#never doing a red eye again jeezus Christ

[megagrind]

*heart pounding, body shaking, losing feeling in the extremities, genuinely feel like I’m about to die rn* damn those Starbucks refreshers have caffeine in them don’t they

[beautifulburn-chriscornellfanfic]

Chapter 3

Los Angeles California, September 24 1991

"You're such a fucking bitch you know that? I can't even fucking believe I'm even with you anymore!"

"I'm a bitch? What the serious fuck John? I fucking caught you with her and I'm a bitch?" I exclaim in the passenger seat of his Ford pick up truck.

"You know what, she was a better fucking fuck than you ever were and I'm not even sorry you caught me. I don't give a shit, I just want you out of my life," John's eyes burn into mine as he drives us down the street.

"You want me out of your life? Well fine fuck you! Fuck you and that little fucking whore... you deserve each other!" I scream and he aggressively pulls up to the curb.

"Get the fuck out of my truck!" He says menacingly.

"Gladly!" I yell grabbing my bag, quickly opening the door and stepping out but not before he speeds away, almost taking me with him.

"Fuck you, you fucking asshole!" I scream as I nearly stubble out on the sidewalk and throw up my middle finger at him. For a moment I didn't even care that people were out on the sidewalk watching our fight take place.

I had enough. Just another person in my life who doesn't give a shit about me.

As John spins the tires of his shitty Ford pick-up and speeds away I accidentally stumble right into a tall figure, practically planting right in his chest.

"Shit, you alright?" He catches me to steady me as I stumble backwards a little.

I know that voice.

I look up and I swear to god I thought my heart was about to stop.

Chris Cornell.

"Wait... Andi...? " He says as he looks down at me, his eyebrows raised in surprise, his hands still holding my arms. I was speechless.

"Uh, yea..." I clear my throat feeling extremely embarrassed but stable myself pushing a few curls out of my face, making sure my sunglasses were still on.

"Jeezus Christ are you ok? Who was that?" Chris asks extremely concerned as he looks down the road where John sped off and then turns back to me trying to look into my eyes though I keep my sunglasses on.

"No one,"

"You sure you're alright?" Chris asks giving me those concerned eyes again.

"I'm good... I just um... I'm good," I smile awkwardly back and suddenly there was this weird empty space between us.

"I almost didn't even recognize you..." He smiles at me, those gorgeous blue eyes feeling like they are burning into my soul.

"Yea... I seem to have that affect on people..." I smile awkwardly again. This is not how I intended to run into Chris,  if I was to run into him... which now I have.

"You know I can go kick his ass if you want me to?" Chris hooks his thumb towards the direction that John sped off to.

"No, no I'm fine... I'll be fine... he was just an... asshole," I say as I adjust my shirt and I feel Chris's eyes flick over my body. God how I missed that. There was more awkward silence between us and all I wanted to do was just run. I really didn't want Chris to see me like this. After the way we left things back in the summer, I didn't want him to see me stuck at the same spot in my life.

Running.

"I'm just heading to the Rainbow for a few drinks with the guys, wanna join me? We can catch up?" He asks so sweetly. As much as that offer was tempting I really didn't want to face a crowd of people right now, especially a crowd I haven't met yet.

"Um... I can't right now..." I trail off moving around him feeling horribly guilty that I don't really have an excuse other than I just don't want to be around a crowd right now.

"Oh... ok um, well how'bout later tonight then? We're having a record release party at the hotel we're staying at but I'd really like it if you came?" He says as I turn back to face him and he flips those gorgeous curls out of his face.

"Sure, tonight sounds... good," I offer a smile back. Chris smiles back at me and it almost felt like my heart was about to stop again. He then reaches into the pocket of his baggy black shorts, pulls out his wallet and hands me a card.

"It's where we're staying..." He trails of flipping his curls out of his face again.

"Ok," I say quietly as I look down at the card.

"You sure you're ok? I mean it, I'll kick his ass," Chris says which actually made me giggle.

"Yea, I'm ok," I smile at him.

"Ok... I'll uh... see you tonight then," He smiles at me and I nod feeling that awkward moment creeping back up again and as soon as it showed up, it was broken as he continues on his way down the sidewalk, his dark curls swaying with each stride of his Doc's while he lights up a cigarette and exhales a cloud of smoke. I let out a long exhale, not realizing I was holding my breath, then turn and make my way back to the place that I was staying at. It was just a friends place since I needed a place to stay while I was stupidly trying to work it out with John. But now I know that it's definitely over between us, I'm pretty much ready to pack up and leave California, much like all those months ago when I met Chris the first time. Only this time I'm sticking to it.

See a train wreck, become that train wreck. Funny how that seems to stick with me no matter what I try to do to get rid of it. It wasn't liked I loved John anyways. I thought maybe I did but...I don't even know what love feels like but I sure as hell know it doesn't feel like this.

Within a few short hours I was once again able to pack everything I had in my duffel bag, throwing it in the back seat of my black '69 Dodge Charger and headed down the streets of L.A. Even though so many months have passed since I did this the first time, I hadn't made any progress in not repeating my same mistakes.

"But at least I still don't have any feelings left to hurt," I mumble to myself, leaning my head on my hand as I drive down the street trying to find somewhere to stay for the night. I was tempted to just stay at the hotel that Chris is staying at, since he gave me that card but I didn't know if that would be weird or not. I am kind of excited to see him and once again forget about who I am and just have some fun.

"Fuck it," I say to myself and turn down the sunset strip, making my way to the hotel that Chris was staying at.

I find a parking spot, and with my duffel bag in tow, I head into the hotel and check into a room. Once I get to my room, I take a quick shower, clean myself up a bit and take a look at the damage in the mirror. The bruise under my eye is still there, of course but at least it's not swollen like it was earlier today.

"Fuck..." I exhale.

Maybe I can work a little make-up magic on it.

I fix my curls and walk out of the bathroom to change into a tight black mini skirt that I had cut up and distressed, my Pantera band shirt from earlier today and my Doc's of course. Once I feel like I look human again, I take one last look in the mirror, then make my way to Chris's room.

*****

"Well... are you going to let me in or not?" I ask looking back and forth between the two body guards that stood in front of the door.

"Look, sweetie, we said no, it's a private party now just run along alright?" The larger bodyguard said as he crossed him arms over his chest. He was big but not muscular, he mostly looked fat. The kind of fat that starts at the back of his neck and goes all the way down to his feet.

I sighed and turned to head back to my room and just forget about the whole thing, listening to those big goons snicker behind me. I was about to turn around and say something but I figured what's the point? Standing in the elevator, embarrassed with myself to think that I would've been able to show up at a record release party with no invitation, other than just a card with a room number on it.

Once I arrive back at my room, I sat down on the bed, kicked my feet up and mindlessly flipped on the T.V, flipping through channels thinking about where I should go from here.

At least this time I have a place to stay and not just the back seat of my car... or well you know.

Thirty minutes of me flipping through the channels I finally glance over at the phone and see a red light flashing indicating I had a message.

"Hi Andi, it's Chris... I saw you down in the lobby checking in earlier so I had the front desk connect me to you room, but you're out... obviously... so yea I'm glad you're here... if you wanna come up to the room, just call first so I can let the guys know to let you in, ok? ... alright see ya,"

Holy shit he called me!

I listened to it twice more just to make sure I wasn't imagining it, I mean I know I ran into him on the street today but I didn't think he would call me.

I have no idea why all of a sudden I feel so insatiably nervous. I just ran into him a few hours ago but for some reason the nervousness is hitting me hard. I take in a few deep breaths and lift up the receiver and dial the suite number.

"Hello?"

"Hey... uh can I speak to Chris?" My voice cracks

"What? You gotta speak up sweetie,"

"Chris, Can I talk to Chris?" I repeat a little louder.

"Oh yea sure, hang on,"

I hear the phone drop and a bunch of music in the background with people yelling and singing. Finally after what seemed like an eternity I heard the phone pick up again.

"Hello, Chris here,"

His voice sounded slightly hoarse and I froze just for a second.

"Hello?" He said again.

"Hi, it's... it's Andi," my voice cracks again. Why the hell am I sounding like this?

"Andi! Alright, you got my message," He says excitedly.

"Yea,"

"You wanna come up?" He asks.

"Sure... but tell your boys to let me in this time," I say.

"Huh?"

"Never mind,  I'll be right up,"

We hang up with each other and I switch off the T.V , running over to the mirror and making sure everything still looks as it should. The black smoky eye shadow I decided to go with seems to be hiding the bruise well, so at least I wont be asked any questions on that. I fluff my curls a bit as they fall down around my shoulders, adjust my Pantera shirt once again making sure my cleavage looks amazing and I head out the door.

A few minutes later I emerge from the elevator and turn the corner again to see those two big goons down at the end of the hall standing in front of the door laughing and carrying on.

"Awe... look who it is again, c'mon sweetie you know we're not going to let you in," The big fat one says again with a stupid smirk on his face.

"I'm Andi... Chris invited me so, I think you are going to let me in," I say.

"You're Andi? Shit... why didn't you say so the first time?" The quiet one says this time.

"I did," I say flatly. They look back and forth between each other then look back at me obviously feeling guilty that they turned me away the first time.

"We're uh, sorry sweetie... you can go right in," The quiet one says as he steps aside. I give him a nod and the fatter one says nothing as I walk through the door.

Inside, there were a ton of people laughing and having fun with a haze of smoke through the air. I knew since it was a party that there would be lots of people but I didn't think there were going to be this many. It sounded like the new record was playing and I could hear Chris's voice over the sound system.

As I nonchalantly make my way through the crowd, I see Chris sitting on one of the couches with an acoustic guitar across his lap and couple of his band mates around him, along with a few girls that sat opposite of them all that seemed to just be hanging out and talking with each other. I think the tall dark haired guy was Kim and the blonde was Matt. I haven't met them  but I remember them from that night at the bar and their videos that play on MTV.

I could feel my nervousness creeping back up again and I desperately need a drink. It's crazy that I don't remember being nervous the night that we... well...

I see Kim lean into Chris and point towards me which made my cheeks flush a bit. Chris looks up from his guitar but still plucks the strings and plays a few chords, his eyebrow raised with a smile slowly spreading across those beautiful lips as his blue eyes glance over my body, landing at my chest for a moment and then back up to my eyes.

"Hi," He says sweetly as I approach the couches.

"Hi," I smile back.

"I'm glad you made it... have a seat," He says, his voice cracking a bit as he gestures to the empty chair that sat beside him. I take his lead and sit down in the chair flipping my curls out of my face as I fight the craving for a cigarette.

"That's uh, Kim... and Matt over there... I have no idea where Ben is though," Chris gestures to Kim and Matt and they give me a wave and a nod. Then someone passes me a beer though I'm not sure who, I thank them and take a sip.

"So uh, how you been?" Chris asks as he flips his curls out of his face and removes the guitar from his lap and leans it against the back of the couch.

"Alright, I guess," I say and take a sip of my beer as I let my eyes wonder over him, wanting to see what was under his black 90 logo T-shirt and those black baggy shorts of his again.

"Better than earlier?" He asks with a smirk. I give him a confused look, then I remember how I ran into him today.

"Oh yea... that... sorry about that," I say and trace my thumb along the label of my beer.

"It's ok, you don't need to be sorry... I just wanted to make sure you're ok,"

"Yea, I'm ok... on to the next," I say looking at my beer for a moment hoping he doesn't ask any more questions. I glance back at him and he looks at me with those damn eyes again. Those eyes that seem to want to either feel sorry for me or save me, I couldn't tell which.

"You uh, living out here now?" Chris asks as he reaches for his beer that sat on the square coffee table in front of us, then sits back resting his leg across his knee and takes a sip.

"Not exactly..." I trail off and take another sip.

"Still running?" He raises his eyebrow at me as that question hit me in the chest like a ton of bricks.

"It's a long story," I say when I finish my sip and he nods. His eyes flick over me and there was that empty space between us again.

"I guess that's why I couldn't reach you," Chris says and looks down at his beer bottle.

"You tried to call me?" I ask in slight disbelief.

"Of course... but uh, the number was disconnected..." Chris flicks his eyes back to me. I didn't know how to tell him that I never made it to Vegas.

"Oh," Was all I could say.

"I thought maybe you gave me a fake number or something," Chris chuckles.

"No, no it wasn't a fake number... I uh, well that morning we left each other, I tried to catch up with you in Seattle..."

"Really?" Chris smiles.

"Yea, but some stupid state trooper idiot pulled me over... speeding I guess... he wrote me up big time though..." I say looking at my beer and trailing my thumb along the label again as Chris smirks and takes a sip of his beer.

"You still driving the Charger?" He asks.

"Yea... she's my baby," I smile at him.

"She's one hell of a gorgeous car," He says.

"Yea... I spent all my savings to buy her. The only thing in my life that hasn't let me down," I say looking back down at my beer, not realizing that I said it as loud as I did and Chris's expression hardens a little.

There was some more silence between us though the party raged on around us and I was starting to get the feeling that I should really just head back to my room. As much as I want to be around Chris, I'm also wanting to slump into a corner of the room and hide away from everyone.

"Come with me," Chris says breaking me out of my thoughts for a moment, leaning over to me and stroking my bare calf with his hand, feeling his heat, reminding me of that night. I make a move, setting my beer down, rising from the chair as he rises from the couch and leads the way, his curls swaying with his movements, his boots thudding against the carpeted grand hotel suite. He leads me through more people, to the large sliding glass doors and out onto the large balcony overlooking downtown L.A.

The air was only slightly cooler than earlier with a gentle breeze blowing through. I follow him up to the railing of the balcony as we both lean out to look at the streets below.

"I uh, thought it'd be better out here... you looked like you were wanting to get away... or something," He says leaning back on the railing and pulling out a cigarette to light it up.

"I'm ok," I say as I look down at the street below. He takes a drag of his cigarette and looks at me, his eyes squinting from the smoke.

"So, that asshole earlier give you that as a going away present?" Chris asks with the cigarette between his lips, gesturing to the bruise under my eye. Once again he somehow knows the questions to ask that hit me hard, practically knocking the wind out of me. I honestly thought I'd covered it up enough, but apparently not. I look at him and reach up, taking the cigarette from his lips and take a drag for myself and stay silent.

"Look... why don't we get outta here for a little bit?" Chris asks as he looks back towards the party as I exhale a cloud of smoke and I suddenly couldn't resist that offer.

"Where...?" I say keeping my eyes on him, taking another drag and flipping my curls out of my face.

"How about we go for a ride?" He looks back at me with a sweet smile and I couldn't help but smirk at him.

"Sure, but I'm driving this time..." I say as I take another drag of the cigarette and pass it back to him. He chuckles as he takes a drag of the cigarette as I turn to head back through the sliding glass doors while he watches me for a second, then follows behind me. I walk through the crowd of people and Chris follows, stopping for a moment to say something to Kim but I couldn't hear over the music. I glance at them as they talk for a minute, tap each other on the shoulder then Chris turns to walk back up to me.

"Let's go," He says sweetly to me and suddenly reaches for my hand taking the last drag of the cigarette and quickly butting it out in an ashtray as he leads me towards the door. His hand feels so warm and soft as he held mine, lacing his fingers through, feeling his suede leather wrist band brush against my wrist. As soon as I felt the warmth of his hand, my entire body was alive with anticipation of him touching me again like that night in the Mojave Desert.

We make our way down the hall towards the elevators and I look back for a second to see those two goons still guarding the door but didn't even bat an eye as I leave with Chris. The entire time we were in the elevator, we didn't say anything, but I could feel his blue eyes looking over me as if they were burning into my soul again. The elevator eventually stopped at the underground parking garage inside the hotel and I take the lead as Chris follows me to where my car was parked. Once we climb in my car, I start the engine and suddenly Type O Negative's Slow Deep And Hard album comes through my stereo, right at the part in the song Unsuccessfully Coping With The Natural Beauty of Infidelity where Peter starts killing the girl and there's nothing but screaming and then obvious sounds of fucking.

"Shit... sorry," I say and quickly turn down the stereo, my cheeks burning as Chris looks at me with his eyebrow raised then starts to laugh.

"It's alright... you don't have to turn it down," Chris chuckles as it changes into 'I Know You're Fucking Someone Else'

"You went to L'amour Saturday night Red nails and lipstick dressed two sizes two tight His tongue down your throat His hand up your skirt Yeah I'm a man But it still hurts"

Why did it have to be that song?

"Um, how about some... Sepultura instead?" I say as I reach into the glove compartment and pull out Sepultura's Arise album and quickly stop Type O Negative. Chris says nothing and just looks at me as I switch the cassettes.

Much better.

Chris then just gives me a smirk, as I pull out of the parking spot, switching gears and we make our way out of the hotel car garage.

"So, what made you want to leave your own party?" I ask.

"Pfff... it's just a record release party... it's the record label that's throwing it not the band... I mean... I just wanted to spend some time with you instead," He says flicking his eyes back to me and I softly smile at him.

"Did you have some place in mind?" I ask as I take us down the streets of L.A.

"Honestly... not really,"

"Um... well I know a place we can go... it's a bit of a drive but... if you feel like it?,"

"Sure," He smiles at me and I drive us through the streets of L.A, towards Santa Monica. I know a couple of private spots along the beach that would be perfect for us.

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