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#nagging at the back of my head
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i've been turning more and more inward about how i'm enjoying harry and how i'm processing the end of tour, but it feels good, for now at least. i celebrated seeing him live so thoroughly that my last time seeing him felt like the end of tour in some way. i don't want to feel like i'm missing out when i'm out with friends, like i will be during his last show, bc in a world without streams i also wouldn't see that show. i've basically been training myself to slow down and appreciate (old) content more, and bask in a show and its content for longer. or be at peace not seeing content from a particular show. bc sometimes i feel nervous about missing something, or i feel myself having fomo for a thing i could not possibly be at. and most especially, i am not missing out, bc i had so many glorious opportunities to see the tour. i'm literally having a diary moment here just analysing my behavior and my feelings about being on tumblr and in the fandom during tour bc it's been a lot but i've loved all of it. i'm so fucking happy (and relieved) i can find ways to enjoy it all in my own pace. this space has changed a lot in the last few years but the way their content hits me personally hasn't changed, unless i let it all overwhelm me and i lose sight of what really matters to me about following them. i think it'll feel great to have a break from harry on tour, and let all of it hit me. to revisit little things that happened. to go through my own photos and videos. to go back to his mvs and dive a little deeper into them, at last. maybe i'm just a little overstimulated and ready for harry to stop bombarding me with content fshdf but the way his music makes me feel and the way his goofy face makes me smile and the way his creativity and presence inspire me every day will clearly always remain, after staying strong through all of this, after all these years. thank you, dear diary, for listening. harry styles forever
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toxooz · 11 months
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also picking back up that cowboy comic AGAIN after like a year bc it has rotted my brain Every Day so i Better be able to finish it up in between drawins in the near future 👁👃👁
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naivety · 9 months
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really do think people of the west oughta be careful with how we're borderline parasocializing with these journalists in gaza. a lot of them are not career first responders, they are not superheroes, they did not choose this, they are citizens of gaza with the means to record what is happening to them. this is not to downplay their bravery or risk of life every day by doing so, nor the need for us to continue to support and encourage them in what little and big ways alike that we can, but we oughta be careful with what emphasis we're putting where and that it is unconditionally on their right to life and dignity, as any gazan, the right to exist as palestinian at all. to make it about 'heroism' at best misconstrues the fact that they would not being doing this were they not forced at literal gunpoint to, and at worst creates an expectation to be heroic, when they are just trying to be alive and free. please please please be careful with the conscious or subconscious expectations you are creating for these people and what imagined conditions your mind may create for your continued support of them, because i promise you they see and feel it, and they do not owe you anything.
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butchjess · 1 year
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jess is dog coded but he has the entire personality of a feral rescued cat that doesnt know how to meow and so hisses and yowls at everything even after its calmed down and domesticated. So what im saying is that he has the narrative functions of being dog coded (specifically a stray dog dog-eat-dog world dog “Just tell her I’m a dog” dog) but like he’s also jumping 10 feet in the air when he gets startled and likes to sit in rory’s lap and pretends he doesn’t care about anything but. actually. he cares a lot about everything. on accident. and when he gets embarrassed he is so mad about it too. do you understand
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aria0fgold · 4 months
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The Flowerheart!
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(purposely didn't colour in Feli's tie and Hal's glove, it's like they're subtly trying to match :3 while also seemingly missing a piece of one another). Honestly though, in regards to Hal's sexuality, he's like that one tweet: "I'm probably nonbinary but I have a job so idrc bout that rn." He's definitely queer, but he's too busy with getting in danger his job to even bother with that so he just gets the queer label!
Neither of them confessing orz... They love each other so much yet neither of them are confessing... Hal being overprotective of Feli but in a way where it isn't even all that known by anyone but Feli and her the people really close to them. Hal doing his job is half-wanting to keep their city safe and half-wanting to keep Feli from any harm. He aint letting anyone hurt her that's for sure.
Relationship chart is made by @bengallemon !
#ariart#ariaoc#taking my weekly or so dosage of drawing my own ocs to get used to drawing em so i can draw em easily without the Demons#aka the nagging voice at the back of my head shouting at the fact that they arent as perfect as i see em in my head. only with my ocs smh#hal being a gift giver in the sense of ''i dont really need these so you can have them'' even tho he really purposely got those for feli#and feli doing acts of service in the sense of ''its part of my job to do this so just stay put'' even tho she wont do that for anyone else#ngl doing this made me sad cuz am made even more aware just how badly i set these two up. like they love each other sooo much#but cant even show it freely at all! they always gotta give out excuses to make it seem like it isnt purposely directed at the other#and not even in a tsundere way! cuz if it was up to them theyd be so publicly open bout their love for one another but its just#that the very world theyre living in is just so harsh that they both know it. hal cant show any weakness and he doesnt wanna#endanger feli and feli knows that too! she doesnt wanna endanger hal any more than hes alrdy constantly endangering himself#so the both of em just... puts the other within arms reach. even farther than that too! AND ITS SO SAD!#its like romeo and juliet but instead of opposing family conflicts its the entire world being the biggest danger there is#so the most selfish act feli and hal can do is keep their love for one another trapped within their own hearts#with only the silence between them their only means of communicating their ''i love yous'' cuz the world is too cruel
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kestrelick · 2 years
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a view of limsa
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loptrcoptr · 8 months
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Went on a trail ride with another girl I haven’t ridden with in a while l and said “hey let’s try this trail!” and then I nearly got us stuck in a fucking swamp
I literally said “haha, come on Bertie (my horse) it’s not like it’s quicksand” and then boom! it kind of WAS though and my pony is fat but she is small, so she got stuck up to her knees a few times but oh my god, poor Buster is a normal sized thick ol halter hog quarter horse boy and he almost went down. he sunk in on the left side up to his stifle. that’s like his hip man that’s like. Almost the butt. that was high-as-a-horse’s-hips mud. That was horse-thigh-gap-height mud. Oh my god.
This obviously scared the horse so then he scrambled out as best he could and he took his mom into a bank full of many sharp little trees and she almost came off and then had to get down and back him back into the mud to get him out and around the trees again
Was my horse as affected? No. Was I hit so hard in the face by tree branches that I bit my lip? No, but her horse reenacted the neverending fucking story for a minute there and she got pistol whipped by branches and I felt so bad 😭 in fairness, she never objected to exploring. not in fairness, it was absolutely my dumbass idea
This is why no one wants to ride with us, even when I try to have a chill walk-only lazy little trail ride I still manage to get us into some kind of chaos, because my riding style can only be described as Quaintly Unhinged™️
As pet tax, here’s my pony and her stupid stray dog she adopted, brave survivors of the sticky icky swamp
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starbornsoulrider · 3 months
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What if i went insane what if i exploded what if i
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onewholivesinloops · 1 year
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i love not remembering anything about my life. i only came into existence two years ago. everything before that was a long dream and even now i remain in a fugue state.
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aestherians · 11 months
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Something incredibly intimate about watching your source with a person who know you're fictionkin. Boy I hope they don't think I'm weird or my fictotype sucks
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nani-nonny · 4 months
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*winds up my fist like an old timey cartoon*
When I get these finals finished, these fics are going to be written
I have nothing to share *wink*
Nothing except maybe this future snippet for WDS :D (136 words)
;) ~
Hueso’s expression softened and he grabbed a pinch of salt, “I never thought I’d see the day you would have a kid. Just yesterday you were running around with your brothers laughing without a care.”
Hueso hands Leonardo a new bottle and adds, “Now, I’ve hardly seen you smile all day.”
Leonardo tapped Hueso’s bottle with his before taking a quick sip, “A lot happened.”
“So I’ve heard, Pepino.”
Leonardo stops the raised bottle from touching his lips, a wave of some type of grief or relief washing over him and he sets his bottle down. His fingers tighten around his bottle as he asks, “How much do you know?”
“From the look on your face, not enough.”
Leonardo sighs. “I…,” he tries to begin but remains silent as he tries to find the next words.
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grvntld · 5 months
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i know it has been a while but i hv to let this out—my gosh im not ready for this pain jusq why naman kailangan mamatay yung grandpa sa story tapos bAkeht kaya talagang binasa ko pa every detail nung struggle sa ospital like?¿?¿?¿ why am i putting myself through this pain?¿?¿¿
#it's just all too familiar my gawd#im bawlin' my eyes out u gOise#my mind kept coming back to my days with gramps in the hospital and all the days leading to his death#ang sakeht pota#😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#i dont talk abt this that much anymore but honestly his passing is still so fresh to me#sometimes there is a split second in my brain na nalilimutan kong he is dead na like sasabihin ko#hmmm i miss gramps perhaps i should sched a visit sa house niya tapos iniimagine ko na na maaabutan ko#siya sa office table niya with all his files and pc and typewriter bc he was a lawyer—a great lawyer#and then theres just a voice in my head na magsasabing hey ains i think u forgot abt the part na he is dead na#like?¿?¿?¿??¿?¿?¿???? BAKEHT GANITEZ#ang strange kasi im vvv familiar with grief naman like i grew up with it pero until now im just sooooo ugh w it at times ykwim#ang taxing kasi basta ewan#need ko lang ilabas talaga kasi ang sikip na ng dibdib ko hayup#ay tapos i cant keep my mind off sa time na i had a flight to el nido tapos i was in my room sa maternal side of my fam#i was begging big g to not take gramps while i was away bc i dont think i will be able to carry myself well#so yung werq trip ko na yun sa el nido i was just completely zoning out at times#nag-iinterview ako tapos sobrang lutang i dont even know paano ko naitawid talking to the french chef huhuhuhuhu#okie enough na kasi iiyak lang ako nang iiyak nanaman#mwAps#hello how hv u guys been#sobra busy kaloka#sa ig kasi talaga ako nagdadaldal na hahahahahhahahahaha#kaya wala ako here matagal#bat may pag explain lol cnu ka ba CHARENG AHAHAHHAHAHA#donut
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pawsnifferpup · 6 months
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Paws are great, why would your ex make you feel shitty about that…
realistically I just have a foot fetish and they just did not really care for it but on a more specific level they did vocalize a dislike for me calling them paws because it took them out of the mood. They did try to be supportive of a lot of my *dog related* things later on in our relationship though!
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deplcythebattery · 6 months
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we're getting me hospital insurance bc i have this unnerving feeling i'm gonna end up in the hospital sooner rather than later 💀 i don't feel like i'm gonna Die right now but i do absolutely feel awful and it's been in my head for days now that i need hospital insurance in case i have to go in. and i've had gut feelings enough to know this is one of those which is fucking terrifying
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i can't shake the feeling i'm forgetting something...
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elenadoeslife · 1 year
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your first love hits different
#another day another vent-in-the-tags post#i came across a picture of me and my fiest boyfriend of five years today. picture must've been 10 years old at this point#found many more pictures of him and us on my dad's old pc#i can just feel my body pull and heart ache when i look at him in the pictures#wondering what my life would've looked like if i hadn't broken things off between us#we tried to stay friends and a couple of months later we went for a drink. when daying goodbye he moved in to kiss me#i was hesitant and stepped away. he couldn't bare having me in his life while not being together so he cut off all contact#don't get me wrong in any of my thoughts- i love babe whole heartedly and he's the only man for me now and in my future#it's just that nagging feeling burried deep. the 'what if's. what if i felt more confident about my body back then?#what if i hadn't moved on so quickly? what if i had let him kiss me?#i tried texting him telling him i was approved for gbp surgery (i broke things off because i was very insecure about my body)#he congratulated me and sincerely wished me all the happiness in the world but also asked me not to contact him again after this#it's been 7-ish years but every now and then i wonder how he's doing and what he's up to#he doesn't really have social media apart from facebook (and that page is private) and i only stayed in touch with his former best friend#but i'm not gonna ask him because i know they haven't spoken in years either#i've had plenty more relationships after him but i rarely ever think about those guys#am i okay? is this normal? lol#i should get my head out of this rabbit hole asap#add: the picture is almost 15 years old lol. my math ain't mathing. we met in 2009. not that it's important#i think i just moved on too quickly and didn't allow myself time & space to grieve. that's why he keeps popping up in my thoughts now & then
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