will say Richard Armitage does look good covered in dirt, as we will see later on. Also he’s got biceps in this one, which, hell yeah.

19.  Ricky Deeming in Inspector George Gently (2007)  — 6/10

I’M HAVING THE HARDEST TIME RIGHT NOW RANKING THIS ONE BC OF THIS INCREDIBLE LITTLE WHITE SCARF-RIDING LEATHERS COMBO!!! WHICH ABSOLUTE GENIUS DECIDED THIS!!!! EVERY SCREENSHOT OF HIM IN HIS EPISODE HAS THIS!!! Part of me just wants to give Stylish Ricky a big fat 10 because I’m gay and adore the sheer audacity of this look, but I still have to be fair and rank his overall aura accordingly. I think he’s a handsome extremely gay-coded motorcycle lad in this one, but he doesn’t exactly rev my engine, so to speak.

18. Lucas North in Spooks (2008) — 6/10

The tattoos really spice this one up. Luke could have been plagued by the problems inherent in Regular Mulligan’s Moving On styling, but this guy has an edge to him. He has a good haircut and 5′ o’clock shadow, which is something I’ve figured out is integral to Armitage Hotness. I feel like if I got to know this character I could possibly find him sexy.

17. Raymond de Merville in Pilgrimage (2017) — 6.5/10

Speaking of bad haircuts, this one is his undoing. This is almost the perfect balance between full beard and short haircut, which is the only way a short haircut works on this man, but they ruined it with this one! They gave him a bad bowl fade, which completely undoes any inherent sexiness that comes with being a knight. Not even the fact that he’s covered in dirt can turn me on at this point, ugh. Guy of Gisbourne he is not!!!

16. Tom Calahan in Brain on Fire (2016) — 6.5/10

Oh hell yes, WELCUM 2 DA DILF ZONE!!! I’m not super duper thrilled with the looks I’ve seen from this movie, but he seems scruffy and comfy in a way that is slightly refreshing for ol’ Richard. This is certainly the best of his normie looks so far. I’m just sad it took them 24 years to figure out how to style him properly for sympathetic roles in a contemporary setting.

15. James in My Zoe (2019) — 6.5/10

It’s another DILF look, slightly edgier than Comfy Tom but none of that sexy tired energy that we’ll see from Ocean’s 8. I don’t know !! Jimmy here doesn’t exactly thrill me, I think I prefer Tom’s flannels to this sharp bomber jacket/white t shirt combo seen here. Oh well! I am extremely  👀 👀 👀 👀 👀 that he can just casually palm that soccer ball like that.

14. John Thornton in North & South (2004)  — 7/10

Alright. I’m sorry. I just don’t find him that hot in this role. Like yeah, he’s got the scruff and the sideburns that work to his advantage, and the setting does make this character inherently sexy, but in some screenshots he screams too much of an aforementioned Kate and Leopold (the best Meg Ryan movie, imo) era Hugh Jackman to me. And if I was particularly into that, I would just watch Kate and Leopold again. I will admit, however, that this rating could be subject to change if I actually took the time to watch this show.

13. Chop in Urban and the Shed Crew (2015) — 7/10

...I’M??? INTO IT??? He’s dirty and scruffy but also has kind eyes.... I feel like this is knock off Will Graham who has blossomed into his own. His run down, grime-covered own. He’s back edging into Bradley Cooper territory, but somehow it works for him in this one. Like, I’m 89% sure it’s the DILF vibes I’ve been getting from the other screengrabs I’ve seen of this role, and this particular flavor of DILF is way sexier than Jimmy or Comfy Tom.

12. Francis Dolarhyde in Hannibal (2015) — 7/10

His Caesar cut doesn’t bother me quite so much in this, probably because he is pretty explicitly playing a villain in a series that doesn’t have any basis in reality. A villain who is ripped, and who can effortlessly throw real Will Graham around. Armitage uses his inherent sinisterness to great effect as the Red Dragon, which is good actually! I think a lot of how hot he is in any particular role really depends on whether the styling allows him to play to his strengths...idk! I’m not usually a huge fan of clean shaven Armitage, but it works for Frank here.

11. Daniel Miller in Berlin Station (2016) — 7/10

As much as I adore this particular look (beard + fade + green army jacket), I have to compromise and give Danny a 7/10 because it seems like the first season they styled him in usual stubbly white man blandness. I’d say screengrabs from s1 are a solid 6, while this might be an 8, so the average is a 7. That’s all I have to say about this!

10. Claude Becker in Ocean’s 8 (2018) — 7.5/10

!!!!! I love him in this role, I about had a conniption in the theater because I absolutely was not expecting him!! He looks perfectly ruffled and scruffy, edgier than either Comfy Tom or Jimmy, which I’m very into. That plus his two borzois (objectively the best looking dogs on the planet) really put Old Claude over the top for me. Thank you, thank you Hollywood stylists for finally figuring out what to do with him for roles as a Normal Man.

9. Richard Hall in The Lodge (2019) — 7.5/10

I don’t know anything about this movie, but it seems pretty spooky, which I’m into. I think Richard is well suited for this sort of horror/thriller role, where his angular features can play into the overall vibe rather than some hapless stylist trying to work around them. He looks like another cozy DILF here but with a bite to him, like someone who would do anything to protect his brood. I mean, he’s teaching this child to shoot! But idk, he also has the potential for Jack Nicholson in The Shining energy, which I also could be....hm... into. Idk. Is this on Netflix??

8. Lee in Cold Feet (2003) — 7.5/10

FUN!!! FLIRTY!!!! OTTER VIBES!!!!! I LOVE THIS, he seems so goofy here, and Armitage doesn’t usually pull off goofy that well! I’ve giggled at literally every screenshot I could find from the four episodes he was in this show, he seems like a real himbo. I’m a huge fan, even if it comes at the cost of dehydration abs.

7. William Chatford in Malice Aforethought (2005) — 7.5/10

Hoo hoo HOO DO NOT JUDGE ME!!!!!!! Maybe it’s just because I’ve been watching the new season of The Alienist and the new dark and gritty HBO reboot of Perry Mason back to back, but sue me, I love the bold choice they made with giving him a pencil moustache here. He looks like a hot Howard Hughes; if cream-faced business boy Daryl from Staged is the young ingenue in the pre-Hayes Code thriller I cast him in, Bill here is the sexy antagonist. I desperately want to hear a perfect Transatlantic accent coming out out of that  mouth. This look fucks and I’m sticking to that no matter what.

6. Trevor Belmont in Castlevania (2017) — 8/10

Ah, yes, speaking of king himbos... do me a favor and look me right in the eye and tell me that you wouldn’t fuck Trevor Belmont. You can’t, can you?????? At least 80% of Richard Armitage’s inherent hotness stems from his voice, and you can’t tell me there isn’t anything sexier than thinking about letting that guy loose in a recording studio and letting him say fuck. Look, Trevor may be drawn that way, but it’s the absolute stupidity coming out of his mouth in that sweet baritone that makes me want to be raw-dogged by 100% pure Romanian beef.

5. Dr. Scott White in Sleepwalker (2017) — 8/10 

Much like I had intimated when talking about Hot Danny in Berlin Station, this is Peak contemporary normie Richard Armitage styling. I honestly think The Hobbit either awakened something in him, or casting directors finally figured out he looks way good with a full beard. His crew cut even works with his whole look, which is a miracle!!!! I think he should be contractually obligated to have a full beard in all of his future roles, but that’s just me.

4. Guy of Gisbourne in Robin Hood (2006) — 8.5/10

I honestly can’t believe I’m ranking Guy so far up here, but honestly, THIS RULES!!!!!! THIS FUCKS!!!!!!!!! Which is incredible due to Guy’s lack of beard, but I’m weirdly okay with it? Like sure, he looks like he’d probably call me a slur in front of his shitty friends, but he also looks like he could tenderly pound me into the mattress in a way that would have me questioning my commitment to the “no emotions” clause of our clandestine no-strings-attached sex agreement. Anyway. Guy of Gisbourne if you see this im free thursday night. please message me back if you’re free thursday night when i am fr

3. Angus in Macbeth (1999) — 8.5/10

HHHNGHGNHNGHGN HE’S SO HOT.....!!! HE’S SO HOT!!!!! Leather jacket!!! Scruff!! Dirt!!!! Flattering beret!!!!! He’s so hot, and the worst part about this is that this was filmed in NINETEEN NINETY NINE!!!!!!!!!!!! Which means we could have always had this, had stylists and makeup artists PLAYED TO HIS STRENGTHS!!!!! He’s so hot I’m getting legitimately angry. Without scruff and dirt this man is nothing. N o t h i n g.

2. John Proctor in The Crucible (2014) — 9/10

Look, I know I have a type. But... this guy is just so hot, Daniel Day Lewis please step aside!!!! Contemporary theater historians describe John Proctor as a “strong beast of a man,” and... hhhHHOOOGH HELL YEAH!!! HELL !!!! YEAH !!!!! Like, his dick got almost his entire Puritan village, including himself, accused of witchcraft and like, looking at this guy, I kind of get it. I would probably go to war over the raw animal beauty of this horrible dirty, greasy man. Sue me, I confess. I saw Goody Osburn with the devil.

1. Thorin II Oakenshield in The Hobbit Trilogy  — 9.5/10

Come on. You knew it was going to be this guy. Look at my icon for christ’s sake. I am completely biased, I cannot look at his pictures objectively. Anyway. Thank you so much for reading, this was a very stupid list.

[ivanshatov]

double date

wc: 3.1k

it’s 11pm post-superbowl sunday night and i finished writing this fun little oc oneshot so i’m gonna drop it here bc why not? anyways, what the hell gay vampires

The sun had just barely set, but Edel was busy working away at the theatre’s lobby; stringing up lights, watering the plants, lighting the candles, cleaning away the blood, the usual cleanup checklist. With all the ruckus coming from Edel’s radio of whistled showtunes and the sound of hurried housekeeping taking place, Mia appeared in the doorway. She was dressed modestly in a corset and skirt that dropped to her heels, her hair up and traces of blood beneath her lips. “What in the name of— are you doing?” she asked, rubbing her head with a yawn.

Edel beamed, fully dressed, with petticoat, makeup, and all. “Didn’t I remind you yesterday?” they asked, lifting the sides of their gown and prancing to Mia. “Sujani’s love is coming over today. She’s introducing him to me. Is that blood on your face? Make sure you clean it, you’ll scare the poor man.”

“Sujani’s love, huh?” Mia thumbed beneath her lip and raised an eyebrow. “Well, does he know?”

“Know what?” Edel looked up from their busywork, wide-eyed and oblivious. 

“Does he know about the—“ Mia gesticulated and threw up her hands. “The vampirism?”

“Oh! Oh. I’m not sure. Best not bring it up. Just to be safe,” Edel replied, twirling the broom she held and resisting the urge to strike some Fosse-esque pose. “You can come out if you’d like to say hi. Maral and Libera know too, but they’re off doing lines in the mezzanine.”

Mia tilted her head. “And the rest of the cast?”

“Laundry, props, helping Igor with the set, cleaning the apron, the like...” Edel replied, tending to a spiderweb in the corner. “I don’t want anyone eating him, so I’m trying to have them all occupied. Sujani made it very clear she will be very upset if her beau gets devoured. And then who will manage our stage if she is upset with me? This has to run very smoothly. You see? So, my dear, if some lost-looking breather is wandering through the halls, please redirect him here. No blood-sucking involved, preferably.”

“And no hypnotism, right?” 

Edel turned around, leaning the broom against the wall and wrapping their arms around Mia’s waist. “No hypnotism, promise.” The couple linked pinkies and Mia rested her head on Edel’s chest.

“Alright. Be safe, dear. Check for stakes, crucifixes, the like...” she sighed, pushing her hair behind her ear. “We don’t want any guest appearances.” Giving Edel a kiss on the cheek, she unlinked her hand and started down the hall. “I best get dressed, too. Perhaps I’ll show up when I’m prim and proper. Make it a double date, as they call it these days, hm?” 

Flashing a fanged grin, Edel nodded with excitement. “Oh, please do! Double date,” they repeated, eyes sparkling. “Please, you’ll look radiant. Love you,” Edel called as Mia vanished down the hallway. 

Alone and back in the grandiose lobby, Edel continued to tend to the dust bunnies around the lobby, humming some musical jingles underneath her breath. As she got stuck replaying the songs of Les Mis in her mind, her eyes flitted to the clock. Fifteen minutes until 8’o’clock! Oh goodness, darling Sujani would be arriving any moment. Gathering the cleaning supplies and taking one last look around the lobby, Edel hurried back to the stage to dispose of the swiped supplies. The door slammed behind them as they entered the backstage, and a few heads downstage were turned. 

“Eeeeedel!” Pasha called out, bouncing upstage and meeting Edel’s side. “Can I take those off your hands?” he asked, batting his childlike eyes. 

“Sure,” Edel muttered, smiling down at him. “Please remember. Don’t start wandering. Sujani is bringing a guest with her tonight.”

“Ooh, a guest!” Olga interjected, sticking her head up from the catwalk. “A guest of what sort? A prince? Duke, maybe? The President?”

“No, her boyfriend. And, and, please don’t drop those 2x4’s, Olga,” Edel shouted, waving their arms. 

Olga signaled a salute and nearly dropped the wooden planks, managing to narrowly avoid an accident with the flyweights. “I didn’t know Miss Sujani had a boyfriend,” Pasha said, saccharine. 

“No, you cannot eat him. No, you cannot play some childish prank on him. Whatever your next question is, the answer is no. Alright? I’ll give you a candy later, or something,” Edel mumbled, booping Pasha on the nose and ruffling his hair. 

“I can’t eat candy,” he maintained.

Edel exhaled, exasperated. “A book, then.”

“Books are boring!”

“One with illustrations,” she said with a wave of her hand, disappearing back in the direction of the lobby. 

As Edel reentered, briefly admiring their handiwork, a bell chimed at the box office and sent them peeling down the hallway.

“Sujani! Sujani, darling! I’m so glad you’ve come!” Edel announced, bursting in through the threshhold with a wide grin and open arms.  Sujani, relaxed and smiling, was dressed in her usual fare— a simple green sweater, a long skirt, Oxfords. Her hair was nice and curled and Edel noted the use of false eyelashes, something Sujani seldom indulged in. Her eyeliner was nonetheless bold. As Edel’s eyes met her guest, however, the color (or lack thereof) drained from her face. “I know you,” Edel mumbled, enthusiasm dying. Her eyes trailed back to Sujani, and she glared. “Luca Betschen? The Luca Betschen, of all men in this city crawling with them?”

Luca Betschen, standing opposite Sujani, with her hand around his waist and his around hers, was a short and plucky little man. His hair was curly and brown, and he had the most lovely, enticing young eyes, and was ruggedly handsome despite his unfortunate smallness. And Edel knew his face very, very well.

The Theatre has a strange relationship with the Press. The Theatre can function just fine independent of the Press, but their relationship is reciprocal. The Press is a necessary predator in the ecosystem in the fine arts, regulating the bad and safeguarding the good. But as hundreds of years pass by, between the un-dead and the living, tastes tend to change, and perceptions of otherwise fine Theatre may appeared skewed. A six-hundred year disparity, as one could imagine, would intensify these critical differences. Luca Betschen, a fresh-faced journalist at some irrelevant, wretched, Winterthur newspaper, embodies it. One ruthless review two years ago on Edel’s production of The Seagull has left them burning ever since. “Contrary to the beliefs of archaic director Edelgard Veice,” Betschen wrote, “Chekov’s works are better left boring and lifeless, not thrown into a kitschy, unexplainably Tudor delirium of color and light.”

She spotted his face in the audience opening night a year ago, received another scathing review, and has been plotting her revenge over her production. And now, that wretched man stands in front of her, alongside her darling Sujani, of all people! Sujani has no time to respond before Edel, seething, retreats back into the lobby. “I am retracting my gracious invitation!”

“Miss Edel—”

“Get him out of here!” Edel roared, stomping down the hallway in her one-inch heels. 

Two humans stand in the box office of a vampire nest, hands linked. It’s a hot summer evening in one of Europe’s most beautiful cities, tourists bustling on the streets and the stars shining above. “Shall we just... go?” Luca asked, clearing his throat. “I hope I haven’t upset her. That was certainly not my intention.”

Sujani shrugged her shoulders and peeked down the hall into the lobby, and then at the door marked Employees Only that led to the backstage. “Edel... tends to hold grudges for a long time. She’ll warm up to you eventually,” she insisted with another lukewarm shrug. “Hopefully.”

***

The sound of Edel’s heels clicking on the theatre floor echoed loud and clear disapproval through the walls of the theatre. She stormed past the auditorium, stomping with irate force, and up to the dressing rooms, up another flight of stairs, to where Mia should be. And, without a hint of hesitation, she slammed her fist down on the door, knocking the ancient oak with unrelenting fury. Mia swung the door open, doing up her corset, eyes wide as Edel stumbled back. “What’s wrong? Shouldn’t you be with Sujani? And her… human love-friend?”

Edel slammed the door behind them and dropped down in one of Mia’s empty seat, bristling with rage and chewing on her lip. 

“Edel…?”

“Do you remember,” Edel began, heated, “when that pathetic little Winterthur paper smeared my good name? That 2.5 star review? You must remember.”

“Uh, was that The Seagull, or Romeo and Juliet, or Anything Goes?”

Edel was silent. 

“No, Anything Goes was one star,” Mia murmured, returning to the ribbons on her corset. When she looked up, Edel’s face was hidden in their hands. “Oh, dear.”

“She’s dating that bloody critic! That wretched critic! And they will marry and reproduce and my darling Sujani will bear wretched little critic children. Oh, Mia, I don’t know what to do! My reputation as a host will turn more repugnant than my critical reviews if I turn him away, and I will break my darling Sujani’s heart, but I can’t stand the thought of inviting him into this sacred place! This sacred place he’s desecrated!” Edel burst back into tears, taking a bloody handkerchief from Mia’s desk and blotting her running makeup.

“Don’t use that hanky…” Mia scratched her head and placed her hands on Edel’s shoulders, then leaned forward and placed her head in the nape of their neck. “My dear dead thespian. You are a wonderful host, a wonderful director, a theatrical icon, with wonderful ideas, productions… Why are you letting some breather spit on you? He’s just a breather.  And you are an immortal being capable of flight, shapeshifting, and hypnosis who could suck all of the blood out of him instantly. Just some critic. And nobody cares about Winterthur, anyways. Screw Winterthur.” Mia lifted her hands off of Edel’s shoulders, working her first layer of ballgown up the crinoline hoopskirt. “Show him who’s boss. Show him those lovely host skills of yours. You worked so hard on that setup. And I saw you baking those cookies last night. See, you’re thoughtful, clever, and much better than he could ever be. No review will ever determine that.” 

“Mmm. I love you.” Edel said, rising to her feet and kissing Mia on the lips, cupping her hands around her face and touching their foreheads together. Stretching out a gloved hand, she smiled and pushed the door back open. “Come with me to the breather guests?”

“Certainly.”

***

The humans had, perhaps unwisely, let themselves into the theatre. Sujani kept glancing around the many hallways, praying to catch a possible vampire before it could catch blissfully unaware Luca. He was stuffing his face with a few of the store-bought human luxuries that Edel had purchased. “Are you alright? You seem uneasy.”

Sujani shook her head and smiled. “Not exactly your idea of a date night. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. I feel underdressed, seeing Miss Veice in that ballgown. That’s gorgeous. Where did she get it?” he mused. “Anyhow, I didn't really notice how beautiful this theatre is. I don’t really have the time to sit around and enjoy it when I’m here, but the architecture’s lovely.” Sheepishly, he looked down one of the halls. “May I see the auditorium?”

Sujani briefly considered a future where a mob of hungry vampires sicked themselves on her helpless boyfriend, and shook her head. “Probably not a good idea.”

“Why not?”

It was a fair question. “Technical things…” she started. 

“Without a director or a stage manager?” Luca asked, confused.

“Uh…” 

Fortunately, the sound of four heels clicking on the ground interrupted the conversation, and Edel and Mia appeared in the doorway. Edel smoothed her ballgown and grinned weakly as Sujani got to her feet. “My darling Sujani,” Edel began, wrapping Sujani in a tight hug and then turning her attention to Luca. She looked him up and down, and stuck out a hand. He took it, smiling shyly. “Mr. Betschen,” she said, tilting her head. “I must love you, and suit to know you better.”

“King Lear,” he correctly identified. “I shall study deserving.”

Edel eyed Sujani with reluctant approval, and patted Luca on the shoulder. She waved Mia over, who stretched out her hand to Luca. “Mia Kleinmann, my producer and my lover.” 

“Mr. Betschen,” Mia said, taking his hand. “Sujani,” she greeted with a nod.

“I apologize,” Edel said, “for the rough opening. I’m happy to have you in the Theatre with me, Mr. Betschen, and I’m happy to finally meet you.”

“Please, call me Luca,” he said, taking a seat back in his chair. “I adore your ballgown. It’s so classic! It looks like a true regency classic. Yours too, Miss Kleinnman! I feel a bit underdressed, I must admit. Oh, thank you for inviting us. Sujani was dying for me to meet you.”

“Really?” Edel asked, eyeing Sujani as she forked a burnt tea cake in her mouth.

“Mhm,” she confirmed, mouth full. “Thought I’d try and ease the waters a bit, no?”

“I suppose. Nonetheless,” Edel said, drawing the curtains shut. “Pleased to have you with us, Luca. You seem a proper young man for my darling Sujani. Well-read on theatre…” She sighed and took a seat beside Mia, linking their hands together. “You know your stuff. Now, did you know I’m a playwright myself?”

“Oh? Tell me more,” Luca said, popping another tea cake in his mouth and handing one to Edel. They politely declined with a wave.

“Well—” Sujani interjected. “You know, I wanted to bring this up to you earlier, Miss Edel, but did you know Luca and I actually met after The Seagull?” She linked her hand with Luca, who grinned.

Edel raised her eyebrows and shook her head and Sujani continued, twirling her hair. “Opening night cast party. Met him in this very lobby and he took me for a drink down the street. Couldn’t change his mind on the production, though,” she said, elbowing him. 

“The wheel is come full circle… Also King Lear,” he noted.

“Sujani’s third production with me,” Edel mused. “And now her eighth! Stage managing, set construction, lighting design. A real wünderkind.”

“And a wonderful costumier,” Mia added.

“You’re one lucky gentleman,” said Edel.

“Treat her right!” Mia chirped.

Sujani grinned and rocked Luca back and forth. “Oh, he’s just a gentleman. So very polite. And I love a man who loves the Theatre.”

“I live for the Theatre. Oh, I’m just some lousy critic. I hope one day I can go on the stage again,” he said, taking Sujani’s hand.

“Again, you say?” Edel asked, fiddling with her necklace.

He smiled sheepishly. “I was in some productions in grade school, and college. Mostly Shakespeare-related. I suppose I’m more techie-inclined, though, like Sujani.”

Edel brightened. “Well, you simply must try out for one of our Shakespeare productions! After my original play is staged, though. I try to cast unknowns, and broaden the scope of my casting, and—”

“Maybe not, though,” Mia said quickly.

“Yeah, maybe not,” Sujani continued, tilting her head towards a confused Luca. “Just because Edel has been thinking of staging more original plays as of late!”

“But we’ll give you a call when the Bard shows his face around here again,” Mia said with a wave. “I love producing Shakespeare. So classic.” 

“Yes, so classic.” Sujani said, popping two cookies in her mouth and letting out a relieved sigh.

“Right,” Luca commented. “I’d love to be in a show again. Get a taste of your direction style from the inside. Because it’s truly unique, and very interesting,” he said, shooting a nod at Edel.

Edel cleared their throat and nodded. “Well, it’s been great,”

“Um, what?”

“It’s been great, Luca. But, erm, I think Sujani and I have some blocking to look over!” Edel said, getting to her feet. “May I walk you out?”

“I’m his ride, Edel…” Sujani said, rubbing her forehead.

“Then l will go over the blocking and you’ll look over it tomorrow! Go! Get some sleep! You hu— busy people!” Edel waved her hands and started to the door, ballgown bouncing behind them.

“Alright? Well, thank you,” Luca said, a bit startled as he hurried out, hand linked with Sujani. 

“Why don’t you two visit that bar you went to? After The Seagull. Take a quick trip down memory lane! Oh, my darling Sujani,” Edel said, taking Sujani’s free hand. “May I have a word?”

Sujani looked back at Luca who shifted his weight and gestured back to the box office. Edel pulled Sujani inside and Mia appeared in the door. Luca hid his hands behind his back and stared at the pavement. 

“You haven’t told him?” Edel asked. 

“No?” Sujani replied, sticking her hands in her pockets. “I’m not trying to scare him off with mad ravings of vampires and the undead. I’m not doing that with him.”

“You best tell him soon,” Mia commented. “Before he figures it out. Is he into the supernatural, by any chance?”

“Not that I know of,” Sujani said. “Look, I don’t know. I’ve kept it from him this long. Well, we only started dating recently. After Anything Goes.”

“Anything Goes? Jesus. That was one star, I thought,” Mia muttered.

“Yeah, couldn’t change his mind on it. Trust me, I tried.”

Edel crossed their arms and huffed indignantly. “Well, please do tell him. Sooner, rather than later. Or just let him find out on his own. Just make sure he doesn’t have any stakes lying around. Or homemade crucifixes.”

“He’s Jewish,” Sujani replied.

“Well, still.” Edel uncrossed her arms. “Take care of it. And see me about the blocking tomorrow. Okay? I’ll see you around, my darling Sujani.”

The vampires disappeared into the lobby and Sujani exited the theatre, taking Luca’s hand. He kissed her on the cheek and tilted his head to the marquee. “They’re kinda odd, aren’t they?”

“I never noticed it.”

He pointed at the lights on the marquee, dazzling and untouched since their installation in the 1970s. “You should tell Miss Edel to turn that off. That must be a sizable electricity bill.”

“Nothing we can’t handle, I’m sure,” she said, resting her head on his shoulder and kissing him on top of his head. “Thanks for putting up with me, Theatre Kid. Want a drink?”

“For sure,” he said, kissing her back on the cheek. Taking each others‘ hands, they started down the street, the lights of the theatre behind them.

[lemonadelyric]

ALL.THE QUESTIONS FOR THAT ASK MEME

1. What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? I use he/him pronouns, please! And I have a lot of identities so uh, be warned. I'm nonbinary! Not really sure on gender, or any specifics. I'm pretty fluid between andro/masc/fem so??? It's a big Question Mark. I'm polyamorous! I'm in a handful of relationships but they're all important to me. I'm also pretty open about loving and appreciating my friends too! I'm pansexual! I'm also panromantic and nebularomantic! I know people debate on pansexual/polysexual/bisexual all the time, and honestly I just go with pan cause I like the flag colors xD But also, it's basically me saying I feel attraction not based on gender/presentation! 2. How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story? Oh oof okay so. I noticed it since I was YOUNG. I always thought girls were cute?? I'm AFAB, for the record. But I always figured that was something everyone was into. Then some people were talking about lesbians and such, and I was like "Well yeah, I'd kiss a girl" SO YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW WELL THAT WENT OVER. People asked me if I was gay, and I didn't think I was? I liked boys too! Wasn't until probably high school that I finally settled on "Yeah, I'm bi." and then discovered the whole gender spectrum and being nonbinary and so much just fell into place 3. Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it? So I present pretty andro, I think! I don't try to fit a masc/fem scale but like, in person I don't really make a big deal out of it. There was a stretch of time where I went by she/her still, even as a nonbinary. But I switched to he/him about a year ago and it's just GOOD for me. Well.... Someone I really don't like joined the chat where I first decided to go by he/him. They joined, and they bitched to the mods about not liking me, but they called me "she/her" EVEN WITH he/him being in my intro. The mods were friends of mine and corrected them and were DEFINITELY on edge and asked me if I ever went by she/her or if they were purposefully misgendering me. 4. Who was the first person you told, how did they react? I'm pretty sure it was my boyfriend, Eric! They didn't give a shit HAHA, and have been all respectful and everything. 5. Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel? So I don't actually remember when I told them? But it wasn't a big deal actually. 6. If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react? Oof so, I don't think I ever straight up told my mom. But I don't really care what she thinks anyways LOL I did have to tell Eric's parents, though! When we were poly and dating our qpp Reina. (Didn't want to explain those details and shit to them). But telling them that meant telling them I'm gay haha. They totally didn't care and have been so welcoming and accepting, i love them so much ;;w;; 7. What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality? "Why do you need to be polyamorous do you not love your partners does that just mean you want to sleep around you're just using it as an excuse to cheat on your partners" All said from people who don't know shit about being poly. 8. Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear. Oh god this is so boring. I just wear jeans and tshirts xD Nothing special or SUPER GAY. 9. Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships? ROSE/PEARL FROM STEVEN UNIVERSE I don't consume a lot of lgbt media apparently, huh. 10. What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any? Sometimes! Usually no, though. I like eyeliner most of the time. 11. Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you? YES. So with my chest it's more frequent, I also just don't like being as fat as I am. SO that's half my body problems. Bottom stuff is less frequent but usually during That Time Of The Month (Which, I actually haven't had for YEARS, but I started getting again recently, I hate it.) 12. What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community? "Oh yeah I'm inclusive of ace/aro people in the LGBT community!! You have a chemical imbalance in your brain which makes you just like us!!!" Like.. what the fuck. 13. What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community? I love how we're all THERE for each other! You join a chat, go "Hey I'm gay" and we're like "GAY??? GAY???? GAY???? GAY????" we're like dogs LMAO 14. What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community? Sick of transmeds and terfs and ace/aro exclusionists and shit, fuck off my blog. Also??? Can we stop making jokes about MOGAI identities and shit??? "Lmao this gender is based on being a special snowflake" cool shut up, let people live damn, it's not that hard to just respect people. 15. Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not? Nope :c Everywhere I've lived either 1. there wasn't any close to me/I wasn't out, or 2. ITS TOO DANGEROUS TO GO, or 3. I don't have a car lmao. 16. Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity? Lil Nas X, hands down. He's a great dude. 17. Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet? I'm in three right now!! So the first is Eric, we met on an online rp chat website thingy! Second is Chander, we met through a mutual friend and we knew each other like a year then within the span of like two months we started dating and now we live together, 2.5 years later xD Third is Jay! I met him through a kin Discord, we've been friends over a year but it took a few months before we started dating! 18. What is your favourite lgbt+ book? Y'know I don't think I've ever read one. Uhhh... I mean the Black Dagger Brotherhood has a gay couple??? Does that count??? xD 19. Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened? Slightly! Most of mine is about being polyamorous. I have people tell me "That's not enough to be lgbt" paying 0 attention to me also being nonbinary and pansexual. Also had people tell me I'm not trans enough to be nonbinary because I don't want to transition. 20. Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show? One Day At A Time? That's about the only one I can think of LOL 21. Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers? Uuhhh I don't really follow bloggers. 22. Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim? QUEER and gay itself. People act like "gay" was never used against the lgbt community like, bitch, if Hillary fuckin' Duff has to tell some stupid teens in a PSA to not use "gay" like that, then I'm reclaiming it, shut up. 23. Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it? Nope and nope. 24. How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you? I'm nonbinary! I use he/him pronouns and it pretty much just means I don't wanna be a boy or a girl. I don't mind being called like "You're a good guy" or whatever. 25. Are you interested in having children? Why or why not? Not really? I'm very selfish and self-centered, I don't think I could handle having a child xD 26. What identity advice would you give your younger self? "You don't have to figure this all out right now! You have time! Also, make friends with gay people. They're not some closed community where if you join and you're wrong they abandon you." 27. What do you think of gender roles in relationships? Eh, nah. Like I'm a big "Yeah sure I'll do laundry and dishes" or whatever. But I'd rather share responsibilities! 28. Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender? I've been questioning and trying to identify my gender a lot more and get more specific, but I'm in no rush. 29. What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+? We're just people, man. That's it. That's all there it to it. You don't have to have the same feelings as us, but just give us the right to love and marry who we want, or not do that, or have our relationships look however we want. 30. Why are proud to be lgbt+? I'm proud to be LGBT because it means I'm in a community of people who are accepting and caring. It's like a family wherever you go.

Thank you for the asks <3

[gerbiloftriumph]

So you wanna be a king (pt4)

orrrr mayyyybe juuust cosplay one since that’s way less responsibilities

(incidentally, the fabbo shirt’s from redbubble, https://www.redbubble.com/people/midorilied/works/29739636-do-it-for-him-white-text, if @midorilied​ doesn’t mind me showing it off)

If you’ve followed along thus far then you should have a cloak, jerkin, pants and boots. A fully wearable Graham perfect for romping around the countryside. But it feels incomplete without the accessories, so let’s give those a try.

Part 4: Pouches n Bracers

(Again, these are all just suggestions and a How I Did It from a very novice cosplayer. Disregard all points, or take the ones you like. improvise adapt overcome)

Perhaps the best part about adventure games is the stuff. The bottomless inventory, a random assortment of strange things that all Do A Thing. Graham carries everything from money to badgers to literal humans in his pockets (presumably his mother is a seamstress trained by the gods). 

This...won’t be you. Sorry.

Now, to be fair, I saw a Graham cosplay on tumblr (I’m so sorry, I don’t remember who--does anyone know?) who sewed pockets into their cloak, which is delightful and a very sweet idea! 

However, I prefer the swoosh and snap of my cloak, and heavy things like cell phones in your cloak will alter the weight. Something to keep in mind as you decide how to manage your outfit.

(forgive the blur--I haven’t been able to get a still of what it looks like when swooshing. Perhaps now I’ve got real boots I’ll do another gifset of it)

Thus, all my phone, money, keys, and backup freckles (e.g., liquid eyeliner) must live in Graham’s belt pouches instead of cloak pockets. Lord knows what Graham actually keeps in his pouches, game-wise. Squirrel snacks, maybe, to avoid repeating the fiasco from Tourney Day?

This time I followed a pattern. I know, weird, right?

I wanted functionality, but I wanted them to be slim and simple, too. I found a guy on YouTube, and he comes with a .pdf template pattern in his video description! It’s super detailed, easy to follow, and better than me rambling. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPhQlaI_UX4

Three years later, they’re starting to look a touch tired. I used a plain dark brown fabric (was it broadcloth?). Half a yard is plenty. If it’s semi-close in color your your belt, ideal. I made two sizes, two large for phone and makeup for touchups, and one small for keys and money. The large ones are 3″ wide and 5.5″ tall, and the small one is 2.5″ by 4.5″, but size them to whatever important things must be on your body at all time.

I added snap clasps to keep them shut (never know when you’ll be pounced by goblins, or trip over a crack in the sidewalk), and I found some plain silver buttons to sew over where the snaps sit--added bonus, hides my sloppy stitchwork. I took some of the leftover suede rope from the jerkin for the front--my ugliest secret is that it’s really horrible looking super glue dribbled everywhere. Hasn’t moved in 3 years, tho. /victory fist bump

I turned the corners of the front flaps so I wouldn’t have square tops. I didn’t trim off the excess fabric since I thought keeping extra weight in the corners would help keep the flaps down. You could always sew in another layer of something sturdier if you didn’t want the flaps to curl over time--it’s probably worth it. It does make a difference. 

So, in doing this half-tutorial, I’ve just realized that Graham’s actual model has three pouches of various sizes on his left side only which means I’ve been wearing and drawing him wrong since day one. So. That’s cool. themoreyouknow.gif

(still not changing anything tho; I like keeping my phone on my right side)

Bracers!

Graham’s an archer. So, he’s got bracers on his forearms to protect himself. (presumably his rippling muscles are protection enough since he stops wearing them between his 30s and 70s.)

We have the same problem here as with the jerkin: the bracers seem practically sewn onto his arm. And that’s maybe doable, but I’m mortal, not digital, and I want this to be comfortable and also easy to remove. Now, unfortunately, my method loses the black bands he has on his bracer underbellies--they don’t seem to fit. If you have a nice solution, let me know.

Get yourself a ruler, paper, a scrap of elastic band, a sheet or two of stiff felt (probably like this stuff: https://www.amazon.com/Darice-Stiff-inches-5-Pack-FLT-0331/dp/B00KNAKJH6), and all the leftovers from your jerkin.

Measure around your wrist--mine’s 6″, so we’ll use that. Draw a 6″ line on a piece of paper, find the center of the line, mark it. Measure how long down your arm you want the bracer to go. I like 8 and a quarter inches myself (make it as long as you can without the bracer edge rubbing your inner elbow because that gets real old real fast). From the center mark of your wrist line, make a straight line down (a grid is helpful here to keep it straight). At the point where your bracer stops, measure around your arm: I got 9″. Find the halfway mark of your base arm line, add that to the paper. Connect the corners. It should look approximately something like this:

Cut out and test your design to make sure it’s comfortable (you want to forget you’re wearing these. keep them away from your elbow. f’reals). Cut the shape out of your stiff felt, and cut out your brown fabric leftover from your jerkin, with a margin all around so you can fold it over and sew (I did an inch I think, because I’m a coward). For the hand guard, I did half my wrist (3″), then measured my hand to see how high it had to be to just scrape the knuckle. For my hand, that’s about 3″, give or take. Curve it, test it, cut it out of felt and brown alike, and cut out some extra brown to cover the inside of the hand guard too, as you don’t want to see any white against your hand.

Fold the loose edges over the felt and sew it down along the marked places:

Make little snips in the hem of the hand guard hem as you go to achieve that tight curve. 

I was nervous about combining the two pieces as I needed easy wrist flexibility. The two lines that aren’t hemmed I left “raw” and sewed the brown edges together as was, so that there’s no stiff felt against the wrist at all. 

Another secret: my bracer grommets aren’t the same as my jerkin grommets--they’re much smaller, like 7mm, because I’d planned on making my jerkin with this smaller size earlier to replicate Graham’s tighter lacing but it didn’t work out--the larger ones from your jerkin work fine. 

It’s the same process as the jerkin, too. Every inch from the wrist to the elbow gets a grommet, plus its corresponding partner. A-likea so:

The next part might be optional. I cut another piece of brown about the same size as the bracer body again, and sewed the edges along the inside, just past the grommets, so that when you wear the bracer, you don’t see the shirt beneath your laces. It also gives you a place to hide the loose ends of your suede rope once it’s tied into place. Probably optional. 

Graham’s bracers have definition near the elbow, and I was annoyed that I couldn’t find a way to fit in the large black bands without messing up the simplicity of my pull on/pull off system, so to reference it I found thin black trim and sewed it along the bottom hem, just below the last grommet. 

Okay, lace it with the suede rope and try it for fit. You may notice the hand guard is a bit unwilling to stay attached. Get the super glue, and--

no wait please don’t do that

let’s just make an elastic ring instead

My elastic was white: I colored it with a brown marker so it wasn’t as jarring if anyone caught sight of it. Sew it into your existing hemline, wherever it feels natural to wear it as a ring on your middle finger. A strip of fabric or trim might work as well, but the elastic makes it easy to pull on. 

I desperately need to update my gray wristbands with real rope. This is trim, and I do not like it. But it was free, at the bottom of my cosplay bin, and I’m so tired of spending money on this costume.........anyway, loop the rope of choice three times around your wrist, sew it into a closed loop to avoid dealing with knots and bows, and tug the whole thing on and off over your hand. pls do not make it too tight.

And that’s looking like a proper cosplay. Just a few more accessories and also the hat. I assume everyone just wants the adventuring hat, but if there’s any interest in the crown, I could toss that in too, maaaayyyybbeeee?

[changarroo]

Take the Dive -  Bang Chan AU

❖ summary: you always dreamt of going to the Olympics ever since you watched the swimming event when you were 4. From then you trained to be the best swimmer that you can become. Four months before the biggest meet go your life a tragic event happen. Will you be able to continue doing the thing you love most or will you have to give up?  

❖ a/n: *plays insomnia like Chan cause it’s how he starts his livestreams* hello everyone, so if you roam on our blog you will find a Hyungin AU titled Sink or Swim. So now in this story takes place in the same universe as that one. ENJOY!

❖ word count: 12.1k

❖ genre: angst, fluff swim au.

❖ pairing: reader x bang chan

❖ warning: the reader does get into a major car accident so if you are not comfortable with that topic read with caution. also, there is cursing.

You were at the top of your game when it comes to swimming.

Not only were you on the right track for the Olympics but you were also one of the strongest swimmers on your team.

Coach said if you get your cut time from the 400 free, you would be a shoe in for the national team.

Getting onto the national team has been your dream ever since your first Olympics. Seeing all of the swimmers in the pool reminded you of mermaids. By the age of 4 your parents signed you up for your first swim class and since then you have always been swimming.

“Y/N, you are looking really sharp today,” your coach said he looked up from his clipped board.

“Sharp enough to make the national team?” jokingly you said as you hopped out of the pool.

“Oh don’t forget we have a quick team meeting about the national trials”.

“I’ll be there Coach, don’t worry,” you said collecting your stuff and headed towards the locker rooms.

You quickly dried off and walked onto the bleachers set your stuff down and patiently waited for the meeting.

“Y/N, your backstroke look amazing today you totally cut about five seconds from your time,” your friend Y/F/N said sitting down next to you.

“Thanks, Y/F/N  your butterfly is getting stronger did you check your time?”.

“Yeah, I just cut like 2.5 seconds but hey it’s still something right,” they said chuckling as they went in for a hug.

You and Y/F/N  have been best friends ever since you were seven. Since then they have been your ride or die. Dominating the pool with your powerful freestyle and her graceful but strong butterfly. The dynamic duo of the team. The two of you were practically tied at the hip.

But don’t get underestimate the rest of your team, they were all supported by each other. Which made you love coming to the pool every day.

“Y/N,” you heard someone with a soft Aussie accent said from behind you.

“Chan,” turning around facing Chan who looked like he just hopped out of the pool and quickly walked over.

“Do you have any idea what this meeting is about?” he asked moving down on a step and sitting next to you.

“No idea Chan but if you listen maybe you would find out”.

Now Chan was the only person on the team that you would consider frenemies. The two of you never hated each other, it’s more like the two of you always been the top two swimmers on the team and it causes a formed of friendly competition.

“Okay everyone,” your coach said walking up to all of you “As you know we have the national trials in four months. These next few months will be some of the hardest training of your life and after this meet, your life may or may not change. To get into competition spirit we will be hosting a house meet”.

Everyone started to cheer as the idea of a house meet swimming in your own pool and having the home advantage.

“Don’t think of this meet as another one of your meets, think of this as your final trial before the official trial. The meet will be next week so get some rest and I’ll see you at practice tomorrow,” he said lifting up his clipboard dismissing the team.

Soon you collected your items and started heading towards the door.

Turning to walk off you bumped into the ever so friend Chan.

“We need to stop doing this Y/N,” he said showing off his dimples with that addicting smile.

“You bumped into me Chan,” you held onto your swim bag.

Looking around you were trying to find your younger sister who also was a swimmer but on a different team as you.

Watching you swim gave her inspiration to start swimming. But the one difference between the two of you was that you swam cause it felt like your whole world, she swam cause she having fun. As much as you wished she had the same drive as you, it was understandable that she just wanted to have fun.

“Y/N, are you ready to go?” Lucy your little sister asked looking up from her phone.

“Yeah come on, Mom and Dad are expecting us at home.  All I know is that we are hosting a dinner for his co-partner I have no idea,” you said swing your arm around your sister before heading out towards your car.

Once you were home Lucy hurry up towards her room to get ready for dinner as you made your way towards the kitchen.

“Hey mom what are you cooking today,” you asked jumping onto your kitchen counter.

“Risotto with your famous salad so get chopping,” your mother said handing you the salad tongs.

Hopping down and shaking your head you started to make what your mother considers your “famous salad”.

Once finished you headed upstairs to get ready. You peeped into your sister room and saw that she was already finished.

“Ah Y/N  don’t do that you nearly scared me I nearly messed up on my eyeliner”.

“Eyeliner, lipstick oh me or my. Looks likes my little sister isn’t so little anymore,” walking up and setting your head onto her shoulder.

“Hey just because I’m 13 doesn’t mean I can’t look nice for tonight,” she said putting on a pair of stud earrings that match yours.

“Just don’t grow up too fast. Your still my little sister”.

After Lucy gave you a hug in returned you started to get ready for the dinner that your family is hosting. Walking into your room you headed straight towards the closet pulling out anything presentable to wear tonight.

Pulling out your favorite little black dress you sat down at your vanity and began your makeup and hair.

A moment later you heard your sister from downstairs saying that the company was here. You looked out from your window to see a family of 4 steps out of the car. They had two kids who one of them looked to be Lucy age so that’s good. Looks like you will be at the adult table. From afar you could have sworn that father seems very familiar.

Finishing up you the final touches and headed downstairs.

Once you reached the bottom you were faced you a familiar face.

“Y/N?” looking up you your face to face with one Chan.

“Chan what are you doing here?”, you asked with a look of shock on your face.

“I’m guessing the same reason why you're here for dinner”.

“Yes Chan but instead I live here,” you said finally reaching the bottom step.

“Ah yes and Coach Bang you know our daughter Y/N from the pool,” your father said putting his hands on your shoulder.

“Yes Y/N, looking sharp these past couples of days,” Coach Bang said having his hand out for a high-five.

Smiled in return and gave a high-five back.

“Dinner is ready,” your mother said walking out of the kitchen into the hallway.

“I better go help my mother set the table, excuse me,” as you dismissed yourself into the dining room.

“What’s Chan and his family doing here?” your sister asked your mother when she enters the kitchen.

“Your father and Chris’s mother are working on a project for the company, so your father thought it was a good idea for us to host a formal dinner to discuss plans,” she said handing you the plates.

“Do you know what type of they are planning?” Lucy asked picking up the drinks for everyone.

“No idea, but all I need you two to focus on is tonight dinner,” your mother said kissing the both of you on the forehand before entering the dining room.

“What do you think about tonight?” Lucy whispers into your ear.

“I have no idea but smiley faces Lucy,” you said linking your arms together and walking into the dining room.

Throughout dinner, it was very awkward between you and Chan. Once the adults dismissed the children from dinner you took the liberty to head upstairs.

Quickly you undressed and throw on a pair of shorts and an oversized tee and got ready for bed until you heard a knock on your door. Opening it you were faced again by one Bang Chan.

“Your mother said I was allowed to come up and hang with you and talk about trials since that’s coming up but I see that your heading to bed soon so I’ll just,” he said looking at your entire and turning around.

“Wait no,” you quickly grabbed his hand as something wanted you to let him stay. “You can stay and we can talk about trials, plus I have a secret pile of snacks”.

Opening the door wider to let him in he took a look around and saw all of your trophies, ribbons, medals, anything that you have won since you began swimming.

“Wow, swim is your whole life I see”.

“The Olympics is my dream, the only thing that gets me to wake up in the morning or actually live. Trials are a make or break moment and I plan to make it my moment”.

Chan chuckled and looked at your wall of pictures. And was in complete shocked when he saw one in particular.

“I can’t believe you have this one pinned up in your room,” Chan said looking at you.

You got up and walked over to see which picture he is looking at.

“Oh yeah, it was my well our first relay,” you said looking at him “we got first and I knew I wanted to keep swimming”.

“So I was the reason you kept swimming?”.

“No winner that relay gave me the inspiration to continue swimming you were just a minor character in this story,” you smiled at him.

As a reaction, Chan poked you in the side and you nearly fell onto the floor.

For the rest of the night, the two of you just hung out. Small conversation about trials that lead to funny inside jokes about the team.

Time passes and laughter filled your room.

Soon it was time to say goodbye and it was a bittersweet end to the night. For the first time in your life, you really missed being with Chan. There was something about him joking with you outside of the pool made your friendship feel real.

It was a couple days before your clubs house meet, everyone on your team was on edge as it was the final meet before trials.

If you’re wondering how your frenemies friendship with Chan is going, it's the same as before the dinner but with a few more hidden jokes added but not a lot to getting people talking.

“So are you ready for the meeting this weekend,” Y/F/N  asked as the two of you were lining up for block dives.

“I mean, of course, swimming is in our blood Y/F/N  nothing that can break us” you winked before getting up on the block and waiting for the buzzer to dive in.

As practice continued for the next days you kept watching Chan on the sidelines and how he interacted with his friends, it was different from how he was with you at the pool but you didn’t know what came over you.

It was the same routine up until the night before the meet, since it was the third Friday of the month that means your family would have dinner somewhere in your town. So Lucy and yourself drove over to the restaurant and met up with your parents and enjoyed yourself.

After dinner, you and your mother went to the supermarket to pick up some grocery for the following week as your father and Lucy took his car home.

“So are you excited for tomorrow?” your mother asked driving home from the grocery store.

“Yeah, actually you know with trials coming up soon I’m nervous. I know that I normally don’t get nervous before a meet but now I don’t know,” you dropped lower in your seat.

“Y/N sweetie don’t be you will be fine tomorrow,” she continuing to drive through a green light.

Out of nowhere, you saw a car coming towards you and your mother quickly honked her horn to indicate that she had the right away. But it was too late.

The car crashed into your side and you didn’t remember what happened next.

Soon you woke up in the hospital with your mother in the bed next to you and your father and Lucy standing by your bedside.

“Mom, Dad, Lucy,” you said with pain flowing throughout your body “what happened?”.

“You and your mother got into a car accident, lucky the other car was at fault and they are very sorry about the accident. Your mother didn’t get injuries but sadly for you,” your father started to tear up.

Lucy walked over to you and held your hand.

“The doctor said that you fracture your tibia,” Lucy said squeaking your hand.

“Okay it just a fracture right so how quick can I back to swim?” you asked with a nervous look on your face.

“Depending on the fracture it can take about three to six months to heel,” your mother said from her bed.

“No this can’t be happening, I have trials in four months, I should heal by then, right? Right?” you could feel the tear forming.

Hear that everything that you been training for was over in a snap seem like your whole world was crashing down.

“Can we please not talk about swim for the rest of the time here, please,” you begged with tears flowing down and your voice beginning to crack.

Both of your parents' nod and Lucy hopped in your bed and hugged you.

You stayed in the hospital for four more days as the doctors talked about your cast, physical therapy, and returning to swim. The doctor said that since you are an athlete that your body would mostly heal faster than normal. But returning into a fast pace sport like swim would take a bit longer.

Throughout your time in the hospital, most of your team members came to see how you were doing and to wish you a speedy recovery so that you can make it to trials.

Just the word trials made you go into a depression.

You just smiled it off knowing that they cared for you and wanted the best for you.

Finally, it was the day that you were being discharged from the hospital. The whole home you were dreading what the next couple months have in stored for you.

Walking up to your room was a struggle since you were going to be in a cast for eight weeks. And with a cast one means no direct contact with water for eight weeks.

Opening the door to your room and looking at your wall you just had an urge to take everything down at once. But you try to keep your hopes up you left it, hoped in bed and called it a night.

The next morning you were awakened by the sunlight peeking through your window, wanting to turn over to hide you remembered the light blue cast that was on your leg. You groaned and close your eyes again trying to think of the positive but yeah how could you when your lifelong dream seems to be slipping from your fingers.

You carefully rolled out of bed, got your crutches that was leaning on your wall and made your way to the bathroom to get ready for the day. Looking into the mirror you didn’t see a confident girl who knew what you wanted, you just saw a clueless girl lost in the world.

Tears started to roll down your eyes and you can’t control it.

You walked out with a red stuffy nose, you didn’t even bother trying to hide it. You wanted people to see how to hurt you were.

Approaching school you looked up around at everyone and how cheerful they are made you feel little and useless.

“Here like me help you,” you heard a familiar voice from behind.

You looked over to the side and saw a somewhat smiling Chan who looked really sorry about your accident.

“Its okay Chan I’m fine,” you said continuing to walk ahead of him.

He quickly walked and stopped in front of you setting both of his hands on your shoulders and looking into your eyes. He notices that your nose was a soft shade of pink and that you sounded a bit stuffy. Looking into your eyes again he saw tears forming as you tried your very best to hide them.

“Come on, let’s go clean you up,” he said helping to the near co-ed restroom.

He opened the door and you hopped in slowly. Chan set his bag on the door hooked and opened it to get a towel. Turning on the water he made sure it wasn’t too hot or cold for your face. He was facing you again and gave you his famous Bang Chan smile before patting your face clean.

“Why are you doing this Chan?” you asked as your voice was still breaking.

“Cause I don’t like to see my teammates like this, I know we have a weird friendship but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you,,, in a teammate type of way”.

“Then why didn’t you come to visit me in the hospital?” oh no cue the tears again.

Chan lowered the towel and then his head as he didn’t want to hear that question.

“I didn’t want to believe that your accident was true or this severe, I wanted to see you are school today with a bandage on your leg and not a fucking cast. I wanted to see you are trial with the team and me. And I wanted to see you on the national team with me,”.

Lost for words you didn’t know how to react, you just took the towel from him and continued to wipe your face.

“I have a bag of makeup in my locker for days that I get home late from swim and study all night,” you said looking down into the sink. “Can you go get it for me?” you lifted your head and look at him in the mirror.

He simply nodded his head and exited the restroom. A few moments locker you heard a knock at the door.

Opening it you saw Chan holding your makeup bag in one head and strawberry milk in the other.

A soft smile formed as you received both items from him. For the rest of the time, both of you just stood there in silence. You trying to cover the pink from your nose and Chan just waiting for you to finish.

Once finished he walked you to your homeroom and was off to class.

The rest of the day went by with people telling you that they are sorry about your accident and they are wishing you well.

Throughout every one, you couldn’t find Y/F/N  anywhere, plus she wasn’t picking up her phone.

“Hi sweetie how was school today?” your mother asked as you walked through the door.

“Besides the fact that I have a breakdown in the courtyard, it was pretty normal. A bunch of people came up to me and wish me a speedy recovery,” you said pulling out a chair from your kitchen table and carefully sitting down.

“It will get easier sweetie I promise,” she said kissing your forehead. “Do you want to come with me as I drop Lucy off at the pool?”.

“No, I think I’m going to stay home and study,” you said opening your bag and pulling out your notebook.

“Okay text me if you need anything,” you mother said standing in the entryway of the kitchen.

For the rest of the night, you just stayed in the kitchen not wanting to move nor want to talk to anyone.

You texts from friends trying to cheer you up but nothing was working.

For the rest of the night, it was the same routine, eat dinner with your family, gets ready for bed, lay down and stare at the ceiling trying not to cry.

Once you were at school the next day you were greeted with Bang Chan waiting to help you and was carrying strawberry milk in his hand.

“Chan,” you said walking up to him.

“Y/N,” he replied looking at you.

“I never got a chance to thank you yesterday for helping me,” you said looking down at the ground.

“Oh,” Chan looked down as well and rubbed to the back of his neck “your welcome if you need anything I’m always here for you Y/N”.

With a smile on your face, the two of you proceeded to walk into the school building and continue on with the rest of the day.

“Y/N come on we have to go to the doctors from your post week check up and then pick up your sister from swim practice,” you mother said from the bottom of the staircase.

“I’m right here mom, I’m okay for the doctor office but do I really have to come to the pool? I’m kinda not in the mood to go to the pool”.

“Oh come on Y/N I bet all of your teammates are missing you”.

“Fine I’ll go and say hi to everyone, it’s least I can do right?”.

“That’s my kid, now come on get your thing or we are going to be late,” your mother said picking up her keys and walking towards the door.

The ride to the doctor office was filled with great conversation that you always have with your mom. It was something that you have always loved and with treasure. From talking about life to the current k-drama on you felt like conversations with her will always be easy.

Once arriving at the doctor's office you sat patiently awaiting the nurse to come and get you. Looking around you saw some younger kids waiting as well. One girl caught your eyes as she was tightly hugging her teddy bear trying to hold back her tears. You saw the cast on her foot and knew that a broken foot at her age was painful.

When she looked up and saw you all you could do was smile ensuring that everything will be okay.

Soon the little girl went in and once again it was you, your mother, and your thoughts.

You closed your eyes and imagined yourself in the pool, racing against the clock and doing anything to being a medal home for your team. You could feel the water flowing through your hands and you brought them in and out of the water. The power of your kicks, and the force that you gave after your flip turn.

“Y/N,” the nurse said at the door “the doctor is ready for you.

A little bit more waiting and then the doctor finally walked in with your files.

“Ah Y/N,” he said closing the file and looking at you “there should be a smile on your face because we have some good news for you,” he said sitting down in the chair.

“The good news is that in about a week or two your cast should be coming off, does that also mean physical therapy. We want to track your progress and make sure you are one hundred percent ready to get back into the water”.

“And how long should it take until Y/N is back into the water?” your mother jumped in and asked.

“After the first few weeks of therapy we should know, I think we should have an appointment set up for Y/N in two weeks to have the cast-off,”.

“That’s great right?” you question the cast removal. “I mean it takes three to six months to heal and mines off at the nearly three-month mark, I can get back to swim soon? Right?”.

“Well it is a speedy recovery due to your age and your body healing fast due to you being an athlete, the bone is still in a fragile stage we need to retrain it to have the strength it once had,”.

“Okay,” you said with a little hope in your voice.

“Two weeks! How do you feel about that?” your mother asked holding the door for you.

“I’m actually really happy,”

“Y/N your extremely lucky some accidents are worst and some athletes don’t remind to their sport”.

“Yeah I guess I am,” you belted up and soon the two of you were on your way to the pool.

“You should go and say hi to your team, I bet all of them will be happy to see you,” you mom said pulling into a parking spot.

One deep breath in and one out before you walked back into the building.

You looked around and it felt like nothing had changed.

“Y/N! Your actually here!” a couple of the younger swimmer said as they ran up to you to give you a hug.

‘We heard about your accident and we are felt really bad about it.” one kid said looking down at the ground.

“But you got the card that our team made for you right?!”.

“Of course,” you said with a smile on your face “I missed my little Silvers,” you opened your arms for another hug and the team quickly hugged you again.

“Y/N”.

“Chan, hi,” you said walking over towards him.

“It’s nice to see you back at the pool,” he said pat drying his face.

“Yeah it feels really good to be back,”.

“So any word about your leg?” he said as he moved over towards the wall.

“Yeah actually, the doctor said that it’s healing fast and then in two weeks my cast should be coming off,” you walked over to where Chan was standing.

“That’s great news Y/N! How long will it be until your back into the water?”.

“Unknown, for now, they will find out after my first few sessions of PT”.

“I mean come on I know there injury was super minor compared to what it could've been but do you guy really think they will be mentally capable to return to our team?” you heard someone say from behind you.

“There is no way that Y/N will be joining us at the trials meet, they even said so themselves when I visited them in the hospital”.

Turning your head to see who were saying all those lies you were faced with Y/F/N.

“Did you really say that?” Chan asked whispering in your ear but by the look on your face, he could tell that you had no idea what Y/F/N was talking about.

“They’re lying Chan, I never saw them when I was in the hospital, I have no idea what they are talking about or why they would say that,” you cried out.

“Y/N, why would they?” but before he could finish his sentence he notice tears forming. “Hey don’t cry you're stronger than this Y/N,”.

“Why would they do that, I thought we were best friends,”.

“Clearly not,” Chan said under his breath pulling you closer to him for a hug.

“Y/N  hey why are you crying?” Lucy asked walking over to the two of you.

Chan quickly shook his head to indicate that it wasn’t the time to bring it up.

All Lucy could do what walk over and give you a hug and to be honest a hug from both Chan and Lucy really made you feel better.

“Hey, why don’t we get something like ice cream and I’ll drive you home afterward?” Chan asked wiping the tears from your face.

“That actually sounds really nice right now, thanks, Chan. Lucy can you tell mom I’m going out with Chan?”.

“No problem, have fun you two don’t stay out too late,” she said winking at the two of you.

As the two of you were walking out to Chan’s car, he helps you in any way that he can.

“Here you go,” Chan opened the door for you like the gentleman that he is.

“Thank,” your replied softly carefully getting into the car.

“So ice cream?” he asked bucketing himself up in the driver seat.

“Let’s go,”.

One carpool karaoke session later you finally arrive at your favorite ice cream parlor in your neighborhood.

“I’ll grab us a table, can you get me cookies and cream,” you walked over to a booth a and sat down.

Chan then arrives with a table number and two bottles of water.

“Thanks,”.

“No problem, do you need anything else? Or,”.

“Just a new friend now I guess,”.

“I’m your friend?”.

“I mean, are we? Like we don’t have the most normal friendship,”

“I guess that’s what I get for messing with you,”.

“Yeah, why do you mess with me anyways?” you asked opening your water bottle.

Chan sat across from you in silent unsure of what to say. You took notice and started to chuckle a bit.

“He why are you laughing at me?’ he asked throwing straw at you.

“Hey I can’t laugh Mr. Chan,” you had a shocked look on your face.

Soon the employees called out your number and as the gentlemen, he is he went up to and got them.

“One cookie and cream for the one and only Y/N, and one brownie fudge for me,”

“The kangaroo,” you interrupted him as he was setting the ice cream onto the table.

“Do I really remind you of a kangaroo?” he crossed his arms and pouted.

“When you do that yes,” grabbing the spoon and diggin’ into the desert.

Time had passed and you didn’t even realize, talking to Chan made conversations easier like he was someone that you could always go and talk to for advice. Having no idea why your guys' friendship was never like this.

“So when do you officially start physical therapy?” chan asked taking in a giant spoon of ice cream.

“I believe on Tuesday, I'm not one hundred percent sure,”.

“Can I come with you? You know for moral support?”.

“I guess you can, but don’t you have practice?”.

“Eh what’s one practice,” he picked up his spoon and ate his last bit of ice cream, not knowing that he got a bit on his face.

“You got a bit of ice cream on your face,” pointing to the spot.

“Oh hey, you got a bit of ice cream on your face,” chuckling at his dorky ways.

“Oh here or here,” he asked trying to get it off with his tongue.

“Stop moving and let me help!” you grabbed a napkin and whipped the ice cream off of his face.

It was located closely near his lip and you never really touch him like this before. Looking a this you felt something that you never felt before. From him helping you on your first day back after the accident, today at the pool, the night at your house just hanging out in your room. Why were you two never like this before?

“Umm there all gone,” you removed the rest of the ice cream and set the napkin into your empty bowl.

“Thank,” Chan shyly lowered his head and looked at his watch “Um it's getting kinda late we should probably get going,”. He slowly got out of the booth and had his hand out for you. With a smile on your face, you grabbed it and held it until you got into the car.

The ride was pretty quiet but there was an urge inside of you wanting to hold Chan’s hand again. You couldn’t explain the feeling but you just had a warm feeling whenever you were around him.

So you pull up your imaginary pants and slowly reached for Chan’s hand that was resting on the console. Brushing your figures on his arm sent shivers down your spine. But to your surprised when Chan intertwined his fingers with yours.

Your face slowly turned a soft shade of pink as you looked away and outside the word. Chan looked over and saw how cute you were. He was officially whipped.

Once you arrived at your house, Chan helped you out of the car and walked you up to your door.

“I had fun today Y/N, thanks for hanging out with me,”.

“Yeah, thanks for cheering me up after the whole Y/F/N thing,”.

“Hey Y/N,” Chan looked again are the ground placing his hands into his hoodie pocket “I know it’s not my place to say but Y/F/N has been saying horrible about you not returning to swim ever since your accident, I think that was one of the main reason I didn’t come visit you, like I said before I didn’t want you to be all cast up and  not  being able to swim for the past couple of months, I wanted you to prove them wrong, and I couldn’t see you in that much pain”.

Tears were forming in your eyes but you know it wasn’t the time to cry. All you did was lean forward and kiss Chan on the cheek before heading inside. You close the door and couldn’t believe what you just did and Chan couldn’t believe it either. Remember that you didn’t say goodbye you quickly opened the door but up say bye and closed it again.

Once inside your room, you fell onto your bed and hugged your pillow tightly with a huge smile on your face. Still in shocked of happening you have the moment replying in your head the rest of the night.

But then you began to start thinking about the words that y/f/n said behind your back and how they were talking you down to the entire time. You vowed to yourself that their words won’t bring you down and you will be completing at trials.

[y/n 22:23] Hey Chan,,, about PT, do you want to come with me? As moral support?

When the little text bubble popped up your heart to RACE. What was he going to say? You knew that you never got nervous at the pool but texting Chan you started the fidget.

[chan 22:25] Yeah I should be able to get out of practice. What time is it at?

[y/n 22:26] I believe it’s at 14:25 so we have to leave classes early. But if you can come that should be no issue, I’ll just say your my ride or something.

[chan 22:28] Hey don’t worry about it, I have a free period the last two periods so I leave normally at that time anyway.

[y/n 22:30] okay so I’ll see you tomorrow then.

Soon your phone began too rang and looking at the caller-id you said that it was the one and only Chan.

“You know texting is very common among people our age?” you said as you answer your phone.

“Yeah I’m aware, but I wanted to hear your voice and I can’t hear it if we are texting,”.

“But what is one of us falls asleep? It’s nearly almost 11 Chan,”.

“Then we shall go to sleep, but for right now how are you? Do you feel a bit better after today?.

“You mean do I feel better after my so-called best friend talked shit about me behind my back for the past how many months. Yeah, I feel JUST GREAT”.

“Oh so ice cream with me wasn’t the highlight of the day, or you giving me a kiss on the cheek?”.

Oh shit, did he really just say that you quickly pressed the mute button on your phone let out a scream, and proceeded to unmute yourself.

“I don’t know what you are talking about Chan, it was probably a spur of the moment type of thing,” you said trying to cover up the truth.

“Mmhm, whatever you say Y/N”.

The two of you continued to talk on the phone for the rest of the night until you slowly drifted to dreamland. Once Chan heard you talk in your sleep he thought it was cute, he said his goodnight and then hung up.

The next morning you were awake by a lovely text message from the one and only Chan.

[chan 6:45] Hey do you want me to pick you up for school? I’m at the pool right now so I’m sorta close by?

[y/n 6:53] yeah that would be nice, you do know if you're going to come my parents are going to make you stay for breakfast right?

[chan 6:56] that means more time I spend with you ;)

[you 6:58] hurry up and get here then.

You set your phone on your nightstand and began to get ready for school. Opening your closet you started to pull out an outfit that you felt would be somewhat appropriate for physical therapy but also really cute for yourself. Come on reader dress for yourself and not for chan smh.

Hearing the doorbell ring and Lucy running to open it, a smile grew on your face when you've heard her yell “CHAN” from downstairs. Just the energy that he brought into your life, how did you get so lucky.

“Hey Lucy, how are you this morning?” Chan walked into your house and took off his shoes.

“I’m fine, are you here for breakfast?” She asked as she grabs his hand and dragged him into the kitchen.

“Well Y/N told me if I come that your parents would make me stay. Is that true?”.

“Oh yeah, they always go all out for breakfast so they enjoy when we have company in the morning,” Lucy walked towards the fridge and took out milk and juice.

Walking downstairs you had butterflies in your stomach. Like freakin’ Bang Chan was in your house AGAIN, going to bring you to your doctor appointment, AND just being around him during your time out of the pool made you happier than ever.

“Good morning y/n,” your sister said as you walked into the breakfast area.

“Good morning Lucy,” you walked over to the fridge and grabbed your pre-made breakfast “Chan,” you turned around and looked at him with a smile on your face.

“Even when they’re not swimming Y/N always sticks with there swim diet,” Lucy said digging into the stack of pancakes on the table.

“That sound like Y/N,”.

Throwing a piece of toast at Chan you could tell that today was going to be a great day.

Once breakfast was over the three of you made your way out towards Chan’s car.

“Woah we're driving to school today in this?” Lucy said with a look of excitement on her face.

“Well if you act like this we will make you take the bus,” you said opening the car door and sitting down in the passenger seat.

“I’ll just sit here and be quiet,” Lucy leaned back in the seat. Chan looked at you and you looked at him before he turned on his car and drove everyone to school.

“Bye see you at home Y/N,” Lucky said getting out of the car and walking towards her friends.

Now it was just Chan and you, the atmosphere was very warm between to two of you but yet the two of you didn’t want to ruin this moment.

“Hey Y/N we should really be getting to class right now,” Chan looked down and should that your head was laying down on the armrest. “Are you nervous?” he asked moving the hair away from your face.

“What if I’m not going to be healed in time for trials?” you said trying to hold the tears back.

“Now why is negative thinking all of a sudden,” Chan slipped his fingers with yours and interlocked them.

“I don’t know, I’m just-”.

“Scared of the future?” Chan interrupted you.

Looking up to him you saw the same brown eyes that helped you the first day back to school, the same eyes that got you ice cream, and the same eyes that are comforting you right now.

“How did I get lucky to have you as a friend?”.

“Cause you are just a bundle of luck?”.

The two of you made your way into school and went your separate ways. Classes were boring like always but you made the most out of them. It was weird not having your crutches with you but this was a good sign, right? Your leg was getting stronger and soon you would be back in the water just like old times, well not exactly like old times.

“Come on we are going to be late for class,” you leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek before getting out of the car and walking into the school hallway.

The first couple of periods went by and you went along with your day nothing special happens.

When fourth period came along you dreaded the moment when y/f/n or now ex-friend y/f/n walked into the classroom along with the rest of their class.

When the two of you used to be friends you would of love seeing them and working with them on a school project but now you were asking yourself what your teacher had in mind and why was their class invite.

This day can’t get any better from here you thought yourself as you set your head down on your desk.

Once the bell rang you walked out as fast as possible trying to ignore y/f/n as much as possible.

“Wow what a shocked y/n can’t even talk to your best friend,” y/f/n said walking up to you and linking arms. “I haven’t seen you in a while how are you feeling?”.

You know that they were playing with your head but you didn’t let that get to you so you decided to play along.

“Busy with appointments trying to get better in time for trials, speaking of appointments I have one in an hour so I have to get going, it was nice seeing you again bye,” you said and then quickly headed off towards the office.

“Woah you are out of breath,” Chan said looking at you when you entered the office.

“I speed walked here to get away from y/f/n,”

“Speedwalk you say,” Chan looked over at your leg.

“It doesn’t hurt that much but still don’ think I’m ready for Olympic fast swimming,”.

“Well your physical therapy appointment should tell us today, and after what just happened I think you will be fine,”.

“Come on, let’s go,” you grab his hand and walked out of school.

“So the trials are next month, are you ready?” you asked setting your stuff in the back of his car and then making your way into the passenger seat.

“I mean I guess, I love swimming but I feel like I can do so much more with my life you know? Swimming isn’t forever, I want to do something with my life,” he said starting his car and backing out of the parking spot.

Those words stuck with you. What if you were going to swim ever again? You know that you shouldn’t think about that and only the positive but again the future was so unclear.

Chan quickly noticed how his words affect you and grab your hand, looked at you, and gave his signature Bang Chan smile.

“Come on, think happy thoughts talk okay? You will be in the water in no time,”.

And he was right about that. Once you got to your appointment your assigned physical therapist was really impressed with how far along your walk skill have been. Since you were an athlete they did expect you to recover fast but not this fast.

“Wow your body must be really eager to get back into training?” your physical therapist said looking at your leg.

You just laughed it off in hopes that they were right and that you would be able to start swimming soon.

“I think after a couple of therapy sessions you should be ready to hit the water again. It’s also nice that your boyfriend came along, it really shows how much he cares for you,” they said before leaving the station.

You're not going to lie, once your physical therapist said those words a quick pink blush grew on your face.

After that first session, Chan kept bring you.

He said that it was him trying to make up for all the lost time the two of you could have gotten if you started hanging out earlier.

Being with him now made you forget about all those silly disagreements that the two of you once had.

It made you wonder if he actually likes you or if he was just playing with your emotions.

By your sixth appointment with the PT, they came you the go-ahead to begin your training again. Once you heard that news a smile grew on your face.

“Mom, Dad,” you yelled walking into your house “I can begin swim training again, the PT thinks that the exposure to water now will be beneficial to my recovery?”.

Everyone was so excited for you and you couldn’t wait to go and tell Chan.

Once you got to your room you hoped on your bed and quickly dialed his number.

“Chan! Guess what I can begin training again!” you immediately said when you heard someone pick up the phone.

“Congratz y/n I’m so happy for you, not,”.

You recognized that voice in an instance. “Why do you have Chan’s phone y/f/n? You two aren’t friends?”.

“I mean you wouldn’t know cause you're not at swim anymore, but once you come back let's just say you will see how close Chan and I have gotten, you know without you in the picture,”.

“You are lying,” you said, your voice was breaking a bit due to your emotions get to you.

“Then how can you explain to me having his phone y/n? Just admit it you knew him and I were an item and then we were messing with you. Chan doesn’t care about you. He was just playing with your emotions”.

And with that, you ended the call and started to cry yourself to sleep.

You could feel your heart breaking into a million pieces. You didn’t think Chan was capable of doing something like this but again maybe you only knew the side of him that was just an act.

Where was the guy who helped you on the first day back to school, or went to go get ice cream with you?

For all, you knew anything that you and Chan probably had is now over.

The next day you did everything in your power to ignore Chan and y/f/n. You asked your parents to drive you to school earlier so you would miss Chan. And you also skipped fourth period to go to the nurse.

Having been in a car accident has its perks cause you can get out of class without any questions. Go leg.

You knew that you had to go back to practice today but you were highly dreading it.

For the first time, you actually didn’t want to go back to swim practice. But you didn’t go to practice for people. You went so that you can achieve your goal one day.

“Welcome back y/n,” your coach said to you as you walked up to the pool deck.

“Good to be back coach,” you set your gear down on the edge and hopped into the water.

“Well let’s start you back off easy and just have you work on your kicks for a couple of practices. We want to reintroduce your leg into the heavy training”.

“You got it,” and with that, you grabbed your kickboard and started your laps.

It was a fairly easy practice and you didn’t feel a lot of pain in your leg which was a good sign.

“Y/n, can we talk” you heard Chan asked from the lane next to you.

You rolled your eyes and just continued to look at the timer and soon you were off again kicking away from the wall and away from Chan.

Chan could feel his heart breaking a bit, he had no idea why you were ignoring him. He thought that everything was going great between the two of you. He guesses that he was wrong.

“Wow y/n I if you keep swimming like that you will definitely be ready for trials,” y/f/n said sarcastically from a couple of lines down.

You tried to shake it off but it was impossible.

Y/f/n got into your head.

Once practice was over you tried your hardest to ignore Chan and y/f/n again, but would you look at that it backfired in your face.

“Y/n please talk to me,” you felt someone grabbing onto you and by the sound of the voice you know it was Chan.

“Leave me alone Chan,” you tried to get your hand back so that you could go home but Chan held onto to it tighter.

“Not until you tell me what I did wrong?”.

Tears began to roll down your face and the sight of that made Chan’s heartbreak even more than before.

“You were with them yesterday that’s what happens,” you looked into his eyes and felt everything you two once had slip away.

“Y/n whatever they told you was not true, I wasn’t with them,” his voice started to break.

“Just give it a rest Christopher, they picked up YOUR phone how can you explain that? You know and to think that I was actually falling for you,” your hands slid right out of his as you walked away.

Once you entered your car that’s when the tears started to waterfall down your face.

“Hey, are you okay?” Lucy asked entering the car.

“I don’t want to talk about it Lucy, I just want to go home,” you buckle your seat buckled and turned on the car.

You wiped the remaining tears from your eyes and drove off to the house.

Many thoughts ran through your head about how Chan could even let something like that happen but not even just on the focus of Chan.., How could your own friend turn on you. You guys have done everything together

You park the car and your sister exits quickly. Your hand grabs the keys weakly and turn the car off slowly. You scream loudly and pound onto your steering wheel

“Stupid Fucking Chan. How could you” You place your head on the wheel and try to gather yourself

And at that moment Chan was there holding his book bag watching your fall apart piece by piece and he didn’t understand what led to this scene

He sighs and walks past throwing his hood on hiding from you as you exited the car and rushed inside

Days… weeks… and months have passed since you last spoke to Chan or Y/F/N or should I says, ex friend. Practices became easy to ignore them although Chan did try and do things to make you laugh and you just looked at him walking away. He sighs in defeat and y/f/n would try to come over and comfort him.

Not too long ago, Chan filed that his phone was missing and we had to check every bag. You stood back glaring at her already knowing but it wasn’t your place nor did you have the amount of energy to fight and argue about how she took Chan.

You just wanted to focus on the trials for the Olympic team and pray that you make it. Physical therapy has been a big help to you through this process. You attended twice a week and have become really good friends with your trainer Jinyoung. He was really sweet and kind to you and was wishing you all the luck for swimming.

To regain the time that you once had you started to stay late after practice and just swim for hours.

You were close but still so far from how fast you used to swim.

So here you were floating in an empty pool wondering if you are ever going to be the same swimming that you once was.

“I knew that I would find you here,” you swam over to the wall and looked up to see Chan standing right in front of you.

A part of you want to just swim off and get out at the other end but another part of you missed Chan.

“Listen, y/n I wasn’t there when you got that phone call. I have no idea what y/f/n said to you or how they even got my phone. All I know is that these past few weeks have been really hard for me,”.

Still looking away you felt your heart beating and it wasn’t due to how fast you were swimming.

“Please y/n you have to believe me, I really like you a lot. Hell I fucking love you,”.

Time stopped around the two of you. You looked up at Chan and you could tell how sorry he was. You didn’t want to forgive him but looking at how much pain he had been holding onto you knew what you had to.

“Chan stop saying things you don’t mean,” you duck back under and back your freestyle laps again.

And with that Chan took off his shirt and dive into the pool swimming after you.

Soon there you were stopped by him in the middle of the pool. You swan and held onto the lane line so you didn’t have to tread.

“I do mean it y/n can’t you tell. I really have no idea what y/f/n said to you or why you think there something going on. You can ask anyone guy on the team I only ever had eyes for you. You committed to not only swim but school, your family, not to mention your road to recovery. You are the strongest person I know, and that is only one of the many reasons why I love you,”.

It was hard to tell if you were crying or if pool water was just sliding down from your face.

Within seconds the both of you were only an inch apart and wow did your heartbeat start intensifying.

“Y/n do you love me?”.

“Love is a strong word, Chan,”.

“Y/n, do you at least like being around me?”.

The closer the two of you gotten the more you wanted to kiss him. He was just right there in front of you how could you not.

“I enjoy your company I guess, and the way that you care about me during my recovery. I enjoy our car rides and you sing at random moments,”.

Chan leaned in closer and touched his forehead on yours.

“I love you,” you let out softly looking down into the water before looking up at him.

He set his free arm on your cheek and closed the gap between the two of you.

You slowly returned the kiss and felt something you haven’t felt in a LONG TIME.

True happiness.

Throughout your whole injury and recovery Chan had been by your side showing you that there was light at the end of what you thought was a dark tunnel.

“Does that mean that I am forgiven?” Chan asked after the kiss.

“Maybe, but let’s stop talking for another minute okay, I wanna kiss you again,” you smiled at him and moved in closer locking your lips.

That night Chan drove you home and walked you to your front door. It reminded you of when you got ice cream with him.

But this time instead of a kiss in the cheek you laid another kiss on his soft lips.

“Goodnight Chan,” you ran your hand through his hair and moved it down to his cheek.

“Goodnight y/n,” he said returning with a smile.

That night you went to be so early and wanted to fall asleep cause you knew that the sooner you fell asleep the sooner you can see Chan again.

“You are up early,” Lucy said as you walked into the dining room “And you seem happier OMG WHAT HAPPEN YOU HAVE TO TELL ME!”.

“Chan and I kissed at the pool and yeah that’s it,”.

“NO, you are hiding MORE. OMG TELL ME!”.

“I love him Lucy and I know I should not be saying that soon but he makes me so happy,” you sat down at the breakfast table.

“So are you two things an item now?”

“Chill I don’t think we are rushing into labels of dating anytime soon,”.

“But you guys already said I love you, I mean you do want what you guys want to do I happy that Chan going to be around more, that means more breakfast before school with,”.

Rolling your eye you chucked and dug into your breakfast.

Exiting your house you were surprised to see a familiar blonde male waiting at his car for you.

“What are you doing here?” you ran up to him and gave him the biggest hug.

“I thought that we can go back to our daily car rides to school if you don’t mind,” he said looking down at you and placing a kiss on your forehead.

“Aww come on prince charming, I have an exam in second period and I want to get to school early so I can study,” you looked up to him and said.

“You’re going to pass anyway, can’t we just stay here for a bit?”.

“As much as I would love that you also have an exam cause we have the same teacher,” you reminded him.

“Fine,” Chan opened the car door from behind him and opened it for you.

Smiling and shaking your head you hopped into the car was off to school with Chan.

The day went smoothly and once it got to fourth period hit.

Of course, after everything that happens between y/f/n and you, of course, you never wanted to be in the same room with them ever again.

“Wow look what the cat dragged in, are you still heartbroken over Chan and me, I know it’s hard to move on but this is for your own good,” y/f/n walked up to you and set their hand on your shoulder.

“You know what y/f/n I have no idea what you have against me, belittling me, making me feel horrible during my recovery but I’m not going to take it anymore. We been friends since we were little but seeing what you are doing now, I have no idea why we are still friends,” you walked up to her. “And also Chan and I are fine thanks for asking and he would love to have his phone back since I'm guessing that you stole it from his bag at swim practice,”.

With a shocked look on their face, they were speechless.

“Let me clarify something for you y/f/n we are teammates, yes and that’s not going to change, but we aren’t friends,” you whisper into their ear.

And with that, you felt better about the whole situation that was happening.

After the period was over you once again was faced with a familiar face waiting for you.

“Chan,” a smile grew on your face.

“Come on we have to get to your appointment and practice, trials are this weekend.

From then your main focus was getting stronger and making times that will qualify you for the Olympic team.

Jinyoung cleared for from therapy saying that how your leg is looking up to be you should be able to quickly gain your times, maybe even better than before.

“Remember to come and visit when you become an Olympic medalist, show that there is hope for people,” Jinyoung said opening his arms for a hug.

You knew that he wasn’t a big hugger to so this was special to you.

“Thank you for believing in me and helping me on this journey. Of course, I’ll visit. With how much love and support that was given to me, it will be an honor to come back and spread love,” you said with a smile.

Laying down in your bed the morning of the trial you could tell that you were nervous.

It was weird cause you haven’t felt nerves like this in a LONG TIME.

You didn’t feel like eating and when you tried to eat you felt like throwing up right afterward.

“Are you feeling alright y/n?” your father asked looking back at you.

“Yeah, I think my nerves are just getting to me,”.

“Don’t worry whatever happens we are so proud of you,”.

“Thank you, that really means a lot,”.

So here you were at 5:30 in the morning on your way to the biggest meet of your life. Airpods in your ear toning out the world that surrounds you. Memories of car crash started to replay in your head and yeah they scared the living daylights out of you.

“Y/n hey,” Lucy tapped your arm “We are here, come one we have to get inside and be ready for warms ups at 6:15”.

Warm-ups went pretty smoothly and you have to admit you did miss the crazy everyone fit in 3 lanes and try to swim to the best of their abilities warm-ups.

After you headed back to where your parents were sitting and they happen to be with Chan’s family as well.

You proceeded to write down all your meet information on your arm and help Chan with his. Then just sat there and waited.

The national anthem began to play and after meant the beginning of the meet.

You only were competing in five events today: the 200m backstroke, 100m butterfly, 100 IM, 100m freestyle and the 500m freestyle.

While waiting you talked to your fellow teammates and tried to calm your nerves. I mean your first meet back after your injury and you were nervous as heck.

Chan noticed and quickly wrapped his arms around you.

It was calming and everything felt so right at the moment.

“Event 30 female 200m backstroke,” the announcer said.

You got up knowing that your event was going to be coming soon.

Chan got up with you and walked over to the blocks and waited with you. He was in the event before you so the two of you waited together.

“Okay my event is next,” Chan said taking off his team jacket and handing it to you.

“You’re going to get it, Chan, I just know you will,” you said holding his jacket tightly.

“You will to,” he leaned in and set a soft kiss on your cheek.

You watch Chan wait behind his land and getting ready for his event. You had high hopes that he will break into the final trial later today. He had to, Chan was one of the fastest swimmers on your teams.

The boys 100m back flew by so fast.

Next, it was your turn and waiting behind the dock was nerve-wracking. You tried to shake off your nerves but that somehow only made it worse.

It was your turn to hop into the water and position yourself for the start of the race. Feet on the edge of the wall and hands holding tightly to the bars that were in front of you.

You waited until the officials gave you the go to get on and waiting for the bell.

Soon as you heard it everyone including you were off. You felt yourself dive deep underwater and then raising towards to surface.

Once you have contact again with the open air you kicked as fast as you possibly can towards the other wall, but you didn’t care about the time that you were going to get, you only felt joy being back in the water and racing.

Seeing the flags about you, you started to countdown your stroke until you had to do your flip.

Normally at this time, it would give you a quick opportunity to see where your fellow competitors are.

You couldn’t see them so you thought due to your injury you were in last.

Kicked and kicked until your hand hit the wall.

Your first event post-injury and it felt amazing. You looked at your time and you were surprised to see that you were in the top three.

Once out of the pool you ran into the arms of Chan.

“Did you see that,” you said with a smile on your face.

“Yes! Y/n you have a chance to bump up into finals,” Chan replied smiling back at you.

“Y/n,” a swimmer from another team walked up to you “you did really well in that event, people seeing you swim for the first time won’t realize that you have been in an accident month back. I hope you get onto the team all your hard work getting back here is showing,” they said with a smile on their friend.

You were overjoyed, with excitement and nothing can ruin this moment for you.

“See y/n you are a shoe in for the team,” Chan intertwined his fingers with your and the two of you walked back to your team area.

As the meet continued your times were acceptable. It wasn’t the best like your old times but then again it wasn’t your worst.

Continuing the meet you cheered on for your fellow teammates and watched as they hit their time goals.

“Y/n! You broke! You're in the finals for backstroke,” Lucy ran up to you after she looked at the posting.

“Wait what?!” you have a look of shock on your face.

“It’s real! You're in the finals! You have a chance to make the Olympic team!” one of your sister friends said showing you a picture of the results.

“Oh my god,” you said looking at the phone. Chan looked as well and had a huge smile on his face.

“Don’t worry Chan also broke,” Lucy said.

“Well of course he did, the Bang Chan,” you jokingly said looking at him.

“Oh shush, I knew you would break,” he gave you a hug and a peck on the cheek.

Hearing the news make you excited but it also made you have a bit of fear.

“Wait that means I’m going to be going against some of the faster swimmers in the area,” you turned away and looked at Chan.

He could tell that you had fear in your eyes.

“Hey hey hey you got this and I’ll be here to cheer you on,” Chan cupped your face.

“Okay I got this I know I do, I’m y/n y/l/n nothing can stop me,”.

You turned around and looked at the final events seeing when your event will take place. Chan looked at you and saw the determination in your eyes. It was there when he remembered why he fell for you.

You put everything in swim but yet you went on and about living a normal life. Family oriented, focused on your school work and made sure you had time for your friends outside of swim.

Finally, it was time for finals and you were lucky enough to make it this fair.

Walking to the blocks, you were your literally shaking. Like you have never been so nervous before.

Lucy walked with you and held your hand the whole way there.

“You got this y/n your one of the best swimmers I know. No matter what the mom, dad are proud of you. And I’m lucky enough to have you as my sibling,” she said giving you a hug before your event.

You leaned in for one last hug before your heat.

“I’m so lucky to have you as a sister”.

Soon it was your turn to hop into the water for the 200-meter backstroke. You waiting for the boys to hop out of the water before you hop in.

You grabbed onto the handlebars loosely setting your feet on the wall.

“Swimmers take your mark,” the official on the sideline said.

You raised up took your last breath in and out before the meet. Your heart was beating at what felt like 145 bpm ummmm my heart rate after seeing MIROH live…. Whoops.

You heard the bell and off you went. Diving deep underwater and looking up at the sky you rose to the surface and began to do your strokes.

Since it was a 200-meter swim you didn’t sprint off of the wall but you did have fairly fast speed.

Flags above you and you started your countdown “four, five, six,” turn, flip, push.

Everything felt so right at that moment like you didn’t have to try so hard. You didn’t know why but you didn’t want to focus on making the team in that moment. You were just so proud of everything that you work on to get to this point.

And with the whole injury being a bump in the road well that is something else.

You did your final flipped turn and from there it was a sprint to the other side.

You could feel the burn in your legs and arms as you kicked and did your strokes as swam as fast as you could.

Once you hit the wall it was finished over.

The last swim before you find out if you made the team or not. You didn’t bother checking the time because you didn’t want to worry.

Hopping out of the water, you went straight to find Chan and give him a hug.

“Hey what is this for,” he asked wrapping his hands around you.

“I just wanted to say thank you for everything, and that I love you,” looking up at him.

A smile formed and he grabbed your hand “come on let’s go wait for them to announce who made the team,”.

You rejoined your team and begin to talk with everyone, cheering on your fellow teammates who were in the final for their respectful event, and ate a crap ton of food.

It was two hours until they were finally ready to announce the swimmers who made the Olympic team for your country.

Of course, you were nervous, you practically left indentations on Chan’s arms.

You were so happy for the first teammate from your swim club that got placed onto the team.

Soon more names were called and you could hear the cheers from different sections of the pool.

“Christopher Bang,” the officials said and you could have sworn that you started to tear up.

You gave Chan a huge hug before he went onto the stage.

Soon your nerves were slowly started to kick in as you didn’t know if you were going to get called or not.

“Y/n Y/l/n,” they soon announced and that is when your tears officially began to fall.

Walking up the stage you were greeted but the head coach of the team and then everyone from your club came and congratulated you.

“See, I told you that you get on the team y/n,” Chan said walking up to you.

“Shut up dork,” you smiled and kissed him on the cheek.

Once the ceremony was completed you walked over to your family as the congratulated you on this huge accomplishment.

You’re not going to lie this was a huge relief making it onto your such an important team.

“So now that we are both on the Olympic team do you think we have to go back to hating each other?” he asked gently nudging your arm.

“Hmm,” you joking taught about it for a second “maybe,”.

With a shocked look on Chan’s face, he quickly back hugged you.

“I love you too much to let you go,”.

“I love you too,” turning around and returning the hug setting your head perfectly on his chest looking out onto the water.

[goddess-of-writing-wars]

Meme Tag Game

We were tagged to do this by @classy-mc ! Thank you! 

The rules: Answer 21 questions and tag 21 people you want to get to know better.

Admin Yukari’s Answers:

•Nickname•: Jen, Jenni, Ice Queen (by my aunt Lily), Bitch-chan (by my lovely sister), Admin Yukari

•Height•: 5′1″

•Last movie I saw•: I just saw the Fruits Basket reboot anime in theaters, so I think that counts!

•Favorite artist•: I’m a fan of Yana Toboso’s art. She’s the mangaka for Black Butler/Kuroshitsuji!

•Song stuck in my head•: “The reason why” by Ayasa. God, that violin is beautiful in this track. Makes me feel like I’m in a Chinese drama haha.

•Do I get asks?•: For this side blog, I do. It’s necessary for it to be alive and fulfill its purpose. 

•Other blogs?•: My main account is @rengeance. 

•Following•: For GOWW, it’s 1,765 followers currently! 

•Lucky number•: 18! It’s my birth date, IkeSen!Kenshin’s birth date, the year I legally became an adult, and the age when I first started college! 

•What I am wearing•: A sky blue t-shirt that a good friend of mine designed for our group to wear for GradNite at Disneyland in my high school senior year and grey sweatpants. It’s been a lazy day for me. 

•Dream job•: Honestly? Pay me to play video games and sleep lol. That’s a fantasy, but anyway, I’d love to be corporate lawyer that travels frequently from the U.S. to Japan! And on the side, I’d like to be a writer for video games. 

•Favorite food•: I have an undying love for soup dumplings or dumplings in general. It’s good comfort food.

•Dream Trip•: I want to go to Japan and buy merch haha Just kidding, I want to do other activities while I’m there too, like visit shrines and onsen.

•Play any instruments•: I used to play the clarinet in middle school. Now I just play the piano.

•Languages•: I speak English, Hmong, and Spanish! I want to learn more languages though, like Japanese, Mandarin, and French! 

•Favorite song•: 7 Rings by Ariana Grande. It’s a mood. 

•Random fact•: I have a pet betta fish named Zuko! :) He’s my precious baby and he’s 2.5 years old now! 

•Aesthetic things•: French manicures, golden jewelry and embellishments, black heels, red lipstick, collections of manga books, sharp winged eyeliner, organized workspaces, color-coded items, white marble floors, crescent moons.

•Tagging•: Uhh, I tag everyone who actually read through this! Feel free to tag me in your answers later too!

Admin Toreishi's answers:

Quick note: Omg, I just noticed this sitting in the drafts. I don't even remember if Admin Yukari told me we were tagged for this. So sorry for not getting to this sooner!

Nickname: In my childhood, Crazy because I guess that rhymes with my name, Tracy. Nowadays, I have adopted the Japanese romanization of my name, Toreishi and, of course, Toreii for my side blog. Other nicknames include Tori and Yukari, and old username I no longer use.

Height: 5'0"

Last Movie I Saw: Wasn't it Sanada Brave Ten? I think that was the last movie recommendation I shared on my blog.

Favorite artist: Anyone follow Minoru Joeling? She makes amazing fanart. I bought a body pillow of Noctis and Prompto from her once, lol.

Song Stuck In My Head: The disgusting music that plays at work over the intercom.

Do I Get Asks?: Very rarely. Honestly, I prefer dms instead.

Other Blogs?: @toreishi & @toreii

Following: 260 & 845

Lucky Number: I don't believe in lucky numbers. I have bad luck.

What I Am Wearing: Pajamas. I'm trying to go to sleep right now.

Dream Job: I want to travel the world and eat food.

Favorite Food: Noodles, in general. Lo Mein noodles are my favorite.

Dream Trip: Obviously, Japan. My trip is fueled by history and my undying, eternal love for Hijikata Toshizo-san. Also, I guess I promised Mitsuhide I'd bring him flowers. Maybe that will appease his angry spirit a little.😆 I need to make an attempt to bury the hatchet with him. Other than that, I also would like to revisit France and Spain and maybe explore other parts of Europe like Vienna or Frankfurt. Maybe go back to Toulouse. I had a very short stay there after I got off the train from Paris. It looked pretty cute there. Very quaint where I was at. I'm also hoping to explore other parts of Mexico. I am so tired of visiting my family. I want to see other places than Durango and Coahuila. Take me back to Acapulco and Playa del Carmen, at least.

Play any instruments: No because my parents thought I would be irresponsible. They shattered my dreams of learning to play the violin.

Languages: Español & English. Doing a very bad job of teaching myself Japanese.

Favorite song: Grande Amore by Il Volo

Random fact: I'm always hurting myself at work. I'm currently nursing two ugly scrapes on my right forearm.

Aesthetic things: Blues, blacks, grays. Soft, comfortable clothes. Cats. Stress shopping. My collections. Housewares. Facials. Baths. Music. Reading. Dating these fictional men.

[sweetbunnykook]

Lowkey having these weird moments of “why am I investing so much in makeup” because a comment about how normalized buying a $30 lipstick popped up in my head and now there’s a whole movement of women cutting their hair and destroying all their makeup in South Korea. If I really think about it I don’t need an eyeshadow palette (as pretty as it is) nor do I need 20 different colored lipsticks. Yeah makeup can be fun, but it’s money down the drain and the industry itself’s appeal is that women aren’t beautiful without makeup. Let’s not forget that just because we label makeup as empowering doesn’t mean it benefits us completely; if there are repercussions to not wearing makeup, then there’s little empowerment. Do I really want to give my hard earned money to a cause like that? Definitely not.

However, I do recognize that because in the workplace, because women (and men in some places) are judged on their appearances, there is a slight necessity to wear the smallest amount (this is an opinion of mine). I have no problem with a colored lip balm and mascara. But I can’t imagine sitting in front of a mirror everyday for 20 to 30 minutes for primer, foundation, eyeshadow, eyebrows, contour, bronzer, blush, eyeliner, mascara, lip liner, lipstick, lip gloss, highlighter, setting spray etc etc. Do we really need all that? If we break it down to minimum wage, a MAC lipstick is about 2.5 hours of work. One lipstick. Now imagine how many hours you have to work to consistently keep buying these items. You could’ve put that money into just basic skincare (cleanser, toner, and moisturizer) and save a ton for other things.

We live in this age where makeup is an addiction; because we see all these famous people “hoarding” makeup on screen, we feel the need to do the same to feel like them when we damn well know they’re sponsored for profit. I truly regret buying products I didn’t need (and some weren’t even cruelty free) when I was ignorant of all of this and can’t wait to not invest in this industry more than I need. Tomorrow, I’m gonna start throwing out makeup I absolutely do not want and keeping just the essentials for work interviews/events. My daily makeup will consist of nothing but concealer, mascara, a small winged liner, and a tinted lip balm. Forget buying makeup brushes for a perfect contour or using foundation for the appearance of perfect skin. Reduce your makeup bag to just the BAREST of essentials and I’m sure you won’t feel the need to buy more ever again.

(Also, I completely understand that there are people who love makeup because it’s an art form and I fully support that!!! This is just talking about a general topic of women facing pressure to invest so much in makeup when if they were faced with a choice to not wear makeup with zero chance of insecurities/repercussions, they would be happy to go makeup-free)

[thinmintz]

uh okay so i think an update is long overdue

3 weeks ago i got involuntarily committed to the fucking mental hospital cuz florida has the dumbass baker act but honestly not mad about it cuz i made friends with a couple really awesome kids there and met a tall fluffy hair mentally ill bisexual skater boy and he was so sweet ?? he asked for my number ??-1!? when we got released me and the kids i met there hung out n we still talk so at least i made some friends out of it ?? fluffy hair boy is still there but he said as soon as he gets released he’ll text me and we’ll link so i am very happy abt that :> the kids there were so fucking funny and so nice too bro my ego is in the fucking air rn cuz on my first day the girls at my dinner table said i was really pretty n looked like a barbie doll LMFAOF ok sure ,?; ig thank god i still had my makeup on cuz i just got admitted. first impressions at the psych ward 😁 two days later 4 more kids got admitted and two of them became my bayside besties fr i was sad i had to wash off my makeup but they said i looked like a fairy and by the end of the week the entire unit nicknamed me fairy and would yell it in the halls when they saw me n the techs were confused why kids were shouting “fairy” but fuck if i knew all the cool bitches were hiding in the psych ward i would have gotten baker acted sooner smh t was basically sleepaway camp but like. prison ? you weren’t allowed to have ANYTHING and i mean aaaaanything you aren’t even allowed to keep your chapstick with you they make you keep it up at the nurse station n i was pissed off we weren’t allowed to have anything so when we were doing a drawing activity in group therapy i slipped two black markers up my sleeve and i did eyeliner on myself and 3 of the other girls in my unit :> the techs got really mad but they didn’t know where i hid the markers so they couldn’t take them but anyway they started me on medication there, my psychiatrist at the hospital said she thought i was bipolar but i told her if she gave me mood stabilizers i would refuse to take them so she just put me on wellbutrin instead and uh. had to get a new psychiatrist once i was out of the hospital and she thought i had depression so she raised my dose of wellbutrin and started me on an antidepressant which. rule fucking #1 is don’t give a bipolar bitch antidepressants so guess what happened hmmmm perhaps i got launched into a week-long manic episode in which i was posting my fucking lewds on my instagram story and running into oncoming traffic because i thought it was funny to hear the car horns. needless to say i was embarrassed when i was out of the episode and looked back on the shit i posted. so now i’m back home, haven’t been to school in 4 weeks, and getting sent to another psych facility but like. a fancy one ? idk cuz the one i got sent to 3 weeks ago was just the hub for my county’s baker acted kids it’s just a “crisis center” so you’re only there for two weeks or so until you’re stable and then they throw you back out into the world. which. not really helpful? probably why 80% of the kids in the adolescent unit have been there more than 4 times, some as many as 14;.? def some crazy backstories on those kids. nothing like you and your roommates sitting in the dark trauma dumping your entire life stories at 2am 👍 but anyway the place i’m getting sent to in 4 days is kinda far it’s in orlando and i’m on the coast so it’s like 2.5 hours but it’s not a crisis center it’s a residential treatment program they said i might be there for 2 months so uh. wouldn’t be mad abt missing christmas cuz my family is german so we open presents on the night of the 24th and have a whole family reunion which is an absolute nightmare. i keep going off topic this is rly something i should just keep in my journal but it takes too long to write by hand so i’m dropping it here !

[espships]

Kpop Ship for taemingguk

Hello my sweet child @taemingguk !! I’m so excited and happy you sent in a request (although I pestered you to do it lol) !! You’re one of my close friends, and I know you’re going to be all blushy and cute after this, and I’m so excited for you to read your ship! 

I know ya pretty dang good, and I took this traits from your personality to help me out: 

You’re 5′9, you are mixed, with naturally curly hair which you straighten when your curly hair is beautiful, love yourself PLS

You’re a big introvert, but you’ve come out of your shell a lot 

You are very intellectual and you’re a critical thinker

Very smart in my opinion 

You have your hyper maknae moments

Mature mindset

A good temper

Creative: writing and art (drawing and on the computer)

Does not do well under pressure or a lot of stress

Mandatory healing time

Loyal but will stray if betrayed 

Will need motivation sometimes

Pays attention to detail

Can be very worrisome

Kind hearted

Good mental strength

From your request, you have asked me to ship you with B.A.P, BTS, Topp Dogg, and VIXX! You also told me to disregard biases, but I will do my best to do that lol. I hope you enjoy as much as I’m going to, so let’s get into it!

P.S. This lovely lady is the brains behind the header to this blog, so if everyone can give her an around of applause, she deserves it!! <3

B.A.P: Yongguk

I know you said to disregard your biases, but Yongguk is the best member to ship you with in my opinion! Lemme talk about some visuals for 2.5. You know you can envision some idols with a type of girl? Well, I can envision Yongguk with a tall girlfriend, and girl you fit the description perfectly. Along with natural aesthetics, I love imaging you two together in a shop somewhere or sitting at home on the couch with your legs over his while you’re watching TV. Moving right along, you and Yongguk make each other smile and giggle all the time like nobodies business. Whether you’re being weird or he is being weird, you two can hit that soft teddy bear spot on each other and you’re always happy and smiley! Along with making each other giggle and smile, you two balance each other and bring out the light hearted feelings in each other. You help Yongguk smile a little more, and you smile a lot more as well. One thing you really love about each other is how you two boost each others self-love and feeling of self-worth. I know how much you love Yongguk, and I know for a damn fact you’d tell him how much you love him when we talk about him. And you are also very insecure about yourself when you are !!BEAUTIFUL!! and Yongguk would let you know how beautiful you are everyday, and he would always tell you how important you are to the world, and why you matter. His praises and compliments always puts a smile on your face, and neither I or Yongguk is able to tell you how much it means to him kill me I’m soft. Another thing that Yongguk is good at is helping you out through stressful times. You’re going to hear healing time a lot in all your ships because it is important you get your healing time from long periods of stress such as from your family or school. If you’d be sitting at your laptop on the verge of a breakdown over a photoshop project you can’t finish, Yongguk would gently take the laptop away, give you one of his sweaters the black and white stripped one, you know the one and he’ll turn on Netflix and you’ll watch some reruns of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and Yongguk will not rest until the tension is erased from your shoulders, and you’re smiling again. Then I can TOTALLY see you two in his studio and you help him write lyrics and come up with different concepts for his solo work, and as if it wasn’t an option, there are some songs dedicated to you. There is mild PDA between you two since you prefer to keep the affection in a more private setting. Date nights are very fluffy and simple, but on occasion you two will go out and he’ll splurge on a fancy dinner. He likes to surprise you with small presents every now and then with small things you like to remind you that he pays attention to what you like. 

BTS: Jungkook 

I was conflicted over who I should ship you with, which it was in between Tae and Jungkook. I still really do ship you with Tae, but as you’ve matured I do ship you more with Jungkook! My first reason being is video and picture edit dates! You two sitting on the couch, in sweats with your laptops and you work on editing pictures for school and he edits his little videos. It’s the perfect way to spend some time together and be productive at the same time. Then every once in a while when you get inspiration to draw, you use him as your muse. You’re also an extremely cute gaming couple *cough* overwatch. Jungkook is very soft for you whether he wants to admit it or not. Jungkook can talk to you about anything no matter how weird or serious the topic may be. He also loves for you to play with his hair and baby him slightly. You two are also one of those couples that will be awkward with each other, but it’s a comfortable awkward, I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s there. Then you’re at the mall one day and you two see a shirt that is made for men and women, and you say “why not?” and get the shirt. And even though Jungkook is soft for you, he is very protective and possessive over you. We’ve all seen how he gets when the hyungs mess with him, and I can see him wrapping his arm around your waist securely to keep you close to him in a crowd, and attempting to be dominant. And then you’re like “boy who the f are you?” when you get to the dorm and he’s being a hyper little shit on V-Live. And when he isn't being dominant in public, he loves to shower you in PDA because he loves to see you blush. And he’ll pick you up from class like “hey babe” and you’re a happy mess and he loves to see you be all fluffy and mushy. A lot of language and Netflix dates with pizza, and you also sleep a LOT. Sleep is key to your relationship because if you two don’t have enough sleep, you’ll be grumpy and tease each other. 

Topp Dogg: Hojoon 

I took ot12 TP into consideration for this, but the more I thought about it, I do ship you with Hojoon more than I thought I would! Starting with a visual, similar to Yongguk that I think he would have a tall girlfriend, I can see Hojoon having a mixed girlfriend, and you're perfect for it! Moving right along, you two are good counter parts to each other. From many many experiences, you’re a weirdo with your friends. Hojoon will bring out the weird in you, and you’ll bring the tame to him. When you’re in public you’re either smiling like cuties or putting on your poker face for the camera’s. I can see Hojoon being very cute and sweet with his PDA, which he’ll be goofy too and you’ll be giggly and soft in public. He’ll also be protective over you since you do get a little nervous and anxious, and he wants to be able to guide you through a crowd and make sure you’re okay. And after being a big crowd or if you’re in any sort of distress, he’ll take a day off and plan a healing day that’s catered just for you. He spoils you and keeps the air free of any toxic energy and you both end up falling asleep on the couch while cuddling. It would become a lowkey precedent where you two would pick out outfits for each other since Hojoon likes to play around with fashion, and it’d only be fair if you got to join in. And you two will try to help keep each other organized by like trying to keep lists of errands and tasks you need to finish. This process would work for like a week, but the week would get so hectic to the point where he’d find the paper under a bunch of stuff on the kitchen table and he’d be like “we forgot to keep track of this.” And one thing that you love about Hojoon is that he ALWAYS has something new to get into. Whether it’d be going to another city, a new restaurant, or trying out a new activity that’s going on in town, there is always something new and adventurous, there is never a dull moment between you and Hojoon.

VIXX: Leo

Again, I tried to stray away from choosing your bias, but I just can’t help myselffffff. I could ship you with Hakyeon, but the feels aren’t as there as they are for Leo *smirk smirk*. Disclaimer, you and Leo are the most reserved and mature of the four ships, but y’all are still gonna have fun, I gotchu. Although Leo is normally quiet and he keeps to himself, you do get to see him being weird and quirky that we get to see every now and then. He’ll also get memey when you’re sitting on the couch being quiet. He’s the one that will start acting weird in complete silence and you’re startled because he’s so chill and calm, but the secret to the wild being of Leo is him being comfortable with you. He is a big observer, and he loves to observe you when you're getting ready in the morning. He'll ask questions about what you're doing when you put on your eyeliner, and you're genuinely surprised how clueless he is at all the make up since he has to wear it all the time. But he sits beside you, staring at you in awe with his mouth hanging in awe a little, as you’re putting on mascara it’s really cute. Adding on to Leo being comfortable with you, as your relationship continued, the more affectionate he becomes. He’s affectionate in his own way, but he loves to hold your hand and rub the pad of his thumb on the top of your hand. He’s very smiley in public with you, but he prefers to keep the PDA on the downlow, and you respect that and are okay with it. And let’s take a moment to talk about date night. He L O V E S  to shower you in fancy dinner dates. He loves to see you get dressed up and pamper yourself because you feel good about yourself, and of course, he reminds you on how amazing you look every time. Then taking late night road trips in the middle of nowhere is always a good idea, and it’s always fun for you two to be alone against the world. And during those late night trips, you two talk about life. The good, the bad, the happy, the anger, the kind, you talk about everything. Then you talk about your loves, your hates, and most of all your weaknesses. You both proceed with caution when you enter weakness territory and you take your time, but when you mutually become comfortable with each other, you talk about your weaknesses and you agree that you both will take time to take care of each other when you need each other the most. Then healing time is vital for both of you, which you two ditch every form of communication with the outside world, and you’ll escape to someplace that has no phone service with little people for the whole weekend. Some of your best memories come from your healing time, and nothing will beat sitting on a cabin porch, limbs tangled together, listening to the sounds of birds chirping and the breeze blowing through the tree’s. 

*takes a minute to gather self* OMGOMG IT IS COMPLETE!! I know you got 3/4 biases, but like, girl, you got great taste what can I say? I had a grand ol’ time shipping you with your babes, and message me when you’re finished, wink wonk. I love you bunches, and I hope you liked your ship!! <3

Admin Aquarius 

[thegreatcanadianaccutanejourney]

Why am I doing Accutane? (My acne story)

Many people are asking me why I am on Accutane (“your skin’s not even bad!”)...yes, I’m aware I don’t have severe cystic acne. 

I have, however, been fighting mild to moderate cystic acne with every tool available for the past 5-6 years. 

I started getting acne worth mentioning when I was 15. I remember being midway through grade 11 when I started breaking out badly on the lower half of my face / around my mouth. I would wear heavy foundation & concealer every day to school, which I can now see was several shades too dark, and top if off with eyeliner, mascara, etc. Every day, I would wake up 1.5 hours before I had to leave the house to go to school. 

By this point, I had graduated from salicylic acid and benezoyl peroxide to prescription topical treatments. I was also taking a birth control pill certified as being helpful to hormonal acne.

This continued through grade 12. I became hugely dependent on makeup at this point. I remember one day, I came to school without my full eye makeup on - only full face makeup. Twitter beef exploded as numerous classmates posted about how ugly I was without makeup (still had on full face makeup), and how I shouldn’t be in public when I look like this. I ended up being picked up that day from school after getting into altercations, and had to change classes after that, have meetings with the principle, etc. 

Another event that fueled my dependency on makeup was when my best friend at the time told me I should cover my face when my brother’s friends came over if I wasn’t done up, because they shouldn’t have to see me like that. 

Last emotionally traumatic event I’ll mention related to my skin from high school: I had numerous large cysts and whiteheads on the day of my prom. I was late to pre-prom because I couldn’t get ready because I was so filled with shame at what I looked like. I spent a large portion of the time attempting to angle my face so people couldn’t see it as well. Peers verbally described me to my face as being “hideous”. When I think back on the day of my prom, that is the main point of memory: it was a bad skin day.

Really, when I look back on many significant events of my life, that is the main point of memory: whether it was a good or bad skin day. And that dictated whether the day was a good or bad day.

By the time I graduated high school, I had done three separate 3-month courses of oral antibiotics (Minocycline, etc.) and had tried several prescription topic treatments to no avail: various brand names of clindamycin, adapalene, erythromycin, etc.

I continued going to doctors & being prescribed topical treatments through the first year and a half of university. In second year, the severity of my acne increased & the impact it had on my life increased as well. I stopped socializing to a large extent, and even going to class sometimes. I was extremely depressed and isolated.

At this point, it had been multiple years since I had left my room or house without makeup. The burden this placed on me was enormous. I truly felt that other people shouldn’t have to be exposed to a person that looks like what I look like. I would apologize profusely if someone saw me without my full face done up.

Every day, I would do hours of research on acne treatments. I eventually convinced a doctor at a walk-in clinic to prescribe me 100 mg/ day of Spironolactone. My skin basically cleared within 4 months of being on this – it was a miracle, and my life improved drastically.  

After about a year, knowing I didn’t want to be on Spiro forever, I weaned down to 75 mg, then down to 50 mg just under a year later. I have now been on Spironolactone for about 2.5 years, and have been at the 50 mg/day dose for a while. Although my skin isn’t as clear as it was on the higher dosages, this dosage keeps it under control, as visible in my posted pictures. I still get cysts that last several week, though. And, obviously, have a baseline amount of pimples that are usually present on my face.

So, my point is: the impact my skin has had on my life and my self-esteem is enormous. I don’t feel like anyone who hasn’t had moderate to severe acne or cystic acne specifically can really understand what it’s like to deal with this unrelenting issue.

I have been consumed with shame regarding what my skin looks like for almost 6 years now. As a 21 year old person, that is the entire relevant recent history of my life. I don’t want my life to circulate around what my skin looks like anymore. This is why I’m doing Accutane.