#my sick obsession with commas continues

[shoshiwrites]

while spring is making promises outside — a flower shop AU featuring my OC Jo. Chapter 4/9. Some chapters a little NSFW.

His phone buzzes.

There's a little leap in his chest, of dread or anticipation, before he can see who it is and his body knows what to do.

did you do the pages today?

Relief. He can't pretend about it. He stabs out a thumbs-up emoji with his thumb, as is their routine, movement unrefined with the drowsiness of an afternoon nap. Or a crash, depending on what you wanted to call it. He never naps, unless his body schedules it for him. Which it occasionally does. Math problems will do that to you, she'd say. The margins of GED Prep Plus are tangled with pencil lines. U?

The three dots bounce, only for a moment. day 11

The little smiley face, the one with the noisemaker — that one seems appropriate. I'm proud of you, he wants to say, feels the faint press of the consonants in his mouth. But they never get that far. She'd taken the Nicorette, though. He falls back asleep thinking about the flowers she'd been sketching yesterday on a scrap of kraft paper, the white pencil in her hands.

Most of the time, his phone isn't Jo. It's Bill or Allie or someone wanting a reduced quote for a piece he's already generously discounted, given that he's not making a whole lot of money off of this, a guy who polishes up old shit in his garage for fun.

It was supposed to be fun, at least.

He doesn't know whether to laugh about it, that the statement could theoretically apply to furniture or to Allie. His ex-girlfriend, a label that itches with how terribly it fits.

What are they?

He wants them to be exes. Exes would be so much easier than whatever this mess is, this thing that has them broken up but still texting him whenever she feels like it. This thing that means she can call him over at any hour and he just goes, wanting whatever it is they have over being alone. The sex, mostly, which is an acknowledgement that feels about as comfortable as a cavity. It's...it's not even that good, for him, most of the time, but if she ever notices she doesn't say anything.

Someone should confiscate his phone, at some point.

Today at the shop he'd caught Jo singing to herself along with the radio. She'd looked swallowed by the giant old sweater she'd been wearing the color of milky coffee, bopping along to Paula Abdul. Her dark curls had fallen from her shoulder as she turned. The kind of shit that only happened in movies. It was like he'd blinked and here he was, hopeless or close to it. Bill had taken a special delight in telling him, pacing around the garage while Joe worked and drinking Joe's beer. That he was a goner, that Jo was the kind of girl you didn't fool around with. 

"You're full of it," Joe had said, brain fizzing on the words fool around and immediately forgetting what it was he was doing with the dresser's hardware. "Bill Guarnere telling me what's what about fooling around. Weren't you still-"

Bill had scoffed. "Listen, I'm done with that shit now." And the craziest part was, Joe knew he was right. He and Fran are saving for a goddamn house together. She's about to have a baby. "Josephine's not the kind of girl you fool around with," Bill repeated, the same kind of tone he used when he talked about his sisters or Frankie or Clara. The kind of person who checked up on you. Who cared. Like Bill, but less annoying. Joe opened the ancient fridge for a soda and saw that it was nearly empty.

"Hey, I'll buy you some my next run," Bill said, conveniently forgetting he was the one who'd emptied it in the first place. "Don't look so burnt up."

"I kind of hate you right now," said Joe. 

"But you know I'm right."

Her eyes, he never forgets, are that warm light brown, that color that makes him ache. 

Tonight, though, he's woken up on the old couch feeling lost in the evening, and cold. There's a few snowflakes swirling outside in the hazy purple of the streetlight against the sky. Spring needs to get with the program too. He's sick of this weather. He wants a cigarette. His phone buzzes.

"I don't see what you're so worked up about," Allie says, stretching herself across the mattress. She looks blissed out of her mind (you're welcome, he thinks pointedly), rolling over to tap the ash off the end of her cigarette. Of course she's smoking. Of course she doesn't care. Somehow it bothers him more that she's noticed the tension in his face. That must mean it's bad.

Even if he does tell her, about the doubt creeping in, about the fact that he hasn't talked to his sisters in weeks, his brother or his ma even longer, he can't very well tell her about Jo. He should tell his family at least, that he's working on his degree. He can hearing something like a scoff coming from Ma, something about it never being too late to finish what you've started, some rambling story about when he'd dropped out that would sound like a scold and a eulogy at once. But he knows she'd be proud, deep down.

He humphs something that sounds like a dismissal, and she's back to the face he knows, the one that's already moved on.

"You're coming to my friend's show," she says. Her voice is a little hoarse, from the smoke, from the fact that in his attempt to forget whatever had been going on earlier he'd been...more generous than usual. Hoarse and on the quieter side, but it's so loud in that moment, the way he knows it's never a question with her, and won't ever be.

He squeezes his eyes shut, rubbing at his face with his palm, like that will make the cigarette smell go away. "Gotta work." He doesn't know if he has to, actually, but he'll figure something out.

Allie rolls her eyes, but she starts tapping her fingertips against his hip. Her straw-brown hair brushes against his shoulder. There's a tug inside of him that feels like something important, but then it's gone.

[nugnthopkns]

dance me to the end of love (i)

word count: 4.3k

warnings: fem!oc, cursing, potential spoilers for the west wing if you've never seen the show

series masterpost: here

a/n: hi!! i am so incredibly happy to finally be putting this fic out into the world. it means an awful lot to me and i can't wait to share the little world i've created :)) x

Magdalene is content with where she’s ended up.

Denver is wonderful. Her friends are there, her cat is there, and it’s the perfect place for a fresh start. She arrived in the city nearly six years ago – a wide-eyed University of Denver freshman and has stayed put ever since. Her hometown of Aspen holds a few too many bad memories, but is close enough that she can return if an emergency calls for it. So far she hasn’t left, too engrossed in finishing her degree and moving on. There’s a job offer lined up with the university’s library upon graduation that Magdalene is ecstatic about. It means she gets to stay right where she is – where she’s comfortable.

☼☼☼☼

The sun might be shining as she exits her apartment building, but it’s cold for March. Magdalene pulls the thick scarf her best friend Bette got her for Christmas higher up her face and walks as quickly as possible to campus. There’s a brief meeting to attend with her advisor before grabbing lunch with Bette, and then her plan is to spend the rest of the day holed up in the library working on her thesis. It’s due in two weeks, with the defence in just over a month, and Magdalene is incredibly nervous. Though she’d gone through submitting her undergraduate thesis two years ago, presenting her master’s research was going to be a lot harder. She’s heard through the grapevine that the committees are being tough this year and she doesn’t want to fail.

Dr. Williams is waiting for her in his office with a smile on his face. He’s a tall man, with thin facial features and wire glasses that box him perfectly into the intimidating professor stereotype. “Miss Stevenson, please sit,” he gestures to the chair across from him.

“Gerald,” she sighs, “You can call me Magdalene, I don’t mind. Besides, it makes you quite the hypocrite if you insist I call you by your first name but you won’t use mine.” There’s no malice in her voice, just a decent amount of teasing.

The older man scoffs but concedes. “I suppose you’re right. Well then Magdalene, tell me, how are your final edits coming along?”

Magdalene spends nearly twenty minutes detailing all the elements she has tweaked since their last meeting, from the title to the citation style. She’s out of breath by the time she’s done, rambling at an impressive speed, and takes a big gasp of air while the professor mulls over her words. Dr. Williams doesn’t say anything, causing Magdalene to shift anxiously in her seat. “Sir, is there something wrong?”

He shakes his head. “Absolutely nothing,” he beams, “Everything is perfect. It’s a shame you don’t want to continue researching. You’d make a fabulous academic.”

The compliment makes Magdalene’s heart soar. It means a lot, especially coming from the person who has seen her cry over the oxford comma. “Thank you sir, but I belong in the practical realm. Someone has to file all the documents you obsessively scan.”

She leaves the building soon after, promising to stop by after she drops off the final draft in a few weeks. It’s a bit later than she expected and hopes Bette won’t be mad. There’s nothing the blonde hates more than poor time management, but Magdalene prays she’ll understand. It wasn’t that long ago and Bette was scheduling her own appointments with advisors on how to graduate. Barn Owl Book Company is located halfway between the school and her apartment, making it the perfect spot to meet. In addition to being a used book store, Barn Owl sports one of the best cafés in downtown Denver. Bette is perched delicately at her friend’s favourite seat, a bay window converted into a small nook, and typing furiously on her phone.

“Sorry I’m late,” Magdalene apologizes, “Williams talked a lot more than I expected him to.”

Bette looks up and smiles, shoving a cup in the other girl’s direction. “As always. How is he?”

Sliding into the booth, Magdalene fills her friend in on what’s been going on in their former professor’s life. Bette graduated with a minor in Classics, and it was Magdalene's major, but the former decided not to further her education and is instead doing full time charity work for the Colorado Avalanche. Her boyfriend Tyson is one of their star players, and the two of them are so smitten it makes Magdalene sick. Conversation quickly turns from school to life, which she’s grateful for.

“So,” Bette says, “Are you in for the trip this summer? I’ve got to confirm the reservation in a week or something.”

“I don’t know Bee, I'm going to be the new girl. Asking for time off like two months into the job would be rude.”

“Linny,” the blonde whines, “Please? I want you to come.”

Magdalene scowls. Bette knows just how much the nickname sours her mood but she chose to use it anyway. “Don’t call me that,” she snaps with quite a bite. “Can someone else take my spot if I decide not to go a little closer to the date?”

“Of course! Gravy said he’d fill an extra spot if one comes up so we don’t lose the deposit,” Bette blabs before trying to switch gears entirely. Magdalene cuts her off.

“Who’s Gravy?”

If her friend is exasperated by Magdalene’s lack of knowledge surrounding hockey, she doesn’t show it. Bette calmly explains that Gravy, who’s real name is Ryan, is a defenceman with the Avalanche and a good friend of Tyson’s. She also makes a point of mentioning that he’s single, to which Magdalene rolls her eyes. Bette has a masterplan for her life – which includes her best friend becoming romantically involved with an Avalanche player so the two of them can live the better half life together. As the best friend, Magdalene is constantly barraged with potential players who are looking to date. Once she went on a few dates with Mikko, but that ended fairly quickly when the two realized they were better as friends. Every time since she’s turned Bette down as gently as possible, not wanting to get involved with anyone. Her life is just starting, and Magdalene wants to be secure before settling down.

The conversation eventually shifts to what Magdalene plans to wear for both her thesis defence and graduation. Bette is fashion savvy, while Magdalene is decidedly not. Her everyday wardrobe consists of collared button-downs and sweater vests, which is supposedly never going to back a comeback, according to Bette at least. The blonde eventually wears Magdalene down, and secures a position as stylist for the graduation ceremony. There was an attempt at the thesis defence, but the other girl insists she needs to be as comfortable as possible on such a stressful occasion.

A glance to the clock on the opposite wall has Magdalene stretching her arms and giving an apologetic glance to her friend on the other side of the table. “I should go,” she says. “I’ve got to put in some serious work on my citations today, and you know Caligula doesn’t like it when I’m gone all day.”

Bette rolls her eyes, but there isn’t any frustration behind the gesture. “I swear to god Mags, your cat has more separation anxiety than I do. Speaking of, I’m supposed to pick Tyson up at the airport and I’m running behind.”

“Tell him I say hi,” Magdalene says as she wraps her arms around Bette for a quick hug.

The two girls part ways on the sidewalk, with Magdalene heading back to campus and Bette sliding into the sleek Audi she shares with her boyfriend. Headphones find their way into her ears, and Magdalene listens to a random comedy podcast. Once tucked safely inside the library she’ll put on her favourite lo-fi playlist and concentrate, but for now she just enjoys the funny anecdotes of stories past.

It’s quiet in the library for a Tuesday, though Magdalene isn’t complaining. Her favourite table, the one she swears up and down is the only reason she ever gets anything done, is open, and she all but sprints to place her bag on the worn leather chair. While setting up her work station a few of the librarians come over to offer their congratulations for her upcoming job. News certainly travels fast around here, Magdalene thinks, but accepts their generosity with a smile on her face. They leave her alone soon enough and the tedious work of double checking the formatting of every single citation in the sixty-five page paper begins.

Hours pass, and Magdalene stays working in the library until as late as she possibly can. Caligula is going to start to worry about the length of her absence soon and his anxiety response of knocking over plants is not a mess she feels like cleaning up. She packs up her laptop and walks the short distance home as fast as possible.

“Little boots, I’m home,” Magdalene parrots in a sing-song voice as she slips her jacket off her shoulders and onto the hanger. At the sound of his nickname, the small cat bounds into the entryway. “Hi darling, did you miss me?” Magdalene gets an obnoxiously loud purr in response that she takes it as a yes. She reaches down to pick up the tiny animal before continuing further into the apartment, scratching behind his ears as she does so. The two of them settle into the respectably sized couch, where they stay for the rest of the night watching reruns of The West Wing before Magdalene falls asleep.

☼☼☼☼

“You fucking did it!” Bette shrieks as she bounds towards her best friend. Magdalene braces herself for the oncoming assault, and manages to keep them both upright after Bette jumps into her arms.

Her thesis defence had just finished, and the committee found Magdalene a worthy candidate for the Master of Information Science qualification. The presentation itself was open to the public, so Bette and Tyson sat in the front row to support Magdalene, but were escorted out for the conversation that followed. The two girls had developed a code so the news could be shared in a subtle way, though Bette threw the original plan out the window as soon as she saw her friend give a sneaky thumbs up when the conference room door opened.

“Congrats Mags,” Tyson says sincerely, doing his best not to add to the growing spectacle, but Magdalene can tell he wants to give her a bone crushing hug.

“Thank you,” she smiles softly, “And thank you guys for coming. It means a lot.” As two of her closest friends, both Bette and Tyson know that her family situation is rocky at best, and having them act as her support system means more than she’ll ever be able to articulate.

The couple shares a knowing look before engulfing their friend in a hug. “We’re always going to be here for you,” Bette whispers, “No matter what.”

Magdalene’s smile is so genuine it crinkles her eyes as she wraps her arms around Bette and Tyson’s shoulders and leads them out the door and into the sunshine. The group continues to the parking lot, where they climb into Tyson’s car and drive off campus in the direction of Magdalene’s favourite restaurant. Though she had tried to convince her friends they didn’t need to celebrate, she failed, and Magdalene soon finds herself laughing hysterically over a plate of carbonara as Tyson tells a story about the shenanigans the team got up to on their last road trip.

There’s a game tonight, and Bette has somehow convinced her into attending. Magdalene knows she should go, expand her social horizons a little, but all she wants to do is curl up in bed and sleep for three weeks. Her one condition is that she can go home straight after the game without being guilted into following the group to whatever nightclub they’ll celebrate the win or drink away the loss in. Tyson has to get ready so he drops the two girls off at Magdalene's apartment complex. She’s in charge of getting Bette to the rink, and she’ll leave with her boyfriend after the game.

Once inside the confines of her home, Magdalene promptly lies on the floor. “Holy shit,” she sighs, “I did it. I fucking did it.”

“You did!” Bette says as she lies down beside her best friend. “I’m so fucking proud of you, and Tyson is too. Even if he won’t tackle you in public to prove it.”

The comment garners a laugh from Magdalene, which alerts Caligula to the presence of others in the apartment. He pads over the rug currently being occupied by two adults, and snuggles into the small space between them. Bette and Magdalene continue to lay there, petting the cat and looking back fondly on all the times Magdalene called her friend in tears because she didn’t think she could push herself any farther. Bette was always there to pick up the slack, editing whatever section Magdalene was working on or to bring over a hot meal. Her support earned her the top spot in the acknowledgements section of the thesis.

Ball Arena is already crawling with people when Magdalene pulls into the small lot for player’s and their families. Normally she parks with the general public, but Bette insists they watch this game from the better halves box, and these spaces are closer to that entrance.

“Stop dragging your feet,” the blonde chastises as Magdalene takes her time cutting the engine. “I want to get a glass of rosé before they sell out.”

Sighing, Magdalene follows her orders. “Don’t you have a special bar in the box?” she asks while locking the car.

“Yeah, but the other girls are absolute fiends. They’ll drink it all before we get there with no remorse.”

The girls climb the stairs to the better halves box, Bette chatting excitedly about the game, but Magdalene stops just before the entrance. She’s met most of the others on multiple occasions and has nothing to worry about, but she can’t help but feel anxious. Her life is so different than everyone else’s in the space, and it feels like cheating when she’s there because she isn’t romantically involved with anyone on the roster. Bette likes to joke that she’s her better half, but Magdalene knows it’s said just to calm her nerves.

“It’ll be fine,” Bette whispers while squeezing her hand, “And if you get too uncomfortable we can find some seats in the nosebleeds.”

Once inside Magdalene’s nerves dissipate. Most of the other wives and girlfriends pay her no mind, but the ones that are especially close to Bette congratulate her on passing her defence. It warms her heart a little, and the small group Magdalene finds herself in settles down to watch the game unfold.

It’s a fairly intense one between Colorado’s division rival St. Louis. Both teams are fighting for first place in the conference, and a win for the Avalanche would put them three points ahead of the Blues instead of one. Players from both sides are amped up, and more than once a scrum at the net has turned into a dog-pile. Colorado is outplaying the other team, but have still managed to find themselves a goal short heading into the final period. At the buzzer Tyson takes the face-off and is immediately shoved by a member of the opposite team. He goes down hard, and Bette squeezes Magdalene’s hand so tightly she fears it will lose blood flow. Silence falls over the arena as Tyson doesn’t immediately get up. The inside of lip finds its way between her teeth and Magdalene bites down hard, worried about her friend. She’s so focussed on Tyson that she doesn’t notice a fight breaking out.

“Holy shit, Gravy is going to town!”

The remark is made by someone Magdalene recognizes as Gabe Landeskog’s wife, and it makes her peel her eyes off of Bette’s worried features and scan the ice for some action. Sure enough, a very tall man is laying right hooks to someone who looks significantly smaller than him on the Avalanche blue line. The referees let the fight continue until Tyson drags himself off the ice and onto the bench before separating the men and throwing them in the penalty box. Magdalene can tell words are still being exchanged from both sides of the glass, but she’s more focussed on the fact Tyson doesn’t make his way to the dressing room – a good sign that allows Bette to drop her hand and let out a shaky breath.

Nothing of great importance happens until MacKinnon ties the game with seven minutes left. It happens while the Avalanche are short handed, and the goal seems to light a fire beneath the team. Magdalene may not know much about hockey, but she’s smart enough to notice the insane amount of energy all the players suddenly have. Time ticks by slowly and before she realizes it, the final face-off is taking place. Luckily it’s in the St. Louis zone and won by Colorado. The puck is tipped back to the same player who got in the fight for Tyson, Gravy, and he one times it right into the back of the net. The buzzer goes off not a second later, and the entire team piles on top of the player who just won them the game.

Bette and Magdalene join in the shrieks of the other partners, jumping from their seats in excitement. Eventually they make their way down to the hallway outside the locker room and lean against the brick while they wait for Tyson.

“You don’t have to stay,” Bette insists, “I can wait by myself.”

Magdalene shakes her head. “No way. I want to make sure he’s okay too. What good is a friend with a black eye?”

The other girl laughs at her friend’s stubbornness but doesn’t shoo her away. Once Magdalene has made a decision it’s hard to get her to sway from it, and Bette knows better than to push. Besides, who is she to deny her friend a bit more social interaction? Magdalene has spent the past six years practically holed up in the library and deserves to stand in a crowded hallway.

The friends chat idly while they wait, with Magdalene sharing some of the most ridiculous questions she got asked in her defence interview that morning. She’s mid story when Tyson exits the dressing flanked by a man dressed sharply in all black.

“Hey guys,” Tyson greets, dipping his head to place a kiss to Bette’s cheek before doing an elaborately goofy handshake with Magdalene.

“Good game baby,” Bette compliments sweetly. She then turns her attention to the boy standing awkwardly on the fringes. “You too Graves.”

He smiles shyly, muttering out a small thanks. It’s then he seems to notice the final member of the group, and offers his hand in greeting. ���Hi, I’m Ryan.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m Magdalene.”

She puts two and two together on the walk to her car. The Ryan Magdalene just met is the same who will take her spot on the trip, fought someone in Tyson’s defence, and scored the game winning goal. Though they’ve only said a few words, she likes him. He seems genuine, and those people are the rarest to find.

☼☼☼☼

Magdalene is walking across a graduation stage for the final time in two days. However, she can’t find anyone to take the third ticket. The University of Denver has a stupid rule where all graduates must have three guests attend the ceremony. Bette and Tyson are obviously occupying two of Magdalene’s seats, but she’s having trouble filling the third.

“I can ask Tys if one of the guys is free,” Bette shrugs. The two girls are sitting in the window of Barn Owl drinking iced lattes and discussing what Magdalene should wear to the ceremony.

“It’s okay,” Magdalene says, “I don’t want to bother anyone. Maybe I’ll just ask June.”

Her friend’s eye roll so far back into her head Magdalene isn’t sure they won’t stay there. “You can’t ask your boss to watch you graduate Mags! Besides, Gravy owes Tyson a favour and was already looking for something to do. I’m sure he won’t mind wasting a few hours as long as he gets drinks out of it.”

There isn’t a better option, so even though she barely knows the guy, Magdalene agrees. “Make sure he gets this?" she sighs, handing her friend an envelope with a single ticket in it. "I have to go. Caligula should be done at the vet soon.”

“Say hello to little boots for me,” Bette giggles as she waves goodbye.

Hours later, tucked into her couch with a glass of wine in one hand and Caligula playing with the fingers on the other, Magdalene realizes she invited a complete stranger to her graduation and how that could be a terrible idea. Sure, Ryan sounds like a great guy from the way Bette and Tyson talk about him, but he’s only ever spoken three words to her. Since that game she’s gone out with the team a few times, but the man with the piercing stare is yet to make an appearance. Magdalene considers that perhaps he’s more like her than his profession gives him credit for, and she feels a twinge of guilt about being worried he’d cause a scene at the ceremony.

There isn’t any more time for her to fret over the third and final guest on the list. At the last minute Bette decides there’s nothing in Magdalene’s closet that’s suitable for her to wear, so a trip to a local second-hand store ensues. While it’s nice that her friend has taken their carbon footprints into consideration, Magdalene wishes it didn’t have to happen an hour and a half before the ceremony is supposed to start.

“We have to be there in twenty minutes Bette,” she frets, tapping her foot nervously against the tile flooring.

If they can’t find whatever it is Bette’s looking for, Magdalene will have to walk across the stage in denim cutoffs and a faded t-shirt with Neil Young’s face on it, which is something she’s hoping to avoid at all costs.

“Have no fear, Mags,” she says with a knowing glint in her eye, “For I have found it.” Bette holds up a hanger that is holding a beautiful long sleeve dress adorned with a whimsical floral print.

Magdalene can’t help the gasp that escapes from her. “It’s beautiful,” she breathes, “But let’s hope it fits.”

The dress does in fact fit, and the workers are kind enough to let her wear it out of the store. Bette drives at a speed that might not be the safest to travel at in downtown Denver, but she gets to the school with minutes to spare. She shoos her friends out of the car so she can go pick up Tyson and Ryan, and Magdalene checks in with little hassle. The pool of graduates is fairly small, so she chats with a few classmates while they wait for the call to put their gowns on. Time passes quicker than expected, and soon Magdalene is being directed to her seat. She zones out while the dean gives a congratulatory speech and they go through the first few names. At one point she looks backwards into the crowd to find Bette, Tyson, and Ryan all giving her a thumbs up. The nerves she didn’t even know she had settle.

A faculty member signals for Magdalene’s row to stand up, and she smoothes her dress before dutifully following the person in front of her. Giddiness bubbles in her stomach at the thought of being done school forever. A hand from the stage crew give a cue, and Magdalene appears on the stage as her accomplishment is broadcast through the microphone.

“Magdalene Stevenson is being awarded a Masters in Information Science in Archival Studies and Records Management.” It feels so good to finally be finished that she lets a tear slip as she shakes the hand of the staff member handing her the package with her diploma in it.

The rest of the ceremony passes in a blur, and before Magdalene knows it her friends are approaching to congratulate her. Bette and Tyson wrap her in a tight hug, murmuring praise in her ears. Ryan stands awkwardly to the side before Bette drags him into the celebration. The four of them stand in the courtyard where the ceremony was for much longer than needed. Bette is crying enough to refill Sloan Lake if there is ever a drought and is yet to let go of Magdalene’s figure.

It’s only when the event staff ask them to leave so they can tear down the stage does Magdalene turn to leave campus for the last time as a student. She’ll be back in a few weeks as an employee, but deep down she knows this is the last time she’ll ever feel such a deep connection to the place.

“Victory is mine, victory is mine! Great day in the morning people, victory is mine!” Magdalene yells, quoting Josh Lyman as she skips down the path towards Bette’s car.

Both Bette and Tyson are confused at the sudden outburst, not knowing what she’s talking about, but Ryan responds without missing a beat. “Should I bring you all the muffins and bagels in the land?” His response doesn’t clear anything up, but it elicits a giant smile from Magdalene, who laughs and nods in confirmation.

Sitting in the back of Bette’s Audi, on the way to a graduation party she’s supposed to know nothing about, Magdalene decides that she wants to get to know Ryan Graves better. From what she’s garnered from Bette and Tyson he’s a class act, standing up for friends and giving good advice. He likes The West Wing and showed up to a stranger’s graduation, so how bad can he be?

☼☼☼☼

additional notes: see what magdalene's graduation dress looks like here // the quote from the west wing is from 1.02 if you were curious!

☼☼☼☼

taglist: @scrunchmakar @marcoscandellas @toplinetommy (add yourself to the taglist!)

[the1rei]

Little Moments: Reboot Chapter Nineteen: Speaking my Language By  Ericobard and shadows59 Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Fandom: Ben 10 Series Relationship: Ben Tennyson/Gwen Tennyson Some Additional Tags: Bullying, No proofreading, Family is Drama, Long burn

Summer’s over and school is in session, made worse as it is middle school.  Amidst the troubles of the new year Gwen finds something she’s always wanted and was beginning to fear she would never have, a friend.  Except Ben of course. 

Read my review below:

Why is Gwen still going to an elementary school?  It is directly stated in the story that Ben is in middle school, "Middle School blows. You're so lucky you don't have to deal."  They are identical ages, so they should be in the same grade as they were in the original, or an explanation should be given as to why they aren't in the same grade.  Gwen's school is a K-12 school; it wouldn't be called an elementary school.  

Gwen answering her phone in school and her receiving no repercussions for throwing away the note Mrs. Adams wrote to her mother shows that scene in chapter eleven was completely needless.  It should have ended after Gwen's viable scolding.  

" - even old Squid Face was this horrible!" I suspect Shadows59 meant to say 'wasn't' here.

The phone call in the middle of school and the deluge of texts that they exchange is supposed to show that they are a sweet couple that is very affectionate with each other.  But it ends up coming across as they are obsessed with each other in an unhealthy way, so much so that they can't go very long without contact of some form.  Even with young infatuation, couples need time apart so they can continue to be individuals, but Ben and Gwen come across as clingy and co-dependent.  She even calls the phone a 'lifeline' to Ben as if she'd die without him.  This wasn't the case in the original, and Shadows59 came across as a much more mature author in how he depicted a healthy but highly romantic love between two kids.  

Flint continues to be a caricature of a creepy guy.  He just says disgusting, hateful things so the reader will be disgusted by him and hate him, but any reader that understands this will just see him as a shallow character with no substance.  Antagonists need to have well-reasoned motivations behind their actions, and yet for all the times the story has brought up Flint, it never tells the reader why he is the way he is.  

Additionally, the things Flint, an eleven-year-old, says are highly sexual and complex suggestions.  It's not the mere perversions of a boy who would say something such as 'show me your panties.'  Instead, he suggests an advanced form of sexual degradation play, which further raises questions about why he is the way he is.  

Even non-prestigious schools had computer labs and teachers who were experts to deal with them long before 1999.  Even with her affinity for computers, it's unrealistic that Gwen would have then said teacher or would be called in to deal with an administrator's computer.  Said computer might even be too old for her to understand at all.  Honestly, I feel like I would let this pass if the story was more like the show and not trying to be a serious story.  

Gwen comparing the reactions she gets from kissing Ben, her love interest in the story, to the reaction a younger brother gives to his older sister when she kisses him is, odd to say, incestuous.  These two reactions should not be comparable because the reaction she should be getting from Ben is one of a peer who hasn't come around to discovering the romantic feels he has for another peer.  The other is the reaction of a younger sibling at getting a kiss from an older sibling who is, in this case, Gwen peer.  So not only does this compare Ben and Gwen as sister and brother but also Ben as being younger than Gwen, making their romance come across as highly inappropriate.

In the original, Gwen has social anxiety, which prevents her from talking to Michelle at first, and it's only when she thinks of Ben is she able to encourage herself to be open the new girl.  This is a very relatable problem, and Gwen displays her courage and willingness to follow another's example, like a hero, overcoming it.  In the reboot, Michelle asks one innocent question, the first thing she has ever said to Gwen, and Gwen is ready to judge her as being like Marci.  Prejudging anyone is a very unheroic act, and Gwen has to remind herself that Ben wouldn't do something like that to convince herself to give Michelle a chance.  

It's unclear why Michelle finds what Gwen says funny, why it makes Gwen "crazy," or why this makes Michelle like Gwen.  In the original, Michelle is shown to be as lost and alone as Gwen, so it's natural to her to like the person who reaches out to her, on Gwen's own accord, and offers to show her around.  In the Reboot, Gwen has been conscripted by the principle to interact with Michelle and show her around.  That can be a fine way to bring to people who will be friends together, but the story of the original is stronger.  

Having Ben's liberal parents protesting a new army base is a weak stereotype.  It is a stereotype as no reason is given for them not to want the base built.  

It makes no sense that Michelle, probably before she was 11, would be able to sneak out and go to a protest that turned violent given that when Gwen came near violence in this story, teenagers and adults treated her like a toddler.  

Gwen comes across as bad friend allowing Marci to pull Michelle away from her with putting up a fight to get her back even though she knows Marci is lying, and she is abandoning Michelle to Marci's lies and possible bullying.  Instead of doing anything to stop this, she just sits down and feels sorry for herself, thinking badly of other people, especially Ben.  Gwen isn't concerned with Michelle; she'd not watching the new girl make sure Macri's not making her feel uncomfortable or anything, instead just assuming that she would fall for Marci's corruptive influence.  

There is more overuse of italicized text in this chapter where it displays translated speech.  First, this visual clue that Gwen hears translated speech weakens the story, because in the original, where the speech was not emphasized, the reader is confused with Gwen as to what is happening, but because we already know or can guess that something is happening we're just waiting for Gwen to figure it out.  This distances the reader from the character's situation unnecessarily.  Second I am left wondering what would happen if Gwen was in her plumber suit, speaking to someone on the phone, in a different language, and emphasized what she was saying.  I assume the universe would implode, or explode, or both.

Marci's using the word cousin in place of boyfriend as a jab at Gwen's relationship with Ben would be good if it didn't require Gwen to understand french to be effective.  Marci has been established to be able to speak some french, but Gwen hasn't, so there is no way that Marci would know Gwen would understand her.  If Gwen couldn't understand what she said, then it would lose a lot of its punch.  It's a cause of the scene being written from the author's perspective instead of the character's.

"she was going to drive through a perfect little nose" Don't try to blame reflexes when there is clear intent on the part of the character.

Gwen anticipates that Michelle is going to leave her for Marci several times, and it's only after she refuses to several times that Gwen starts to trust her.  The foundation of their friendship is Gwen constantly mistrusting Michelle.

Every time Gwen nearly explodes on Marci, I'm just reminded of how much healthier she dealt with her anger in the original, channeling it into little pranks she pulled on Marci with her magic.  

"I kind of like the one I have - " Shadows59, you probably meant to say 'ones' here.

The previous chapters had Max leave and created a great deal of drama.  Erico even stated, "Grandpa is gone... They have nobody else they can turn to... They only have each other..."  Every indication in the story and the co-author indicate that Max is gone, and yet he just shows back up in the story like none of the drama of him leaving in the previous chapters occurred.  The original lacked that overly dramatic element, so when Gwen calls Max to find out why she can speak french, it makes sense they can just talk to him, whereas in the reboot, it doesn't.  There's no pay off for all that drama.

"Some part of her - most of her was sure it was Grandpa saying that something came up and she felt sick at the idea. She missed him. She'd been missing him since he disappeared and how could he? None of the eight weeks made that bit any smaller..."   Shadows59, you should consider revising this section.  It isn't clear what is meant by 'Some part of her-'  Because that is unclear the 'None of the eight weeks made that bit any smaller...' part isn't clear either.  Additionally, the sections are separated, but they feel like they are part of the same thought and are referring to one another without clarification.  

"No!" "No!" Shadows, you either repeated the "No!" accidentally here, or the two knows don't need two sets quotation marks.  

"He was just Ben and hers and she wasn't going to share him, not even with Michelle..." This shows that Gwen has a very unhealthy attachment to Ben that goes far beyond romance and young love.

"He was just Ben and hers and she..." There should probably be commas after 'Ben' and 'hers' as they are separate statements.

The added content for Michelle doesn't add much to the story of their friendship.  Some might have found it sudden that the pair met in this chapter, and one chapter later, we're best friends, but that at least was marked with a time jump, so the development of their friendship could take a mundane pace normally in the skipped time.  Here their transition from strangers to best friends really does seem sudden, and there's no real reason why these two because so attached after just a few hours.  There's no real reason for their closeness save on Gwen's part because she notices that Michelle is somewhat like Ben, an unsettling fact given how obsessed she is with the boy.  

Ben and Gwen sound like old people talking about 'kids fashion these days.'

"she was so much faster and back on her feet before she even got any water on her skirt." It's physically impossible to pour water all over someone's head while their head is in your lap and not get wet.  

I'll just say there is a big difference between Gwen staring a little because Ben is shirtless and her ogling him while describing droplets of water running down his muscles.  One is appropriate for an eleven-year-old, and the other is not.  Once more, I just think these characters are older in Shadows59's mind, not that he's trying to be inappropriate.  

That ending is so cute, I love it.

-Erico

"...carries much more depth and heart because Michelle's first day and Gwen's first day back address it from Gwen's perspective." This sentence makes no sense.

You make it sound like Gwen is taking advantage of Michelle's uncertainty.  

It makes no sense for Gwen's classmates to ostracize her for doing things for the school staff; all students get called to do such things.  So unless the faculty is ostracizing the other students and only calling on Gwen for help, the students' opinion of her shouldn't be affected by that.  You are also showing just as well as I that Gwen has an unhealthy attachment to Ben when her focus is getting the day to get back to him.  An attachment that again, goes far beyond healthy romantic attachment.  

So what I hear from you is that Michelle is guarded because the concern she sees from people is usually because she is her father's daughter, and its more their concern for him, or his opinion of them, then it is for Michelle herself.  This isn't expressed in the story, and while it would be difficult to do so while locked in Gwen's perspective without creating awkward dialogue, it is still possible to express it.  For instance, by Michelle extending her father's gratitude instead of her own, or assuring people that she will tell her father what a good job they did.  

You talk about Gwen and Michelle like they are going through the friendship equivalent of love-at-first-sight.  This is a trope that is used, most commonly, by poor writers to establish romance first and justify it later, but real friendship, like real love, is slow to start.  The original had that at least in feeling; the reboot has chosen to forgo it instead.

(As always, please go leave Shadows59 a nice positive review he won’t delete.)

[onegirllis]

Have you always had a natural skill for writing? Also can u give me some tips on how to write better? P.S love ur fanfic its so good, its slowly healing me after bts

Hi, anon! Thank you so much! I hope your BTS recovery is going better:*About writing - it’s hard for me to tell, but telling stories was always my greatest passion, which I transformed into a job later. I'm not like extremely professional in that matter so please keep that in mind, but when it comes to tips, I can offer a few suggestions:

1. Write - Write as much as you want, daily if possible. If you can’t continue with the story you’re working on right now, leave it for a few days/weeks and write about something else. Try different approaches, different solutions, find better words to describe the situation or a character. Writing is more or less a craft and as a craft has to be studied and practiced. We can babble about inspiration or a sudden illumination and it happens of course, but the good writer can write a good story in his worse day, not in his best moments only. 

2. Read - Unfortunately you have to read a lot and read something that is well-written (hence - not only your friends’ short stories). Hint - not every published book is a good read, moreover - most of them are not. Although writing without reading is like trying to direct a movie without watching movies or playing an instrument not listening to any music. 

3. Listen - As soon as you’re gonna start writing and publishing (online or professionally, doesn't matter) you will have to face the critique and probably some hate. Do not discuss a review, since an opinion is like an ass - everybody has one. Try to listen but listen carefully. Don’t take your reviews personally, do not change your story just because somebody didn't like the ending or some aspects of your work. The reviews are supposed to help you, not to destroy you. Think if you could do something better instead, or if you can improve but on your own terms and conditions. 

4. Love - You have to love to write, otherwise it’s just fucking frustrating. Words, commas, paragraph after paragraph and you’re still not sure if anybody would actually read or like it. There are more ways of telling stories than just writing, visual arts included. if you are sick to your stomach after producing one freaking page, think twice. If you can’t sleep and eat because you are so obsessed to write more - it’s probably your call ;-)

5. Find a good editor - Not only a person who would fix your commas or change all your to you’re but somebody who actually be harsh and brutally honest about your work. Somebody, who can call you in the middle of the night saying that this scene you just wrote and spent 5 days to polish up, is still shit and needs some more work. It’s not an easy job and not a lot of people are willing to do it though. A good editor is a pure treasure. 

6. Home Alone - You have to be prepared for a shitload of loneliness and I’m not saying that you would become a hermit, but every writer writers alone. It will be a long journey and you would spend most of it in front of your laptop or a notepad, without anybody around. Some people go crazy and can't finish stuff, striving for the company of others. You have to be a lone wolf a little bit, otherwise you would go insane :)

7. Experiment - You probably have your favorite genre or even favorite form. Don't limit yourself and try something new from time to time. A lot of people want to write the next great novel, but there is no shame to try writing a comic book, a video game, a freaking poem or a song. Even if you failed your experiment, it would always teach you something and expand your horizons. 

8. Shit - Yes, a lot of things you will write will be shitty. It’s fine. There is no publisher standing by your desk and asking where is the next chapter. There is no contract, no deadline or no pressure. If you feel that something doesn't feel right, change it or trash it. Trust yourself, not your amused friends and family (they will always support you, even if you write something really horrible). Delete, cut, rewrite as long as you need. Be honest with yourself and your creation. Don’t cheat and be really proud of your work ;)

PS: Sorry for all the mistakes, I haven't slept the whole night and I’m dead tired. I hope it helped/scared you a little :) Good luck, anon! 

[harunosuggestions]

Character Development Meme

Just dumping this here. It’s really fucking long, and it’s mostly just for future reference, so no need to read it if you don’t want to. Seeing as I, nor the rest of the fandom, knows much about Kirako Haruno, a lot of this is based off of my own thoughts and headcanons.

I know that some spaces are empty, but that’s probably because I’m still working on them, and they will be filled out in the future!

BASICS

Full Name: Kirako Haruno Nicknames: Cat Lady & Agency Clerk Sex/Gender: Female, She/Her Right handed or Left handed: Right Age: Her canon age is unknown, but I see her as 20 Height: Around 5″2′, which is around 157.5 cm Eye Colour: Olive green eyes Hair Colour: Chocolate brown, short and slightly curly Distinguishing Marks: None Physical Traits: She is slightly-built; thin, not very tall and does not look very strong, but she seems to possess some strength, seeing as she was able to grab and easily lift a person up in the air, strangling them with her bare hands.

FAMILY/RELIGION

Parents: Akane Haruno ( Mother ) and Hajime Haruno ( Father ) Siblings: None Marital/Relationship Status: In a relationship ( ? ), unmarried  Significant Other/s: Naomi Tanizaki (?) Children: None Other Relatives: A few cousins, uncles, aunts and grandparents, but they’re not someone she cares about deeply. Pets: A cat, Mii-chan Friends: Naomi Tanizaki, fellow agency clerks Enemies: The Port Mafia, The Guild and the enemies of the ADA Ethnicity: Japanese Religion: Beliefs: N/A Superstitions: N/A Diction/Accent: A Yokohama dialect ( Yokohama-ben ), characteristics:

1) The use of “jan” as a sentence terminating particle, spoken with a rising tone. It is used like the English sentence terminating particles “right?”, “isn’t it?” It can also be spoken with a dropping tone, and the feeling is that the speaker is determined but still wants agreement.

2) The use of “saa..” between phrases and clauses as a kind of verbal equivalent of a comma.

3) Particularly with females, the use of highly raised and elongated tone on the continuative “te” particle on non-terminal verbs. E.g., Achi itte*, kare to hanishite*, sokode saa… moto no kareshi ga kitte saa

SCHOOL/WORK/HOME

Education: Went to Tokyo University of The Arts. Started when she was 18 but dropped out a few months before she turned 20. Degree(s): None. Occupation: Agency clerk. Living Space: Sparsely decorated, clean, Work Space: Slightly messy, stacks of paper everywhere. Has her own desk close to the rest of the agency clerks. Main Mode of Transport: Public transport.

PSYCHOLOGY

Fears:  Atychiphobia- Fear of failure.              Fear of being unable to move, speak, hear and see.

IQ: 110 Eating Habits:  Food Preferences: As long as it’s edible it doesn’t matter. Sleeping Habits: Tries to keep a decent sleep schedule, but fails. Gets 3-5 hours of sleep. Book Preferences: YA  Music Preferences: Chillwave, preferably without vocals. Also enjoys pop music, but tends to get sick of it pretty quickly. Groups or Alone: Alone Leader or Follower: Both Planner or Spontaneous: Both Hobbies: Acting and taking pictures, mostly of her cat. How Do They Relax: Drinking several bottles of wine whilst spending time with her cat. Taking a walk in the city, maybe go to the park and sit on a bench for a while.  What Excites Them: Cats What Stresses Them: Work Pet Peeves: People chewing loudly/chewing with their mouths open.  Attitudes:  Obsessions: Cats Addictions: None atm Ambitions: Being an actress and standing on a stage

ASTROLOGY/PHISIOLOGY

Birth Date: 14. of March 1997 (If we say that BSD is set in 2017, then she was born in 1997) Western Astrological Sign: Pisces

Traits Associated with Western Sign: Musical, gentle, compassionate Chinese Zodiac Sign: Ox, if she was born in 1997 Traits Associated with Chinese Sign: Dependability, determination Handwriting: Cursive General Health: N/A Allergies: Grass

OBJECTS KEPT IN

Purse/Bag: A phone charger, a pen and a notebook, lens cleaning wipes, hand sanitizer and a little mirror. Wallet: Credit card, debit card, spare change and identification (like driver’s license) Fridge: Eggs, milk, orange juice, butter, cheese and other things to put on bread and some vegetables. Medicine Cabinet: Painkillers, band-aids, bandages, gauze pads, medical tape, cough medicine, hydrogen peroxide, thermometer, tweezers and medicine against grass allergy. Glove Compartment: Snacks, lint roller, flashlight, wipes, pen and paper, owners manual and maintenance schedule. Junk Drawer: Batteries, pens, scissors, tape, paper, coupons and spare change.

OTHER

Talents: Acting Politics: Doesn’t care much for politics Flaws: To Be Answered Strengths: To Be Answered Drugs/Alcohol: Impulsive drinker, enjoys wine Prized Possessions: None