#my sisyphus is dead and i don't think i have a reason to go up this hill anymore

[demonsteapot]

What type of music do you like / have you been jamming to recently? Any recommendations?

(my internet died halfway through this so i nearly had to rewrite it)

you caught me at a bad time i was schmooving to a sewerslvt playlist yesterday ;-;

okay to be serious for a moment. uh. i don't think i have super good or interesting (or normal) tastes in music? i can point you to some of the things i think are cool and good, and i can also point you to things that i listen to for mood.

ive also probably mentioned some of these before (probably all of them?) so sorry if there's repeats

(okay this ended up being longer than expected so cut vv)

good (mostly not depressing stuff?):

Bill Wurtz – weirdly dreamlike jazzy stuff (?) i recommend 'At the Corner Store' and then i recommend you listen to all his other stuff

Ujico*/Snail's House: ive probably ranted about this guy before; 'Cosmo Funk' is probably your entry level snails house song. sweet adorable future bass, my go to for free serotonin

Heaven Pierce Her – Ultrakill: Violence, the game's newest EP. generally melancholic but really sick especially in context. 'War Without Reason' is probably my new favourite track in the whole game? (you can tell i like amen breaks lol)

also ofc i have to mention john / TOOBOE!! shout out to @donutinsideofashark for introducing me to this guy. some recs: 'Tablet', 'Roman', and 'Appare kanpai' – stuff goes hard and makes me wish i knew jp so i could actually remember lyrics

mood (depressing and/or weirder stuff):

vivivivivi's Dead but Dreaming: concept album about a dead god, mostly chiptune instrumental stuff until the second-last track – personally I LOVE this album, but as someone said, it probably sucks unless you have autism (disclaimer: i'm not diagnosed autistic, this is a reference to the pinned comment). this particular album influences a lot of my works to be honest

two more vivivivivi beepbox albums, ones that are a little more lively: Sisyphus and Silly Little Songs from my Silly Little Head. probably not to the tastes of sane and normal people but i like the beeps and boops :)

sewerslvt: breakbeat stuff from a dark place. people seem to not like sewerslvt fans which is why i'm reluctant to talk about this one but whatever. idk what you'd call their genre (i've heard it described as ambient jungle, trance, something or other dnb, but most importantly NOT breakcore. call sewerslvt breakcore and you are signing up for a hell of a flamewar) listen if you like amen breaks and hate yourself (i hope not…) idk what to even recommend here… i stumbled across her first with Drowning In The Sewer years ago. i've been getting back into their stuff recently, which is probably not a good sign for my mental health… currently listening to 'was it weird that i listened to im god by clams casino's when i lost my virginity' which is a hell of a title

Heaven Pierce Her again – The Enigma of Heaven and Other Daily Delusions: weird album about religion and the internet. since this is hakita again there are amen breaks. good if ur fuckin WEIRD. i recommend most of HPH's work

i've also been listening to an ultrakill fan artist called Marzuku, who does – guess what – more amen break stuff. i don't know man, but 'At Ends' is pretty good

shit fuck of course the jvne section ends up being a whole paragraph just to say don't listen to their stuff.

THAT'S IT IT'S TIME TO WRAP THIS UP THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK. damn this got long. this is what happens when you ask me about my interests LMFAO

[prettycottonmouthlamia]

Pokemon Emerald: Ralts Only

The Wally challenge. AKA Why Would Anyone Do This, Please Love Yourself!

I've been watching frankly too much solo Pokemon content and decided to try my own run. But rather than anything remotely sensible I decided to start with Ralts. Oh. Ralts. We're going to get extremely acquainted with one another aren't we.

Ralts is quite bad and honestly a baffling choice for a solo only run.

It's base stats are really low, honestly lower than you would think they should be. It's BST is lower than every other Pokemon you can catch in the area, that's how little they want you to use this Pokemon. But even worse is...

the movepool. There's good moves on here and getting Psychic at the brisk level of 26 is really nice! But we are going to have to gatekeep gaslight girlboss our way past a lot of the early game Pokemon in Emerald. Every Poochyena is an Avengers-level threat.

Let's get started (and the last time I use an emulator's screenshot function again, holy shit).

You might be wondering if the run is even possible at all. After all, the very first thing you do in Pokemon Emerald is defeat a Level 2 Zigzagoon, and you might notice that we don't have any damage dealing moves. Only Growl. Surely the run is just dead?

Nope! It turns out that if the Zigzagoon would KO your Pokemon, it will actually run away instead! Which is both really funny, and depressing. There's no way out for us. We're Sisyphus, and we're assumed happy.

It is at this point that the realization dawns on myself. We cannot actually get to Route 102 without first defeating Brendan, and his Level 5 starter. Eagle eyed readers might notice we replaced Treecko, so Brendan is going to have Mudkip. (Edit from the future: what the fuck are you talking about how did you mess this up?) How, exactly, are we going to succeed in actually defeating him? Well, I have a plan.

It's not a good one, but it exists.

Now this isn't exactly a speedrun. I'm not exactly confident enough in my ability to play through these games quickly enough to make time feel like a relevant metric. I will eventually win, no matter how long it takes. ;w;

But for now, I do the most important part of the run. I save the game and open up PKHex. I'm using a Ralts, so I need as much help as I can get here, and besides, it wouldn't be fair if this Ralts wasn't as good as possible, right?

We actually got really lucky on the nature, as Naive nature is exactly what I was hoping for. 45 base Speed is going to need all the help it can get, so I'm happy for the 10% bonus. Sp.Def is probably our least important stat as well. Now you might wonder why I'm not going for Timid or Modest and...the answer is, unfortunately, we're going to need our Attack stat for a lot of early game fights and throughout the run.

The choice of ability for this run was Trace. Neither Trace or Synchronize are really that good in all honesty, but Trace gives us a bit of information and can potentially be good depending on the situation. Synchronize is neat as a status punisher, but it comes up too infrequently and isn't that good to boot.

Now it isn't immediately obvious, but this actually isn't a perfect Ralts. This Ralts is 31/30/31/30/31/30. This is because this run is going to be using Hidden Power. I'm personally going to be locking in Hidden Power Fire for this run for two reasons. The first is that I think the coverage on Steel-types is going to prove critical for one fight in particular, and the second is, I don't actually think Hidden Power Fighting is good. It sounds like a good answer for Steel and Dark-types, but in Generation III, Hidden Power Fighting is Physical and that means we can't boost it, and it's impacted by Intimidate, which is surely not remotely relevant.

Also for those who don't know, Caitlin is the name of one of my girlfriends, @juci-luci . It felt fitting to make her a Ralts. Love you <3

So let's talk about my plan for Rival 1. Brendan 1. The Mudkiperino. If we had access to Route 102, this would actually be nothing worth talking about. We would mull about in the grass until we got a Ralts or a Seedot encounter, and then use all of our Growl PP until we could use Struggle. But...

Like I said, we actually cannot go to Route 102 yet. So we have to find a way to deplete our Growl PP...and not go to the Pokecenter to heal our HP at all. Let's look at our options here.

Route 101 has three available encounters: Poochyena is definitely the worst, because it's only move at Levels 2-3 is Tackle, so it will constantly attack us. Zigzagoon is also pretty bad though since its a Normal-type, and will do a lot of damage to us as it rams into our face. Wurmple isn't a very strong Pokemon thankfully, so it could work as long as we keep trying for a Level 2 Wurmple.

If you're curious about Route 103, don't worry, it's even worse. Wingull doesn't even care about Growl and will blast us with its special STAB Water Gun. This ain't it.

We actually get pretty lucky and find a Level 2 Wurmple on our first attempt! Now begins...the pain. At -6, this Wurmple is only doing 2 damage to us but what's actually kind of weird here is that the Growls don't actually impact the damage. Wurmple's Attack stat and Level are already so low that the rounding evens out everything anyways. Just an incredibly weird quirk of how the damage formula works. But as an additional quirk, no matter what Wurmple's Attack stat can be, a critical hit will always deal 5 damage. This has a couple of interesting knock-on effects.

The first is we don't need to heal in battle. Once we get to a low enough HP total, we can just run away a use a Potion out of battle. This might seem odd, but it's actually beneficial to do so, since Wurmple's damage isn't affected by anything we do, but String Shot does meaningfully impact our Speed. Outspeeding the Wurmple will give us at least one additional guaranteed Growl, plus it means I can avoid using items in battle entirely. :D

The second is that, ignoring the possibility of crits, we always can waste a minimum of 9 Growls with each Wurmple we fight, and Wurmple has 50/50 odds of using Tackle or String Shot, so we'll likely waste even more. Despite my initial concerns about Potion rationing, we might be able to get away without having to use many Potions!

I'm not going to labor the point too much, but we do manage to waste a whopping 23 Growls during our first encounter. That's what I call progress!

A few short encounters later and we've finally used all 40 PP for Growl, and now have access to Struggle. Generation III is the last generation before Gamefreak decided to bust the kneecaps on this move to prevent shenanigans with infinitely long fights (see: why Wobbuffet was banned in competitive Pokemon for so long), so we won't be taking too much recoil.

It is precisely this moment where I realized I needed to replace Torchic and not Treecko in order to get my rival to pick Mudkip. Honestly I have no excuses for this, I started this at about 1 in the morning. We're just going to live with this embarrassment and move on.

I'm not really convinced this fight is doable at this level, but that is actually a fairly decent amount for Struggle to do. Ultimately it's very close but I needed Brendan to be slightly less aggressive with his attacks.

I've actually never whited out at this fight so I didn't even know respawning here was a thing that happened. It might also be because I didn't visit the Pokemon Center. The things you learn! Unfortunately this is going to be a reset, so let's just add this here...

Reset Counter: 1

There we go.

I want to make it clear how thin the margins are here. I think this is doable, but it is probably going to require some above average luck.

Growl is a blessing and a curse in this battle. On one hand, if Torchic uses Growl, it's a turn where it's not hitting you with Scratch, which deals 4-5 damage without a critical hit. But, Ralts is already doing 1 recoil damage to itself, so Growl reducing our damage output also, paradoxically, means we are going to deal more damage to ourselves with Struggle.

On the 4th attempt, Caitlin just decides she's had enough and scores a critical hit on her 3rd Struggle, not only knocking out the Torchic but doing it without taking a single hit. I knew she could do it. :3 We get a nice 69 EXP for our troubles and...oh. Well that's unfortunate.

Oh they REALLY did not want you using this Pokemon. Ralts being in either the worst or the second worst leveling group (depending on how you view Erratic honestly) is truly tragic. We didn't even come close to leveling up after the Torchic fight. Which means we're going to need EXP to help us out. Before I forget...

Reset Counter: 3

Oh boy do the hits just keep on coming. Emerald in particular REALLY hates Ralts with every fiber of its being. If this were Ruby or Sapphire, this Poochyena would actually be a Zigzagoon, and we could grind up to Level 6, learn Confusion, and push past it. But Poochyena is a Dark-type, meaning its immune to Confusion. So while we could get Confusion...there's no point. We might as well try and see if this fight is doable at this level.

Fortunately the answer is yes. We even got a little lucky with a Turn 3 Howl, but even if the Poochyena just used Tackle all three turns, it wouldn't have mattered. Keep in mind...for most of the early game, Every Single Poochyena has to be dealt with this way. The first available damage dealing move Ralts will have to deal with Dark-types is Thief. From the Slateport Museum. We're dealing with a special kind of bad here.

I'm gonna stop here because this post is already long as fuck, but the next one will include the first gym leader, and the Poochyena that will make us want to use literally any other Pokemon.

[keisoule]

A Thing Called Love: A Reflective Paper on the Anthology, “Lockdown Litanies: Countless Untold Stories” a Paper by Hannah Millecent 

I chose "love" as our central theme since, after reading these works, you'll see that they all portray various forms and levels of love that we may experience on our own or even in a group context. And I want to talk about how these differ from one another. Finding out more about this thing we call love could be significant. As I browse the internet, I come across articles on the various levels of love, including sacrificial love and the levels of liking, affection, and emotion. These levels of love could be expressed when we relate to the pieces we will be reflecting on.

It isn't easy to define love. It could be understood in several contexts, as we convey it in many different ways. For example,  love could make you happy but also be the reason your soul is devastated. Love may be the reason you are so generous, but it may also cause actions that could harm others. In this reflective essay, we may talk about some kinds of love in this including love for oneself, love for others, risky love that one is willing to embrace because they believe it is the right thing to do, love that requires you to give, let go something, which drains you, and love that one would do everything to prove.

    Reading the first poem, "Dear Diary," which I can relate to, causes me to feel something. The author appears to be talking to me. It's as if I was reminded that, even for a moment, I must choose my freedom and allow myself to be carefree despite living in a cruel world. And the line that has affected me the most is "Corrupting myself online and harming my body, Meeting strangers for warmth and solace, wanting for more But all was left in me, I ended up alone." It sounds like someone did everything they could to feel better or find the fulfillment they longed for but still ended up being broken and feeling abandoned. Even so, I felt proud of the author since they finally achieved their desire for freedom and learned self-love. The acceptance of oneself could be related to Andra Day's Rise Up, where she expresses to accept failures and not lose hope. As the lyric states, "I'll rise up, in spite of the ache." 

In the second poem, "The Tale of a Modern Sisyphus," I thought of a person who, despite what has happened to her, maintains her optimism and self-belief. So, as I read this, I thought of her and smiled. I just realized that while finding solutions to difficulties is one of the most crucial things we can do, accepting failures in our lives can really make us stronger. It could be seen in this line “Gracious to push the boulder up the mountain. And start once again like nothing happened.” It implies that the world won't always be on your side. Always choose to have confidence in your abilities, learn from mistakes, and move forward. Restart and return stronger. This kind of love is when you are content with who you are, self-assured in your worth, and have the attitude that everything is possible for you as long as you believe in yourself and don't let harsh remarks impact you. Instead, let it serve as motivation to become more persistent. This makes me think of Rachel Platter's song Fight Song, where you might hear the confidence you should have and convince yourself that you can handle whatever comes your way. "And I don't really care if nobody else believes, 'cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me," is a line from the song that expresses it.

In the third work, a prose poem titled "O' Yayi," I was saddened by the concept of choosing to love someone even when their love for you is not reciprocal and still going out of your way to make them happy. Knowing that many individuals have had this kind of love kind of hurts. Unfortunately, it's not always meant for you. The line, "Which arms would you go back to if I ran out of time here and reached the other side, mine or Dante's?" really expresses how hurt he feels in this kind of love. You are competing with a dead person. You cannot help your loved one, and it aches more to watch her suffer since she cannot be with the person she loves. This reminded me of Morisette Amon's version of Gusto ko nang Bumitaw, where you could sense the feeling of being in pain and suffering from a love that you wanted to let go of but still choose not to because you still think there is a chance; it's like discussing with yourself while listening to the song. It was evident in the lyrics, "Gusto ko nang bumitaw, ngunit ayaw pa ng puso, Gusto ko nang bumitaw, siguro may pag-asa." 

The fourth person experiences an intimate form of love. The poem "Two Red Laces on the Wonderwall" creatively describes how making love involves partners being willing to look deeply into each other's naked souls and touch them delicately as if they were holding an expensive glass and sharing their lusts for one another. It was stated in the line, "I opened my full to bare my soul." It expresses how someone can feel comfortable revealing their flaws, beauty, and unfiltered bodies to that person because they have unwavering trust and love for them. This kind of love reminded me of Bruno Mars' Just The Way You Are. Every time I hear this song, I feel that someone will accept me despite my imperfections, and believing that I am in love. Even though the lyrics and tone are not very intimate, the lyrics, "When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change. 'Cause you're amazing, exactly the way you are,"  would make you feel lovable.

This poem is about a mother's love. After reading "The Umbilical," I realized that moms go to great lengths to ensure the health and happiness of their children. Your heart will flutter and melt when you experience this kind of passionate, overwhelming love. The phrase "The pain she suffered just for me to see" was used repeatedly to express the idea that a mother would be prepared to endure any suffering to hold her kid in her warm arms and allow them to feel their love. Iingatan Ka by Carol Banawa, one of my go-to karaoke songs, came to my mind after reading this. This song always melts my heart whenever I sing it because of the tone and, if you pay attention to the lyrics, especially this line: “Iingatan ka, aalagaan ka. Sa puso ko ikaw ang pag-asa. Sa 'ting mundo'y may gagabay sa iyo. Ang alay ko'y itong pagmamahal ko” This line could also describe what a mother's love is like

"RE: Paper (I'm Red, IMRaD)," the next piece, is about love for your countrymen. Here, I concluded that the author wants better education systems in the Philippines. Teachers can give students the education they deserve and encourage them to think critically rather than just memorize textbook terms. The author also wants to encourage and help teachers to reach their full potential and use it in their teaching. "Ironically, in areas we expect for leadership, Communication, media, and socio-emotional management. We are not that high." It explains that our system is not assisting kids in thinking creatively, improving their reasoning, or developing a deeper grasp of how society functions. Instead, our educational system is likely focused on just preparing students to enter the workforce and nothing more. This concern reminds me of Taylor Swift's Only The Young because it also relates to our government who still is not prioritizing our educational crisis and we are still imprisoned in a system where there is no progress ahead, still full of corruption. This could be interpreted in the lyric, "They aren't gonna help us, too busy helping themselves." 

"3 A.M. Awakening" is a love of oneself; they chose a different path for happiness. Their sense of satisfaction is leaving everything behind and finding peace in another world.  If they want peace, perhaps some people won't comprehend why the person killed themselves. It is hard to grasp their choice if you are not in their situation. As someone who had several attempts and attacks but is still undiagnosed because of financial problems, some people around may pity you or think you want attention and may guilt trip you by saying bible verses. Knowing that some people are going through this yet are afraid to ask for help because of those types of people worries me. The final statement is "THUD. (Finally, peace will arrive.)" basically just expresses the idea of loving yourself in such a way that you choose to have your happiness and guarantee that you would no longer experience the agony and heavy breathing. This reminds me of one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite OPM artists, Reese Lansangan’s An Opportunity To Go To the Moon. This song's mood is one of absolute serenity, perfect for unwinding. I have this song on my playlist for those times I'm about to attempt it again. I interpret this song as figuratively expressing the singer's desire to end her life and enjoy her peace outside of the harsh life of this earth by flying to the moon and leaving everything behind. "I am never coming home, leaving everything I've known," the song's lyrics declared.. 

"My Frail Lady" is the second to the last piece that bothered me, adding that it was inspired by the "Most Beautiful Suicide." Like the previous piece, the love conveyed here is the love where they chose their serenity differently. As I read this, I was somehow triggered because I remember the image of Evelyn's body after she fell from the Empire State Building. Nevertheless, I was fascinated by how the author used words to convey a person's pain. The terms used were elegant and gave the impression that it was merely a light piece, but there is a heavy context behind them, exactly like the image of Evelyn's body after she jumped. The line, "Dancing on her own. Masking a desolated storm. "Gentle Für Elise." highlights how a person suffering may not always display visible signs; instead, they may have a positive attitude and dance with joy, but people aren't always aware that those times are there to hide the suffering. This reminded me of one of my favorite songs from my favorite artist, Girl in Red’s Summer Depression. The mood is not sad, but the lyrics are. This song always reminds me of my summers 2015-2022, and I did not expect that I would be able to use this song and share it with you. There’s a lyric here that expresses that not everyone dares to tell or show what they feel; it goes like this, “No one knows I cry in my sleep. Waking up, feeling like shit”. 

The final piece, "Major Arcana," is about tarot reading, and as its title implies, it is about that. Here, I learned that sometimes we feel like we can't love ourselves in the manner we want to because of the horrible circumstances that are happening to us. Some people desire tranquility, and to provide it to themselves, they decide to take their own lives. However, other individuals are merely afraid and still wish to live their lives. The world is simply a harsh place. They feel as though they want to end their lives, but they choose not to since they still have hope for the future, still want to love and discover themselves, and still live with their special someone. It is a love where you choose to live your life to the fullest because you still want to experience living in this world. And just like taking a tarot reading, you're hoping and watching for signs that your desires will happen while also working to make them come true. The line, "And so you went in wonder and surprise. For you have seen what lies ahead, through your palm into my eyes," captures the feeling of having your eyes glisten from crying, giving you hope that happiness would still come into your life.  This reminded me of the song of one of my favorite OPM bands, Rivermaya. This song is titled Umaaraw Umuulan; where if you listen carefully to this song, it talks about that don’t lose hope because fate is not always on your side, and you will experience darkness. But, you will conquer it if you fight back, face the obstacles that will happen, and believe that you can overcome them; just wait for the right time, and you will achieve what you desire. This message will be seen in this lyric, “Wag kang maawa sa iyong sarili, isipin na wala ka nang silbi. 'Sang dambuhalang kalokohan. Bukas sisikat ding muli ang araw, ngunit para lang sa may tiyagang maghintay”

I learned a lot by reading every single piece in this anthology, and I experienced various emotions while reading. Although almost all of them have this gloomy mood, a few of the words make me smile because of the learnings I've gotten myself. Some of them make me feel as though someone is talking to me, some of them make me feel triggered, and some melt my heart, just like how we feel when we talk about love which is our central theme here. When discussing love, you could experience several emotions. After giving this some thought, I concluded—as I mentioned in my first paragraph, love may be conveyed differently since we humans have diverse definitions of what it is.

[discotechque]

there must be blood

pairing: zagreus/gn! reader word count: 1.3k rating: T

dreams are the highest form of deception. that worn face he cups within frosted hands is simply a mask.

He sees you in dreams, or perhaps, it's best described as a memory. Threading your fingers through the swirling souls of the River Styx. Smiling as desperate fingers cling to a sadistic hand that won't grant them peace of stale still air. Eyes widening as you recognize his face and dash away from the red river that swallows him whole.

Other times it's in the shadows of tunnels he ventures within just to find a satyr sack, slinking away in the darkness once he has noticed your presence. A mere mirage, Zagreus assures himself before also realizing he is not the only one who has tended to Cerberus' request. The fabric of a torn bag resting against the crevice of a jagged tooth and drooling lip.

When he notices a boon has gone missing at Charon's shop, he knows that something else lives within the Styx.

However, he does not know of any dead that are permitted to inhabit this domain. Hardly seems practical to let them wander near the surface and Hades would be aware of any strays threatening this balance. Hell, even he would know it himself through his wonderful flaw of eavesdropping.

He once asked Hypnos with his shoulders slouched and dripping with crimson liquid that nicely complimented his exhaustion. "A shade roaming the Temple? I'm starting to think that constantly dying is making you have a couple screws loose." After that, Zagreus keeps his curiosity outside of the house and within the layers of the Underworld.

Sisyphus has not encountered anything he's described. Too busy with boulder pushing, the forgotten king jokes but Zagreus knows it to be true. Eurydice welcomes all into her infernal abode but has not been accompanied by any new strangers. And Patroclus ... well, his inquiry would fall onto a man who shows no sign of being patient with other shades.

Truthfully, he didn't think anything would come of this. It happens to most of his more trivial requests. Discarded by a snap judgment over his sanity and laid to rest. It's a rumor, his mind wraps up this potential mystery with a logical conclusion, the poison from cultists must be playing tricks on me.

It's logical until he reaches the temple once again. A lone figure stands near the fountain. Cupping the liquid within their hands and lightly lapping at it, their expression sours. He assumes it's a stray cultist—drawing the spear from his spine and inching closer with bated breath. The chipped and worn blade can still strike any enemy onto their knees.

However, this stranger seems to be pointedly ignoring him. Coughing lightly after consuming what he considers to be an acquired taste and trifling through their satchel. "Do you always go drinking out of random fountains? Could've been poison for all you know." His voice bounces against the cavern and seems to be the only thing that truly captures their attention.

He's aware that you're not a god; at least not one with any major importance. Zagreus assumes that if you were, there would be ample activities to choose from that do not involve slumming in the labyrinth of the Styx.

A lithe grin gives way to your features, "I take my chances every now and then. Pleased to see you've made it up here, the dead are a lively sort when it comes to your accomplishments."

"You are aware of who I am?" He regrets the question as soon as it leaves his mouth. Toiling around the Underworld, slaying the champions of Elysium, forging an escape by the grace of the Olympus. Certainly, that warrants his exploits to be surrounded by some acclaim.

Yet, your answer is unexpected.

A graceful smile gains an edge and turns sharp. "Well, you've been asking of me. I know I should be flattered, you're the Prince of the Underworld and whatnot. Although, I don't see a reason for being wasteful with your birthright." His blade is swift and without remorse, pressed against your jugular, and you are suddenly forced still. "Woah, I'm not here to be skewered!"

His eyes narrow and it's then you notice that his glare splits into two contradicting and distinct traits. Spiteful yet inquisitive. "Then what are you here for? Surely, you must belong in Tartarus or Elysium. Unless ... you’re a mortal?”

His curiosity has won again. Lowering his spear against the crook of your collar. The jagged edge threatening to slit your flesh at any moment he deems fit. You wouldn't be surprised if violence occurred after this question.

"You ever been told you're nosey? I roam where I am allowed and tend to what I need to." He figures you shouldn't even be allowed here, turned away by the simple bark of Cerberus or face the wrath of being torn to shreds. However, there are always exceptions to be made by those who simply seek to defy the gods.

In all honesty, you want to know of the Styx and how such a stream can act as a barrier for the living and dead. Bathing within it seems out of the question as you have only heard of one hero who did so and left a trail of tragedy.

Yet, to take sips of it. To let the river flood your system as it finds a home and maybe absorb some of its power in exchange for a piece of your soul. It's the thing legends are made out of and even if you aren't hunger for fame, you are itching for the influence of when your name is whispered as a deity. That's what power is: an exchange.

People say it's impossible but you've felt death pass over your fingertips and still feel welcomed within its caress. Maybe Thanatos or Hades don't share the kindness of shades but they're not perpetually tumbling through the bottomless crimson.

"So what, you decided to sneak around the Styx to tend to things? I can assure you that Cerberus is well taken of."

You catch his gaze with a grimace, grabbing an item and tossing it before him. "The hellhound is not the source of my concern."

A sack wriggles before him with slightly muffled chittering. It's the only sound that contrasts against the steady stream of the fountain. He doesn't know if he should look at you; if you'll still have that same revolting expression that only rears its head once it lands on him. It burns him and maybe he enjoys the way it chars his head.

“I will have my fill, Zagreus, that you can bet on." Something about his name being said with such malice causes warmth to blossom within his chest. He's awfully attracted to being mocked, it's not something he's proud to admit. "I will pillage and cull and scavenge until I have a feast fit for the Gods.”

He's never understood this envy towards immortality. Yet, he knows better than to assume that you wish to be likened to a god. To be worshipped and revered all the same. Maybe it's terror you seek and if that's the case, Ares would possibly be glad to sponsor future pursuits.

"I don't think I know what that's like." The lie burns against his throat like taking a stray step in Asphodel, not unlike your gaze. He is met with silence at first but he feels like you know.

Still, a huff escapes you—clinging onto the borderline between a scoff and laugh. “You will. You are as starving as I am. For different things maybe, but that ambition is what keeps you alive.”

The breath that leaves him is relief, maybe the Fates are aware of this meeting. Unspooling threads that web and weave all across each other. Or maybe he's crossing paths with someone he was never meant to see.

Amused, you continue, "Would appreciate my name being kept from your mouth. Asking questions tends to only make things harder."

"Can't make any promises."

"I think you can make a lot of things happen." That same edge smile returns, he's not sure how he can ever forget it now.

When he breathes again, all that surrounds him is an empty chamber and the residue of spite.

[sunnykeysmash]

yesterday I had a beautiful vision while thinking very deeply about s15 so I embarked in a long discussion with a friend about things that may or may not happen considering everything that already has, and it all started with this gif

(credit to mac-mcdonald)

and I wanted to take my followers on this journey before I forget everything, just to be a little insane.

now, immediately, any self respecting sunny fan who's also an insane person sees this phrase and thinks of the machelor

and other related stuff like the dialogue in s13ep1 which the machelor is based off of. but anyway

now why does this make me a little unstable?

well, it seems to me mac is looking to fill his emptiness with religion, and actively denying he has any feelings for Dennis. we've seen this denial before in the texts, but iirc never this clearly stated.

this feels relevant because, well, rcg made Gus gay (ik the man in the gif is not Gus I'm saying Mac will interact with him later), and why is that? why would they do that? mac is already out of the closet.

I think it would be relevant for Gus to be gay and have a fresh take on christianity if it came into play with Mac and the feelings he is running away from. it says in the leaks he is going into priesthood "for the wrong reasons", so even if it was Mac's aspiration at one point (he says it in exploits a miracle), I think right now it's for that, AND also to try to find his identity.

I'm feeling that s15's themes will be identity in the face of change.

So when you're unsure of how things are evolving and how you fit into all of it, you try to look into your roots (ep3), you try to double down on what you usually do (ep2), and so on.

Season 14 framed change as a bad and scary thing, an inevitable and imminent catastrophe, but still inescapable.

Season 15 almost seems to crave it, instead. There's a sense of deep boredom when in the trailer mac goes "I wanna go somewhere exotic". I don't fully trust that they're actually going for it (change, that is), but it would be in line with big mo.

So the gang craves a change but they don't fully understand that's what's happening, so what they do instead of changing themselves is changing what's around them and so they desire a vacation.

I've said in this conversation I was having that this is a lot like what happened with rcg themselves. They thought they wanted a break from sunny, but what they really wanted was to change things up, it was just really scary for them. But they are doing it, in the end.

Change is scary because it can mean reinventing your entire identity, where it seems easier to cling to the old ways.

I think in this way, it makes perfect sense for current rcg to play themselves twenty years younger. The message is clear: they haven't changed at all.

I also have another thought regarding the s15 finale, just from the clips we've seen.

So the gang is trying to drag a corpse up a mountain to fulfill a very traditional burial, but they all give up on it, one by one, also it keeps rolling back down (if I've seen the clips right?).

So they are stuck doing an impossible and draining task just because it's the traditional way. This reminds me a little of the myth of Sisyphus tbh. And it might also be a metaphor for how rcg have felt when writing sunny trying to stick to a strict formula all this time.

Sure it honors this carcass you're carrying, and it's the way it should be done, it almost feels sacrilegious to leave it be, to give up on it instead of continuing this ritual, but it's actually a little freeing. Letting go of tradition, of the past that's dead and buried and you gotta move on, but it's a necessary part of change.

Who are the gang when everything around them is different? What is sunny without its formula/algorithm/structure? Are they their past, their origins, what they have done for the past 15 years? Are they their feelings, their emotions and humanity? Can the gang change? Would they? Should rcg let them?

also big thanks to @pizzashakes for being the lovely person I discussed all of this with