2/3-Extreme Political TV-Columbia (SC) Clash-Part One
Outside the arena…
…a throng of eager spectators swirled in a chaotic dance, their chants and cheers muted by the heated exchange at the entrance.
PCW Owner Dawn McGill, her medium-length blonde hair catching the sunlight like a beacon of business acumen, stood resolute between the two clashing titans of political theater.
“LET THEM IN… LET THEM IN…”
To her right, Progressive Alliance House Leader Hakeem Jeffries, brandishing his Progressive Alliance badge like a championship belt, argued passionately with hands that cut through the air, his insistent voice a rallying cry to let the masses witness the spectacle within.
Hakeem Jeffries: Everyone deserves to see the show, Dawn!
Jeffries’s gaze locked onto every camera and potential voter in sight. Progressive Alliance Senate Leader Dick Durbin nodded fervently beside him, his eyes alight with the fire of conviction. The supporters of the Progressive Alliance cheered and shouted their support.
“LET THEM IN… LET THEM IN…”
Dawn shook her head in opposition to their plan.
Dawn McGill: Look, I get it…
Her tone firm yet fair, the very image of a woman who had fought tooth and nail for every inch of her empire.
Dawn McGill: …but we’re packed to the rafters! There’s no room and it’s not fair to the people who paid good money to be here tonight to let people in for free.
On the opposing corner, American Patriot House Leader Mike Johnson, flanked by the ever-stoic Senate Leader Mitch McConnell, countered with a sharp southern drawl tinged with the theatrics of a heel wrestler taunting the crowd.
“KEEP THEM OUT… KEEP THEM OUT…”
Mitch McConnell: This is about order, about following the rules. If they don’t have tickets, they don’t get in!
The American Patriots’s supporters also made a lot of noise and together, all the voices crescendoed into a symphony of discord, as the clash of ideologies threatened to erupt into a battle royal right on the concrete. Cameras flashed, capturing every moment for the evening news, while the fans outside chanted, hungry for the drama to unfold.
Political Championship Wrestling
Columbia Clash Part One
Columbia, South Carolina
Taped Saturday February 3rd, 2024
Sunday February 4th, 2024
Announcers:
‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave
AGE: 50 / HT: 5’ 11” WT: 195 HOME: Philadelphia, PA
HAIR: Brown / STYLE: Like Ronnie Dunn / FACE: Goatee
DRESS: Brown suit without tie
Colleen Crowder of ‘That Big New York Newspaper that Pushes Narrative as News’
AGE: 38 / HT: 5’ 5” WT: 142 HOME: New York City, NY
HAIR: Black / STYLE: Curly / FACE:Narrow face with rounded jaw, turned-up nose, faint freckles, and thin lips. Bulging blue eyes, thin eyebrows.
DRESS: Black pants suit
Opening:
The buzz of anticipation was tangible as the camera swept over the sea of faces, each fan a testament to PCW’s magnetic pull. They were unified in their chant, “PCW… PCW… PCW!”, a mantra vibrating through the air.
In the center of the ring, under the hot lights and the gaze of thousands, stood ‘The Voice of PCW’, Johnny Suave, microphone in hand. Beside him, Colleen Crowder, her journalist’s eye scanning the crowd for the narrative she would later spin. Suave’s voice boomed through the arena, part carnival barker, part statesman of the squared circle.
Johnny Suave: Welcome one and all to PCW’s Extreme Political TV! I am Johnny Suave. She is Colleen Crowder of ‘That Big New York City Newspaper that Pushes Narrative as News.’
Colleen Crowder: That’s right Johnny. We tell you what you want to read about.
Johnny Suave: Tonight, we’re coming to you live from the heart of South Carolina!”
His excitement infectious, Suave pivoted smoothly to recap the previous week’s showdowns.
Johnny Suave: Last week in Iowa, folks, we witnessed Donald Trump making it two for two as he clinched a victory in the American Patriots Iowa four-way clash defeating Ron DeSantis, Nikki Haley, and Vivek Ramaswamy!
Colleen couldn’t help but make a sour face at the news of Trump winning, her mind racing with headlines and editorials, already scripting the dramatic narrative that would enrapture her readers.
Johnny Suave: Also last week, Joe Biden—The Supreme CEO of PCW—stood tall in the Progressive Alliance match, laying waste to the competition!
Colleen Crowder: He used his great power to turn his challengers into large, heaping piles of ash.
Suave continued to build the hype for what was to come.
Johnny Suave: Yes he did and tonight, he looks to repeat that dominance in the Progressive Alliance’s South Carolina match.
The camera zoomed in on Johnny Suave, his expression animated as he gripped the microphone with both hands.
Johnny Suave: Folks, you can feel the electricity in the air tonight! We’ve got a lineup that’s hotter than a political Twitter feud!
Suave paused for the requisite “PCW” chants and fed off the crowd’s raucous energy. He had to raise his voice to be heard over the din.
Johnny Suave: First up, we’re going to witness the debut of the Extreme Weather Network right here in the PCW ring! Jim Frascatore and Mike Baddass…
He gestured toward the stage where ominous clouds and lighting effects promised a stormy entrance.
Johnny Suave: …will be facing off against Weapons of Mass Destruction. A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb. Those guys don’t just bring the pain; they bring the fallout!
Colleen Crowder: I don’t like them already.
Suave nodded and smirked.
Johnny Suave: And in other news, the grass is green and the sky is blue. Also tonight…
He paused for effect, letting the crowd’s anticipation build before dropping the bombshell.
Johnny Suave: …we will find out the representatives from the American Patriots, Progressive Alliance, and American Heartland Coalition who will clash in the squared circle next week to determine the new PCW champion!
Colleen Crowder: Speaking of clashes…
A smirk playing on Colleen’s lips as she leaned into the mic.
Colleen Crowder: …our main event features our wonderful Supreme CEO Joe Biden. He decimated the competition in Iowa, and tonight, South Carolina’s own blue wave rises to crest once more!
Johnny Suave: All right. As you saw earlier, we’ve got some chaos unfolding outside.
Colleen Crowder: Johnny, people should have the right to come into the arena and see the show.
Johnny Suave: But not if they haven’t paid for a ticket… and not when the place is sold out!
Colleen Crowder: It’s not fair. Surely Dawn McGill can find somewhere to put them.
Cut to…
That Place Where Chaos is Unfolding Outside
Dawn McGill stood resolute among the cacophony of political debate.
Dawn McGill: Fine. If you’re not going to listen to me.
With a swift gesture, she beckoned to someone off-screen, and like a well-orchestrated wrestling entrance, Texas Governor Greg Abbott emerged, flanked by security, put up barbed wire fencing glinted under the arena lights—a stark symbol of no entry.
Hakeem Jeffries: Tickets or not, this is a public spectacle!
Jeffries’s protest was met with the unyielding barrier and Abbott’s stern gaze.
Mitch McConnell: Order must prevail!
Cut to…
The Broadcast Desk
The broadcast desk was a beacon of calm in comparison to the pandemonium going on outside the arena. Suave cleared his throat, reclaiming the attention of millions.
Johnny Suave: Tensions are high, and the stakes even higher.
The cheers from the crowd rose into a fever pitch.
MATCH #1: The Extreme Weather Network (Jim Frascantore and Mike Baddass) vs.
Weapons of Mass Destruction (A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb)
The camera panned to the center of the action where Kimber stood, microphone in hand, poised to usher in the night’s first epic confrontation.
Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen… our first match will be…
Crowd: ONE FALL!
The audience’s ritualistic response filled the space like an approaching storm.
Kimber Marshall: Introducing first…
On cue, the video screen flickered to life…
Narrator (video clip): OVER NINETY-BILLION, JILLION PEOPLE ARE IN EXTREME WEATHER DANGER TONIGHT!
…and painted dire predictions across its broad canvas. Images of nature’s fury unspooled—howling hurricanes, spiraling tornadoes, downpours that turned streets into rivers.
Kimber Marshall: Accompanied by Stephanie and Jen, they forecast pain and bring the thunder… Jim Frascantore and Mike Baddass… THE EXTREME WEATHER NETWORK!
The duo marched down the ramp, flanked by their meteorological mavens, drawing a mix of cheers and jeers. Frascantore, his face set in stern concentration beneath his slicked-back hair, looked ready to dissect an opponent’s strategy like a complex weather pattern. Baddass, flexing exaggeratedly, seemed more inclined to be the storm itself.
Before the fervor could settle, another anthem ripped through the speakers. Avenged Sevenfold’s “This Means War” heralded the arrival of their adversaries, and the Bomb family didn’t disappoint.
Kimber Marshall: And their opponents, lead to the ring by Daisy Cutter-Bomb and accompanied by Newt Tron Bomb and General George S. Patton…
Crowd: DECEASED!
Kimber Marshall: …A. Tom Bomb! Hy Drogen Bomb! They are… WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!
A. Tom Bomb led the pack, exuding radioactive charisma, while Hy Drogen Bomb’s explosive energy sent ripples through the onlookers. Newt Tron Bomb, with a smirk suggesting fissionable intentions, strutted beside Daisy Cutter-Bomb, whose steely gaze promised detonation at ground zero.
Johnny Suave: Looks like we’re in for some climatic chaos tonight, Colleen. The Extreme Weather Network is known for their unpredictability, but can they withstand the apocalyptic onslaught of the Bomb family?
Colleen Crowder: Oh Johnny, it’s just a disaster waiting to happen. These conflicting forces will create a monstrous supercell that will wreak havoc on our planet.
Johnny Suave: Wait. THAT’S your narrative?
Colleen Crowder: But of course. Let’s not forget the bigger picture here. This isn’t just about a silly wrestling match. It’s about the impact on our ever-changing climate and the shortcomings of our military establishment.
Johnny Suave: All right, here we go!
Johnny Suave: IT’S OVER! Well, Mike Baddass and Jim Frascantore take advantage of their PCW debut and get the pin for the Extreme Weather Network!
Colleen Crowder: Well, I hope the ninety billion-jillion people in danger heed their words.
Outside the Arena
Back outside, The Supreme CEO of PCW Joe Biden comes out to deal with the fence, dressed in a black shroud and black robe and looking menacing. Joe Biden, squaring off against a formidable barrier of stainless steel and barbed wire, wore determination like a suit of armor. His mission: dismantle this divisive boundary. But Governor Greg Abbott stood firm, a bulwark of Texan defiance.
So Biden decides to use his ‘powers’ and shoots laser bolts from his eyes. Unfortunately, the bolts don’t cut through the stainless steel, barbed wire fence and it ricochets all over the place hitting people- kind of like that scene from the first Indiana Jones movie where Belloq opened up the Ark of the Covenant unleashing spirits who came out and killed everyone… except Indiana Jones and Marian (of course) because they closed their eyes.
But at least no one’s face melts.
Suave’s voice hitched as he caught sight of the pandemonium outside.
Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!
His usual composure shattered like the safety glass of decorum while Colleen, mouth agape, struggled to process the melee unfolding before them.
Colleen Crowder: I… I have no words, Johnny. But I know somewhere deep down that this is somehow Donald Trump’s fault.
The Progressive Alliance Locker Room
The cameras panned away from the chaotic exterior to find the Progressive Alliance, and leaders Hakeem Jeffries and Chuck Schumer, huddled in a corner of the locker room. Also on hand: ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels and ‘Country…er…Pop Songstress’ Taylor Switt, Kathryn Randall Collins “KRC,” Union Jack Taylor, The Ultimate Social Justice Warrior, NPC, ‘New Age Sensitive Guy’ Brandon Thomas-Taylor with Soccer Mom, Professor McCarthy’s Flock (Leader: Berkeley, California Professor McCarthy, Code Pink, Emily S. List, The GWO, Young Jerks, LOAF), Green World Order (Valet: Peta from PETA, GreenPete, ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, PeaceNick), The Young Jerks, and the Legion of Anti-Fascists (LOAF)
Their debate echoed through the chamber like the rapid-fire promos they were known for, but today’s topic was internal strategy rather than external bravado.
Hakeem Jeffries: Listen, we need to think outside the box…
His voice was tinged with urgency.
Hakeem Jeffries: Who represents us next week isn’t just about strength—it’s about the message we send.
Overenthusiastic Junior Member: Exactly! So let’s settle this with a match and send our best wrestler!
He is met with collective laughter, head-shaking, and tut-tutting.
Chuck Schumer: That’s not how things get done here and this isn’t some run-of-the-mill championship!
Schumer followed with a dismissive wave.
Chuck Schumer: We’re talking high stakes here! It’s not just about choosing the best wrestler. We must choose the ‘right’ wrestler.
The American Patriots Locker Room
Meanwhile, across the divide, the American Patriots were engaged in their own brand of decision-making. With the following wrestlers watching: ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott, ‘The One Man Hollywood Conservative A-List’ Stone Chism, Corporate World (CEO: Gordon Guyko, Kirk Walstreit ‘Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit’ and P.M.C. Banks), Magnum P.O’d with Robyn Masters, Nate R. Adams (NRA), Texas Jack, and Neal Conn (making foreign policy as paramount responsibility of government, seeing the need for the U.S. acting as the world’s sole superpower as indispensable to establishing and maintaining global order).
Leaders Mike Johnson and Mitch McConnell were conducting a telethon-like spectacle where donors pledged cash live on air.
Mike Johnson: Remember, folks, the wrestler with the most money raised gets to represent the true American spirit!
Johnson’s eyes alight with the gleam of greenbacks rather than championship gold.
One Hopeful Patriot: Shouldn’t we, maybe, wrestle it out?
He was instantly drowned out by the cacophony of ringing phones and Mitch McConnell’s guffaw.
Mitch McConnell: Son, in politics—and wrestling—money talks louder than a body slam!
The room erupted in hearty agreement with McConnell.
Backstage
In the midst of all the political posturing and financial maneuvering, Dawn McGill was seething with frustration. Her patience in dealing with the unticketed people who the Progressive Alliance demanded be allowed in had frayed to its breaking point, only matching the delicate fabric of her latest Henhouse photoshoot outfit.
Dawn McGill: Enough! I’ve had it!
Dawn charged down the aisle, her furious gestures aimed at the blue seats that were sold out and occupied.
Dawn McGill: You want them in that bad… fine.
Johnny Suave: What? Dawn’s backing down?
Colleen Crowder: As she should, Johnny.
Dawn McGill: They can sit in your section.
Johnny Suave: WHOA!
Colleen Crowder: WHAT?
The crowd erupted into a frenzy as the unticketed individuals flooded into the blue seats, climbing over others, blocking their view, and causing chaos.
Colleen Crowder: This is not right!
What was once an excited atmosphere quickly turned into a hostile battleground as people fought for their chance to catch a glimpse of the event from the blue seats. Angry shouts and boos drowned out any cheers, creating a chaotic scene filled with tension and frustration.
Colleen Crowder: Why can’t they also sit in the red seats?
As the camera zoomed in on Dawn’s triumphant smile, the scene faded to black.
Back inside…
Announcement of the Wrestlers who will meet next week for the PCW Title
Johnny Suave: Let’s get down to brass tacks, folks!
Johnny Suave stood up from his commentary table, a theatrical glint in his eye.
Johnny Suave: The Progressive Alliance has made their choice for next week’s PCW Championship match, and let me tell you, I’ll bet you it’s as politically correct as a vegan hot dog at a climate change rally!
The crowd responded with a mixture of cheers and jeers, their anticipation palpable in the charged atmosphere. The video screen flickered to life, showcasing the Progressive Alliance leaders, Hakeem Jeffries and Chuck Schumer, standing beside a wrestler whose steely gaze was as firm as his stance on renewable energy.
Chuck Schumer: By virtue of seniority, making all the right moves outside the ring, and our desire to suck up to big Hollywood and the entertainment business, our representative… and the NEXT PCW champion… will be none other than ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels!
Daniels, dressed in a suit as sustainable as his wrestling technique, raised his arms, absorbing the mix of applause and dissent from the politically divided crowd.
The American Patriots choose their wrestler
The screen now split to reveal Mike Johnson and Mitch McConnell standing with a smug-looking wrestler counting a stack of bills with gloved hands.
Johnny Suave: Money talks in the American Patriots camp, and boy, did it sing a sweet tune of cash registers ringing!
Mike Johnson: Our champion… and the NEXT PCW champion… is Wall Street Market Analyst… Kirk Walstreit. Because nothing says ‘America’ like a man who can make it rain in the ring!
Wallstreet waved the bills in the air, an arrogant smile plastered across his face, while the audience voiced their opinions, some chanting “Sell out!” in rhythmic disapproval.
Johnny Suave: So, the Progressive Alliance chose ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels… the American Patriots chose ‘Wall Street Market Analyst’ Kirk Walstreit… who will the American Heartland Coalition choose?
The American Heartland Coalition chooses its wrestler
Then the American Heartland Coalition’s “Red Solo Cup” Ray McAvay, Charlie Blackwell, and “The Prairie Populist” William Daniels Bryan strode out, the very image of determination etched onto their faces. They were the picture of solidarity, each man representing the heart and soul of the wrestling world.
Ray McAvay: Ladies and gentlemen. Tonight, there won’t be any boardrooms or bank accounts or political correctness nonsense deciding who steps up for the American Heartland Coalition.
Charlie Blackwell: We’re not going to choose our representative… y’all, we’re gonna battle it out the old-fashioned way—the way it should be done!
William Daniels Bryan: By deciding in the ring… this is how the American Heartland Coalition decides who their representative next week will be… right here… right now, in front of you roaring fans!
MATCH #2: Ray McAvay vs. Charlie Blackwell vs. William Daniels Bryan
The trio reached the ring, their boots thudding against the apron as they climbed between the ropes. The crowd’s excitement swelled, a crescendo of anticipation that filled the arena like thunder before a storm. With solemn nods, McAvay, Blackwell, and Bryan extended their hands toward one another in a show of respect—a handshake that sealed their pact to let their prowess speak for them.
Johnny Suave: And Charlie Blackwell will represent the American Heartland Coalition next week after he earned the right to wrestle in the PCW Title match in the ring.
Colleen Crowder: The American Heartland Coalition has no right to be in the PCW title match, Johnny. They are an insignificant second-tier faction.
Johnny Suave: Well Dawn McGill thinks they have a right to be there and so do the people.
Colleen Crowder: No they don’t. We the media set the agenda and we tell the people what they should care about and it’s not some flyover country, second-rate, American Heartland Coalition group.
Progressive Alliance Suite
Dawn McGill stood tall and unyielding, her blonde hair a beacon under the bright arena lights. She herded the unticketed masses who continued to surge into the building like a tidal wave. Dawn crashed through security to breach the gates of the opulent Progressive Alliance suite.
Dawn McGill: You wanted them in here, you can deal with them.
She stood aside and watched as they flooded the space.
Colleen Crowder: No… she can’t do that!
Flustered Elite: Ease up, folks! Mind the spread!
The eager crowd descended upon the lavish buffet, silverware clattering and crystal shattering in their wake.
Colleen Crowder: This is not fair. Why can’t she take them over to the red sections?
Lobster tails and caviar disappeared as quickly as campaign promises, while the disheveled elites recoiled in abject horror.
Sharp Dressed Man: Those are Wagyu beef sliders, not hot dogs!
His voice of protest was drowned out by the chaos.
Another Sharp Dressed Man: Save the champagne!
He tried desperately to salvage a bottle from the grasp of an overzealous fan wearing a “Vote or Die” T-shirt.
The scene was one of pure bedlam, with gourmet food flying through the air and entitlement running rampant. The fragrant aroma of expensive delicacies mingled with the sour stench of desperation as the once civil veneer of the Progressive Alliance crumbled like a stale cracker under the weight of their own greed. It was a scene that perfectly embodied the excessive excesses of politics and power.
Cutting away from the pandemonium, the camera focused on the ringside where ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave stood poised, his expression a mix of amusement and disbelief. Colleen Crowder, her face alight with partisan zeal, sat next to Suave… horrified at the chaos.
MAIN EVENT- SOUTH CAROLINA MATCH- Joe Biden vs. ???
Johnny Suave: Well, ladies and gentlemen, get ready for the main event: The Progressive Alliance’s South Carolina match!
The lights dimmed, save for a single spotlight that centered on the entrance ramp. Kimber Marshall stepped forward, her voice cutting through the anticipation like a blade.
Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen! Tonight’s main event will be…
Crowd: ONE FALL!
Colleen Crowder: I hate it when they do that.
A hush fell over the crowd as a hooded figure emerged, cloaked in shadows and gravitas. It was Biden, channeling the dark majesty of a certain emperor from a certain star space-like movie franchise, his gait slow and deliberate as he approached the ring.
Johnny Suave: Looks like he’s tapping into his dark side tonight.
The remark elicited a sharp glance from Colleen.
Colleen Crowder: Or maybe he’s just showcasing the unmatched power of the Progressive Alliance, Johnny. I mean, Joe Biden is so powerful… I don’t think anyone else is going to show up here for the match.
Indeed, Kimber Marshall just stood in the ring and waited.
Nothing.
Johnny Suave: Well… after what happened last week.
The arena echoed with the referee’s count, each digit ticking away the chances of any opposition showing face. At ten, the bell tolled, and Biden was declared the victor by default.
Colleen Crowder: Another win for the Blue Wave, isn’t it wonderful
Colleen clapped her hands together as if she were at a victory rally rather than a wrestling event.
Johnny Suave: Well? Joe Biden picks up a big win here in South Carolina!
The blue seats celebrated Biden’s big win but yet, the spectacle was far from over. Biden, now standing center-ring, pointed dramatically at a towering sign that read: “PCW’S EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2024.”
Johnny Suave: Now, Joe Biden is celebrating the most time-honored tradition of PCW’s Extreme Election Night season by pointing at the sign.
Colleen Crowder: It’s wonderful, Johnny. Joe Biden is one step closer to another four years of being the CEO of PCW!
Johnny Suave: Well, November’s a long, long way away but I think Joe Biden will have his hands full this fall with Donald Trump.
Colleen Crowder: Donald Trump? Hmmph. You just wait, Johnny. Our narrative is going to be that Joe Biden will catch fire and-
In an unexpected turn, two laser beams shot from Biden’s eyes, striking the sign and igniting it in a conflagration of blue and red flames.
Colleen Crowder: Uh-oh.
As the sign collapsed in a fiery heap, Suave turned to Colleen, a knowing smirk curving his lips.
Johnny Suave: Crash and burn?
Colleen began to scramble for an angle
Colleen Crowder: Clearly, this is metaphorical! A burning desire for change, Johnny. It’s… progressive firebranding!
Security stream to the burning sign and start to put it out with fire extinguishers.
Johnny Suave: Whether it’s a burning desire or just burning down the house, folks, you can’t deny PCW always brings the heat.
Colleen Crowder: That’s enough with the fire references!
Johnny Suave: I’m sure in the next few months we’ll see more pyrotechnics… political or otherwise.
Colleen Crowder: JOHNNY!
Johnny Suave: We will be back in South Carolina in three weeks for the big American Patriot showdown between Donald Trump and Nikki Haley. Next week, we will be in Nevada with both Trump and Joe Biden in action. Also, the PCW Title will be up for grabs. Until then, for my colleague Colleen Crowder, I’m Johnny Suave saying good night.
0 notes