#my motivation to gif this ep is none...

[captainsavre]

Go home. Go be with your wife and your baby. That's an order. Marina and Liam || Station 19 - 7.03 'True Colors'

[yelena-bellova]

Twenty Years Later: Joel Miller x F!Reader - Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen: Violent Innocence

Plot: A separated Joel and Y/n work different angles to try and best David and his men.

Word Count: 6.8k

Warnings: canon-typical violence, implied attempted SA, insinuated abuse, c*nnibalism, knives, guns, blood, wounds, language, loss of a child, ptsd, (16+)

A/N: This was a hard, hard chapter to get through, guys. If the quality of my writing isn’t up to its regular standard, it’s because it was truly emotionally taxing to write. I’ve also left out descriptions of certain events/discoveries/dialogue in an effort to keep the 16+ rating.

As always, this series is 16+ and I will not be adding anyone to the taglist who does not have their age/range in their bio. Gotta look out for younger eyes 👀

I advise everyone to take a breather, or just skip to the end of the chapter, if it’s too much to handle. Ep.8 was traumatizing and I don’t fault anyone for not wanting to put themselves through it again. I’m so looking forward to finishing out this series with y’all and the finale tonight. Thank you thank you thank you for your constant support and encouragement ☀️

——————

Unlike the movies, where the main character on the verge of death is miraculously returned to the living, Joel did not wake with a start. Still lost in the haze of blood loss, hunger and medicinal side effects, his eyes hurt to open. He registered the room, remembering being dragged down a flight of stairs and falling into a mattress.

One memory dripped down before the flood unleashed.

Ellie and Y/n.

Stay awake.

Men coming.

Leading them away.

Kill them.

The footsteps on the floor above startled Joel, the ticking clock and the realization that Ellie and Y/n were gone motivated him to roll off the bed. He stifled a groan, hurrying to his feet, clutching the knife that Ellie had placed in his palm. He wobbled his way to the rear of the room, falling against a water heater that could conceal him.

Joel listened for the footsteps over the blood pounding in his ears.

They crept through the room.

He waited…until the man finally passed the heater.

Joel couldn’t have possibly known that it was the same man who, five minutes before, had clubbed Y/n and ordered David’s men to shoot her and Ellie. But he slashed his knife through him as if he’d watched it happen.

After wrestling the man to the ground and assuring that he was dead, Joel rolled off him, wheezing for breath. He tried to gather his thoughts on his back. There were more men, all looking for him, Y/n and Ellie. They weren’t back yet, which meant they’d either been kidnapped or killed. Most likely kidnapped, so long as Ellie’s bite wound hadn’t been visible. Tortured, maybe, or worse.

Joel inhaled as deep as he could and began to drag his body across the floor towards the stairs. Towards his girls.

—————————

Y/n leaned her head back against the concrete wall, wondering why the fuck there was a cage inside a kitchen.

She’d carried Ellie into it, the butt of David’s follower’s rifles pressing into her back as they forced her in. They’d both been stripped of their winter coats and weapons. She had yet to get any answers as to why they wanted them there or what they were planning to do to them. Ellie hadn’t woken up, leaving Y/n on her own to try every conceivable possibility to escape. None had succeeded.

David entered then, finally gracing Y/n with his holy presence. He pulled up a seat across from the cage, smiling politely.

“How is she?”

Y/n turned her head, indignant at the fact that David’s men had shot at them, caused Ellie’s injuries, and yet he had the nerve to inquire about her wellbeing.

David tried a different approach, “I know this all must be a bit strange…”

Y/n bristled, “I lived in Texas, I’ve seen a lot weird shit, but, uh,” Y/n took a look at her surroundings, “Yeah, a jail cell next to a butcher’s block is an unusual feature.”

“We only use it when necessary,” David held up two innocent hands, “I’d love to explain our community more to you, but it’d be nice to know your name first.”

“Beyonce,” Y/n answered without hesitation.

The preacher chuckled under his breath, “You’re very quick. Stepping in to portect your daughter, your…what, your husband? Boyfriend?”

Y/n had been interrogated so many times, had sustained so many injuries in FEDRA lockup, that there weren’t many tactics that could work on her. David trying to get a feel for her and Joel’s relationship was a waste of breath.

He sighed, tapping his hands against his knees in wait. “You know we’re not here to hurt you,” he said softly.

“Gee, I wonder where I would have gotten that idea,” Y/n retorted, “What with my fucking head splitting and my kid unconscious on the floor.”

“An unfortunate turn of events, yes,” David corrected her, “But we’re protective of our own. You can understand that, can’t you?”

Y/n didn’t move a muscle, staring David down, “Oh, yeah. We’re one and the same there,” she cracked a smile, vengeance practically dripping from her lips, “And that should scare you.”

David, however, only found her threats mildly amusing. He exhaled with a small laugh, Y/n rather preferred being underestimated. It caused people to leave their weak spots exposed. She was sure if she looked hard enough, she could find David’s.

Beside her, Ellie finally began to stir, drawing Y/n’s attention. She scurried to place her hands on Ellie’s back, helping the girl to sit up.

“Me and your mother were starting to worry you wouldn’t wake up,” David said.

Ellie’s vision was blurry and her entire body hurt, her words didn’t carry their usual edge as she told David, “Let us out.”

“Well, that’s certainly the goal,” David nodded, “Hungry?”

“Why are we in a cage?” Ellie hazily took in their surroundings.

“Because I’m afraid of you,” David gave the same calm smile he’d given Y/n, “You’re a dangerous person. You’ve certainly proven that. The others want me to kill you two for what’s happened.”

Y/n held Ellie steady as she got to her knees, neither of them particularly alarmed by David’s words.

He leaned forward, “Did you hear me say the others wanna kill you?”

“Yeah,” Ellie breathed.

“But I stopped them.”

“Fuck you,” Ellie said on behalf of both her and Y/n.

“Why don’t we just start with your name?” David asked once more.

Ellie didn’t miss a beat, “Eat shit.”

“Hey,” David’s voice rose, “Listen to me!”

As he got to his feet, Y/n did as well, coming to meet him at the cage wall as Ellie scurried to the far end of their prison. Y/n wanted to rip into him purely for startling the girl.

“You can’t survive on your own,” David continued, his eyes looking past Y/n to land on Ellie, “No one can. But I can help you,” his gaze finally flicked up, “Let me protect you two.”

“We don’t need your help or your protection,” Y/n enunciated every word clearly.

“And we’re not on our own,” Ellie added from behind Y/n.

David nodded, “Right. Your friend,” his face changed to accommodate faux concern one might use on a child, “And how is he?”

Behind her eyes, Y/n’s mind flicked to Joel, beads of sweat around his temples, breathing so frighteningly shallow, his tan skin deathly pale. She couldn’t admit to the fear pooling in her belly that against David’s men, Joel might have lost the fight.

“I can see how much you care about him, so I know it hurts,” David continued, l having broken Y/n and Ellie’s first line of defense, “But even so…you gotta face reality.”

David turned and began to circle the cage. Ellie and Y/n moved as one, Ellie crawling in the opposite direction and Y/n standing in front of her as a shield.

“That part of your lives, it’s ending,” David went on, finally stopping on the other end of the cage, “And what I’m offering you is a beginning. But if you can’t find a way to trust me, then yes,” his eyes scanned Ellie, “You are alone.”

Without another word, David walked off through a door in the kitchen, leaving Y/n and Ellie to themselves.

Y/n was on her knees immediately, holding Ellie’s face in her hands and checking her head.

“Definitely got your bell rung,” Y/n lightly ran a finger over the pink bruise at Ellie’s hairline.

“What the fuck do we do?” Ellie asked, unconcerned about her injuries.

“I’m trying to figure that out,” Y/n replied, stroking a quick hand over Ellie’s hair, “I’ve already tried to window up there,” she pointed to a small pane of glass above them, “I can’t break it. Guns are over there in the corner,” she gestured to the edge of the room. And I can’t-“

Y/n was cut off by Ellie, throwing her arms around her body. The girl pressed the side of her face into Y/n’s chest, her short breaths warming Y/n’s skin through her layers.

Of all the horrible memories Y/n carried from September 26th, 2003, there was one in particular that lived in her chest every second of every day. As she had clutched Sarah in her arms, with Joel trying to assess her mortal injuries, Sarah had tried desperately to speak. Her lips pressed together, only able to make a humming sound. Y/n had shushed her, telling her that it was okay, she was okay, they’d all be okay…and that had been the last of it.

Whatever Sarah had needed to say died on her lips, but lived on in Y/n’s mind. She had spent so long, playing the memory back, watching the girl’s mouth, listening to the buzz in her throat, unable to rest until she knew what she’d wanted to say in her final minutes.

It took her one year to figure it out, and twenty to accept.

Mom.

Y/n had failed Sarah just as Joel felt he had failed. She’d spent the last two decades telling herself she could have jumped in front of them, she could have yanked Sarah out of Joel’s arms, she could have attacked the guard…all things her brain knew there hadn’t been enough time for, but guilt and logic never agreed on anything. Y/n had begged God, the skies, the earth, the universe, anyone, for a second chance. For some miraculous, mind-bending turn of events to send her back to that day and save her daughter.

And as she cradled Ellie in her arms, pressing a kiss to the girl’s head, she knew her second chance lay not in the past, but in the future.

“We’re gonna get out of this,” Y/n said, speaking with a strength she hadn’t in twenty years, “I promise.”

David was right about one thing, they had to face reality.

Joel wasn’t coming to save them.

They were on their own.

And Y/n would be damned if she failed to save someone she loved again.

————————————

Joel had tried to keep his violent side hidden from both Ellie and Y/n during their time together. He’d slipped with the FEDRA guard in Boston, remembering the terror in Y/n’s eyes as she’d watched him beat the young man to death. Whether or not he knew it, he’d tried from that moment on to be better.

But now, with their lives at stake, Joel didn’t care about better.

Every punch he drove into the raider’s face he had tied to the chair was pure rage, the only thing strong enough to keep him upright. The pleas of the bloody pulp of a man fell on deaf ears.

“Stop…stop, please…”

Joel rammed his fist against his cheek once more, silencing him.

“Leave him alone,” the raider who Joel had yet to touch urged from the other side of the room.

“You’re next,” Joel muttered, withdrawing the knife from his belt with a spine-tingling smirk.

“Please,” the man he’d been hitting begged, “I don’t know any girls.”

Joel was a human lie detector, having seen both the best and worst of humanity. He didn’t have to second guess whether it was the right decision to drive his knife into the man’s knee.

“Marco,” the guy tried to call, his voice strained from his screams of pain.

“No-no, no-no-no,” Joel cooed, his soft tone contrasting the roughness in which he pulled the man by his hair, “He can’t help you. You focus right here. Or I’ll pop your fuckin’ kneecap off.”

The man’s breath trembled as Joel gripped him, knowing that betraying David came at its own cost. “They’re alive,” he admitted.

The hope spread through Joel, but it couldn’t outmatch the anger that doubled at the thought of Y/n and Ellie being held and tortured. “Where?”

When Joel didn’t get his answer quick enough, he reached down and twisted the knife in the man’s leg.

“Ah! Fuck,” he squealed, “Fuck! Ah! The town!”

“WHAT TOWN?!” Joel screamed into his face.

“Silver Lake,” the man panted, wincing after.

Joel reached into his pocket, taking out his map and unfolding it.

“It’s not a real town name,” his victim said, his speech slow from the ache in his jaw, “It’s a resort.”

Now that was a word Joel hadn’t heard in a long time, “A resort?”

Feeling each precious second that Y/n and Ellie were still breathing slipping away, Joel removed his knife from the man’s leg and forced his mouth open, slipping the handle in. “You’re gonna point to where we are,” he held up the map towards the guy’s head, “And where your resort is. And it better be the exact same spot your buddy points to.”

Joel had a death grip on his hair, pressing their foreheads together and feeling his near-attacker’s body tremble with fear. Trying his best, the man aimed the blade at the map, pinpointing their location. Fear could always deliver results.

Joel sat back, examining the drip of blood that served as a marker. His body ached with exhaustion, but his chest felt the same pain it had for the last three months. The kind that was usually a precursor his panic attacks, except now, adrenaline was all that followed.

“That’s where we are,” the man whimpered, “I swear. Go ask him, he’ll tell you. I’m not lying.”

There had never been a question as to whether or not Joel would show mercy. These men had seen Ellie and Y/n, knew where they were being kept, they might have even laid hands on them.

Joel slid the blade into the man’s chest without a second thought.

Marco unleashed a string of expletives as Joel caught his breath.

“Why the fuck did you do that? He told you what you wanted,” Marco whined.

Joel took clumsy steps across the room, reaching for the lead pipe Marco had carried in with him that now lay across the couch.

“You motherfucker, fuck you,” Marco spat as Joel strode towards him, “I ain’t tellin’ you shit.”

“It’s okay,” Joel nodded empathetically, calling on the same disarming tactics he had in his days as a raider, “I believe him.”

In that moment, Joel wasn’t a monster.

He wasn’t the villain.

He was a father and a husband.

And he brought the pipe down with all the fury one could possess.

—————————

Ellie was relentless.

“El,” Y/n insisted as the girl continued to try and pick the lock, “I already tried that.”

“Well, maybe you didn’t try hard enough,” Ellie replied as she tugged on it.

“Yes, ‘cause this is just so pleasant,” Y/n spread her arms out to the cage, “Look, we’re not getting out of here like that. We’ve gotta wait for him to slip up.”

Ellie looked over her shoulder, “What do you mean?”

“He thinks we’re two little lost lambs or sheep or whatever, all alone without anyone to protect us,” Y/n explained, “We’ve gotta wait for the exact right moment when he fucks up and gives us an opportunity.”

“Okay,” Ellie nodded before quickly turning back to the lock.

Y/n slapped her hands against her legs, “I just gave you the plan.”

“I thought I felt it jiggle,” Ellie insisted, shaking the lock a few more times before coming to a sudden stop and stumbling backwards towards Y/n.

Y/n caught her in confusion, “What?”

She followed Ellie’s line of vision across the room to the chopping block, falling south to the floor. Y/n’s stomach turned at the sight…

An ear.

An actual fucking ear.

In all his perfect timing, David entered just then, carrying a tray and sliding it under the cage walls. Two bowls of soup and a cup of water.

David followed Ellie and Y/n’s eyes down to the butcher’s block, frowning when he realized what they were looking. “For what it’s worth,” he gestured to the bowls, “This is just deer meat, I swear.”

Ellie and Y/n were separately connecting all the dots of why they were being held where they were. They could have been trapped anywhere in the town, their weapons stripped from them and beaten into submission. This was a purposeful choice.

“You’re going to chop us into little pieces,” Ellie stated.

“I’d rather not,” David answered, “Please, just tell me your names.”

Y/n forced herself to exhale, wondering how the hell he could be so focused on a trivial detail.

“If you wanna judge me-“ David shrugged.

“Judge you?” Ellie raised her voice to a scream, surging forward to grab the metal bars, “You’re eating people, you sick fuck!”

She kicked the tray across the floor, it landed under the chopping block. David backed away from her anger.

“Yes,” David replied, “There are only a few of us who know. But I would’ve told you, sooner or later. I guess sooner.”

“You’re a fucking animal,” Y/n seethed, finally finding the strength to speak.

“Well, yes, we all are,” David said, his sociopathic calm tone beginning to worry both Y/n and Ellie, “That’s sorta of the point,” he took in Ellie’s disgust, “It was a last resort. You think it doesn’t shame me? But what was I supposed to do? Let them starve? These people who put their lives in my hands, w-who expect me to keep them save, who love me?”

“Yeah, maybe,” Ellie shot back.

“You don’t believe that,” David shook his head, “I don’t think your friend would either. Didn’t he take another man’s life to save yours?”

“Your men fucking attacked us,” Y/n added, her tone sharp.

“He was defending himself,” Ellie replied.

“He was defending you and your mother,” David corrected, even though he was calling on Y/n, his eyes were locked on Ellie’s, “But you knew that. You see a lot. So do I. And you know what I see when I look at you?”

Y/n watched the conversation in wait, it was beginning to alarm her that he was focusing all his attention on Ellie.

“Me,” he continued, “You remind me of me. You’re a natural leader, smart…loyal. Violent.”

Ellie froze at his words, while Y/n took a step forward.

“Keep going and you’ll see how violent I can be,” she threatened.

“Now, see, your mother,” David gestured to Y/n but never once looked at her, “She is deeply afraid, faking her confidence with threats. But that’s not who she actually is. I could unlock this door, hand her her gun, and she still might not be able to do what she needs to to protect you.”

Y/n’s nostrils flared at the assumption that she wouldn’t break his neck to save Ellie.

“But you, on the other hand…” David continued speaking to Ellie, “If I let you out of that cage right now, put that knife of yours in your hand, you’d stick me in a second. You have a violent heart. And I should know…” David took slow steps towards the cage, his eyes alight, “I’ve always had a violent heart. And I struggled with it for a long time. But then the world ended and I was shown the truth.”

“Right…” Ellie muttered, “By God.”

“No,” David breathed, “By Cordyceps. What does Cordyceps do? Is it evil? No. It’s fruitful. It multiplies. It feeds and protects its children, and it secures its future with violence, if it must. It loves.”

Y/n’s blood heated to a boil, her cheeks warming with rage. Cordyceps had taken everything and everyone she had ever loved. It was the purest form of evil nature had ever created. She wanted to cut through David, whispering the names of all her lost family into his ear as she did.

But this wasn’t her opportunity.

“Why are you telling us all this?” Ellie asked, she still believed it was a conversation between three people.

“Because you can handle it,” David said, Y/n may as well have not even been in the room, “The way the others can’t. They need God, they need Heaven,” David took another step towards the cage, “They need a father. You don’t. You’re beyond that. I’m a shepherd surrounded by sheep, and all I want…is an equal. A friend.”

Alarms rang in Y/n’s head so loud, she thought they were real. But Ellie was playing the game that Y/n had told her to, and she couldn’t stop her.

“What about our friend?”

“Like I said, loyal,” David nodded before taking another slow step towards them, “I can tell the others to stop looking for him. They’ll spare him.”

Ellie looked up to Y/n, convincingly filling her eyes with hope, before looking back to David. Y/n quickly adjusted her expression to match, pretending as if Joel’s safety was the only thing that mattered.

“Really?” Ellie took a step forward towards David, “They’ll just let him go?”

“Yes,” David answered confidently, “If he leaves us in peace, they will just let him go.”

It wasn’t hard for Y/n to whip up some tears, taking a choking breath in and following Ellie towards the metal bars.

“They do what I tell them to do. They follow me,” David was getting closer and closer, his gaze fixated, obsessed with Ellie, “And they would follow us. Lord knows, I could use the help. I-“ he chortled, gesturing to below the chopping block, “Look what’s happened.”

David extended his hand, gripping one of the horizontal metal bars between him from Ellie and Y/n. They stared down at it, considering their options.

“Think of what we could together,” David said, his voice alive with passion, “As strong as we are. We’d make this place perfect. We’d grow, spread out. And we’d do whatever we needed for our people.”

Ellie reached to grab the other side of the bar, her hand perilously close to David’s. Y/n had to fight every instinct to rip her body behind her own.

“Imagine the life we could give them,” David said wistfully, moving his hand to slide over Ellie’s, “Imagine the life we could build.”

David may not have been watching her, but Y/n made effort to drop two tears down her cheeks and sniffle as if it was the most beautiful idea in the world…

“Oh,” Ellie whispered, reaching a nearly shaking palm up to David’s hand, hoping that Y/n sensed that the moment was upon them.

Ellie pushed David’s finger back, a sickening crack erupting in his hand. As he cried out in pain, Y/n dropped down to her knees, pulling him in by his belt and grabbing the keys off their hook. Unfortunately, he wriggled out of Ellie’s grasp and reached through the bars, grabbing Y/n by the throat and squeezing. Y/n gagged and choked as his fingers tightened, but she still held onto the keys.

Ellie struck a blow to David’s abdomen, causing him to drop Y/n and stumble backwards. In the sudden movement, Y/n dropped the keys to the floor and nearly fell. David was quick to come back, grabbing Ellie’s hair and slamming her face into the bars twice before throwing her down.

“You little cunts,” he seethed, picking up the keys from the floor, “Let’s see what I go tell the others now.”

Y/n coughed violently, earning each and every breath back, but bent over Ellie to make sure she was alright. The girl’s blood painted the floor of their cell.

“Ellie,” she said, crawling past Y/n and towards David.

David turned, “What?”

“Tell them Ellie is the little girl,” the girl crawled to the bars, raising her voice, “Who broke your fucking finger!”

“How did you put it?” David asked, his tone mocking them now, “Hmm? ‘Tiny little pieces?’”

He stormed out of the room, slamming it behind him and leaving Ellie and Y/n to contemplate their impending doom.

“Fuck,” Y/n whispered, rubbing her already sore neck and forming a plan in her dizzy head. “Okay, when they come in, I’ll take them and you fucking run.”

“No,” Ellie replied quickly, stumbling to her feet, “No, we-“

“You’re going to get the fuck out of here,” Y/n continued, emphasizing each of the last words, “And you’re going to run.”

“I’m not fucking leaving you,” Ellie yelled, shoving Y/n’s arms.

“And I’m not asking,” Y/n yelled back, feeling her fate slowly approaching. If it bought Ellie time, it was all worth it.

She gripped Ellie’s shoulders, wrenching her closer and locking eyes with her. “You. Run.”

———————————

The snow outside had picked up, nearly blinding Joel as he trudged through the ice, clutching his abdomen the whole way.

He’d made it to Silver Lake, against all odds, but didn’t know the first place to look. He kept his good ear peeled, trying to listen for Y/n or Ellie’s cries, but the storm made that impossible. Leaned up against one of the resort’s buildings, trying to catch his breath, Joel tried to think clearly about his next move.

Then his eyes caught the trail of blood in the snow and logic went out the window.

Joel followed the crimson that led him to the building’s door. He broke the lock with the butt of his rifle and entered, clicking on his flashlight and drawing his pistol. He crept through the shed, bending down once to search under a table and finding only old clothes and useless supplies. Then, he spotted a nearly identical trail of blood leading into the next room.

All the while his heart thudded with fear, fear of failure.

Joel made no noise as he entered the room, shining his flashlight ahead to find what was left of one of their horses. They’d captured Y/n and Ellie while riding. The picture of their kidnapping was beginning to fill with color.

Joel shone his flashlight past the horse, finding tarps over equipment and…something…hanging on the other side. He moved around the animal’s body to get a closer look…

His stomach turned.

He had to fucking hurry.

—————————

David stormed through the door with James right behind him. Ellie and Y/n scurried away from the cage’s front. Y/n hadn’t expected a second set of hands, it made her entire plan impossible.

“No! No! No!” Ellie screamed, pressing herself into Y/n’s body in fear.

David and James wrenched the two of them apart.

“Don’t you fucking touch her,” Y/n screamed at the top of her lungs, hoping someone might hear them and come running, “No!”

“Get off of me!” Ellie shrieked, kicking at both of the men, “Get off of me!”

If Y/n had been on 10, Ellie’s pleas dialed her up to 12. She picked up her entire body weight and let herself drop to the floor, bringing James with her. He stumbled, but regained his footing and dragged Y/n out of the cell, kicking and screaming.

“No!” Ellie yelled, biting down on David’s all-too-close hand.

“Ow,” the preacher cried out, but stayed undeterred in his mission. He pulled Ellie out of the cell.

Y/n wrestled against Jame’s firm grip, flailing her arms as she tried to reach around and scratch him. She’d tear him to pieces with her hands, if the chance came.

“You motherfucker,” she cried, trying to catch her leg on anything that might slow them down, but he lifted her onto the chopping block as if she was nothing. James held her hands down at her sides, giving Y/n the opportunity to spit in his face.

“Wait, wait,” Ellie begged as David dragged her towards the block.

“Shut up,” James growled, narrowly dodging Y/n’s head butt.

David lifted Ellie up and dropped her harshly on Y/n, knocking the wind out of the woman with Ellie’s weight. He forced Ellie’s hands into Y/n’s, lining the two of them up.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait,” Ellie begged, Y/n’s coughs sputtering in her ear, “Don’t! Don’t do it! Please, don’t do it!”

“You had your chance,” David spoke over Ellie as he raised the cleaver above his head.

In her struggle for oxygen, Y/n let out a final cry. For Ellie, for Joel, for her grand failure to save all of them.

This was how it ended.

“I’M INFECTED!”

Ellie’s words echoed off the walls, David simply scoffed at her.

“I’m infected,” Ellie said once more, her voice low, “And now so are you.”

David glanced down at the bite mark Ellie had put on his hand. Y/n caught it too, fighting the urge to smile. The girl was smarter and quicker than she or Joel had ever taught her.

“Roll up my sleeve, look at it,” Ellie insisted, “Look at it!”

Biting down on his lip in frustration, David slammed the cleaver down beside Y/n and Ellie’s heads, causing both of them to flinch away. He tugged Ellie’s right sleeve up, revealing the ever-present mark that Cordyceps had left on her.

“God’s will,” Y/n strained, smirking below Ellie.

James looked up at his leader in concern, “David…”

“No,” David shook his head, “No, she would’ve turned by now. This isn’t real.”

Unable to speak without them hearing her, but needing to signal Ellie that she was on board with the plan, Y/n squeezed the back of Ellie’s hand twice.

“It looks pretty fuckin’ real to me,” James continued.

Ellie pressed her hand back into Y/n’s.

This was their opportunity.

Ellie reached to her side, grabbing the cleaver and lodging it in Jame’s shoulder. Y/n threw the girl off and kicked both feet into David’s stomach, buying them a few precious seconds to escape. Bullets chased them as they flew through the door.

Y/n and Ellie ran through the rest of the kitchen, making it out into the dining room. They went from door to door, banging and pulling furiously. Nothing.

Hearing David’s footsteps down the hall, they rushed back into the kitchen to look for any weapons. Ellie reached into a wood burning stove, grabbing one of the crackling logs before Y/n shoved her out of the room and down behind a wall.

The kitchen door squeaked, announcing David’s presence. Without her gun, Y/n knew she didn’t stand a chance at going up against David, but she could buy time. She crawled away from Ellie, ignoring the girl’s frantic looks and moved behind a table, popping up once she heard David’s steps.

“You’re very determined,” David’s calm tone continued, even as he clutched the cleaver in his hand, “I’ll give you that.”

“What a parent won’t do for their kid,” Y/n shrugged, “Right, Father?”

As Y/n put a period on her sentence, Ellie stood up from her spot and threw the burning log at David, missing him and giving Y/n the chance to duck down and crawl away. Ellie had, however, succeeded in starting a fire that quickly began to eat through the drapes of the dining room. Ellie crawled back, spotting Y/n and hurrying in her direction.

“There’s no way out, Ellie,” David called, moving away from the rapid fire, “The doors are locked and I have the keys.”

While she couldn’t see the flames, Y/n could smell and hear them. They were spreading as if nature herself had started it.

“Ellie?” David called tauntingly, “Ellie.”

Y/n knew that if there was any chance for escape, it would only come for one of them. David would have to be preoccupied with something else to let anything slip through his fingers and that anything had to be Ellie. Reaching down into her boot, she remembered she still had her knife on her.

She drew a deep breath and begged for Joel, dead or alive, to forgive her.

It was the only option that ensured Ellie’s salvation.

————————

Joel couldn’t move fast in the snow, the winds threatening to shove his fragile frame down into the ice. With every step he fought, trying to see something, anything through the gust of snowflakes.

In his mind, he was begging and pleading with the universe to give him a sign, a direction..he felt more and more panicked with each passing moment that he was too late.

Joel walked a little quicker, ignoring the stabbing pain in his stomach.

He couldn’t lose them.

—————————

“Ellie…” David called again, “I know you’re not infected. No one infected fights this hard to stay alive.”

Y/n belly crawled on the floor of the restaurant, away from Ellie and closing in on David’s voice. She clutched the knife in her sweaty palm.

“So…how did you do it?” David asked the room, “What’s the secret? Or are you just that fucking special?”

Y/n was near enough to the bar that she could see the panels swing open and Ellie’s legs trailing in. She was smart enough to try and find a true weapon.

“No one likes being humiliated, Ellie,” David continued his tirade, forgetting Y/n’s presence entirely, “You don’t know how good I am! You don’t know what I could have given you! If you had just let me!”

Y/n continued her army crawl before crouching behind the wall nearest to David, waiting for her perfect chance.

“Well, I have news for you,” the “pastor’s” tone softened back to its pulpit pitch, “None of us are dying today. You see, I’ve changed my mind. I’ve decided you do need a father, and your mother needs a husband.”

Y/n tightened her grip on her knife, waiting, waiting, waiting…

“So I’m gonna keep you two,” David promised, “And I’m gonna teach you.”

In her years, Y/n had heard and witnessed truly disturbing events. Nothing could have terrified her more than the sick headlines about corrupt preachers, using the Word of God as a deflection, coming to life in front of her.

Y/n leapt to her feet, spininning around the wall’s end and stabbing David’s shoulder from behind. The man cried out in pain, but didn’t fall as Y/n had needed him to. He faced her, swinging the cleaver past her before gripping her throat with one hand and shoving her up against the wall. Y/n struggled ferociously, speed kicking his legs until he dropped her. He wrenched her back, throwing her to the floor, and let one of the heavy dining tables fall straight onto Y/n’s abdomen. The pressure crushed her, stealing all the air from her lungs, and left her sputtering and choking for breath.

David leaned down, his lips grazing Y/n’s ear in a way that had only ever been reserved for Joel. “I’ll deal with you in a moment,” he growled.

Y/n was too breathless to speak and the table was too heavy for her to lift. It was almost guaranteed that David had cracked at least one of her ribs. She flailed about under its weight like a bug being crushed, frantically trying to escape.

With a lack of oxygen, her ears began to ring and her eyesight began to blur. From across the room, she could see David and Ellie’s figures fighting, with Ellie’s being shoved to the floor.

Y/n’s lips tried to form the girl’s name.

The corners of her vision began to darken just as David pinned Ellie down.

Her screams poured the air right back into Y/n’s lungs.

With strength only a mother whose child was endangered could have, Y/n strained to push the table off of her. She raised it enough to shimmy her abdomen out, letting it fall on her legs with a pained groan. She pulled and pulled her body out from under the surface, Ellie’s cries of terror giving her all the power she needed to roll the rest of the way. She grabbed her knife, stained with David’s blood and crawled across the floor.

David’s back was blissfully turned.

Ellie couldn’t see Y/n.

The flames were consuming the restaurant.

Y/n inched her way closer.

David said something Y/n couldn’t hear over the fire.

Ellie screamed louder.

Y/n reached her hand out, ripping David back by the collar, stabbing him in the chest with her knife and wrenching him off of Ellie.

Ellie reached above her head for the cleaver.

The rest passed in a set of thirty blood soaked seconds.

When it was over, Y/n stumbled to her feet, reaching down to pull Ellie up with her. The room was filled with a gagging smoke, the fames mere seconds from bringing the whole building down.

Y/n rushed them out through the kitchen, the back end was their best chance at escape. Down the hall were two large black doors, the lack of lock allowing Y/n to shove her and Ellie’s trembling forms out.

The cold air greeted their heated skin, both of them struggling to catch their breath. Y/n clutched Ellie to her as she maneuvered them down the stone steps and into the snow.

They both screamed as a pair of strong arms grabbed their bodies, tugging them backwards.

“No! Get off of me!,” Ellie shrieked, the reality of David’s death ceasing to exist under the strange touch.

“No! You fucking-“ Y/n tried to shove Ellie behind her, turning around and fighting hard against the figure before she even looked up.

Adrenaline somehow granted Joel enough strength to turn Ellie around in his arms and restrain Y/n’s hands.

“It’s me,” Joel coaxed as Ellie slapped his chest.

Y/n eyes turned up at the sound of his voice, meeting his eyes finally. “Ellie,” she breathed, awestruck.

“It’s me,” Joel repeated to Ellie, her hits finally stopping as she finally returned to reality. Joel took her face into his hand, cupping her cheek and drawing her gaze to him, “Hey, look…it’s me. It’s me.”

Ellie let out little whimpers as she took in his presence, miraculously in front of her.

Y/n ran her hands over Joel’s arm, in utter disbelief that he was actually there. His hand that rested on her back slid half an inch, the movement giving her the assurance that he was real. He had come for them.

“It’s okay,” Joel told Ellie, the girl mumbling and stuttering in shock.

Ellie didn’t think twice before looping her arms around Joel’s neck and burrowing her face into his shoulder. Y/n did the same, keeping one arm firmly around Ellie.

“It’s okay,” he promised once more, taking the full force of their embrace as if it were the very air he breathed. “It’s okay, babygirl,” he said to Ellie, “I got you. I got you.”

Y/n sniffled into Joel’s shoulder, feeling his hurried kiss press against her temple. She had gone from her most vulnerable to her most safe in the course of a single minute.

After a few seconds, wishing it could last longer, Joel pulled back to look at them both. He took in the blood on both their faces, there were big bruise marks on Y/n’s neck and she was clutching her stomach. He felt ashamed that he hadn’t been there sooner to spare them the pain of whatever they’d gone through.

“Okay,” Joel said softly, taking off his coat and wrapping it around Ellie’s shoulders.

Y/n finally noticed that Joel was carrying both his rifle and all three of their backpacks. She hurried to grab hers and Ellie’s, slipping one on her shoulder and carrying the other.

Joel and Y/n got on each of Ellie’s sides, wrapping an arm around the girl and setting off into the snow. The adrenaline began to fade in Joel’s body, weakening him once again till he was limping. The searing pain in Y/n’s chest ached with every breath, she had to time each inhale in between her steps.

But it didn’t matter to either of them. They locked their hands around each other’s arm, tightening their hold around Ellie, and took slow, unsteady steps towards the river.

—————————

That night, they sought shelter in a different neighborhood, hiding in someone else’s former house.

Y/n and Joel sat upright against the freezing concrete wall, Ellie sleeping soundly between them. They each kept one hand on her as they had soothed her to sleep, but they kept their hold long after. They needed the physical reassurance that she was okay.

All day, Y/n had held it together as they journeyed as far from Silver Lake as they could. She was too determined to get the three of them the hell out of dodge to fall apart. It wasn’t until Ellie had fallen asleep, under the safety of Y/n and Joel’s protection, that the weight of what had almost happened to them fell onto her.

Joel felt the trembling from Y/n’s hand gently shake Ellie’s body. He peered across her into the dark, the moonlight catching on her face to perfectly illuminate the silent tears down her cheeks.

As she stifled her sobs, Y/n felt Joel’s fingers intertwine with hers over Ellie’s torso. She squeezed her eyes shut, his touch sending her emotions right over their edge.

Joel squeezed, trying to tell her that in the silence, in the pain, he was there. He was there for the first time in twenty years for her to lean on.

Y/n squeezed back, savoring the press of his calloused fingers into her palm. They had come so close to losing one another, but they were alive. They were alive, they were together and if that was the only thing they had to hold onto, they’d cling to it like life itself.

——————

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[nym-wibbly]

The last Supernatural ep we watched last night was 12x10 Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets. It and the end of 12x09 went some way to answering the question I was getting nowhere with yesterday - 'where's my in for fanficcing Castiel?'. That angel finally reached max gross load there and got angry with his situation to the extent of taking it out on his friends. He's acting put-upon and under-appreciated, exasperated to tears with the Winchesters' latest attempt to sacrifice themselves to save each other. That sarcastic, bitter, 'You're welcome,' at the end of 12x09 was a huge moment for the character.

Since beating Dean senseless back in S5 he's sat on his frustrations, fears, disappointments, and failures like a champ and put up with those of others with tired stoicism and humility. When he's screwed up, he's done so from honest motives - protect Winchesters; fix what's broke; be of service. He's been learning and growing in every way he possibly can - from practical and emotional experience, from suffering and loss, from personal failure, from self-reflection, from the Novak family he nuked just by showing up, and from his friends.

The early evolution of the season 4/5 angels storyline showed Heaven flailing because God had left the building without leaving a plan, the remaining archangels holding it all together with the Apocalypse as the be-all-and-end-all of existence. By season 6 they're fighting a multi-front civil war. By season 8 they're all but destroyed, their numbers dangerously low, and we learn that it's taken brutal brainwashing - repeated full factory resets in Castiel's case - to keep the rank and file angels in line since at least Biblical times. Even the higher ranking angels are lost sheep, guessing at what God wants of them and - whether explicitly or not - asking, 'Father, why?'

By the time God dropped in at the end of season 11, when it looked like his last and only chance, Castiel had nothing left to say to him and no questions he felt were worth asking. On the one hand maybe a missed opportunity for the characters, but on the other... maybe that lack of a conversation with Cas said it all? Chuck had The Conversation with Dean, and with Lucifer, but he has no connection with the lower-ranking angels. None. God is over Castiel, who keeps not quite playing out his role in the story; and Cas has been pretty well cured of his zealous 'because God' angel programming, along with any illusion of a benign or worthy father figure in Chuck.

He's left with this quietly resentful disappointment that turns easily to self-loathing and self-doubt when he encounters failure. He doesn't take the opportunity to share that with Chuck, a detail hammered home by also having Misha Collins play Lucifer in that setup - a no-holds-barred, personal, messy-emotional father-son relationship with God that Castiel never had.

He's gone from resentment towards Dean for distracting him from his obligation to Heaven with its security blanket of narrow, emotionless certainty to the complete reverse, focusing everything he has on the Winchesters - Mary included - because Cas still needs something to believe in and something to serve. He equates that, now, with his protective love for this human found-family who taught him how to feel, love and live. With Dean especially, who doesn't see his own value and keeps endangering his life and soul.

Cas doesn't believe in himself, though, not even slightly. He still only defines himself, knows himself, relative to something he views as greater and more important than himself, and as a cause worth killing or dying for. He's trying to do his duty as he sees it - his duty to the thing he has faith in. It still hurts him when that faith lets him down, and that's the 'in' I was looking for.

[stellarlex]

I still can’t believe some of Alya’s actions (she locked Marinette in a room with a “super villain”!) why is she getting rewarded and not called out? This is a kids show yet it’s glorifying bad friends and peer pressure wtf!?

Exactly. Alya was not supposed to do what she did. She went against Marinette’s orders and nearly got Marinette exposed. She shouldn’t have gotten rewarded for that. I saw this post saying show it’s ridiculous that some people are suggesting that Alya get mind wiped because then it would mean Marinette would be under all that pressure again.

Listen I get the whole pressure thing, I do. But I think Marinette would be a lot happier she if she chose to mind wipe Alya for what she did and be alone again when being alone didn’t nearly get her exposed like Alya did. Alya stole a miraculous from the box. She borrowed it without asking and that’s theft. She didn’t have malicious motives but it’s still theft. This should prove that she can’t trust Alya to follow instructions. Alya thought that since she and Marinette are friends that she could take liberties that she didn’t have and just take a miraculous and give it out like she was the guardian herself.

When akumas happen there’s no room for friend favors, it’s time for serious work and for Marinette’s plans fo succeed she needs precision. Marinette didn’t even NEED the Lucky Charm until after the battle was over because Alya interfered. The only reason they even won against Style Queen was because Hawk Moth cooperated. When Rena turned her back on Senti-Nino he could have just ambushed her and then went back to Hawk Moth with not one but TWO miraculous, and then could have dismissed Senti-Nino and made a Senti-Alya and used her to get to Ladybug. It would have been that fucking easy.

This should prove that NONE of the reserve heroes should have their powers back. ZERO. I said in one my recent posts that I was scared Alya was gonna want to be in on everything and want to be called in more often. Well Marinette just handed that to her today, and Alya and Trixx had agreed that Alya should be permanent. But here’s the thing:

Kwami are basically children with the power of GODS. Most of them just want to have fun. Trixx wanting to be out and about with Alya is NOT a good thing. ESPECIALLY when Hawk Moth knows her identity AND has a willing accomplice in Lila Rossi, who for all we know Alya still trusts is an ally to Ladybug. Especially since an ep that has Alya interacting with Lila after Marinette confessed to being Ladybug hasn’t happened yet. Nor do we know if Marinette told her about Lila and all her proof that Lila is lying that she couldn’t tell because of her identity, an identity that Alya now knows.

If Lila were to see that necklace she would get suspicious AF and it only takes one conversation with Hawk Moth to let her know that the pendant is the real miraculous and she’ll try to steal it for her own gain like idk, using illusions to make it seem all her lies are true and that there is proof to further isolate Marinette from her friends.

The code for the box should be changed or a whole new box should be made. Out of most of the Kwami, Barkk seems to be more responsible and would guard the miracle box a lot more efficiently. Alya wouldn’t be able to pull another stunt like she did in Optigami again. She shouldn’t be trusted now as a superhero ally period. Not out of maliciousness, but because she can’t be trusted to follow directions since she and Marinette are friends.

Also, I’m not racist for saying that anti Alya salters. I’m a black woman. Try me.

[hanyohime]

Theory #2 My First Episode/Season One Opening observations:

Like many of you Inuyasha/Yashahime fans out there, I too got a little emotional during the first episode when we saw Inuyasha and crew. Besides some nit picky animation things I noticed, like the OG crew looking much younger in some angles or less line detail on characters than the OG show. I love how vibrant the colouring is, how smooth the action scenes are and the more detailed the scenery is.

I was so surprised how they started off the show! The girls already knowing eachother and such. It's an interesting foundation to build on, as there are already so many unanswered questions, and it makes me want more urgently. I feel like it was a good move for Sunrise, as they now have a new generation of audience interested in what's going to happen next. Because what the fuck is going on!?

I won’t be doing a whole overview of the first Ep., just ramblings on what I noticed. Warning there will be potential SPOILERS as I have theories that tie into clips from the Ep. 2’s trailer.

So we are introduced to the owl demon named Yotsume or his human disguise name is Soukyu, master of the tea ceremony. To me he seems like a quiet observer, an opportunist, as well as a skilled manipulator. He was able to make his way though the house of the Shogun Ogigayatsu Hiiragi Danjo and basically became his advisor without revealing his identity... until Moroha showed up.

Since Yotsume has shapeshifting abilities, the elderly man could be just ONE of his personas and so much like Naraku I feel like he will cause a lot of problems for our girls in their quest for truth. However he is familiar with Moroha and she to him. I believe they have a cat and mouse kind of relationship. There must be some kind of hearty bounty on him for Moroha to be so excited to dispatch him as soon as she makes out his scent. But she may have been trying to catch him for some time and enjoys the chase.

In the scene where the piece of Root Head left behind fuses with the sacred tree, we can see a shady four eyed owl demon, well at least I'm pretty sure it's him, flying away. I have a feeling Yotsume placed that piece there purposefully, but what his motives are remain unknown for now, but I have some thoughts on it.

I believe he knows the area well and had been observing the OG crew for years, I even think through part of the Naraku saga as well. He said in the first episodes he heard rumors of a priestess who passed through a well and other information about our OG crew and their adventures.

He's an information gatherer, he must roam from village to village to hear all of those rumors until he found Kaedes village. I'm not sure what his angle is yet and he may not quite be the main antagonist, but I feel like he is pulling the strings in a way. Perhaps Root Head itself spoke to Yotsume and they formed some kind of pact? Maybe their goal is to alter the past to obtain the sacred jewel once again? I dunno.

Usually the antagonists are featured in the intro’s with dark colours, such as purple, black, deep blues and red's like Naraku and spawn. However, Yotsume is not even in the intro... or is he?

Axlebeats on YouTube pointed out that his Yotsumes shape shifting may be limited as even in human disguise he was unable to conceal his four eyes, he had to wear a hat to cover. But we do not see a four eyed demon and I just find it odd that he wouldn't be featured in the intro if he played such a big roll in the OG crews disappearances

In all the Inuyasha intros only the most significant characters for the season are featured. Or maybe Yotsume can conceal his eyes and he is one of the 3 new characters in the intro. Then again not even Kagome is featured among other characters.

These new characters seem to fit that spot of the antagonist in the opening. The man I presume is owner of the ‘corpse house’ and this other mystery character, who I still am not quite sure is a man or a woman?

SuprisingIy the tanuki demon Takeichyo is apart of this group. So he could very well be apart of the antagonist crew or affiliated with them. If this is the case I feel like slowly as the series goes on, his alleiegence will change over as he builds relationships with our main girls through their adventures.

In the Opening we can see the girls battling with mysterious demons in the intro as well. The first one is noted to have roots and the others manifest afterwards which is curious. I feel like this is Root heads doing, like Naraku creating minions do his bidding.

Moroha will most likley be meeting her paternal family next episode and I can’t deal. With this, I will start off with a theory that makes me want to cry. So the show to me has already highlighted a few times that Moroha has a very keen sense of smell. So if Moroha were to smell something of Kagomes in modern times, and if one of my alternate theories of Kagome being trapped in the actual tree/time tunnel is true, maybe Moroha can smell her while she passes through the tunnel!

I can imagine as she goes back through to feudal Japan she will smell something familiar in the void they pass through. It's either that or Inuyasha because if she was left with the robe of the fire rat then she may be more familiar with Inuyasha's scent than anyone elses.

With that being said. I have a feeling that my alternate theory of Jaken being the green pearl may be more plausible? Or maybe a more significant character (no offense to Jaken fans) like Kouga is the Green pearl. They focus solely on the 3 pearls in the opening theme. I had previously thought Kagome to be the green pearl but my theory that she may just be trapped in the sacred tree/time tunnel seems more likely now. She's too major of a character to not be a significant objective for the show but I think it will take a few seasons for us to figure out where she is. Granted none of the other pearls are featured in the intro.

It's officially been established that Towa has the silver pearl, Setsuna has the Yellow/gold pearl and Moroha has the red pearl. Towa and Setsuna BOTH have glowing eyes which now I feel confident saying that they have pearls in there just like Inuyasha. Note how Setsuna has a yellow glow and Towa has a white glow, corresponding with the pearl they possess.

I don't necessarily think the eye/glow is a portal itself but I believe they trigger the time traveling in some way while being close to the sacred tree. It seems that whatever power comes from these pearls will powerboost the weapons the girls have.

I think Moroha and Hisui are the only ones who will be able to use the pearls externally, while it appears that Setsuna and Towa have their pearls trapped in there eye opposite eyes, Setsunas on the right and Towas on the left. At some point they will be able to use their abilities.

I believe Hisui will have strong spiritual capabilities like his father, which now makes sense as to why he would wear prayerbeads, other than being a token from his father. I think Miroku left that with him to protect him from evil during the night of the fire.

Another reason I feel that Hisui is more spiritually inclined is a scene in the first episode, in the flashback where he is a baby. As Kagome, the twins, Sango and Hisui are passing a tree in the village that Yotsume is perched on, Hisui starts to cry, and only stops when Yotsume flys away. I found this really interesting as Sango and Kagome, who have trained in sensing demonic energy for years, didn't seem to notice his presence at all. I was especially surprised kagome did not notice something at least. But If I am going along with the theory that Hisui having the blue pearl which is Miroku, I would assume it would increase his spiritual abilities, perhaps he is able to fuse this with Hiraikotsu's miasma purifying abilities?

Thats all I got for now!

Cutting it close! Only a few hours away till the next episode but had to get it out 😅

[rkxluda]

                                       MGA season 4, ep. 6 - Summer                                                  Team A - Universe       #4003 ( Kim Junmyeon ) #4010 ( Joo Haknyeon ) #4012 ( Kim Yongsun )                             #4039 ( Minatozaki Sana ) #4042 ( Hwang Hyunjin )                                              #4033 Lee Luda, vocals                                           Exo - Love Me Right | Outfit

“All of you will continue with us next week.” Luda couldn't believe her ears. Third place? That didn't sound real. Her teams placed last twice in a row, how could this be possible, especially with her as leader? She knew she didn't have any leading qualities. She helped where she could and tried to be cheerful and minded everyone's opinions and sure that was important, but that wasn't enough to be a leader. And yet they managed to place third and for the first time, no one was eliminated. Not one single team member. The girl couldn't help the tears streaming over her face and she let them. At the same time she tried doing so quietly, not wanting to seem overly unprofessional. She thanked her team as soon as they were off the stage – Luda knew she wouldn't have made it without them. And she was sad that they all would have to move on to their new teams, but she was still thankful for the experience.

To her surprise Hyunjin was on her team again – and she was glad to know at least one face, as she's never worked with anyone else of this weeks team before. Six teammates was a stark contrast to four and worry over smooth decision-making came to mind. Luckily everything went surprisingly smooth. She was still glad that she wasn't eligible as leader anymore. When they first met, it was obvious that some of the other members already knew each other and she hoped it would help the teamwork. She wasn't one to feel left out easily and she tried to clink in whenever she thought of a possibly good idea. Team Universe sounded like a great idea and even more so that everyone would choose a planet for themselves. She initially thought of Neptune – her favourite Sailor Moon character – but the planet was fast taken and she took to her phone to have a look at other planets. Pluto came to mind. But when she saw Mercury and how beautiful the planet looked in pictures, her mind was fast set on it. It was also the smallest planet of the solar system, so that's what she would say to anyone teasing her about not having chosen Pluto. She fought hard against the urge to suggest dressing up as sailor scouts for the performance – it didn't quite seem serious enough. But she was still happy with the concept.

This time the song chosen was Exo's “Love Me Right”, a song she found had a very nice feel to it, though a lot of other songs came to mind before this one, when she thought of summer songs. But she didn't mind the choice at all – she understood that half the team were boys who might feel uncomfortable doing something very girlie, even if that's what she really craved to do by now. She found girlie concepts suited her more and that's what she also liked listening to. Not exclusively, but a lot. Still, Love Me Right was a nice choice. It wasn't too masculine and something that was also important: the dance wasn't incredibly difficult, even if it wouldn't be easy. This criteria was something that in her mind, excluded a sad amount of songs. She wished she could deliver a hard dance well, but the first two group performances were enough to make her feel very careful about song choices.

Practising went relatively well this week... for the most part. She went home to sleep the first and last days, otherwise sleeping at the practise room again. She didn't know how much longer she could continue with so little sleep, but for the frail person she was, she had a very sturdy health and body. The performance this time seemed a bit more trendy-casual she thought, while the previous one had had a calmer-casual feel to it. She really liked going through so many different concepts, even if she still wanted to do a cute girl group one. The only kind she feared were sexy, super masculine and dance-heavy ones. But she would do her best in those as well, if ever a performance would require her to.

During the week she practised her breathing technique again, as well as the usual vocal, dance and expressions. She'd found different methods that were supposed to help and – except for the amount she slept every night – gave her best to live healthily. The tangerines Haknyeon's mother sent were surely a boost in vitamins and she was happy he shared them with the team. She also put more focus on warming up properly so she wouldn't hurt herself. Overall she'd learned many new things over the past weeks and felt like she made good progress. Of course that was no reason to relax – especially after coming in third place, she was worried to fall lower again. But it showed that she could achieve good results. Of course there would always be the worry that she only made it this far because her teams saved her and that she by herself wasn't good enough for third place, but she couldn't let that consume her thoughts. She could only do her best and outgrow herself.

They all worked hard and she admired how well Yongsun was doing. But then she collapsed and the team was understandably shocked and hurried to her, including Luda. This had happened in none of her previous teams so far and even though she hurried to her side, she felt frozen and was unsure how to do, so she did whatever came to mind to help. She was shocked and even after the other continued practising, Luda kept having an eye on her, just to make sure.

As usual she had most fun with the vocal runs, which she had quite a few of. She thought Yongsun had a very beautiful voice, though she also liked Sana's and Junmyeon's singing. Really, she was impressed by the whole team and felt like she had to put in a lot more work to keep up. There was still a lot she had to learn when it came to her voice, but she enjoyed learning. Dancing still wasn't easy, especially this dance. While she knew the song already, she never realised how difficult and fast the dance was. She'd been happy that they decided against something as difficult as the BTS song that came up, but soon realised this wouldn't be easy either and it was also part of the reason why she decided to stay and sleep at the practise room again. Sometimes she fell, sometimes she could only stare at herself in the mirror because her brain seemed to black out and she suddenly couldn't remember the next step. It was difficult to make full movements and not have her arms bent, when the moves were so fast that sometimes even her brain couldn't keep up.

One night when she was alone at the practise room was especially difficult. It was the beginning of the week still, but her progress wasn't as good as she wanted it to be. She didn't get as far with the vocal part as she wanted, because she had to focus on dancing a lot. But all the dance practise kept her from practising singing properly. She wasn't satisfied with herself and worried, how this would continue over the week. She continued dancing either way, but her face showed a very unusual expression. Before, she'd adjusted her expression to the song while practising, so she would see whether she gave off a fitting image. But now her brows pulled together and her jaw was tense. She felt tears prickling in her eyes as she continuously messed up certain moves and took deep breaths to calm herself down to keep going. As she went on though, she continuously had to wipe tears off her cheeks. She didn't know where they came from – she's never been the best dancer and she's been distraught during the previous weeks before, but this time was different and she couldn't pinpoint what the reason was.

Luda didn't stop until sobs overtook her and she let herself fall onto the floor, hands covering her face. She quietly cried except for the one or other sob for a while until she felt empty. After a good 10 minutes, she left the practise room and came back soon after. She'd washed her light make-up off, after her mascara had been a mess anyway. Because of the cameras, she'd usually worn at least a bit of it, but now she didn't care and as it was only light make-up anyway, it didn't change too much, only that her eyes were still a little swollen from crying. With a stern expression she rarely ever showed, the girl continued practising, filming herself and comparing it to the original, trying to better herself, even when no one else was around. She couldn't leave her team hanging.

Eventually she sat down in a corner and fell asleep in the early morning hours.

Days later, not much had changed except that she was indeed progressing very well. It wasn't perfect, sure, but as everyone worked together pretty well – especially with some of them already knowing each other from previous teams – she felt motivated and hopeful and it gave her strength to not give up. She wasn't really over whatever had made her cry, but she did her best to keep busy, so she wouldn't have time to think about it.

The days rushed by and being the first team to perform, she found herself on stage faster than she could really fathom. While it was nice to have the performance done quickly, it would also mean they would have to wait the longest until eliminations and performing first was even more nerve wrecking now than holding the first presentation at school. Having to start the song didn't make anything better.

They introduced themselves as Team Universe and continued on individually.

“My entire universe is you,” she quoted part of her lyrics, “Hello, I'm Lee Luda, Universe's Mercury,” she made a finger heart at the audience. “With our performance today, I hope to make you all feel lighter in this warm summer!” she exclaimed and referenced the fact that things weighed a lot less on Mercury than they did on Earth.

Oh yeah, come on!

She started energetically, holding her hand out and pulling her fingers toward herself, telling a non-existent person to come closer. Her voice was stronger than during practise, possibly because of the adrenaline flowing through her, but it fit the song quite well and she was glad that she neither messed up the very beginning of their performance, nor had a longer start. The dance continued on with a lesser complicated part. She pushed her arms out and smoothly angled them back in and moved her elbows slightly up and down – it reminded her a bit of the chicken dance – while keeping a smile on her face. Jumping to the side while rhythmically throwing one leg out went well, too and she continued, concentrated on the dance.

Yeah~

Luda sang prettily, after Haknyeon's rap – she didn't know much about rap, but thought he was very good at it – ended. And she thought that the lines she got suited her voice well – and she was very happy about the amount she'd gotten. Though a few of them were more in the background, she loved ad-libbing and vocal runs and enjoyed it.

Just love me right Baby love me right

As the song progressed she continued to enjoy it, no matter how frustrated she'd been during the training, she couldn't worry about that now. She sang clearly and with a smile in her eyes, whenever singing hindered her from smiling. It seemed like she hadn't earnestly smiled in a while, even though that wasn't the truth. But being on stage like this was just on another level and she loved flowing over the stage and showing the world her voice. Even if she had to put a lot of focus on flowing, otherwise stomping more like an elephant.

Just love me right Just love me right Just love me right

For this performance, her lines were spread over the whole song a lot more, than before. It had taken a lot of concentration while learning the song, so she wouldn't miss a beat. The constantly changing formation in the choreography made it even more difficult and while she hadn't been sure whether she would ever be able to learn this at first, she was pretty confident now. Her movements surely weren't perfect, but she didn't get into anyone else's space, which was a plus. Her hard work to get the choreography down really showed, even if she still had a lot to learn.

We can’t stop, ah yeah

It was fun to sing the song, even when she had to focus on so many things and be careful to not get into anyone's space. She felt like her joy showed well in her voice. She moved with energy, just like she sang and felt as though high, whenever she could beam a bright smile at the audience, or wink at a camera.

A bright, moonlit night the stars give off their fireworks

Progressing from line to line and from move to move, she gets more and more immersed by the song, with no room left for thoughts like “At the beginning of the week I never would've thought I could do this well” or “What if I'm only imagining that I'm doing well, what if I'm actually messing up big time?”. Of course her dancing wasn't perfect, but her breathing had gotten a lot better, just like her stamina. It had been difficult to sing with a clear voice, when the dance asked her to move so much, but hard work indeed paid off.

On this highway, it’s a runway Milky way inside your eyes looking at me

With what almost seemed like casual ease, she moved to the centre of the formation, while singing and gave her best confident smirk, before moving to the side again. There was a lot of effort behind it still – nothing was ever as easy as it seemed after all.

Love me right

Alluring lady

Ooh~

My entire universe is you

Oh yeah~

It seemed like this performance was the one to pass by the fastest so far, going from high note to the next and Luda tried to bring everything out of her voice that she had and she mentally prepared for one of her favourite parts already.

You and I, the night sky

She stands still, raising her right arm, while putting her all into her voice and turning slightly to the side after letting it back down. She puts the hand of her other arm over her heart and draws out the note prettily. So far she'd preferred to stand at the side and just sing well, but being in the centre of the formation, even only for a few seconds, even when she stood at the back, really felt good.

On this highway, it’s a runway Milky way inside your eyes looking at me Just love me right (Aha) Baby love me right (Aha)

Oooh yeah yeah yeah

After Sana finishes the next line, they all sing together, clapping their hands on the sides of their legs, Luda only singing the last line alone. It's another of her favourite parts and she loves it whenever she can play with her voice, rather than only singing the lyrics.

My lady

After drawing out notes yet again, it's already her turn again and after she successfully finished the lines she smiles, showing her teeth and her chest heaves a bit, trying to get in as much air as possible, but winks at the camera. She sings the next line together with Sana.

And she continued through the rest of the song and dance with all she's got, having fun and hoping it would catch onto the crowd. She plays her voice to the best of her abilities for her last lines and once the song is over, Luda freezes in the end pose, until they get the sign to move. She's breathing heavily by now and feels dizzy, leaning a bit too much to one side, but catches herself. She'd smile at the others, but is breathing too hard. She gave it her all throughout the song, and while her dancing wasn't perfect, she felt proud. A bit of worry that she was proud when she shouldn't be filled her, but deciding she really had to stop downplaying her abilities, she ignored those thoughts. Of course she had her weaknesses, but everyone did.

Her high, if it could be called such, soon came to an end when they were off the stage and she saw Junmyeon crying. Seeing someone else in tears always brought the same to her eyes, but she swallowed them, trying to add words of encouragement like the others did.

Now they would have to wait until all other teams had performed and then some more for the judges to decide and she prayed.