#next week is calmer so I might finally get booked in for my lash lift

[becca-e-barnes]

Becca, do you have any more dbf!bucky masturbating thots to spare? Pls any crumbs will do🙏🏻❤️

This should technically belong to the ‘Shit he said’ series but this was far too fucking hot and it’s been bouncing around in my empty little head all week

Because the thought of mutual masturbation with dbf!bucky is where my head is at right now. Maybe you’re both a little apprehensive about taking things too fast so mutual masturbation seems like a safe place to start.

“Show me how to touch you.” He’s already got you out of your clothes, his lips are warm on your bare shoulder and dear God, this man is something else.

He’s so much more beautiful naked than he even realises. His skin is so warm against you, a few little grey hairs scattered throughout the darker ones in the centre of his chest and something in you wants to make sure he knows how much you appreciate just looking at him and being able to touch him.

“Touch yourself, sweetheart.” He urges softly, reminding you he’s still very much in the room with you. He isn’t just in your head now.

“Show me how pretty you look when you think of me and touch yourself.” Excitement builds in the pit of your stomach, your fingers slipping between your legs, trailing between your own soaked folds before your fingers start to rub your clit the way you usually would when he isn’t around.

It’s intense with him watching you, his eyes flitting between your face and where your hand is rubbing your messy cunt.

You’re so lost in the sensation of pleasure creeping up your spine that you hadn’t even noticed he’s touching himself now too. His cock is hard, throbbing in his hand while he fucks his fist, dribbling precum over his own fingers already.

“That’s it, good girl. You’re so pretty. For such a smart girl, you go so stupid when you’re horny. Just a pretty little fucktoy sometimes, aren’t you?” This man is filthy and the way his voice seems to have dropped an octave makes you wetter almost instantly. You want to be his fucktoy. You want, if only for an hour or two, to be bent over and mercilessly fucked. He’s got a beautiful way of balancing his respect for you with your mutual desire to explore some wholly disrespectful fantasies.

“Spread your legs, sweetie.” You do as you’re told, spreading your legs and allowing his fingers to trail from your clit to your entrance. “How does it feel to have my precum smeared over your cunt?” You hadn’t realised that’s what he was doing but even just the thought makes you whimper. “Don’t worry. I’ll lick it up for you after you cum for me.” His strokes on his cock are frantic, imagining how you’ll taste mingled with his own subtle precum but even just the promise has your fingers working yourself faster.

[brainfoodgp]

Brain Food Garden Project Blog/January 2017

“So a lot of difficulties, a lot of problems, but when you carry out the work, and the more difficulties you encounter, then when you see some results the greater the joy. Isn’t it? -Dalai Lama-

I am standing at the edge. I have been standing on the edge of a deep dark canyon for a while now. I would be lying to you, I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t write those words to open this first Brain Food Garden Project blog of the New Year.

When I started the hashtag #CandorSavesLives soon to be two years ago, it wasn’t meant to be just a catchy little way to get people to share their important and often healing stories of recovery. It was also a reminder to myself that speaking my truth every day was an important wellness tool at my disposal in keeping myself well. So for me not to say the words, “I am standing at the edge,” would be a grave disservice to myself and to those I go to work every day to serve and advocate for in the mental health community.

I know from my work that I am not alone in the way “change” affects my manic depression. Violent change in fact can send me reeling in ways that those with a healthy brain could never possibly comprehend. If you are indifferent to the violent changes our country, our world is currently witnessing then you probably voted for the fascist, authoritarian regime that has quickly, in just a few short days, started to dismantle our democracy and this is probably where you should stop reading.

I have been working hard to keep myself centered using all of the wellness tools I have developed for myself over the past several years. However, the bad days I’ve been experiencing lately have far outweighed the good. Trying to understand how my own mother could have been taken in by a tyrant has been the predominant theme of my therapy sessions lately. The uncertainty of the authoritarian states dismantling of the Affordable Care Act and how the very community I serve will be directly affected, including myself has occupied my brain on an ever ending loop. My hopes for the progress I thought we were starting to make as a citizenry has been sledgehammered and it seems my brain on most days incapable of picking up the splintered tiny pieces.

There have been moments of reconciliation, small seeds of gratitude sprinkled into the moist soil of my brain like the Women’s March that I hope will grow my warrior skin back, enabling me to fight on. I thought I was strong enough to start my first Farm School class of the year, further seeds of gratitude planted. However, the intensity of the Food Justice course and a two day ending racism seminar only left me with deeper questions about my own place in the movement and brought back plaguing questions about how to move forward with Brain Food Garden Project. My ongoing depression kept me away from several classes and I will need to retake the course next year.  That is one of the worst parts of depression it makes you doubt yourself and your abilities.

I have known for some time that January would be a difficult month for me. It marks the anniversaries of the death of two people that were very important in my life my grandmother who died two years ago this month and the fresher pain of the loss of my friend Todd to suicide last year. The idea of loss has been heavily on my mind since the outcome of our election in November as well. I have been relying heavily on the 7 Stages of Grief to help me through and it has been very helpful in understanding that the depression I am in right now is temporary. It is not the completely crushing and demoralizing blow of bipolar depression, but a depression that if I continue to work hard and use the wellness tools at my disposal I will be able to see myself through in the end.

We are all grieving for someone, some of us are grieving for the state of our world even. So for the first blog back of the New Year I thought it was a perfect time to discuss the 7 Stages of Grieving in our feature for January. Also, this year we are changing up the Top 5, which normally looks back on the top five social media posts from the month. Keep your eyes posted to this section moving forward because we are changing the name to “Notes From The Resistance” and we will be featuring articles that look at just how the new fascist order are treating those most effected in the food justice community and those with mental health concerns. I’ll be back with “What I’m Reading” next month with a special February book edition of the blog. And finally, this month a new comfort food recipe for you to try in your home kitchen. If you are anything like me the temptation of gorging on junk food when you are depressed is overwhelming but comfort food doesn’t need to be processed food. My time in the kitchen cooking even provides a necessary action for getting me out of bed when my brain doesn’t want me to lift my head from the pillow.

The BFGP Feature:

The Seven Stages of Grief

The first mistake I always make for myself is thinking that grieving is a linear progression. I forget that grieving is different for everyone with one commonality the process of chaotic twists and turns we all go through and how little to do with logical thinking the entire process entails. Many people use the 5 Stages of Grieving model. However, I have always found the 7 Stages directly connected with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s amazing book On Death and Dying to be the most helpful for me. Let’s first look at the stages as described by RecoverfromGrief.com:

1.   Shock & Denial- You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2.       Pain & Guilt- As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape these feelings.

3.       Anger & Bargaining- Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.  You may rail against fate, questioning “Why me?” You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair (“I will never drink again if you just bring him back”)

4.   Depression, Reflection, Loneliness- Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be “talked out of it” by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.  During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair

5.   The Upward Turn- As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your “depression” begins to lift slightly.

6.   Reconstruction & Working Through- As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7.   Acceptance & Hope- During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.  You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.

It is somehow comforting to me to know where I fall in my process of grieving. It keeps me five steps back from the edge of the precipice because for me stepping off the ledge isn’t an option anymore. For now I seem to be stuck between steps 3 & 4. However, the more people I speak with I am not the only one weaving back and forth down this long dark road alone. For me the object is to simply stay on the road. And for me the way that I am doing this is to work through my wellness tools, to continue to be as honest with myself about my feelings as I possibly can and to not close myself off entirely sharing those feelings with like-minded people that understand where I am coming from.

If you are like me and are dealing with the wide range of emotions for what our country is facing but also have the loss of loved one’s deep on your psyche. You will need to work even harder to pinpoint what the specific emotion you’re experiencing at the given moment is and where that places you on the list. It is very important to be able to separate all of what you might be grieving for and pinpoint the emotion directly to better help you in your recovery process.

I believe working through my grief is the only way to avoid long term trauma. I have a mission for my life and it is important to me that I honor that mission. I believe that the quote I used to open this month’s blog by the Dalai Lama speaks volumes to this:  “So a lot of difficulties, a lot of problems, but when you carry out the work, and the more difficulties you encounter, then when you see some results the greater the joy. Isn’t it? To get to this place I need to fully work through my grief. Only then will I be able to honor my mission fully. Only then will the enormity and power of my true mission become crystal clear and fruitfully realised.

Notes From The Resistance: 

If you had asked someone from my generation, a generation that watched Walter Cronkite and then Dan Rather on the evening news with our family every night, if  words like “fake news” would one day topple our democracy. Most of us would have given you the classic Scooby Doo “Ruh-roh!” Then again we are now living in a world of “alternative facts” spun by the new propaganda machine of the new fascist, authoritarian state. We as a first step to resistance must never allow ourselves to normalize any of this. And so every month Brain Food Garden Project will do our part to bring you 5 articles highlighting this administrations horrible lack of policy and mind numbing and voracious speed in ripping our Constitution to shreds and disenfranchise any human being not part of the rich white male oligarchy. Our content will be food justice, food equity and mental health parity/advocacy based. However, we will not shy away from privilege or any other important issues threatening our democracy. So please read on…

1. Trump’s dismantling of the Affordable Care Act with absolutely no replacement plan is going to shorten the lives of millions of Americans. Those of us with mental health concerns will suffer too. Click here 

2. For us not to care about our treaties with the rightful custodians of this land is something that has gone on for generations. Each and everyone of us should defend the rights to the indigenous peoples sacred ground and the protection of their water supply. Click Here 

3. Our moto is the only walls we should be building in America are walls that grow more food to feed us. Trump’s isolationism, the wall, deportation of immigrants and so many other hurtful unconstitutional policies are meant to drive a wedge between us. But they are also going to put great burdens on our food supply. This article on avocados from Mexico is only the beginning. Click Here

4. Trump hates science and this article is the first of many I plan on posting on the subject. Click Here

5. White Privilege is one of the main reasons Trump was able to gain control of our democracy. We are not afraid to own it or discuss it at BFGP. This article by one of my favorite authors hits the nail on the head perfectly. Click Here 

Healthy & Delicious Recipes:

Avocado’s are high in fiber, potassium, Vitamin E and folic acid. As well as being a good source of fat. I am not looking forward to avocados going up in price. They are already what I consider a necessary splurge on my food budget due to the fact avocado’s have also been proven to aid in brain health. Avocado toast is one of my favorite quick go to breakfasts and I have even been known to make a version or two of my favorites for dinner. These are five of my favorites from What’s Gabby Cooking. Check them out here