#my personal bird flipping to renesmee

[spanishinfluenza]

💖💜💚CONGRATULATIONS ON ANOTHER HUNDRED fans, YOU ABSOLUTE BEAUTYYY 💖💚💙

Now, to celebrate, if you had to rewrite all the twilight novels, in short, what would take place?

This is a hefty ask so feel free to cut it down as much as preferable.

(I.e. New Moon; Bella gets rebound. Volturi sub subsumes Edward. Carlisle cries. Then goes on a find himself venture where he ends up livin’ his best life 😎)

this has been sitting in my inbox for a real minute. i can only apologise but wow what a good and also colossal question. i can only thank you

I'm not usually one to shy away from long ass text posts and i love giving needless detail which is why if i were to answer this as thoroughly as i want to, I'd likely never finish. this would get so fuckin long. Why? bc bro i'd change just about everything. Twilight is full of so many fantastic ideas but they're all executed terribly and with vehement racism. i love twilight i just hate all the canon content. i literally just wanna change all the plot but that makes me think about so many possible au scenarios that i'd love to explore and they'd all require their own posts to do so, so for the dash's sake im jus gonna go through the saga book by book

Twilight

Bella moves to Forks from Arizona to live with her dad that she hasn't spent much time with in a while. Things are awkward and not just because they're not so familiar with each other but because they're both awkward people and I love that. Over time, being better understood and taken care of by Charlie, she comes to realise that her mom was actually super shitty, even if she didnt exactly mean to be. She starts to realise she has a good amount of childhood to mourn. But I think Charlie could do more in terms of fathering - I think he should be a better cook (he has taken care of himself for several years like he says) because Bella taking up the cooking for this parent too doesn't sit as right with me - especially because it informs nothing else about the plot. Let Bella be a child again.

This brings me to my next point about the human crew: Bella being a child means that Bella should get friends. And she should CHERISH that. She's so quick to ditch the humans when she finds some supernatural emo to hang out with and it sucks. Jessica, Angela and Bella becoming a powerful and tight af little trio would have been fantastic. I think Bella could then do wayy better at bridging the gap between the Cullens and the humans.

I think Bella needs to not fawn over Edward so much. Not saying she shouldn't be quite as obsessed as him as she is - she's 17, let her live - I just think that her obsession should come from the fact that this guy is creepy af and super morbid. I think she should obsess over him the way I obsess over true crime stories - morbid fascination and curiosity. I mean the guy is weird af, it'd be great if Bella called him out thoroughly on all his whackass behaviour. I also think it would serve to give us a lot more funny scenes. That post where she slides a copy of dracula across the table and he slides it back signed? Yes. What i'm saying is, fans know that this typa friendship would evolve into a wayyyy more compelling romance than simply brood, brood, sparkle, endanger, save, brood.

More of the above but Bella inviting the Cullens over to the lunch table (or maybe just Ed and Alice as they're in the same year) would be fantastic. And instead of that whole "the Cullens are so hot so no one talks to them", let it be "the Cullens are so weird??? like dr sexy and mommy milf are bomb but the kids do not know how to act" because that would make for some more really great interactions. Mostly tho, Edward needs to interact w more people. He hears peoples thoughts and yet learns nothing about them because he's so sure he interprets other's thoughts in The Correct Way. I feel like actually chatting to Mike and Ben and Jess would give him some necessary humbling. Also,, Mike and Edward ending up as friends?? Alice and Jess?? would get on no?

Everything else can proceed as is but let the older Cullens rag on Ed a bit more. Bella has hugely rose-tinted glasses on when it comes to him like "omg he can play piano too? what a perfect specimen" and it'd be great to hear from characters that know him better to balance that out and correct the unreliable narrator. I also think this'd give us a better chance to explore the specific dynamics in this very complex type of family. The idea that Esme and Carlisle are seen as everyone's parents when theyre like a few years older than everyone else is just so unrealistic. It'd be wayy more interesting to see the precise types of relationships that occur within the family.

This brings me to my next point quite neatly: the whole parent situation. I don't believe the two twenty somethings can or would be convincing parents, to the kids or to strangers. Just because sm*yer thinks 30 yr olds are old and dicrepit, doesnt mean the rest of us do. So i'd personally make Vommy and Vaddy in their late 40s, early 50s for the sheer pilfacity of it all. That's not to say I hate their ages as they are - there's certainly a beautiful and heartbreaking tragedy to their incredibly painful and short human lives. So if you wanna keep them young, thas cool but then their dynamics w the kids need to change. Either way they're both still hot as balls. I think Esme should have a very motherly role to Emmett and Edward and a sort of guardian relationship with Jalice. She's incredibly close with Rose but more as a wise older sister or fun aunt. Their stories are strikingly similar in regards to their experiences of men, and yet they deal with it in incredibly different ways - let them be besties, let them learn from each other and find comfort in each other the way that sisters often do. Conversely, I'd give Carlisle a very paternal relationship with Rose and Edward and takes charge of Jalice in a similar way to Esme (coven-leader style). Emmett on the other hand makes him feel young and boyish and Carlisle views him like a charming and dear son-in-law. AND I'D MAKE THEM ALL INTERACT A HELL OF A LOT MORE.

I'm talking Esme giving chores, Carlisle telling Edward to "listen to you're mother", the two of them being cute and adorable and the kids all groding out bc Bella should get to see what real love is.

When Bella does find out that they're all vampires, she needs to be violently curious. Talk about the logistics of periods sm*yer so help me god. I want her to have heaps of questions for them. Constant, just all the time. She wants to see Emmett down a redbull just to know how that would affect a vampire, she finds things for Edward to very boredly snap in half with his little finger, she compiles a list of questions for Carlisle everytime Edward takes her over to his house. Am I projecting now? Too bad idc.

I didn't really have an issue w the whole James thing and I'm actually glad it was more Edward's behaviour that caused the whole beef bc I like when he's in the wrong lol? But when Renee shows up at the end, let Bella's internal monologue note the fact that Renee hardly cares at all what is going on. I think Bella needs to have that interaction w her old life in Arizona to truly reaffirm at the end of the story that she belongs in Forks. Not with the Cullens or Edward, but in Forks w her weird interspecies friendship group, her awkward and caring dad and her just-about-flowering love interest.

Baseball scene was great though I wouldnt have had Esme just trauma dump on the poor teen out of nowhere. Maybe something plot related could happen that reveals some of her story? Just an idea smeyer. Say the presence of the other vampires makes her uncharacteristically nervous. Say the growling between James and Edward freaks her out bc its a sure sign that violence is about to ensue. You get what i'm saying

Also I'd make Emmett canonically Black, Alice canonically Asian-American (if anyone has any specific thoughts on this pls hit me up) and Esme canonically Ashkenazi Jewish. It'd take a single sentence for each and it would rock my socks.

New Moon

I'm gonna start this one by saying that I actually liked New Moon which is weird considering I live and die for carlesme content. But in regards to Bella's story, I think it was interesting to have the Cullens fuck off for a bit. But then, if Twilight had have panned out with a more convincing and healthy romance, I dont think that seperation would have been necessary.

Either way, I know immediately, I'd want more of that classic Bella and the Cullen kids at school scenario. All of that juicy content is barely washed over in the start of new moon and it sucks bc the Cullens at school is such a hilarious concept to me. So maybe we wouldn't start w Bella's birthday but we'd get more of her Junior year, and more of the budding romance - I'm talking that real lame high school shit. Passing notes in class, gossiping in the hallways, going round to his house after school to 'study'.

So anyway, her birthday rolls around and Jasper nuts over a singular drop of blood - give me a deeper description of Esme trying to control herself bc she is known to have little control and the idea of cuddly caring mommy trying not to go feral and eat you is deliciously terrifying - and Edward loses the plot and leaves. But he DOESNT do the whole Gatekeep Girlboss Gaslight routine where he just completely erases himself from her life. He tells her the real reason they have to leave - she's not safe - and she is mad and does not accept it but at least he was honest.

Then she gets hella depressy as per the book, only this time Charlie properly steps in BECAUSE WHO IS BETTER ON THE SUBJECT OF SUDDEN BREAK UP THAN THAT POOR BASTARD? He ends up taking her to the Blacks where she revives another part of the childhood that needed mourning - her friendship with Jacob.

I love Jacob in NM and I do not hate his crush on Bella. But he is like two years younger than Bella. That's not a big deal if they're in their twenties but there is a big developmental difference between an 18 year old and a 16 year old. She should, by no means, fancy him back. And I never really got the vibe that she did in the book. In fact I loved his sweet pining because his friendship with her came first. She needed a friend and he was willing to step up to the plate. And Bella considering a life with him? That rubs me the wrong way because not only is he quite a bit younger but she also be going through it. Give the girl some time before you give her another love interest, smeyer.

So then Jacob turns (none of the wolves cut their hair for this in my rewrite, fuck off) and there's not really all that much I would change with the rest of the book, in terms of plot. Though the tension between Jacob and Edward coming back should be nothing to do with his crush, just to be clear. It should be to do with upsetting Bella and, ultimately, endangering her, Jacob's entire family, and the entire town of Forks with his very presence.

The end of NM kinda fucked me off a little. First, Harry Clearwater's death was completely washed over. I'd love him to have survived but even if he didn't, wayyyy more of the book should have centrered around that loss. This time, Bella is the one to try to heal and help others. She is not the victim and that is freeing for her. Not to mention, Jacob, Leah, Seth, Billy, ffs even Charlie, would have all needed support. Bella should have been there. That's her family.

Secondly, the entire ending was just Bella being like "I cannot sleep for a moment because this is a dream that he's back I love him so much." No. Bella, you found yourself in an Edwardless Forks. You found your childhood friends, you connected with your dad on a profound and vulnerable level, you had to reconcile your perception of the world with the presence of MORE supernaturals in ways that went far beyond your crush on Ned. Bella moved beyond the need for Edward and she should have made him well aware of this. She should have shown him that she now runs with humans and werewolves and she has friends and family and Harry's death is just another painful reminder that there is more going on in her life now than just the crush she had in junior year. Edward should simply be another addition in her whackass life, not the whole of it. Edward being humbled by this new badass, scorned Bella? That's a compelling romance. Bella making the distinction between needing and wanting him is a compelling romance.

Also recentering Bella's story away from her romance with Edward would give us more room for very necessary world-building. We got the tiniest smidge of vamp history and culture w the Volturi in NM and then nothing else for basically the rest of the saga and I reckon thats because Bedward pining took up too much time. So now with Edward in the background a little more, we get necessary interactions between Bella and the other Cullens, and their experiences of vampirism. Even just passing comments on coven politics or vampire mannerisms (Esme purring) or vampire history or maybe other supernatural creatures?? there's gotta be more than just shape shifters and vampires?? or even just tidbits from their experience of history - would have been so immersive smh

Eclipse:

Okay so now im changing a lot of shit.

First off, Jacob remains Jacob. He is young, world on his shoulders, going through a lot. But an assaulter? Hell no. Jacob loves Bella and is slowly limping over his crush on her.

Newborns army is wreaking havoc in Seattle only this time, when Jasper mentions he was a confederate soldier, Bella loses her goddamn mind as she fucking should have. Or better yet, Jasper could just?? not be a confederate soldier?

If Alice so much as tries her racist shit with the Quileutes, Bella can equally chew her out. This is Bella's story dammit and the Cullens are on thin ice as it is for what they did to her in NM. Now she's a bad bitch and now she has a real spine and doesnt tolerate crap.

The wolves and the vamps have to reluctantly work together to defeat this army and this time IT DOESNT ALL GO THROUGH BELLA. Rosalie and Jacob get along on account of them both being into mechanical engineering and both thinking Edward is a toolbag. Equally, Seth and Esme are both little bottles of sunshine and I need at least a passing comment about them chatting in the field together. Also Leah and Emmett? I feel should have had a chance to get along with each other. She was fucking going through it man, she needed wayyyyy more screen time. Her story was heart wrenching.

The battle ensues and Edward does not follow Bella and Jacob to the cliff top. This does give Jacob and Bella a chance to talk, to air out the romantic feelings and where they're at. In truth, I think Jacob has too much going on in his life now. He's mourning so much of his childhood, as well as Seth's now, that romance would feel like another loss at this stage. That conversation needed to happen. And then hooray! Victoria doesnt follow them to the cliff and Edward can get his heroic murder of her afterall. I would like to have seen the battle though, so I think Jacob being called back to frontline for whatever reason (and having to bring Bella with him ofc) would be sweet. Then we can have Bella confront the true violence of vampirism.

Also aftermath. We need Bella to understand the aftermath of that battle. For example, Esme struggling to cope with the violence she's just witnessed and exercised, Alice being injured, Carlisle performing vampire surgery to leech stranger's venom from his children's wounds. They should have been more affected by this battle imo.

Breaking Dawn:

never happens

at the end of Eclipse the Volturi show up and realise just how insanely powerful the Cullens are, especially with their ubelievably strong new allies that are designed to kill vampires. They report back to Aro who's obviously going to want to mount an attack against them all. Then we get sexy Carlisle bringing in his sexy vampire friends (for more world building!). At this point I think it'd be cool if we include more species. Siobhan has half-fairy friends? Benjamin tells stories of real serpopods? Nice.

The night before the battle Alice has her vision. She shows Aro on the day of the chaos. Very few survive the battle if it goes ahead. Bella does, but only once she is turned. Carlisle, famously, does not. Neither does Aro, but this time it's Esme that slaughters him, full Molly Weasely style.

Aro changes his mind, with a very wary glance to sweet, unassuming, unaware little Esme and they head home to Italy to not think about bothering the Cullens or their many friends.

Then the Cullens make the decision to move away from Forks. Their presence has posed too much danger to the human residents, not to mention the absolute havoc they've wreaked for the Quileutes. They move on, Billy makes Carlisle promise to never come back. Carlisle keeps it. So Bella is left with a decision to make. Follow the vampires? Stay with her human friends and family? i dont have a conclusion worked out for that, sorry