#my next step is booking a gp appointment and getting a referral for a therapist i promise i will just for someone to talk to | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

beautifuldarkmind · 3 years

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tw // s*lf harm, su*cidal ideation (sorry)

Hey, it’s the creepy NHS anon here.

Thank you for responding to my ask! I’m sorry you had such a rough time getting a diagnosis. You shouldn’t have had to go through all of that. Honestly it sucks that the NHS is so reluctant to diagnose anything mental health related.

When I was 14 I thought I had depression and anxiety. I finally convinced my mum to take me to the doctors when I was 16. The doctor was super nice. She tested my thyroid function just to make sure nothing else was causing my feelings, then referred me to CAMHS. That was…an interesting experience. I remember asking my counsellor to diagnose me, but then at the next session she said she couldn’t, that it “wouldn’t be helpful” because I was still growing. Now that I think about it, one of the days I was at school and during a class I was furious for some reason. I even said to a classmate that I was willing to fight anyone who got in my way. Despite my mum disagreeing with me, I cancelled my appointment that day. (My mum was worried they’d stop my sessions all together if I cancelled, but they didn’t.)

Fast toward to recent years and I’ve been on and off attempting to get a diagnosis. Last year (so when I was about 18) I asked to be referred to the autism clinic, and thankfully the GP accepted, but the clinic is still closed and even when it’s open I’ll still have to wait, possibly several years. Then I made another appointment (different GP) to be referred to a psychiatrist. She refused, saying that GPs are trained to deal with mental health issues. I brought up OCD, so she asked where I got my information from. When I told her I researched it online, she just brushed it off and then did the typical depression/anxiety test and she said both were severe, then said “take some drugs” (which is didn’t because I didn’t trust taking drugs prescribed by someone who did a 3 minute yes/no type quiz without actually fully exploring my issues).

I spoke to a different GP just over a month ago to get a fit note for my Universal Credit. It was supposed to just be to make adjustments to what I was supposed to do, but he didn’t ask what the note was for, so he marked unfit for work. Which is great because that’s secretly what I wanted but feared being judged by people around me for thinking I needed that (particularly my parents). I mentioned that I thought I could have OCD and CPTSD, and he didn’t deny it but he simply said CBT helps for both. He then asked if I was currently doing CBT and I said I’d done it before but I quit. (That’s a whole other story but tldr I really don’t think it was for me, or at least the “therapist” wasn’t.) He said he would send a self referral link.

Fast forward to a few days ago and I had another appointment with him to discuss my fit note (because it only lasts for a month and you have to go back to renew it, which sucks). He asked if I had referred myself to CBT and I said I hadn’t yet because I didn’t want to, and he said “please do that for me” in a somewhat stern voice. I then brought up BPD and I think he said he would refer me? Honestly I was a bit overwhelmed because he called 40 mins early and I was in the car with my dad, so I was super weary of him asking questions about what I was saying to the doctor (but he didn’t). He then brought up PD support groups, which I’m considering doing, but you have to call up the place and I literally hate phone calls. Oh, speaking of which, all the appointments from the autism one onwards were all on the phone, so not only was I struggling to process what they were saying to me most of the time, but I was also so anxious that I couldn’t articulate my feelings properly. :)

Anyways, I am 20 now, which I only mention because I feel the same as what you mentioned. My brother is married, my childhood crush is married, my friend who I introduced to my friend group who then proceeded to discard me is getting married. Everyone seems to know exactly what they’re doing. They all have friends. But not me. I haven’t had friends since I was 14, and even then I don’t think that friend group was entirely wholesome. They made me feel like an outcast, like I was weird, that I needed to be more like them and not be like me. Which has probably contributed to me having a very vague sense of identity. And I feel like I’m still 14 and yet everyone is expecting me to behave like an adult. I’m supposed to know what I’m doing with my life even tho I literally cried in the shop when I was pressured to choose between 2 pizzas.

I have no support system. My own parents seem very dismissive of my problems, equating everything to social anxiety. When I’m stressed out of mind to the point of feeling suicidal, my parents say “that’s just life”, which…well, feeds into the feelings. For years I’ve felt stressed. Then if I’m not stressed I feel absolutely nothing. And if I’m not feeling empty I am angry, sometimes for no reason. And if I’m not angry, I am curled in a ball trying to bottle up the urge to self harm and batting away suicidal thoughts.

It’s like I have a huge chain pulling me down underwater and everyone else is in the beach drinking cocktails or something. Sometimes I thrash and try to get people to notice, but people think I’m just having fun. Other days I just feel like letting the chain pull me down.

Please forgive me for rambling and probably not having a very consistent train of thought in this post. I have a tendency to blab on about my “problems” (if they even are that), I guess as a way to connect? Idk. This post makes no sense.

I hope you’re having a good day. <3

- 🌸✨ (in case I send another ask again, but I’ll try not to because I don’t wanna bother you)

So sorry you're going through something similar. My GP sounded exactly how yours was, the typical anxiety/depression test and then just throwing those at you.. they dont seem to be trained in diagnosing and they dont want to hear anything more either. It's honestly almost impossible getting a diagnosis through them, the system here is really messed up... its just disappointing and seems to be failing so many people including you.

It does sound like you're going through a hard time, it's not nice especially when you feel a loss of self identity, you dont even know who you are and just feel lost in life. I think that was definitely the main point of realising something was up.. I had a VERY distorted view of myself and others around me and that was why I'd often self sabotage everything and then I'd feel so empty and angry at the world and just explode...

If you can go privately then do so, therapists are not able to diagnose and they will usually tell you 'we don't like to label' but even without a diagnosis you can still see if you can access DBT therapy. Amazon also has lots of DBT workbooks that I've used and its helped me to really understand myself!

If you often feel invalidated by your parents then that is known to cause BPD or borderline traits, especially if you've been suffering with mental illness in childhood and they tried to claim that it was nothing....you mentioned anxiety and I was told the approach my parents may have took to my severe anxiety is what brought on many of my symptoms of BPD. You start to feel ashamed of yourself for feeling that way because your caregivers make it seem like the issue isnt important and you feel as if your feelings dont matter also because that is how you have been made to feel.

I'm not saying this is definitely the cause but in my case I was told that the constant feeling of invalidation may be why I have such a warped idea of myself and why I cannot regulate my emotions. I was never told HOW to regulate or shown how to, just told to ignore my emotions and now I dont know how to deal with them😀

but yeah I'd really recommend taking a look at some of those dbt books online or reading more into it so you have a better understanding of yourself. You've already taken the first step and that's identifying that something may be wrong so you are self aware and clearly want to change for the better 💕

I hope everything works out for you, it's not nice feeling this way but you've got this 🥺🙌

#ask #bpd #borderline personality disorder #tw

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mikeyd1986 · 6 years

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MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 144, February 2019

Last Sunday, my parents and I went out to visit the Australian Garden, Royal Botanic Gardens Cranbourne. Considering how hot and humid the weather was today, we only walked around for an hour or so. The main Visitor's Centre overlooks the vast Red Sand Garden with its panoramic views and stunning orange-red colour. Next we walked through several designer gardens onto the River Bend and Melaleuca Spits. https://www.rbg.vic.gov.au/visit-cranbourne/attractions

From the kiosk, we wandered through the Gondwana garden, which was very educational. It described the geological changes which happened from 180 million years ago when all the major continents were joined together. Conifers and ferns continued to thrive and survive even in those extreme conditions of the continents separating, volcanic eruptions, earthquakes, the extinction of the dinosaurs and the Ice Age. We finished out visit by walking through the Eucalypt Walk which contained a selection of native plants and gum trees. https://www.rbg.vic.gov.au/visit-cranbourne/attractions/plant-collections/eucalypt-walk

On Monday afternoon, I had an appointment with my occupational therapist Ambika from Everyday Independence. Today my OT was very much in “financial planner” mode as we worked on money management together. It’s probably the toughest aspect of my life right now as it does cause a great deal of stress. The hardest part is being able to have control and discipline over what you’re spending your money on. Saving money is also an area that needs a lot of improvement as it’s always an uphill battle for me.

She talked about the differences between fixed expenses and discretionary expenses. Fixed expenses are things like home loan repayments, phone and utility bills, petrol, car insurance, car repayments, car license and registration, medical appointments, counselling and psychology appointments. Discretionary expenses are the opposite, things like dining, food, drinks, coffees, clothes, CD’s, DVD’s, movies, books, games, homewares, technology items. https://www.thebalance.com/what-s-the-difference-between-fixed-and-variable-expenses-453774

She showed me how to use an electronic budget planner and calculator to work out how much I’m spending and how much I could potentially save. She also made suggestions about using a bank account with high interest that builds up over time and how to cut out unnecessary purchases. It’s looking at money in a holistic, long-term fashion rather than week to week or fortnight to fortnight like most people view money. https://www.moneysmart.gov.au/tools-and-resources/calculators-and-apps/budget-planner

On Monday night, I went to my HIIT + Core small group fitness session at CinFull Fitness. Tonight everyone received their official merch tees, tanks, leggings and hoodies, though there was some sizing issues with some of it. Hopefully it’ll all get resolved quickly. I also met a new girl named Fiona plus Samantha Nio Hellesoe and Ashley Hart. We warmed up by going for a short jog through the nearby reserve and around the block. Honestly I hate running but I was managing okay just at a slow, gentle pace with Cinamon Guerin next to me.

Next we did some circuit exercises: 30 seconds of Battle Ropes, Wall balls / Tricep Dips, TRX squats / TRX bicep curls, Kettle bell Swings / Plank Jumps + Step Jumps. Then 10 slam balls / Overhead Squats, 10 Push-ups / V-Ups. For the core exercises, we did: 10 weighted sit ups, 20 Sumo Kettle Bell Squats, Plank Holds with Arm Extensions, 20 Double Leg Raisers. I feel like I’m gradually improving my fitness, though it’s still a struggle at times especially when the fatigue kicks in. And I’m still the king of sweat!

On Tuesday morning, I dropped into the Wattletree Specialist Consulting Suites in Frankston to hand in my referral to see Dr. Sameer Kaul, who is a sleep physician. I made one of the most embarrassing and ironic Freudian slips when I gave the receptionist my referral, saying SPEECH therapist instead of SLEEP specialist. It was probably just nerves as I’d never been to this clinic before. So now I just have to wait until they call me to make an appointment so that I can begin my sleep study. https://www.wtscs.com.au/

While I was out, I decided to have a drive around the suburban back streets. I stumbled across a nearby reserve called Bunarong Park, which is located at the end of Wattle Tree Lane. It contains mostly dense bushland, tall gums, pine trees and ferns as well as wide sandy dirt trails and a lookout platform with picturesque views of Frankston. It’s not an overly huge park but it’s still a lovely spot to have a morning walk through. https://www.frankston.vic.gov.au/Things_To_Do/Parks_and_Reserves/Frankston/Bunarong_Park

On Tuesday night, I went to my Body Combat class with Cinamon Guerin at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. I was kind of in two minds about going to Combat tonight as I was feeling pretty restless and sleepy but I hadn’t been in over a month and it’s always a good workout. The first two tracks were relatively easy as I’ve done then many times before and I pick up the movements and combos quite fast.

The most challenging part was when we had to perform backward donkey kicks, dynamic lunges with front kicks and running-man. No surprises then that I was pouring with sweat by the end of the class. I was literally wearing my sweat towel over my head. I’ve always found Combat to be an achievable challenge, far from easy but certainly not impossible either. And I guess that’s why I keep coming back to it. https://www.lesmills.com.au/bodycombat

On Friday morning, I had an appointment to see my GP Dr. David Tai Kie at First Health Medical Centre Casey Central. One of my new years resolutions this year was to change medical centres as well as change my regular GP. As much as I appreciated Dr. Mah Mah Thet in the past, I feel like her help has run its course. She was really helpful in some areas while genuinely terrible in others. https://www.firsthealth.net.au/our-clinics/narre-warren-south-clinic/

Plus the waiting times at NarreGate was getting beyond a joke with the centre being unable to cope with the fast growing population in the City of Casey area. Some days I could be waiting up to and excess of 90 minutes to see my GP. So it was time to up and leave from there. It was only my second time seeing. Dr. David but to my surprise, he remembered me from my first appointment with him.

I opened up to him about my sleeping problems, mainly having difficulties falling and staying asleep, interrupted sleep patterns and daytime sleepiness. Whilst the medication I’ve been taking (i.e. 50mg Quetiapine) has been moderately successful, it’s not full proof and I really don’t want to be relying upon medication to help me fall asleep and sleep longer.

So I decided to get a blood test ordered to see if any other factors have been contributing to my poor sleep and low energy levels. Tests include FBE (Full Blood Examination), E/LFTs (Kidney and Liver Function Test), ESR (Erythrocyte Sedimentation Rate), CRP (C-Reactive Protein Test), TSH (Thyroid Stimulating Hormone Test), Fasting Glucose, Fasting Lipids, FE Studies (Iron Deficiency Test) and Vitamin D. He also noted my tiredness and insomnia on the pathology request form. Hopefully I’ll get some results by next week. https://www.labtestsonline.org.au/learning/test-index

“You've gotta hold your head up high. You know it's not too late to try. You've gotta lift that heavy load. You've gotta get back in control.” New Order - Hey Now What You Doing (2005)

“Just another day in the week. Waiting for an opportunity to step in front of me. Maybe I'm losing my mind. Searching for another place in another time.” New Order - Guilt Is A Useless Emotion (2005)

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smartstartblogging · 6 years

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Autism – Getting The Diagnosis

So one thing I haven’t really made that public about my family and I is the fact that, for the past year or so, we’ve been going through the steps to determine whether my daughter is autistic. Today, we got the final diagnosis, and by the fact that I am writing this, I’m sure you can already guess what the outcome was.

However, the reason why I am writing this is that I want to achieve two things;

To say a huge thank you to the NHS staff who have worked with us.

To let others who are either going through the “investigation” or thinking about it, know what to expect.

As such, I’m going to talk about the journey we went through, from our first concerns all the way up to today’s diagnosis. Now, I should say that autism is spectrum-based, so no child will be the exact same. But hopefully, this post will at least help people to know whether they should be thinking about it.

Initial Concerns

We’ll start this little talk by going back to when my daughter was about 18 months old. She was already very late with her speech, not saying more than about 3 words. She also didn’t really copy us with any sounds either. Those words she did know, she would say for a couple of days but then just never say them again. It was worrying, but at the time, we were told she is probably just a late talker. That put our minds at ease for a while.

However, there were other things about her behaviour that concerned us as well. For example, she was very shy and didn’t really make eye contact with people. She also didn’t really like too much attention, preferring to be in the same room as us but playing by herself.

In all honesty, we constantly thought we were doing something wrong, but couldn’t work out what it was. Not to big myself up or anything, but we were being very loving and caring, but just didn’t seem to get that much in return. She did run to us whenever one of us got home from work (we worked at different times so there was always one of us at home). But that was largely the extent of love that she showed.

A Change of Scenery

Things continued like this until we moved and enrolled her in a nursery. By now, she was 3 years old and still wasn’t talking. That was a huge concern for us, as by that age, children (for lack of a better word) normally speak full sentences. Other parents were having conversations in broken English with their kids, but our daughter would only make noises.

Then, at the nursery, we were told that she didn’t really play with the other kids. She would play near them, but not interact with them. We also couldn’t risk walking around town or near roads with her, because she just didn’t learn any sense of danger.

It wasn’t until we were speaking with the staff at the nursery (who are all amazing) that the topic of autism crossed our minds. They mentioned that they had previously had a girl with similar behaviour at the nursery who was autistic. That information played on our minds for about a month before we finally decided to book an appointment with the GP.

You see, in order to start the process of an “autism investigation”, you need a referral from a GP in order to see the paediatrician.

Getting Things Started

The appointment with the GP lasted about 10 minutes. That was all it took for the Doctor to see that our daughter needed a referral. She asked about speech and behaviour, and we explained everything that I’ve just written above. That was all it needed. We were told that we would hear from both the paediatrician and a speech therapist within a few weeks.

And so, we were left waiting. We both kind of assumed it would be months before we would hear anything about it. But in reality, it was a handful of weeks before we were booked in for an appointment with the paediatrician. The speech therapist also paid us a visit at home, which made life much easier. The speech therapist said that, based upon the hour she spent with our daughter, she was pretty certain that she was autistic.

Then, when we visited the paediatrician, they asked us a bunch of questions about our daughter’s behaviour, interactions with us, interactions with others, and a load of other things. We answered everything honestly and in as much detail as we could. We spoke about her sleeping patterns, the way she behaves outside, how she is with new people… We spoke about everything. The paediatrician also spent time observing how our daughter interacted with the various toys.

The Waiting Game

The next step was to wait 6 months, whilst the paediatrician, speech therapist and a couple of other people came to visit us, spoke with the nursery and gathered information. It seemed like those 6 months took forever to go by. During that time, we didn’t really know what was going on, to be honest.

However, as the days went by, we became more and more certain that our little princess was autistic. And I’ll be honest, it took a little while to come to terms with that. I’m sorry to say that, but I want to be completely honest in the post. After all, there are some parents out there who simply refuse to accept or admit that their child may be autistic. That’s really bad for the child, as you are basically refusing to give them what they need, for lack of a better phrase.

Anyway, that 6 month period ended today.

Diagnosis Day

And so we come to the end of this little journey, and the beginning of the next. Today we took a trip up to the paediatrician for our 6 month appointment. We weren’t sure whether it was just going to be another round of questions, or whether we would actually get the diagnosis. Obviously, we got the final diagnosis. The appointment was really relaxed, despite the fact that my daughter was screaming because she didn’t want to be there. The paediatrician spoke to us this time, rather than the other way around.

She explained the various different groups, charities and organisations that are available for support and advice. She told us about the autistic spectrum itself, in a limited manner, and pointed us in the direction of accurate information about it. She also told us not to just read all of the parenting forum posts about autism, as they tend to promote misinformation.

The appointment was quick, and the paediatrician was incredibly helpful. And just before writing this, I filled out the Children’s Disability Registration Form we were given. Today was the day our lives changed, but you know what? I think they have changed for the better. At least we now know for certain that our princess is autistic, and we can make sure we are always doing the right thing for her.

What I’ve Learned Through All Of This

I want to finish this post off by listing out the things that I have learned as we progressed through the stages I have just described. The reason for this is, hopefully, it will help others out there to know what to expect and also to know how to deal with their own thoughts and feelings. So, here goes;

We felt we were doing something wrong and that it was our fault that she wasn’t talking. But that’s not true. You’ll likely feel the same way, but know that it isn’t your fault and you’re not doing anything wrong.

It’s scary to sit there and think about your child being autistic. You may even deny it in your head at first, finding other potential reasons and excuses. But it is far better to just go and find out.

I was worried that people around us would look at us or her negatively when we told them. But you know what? Most people didn’t. And if someone treats your child differently because of it, then they’re probably not worth knowing anyway.

And That’s All Folks

Since we’ve only just got the diagnosis, I haven’t had access to the materials and information that I now have. However, going forward, I will say that I’ll probably be posting more about autism and looking after an autistic child. I know this was a bit of a change from my normal posts, but I really hope it will at least help or reassure others out there.

Thank you for reading, and let’s all look forward to a bright future, shall we?

from More Design Curation https://www.16bitdad.com/autism-getting-the-diagnosis/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=autism-getting-the-diagnosis

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