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wackygoofball · 5 years

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Can you tell us why you’re so positive? I’m having a hard time imagining any positive scenario with Jaime being dead now but I wasn’t wondering what you’re hoping for in the last episode that we can hope for

Well, my positivity comes from the very fact that no matter what, I have an awesome fandom experience. I made the most amazing friends with whom I now share connections reaching beyond the shipping material of my choice, JB. I’ve had and continue to have illuminating and interesting discussions, share in crazy theories, make fun edits and enjoy my wacky life. I never had that until I was guided to the beacon of hope of the JB fandom, and now that I am a part of it, I wouldn’t want to miss a single thing.

So I don’t really see why I would be feeling negatively? Why I would lose all hope, fall into despair, curl in on myself ino a tiny wacky ball, and never dip my toes into the JB fandom again… I can’t see it because I have those things and literally no one other than myself can take them away from me again.

It’s actually the exact opposite for me. I may have come to the fandom because of JB, but I stayed for the whole package. I stayed for the social and emotional connections I made with fellow shippers. I stayed for the debates, not just about JB but all kinds of things. I stayed for the fun and the fanfic, for the gift challenges and roundrobins, for the fanvids and latenight chats.

And so I continue to stay for my friends, I continue to stay for what we canonically have and what can otherwise be explored within the realms of fanon, fanfiction, fanart, and the like.

Because, to me, being part of the JB fandom grew to be so much more than being a fan of Jaime Lannister and Brienne of Tarth, it was becoming a part of a community I don’t want to lose ever again.

But now, I guess your question is more aimed towards what gives me hope for show *canon* turning out satisfactory for JB in any so such way, considering the current… brick odds. Since that post turned out longer than it should (it’s currently 3.00 a.m. and I should be sleeping… so please excuse additonal rambling), I will put this below the cut:

I mean… let’s go through the scenarios from worst case to best case (at least some, there are too many variants to list, really), but for the sake of the argument, let’s roll with the following selection:

1) Even if show canon now ends with Jaime having died last episode and that being the end of it, I have all the opportunity in the world to read and write fix it fanfic and theorize about those what ifs canon would then have left unexplored. So I don’t see why I would be angsting about it. I’ve been to other fandoms before, I shipped pairings I either knew would never become canon or was iffed about when they did not. However, that then leaves me with the sometimes hard but productive task of going back over my earlier theories and see where I went wrong, perhaps, in my analyses to draw the wrong conclusions, where I may have led my shipper goggles distort the source material too much. That can be a kind of painful experience, but it can also be greatly rewarding as it can help me sharpen my views for future analyses of other source materials I may come to enjoy. However, even if we stick to the in-canon expectations here. JB have made love to each other, more than once. They had a beautiful journey together and unless Bran sets it all back in time and we start over somewhere else, no one can take that away from us ever again. And that is amazing.

2) A more hopeful scenario: Jaime still stays dead but either through Tyrion or Bran we at least get the in-canon acknowledgement that Jaime *was* in love with Brienne and also went off to King’s Landing to protect her. Imagine, for instance, a scenario whereby he was being told that Brienne bears his child now. Jaime may have felt like he was a danger to that child (considering the Bronn situation) and/or may have found himself unworthy of that kind of life and may have wished to remove himself from the equation. He may even have been pushed into it by Bran in a number of ways. That would at least give us some kind of closure. It may stil hurt as hell, but the one thing that lies in the air in the narrative at present is that neither Jaime nor Tyrion, in any fashion, addressed his relationship with Brienne. Tyrion didn’t even bring it up during their conversation in the tent, which I would have fully expected as the show bothered to have Tyrion in the know about Jaime’s relationship with Brienne. Why didn’t he ask him something along the lines of “Why do you want to die with Cersei now? You had something good there with Brienne, it made you happy. Why did you just leave that behind?” But no such conversaion took place. Why? I don’t know. I remain puzzled about it. And that is where I am curious to know whether there is something else to that other than “we didn’t have the time to address that” or “we forgot/didn’t bother” storytelling-wise.

3) Jaime may still die but he is not dead as per status of episode 5. He will die of the injuries, but not until Brienne held him in her arms (”to die in the arms of the woman I love” as opposed to holding his sister in what I truly found a way of him acting like a brother to her who was trying to console a hysteric woman who knew she was close to dying and became younger and younger inside her mind the deeper they went). Still all the more tragic, still would suck ass for Brienne as she would have the Renly scenario almost exactly as before, but she held Jaime before he died. They made love before that. So this may at least be the acknowledgement that by the end of the day, Jaime and she had something true, but that circumstances kept them apart and that Jaime would have liked to stay with her in another life, if only life hadn’t made him make certain choices that led down this road.

Now we dig into the really more hopeful scenarios that suggest he is not dead. There are reasons that support this thesis (I don’t call authority to them as, per Occam’s razor, the simplest solutions are ofentimes those that hold the greatest truth). So again, I am not holding my breath for any of those options, all that is to say is that the options *exist*. That is not to fall into hopeful hyping, only to be disappointed if it does not come around, but plainly pointing out arguments that support the thesis.

Reasons that may be used in support of the hypothesis:

a) the show’s really outdone itself to stick a letter to Jaime’s back reading “dead man walking”: Brienne assumed he’d ride to KL to die with his sister, Tyrion said he’d die, Jaime said he’d die, Euron said he’s the one who killed Jaime Lannister, Cersei saw his wounds and kind of implied “you ded”, and then bricks ex machina. Like. Say it one time, foreshadowing, perhaps. Say it two times to make sure. But 4 fuckin’ times is like beating us with a stick.

b) This show has had characters survive despite greater injuries, and now I am not even pointing to Jonesus or Daenerys being fireproof in the show. Remember how Arya got stabbed repeatedly, fell into the water and bled out fast and still she did fine and later on did parkour with the Waif and killed her? Good times. Jon, even after the Julius Caesar stabbination, had it a lot of times when he he should have been dead of injuries and/or pneumonia (see Suicide Squad Beyond the Wall). Arya had buildings drop on her and fire spew at her the whole episode and she got the pale horse showing he the way out (I still hope the horse is Jaqen H’ghar). Tyrion had a ship’s mast drop on him and he did not die. List goes on and on and on. Also, Euron brought a long ice pick to a sword fight. Dude may have missed some major arteries, is all I’m saying.

c) Speaking of injuries, what was the point of having him gravely injured, for what looked and sounded like at least 1 collapsed lung and his kidneys likely looking like a pincushion? The guy still made it all the way up to the map room and then all the way down again without breaking down just once. While Cersei had a sudden unexpected surge of caring for the dude she sent an assassin after not long ago (seriously, let’s never forget that tidbit), the blood on his shirt was not as much as I would have expected from the injuries he’s received. But more to the point: Why have him so gravely injured if the upshot was, all along, he gets there, they get trapped, and then they die together. Why go through the lengths of having Jaime so greatly injured if there is no pay off for him dying of those injuries? Why is it then death by bricks? Why the overkill? I find it odd, is all.

d) There was no single verbal or otherwise recognition by either Jaime or Tyrion about the JB relationship. There was no “tell her I am sorry” or “Could you send her a raven on my behalf?” Nothing. They didn’t even mention her.

e) Jaime seemed awfully jumpy with his reasoning for being there. First he says the odds are even and Cersei may win, implying that he’d want to support Cersei against Daenerys in some way, or rather, keep damage at a minimum by trying to ensure his sister doesn’t pull anything that puts the people in danger. Then Tyrion goes on about how Daenerys will win and Cersei will die. Jaime switches back to Tyrion’s (and Brienne’s) suggestion of him wanting to die by Cersei’s side, which is contrary to his first statement. Then Tyrion points to the people. He says he doesn’t care. Which directly contradicts what he did to save the people of King’s Landing when he slew Aerys. For the sake of that argument, let’s just never forget that Jaime Lannister is one of those characters who builds on “say one thing, mean the other” many, many times. Why am I to assume that there is no hint of that in this cryptic converstaion he’s having with his brother?

f) Why does Tyrion try to get a promise out of Jaime to get Cersei and himself out of KL with the boat? Why does he make him swear? Shouldn’t pointing out the opportunity be enough to convince Jaime to go with it?

g) Others have theorized about it before, I also came back to it. There still is the BATB trope that JB have been following *a lot*. And by that I mean their trajectories were largely reliant on it. Now of course, just because characters are inspired by a trope doesn’t mean the author/writer is obligated to continue it till the very end, but it’s odd how we’ve been following almost all beats, only to stop at what would now be the fakeout death of Beast for Beast to be reborn.

h) Outside of what’s going on within the show’s narrative - NCW’s been all kinds of excited about his arc in season 8, and he’s expressed frustration before, which nearly always related to Jaime staying with his sister for longer than is necessary. This scenario, as it stands right now… does that sound like something NCW would be totally hyped about? I don’t really know. Also, the guy’s been seemingly gagged by HBO in some basement full of free T-shirts since there are no goodbye interviews as we have seen them for Conleth, Pilou and Lena. We only got a couple of instagram posts, but other than that? Am I the only one getting the “Jon Snow is totally dead, guys!” vibes? Perhaps to throw us off, but again, it is something that would support the hypothesis.

i) While we now got a MUCH darker Daenerys *ahem*, and it may well be that she will be wiped off the slate next episode, but that’s another topic… isn’t it AWFULLY neat how that basically removed “all the bad guys” from the narrative? Gregor dead, Euron dead, Qyburn dead, Cersei dead (furthermore, look at all the other baddies we put in the ground, and even those with redemption like Theon are now biting the dust). And then we have Jaime. A character who’s been hated by most for what he did to Bran and for the incesting, a character who continued to be hated by many parts of the viewership based on that, no matter the deeds he did thereafter. The point being, it seems awfully convenient if all the “good guys” lived and all the “bad guys” of varying degrees were to die. GRRM aimed for that bit of dramatic fantasy realism where we have morally gray characters, some grayer than others. Odd enough that this would leave much of the so-perceived morally more or less sound members of the clan right where they are. If I were writing such a thing, I’d keep some of those ambivalent characters, if only to show that the good vs. bad dichotomy does not hold in the real world and that in the real world, sometimes, do not only good guys die but also not-always-good-guys live.

j) What was Jaime’s plan? While he came back to “I am the stupidest Lannister”, Jaime is… not. He outsmarted Tyrion in terms of battle tactics. He is a gifted commander. He certainly is not as dumb as Cersei claimed him to be as she herself was not always the brightest pebble with an evil T’Pol haircut. He’s covered his hand with the glove when he rode away from King’s Landing at the end of season 7. He covered it again until he came back into King’s Landing and then took it off, for what it seems in the hope to use it as a VIP card to get the soldiers’ attention and thus entry into the Red Keep. That means he was in possession of the glove by the time he was captured by Daenerys’s forces. Why would he not wear it, then? Did he want to be caught? Why would he? Was he told by someone with the power of foresight that he needed to be there, that he needed to learn what signal was to be given (the bells) in order to give order to have them ring? We don’t know if he gave the order, but it’s not unlikely. Did he have a plan he didn’t let on even in front of his brother? Was there information Jaime protected and was that the reason why he seemed somewhat off? Who knows. Only the next episode will tell.

k) We are still due some kind of a reaction from Brienne.

l) Where the fuck is Widow’s Wail?

m) Why did the show bother giving us JB making love and playing house if the entire idea was to have him run back to his sister and just die by bricks? Why wait with this till the very last episode, to make it, for all it seems, the literal FINAL big bang of the series?

n) There is something to be said about how realism is not just “everyone dies and all is terrible”. Right now… everything is. We are in worst case scenario land for basically everyone. Jon became complicit in a mass murder, he could not prevent what Jaime did when he slew Aerys before he could nuke the city. Daenerys… committed a mass murder (she lost everyone safe for angry Greyworm and and is now a Queen of the Ashes). Cersei was cast down. Jaime coudln’t make his happiness with Brienne, for all it seems. Varys, for now, it seems, is proven right in that he hoped to be proven wrong and that shit would not go down like it did. Tormund won’t ever get his Emobear back. Bran is an emotional vegetable. Arya just had houses drop on her. Sandor died in fire, aka his worst enemy. Sansa may just have helped put Jon and/or Arya in danger if Daenerys continues to be crazypants. Hundreds and thousands of people got burned, injured, raped, murdered, kabloomed. Tyrion may just have lost his entire family, may still face the wrath of his Queen and continues to be kind of a stupid idiot. This is not some balanced kind of scenario of good and bad, this is just… bad.

o) If we only consider POV characters from the books, there are only three pairings where they are both major POV characters, the three Jays: JC, JD, and JB. And of those two… two are varying degrees of incest, as Varys would otherwise point out to you, and the other barely left the ground before bricks came raining from the sky. The point being… am I to believe that no single 2-POV-romance has any kind of a future? I find it odd.

The list could probably be longer but I am getting tired here. Suffice to say there are a number of reasons that *support* such a hypothesis.

Back on target of scenarios that give me hope - the Jaime lives somehow edition:

4) We may still be in for a Branception. He may pull back time and try to right things (he may also turn out the ultimate villain whose only goal, from the beginning, was to obtain the IT for all we know). He may have seen the worst case scenario unfold as we saw it now, and we may go back to him trying to make it right this time. But those are scenarios that involve a kind of mojo that continues to leave me far too baffled to dive into further. Suffice to say, he may have his hands in that somehow.

5) Suppose both of them survive somehow. Further imagine a scene of someone waking up on a boat, blinded for a moment, only to come around and look at a very scowling Brienne of Tarth, only to realize that yup, we are seeing things through Jaime’s eyes. And as he turns around he sees a dishevelled but alive sister in the boat, and a very pissed off sellsword turned assassin who complains about how he did not sign up for nearly getting buried alive in those tunnels if not for that warrior woman forcing him to wait out there and pull Jaime and Cersei to safety in the skulls or whatever else when it mattered. Evidently, this would have to be followed by some kind of trial for Cersei as she remains a shitshow of a person who held a city hostage, kabloomed a sept because she could and smirkily drank wine while doing so and gettting helluva murderboners over this. AKA her ending with Jaime still sounds to me as far too nice for a woman who’s done so much horrible when there was no need for it and did nothing really other than supposedly being pregnant with a child (will continue to believe that it is/was a tumor until I’m proven otherwise… even then I will stick to it because history parallels are awesome!) to deserve a “nice” and somewhat comforting exit with her brother by her side, without a single sign of acknowledgement of her being a shitshow of a person. Anyway, that leads too far astray. The point remains on the idea that I wouldn’t even exclude Cersei living at least for a longer while (end of episode 6), but ultimately proving that Jiame will outlive her (as was kind of hinted at by the book’s weirwood dream).

6) Since we have Davos and Tyrion in place as well as a body that conveniently is deposited near the Red Keep now and maches in height and so and such, and since Daenerys would not want to see Jaime Lannister alive right now… how about the good old switch game? Demolish Euron’s dead face a bit more, cut off a hand, stick the golden one on, maybe crispy him a bit more and present that to Daenerys. Would she ask questions beyond that? The point being, I can perfectly see a scenario whereby Jaime will emerge from the rubble (either by sheer luck or by having dived or been pulled into one of the dragon skulls) or will be pulled ou of it, and everyone has to be quick to get rid of him to hide him from Daenerys’s wrath. Off into a boat and let him be brought somewhere to heal and live a silent life where nobody knows what became of him. Tarth is supposed to be beautiful around the season, hm?

7) Brienne pulls Jaime from the rubble. He explains himself to her, believing he is about to die, just that he isn’t. Maybe he will ogle at her, going on about how Bran even told him how he was destined to die and how there was no future beyond (for him). Only for Brienne to drop it on him that there is, if he decides to live at last because sure as hell she won’t be taking care of a kid they both made and have responsibility to. Perhaps Jaime recognizing that Bran hinted at that the baby he was referring to was not Cersei’s (if there is) but Brienne’s. And that all that needed to happen so he could be reborn.

8) Jaime being the one to ring the bells becoming some kind of unsung hero alongside Brienne if she has any part in getting rid of the current usurper. Imagine Brienne badass-single-handedly getting rid of the living nuke aka dragon.

9) In a scneario whereby Jon offs Daenerys or Daenerys offs off to Essos and Jon does not push the claim… and if we hopefully overlook Gendry because the guy should not be assigned manager jobs he does no have the expertise for (*eye roll*) - I mean, don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against Gendry but he is by no means a politician or anything close to it… just briefly imagine of the reborn Jaime Lannister, the former Kingslayer, suddenly being confronted with the reality that he is heir to the Iron Throne. Just for funsies. Hm?

10) All ends with Jaime waking up next to Brienne, dozing in bed with their ten kids sleeping in the other rooms of Evenfall Hall, going like “Brienne, honey, I just had the shittiest dream ever.” And then the two cuddle.

Yeah no, for real now though. I can spin myself more scenarios than that, all of which bear hope in some capacity, both within the canon as well as how I have set up my shipping habits. Which means I basically feel invincible right now. The worst that can happen is that I am dissatisfied with how their arcs will conclude, in which case I still have my community and fanfic to fix it. If it ends tragically but at least with recognition of feelings for one another, I will be sad but satisfied. If Jaime survives at least long enough to see Brienne one more time, I will cry like a baby but I will be okay because it will make clear where his heart was at last. and how it will always be hers. If it’s one of the more and most positive scenarios, I will be a happy customer and may gloat more than I should.

My most basic hope is that we get coherence where I currently find myself confused as to where the narrative is heading. There are things I don’t understand or can’t currently, based on the limited information we have, make sense of. I would hope for the show to clear up that much.

My more elaborate hope is that we get the confirmation of their mutual feelings for one another. That can go a multitude of ways, as outlined above, but that’s something I would really want/need to feel like their arcs came full circle, even if Jaime winds up dead.

My HYPE hopes are of course the rebirth scenarios. I don’ find them unlikely, but I don’t hold my breath for them to happen. If they do, I am happy. If they don’t, I won’t be disappointed enough to be sadder than I ought to be. I will try my best to use it as inspiration for fanart, fanfic, and editing.

So yeah… how can I go wrong? How can I be anything but hopeful? I hope for the best, accept the worst if it comes, and simply go on with my fandom life because that is the important aspect about it for me personally. I have amazing friends in this fandom and I can look back on years of one of the best shipping rides I ever undertook. We are canon in every sense of the term and that can’t be taken away from us (as someone once said so elegantly: you can’t unfuck someone). So my hopes are that I simply get to go on enjoying my fandom life in this fandom, then waiting for the books and taking the liberty to dissect the narrative in the light of its full context instead of only ever theorizing based on limited information. My hope is to continue to have awesome, inspiring, and productive discussions and theories and headcanons.

Those are my hopes, and I don’t see how they will ever be disappointed, no matter what may happen in the show next week, or in the infinity and beyond it will take for GRRM to finish those books. And I think that’s not just wishful thinking because the power to remain hopeful actually lies with me. I am the master of my shipping experience, of my fandom life, and as such, I can have all the positivity no matter the canon outcomes.

So yeah, I am a happy Wacky right now and I will continue to be.

And I do hope that some of that positivity will reach you, anon, and anyone else currently feeling like… a bunch of bricks are raining down on them. Sorry, I have to cut back on those puns, I know.

Anyway. To close now.

I am hopeful because I put my hope in my fandom experience, and in that way I cannot possibly lose - and anyone who decides to follow down the same path, you can’t lose either! So how about we continue to win together? I’d very much like that.

#jaime x brienne #Jaime Lannister #brienne of tarth #game of thrones #got spoilers #got theories #wacky rambles #anon #thanks anon #got speculation #headcanons #fandom happiness #wacky hopes #jb positivity #got positivity

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bunnimm · 6 years

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Hypothesis: Jikook/Kookmin Timeline

In this post I am going to try and write down a KM timeline based on the material available to us and guesswork to connect it. I agree with a lot of other supporters in many aspects and therefore this won’t be too different from anything you’ve read before, except for some minor details perhaps. None of this should be taken as truth as it is simply a hypothesis from my perspective and mostly for me to collect my thoughts by writing it down. Basing your own opinion on various sources of information, views of people with different perspectives and also being prepared to let what you believe be challenged is a healthy way of going about this I think. We can guess, discuss and make hypotheses but not claim any truth unless it comes from KM themselves. But let’s celebrate the love we do see.

Here we go!

2013/2014:

I won’t go into too much detail here as I agree with most other KM supporters and I don’t really feel the need to chip in on the rediculous dislike trope that was created back then and still gets mentioned today. What we can see in material from around this time is a very nervous JK not knowing how to react to JM wanting to spread love and give the maknae love, sometimes in very extra ways. When I use the word extra it’s not with a negative connotation at all but simply a way to describe how JM sometimes showed love to JK in very out-there ways and how he reacted to it.

If JK had developed a crush on or feelings for JM his reactions, that look like rejection, make a lot of sense to me but was probably confusing for the latter sometimes as we have some reason to believe that the maknae acted a bit differently at the dorm. I don’t know if JM simply saw JK as a younger brother at this point and tried to ease his nervousness with more love or if he too struggled with how to express his feelings and it came out rather enthusiastically. This whole period feels careful, confusing and experimental to me.

2015:

In footage from the beginning of the year we can see a JK that is a bit less nervous as well as a less extra JM. What implemented this change could be numerous things. In an interview (around 19:10) in May JM is asked why he likes the maknae so much. His answer deflects a bit from his previous enthusiastic ones and this time he simply implies that “he is cute because he is the maknae” while JK looks very interested in knowing the answer. What happens after is also interesting. The reason behind the younger showing less nervousness and dropping his guard a bit during this time could be the fact that he was starting to become more relaxed around his hyungs and perhaps more comfortable with his own feelings. JM’s actions however are usually a lot more difficult to read.

Around the summer of 2015 I, like many others, believe that there was a change in KM’s dynamics. Some speculate that this switch occurred around the time JM had an accident/fainted at a fan meeting in Japan and I can definitely see that being a possibility. The less nervous JK, who sometimes even responded to JM showing him love, that we begin to see this year was perhaps driven to be more straight forward with how he felt because of this event. He may have vocalized it or something else could’ve happened that made it undeniable. I have also explored the thought of JM’s feelings not being parallel with JK’s at first and truly just seeing him as a younger brother to dote on (in his flirty ways) and as I mentioned previously he can be difficult to read. They met six years ago which is a lot of time for feelings to evolve and that evolution doesn’t have to be linear, or parallel I should say. Nothing is simply black or white.

However, I think it’s safe to say that there is an apparent difference in how KM act with each other if we compare the first half of 2015 to the second half. It’s particularly obvious on JK’s part I would say as he is suddenly initiating a lot more of the moments between them, be it back hugs or what could be considered flirting. This moment (0:30 and onwards) from the end of August happened right after this switch I think. JK’s stare is very deliberate and he doesn’t flinch or avert his gaze as JM looks back at him. JM’s face says even more. At first he has a more serious or surprised look on his face and when he smiles it’s not a goofy smile but an affectionate one before they both snap out of it.

The rest of the year contains a different type of flirty banter and comfortable skinship compared to what we can find in earlier years. Just to give you a few more examples of often mentioned KM moments from this “year of change” we have the Christmas Live with HopeJiKook, this vlog from MAMA and JK being rather upset when someone thinks he doesn’t like JM in this Live from Thailand (he also seems to want everyone to hear him tell JM how pretty his eyes are). Since these are only a few of the more popular moments please feel free to leave an ask if anything else around this time, or any time on the timeline, caught your eye that you want to discuss.

So, one of my guesses would be that some type of confessions or expressions of feelings/attraction took place this year. This was three years ago so the question I have, and they might have had, would be: what’s next?

2016:

This is where it gets difficult for me to even make guesses. I have a hard time connecting certain things and I’m gonna try and explain why.

If we imagine that KM confessed to having feelings for each other in 2015 then naturally the next step would be to get into a relationship or start dating, right? Well, maybe for most people it is but I don’t agree with that. I’m not going to use the word “dating” on my blog as that is something that’s not really used where I come from and I’m a bit wary of the definition. But that’s not my main point.

The thing is, since I am quite new here I am still not too familiar with the idol industry, how management works, economics, scandals, dating culture, enlistment, you name it. And even if I was, what BTS is doing has never been done before. What they are going through together is unimaginable and no matter how much some try to analyze every moment and every second captured on camera we only get to see what they choose to share with us. I am beyond grateful for everything the choose to share with us. They are going through this together but they are also individuals with layers. From my perspective, the communication we have seen between the members and what they have shown us of themselves makes me think of the lyrics in “Sea” but I am going to switch around the words. Where there is despair, there is hope.

Do I believe that a same-sex relationship in this unimaginable situation is impossible? No, I do not. But we have to consider what this would mean and the problem for me is that it’s hard to imagine what would happen behind the scenes. However, this healthy communication is partially what’s giving me hope just as I mentioned above. Now we have to include BigHit in this. Say and believe what you want about what’s going on right now but I would like to believe that there is care between the company and the members. Especially care about their health but they also care enough to recommend LGBTQ+ MVs to their artists and have NJ going from describing love “between a man and a woman” to “between a person and a person”. Even if that was a personal choice I don’t think it’s a reach to believe that these matters have been and are being discussed within the company.

So how would KM be approached by the members and the company? I really don’t know, but I am going to try and make a guess. Let’s say that the rest of the members and also the company/Bang PD were made aware of what was happening between KM as it happened. I believe that the care they have for them would result in the wish to protect but also wanting to see them loved and happy. Perhaps 2016 was the year of trying to see how they can do both but also for JM and JK to explore their feelings with each other, what they want, what works for them, what would be healthy/safe for everyone involved in this situation and what makes them happy. Apart from this I would guess that boundaries and agreements were set to make sure that KM could explore safely.

I can imagine that this is why it’s hard to connect and analyze a lot of the moments from this year. Uncertainty, caution, tension and love all mixed up in a big blender that was this year. I’m going to finish of 2016 by mentioning some popular moments that all have a mix of these. The flirty epilogue Live, the “I’ll be your future boyfriend”, nuances in Bon Voyage season 1, Run episode 12, JM and SJ reacting to JK and this JinJiKook Live. The last two have the common factor of JM complaining about JK acting differently towards him or not coming to him when he asks. These occur in two different halves of the year and could simply be teasing or something more significant. This along with all the other lovely KM moments of 2016 are the reasons I remain confused as reasons far from any guesses I could make are possible.

2017:

Now last year was a lot in many ways. After the confusion of 2016 I am still confused but there is also this new sense of slight clarity or intention perhaps. If I were to make another guess I could imagine that in the beginning of the year they might have been certain about what they want after some time of trial and error. Imaginably they decided that they do want to be in an established romantic relationship. Or simply say that this is me, this is him and this is us. Around this time we have Bon Voyage season 2, Summer Package and also Burn the Stage which are all filled with moments I would love to discuss. I also want to mention here that the love I see in JM rushing to and staying with JK as he fell ill is so very powerful and beautiful regardless of relationship definitions.

I found my way here around one month after the release of G.C.F in Tokyo so I missed all of the reactions and discussions that stemmed from the initial release but the talent JK possesses can’t be praised enough. The way he is able to convey how he sees the world, his world, and the people he loves is astounding. I might make a post about G.C.F in the future but I don’t know if I have anything new to add that hasn’t already been said. Some see G.C.F in Tokyo as a definite coming out and others as more of a “letting people in a bit more” which would be my first guess. But since I can’t ask JK directly about the details, and people will interpret art differently, I will for now just enjoy his work and his adoration still seeps through the screen by the way it’s edited with the song.

I tried finding some words similar to domestic to try and explain what I see in KM moments from 2017. I couldn’t find something that resonated with me completely but loving, attentive and inevitable come close. That inevitability has been visible for a while but is quite prominent in Memories of 2017, Burn the Stage and when they travel for example. Some people seem to believe that KM, the members as well as BigHit are all in on slowly exposing the world to KM and that this began last year. That they expected a different reaction from the first G.C.F. I don’t know how I feel about some big elaborate master plan but them deciding to partially share more might not be a complete reach. They haven’t stopped talking about that trip to Tokyo and I believe that could be them emphasizing on and wanting to share how much it truly meant to them. That attentiveness and inevitability feels even more evident as we enter the Love Yourself era towards the end of 2017 and even more so after that wonderful trip.

2018:

The first half of this year was quiet but we know now that it was a very hard and bewildering time for the members with both rest and exceedingly hard work behind the scenes. This was my first comeback and my vocabulary really isn’t good enough to describe that experience. KM-wise I was honestly quite taken aback and wanted to know if what was happening felt different to anyone else or if I was simply not used to the content. Most seemed to agree that this was a new level of KM and truthfully there are too many moments to list. Something I want to emphasize on is that it’s not just about what we call “moments” but how that inevitability I mentioned previously is more apparent than ever. The casual intimacy combined with the tension filled moments.

Some like to speculate what the future might hold but I’m going to end this timeline in the present. We have no idea what a same-sex relationship between two idols would be like let alone the personal situation of KM. If they indeed are in a romantic relationship they do not owe us to share anything what so ever and if they would ever want to I don’t believe we can predict the timeline of that event or what would follow after. For now I hope they are healthy, safe, loved and in control of whatever they want to do or share.

Before I end this I want to make it very clear again that this timeline is simply a hypothesis based on a pattern I see as one possibility. Even though this post is very long I still only included a fraction of what could be discussed and we still only have access to a fraction of their lives which makes respectful guessing all we have. This is me trying to connect the lovely moments we do get to see and filling in the gaps by guessing, which could be very far from the truth or not. No matter how KM’s relationship has evolved into what it is now, what I want to celebrate here is the love, care and respect I see between them in the moments that are shared with us.

#jikook #kookmin #bunnimm posts

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mizjoely · 6 years

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First Night T Rated Version

I’ve decided to try an experiment: posting T rated versions of some of my X rated stories, at least the ones with some actual plot to them. Gonna start with my medieval AU, summed up thusly:

Molly Hooper is marrying a man she despises in order to save her family. King William, known to his closest friends as "Sherlock", is being forced to wed the daughter of a man he despises in order to protect his kingdom. A chance meeting leads to a stolen kiss...and a stolen night together when Sherlock recklessly decides to exercise the royal 'right of the first night' with her.

Part 1: Chance Meeting

“Your majesty, might I enquire as to where are you going?”

“Bored, John, just going for a stroll.” William, King of the British Isles, known as Sherlock to very few - including the man calling after him in such chastising tones - nodded his head toward a narrow deer track. “Don’t think we’ll have to worry about lurking assassins or outlaws on the Earl’s lands.” He gave a mirthless laugh. “The man’s villain enough on his own, others need not apply.”

“Is that any way to speak of your future father-in-law?” his guardsman - and dearest, nay only, friend - asked, sounding rather scandalized. “The Earl’s support was key during the Moriarty rebellion, in case you’ve forgotten.”

Sherlock shot his friend an angry glare - the disgraced baron’s name was not to be spoken of, now that he was as dead as his attempted rebellion - but John simply ignored him, continuing the stroll the king had begun. Moving ahead of him, in fact, which Sherlock could not abide. “The Earl,” he snarled as he shoved his way past the shorter, solidly-built man, “is a calculating, greedy opportunist.”

“Just like every other nobleman in the realm,” John said placidly.

Sherlock could hear the grin in his voice but ignored it. “The only reason I’m even considering this match is because people won’t stop nattering at me about my duty to produce an heir. An heir! Strewth, I’m not yet five-and-twenty, why the bloody hell do I need to be in such a rush to produce an heir?”

John’s silence was eloquent, his opinions on the subject already well known to the king - and entirely opposite to his own. The soldier and his wife Mary had already produced six offspring and were expecting a seventh after only nine years of marriage, which in Sherlock’s opinion more than made up for any perceived lack on his own part. But no, both John and Mary - an otherwise sensible, intelligent woman - seemed to actually believe that no man could be complete unless he had a wife and children underfoot. Even a king.

Sherlock bit back an annoyed curse. “Go back, John. Give me a half-hour to myself. We are in no danger here, and if we are, I can assure you I will take care of it.” Some devilish part of his nature made him add, “I hope I won’t have to threaten you into leaving.”

“Well, I think we’d both find that embarrassing,” John said...but his footsteps halted. “A half hour and no more,” he said. “More than that and others will be wondering where you are.”

Sherlock gave a snort of derision and tugged the hood of his cloak over his head. Alone had always protected him, kept him safe; why couldn’t John see that?

Oh, he knew the answer, much as he disliked it: the fact that John was more than simply a guardsman, that he was a true and beloved friend, was proof that the maxim Sherlock had always lived by had long been proven wrong. Even Sir Philip of Anders was something of a friend now; although they had been at odds previously, his staunch support during the Moriarty rebellion had helped to sway others to the king’s side after his reputation had been savaged by that Irish upstart.

“Pah,” he muttered as he hastened his steps. Such sentimental thoughts would have his brother Mycroft scoffing in contempt. Good thing he was no longer alive to see his younger brother grown so soft-headed. Had he survived his last battle, then he would be king and therefore the one plagued by people demanding he produce an heir, while Sherlock would be free to live a life of scientific endeavor, as he’d once dreamed. Free of the burden of the crown, free to wed or not at his own leisure, free to be...well, still rather constrained by being born into royalty, true. But far less constrained than his current unhappy circumstances. This small rebellion, as his party rested before making the final push to the Earl’s keep five miles hence, was as much as he would be allowed for the next fortnight, and he vowed to make the most of it.

He continued to push through the greenery, and soon found that the deer track he’d been following intersected with a wider trail, one obviously made by human traffic. He shielded his eyes and looked skyward, to judge direction, but the trees blocked his view of the sun and so he chose a direction at random. One way would lead to the river, the other to the small market town that marked the farthest boundaries of the Earl’s lands. Either way he would be away from the noise and confusion of his entourage, which included a party of the Earl’s own men, led by a surprisingly competent - and even more surprisingly, honest! - Sheriff. Gavin, was it? Or Geoffrey?

No matter. The problem was not that he’d been asked to add the Earl’s Sheriff - Lestrade, he remembered the surname at least! - to his entourage, but that he’d been required to have an entourage in the first place. He’d wanted to do without such foolishness altogether, traveling alone with John and perhaps two or three other soldiers to act as bodyguards, but had been dissuaded by his so-called advisors. A king needed to make an impression, a grand entrance: the Earl of Magnussen needed to be subtly (or not so subtly) reminded that his daughter was being granted an extraordinary honor in being courted by the king.

She was reported to be a great beauty, Lady Janine, but he had no interest in beauty. If she’d had a reputation for scholarship, now that might be worth pursuing. But no: she was beautiful, she was an accomplished musician, she embroidered, she was sweet-tempered and modest...in a word, boring. This meeting, ostensibly a simple visit for the autumn hunt, was to allow him to see if he could stand being in the same room with the girl for more than a few minute's time - and to measure the Earl’s reaction should the king not tender an offer by the fortnight’s end.

Shaking his head to rid his mind of such gloomy thoughts, Sherlock continued down the rutted path, absently deducing that he’d selected the direction leading to the river, and pretended he was here entirely of his own free will.

oOo

She’d fled the bustle and noise of the day, hiding herself away by the riverside with one of her father’s treasured medical treatises. This was truly her last taste of freedom, for tonight she would be married. Married unwillingly to a fat, balding man twice her age. Not that those mere physical features were the worst of it: no, it was his unpleasant nature that made him so repugnant to her, as well as the fact that he held her family’s tenuous future in the palms of his sweaty, greasy hands.

She shuddered at the thought of those hands touching her, groping her as he’d tried to do only this morn. Thank Jesu her mother had found them before he’d done more than paw at her breast and force a garlicky kiss upon her unwilling lips.

“Oh Papa,” Molly whispered as she she dropped her forehead to her knees in despair, “how could you die and leave us in such a state?” A tear dripped onto the cover of the precious volume, and she hastily mopped it up with the sleeve of her gown. She knew she should be more careful with her wedding dress, the one her mother had so painstakingly embroidered for the ceremony to take place only a few short hours from now, but couldn’t bring herself to care.

She thought wistfully of how different things would be had her dear Papa survived the illness that had taken him from them only a month ago. In another lord’s territories, she might have pled her family’s cause, but the Earl was a cold, arrogant man who cared nothing for those who claimed his protection by law. His daughter was nearly as bad - a vain, spiteful woman who thought only of herself, or so Molly had heard from more than one source. In fairness she’d never encountered either of them personally, but people whose word she trusted had confirmed the rumors, sadly.

People like Sheriff Gregory Lestrade, who’d befriended their family when they’d first returned to her mother’s childhood home. He, at least, was a kind and decent human being, who had mourned her father’s death with them, having become a dear friend to them all. If he were not away in London, if he’d been in Fitton when Papa died, surely he would have taken them in. And if he’d asked if of her, then aye, she would have gladly married him for all the difference in their ages. But it was too late now for such fancies. Far, far too late. Even if he was due to return this night, as rumor had it, Molly had already given her word.

She would marry Culverton Smith. The merchant owned the lease on their humble cottage, and had been on their doorstep barely days after Nathaniel Hooper had been laid to rest in the churchyard. His proposal had been straightforward: if Molly wed him, he wouldn’t turn her mother and two younger brothers out of the only home they’d known for the past six years. And she’d agreed, even against her mother’s protests.

Tonight, she would become a bride, no matter how loathsome she might find her groom, and resolved to be a dutiful wife to him. But she would hold these few precious hours of her remaining freedom close to her, enjoy the peace and quiet, re-read some of her favorite passages...

“Paracelsus, eh? Interesting choice in reading matter.”

Her head whipped up a the sound of that unfamiliar, cultured voice. She stared at the stranger standing - nay, towering - over her and scrambled to her feet even though her eyes were still drinking him in. He was tall, yes, and his voice was a deep baritone that held authority in it. He was quite handsome from what she could see of his features beneath the hood that shadowed his face. She could see a hint of dark curls falling over a high brow (denoting intelligence, part of her mind noted, as if his educated accent and recognition of her book hadn’t already told her that); deep blue (green?) eyes; full, sensuous lips...her own lips parted in a gasp as she clutched her book to her chest. “My pardon, my lord, I-I did not hear your approach.”

He said nothing, simply continued to study her - or was it the tome in her hands he bore such an interest in? In her nervousness and uncertainty - for one must always be uncertain where the nobility were concerned, life as one of Sir Charles’ vassals had taught her that - she continued to babble. “Have, have you arrived in the company of Sheriff Lestrade?”

“I have indeed,” he replied with a slight bow of his head, his courtesy helping set her somewhat at ease. “I felt the need of solitude, and by your presence here at the riverside, rather than back in the town preparing for your wedding, I deduce that you felt in need of the same.”

She gaped at him anew, quickly snapping her mouth shut as he smirked down at her. Even standing she barely came to his collar, and she wondered incongruously how much she would have to stretch in order to reach his mouth with hers. Coloring slightly at the wayward cast of her thoughts, she forced herself to focus on his words instead. “How did you know ‘tis my wedding day?” she asked, then exclaimed: “Oh!” before he could answer, if such were his intent. “My gown, yes? Too fine for everyday wear, of course!”

He looked at her with a wondering expression in his cat-like eyes. “Can it be? A woman with a brain in such a rustic setting?”

She bristled at his words, sensing mockery, but he held out a richly gloved hand in a placating gesture. “Nay, take no offense, my lady, for I assure you I mean none. I am simply astounded to find someone with your obvious intelligence and education here, rather than in London, where I perceive you once lived - as a child, yes? But your family suffered a reduction in fortunes and was forced to relocate...was it your father or you mother who came originally from Fitton? And did your father pass away here or in London?”

“My mother,” Molly replied, feeling somewhat dizzied by the quick succession of observations and questions. “That is, my mother’s people were from Fitton, and my father was taken from us by illness only last month.”

“A wedding coming so quickly after a funeral generally means one of two - nay, three - things,” he said. “A babe on the way - of which you show no signs - true love,” his lip curled slightly, which told her his feelings on the subject, “or dire necessity.”

“I will not allow my family to suffer when I am able to protect them,” Molly said, rather more fiercely than she’d intended. But it was the truth, and so far this remarkable stranger had showed no signs of anger or impatience at her responses to his odd questions. Nor had he shown any signs that he might have nefarious intentions toward her. Of course, she had yet to try to escape his company, and that thought brought a hint of fear; would he stop her did she try to leave him, would she suffer the fate that far too many maids did when noblemen caught them alone and unprotected?

If he did so choose, there would be aught she might do to stop him; he wore a sheathed sword and dagger at his hip, and light armor that she could glimpse beneath the heavy cloak. Of course, he would need to use none of those against her undefended self; all he would need would be his own strength, the heaviness of his body (lean and well-formed though it was), one of those large hands slapped over her mouth to still any screams for help…

Unsure if she was warning herself against the possible danger he represented or actively hoping he might make such an attempt, Molly bit her lip and ducked her head respectfully. “I have taken far too much of your time, my lord,” she murmured, plucking nervously at the fabric of her skirt. “Pray forgive me, but I must return to the town. My mother will be worried.”

He moved aside, and she made as if to pass him when she felt his hand catch at her arm, halting her in her steps. Her heart beat fast in her chest, and she gasped as she turned to face him. “M-my lord?”

He peered down at her, lowering his face until they were nearly eye-to-eye. “You are marrying a man you do not love, one I deduce is much older than you. You have resigned yourself to a life of duty and misery in equal measure, in order to protect the people you do love. I find that...admirable.” He said the word as if it surprised him to be admitting such a thing. “With your leave, I would very much like to kiss the bride.”

She gaped up at him, shocked by so bold a request...but not at all loath to grant permission to him. His lips quirked up in a small smile as she hesitated. “I do not seek to brag, but I can promise you a pleasant experience.”

She hesitated a moment longer, then nodded, well and truly throwing caution to the wind. He reached out, cupping her face in his hands, and she tilted her head as he leaned closer. When his lips met hers she gasped at how soft they felt, how warm, then gasped again as she felt the tip of his tongue against her mouth. Instinct guided her; she opened her mouth, granting him fuller access, and nearly dropped her book as dizziness overtook her. His tongue was in her mouth, so lewd and filthy, yet she enjoyed it as no proper maiden should. Indeed, it was as if his mouth had ignited a hitherto unknown fire within her: her cheeks were flushed, her eyes tightly shut and a flash of heat spread out from her belly to her chest, down her arms and legs until it was as if her entire body was aflame.

The sound of a throat being cleared somewhere behind them brought her back to reality; with a gasp, she released her hold on the stranger and stepped away from him. There was another stranger nearby, this one clearly a soldier, wearing a mildly disapproving expression on his face. “Your…” he started to say, then stopped at the fierce glare from the man Molly had just been kissing.

The newcomer cleared his throat again. “You’re...wanted back at the camp,” he said. Which was obviously not what he’d been about to say, but she was too mortified at having been caught kissing a strange man like a wanton strumpet to wonder at what he had intended to say. Murmuring a quick “Your pardon, my lords,” she hurried back onto the path to town, raising her trailing skirts so that she might more quickly put this strange (lovely) interlude behind her.

TBC

#dis is mine #sherlolly #mizjoely writes #mizjoely's fics

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piratekane · 6 years

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Fic Writers Week 2017 - Day 1

Words of Validation - As a reader, give some feedback. As a writer share some of your favorite comments.

Reader I will be the first to admit: I am bad at giving feedback. I consume fanfiction daily, but the habit of commenting is not one that has stuck with me easily. Sure, sure. In a moment, when talking directly to Pocket FriendsTM, I can give feedback. But alone at 3am, laying in bed? It’s not a thing that happens. That being said, I wanted to highlight some of my absolute always-go-back-to fics that I’ve probably never commented on, but adore (that are limited to Wayhaught and Bechloe fics, atm, because sitting here sifting through the toxic love affair I had with G*** is too much).

Open Range Hearts by thewaywedo33 / @thewaywedo33 (Wayhaught) First of all, this is magnificent. Your story, admittedly, got me into Wayhaught. I’d been seeing it on my dash and I went over to ao3 and was, like, what even is there to read? The answer was... not much. But this fic was there and I opened it hesitantly and damn. I don’t like horses. If I never meet a horse by its first name, I’ll be glad. But the world you created, keeping all of the characters in their lanes and dropping them into this what-Purgatory-could-be environment (because I can totally see it as a running farm) is just amazing. You have such a way with words that I find myself going back to the scene in the barn where they give in and I live that moment - Nicole’s pleading for Waverly to stop doing this thing that neither of them can control, Waverly’s hot and cold confusion. Also, the hat falling to the ground? I don’t know why I love that single detail so much, but I do. (I think it’s because - and I’m so guilty of this myself, until I reread a few times - people forget things like that? It’s like a math problem. If a woman is wearing a cowboy hat, and a second women launches herself at the first with a velocity of attraction, is she wearing a hat by the time their lips touch?)

Tripping, Stumbling, Flipping, Fumbling by TheGaySmurf / @iamthegaysmurf (Wayhaught) Let me make a list of the things I love about this fic, in no particular order: the vague opening where you’re like, WHAT HAPPENED TO MY NICOLE?!; Doc letting it slip; Waverly being like, rules, what rules? Let me back there; the hilarious series of unfortunate events that Nicole experiences, THE FACE THAT IT HAPPENED WHILE HOLDING AN ‘ACCIDENT PREVENTION PLAN’ BINDER; and just the love. I love the love.

if we never take the first step (let’s get a move on) by socallmedaisy / @socallmedaisy (Wayhaught) I’m sure (I hope) that I gushed about this fic to you, directly, but I also want to leave a comment, because it’s beautiful. Immediately, I love the way Wynonna’s whiskey makes her forget to whisper. I love the way Waverly slides in and makes that soft ache in Nicole’s chest (she knows Wynonna doesn’t like, cue the Han Face) disappear. AND THEN WYNONNA CALLS NICOLE A HERO and the spot in my heart, the one for the WynHaught bromance, it lights up like a fireworks display. Honestly, the whole thing is just what I needed and it settles in my chest like a good hug, if that makes sense. When they finally get to those three words, it feels like all of this up and down and crazy life they lead is worth it. You make it feel like it’s worth it. Also, the visual of Nicole with a sleeping baby on her chest is just... it’s magical.

heaven talks (but not to me) by belikeabumblee / @belikebumblebee I love this story. I love the relationship-building between Wynonna and Nicole. I love the way Nicole steps back and gives Waverly the space she needs, that she comforts her and feeds her, and then at the same time, is not afraid to verbalize that Waverly needs to get her shit together. I love when relationships are shown this: when one person gives the other space to grieve, to come to terms with a big truth, but doesn’t let them sink themselves in that pit of despair; when one person steps up and says, I know you think you need this but I know you and you need to do that before you can move on from this. I love when people talk to each other and you had them talk so beautifully, so honestly. I just... I love this story.

stare into the sky until we’re blind by lescousinsdangereux (Bechloe) YOU DID A ROAD TRIP FIC. Okay, but I need you to know: the part where they get out of a speeding ticket was, hands down, one of my favorite things about this fic. I feel like Beca is written so... restrained? And the way she’s so obviously flustered here is fantastic. Additionally, the way you picked the moment Chloe falls for Beca to be when she’s rapping is such a perfect throwback to the shock and then delight on Chloe’s face in the first movie, when she starts going with ‘No Diggity.’ Just the choices you made, plot- and word-wise are fantastic, magnificent, and now I’m re-reading this from start to finish.

You Still Make Sense To Me (Your Mess Is Mine) by wherehopelies (Bechloe) This hits all of my trope weaknesses - fake dating, roommates to girlfriends, getting a pet. I mean, this fic was, like, written specifically for me, I’m pretty sure. I just want to thank you for making me fall in love with a dog named Potato (and giving him an godmother). I want to thank you for having absolutely no one be surprised about Beca and Chloe finally dating. I want to thank you for the delicious slow burn that is these two idiots being in love without knowing their in love. Also also also, your use of David Guetta is 10/10 and, like, I don't know how you pulled that off without making it super cheesy, but you did.

Forgive Me These November Days by obstinate_questionings (Bechloe) I read this often. I’m not going to lie. I read this frequently. I love love love love the way you write Chloe, specifically. I love the way you explore the way she thinks and the way she acts. I especially love how in-character she feels, especially because in the film, her character traits are very fleeting and hard to grab onto. I’ve seen people pull out the party-girl trait and run with that. But this Chloe? The one you’ve built from a few small character-building scenes in the movie? My heart aches. Also, this is the best Chloe-Aubrey friendship I’ve ever read. Ever. And I will continue to come back to this fic again and again and again.

Writer One of my favorite things about posting a story is refreshing my email. I love waking up the morning after posting a story and opening my email and seeing comments from people who read it while I was sleeping. There are so many amazing people who comment, but I just want to pull out a few that really stuck in my ribs over the last few weeks.

swagche on live our lives together day by day

Reading this one was like buying a new album from your favorite band and just being perfectly reminded why you fell in love with them in the first place while enjoying their growth.

I JUST REALLY LOVE THIS SERIES.

I read this sentence over and over again and decided it’s the best damn compliment I could have ever received. It immediately reminded me of, like,

jaguarspot on yesterday and days before (sun is cold and rain is hard)

For an 80s music AU, this one had almost no music, which is fitting seeing as a part of the music in their lives just faded

Writing this Curtangst was just as hard as I’m assuming it was to read it. This series has become so much a part of my life (you think I’m kidding but right now, Survivor’s Vital Signs is blasting on my cassette player for the fifth time today) that it was so important to set Curtis up and to make his death resonate across all of the characters who interacted with him daily, who mattered to him. To be honest, Curtis plays such a large part of their musical history (which you guys will see eventually) that having someone nail it head of the head so perfectly... It floored me. It absolutely floored me.

forgetthesun on it's like i wrote every note with my own fingers

Is this your opus? Your heart and soul has poured into every crevice of this story. I haven't stayed up until 2am reading fic for years but this, this kept me awake all night. And the music was to die for.

It felt like a combination of a love story to 80s music/movies and to the middle era of fic - how exactly did you pull off a songfic btw? I was a bit late to the Wayhaught party and hadn't been interested in reading about them before I saw there was a story written by you.

It must be over ten years now that I've been reading your work and I haven't once been disappointed. Even back in the angst days there was always a level of hope in your stories (however deep it might have been buried) and it's wonderful to read your more recent pieces where the balance of angst to hope has been tipped on its head.

I'm so looking forward to reading the rest of this series and listening to all those wonderful mixtapes! Nicole's anxiety over getting those tapes right was so perfect. It had my fingers itching to hit the buttons of a dual deck again.

I love this comment for many reasons. I joined fandom at such a young age, that I’ve already been in ‘the game’ for... ten years? Definitely longer. It’s probably actually more like twelve, to be honest. (Which is why I see fandom ‘grandma’ posts and laugh, because, like I am one.) Anyway, what is so cool about fandom, and one of the things I love about this comment, is that forgetthesun is right - they started reading my work nearly ten years ago. Back when all we had were glances and lingering brushes of hands and people created worlds from a .02 second moment in time. My work used to be angst, angst, angst. And I’m so fucking grateful someone followed me out of that dark time to now, to better days. (I’m also looking at you, @iamthegaysmurf.) The other reason I love this comment is because they’re right; this is my opus. I have - and continue to - put so, so much of myself into this. I also put so much of Smurf into it, as well. I feel like out of everything I’ve ever written, this one just... feels different. It feels like more. It feels like everything. (Also, dude, if I knew how in the hell I pulled off a songfic, I would send myself back in time and rewrite all the songfics I ever did, I swear to god.)

tl;dr - go back and read it, you cowards (I say, with affection)

Fic Writers Week 2017

#ficwritersweek #wynonna earp #bechloe

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beckylower · 4 years

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In my last post, we left Evelyn Nesbit at the peak of her career as a model, showgirl, and sex symbol of the new century. Though her virtue had been stolen through trickery and rape by the much older Stanford White, nonetheless they began an affair that lasted about a year. Even more surprising, their relationship survived the end of the affair. He continued to support Evelyn and her family in the style befitting a goddess adored by the media of the day. Evelyn’s life became quite glamorous as wealthy and/or famous suitors presented themselves and her career continued to expand. Into this complicated mix of fame and sex appeal stepped a young man of dubious character wholly unsuited to marry anyone, much less a girl with Evelyn’s history.

Harry Kendall Thaw (February 12, 1871-February 22, 1947) was the son of Pittsburg coal and railroad magnate William Thaw. From an early age, Harry exhibited the warning signs of a violent and paranoid personality. His own mother declared he had been so in the womb. As a boy, he did not remain in any given school for long because his behavior was unacceptable and his teachers despaired of being able to teach him. His family name got him into the University of Pittsburg and then Harvard. He was to read law at Harvard, but spent his time in pursuits that had nothing to do with academics. By his own admission, he “majored in poker” instead. He also chased women and participated in binge drinking. He was expelled from Harvard after being arrested for threatening a cab driver with a shotgun. It appears Harry was a young man who never suffered the consequences of his choices, and as a result, never learned to control his emotions and actions. With his academic career over, Harry continued spending time in his preferred pursuits, but added cocaine and other recreational drugs to his list of debaucheries.

Harry became aware of and then obsessed with Evelyn because of an interest he shared with the much older Stanford White, an interest in beautiful, young show girls. Harry attended at least forty performances of The Wild Rose, in which Evelyn had a speaking part. He sent flowers, cards, letters, and gifts. He introduced himself as Mr. Monroe. At first, Evelyn rebuffed his advances, but eventually she agreed to start seeing him. Harry worked to impress both Evelyn and her mother ultimately revealing his true identity, which both Nesbits found very satisfactory.

Harry took mother and daughter to Paris, where he managed to convince the older woman to return to New York. From Paris, Thaw and Evelyn traveled on through Europe, Harry all the while pressing Evelyn to become his wife. She rejected his proposals until they reached Germany. During their stop at Katzenstein Castle, Evelyn revealed the true nature of her relationship with Stanford White. She explained being drugged and raped, which even the worldly Harry found shocking. Since she was no longer a virgin, she felt unworthy of being Harry’s wife. Though he promised she would never be subjected to such again, one must wonder if Harry blamed Evelyn in part for what happened with White or perhaps it was that she went on to have an affair with White after the rape. It could not have helped that Thaw already had a seething hatred of White. Whatever his reasons, Thaw kept Evelyn locked in a castle room for two weeks where he repeatedly beat her with a whip and raped her. Despite this, the girl returned with Harry to the States and eventually married him in April 1905, later saying, “I was so sorry for him. And…we’d been so terribly poor.”

Artist’s drawing of the shooting.

The seeds of Harry’s hatred for Stanford White were planted long before he began his relationship with Evelyn. Over the years, White had snubbed Harry at social gatherings and had blackballed him from several clubs. Given Harry’s nature, this proved most unwise. Harry did not let grudges go lightly. Layer over this the knowledge that White had “gotten there first” with his wife and Harry’s anger continued to heat until it boiled over on the night of June 25, 1906 during a performance on the roof of Madison Square Garden. In full view of the audience, Harry shot White in the head, killing him instantly. The show did not stop immediately because pranks were common fare in shows at the time. It was not until ladies in the audience screamed upon realizing that part of White’s skull was exposed and there were powder burns on his skin that the singing stopped. A witness told the New York Times that upon learning White was dead, Harry stated, “Well, I made a good job of it, and I’m glad.” The same witness reported Evelyn running to Harry, kissing him, and saying, “I didn’t think you would do it in this way.”

Thaw went on trial in February 1907 amid a tabloid frenzy. A selection of newspaper front pages from across the country have been digitized by the Library of Congress. They demonstrate how widespread public interest was in the “Crime of the Century.” It comes as no surprise that for the first time in U.S. history, the jury was sequestered.

During the proceedings, Evelyn took the stand and testified regarding White’s rape of her when she was sixteen. The L.A. Times reported that the Thaw family offered to give Evelyn one million dollars to testify on her husband’s behalf with the condition that he was acquitted. As witnesses for the prosecution, a parade of women testified to Harry’s mistreatment of them which included sexual assault and use of a pearl handled whip. The Thaw’s housekeeper, Mrs. Susan Mueller, testified that she had for a time acted as a procurer of young women for Harry and had seen him abuse them in the way other witnesses described. Further testimony revealed that Thaw had hired private detectives to harass White for fear he was still having an affair with Evelyn. The L.A.Times further reported that White had gone so far as to hire bodyguards and planned to file charges against Thaw.

While on trial, Harry was denied bail and remained in the Tombs, Manhattan’s Detention Complex, where he was afforded many privileges because of his position and wealth.

He dined on steaks and wine catered by Delmonico’s, slept in a bass bed, wore his own clothes, and enjoyed clean, starched linens on table and bed.

The trial ended in a hung jury in April 1907. During his second trial, Harry pled temporary insanity, was found not guilty by reason of insanity, and committed to Matteawan State Hospital for the Criminally Insane in New York. In 1910, Evelyn gave birth to a son, Russell William Thaw, who she claimed was conceived during a conjugal visit at the asylum. Harry denied the boy and never accepted paternity. His confinement at Matteawan was to have been for life, but his lawyers were not finished. They filed a writ of habeus corpus, which was denied. At that point, it is believed his mother arranged for him to simply walk out of the asylum. He fled to Canada, but was extradited back to the U.S. and Matteawan. In 1915, he was granted a third trial where he was found no longer a danger and was released. Evelyn and Harry divorced in 1915, as well, and all financial support for Evelyn ceased. She was left to make her way as best she could. Unfortunately, none of his experiences effected any of the desired changes in Harry. He was arrested for nearly beating a boy to death on Christmas Eve 1915. He was found insane and committed to Kirkbride Asylum in Philadelphia until April 1924.

After his release, Harry moved to Clearwater, Virginia where his neighbors viewed him as an eccentric, but harmless individual who served in their volunteer fire department. Harry died of a heart attack while in Miami in 1947. He left Evelyn $10,000 (about $115,000 today) or 1% of his total wealth.

As for Evelyn’s later life, she returned to the stage and later performed in a few silent films. She had a second brief, unhappy marriage to a dancer, Jack Clifford. They married in 1916; he left her in 1918; she divorced him in 1933. Their marriage could not survive Evelyn’s notoriety and the public’s refusal to see her as anything other than the wife of a playboy killer and featured witness in the Trial of the Century. She never again achieved the success she experienced as a teenager. In 1926, there was a rumor of a possible reconciliation with Thaw. He visited her in a Chicago hospital after her suicide attempt and they were photographed together, but nothing came of it. She served as a technical advisor for the 1955 film The Girl in the Red Velvet Swing, a highly fictionalized version of her life with White and Thaw, for which she received $10,000. She was not pleased with the portrayal of her relationship with White, saying the film made it seem she had seduced White. Evelyn died in a California nursing home in 1967 at age 82.