#myrlgameplay

[aleksa-sims]

A nice trip with the kids. ☘️🍄

[aleksa-sims]

🥕🌞🥕

Today was our last day in daycare (adjustment periode). In September we will continue.

After we finished there, my little one & I went swimming. My sister has also accompanied us. Lucas and I were so happy to see Ana again. We missed her sm!! We even met up with Sandra & Liam at the pool. So yea, it was a pretty... exciting day. We girls had a lot to catch up on! 🤯

And this weekend I will visit...... Melanie😬👺, N.'s sister, in her new house. She invited Nico and me. Tbh, I didn’t want to go (as usual) but..... I just had to! 😞 Why?... I will tell soon.

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[aleksa-sims]

My little Stinky 🩵💛💚🛀🏻

[aleksa-sims]

🛁👶❤️

[aleksa-sims]

RL Story

TW: Panic attacks

I was back at home. 😞I got a call from the nursery to practice with my son the adjustment periode. That's why, we got home. From October he should start going to daycare. Now it was the beginning of August, and since many kids were at home during the summer months, the nursery teacher had time to practice with my son in peace and also get to know him better.

I realized now it’s getting serious for me and my little one. 💙 I was just not ready to part with my Baby!! 😭

He was still so small (19 months) and somehow I felt, that it will be a struggle for him to separate from me so early. But I had no choice, in October I start working again, because my parental leave ended. Anyway, now it was like that and I decided to go through with it.

Nevertheless, I did not feel good with this decision, which was not immediately clear to me. The last few days I spent mostly in bed, I was totally withdrawn. In addition, I had to struggle with my depression. I was just sad, unhappy and unable to care about anything. Last night I got so sick, that Nico had to take me to the ER. I didn’t know what was wrong with me?? I just felt extremely nauseous and it didn’t stop!! I had all sorts of disease symptoms that I knew. I swear, it felt like I was going through a bad withdrawal. But the worst was my fear! I couldn’t breathe anymore and thought I was going to DIE! 😥😞

The doctor didn’t take long to diagnose me after he examined me. It was immediately clear to him!

I had a panic attack.🤦‍♀️😩"Noo, please not again", I thought! 😰These fucking panic attacks are killing me! I hate it sm!!!

But N. was there for me, he helped me. ❤️He is the only one who can do it, this I learned then. I never expected him to be so patient with me and also the way he helped me, totally surprised me. I mean, especially after that crazy fight with my Dad! But N. showed me that he would really do anything for me, to make me feel good. No matter how broken I am, our son belongs to both of us. I think he felt responsible for my condition. He thought that this argument with my Dad and that one thing he said about me and our son, was the trigger for my panic attack and depression. He even apologized to my Dad without me asking. I didn't know, my Mom told me days later.

Anyway, I was sure that Nico or that quarrel with him, had nothing to do with this panic attack. Also the reunion with Daniel had nothing to do with it!! I am just generally afraid of death, sickness & pain. And I was afraid of the big change that is coming. Tbh, I just knew there would be trouble with Lucas. I always knew, he was a little...... "different", very sensitive. As a mother, you just know such things. But you will see soon. 💙(his fav color is blue, that’s why I always use the blue heart emoji when it's about him.🥰)

Besides, I also knew that N. would soon leave us again. I felt so overwhelmed. What if I can’t work because our son needs me? What if it doesn’t work in daycare for him?? He is the youngest child there, and I don’t think the kindergarten teachers need to change diapers? 😞How am I supposed to get him diaper-free in 2 months? But my biggest worry was the noise and the food. He will not eat there! I know my son, he is an extremely picky eater!! And he hates noise, so it’s going to be hard for him. He will be very lonely there, that has broken my heart. That’s why, I will have to change EVERYTHING.

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[aleksa-sims]

🤗

[aleksa-sims]

RL Story

This is where my Sis, Sonja, Rafi and I used to spend our summer holidays with our Grandma, when we were little . After the fight with my Mom yesterday, today started quite relaxed. We were all looking forward to this trip and wanted to spend a nice day together. For my son and nephew our trip was almost like a little adventure. We splashed in the lake, saw turtles and picked berries.

Later that afternoon, Sonja and I had a picnic with the kids. That was so funny. Lucas fell asleep while eating!!😄Almost exactly as in the picture above, just without Teddy Bear but with a slice of bread in his hand. And little Denis played soccer with Nico.

As the sun slowly set, this beautiful day ended with a quarrel like yesterday.  After finishing dinner together, I left our table for a short moment. On the way to the bathrooms I was approached by a stranger. I immediately felt uncomfortable. On the one hand I just wanted to ignore that guy- but on the other, I didn’t dare to be rude. After all he asked me for help?

Anyway, he wanted to know if I was familiar with this area? I told him that I was only visiting my grandma. Then he just started yapping... He told me he was here with his father, who has married a girl and yada, yada, yada....

Nico sat somewhere on a bench just a few steps away from us, but I didn’t notice. He watched me/us. I think he was waiting for me to end this conversation, but somehow I couldn't, bcs that guy just wouldn’t stop talking!!

Now I saw N. heading toward us. He explained to the stranger that I am his girlfriend! The guy apologized, several times! And wanted to leave. But that wasn’t enough for N. He wanted me to understand and feel, how pissed he was. 🤦‍♀️

So, he demeaned me in front of that strange guy 😒 and my DAD, who I (but also N.) didn’t see right away! And even though I was used to N.'s .....anger issues and all the fights with my Dad in the past, I got... really mad & hurt at the end.

N. asked the stranger if he finds me hot? 🤨 He wanted to know what the guy would do with me, alone? N. explained to him that I belong to him. That guy must ask him first, if he wants me! And I will do what Nico asks, whether I want it or not. That’s about how.... it came off and my Dad heard everything and understood it just the same! 😠And ofc, my Dad confronted Nico!

Nico: Come on, man, just relax. I was just joking.

Dad: You haven’t changed at all! Stop treating my daughter like a dog! Apologize to her! 😠

Nico: Stay out of our lives! I can talk to her any way I want! And since you just mentioned it, how about you apologize to me? 🤨

Dad: I certainly don’t apologize to you for trying to help my kid!

Nico: By getting me out of the way, to do Philip a favor?.. That was your first mistake back then! The second was, that you let her marry a drug addict. But well, I get it, everybody’s better for her than me... Why don't you just give up? You fucked up anyway.

Dad: Watch how you talk to me! And now listen to me so that you finally understand it! I didn’t like Daniel at first too. I threw him out of my house just like I did with you and her. But compared to you, Daniel had the balls to apologize to me AND ask for help! You instead left my daughter alone with your mother for weeks, to play soccer abroad. Then you took her pills away from her to get her clean. Like you’re a fucking doctor! And when that also didn’t work out, you got Philip into this shit, so he could watch her while you’re away!!! That’s crazy what you did!! You could have just come to me or my wife and just admit that you can’t deal with her alone.

Nico: That’s exactly what I did, man! But you sent me away! You forced me to break up with her or you didn’t want to help her.

Dad: By that time, she had already started using. And be honest! She asked me for help, not you! You broke my daughter then, and will do it now too. Because you haven’t changed at all! But I won’t let that happen!

Nico: And I don’t make the same mistake twice!

Nico: If you ever try to get rid of me again, I’ll take everything you have. Lucas! He's my son! If I want...... you’ll never see him again! 😠

Dad: What are you going to do? You’re never here anyway? And my daughter won’t keep my grandkid away from me.

Nico: If she doesn’t do what I say, I leave her.

Dad: Fine! Thats perfect! 🤷‍♂️

Nico: But I’m taking Lucas with me! He’s my son!

Dad: And she's his MOTHER!!!! 😠

Nico: A drug-addicted Mother, who may..... even relapse? And is still, married to a smackhead! 😡

Me: STOP!! I can’t listen to you two anymore! Honestly, I’m gonna puke! Besides, all this crap you two are always arguing about is PAST and over four years ago! 😡🤷‍♀️

I got my Mom to help me with them. I was afraid they might come to blows. And as for N’s threat to take our son away from me bcs of my addiction, my Mom warned me exactly about this already during my pregnancy. But I never told him or talked to him about it. I just never believed he could- or would do that to me.

But now, I wasn’t sure anymore. 😓😢Also I didn't really get why N. got so mad at me today? I mean,..... I had an idea, but....yea, anyway. He has clearly gone too far this time!! 😠

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[aleksa-sims]

🧸🍎

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OMG! 🫣😄

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Peekaboo!😶‍🌫️

He really thought it would be the perfect hiding place for him.

[aleksa-sims]

RL Story

This was our third day here at my Grandma’s. Last night my Dad also joined us. The house was already full of people before, and today even Nico comes here! 😬And Sonja's husband tomorrow! 🤯

This morning while everyone was gathering outside at the table to have breakfast, I noticed how many of us are here in my grandma’s house.

It was just crazy!! Four generations under one roof! 😱😄

For my little one, it was getting too much. He’s not used to so many family members. He’s an only child and mostly he and I are alone. This spontaneous family reunion thing, was a..... total overload of everything for him. But he was still kind of in a good mood, because my Dad came yesterday evening. He missed him during the last 2 weeks.

However, the longer I watched everyone, the more worried I was about Nico’s reaction when he arrives here today. I had to warn him! Because one thing was clear! Whenever so many people are gathered together in one place for several days, there will be trouble at some point. Especially when my Dad & N. are together in the same place.

I called N and told him that I would be in town waiting for him. I wanted to be alone with him first and he didn’t know where my grandma’s house exactly was anyway. So I made my way to the small town here and hoped, that no one will cross my path who could cause me trouble. I was afraid of Daniel’s Mom!! 😨 (She's a witch! 😉) She works nearby where I’ll be waiting for N.

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[aleksa-sims]

RL Story

My Mom and Sister came to me. I didn’t invite them or anything. They were shopping together and eventually decided it would be a great idea to annoy me. 😒 Don’t get me wrong, I love my family , but these spontaneous visits.... are no fun! Especially since my Mother is a real pain!

As soon as she entered my apartment, she started to criticize my interiors. It's too colorful for her, yk? 💁‍♀️ And it looks kind of messy. She said, I should have invested more money in my furniture. It's (my drawer) poor quality. 😡😡.... 80% of my stuff is from Westwing! So what kind of crap is that woman talking? I mean, sorry! I’m not such a freak like her, who spends over 3,000 € on a fucking couch!!!!

Even for Lucas it was hard to.... enjoy his bottle, due to her yapping...

Mom (to me): What happened to your hair A.? Your head looks so messy.

Ana: Did you play with the socket? 😄 ... JK, sis! I like your hair!

Me: My whole life is a mess, Mother! 😒

Mom: Is something wrong? ... Where’s N.?

Me: He's......um... Ugh, he went to the ER. He had pain in his hand and wanted to have it checked.

Mom: Oh, no. What happend?

Me: Huh?... Um, n-nothing! Hee.. probably hurt himself playing soccer. 🤷‍♀️🥵

I was hoping my mother wouldn’t stay too long. I didn’t want her to know about Nico’s and my fight.

A little later Nico came home. Unfortunately my mom and Ana were still there, and Nico didn’t seem to be very happy about it. But instead of just pretending everything’s fine, he acted like a jerk! 😠

Nico: What is going on here? 😒

Ana: Oh, hi N.! Nice to see you too. 🤨

Nico: Yea..... I have to get up early tomorrow, so...

Me: What's your fucking prob, N.? It’s Friday and stop with your stupid excuses, you don’t have to get up early tomorrow. 😠

Nico: You sure? But hey! I don’t want to ruin your.... nice family reunion. I'm up, grab some shut-eye. And don't make so much noise, got it? 🤨

Mom: Don't tell me you're going to bed early... I mean... what's wrong with you? Are we disturbing you? 

Nico: Sorry, but I’m tired.

Mom: We are your guests, you’re being rude to us. Have I ever treated you like this, when you came to my house, to see my daughter in the middle of the night? 🤨

Nico: C'mon! You really expect me to answer that question?... You and your husband have always treated me like shit and even kicked me out. 🤷‍♂️

Me: Stop it, N.! That's PAST! My parents have never been rude to you since we got back together!! You’re just being disrespectful to my Mom and Sister for no reason. I never behaved like this to your Mom, not even to Melanie, although we all know she deserved it!!

Nico: I didn’t kick anyone out, I just want to go up because I’m tired. Besides, how dare you talk to me like that! You live here with me! You must please me, not your guests! We’ll talk about that later! 😠

My Mom was totally pissed at Nico. Which I understand, because I was too!!! 😠

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[aleksa-sims]

RL Story

We were at P.'s place. Nico and I were watching Annabelle, while her Dad was at work. I helped Annabelle plant a small lemon tree. She learned that in the nursery/daycare and now Annabelle wanted to do the same at home with me.

Our son has not seen N. for a long time, which is why he was quite reserved and shy towards him. It’s been 3 days since N. was back home. But Lucas still kept crying when Nico wanted to hold him or tried to play with him. He wasn’t afraid of him or anything, he was rather ashamed, kind of cute. 😄💙I swear, our son is just as shy as me, I noticed.🤦‍♀️ But today, he seemed to be a little more relaxed. I think it’s because he saw Annabelle playing with his Dad. He got a little jealous again. Like I said, he’s just like me. 😅

Anyway, I took care of Annabelle so that Lucas and Nico had some time alone.

That worked well. We had a nice day on P.’s roof with the kids.

But the good mood changed, when Philip came home.... 😬

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[aleksa-sims]

RL Story

Ahh, what a wonderful day!.... Right? For me it was actually a nice day, but for my Cousin Sonja, our fourth day here at our grandma’s started quite.... stressful.

Her husband arrived this morning! My Cousin didn’t seem pleased with her man.

On the other hand, things went quite well for N. & me, since his arrival yesterday.😏

I was just so happy, because he was with me. All I wanted was him, to be with me and STAY! But I think N., wasn’t sure what I really wanted?.... However, at this point, things were going perfectly between us, at least that’s how it felt for me.

Sonja and I had a lot to do today! We had to help our grandma. I mean, she didn’t ask us for help, but she was a little upset. 😬 Sonja and I were playing with the kids last night, making a huge mess out here.

While Sonja and I were helping out in my grandma’s garden, I asked her what was going on with her husband? He wanted Sonja and little Denis to come home with him. But my cousin didn’t want that! She didn’t want to see him at all! She wanted her peace. His mother had been living with them for over 6 months and Sonja was sick of it! She had to constantly help his family while he was never home. And he even cheated on Sonja 3 years ago, which she still hasn’t fully forgiven him. After the birth of her second son, Sonja got a tummy tuck. She was totally unhappy! Her belly looked terrible after the birth, she showed me pics. And since Sonja's still very young and lost almost 20 kilograms after the second delivery, her health insurance took over the costs for that surgery. She had severe pain afterwards but now she was finally happy and confident. That’s why I really wanted to see Sonja here, to support her and be there for her. 🫂

Her husband was completely against this surgery. He was totally jealous, because Sonja wanted to change. He also had to give up his job in the Netherlands to take care of his two little kids while Sonja was in the hospital. And ofc, that pissed him off. But my Cousin did not give in!!! She gave up enough for him and their little boys, now it was her turn! So Sonja told him that he can fuck off back home! She stays here! I was so proud of Sonja! We talked a lot and somehow Sonja’s courage and her new self-confidence motivated me too! And just btw, this summer will be.... unforgettable for Sonja. 😏....😬🤫Um, for me too, tbh.

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[aleksa-sims]

RL Story

While I was waiting for N. in this small village, I felt watched.🤨 Suddenly N came from behind and kissed me... I was so excited when I saw him.🥰 Although I was a little worried he might be mad at me about this place and because I wasn’t home, I was just... really happy to see him. He hugged me and I didn’t want to let go, so that I totally forgot where I was. After we kissed, I noticed that he had injuries on his face. It looked like he had been in a fight? I mean, it wasn’t immediately apparent, but I’ve seen this kind of injury with him before, so I knew. 😕

Of course I asked him about it. He said I shouldn’t worry, he didn’t get in trouble or anything. He and Philip were in a sportsbook last night and got in a fight with two other guys. It was just a harmless brawl, he meant. Um, exuse me? I wondered if that’s actually how it happened, or if he and Philip had punched each other’s faces?? 🤨

Anyway, I didn’t want to be seen here for too long with Nico, because I was afraid of Daniel’s Mother (the woman in the pic), so N. and I went to his car. On the way to my Grandma's house I told him that my whole family is waiting for us.😬 I asked him, if he would rather drive home with me and Lucas? But Nico was totally relaxed and so sweet. He just couldn't wait to see our son.

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[aleksa-sims]

RL Story

I really didn’t expect N.!! After more than 3 months, he was finally home. I didn't know, that he will arrive today! N. seems to like to surprise me, or rather to play with me? Just like last summer at my Grandparent's creepy house. Our little one was still with my parents. It was a Saturday, so they had off.

I was just in the hallway cleaning, as I suddenly heard someone trying to open my door.😕 For a short moment I was scared, but it was clear, it can only be Nico. Only we two have keys to our apartment! There he stood! He dropped his bag on the floor and reached out his arms wide, ready for a hug. Why is he so cute, I thought? I should be mad at him! Or maybe not? Ugh, there is so much I want to tell him! Anyway! 😍

"I'll love you with every beat of my heart", he whispered in my ear, as we still hugged.... "I love you too ,but I hate you, N.!", I replied. We only looked at each other for a moment. He knew exactly what I meant. He has read my long email that I wrote him a few weeks ago. He knew how shitty I was and still ignored me and forbade me to visit him...

Some hours later, we sat together on our couch in the living room. We talked about the past months and our son. He told me he has a new coach and had to do some kind of... mental training in addition to soccer, because he’s been off for so long. That’s why he didn’t want me to visit him. He didn’t want to show weakness. His coach has asked him to ignore everything that does not have to do with soccer.

I had a lot to say to Nico, also about his new Coach😒, but I let him finish first. He has never talked to me about certain difficult issues, that have to do with his job. After this in-depth conversation, I saw some things differently. We still have much to discuss and clarify, but I just wanted to be with him that night. Nevertheless, one thing I had to get rid of...

Me: N...... P. kissed me.😟

Me: Actually it wasn’t a real kiss. I think he just wanted to annoy me. You know him! He’s just kidding! He was trying to to make me laugh about our past. Yk?

Nico: Hm!🤨

Me: Hm? Is that all you wanna say? Are you mad at me or P.?

Nico: I’ll sort it out with him. And with you, I have something else in mind now.

Between Nico and me everything seemed ok so far, but somehow he reacted pretty calmly rn. He was not surprised at all!! 🤔

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