#new berena story

[daisydoctor13]

Thank you @pers-books for tagging me in this!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

23

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

181,794

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Holby city mostly, and then a few of other Jemma Regrave characters - I've written a Frankie fic, and a couple of Doctor Who ones with Kate Stewart

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

The Wrong Side of Fifty Something Old, Something New What lasts forever can't be rushed Hey, Soul Sister Fragments of Eternity

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I did, but haven't in so long but I'm about to reply to them all now. I always thought if someone was taking the time to comment on my fic I should say thank you, but I've felt bad about not writing so haven't gone on to AO3 to comment in like 2 years. But I still get email notifications whenever someone comments and I read the comment and they make me smile

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I genuinely don't think I am capable of writing angsty endings hahaha. I've definitely written angsty fics but they've always ended with some sort of happy note or at least hopeful? I think there's a couple of very short fics in the Fragments of Eternity work that are a bit angtsy but no plot just each of the characters thoughts that aren't the happiest

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Right I'm very much discovering I don't have any memory of what I've written, I think of the ones I've finished the happiest at the end with like a proper conclusion is Wrong Side of Fifty

8. Do you get hate on fic?

I did once get a very long comment on fanfic.net about how completely unrealistic one of my fics was which at the time annoyed me because I'd put a lot of time into researching things but had to rely on a *BIT* of suspension of disbelief from the reader because i KNEW it wasn't completely right (and had said so in the notes, but I wanted to tell the story anyway). But otherwise no, but i think the berena fandom are just all so lovely and supportive and my fics don't particularly break containment and i don't think they're that controversial

9. Do you write smut?

Heavily hinted at smut. None of my fics are more than M rated, because it all starts to get a bit too...anatomical when I try to write more explicit stuff. I leave the smut writing to the experts and thoroughly enjoy reading it instead haha

10. Do you write crossovers?

I haven't really, but I've written a Berena AU set in another TV show (Hustle) where the characters are all from Holby but the setting and the plots are adapted from Hustle episodes (I still think about it a lot and have a few unposted chapters written and I REALLY want to finish it)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Again, not that I'm aware of

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven't, although I have bounced ideas off people so it feels like they've written parts haha

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Do I need to answer this one? Berena of course

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

All of them haha. I don't have any works that I haven't posted anything at all, but I have a few unfininshed ones on AO3. Something Old Something New i know exactly where it would go and what happens but I know I just absolutely will not write it. Another Roll of the Dice has a few unposted chapters, and I might one day actually finish it for my own satisfaction even if noone reads it

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'd like to think that I can get characters voices in the dialogue. Also making the medical parts accurate :P

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I can be too wordy, and I can't write good poetic metaphors or similes. I'd like to be able to write those sorts of sentences that just punch people in the feels

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I have done it briefly and sort of explained in the prose rather than directly translating. I am not fluent enough to be confident writing in another language and got a little help from friends to make sure it sounded colloquial and was grammatically correct. I wouldn't do large amounts of dialogue though

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Berena, I'd been reading a lot before that though

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

This is so hard! I think Hey Soul Sister because it's a bit cringey but makes me laugh a lot to read it and I just love Dom stirring things

[beholderking]

Dragons Ruin Project ASOIAF AU

House Barstark of the Feast Cairn

House Barstark, one of the most prestigious cadet branch of House Stark, holds a crucial role in the North, safeguarding the territories around the Barrowlands and the edges of the Neck. As the first line of defense for the North against potential invaders who manage to traverse the treacherous Moat Cailin, the Barstarks have a long and storied history.

The most treasured possession of House Barstark is Gravewalker, a striking bronze blade forged by the First Men. This ancient weapon possesses an unnatural sharpness and was discovered in the depths of the Feast Cairn, a testament to the house's deep connection with its ancestral lands.

Barstarks are known for their distinct appearance, characterized by slate-black hair and pale hazel eyes. Their gaunt features and unnaturally lithe physiques distinguish them from their Stark relatives.

House Barstark's origins can be traced back to the tumultuous days of the Andal Invasion. Beren Snow, a Stark bastard, rose to prominence when he saved the beautiful and only daughter of the Lord Dustin from the invading Andals. Beren and the Lady Dustin were quickly wed and adopted the name Barstark, establishing their seat in the ancient holdfast of the Feast Cairn, nestled near the borderlands of the Neck. 

Throughout the annals of history, House Barstark has played a significant role in the affairs of the North.

House Barstark followed Torrhen Stark to face the Targaryen dragons. However, when Torrhen bent the knee to Aegon Targaryen, the Barstarks, like many Northern houses, were outraged. They swiftly left the war camp and returned to the Feast Cairn, rejecting any summons or visitors. Records of the following years are spotty, but some collected accounts tell of House Barstark treachery as they raided across the North, attacking any and all travelers heading to Winterfell

The Barstark banners flew during the Targaryen civil war, supporting the northern forces alongside a handful of other noble houses.

House Barstark was a pillar of support for Cregan Stark's forces during the Hour of the Wolf in King's Landing. After Cregan's resignation, the Barstarks remained in the South for nearly a year, waiting for the worst of the winter to pass. When they finally returned to the Barrowlands, Lord Theomar Barstark brought with him his new wife, Lady Myranda Mooton.

In the pivotal conflict of Roberts Rebellion, the Barstarks played a role not previously anticipated. Sent ahead of Lord Eddard Stark to scout around King's Landing, they inadvertently found themselves joining the Lannister forces in the siege of the city. Tragically, most of the Barstark men were incinerated during the Immolation, leaving only a young lad of 15, Errold Barstark, to walk away from the fiery catastrophe.

Today, House Barstark stands firmly behind the newly refounded Barrowkings and enjoys a prominent position of power and influence. Berena Barstark, twin sister to Lord Tomard "the Hungry Lord" Barstark, serves as the current Barrowqueen.

[pers-books]

Tagged by @lilolilyr​ - thanks!

Rules: post the first lines of your 10 most recently published AO3 stories. if you have less than 10 fics posted, post the first lines of all your fics

1 - It's Not a Valentine's Date. (It is really!): “So, you don’t have plans this Valentine’s Day?” Serena asks.

2 - On a Wednesday in a Café: Serena can’t help smiling as she sees Bernie across the café getting to her feet as Serena walks towards her.

3 - An Instant Bond: “You can’t smoke that inside the hospital,” says a sharp voice, startling Bernie from her nervous pacing beside the window at the end of the corridor.

4 - Cosy in the Conservatory: When Serena gets back from the nearby town she lets herself into the cottage, calling a cheery “I’m home, love!” as she takes off her coat, hat, and shoes.

5 - A Purrfect Gift:

Bernie Wolfe opens the back door of her new house to see if her cat, Athena, wants to come in out of the cold and is surprised to see a small plush dinosaur on the door mat.

6 - Once (Twice, Thrice) Upon a December:

Bernie Wolfe is dreaming.

7 - Operation Secret Santa:

“So who have you picked in the Secret Santa?” Dom asks Bernie as they gather in Albie’s after their shifts have finished.

8 - Waiting in the Rain:

As I drove through the teeming rain I spotted someone huddled in a corner of the bus shelter, though I always thought that name was something of a misnomer as they didn’t give much shelter, especially on a day like today when it was not only raining stair rods, as my maternal grandfather used to say, but also blowing fit to bust.

9 - After The Sacrifice of Jo Grant:

Kate’s keeping a close eye on Jo Jones as she reads her letter from the Doctor, wondering if she’s going to be alright, but it doesn’t stop her noticing a familiar car pulling up nearby.

10 - Joy Is Not Made To Be A Crumb:

Doctor Martha Jones is hard at work in the basement lab at UNIT HQ deep under the Tower of London when she hears footsteps approaching.

What have I learned? That I rarely start with dialogue; that I nearly always write in the third person; and that I still mostly write Berena - which latter I knew anyway!

I’ve had fun branching out into Kate Stewart fic every now and again and want to write more, even though I know it’ll rarely get read because I mostly write Kate Stewart/Martha Jones.

Tagging - with the usual caveat of ‘Don’t feel it, don’t play’: @slightlyintimidating @thisbluespirit @riversofmars @meluisart @ceridwyn2 @doctorjameswatson @backjustforberena @akaanonymouth @ariverandasong

[batnbreakfast]

Okay, I don’t want to add this to a non-Berena fandom post, so I’m going to make my own post @shippingsincebeforeyouwereborn

The idea is the following:

"universe swap au. in one universe they aren't together and in the other they are. one of them gets swapped with the other version!"

and I had some thoughts on this since I read a story like that for another fandom. I never wrote this, because it would need a lot of ironing out. And I was happy enough with the little idea playing out in my head.

AU idea after the break. 😊

Serena and Bernie break up at Albie’s and go their separate ways. Serena is deeply unhappy, but can’t find a way to change that - until one day she wakes up in a bed of a house she has no idea about, pictures of her and Bernie, and their family everywhere, signs of a toddler being around regularly, and all in all domestic bliss.

Welcome to the universe where you’re married to Bernie Wolfe, Ms. Campbell Ms. S. W. Wolfe.

Meanwhile a very happy Serena wakes up in her old house, no Bernie, too many empty wine bottles in the bin, everything is a nightmare.

At one point they realise what must have happened, even tough it’s like a mad idea, definitely not real, and they have no idea how to switch back.

Not that the former canon Serena wants to. She has taken to her new life like a fish to the water. She’s married! Spending time with her wife. Her family. Working less. What’s not to love about this?

The other Serena? Well. She thinks that the universe is very rude and she doesn’t deserve this. She’s grumpy and upset, rightfully so. Will she manage to turn her life the life she’s living now around?

And then happy now Serena has an accident. Wakes up at the hospital at one point. Talks to (insert colleague), who’s concerned. Finds out that there’s no Bernie. No new house. No happiness. Because twin universes don’t exist. No one has a doppelgänger one universe over, one that made better decisions, lives a better life.

And in the mids of Serena’s despair, Bernie walks into her hospital room. Deeply concerned and quite baffled by the fact that Serena was unconscious in a hospital bed at Holby City, because for the last week(s ?), Serena clearly FaceTimed Bernie to talk things trough, to make amends, and see if there would be a way back towards each other for them. Which, yes, Bernie also wants there to be.

Cue happy ending, never-ending happiness, lots of therapy.

Fin.

[shippingsincebeforeyouwereborn]

Thoughts on Serena and Bernie and Holby (n of n+1?)

Bear with me on this and have patience for the poor F1 among you senior members of the Royal College of Berena Surgeons... thank you. But do please engage as critically as you can. I am but a poor fetus in your Jac-like hands.

Leaving aside all meta about the BBC, contracts, timing, Covid, shifting show runners, etc.

Proposition: Serena and Bernie's arc was always a story of death and resurrection

Their story begins in death and resurrection.

At Bernie's arrival in 18:17 - she is immobilized, says she'd rather be dead that paralyzed, her Army career - her life there - dead. "Life's just too short."

In 18:17 (named Serenity btw) cannot save her patient who without knowing it flew into Holby with Bernie, unsurvivable, such a suicidal thing to do. Serena decides "I've had my priorities wrong for a long time now." Throws over the budget meeting to stand over the grave of the dead sister she never knew. Says the Serena prayer.

Phase 1 ends 18:51 -- Life in the Freezer

Bernie and Serena kiss -- Everything has to end one way or another and someone always gets hurt. Delaying isn't going to make it any less likely. I think my attitude toward death is a bit warped.

Bernie manages to find a way to have someone die and yet not die in the hopes of an eventual resurrection sometime far in the future.

Bernie runs to Kiev rather than sleep with Serena.

19:07 - It's called the Kill List for gosh sakes

The return: Robby gets dumped in grabage can; Bernie gets pulled out of the trash can. J: I thought you loved Bernie. Bernie treats Jason for the first time - is she family or not? "I am your Aunty and you are my nephew and we don't need anyone else" (Ok who forgot Elinor?) Elephant's graveyard on the roof. "I've changed"

Jason gets hit by a car and nearly dies. Bernie treats Jason for the second time. Jason lives while Elinor dies.

Jason asks Bernie which one of them - her or Serena will die first. Jason wants to cry together. None of us know how long we've got. She will always be dead and I will always grieve for her. A little part of Elinor lives on in someone else. Serena hears the beating heart. Except she doesn't live. "Somewhere in someone she's not dead"

We get Serena's descent into Hell, "I don't recognize myself in me anymore" - Jason wants to leave - "you are not the same Aunty Serena you were before" -- culminating in Bernie thinking she's about to throw herself off the roof -- the elephant's graveyard after all. But Serena doesn't. She lives. But the old Serena dies.

Already too long...

But Eternity

Mia/KIA

Dom's reference to Emily Dickinson -- "Because I could not stop for Death, he kindly stopped for me - the carriage held but just ourselves and immortality" (That's me adding perhaps ED's most famous poem)

Serena mourns Bernie -- but she keeps "coming back" in pieces -- ashes, dog tags, journals

Bernie literally returns from the dead

Cam dies - the last of her old guilt dies that Bernie might live.

The proposal happens in the same place that Serena stood and contemplated throwing herself off.

The last shot - Serena and Bernie - at a new hospital (rebirth?) getting on with transplanting dead Jac's organs that others might live - resurrection.

Every last bit of their story is death and resurrection.

But I have come to love them anyway.

[berena-cpr]

Unfinished Masterpieces - Fic Rec List

Remember the WIP on ao3 you can’t let go? The one that resonated with you? The one that you’d give anything to know how it ends?

While the Berena Creative Project Resuscitation event is all about starting to work again on projects sitting in our draft folders, life can get in the way of finishing a project for a hundred reasons.

These works, posted, but still a few chapters short of ending, are loved though and with this list we’d like to share the love for the unfinished masterpieces one can find in the Berena tag on ao3.

Given the high response we had when we asked to tell us about your favourite WIPs, you’ll find the list under the cut:

Anything Else to Declare? - LittleMissO

“I've personally had sleeping issues since I read LittleMissO's Anything Else to Declare because yeah, I'm still there, breath held and heart pounding like crazy after the most delicious slow burn, and pining, and that outrageously flirtatious conversation over a whiskey.”

that line between your heart and mine - ktlsyrtis

“it is just plain hot but also I love the idea of them writing letters to each other and I also love the exploration of what their relationship might be like with Bernie still being in the RAMC.”

you disappear like your cigarette smoke (now the taste of your kiss is all that remains) - bonnissance

“A wonderful, emotional angst filled fic, looking at how Bernie’s life might still have progressed after Serena left. I loved how it showed her testing her own boundaries to see if it was possible to find another relationship with someone else and when she found that wasn’t something she could do, she accepted it and found other ways to be happy without Serena. I reread it fairly often because although unfinished it doesn’t ever seem incomplete. But the last word “Serena” always leaves me full of a hope that I would dearly love to have fulfilled.”

Secrets in the Dark - Wonko

“I’d love to see this continued!”

For a Good Time Call - Regency

“Young Serena using that pure sex voice of hers to make a little extra as a phone sex operative, and young nervous Bernie taking the first tentative steps in exploring her sexuality. Who better than Serena to help her figure things out? The premise of the fic is ingenious, the writing amazing, the dialogue just outstanding. Hot, sexy, soft and full of compassion and feels. I would sell a kidney to read the next chapter to this – Bernie and Serena meeting years later and recognising each other’s voices.”

you're the only one I never looked for - gutsandglitter

“Never expected I'd enjoy a Baby Boom AU, but I love this fic. Serena hanging out in the country feeling extremely overwhelmed and constantly running into this weird tall, awkward woman named Bernie is a mood. I will forever hold out hope for an update so that I can someday read about them having lots of sex (after an appropriate amount of angst, miscommunication, and unexpected grocery store encounters, of course).”

Things Kayryn doesn't write - Kayryn

“So they’re not exactly unfinished, because they are complete, beautifully crafted, amazingly inventive, head canons, but they’re not completed fic’s so I’m counting them. I actually think that’s one of the lovely things about them, there’s a full story in there but enough space in them to bring your own imagination to the details. The fact that every head canon is spot on and you can completely image it happening is the icing on the cake, and the perfect characterisation is the cherry on top. Canon could have taken lessons from from Kayryn”

I Want to be Your Fantasy (Maybe You Could Be Mine) - Regency

“I just love the concept and the first chapter just pulled me in and I so very much want to know what happens next.”

Notting Hill - Bat_and_Breakfast

“All the “Rom Com idiots in love but they don’t know it miscommunication capers” re-envisaged for Berena you say? Sign me up! I love the way the plot of Notting Hill is absolutely recognisable, but never at the expense of Bernie and Serena’s characters. Everything they do, their responses, the dialogue, is so them. And the cleverly cast Holby regulars as supporting stars - genius. It’s an absolute triumph of transformative work. It’s wonderfully and engagingly written. If you’ve ever got sucked into watching “just a bit” of rom com and found you’ve just lost a couple of hours of your life - this fic does the same thing.”

Follow Me There - troiing

“Full disclosure: I’ve never watched Sanctuary and I know nothing about the characters. But this crossover fic is so good, that it doesn’t even matter.”

hold me closer (tiny dancer) - serenacampbell

“I don’t know why I’m so attached to that fic, but I am. I love the premise of a slow burn fic where the characters still get to do sexy things during the awkward slow burn oblivious period. It’s like the best of both worlds.”

Machu Pechinku - Jrnsaxa

“Forget France and Nepal, what if Serena spent her sabbatical in Peru? The setting in this is beautifully vivid, as is the the delicate ways in which Serena and Bernie start to reconnect after Elinor.”

Hello, Major - lesbianquill

“This is a near perfect Serena being fixated on Bernie in fatigues fic. The first chapter is very insightful, helping us to understand why Bernie might not be happy to accede to Serena’s small kink/obsession. That of course doesn’t last for too long because Bernie loves Serena and she loves having sex with Serena. It was offered as a smutty one shot, but then they rewarded us with an even smuttier second chapter and teased us with the news that a third chapter would be forthcoming. It never happened. Main reason for wishing it could be continued? I enjoy well-written smut.”

In the Spirit of Three Stars - alwayssomethingelse

“Bernie and Serena as Federation officers on Deep Space Nine. Oh, the potential!”

Anatomically Correct - phantomunmasked

“Bernie severely overcompensating for any possible awkwardness in their first time by ordering a mountain of sex toys is a premise that will always delight me. Every time I go back to this one, I ponder what their weekend away would bring with a big grin.”

The Clinic - RexWolfe

“Maybe it’s all the Bramwell we’ve been watching, but this one’s been on my mind lately. Can’t go wrong with a Victorian AU.”

a life in pictures - Regency

"I soooo want to see Serena maybe modelling for Bernie (or at least just how the date goes)”

working up a storm inside my head - sevtacular

“While this isn’t actually an unfinished fic in the sense of chapters missing, the prompt fic collection of Sev can always be added to as far as I’m concerned. Love what has been written so far, hope there will be new chapters with time.”

Body and Soul - ChalkHillBlue

“Possibly the weirdest AU idea ever, this body swap AU makes my brain go crazy with the possibilities every time I read it.”

When We Need One Another The Most - Whispersmummy

“I know this isn’t strictly Berena but it wouldn’t have been written if not for the Berena fandom who love most every conceivable way these two dorks might get together. Very well written (imo) and cleverly constructed fic. Lots and lots of angst and who doesn’t love angst? Only thing missing is a small amount of smut. (Yes I’m back there).”

Ring In The New - fiveroundsrapid

“Fics where Bernie comes to Holby before/during Adrienne’s illness are my kryptonite, and this one is so good!”

Holby One: A Star Wars AAU Story - elitryalittle

“Holby One is my favorite unfinished fic. It’s not just because I came to Berena via Star Wars (a bit of an unusual way, but here I am), but also because I can totally see Serena as a healer and Bernie as a Jedi knight. Kudos for their excellent knowledge of the SWU and this great idea of a crossover fic. I’d give them a limited edition “Looking for Leia” patch and a sticker if they’d finish it.”

to gaze at you, from afar (I sigh, I sigh, I sigh) - bonnissance

“The photographer/model AU you never knew you needed in your life, but you really, really do.”

Heroic Endeavor - Nicolaruth27

“I never would’ve thought I’d be down for a Greek god AU, but this fic has permanent residence in a corner of my brain. Bernie as Athena in mortal form is inspired, and the way the fic is interwoven with canon is a delight.”

what a lovely way to burn - ktlsyrtis

“I just love anything that's weaved into canon but with them being happy and dating and communicating."

Love, Unexpected - Igerna

“Bernie is still married to Marcus when she meets Serena during a conference. They immediately bond and keep in contact, sharing both professional advice and thoughts on their private lives. Love, for them, happens rather unexpectedly. I do love conference fics and slow burns - and this is a good one.”

a little less war torn - kitnkabootle

“The setup for this - in which Serena is the one who goes to help when Bernie is brought to Holby, instead of Raf - is one of my favorite ‘what ifs’ to ponder, and the writing is outstanding.”

[backjustforberena]

Can you tell me how you are feeling with the news?

Oh, sweetie. Mixed bag.

I love Bernie. I love Jemma Redgrave's performance as Bernie and I have tremendous respect for her as an actress. I did think that the last time we saw her, with her last shot being her in the morgue, left her story open-ended with a LOT of questions on how she was, what her life was now, where it would go from here, never mind the fact that the rest of Holby hadn't really got to experience the bombshell that was her being alive!

So I knew there was more of the story to tell. I just didn't expect them to actually tell it. Not when the show is winding down and they have a lot of regular characters to focus on. But I'm glad they are. I want a payoff, and I want an ending.

The spoilers have me being... tentatively hopeful? The episode on the 8th is written by Michelle Lipton, who wrote Bernie's first ever episode, and other Berena-centric ones, such as "Life In The Freezer", "Love Is" and "I Do, I Do, I Do." - so I trust her, somewhat. She writes Bernie well.

It's got a lot of what I wanted, if Bernie ever had a comeback: it informs us about Bernie's day-to-day and family, with Jason. She has to face the demons left by Cam, judging from the spoilers surrounding her talk with Donna. And she reaches out about her granddaughter. Tick. Tick. Tick.

I'm not sure what to make about the "Berena" of it all. I don't know anything about the possible comeback of Serena, it's not mentioned in the spoilers.

So yeah, there's lots of things I want to happen. Lots of things I definitely don't. But the stupid dumpster fire of a show will have me as a viewer.

[lilolilyr]

21 and 23 for the end of year asks!

I don't know which one this was for so I'll answer them both!

End of year book ask

21: Did you participate in or watch any booklr, booktube, or book twitter drama?

Honestly this is the first time I'm hearing any of these terms so I'm pretty sure the answer is no xD

23: What’s the fastest time it took you to read a book?

Uhh i mean it depends on how long the book is I guess, but I read quite quickly in general, I suppose about half an hour in a bookstore to finish a not so thin one might be a record? Not sure tho

End of year fic ask

21: most memorable comment/review

Oh gosh most memorable? Do I even remember any at all with my goldfish brain... Oh! Wait! I do, tho they might not be quite what you'd expect xD my actual fav comments are different ones that i might add here as well (I have them saved under 'favourites' in my email to look at when I need some good vibes), but these are the ones I actually remembered now bc there's a story there (and of course I can't just pick one):

- ok for the first one not so much a story but just... what a comment xD from someone I don't think i ever interacted with before? Idk I just had that one sitting in my inbox for ages just looking at it every time lmao

- ok kind of self explanatory, I gifted them a fic after they dragged me into the fandom via tumblr osmosis, I haven't watched an episode of Holby City in my life and I think before I followed @pers-books I didn't see any Berena content on tumblr at all! So thx, unironically, for the new obsession xD

- I was talking on discord about how I had a perfect 1mil wordcount (like, exactly that, many zeroes) on ao3 overall, sent a screenshot and browneyedgenius noticed i was just 1 comment away from a perfect 2k commentcount as well, and for the Pretty Numbers' sake @browneyedgenius left a comment :D

Oh, and then also memorable is the fact that @startrekgeorgiouery and @onaperduamedee are definitely record holders for longest comments ever, thanks guys <3<3<3

(Can't add my other favs here after all bc pic limit Oupsie, maybe in a reblog! I do kinda wanna say thx again to everyone)

23: fics you wanted to write but didn’t

Oh, so many! Most of them shall be buried in drafts forever, but there is one Mirandy longfic that might still see the light of day, am slowly working on it with @les-begay-together !

Thanks so much for the ask! ♡

Personal post- do not reblog

[ylizam]

8 & 16 please :)

8. Is there a story idea in your mental vault that you’ve never been brave enough to try writing? Is this the year? Can you tell us about it?

Hmm, this is a good one. I think generally speaking I'm more likely to start-and-then-crash-into-the-wall-of-my-own-fear than to just not start something out of fear, but I'm really good at that crashing thing when something feels like it's Too Big. Too Much. Too Important to me somehow. There are the original things—just, super "what I want to read" stuff full of second change romance and reunited soap opera castmates and polyamory and navigating relationships and prickly people and sometimes those reunited castmates are actually in space and are union organizers or bakers or whatever those details keep slipping around based on what I'm into and so that's what I need to sort of drill down on in the coming months (or I can keep restarting the same basic story with new details, over and over and over, and then changing my mind again). The What if Bartlet Lost West Wing AU (the bravery of rewatching the West Wing and revisiting that part of myself) is another.

Or "never been brave enough to try writing" isn't exactly right for something new, but I'm feeling all these feelings about Moiraine and Siuan and Lan and the way their relationships interact and cross paths and what they look like (what do Lan and Siuan look like? what is THAT relationship?) and it's just all there bouncing around in my head and it's not a story idea, exactly, but it's this thing that I'm not quite up to putting shape to yet. Oh! And one day I want to write something about Beverly Crusher and Laris and the Troi-Rikers and Picard and what the fuck happened to her and what's happening to her and Why Picard The Series is Clearly Wrong (and oh shit coming back way too soon) and that's one where once again the story doesn't have a clear shape but it's also THERE, lurking, scary and too big and too dear to me to risk writing down.

As for whether "this is the year"? I don't fucking know. I'll poke at all of these at some point, I'm sure of that much, but I guess if I have to pick Just One (1) to finish it'd be the original thing just to say I did (or the Beverly Crusher one).

16. Do you have that one fanfic that you wrote a ton for, ages ago, but never posted? Will this be the year, come hell or high water, that it WILL get finished and posted?

I mean, I've already talked about wanting to finish and post one of the Berena fics that have been in progress for-freaking-ever in "honor" of the last Holby episode, so that? Them? (There are probably four-ish that have been in various stages of completion for years now, just drafts upon drafts upon unfinished drafts, almost-but-not-quite-THERE. I'm determined to finish and post one.)

[ask me new year fanfic asks! I will eventually answer!]

[swithe-ist]

I don’t think it’s really conspiracy at this point to suggest that the regime that took over when Kate Oates was installed in s20 seemed to have it in for the show. At least the way the show was.

I think there were people higher up who wanted the show to be something else - more soapy and unbounden to continuity in a way shows used to be, where every story was something completely new. But mostly it was about having their own turn with the characters and a huge dose of jealousy I think. It reminds me a little bit of Dr Who with Chibnall trying to put his stamp on the show.

Just the huge shifts in character that happened at the end of s20. All the couples were broken up - Berena, Dofty and Flac. Cameron and Lofty got personality transplants. Dom got a new backstory/family. Ange and Chloe suddenly being front and centre 24/7. The constant indecision about Henrik as CEO. Like they were squabbling BTS about what character does what now.

I think they also wanted badly to have their own Fredrik, which is why they tried so hard to force Cameron. And then when that didn’t work, they changed it so Abs - being more directly connected to Henrik - could be their Fredrik. And they even got to put their stamp on Fredrik to boot, by changing his story slyly on the side!

It’s sad, actually. Fredrik was great, but really not worth all that embarrassing behaviour. If they’d just left it alone, Fredrik’s story could’ve just been a bright spark along the way, instead of a dramatic portent for what ruined the show.

And the way the long-termers were acting - Hugh Quarshie and Rosie stick out - it felt like there was some serious BTS stuff going on. Maybe they were treating them poorly bc they wanted a clear-out. The stuff Bob was saying about killing Jac to make sure they can’t reboot the show probably has a grain of truth (and spite) in it.

But really that decision is the beeb’s anyway? Jac being alive or dead isn’t going to change anything. It sounds like the beeb don’t give a shit.

idk.

[oneweekobsession]

i mean kate hall saying that the berena storyline was her baby makes so much sense. she stopped as storyline producer in 18.52 (the episode after bernie left for kiev) and, give or take a couple of eps she produced, she only got back involved in the show in a serious way as series producer in 19.34 (8 eps after serena left). pretty much, the berena storyline was run off the road, in her absence, by other people; i have a fairly sizeable amount of good will towards her that she might get it back on the road and going in the right direction again.

i mean we're still at least 6 months away from catherine returning and maybe 9 months or a year before jemma might come back so no need to get excited or anything. but eh, down the line, this might sort itself out.

or, you know, not.

(eh no but ok can i put in a request for one of those things where holby uses skype (a la jac and jonny and ?elliot that one time or malick and digby that one time) but with berena? surely jemma can do that in the interval of one of her shows surely thank you)

[pers-books]

Top 10s Meme

I was tagged by @thisbluespirit - thanks for the tag (I think! 😜)

Rules: List your “top 10” (or up to 10 if you haven’t written that many) fics ranked by kudos on AO3. Are you surprised by what’s most popular to your readers? Then, under a cut, provide your ranking of your personal top 10 fics (with explanations if you want!), and then tag a few fellow writers!

My top 10 fics by kudos:

Letters to a Naturalist (Holby City) (30,350 words) Kudos: 203

Jason Haynes: Matchmaker (Holby City) (17,560 words) Kudos: 186

The Red String of Fate (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)) (51,896 words) Kudos: 183

One Life Stand (Holby City) (33,815 words) Kudos: 161

The Hacktivist, The Agent, and the Clairvoyant (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Thor (Movies)) (35,849 words) Kudos: 155 

The Locum (Holby City) (9,202 words) Kudos: 148 

Bean and Gone (Holby City) (11,880 words) Kudos: 147 

It's not a date - it's just dinner at a fancy restaurant (Holby City) (9,100 words) Kudos: 138 

Action and Reaction (Star Trek: Discovery) (1,783 words) Kudos: 135 

Berenice Wolfe's Romantic Heart (Holby City) (6,000 words) Kudos: 13

I guess my only surprise is that there’s only one Disco (Star Trek: Discovery) fic in there, but it’s rather nice that apart from #3 and #5, they’re all Sapphic fics! Actually, I’m slightly surprised there are no James Bond (Craig)/M (Dench) fics in my Top 10 - in fact, I’ve just checked and I’d have to list my Top **40** before I hit a Bond fic - and then it doesn’t even have 100 Kudos! (Mind, I’m not complaining that my Holby fics are vastly more popular!)

I haven’t really considered which are my Top 10 fics - I like things when I’m writing them, then I don’t tend to give them much thought because I’ve already moved on to writing something else!!

But, that said (and in no particular order because Dammit, Janet, I am not gonna try to rank my own fics!):

Letters to a Naturalist (30,350 words) (Holby City) - this one is ALWAYS gonna be a fave because it was a fic I wrote over several months, sending copies of physical letters used in the fic to a member of the Berena fandom and at the time I got a great deal of pleasure and satisfaction out of doing it that way.

Snapshots: Four New Beginnings (12,960 words) (Holby City) - I had great fun giving Bernie different careers in the Arts and finding ways for her and Serena to meet.

The Name's Wolfe, Berenice Wolfe: 007, Licensed to Thrill (3,200 words) (Holby City) - and on the topic of AUs, Bernie Wolfe as a 007 Agent was just a fun way to combine an old fandom (Bond) with a new one.

The Long Road to Happiness (8,140 words) (Holby City) - oh look ANOTHER AU! Quelle surprise! 😜 This time Bernie and Serena were child actors together and Bernie fell in love, but Serena gave up acting, got married, had a child, and Bernie continued to carry a torch...

McKinnie and Wolfe: Monster Hunters (6,000 words) (Holby City) - written for a Holby Monster Mash and inspired by a collection of short stories by a favourite author, I just had great fun with this one.

Lascia Ch'io Pianga (Let Me Lament My Cruel Fate) (750 words) (James Bond) - the first time I’ve ever written a fic with an ambiguous ending. Funny thing is, some readers asked me to write a second chapter or sequel fic and I did try, but I just couldn’t make it work.

Sing In Me, Muse (1,362 words) (Star Trek: Discovery) - this was an AU fix-it for S1 of Disco and I love its simplicity and tenderness.

Beyond the Battle at the Binary Stars I (768 words) & Beyond the Battle at the Binary Stars II (1,379 words) (Star Trek: Discovery) - another AU fix-it for S1 of Disco in 2 parts that I found deeply satisfying to write.

Joy Is Not Made To Be A Crumb (8,500 words) (Doctor Who 2005) - a rarepair ship (Kate Stewart and Martha Jones) that I’ve always known will never attain any kind of popularity, but I don’t care - I just love writing them!

The Winter Queen, The Summer King, and the Spring Knight (9,536 words) (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.) - this only has 30 Kudos, but I like it because it takes the mythology of AoS and combines it with fairytale and I think I did that rather neatly.

Who to tag? Well: @slightlyintimidating @doctorjameswatson @lapalfruity @daisydoctor13 @ceridwyn2 @riversofmars @meluisart @onaperduamedee @backjustforberena @hokuspokusthings - with the usual caveat that you don’t have to participate if you’re not feeling it.

[fortytworedvines]

First Lines Meme

I was tagged by @pers-books. Thanks!

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less  than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favourite opening line. Then tag 10 authors!

1. The Ghosts of Christmas Presents (Holby City - Berena, BBC Ghosts)

Alison is idly doodling in their front of house notebook while she listens to Lady Button and Julian argue, when Mike answers the phone.

2. The touch of your hand (says you’ll catch me) (Holby City - Berena)

Despite the pile of paperwork in front of her that she has just started tackling, Bernie thinks that her first official day on AAU has been a success.

3. Tank top (Holby City - Berena)

With the music and bustle of Holby Pride all around her, Serena smiled as she shuffled the hospital flyers around on their stall.

4. Every version of us (Holby City - Berena)

Pulling up in the wide drive, Bernie was filled with an inexplicable feeling that she’d come home.

5. Graduation (Holby City - Berena)

“Are you bringing a date to my graduation do, mum?” Elinor’s text read, “Because you know dad will be insufferably smug if you don’t.”

6. Romp bomp a stomp (Holby City - Berena)

Bernie hung over Serena’s shoulder, peering at the paper she was holding.

7. I will try to fix you(r boiler) (Holby City - Berena)

“The boiler’s broken,” Jason announced as Serena walked wearily into their house.

8. A spot to remember (Holby City - Berena)

“Finally,” Serena said with relief as they drew up outside the small bed and breakfast that HR had booked them into for the duration of the conference.

9. Only the fireflies (The Durrells)

The sand is warm under Louisa’s feet, in between her toes, as she stands on the beach, water lapping gently inches from her.

10. To Holby manor born (Holby City - Berena)

Serena was disconsolately organising her wine bottles when the annoyingly perky tones of her friend Sian floated over to her.

11. Climb ev'ry mountain (Holby City - Berena)

Snowdonia is beautiful, Serena admits to herself as she steps out of the front door of the cottage she has rented for the week and gazes around at the green hillsides and the flowers tumbling over them.

12. Of sand and scrubs (Holby City - Berena)

Bernie hadn’t meant to fall in love.

13. Stitched up (in love) (Holby City - Berena)

Serena stared into her wardrobe.

14. By the dusk air (The Durrells)

It was hot.

15. Zoom (you chase the day away) (Holby City - Berena)

Serena sighed as she opened her zoom account.

16. You can be in my tank (Holby City - Berena)

Serena is getting ready for her date – date! – with Bernie when her phone rings.

17. you're not a challenge (tanks for the nice day) (Holby City - Berena)

This isn’t really Serena’s idea of fun, but Jason had exclaimed excitedly over the news that the local regiment was having an open day and Serena is still looking for ways to get to know him better.

18. white ships are calling (Doctor Who - Thasmin)

The world seemed dreary.

19. R(ather) A(ttractive) C(onsultant) (Holby City - Berena)

“Oh great,” Bernie muttered to herself as she surveyed the tattered rubber that had recently been a functioning tire.

20. Endorphins (Holby City - Berena)

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Serena Campbell’s idea of a relaxing evening involves a bottle (or two) of Shiraz, so Bernie could not be more surprised when, as she jogs along on a treadmill, that same Serena Campbell appears next to her, clad in loose polo shirt and, of all things, jogging bottoms.

I can’t see any patterns there. Mix of tenses, sentence types, point of view...

Favourite opening line has to be “It was hot.” short, succinct. what more do you want. Also, the opening line of 9 (Only the fireflies), because I would really like to be doing that.

I’m not sure who’s been tagged so: @batnbreakfast @patsystonewall @elennare @dollsome-does-tumblr @daisydoctor13 @beezarre

[shippingsincebeforeyouwereborn]

More musings (that isn't completely Berena, mostly but not completely)

""That is how we wrestle back control. We concentrate on details, those little things that we can improve. Sometimes that's all we can do." Henrik Hanssen. (Thank you @lonelier-version-of-you)

If you've never watched (or read) Vito Russo's The Celluloid Closet (shorturl.at/sBPR6 ) do it. Do it now. So much of our queer readings of current culture owes so much to this work. It's not that Russo was the first to read these films queerly. It's that he was the first to break through publically to "tell the secret" of reading queerly.

Another book I highly recommend takes those reading much further. Alexander Doty's Making Things Perfectly Queer: Interpreting Mass Culture expanding upon the reading of queer relationships in ostensibly straight texts.

Somewhere -- and I thought it was the ComicCon appearance -- Catherine Russell says something about how the audience read Berena from the very beginning, long before it overtly developed in the plot. She was obviously delighted by this but also surprised. She shouldn't have been. We've all grown up reading things queerly. Had Serena and Bernie not ever overtly gotten together - we still would have read them as queer, and as a couple.

The final two seconds of Serena and Bernie on screen conveys much about the two characters and their relationship even while the narrative throughline (Jac saves lives in death, the NHS continues) complete with narration and music is telling a different story. The ability to be powerfully present in both of those narratives -- to stay with the main overlay, and yet also say in 2 seconds, a wedding ring, a new hospital, surgery together as a team, small reassuring smiles, settled -- comes only with a viewer raised to read queerly. Catherine Russell said they hoped even if only one or two viewers noticed they wanted to play it. In a sense, Russell and Redgrave were writing queerly. They need not have under estimated the power of their audience to read what they were laying down.

[applebottomclaudiajeans]

1, 5, 6, 9, 17, 20 and 35

1. Already answered!

5. Share one of your strengths.

Dialogue. I'm mostly inspired to write for a character when I feel like I know their voice, and I really have fun with one-liners and banter.

6. Share one of your weaknesses.

Pacing. I really struggle with slowing certain scenes down (especially dialogue-heavy ones) so that they hit the correct beats.

9. Which fic has been the hardest to write?

Blergh, I guess I'm obligated to say you're the only one I never looked for (Berena), since it's been like three years since I've updated it. I just hit a wall with that one so hard, even though I know everything that's supposed to happen.

17. Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

So, so out of order. With a multichapter fic I'll do a basic outline, create a new document for each chapter, and then bop around between them depending on how I'm feeling.

20. Describe your perfect writing conditions.

Honestly I'm not super picky, but surprisingly I feel like a lot of the time I get a lot of my best work done when I'm writing on my phone on long subway rides. Just give me a good playlist and a car that doesn't smell like vomit, and I'm good.

35. Would you ever kill off a canon character?

I feel like I definitely have (and I did once give Mycroft Holmes prostate cancer). I'd never kill off one of the main characters I'm writing for though.

[beezarre]

"New" fic project: Closing the Window

On the 1st of May 2017, I posted the first chapter of a new fic, A Window On Another Life.

Almost 114K words and 8 months later, I posted the 22nd chapter. That was in January 2018. I promised gays on the roof. It's been a long climb...

It's been on hiatus since.

...

I have 'recently' been hitting a wall. Over, and over, and over, with every implement at my disposal, until I reached the inevitable conclusion: to go forward, I need to get out. But I can't step out until I close the Window.

Despite many many many WIPs, from fully-fledged finished fics to vague title ideas, there'll most likely never be more Berena from me. What once sparked joy now sends me spiralling down.

With one exception: Bringing that AU to a close, even if it's not quite the one I'd first envisioned for it.

I'm thankful not to be embarking in this alone, and still I make no promises, brains being what they are. But I know I need to do this so I can move on, not just for me but for all those who took the time to read, kudo, comment, all those this story moved, those who despite its length still read it.

It'll take more than an epilogue to weave all loose ends together, and I can't promise a 'Completed' status for its 4th anniversary, but I'm working on it!

This story has a special place in my heart. If it does for you too, and there are things you'd like to discuss, feel free to contact me!

The first step of this journey is a full read of what's already posted, followed by going through what I have that I can use, to bring it all together. Past!Me was good at what she did so I have my work cut out for me, and the tone change shouldn't be too noticeable if there is one.

I can promise more discoveries, more heart-to-hearts, more cuteness, more music. I'm waking the ghosts so I can lay them to rest... Happily ever after.