#need to buy takis etc etc and I laughed and told them how since my initial stock-up in august I only needed to spend money on it again

[applesandbannas747]

Students will take my classroom economy and build a mafia, successfully control at least half of the class’s fake money with predatory loans and interest rates, then expect ME to deal with it when someone steals from them

Like little homies I am so sorry to tell you this because I am so sorry it’s true but I am the government in this situation. The Man, if you will. You make a mafia, you deal with running it

Anyway, they decided to threaten thieves with breaking their knee caps and I’m helping them build a spreadsheet to keep track of their finances

They have not, however, relocated the jankass box made out of roughly hacked apart pieces of cardboard glued together that’s always sitting in the middle of the class library and bursting with their dirty fake money nor seem to have any intention to make ‘the mafia’ more secure

[jyoongim]

Hi there,

OMG I LOVE YOUR WRITING!

If requests are still open I was thinking of an idea. I was kinda inspired by the scene in Hazbin Hotel where Val is squinting at the tv and saying “who the f$&@ is that?”

But my idea is instead it’s Vox seeing Alastor escorting the reader around town, having coffee etc. so Vox sees an opportunity to get to Alastor by abducting the reader and broadcasting it to the hotel that they have her/him. Of course Al gets pissed seeing then hurt the reader and saves them.

Doesn’t have to be romantic, maybe more that Alastor considers then a rare friend and is very protective.

Anyway, let me know what you think.

Thank you!!

warnings: fem!reader kidnapping, attempted SA, Vox being a piece of shit, platonic friendship

“WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?” Vox growled as he stared at his many monitors.

 What had caught his eye was that fucker Alastor.

But oh the red demon wasn’t alone, no, hanging on the arm of the Radio Demon was a pretty doe.

You smiled as you chatted to the demon, eyes sparkling before pouting at whatever he had told you.

You leaned your head on his shoulder happily as the two of you walked down the street. 

Valentino took a puff from his cigar, smirking ”Ooh ooo seems like Alastor got himself a pretty lady while he was gone”

Vox had caught sight of you multiple times. Ever since Alastor came back, you were always by Alastor’s side, not once had he seen you alone.

He watched as Alastor took you to multiple places; cafes, shopping, showing you around Pentagram City.

You must have been something real special if the Radio Demon kept you around.

It would be ashamed if Alastor’s little pet went missing now wouldn’t it……

You groaned as you came to. You blinked,  clearing the haze from your sight as you gathered your senses.

You went to move, but found yourself bound and gagged. 

Your eyes widened how the fuck did this happen?

The last thing you remembered was leaving the hotel to buy a few things and being grabbed from behind.

You shivered. Looking down, you saw that you were dressed in rather provocative clothing. You looked around, there were cameras, monitors, and horny demons in the room all set on you.

You started to hyperventilate as tears welled in your eyes, where were you? 

“Aaahh there she is” a voice purred, a cold hand grabbed your chin,making you come face to face with Vox.

Your tears dried up immediately as your brow quirked at him

”now you might be confused dear but don’t fret, I’m not gonna hurt you too bad. Just need to get my point across. How will Alastor feel seeing his little pet ruined” he chuckled darkly.

You growled at him through the gag. 

He sat on a chair and grinned into the monitor

”This is a message to that old timer prick!” The monitor flashed your bound body, wriggling around as multiple demons started the touch you.

”I’ve got your pretty pet, oh don’t worry Ill send her back to you…but i fear she wont be quite the same” Vox laughed.

Charlie and the gang watched in shocked. Why the hell would Vox take you?

A dark aura filled the room as static buzzed loudly. 

“Well it seems I am needed elsewhere” the red demon grinned, smile tense and menacing.

Alastor disappeared in the depths of his shadows.

You panted as you were surrounded by demons. Your face was bruised and blood dripped from your mouth from being striked.

Your gag had been removed by a demon attempting to use your mouth and you had chomped his dick off, resulting in a harsh slap.

”I say we fuck her til she bleeds or even better dead” a demon growled.

You hissed and before one could make a grab at you, the lights blinked.

Dark misty shadows filled the room and you smiled as a voice growled from them.

”Now thats no way to treat a lady”

Alastor.

The demons tried to rush him, but his tentacles shot out and ripped every single one of them apart.

He stalked towards Vox and you had never seen Alastor so enraged.

He had the monitor glitching as he beat him to a pulp.

He powered him down and made his way over to you.

Taking you into his arms, he cooed to you “Oooh my dear I do apologize for the horrid display, i hope you were too uncomfortable”

He materialized your clothing to be more conservative and walked you out of the Vs’ building. 

“Thank you Al” you whispered burying your face in his chest

He chuckled “Ooh anything for you my dear”

Let’s just say, Alastor accompanied you anywhere you went after that.

[mishamoonberry]

Plush Toys

baby that’s what i do CH 2 - FFN / AO3

Just so you know, this fic doesn’t have any chronological order whatsoever. So what I wanna write will be written, time skips comes and goes, sometimes we will jump to the past, etc etc.

Enjoy reading!

This chapter includes Pein’s and Kisame’s opinions of Akatsuki’s newest recruit!

Warning: goofy Akatsuki, also this chapter takes place after an amount of time skip

It takes one Kakuzu one look at Akatsuki’s poor money management, and it is with pure horror on his face that he snatches the position of treasurer (and the considerably hefty amount of money as well as its bank book) from Zetsu’s white fingers.

“If you don’t understand how money works, then why are you managing it?!” He says, the tone almost taking a shrill one that he thinks is entirely justified. The book is filled with doodles of poo, and Kakuzu doesn’t want to know why. Zetsu and his strange obsession of poop are not in his top list of the things he wants to know about.

Zetsu, the little fucker, simply shrugs his shoulders. His black half is missing, probably latching onto another aloe vera guy like the creep he is.

It still weird him out a little bit that Zetsu is not a single entity, but one of many.

(My name is Legion, for we are many)

Kakuzu rolls that thought—the thought that sounds like Hayato and his morning routine of reading the bible—away from him swiftly, like how he does everytime he gets new people speaking in his head in the voices of his past Family. Still, really, it’s strange that there’s only one Black Zetsu but so many White Zetsus. It’s jarring, a lot more than finding out that Yuni is apparently an alien.

(And he still thinks that’s something is wrong with the Zetsus).

(Particularly Black Zetsu).

(He is glad he doesn’t have to spend much time with the black half, really).

“Well, nobody wants to do it,” is Zetsu’s eloquent reply, and Kakuzu wonders why Pein didn’t just do it himself or, like, appoint Konan-san or something; the woman looks capable and responsible enough, definitely better than the poo obsessed white-person-cannibal-thing!

(He wonders if he was recruited because of his money managing skills).

(It can’t be, right?)

(Right!?)

(It must be because he’s cool or something, or because of his S-rank reputation, not his money managing skills!)

(He kills people for a living, for God’s sake!)

(Honestly, while the Tsunayoshi in him is insulted, Kakuzu can’t help but to preen. He does love money, so it’s nice to be acknowledged that he knows how to handle his babies).

Zetsu grins at him, and Kakuzu feels like he won’t like what comes out of Zetsu’s mouth later.

His intuition is spot on, of course.

“So I just took the position, cuz somebody has to, right? And besides,” he grins unrepentantly, “it’s fun to doodle on it.”

“…”

Kakuzu wonders if he’ll get marked as Akatsuki’s traitor if he burns Zetsu with his dying will flames. Zetsu is, after all, many. Losing one won’t be that bad. Losing one won’t hurt at all.

That’s right, Kakuzu thinks viciously, his hand lightly sparking flames. It’s just one, he won’t be missed that much.

“Please refrain from murder inside the headquarters, Kakuzu-san,” Konan’s smooth voice interrupts his murderous thoughts and Kakuzu pauses, the sparks of flames on his hands dying like blown candles. Konan’s eyes focus on them for a moment, finding it intriguing that she finds no smoke or burned clothing.

The miser turns to the only woman in the group (and a very pretty one at that) and stares at her with a gaze that conveys his very emotions and thoughts, particularly about Zetsu’s doodling habit, something that the White Zetsus only do when they’re bored.

(Well, Konan thinks, that, or they go out to eat some people.)

“While killing your partner isn’t really recommended,” Kakuzu raises an eyebrow at the leeway she gives him—not recommended doesn’t mean he’s not allowed to, after all—and listens as she continues, “it will be a hassle to clean it up here. If you wish to kill, cleaning the headquarters from the mess will be your responsibility.”

It is then her lips twitches upward for a second, betraying her amusement at this event, and Kakuzu has to wonder if this is her way to smile or smirk.

(It reminds him of Bianchi, somehow).

The woman’s yellow eyes gaze at his green ones for a little while, some sort of camaraderie passing between the both of them, before she nods and saunters away, probably figuring out that Kakuzu has listened to her words and won’t end up killing Zetsu (yet).

Kakuzu, after watching the woman’s retreating back, remembers the mess of an accounting book in his grasp, curses, and makes a beeline to his room to fix the data or… just… whatever can be salvaged and saved from this mess.

They both ignore Zetsu, who is pointing at himself and loudly protesting about the apparent worth of his life.

XXX

Pein doesn’t really know what to think about his newest treasurer.

Being someone who loves money almost as much as he loves his own life, Kakuzu is obviously doing his job fairly well (even if he’s a bit stingy when a request to buy something is esteemed one-sidedly as unnecessary). The traitor of Taki also manages to effortlessly juggle between his work as a treasurer and his missions—although with Akatsuki still being a rather new missing-nin organization, missions are still far and inbetween—as well as his hobby to collect bounties or, well, what he calls as vacation time.

Well, as effortlessly as he can, Pein guesses.

There were times when Kakuzu had to shoo Zetsu away when he was counting money and cataloguing the data while sitting in the headquarters’ lounge, or when he threw a book full of doodles of poo and biceps and muscles and even some poorly drawn genitalia to a snickering White Zetsu.

Kakuzu bought Zetsu a drawing book, sometime later. A thick one.

And coloring pencils.

And crayons.

Lots of crayons.

Pein won’t say it, but Kakuzu seems more like an exasperated father trying to maintain his difficult children than a murderous and blood thirsty missing-nin sometimes.

Kisame fits more into that “blood thirsty” picture, and even Pein finds him sometimes cooking in the kitchen with a blue apron decorated with a stitched picture of a shark and the words ‘fishes are friends’.

(Pein finds out later that it’s a gift from Kakuzu).

(Pein finds out Kakuzu likes to stitch, in which, okay, it fits his fighting style, but he also stitches things for fun, and now he seems more like a mom than anything).

(Pein finds out Kakuzu stitched a mini aloe vera Zetsu doll and gave it to Zetsu for safe keeping).

(The White Zetsus fight over it sometimes).

(Pein wonders if Kakuzu stitched him something and just haven’t found either the time or the guts to give it to him, because Konan got herself a mini Yahiko doll and she loves it).

(…Sometimes, he wonders if he recruited the wrong ninja to be in Akatsuki. Why is his newest recruit so domestic?)

(Kakuzu of Taki is an S-rank missing nin who steals hearts from his village’s elders, why is he so domestic?)

But Kakuzu is strong, and Pein acknowledges that. Not as strong as Pein with his Rinnegan, of course, but the man truly deserves the S-rank he gets within the bingo books.

His movements are swift and agile; he’s sure of his own power and is not overconfident. Kisame, who has gone with the miser to a few missions together, says the man has managed to finish the mission as quickly and efficiently as he could, sometimes even ending it in one blow, probably making the blue skinned man pout over the loss of his chance to fight.

And then, there’s the matter about his flames…

Zetsu and Konan both had told him about the sparking of flames on Kakuzu’s hands—flames that curiously enough didn’t leave smoke or burn marks after they disappeared—that appears whenever he gets fairly irritated or tense.

A kekkei genkai, perhaps, and of a new kind as well, considering his family didn’t have such a thing, according to the information Zetsu gathered about the miser.

That, or it’s just a new jutsu the guy came up with in his long life as a shinobi.

But he hasn’t exactly used the flames for some reason.

Not on missions, where he totally can handle them without the help of his ‘flames’, and not even during the spars he sometimes does with Kisame and rarely, Konan herself.

(She seems to be quite fond of him, although Pein doesn’t know why. He rarely ever interacts with the missing nin outside of necessity, after all).

It makes Pein… curious.

As a leader, he probably can inquire the miser about it and demand a demonstration about the flames.

But Pein knows Kakuzu loves his freedom, the so-called Vacation Time and Leisure inbetween Missions, as Kakuzu himself so eloquently put it.

Or what’s left of it anyway.

He probably will be reluctant to do it, considering he hasn’t truly talked about it to shown it to anyone else blatantly. Although Kakuzu has shown that he is wary of Pein and his power.

If worst comes to worst, he’ll probably lose a very skilled treasurer.

Well, whatever, Pein muses, closing his eyes.

As long as it doesn’t affect the organization and its goals negatively, he shall not bother.

He believes the time will come when it gets revealed to him, anyway.

Soon, soon.

XXX

Kisame thinks Kakuzu is amusing.

True, he lives up to his reputation. Kakuzu is curt, ruthless and definitely lethal. Undeniably, he’s also a really skilled shinobi. In Kisame’s standards, he’s an important, strong ally, and has the potential to be a formidable opponent.

(Although Kakuzu is funny, too, since he saw Kisame looking at the mini Zetsu doll and offered to make him one if Kisame wanted, and when he said he didn’t need such a useless thing, the man got up and made him a freaking apron.

An apron, with a picture of shark and the word friend.

Then Kisame saw a small shark plush sitting in the lounge’s sofa and he laughed).

But Kisame is also not blind, thank you very much.

Although Akatsuki hasn’t made any real moves toward their goal in acquiring the jinchuuriki—save for the three tails in the Mizukage who is already effectively under Uchiha Madara’s influence—it has begun to collect information regarding them.

He’s seen Kakuzu’s flickers of emotions—emotions that are quickly and expertly hidden underneath a blank mask—when he saw the jinchuuriki’s information, and Kisame knows why.

Children.

Some of the jinchuuriki are children.

And Kakuzu, ruthless as he may be, is largely known for his penchant of sparing children, even young Genin or Chuunin that he seems to judge through his own criteria, because he killed some twelve year olds and let some others in the same age live before, and sometimes even women or pregnant women in particular.

This is one of the reasons as to why civilians don’t hesitate much when they approach Kakuzu for mission requests.

Out of all troublesome traits to have, he has to just have his fondness of children.

There will be some problems with the extraction, when the time comes, considering Kakuzu’s apparent weakness toward children in general.

Or, we can just wait until the children are old enough, Kisame thinks with a grin. That way, Kakuzu won’t be adverse to capturing and killing them, would he?

If there’s anything Kisame knows, Kakuzu respects and finds thrill in fighting strong and skilled shinobi. Older jinchuuriki are bound to fit those criteria. Kakuzu will find no qualms in fighting them; he’ll even be honored, if Kisame’s predictions of his traits are spot on.

Still, it’s a long way to go, he muses. Akatsuki still needs to find a name of its own to be feared among the Hidden Villages, to gather enough information and funds, to gather more members, before they can think of capturing those jinchuuriki.

For now, he’ll settle with gathering and getting to know new members, as well as watching how things go around the amusing miser.

Still, that plush toy, though, pffft.

XXX

Aaand done! What do you think?

Pein thinks Kakuzu is weird, and rather intriguing, especially his flames, while Kisame thinks Kakuzu is both funny and also someone that could potentially turn against Akatsuki simply bc of Kakuzu’s (or Tsunayoshi’s, really) fond feelings about children.

It’s Tsunayoshi’s memories at fault. He keeps on remembering Lambo, I-pin and Fuuta.

(Also, he cannot contain his need to make a plush shark. He just can’t. The temptation is too high).

Some of them have been influenced by Kakuzu’s Sky Flame’s harmony quality, can you figure it out between the lines? Tell me who you think has been enchanted by his flames and has potential to be his ‘guardians’!

Review please!

Next chapter: Konan and Zetsu’s thoughts about Kakuzu