#neonatal loss tw

[prvtocol]

do they own any sentimental objects? why are they sentimental?

THE REAL IMPORTANT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT QUESTIONS

The last tangible items of her son, which she lost 14 days after giving birth. The hand and footprints, a lock of hair, a hospital swaddling cloth, the birth and death certificates, a small lamb plush she bought (and the only item from the nursery she kept), a commemoration card with a photograph tucked inside of her holding him for the last time. His ashes are in London in the family plot, but these are stored away in a white lacquer memory box in a wall closet in her office. Inside are a few other sentimental items from a time when her life looked different; she was married, she was planning to start a family, work was not her life.

People will ask if she is a mother and someone once told her to say she was rather than say no, but somehow it is easier to not say anything. To keep these memories locked away from others as she does in that box since it feels like a different life now. But his name was Hunter William after her grandfather, Willian Hunter Landry. The doctors said they could fix him; the birth defects to his heart and lungs caused by an unlisted and rare side effect of a Biotechnica hormone blocker she was taking when she got pregnant. But his little body wasn’t strong enough to sustain the surgeries and treatments. Holding onto hope throughout the pregnancy and the weeks after as she did, changed how she holds onto hope currently. She learned to not do so readily. But these objects are cherished even if they still hurt spending time with.

*In our triple V. plot, I hc that she requests Vince or Viv to retrieve some personal items from her repossessed estate post-dismissal from Arasaka and this box is the most relevant item on her list. 

[leaveherwildliketheflowers]

Random things that I should write about in a journal but am choosing to dump here instead.

I'm the happiest I have been in years. I'm truly living in a state of euphoria most of the time. I still have a hard time believing that I get to be the mom to this sweet and spunky little girl.

Despite all the joy I'm also dealing with daily anxiety that can get quite intense, days where depression makes it hard to do much other than lay around, and grief that is worsening each week. The swing between the high and low is a bit unsettling. Sometimes it feels like I'm faking it because I can't possibly feel both ends of the emotional spectrum so intensely.

I have cried every day for the past 2 weeks. As M reaches more milestones and starts interacting with us more I'm constantly reminded of exactly what I missed with my twins. When she laughs and strings cooing noises together as if trying to make conversation I'm flooded with equal parts joy and grief. Is this what they would have sounded like? Would they have been this outgoing with bold, strong personalities? I'll never get to know and that guts me.

I'm afraid I'm starting to forget my twins. Not conceptually. I know who they are and that they existed. I'm talking about the details. The way they smelled. How it felt when they squeezed my finger with their tiny hands. They way they melted into my chest as if I was their only safe space. The sound of their last breath. I'm terrified it's slipping from my memory.

Breastfeeding is taking everything out of me. Most days I'm exhausted and my body feels really run down. I'm not quitting, but damn it's taxing.

To say I'm thrilled to be working out regularly again is an understatement. It makes me feel like me again. I'm still a long ways from running, but that has resulted in me trying some new workouts which is a fun challenge.

Part of my regular workout routine right now as I rehab my leg is power walking. As an athlete that focuses on high intensity movement I have never considered walking exercise. Changing my mindset on that has been incredibly healthy mentally and will serve me well in the long run.

Mother's day is quickly approaching and there are just a lot of feelings about that.

I want another baby but the thought of going through another pregnancy and potentially more losses makes me want to rip my skin off.

I realized that the reason I want a second baby so badly RIGHT NOW is because after mentally preparing for twins it feels like a child is missing. In reality 2 are missing and they always will be. It's a huge hole that I can't fill.

I have little confidence that my body can provide the number of children my heart wants and that is a tough pill to swallow.

It's ok to still grieve what I have lost while being so incredibly grateful for the miracle baby I was blessed with, right? Sometimes I feel like a horribly ungrateful, disgusting monster for holding any negative feelings when M is such a perfect little ray of light. But like, I miss my babies. A lot. I suppose I should probably talk about this in therapy instead of ranting into the void.

[the-pale-goddess]

Hi hildee!! Missing you here. I was feeling angsty and thought, What would be the reason for Ethan and Tiffany to divorce (cheating can't be the answer). I know it is not possible, but let's imagine a parallel universe where they did. What is the plausible reason behind it? And how will they navigate their lives since they work at the same place? Will they find someone else and move on, or at some point in the future, will they give their marriage a second chance?

Ahhh, loveliest Anon, I miss you too—horribly so! Can’t thank you enough for still thinking of me and E&T ❤️❤️❤️ 

It’s common knowledge that I live for angsty AUs, but I must admit that your ask inspired a disgustingly fluffy fic idea first ksdjksjdksj Your power, hello?! I couldn’t be more grateful because you helped me settle on a quite important canon HC I couldn’t figure out for the longest time! I wish I had more space to pursue this tooth-rotting fluff…Sadly, with my poor health and everything going on in my life, it seems impossible at the moment. 

Still, you’re waiting for angst galore, and I’m here to deliver…

I received a similar ask in the past, and I still stand by my answer—I can’t think of any circumstance that would break them up. Canonverse E&T go through a pretty solid character development; both of them worked on their personal issues and unresolved past traumas, finding inner wisdom and integrity so crucial in overcoming any obstacles that could endanger their relationship. 

However…You made me ruminate on the topic again. What if...They would somehow...Skip this long and difficult process? I can picture (1) particularly heart-wrenching scenario in which divorce would certainly happen 👀 As you can imagine, anything that had the power to dissolve their bond and force them to separate must be huge and tragic. 

I feel terrible even thinking about this entire AU…So buckle up! I’ll try to paint the scene and address your questions. Please, don’t hate me ksdjfkdsjfksj

TW: neonatal death

Tiffany was 38 when she got pregnant for the third time. Though it was a dangerous gamble, E&T put their trust into medicine and hoped for some luck. Unfortunately, the nightmare possibility became a horrifying reality: she developed preeclampsia. At first, the danger seemed contained; both the mom and the baby were closely monitored and taken care of. But her condition suddenly worsened, the severity of disease calling for a premature delivery.

While Tiffany was fighting for her life, Ethan had no choice but to make an impossible decision—a decision he reached with zero hesitation. He wouldn’t risk losing the love of his life for a 60% survival rate a baby born at 24 weeks would have. Despite receiving the best possible treatment in the NICU, the little one didn’t survive the night.  

While canonverse E&T would certainly navigate through such a traumatic event with unwavering mutual support and dedication to recovery, AU E&T would spiral into the darkness. Instead of making an effort to communicate properly and listen to each other, trying to understand those conflicting emotions raging inside them, they would focus on the misery, fuelled by those underlying personal issues they failed to address back when it was expected.

Gravely depressed, Tiffany was furious with Ethan’s decision. She thought he should have tried to save the baby no matter the cost. It was obvious that the loss she suffered clouded her judgment. If given the choice, she would have to agree with Ethan. She studied the case obsessively every day, went through all the possible outcomes, and the baby truly stood no chance. But she could be saved; she had to fight for her two other children—the ones that already had a life, the ones counting on her, trying to grasp what happened. That was perhaps the essence of her anguish: she had no choice, no say in this, no chance to meet her tiny daughter, to say goodbye. She couldn't fix it. Grief poisoned her mind in ways she could never predict.

Ethan was too fixated on his own sorrow and the absurdity of his wife’s resentment to actually see past her pain and empathize with her extremely fragile state. The fact that she was so willing to leave him and orphan their children for a slim chance of saving a fetus? He couldn’t understand her reasoning. He wouldn’t understand her reasoning. Yes, the loss affected him too, it affected all of them. But there was no other choice. She had to see that, right? 

The tragedy struck them in separate bolts, and they landed on different paths, too consumed by their own agony to meet half-way and reconcile. Inevitably, the connection between them began to dim and they grew apart. With no emotional support from Ethan, Tiffany became distant as she struggled to get better. Ethan fell back into the old patterns and put his emotional defense back up high. He started spending the majority of days at work, neglecting not only Tiffany, but also NJ and Letty.

Every attempt to patch things up led to cruel arguments and blame-shifting. Eventually, Tiffany recognized it all went too far and saw only one solution to their problems: she filed for divorce and full child custody. After a short yet intense custody battle, they reached an agreement that allowed Ethan to have the kids for the weekend. 

As soon as the divorce became final, Tiffany and the children moved to NYC (no surprise here, I guess kdjfksfjksfj). Ethan would visit them most of the times, but on occasion Tiffany would fly the kids to Boston and spend the weekend there, strolling through the city with old friends. 

NJ was 9, and Letty was 6 when the divorce happened, so I imagine it was unbearably tough for them to process, especially with all the mess happening prior. But they’re the kind of troublemakers that would 100% come up with a genius plan to Parent Trap E&T and bring them back together lol Would they be successful? Well…Only if both Tiffany and Ethan went to therapy and dealt with their inner problems first. Then, I presume, they would be able to have a heart-to-heart with each other and see if there are still some remnants of trust and compassion left in the ashes of their relationship. Despite all the bitterness and trauma, the love between E&T remains intact, so it all boils down to whether they would allow themselves to open up to the frightening idea of reconnection and the risk the second chance carries. 

Ooof…That was extremely painful to conjure up and felt even worse as I was writing it down ksdfjksjgksj Nevertheless! Thank you for the ask, dear, I'm sending you lots of love ❤️

[doorrobloxstuff]

SWIMMY SIBLINGS HC'S NOW /NF

THE ABRIDGED SWIMMY SIBS (Ambush and Depth) HEADCANONS:

Tw//Abandonment, loss of a parent, grief, self-starvation and death/loss of a sibling

A twink not having a fucking break. /j

Their train (the hotel isn’t the thing like itself in existence btw…) collapsed/derailed after..unknown stuff (still deciding)

Ambush and Depth’s family fled their collapsing home and tinybush was wounded and alot of their family members were killed.

Slowly, one by one Ambush’s pod perished due to various reasons but entities typically have a shit time without their quote on quote “big place” in modern times.

Their parents were... okay.

One was a typically easygoing water-based entity while the other was a tired old guy just doing its freaking best while its older children were literally rotting away into memories and static eating them alive.

Eventually, it was only them left. The two parents, Depth (who by now was the only one who could care for the basically neonatal Ambush.) and baby bush who was having a hard time eating due to its jaw.

Parentification! Yipee! /s

Then the older one just shriveled into peices and the two siblings where left in the care of the carefree one who was now overwhelmed with stress (somewhat..??? not??because of the dead partner but because It was left with two freaking kids to raise?? But also because dead partner to be fair.)

Eventually their parent found a safe place, and once they found a responsible adult (Jeff and Co) just said: “Bye!” And abandoned them both. Just deadass left.

To be fair there’s a tiny bit more nuance there: It DID want them to be safe but that’s all the siblings saw.

Anyhow, Jeff ( and company) was nice about it, bounced the two siblings between them whenever they needed an adult.

But despite how much support they had, they still kind of begin to have troubles with each other.

Depth was just always low key exhaustedvand never really got over watching everything she knew and love be violently destroyed in front of her.

Ambush couldn’t understand why its sister was becoming so distant and resentment began to build.

They argued a lot.

During which, Rush, Ambush, Seek and Figure all snuggled up together because they where still little guys because ngl Depth was a little stinky.

Depth would hang out with Greed and Silence meanwhile.

Something something Greed proposed to Depth.

The two drifted apart until..

Then the famine happened!

The siblings where forced spend time together!! And hunt together! And co-habitate! And work together!!

And they grew close again!!

..But, as time went on and the famine and grew worse and worse. Depth began to notice..

Ambush’s ribs peek through its chest, Its eyes grew tired, its glitches more numerous, slower and slower.

Greed too, for how big it was complained how hungry it was, constantly.

Silence was emaciated and spent most of its time sleeping curled up with her.

Her.

…Why her?

When was she ever been really important anyone?

No, they were more important.

Did..she really need to eat that much?

Depth got to meet the tiny itty bitty A’s before well..the card game incident happened.

She never woke up again.

It was peaceful for Depth atleast, she passed away in a coma with Greed curled up around her.

Ambush wanted to name Sally after Depth.

[openheartfanfics]

And then Someone Died...

Ethan x F!MC

A Wedding and a Funeral - @genevievemd 🎭 Everything is going well, wedding plans are being finalized, when Gen gets a life changing phone call.

All I Want - @openheart12​ 🎭 Ethan lost the love of his life. TW: Death, Suicide.

Don’t be scared, I’m right here. - @rookie-ramsey 🎭 Ethan’s final moments are spent right where he wants to be. TW: death/cancer.

Downpour - @rookie-ramsey​ 🎭 MC can’t get rid of the guilt after a loss.

Forever Series - @jerzwriter 📚🎭🛸 [mini: completed]  Ethan & Casey spent most of their lives apart, longing for each other. After saying their final goodbyes, Dana and Casey help lead each other to happiness once again and Casey learns, true love never dies.

Grief - @hopelessromantic1352 🎭 A patient dies and they have to tell his pregnant girlfriend.

Hard Dream - @amortentiaopenheart​ 🦚​ Someone very dear to Catherine passed away. TW: Character death

Here For You - @the-writerly-night-owl 🎭 Ethan loses someone very important to him and MC promises to be there for him. TW: Naveen dies.

Hugs & Deaths - @headoverheelsforramsey 🎭 Three years, three different deaths and three different ways Ethan comforts Meera.

I Swear On You, My Beloved - @schnitzelbutterfingers 🎭 Nothing can separate them apart, not even death. Because they share the promise of eternal love.

In Memoriam D.C. - @stygianflood 🎭 The funeral (2.12) from Sienna’s PoV Feat. Danny x Sienna

Last minutes - @perriewinklenerdie​ 🎭 In her final moments, all she wants is to hear his voice one last time.

Last Night Alive - @rookie-ramsey 🛸🎭 What if Ethan was in that room? AU to chapters 10-11.

Life Without... - @alwaysmychoices 🎭 What if Charlie never texted Ethan that night? What if they never saved Naveen, and what if Ethan left Boston all together at the end of Book 1?

Lullaby - @liaromancewriter ☁ While caring for Baby Hudson in the neonatal ICU, Ethan Ramsey can’t help but reflect on the past and provide comfort to someone who needs it.

Me Before You - @liaromancewriter  🎭 A confrontation leads to the truth from one Ethan Ramsey after the silence upon the anniversary of a close friends death. TW: mentions of death

Navigating The Job  - @hopelessromantic1352 🎭 Part two of Grief.

Never Too Far Away - @potionsprefect 🎭 A nightmare sends Naveen into panic mode

Not Too Late to Say Goodbye - @aworldoffandoms 🎭 Though it’s time for MC and Ethan to say goodbye to their beloved. It’s not the end for their family… because family is forever.

One A.M. - @rookie-ramsey​ 🎭 Ethan receives a call from the police office. TW: death.

One Last Talk - @potionsprefect 🎭 He has one last talk with the man whom he looked up to the most. Feat. Naveen Banerji

Roses - @lucy-268 🎭 He always bought her roses for their anniversary.

Safe - @therookie 🎭 Ethan grabs something and MC flinches because she thinks he’s going to hurt her because of her past relationship. TW: mentions of domestic abuse

Saturn - @genevievemd 🎭 Nothing feels real without him.

Summertime Sadness - @aylaramseycarrera 🎭 She thought nothing else could break her anymore. She was wrong. TW: Death

The choice is yours + bonus ending - @perriewinklenerdie​ 🎭 In one moment, his whole world falls apart. He loses everything, and he doesn’t know how to cope with it all. + bonus ending containing a more light ending to the very dark story. TW: death to mother and unborn child.

The Five Stages of Grief - @missmiimiie 📚 [extended: wip]  Ethan goes through the 5 stages of grief when Krystal is diagnosed with an incurable cancer. [Death]

Prologue  | Denial  |  Anger  

Bargaining  |  Depression

They Gave Today for Their Tomorrow - @potionsprefect​ 🎭 Ethan goes to visit Danny and Bobby’s bodies in the morgue.

When You Need Me - @usuallyamazinglyaverage 🎭 This time she is in need of comfort. TW: Loss of family.

Without You - @little-flowers-on-heaven  🎭 Ethan has to learn how to live his life without Isolde. But can he learn how to move on?

You’re Smiling, Right? - @checkurwindow 🎭 She’s gone now, and Ethan doesn’t know what he’s going to do without her.

32 Years - @rookie-ramsey 🎭 He spent six years with her and twenty-six without her.

_

SUBMIT OPEN HEART FICS & WRITERS HERE

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[leaveherwildliketheflowers]

One of my college roommates just lost her daughter after she was born at 27 weeks and it's really fucking with my head. My heart breaks for her. I break for Rhett and Thea. I have been hovering over M all day, an anxious mess that something will happen.

This is so fucked up. Babies shouldn't die. Period.