#my god sometimes I suck at drawing
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Pose for the fans !
Another doodle where I try jays design
#doodle page ended in disaster#my god sometimes I suck at drawing#jrwi fanart#jrwi riptide#jrwi#jrwi riptide fanart#just roll with it#gillion tidestrider#jrwi art#jay ferin#kutakunagaart#jrwi jay
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if i just told you i love you would this world change
#witch hat tag#orufrey#these kinda suck lol i feel like i cant draw right now *irritated sigh* BUT I FEEL EMOTIONS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#if you are gay go watch good omens season 2 right now. NO YOU DONT KNOW THO!!!!!!!!!#i know being this affected by good omens is probably cringe. I dont care any more. the last 1 minute of good omens season 2 was#some of the most affecting acting i've ever seen in my life. sometimes someone acts with the force as if their entire career led to that#like during the credits part the very end im not even talking about before that. holy god#aziraphale i know everything about you. i know what you are feeling right now. i can see everything on your face. we're going to make it#ER.... NOT THAT THIS HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS POST. IT'S NOT SPOILERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!#I JUST FEEL THOROUGHLY CHANGED !!!!!!!!!!! SHIT GETS REAL FROM NOW ON.. LIKE IN GENERAL! IN MY LIFE!#tormented gay love tormented gay love TORMENTED GAY LOVE TORMENTED GAY LOVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#btw the first 3 images were drawn earlier with an entirely different feeling and an entirely different mood.#Why do you keep pulling away from me?#It is because i love you that i do this#the lyrics from one of my japanese orufrey songs (A SONG THAT THE CREATOR LISTENS TO!!!!) led to feelings#“あなたが知らない私を残さず見ててほしいの” but i'm not translating it cause it just sounds weird. if with his eyes oru's asking “WHY don't you want#to let me in? to see all of you?“ those lyrics are like ”I actually want you to see every last bit of the parts of me you don't know“#oru you have no idea how much i want to lay bare my whole soul for you#maybe it's an alternate version of chapter 40. to me#i need to draw something really fucking good or i'm not going to forgive myself. i will not rest in this life#until i have made the orufrey that fully satisfies me nor until i have seen what the manga is leading to#NO STORY MEANS ANYTHING WITHOUT TORMENTED GAY LOVE AT THE HEART OF IT. THATS THE HEART OF THIS WORLD!!!!!#........... so Hi im normal :) haha *goes and finally makes breakfast*
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A REBEL'S ELEGY!
#jrwi#jay ferin#jrwi riptide#jrwi spoilers#jrwi riptide spoilers#just roll with it#i swear i draw Chip n Gill sometimes too she's just my favorite to draw and in general#also the image quality kinda sucks but we live on. god bless.#kala art
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the disparity in kudos between a skk fic and a fic for literally any other bsd characters/ship :/
#like okay i get it skk is the most popular bsd ship by a longshot#but it does kinda suck that my skk fics will always end up being more popular than literally anything else i write for bsd#when i have way better fics tbh#okay i'm unleashing this from my drafts lol#like i get it kudos/hits/bookmarks counts aren't telling of how good a fic is#but out of my last five fics. my skk one has ONE HUNDRED kudos more than the next most kudos#and idk it also sucks that i know my skk is better than 90% of the fandom but. even my skk fics get significantly less kudos/etc#than big writers in the fandom who AREN'T EVEN GOOD#or are like. mid at best#i know in theory that the bsd fandom doesn't care about characterization but like. not only do they encourage bad characterization#it feels like sometimes they're actively against good characterization#even in j.jk and a.tla where there are major issues with bad characterization#more people seem to at least appreciate the good characterization. (even if they aren't good at it themselves.)#but i swear to god no one in the bsd fandom cares about anything besides whether dazai and chuuya are kissing. it begins and ends there.#it never ceases to amaze me (derogatory) how a fandom where the source media draws So Much inspiration from classic literature#can somehow have NEGATIVE media literacy skills#why don't you guys take a break from your edgy dazai x softboy chuuya fics and you fems.kk with dazai in skimpy clothes and your#beast chuuya sobbing and killing himself over dazai's death#and go read some of the books by the actual authors. and then write me an essay about the themes that has nothing to do with shipping.#and THEN you can come back to the fandom.#listen i love skk but oh my god sometimes the fandom makes me hate them.#anyway one of these days i'm going to get anon hate for complaining about the bsd fandom so much but that's fine#at least i know there are characters in the show besides dazai and chuuya. and when i do write skk AT LEAST I DO IT RIGHT.#hello grace here
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qsmp doodle design ref sheet i made for myself :)
#mostly based off of mc skins but i took some liberties#also completely by accident i did the little fuckin. hair tuft things on the right for all the eng streamers and on the left for all the esp#didnt notice until i was rearranging everyone#theyre just ordered in the order that the official qsmp wiki has them in (minus rubius bc of his whole god thing)#and quackity off to the side due to him bein the owner and all#feel free to send any questions or comments :D#anyways i hate drawing hair lol this kinda sucked#roiers kinda an odd one out in terms of my design blueprint#just bc hes got a fully coloured in body without it being bc of a black top#(i do sometimes do fully coloured bodies for other colours in the doodles but this was meant to be like the simplest ver of each design)#qsmp#le dood#tiggady tags#also yes this is fine to rb#otherwise i wouldnt maintag it#and pls excuse my horrid handwriting
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Ugh God with that bad batch comic coming out its very possible that...feelings for that skinny ass jerk will come back > . >
#jane journals#self insert talk#🎯 baby shot me down 🎯#UGGHGHHH HES JUST THE WORST GUY#whats with me and guys who suck lately >:/#and god the ladt season of tbb was....so tough#it was SO hard#when s3 comes out idk what is even gonna happen#but man sometimes i think about how i had this whole plot#an ENTIRE alt universe on par with my canon for rex but about crosshair and i just. didnt talk about it#ig i just talked about it w my friends a lot and that was good enough#idk maybe ill post#or draw#i had some fics in the works even#BUT YALL HAD NO CLUE
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its so weird to read some of my old fics (do NOT do it but i'm just being hypothetical rn) and reading it. like who even was this person?? i completely was in a haze back in 2020. i literally was posting 3 chapters a day. A DAY. what in the WORLD was that shit.
anyway i remembered some STUPID sappy shit and i didnt remember if i'd put it into a fic or not BUT I FOUND IT.
She and Hope had been dating in secret for months anyway, and any attempt to go talk to Ryan only filed her disposition of displeasure upon knowing that she couldn’t tell anyone, Molly especially, it destroyed herself mentally. They couldn’t really go anywhere near the school, always having to lie to everyone about having projects together when Molly wasn’t around them.
It’d consisted with 9 PM - 2 AM intervals of being able to actually see each other. Hope would sneak through her small bedroom window with a portable record player and whatever she had gotten from the vintage record store downtown, and Amy would always fall asleep around eleven because of her internal clock.
She would always wake up to find a single sticky note stuck on the edge of her desk whenever she woke up to her alarm the next morning.
One of them, Amy still had tucked inside of her phone case, a heavily detailed human heart, with blue and red ink sketched onto a neon pink sticky note, there was a caption that headed the small paper reading the phrase over every now and again makes her almost melt every time.
“You have my heart.”
yeah idk why the fuck but i thought of this fucking idea again today and i was like "omg did i ever put that heart note thing in a fic???" yeah you fucking did.
all that to say ME AND WHO???? imagine. thats so fucking.... RAHHHH.
#NOT TOH FANFIC#see this is why i write fanfic. to enact some gay ass shit like this.#the fucking STICKY NOTE WITH A DRAWING OF A HUMAN HEART AND SAYING “YOU HAVE MY HEART” I AM ON THE FLOOR.#*sighs* sucks i cant reuse it on lumity though.#my friend making me realize i actually have rizz but am just too much of a disaster to actually understand cues with people#its a MESS. im just all over the place. i literally ranted to THE SAME FRIEND yesterday (or the day before??) abt some girl jesus.#anyway i remember writing A LOT OF POETRY back in hs about this one girl and then the same girl i got to talk to--#--my first actual conversation with her i blurted out that i wanted to shave my head. she was like.... oooooo god i was A MESS#still slid into her school dms during covid and was like “haha guess what i actually mf did???” anyway all that to say underlying dysphoria#they're nonbinary now too and i kinda ghosted them like a complete idiot :(. its been two years or so but i still think of them... a lot...#actually i have more lore about this person and its like istg they actually really liked me but i could not pick it up.#we had such SUCH good chemistry and vibes. n they were really pretty. ughhhhhh.#anyway yeah idk crushes are weird sometimes. the universe knows how unstoppable id be with a partner#i feel like i was the reason they were able to find themself and their identity because when we were talking i always encouraged them#and told them to do what felt right. im glad they did. i think sometimes that brings me peace. like i served a purpose.#STILL showed them toh. STILL SHOWED THEM TOH.#we were talking about amity LMAO “this green haired girl seems interesting” SHE SO WAS.#...yeah i wish i could text them but i kinda probably fucked it up.#shitposting shit#idk what this post is i just wanted to talk about this dumb sticky note thing because im rotating it in my brain and remembering how#mentally ill i was back in 2020#talking into the void yk how it isssss
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nooo im all caught up on my manhwa and now i have to actually do something else
hell world
#*scoffs* as if i don't have a bunch of other comics and some video games lined up#BUT!!!! 😩 u know when u get sucked into something for weeks or a month then u finish and face The Void#yeah lol. it's still going too ૮ – ﻌ–ა I'll try 2 keep up#i been rereading Tower of God for a while tho 😹 it's sooo good.#it's rly funny it just has the one season animated because this is one of those cases where you TRULY have not seen anything yet#i assumed there was just enough material for like one or two more seasons but oh no. lmaooo#it's like ~12% of the story and there's hella seamless time skips bc doing things actually takes a realistic amount of time lol#so there's still A Lot to explore. i already liked it but i found it a lot more enjoyable the second time around 0:#“takes a realistic amount of time” ← it is seamless bc u do not have to necessarily see or follow them thru this time#u can just b at the result sometimes. the pacing is always p good tho. it never rly feels like it drags on longer than it needs to#except maybe the last like 50-100 chapters bc the artist needed to take it easier‚ which makes for some good long visuals#but they do kinda feel like padding for the story that drag a bit before getting to the point#but this is after being absolutely spoiled for like 560 chapters which are long as fuck themselves. the scrollbar is like 1-1.5mm 😩#on top of it moving fast and staying interesting like berserk does. kinda stumbling frm one thing to the next but#yeag :3 yayy it was very nice and i will be referring back to it a lot as a means to keep up w the story and to practice my drawing
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i keep thinking abt The California Themed Theme Park To Be Located In The Already California Themed California. i want that on my gravestone
#it's so fucking funny to me. everyone loves to shit on eisner but at least his bad decisions are funny#chapek could never. chapeks bad decisions were just sad#only eisner could have a ride where you're in a limo being chased by paparazzi and then as the ride is in its final#stages of concepting have princess fucking diana die partially due to swarms of paparazzi#so now you have to go back to the drawing board on the entire concept#only eisner could have shit like that under his belt#actually everyone loves to shit on eisner (me too) but he literally brough lucasfilm into the disney corp like we cannot ignore that#he did good sometimes. it's just that oh my god what the hell is even california adventure. the bronze space mountain. rocket rods.#chapek is miles worse. chapek did nothing good and his bad stuff wasn't even funny it was just infuriating for everyone#including the shareholders#the shareholders and disney fans are NEVER on the same page chapek is was historically bad#i also wanna say all disney CEOs suck obviously. strictly talking abt what they did for the parks when i say they did good#sassy speaks#dl#anyways go watch defunctlands california adventure video#*defunctlands superstar limo video#<- my brain isn't working sorry
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me: im gonna draw this subject facing this way because it'll line up better with the pose ref and make the rest of the drawing easier
my brain and hands: are you sure you know how to do that?
me: it's,,,,,, literally the same thing but flipped
my brain and hands: is it?? IS IT??
#drawing sucks sometimes lmao#pls gods i pls force i just want my tablet with the flip canvas tool 😭😭
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aaaaaaAAAAAAAA
#god. i cannot stand the thought of staying in the greater vanc ouver area sometimes. i feel like im in population density hell.#maybe its just because i am living in a hellhole of a house right now but im in a full on nostalgia deepdive for my time in alberta#i miss the quiet in the suburbs and i miss taking art classes at acad :(#the fan convention here sucks ass too c.c.e.e was the shit#ugh. idk. i think i needed it both times for different reasons when i moved to calg ary and when i moved back to bc again.#but downtown van culture has absolutely no draw for me anymore. it did when i was younger and now i kinda miss how chill and quiet cal. was.#it feels kinda suffocating being crammed in with this many people around me. and i miss the winters.#i dont know. locations are fake actually i am pulling all my friends through a portal with me wherever i go
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got home from work walked in the door looked at my phone and watched four email notifications pop in at once. turned off notifications
#ignore me#FUCK!!!!!!!!!! FUCK.#god this week sucks so bad i am getting pelted with constant requests for edits to student testing schedules#which each require me to change info in three different menus and update three different spreadsheets#sometimes multiple tabs on those spreadsheets#im absolutely dead on my feet by the end of the day#i can't get anything done because i'm constantly being interrupted#i missed two phone calls bc i was on. another phone call. that only lasted three minutes#i don't have the energy to draw anything :( i wanted to do more color palette requests#and the hotel's 5th anniversary is TOMORROW and i don't even have a sketch#UNFAIR!!!!! i wanted to do something special....#jobs suck fuck jobs forever i dont want a job anymore someone take my job please
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...
#i experience an emense amount of guilt ovet not being able to focus on work. go into the lab and run into a lab mate and hes like#u leave Thursday? why tf r u here? and that makes me feel a lil better lol#ive just being data entering all day. that takes so fucking long. and then helping an undergrad#exept my code was out of date so i was like welp i can only get u this far bc i did not write this code. i do not work with the#supercomputer on a regular enough basis. and i gave my 30 days notice today so ill be working remotely until the 18th#i probably should have done it way before but like ive still got so much to do i might as well get paid for doing it#the undergrad was like id probably work to the end bc i feel lost when im not working and i was like. bro. im so fucking brunt out that ppl#around me r like yo r u ok? theres a thing as too much work. dont cross that line. snd ill still probably work to the end bc i dont wanna#have to do it on top of other shit. but god. in a few days i never have to go back in that building again#sometimes having to be in that lab would make me feel physically ill i thibk just bc i have so much stress associated with standing at that#lab bench but woof i will not miss it. its not great. the ppl r nice but like the institution kinda sucks. but i probably#wasnt the best fit for the school. i only cane out here for my advisor and on that front i have no regrets#god im so tired tho. just make it Thursday already so my parents can b helping me move >~< lets fucking goooooo#srry for not posting much drawing wise. i prob wont b able to for a while as i transition across the country lol#also. a note to myself. i should get a proper sketchbook so i can actually draw out ideas and store them in a place. that would b convenient#god. its so hot 😖 let me leave#unrelated
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ok while the rottmnt inspired style is fun its more meant for like. drawing imaginary p5r cartoon scenes. i will not draw heavy emotional gut-wrenching drawings in that style
#when the towns lore#i am REALLY in the mood to draw some fake screencaps tho#tomorrow.#also i might get sushi tomorrow#now let me talk about sushi#i have realized today that sushi is essentially just my safe food.#point 1: it smells nice#not too strong and it doesnt hurt after a while. fishy. i like fish#point 2: the fish reminds me of the fish chips i ate a year ago when my brother and i first played through p5r#god. god i miss them so much#point 3: rice is good. the texture of the rice in sushi is always good#squishy. along with the texture of the fish#i especially love salmon. and ESPECIALLY when its store bought stuff its so good for some reason oh my god#it being my safe food kinda sucks tho cause we dont have an endless supply obviously.#whenever my mom does get it for me she has to go to a specific store n such and sometimes theres no sushi and aaaaaaaAAA
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oh wow!! did y’all know that drawing is actually like so fun?!
#god like it just feels lighter#now that the portraits are done#lighter and easier to start things#like I got the idea to do pose/clothing practice on the anomalous friend group#and I have 5.9/8 poses done (excluding faces)#and I only started like idk sometime around 6pm ish#and idk I’m just having fun with it#same with my brother’s commission#it feels fun now instead of like an insurmountable hurdle#my adhd ass: why do I kinda hate drawing right now like it all just kinda feels bleh#also my adhd ass: *had been working on the same project with barely anything to break it up for a whole year*#like yeah no shit lol#of course it sucks#there’s no god damn novelty#anyway
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getting really sentimental with the ocs today
#finally decided on some semi final designs using picrew and they look so good that it made me emotional#I've tried making them in picrew last year but it wasnt a very detailed one so its quite generic and i didnt like the designs much#i used baydews picrew this time and actually this was maybe the 3rd or 4th time ive attempted making my ocs#and finally i have a clear picture of them and-#ofc there's still limitations so I'll actually draw out their designs sometime and use the picrew designs as ref#but. holy shit ive had them with me for 7 years. maybe even more bc they used to be phineas and ferb ocs ☠️#these are my kids. and i finally have a kinda clear vision of what they look like#ive never- ive never been confident in my art to properly expand them in art so everytime i do end up backtracking#which sucks bc how can i call myself an artist if i do that?#but. god they look so good and obviously this is all for reference but. ive finally made progress that doesnt exist solely in my head 😭#theyre so good. i love them i love my ocs. i cant wait to tell their story. i hope i get to do that one day 🥹#sorry im emotional#not sharing the picrews here since theyre purely for ref and it just feels weird to post smth from a picrew maker#but man. im going thru so many emotions rn#happy 7 years. here's to number 8 🥳🎉#.txt
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