#my two cents: if you want actual language lessons i suggest you go to your local library

[ocean-in-my-rebel-soul]

An Informal Lesson on Communication: A Rant, and an Apology, on “Proper” Spelling and Grammar

I would like to apologize to everyone whose spelling and grammar I've picked apart and "corrected" without being asked to do so. It sucks, and it is one of the easiest ways to tear someone down. It's low effort and low investment, and, funnily enough, is one of the classic "I'm just trying to help you" gaslight-flavored moves.

Sure, it might not seem important. This might not feel like a big deal. Maybe it doesn't feel like something that should warrant an apology. I don't know, I just live here, fam, and I feel the need to apologize and showcase how I'm going to be better.

But first off: why bring it up at all, if it's only to make myself feel better? The answer: because it's not (just) about making me feel better.

Communication is a process that has many unspoken and unacknowledged moving parts based on the culture(s) you are raised in and interact with. I was raised in the US, and here communication is typically a process that looks a bit like this: 1) a message is formulated; 2) the message is transmitted; 3) the message is received by the audience [either the person/people you're talking with, a discussion group, a reader, a viewer, etc. Someone who consumes the message]; 4) the audience parses the message with the goal of 5) understanding the message. The communication of this message is now complete.

That's a lot of moving parts! it's easy to forget that communication is sometimes complicated because we think something along the lines of "Oh, we're just flapping our lips and making noises, that's all." It's a bit of a process, and we learn and internalize the rules as we grow.

So what happens when, instead of listening to you, I pick your work apart and point out how you've misspelled things? These are some things I accomplish:

derail the conversation and make it about your apparent lack of education or skill

ignore your point entirely

"correct" you with the intent of shaming you out of the conversation, like I'm your damn teacher or your god or something

find ways to say, implicitly or explicitly, that you're not good enough to communicate with other people

What's missing? Oh, actually having a conversation about the point you just made!

It's a way to fog up the actual discussion and derail further comments. If I use my critical thinking skills and put them to good use, I could, instead, pick apart your argument. That often leads to somewhere interesting and is a hell of a lot more productive than pointing out that you used the wrong "your" or "their" (which, really, are some of the most common word choice mistakes out there).

Being pedantic about spelling and grammar, and all the associated bits and pieces that go into writing, is also leaning heavily on elitist and classist ways of thinking. Oh, obviously you're not well-educated if you can't correctly spell. Obviously, you went to a low-class school if you can't write "effectively." I am, obviously, better than you because I can pinpoint exactly where you're lacking. Whether these things are true or not isn't the point, but when I tear apart your words, these are things I'm saying.

I haven't even touched on what it's saying about language and dialect and implicit/unconscious racism! I often use "y'all" instead of "you all" or "all of you" because it's easy, it's effective, and because I like the word choice. It's also one way of speaking I grew up hearing. This is an important thing: dialect shapes the way we talk and spell, even when we speak the same base language. Ask anyone who speaks AAVE or literally any pidgin language in this country and they'll tell you the same: when we police language, we're policing the actual people. We dismiss people for the little things because it's easy, and the little things are more insidious to explain away. "No, I was pointing out that [xyz] isn't 'proper English' and how are you expected to communicate effectively if you don't speak 'proper' English?"

[Fun side note, speaking of proper English! I was recently made aware of the fact that many UK/BBC/British productions ask actors with accents other than 'British' to act with one because it's the desired and socially acceptable sound. Welsh, Scottish, and Irish actors are forced to work around their actual way of speaking because it's lesser-than. Yay.]

Messaging "effectively" is for marketing and media teams. It's for Public Relations aficionados. It's for formal communication. In the meantime, we can, and SHOULD, be more flexible when we're not getting something notary sealed or sent to the President or something. Comment boards and community forums are for talking to your community, not workshopping messaging points. Don't be a dick and derail the conversation so you can clutch at your pearls in the name of "effectiveness;" your misdirection takes *away* from the conversation, not adds to it. (Who's being ineffective now?) If someone wants to actually go through and finesse their points, they'll ask. Or, if you absolutely *must* do it, ask if they want feedback on their post. Don't just rustle up to the comment section and add your two cents about the formatting of the post for the sake of adding them.

Believe me, your two pennies aren't worth anything.

Tl;dr: Don't be a dick on comment threads and forums and other places. Actually work to think critically about the message itself, about the point being made, rather than tear apart the spelling and grammar.

So, bringing it back to my point: Policing spelling and grammar isn't my job when you're not asking for it, and doing it without your input is really harmful to the conversation we're trying to have. It took me a long time to figure that out. When I point out these mistakes, I'm no longer arguing in good faith and am, instead, focusing on you as a person, rather than on the points you're making.

I'm sorry to everyone who I flexed on in learning this lesson. I was a dick, and I'm still one, and I'm working on being better about recognizing it. I no longer am worried about harping on about spelling in Facebook threads or comment boards, because it's not my business. Did I understand what you're getting at? Yes? Good, you did your job and I did mine. We can have a conversation.

Go out and converse, folks, but don't suggest edits when no one has asked for you to do so.

-

[totally okay to share if you want. I originally posted this to my Facebook account.]

[michaelandy101-blog]

The 7 Greatest Music Playlists for Productiveness, Based on Science

New Post has been published on http://tiptopreview.com/the-7-best-music-playlists-for-productivity-according-to-science/

The 7 Greatest Music Playlists for Productiveness, Based on Science

Not lengthy after I first began at HubSpot, I used to be welcomed with a contemporary pair of orange, noise-canceling headphones. On the time, I had no clue that these headphones would carry me by many lengthy work days and a few of the deepest, darkest ranges of author’s block.

Over three years later, they’re actually the reward that retains on giving.

You see, for me, listening to music whereas working is the key to my productiveness. All it takes is the fitting Beyoncé monitor, and I’m going from idle to uber productive. (Significantly, it really works like a allure.)

The difficulty is, discovering the proper playlist is not all the time simple. With limitless streaming music potentialities at my fingertips, it may be exhausting to nail down simply the fitting tunes to get the wheels turning. So, I did what we do greatest round right here — some research.

Because it seems, there are a ton of research that discover the affect of particular varieties of music as they relate to your productiveness ranges.

That can assist you discover simply the correct mix, we have sourced and curated seven Spotify playlists designed with particular research in thoughts. Whether or not you are into Mozart or Probability The Rapper, we’re assured that there is one thing on this checklist that can do the trick.

Observe: Among the playlists comprise tracks with specific language that may not be appropriate for the workplace.

7 Science-Backed Workplace Music Playlists for Productiveness

1. Classical Music

Some of the continuously cited research associated to music and productiveness is the “Mozart Effect,” which concluded that listening to Mozart for even a short interval every day can enhance “abstract reasoning ability.”

The examine — led by researchers Gordon Shaw, Frances Rauscher, and Katherine Ky — employed 36 Cal-Irvine college students who had been divided into three teams. Group one hearken to a Mozart choice, whereas group two listened to a rest tape, and group three endured 10 minutes of silence.

After the listening exercise, all 36 college students had been issued the identical take a look at, during which the Mozart group averaged an eight-to-nine level enhance of their IQs, in comparison with the remaining teams.

Since then, the “Mozart Effect” has been hotly contested, however many researchers have gone on to discover the psychological advantages of studying and listening to classical music. One current examine, for instance, discovered that elementary-school-aged youngsters who participated in music composition training outperformed college students in a management group on studying comprehension.

Assume classical music would possibly be just right for you? Take a look at this classical-influenced playlist to seek out out for your self:

2. Video Sport Soundtracks

“Choosing the right video game soundtrack to work to is all about understanding what type of music motivates vs. distracts you when you need to concentrate,” says HubSpot’s VP of Acquisition (and former online game marketing advisor) Emmy Jonassen.

“For example, if you’re the type who gets amped and focused listening to high-energy music, rhythm game soundtracks, like those from Thumper or Klang, could work well. Conversely, if you need calm to concentrate, the serene soundtracks from exploration games, like ABZÛ and Journey, may do the trick. With thousands of games releasing every year, including many independent titles, there is a soundtrack to suit everyone’s ear,” she went on to elucidate.

Give it some thought: Taking part in a online game requires lots of focus. To make it to the subsequent degree, gamers generally must keep away from traps, dodge obstacles, and uncover secret instruments that can assist them progress to the subsequent degree. Consequently, the music selection for video games is often very strategic, in that fashionable soundtracks are likely to mirror epic, inspiring cinematic scores moderately than simply primary sound results.

And whereas research have revealed blended outcomes, there may be proof to help that avid gamers can expertise improved efficiency by enjoying a sport with the amount on.

For instance, when psychology professor Siu-Lan Tan and her colleagues John Baxa and Matt Spackman particularly honed in on the sport “Twilight Princess (Legend of Zelda),” they discovered that participants who played with both music and sound effects off performed worse than those that performed with it on.

Need to attempt it on for measurement? Take a look at the playlist beneath:

three. Nature Sounds

Based on psychophysical information and sound-field evaluation printed in The Journal of the Acoustical Society of America, listening to “natural” sounds might improve cognitive functioning, optimize your capacity to pay attention, and enhance your degree of satisfaction.

Assume: Waves crashing, birds chirping, streams trickling, and the like.

That might clarify why extra consumer-facing manufacturers — from Google Home to the newer Noisli — are introducing such ambient sound options to assist listeners chill out or focus. It may also be behind Spotify’s a number of nature-themed playlists, like this soothing one:

four. Pump Up Songs

After observing that many athletes arrive on the stadium carrying headphones, Kellogg College of Administration professor Derek Rucker and three of his colleagues — Loran Nordgren, Li Huang, and Adam Galinsky — got down to reply the query: Does listening to the proper type of music make us really feel extra highly effective or in management?

So, again in 2014, the group of researchers arrange a study to gauge how music would possibly affect motivation and subsequent habits. First, they performed a number of songs for contributors in a lab, and requested them — on a scale of 1 to seven — how highly effective, dominant, and decided they felt after listening to every music. There have been three “high power” winners: Queen’s “We Will Rock You,” 2 Limitless’s “Get Ready for This,” and 50 Cent’s “In Da Club.”

Then, to gauge how the music would affect their habits, they requested contributors to hearken to the music after which decide whether or not or not they’d prefer to go first or second in a debate. Because it turned out, those that listened to the high-power playlist volunteered to go first nearly twice as typically as those that listened to a much less highly effective playlist.

The lesson? “Just as professional athletes might put on empowering music before they take the field to get them in a powerful state of mind,” Rucker defined, “you might try [this] in certain situations where you want to be empowered.”

Subsequent time you are seeking to really feel empowered earlier than a giant presentation, interview, or wage evaluate, take a look at this roundup:

Need extra? Take a look at my colleague Amanda Zantal-Wiener’s picks here.

5. Instrumental Songs

In 2015, Center Tennessee State College researchers Carol A. Smith and Larry W. Morris discovered that college students who listened to “sedative” music throughout a take a look at scored greater than those that listened to lyrical music. (That considerably contrasts their initial findings 39 years earlier, which confirmed that whereas music did not reveal an affect on take a look at scores, those that listened to “stimulative music” confirmed a major enhance in fear and extremely emotional reactions.)

That is not to say that it is fully unimaginable to cross issues off your checklist whereas listening to songs with phrases — I really desire lyrical music, however my colleague, Amanda Zantal-Wiener, has joked about hip hop verses unintentionally slipping into her first drafts when she listens to songs with phrases. If you happen to’re like she is and discover that lyrics are too distracting, you might need to experiment with some instrumental choices.

For these instances, take a look at these lyric-less tunes — we promise they will not put you to sleep:

6. “Feel Good” Songs

Buried in deadlines? Making an attempt to unearth your self from an e-mail mountain after a while off? No matter’s bugging you, typically, the most effective treatment for productiveness loss is a strong dose of “feel good” tunes — you recognize, the type that make you spontaneously use a pen as a pantomimed microphone.

However scientifically talking, music can stimulate the identical a part of the mind as scrumptious meals and different bodily pleasures. Researchers at McGill University, for instance, found that when contributors obtained the opiod-production-blocking drug naltrexone, they did not reply as positively to their favourite tunes as they may usually.

The decision? Our brains are educated to naturally produce these chemical substances once we hear our most well-liked playlist.

And whereas “feel good” songs differ from individual to individual, a search for Spotify playlists with these very key phrases yields dozens of outcomes. That stated, here is considered one of our favorites:

Cannot get sufficient? Here are a few more suggestions from my colleague Amanda.

7. White Noise

Based on a study led by Yamaguchi College, “When carrying out intellectual activities involving memory or arithmetic tasks, it is a common experience for noise to cause an increased psychological impression of ‘annoyance,’ leading to a decline in performance.”

Whether or not you are distant working with roommates or working in an workplace house with noisy colleagues, it may be difficult to focus with conversations occurring round you. Impartial, non-verbal background seems like white noise, which isn’t the identical as nature sounds, may help block out these distractions — issues just like the din of a restaurant or shopping center, an electrical fan, and even laundry machines.

And in case you are questioning — sure. Like the entire above, there is a playlist for that:

So go forth — focus, get pumped, really feel good, and rock out.

What are your favourite songs for getting work performed? Tell us within the feedback.

Editor’s Observe: This publish was initially printed in March 2015 and has been up to date for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

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[salediscountggdb-blog]

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[francescosoutter-blog]

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[fangirlmomentsandmytwocents]

HERE COMES THE BRIDE by Hope Ramsey Blitz

Title: HERE COMES THE BRIDE

Author: Hope Ramsay

Series: Chapel of Love, #3

On Sale: August 29, 2017

Publisher: Forever

Mass Market: $7.99 USD

eBook: $5.99 USD

Audio: $19.98 USD

Add to Goodreads

There goes the groom . . .

For Professor Laurie Wilson, planning her wedding to longtime boyfriend Brandon Kopp has been a whirlwind. But somehow, between all the cake tastings and dress fittings, she never imagined being left at the altar. In the aftermath, she does what any sensible woman would—she swigs champagne and considers keying his car. Until someone knocks on her door with a much better idea for revenge.

Best man Andrew Lyndon thinks Laurie's better off without Brandon. But Laurie's father—and Andrew's boss—isn't going to accept anything less than a reconciliation. And he's made it Andrew's problem to solve. So Andrew decides to make Brandon jealous by setting Laurie up on a string of "dates." After a couple of weeks, Brandon will be begging Laurie to take him back. But Andrew's plan works a little too well because suddenly he's the one falling for Laurie—and planning a proposal of his own.

EXCERPT

Laurie was busy killing her waistline with her days-long ice cream, popcorn, and pizza binge. But hey, she didn’t have to worry about fitting into the beautiful lace wedding dress anymore. And binging on junk food and all twenty-six episodes of the first two seasons of House of Cards kept her mind off her troubles.

But she hadn’t watched more than fifteen minutes before someone knocked on her front door. Damn. Couldn’t people just leave her alone? But then whoever it was decided to peep through the gigantic living room window that overlooked her rickety porch.

Laurie’s heart soared. The visitor who pressed his face up against the grubby window pane was definitely male. For an instant, she thought it might be Brandon, come to tell her that calling off the wedding was a horrible mistake.

But the guy on her porch was taller and thinner than Brandon. “C’mon, Laurie, open the door,” he said as he raised a green and red donut box. “I brought Krispy Kremes.”

Speak of the devil. Andrew Lyndon himself. The best man. With donuts.

She hauled herself up from the couch and padded to the front door. She cracked it open. “I’ll take the donuts, please.” She reached her hand through the narrow opening.

He cocked his head like an adorable puppy with big, soulful eyes. “You don’t get the donuts unless you let me in.”

“I’m not dressed for company,” she said, glancing down at her pink bunny slippers, gray sweatpants, and George Washington University sweatshirt. She’d been wearing these clothes since Sunday afternoon.

“I’m not company,” he said.

“No? Then why are you here bearing bribes?

Andrew’s mouth twitched. “Your dad sent me.”

How could you not like Andrew when the guy always told the truth? He was dependable. And honest. “Why did he send you and not come himself?”

“I don’t know. I’m here to talk to you about an idea.”

“What kind of idea?”

Andrew looked away and to the left, his body language screaming discomfort.

Laurie was suddenly intrigued. She opened the door wide and knew a moment of humiliation as he scanned her from head to toe. She hated the look in his eyes. Was it pity? She didn’t want anyone, least of all Brandon’s best friend, to pity her. “So what is this idea?”

“Teaching Brandon a lesson.”

“How? And why would you be interested in doing that? I mean, you’re his friend, right?”

He looked her straight in the eye. “Yes, I am. And I also work for your father.”

“Right. So conflicted.”

He nodded. “Your father wants to help you and Brandon get back together. He’s enlisted my help.”

She snatched the box of donuts from his hands. “I’m really sorry, Andrew. He can be a pain in the butt. But thanks for these.” She clutched the box to her breast and tried to shut the door in Andrew’s face.

Unfortunately, Andrew had good reflexes. He wedged his foot in the door and forced it open.

She retreated in the face of his superior strength, but not without a snarky retort. “I’m not sharing the donuts.” She selected a donut from the box and nodded her head at him. “Okay, you’ve got exactly five minutes for whatever it is you came to say.”

“On Saturday, when I asked you what you wanted, you told me that you were willing to forgive Brandon. Do you still feel that way?”

A rush of sugar coursed through her as she sank her teeth into the donut. There was nothing in the world—not even sex— as good as a Krispy Kreme. She thought carefully about Andrew’s question as the donut melted in her mouth. “I don’t know,” she said honestly.

Andrew nodded, as if her answer hadn’t surprised him in the least. “He broke my heart,” she added, just to be clear. “How can I forgive that?”

“Easy. If you love him and want to be his wife.”

“Not so easy. I mean, why did Brandon do that to me? We were together for so long.”

“What if that’s the problem?” he asked.

“What? That we’ve been together? Like it’s okay for him to get bored?” Although that’s exactly what had happened.

Andrew shook his head. “No, it’s more like fear of better options.”

“What does that mean?”

“Maybe he feels as if he never took the time to…I don’t know, play the field, sow some wild oats, whatever.”

“Right.” She took another bite of the donut. In a minute, she would ask Andrew to leave, and she would forget this unsettling conversation.

“So,” he said when she was down to licking the sugar off her fingers, “what if we showed Brandon the consequences of looking for better options?”

“Okay. And what, in your judgment, are the consequences?”

“I’m pretty sure Brandon hasn’t thought through how he might feel if you decided to go out and play the field.”

“So you’re saying that if I do what Brandon asked me to do—go explore other options—it will make him jealous?”

“Well, sort of. See, I’m not suggesting that you actually date other people. I’m suggesting that you give the appearance of dating other people. In order to make him realize what an idiot he’s being.”

“Okay, how do I give the appearance of dating? What do I do, just go directly to Match.com and post a sexy profile?”

He leaned back in the chair, looking so completely comfortable that it irked her. “Instead of Match.com, I was thinking along the lines of setting you up on a series of show dates, with guys Brandon either knows or admires or even hates. In short, guys that will annoy the crap out of him. We’d arrange them so that Brandon either sees you out with someone else, or hears about it. I’m betting that seeing you out with someone else will drive him crazy.”

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THE CHAPEL OF LOVE SERIES

A FAIRYTALE BRIDE, #.5

A CHRISTMAS BRIDE, #1

A SMALL-TOWN BRIDE, #2

HERE COMES THE BRIDE, #3

Series Page on Goodreads

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Hope Ramsay is a USA Today bestselling author of heartwarming contemporary romances.  Her books have won critical acclaim and publishing awards. She is married to a good ol' Georgia boy who resembles every single one of her Southern heroes. She has two grown children and a couple of demanding lap cats. She lives in Virginia where, when she's not writing, she's knitting or playing her forty-year-old Martin guitar.

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Fangirl Moments and My Two Cents

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[monoshah]

This is a Selfish Post- Part 1.5

Amongst the many obscene feelings we feel, a very common one is the feeling that time is passing too fast. That, life is passing us by and we’re just..watching.

In fact, the Dictionary of Obscure sorrows has a specific word for this feeling- Zenosyne: the sense that time is going too fast.

Think about it- the last time I wrote this post, it was the start of 2017 and now, we’re already six months in.

So, to make this law of universe seem a little sane, I use my selfish posts as a way to stop and reflect.

The past six months have been pretty eventful and I’ve had the fortunate opportunity to learn a ton, not just form things that happened to me, but, from the people I met.

Here’s a list of those lessons (ps- if you’re a little confused about this title and not sure what its about, I’d suggest starting with the first part).

- All of our problems are so trivial (and so are we):  For the past six months, I had the privilege to live in Sevilla, Spain, for an internship experience. Rest assured, I did not know a word of Spanish, nor was I aware of the Spanish culture. And, although this may seem “irresponsible”, living in a foreign country with new people who speak a language you don’t quite understand fully made me learn something- that, at the end of the day, the problems we face are so trivial. Additionally, this made me realize how small we are; we are just a tiny dot in a circle populated by dots. Now, whenever I feel too “closed up” from my mind, I remind myself this and it helps me open up.  After reading about this a bit more, I found out that The Stoics practiced a similar exercise, it was called “the view from above” and you can watch the video here. 

- Thinking about the “What ifs” may not kill you after all: During my time in Spain, there were so many things I was asked to do, that, normally, I’d say no to because of fear. For instance- on my first weekend, a couple of people from work asked me to go out clubbing with them. Now, I’m very socially anxious and awkward (hey, I write ok!), and find the whole clubbing scene pretty bizarre. And so, when I received this invitation, my mind automatically started producing excuses for not showing up, additionally, it also convinced me how everything would go wrong if I decided to go out. However, instead of solely thinking about failure, I asked myself- “Ok, maybe everything could go wrong and you’d be the most socially awkward guy out there. But- what if, just what if, everything went right for once? What if you actually enjoyed yourself tonight?” . And guess what? I had a pretty good night. I took a similar approach to other opportunities I’d automatically say no to- going away for the weekend, traveling, etc.

Further, this made me curious- why do we think what we think? Why do I, for instance, automatically think about negative things whenever someone asks me to go out clubbing? After reading some books about it I found out that there these automatically patterns are related to things that happened in our past, and, they directly influence our mood. This is why I always felt so depressed when someone mentioned clubbing.

I wrote a post about it (you can read it here).

- We don’t need a lot of money to thrive: The topic of money has always fascinated me, since, by nature, we do so much to gain more: shy away from our initial passions, hold onto toxic relationships, and countless other things that can negatively impact our character. And, since forever, the phrase “that’s how the world works, so get used to it” has been instilled in our minds.

However, what if i told you that you did have the option of not basing your entire life to gain as much money as possible? What if you did have a choice to stay sane, do what you love for a living, thrive, and not worry too much about gaining more money?

During my time in Spain, as an intern, I earned about eighty three cents an hour. That added up to about 200 euros a month, which, compared to America, is nothing. However, I learned that if we wisely distinguish between the things we really need vs things we want, we can not only thrive with less but also improve ourselves in the process without sacrificing a lot. I learned that it all comes down to one question- apart from the basic necessities, what things or services matter to us? So, instead of allocating thirty euros a month on clothes, I allocated the same amount to buying books. Why? Because they give me value.

Further, I read a book that changed my perspective about the psychology of Money. Its called “How to worry less about Money” and is written by John Armstrong. Whether or not money is a worry for you, I recommend this to everyone. It discusses the whole psychology of money and makes us ask important questions like “How much money do we really need (hint- the answer isn’t “as much as possible’).   It also takes a very different approach to discussing what money essentially is, making the readers see the real picture, so, we’re not as intimidated by the topic.

-  Our emotions can be managed: At the start of this year, I started reading a book called Emotional intelligence, written by a psychologist named Daniel Goleman. This book taught me everything there is to know about emotions- what are they, why they are the way they are, and how we can manage them.Further, it also made me understand that today,whether or not one is “smart”, being emotionally intelligent is more important. Why? Not only to live in harmony with everyone, but, to also understand ourselves and our automatic patterns of thought and feeling.

More practically, this book helped me thrive at work, since, I was better able to manage my mood. It also affected my personal life as I got more kinder with the people around me.

Theres a lot to cover here so I wrote a detailed post about it here and here. 

- Crushes are delusional: In December last year, I decided to read more about love. Why? Well, Victor Frankyl’s words about love fascinated me:

“For the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth - that Love is the ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love.”

I wanted to find out- is love really that great? I mean sure, the honeymoon phase is wonderful but what after that? What happens to couples who want to live their lives together? I wondered if there’s a reason why romantic comedies and love stories end when the boy and the girl meet and kiss. The  chase is great, but, real life is after that isn’t it?

So, following that, I read a ton of books- both fiction and non fiction, about love. And, I learned the following things: >We’re all lonely and begging to be understood by someone, and so, we all need love >Jane Austen’s novels were remarkably useful. From It I learned never to judge someone at first sight, especially from just their physical appearance and/or portrayed wealth.   >Life is unfair: Following my second observation, in today’s society, we do judge people by their appearance. Think about it- we go to a club and the only people we notice are the good looking ones. There’s no time for us to sit down with someone and ask them about their story, their vices. No wonder why we’re so focused on exercising our bodies and don’t bother taking care of our minds.

Despite that, however, reading about love is like reading about learning how to swim. Thus, to make things more interesting, I engaged in  deep journaling session whenever I felt attracted to someone. I tried to rationalize the reasons for my crush. And, surprisingly, my reasons were irrational. I learned that when we’re attracted to someone, we let the heart take over. And, although thats great for an actor working on a movie or a writer, writing a love story, for us, in reality, its not that great because it makes us delusional. From their blue eyes to the way they tie their hair.,every thing they do or are makes us believe that they are the one. That this is it, that, it couldn’t get any better.

Unfortunately, that’s not real.  We’re essentially attracted to someone who in reality, isn’t what we think he/she is.

You can read more about this here.

- We will never find the “right” person to marry: Why? Because we ourselves don’t know who we need/ who this “right” individual is.  This may sound a little cliche and if that makes you critical about that statement, I request you to think about it again.

I learned that by nature, none of us truly understand ourselves. We feel emotions and think thoughts we don’t quite understand the reasons for. This is exactly why life seems so “messy”, because we’re trying to understand the world and hack it, while at the same time, struggling to make sense of ourselves.

Then, we find someone who our delusional self thinks is “the right one” and we try to understand them, fully believing after some years that we do.

The goal then, other than striving to achieve a more Socratic level of self knowledge is to stop considering each and everyone partner as the “right one” and instead- acknowledging that because of the unfortunate reality that we don’t really know what kind of person we need, relationships are bound to be messy. And, once the romantic honeymoon phase is over, maintaining a relationship is an art, something that we need to learn.

I repeat- something that we need to learn (here’s a good start).

Here’s The Philosopher Alain De Botton in his popular article “Why you will marry the wrong person” written for the New York Times:

“Marriage ends up as a hopeful, generous, infinitely kind gamble taken by two people who don’t know yet who they are or who the other might be, binding themselves to a future they cannot conceive of and have carefully avoided investigating”

You can read the entire article here.

If you’re intrigued by this concept, I suggest reading this book.

- A hack for overcoming Shyness:I am pretty social anxious and this makes many things difficult as most of life is interacting and dealing with people. Going to networking events needs a lot of planning and courage. And, if you want to convince me to go out clubbing, you need to have the patience to deal with my stupid excuses (trust me, I’m pretty good).

However, being in Spain exposed me to my fear. The Spanish culture admires social relationships and it’s actually considered normal for people to go out clubbing from Wednesday nights. So, as I went out multiple times with my friends, I noticed how I started becoming less anxious. So much so, the initial automatic flow of negative thoughts stopped, whenever someone invited me for a night out.

I wanted to make this a little more concrete and just in time, I was fortunate enough to read something about shyness that made it seem so trivial; cosmopolitism- a new way of relating to strangers.

The concept emerged during the several encounters in the Greece and Rome civilization. Because these encounters were between people who lived very different lives, certain thinkers developed an approach which proposed that all these humans, whatever their surface variations, shared a common core- that they’re all human.

Here’s The School Of Life in the book “On Being Nice”:

Someone becomes a cosmopolitan not on the basis of having a buoyant or gregarious nature but because they re in touch with a fundamental truth about humanity, because they know that, irrespective of appearance, we are the same species beneath, an insight that tongue-tied guest at the party or the awkward seducer in the restaurant are guilty of implicitly refusing./ /The Pimple boy doesn’t discover that he and the high-school beauty share a case in humor and similarly painful relationships with their fathers; the middle-aged lawyers never unearths a shared love of rockets with her neighbor’s eight year old son. Race and ages continue not to mingle, to their collective detriments. Shyness is a touching, yet ultimately excessive and unwarranted, way of feeling special.

Here’s a great video by The School of life that explains this concept.

Lastly, here’s the book I was referring to (it’s great if you’ve ever wondered what it really means to be “nice”).

- Making time vs Having time: Despite the idea that life is pretty unfair, there is something about it that proves otherwise- the fact that we’ve all been given 24 hours in a day. That is, time to do anything we’d like to do. Its a clean slate and we can fill it in anyway we want to.  However, despite knowing this, we don’t spend enough time for self-care.

The past six months I’ve learned a lot of self-care: the whole idea of prioritizing daily activities for yourself that help provide value. In my life, that involves working out five times a week, meditating daily, and reading and writing everyday. I learned that engaging in activities that bring us value doesn’t mean acting selfish. In reality, we’re doing it to make ourselves feel better, which, in a very real sense will help us deal with everyone else calmly. So, if you really think about it, self-care isn’t just for us, its for the people we engage with daily, our family & friends.

It was fascinating to see how my mood was different when I did not work-out in the morning that day, or, if I forgot to mediate. So, for self-care, one has to make time because these things are what’s really important. The rest is trivial.

How about you substitute thirty minutes of TV with a high intensity interval training session? You don’t have time to Meditate? Those extra ten minutes you spent surfing YouTube for cat videos are sufficient to take care of your mind.

Make a list of everything that gives you value and include them in your morning or evening routine. Its not important to check every activity off but the attempt is what makes all the difference.

-Saying “No” is harder for a reason: With the Spanish culture being so outgoing, it was necessary for me to learn how to say “No”. Saying no to partying every weekend, no to travelling every weekend, no to skipping work and taking long coffee breaks. However, more than it being necessary, I noticed how hard it was. I started observing how I started saying “Yes” to things I’d normally want to say no to, just to avoid conflict or get away with it. So much so, I’d started dreading my decision an hour after I accepted a House Party invitation.

Then, for a week, I decided to experiment. In it, I promised myself to do everything opposite. So, if I’d automatically say Yes to things, for this one week, I would have to gather the courage to say no. Fortunately, that week helped me understand that not only is it ok to say not, but, to some extent, it’s necessary to have boundaries.

One week turned into one month and slowly I started really thinking about every invitation. And, if I had a legitimate reason to not attend, I’d happily say no without any guilt or the fear of missing out.

I learned that it’s harder to say no because when we do that, we’re actually saying yes to things that matter to us. Things that grant us value. I said no to a skiing trip with my work friends because I was saying yes to a weekend trip to Barcelona with my best friend. I said no to a Wednesday night partying invite because I was saying yes to the next day’s gym session. I said no to becoming the president of a club at my college because I was saying Yes to other things I’d be focusing on- academics, acting, a part-time job, etc.

-If you master the small, the big picture takes care of itself: I learned to apply this concept everywhere in my life- productivity, becoming fear(less) (not fearless, there’s a difference), and habit setting. Normally, when we think of becoming productive, getting over our fears, or forming new habits, our goals automatically become so grand.

So much so, it overwhelms us and we don’t do anything. I learned that if we focus too much on the big picture, we forget what shapes it- smaller details. And, so, similarly, we forget that by taking care of the smaller details, the grand picture can be influenced.

To give you an example in the area of becoming fear(less), I am very scared of driving in India. When I tried to give my practical exam a couple of years ago, I couldn’t even move the car forward (even if thats what it took to pass the exam). My confidence while driving a motor vehicle is very low. However, the concept of breaking this down into smaller details and goals is helping me get back on track again. Instead of dreaming about becoming the perfect driver with a valid license,  I started to break the ultimate goal down into smaller steps (that, if followed properly, will eventually get me there).

The first goal was to obtain a learners license, which required me to study for it while I was in Spain. Once I passed that, my goal was simply to trust the process and visit my driving school everyday to learn things about driving confidently. And, once that has been done, I will start practicing driving on roads. The goal being that I can practice everyday to build my confidence. Ultimately, the plan is to obtain a license right now and then resuming my practice whenever I am back home for holidays.

You get the idea.

- Unfairness is everywhere (and that’s OK): Pretty recently, I lost a loved one and I couldn’t help but notice how, after a few days, life just went on for everyone. It reminded me that everything is so trivial because at the end of the day, we have the possibility of leaving life right this very moment. And guess what? Once you do, people close to you will feel bad. Of course they will. However, as times goes on, so will life. And just like another old book in the shelf, your time will be over. We will all return to where we came from and to some degree I find that pretty unfair. Life has a way of convincing us to move on.

I learned that life is unfair, and the sooner we get used to it the better. Why? Because it can help us stay sane. When we achieve some sort of success, for example, this can remind us to stay grounded as whether we like it or not- success is not fully in our control. And here’s the better part- this can show us how to rate ourselves, not by success’ or failures, but, by doing what’s in our control everyday.

Ryan Holiday described this perfectly in his book Ego is the Enemy:

Your potential, the absolute best you’re capable of—that’s the metric to measure yourself against. Your standards are. Winning is not enough. People can get lucky and win. People can be assholes and win. Anyone can win. But not everyone is the best possible version of themselves.

- Engaging in premeditatio malorum helps: Before I started Meditating everyday, I used to be extremely anxious. It would require a lot of effort from my side to do everyday things like going on a holiday for instance. I would overthink the worst that would happen in every scenario, making me naturally upset and pissed off.

Fortunately, meditation helped me calm down. That said, however, I still find myself tensing over things I cannot control.To fight this, I learned to engage in an exercise that used to be practiced by The Stoics. Its called premeditatio malorum, which roughly translates to premeditating about evil/ admittedly visualizing negative situations. Basically, it means thinking (or better- writing) about possibly everything that could go wrong.

Then, once you have a list, think about how you could possibly avoid such disasters and/or realize that at the end of the day, in reality, regardless of how bad things get, life is going to be ok.

Its basically a “what’s the worst that could happen?” exercise.

I journaled about this whenever there was something that was troubling me and it helped. I realized that 1) not everything we think is going to happen. Infact, most of the times, nothing we think every happens and 2) Even if something does happen, by meditating about it previously, our approach to dealing with it is better.

You can read more about this here.

Further, Tim Ferris had an excellent TED talk about this, wherein, he spoke about how he used this exercise to become fear(less) about life. You can watch that here.

Productivity is simple: No, I mean it. Stop spending hours trying to find the perfect app. Getting work done doesn’t require sophisticated code and good design (it helps, yes, but they’re not necessary).

It requires principles. 

I wrote about this here. 

Things I’m going to experiment with, henceforth:

- Expressing my emotions: To not bottle things up inside - Using the “shyness hack” I described above to speak out - Journaling on a regular basis (daily- either in the morning or evening) - Learning more about relationships - Reading more about Stoicism and using this website to gain knowledge daily: How To Be Stoic

- Seeking Love and Courage. Love for anything that happens in life and the courage to face it. Source- The Daily Stoic newsletter (you can sign up here). 

That’s all for now Folks

To focus a little more on my writing projects, I’m going to be taking a break from writing on my blog till the end of this year.

That said, I will keep updating my Facebook page in case I write any guest posts.

I don’t reckon anyone made it this far, but regardless- Thank you for all your love and support.

See y’all on the other side :)

[netmaddy-blog]

Hi Tech Or Sci Tech

New Post has been published on https://netmaddy.com/hi-tech-or-sci-tech/

Hi Tech Or Sci Tech

With the new innovations and inventions popping up every day, one begins to think back just a few years ago, when Dick Tracy, watch phone and Sci-Fi movies and shows (The Jetson’s) had video conference calling with people from all around the world. Well, those are no longer sci-fi dreams and wishful futuristic inventions. From communications to health benefits, science has made out life as we know it much simpler and easier.

Today I returned from the Republic of Panama where I spent two weeks traveling around the country checking out the usual tourist sites and popular events. Not only was I able to contact the local resort areas, restaurants and hotels using my computer and a combination of Magic-Jack and Skype, I was able to receive all of my messages and return all calls to the United States for free or just a few cents per call. While driving throughout the city of Panama and along the pan American highway, I would pull into a local McDonalds, coffee shop or any establishment that offered Wi-Fi, turn on my computer and either dial through my Skype account to local numbers for less than $.10 cents a minute or through Magic jack to the United States or Canada for free ($29.00 per year). The Skype calls allow video conferencing between Skype users for free to anywhere in the world. I was able to have several teleconferencing calls with friends in Russia from any Wi-Fi location in Panama with ease.

Skype is a free download and all calls to other Skype users is free. Using any handset or microphone, you can dial anyone’s Skype number or for a few cents per minute make international phone calls to anywhere in the world. With an Internet camera, you can video conference any Skype user internationally. Skype also has voicemail, private phone numbers and other calling features available.

Magic-Jack offers a 2 inch USB hardware device that automatically downloads the software necessary to make calls anywhere in the world. The hardware runs $29.00 and one-year subscription of unlimited phone calls to Canada and the U.S. is a mere $29.00 also. Presently Magic-Jack is offering five years of service for $60.00. Simply plug in any landline phone into the hardware device and dial away. Magic-Jack also has international accessibility when a slightly higher rate for the minute. Magic-Jack also has voice messaging that can be sent directly to your e-mail account and listened to at your leisure. You can choose a phone number from any area code in the U.S., to allow your friends to call locally, even though you may be located on another continent.

For those of you without computers or don’t want to carry one around, there is one more internet telephone company making headway, OOMA. Presently on sale at $199.00, a one-time charge, this device allows you to call unlimited in the United States with NO MONTHLY FEES, and with very low international rates. The favorite part of OOMA is you don’t need a computer or headset, just connect to your internet service and plug in your existing phone set, and start dialing.

While you are travelling you will, of course, be taking pictures to remind you of all that you are experiencing, and what better way than through a new SD card, “Eye-Fi” a Wi-Fi enabled memory card that allows you to upload your pictures and videos to your computer from your camera or to share them on your favorite sharing site. From 2GB to 8GB, home, and professional versions, with Geotagging available for an additional fee that will tag all of your pictures and show where they are from as well as locate them on a map. It will automatically free up space on your card once your photos and videos and been safely delivered to your destination of choice.

For communicating in a foreign language, there are several language programs available for easy listening and quick learning. But to get begin learning immediately for FREE, where you will find a veritable treasure trove of online courses on any and all languages. Courses, exams and lessons. All you will ever need to improve your language skills. With Wi-Fi access, you can open translate.google.com and you can translate anything on the fly. Simply type in or cut and paste any words or pages, and immediately have the translation at your fingertips.

One of the best available now is Livemocha, where you can begin speaking, writing and conversing in the language of your choice at your own pace. When you sign in you will have a selection of friends you can invite to learn with you as well as a list of suggested language partners in other countries learning English and other languages that you can contact via the internet, email and Facebook. This has been described as a better cost and technique than Rosetta Stone, (Livemocha is FREE, and Rosetta Stone is $699 for one full language program). It delivers tests, exercises, and contacts you on a regular basis to ensure you stay abreast of your language learning goals.

If you have a new Android phone or open source handheld internet device, there are translation apps available for free that will not only translate for you but with the press of a button, will actually pronounce the translation in the language of your choice. So get packed and travel to those destinations you always dreamed of with the newest in communication and language devices.

Another highly innovative development in the healthcare arena is led by Life Line Screening. For anyone over 50 who wants to be proactive about his or her health, you can take up to five health screenings lasting approximately 10 minutes each. Through ultrasound technology, Life Line Screening can literally see inside your cartoon arteries and make you aware of any impending dangers in plaque buildup. These screenings detect carotid artery stenosis, atrial fibrillation, abdominal aortic aneurysms, peripheral arterial disease and diminished bone density. These are all done without any invasive procedures by simply attaching a few listening patches. The leading cause of stroke is fatty plaque buildup in the carotid arteries, which blocks adequate blood flow to the brain. This series of preventive screenings is never included a typical physical exam, even though it is one of the leading causes of stroke. It is a sound investment in your health and longevity. The screenings are offered throughout the country at regular intervals and are readily available in your home town.

If you want to really stay healthy, carry around a heart rate monitor to track your exercising and other daily activities. These devices work on their own or in conjunction with most exercise equipment with built-in monitor features. Regular aerobic exercise within your target heart rate zone plays a significant role in preventing heart and blood vessel disease. By using a heart monitor, you can control the amount of your body’s sugar that you burn during exercising, rather than simply going through the motions. Without a heart rate target zone, and a method to maintain that target zone, you will not get the maximum benefit out of your exercises.

Samsung’s “MyFit” BIO sensor, combines an MP3 player with a calorie counter, personal trainer, fitness schedule, advice on your nutritional needs and more. Once you feed in your personal information and your target questions, it will suggest the best exercise program for you to succeed at your health goals. You can set up your own routine, switching from anaerobic to aerobic, and keep track of your results. A built-in sensor does a fat analysis by simply holding it to your body. It has a built-in stress sensor that analyzes your heart rate, keeps count of your calorie intake and a built-in pedometer. It has 90 home, office and gym activities with audio instructions to keep you active.

Tired of carrying around your laptop? Qualcomm has patented a three screen touchscreen device that would allow you to fold out the screens to get a bigger viewing image when it comes to watching movies on the go, but a smaller one for day to day usage.

A multi-fold mobile device that when fully extended, may provide a panorama view, similar to widescreen televisions. When fully folded, the device will be similar to cellular telephones. In addition, the user interface (UI) displayed on the device may change based on the folding configuration of the device. Based on the configuration of the device, the UI may be a panorama UI, a desktop UI, an application UI, a web browser UI, an alarm clock UI, a media player UI, or some other UI. Simply slip it into your pocket or purse and you are ready for worldwide access from anywhere. With 3G or the new 4G wireless capabilities, you can do it all from your car or just walk down any street.

Watch for the next update on the latest and greatest high-sci tech devices as we continue to review and report on the newest inventions to make your world a little easier to navigate.

[fangirlmomentsandmytwocents]

HERE COMES THE BRIDE by Hope Ramsey Blitz

Title: HERE COMES THE BRIDE

Author: Hope Ramsay

Series: Chapel of Love, #3

On Sale: August 29, 2017

Publisher: Forever

Mass Market: $7.99 USD

eBook: $5.99 USD

Audio: $19.98 USD

Add to Goodreads

There goes the groom . . .

For Professor Laurie Wilson, planning her wedding to longtime boyfriend Brandon Kopp has been a whirlwind. But somehow, between all the cake tastings and dress fittings, she never imagined being left at the altar. In the aftermath, she does what any sensible woman would—she swigs champagne and considers keying his car. Until someone knocks on her door with a much better idea for revenge.

Best man Andrew Lyndon thinks Laurie's better off without Brandon. But Laurie's father—and Andrew's boss—isn't going to accept anything less than a reconciliation. And he's made it Andrew's problem to solve. So Andrew decides to make Brandon jealous by setting Laurie up on a string of "dates." After a couple of weeks, Brandon will be begging Laurie to take him back. But Andrew's plan works a little too well because suddenly he's the one falling for Laurie—and planning a proposal of his own.

EXCERPT

Laurie was busy killing her waistline with her days-long ice cream, popcorn, and pizza binge. But hey, she didn’t have to worry about fitting into the beautiful lace wedding dress anymore. And binging on junk food and all twenty-six episodes of the first two seasons of House of Cards kept her mind off her troubles.

But she hadn’t watched more than fifteen minutes before someone knocked on her front door. Damn. Couldn’t people just leave her alone? But then whoever it was decided to peep through the gigantic living room window that overlooked her rickety porch.

Laurie’s heart soared. The visitor who pressed his face up against the grubby window pane was definitely male. For an instant, she thought it might be Brandon, come to tell her that calling off the wedding was a horrible mistake.

But the guy on her porch was taller and thinner than Brandon. “C’mon, Laurie, open the door,” he said as he raised a green and red donut box. “I brought Krispy Kremes.”

Speak of the devil. Andrew Lyndon himself. The best man. With donuts.

She hauled herself up from the couch and padded to the front door. She cracked it open. “I’ll take the donuts, please.” She reached her hand through the narrow opening.

He cocked his head like an adorable puppy with big, soulful eyes. “You don’t get the donuts unless you let me in.”

“I’m not dressed for company,” she said, glancing down at her pink bunny slippers, gray sweatpants, and George Washington University sweatshirt. She’d been wearing these clothes since Sunday afternoon.

“I’m not company,” he said.

“No? Then why are you here bearing bribes?

Andrew’s mouth twitched. “Your dad sent me.”

How could you not like Andrew when the guy always told the truth? He was dependable. And honest. “Why did he send you and not come himself?”

“I don’t know. I’m here to talk to you about an idea.”

“What kind of idea?”

Andrew looked away and to the left, his body language screaming discomfort.

Laurie was suddenly intrigued. She opened the door wide and knew a moment of humiliation as he scanned her from head to toe. She hated the look in his eyes. Was it pity? She didn’t want anyone, least of all Brandon’s best friend, to pity her. “So what is this idea?”

“Teaching Brandon a lesson.”

“How? And why would you be interested in doing that? I mean, you’re his friend, right?”

He looked her straight in the eye. “Yes, I am. And I also work for your father.”

“Right. So conflicted.”

He nodded. “Your father wants to help you and Brandon get back together. He’s enlisted my help.”

She snatched the box of donuts from his hands. “I’m really sorry, Andrew. He can be a pain in the butt. But thanks for these.” She clutched the box to her breast and tried to shut the door in Andrew’s face.

Unfortunately, Andrew had good reflexes. He wedged his foot in the door and forced it open.

She retreated in the face of his superior strength, but not without a snarky retort. “I’m not sharing the donuts.” She selected a donut from the box and nodded her head at him. “Okay, you’ve got exactly five minutes for whatever it is you came to say.”

“On Saturday, when I asked you what you wanted, you told me that you were willing to forgive Brandon. Do you still feel that way?”

A rush of sugar coursed through her as she sank her teeth into the donut. There was nothing in the world—not even sex— as good as a Krispy Kreme. She thought carefully about Andrew’s question as the donut melted in her mouth. “I don’t know,” she said honestly.

Andrew nodded, as if her answer hadn’t surprised him in the least. “He broke my heart,” she added, just to be clear. “How can I forgive that?”

“Easy. If you love him and want to be his wife.”

“Not so easy. I mean, why did Brandon do that to me? We were together for so long.”

“What if that’s the problem?” he asked.

“What? That we’ve been together? Like it’s okay for him to get bored?” Although that’s exactly what had happened.

Andrew shook his head. “No, it’s more like fear of better options.”

“What does that mean?”

“Maybe he feels as if he never took the time to…I don’t know, play the field, sow some wild oats, whatever.”

“Right.” She took another bite of the donut. In a minute, she would ask Andrew to leave, and she would forget this unsettling conversation.

“So,” he said when she was down to licking the sugar off her fingers, “what if we showed Brandon the consequences of looking for better options?”

“Okay. And what, in your judgment, are the consequences?”

“I’m pretty sure Brandon hasn’t thought through how he might feel if you decided to go out and play the field.”

“So you’re saying that if I do what Brandon asked me to do—go explore other options—it will make him jealous?”

“Well, sort of. See, I’m not suggesting that you actually date other people. I’m suggesting that you give the appearance of dating other people. In order to make him realize what an idiot he’s being.”

“Okay, how do I give the appearance of dating? What do I do, just go directly to Match.com and post a sexy profile?”

He leaned back in the chair, looking so completely comfortable that it irked her. “Instead of Match.com, I was thinking along the lines of setting you up on a series of show dates, with guys Brandon either knows or admires or even hates. In short, guys that will annoy the crap out of him. We’d arrange them so that Brandon either sees you out with someone else, or hears about it. I’m betting that seeing you out with someone else will drive him crazy.”

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THE CHAPEL OF LOVE SERIES

A FAIRYTALE BRIDE, #.5

A CHRISTMAS BRIDE, #1

A SMALL-TOWN BRIDE, #2

HERE COMES THE BRIDE, #3

Series Page on Goodreads

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Hope Ramsay is a USA Today bestselling author of heartwarming contemporary romances.  Her books have won critical acclaim and publishing awards. She is married to a good ol' Georgia boy who resembles every single one of her Southern heroes. She has two grown children and a couple of demanding lap cats. She lives in Virginia where, when she's not writing, she's knitting or playing her forty-year-old Martin guitar.

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[fangirlmomentsandmytwocents]

HERE COMES THE BRIDE by Hope Ramsey Blitz

Title: HERE COMES THE BRIDE

Author: Hope Ramsay

Series: Chapel of Love, #3

On Sale: August 29, 2017

Publisher: Forever

Mass Market: $7.99 USD

eBook: $5.99 USD

Audio: $19.98 USD

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There goes the groom . . .

For Professor Laurie Wilson, planning her wedding to longtime boyfriend Brandon Kopp has been a whirlwind. But somehow, between all the cake tastings and dress fittings, she never imagined being left at the altar. In the aftermath, she does what any sensible woman would—she swigs champagne and considers keying his car. Until someone knocks on her door with a much better idea for revenge.

Best man Andrew Lyndon thinks Laurie's better off without Brandon. But Laurie's father—and Andrew's boss—isn't going to accept anything less than a reconciliation. And he's made it Andrew's problem to solve. So Andrew decides to make Brandon jealous by setting Laurie up on a string of "dates." After a couple of weeks, Brandon will be begging Laurie to take him back. But Andrew's plan works a little too well because suddenly he's the one falling for Laurie—and planning a proposal of his own.

EXCERPT

Laurie was busy killing her waistline with her days-long ice cream, popcorn, and pizza binge. But hey, she didn’t have to worry about fitting into the beautiful lace wedding dress anymore. And binging on junk food and all twenty-six episodes of the first two seasons of House of Cards kept her mind off her troubles.

But she hadn’t watched more than fifteen minutes before someone knocked on her front door. Damn. Couldn’t people just leave her alone? But then whoever it was decided to peep through the gigantic living room window that overlooked her rickety porch.

Laurie’s heart soared. The visitor who pressed his face up against the grubby window pane was definitely male. For an instant, she thought it might be Brandon, come to tell her that calling off the wedding was a horrible mistake.

But the guy on her porch was taller and thinner than Brandon. “C’mon, Laurie, open the door,” he said as he raised a green and red donut box. “I brought Krispy Kremes.”

Speak of the devil. Andrew Lyndon himself. The best man. With donuts.

She hauled herself up from the couch and padded to the front door. She cracked it open. “I’ll take the donuts, please.” She reached her hand through the narrow opening.

He cocked his head like an adorable puppy with big, soulful eyes. “You don’t get the donuts unless you let me in.”

“I’m not dressed for company,” she said, glancing down at her pink bunny slippers, gray sweatpants, and George Washington University sweatshirt. She’d been wearing these clothes since Sunday afternoon.

“I’m not company,” he said.

“No? Then why are you here bearing bribes?

Andrew’s mouth twitched. “Your dad sent me.”

How could you not like Andrew when the guy always told the truth? He was dependable. And honest. “Why did he send you and not come himself?”

“I don’t know. I’m here to talk to you about an idea.”

“What kind of idea?”

Andrew looked away and to the left, his body language screaming discomfort.

Laurie was suddenly intrigued. She opened the door wide and knew a moment of humiliation as he scanned her from head to toe. She hated the look in his eyes. Was it pity? She didn’t want anyone, least of all Brandon’s best friend, to pity her. “So what is this idea?”

“Teaching Brandon a lesson.”

“How? And why would you be interested in doing that? I mean, you’re his friend, right?”

He looked her straight in the eye. “Yes, I am. And I also work for your father.”

“Right. So conflicted.”

He nodded. “Your father wants to help you and Brandon get back together. He’s enlisted my help.”

She snatched the box of donuts from his hands. “I’m really sorry, Andrew. He can be a pain in the butt. But thanks for these.” She clutched the box to her breast and tried to shut the door in Andrew’s face.

Unfortunately, Andrew had good reflexes. He wedged his foot in the door and forced it open.

She retreated in the face of his superior strength, but not without a snarky retort. “I’m not sharing the donuts.” She selected a donut from the box and nodded her head at him. “Okay, you’ve got exactly five minutes for whatever it is you came to say.”

“On Saturday, when I asked you what you wanted, you told me that you were willing to forgive Brandon. Do you still feel that way?”

A rush of sugar coursed through her as she sank her teeth into the donut. There was nothing in the world—not even sex— as good as a Krispy Kreme. She thought carefully about Andrew’s question as the donut melted in her mouth. “I don’t know,” she said honestly.

Andrew nodded, as if her answer hadn’t surprised him in the least. “He broke my heart,” she added, just to be clear. “How can I forgive that?”

“Easy. If you love him and want to be his wife.”

“Not so easy. I mean, why did Brandon do that to me? We were together for so long.”

“What if that’s the problem?” he asked.

“What? That we’ve been together? Like it’s okay for him to get bored?” Although that’s exactly what had happened.

Andrew shook his head. “No, it’s more like fear of better options.”

“What does that mean?”

“Maybe he feels as if he never took the time to…I don’t know, play the field, sow some wild oats, whatever.”

“Right.” She took another bite of the donut. In a minute, she would ask Andrew to leave, and she would forget this unsettling conversation.

“So,” he said when she was down to licking the sugar off her fingers, “what if we showed Brandon the consequences of looking for better options?”

“Okay. And what, in your judgment, are the consequences?”

“I’m pretty sure Brandon hasn’t thought through how he might feel if you decided to go out and play the field.”

“So you’re saying that if I do what Brandon asked me to do—go explore other options—it will make him jealous?”

“Well, sort of. See, I’m not suggesting that you actually date other people. I’m suggesting that you give the appearance of dating other people. In order to make him realize what an idiot he’s being.”

“Okay, how do I give the appearance of dating? What do I do, just go directly to Match.com and post a sexy profile?”

He leaned back in the chair, looking so completely comfortable that it irked her. “Instead of Match.com, I was thinking along the lines of setting you up on a series of show dates, with guys Brandon either knows or admires or even hates. In short, guys that will annoy the crap out of him. We’d arrange them so that Brandon either sees you out with someone else, or hears about it. I’m betting that seeing you out with someone else will drive him crazy.”

PREORDER THE BOOK HERE

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Books-A-Million

Google Play

iBooks

IndieBound

Kobo

THE CHAPEL OF LOVE SERIES

A FAIRYTALE BRIDE, #.5

A CHRISTMAS BRIDE, #1

A SMALL-TOWN BRIDE, #2

HERE COMES THE BRIDE, #3

Series Page on Goodreads

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Hope Ramsay is a USA Today bestselling author of heartwarming contemporary romances.  Her books have won critical acclaim and publishing awards. She is married to a good ol' Georgia boy who resembles every single one of her Southern heroes. She has two grown children and a couple of demanding lap cats. She lives in Virginia where, when she's not writing, she's knitting or playing her forty-year-old Martin guitar.

Website

Facebook

Twitter

Pinterest

Instagram

Goodreads

FOLLOW FOREVER ONLINE

Website

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

Pinterest

a Rafflecopter giveaway

FGMAMTC 

Fangirl Moments and My Two Cents

Website / Facebook / Twitter / Google+ / Pinterest / Goodreads / Tumblr / Bloglovin' / Instagram

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