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chimini3 · 6 months

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Saudade

Saudade (n.) a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved and then lost; “the love that remains”

Pairing: BTS OT7 x reader

Synopsis: Amidst their preparations for the upcoming promotions, the boys neglect you at your worst times and you make a decision that forces them to realize just how much they miss and need you.

Notes: this was written in the middle of exam week because I didn’t wanna study soooo enjoyy how my brain rots and manifest into my writing quality. I think all of them are a bit stupid in here too (just like how i was when writing this)

Word Count: 21.6k

Getting into a relationship with an idol was not one for the faint of heart. You knew the troubles and problems that came along with it and you weren’t blind. You knew of the NDAs and the contracts that would be pushed to you by management to keep everything confidentially under wraps. You knew of the disgust some people would look towards you with when you walked through their work building. You knew of the potential risks of receiving hate and possibly ruining the reputation of your lover once word gets out, though that never stopped your love from running away from them. That never stopped them from loving you fonder, and making it known to the people that they can share it to that they loved you.

The way they would hold onto your hand just the right amount when you walked past the HYBE building lobby and hallways. The way that they would eat with you in the building’s cafeteria and proudly showing how much they enjoyed your company even with staff and other artists throwing an occasional glance at your table. They didn’t hold back when they took you out on private expensive dinner dates or public dates with minimal identity hiding accessories because they weren’t afraid to payout any media outlets that threatened to leak your identity. They didn’t even care when gossip went out that they were in a relationship with video evidence to prove that they slung their arm over your shoulder and lightly kissed you on the top of your head. They didn’t care. They only drew the line when an official media outlet captured the side of your face and immediately asked for the footage to be erased off the face of the earth with a good amount of bills to compensate, though they were berated by their management to at least be a little more careful considering other media outlets were fully in for the gossip and not for the payout. This also led to management apprehensively making the decision that you shouldn't be traveling with the boys to America since the company doesn’t have power over any of their media outlets, much to your lover’s dismay. Or should you say… lovers.

There was one thing they loved to show off silently when they spent time with personal friends and that was the family they had on their lockscreen, proudly showing all eight of you. Each lover had a different picture, though they all held the small polyamorous family that you had gathered.

Yes, you were in a relationship with all the members and no, that didn’t make life easier. At first you were totally apprehensive of the idea though as you spent more time with all of them and saw just how much love they held for each other as they held for you. You realized that loving them all equally wouldn’t be that hard and truly it wasn’t.

Your relationship with all of them came naturally. No, there was never a time you mixed them up or moaned the wrong name. No, your heart didn’t flutter for a certain member more than it did the other. You loved them all equally just as much as they loved each other and the transition of them loving an extra person came with ease.

They all managed to have their one-on-one time with you in a week whilst simultaneously spending time with the other members as lovers. Your relationship came straight out of a fanfic plot, and you’d giggle to yourself every time you remember that fact even if that caused your boyfriends to send a questioning glance at you.

However, with happiness comes sadness. The issues in dating one idol had multiplied itself to seven and no matter the bright smiles you had when you were together, it was the silent moments you had to yourself that truly planted worries of how relationships like this would work.

Surely they didn’t see a future in spending the rest of their lives sharing a lover with their bandmates, and you would be lying to yourself if you didn’t have moments of having zero energy left in you to give them all the love they deserved whilst simultaneously working on things for yourself like your job and personal interest. Although their tight reassurance made it feel better, the thoughts would always come back to haunt your mind and all of this build up had gathered before a particularly long stint of performances and media duties the band had in America.

It was a particularly long stint of argument piled on top of arguments. It was as if all you guys could do was argue. One night it would be Jin and Taehyung and the other would be Jimin and Namjoon. Sometimes it would even be all eight of you arguing over the dining table as the food you cooked for them grows colder with each shouting battle.

There were moments you weren’t proud of how you handled them, though you couldn’t simply agree that it was all your fault. The boys’ schedules were getting busier as the days to their American promotions got closer and you were all aware of the unavailability they would be on to care and give you attention. You have been in a relationship with them for long enough to know that it was unavoidable in a relationship with an idol and frankly you didn’t care if your relationship had turned more of you giving and them taking since you knew they would be returning your love soon after their schedules. It was standard when dating an idol.

What changed this time around though was that they were coming home tired and vile. Each night you would make an effort to help clean up the dorm after your job to lessen the work for the staff that cleans their space. Each night you would make an effort to let them come home to a warm and healthy home cooked meal, only for each and every one of them to swipe it under the rug as they open the door with another argument on their lips.

Sometimes it was okay though. Most of the time, they were still your loving boyfriends in the mornings before their schedules. They just would come home tired and silent, barely giving you any attention though you understood that they couldn’t give you much after their tiring schedules.

However, everything came to a halt when news of a beloved cousin’s death rang through your phone one afternoon. Sickness had won and you hadn’t even known they were sick. The same cousin that you’d visit during spring break to help your aunt and uncle’s harvest season on their farm. The same cousin who would teach you new games that Seoul kids never knew, who gave you plenty of advice on highschool and boys, who you practically considered as an older sibling.

The news struck you hard. The boys knew of this cousin to hold a special place in your heart and you had a breakdown when you found out of their passing. If you needed someone to comfort you then you really needed it then, though inconveniently the same day the news hit was the same day the boys had a particularly ugly argument on their new choreography. Everyone had something to say at the dining table and you could only look numbly at the takeout food you had ordered as you still couldn’t process the death on your own.

That brings you to the next morning. Three weeks before the boys go to America for a whole month, and a decision laid heavily on your mind.

[08:59] Y/N: Hey, are you still at the dorm?

[09:00] Namjoon: We just left, princess. We’ll see each other later at dinner, okay?

[9:01] Seokjin: We’ll apologize and make up later, sweetheart. We heard you went home late last night. You should’ve just stayed at the dorm to rest.

No, you couldn’t. You were sure that if you had slept in one of their beds then they would vent to you about their latest argument or perhaps be too tired to even know you were sleeping beside them, so you opted to commute back to your apartment despite the time being eleven in the evening already.

[9:05] Y/N: Don’t worry about it, Jin. I took the day off today, so I could still catch up on sleep.

[9:06] Yoongi: We weren’t worried about that, hun.

[9:06] Hoseok: You should’ve at least let one of our drivers drive you. It’s dangerous commuting late at night, beautiful. And you know that.

You smiled at their caring words, though you were sure the decision on your mind wouldn’t change anytime soon.

[9:08] Y/N: Yeah, I know, but it’s fine though. I’ll talk to you guys later.

You quickly turned your phone off as you rolled in bed. The warmth of the sun shining through your window did nothing to heat up the cold feeling you had inside you, and you were sure that it was about to get colder when you get to the the dorm.

[3 months earlier]

“What’s on your mind?” You asked as Namjoon sighed and took a seat on the patio sofa beside you.

The cold breeze of the night engulfing the two of you though the heat of some Soju the eight of you had been drinking earlier was enough to warm you up from under the blanket you hid yourself in.

After a round of drinks to celebrate the beginning of the boy’s new album release date getting announced, and the soon to be endless practice sessions and meetings they would partake in as they were due to promote mostly in America. You excused yourself and sat on the boy’s dorm balcony to ground yourself before you would reside in one of their rooms for the night.

“Just… scared.” Namjoon answers honestly as he leans back on the sofa and you snuggle up beside him to share your fluffy white blanket to keep him warm. His hand came to rest on your thigh as he drew weird imaginary lines on your skin. It was something he usually did when you’d let him open up to you. His little fidget to calm the rest of his body as he focuses his mind on spilling out of his lips.

“Of what?” You asked softly as your ears were trained to hear any of his worries. You were always lending an ear for any of their vents.

You found that a relationship should always be a balance of listening and ranting. You would rant about your random events at work and some random topic you deemed interesting for a discussion whilst they usually vented to you about their tiresome schedule and music related rants. Of course your younger boyfriends would occasionally gossip to you too, though you considered that more of a past time for you to bond over rather than something that required your attention and ear despite not knowing much about what they speak about.

“Promotions in America are always tiring and difficult. I sometimes feel like I’m not allowed to say my own thoughts on a question because I’m always busy translating for them…” Namjoon avoids your eyes as he continues to keep his head leaned back and looking towards the balcony ceiling.

“But they’ve been working so hard on their English lessons. I’m sure they can help translate and answer in English now.” You reasoned to help calm his worries down though it did little to ease the leader.

“Yeah, but I still have to be constantly tuned in. I can’t slip up, and we’ll have to do it for almost a month straight. We’re leaving you here for a whole month…”

“You’re not leaving me, Joonie. You’re doing your job and promoting your album.” You tried to reassure though the man just looked down to look you in the eyes and you can tell the alcohol was slightly tainting him to be more emotionally vocal.

“Still, it feels like we’re leaving you. We’ll miss your birthday…” Namjoon frowns and you giggle at your boyfriend with a shake of your head.

“Babe, I think I’ll be fine. We can celebrate after you get back home. Just worry about doing a good job and making me proud.” You smiled as the man just nodded at your reassuring words and you let him bask in the silence of the crickets chirping in the night.

You were pretty sure he had even dozed off due to the alcohol and the time reaching midnight, though he immediately sat up straighter and offered to walk you back into the apartment where he opts to retreat in his room earlier than usual though you knew he was just a bit stressed from the planning.

You walked to sit on the sofa of the living room with Hobi. He was seemingly already dozing off whilst catching up on a drama he was watching and you placed your blanket over him as he seemingly opened his eyes a little hazy from sleep though smiling at your affectionate action.

“Wanna watch with me?” Hobi’s voice hums out as you glanced at the television though shook your head and instead leaned down to kiss his peach cheeks that came from drinking too much alcohol than expected.

“I’ll go make sure the three aren’t causing trouble. You rest up.” You whispered softly and the man hummed though he was already snuggling further into your blanket with closed eyes.

You smiled down at him before you took the remote and lowered the sounds of the television down and walked towards the panel of the Smart Home system installed in the apartment to turn the lights dimmer though not completely off.

After that, you walked past the dining room and kitchen to reach a small corridor where you can hear Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook’s laughter reverberating through the walls. After dinner and the drinking session they had excused themselves to Taehyung and Jungkook’s room, which you were sure meant that they would be drinking more considering Jungkook liked keeping a small mini fridge in his room in case he got hungry in the middle of the night despite having their room as the closest to the kitchen.

You knocked on the door and pushed it open to see your three boyfriends sitting on the carpeted floor between Taehyung and Jungkook’s bed with a board game in between them. Their faces turning to you as you flashed them a sweet smile though their faces looked like it was up to something mischievous.

“Hey baby!” Taehyung greeted you with a wide grin as he patted the space beside him for you to sit on.

“I thought you guys would be drinking some more in secret… not playing a board game. You could’ve played outside and the others could join.” You said as you sat criss crossed on the carpet and eyed your boyfriends.

Jungkook sat with a leg brought up his chest and another laying flat as he leaned on the side of his bed. Taehyung also leaned on the side of his bed though he sat criss crossed whilst Jimin sat in between their beds and directly across you with his back mere inches away from the bedside table though he didn’t lean on it.

“They looked tired already… and this game isn’t any normal game.” Jungkook said as you raised a brow at what he meant and looked down on the board.

It looked normal at first glance though when you really looked at the board and its contents you understood why the three had such mischief laced on their eyes. Your eyes then went to one of the pawns standing on a box that said ‘Remove a piece of clothing’ and you quickly scanned the room to see Jimin’s sweater discarded on top of Jungkook’s bed.

“Wanna join?” Jimin asked with this teasingly innocent tone as he flashed you a grin that seemed to challenge you.

Though you really liked the idea of their mischief, you knew that the night had been long and after the celebrations you would prefer to cuddle up with one of your lovers rather than fucking, but the expecting eyes of your three boyfriends were simply too much to reject.

Yoongi had told you plenty of times that you should start standing your ground when the three would be up to trouble though it seems like you can just never say no to the cute faces they give you when they plan something mischievous.

One time, the three of them planned to trick Namjoon, Yoongi, and Hobi by planting something on their computers that made it look like their files had been corrupted. After persuading Pdogg to help them figure out all the technicalities and you to distract their hyungs for a while the plan was on and it did not go well for the three afterwards. The three of your older boyfriends did not take to the prank as funny and had heavily reprimanded the three to stay out of their computers and studios until the end of time, as if it wasn’t already a rule. They also had a ‘serious’ discussion with you about allowing this behavior from them though you had defended them and told them that you weren’t their mother, they were also just having fun and you didn’t see the problem in that. Despite all this, the slight disagreement was fixed with nothing but a soft kiss on the lips of your stubborn rap line boyfriends and a smile that showed your pearly whites before you giddly walked out and into the comfort of the only lover that had laughed with you during the whole fiasco, though his windshield wiper laugh was definitely louder than yours.

“Fine… but I’m not sleeping with any of you tonight. You need to get up bright and early for tomorrow’s practices and I don’t want your staff sending me death glares because I gave you hickies.” You huffed though the three of them only laughed and Jungkook leaned towards you to plant a light kiss on your lips as Jimin handed you a pawn of your favorite color.

“Roll and move the amount of numbers you land on.” Taehyung explained as Jimin said “Simple,” with a pop of the letter ‘p’ in English.

You rolled the dice as it landed on the face that had six dots. You smiled, flashing all three of them a cheeky smile before you leaned and used an arm to support you as you moved your pawn six boxes from the starting line.

“Lucky.” Taehyung mutters under his breath as you assume that the pawn that was a box behind you was his.

“Strip a piece of clothing.” Jungkook says as they eye which part you’d remove, though luckily for you, you had Yoongi’s Fila sweater on. A sweater that he was sure he lost, though you had actually just forgotten to return after he left it at your apartment.

“Starting off easy.” Jimin says as you pull the sweater off from the top of your head, leaving you in a light gray cotton spaghetti strap top and your black and white dolphin shorts.

You thought you were safe, though the way their eyes looked you up and down made it seem as if you were practically naked. A realization dawning on you that you weren’t wearing a bra and the cotton material was probably not hiding much to the imagination. However, you only shook your head at how easily they can be worked up with your presence its as if they are constantly deprived of your appearance.

“I just realized how you rarely stay in the dorm without one of our sweaters on.” Jimin says as you handed him the dice since you don’t know who’s next though he easily forwards it to Jungkook.

“I like it. We should throw away all our sweaters.” Jungkook suggests as you shake your head.

“Your dorm is freezing from the air conditioning, so I would still bring my own sweater if you don’t give me yours.” You shrugged as Jungkook rolled for his turn at the same time Taehyung let out a ‘pfft’ sound.

“As if you even own sweaters.” He rolls his eyes as you flash him an offended face. You did in fact have sweaters that are yours though they fitted you terribly. One was oddly fitted where it was skin tight on your arms though loose on your torso and another reached your knees from a failed attempt of trying to replicate your boyfriends’ sweater size so that you wouldn’t keep borrowing theirs.

You threw your sweater on top of Jungkook’s bed with Jimin’s sweater. As you watch Jungkook’s roll stop on three dots. He reached forward to move his pawn which you now knew was the one ahead of all the other pawns before he landed on a spot that said ‘Safe’.

“Lucky.” The three of you all muttered and you all let out chuckles at how you were so synchronized with the one English word you spoke.

“You all share a brain now.” Jungkook commented as he passed the dice to Jimin.

“We said it with the same annotations and everything.” Taehyung said, somewhat proud at the fact that your minds were all synched, that you had muttered one English word with such wholeness.

Jimin threw the dice as the room quieted down once more and it landed on the face of one dot.

“Ooh, Jimin ah, you’re catching up to me.” Taehyung teased as Jimin moved his pawn one spot forward which made his pawn only four spaces behind Taehyung's and three from yours.

“Dirty talk for 30 seconds.” You read out loud as Jimin chuckled. Dirty talk was his forte, how unlucky for you. You really wanted to get out of this room with the pride of getting the three of them riled up with their shenanigans and you unscathed and sleeping with a goodnight’s kiss only.

“I don’t like counting time. Not when I know I can fuck all three of you all night.” Jimin said with a sultry voice and the sudden demeanor of the air in the room changed as his eyes ridded of the innocent wide look and settled to their siren shape.

“Wanna take Jungkook’s shirt off right now. Wanna see the muscles you spend more time working on than spending time with us. Want you to roll one on your next turn and land on ‘Strip a piece of clothing’ and lose to me, so that I can do whatever I want with you tonight.” Jimin says with his eyes fully taking in Jungkook’s figure though when he’s finished, he immediately turns his head to you and slightly tilts it to the side and lets his eyes run up and down your body.

“You’re not safe from me either. You might not want it now, but I know you’ll give in any other day, and don’t you fucking dare put on a sweater around the dorm anymore where I can’t see your cute little nipples through your shirt.” Jimin says with a grunt to his voice and you let your eyes look down and see how your nipples had perked up to the mention of them.

A slight fluster powdered your face as you realized that Jimin scooted closer to you to run a hand from your thigh to the cloth of your shirt though you immediately grabbed hold of it before it could do anything more than hover over your nipples. You looked into his lust filled eyes as he raised a teasing brow that seemed to beg for you to slap it off his face.

“No touching. It only says dirty talk.” You reminded, as Jimin lets out a chuckle and broke eye contact to look down before he brings his hand back and gathers his confidence back together for Taehyung.

“And for you… I want to remind you just how much I hate it when you forget your honorifics when addressing me.” Jimin leans towards Taehyung now, though he never places a hand on him due to your reminder earlier.

“I’m older than you Taehyung ah, remember that. I’m your daddy—“

“Oh hell nawh! That’s cringey hyung!” Jungkook interrupts as Taehyung bows his head down at the fact that laughter had erupted so suddenly from his throat. The four of you were laughing hysterically by now.

Hey, a daddy kink isn’t cringey. Don’t get Jungkook’s words messed up. More than one of your boyfriends have it and others have something somewhat similar to it and it definitely turns you on.

You guys were just laughing at how unexpectedly Jimin brings it up, and how from the beginning of his dirty talk with Taehyung, the younger already looked purple on the face from how much he wanted to laugh at the fact that you had reminded Jimin of the rules though he held his laughter to not ruin the mood. Jimin’s tone and inflection of the Hangul syllables also already sounded forced too huskily, unlike his normal dirty talking. So when he randomly stops his Korean to say the English word ‘daddy’ was simply more of a comedic script than something to get your lover riled up.

“Okay that was worse than what I could’ve done, but at least Jungkook got pretty riled up.” Jimin says as he leans back on the wooden bedside table as all your eyes point at Jungkook who shifted in his clothes uncomfortably.

“He’s in your mind already, Jungkookie. I can tell you're not winning anymore.” You teased as he shakes his head and shifts his posture to see the board more clearly from his laid back position.

“My turn!” Taehyung states excitedly as he throws the dice and lands on six.

“Yes!” He cheers as Jungkook groans at the fact that Taehyung was now in the space behind him.

“Give the opponent a one minute massage.” You read out as Taehyung turned to look at Jimin.

“One minute is too much! You know who really needs a massage right now?” Taehyung smirks as our eyes land on Jimin, and we all simultaneously agree that this box could be used for some good rather than something sexual for the sake of Jimin and his chronic back and neck pains.

“I got to a chiropractor now. You don’t have to this. Make the game sexual.” Jimin whines as Taehyung gets up and kneels behind Jimin.

As a dancer, it doesn’t matter how much you rest and warm up or cool down properly. Eventually, you will experience chronic muscle pains and the muscles affected depend on your technique. You realized that Hoseok’s technique has him heavily relying on his knees and ankles for movement and therefore his knees and ankles tend to flare up more often. You even give him special massages sometimes when the pain gets too bad though he often tolerates it better by taking a melatonin pill and going to bed to see his chiropractor the following morning. Jimin on the other hand loves to stay up late despite how his body feels. Undoubtedly, the muscle pains worsen through overworking and therefore Jimin handles it worse more often than not.

“Serio—“ Jimin’s words were cut off by a groan as Taehyung’s hand squeezed the skin on the base of Jimin’s neck. Jimin’s head fell limp as it leaned back to relax on Taehyung’s wrists as he continued massaging Jimin.

“Fuck. That’s so good, Tae.” Jimin moans as he closes his eyes in pure bliss.

As Taehyung moved to the different areas of Jimin’s neck and back one thing was becoming more apparent. Jimin’s moaning was definitely not from the massage but rather him teasing the younger by continuously praising him for his massage. A gruffed groan and a sound of silence from Jimin would usually tell you that the massage was good because it would leave him speechless, though with his never-ending moaning it became apparent that it was intentional.

“Yeah, yeah, right there Tae.”

“That’s the spot.”

“Yeah, feels so good~”

“You always know how to hit the right spot, Tae. Such a good boy.” Jimin slurs, as Taehyung snapped back to reality. The pet name was known to be one of his favorites, though it seems like Jimin saying it made him realize his hyung’s intent.

“Stop trying to seduce me, hyung.” Taehyung grumbles as he nudges Jimin’s back as a warning before sitting back down to his spot.

“Ouch! Bad boy!” Jimin scolds as he holds his back before cracking the joints of his own neck.

“🎶Da naeda beolyeo good boys gone bad~🎶” Jungkook sings the tune of TXT’s Good Boy Gone Bad song, as you turn to his direction and sing along the line three more times before Taehyung drops the dice on the palm of your hand makes you stop singing.

“How come you love to sing the songs of other groups instead of ours.” Jimin pouts as he crosses his arms.

“Jungkook ah, are you really allowing this behavior?” Taehyung asks as Jungkook flashes them wide eyes.

“I mean… it’s a good song.” Jungkook answered truthfully as I nodded my head with exaggeration before I rolled the dice.

“They’re your juniors, you should support them.” You reminded them.

“We do support them, but we just want our girlfriend singing our own songs.” Taehyung huffs as you found their slight annoyance endearing.

“Yay!” You cheered as the dice landed on the face showing five dots.

“How lucky are you?!” Jungkook asks as you pass his pawn and land on a box.

“I told you. Jimin got in your head, so you’re all losing to me.” You state proudly.

“French kiss each player for 15 seconds!” Jimin says with a grin as he leans forward as if he was waiting for you to lean in and makeout with him any minute now though your eyes were still busy reading the board.

“Nice one dummy. It says ‘French kiss a player for 15 seconds.” You corrected and Jimin looked at you confused as he leaned back to straighten his posture.

“Would you really choose to kiss only one of us?” Jimin raised a brow. No, and all four of you knew that you couldn’t and wouldn’t choose between any of them even if you were forced to.

“Then we’ll really know who your favorite is.” Taehyung teased as you rolled your eyes.

You wanted to bite back with something sassy and you were sure that they also watched you expectedly for a quick-witted or laugh provoking response though you held yourself back and instead got on your hands and knees as you leaned towards the oldest of the bunch to kiss.

Jimin’s eyes showed how taken by surprise he was at your response. His straight back leaned back and his hands went to the floor to support himself from the unexpected action, though in a matter of seconds he eased into kissing your lips back. Your tongue quickly entered the cavern of his mouth as his tongue did little to fight back due to how much control you’ve gained in the time that took him to process that you were making out with him. You can tell he wanted some control back from the way his posture started to push against you, though as quickly as it began you pulled away and left him chasing your lips for more though you already sat back into position.

You turned to face Taehyung now as he pouted his lips and you leaned forward to kiss him too. Starting with a small peck that elicited a whine to leave throat before you pushed your weight against him and made him lean further onto the side of the mattress of his bed. Taehyung definitely played more passively when it came to making out. It was just how he was most of the time. He was soft and gentle. In simple terms, you would describe him as a man who likes to make love and not to fuck, and to you that was damn fine. However, since Taehyung doesn’t fight for control in a kiss like your other boyfriends, he makes up for the fact that he loves skinship especially when it comes to kissing.

You can feel his hand slightly placing pressure on your back to continue making out with him as the other hovered over the skin of your arm. Both weren’t explicit places though you knew that with enough time that they’d wander, and as soon as the hand on your back began moving higher to your neck, you cut off the kiss.

“Hey, how come his kiss is longer than mine?!” Jimin said as you two broke away and a certain flusteredness came to your face as you realized the two had been watching. You should be used to it now, but it was still second nature to you as if all of them hadn’t seen your most vulnerable parts, even doing it together at times.

“If you kiss Jungkook like how you did to me, then you won’t be leaving this room tonight.” Taehyung warned as you went over to Jungkook’s side now.

The youngest had parted his legs for you to crawl in between with a smirk on his face. You leaned in and kissed him as he parted his lips and a familiar war of your tongues fought. You were pushing your weight on him bringing a hand to his chest to support yourself, though you can feel his hands that were placed on the floor loosen to make a move for your body. You quickly took both your hands to hold his down at the same time your tongue won the battle and a groan elicited from his throat as you parted from his lips.

“Baby~” Jungkook whines and something in your heart tugs to keep kissing him though you risk the possibility of not getting sleep tonight and you can tell your body isn't up to that right now. Your eyes would practically fall asleep right now as the alcohol catches up to you and the three had way too much energy for you to catch up.

“Okay, that’s it. Goodnight boys.” You immediately stood up as their heads immediately followed you.

“Huh—? What? Wait…”

“We’re not done yet!” Taehyung says as he points to the board game.

“We can play another time. I’m really tired right now. It feels like I’m going to fall asleep any moment now. Plus, your practice…” You summarized your reasons as the boys frowned though replied with a synchronized ‘good nights’.

“And don’t stay up too late!” You warned with a double meaning as you heard their laughs from behind the door before you walked out the corridor.

That line really did feel like you were their mother, though in all seriousness you were just looking after them. It was a love language you developed after you learned to appreciate your eldest boyfriend’s care for you.

You walked past the kitchen and dining room as your eyes traveled past the dining table to see that the television was now turned off and the couch was empty. Hoseok had probably taken his leave for his and Jimin’s shared bedroom that was only a few steps from the living room.

You walked past the entrance corridor and onto a silent part of the dorm where Namjoon, Jin, and Yoongi’s room resides. You knew Namjoon was asleep though the light noise of a controller moving in Jin’s room and the subtle typing of a keyboard in Yoongi's room told you that your two eldest boyfriends were still awake.

You knocked lightly at Yoongi’s door and a slight breeze passed by you from the air conditioner in the hallway. A dawning realization set in on you as you realized you left Yoongi’s sweater in the boy’s bedroom and you feared that if you walked in now then you'd never come out.

“Come in.” Yoongi says as you pushed his door open softly and closed it behind you. He was on his desk with his laptop open, and a frown threatened your lips as you think that he was working even at such a late time in the dorm.

“Don’t worry, I’m not working. Just making a quick email for my mom.” He says as he turns on his chair to flash you a smile.

“What— I… How’d you know that I would ask that?” You stutter flusteredly from how well he knows you, and the fact that you remind him on a daily basis to take care of himself and to take some time from making music to live life and create stories to write about.

“Love, I know you. We all do. You’re always so caring and sweet. Always making sure that we don’t overwork ourselves.” Yoongi says whilst his eyes take their time to take in the sight of you. You subconsciously took the hem of your dolphin shorts to pull slightly down as if it would hide an inch more of your thighs.

Yoongi raises a brow and offers for you to sit on his lap with the tap of his hands. You huffed, though you still took steps to sit down on him. His black sweatpants and white oversized shirt smelled just like him with a slight hint of alcohol and nicotine.

“I’m not up to it right now, Yoongi. I just left your sweater at the boys’ room and if I enter their room again then I’d probably be wheeled into their dirty adult game again.” You turned to look at him with a pout as he let out a dry chuckle and brought a hand to pinch at your cheeks before planting a quick kiss on your lips.

“I know, love. I can feel that you’re tired, and that’s okay. Don’t let them push you into doing something you don’t want to—“

“What? No no, they weren't like that.” You defended the three as Yoongi nodded.

“I’m just saying… if one of us starts acting like a jerk towards you then there will still be six of us to come talk some sense into them.” Yoongi says as you giggled at that because in truth, none of them could ever be a jerk to you and all of you knew that. They loved and cared for you too much for that, and for as long as they do then they’ll never stoop down to treat you that way.

You leaned your body back to Yoongi’s chest as you sat in silence. Any other time and you would prefer to fill up the silence with some noise though you both prefered to bask in the love of silence. However, the sound of Jin’s gamer rage from beyond the concrete walls and you both chuckled at the oldest member’s incoherent mutterings.

“Now, which sweater did you say that you left in the boys’ room?” Yoongi raises a brow as you flash him a toothy grin.

“Uhm… actually, I think it was Jin’s sweater. I’ll go calm him down right now and tell him about it.” You stood up from his lap as he chuckled at you.

“It better not be my Fila sweater. I swear I haven’t seen it around anymore…”

“It’s not yours! I think it was Jin’s or maybe it's mine. I have my own sweaters too, you know.” You said as you awkwardly walked out the room with the sound of Yoongi’s chuckle being the last thing you heard before you closed the door.

You shook your head as you decided that you’ll eventually get that sweater when they all go to work in the morning. You walked to the door next to Yoongi as you heard another soft thud that sounded like a controller on a soft surface like Jin’s duvet.

You knock on Jin’s door as he hums for any one at the door to enter. You pushed the door to open and take in the darkness of the room that was only lit up by a warm lamp at Jin’s bedside table.

“Jin? Are you okay? What’s with all the noise?” You asked even though it was common knowledge that he often gets vocal when he plays and it has become a running joke around the dorm that whenever Jin loses a match of his games then he’d berate himself recklessly without actually taking anything he says to heart.

‘The Jin Mentality’ was what they coined it as. Similar to ‘Jimin today’ though Jin’s was actually a positive thing. Where you state all your wrong doings and berate yourself instead of hearing others berate you, but at the end of the day since you said all the words you can more freely choose to just not give a fuck about the things you said and deem it as bullcrap.

“Just gaming. You’ll sleep with me tonight?” Jin asks as he pauses his game and pats the duvet beside him as you close the door behind you and walk through his room to sit on the duvet.

“I’m sleeping here tonight.” You corrected as you laid your back down whilst your lower body hangs off the side of the bed.

Jin chuckles at your correction as he eyes you up and down before he returns to his games on the television mounted on the wall. He was seriously the only one of the members to install a TV in their room. A TV that came straight from his pocket though he considers it a big win since he’s the only one that can freely lay in bed and snuggle up to you whilst watching a movie, and it easily compresses any noise from his room considering how close the walls his rooms has with Yoongi and Namjoon.

“Did they tire you out today?” He asks in a more serious note though his eyes continue to flicker on the screen of the TV.

Despite the lack of eye contact and skinship Jin was giving you right now, you knew that his tone was one of sincerity and care. He was the one who had voiced out his worries for you in the beginning of the relationship. He was hesitant at first for this whole relationship to start considering they all somehow wanted your attention more than the other member’s and he was afraid that you’d overwork yourself in trying to be a lover to all of them. However, you quickly shut off his worries when you showed just how easily you blended into their schedules without overworking yourself too much. Though you would always notice how Jin typically doesn’t demand your affection as much when he realizes the others wanted your affection more, so that typically leads you to coming to him for affection as he mostly takes care of you rather than letting you take care of him or yourself.

“Maybe… Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook are playing this dirty adult game and I left my sweater inside their room.” You mutter as he nods and hums.

“You don’t have to—“

“I know, Yoongi keeps reminding me, but I actually really wanted to join.” You flashed him a toothy smile as you feel your eyes droop when he looks away from the screen to look down at you.

“You should sleep, sweetheart. I can see your eyes droop.” Jin says as he pauses the game and leans down to kiss you on the lips.

“You too…” You slur as you bring your legs into the bed to properly lie down on the pillows and under the duvet with the help of Jin to tuck you in.

“I’ll sleep once I’m done with this level. I’m not that tired yet anyways.” Jin says as he pecks your cheek with another kiss and brings the duvet over your shoulders just how you preferred it especially because his air conditioner faced towards his bed.

You blinked your eyes once more and shifted to see that Jin had magically teleported beside you with a knitted sweater that you knew was the color light blue with a white whale in front since he always lets you borrow it when you sleep in his room. Somehow the knitted yarn keeps you warmer than any other cotton sweater under his duvet.

You sat up and put on the sweater as the extra material gathered on your waist because you didn’t have the energy to properly pull the oversized fit over to cover your thighs. You smile at your sweater paw as Jin watches you with endearment. You open your arms as he leans in to kiss you once more before he pats your hair and whispers a goodnight. You smiled at him and scooted over to the side of the bed where it was pressed to the corner of the bedroom wall. Jin always made sure you slept on that side with the claim that he didn’t want you falling off though you suspected that he just didn’t want you escaping his room in the middle of the night without his acknowledgment.

You woke in the middle of the night, from a look out the curtains it seems as though it was still late at night though with a glance at Jin’s bedside table alarm clock, you knew that it was nearing two in the morning and Jin was still playing his game.

“Jin?” You asked groggily as Jin turned to look down at you.

“Sorry sweetheart, did I wake you up?” He asked though your eyes only flickered from his face to the alarm clock.

“Why aren’t you sleeping yet?” You asked as you held yourself up by your elbows to wake you up more though the sleepiness still loomed over you.

“Ah, shit. I lost track of time.” Jin muttered to himself as he glanced at the time. He exits the game and grabs the remote to turn off the TV as you watched on with a pout on your lips. He was definitely going to wake up with not enough sleep for tomorrow and you partly blamed yourself for not bringing him to sleep when you were going to.

“Jin~ I don’t like it when you don’t sleep on time.” You whined as Jin’s lips twitched to a prideful smile, though he only tucks himself beside you as he engulfs you in a hug.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, you know I don’t mean to. I promise I’ll sleep better tomorrow.” He kissed your forehead as you huffed and turned your back to him though you still snuggled your back to him. His body spooned you as his hands reached under the sweater he gave you. His cold hands settled to play with your boobs through your shirt though it wasn’t sexual.

You found it as his way to get just a little closer to you when you were sleeping. It was his way of showing you affection until the very moment you close your eyes. His hands would occasionally squeeze your mounds like a massage that would elicit a moan from you though you trusted him enough to not make it go further than that.

You woke up from a small streak of light that slipped past the curtains. Jin’s hold on you was looser now and he was lightly snoring as you let both your eyes take in your surroundings before you detached from Jin and sat up. You silently crawled out of bed by squeezing out the foot of the bed since you didn’t want to wake Jin up from his sleep. He needed to get as much rest as he could before his alarm would ring half past seven in the morning and currently he still had thirty minutes of rest to savor.

Before you walked out of the room, you quickly unplugged his gaming station. You figured that Jin had forgotten to turn it off last night and you didn’t want it to overheat. You then walked out the room and silently let your feet walk through the marble tiles of the apartment before you reached the kitchen to see both Hoseok and Namjoon conversing. Namjoon sat on the dining table with a cup of coffee as Hoseok seemed to be busy making his own cup of espresso with the coffee machine.

“Good morning,” You greeted with a yawn as both their heads turned to see you walk into the open layout room.

“Good morning beautiful,”

“Good morning, princess,”

They greeted in chorus as you stopped behind Namjoon’s chair to greet him with a morning kiss on the lips to which he smiled at before you walked behind the kitchen island.

“How did you sleep? I heard the boys were having some fun last night.” Namjoon asks as he watches you greet Hoseok with a kiss on the lips too.

“I only stopped by for a moment. I was too tired from the alcohol and celebrating last night.” You said as you eyed Hobi making a glass of his iced americano coffee. You can see Namjoon nod as he sips his own coffee and eyes the hallway towards his, Yoongi’s, and Jin’s rooms.

“You can have this one, beauty. I’ll make another one for myself.” Hoseok says though you shook your head.

“It’s okay, Hobi. I’m gonna go cook some breakfast for you guys first.” You smile as the man smiles brightly and leans to kiss you on the forehead before he moves to the side of the island to not get in your way.

“You don’t have to, you know. We can just order or call the staff.” Hoseok says though you only shake your head as you eye the contents of the fridge and opted to use some leftover rice to make some Kimchi Fried Rice.

You took out a container of Kimchi that Taehyung’s mother had sent for the boys to share and a tupperware of leftover rice that had been from last night’s celebrations. You also opened up the freezer to find frozen bacon that would be the perfect protein to their diet with added eggs. You placed your ingredients onto the counter before you reached up on your tippy toes to reach the cabinet with the frying pan you loved to use.

“Why do you always love to use this and not the one on the bottom cabinet?” Namjoon says right behind your ear as his hands sneak up to support your waist whilst the other reaches for the pan to get for you.

“My gosh, you scared me.” You said as you turned around and Namjoon smirks down at you before he places the frying pan on the induction stove on the island to heat up for you. You threw a playful slap at his bicep as you stood in front of the stove to pour some oil onto it.

Namjoon’s little playful act of always trying to scare you was one that you could never get used to and to be quite honest, it made you even more flustered at how Hobi had laughed at your shocked face before he continued to sip on his Americano with a bent back on the kitchen island.

“I like using it because it's my favorite color, obviously.” You roll your eyes as you feel Namjoon hover behind your back as Hobi tilts his head at you. He places his Iced Americano down and walks off somewhere behind you though your flustered state had made you keep your eyes at slicing the bacon into smaller pieces.

“Someone as sassy as you shouldn’t forget to bring simple seasonings when cooking.” Hobi says with a teasing voice as he places bottles of salt, pepper, and sesame oil beside you before he leans on the counter.

“Don’t stress her Hobi. Our tired princess didn’t even have fun with the maknaes last night because she was too tired.” Namjoon’s sultry voice speaks with a hint of seductiveness as he says the English syllables of ‘tired’ slowly from behind your ear whilst his hands rest on your waist.

A chill running up from your spine as you focused your eyes on cutting the bacon. Only once you were done with cutting the bacon did you realize that the two men had you trapped with the only escape being walking past the counter that had a sizzling stove.

“Guys…” You try to stop them though Namjoon’s voice has interrupted yours.

“We’re not guys.” He turns your body with an equal amount of force yet carefulness, as Hoseok moves the cutting board with a knife further from the edge of the counter before Namjoon pins you against the marble.

Namjoon’s lips were immediately on yours as your tongues fought in the midst of saliva. Then Namjoon had redirected your body to lean against Hoseoks as the man's hands took you by surprise and gave Namjoon access to your mouth.

“She’s so pretty in between us.” Hoseok huskily says to Namjoon as if you couldn’t hear his voice from being sandwiched in between them.

Namjoon pulls away from the kiss as you make an effort to breathe and compose yourself though Hoseok’s lips didn’t give you enough time as he quickly replaces Namjoon’s lips with his hands directing your neck to press against him. You can feel Namjoon's hand reach from under your sweater to travel under your shirt. His soft large hands caressing your body as he leans down to plant kisses on your neck.

“The stove–” You say as soon as Hoseok’s lips pull away from yours and all your faces turn towards the frying pan that was cooking up nothing but hot oil before a chuckle escapes from the dining room.

“Took you long enough. I thought I’d be the one to break up your makeout session just so that the dorm doesn’t burn down.” Yoongi’s chuckle reverberated through the dorm as Namjoon and Hoseok chuckled before withdrawing every bit of affection they had on you just seconds prior. Their vulgar actions caused a pit to nag at your stomach and a neediness for their lips to hide your now puffy ones.

“Good morning, Yoongi.” Namjoon and Hoseok greeted as they both went back to drink their coffees at the dining table whilst Yoongi came over to peck your cheek as a greeting.

He looks over the ingredients you had laid out before he quickly places your sliced bacon onto the pan to silence the boiling of oil. The chatter of Namjoon and Hoseok at the dining area was enough of a distraction for you to compose yourself from the makeout session and go back into cooking without another word as Yoongi chuckles.

“They're such big teases aren’t they?” Yoongi laughs as the blush on your cheeks doesn't stop you from nodding in agreement.

“Let me help you cook. You’re preparing Kimchi Fried Rice, aren’t you?” Yoongi clarified as you also nodded and he let out a laugh again at how you were struck wordless at such events in the early morning. Nevertheless, he helps you cook as you start to open up more from your flustered state.

[Back to the Present]

God, you weren’t going to cry again. Not when you felt as though you were juiced like a lemon from how dehydrated you were from secreting so much tears from your eyes.

You tried to breathe properly as Jimin sent you a text that they were already heading home thirty minutes ago, though by now you were used to them getting home an hour after they say so.

So here you were distracting yourself from your thoughts by cooking some Dak Kalguksu. From the texts in the groupchat, they seemed to keep good spirits throughout the day since Taehyung and Jungkook couldn’t shut up while hinting at some good news during their lunch break.

It broke you to know that this rare good mood would turn sour because of you. Because now, you were the one that can’t give them the love and affection you wanted to give, and you weren’t ready to receive love and affection in your current mental state.

Their voices rang through the hallway fifteen minutes earlier than you expected and from the sound of it, it sounded more calm as Jimin and Hoseok’s voice talking about new shoes were the ones that captured your ears first while they were leaving their shoes at the entrance corridor.

“Baby, we’re home! And no ones figh—“ Jungkook’s proud voice quieted as he sees your beige white suitcase, the one they had gifted you before bringing you to their trip to Japan a few months ago, at the end of the corridor.

“You brought some stuff over?” Jimin asks as he and Taehyung eye the luggage wearily before pushing past Jungkook to run to the living room and sit on the sofa with a relaxed sigh.

You looked away from the boiling broth cooking on the induction stove as you found a lid to cover your dish. It was just about to finish cooking. You just needed to make the Yangnyeomjang sauce that you knew Yoongi and Namjoon loved to add to their chicken though it seemed like you ran out of time. They would have to make their own later.

You looked up to see Jungkook cautiously eyeing your suitcase as Hoseok pushes him to sit down at the dining table with a laugh though a look that asks you the purpose of the suitcase getting brought out. Even Namjoon asks you of its contents as Jin just raises a brow at it, though seemed less bothered by its presence. Yoongi on the other hand just walked past it and took off his beanie to place on the dining table before he walked to the kitchen behind you to grab some water to drink.

They were still tired and it showed on their expressions, and what you hated even more was that the dorm wasn't even filled with arguing to help burn the fire that pushes you to answer their questions. All that could be heard was Jimin and Taehyung silently bickering on who would get the remote as the rest of your boyfriends sit on the dining table with little words to say to each other.

You cleared your throat and made your way to the other side of the counter where you could overlook the living room and dining room. Okay, this is it.

“I’ve been thinking about this since last night, and I— I hope you could hear me out fully…” You started, though the first part of your statement seemed to go unheard as Jin nodded and seemed to remember something.

“Ah, yeah! Right! I wanted to apologize to all of you about last night. I was being stupid and was just so tired that I wasn’t thinking properly.” Jin says quickly as Yoongi shuts the fridge door and sips on his glass of water on the counter behind you.

“We’re all stupid. We’re getting stupider each night with how exhausted we are when we come home.” Yoongi said as all of them seemed to hum in agreement. At least they’re self aware? Back to your poi—

“Oh baby! We also have some great news to te—“ Taehyung says excitedly as he stands up from the couch and lets Jimin take control of the remote with little to fight because of his excitement, though you really just wanted to rip off the bandaid and tell them your firm decision right now.

“I need a break.” You say loud enough for it to echo around the dorm, or perhaps your words had taken the men in such surprise that their brain had to replay it multiple times to understand it.

You closed your eyes and breathed out as you readied the words that were about to spill from your lips. Everything you had been feeling and how you were initially alright and capable of loving them despite these challenges spilled out of your lips with nothing stopping them.

You told them how through more nights, you were starting to lose yourself in the arguments and how last night you had made up your decision to take a break from them just for a little while. That your mental health needed this and that you would be staying in the provinces with aunt and uncle. That despite your love for them making you want to continue on in withstanding all their arguments, your mind can’t keep up and you need to be wholly ready to be able to give your all in supporting them.

Whatever your monologue was about made the boys scoff, though your voice stayed strong despite the sniffle that you heard Jimin make from the sofa.

“What?” Namjoon says as you look up to see their faces red yet not a single tear has fallen. Somehow that made you relieved. Perhaps they had understood your explanation and agreed with you.

“You’re running away because you can't keep up with our schedules?” Namjoon asks as the table erupts into different voices and opinions, even Taehyung and Jimin walk to the dining room to tell their own account of what they understood from what you said.

“No, Namjoon ah, she said she’s just not mentally well to handle us—“

“Mental health doesn’t excuse you from running away from us!”

“You can’t dump us just when we’re meant to stay focused for our comeback.”

“Hyung, she said break… not a break up right?”

“There’s a difference?”

“You’re leaving us?”

All this noise. Their voices had gotten so loud over each other that you couldn’t even hear your own head to try and get them on the same page.

It was just like every other night. Everyone never saw the same page and that’s how each and every one of your arguments started. No one was learning, no one was understanding, and it just proves that this environment wasn’t the place for you to get yourself back together.

So you left.

You left like a coward. You didn’t make an effort to bring them to the same page, and you didn’t make the effort to explain yourself clearer. You took off without another word with your luggage and everyone was too busy arguing about what you had said to even realize that you had left.

You left them, and you didn’t even know if they would understand that you still wanted to come back. You just needed to fix yourself, but now it felt as though you had broken up.

The boys never talked about what you said after that night. Perhaps they were still silently wishing that everything they heard was wrong and that you really were just taking a one or two day break without communication, or maybe they were too tired and busy to mention it.

They never mentioned how the dorm was silent whenever they got home. They never mentioned that the humming of your voice and the smell of your cooking weren’t there to greet their tired souls anymore. They never mentioned the fact that they knew that they needed to order dinner on the way home because they were silently praying that you were there cooking them a hot home cooked meal.

They never mentioned how your clothes and belongings seemed to disappear from their rooms. How your chargers disappeared from their place beside theirs. How the shirts you stole from them randomly appeared back to their wardrobes freshly washed and void of your smell. How all your skincare and haircare products disappeared from all their bathrooms, and the fact that they didn’t need to call a cleaner as often because your hair didn’t litter the floor after you would be done combing.

They didn’t mention any of it because they hoped you would stick to your words of a ‘break’ though now they were really beginning to question whether or not they heard ‘break’ or ‘break up’.

All of this was kept to rot in their minds until the last week they had in Seoul before their promotions. You would think they would be busier than they already were, but their management actually reverses psychology by busying the boys more in the last month before promotions and then cleaning up their schedules a week before to let them rest and let their anticipation build. It helps keep them excited for promotions rather than overworked.

This was what Taehyung had wanted to tell you about. They wanted to tell you how they were planning on taking you out on a date night before they went abroad to celebrate your birthday early… Now he wonders if they would’ve understood you better if he hadn’t interrupted you enough to make you interrupt him.

“Can we talk? Like all of us actually talk.” Namjoon says as they all sit blankly on the living room sofa whilst their eyes glaze over the show on the television.

“Yeah, I think it’s about time.” Jin says as each of them sat up straighter. Jungkook took the remote and lowered the TV to the volume close to mute as they all faced each other, yet avoided eye contact.

“So, about what Y/N said… let’s all say what we actually heard from her.” Namjoon took the leadership role as everyone nodded and he turned to Jin to start off.

“I was actually really excited when Taehyung wanted to tell her about our surprise that the first few things she said had gone over me.” Jin clarifies as everyone nods in understanding and stays silent to let him continue.

“But from what I heard, she said she needed some time off to get mentally better. I didn’t actually hear anything about what made her mentally break to the point of the situation getting like this, but yeah.” Jin explains as Taehyung furrows his brow to say something though refrains from doing it to avoid any altercation. They were going to have to listen to each other to get this shit fixed.

“She didn’t say what made her need a mental break, but she definitely hinted at the fact that we weren’t making a good environment for her to get better in any way.” Yoongi spoke up as he took it that it was his turn to speak since he was the second eldest.

“I didn’t hear a lot. It was kinda like what Jin said. Except I was so shocked by what she said that her words made sense when you heard them, but never actually processed in my brain. I’m sorry, guys.” Hoseok said as the six of them all nodded. They couldn’t blame Hobi, not when they all seemed to have some sort of dementia from that night. Their brains only process what happened before and after then turning into a mess when they try to recall the during.

“Before our busy schedules started, I talked with her about our schedule. I always did when I knew things would get busier and we couldn't give her 100%, just to give her a heads up to prepare and be aware. So when she said she needed some time away from us, I immediately jumped to the conclusion that she was running away from us. I already warned her for all of this and it wasn’t like this was the first time she had been with us after such tremendous work, so I thought she finally had enough of us and that this break was actually a break up.” Namjoon stops as his eyes never leave from gazing coldly at the edge of their coffee table.

Everyone was silent. Namjoon’s words always silences them. They were so filled with wisdom and thoughts with meanings beyond understanding that they really do place the effort to listen when it counts. However, none of their eyes could meet each other as they all formulated their own conclusion to what Namjoon was trying to say.

“Now that I think back on it… We were very much in the wrong. All of us. She asked us to listen to her for one last time and we should have taken that chance to properly hear her out and have a proper discussion on what we could do to make her stay… Instead we fought again. We did the thing that she claimed has made this environment with us so hostile that she can’t be mentally well in it.” Namjoon sighs as he feels tears prick at his eyes and all the members come to a silent understanding of everything Namjoon said.

For once in the past few weeks, they had finally silently agreed on the meaning of something, yet it didn’t feel relieving or accomplishing. It felt colder to know that they had done it too late.

“Can’t we still talk to her right now? Beg for her to come back and have a proper discussion with us?” Jimin pipes up as his face looks completely wrecked after the few moments of silence that they took to understand Namjoon’s words. Tear stains littered his cheeks and his voice didn’t seem like it was far from breaking out into a sob, yet he still mustered up the strength to speak his only idea.

“Has anyone texted her after that night?” Namjoon asks as everyone looks up to see if anyone raises a hand, though their hearts plummet to their stomach when no one does.

Everyone had been too pussy to text you. They all thought the other would do it and somehow bring you back to the apartment by themselves, though their reliance had now been their downfall. They were now angered. Angered at themselves for not making the move sooner. It had been two weeks and yet no one made the effort to contact you.

“Fuck, no one?” Yoongi says as he meets each and everyone’s eyes as they all told no.

“Fuck.” Hoseok mutters as he takes a throw pillow and hugs it to his chest before he leans back on the sofa to now point his gaze at the ceiling.

“Shit, do you think she thinks we just let her go so easily? Like we didn’t even text her as an effort to get her back? We just let her sneak out whilst we were arguing about what she sai—“ Taehyung’s rambling was interrupted by his own voice cracking and Jimin patting his back as the man himself looked like he was holding himself back.

“I’m angry. I’m angry at us for not even trying to text her. I’m angry at myself for thinking one of you had texted her already.” Jimin says as he finishes comforting Taehyung to now wrap his knees with his arms in a way to comfort himself.

“It’s not too late…” Jungkook suggests, though the silence that followed the reluctance they all had.

They were desperate to bring you back, but at the same time, you had asked for space and texting you so late into the break seemed like it was a brewing mistake. However, shouldn’t they try to fix their past mistakes by contacting you and showing just how stupid they had been.

“I know what you’re all thinking. You’re thinking that we’re too late. That she had probably made up her mind already about the break up because none of us went to immediately call her, but shouldn’t we at least try?” A tear slips past Jungkook’s eyes as his voice grows weaker, yet he pushes words out his vocal cords.

“Don’t we love her? Isn’t she worth fighting for?” Jungkook buries his head into the throw pillow he cuddled on the carpeted floor as he breaks into sobs that Jimin tried to comfort him out of.

But the youngest of them did speak the most fact. They loved you to uncountable amounts, so you are more than worth fighting for. They just didn’t know if they could still fight for you when they were two weeks late from the battle.

The boys all ate their dinner in numbing peace that night. Not a single argument or tease wanted to roll off their tongue, instead they were just talking. Talking about anything and everything, but the fact that they were missing their eight soulmates, their eighth piece to the puzzle of their small family.

It felt nostalgic watching each other play on the gaming stations they haven’t used in a month. It felt weird to dust off the balcony to sit on the patio chairs that were last used by you and Namjoon. It felt bone crushing when Jungkook went to his cupboard of board games to find something they could play, only to find their game of a sexy adult game on the top of the pile.

They weren’t blind and they all knew something was missing. There was this unmistakable silence when they spoke to each other, a missing note when they laughed together, a missing pair of feet padding around the house.

Jin tried his best to not show how these little subtle things got to him. The fact that there were nights where he gamed way too late despite their schedule because he lost track of time again and had somewhat relied on you to remind him that he needs sleep again. He also ignored the fact that he was currently gaming on the console in their living room instead of the one in his own room because it had overheated after he forgot to unplug it for a whole night. He thought someone else would’ve unplugged it for him, but then again you were the only one who unplugged it for him. These nights he finds himself slowly inching closer to the wall as he sleeps. He finds that the smell of your shampoo on that side of the bed is the only thing that can put him to sleep after a rough gaming session.

Yoongi on the other hand was the opposite to Jin. He could even say that he hasn’t thought about you much, due to the fact that he had been overworking himself restless these past few days. He figured that since he doesn’t have to greet you at the dorm then he could stay at his studio just a little longer and come home with his files in a laptop to continue working at. It was better this way, he would say. He avoided any arguments when they got home, and he kept his mind off you by doing the things that you had countlessly reminded him not to do. Despite managers even telling him to get some rest. He would never listen, and they knew that he wouldn’t listen because he only ever listened to you.

Hoseok, in the meantime had his whole sleeping schedule fucked up and everyone could see how badly it affects him on the daily. He missed how he would elicit a groan from you when he asked you if you’d join him for a morning jog, though somehow you’d still force yourself to get ready in less than five minutes. He missed the way you would let your boisterous laugh out when you were with him. He missed the way you would point at everything and anything when you jogged or went on hikes. He missed you so much that you were the only thing on his mind. The image of your face permanently embedded in his mind, to the point that there’d be times where he’d see you in the reflection of the mirror in their dance studio. He missed you so much in fact that he would enter the dance studio with only half his mind and the boys grew even more worried when they would mess up and Hoseok wouldn’t even bat an eyelash at them. It was as if he turned blind and void. He didn’t care if they were being sloppy with the choreography, as long as he did his moves with effort then it was up to the other choreographers and staff to berate the others on their mistakes.

Jimin, in the meantime, was a complete mess. The others would agree that he was the reason the staff had actually connected the dots of the fact that they were dumped, because Jimin had never looked as swollen as he did the first three days you left them. His low performance during dance practice even made choreographers turn the other way as they knew he was hurting though prefered to say their corrections softly so as to not hurt him more. He looks like he hasn’t gotten any rest and Hoseok knows that he hasn’t because he could still hear him tossing and turning on his bed when he would randomly wake up in the middle of the night. Jimin always had trouble sleeping. It was something that you couldn’t even fix, yet you always helped by taking out all his remaining energy or making him some tea, even the simple action of running your nails on his scalp helped soothe him to sleep. Now the problem had turned ten times worse when you weren’t here to ease him, yet you filled his mind and kept him void from closing his eyes for too long that he might think his vision of you was reality.

Taehyung was similar to his 1995 counterpart. However, his professionalism came on top and he would never even let a glimpse of his sadness show when he was in the HYBE building. It may seem like a good thing, but it really wasn’t far off as he would coop up all his sad thoughts about you until the end of the day where he’d stuff his face with every possible thing in the fridge to keep himself from sobbing, though it never worked. It never worked for when his grandma died or when they were all having a hard time during 2018, so it wasn’t going to start randomly working now. The food he ate could only suppress half of the pain he had inside. He missed you and your soft hair. He missed the way your fingers played with his locks and how he would return the favor by running his own fingers through your soft hair. The smell of your shampoo filling his senses as you would let him style your hair in any braid he had learned to do on youtube. The black hair tie he bought specifically to style your hair still tightly around his wrist. Waiting for you to come back as he finally learned how to do a Dutch braid this time around.

Jungkook, alternatively, seemed to be the least affected member of them all. He went along with his day fine. He joked with staff whenever the others seemed too busy in their heads during a meeting, and he acted oblivious to everything happening. He doesn’t spend much time at the apartment either for his hyungs to gauge how he truly was reacting to the situation. He started getting out more frequently. Some staff members even see him at the other side of Seoul, and when they would ask why he was there then he’d just shrug his shoulders and touch his mask. He’d take a look at his surroundings in case someone noticed that he was the Jungkook and then he would continue on his way. He would spend more time at the Hannam The Hill gym. He started going to more parks, malls, restaurants, and hidden gems in Seoul because he couldn’t bear staying at the dorm, not when you had practically lived and touched every surface of it too. He couldn’t bear seeing everyone upset, so he chose to distract himself with exploration. Perhaps in a different universe he was actually taking you there, he might’ve taken all eight of you there. Maybe, just maybe.

Namjoon wasn’t blind. He saw all of them suffer. He wasn’t blind to how he had suffered either. His lyrics turned more and more angsty as the days went by, and a longing to vent everything to someone weighed on his chest though it felt as though the seven people could vent to were also feeling the same problems.

Namjoon would get up in the middle of the night and walk near every bedroom door in the house. He knew when Jin was still up gaming when it was already two in the morning. He knew when Yoongi was still working on his laptop when he just came home from an extended three hours at his studio. He knew when Hoseok had woken up from a nightmare because of a small gasp that would sound from his and Jimin’s shared room. He also knew how Jimin barely slept because he would toss and turn every few minutes under his duvet. He knew when Taehyung would sneak out of his and Jungkook’s shared room to get a whole bucket of ice cream from the refrigerator freezer, and he knew when Jungkook would silently sneak back into their dorm after taking a mysterious late night walk.

Namjoon knew all of this was happening and yet he didn’t do anything to stop them because he thought this was what they deserved. They deserved this for neglecting you. They deserved to miss you, so that when they beg for you to come back then they would have surely learned their lesson.

“Good night guys, let’s all send a text to her tomorrow afternoon after our short schedule.” Jin says as all of them seemed a little more at ease when they retreated to their bedrooms that night.

Namjoon didn’t hear Jin play his games, Yoongi made his music, Hoseok’s gasp from a nightmare, Jimin tossing or turning, Taehyung sneaking into the kitchen, or Jungkook sneaking in and out. The dorm was entirely silent and peaceful for the first time in a long time.

Though Namjoon’s eyes stayed on one thing… his phone.

He shouldn’t break a plan, but he thought that they all had learned their lessons. What if they all get their hopes up only to call their eighth lover to tell them that they have been officially over for all this time.

He couldn’t bear to see everyone’s hearts officially shatter. He needed an answer now, so that he could at least get himself together by tomorrow in the case that they do get rejected and one of them needs to stay emotionally sober.

[1:27] Namjoon: Hey…

[1:28] Namjoon: I know it’s late, literally and figuratively.

[1:30] Namjoon: We really miss you. It’s been 2 weeks and we’ll spend our last week in Seoul with more time in our schedules. I don’t think we can go do promotions in America if we can’t get on the same page as you.

[1:32] Namjoon: I don’t think I can handle America without you. I don’t even care about management anymore. I just need you, and I would give anything to at least let all of us meet just for a moment to talk.

[1:33] Namjoon: I hope you’re doing well.

[1:34] Namjoon: You have your sleeping schedule fixed!! If the reason you’re not reading this is because you’re resting right now.

[1:35] Namjoon: We love you, princess. We miss you.

[1:37] Namjoon: Text me back when you can?

[1:40] Namjoon: Sleep well

Namjoon sighs. His eyes were starting to hurt and he couldn’t figure out if it was because of his tiredness, intense focus on his phone screen while the lights were off, or if it was from the sting that threatened tears. Whatever it may be, he avoids thinking about it by imagining you. Wherever you may be. Perhaps they should even go to your apartment, though what if you get even more angry? You did say that you needed a break from them.

It was now the afternoon of the next day. The boys had all been driven back to their dorm after dropping by the HYBE building to only get a printed file of their schedule in America.

They all seemed more at peace today. Their car rides felt more restful, though an underlying nervousness crept on its seams. They had all planned to send private messages to you by the afternoon. They knew your schedule, and they could only hope that it hadn’t changed from the last time you told them it changed.

They all sat in the living room as they all took out their phones and formulated what they should say. They were making sure to keep it personal to each of them, not too long, not too short, not emotional, yet not robotic. They needed to let you feel that they missed you without it coming across as overbearing. They wanted you to feel just how much they had learnt from their mistakes. They wanted to meet you even for just a moment.

Jimin thinks that a single glimpse at you could fix everything. It would fix and heal all of them like a drop of magical medicine.

So they all formulated for an hour, as a drama played on the TV despite no one listening to it. They all came together and made sure to say the right things before sending it all at different times. They weren’t stupid. They won’t send it all at the same time. They’ll send it in different minutes, because that’s logical.

[14:21] Seokjin: Good afternoon, sweetheart. How have you been? I hope you’re doing well. I hope you’re getting enough rest. It’s almost your birthday soon, and I actually had something planned for it since we would spend it in the states but I don’t know if that’s possible now. I want you to know that I’ll always be here waiting for you. Take as much time as you need, but when things get rough then don’t be afraid to call me or any of us. I love you, sweetheart. Don’t forget to eat well and drink lots of water. Take care!

[14:22] Yoongi: I’m gonna skip the bullshit. I know you have seven more messages to go and read, and honestly we’re all in the living room formulating our messages. This is the first time in weeks that we actually came together to work on something other than choreo and music. It’s damn impressive what our love for you makes us do. We need you back, love. Everyone is miserable without you. Even Hobi has gone to shits. You know I hate talking about other people or what you call it as ‘tea’, but I think this is something I would actually ‘spill’ to you about. Just come home. Come back to us. We miss you and will always love you. No matter what. If you need any help mentally, emotionally, or physically. We are just one call away, so please don’t be afraid. Don’t run away.

[14:23] Hoseok: Hey beautiful… stuff isn't too good right now hahahaha. I miss you by my side. I haven’t been jogging lately and you know how my ankles get when the only movement they do is intense dancing and walking. I need my jogging partner back, or if you don’t want to jog then we don’t have to. I just need someone to annoy, early in the morning. Jungkookie isn’t reciprocating my love of annoying him either. I think he’s been going to the gym more often because his muscles are definitely stronger than they were two weeks ago, so it’s kinda scary annoying him in the morning when his biceps alone could send my head swinging. The dorm has been unbearably clean too. No one’s making a mess like you do, so I have no one to berate. I can’t believe I’m saying this right now, but I miss your loose hair strands littering our shiny floor. I just realized that it definitely made the dorm a home instead of a shiny marble tiled showroom. God, I miss you. Just stay safe and I love you. Text us back whenever you can.

From: Your Hope

To: My Hope

“Namjoon hyung, it’s your turn.” Jimin says as the six of them look towards their leader though he only lets out a meek smile.

“I already sent her a few messages last night.” Namjoon smiles as the boys look at him with shocked faces.

“What?! Without us?!” Jungkook says.

“I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t sleep if I didn’t send it right then.” Namjoon shrugs as everyone understands and even thought that it could make the chances of you responding better.

[14:25] Jimin: Hi babyy, miss you. I know how you should always put yourself first, so I’m not going to ask you to come back. Not when you feel ready to get totally pampered by all of us. When you come back I’m going to kiss you everywhere that you’d probably have to detain me to keep me off you. We haven’t even finished our game yet. Let’s play again sometime soon okay? And my gosh, there is so much gossip you’re missing out on right now. Text me back when you get this ‘cause I need to vent all the info I learned from one of our new makeup noonas. Stay well and take care! Love you mwah mwah! Gossip soon!

[14:26] Taehyung: Babyyyy! Did you know the HYBE cafeteria was selling your favorite meal last week?! It was perfectly cooked and seasoned, I swear! I’ll tell them to serve it again soon so that we can both judge whether it's better than the place that we usually get it from. Speaking of which, I heard our favorite frozen yogurt place had opened a branch near Hyochang Park, so we should definitely give it a look soon! Have you been following the fashion trends still? There’s this ridiculous trend on pants that I’ve been seeing and both me and Hoseok have agreed that it sucks, but we’re still wondering what your thoughts are on it. It sucks when we don’t have your opinion to help us see more than what we see in our funnel vision. We really really miss you. I love you. Don’t get sick and try to get back to us when you see this!

[14:26] Jungkook: BABBBBYYYY!!! HOW HAVE YOU BEEN??? I MISSED YOUU, WE MISSED YOU! Yoongi hyung said that we needed to make our messages deep and meaningful, but really I just want to say one thing and it’s that we’re sorry. We really are. And I know Jin hyung specifically told us to not beg for you back because you needed time and space to yourself, but please come back. It hurts when you’re not here, and no matter what I do it doesn’t go away. Let me take you somewhere when you get back. I know a place where you can scream out all your frustrations and feelings so that you can feel better mentally. I know a place Taehyung hyung had been eyeing for a while, maybe we should go there together. It’s some frozen yogurt place that I know you both love and it’s near Hyochang Park and a hidden attraction of Seoul that I heard from Mingyu. We’ve gotten better too! Less arguments when we can all agree that everyone just misses you. It’s kinda funny cause if I can replay one moment in my life then it would be that night. I should have listened to you rather than arguing with my hyungs. I should have listened with both my ears fully tuned to you because now we’re all in this stuck and confused area where we don’t know whether or not we’re on a break or we broke up. Like that’s something so important to know, but we’re not even sure what we are to you, and we were too scared to even message you immediately after. We don’t even know if you got home safe that night, and it hurts me to know that we’ve been neglecting you like this for so long. You’ve been with us through multiple comebacks and you’ve taken it all with no complaint until now. Please, don’t break up with me— with us. Just come back. Come home, please? We know where we went wrong now. It hurts and I don’t think it’ll get better unless you’re here with me— with us.

After they all sent their messages they had opted to watch a movie together, whilst all their phones laid face up with their volumes on high in case you’d respond to one of them. However, as the day got later and staff came knocking to deliver their dinner, no messages from you came through to any of their phones. And when everyone had gone to prepare dinner, Namjoon took a look at his phone to see that even his messages from last night hadn’t been sent.

Had you blocked them? Or changed your number entirely? Shit, he really doesn’t want all of them to come over to your place to beg you and get into your personal space, but if you had blocked them they’d have no choice.

“Guys, did your messages even get sent? Mine aren’t going through to her for some reason. Did she block me?” Namjoon asked and the boys never missed the dejection in his voice when he said the possibility of getting blocked by you.

Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook left from helping set up the table as they went to retrieve their phone from the coffee table to open and see their messages.

“Yeah, mine didn’t send either. It just bounced back.” Hoseok says as the maknae line quickly enters their passcodes to see it for themselves, each of their faces saying the same thing.

“Did she block us?”

“She wouldn't, right?”

“She wouldn’t have blocked us if she didn’t properly break up with us.” They all said synchronously as Jin and Yoongi looked up to see the commotion and sent a look towards each other.

“No, you know she doesn’t do blocking shit.” Yoongi cuts in to defend your name as Jin clears his throat. The look they sent each other was to defend you, though he prefered explaining it rather than swearing it on their faces. They were at more peace with each other than they had been for a few months and the reason you needed a break was because of the countless arguments they had, and the negative environment they created. It was counterintuitive to argue over you, when the reason you left was because of arguing.

“What Yoongi meant to say was that we all know that she wouldn’t block us. Remember when that friend of hers had said multiple bad things behind her back and we told her to block them, but her sweet soul just couldn’t? She sees it as ‘rude’, so the fact that you guys are accusing her of blocking you means that you think she’s rude. Do you think she’s rude?” Jin asks and the room falls silent as everybody knew you wouldn’t block anyone no matter what they did to you.

“Besides, she needed a break not a break up. You don’t block people when you’re on a break.” Yoongi adds.

“What if she did break up with us and we just didn’t understand her properly.” Jungkook says as his eyes seem lost in his own mind.

“Or she’s slowly easing us into a break up… like she knows it’ll hurt us if she did so suddenly then maybe after a few weeks of this break she breaks up with us?” Taehyung speaks out as the room stays silent.

Everyone wanted to defend you. They wanted to tell Taehyung that he was wrong and that you loved them too much, though they were out of proof to tell him otherwise.

Hoseok sighs as he eyes the table that had been set up with takeout food the staff had brought for them. “Let’s just eat. Maybe she’s just somewhere without signal or internet today.” Hoseok says as he was the first to walk to the dining room table with Jin and Yoongi.

“Yeah… or maybe her phone broke.” Namjoon follows as the maknae line glances at their phone before leaving theirs on the coffee table with the rest of the phones.

“Hunger makes us overthink, right?” Jin laughs awkwardly as the rest nodded though the question of your whereabouts remained on their minds

Three days. They had three days left and the hope they had in you receiving their messages decreased by the days. The nagging for them to drive to your apartment grew and not even the eldest of them could stop the temptation. The only thing stopping them was how the staff kept a closer eye on them to avoid any unnecessary injuries or scandals to arise right before the promotions began.

They thought that they would go to the States and do their promotions with the question of when you were coming back nagging in their minds, though their prayers were answered this Wednesday afternoon.

The boy’s were separated in two black vans. Three on one and Four on the other since they only spent five hours at the HYBE building today and had none of their personal assistants with them. Everyone was preparing in packing up and getting ready for four weeks of promotions in America, yet all of the boys held on to the little hope that they could see you before then.

Jungkook sat on a van with his sleeping Yoongi hyung and a Namjoon hyung that was typing away a message to send to his personal assistant for the products he needed to be bought from the grocery stores for their trip. Jungkook on the other hand just enjoyed sitting behind his two hyungs as he watched the buildings pass by the window. His phone was in his pocket and his head leaned on the glass of the window as nothing but the wheels turning and the engine working sounded in the van.

He was sure he would fall asleep any moment now, though the light vibration from his phone on his pocket had woken him up from dozing off. He took out his phone and checked the message as he was expecting his own PA to ask him for a list of things he needed. He even had a list written on his notes app already, so all he needed to do was copy it and paste it into their Kakaotalk chat.

However, a message from his PA was not what made his phone buzz. It was you.

Jungkook felt his heart skip a beat. Multiple beats. It felt like he was having a heart attack at the way the sound of his heart pumping was all he could hear as he tapped on the message notification you sent.

[17:35] Y/N: Jungkookie, why are you all sending such long messages?? You know I hate reading long ones 😭

[17:36] Y/N: I just got back to Busan city. Let me read your essay first, so that I can respond.

[17:37] Y/N: It better have good grammar HAHHAHAHAH.

You were laughing? Did you seriously laugh when… well you haven’t read their messages yet, and from the look on Hoseok’s face it seems like you haven’t responded to theirs yet either. Jungkook figured that his message was the one sent the latest since he was the last to send his, therefore he would be on top of your chats.

What did you mean that you just got back to Busan city? Why were you in Busan? Why are you so chill and laughing on chat? And why were you cracking jokes on how his message is so long that it could be an essay? Jungkook just couldn’t understand and his mind was simply too shocked to even tell his hyungs anything, so he waited.

He waited until he saw your bubbles appear to indicate you were typing something, and he watched when it would disappear for a while before coming back to type some more.

[17:47] Y/N: What the hell?! Jungkook, what do you mean break up??

What a short response after you seemed to have been typing for two minutes. Jungkook didn’t know what to respond. He was in shock, or maybe he was having a ture heart attack. He was dying or perhaps he was already dead, and his mind was playing hopeful games on him.

[17:49] Y/N: What do you mean Yoongi and Jin said something-something? I have to get to my hotel first, but we’ll talk about this later. Only us, I don’t like Jin and Yoongi telling you what you should or shouldn’t say. What are you guys doing?

You sounded strict despite messages not explicitly holding emotions, and suddenly Jungkook had to swallow a lump stuck in his throat. Hotel? Will you actually talk about the message later or are you saying that to avoid talking to him? God, he shouldn’t be thinking about this when he knows you wouldn’t do that to him or any of them. So instead he replied with a simple ‘okay’.

Typical Jungkook, because he was always one to be simple in his texting.

Jungkook waited. Patiently, he waited. Until the hours of the evening and when the members had planned to game in the living room. Jungkook waited with patience. After Yoongi excused himself to have some time alone, Jungkook also followed and claimed he wanted some fresh air because all this waiting was silently creeping up to his bones and muscles.

He could feel himself fidgeting and he knows Jimin sees it too. He should have probably told them about how you have internet now and probably read their messages, but something about the way you said ‘Only us’ made his tongue stuck in his throat. It suddenly felt like this was his first time talking to his crush and not his faithful partner and love of his life.

He walked around the hill for a few minutes with his head buried in his hoodie and a cap hiding his face under the stars of the sky. He was trying to calm his nerves.

Why was it taking you so long to get to a hotel? Why were you in Busan? You had no family in Busan, so why are you there? Since you’re talking to him does that confirm that you didn’t break up wi—

A buzz came through his phone and he almost dropped it as he took it out of his pocket to see that the notification had your name on it. He breathed out a breath of cold air first before he pressed it and read your message.

[20:07] Y/N: Jungkookie, sorry it's a bit late but I had to take care of some things before I could talk to you.

[20:07] Jungkook: Don’t worry about it, baby.

Jungkook’s breath hitched as he realized that he might’ve been overstimulating you by calling you ‘baby’ immediately. What happened to taking it slow and making sure they were there for you, so that you can determine that they care about your mental wellbeing?

[20:08] Y/N: Can we call? I need to talk to you properly and my fingers are tired from typing.

Jungkook chuckled as he sent a thumbs up emoji before he accepted your audio call. He placed the phone against his ears as he was about to say ‘hello’, though your voice beat him to it and greeted him first.

“Kookie?”

Your voice felt so foreign, yet sweet and melodic. Something he had yearned for too long that he could cry knowing all the nights he wished he heard it one more time. Your voice carried weight, though Jungkook’s mind went blank at comprehending any cues. Your voice held worry. Why were you all sending such long messages and why was Jungkook hurting?

Oh shit, was he crying? His mind finally caught up after getting lost in your voice. Something wet rolled down his cheeks as his nose sniffed and you repeated the call of his name.

“Yeah, baby. I’m here.” Jungkook responded as another tear rolled down his cheek and he didn’t do much to stop it, but to sniff his nose.

“Are you crying? Are you alright? What did you mean in the message? About Jin and Yoongi telling you what to do in your messages with me, and you hurting? Why are you hurting? Who hurt you, baby?” Your voice said in chorus, however it carried all the care that Jungkook had longed for in the past weeks.

Jungkook was fully sobbing into his phone now as he sits himself on a nearby bench, scared that if he doesn't sit then his body might collapse. He doesn’t really know why he was crying. I mean he finally got his wish of hearing your voice one last time, yet the care you had in your tone and your endearment through your words made him realize just how much he missed your voice.

“Jungkookie, I need you to calm down okay? Who’s there with you? Are any of the boys there?” You asked as Jungkook shook his head. No one was here. That’s what he liked about walking around Hannam The Hill at night. Usually people would be inside eating dinner or resting now, and they had the tightest security that not even his favorite food deliveries could enter and would require a staff member to pick the food up for them instead and deliver it to their dorm.

“No… I’m— I’m out for a walk right now… I missed you…” Jungkook whispered the last part more so to himself, though you heard it clear as day.

“Kookie… can you explain to me thoroughly what you meant in your message?” You asked softly as Jungkook forced his sniffles away to tell you everything.

He let it all out. About all his hyungs and him wanting to apologize to you and how much they’ve struggled without you. How they were all miserable during their practices, yet they all sucked it up for the promotions.

He told you how Jin would come out of his room with eyebags from forgetting to sleep because of his games, and how Yoongi already had three songs in the works because he was overworking himself day and night again. He told you how Hoseok wasn’t doing well with the choreography and didn’t even care when the members got something wrong. He told you how Namjoon had been an overthinking mess and was practically observing all of the boy’s moves. Namjoon might think he’s sneaky, but Jungkook is aware of the fact that the leader stays up until he gets back to the dorm after his adventures. He told you how everyone in HYBE has a little clue that the seven of them were dumped because Jimin came in with the most swollen eyes that night you left. He even joked how Jimin must’ve told you something about the new gossip in the building, but left out the fact that they were part of the topic in hand. He told you how Taehyung had been getting really careless with the stuff he eats, and that he had even tried out some new candies from his hyung’s cravings that were stashed in their bedroom mini fridge.

He told you how their fighting stopped when they didn’t have to sit down on the same table to eat dinner. They didn’t have you to gather together for, so what stopped them from eating in their rooms? He told you how they had their first agreed discussion because the subject of the topic was you.

He told you everything and he knew his hyungs would call him a snitch afterwards, though he didn’t care. If they weren’t going to beg for you, then he would for the rest of them.

“Jungkookie… I— I…” You were at a loss for words as you took in what he said and opened up another tab to see all their long messages.

“That’s why we need you back, baby. It hurts. It hurts me to see them like this, and it hurts me more to know that we’ll forever be incomplete.” Jungkook said as swallows a lump in his throat to stop his emotional rant. If you broke up with him now then at least he knew he did his best.

“Jungkook ah! Did yours get seen too?” Taehyung’s voice shouted as soon as his eyes landed on the youngest member entering the dorm through the entrance corridor. The other six men in the room turned to see what the youngest would answer.

“Huh?” He asks as he removes his mask and walks to where his hyungs sat in the living room.

“Has Y/N seen your message already?” Jimin says as Jungkook eyes all their opened phone screens. He checks his own phone and sees that his long message did get seen and nods as he eyes the rest of the men.

“Wait! Mine just got seen too!” Taehyung jumps up from his seat as he shows his phone screen to everyone. Jungkook lets out a small chuckle to himself. His hyungs reaction to getting his message seen was so different from his silent heart attack. Taehyung’s smile never looked so bright despite the unsureness of the situation.

“Baby, called me earlier…” Jungkook breaks the ice as all his hyungs turn to him with curiosity in their wide eyes.

“When?”

“What.”

“Huh??”

“Earlier?”

“What did she say?”

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

The boys spoke synchronously as Jungkook closed his eyes and tried to roughly summarize the events of the phone call.

“Baby, saw my message earlier in the ride back to the dorm and told me we needed to call privately—“

“So that’s why you were so fidgety and walked out.” Jimin interrupts as Namjoon takes this statement seriously and sends an even more intense glare to the maknae.

“I didn’t intend to keep the call secret, that’s why I’m telling you now…”

“You tried to hide the fact that Y/N saw your message already when I asked you. Do you call that being honest?” Taehyung bites back a little angry at being left out at some very important information, and he wasn’t the only one feeling this way.

“No, I—“

“Jungkook ah, you are going to be honest with us, won’t you?” Hoseok speaks up as Jungkook’s eyes widens and he was about to tell everyone that he would be completely honest to them. However, a few more boys spoke up about Jungkook’s honesty.

“Can we really trust him? He has been sneaking off lately…”

“Jungkook, this isn’t just something to be light about. We need every detail honestly as it was, because this isn’t just about your relationship with her, it's ours too.”

“I can’t belie—“

“God, can’t you guys listen for once?! I’m telling you that I’ll tell the truth, but you haven’t even let me speak for once. Was this how we treated Y/N that night, because I’d definitely leave any moment now.” Jungkook’s loud voice spoke as the room went silent. Jungkook takes a breath in to clear his mind before he continues. It didn’t matter if his hyungs took his words seriously now. He just wants the events out before any altercation.

“Baby called and said something about spending some time in the provinces outside Busan with her aunt and uncle.”

“With her favorite cousin?” Hoseok asks as Jungkook nodded.

“Yeah that one. That’s why our messages were getting bounced back. She saw mine first when she finally got signal because mine was sent last, and she said she’d call me and talk about it ‘cause I kinda went overboard with my message…”

“I knew you wouldn’t follow what I said.” Yoongi massaged his forehead, though gestured for him to continue.

“Yeah… I continued to not listen to you in the call either because I kinda dumped everything I’ve noticed us do without her and begged for her not to dump us…” Jungkook straightens his lips as he thinks back at how he got carried away exposing their weakest parts in a phone call.

Jin slaps his own forehead and Yoongi’s jaw drops as he contains his emotions by closing his eyes. Namjoon and Hoseok had their mouths open as Jimin and Taehyung looked at the youngest like he was crazy, though turned to each other to help keep their chuckles held back as they could already imagine your face when Jungkook vents out.

“Jungkook ah, what exactly did you tell her about Jin hyung?” Jimin asks as he leans on his elbows from his seat on the couch. Jungkook looks down at where Jin sits at the edge of the couch furthest from where he stands and swallows.

“I told her about how Jin hyung plays all night and forgets to sleep…” Jungkook’s voice was meek though it was enough to send Jimin and Taehyung laughing to lean their head at the back of the couch.

“And what did you tell her about Jimin?” Jin challenges as Jimin snaps out of his laughter and stares into Jungkook’s soul.

“I told her about how the entire HYBE building knows we got dumped because Jimin hyung came to work with the most swollen eyes…”

“Yah! Were you looking for a fight?!” Jimin threatens as he stands up with a fist ready to fake a fight, though they were all silenced when Hoseok’s serious voice speaks from the laughter of Jin and Taehyung and pulls on the fabric of Jimin’s shirt to sit him back down on the sofa.

“How did she respond to your confession?” Hoseok asks as Jungkook drops his head to gaze at the floor and all the members’ hearts sink to their stomachs. Fuck, what else would elicit that reaction if not the news that they were truly dumped.

“She said that she wanted to meet us, so that she could talk about it face-to-face.” Jungkook says as Namjoon carefully runs his hand through his hair.

“Talk about what?” Namjoon asks as Jungkook shrugs his shoulders.

“Jungkook, be honest.” Yoongi warns as Jungkook looks up to meet all their eyes.

“I asked her what she wanted to talk about but she just said that we’d talk about it then. All of us will go. If we can…” Jungkook says as Jin, Yoongi, Hoseok, and Namjoon collectively look at each other with furrowed brows.

“Right, we’ll meet with her tomorrow, and beg her to come back!” Jimin says as if it was the most absolute plan.

“How do we know that Jungkook is telling the truth? What if this is some sick joke?” Taehyung speaks up as Jungkook looks offended at the statement.

“Would I joke about something like this?” Jungkook asked as the room silenced, though the sound of their phones buzzing got all their heads turning towards their phones.

A message from you.

[20:59] Y/N: Jungkook told me everything and I saw your messages. Let’s meet up sometime soon? I’ll be in Seoul by nine in the morning tomorrow. When are you guys free?

Everyone had quickly jumped to their phones to begin typing a response, though Hoseok quickly halted everyone.

“Are we even free tomorrow? Weren’t we supposed to have a meeting over our visas and papers for America tomorrow? We have less than three days.” Hoseok voices out his worries as Namjoon licks his lips and looks at all the boys that had their eyes on him. His brain has already begun formulating a plan that would satisfy all of them.

“I’ll message management and reschedule our meeting in the evening. Y/N comes first.” Namjoon says the last sentence as a fact that they all agree on as messages in response to your message flowed through their group chat.

The date was scheduled and some relief filled all their bodies. However, none of them were sure if tomorrow’s meet up with you would bear good or bad news.

You entered the restaurant that you and the boys both loved going to. A familiar staff of the restaurant leads you past regular tables to their private rooms. It was uncommon to have private room bookings early in the day, especially on a weekday so the restaurant was fairly empty and you were led to one of the largest private rooms the restaurant had.

Although your time helping out your aunt and uncle after your cousin’s death had been healing, and gave you closure from the untimely death, that didn’t mean that you hadn’t missed your boys. Your seven lovely men that you loved way too much for it to be healthy.

You thought about your actions and partly took the blame for walking out so abruptly, though when you read their messages and heard from Jungkook everything that they had been doing without you, you couldn’t help but feel a little angry at how they clearly were relying on you to take care of themselves.

That’s why you called to meet them. You were sure the break would last at most a month and spending time away at the province had healed your mental despair, so you weren’t about to ignore them just as they’ll leave for promotions. Namjoon said it himself, he can’t handle America without you as a support system and surely the boys need someone to help ground them too, but that doesn’t mean that they can let go of themselves just because you weren’t there.

You knocked on the traditional wooden door before you slid it open and peaked your head to see the seven boys staring at you with wide eyes as they stood up from their seats. You took a step into the room and closed the door behind you. Part of you had expected all of them to jump at you, though they all stayed in their spots seemingly cautious of your presence as you turned to face them.

They were wearing relatively relaxed outfits as you didn’t even get to change from your train ride from Busan. You wore denim high-waisted baggy jeans with a gray fitted long-sleeve top with a puffer jacket of your favorite color and a beanie that matched it. A standard outfit, though it made you feel a bit overdressed when you see that Jungkook and Hoseok were wearing literal shorts.

“Hey… sorry I’m a bit late. I ran into some traffic on the way here.” You smiled at them whilst you removed your coat and beanie. Jin had immediately come to your side to help take your coat and hat off to place to the side whilst greeting you with a cautious kiss on the cheek to which you smiled at.

“No worries, we just arrived too.” Namjoon smiles, though the rest of the members knew for a fact that they were here half an hour early just in case you were early.

You observed that the table had exactly eight seats. Jimin, Taehyung, Jungkook, and Namjoon sat on the left side and Hoseok, Yoongi, and Jin on the right side. The only available seat being the one in between Yoongi and Jin, so you slowly walked towards it. Each step reverberated against the walls and it was starting to feel suffocating in the large private room.

“Someone please talk, this is getting awkward.” You spoke with a chuckle at the end as the men all laughed and Yoongi greeted you as you reached your seat.

“We just missed you, Love.” Yoongi says timidly, though as his hand snakes its way to your waist and you make no move to inch away from it, he warms up and flashes you a smile and kisses your cheek. His lips were warm and soft on your cheek and two kisses from your eldest boyfriends instantaneously placed your heart at ease.

“I think ‘miss’ as a word doesn’t describe how we felt.” Hoseok says behind you as you turn to greet him with a hug next. Your arms slotted right around his torso as his arms wrapped around your waist and he leaned down to place a peck on your forehead.

“Baby~ we want kisses too!” Taehyung says from across the table as you turn to face them and their whole side of the table quickly walks towards your seat. They seemed more at ease now that you hadn’t shown any hint of being uncomfortable or overstimulated from their words or actions. However, there was still an underlying emotion under their eyes that you couldn’t quite identify.

Once everything was settled you all sat down and let your eyes roam over the food on the table. Plates of meat circled around the grill in the middle of the table. Small plates of side dishes and other dishes scattered for everyone’s access. It reminds you of the small pack of biscuits you had eaten nearly five hours ago since you had slept the entire train ride from Busan to Seoul.

“Let’s eat first? I think everyone’s hungry.” Jin offers the idea to everyone as you just noticed that he had been eyeing you hungrily taking in the food on the table the entire time.

Everyone hummed in agreement as you watched them slowly take some meat to place on the grill. Your hands joined them as you swallowed and looked around to see if any of them would start talking.

“So… How come you’re free right now? I thought you’d be busy with last minute preparations for promotions.” You said as you took a tong and placed some meat on the grill, though Jin was already beating you to it and took the first cooked meat on the grill to place on your bowl.

“That’s what I actually wanted to tell you about that night. We wanted to have dinner with you before we went to America. Something like celebrating your birthday in advance.” Taehyung says as before he chews on a gimbap.

A sudden realization hitting you as all you needed was a night of being back to normal to get mentally better. Perhaps if you were patient enough….

“I’m sorry abou—“

“You did what you had to.” Yoongi cuts you off as you turn to look at him. He leaned back on his chair with his arm laid on the back of your seat.

“I think Jungkookie has told you everything already, so you would know that breaking up with us taught us a few valuable lessons.” Jimin says as he drinks on a glass of coca cola and throws a glance at the youngest labeled ‘snitch’.

“What? Break up?” You asked as you furrowed your brows and looked around the table to see that the boys all looked at you with varied expressions of looming sadness

“Yeah, you said you needed a break but really it’s easing us to a break up. We’re not stupid baby.” Taehyung says a bit tense, though Jimin’s hand on his shoulder had eased him to calm down a little.

“What?! I never and will never think about breaking up with you. Unless you guys want to.” You said as you looked at them in disbelief.

“What no! Never!”

“Never, baby!”

A series of disagreements filled the table as they all silenced when Namjoon’s authoritative voice bloomed amidst the sea of uncompensable words.

“We were meant to beg you to stay with us during this meal. What do you mean you aren’t breaking up with us?” Namjoon says as you chuckled and threw your head back to rest on Yoongi’s arm.

“God, no. I said I needed a break. I was mentally exhausted after my cousin died, that’s why I went to the provinces for two weeks and got some needed healing and help out my aunt and uncle. You guys were always tired so I figured you also needed a rest from me.” You said and the boys all collectively blinked at you as if they had finally gotten to the same page as you. However, a looming sadness washes over them as they process the news of your grievance.

“Don’t tell me you didn’t understand me from my explanation that night. Were we not on the same page for almost three weeks?” You asked as Hoseok cleared his throat.

“Beautiful, you are our rest.” The lead dancer said as Jungkook raised a finger to pipe in.

“We were somewhat on the same page…” Jungkook says as Jimin and Taehyung nod to support his statement.

“We knew you needed mental rest, but we all got convinced by Taehyung that you were eventually turning this break into a break up. We didn’t— we didn’t know about…” Yoongi trails off from beside you as you abruptly stop leaning on his arm and catch his eyes with a hint of grief with you.

“God, you guys are stupid. Namjoon, did you really leave them to think like this?” You ask towards the leader as he just shrugs and keeps his eyes on the food in his bowl.

“No wonder you were all miserable. Why didn’t you at least contact me— ah shit, I’m part to blame too. I shouldn’t have walked out on you guys.” You said more to yourself as they shook their heads to dismiss your apologies.

“It’s not your fault. We just weren’t listening. We were too busy being full of ourselves and fighting. We didn’t know you had to grieve by yourself.” Jin says and you massage your forehead with a hand that leaned on the table as silence engulfed the table once more.

“I’m so sorry for your loss…”

“We all are sorry…”

“H-How did it even happen? They were so young.”

“I don’t really want to talk about it right now…” You said silently as they all watched as you shook your head whilst rubbing circles on your forehead. You let out a chuckle though it wasn’t one that they could laugh with.

“I wanna focus on this funny mess. I mean… at least you got your fighting sorted, that’s what Jungkook said to me last night at least.” You said and their lips spread into a smile and some even let out a chuckle and a nod of their heads. You were done grieving and you practically spent two weeks of grieving, so you really needed something else to think about. And the topic of your dumb miscommunication and stupidity seemed like the best distraction.

“Don’t think that I’m not mad by everything Jungkook told me. Jin, you ended the message you sent me with ‘take care’ and from what Jungkook told me, you were barely sleeping because you’ve been gaming too much again. Yoongi, you know how much I hate it when you overwork or bring your work to the dorm even after hours of working in your studio. I can’t always be there to remind you to take care of yourselves.”

The men that sat on either side of you pouted at you though your face stayed stoic.

“I’m disappointed. Now, I can’t even show my face in HYBE because everyone thinks I dumped you and if you don’t do well in your promotions then the blame is on me.”

“It’s not your fault, baby.” Jimin says comfortingly though you send him a glare that quickly quiets him.

“Is it true that the gossip you were teasing in your message is about us?” You asked as the man forced a smile and sent glare at Jungkook as the younger avoided eye contact from everyone.

“I’m going to sort this out somehow. I just need you guys back in shape to perform.” You shake your head as you pick up a piece of pork to chew on and the table goes silent once again.

“You know…I’ve been thinking for a long time and I feel like this would be the best moment to ask for it, but do you want to go to America with us?” Namjoon speaks up as all eyes go to him and to you.

You were taken aback by the question. It was one of the few rules that management had for your relationship with them and now they were asking for you to break it.

“We missed almost three weeks from you and it feels like we’ve missed everything, and it’s almost your birthday so why don’t we celebrate it there too?” Namjoon was smiling as you stared at him like he was delusional.

“Joonie, as much as I want to, your management would—“

“If you’ve read my message then you would know that I don’t care. I don’t give a fuck if the media sees us. I need you, and I speak for everyone if we haven’t gone abroad and thought about how it would be if we went to those places with you. We can book you a ticket from our personal money if we have to. We’ll sort out your accommodations and everything. All you need to do is say yes.” Namjoon asks as all eyes settle on you.

You swallow a lump in your throat and weigh out your options. If you were caught then your name could be out there, and were you ready for that? But they all looked at you with such hope in their eyes and the sound of exploring new horizons with the loves of your life seemed like a dream. They said it themselves, you were their rest, and it seemed like the best way to catch up on some needed loving.

“I just came from Busan, I’m tir—“

“Y/N, it’s a yes or no, please.” Namjoon says and you swallow with a nod as a smile creeps up your cheeks. The boys began smiling brighter right as you said ‘yes’.

“I’ll get it sorted then. We have a meeting later and I’ll bring it up.” Namjoon smiles as the dinner table erupts with cheers and it breaks off to conversations about what they’d be doing there during their free time with you.

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