#my thoughts don't connect i am the world's saddest connect four

[klanced]

I missed your voltron posting it reminds me of why I fell in love with the show before (gestures) everything

people are always like 'katie how can you possibly still enjoy talking about voltron?' but what people don't understand is that voltron is like a ready-made meal kit for me. i don't like voltron because i think the show was good (it was Not); i like voltron because i'm too lazy to develop ocs of my own & the vld characters are juuuuuust enough like blank slates that i can commit blatant daylight robbery and steal them for my own purposes

[saturnsfavouritemoon]

It's that time of the year when every single Bengalee living on this planet walks around with a heavy heart and anticipation in their eyes for the following year. Well, in my case, I always have had a weird connection with festivals. Especially, Durgapujo. I have always considered myself an agnostic in the past two decades but a person made me feel something about these guys up there called GOD. Well, we went back to being strangers again but I still do have a weird connection with god. I mean, the Woman (yes I think god is a woman) and I don't seem to see eye to eye much. I have always had a hard time while doing prayers. The weather has been unpredictable lately, much like my mind during prayers. But I can welcome death if it means won't lose my mind while praying. I am miserable at goodbyes so I bailed on seeing HER off. People say, 'God removes people from your life because she heard the conversation you couldn't." I don't know why she let them come into my life in the first place. LESSON? Please! I have had enough of that.

I think about the past. Every year pujo reminds me of how different my life used to be during the last one. And how the people I spent the last pujo with, gone missing silently. Pujo makes me remind how lonely a person can possibly be. I don't think about how not giving myself time to feel something, has felt lately. I pretend to like it. I pretend not to have a panic attack while seeing the pujo lights. Mum says god knows everything. I asked her to tell God to fix everything because mums do listen to each other right?

I am bad at expressing my thoughts out loud. So I write. But letters are heavy. People don't seem to carry that well. They leave. I don't want God to leave. So I never dared to write anything to her.

What do they say about weird relationships? This piece can be almost a perfect example for that. Well, almost is one of the saddest words in this whole world. Cause almost has the failed potential. Just like last year I almost had a perfect prayer speech or the way everything almost worked out. But DIDN'T.

PAIN and PRAY are two four-letter words and I'm not used to the strength they bring.