#n/j neg

[md-confessions]

I'm so sorry for bringing the codegold discourse back but I need to get this off my chest. People who never shipped normal codegold but now ship male!J x N pisses me off. It feels like they're fetishizing gay people, like once it's gay, toxic relationships are suddenly interesting/acceptable or something. I feel like there's a lot to be unpacked here but I can't even begin to describe it.

.

[mblue-art]

care. reassurance.

[gurorori]

everskies users when ya post an opinion they disagree with in a forum literally called wats an opinion ya have dat most ppl disagree with.....

[loveisunison]

On another note. In light of recent events (me gaining yet another crush) (when will my suffering end /j) I might be adding the blorbos from Twisted Wonderland to my f/o list soon. Waves hi fellow Twst fans ★

[yumenosakiacademy]

[scary-mdconfessions]

I really don’t like the idea of masochist N, cause that implies he enjoyed getting stepped on in the J flashback in ep1, and that implies codegold, and that’s gross (I do not care that he said thank you)

That’s just how my brain interprets it

—🦊

.

[coffee-at-annies]

Lotta ppl saying sh*tty in the lb lately. Has that sports superstition died among the new folks?

[two-heads-and-all-that]

trying to find malevolent fanfiction is such a nightmare cause it’s always something 10 chapter that you already tried and didn’t like updated from two months ago, or that has somehow only the characters you don’t feel like reading about, or is the most out of pocket smut

[shadowbannedthehedgehog]

saw smth i did not agree with an injustice being done n at first i was silent for way too long but it cldnt n wldnt leave ne alone so eventually i spoke up n it was scary n im having post anxiety n i feel like i did smth wrong n the other ppl hate me n will judge me negatively but what they did was not nice n not correct so yh who cares if i cry now nothing gets done without a bit of discomfort ahaha

[imoutoni]

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀//⠀⠀Just a reminder that this is for funzies. You don't have to worry nearly as much as people tell you you need to. Write what helps you cope, write what makes you feel fulfilled with a muse, write what you're in the mood for. Tags and content warnings exist for a reason. People have no excuse to belittle or hate on you for what goes on in the world of fiction. Be you and be happy.

[md-confessions]

To the anon that thinks juzi shippers are hypocrites for hating codegold. I highly disagree with you. J literally abuses N throughout the show, telling him he's worthless, kicks him around, etc. If anything, N is likely scared of J since she's the leader and N knows she has the ability to treat him horribly if he doesn't follow her orders. Even in the mansion flashback the beginning of episode 2, J literally shoves him over and insults him. While J and Uzi are just simply rivals. We don't really see much interaction with them other than the fight in the pilot episode and in the beginning of episode 6, they exchanged a few bickering words to each other, that's it. Since J is mostly absent and has had very little screen time in the series so far. There isn't really too much to go off on that.

⠀

[chonnysinferno]

hi babe

WHAT IS THAT HELLO I'M GONNA BAEWL

i regret ever posting that one post i'm goijgn back to bed /j

[sagstelliums]

💌 (PAC): facts about your future spouse

Pile 1 Pile 2 Pile 3

Grapes 🍇

I see that your future spouse may live or come from somewhere with a lot of water, they may also come from somewhere with a lot of sand/dirt/canyons?/mountains. They’re someone who has a lot of layers to them, they’ll be someone like you’ve never met before. I see that they may stand out physically, they may have a facial that looks very different or unique. I see that their face can be very hypnotic, you may find yourself staring at them/admiring them. They’re someone who’s calm but powerful, they don’t like drama or the way may not like loud noises. I see that they’re someone who looks very seductive or sultry. They may be a good swimmer, they may like to spend a lot of time with or in water, I see that your future spouse is definitely going to be with you for a long time, I see that they’re someone who’ll be there during the ups and downs. I see that they have a lot of luck/things always go their way or you’ll feel luckier when you’re with them, they’re good at hiding things or keeping secrets/good at surprises. They may come of as mysterious but that’s because they have so many layers to them. Signs- Pisces, cancer, Gemini. Initials- J, T, B, P, U, R, W

Orange 🍊

I see that your future spouse will be your ideal partner, you guys will get along with each other very well. I see that you guys will balance each other out like yin and yang/two peas in pod, I see that they’re very logical and they like to think things through. They’ll love spending time with you and connecting with you, I see that they may have a lot of friends or when you guys get together you’ll end up making a lot of friends together. They may be used to being around a lot of people/they enjoy being around a lot of people, they’re good at problem solving and mediating situations. They’re good at bringing people together, they could be well known or popular within their community. They could really like meeting new people and making connections, I see that they may be aggressive when it comes to the way they talk. They may be someone who’s emotional or sensitive, they may make you feel sensitive or extra emotional. I see that they’re intuitive and smart but they may like to play dumb, I see that you guys may travel a lot especially at night. I see that you guys may bump heads often because of how much you’re alike , there will be a lot of sexual chemistry. Signs- Taurus/ Sagittarius. Initials- T, O, W, N

Blueberry 🫐

(Angel number 9/999) I see that your future spouse is like hard on the outside but soft on the inside, they may seem defensive or mean at first but it’s a defense mechanism. They’re dynamic and a little difficult to understand at first, they’re someone who doesn’t like drama or conflict so they prefer not to have a lot of people around them. They’re someone who’s cautious/hesitant, they may be someone who’s not always open to try new things. They’re someone who values their stability, they like being balanced. I see that they’re someone who doesn’t let negativity keep them down, they’re not the type of person to hold grudges. They may be someone who doesn’t dream often, they may sleep for a long time. They have a healthy sleeping schedule/they’re a heavy sleeper, they love their rest and they don’t like being interrupted. They can be co dependent or they want you to depend on them, they’re reliable and don’t give up easily. They’re patient and they will put a lot of effort into making you happy, they have a calming and powerful presence. They’re someone who hates mistakes so they take their time when they do things and doesn’t like being rushed, they’ll be good at calming you down or calming your nerves. Your future spouse may have a small chest but thick things/butt or they’ll love that you have that, they may be a little self conscious about their body. They may not have a lot of muscles but they could be tall, they be a minimalist or has a minimalist style. They may like white or looks good in white. Signs- cancer/leo. Initials- V, U, S, T, Y, M

Personal readings always available

Pngs by @adjpngs Divider by @cafekitsune

[teapartyprincess4two]

Bad Day- J. Guilbert

pairing: girlfriend!reader x boyfriend!Johnnie

classification: slight angst, fluff

warnings: use of y/n, established relationship, Jake and Tara are dating in this, short

inspiration: request

summary: Johnnie is the moon and you’re the sun, always bright, bubbly and energetic. Nobody believes that someone as positive as you can ever have a bad day, but when you do Johnnie is ready to comfort you through it.

—

Everyone has that one friend who is the personification of sunshine, that one friend that always seems to have a smile on their face and holds a positive attitude no matter what. This said friend is always the shoulder for others to cry on, the helping hand in a time of need, and the person everyone seeked for advice. In your friend group you were that friend. You were loved by everyone and loved everyone. So, it comes as no surprise that your friends have never seen you in a bad mood and have never known you to have a bad day.

But, contrary to popular belief, you are no stranger to a bad day. In fact, you have more bad days than you let on, usually masking your anger or sadness with a smile. Johnnie has always been able to read you though, he knows when you’re actually happy and when you’re putting on a facade, whether it be for your friends or for the cameras.

Today was one of those odd days when everything was just going wrong, you just couldn’t seem to catch a break. First, your alarm didn’t go off, causing you to wake up late. If it wasn’t for how hot it was in your room, you would’ve never woken up. You were sweating so much that you felt gross and sticky, but because you woke up late, you had less time to get ready which meant you didn’t even have time to shower. So, you were forced to rush to your dental appointment looking extremely tired, flustered, and greasy.

Once you finally arrived at the dental office, you tried to calm down, you were trying to have a positive outlook in hopes that your bad luck might turn around. But, while the dentist was doing your routine check-up, he found a total of 3 cavities in your mouth. According to the dentist, the cavities were so bad that if you didn’t get emergency fillings your tooth was sure to rot to the bone. You exhaled deeply, wishing all the negative thoughts away, and proceeding with an unexpected procedure. Then, as if your luck couldn’t get any worse, your insurance didn’t cover the emergency fillings, causing you to pay money out of pocket you hadn’t budgeted for.

On your way home it was just one thing after another. You turned the car on, only for it to be low on gas. ‘Not a big deal,’ you thought, praying that this is where your bad luck ended. While pumping gas, though, you stepped in a big puddle of water that got into your shoes and seeped into your socks. You tried not to let it bother you, especially since you’d be home soon, but you were only human.

After such a bad morning, you decide to buy yourself a treat, opting for McDonalds because it was the closest, cheapest thing around. You pulled up to the drive through, using the cheeriest tone you could muster, only to be slapped in the face by the worst customer service experience ever. Normally you wouldn’t have read too much into the situation, but considering you’ve had a pretty bad day so far, it was all just adding up. After paying for and receiving your food, you realized that half of your order was missing. You hated having to be the annoying customer that storms into the restaurant with a receipt in hand, but after the day you’ve had this was the one thing you couldn’t to let slide.

You walk into the restaurant, one hand cradling the bag of food, the other holding onto the receipt as you waited patiently to be acknowledged by at least one employee. You must’ve waited 15 minutes before someone finally noticed you, giving you the blankest stare as they asked, “Can I help you?” If this would’ve happened on any other day, you would’ve completely understood and sympathized with the employee for disliking their job, but you’re so on edge right now that even this seems like a big deal. “Hi, yes. I’m missing a few item-“ you put on your best customer service voice, but before you can even finish your sentence the employee is cutting you off by talking to someone through their headset, “some lady says she’s missing stuff from her order?”

Great, this was sure to become a bigger deal than it had to be. Someone must’ve told the employee what to say over the headset because she asks, “you have the receipt?” You hold the receipt up, but they don’t let you speak before they’re snatching it away and grabbing your bag too. At this point you’re wondering if the chicken nuggets are worth the trouble, should you just quit while you’re ahead and go home?

In the end you ended up getting your missing items, but you were already so frustrated by that point that it didn’t even matter anymore. The manager ended up getting involved, claiming you received everything in your order. She fought with you, raised her voice and got unreasonably upset while you tried to keep your cool, but one can only take so much. You didn’t want to, but you ended up raising your voice too because she wasn’t listening to reason, she never even checked your bag to see if everything was in there. Overall it was just a terrible situation that drained you both socially and emotionally.

After an encounter like that, most people would feel proud for having stood their ground, but you felt like screaming and crying. You weren’t a confrontational person, in fact you always tried keeping a positive attitude even in stressful situations to avoid situations like this. So now you’re walking out of the restaurant with your head held high as to not show weakness, but your spirit was so low it was practically hitting the floor. As soon as you were in your car and away from judgmental eyes, you were crying. Everything just kept adding up and even though nothing majorly tragic happened to you today, it just became too much to bare.

You’re leaning against the steering wheel, trying to calm down before you start driving home, but all you can think about is the horrible day you’ve had. All you wanted to do was go home and curl up under a blanket, hiding yourself from the world until you were ready to crawl back out. The emotions were so intense that you weren’t even hungry anymore. And to top it off, you were expecting visitors today who were probably already waiting for you at your house. All you could do was hope Johnnie would keep them busy while you dissociated in your room for a while.

You took a deep breath, shutting your eyes tightly and willing the tears away. “It’s gonna be okay,” you whisper, your voice coming out shaky as you try reassuring yourself that this isn’t the end of the world. Finally you pull out of the parking lot, mentally preparing yourself for the rest of the day.

—

Johnnie, Jake, and Tara are all hanging out in your living room. When you arrived home they were watching a scary movie, a common occurrence in your friend group. You all usually chilled at home, opting for cozy nights in over loud, hectic nights out. Johnnie saved a spot for you, complete with your favorite blanket, a bag of popcorn, and a cold drink. You trudged inside, plopping the bag of food on the kitchen counter before making a quick appearance in the living room.

Everyone was excited to see you, they always were, and although you were excited to see them too, you just greeted them quickly before retreating to your room. Usually you’d be extremely bubbly, obnoxiously hugging everyone and immediately cuddling up to Johnnie. So, when you offered everyone a meek wave, Johnnie knew something was wrong.

Johnnie immediately picked up on the way your shoulders slumped and your feet dragged along the floor. He noticed that there was an underlying red tint in your eyes, they were glossed over from the tears you previously shed. Your shoes were wet and muddy, your face was swollen from the dental appointment, and your usual smile was replaced by a small frown. You just looked drained, and that was unusual for someone who was usually bouncing off the walls with energy.

Yours and Johnnie’s personality difference was one of the greatest defining factors in your relationship. Where he was more laid back and mysterious, you were energetic and outgoing. Of course he wasn’t shy, but he was extremely reserved in unfamiliar situations, while you were always ready to dive in head first no matter the scenario.

The movie plays lowly in the background, the soft light from the tv illuminating the dark room just enough for everyone’s faces to be visible. You’ve been home for an hour at this point, but you haven’t come out of your room since. Even Jake and Tara have noticed, all three of them murmuring about what could possibly be wrong. You were the light of the group, if you were sad then everyone was sad. “Do you think she’s sick?” Tara asks, sending Johnnie a worried look.

“I don’t know, probably,” Jake says with a shrug before Johnnie can respond, Jake always did a good job of being acutely unaware of everything.

“I was asking Johnnie,” Tara replies with an eye roll, scoffing before pausing the movie. “She went to the dentist today, maybe she’s just tired,” Johnnie finally says, trying to think of any and every reason you could be sad.

Tara hums in response, satisfied with Johnnie’s answer. It seemed logical enough, most people were usually tired after dental appointments, especially when they had emergency work done. Tara presses play on the movie, leaning into Jake again as she tries getting comfy. Johnnie tries focusing on the movie, watching as the characters on the screen run away from the whatever’s chasing them, but with each scene change his mind goes crazy. What could have you so upset?

He looks over at Jake and Tara, they’re cuddled up under a blanket as they share a bag of popcorn. That’s when Johnnie realizes that not only does he feel like a third wheel, but he should be comforting you instead of sitting here barely paying attention to a movie.

“Let me go check on her,” Johnnie says abruptly, throwing the blanket on his lap to the side and standing from the couch. Jake and Tara watch in confusion as he disappears down the hallway before averting their attention back to the movie.

Even though it’s Johnnie’s room too, he knocks on the door softly before walking in. “Y/n?” his voice is hushed, not wanting to scare or startle you incase you’re asleep. The room is pitch black and quiet, the only light coming from your phone. You’re rolled over on your side, scrolling aimlessly on TikTok in search of something that’ll make you feel better. So far, nothing’s worked.

You hear him but you don’t respond, so he tries again, “Baby?” He slowly walks over to the bed, pulling up the covers and crawling in next to you. Usually you’d melt into his touch, but as he wraps an arm around you, you just continue scrolling on your phone. Johnnie doesn’t take it personally though because he knows that this isn’t how you usually act, “you okay?” He feathers a finger over your face, brushing the stray hair out of the way as he kisses your cheek.

That kiss is enough to bring the emotions flooding back again, causing you to scrunch your face and immediately begin crying. A small, downturned smile forms on Johnnie’s face as he pulls you into him. It’s such a sad sight to see you cry, but he’s happy that you’re comfortable enough to let it all go in front of him. He knows that it takes a lot to make you this upset and he’s ready to listen for as long as you need him to, “wanna talk about it?”

You sniffle, rubbing the tears away aggressively as you mumble, “God, I feel so pathetic right now.” There was nothing pathetic about being sad, everyone has bad days and it’s normal to cry every once in a while, but you couldn’t help but feel silly. “It’s okay to cry,” he murmurs, pressing another kiss to your cheek.

“There’s people with real problems in this world, though… I just feel so stupid for letting today drain me,” you whisper, rolling over so you’re facing Johnnie. He takes in your appearance; your eyes are bloodshot, your cheeks are flushed, and your lips are swollen. Your eyelashes are so wet they’re webbed together, each blink leaving a trail of tears on your cheeks. Johnnie gingerly wipes the tears away, placing a quick kiss on your nose.

“Just tell me about your day, it’ll make you feel better,” he replies, chuckling a little at your attempt to deter your feelings and defer the conversation. You inhale deeply, slowly nodding your head as you prepare to verbally relive the horrible day you had. You retell the day’s events, including every single detail from your trip to the dentist to your encounter with the angry McDonald’s manager. “What a bitch,” Johnnie grumbles, shaking his head.

You immediately feel better, but still not well enough to emerge from your dark cave to hangout with your friends. “Feel better?” Johnnie asks, a genuine smile playing on his face. You smile back for the first time since you woke up today, “a little.”

“Good,” he places a kiss on your lips, allowing your lips to mould together. The impromptu make-out session is sweet and innocent, serving as a reminder that Johnnie is always here to comfort you through the hard times and that you’re allowed to have a bad day or two.

“Can we just stay here for a little bit?” you ask, cuddling into Johnnie’s chest and letting his heartbeat begin to lull you to sleep. He hums in response, pulling you in closer and pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

You fall asleep, feeling like the bad day you had no longer mattered.

—

MASTERLIST

a/n:

hope this comforting, fluffy Johnnie fic warms everyone’s hearts

-L.A.M.B👼🏻💗

—

taglist: @nicksmainbitch @sturniololovers @mayhem-72 @worldlxvlys @gnxosblog @meg-sturniolo @creamoncreamoncream2

note: if you want to be tagged in my fanfic related posts, you can access my TAGLIST and comment 🎀✨

[pers1st]

when every door closes

pairing: leah williamson x reader

notes: mentions of ed, mentions of j*rge vilda (also the title will make sense with the second part)

Traveling to whichever tournament it may be with the Spanish national team had so far, for you, been a pleasant experience. You were still young, and despite the fact that you weren't granted many opportunities to prove yourself on the field, you took every camp as a chance to learn from players such as María Leon, or Alexia Putellas, or Irene Paredes.

Of course, it was a difficult environment to enjoy. The brutal coaching methods had not yet reached you, but you felt it in the atmosphere in which the team operated- the fact that most, if not all players, were negatively affected by every training session, every match, every team talk.

You had simply been lucky enough not to experience the worst of it. Not yet, anyways.

But all of this was due to change when you arrived in England in preparation for the Euros. This tournament, you had been particularly excited about. Playing an international competition in your girlfriend's home country, with both her and your parents vowing to support you, had had you buzzing from the second Spain had qualified. You had no idea things would take a turn for the worst the second you arrived for the first training session, but you were granted a first thought about it when Jorge pulled you aside just as you were about to warm up.

"Y/N, I know you haven't played much for Spain yet, but I want this tournament to be your opportunity. You've grown a lot at Arsenal, and I'm sure we can profit off of your talents, no? Don't let me down", he smiled as he raised his eyebrows expectantly. You, of course, nodded. You weren't going to let him down, you were going to do everything you could to prove yourself, to prove the world, that you were a good center back.

Only you couldn't have known that Jorge would do everything he could to keep you from doing exactly that. Or so, at least, it seemed.

The next day, you and Ona were sitting in the hotel's cafeteria for breakfast ahead of training when he slipped you a note, patting your shoulder as he breezed past you. Furrowing your eyebrows in confusion, you turned the paper to inspect it, and found glaringly red letters written across it.

Meal Plan, Y/N Y/L/N, updated

You swallowed thickly, scanning across the rest of the note, your stomach turning at the sight. He had decreased your caloric intake. He had added a goal weight for you to reach by the beginning of the tournament.

"What is it?", Ona asked as she chewed her food, glancing at you worriedly. You didn't notice the way the table across from you had turned towards you as well.

"Oh, just my meal plan", you smiled briefly as you folded the note and stuffed it into your back pocket, continuing to poke your food around the plate as you listened to Ona's debrief of her season with Manchester United.

You weren't really listening, though. Instead, your mind had gone into overdrive, whirring with thoughts as you failed to understand any of the reasons behind your manager's action.

Were you too heavy?

Surely not. You hadn't noticed any weight gain, and despite the fact that you were unable to put an exact number to your weight, you knew that Arsenal monitored both your eating habits and your measurements closely, ever since you'd come forward about your eating disorder. Jorge knew of it as well.

Were you too heavy?

It was those thoughts that kept you from showing off your talents in training, and that kept you from sleeping at night. Everything you did was calculated- almost forced, and to any of your older teammates, it was clear as day that you were trying so hard to be perfect, you failed to even be average.

The meal plan was soon followed by extra cardio sessions, nasty whispers in passing and an intense amount of pressure as you neared the beginning of the tournament.

You missed Leah more than ever, then. Although she wasn't far away, you felt as though worlds divided you, you felt as though you couldn't get enough of her. Every night, you spoke to her on the phone, although you never mentioned the weight of what was happening. She could sense that something was wrong, could sense that you were pressuring yourself far more than what was healthy, but she decided to keep quiet about it, instead distracting you, and having Beth yap your ear off multiple teams when the girl noticed the two of you were speaking on the phone. Every time you saw Leah appear on your screen, a smile appeared on your face. It was as if she could lift every weight off your shoulders with just a single word, even if just for the time being.

By the time your last training session started, you were close to either throwing up from nerves or collapsing due to exhaustion, but you didn't allow for either of those options, instead pushing yourself through every minute of it, until Alexia went down with an injury and the training was stopped. You watched somberly as your captain was guided off the pitch with both Mapi and Vilda by her side, and as cruel as it sounded, it finally gave you a moment to breathe. Clutching your water bottle tightly, you swayed from right to left as you walked over to a bench by the side of the pitch, dropping yourself down slightly imbalanced.

"Come on, chica. You need a break", Marta whispered as she put her hand on your shoulder, rubbing back and forth slightly.

"Is it too hot?", she asked, to which you shook your head. The heat wasn't as big of a problem as was the lack of food in your system.

"No, just need to catch my breath", you reassured her with a forced smile as you finished what was left of your electrolyte drink.

"Go back to the hotel with Ona and sleep, okay? You need some rest, sí?"

The aftermath of Alexia leaving the camp only hit you when you read the news of her ACL tear, cradled underneath the protection of your blanket, your phone tightly in your hands.

Alexia, along with María, had been the ones to slightly reassure you, without allowing for questions, with every chance they got. A soft comment here, a smile there, it was never much, but it was enough to keep you grounded, if only in the moment. Now, though, you were panicking, only grasping the magnitude of your captain's departure now that it was announced she'd be flying back to Spain to have surgery.

As if your situation couldn't worsen, the door flew open as Ona entered your shared room, her eyes immediately fixating on your slightly shaky frame in a bed that seemed far too big for you. You could tell by her face that she wasn't just confused or worried- she was hiding something.

"What is it?", you asked, your voice heavy with the events of today as Ona quietly shuffled closer.

"It's nothing, chica. Just, Jorge..."

"What? What did he say?"

You sat up straight in your bed, shifting the blanket back as your hands tightened into fists.

"He said that because training ended early, you should do another cardio session."

The room was quiet for a second, neither of you daring to move. Then, you nodded.

"Okay, I'll-"

"You really don't need to, chica. It's bullshit- what he's forcing you to do, I don't get what he-"

"No, no. It's fine. Thanks for letting me know", you forced yourself to smile, gripping your phone even tighter before slipping on your shoes and exiting the hotel room, still in your pajamas, tears dwelling in your eyes.

Were you really that bad?

Before you could think more about where your mind was leading you, you dialed the only number that made sense, pressing the phone to your ear as you opened the door to the gym, sliding down against one of the walls.

"Hey, love. How are you?", Leah asked. "I wanna see you." You could hear the smile on her face as you reluctantly accepted her FaceTime request, grateful that the lights were off as Leah wasn't able to make out your tearstained cheeks.

"Chicaaa", you could hear Beth in the background, laughing softly.

"Is that the girlfriend?!", another person asked as you realized Leah was most likely surrounded by her teammates, having a good time. How could the same tournament be so different for the two of you?

"Sorry, Lee, I can call back", you mumbled, your breath hitching as your girlfriend's eyebrows furrowed, and the other end of the line suddenly fell silent.

"No, let me just go somewhere more private", she mumbled before exiting whatever room she had occupied before.

"What's going on?"

Leah had, so far, been updated regularly about your own camp, and although you had mentioned your meal plan to her, you had kept silent about all of the brutal comments, the pressure, all of it. Now, however, you didn't know how to hide it anymore.

"He's so horrible, Lee. Everything he does, it's just- I can't ever do it right", you cried, your words a mumbled mess under the tears that were washing down your face. There was a pain spreading throughout your body that was glooming from more than just the extremely difficult training session today, it was more than just the exhaustion of the preparation for the Euros, it was indescribable. You choked on a sob as your girlfriend's worry-filled eyes narrowed in anger.

"Hey, baby, it's okay. I mean, it's not okay, and I wish I could kill him, but you're okay, love."

You could tell she didn't really believe herself and was merely attempting to calm you down, but she succeeded, anyways. Usually, you craved her presence, craved her arms around you, pressing your body tightly, whenever you felt even the slightest dip in your mood. Now, after spending multiple weeks apart from her, under such impossible conditions, her soft voice was enough to lower your heart rate, to silence the thoughts in your head, to make everything even the slightest bit better.

"He's just- This is the only chance to prove myself, you know? He's finally given me a chance, but it's like he doesn't want me to be good, you know? He's doing everything to tear me down", you mumbled, wiping the remaining tears out of your eyes.

"So, do it out of spite. He wants you to fail, wants you to crumble under the pressure. Don't prove him right. Show him what you can do in spite of everything he's doing, prove him that you're better than he could ever understand. Love, you are such an incredible player, and this is your chance to prove it to the world. You're gonna be insane on that pitch, I know it. Honestly, I'm scared we'll have to play against you, there's no coming through your backline", she chuckled softly, smiling at you reassuringly. You nodded, ever so slightly.

"Yeah, don't speak it into existence", you mumbled back.

But your girlfriend had, of course, spoke it into existence. Not just the fact that you finally seemed to find your footing, with the support of all of the senior players stepping in to protect you in the best way they could, but also the fact that after breezing through the group stage, you were coming up against England for the quarter finals.

Despite the fact that Esther managed to put your team ahead relatively early on, England put up an exceptional front, and you and Mapi were working relentlessly to keep a clean sheet. For quite some time, it worked well, and your team seemed to progress onto the semi-final. When Ella Toone scored in the eighty-fourth minute, a bitter taste washed through your mouth as you bit your tongue hard enough to draw blood.

Every single one of Jorge's comments rang right through you, even through the loud crowd that had formed to cheer on the English. Mapi noticed as well, and patted your shoulder comfortingly after you first conceded, but it was no use.

During the added time, you conceded again, and the dream of winning the Euros slipped away with every failed attempt of your offense.

When the whistle finally rang, you were unable to hold your body up anymore, and although tears glistened on your cheeks as you sat on the grass, watching as your girlfriend's team celebrated, you couldn't help but feel another emotion with that of disappointment- relief. It was over. The team would leave, likely tomorrow or the day after, and you would watch Jorge Vilda fly back to Spain and finally be free of his judgement.

Still, your shoulders shook with sobs. You had failed. Not only to prove yourself, but to prove him wrong. Leah had told you to play your best football out of spite, but you hadn't. You had allowed for England to score twice. You had not only let yourself, but the whole team down.

Before you could dwell on your thoughts any longer, you felt two hands land on your shoulders, softly rubbing the fabric as you hid your face behind your own hands.

"Love, look at me", Leah asked of you, and you slowly complied, pulling your shirt up instead to wipe over your wet cheeks.

"You did so well, Y/N. I'm so proud of you", she smiled softly, but when another sob shook your body, she gently pressed your face into the crook of her neck, allowing for you to let your emotions out for the time being.

"I'm proud of you. You did so, so well. You made everyone proud, today", she kept reminding you as you sobbed into her skin, finally feeling her arms around your body, finally breathing in her scent, finally feeling her presence again.

This time, it took a while for you to calm down. Pain ran through you deeply, but you allowed yourself to move on slowly, knowing that crying now wasn't going to help your case, not at all. The Euros were over for you, and all that was left to do was support your girlfriend and Arsenal teammates as they progressed through the semifinals. The thoughts of wearing your girlfriend's jersey, while being seated between her and your own parents, cheering her on from the sidelines as she captained her team through the rest of the tournament filled you with pride.

[fvnalgirlcomplex]

PRETTY ISN’T PRETTY ✸ J. HUGHES

and it begins!! this is irl but also mostly social media au because my tumblr is/was acting up and deleted most of what i had written and.. i’m lazy so!!! reader is referred to as ‘you’ and their looks are talked about but i tried to avoid describing looks… however… reader doesn’t have blonde hair but listen like every nhl fic uses a blonde girl for the fc so. i think its justified!! but sorry to anyone blonde reading lol. i didn’t rlly know how to end this tbh but i hope it’s still good and i hope u like it!! remember that you are beautiful! any negative things said obviously aren’t true :)

warnings: light mention/implication of an eating disorder, insecurities, hate comments, reader gets picked up (lowkey manhandled a little bit), suggestive comments (2), unedited writing

masterlist, series masterlist

fc: olivia rodrigo ( oliviarodrigo on ig )

summary: dating jack wasn’t gonna be easy, you knew that. you just thought him traveling a lot was gonna be the hardest, not being picked apart by his fans.

bought a bunch of makeup,

tryna cover up my face

i started to skip lunch,

stopped eatin’ cake on birthdays

youruser

liked by lhughes and 56,890 others

youruser 22!! shout out to cole caulfield

view 182 comments…

colecaulfield thank you for the shout out. I really needed it.

youruser anything for a fan

user19 she’s so cocky omg

yourfriend the cake was so good! you should’ve had some :(

youruser the cake wasn’t very big and i don’t really like cake that much anyways lol glad you liked it though!!

jackhughes ❤️

liked by youruser

user373 at least she chose a blurry pic so we don’t have to see her face lmaoo

jackhughes

liked by trevorzegras and 120,293 others

jackhughes birthday girl 🎂

view 367 comments…

_quinnhughes haps

youruser damn. not even a full sentence 😔

user14 even his brother doesn’t like her lmao 💀

user298 i hope she knows she’s public enemy #1

user63 bro could do sm better

trevorzegras big! 22! 2️⃣2️⃣

user86 the way she looks at him though 🥹

user7 no..

user329 why are you so miserable

user738 he did her so dirty with the second picture 😭 makeup can only do so much but somehow she looks even worse than i imagined with no makeup

“I didn’t know it was such a big deal—”

“It shouldn’t have to be a big deal, Jack! I asked you not to post it, I don’t understand why you don’t listen!”

Maybe you were overreacting. Maybe you were taking your insecurities out on Jack when it really wasn’t his fault. But, it’s hard to stay calm when you’ve started to hate what you see everytime you look in the mirror, or someone takes a picture of you and that’s when you have makeup on. Words couldn’t describe how gross you feel without makeup on.

“I think you look gorgeous. I don’t know what the issue is.” Jack responded, too nonchalantly for your liking.

“The issue is that I don’t think I look gorgeous so I don’t want it out in the world for all your fans to see.” Jack sighed at your response. He knew what this was about but to him, you the prettiest girl he’d ever seen. He just couldn’t grasp how someone like you could be insecure.

“Y/n…” He said softly, grabbing the sides of your face. The mood in the room had quickly changed from tense to sad as soon as the word fans was mentioned. “You’re stunning. I know you don’t believe me but, you really are. All those comments are from a bunch of teenage girls who are jealous. I know it’s hard to block out but you just have to try ‘cause I wanna show everyone how pretty my girl is, okay?” Jack finished, trying to cheer you up. It didn’t really work to be honest but still, through glass eyes, you looked up at him and nodded before he brought you into a comforting hug.

You wanted to believe him, you really did. But it wasn’t just teen fan girls. It was also grown men. Men your boyfriends age who thought you were just as hideous. They couldn’t have been doing it for the same reasons as the fan girls. They had to have just been being honest, right?

‘cause there’s always somethin’ missin’

there’s always somethin’ in the mirror

that i think looks wrong

when pretty isn’t pretty enough,

what do you do?

You loved spending time with Jack. And you also loved getting to spend time with the people he cared about. But the pressure of looking good before going knowing that pictures would be taken, with or without you knowing, made you want to puke.

You started planning out your outfits far in advance, what shoes, how you’d do you hair, your makeup. Everything. You told yourself over and over again that the outfit is cute. You asked Jack about it and he always reassured you that you would look beautiful in anything and the friends you’d ask say the same thing.

But that still wasn’t enough to stop your brain from making you think everything was wrong. No matter you were wearing, when you looked in the mirror it just looked… wrong. Like something was missing.

“Babe?” Your boyfriends voice came softly through the bedroom door. Jack had invited you to the Devils Halloween Party this year which would be your first New Jersey Devils event. Jack and Luke were wearing matching spider-man costumes with Nico and Dawson who were currently at the brothers apartment. “You ready?” He asked you as he poked his head into the bedroom before fully stepping in, closing the door behind him.

“Yeah, I was just looking for my cat ears.” Lie. You were overanalyzing yourself like you always did before you went out but you knew if you told Jack that he’d feel bad and tell you that you didn’t have to go if you weren’t comfortable.

It wasn’t clear if Jack really believed your lie but he glanced around the room for the headband anyways before finding it on the edge of the bed next to you and placing them on your head for you.

Still sitting on the edge of the bed from when you were putting on your boots before you caught a look at yourself in the mirror, you looked up at Jack, who’s hands stayed on the side of your face after gently placing the headband on you.

Words weren’t exchanged as he looked at you, his thumbs tenderly moving over cheeks. He moved down to place a lovingly soft kiss on your forehead and then your lipstick covered lips.

“You’re beautiful.” He whispered against your mouth. You almost believed him.

njdwag.updates

liked by jackhughes and 2,384 others

njdwag.updates y/n at the halloween party with a fellow wag. she went as a black cat 🐈‍⬛

view 103 comments…

theotherwag sweetest girl to ever exist 🩷

user273 jacks like 🥹

user33 is this a safe space?

user649 depends…

user33 i love yn. and i love yn and jack!! they’re so cute and it’s so obvious everyone that hates her is just jealous :/

user472 REAL!!! they claim to be fans of jack but hate to see him happy… like something isn’t adding up??

liked by 208 others

user634 wait jack went as spider-man and she went as a black cat?? she’s kinda funny for that

user710 jack probably didn’t want to outright match with her 💀

user845 her standing next to another wag.. this is so sad like jack!! wake up!!

and everybody’s keepin’ it up, so you think it’s you

i could change up my body and change up my face

i could try every lipstick in every shade

but i’d always feel the same

‘cause pretty isn’t pretty enough anyways

njdwags

liked by 1,266 others

njdwags y/n y/l/n at her colleges football game with friends!

view 103 comments…

user968 everytime there’s a picture of her standing next to someone it really highlights how ugly she is LMAO

user263 idk why people hate her sm she’s so pretty

user945 she’s even prettier in person! i met her at the game and she was so nice. it’s so sad to see all the hate she gets :(

liked by njdwags

user293 we have class together!! she’s literally so sweet and smart

user683 ugly ass

user78 she chose a college football game over her boyfriends hockey game…

user537 why does she always have her tongue out 💀

and i try to ignorе it, but it's everythin' i see

it’s on the poster on the wall, it's in like every magazine

it’s in my phone, it's in my head, it's in the boys i bring to bed

it’s all around, it's all the time, i don't know why i even try

It’s like you couldn’t stop yourself from reading comments on posts about you. You knew you should ignore but it seemed impossible to ignore at this point.

You knew the comments would be negative like they always were but you always had hope they would be nice for once. And there was nice ones sometimes! But most were so overwhelmingly negative, you couldn’t even focus on the positives.

And it wasn’t just comments either, no. Not anymore at least. Since, you’ve read the comments, it’s like all the negative has leaked out of your phone and into every aspect of your life.

It was when you visited your family over winter break, you had totally forgotten about the posters you had in past years of icons from your childhood. Icons who were so how all skinny or blonde or had stunning blue eyes or all three. The break was supposed to get you away from all that and yet, you still cried yourself to sleep that first night.

Every aspect of life also included you and your boyfriend. You knew before you and Jack had started dating, he was constantly liking other girls bikini pics on instagram. And even though he had stopped doing that, you’d still seen tweets from his fans in the past joking about how he was “always at the scene of the crime” with a screenshot of his like on a picture of the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen. And while you tried to ignore it, you noticed of a pattern with all the girls. They looked a lot like the icons from your childhood. Nothing like you.

So now, late at night, when you were supposed to be having quiet and sweet moments with your boyfriend; your boyfriend that you didn’t get to see very often at that! You spent those moments thinking about those stupid likes on those stupid pictures of those stupidly beautiful girls.

And as for you, the comments had really gotten to your head. Even when you weren’t with Jack and you weren’t on your phone or in your childhood room. You still found someone to compare yourself to. It was like some kind of superpower.

and i bought all the clothes that they told me to buy

i chased some dumb ideal my entire life

and none of it matters and none of it ends

you just feel like shit all over again

Was this silly? It feel silly.

This didn’t feel like you but a change was needed.

Jack (and Luke) had been hanging out with the team all day and you had the day off. You had decided to spend the time alone shopping for clothes that you would’ve never worn before this past month and a box of blonde hair dye.

“We’re home!”

Luke’s voice rang through the apartment, snapping you out of your trance that you were in while staring out the box of hair dye taunting you on the bathroom counter.

“Y/n?” Now it was Jacks voice that made its way through the apartment.

“Bathroom!”

You could hear his footsteps come closer to the bathroom door before a knock on the door, hesitating before opening the door before him. He slipped in before locking the door behind him.

“I was gonna jump in the shower if he wanted to join me.” Jack told you, his hands sliding around your waist with his back to the door. Naturally, your hands slipped around to rest behind his neck, forgetting about the hair dye sitting on the counter.

“I think I’m gonna have to pass this time—”

“You’re gonna dye your hair?” Jack cut you off, his eyes focused behind you.

“Oh- Yeah, I just, um, wanted a change I guess.”

Jack didn’t say anything or take his eyes off of the box of hair dye. He didn’t buy it for a second but he just didn’t understand. How could you not see how beautiful you were. Jack had known the comments were bad, he just didn’t realize they were getting to you this badly. He looked back to you, who had a guilty look in your eyes. Jack sighed before moving you over to the counter, placing you next to the box.

“Baby, if you really want to dye your hair blonde; go for for it. But I don’t think you want to.” You couldn’t even look at him. You felt embarrassed that you’d been confronted about how out of hand these insecurities have gotten, even if it wasn’t really your fault. You felt like a child being scolded. “I know we’ve talked about this before but you really have to listen to me this time okay, babe?”

Jacks hand came up to your chin, gently pushing your head up to make eye contact with him.

“You’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen. I mean that. All those assholes just want to find someone to hate more than themselves and I’m sorry that dating me has made you a target for that. But blonde hair dye isn’t gonna make them stop. I’ll say something— I should’ve said something sooner but I’ll do it now. Just- Just don’t change for them because they won’t ever be happy. Pretty isn’t pretty enough for them, okay?”

You were crying now. Because you knew he was right and you were upset you had let them drive you crazy. You continued to cry as your boyfriends arm came around your frame. You uttered apologies, not quite sure for what, while his hand rubbed your back.

After a while, your tears stopped and Jack pulled away. “I love you. And I told you, if you really want to go blonde, go for it. I mean, you’ll look hot either way—”

“Jack!”

“Okay, okay. Blonde or no blonde.” He asked with a small smile on his face, holding up the box of hair dye.

“No blonde.”

Jacks smile grew as he threw the box into the trashcan. His hands slid down to your thighs, picking you up and wrapping your legs around his waist.

“So… can we get that shower now?”