#my point is that wade is thicc

[guardiandae]

Ugh. I'm googling pics of Ryan Reynolds standing next to Josh Brolin because reasons. Height difference reasons. And I already know damn well what their height difference is, the real reason is because I'm fucking weak.

And then:

This is too much I hate them why won't they just kiss

ETA: I cant stop staring at this pic they're so adorable together but also Nate would be the perfect height to just???? Kiss Wade's neck????! Whenever he wants??!!!! Wade is defenseless plz im dying

[dirtymonsterconfessions]

Dream Submission: The time I dreamed I was the Ink Demon’s loyal servant and boy toy

Here’s the story inspired by a Real Good Dream I had about Ink Bendy .. he doesn’t do a lot with his ink in it, but I can work with that 👀 it’s fairly canon-divergent because confident, kinda thicc (at least relative to the canon) Ink Bendy is a Good Concept and I was blessed (?? does that work for a devil) with it in the dream. I had this dream/wrote the first draft of this around when chapter 3 was released, because I’ve been thirsty for a long time. It starts kinda slow, but it was between 3-4 pages in google docs so hopefully it balances out. I hope this is both sufficiently sexy and fun to read!

  —

  When I decided to check out the old abandoned animation studio, I never expected it to turn out the way it did. Angels, Demons, and ink everywhere I turned. I knew I should leave, but a force in the studio brought me in. Brought me deeper.

  I came to a crossroads. Two doorways opened in front of me, leading to two separate halls that ultimately funneled me to the same room. A sign divided the path further. The arrow pointing right beckoned “ANGEL,” and the arrow pointing left warned “DEVIL.” I took my steps, and let the left sign pull me in.

  I waded through a hall flooded with ink, and when I made it to the main room, it went dark. It wasn’t regular darkness; shadows danced across the walls, coating them like a film. I heard breathing coming closer, and a steady heartbeat. It calmed me, yet it also filled me with an excitement I couldn’t initially recognize. I turned to meet the source.

  In the doorway stood a tall, almost regal figure of ink. He had two cloven hooves at the end of each of his strong legs. A gloved hand rested at his side, and he used a free, clawed hand to straighten the crooked bow tie on his chest. His horns were tall and uneven, and ink dripped down most of his face. I saw his wide smile tilt into a smirk. 

  “Hiyaa,” he called, waving with his bare hand. He tried to sound chipper, the way he did in his cartoons, but his tone was lower, and an echo distorted his voice further. He continued, “I haven’t seen you here before.”

  I stared at him as he stepped closer to me. His heartbeat wrapped itself around me, holding me down. It was a welcomed feeling. I blinked slowly, and my eyes fell as I watched him walk. Staring at his hips, I realized the feeling I felt was not fear.

  “You know that I’m the devil.” He purred, lifting my chin up with a pointy fingertip. I looked into the ink of his face embarrassed, knowing he noticed my staring. “I’d like to know you.”

  I told him my name.

  “Fitting for a fella as handsome as you.” He grinned, leaning down and moving his face closer to mine. I stood still, feeling my body temperature rise. “There’s no need to be nervous,” he cooed.

  “I have some things I need done.” He whispered like a command into my ear. “Would you come help me out?”

  I nodded, ready to drop to my knees.

  “Great! Thank you!” He beamed, taking my hand in his. He was careful to not nick me with his nails. He held his gloved hand to the wall, and a portal appeared before us. He walked me through.

  The room we arrived in was small, and held only his throne. It was a shifting, angular monument of ink. He let go of my hand and threw himself upon it, kicking his legs up and reclining on its shoulders. 

  “A few odd jobs need to be done around the studio before we can discuss anything else,” he grinned, leaning on his elbow. 

  I listened, and did as he needed.

  First, he wanted me to take some gears out of some compartments. He also gave me a few items to hide.

  Then, he wanted me to reset the levels of these inky meters. He also wanted me to bring him back a battery he called a “power core.” He wanted it still warm. The phallic shape of it made my face grow warm once more when I thought about him.

  For his final task, he gave me thumbtacks to lay out in front of his cardboard cutouts. So “that damn angel will get what’s coming to her when she tries to break them again.”

  Whenever I finished a job for him, he came to me and brought me back to his throne room. The first time, he held me by the shoulder. The second, his hand wrapped around my waist. The third, it rested on my hip.

  “That was about everything I needed done in the studio,” he sighed, leaning back in his chair. He shook his head slightly, then pointed to the wall. Where he pointed, another inky portal appeared. “If you want to leave, that’ll lead you back to the outside world.”

  “...Or,” he continued, sitting up straight in his throne. I saw his legs open slightly. “You can stay, if you want to pleasure me.”

  I cast a quick, dismissive glance at the portal, then walked to his throne. I fell to my knees at his hooves and kissed his legs up to his thighs. He chuckled his approval, and ran his clawed fingers gently through my hair. 

  I put my hands on his knees, and looked up at him for further approval. He smiled and nodded, edging closer to me. I opened his legs, and saw that the ink between them looked melted from the anticipation. 

  Rubbing his thighs gently, I put my tongue to his ink. He tasted savory. He squirmed against my tongue, and breathed out a quiet moan. I licked gently at first, teasing him. His breathing got heavier, and I heard him whine whenever I pushed against him.

  I pushed my tongue into him and dragged it vertically, and he let out a deep moan. He leaned back, opening his legs so that each ankle rested on the shoulders of his throne. I moved my hands under him and squeezed him gently from behind, continuing to lick his front up and down. He held his hand against the back of my head, and I felt his hips gently swaying and thrusting.

  “Geez,” he called out in between his pants, trying to catch his breath. I began to move my tongue back, then pushed it into him again. He yelped, throwing his head back. I did it again and again. As he gasped out in “ahhhs,” I felt a burst of ink against my mouth.

  “Please don’t stop, keep going, please,” he begged, letting go of my head. I took a minute and swallowed his ink. It felt thicker, and tasted stronger, than the rest of his body. I rubbed my tongue against him again, ready to make him cum as many times as he wanted. 

  We went 3 more times. When we were done, he fell back in his throne, purring. I looked up at him, ink dripping from my mouth and breathing heavy. He held his hand out to me, and pulled me up into his throne with him when I took it. He held me close, and I wrapped my arms around him tight. 

  “That was amazing.” He sighed, leaving a kiss on my head. He had yet to catch his breath fully.

  “I’m glad you liked it.” I smiled. “I love you.” I rested my head against his shoulder. Usually I would’ve told someone before.

  “I love you too.” He whispered into my ear as my eyes closed.

——————————————————————————————————————————

hOO BOY that was some good stuff. Thank you for submitting this!

- Mod Naga

[simplyskipper]

Ranting about a Heist with Markiplier

sahhhhhh i have to rant i have so many ideas

SPOILER ALERT!!!

also like im probably w a yyy overthinking this but to that i have two responses

a) ive been watching a lot of game theory recently

b) i watch jacksepticeye

so anyways here’s what i thought

first of all, this project was huge!!! i absolutely loved every second of it!! it was hilarious, it was sad, and most of all, i was so cponfused! Where did all this come from? Why? I had pages of notes, and a whole chart of endings and how to get there

((i also wanna say how cool it was that matpat was part of this))

ANYWAYS

so the first question i have is: WHO IS THE PROTAGONIST?

i’m not quite sure if we still play as the DA from WKM, as this seems to be an entirely different setting. I did note that at one point we had black nails, which may be a coincidence, but,, Celine?? Anyways I have like no idea lol. But I do think we are the same protagonist as in a Date with Markiplier

Now, WHO IS THE WHITE-SUIT DARK?

This was nagging me when I got ending 30- ignorance is bliss. This could be brushed off as dark, but it felt strange to me. He was edited differently, with an emphasis on RED. ((also btw this scene was so cool to me i loved it)). He seemed more unstable, as his glitching was more uncontrolled, more chaotic, not the simpler one we are used to. He also is dressed differently, and almost acts a bit differently.

Personally, I believe this is Celine. During DAMIEN, we see that Celine is likely in control of Dark at first. Damien eventually takes over for her, but for a while, she is in power. Her colour is recognized as red, as in the ending of Who Killed Markiplier, she is shown with a red hue, while Damien is blue. I think this Dark is the earlier Dark, where Celine is in control. But, as we know, she is weak. Whatever Mark and that house did to her makes it harder for her. This may explain why she is so unstable when we see Dark. 

I also want to talk about Matpat’s earlier video on about the Markiplier Cinematic Universe. I personally agree with a lot of his ideas, so I want to make sure yall understand.

One thing Matpat points out is that Mark is the BAD GUY. He claims he is the hero in DAMIEN, but is he really? Mark took Damien’s body, did who knows what to Celine, and proceeded to kill us and drive Wilford insane. (CHARACTER) Mark is not a horrible person, but he reacted poorly and hurt a lot of people. 

Now I want to point out a quote by Yancy (the prisoner who stole my hEART). If you accept his offer to remain a prisoner, he says he knew you would agree, “Unlike that other guy. He’s got that face you just can’t trust.” Was Yancy involved? Does he know what Mark as done? Either way, this is likely a hint to how character Mark betrayed his friends and destroyed their lives.

But if you break out with the help of Wubba or Bubba, there is an emphasis on two things. A) the word Dying. Similar to the word Murder in WKM, where every time it was said there was thunder, there is the sound of a bell when someone says Dying. This is less prominent, but still there. Now, this may just be for comedic dramatic affect, but in WKM Celine tells people to stop saying Murder because of what happens when you do. Why? What is the significance? I feel like there is something more, perhaps a warning? Maybe someone, or yourself, is dying, or knows of someone who is? Like I said, it could be Jacksepticeye training, but I wanted to point it out.

And B) “You were like a brother to me.” When you shoot Bob or Wade, Mark proceeds to confront them. He asks “How could you betray me?” Before mentioning Brother. I noticed that there was an echo, or an emphasis on that sentence. What does brother have to do with anything? Maybe a cry from one of the fallen friends from WKM? 

Finally I want to mention the appearance of Wilford. The ending, “This was MY joke”, somewhat dismisses this as a reference to other Wilford appearances, or a joke. But perhaps it is more? He is only there once, but we see that he still has a habit of accidentally killing people, and is in a bad spot with his show. ((we also see how dUMMY THICC mark is and sksksk i was crying in that scene where he stood up like dAMN mark))

This is so chaotic but I had so many theories and ideas from this and I can’t help but get them out. I absolutely loved this and Markiplier & Co. did an amazing job with this project and. Every second was interesting, fun, and made me feel happy. There was something about the way the protagonist was treated that made me feel happy.

Thanks for reading this mess, love u <3

[wanderingtycho]

So lets actually talk about a scene from Resident Evil 7 End of Zoe DLC

Okay so about halfway through the End of Zoe DLC for RE7, you as Joe “what r yew doin in mah swamp?!” Baker physically rip the head off of Swamp Thing aka Jack “local man literally too gross to die” Baker: 

And proceed to Magic Johnson from downtown 3 pointer buzzer beater throw that septic noggin right into the bayou: 

However, in classic RE fashion, Jack miraculously materializes from the Louisiana sauna mere moments later with his head square on his shoulders ready to snatch crystal mycelium waifu Zoe Baker away: 

NOW I AM WELL AWARE, that the last thing you should do is overanalyze a Resident Evil game of all things, but I cannot get it out of my mind the logical series of events necessary for this to occur. Because there is only one of four possibilities, each equally absurd, which I will now detail below. 

Scenario 1: Jack’s body simply regrows the head and regains consciousness, lore files near the end of the DLC detail Jack’s unprecedented regenerative abilities, the kinda damage soaking toughness that even James Howlett or Wade Wilson would envy. It stands to reason the primary concentration of his body mass, the most number of E-type infected cells wildly mutating to heal trauma, could rapidly fashion a brand new dome piece for the Baker patriarch. We already have evidence of Jack regenerating large chunks of his head and brain, seen plainly after he gives himself a lead roof job to illustrate just such a point: 

Scenario 2: Basically the same situation as scenario 1 except in reverse, Jack’s severed head regenerates an entire fully fledged body. This theory is a tad shakier as even with highly generous estimations as to how fast Jack’s cells can divide and reform his vessel of chunk, it’s dubious that his floating melon could whip up a completely new slab of thiccness limbs and all within such a small timeframe. 

Scenario 3: Jack’s headless body reanimates after Joe leaves the boat, stumbles into the water and reattaches the head. Evidence for this possibility consists of the fact we know Jack’s body can ambulate independent of the cranium command center, as famously evidenced in his and Ethan’s chainsaw duel: 

Scenario 4: Last, but certainly not least, we have my personal favorite theory, Jack’s head grows emergency appendages and scurries back to the body to reattach itself. This theory, by far the most ridiculous, is one I can support with no real in game evidence. All I can do is leave you with this gif from the crowning achievement of the cinematic medium, John Carpenters The Thing, and beseech you to search your feelings for what you know to be true: 

[spookyscarydarky]

Highlights of my favorite moments from the Stand Up to Cancer charity livestream!

1) They literally reconstructed a Christmas tree, Mark ended up having to match 52K, and Josh Peck was there in a Santa outfit at some point??  I feel like the first hour was a fever dream and I loved it

2) One of my favorite challenges they did because seeing thicc Tyler was a blessing (and then the pants ran away, that was great)

3) Kinkiplier returns with his new boi, and we got to hang out with Bob and Wade too!  Tyler just enjoyed his hot chocolate and had a grand time

4) Ethan showed Mark and Tyler up and it was great, what a man

5) THEY HAD A DOG SHOW and Henry wore the CUTEST hat, I died (Tyler became a contestant at the end and got a lot of points, so proud)

6) The Jackbox games were a lot of fun, especially when they had some audience members playing along!  Amy won almost every game because she’s the best

7) ...don’t worry about Ethan, he’s fine

8) Ethan and Tyler got to call Mark out on his shit and it was fantastic watching him try and talk his way out of his promises 

9) WE HIT THE 200K GOAL!  They had a talk at the end and Tyler was really open with us about his mother.  It takes a lot of strength and courage to do that, and I’m so proud of him and happy that he felt like he could trust us with personal things.  I think the final total was around $214K, and it was a heartwarming touch to such a great stream