#mysterious package

[zillion-ronald-manus]

UNBOXING A MYSTERY PACKAGE! (I ALMOST DIED)

[martinscorgayse]

Has anyone who preordered the taz mysterious package gotten word on whether or not it’s shipped yet?

Those who preordered in July and August for a October delivery specifically. I’m willing to wait but I just want my stuff man!!!!!

[bootlegflipwizard]

Lesson Two: Green Labyrinth Folder

[Transcript:

GEO101: Navigation for wizards

Lesson Description:

As long as labyrinthine corridors hide terrible creatures, and vampiric catacombs exist, it is without a doubt that you will at some point become lost. Basic navigation skills will always be required knowledge for accomplished wizards.

Objectives:

To introduce basic navigation techniques.

To introduce advanced navigation techniques.

Required:

Required: The navigation worksheet.

Supplies: Pencil (not included).

Directions:

Complete the challenges in numerical order.

Each challenge will involve crossing runes on your path.

Collect the runes and send the directions to Taako on the Stone of Farspeech.

Wizard School Advice:

“Fact: Not all who wander are lost, but some fully, totally, are just super lost.”

End Transcript]

(Sorry about the quality, this one was real hard to photograph because of the size. I’ll be sure to post a picture of the rune code with the answers just in case you can’t figure this lesson out from these pics.)

[knight-in-sour-armor]

[charlottemarketingconsultants]

Client Gifts for the Charlotte Marketing Consultants

What happens when you receive a mysterious package 📦package from your client? ... Keep watching 👀 to find out! ✨✨✨

[maya-tl]

Guys. I just got a package. I think I know what it is.

[johnnythehomicidalmaniac]

Okay, so I just went out on the front porch to measure the doorframe and figure out what I need to put up that’s stronger than wooden boards and the right size, and… There was a package? From someone else? To me? Like, a legitimate package- actually addressed to me and everything! Not the neighbor’s mail that somehow ended up at my door! This is… I think this is the first time this has happened.

I’m a little in shock here. I don’t know what this is for. Is this a birthday thing? It has to be, right? I’m suspicious; there’s no return address, but there is some weird sappy shit drawn on the box. That only heightens my suspicion, if I’m being honest. I’ll update with the contents.

[bootlegflipwizard]

Hey babies, sorry for the delay on lesson two. Some family stuff happened this weekend and jacked all my shit up. It should be up in the next day or two though, so hang tight! In the meantime, I found a small, crinkly letter at the bottom of the box, y’all! it wasn’t even in the inventory list they sent! Secret bonus content! 

Howdy boys!

How y’all doing? Great job saving the world a few months back. Guessing we pissed off some kind of big outer space demon or something? Whatever it was it did a real number on this humble little holler of a town. Tourism’s never been a big draw for Refuge, but don’t nobody wanna come to a town that got all blown up.

I got some bad news. Diamond mine’s all dried up, and we invested most of what we pulled up on... well, a bunch of junk, really. Got a monorail goin in town, which looking back, we probably didn’t need. I put a lot of our finances in root beer barrel futures, which didn’t exactly pay out. Folks weren’t too pleased about that one. Next election’s looking mighty grim for old Cassidy, I tell ya.

Anyways, the good news is we came across an old mining ledger with hope for Refuge township. There’s a vault hidden deep - like, real deep - in the old mines where some shady excavators squirelled a cache of diamonds away.

Problem is they embezzled the everliving hell outta their haul and I can’t even get in the dang front door. Tried blowin’ it up, and - get this - it won’t blow up. Front door is covered in some scratchy Gnoll writing and some riddle I don’t understand. I am positively spooked by this magical door, y’all.

I’m hopin’ you’ll lend a hand to Refuge one more time, and help get our town up and runnin’ again. I’d sat I’d be willin’ to negotiate a cut of the diamond you recover as payment for your assistance, but I’m guessin’ you’re just gonna keep a bunch of ‘em without tellin’ us anyways, so I ain’t gonna waste my ink.

Hope to hear from y’all soon! Our post office is pretty exploded at the moment, but I’m sure your reply’ll get back to me, somehow.

Your pal,

Mayor Cassidy

[daimboy]

so this package showed up in the mail today (not my name or number but it does have my correct address). the numbers disconnected and we couldn’t find anything concrete on who the person is either, so we got curious and we opened it. it’s just a zip tie. and it’s already fastened. like. you can’t even use this. you can’t reopen it without cutting it. all you can do from this stage is tighten it, and there’s no going back from that. this is both extremely hilarious because of how useless it is, and also one of the most ominous things to ever arrive under mysterious circumstances. so what the fuck. is this a threat? who paid money for this? what happened here???? can a detective come help me? how do we resolve this?

[fade-steppin]

is. is lemony snicket behind this.

[misterpaige]

Okay I looked this up and it seems so legit. Like the coolest shit ever. Has anyone done this service before?

[viscount-varric-tethras]

A mysterious package lays on Varric's desk. Opening it reveals a small painting of his smiling family -mother, brother, father, and 1 year old Varric- sitting together. A slip of paper next to the painting says "Don't forget." It is unsigned, undated

Alright, would someone like to ‘fess up to this…ominous sounding package on my desk?

[foxesinthevineyard]

I'm feeling pretty good right now.

[bootlegflipwizard]

Lesson One: Orange Feather Folder

[Transcript:

LNG101: Languages for Wizards

Lesson Description:

This lesson involves a careful examination of language as a tool for communication. Primary emphasis is on comprehension of transliteration basics. This is a practical necessity for all students of magick and should be used as a beginners guide or as a refresher for apprentices.

Objectives:

Introduce the language of the Elves.

Introduce the language of the Gnolls.

Understanding the basic process of transliteration.

Required:

Required: Short Elven poem “To eat To sleep”, Long Gnoll saga in writing.

Supplies: Pencil (not included).

Directions:

Refresh yourself with the Elven language, then use it to decipher the Gnoll scratchings copied from the hypothetical door. Utilize your greater knowledge to solve the riddle” Doors open by the Elvish spell of Gnoll shaman.” Share the solution with Taako on the Stone of Farspeech.

Wizard School Advice:

“Everyone knows this one weird word in Elvish and Gnoll.”

End Transcript]

[themanfromthesuitcase-blog]

If I wasn't completely wrapped up in my own mystery project, I would do this in a heart beat