crystalkris

[whatmoredoyouwangfromme]

i am calling empires s2 Scott and Jimmy’s paring (not the creators obviously) flower fuckers, and none of y’all can stop,me.

[flerpsoriginals]

Scheduling Error

Tuïf trudged through the streets of Ridgeport, with nothing besides a flimsy poncho between himself and the drizzling rain. Something had gone wrong with the schedule at work, and now they needed him at building six instead of seven.

"If you drove, we'd have to pay you for your charge, and you know we can't do that." his boss had said, chuckling. "Besides, it's only fifteen kilometers."

Tuïf heard an annoying jingle from his purse, and pulled his right arm inside his poncho. He knew for a fact that his work phone wasn't waterproof. He pressed the answer button, held the microphone to his mouth, and pulled the speaker up to his ear.

"Thank you for calling Nova internet service support, how can I help you?"

"I'm having trouble with my internet." the caller replied. Tuïf held in a sigh.

"What seems to be the problem?" he asked.

"Uhh... What seens to ve the frovlem?" someone behind Tuïf yelled, mocking his accent. "Speak English, idiot!" Tuïf ignored them, instead listening closer to the caller. "Hey! I'm talking to you!" Tuïf started walking a little faster, hoping they would take the hint.

Tuïf let out a yelp as someone yanked on his tail.

"Listen to me when I'm fucking talking to you, shitbag!" He spun around, snarling

 A tall, pale skinned human in a gray hoodie and jeans stood in front of him.

"I said speak English, motherfucker!"

"Does this look like England to you?" Tuïf asked. That was apparently the wrong thing to say. His vision went black for a moment as the humans' foot slammed against his face.

"That'll teach you to spit blades, flowerfucker!" Tuïf rose shakily to his feet, and spat out two bloody teeth. Miraculously, he had managed to keep his grip on the phone. A small drop would have shattered it, and it would cost six kilodollars to replace.

"I'm sorry, would you please hold for a minute?" he said into the microphone. "I've just been assaulted."

"What? Are you okay? What's-" he heard before putting them on hold. He slid the phone into his purse, and looked up at the humans' face.

"What's your problem?" Tuïf asked, and dodged as they tried to kick him again. "Like fuck, man! I was just talking on the phone!" He scampered up a downspout, thankful that it was study enough to hold his meager weight. Humans may be big and strong, he thought to himself. But they're not built for YZ's gravity. And their teeth and claws aren't nearly as sharp as ours.

"This is a human town; you speak a human language or you get out!" the human said, desperately swiping for Tuïf's feet. Tuïf picked another of his loose teeth out with his tongue and spat it out on the humans' head.

"This is my fucking planet!" he yelled down.

"Not any more, bitch!" The human replied. They stopped jumping, and stared up at Tuïf, seemingly unsure what to do next. Just as Tuïf was about to start climbing for the roof, the human started pounding on the downspout.

"Dude! Stop! Your gonna-" One of the bands holding the pipe in place popped out of the wall, shortly followed by another. Before Tuïf could react, the entire downspout began to tip sideways.

"Oh shit!" The human let out just before the downspout slammed into their head.

Tuïf struggled to stand up, and looked down at the human. They were unconscious, but still alive. He looked around, and spotted a security camera focused on the alleyway. Getting the footage wouldn't be cheap, but the assault charges he was sure to face without it would be even more expensive. He took out his personal phone, and marked the address.

Panic shot through his mind as he remembered that he was in the middle of a phonecall. He yanked out his work phone, thankful that his purse had cushioned it in the fall, and quickly pressed the "end hold" button.

"Sorry about the holdup," he apologized, wiping blood from his nose. "How can I help you?"

---

Tuïf stepped through the doors to building six at 2:07. A short human in a suit glanced up from their computer and looked him over. His tattered poncho was covered in mud and grit, his nose and mouth were stained orange with blood, and he was trying to put as little weight on his left foot as possible. He tried to give a polite smile, but it came out as a grimace.

"You're seven minutes late." the human said, and returned their gaze to their computer. "Expect to see that on your annual report."

Tuïf hung the remains of his poncho on the coat rack, and tried his best to shake off the rain and mud. "Where will I-"

"Cubicle one two seven one, twelfth floor." the human interrupted. "Elevator's off limits."

[k-17goose]

What the fuck? Why

He sighs. “Morp is the only one who gets to decide who is allowed into Corpeus. I designed the shields that way. To get in you have to walk the pier to the barrier and Morp has to physically pull you in.. or he has to bleed on you.

Or… He’ll give me the blood necessary to make this bead. Morp will only give them to people he absolutely and unequivocally trusts. This bead gives the wearer unlimited access to Corpeus. As far as I know Morp has only given a bracelet to flowerfucker, that shit keeps sneaking into my lab and touching things.

I designed the shields this way for Mortys safety.”