#no i dont agree with what happened in the ending flash cards either | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thewarriorshomegirl · 3 years

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ALRIGHT SO I CANT WRITE ENDINGS TO SAVE MY LIFE, SO YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

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This is just a little some I wrote because I couldn't get the headcanon of Cowboy being afraid of water out of my head. Enjoy :3

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"Let's get out of here and do something fun for once!" Vermin demanded, throwing the cards in his hand on to the table in front of him. Cochise and Ajax gave him a questioning look, but before either could ask what the fuck he was talking about, he finished his statement. "And I think that should be swimming!"

"Not a chance." Cleon spoke up, walking over to the male with his arms crossed. "We can't afford to let our guards down. You know the other gangs have been breathing down our necks lately."

Vermin huffed, pouting a bit. "Cone on Warlord. We can just go to the beach for a few hours and make it back. Besides, no one would even be on our turf. We have scouts all over the place man!" He tried to reason with Cleon, a small pleading look on his face.

"We have been cooped up in here for a while now Warlord," Swan spoke up, everyone going silent at his words and staring at him in surprise. Was this their Swan? "What? I'm just saying that we have been in here for too long, just waiting for something. Tension has been high these past few days anyway. It may be needed."

Cleon clicked his tongue at Swan's words, all eyes going back to him. "I guess you got a point," He sighed, knowing he'll probably regret this. "Alright. We can go down to the beach for a few hours."

Those words sent almost everyone into cheering. Even Snow who only showed emotions during special times cracked a little smile. Everyone was excited.

Except Cowboy.

Cowboy sar there, digging his nails into the palm of his hand to keep himself calm. Who was he to ruin his brothers fun and excitement? His eyes went over to the youngest of the group, Rembrandt, who looked as if he had just taken five cans of flash back to back. Watching him, he couldn't help the little smile that came to his lips. Maybe it won't be so bad after all.

...............

He was wrong.

This was terrible.

Cowboy stared down at the water as it engulfed his feet. Why did he agree to come? He should have stayed back and scouted. He couldnt do this. The memories of his childhood immediately flashed through his mind. The feeling of the water swallowing him whole, taking his air away from him painfully slow. Being alone underneath the water. No one to help him. His eyes had gotten heavy and he finally just accepted it and let his eyes shut. The next thing he remembered was being surrounded by people he didn't know and was coughing up water.

So yeah, the beach wasn't his favorite place in the world.

Thankfully, before Cowboy could completely let his memories devour him, a hand on his back pulled him back to reality. He turned his head, being met by Rembrandt's soft smile. He was wet from head to toe, his once big and tall 'fro, now curly and plastered to his head.

"You can't go swimming with your hat, you know." Rem stated softly, slowly removing his hand from the older one's back.

Cowboy let out a soft chuckle, reaching up to adjust his hat. "Yeah, well.. I didn't really plan on swimming." He admitted, earning a frown from the younger male.

"You weren't? Why not?" Rembrandt asked, a small pout forming on his lips. Why didn't his friend want to swim? Was he ashamed of how he looked without a shirt? Now that he thought about it, Cowboy was one of the three who did wear a shirt under his vest. Before he could stop himself, his gaze fell to Cowboy's chest and stomach for a few moments before he looked back at him, cheeks heating up a bit. "Well... Do you want to go walk down the beach with me? I dont want you to feel left out."

Is Rembrandt checking me out? That was the first thought that Cowboy had when Rem's gaze shifted to his body. He didn't have much time to react to that and he almost didn't process the question before nodding. "Yea-Yeah, sure. Let's go." He said softly.

The two headed down the beach, Cowboy walking along where the water stopped and Rembrandt walking in the water, lightly kicking his feet as he did.

They ended up a good distance away from the group and Cowboy was actually enjoying the peaceful silence from the other guys. He was almost startled when Rem suddenly spoke.

"Are you afraid of the ocean?"

The question made his blood run cold and his face flush. "Wh-What? No! Why would I be? I have no reason to be afraid! I love it! It's amazing! It's-" He was shut up by Rembrandt's hand suddenly being placed against his mouth.

"It's okay if you are, Cowboy."

The softness of Rem's voice made Cowboy begin to relax a bit. He closed his eyes as the hand was removed and then nodded. "I hate it," He said softly. "But I didn't want to ruin anyone's day... Especially yours." He said, opening his eyes to look down at Rembrandt. "You seemed excited to come."

Rembrandt listened to him attentively and shook his head. "Cowboy, you wouldn't have ruined anything," he said. "Everyone would have understood if you didn't want to go. You didn't have to force yourself to come." He looked over to the other guys. "You wouldn't have even had to admit it to them. Just said that you didn't want to. They would have understood. Well... Ajax probably would have called you a pussy, but who cares?"

Cowboy let out a laugh and shook his head. "That's definitely what he would say." He smiled softly as he looked at Rembrandt. He didn't know why, but... He felt compelled to tell him why he hated it. "I almost drowned as a kid. Fuckin' terrifying at first then... it turned peaceful. I would like to be able to go swimmin' and shit again but..." He sighed. "I'm scared." This was the first time he ever admitted that he was scared of something to someone. Sure he's been worried before, like with Cyrus' meeting and all, but thats different from being scared.

Cowboy's thoughts were once again interrupted by Rembrandt's soft hand sliding into his own. He looked down and was met with a soft smile.

"Well, you dont have to be scared when I'm around. I won't let anything happen when we're here." Rem spoke softly, earning a small smile and a nod from Cowboy.

"Thanks Rem." He said, letting their fingers lace together.

Maybe the beach really wasn't that bad.

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Alright, so, the spacing is fucked up. Im sorry. I dont feel like fixing it right now lol.

I went through a lot of thoughts when trying to write this as of whether or not to make CxR a couple through the whole thing or not. Sooooooo let's just say that its up to yall lmao.

#the warriors 1979

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the-warriors-homegirl · 3 years

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Beach Vibes with the Bois

ALRIGHT SO I CANT WRITE ENDINGS TO SAVE MY LIFE, SO YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

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This is just a little some I wrote because I couldn't get the headcanon of Cowboy being afraid of water out of my head. Enjoy :3

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"Not a chance." Cleon spoke up, walking over to the male with his arms crossed. "We can't afford to let our guards down. You know the other gangs have been breathing down our necks lately."

Cleon clicked his tongue at Swan's words, all eyes going back to him. "I guess you got a point," He sighed, knowing he'll probably regret this. "Alright. We can go down to the beach for a few hours."

Those words sent almost everyone into cheering. Even Snow who only showed emotions during special times cracked a little smile. Everyone was excited.

Except Cowboy.

...............

He was wrong.

This was terrible.

So yeah, the beach wasn't his favorite place in the world.

"You can't go swimming with your hat, you know." Rem stated softly, slowly removing his hand from the older one's back.

Cowboy let out a soft chuckle, reaching up to adjust his hat. "Yeah, well.. I didn't really plan on swimming." He admitted, earning a frown from the younger male.

The two headed down the beach, Cowboy walking along where the water stopped and Rembrandt walking in the water, lightly kicking his feet as he did.

They ended up a good distance away from the group and Cowboy was actually enjoying the peaceful silence from the other guys. He was almost startled when Rem suddenly spoke.

"Are you afraid of the ocean?"

"It's okay if you are, Cowboy."

Cowboy's thoughts were once again interrupted by Rembrandt's soft hand sliding into his own. He looked down and was met with a soft smile.

"Well, you dont have to be scared when I'm around. I won't let anything happen when we're here." Rem spoke softly, earning a small smile and a nod from Cowboy.

"Thanks Rem." He said, letting their fingers lace together.

Maybe the beach really wasn't that bad.

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Alright, so, the spacing is fucked up. Im sorry. I dont feel like fixing it right now lol.

I went through a lot of thoughts when trying to write this as of whether or not to make CxR a couple through the whole thing or not. Sooooooo let's just say that its up to yall lmao.

#the warriors 1979

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maevelin · 4 years

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what do you think would have happened if you continued sweet nightmares? dont get me wrong i loved reading this fanfic but i hated how caroline was being abused and nothing she did was her choice. i also kinda hated klaus and it was impossible for me to ship them because of what he was doing to her. anyway how do you think caroline would become? i always thought it would backfire on klaus and caroline would end up hating her vampirism instead of embracing it

That story was not meant to have a happy ending. It was meant to have a bittersweet open ending more bitter when it came to Klaus in the end.

And since that story is in permanent hiatus here was a rough outline of my intentions about that story:

The dreams-nightmares and compulsion would continue until Caroline would realize that she’d have to fight back and would search for her father’s diaries to start teaching herself of how to resist compulsion and any kind of mind invasion without vervain. She’d start teaching herself in secret struggling to keep that progress away from Klaus.

Klaus in the meantime would also set a trap for Tyler using Hayley and he would fall for it basically choosing Hayley over Caroline and Klaus would exile both of them from Mystic Falls only for Tyler to realize it was all staged from the start so Caroline would hate him.

Basically in would come to a point where Klaus would offer a deal to Tyler in front of Caroline. Either take Caroline and leave Mystic Falls or take Hayley and leave Mystic Falls and Caroline (with him) behind. If Tyler chose Caroline Klaus would kill Hayley which Tyler couldn’t allow this to happen to Hayley that had helped him by then to break the sire bond. So in front of Caroline Tyler would choose to become heroic and save Hayley by taking her out of Mystic Falls just in time to save her from Klaus with the mindset of him and Hayley uniting the wolf packs and waging war against Klaus and eventually saving Caroline too. Only to be revealed that Hayley betrayed Tyler and actually wanted to become a hybrid and had made a deal with Klaus that gave her Elena’s blood and his own blood for her to transition once she’d be out of Mystic Falls. Klaus had agreed to compel Hayley too so once she’d be in transition she’d remember his compulsion and that would be the loophole for her to not be sired for him since he’d basically compel her to not be sired to him and once the sirebond would form upon transition his compulsion would counteract it. Basically the sirebond would act against the sirebond since it would be Klaus’ order through the compulsion Hayley would remember and would be forced to obey due to the sirebond to begin with. So Hayley would be immortal and free and the catch would be to also kill Tyler once they’d get outside Mystic Falls and she’d turn.

In the meantime Klaus and Caroline eventually would come to an agreement of sorts where he wouldn’t enter her mind for as long as she’d stay with him in his house. Klaus would dote on her while she stayed in his mansion and would try to tempt her to come to his side and so on and while she was there she would seduce him and ask him to teach her about invading dreams with having every intention of using his own tricks against him. Which Klaus could tell from the start but from both sides it would be “game on”. Through the dreams they’d travel the world. Klaus would show her different time periods. Different experiences. He’d draw her in the dreams and outside of them and Caroline would start grasping the potential of manipulating one’s mind along with everything her father’s diaries would teach her.

Klaus and Caroline would create am intricate dream world that would become sort of a maze for both of them and it would bend the lines between reality and dreams forging a bond between them and they’d both see the best and the worst in each other and the more they’d see the more connected they’d become.

Only for Klaus to realize this is not what he wanted at all because it was not real but at this point Caroline would have managed to turn the tables against him and he would not be able to separate reality from illusion easily giving Damon the chance he wanted to desiccate him.

Or maybe that wasn’t real either? Madness would starting to set in.

Klaus would start to lose grasp with reality too and would become more and more paranoid but also unable to detach himself from Caroline and their dreamworld that had turned to an addiction.

But...Klaus messing with Caroline’s mind would also have consequences that Esther’s spirit would take advantage at the witching hour of a certain celestial phenomenon. Since basically Klaus opened Caroline’s mind he opened the gates not only for him to enter her consciousness but also his arch nemesis mommy dearest. And Esther would use Caroline in order to kill Klaus and all his bloodline with him.

Bonnie would eventually be the one to see that something was awfully wrong with Caroline.

Caroline would resist Esther’s possession and with Bonnie’s help Klaus and Caroline would defeat Esther but the strain on Caroline’s mind would be too much to take after resisting both Klaus and Esther.

Caroline’s mind would be totally erased. Nothing of her identity would be left. She’d be like a doll. When Klaus would try to enter it again to help her he’d find...nothingness. Only darkness, a void, and nothing else and he would become trapped inside it unable to bear this only for Elijah to pull him out.

Klaus would try again to reach to Caroline with Bonnie’s help and he would find a sort of last ‘light’ which would be the last remnant of what was left from Caroline’s mind which would be Caroline as a little child trapped in the darkest part of her brain afraid of the monsters under her bed, and being terrified of him even though she’d not recognize him at all, making Klaus realize that this is what he represented for her. He’d then hold on to that moment to reconstruct her brain from scratch making sure to erase every memory of him and what he had done and set her free.

He’d then leave Mystic Falls and Caroline behind giving her a second chance at life and at vampirism without her having to fear the monster under her bed and into her dreams aka him.

Caroline would have the sense that she was forgetting something...something important... but she’d put that behind her and carry on since she’d have the prom and graduation in front of her...and from there...eternity.

Flash forward... centuries later.

Klaus is a recluse, alone and tormented by nightmares and memories and wakes from a very peculiar nightmare only to find a card next to him bed like the ones he used to leave a long time ago at Caroline’s nightstand with his gifts and drawings. The card would write “sweet nightmares sweetheart” with Caroline’s scent lingering in the air and Klaus would frown realizing that something was not just right. Something was off.

Had he dreamed of this? Was he still dreaming? Or maybe it wasn’t Caroline’s mind that had been erased but his instead because in their game of illusions it was Caroline that had won and he was trapped inside a nightmare. He wouldn’t be able to know. He’d never find out. He was lost.

(Basically something like inception in the end where you don’t know if that’s a dream or not)

He’d stare the card with dread having the feeling that whatever happened in the end Caroline was the one that’d be able to sleep peacefully where’d be the one lost into nightmares not that sweet.

The end.

#klaroline #Klaroline fanfiction #sweet nightmares #spoilers? lol #anyhow that's was most of it basically...#it was complicated in my mind I know #at least that's what I remember of it #Anonymous

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drabblesanddreams · 5 years

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Sun- Dazai Osamu x reader (2/3)

Hey everyone, i literally just wrote this rn as i wanteed to get it up for Dazai’s birthday! Its Dazai’s point of view towards you in ‘moon’! A third part will be coming out in what happens at the end :)) You dont necessarily need to read the first part but if yall want to than its here. ill prolly edit this later

Part 1 Part 3

**UPDATE** edited!! im so sorry yall had to read that..thing before lolol it sucked ass im sorry

word count: 1.5k

warnings: none

summary: Dazais thoughts towards you

Dazai remembered the night he left the Port Mafia. More specifically, he remembered the night he left you.

But he also remembered the first time he met you.

The memory of you resurfaces in his complex mind, your visage crystal clear like the waters of the lake outside of Yokohama.

His mind is always so sharp, so easy to grasp onto any ideas or concepts and store them away in his head, like a filing cabinet. It was one of the perks of his intelligence he supposes. So, when he shuts his eyes, let his eyelashes flutter and focus on the meeting that occurred between you two 8 years ago, the memory comes easy.

He remembered you standing before Mori, a mere child that was certainly younger than him. You stood beside an older woman, Dazai correctly assumed at the time that she was a relative of sorts judging by the similar features. You barely spoke a word and stood quietly for almost the entire meeting between the woman and Mori. As Mori’s prodigy, Dazai was usually around him especially after the death of the last Port Mafia’s boss.

It turns out this woman was bartering for her life in exchange for an object, and it turns out you were that object. She spoke of your ability, the possibilities and uses of it. In the end, Mori had agreed to the deal and decided to take you in.

After all, another member was not a bad thing and if you proved to be a hindrance, you’d just simply be eliminated. Your relative was clearly happy at the outcome, but it didn’t matter that much seeing how Mori had her killed not long after the meeting.

You were such a meek and small child, Dazai couldn’t understand what use you’d be.

Dazai quickly lost interest in you, finding you to be another example of the basicity of the human race. Your actions were predictable, your reactions, your movements, you were just another piece that had been added to his chess board, a pawn if he’d like to name you.

Dazai didn’t see you for weeks afterwards, or perhaps he did but you quickly blended into the background with your quietness.

The next time he saw you, you were sporting a bruise across your jaw, no doubt a result from training with your mentor. Everyone had just been exiting the meeting that had just taken place when someone called something out to you, your back had instantly stiffened.

He remembered watching you turn around to see who had said the mindless comment. The man who delivered the comment smiled smugly at your reaction, before continuing his words that hinted towards your weak and amicable nature.

The emotion flashed across your face openly, a tightening of the jaw, furrowed eyebrows and clenching fists. Dazai thought you were just going to continue walking and so he almost turned away.

That was one of his first incorrect judgements about you, because not a second later you knocked the man down and started delivering punches to his face.

Of course, your attacks barely lasted as the man had quickly overturned the situation, seeing as he was older and heavier.

Dazai had witnessed this with a single thought, just how far could your kind nature be pushed, and if so, what are the most severe consequences that could arise from you snapping.

For the next several months that followed, he developed a friendship with you, at least that’s what you thought. He knew you were completely wrapped around his finger, seeing as you really didn’t have any other friends.

Children were easy like that, he thought, you just had to give them the slightest taste of belonging and they will latch on for however long you need them to be.

Dazai knew his actions were wrong, but his sadistic nature always won, and he didn’t really care for what was right or wrong back then. It took nearly a year for you to put the pieces together, and when you did you were hesitant to ever talk to him again. You were fearful of him, Dazai supposed.

What he didn’t expect was that not long afterwards, you continued to stick around him. At that time, something shifted in you no doubt a consequence from the lessons from your mentor as well as Dazai’s influence. You were quickly learning that if one had to survive in the port mafia, you had to be deceitful and smart. No one was better at that than himself, so you quickly developed a not so secret admiration towards him.

The following years that followed were ones where he took careful observations of you. You clung onto strong beliefs and always answered injustice with the justice that was supposed to be carried out by the port mafia.

Dazai quickly realized you were a contradiction, your determining in what was right and wrong was not necessarily what was inherently right or wrong. Sometimes you killed people who were more innocent than the ones you let roam free.

When you met Chuuya, Dazai didn’t realize how possessive he really was of you. The two of you always bickered like siblings and Chuuya was always opposite at showing affection towards you compared to himself.

Dazai was always careful about his actions. He would draw a blanket over your unconscious body when your ability had lulled you into a deep sleep.

If something was bothering you, he would manipulate everything behind the scenes so that you weren’t any longer. Advice he’d deliver to you contained words that had an underlying meaning that you were learning to pick out.

Chuuya, on the other hand, would swing an arm around your shoulders, openly ask if you were hurt and would ruffle your hair annoyingly.

Dazai hated that you were so easily affectionate in return.

He also didn’t realize how much you had grown on him, how he always found something interesting about your nature every day.

It was until he was having one of his break downs that something changed between you two.

You grabbed his wrist, effectively halting his movements. his laughter ceased then, a defining silence overtaking your surroundings. Dazai let the smile slowly fall off his face and all that was left was his blank, cold stare.

The darkness in him was forever present, nothing could change that. It swallowed him up openly and left him aching for something that he couldn’t name.

Dazai couldn’t understand, he probably wouldn’t understand ever the futility of his entire existence. He committed many crimes his time in the mafia and it seemed as if his perpetual sentence was to ponder his place in the world. He clearly couldn’t find it in the mafia.

Letting his faraway gaze linger forward, you stepped around his arm and stood on your tip toes. This movement did nothing to break his stare as you paused your own movements for a moment, observing him. Licking your lips, you reached forwards and wrapped your arms around him.

Being careful to not hold him too tight, you felt his body stiffen briefly before feeling his right arm come back down to his side.

The gun dropped to the ground with a clang and you squeezed your eyes tight before opening them again. Then, you felt Dazai wrap his own arms around your petite form, squeezing tightly as if you might disappear into thin air.

His head buried itself in the crook of your neck and you let one hand card through his hair gently.

The last few years that followed, an unspoken thing that occurred between the two of you. Nothing was ever said or done between the both of you but you both had a mutual understanding of sorts.

It didn’t matter what girl he took to bed; you were scorned upon his heart.

His subtle affections towards you developed into a duty of care. So the night his world had turned upside down and he left the mafia, he decided not to take you with him.

Not only were you beginning to be dangerously attached to him, but you would also be in more danger than him if you left. He knew that as he was still trying to figure his place in his world, you were going to have to as well.

But this was something you had to do without him.

The contradiction and lies you lived with the desperate clinging of your kind nature had to be resolved by you alone. The port mafia was no place for a personality like that so you either had to change or leave on your own accord.

Seeing you now, with that barely hidden shocked expression caused Dazai to feel a twinge of some emotion he hadn’t felt in years. Your hair had grown out considerably, you were taller now as well. But the guarded look in your eyes accompanied by the bags under your eyes and careful stance told him what choice you made in the end. Dazai let his eyes meet yours,

“Hello, (y/n)”

#bsd #bsd imagines #bsd imagine #bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs imagine #dazai osamu #dazai #dazai x reader #dazai osamu x reader #dazai osamu imagine

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idolizerp · 5 years

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LOADING INFORMATION ON INDIGO’S MAIN DANCE, LEAD VOCAL, RAP MOON JIHUN…

IDOL DETAILS

STAGENAME: N/A CURRENT AGE: 26 DEBUT AGE: 21 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 18 COMPANY: MSG ETC: this member is known for their involvement in musicals

IDOL IMAGE

The steadfast, reliable one.

That’s what he is, that’s what he needs to be, or so he’s told.

Not the one who ever truly stands out, only ever when he’s given the time to take center stage as a dancer, but a jack of all trades who blends smoothly into anything that’s thrown at him. Dancing is what he does best, and he clears the stage every time he’s on there, so much so that there’s articles written about how he comes alive, and there’s comment chains about his so-called duality, on stage vs off stage, the artist vs the person, as if they truly knew either at all.

Where his bandmates are electric and mysterious, where they’re magnetic and bring people in, his job is to keep them there, to be the anchor. He’s approachable, perhaps a little too much, and the company pushes his open and earnest relationship to fans, because they need it. The company tells him to be the best friend, the big brother, never the favorite but good enough to make people feel comfortable. The meek shall inherit the earth, as they say.

It’s a polished and just-flawed-enough version of who he’s always wanted to become, once, before the mirror cracked and the smoke vanished. Smile for the camera, be that boy, strong, unwavering, always there for others, sometimes not quite there himself.

He pursues musicals, gets the OK from the company after much insistence, after convincing them that it’ll allow him to show versatility, that that’s the thing they want for the group right now. Selfishly, he wants it for himself first, to show that he can take on that challenge and see it through. The company agrees, if only because they need it, a way to show and confirm, after re:group, that their idols can truly adapt and thrive no matter what’s thrown at them. It’s publicity, at least, but then it’s up to him to make it good.

There’s a sort of vindication in it, although he’s always been told to avoid being too prideful, but sometimes he can’t help it. No hurt in telling yourself you’re doing well, after all, that your best is enough for once.

IDOL HISTORY

corner of the sky.

“Special”.

“Gifted”.

“Prodigal”.

Words that mean too much, until they dont mean anything at all.

When Moon Jihun is seven years old, his parents sign him up for the school talent show, at his express request. He had seen this performance on TV, of an artist whose name he can’t remember and that his seven-year-old grasp on language would probably jumble anyway, but it shakes something up in him like nothing has before. It plants a seed in his young mind that’s only begging to grow, so he bats his lashes as his mother, and she writes his name down because of course, anything for her little prince. Before he knows it he gets a taste of it, the costumes and the light and the dramatics, but most importantly he hears his own voice, feels his body moving, and he loves how it makes him feel.

Passion feels like all he needs and he cultivates it, for all the years afterward, and it’s only the beginning of the road. It’s also the foundation of a home, for Jihun, and back then it’s whole and beautiful and precious, not in ruins quite yet. He’s his parents’ and grandparents’ treasure, the pride of Seogwipo, center stage in flashing light. The family’s crown jewel who can do nothing wrong in their eyes.

Jihun, you’re so much more advanced than all the other kids!

You know, our Jihun practices a lot at home.

I think it shows, he’s so talented!

He works hard at performing because he loves it, but he can’t deny that being told he’s good, being told he’s special, is more fuel to his fire. It must mean he’s doing something right, and it must be true, they have no reason to lie to him after all, they’re only here to encourage and lift him up. Honesty is the best policy, always, that’s what he believes and what he holds on to. So whenever his father grips him by the shoulders and tells him he’s special, he believes it. Whenever his grandmother hangs another picture on the wall, he feels his heart filling with pride. Every time he sees them sitting in a row, all eyes on him, it’s only more motivation to chase this dream.

He’s special, after all.

Fresh out of middle school, he moves to the big city, Seoul, center of the known universe. And, or so he thinks, fulfills his destiny.

The performing arts school building towers over him the first day, so many promises rising up to the sky, all the hope he’d shouldered from all his years practicing finally about to fully realize themselves into something concrete, something for the future.

The future, as it turns out, is a paper plane that burns at the slightest change of direction.

Outside of his bubble, away from his family, Jihun crashes in a way he’s never experienced before. Where’s that special kid, where’s the prodigal son, in the middle of all the other students who are stronger and better in every way? Where’s the gift gone, when he’s struggling to catch up, much less keep up, when he loses his breath and comes tumbling to the floor, lungs on fire, sweat trickling down his back, the unpleasant physical manifestation of failure.

That’s a new word, failure. It stains his tongue like the bitter taste of tobacco, the cigarettes he starts sneaking in between classes, hunched over, curled up on himself against the back wall of the building, shame and disgust and failure, failure, failure.

His parents’ praise echoes in his mind and he tries to crumple it up and throw it away, because it’s not enough. It was never enough and he can’t do anything with it now, not when he feels himself falling behind, slipping away, his dreams so far out of reach he should probably just let them go.

But letting go is not an option, of course. The only thing stronger than his shame is his stubbornness. If he’s just average, the only way is up. If he only has his determination to show for himself, then at least he’s got something. Everyone has to start somewhere, right?

Know where you stand. Stand your ground. Throw yourself into practice.

He takes everything in stride. Classes, projects, late night training, throw five or six desperate kids in a room and call it a learning experience. Sneak into the school’s studio when no one is looking, stumble upon a classmate, keep each other’s secrets and keep each other afloat. There’s more vindication in knowing he’s trying than in being told he doesn’t have to. Maybe it’s too much sometimes, but there’s this growing, urgent need in Jihun’s gut to just prove that he can, so he keeps going, cultivates his work ethic far away from false promises and little white lies.

waving through a window.

He’s eighteen, waiting at the bus stop when it happens, a man in a cheap suit handing him a business card, the three letters MSG feeling like a punch in the throat. He knows them, of course, anyone with an interest in the industry does. The fine print in is the man’s words, though.

“You’ve got a face that’ll sell.”

It’s a start, maybe. It’s ok if he can capitalize off of that, show what he truly wants to. It’s a chance he can’t afford to pass up. Even if he doesn’t like to think of it that way, everything is a means to an end.

Trainee life is, for all he’s anticipated, just a leveled-up version of school. He gets the call back a week after his audition. The almost soulless voice on the other hand claims they saw something in him, and it’s been a while since he’s heard those words so Jihun takes them with caution, files them in a corner of his mind that’s still marked with a red flag.

He still shows up on the company’s doorstep with his suitcase and his aching heart.

The cycle starts again. Push yourself to the limit, say yes, thank you, I’ll do my best, I’ll work harder, and then do just that. It’s all you’ve got a claim to, after all. In that room he’s just like he was before, keeps himself afloat among the others, and eventually, he finds his footing. He can breathe a little easier, sleep a little sounder, even if he doesn’t get to do either of those things much. Little by little, finally, he makes himself known. Remarkable if only for how diligent he is, people also commend his hunger to prove himself. The downside, that he tries not to let become his downfall, is his tendency to bite off more than he can chew, leaving projects unfinished or unpolished just because he wants to move on to the next one, to do everything at once, to show his worth. Run through a dance cover, move on to some barely formed choreography, or two, sometimes both at the same time because he needs to keep his mind occupied and alert.

His body feels like it’s being taken apart every day, from the hazy dance practices that blend into each other, always longer and more grueling and the next, but he loves it, this feeling, when the world spins and he’s taken along in the movement. It’s all he ever wants to do. It’s all he feels that he knows.

“You just don’t stand out.”

It’s that sentence, that he seems to hear over and over, that makes his blood boil and sets his heart on fire. “If they’re not looking my way, I’ll make them.”

And he does.

If he’s always heard that debuting is the hardest part, he’d wager that following up is harder. It doesn’t feel difficult or painful when he stands on that stage for the first time, finally, a day that he’d begun to think would never come. It feels freeing. It feels like the sky has opened up and all the atmospheric pressure has been lifted, and rain is clearing yesterday’s pain to make way for tomorrow’s joy.

Tomorrow’s joy, he learns the hard way, only comes to the fortunate. They’re not among them. Months pass and comebacks happen and everything remains the same, leaving sweat stains and tear tracks everywhere they go, trying to make sense of a situation that never does. It’s not hard work that makes dreams come true, it’s luck, pure dumb luck, and theirs ran out so quickly that Jihun keeps wondering if there’s something they’re doing wrong.

Still they keep on going, stuck somewhere between determination and desperation, a single red thread that threatens to snap at any moment. It’s burned into Jihun’s skin, this lifeline, the promise of a better tomorrow that never seems to come; low sales, low views, low interest, low morale, but still this hunger, unsatisfied yet, and maybe it never will be.

soul of a man.

Re:group is grueling, worse than he’d imagined, worse than he’s been through.

Against the odds, he hears those words again. One by one as the guys walk in, this one is special, this one is gifted, this one is prodigal, and yet they’re all here, but to him they don’t seem to realize the reason why.

He gets the devil’s part, grits his teeth when he watches the episodes and sees what they’ve made of him, but he makes do with it. After all, this world will only ever let you be who they’ve already decided you are, and in a situation like this one, it’s pointless to fight against it. If you know who you are then it’s enough, and Jihun does, finally. So he works, and he works, because that’s all he knows, and he refuses to let anyone hold that against him at least. If the producers decide he’s the bad guy, too relentless and demanding and straightforward, then so be it. Through it all, he fights like a lion who refuses to die in the cage.

Too often his outspokenness is mistaken for humor, and the things he says that pertain to the hardships of the industry are brushed to the side or not taken seriously. The industry is cruel, this much he knows, but even in the role he’s been given, even as the MCs and the managers try to silence him, he knows he can hold on to what he believes. Sure he has to compromise, and it eats him alive on most days, how often he’s asked or downright forced to set his conscience aside. The fans notice, a little, but it’s only small things they can get attached to. For now it’s probably enough, not that he’d be allowed anything more.

At the conclusion of it all, under stage lights and scrutiny, as he’s been doing all his life, he waits for his name to be called. But the call never comes. It’s okay. It’s enough. he did his best, and they’ll never take that away from him.

The gate opens to a brave new world instead.

one day more.

Fortune is a funny thing, really.

One day it seems like it’s all but abandoned them, thrown them to the side of the road to fend for themselves and eventually be picked on by vultures, a disgraceful end for a disgraceful life.

The next day, like some trickster god was in a benevolent mood and spun the wheel again, they wake up in a world where people have finally taken notice, where they’re not an afterthought anymore.

The first group schedule after the show, Jihun can barely see through the crowd and the flashing lights. It’s a new feeling and he thinks he could get used to it, even if the little voice in the back of his head warns him that this too shall pass if they’re not careful.

Take the second chance and run with it, because they don’t come easy, because it could be the last. Take the love, the admiration, the trophies, cherish them, because they could slip away at any moment.. Put in your demands now, because they can’t refuse you anything anymore. Now Jihun understands what it’s like to be the breadwinner, the move maker, the one that the light is finally shining on.

In the wake of their newfound success, Jihun gets cast in his first real musical, so far from the cardboard and the watercolor of the school talent show. It’s a never-ending thrill ride, a rush of adrenaline like he’s never known before, one that he hopes he never gets used to. He’s clawed his way up here and he’ll fight to stay, even when the industry is as unforgiving as its ever been.

When the cameras are off, as always, his strong moral compass is both his lifeline and his downfall. Even when it starts working in his favor, he still disapproves of many aspects of the idol industry, silently protests against the personal restrictions, refuses to settle for “this is how it’s always been done.” His intentions to voice that dislike are often shut down by his company to maintain the image they gave him, one that is a little too off to who he truly is for him to stay quiet for long. Maybe one day the industry will change enough that it will never have to be this way again, for him or anyone who shares his way of thinking. For now, if he can keep his balance despite all of it, if he can stay true no matter what, then he’ll have already won.

It takes a lot to break a man’s spirit. Even more when he’s already been patched up, and is held together with renewed hope; and the knowledge that if he holds on to his unwavering belief in what’s right, and keeps on his path as he has, then he’ll find a way out into the light in the end.

#id.bio #id.msg #id.indigo #id.kim taeho

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cow3survivor · 4 years

Text

Ep. 4: “Trying To Cover Ur Murderous Tracks” - Jones

JENNET

nash isnt on my tribe but i cant help but feel bad for them :((( the last two days that we were together as old calumma i actually started to connect with them. they will be missed 💔

(a little later)

why am i obsessed with ethan ? *insert meme of that tiktoker just standing there*

(after building a bamboo bed)

super nervous for immunity, if we end up losing i think i might try to push for pennino bc he pissed me off the other night saying he wouldnt be available for the comp and literally SITTING THERE watching us do the comp... i really like sam and ethan (tbh more than i like lindsay and jabari) but thats only bc of how much we communicate with each other idk i do know lindsay wants to push for pennino too bc she was annoyed it too so maybe let her do all the pushing and if it backfires, just push for her to go😳

JESSICA

No song 4 today Last round we voted out Nash. That was not my ideal choice (I wanted Nicole to go) but Pete was paranoid Nicole may have an idol, that Nicole/Mikey/Nash were secretly working together, or just that something might go down. He also trusts Nicole for reasons unknown. I didn't love leaving Mikey in the dark (I think that really only helped Pete, not me) but I was nervous that if I pushed Nicole too hard as the vote, Pete would vote Mikey and then that was really the worst case scenario. If we lose this round, I am voting Nicole no question. She asked me what happened after the vote + if we could talk which I thought was great! I sent her an explanation that basically said I didn't trust Nash because they did not talk to me, I was worried OG Calumma was still a thing, and I didn't trust Nicole because she didn't start talking to me until after we lost + she left me on read a lot. And what does she do right after I sent that? Leave me on read again! I was excited to work with her when we first swapped but I don't see that happening at all now. The nice thing is because Pete lied to her, Mikey and Nicole voted each other, AND Lovelis was already initially down to vote Nicole, I'm hoping if we lose the vote is really easy. I also don't think Nicole has the idol because.... ...I found it! Okay, no I didn't. I did find a ruby though. I think that in each quadrant of the adventure, there is a gem and the four gemstones combined will make an idol. I already have 1, I have a good idea of where it could be in the north, and most importantly I am pretty sure Nicole has no advantages. I think if she had an idol, she might have played it last round, but my guess is that there is only one idol in the game and no one has it yet. However right now I'm not sharing this information with anyone. I hope that if we lose, Pete votes for Mikey out of paranoia (and that Nicole does as well) which means moving forward, Mikey really only has me and that's an alliance I can keep long term. I do also think that we are potentially swapping after this OR we will do a double tribal after this and swap then. I do not want us to lose twice because that's when things get tricky but if we do, I think I will be set up well enough that no one is coming for me.

PETE

so my og Brookesia alliance of jessica and lovelis (plus me) they want to vote out Nicole but i reeeeaaally don’t wanna do that. Nicole and I had this talk of moving on from our past so if I just vote her out first chance I get that’d just be a huge dick move. They for some reason believe Mikey which I honestly don’t, I think he may be a little weasel. Nash doesn’t talk to me at all, so i’m hoping maybe I can shift the vote onto Nash by scaring them with the thought of Nicole having and idol

(after dropping his rice into the sand)

AAAAAAAAHHHHHH IDIDIT I DID IT IDIDIT literally i have THE biggest fucking knot in my stomach i was SO fUcking NERVOUS this is so fuckignw crazy i cant skdjdbxsjkdb i’ve NEVER been in control of a vote before like everything i told someone to do they did like i’m not gonna get all like egotistical and all that but like sjkdsxkdbsjjdjxjdkdb ive never been in this position before it’s wild i’m usually like the mikey. like i’m just there, hoping people include me but kinda just scraping by until they decide it’s my turn to leave and NOW!!!! I JUST BLINDSIDED SOMEBODYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

JENNET

trying really hard to do this comp and my arthritis is making my hands spasm :(( powering thru and hopefully we dont go to tribal. if we do im afraid that im going to be voted out :((

JABARI

So i scored for the tribe which is great but then we tie and there is tower of hanoi. Lets just say ill never play that game again but I swear im not giving up no sir....they said they wouldnt boot me because of it but ima make sure of it.

JENNET

in love with ethan hes the best person in the world

(after staring at Ethan)

really sucks going to tribal council and i know i let my team down so now im trying to find a way- SOME WAY to remind them that old calumma wanted to go after pennino next and to hopefully keep ethan out of the fire. sam approached me about an alliance with him and ethan and tbf idc what anybody calls me or what they think but im honestly closer to the too of them than to anybody on the tribe- closer to ethan than i was to jake even😳

LINDSAY

https://drive.google.com/file/d/12YzvXBooOu3lndrE99YopPOcO4VEAYYB/view?usp=drivesdk lmk if this works also fun fact i just tried to open the camera on the computer im borrowing and the computer bluescreened lol i hate it here

SAM

https://youtu.be/M4E00bmBj0A

PETE

The way this game is going Id say that I’m probably closest with Jessica just because we’ve been talking since the start, she’s really nice & enthusiastic, and we’ve agreed so far on the things that need to happen so we share a lot of information with each other. Lovelis is a little bit of a wild card because he never really talks that much so I’m going to try to bond with him more so that he doesn’t feel like just another number.

LOVELIS

Who knew we’d pull out a win with flash games! Maybe we need to stop shitting on then and start praying for more of them to pop up here LMAO. So glad I can just have this day to speak to people a bit more and just relax a little - I feel like me Jess and Pete are in a comfortable position within this tribe so I’m praying for no more funny business with another premerge swap but I’m tryna stay on my toes!

ETHAN

Ok so tribal time: I am in a minority position right now and it is looking sketchy. I feel like I am going because of how Jabari and Jennet have not talked to me at all today and instead have ghosted me. I have something, but not sure if I want to play it. Do I trust people, or do I just full send and blow it up? Time shall tell

JESSICA

Yay we won immunity! I love getting my Dolphin Olympics redemption arc, it's been 6 years in the making.

PENNINO

Now, it's 4 hours before the first tribal as Furcifer, and I think that us from OG Calumma will go and do a Pagong to Ethan and Sam. Since Ethan was a beast in the comps, and we want to keep tribal lines, that puts Sam up for the chopping block. As for Nash leaving, no surprise. Honestly, I feel pretty safe and now i'm just waiting for another swap.

MADISON

I don't know how I've survived four rounds but here we are. I think I've legit gotten the lowest score in the past 2 challenges but everyone else is a beast so I get to stay safe for another round. The downside to being safe so long is that there isn't really a lot of gameplay happening over on Planet Brookesia and some of us might be a little bit too comfy so that when swap time comes or we lose the next challenge, it'll be scramble city to figure something out.

JAKE

https://youtu.be/Hz-Ix0ZeQ7E y'all when I tell you i'm manic just thinking about crazy fringe theories related to this game lmaoooooo

JONES

ok bet lets get strategic:tm: i feel like a lot of my confessionals are rlly like ,, , , ,me just talking ab "wow i rlly like this person, not this person so and so and whatnot" and i haven't rlly gotten to bare bones like ,, what i'm thinking ab game wise ? for starters - i think i'm in a rlly good spot surprisingly? LIKE don't get me wrong its fking dangerous being in a 4-2 but i think i'm set up super super well? i'm officially working with all of Daisy, Sammy, Shane, and Jake, and am in an alliance w everyone of those people besides Sammy. but sammy has vouched saying that he does want to work w me and has my back and i don't have like,, any reason to doubt that rn ? unfortunately the only way to rlly like ,, ,, have everyone prove their trust to me is by going to tribal aldksfjasdlfj but i dont rlly see a reason for them to like ,, , lie to me ? esp when we haven't gone to tribal? i don't see the point in marinating someone this isn't among us and ur trying to cover ur murderous tracks,,, but ya ? i'm in a good spot. i think based on my alliances and allies and whatnot, and i've stated this already so this isn't rlly a surprise, but madison would probs be the target if we'd have to go to tribal. and Jake has stated to me too that he hasn't rlly talked to madison that much either so it doesn't seem like an uncommon thought process. after the challenge tiebreaker yesterday , the newly formed ALLEANCHE! kind of came together as the 4 most active people on the tribe so it SEEMS like it would be madison AND sammy getting targetted and , ,, , sammy going for me isn't rlly cash money bc if sammy DOES have my back then that's me losing one of MY allies,, but i don't think we're going to enough tribals before another swap for that to actually be a thing ? so hopefully if we do go to tribal it'd be madison and not sammy, but i think i, if not i then maybe jake LOL, can make a good case for madison to go over sammy. speaking of jake i have a rlly bad gut feeling that i'm gonna have to think ab cutting him soon - or at least before merge. i've kinda been letting him take the reigns since preswap to make him kind of look like a leader ish ? so i'm rlly hoping that like ,, , hypothetically speaking. lets say i'm AGAIN put on another tribe w jake (bc lbr we're swapping again),, and lets say hypothetically they wanna split up the supposed "duo" of myself and jake,,, whos the smarter person to take out - the leader whos kinda been calling the shots and making the alliances since round 1, or the person whos proven themself to be reliable and to keep their team safe and be able to go to bat for their team ? idk IDK that's just me but i definitely think like ,, in terms of a building threat level i think jake is definitely the easier target asldkfjasd which is UNFORTUNATE like i LOVE JAKE but i feel like if it comes to me and jake and jake is putting me in DANGER then , ,, well,, :( i gotta do what i gotta DO i'm pawned as old reliable for a reason :katenails: but ya uhm,,, shane/daisy/jake/i were talking on call after the tiebreaker ab what could happen and we all basically agreed theres no way in hell that there ISN'T another swap on the horizon or at least like,, a twist or something. u can't just swap at 18 on a 20 person cast and just expect us to sit like lil ducks on sunday brunch, if anything we're probs gonna swap at like ,, , , , 15? OR hosts are cracked and swap us NEXT ROUND bc they're sadistic. but ya there's def another swap it rlly just depends on when and whos there to experience it - i.e whether or not i'm gonna have security from my allies or not ya feel? i feel. also there's definitely probs like ,, , ,a double tribal. or smth. or like, smth crazy and dumb and stupid that i don't have the brain capacity to rlly comprehend. but ya hope i win this was a good strategy talk #fruciferandcallumathrowchallenge

NICOLE

Hello!!! Nash went home and I'm sad so I am PROTESTING confessionals! You won't know anything that is happening with me! Nothing! (Just kidding nothing happened this round, everyone ignored me and then we won immunity so they had no need to)

SHANE

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1TxoVh69i2GPA-agNAfyW0G-Bu07weXyZ?usp=sharing

SAMMY

so I had to write a paper and I'm rushing to get this in...blinks...whats new anyways I have been so off in like the idol hunting and I have felt so detached from this game since I have only been to tribal once? but I think the people in danger would be like Madison or Jake? they have both been brought up to me by daisy...and in all seriousness I would be fine with that? I honestly really am only prioritizing Jones and Daisy in this tribe. I feel fine with my position in this game and I even got a point from the flash games. Luckily Daisy won for us in the tiebreaker and we were able to barely escape tribal. I really do hope I can continue to avoid tribal so that I can get as far into this to make it to the more individual stage of this game.

DAISY

https://youtu.be/3kCYnxDIdQY

TRIBAL COUNCIL

youtube

#cowsurvivor #confessionals

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haydenjjames · 6 years

Text

Dear Diary, its been a moment

Let’s talk about my week shall we....

Hello old friend, I hope you’re doing well. Me? I could be better these last few weeks have been some of the worst my life but also some of the best times iv’e had this week. A lot of things have happened this week, to be completely honest I dot know where to start.

Let’s start with today. Today, I went to meet this guy, he’s called Callum, i’ve known him for quite a long time however we never spoke… like ever, the only reason I knew him was through a girl I was friends with. They went out together a long time ago and when I was friends with the girl they were going out so I had only really seen him if I had met her outside of school and they were together. I don't know why that was so hard for me to say, basically I knew him through an old friend because they went out. Okay good we have got that awful explanation out the way. Back to my point it was a few months ago that some how we had connected on facebook and we started talking. We had spoken a lot about his past, which I won’t go into thats his business, but I really got on with him. So today was the first time that we had met together one on one, and I really enjoyed myself. I'm an extremely nervous person when I first meet someone alone for the first time, but when I met up with him and as soon as I saw him I just felt so comfortable and honestly it was a lovely feeling. Me and Callum met in town I had drove to my aunties, I assumed he had got the bus into town and we had met outside the old church, I always joke how it would fall down I entered it started because my auntie would always say it to me and I found it really funny, back to Callum. We met outside the church and he was talking to this gentle man about Leamington (a neighbouring city) I didn’t really listen the conversation, didn’t want to be that person who eavesdrops. So when he is finished he started talking to me about where we were going to eat and how he had worked there and at the shop on the corner and the place just before it. When we got to playwrights (where we were eating and where he used to work) we sat down on the couches and waited for a table and he was talking about everything that was going on in his life and his music gigging bands etc. and how he had made these drums out of an odd thing and how he was really proud of doing it and it was the cutest thing ever! We got our table and sat down, opposite each other it just felt right. When I talk to someone I dont like to look them in the eye because it makes me feel comfortable but the whole time we were talking to someone I was looking at him in the eye and him me and it was just such a strange feeling for me to not feel uncomfortable, but I liked it. As we were talking he just made me feel like he actually cared. We had our food we talked for a good hour or two and then we had to go because he had band rehearsals and that was that! That was the first time meeting Callum one on one, and I really enjoyed myself. He wouldn’t let me pay tho, I said I was paying next time.

Whilst we are on the topic of boys I’ll just update you since the last time we spoke, I haven’t really spoken to “him” I dont remember if I used his name, but I haven’t really spoke to him as he’s been busy with his jobs flying all over the world lol, he is currently at the time of me writing this on a cruise in the… Caribbean, I think. But yes I hope me and him get to meet up again it would be nice to seen him.

Right then, let’s start at last Saturday, so I took the weekend off because it was my birthday on the Sunday so the saturday I had completely free apart from a halloween party I was going to in the evening. It was a friend of a friends and I had been invited mdi was going with another friend. So I pick my friend up, I go and get something to eat and drop her at her boyfriends as she had forgotten something. As we are driving to the party we get to a junction where there are two lanes, one to turn left and one to go straight on, I say to my friend how I hate the junction as we pull up in the lane to go straight on. A car pulls up next to me with their indicator on to go left, so naturally I assume they are going left the lights change to green and we go so I go straight on and so does this car so they end up hitting the side of my car and damaging the paint work of the passenger door (and possibly denting it) so at this point I'm like what is going on so I know that I cant stop in the junction so I drive on and there is a car behind and then the car that collided with me behind that so I slow right down to make the car behind go round and the car I collided with his flashing me and I was already indicating to pull over, so anyways she gets out the car and I ask if she’s okay and straight of the gate she says “no you just fucking crashed into my car” as soon as she said this I was pissed but I was like you know what hun I ain’t got time for this, I give her my details she takes photos of her and my car she gets in her car and I wait for ages for her to leave and that just put me in a sour ass mood for the night.

I tried to forget it had happened for the sake of my enjoyment at the party that I was heading to, I did quite enjoy it but I just didn’t feel like I belonged, just cause I only knew 3 people there, well I knew 4 but i’ll talk about that lil bitch in a minute. But me and my friends had sat in the kitchen cause they were paying a drinking game and I dont drink, I couldn’t drink cause I was driving but I dont drink anyway and my friends weren’t drinking cause they had work the next day so it was pointless joining in with the game. We spent a good 3/4 hours at the party and there was a girl there that me and my friend knew from school and she wasn’t the nicest of people to my friend but me and this girl got on fairly well, the WHOLE time we were there she completely ignored us everyone else said hi asked how we were etc she even looked directly at us and didn’t say a word, I mean how rude. It made me laugh when she looked at us cause me and my friend looked at each other like wtf was that about.

The next day, on my 21st birthday I spend 3 hours on the phone to the my car insurance people about the car I spoke to 3 different people and two of them said that I would have to pay the full excess and then one said I would only have to pay what it would cost, I got the bill the other day and I didn’t have to pay my full excess, only what it cost. But other than that I had a nice birthday, when my friends had finished work al three of us when out for ice cream at place called sprinkles that I'd never been to and I found my favourite smoothie of all time, I don’t remember the name but the flavours were peach, passion fruit and mango, it was gorgeous!

Lets backtrack, the Friday before the halloween party I had my hair bleached and dyed grey and for the longest time I've wanted to have grey hair I think its just cause its a colour that I've never had before. I did it for the halloween party for the character that I went as. I just love having a different colour hair to my natural colour I just think its so cool how within 2 hours I can go from having dark blond/ light brown hair to bleach blond hair… it is surreal to me, the hairdresser also found out about my instagram and the makeup I do cause I was editing one of the photos for it and she said how cool it was and asked me about it which was nice.

Now we are jumping back to recent events, on Thursday I go out shopping and I had a text from my mother saying that the washing machine was leaking, (the pipe at the back where the waste water goes). So when I gets home and have something to eat I go to sort it out… the last time it was easy we just used the plunger in the sink and managed to push the blockage out, however this time the washing machine wouldn’t drain and the sink would where as last time nothing would drain at all, so it was really odd! So we took basically all the pipes out I had to cut the back of the cupboard to get to the pipes to take them out and the blockage turned out to be after the sink and was the dishwasher so I still don’t understand how the sink was draining but the washing machine wasn’t… either way we sorted it out and its been fine since, thats 3 different times i’ve had to sort a blockage out… I'm basically a plumber.

Rewinding back to last Tuesday. Monday was my aunties birthday and her niece had been texting me all week about taking her out for her birthday for afternoon tea, and it was going to be a surprise and I kept my end of the bargain but in my birthday card that she had sent me she had said that my birthday present was also afternoon tea, which we agreed (she didn’t know what to get me cause I've got everything I want), and when I was leaving my aunties on the Sunday of my birthday I had forgot to take that card the ONE card that I should have made sure had, I forgot. So I get home and I have a txt off my auntie saying about how her niece was taking me out for afternoon tea so I had to come clean and tell her but I made sure that she knew that she had to act like it was a surprise in a way I'm glad that she found out cause it took a lot of pressure off of the day and she was able to get ready the way she would have wanted to go somewhere nice. They come they surprise her its all fun.

When we get to the place where we were having afternoon tea we get seated in the conservatory and we had a view the garden which have a river running through and a small bridge over the river in the summer it would be absolutely ideal for a wedding it was really quite lovely. When the food come there was an assortment of cakes, we all got a choice of one sandwich (they give you like 4 mini sandwiches of that type) so we all chose different ones so that we could try them all, I had chosen the ham and English mustard, it was delightful! I also tried a beef with horseradish sauce, I had never tried horseradish sauce so I was unsure but I tried it and I really enjoyed it! We had out scones and cakes which were also lovely and then we sat and talked for a little bit and went home and it was a really good time I genuinely enjoyed myself, was starting after though it didn’t fill be up at all.

hugs Hayden xox

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survivormuxloe · 6 years

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Episode 15: “i didnt control this game 4 a goat to win” - Scott

So the reward challenge has been revealed. A little bit nervous tbh. However I do have a plan, I’d probably call Danielle. Because I feel she would have the best read on how the jury is feeling. She has sat there for the longest time. So her views are most likely the views of most people. So having her knowledge of the jury will be useful. First I have to win this challenge which I think I’m capable of winning, so fingers crossed I can win this.

THE CAT IS FINALLY OUT OF THE BAG HOLYYY LMAAAOOAO

i finally got to play it.. it didnt do anything. but. it secured me f4 just incase anything did happen!! LAMJFNFHBG. ugh. i love it tho... everyone takes me to the end i think which makes me lowkey queef LMAOAOAOOA :):)

hope yall r proud of meeeee :flushed:

I MADE FINAL 4. I’m so shocked and happy with myself. I broke my personal placement record and it’s so exciting. Unfortunately though I get to move past a milestone at the expense of losing a close ally. I got past eighth but Jones got eliminated. I get past my record but then Tobi gets idoled out. I’m so depressed but it just makes me want to win for them. I’m hearing that it’s a final 2 but it isn’t confirmed. So now I’m thinking who do I want to be sitting in a final 2 with. None of them honestly, they’ve all played great games. But I especially don’t want to sit next to Ryan. He’s done so well in this game and he made a succesful idol play. It would look like if a genius hacker were to sit next to an enthusiastic toddler.

It sucks cus nobody’s said anything since the vote and I really wanna talk to someone because bitch I’m in the top 4 let’s celebrate. I see Tobi online and its like fuCK I CANT CELEBRATE WITH HIM EITHER CUS HES GONE NOW.

its so hard telling eveeryone that im winning

we have a reward challenge on day 36 so i think that means we have a final 3 yayyyy whew. and the reward is the power call w one juror for 10 mins... which makes me kinda anxious ngl so i'm not even sure if i want to win this... but the challenge is Casanova and that is like one the flash games i'm really good at if i need to be so hmmm I'm wondering if i should beast it or not. i think winning it and having the courage to talk to one of them could be a big boost to my game so like... i'm thinking maybe i should just nut up and go for it hm

So I won reward fuck yeah.

This will give me the chance too see how the jury is thinking at the moment.

But with this immunity I am fuckin scared. Cards being stacked into tower formation. Honestly fuck that. I’ve been practicing and am getting there but I need to do this to make sure I have a chance of winning.

it feels so weird bc theres so little to say in confessionals now LOL!

uhm. just hopin for mo not to win ig. :)

So just had a call win Dani. Apparently I have close to 0% chance at winning. Which tbh I’m surprised about. Mo has the best chance? Idk like I want to believe her but it sounds fishy. I just need to feel out and go with Dani it trust my gut.

Rhys won his third immunity which is intimidating but then again he was only participating against me. Reminder I was trying to set up a card house with a tremor, due to my meds my hands shake. BUT I refused to give up and I’m still proud of myself because I know I did the best that I could.

I think this might be the round I’m eliminated. I hope not but apparently Rhys used his Jury call on Dani and Dani said he had the lowest chance of winning and I had the highest chance. Which first of all, REALLY???? ME???? Like thank you but, what? Second of all I need to play very passive right now in hopes that Rhys will stick with his original plan of voting Scott. Tomorrow it’s going to be me or Scott.

i feel bad for abstaining in the final 4 immunity but hnnng i really cant fux with these live challenges so rip. i feel like there's a good chance the jury looks down on my game bc this is like the 3rd challenge i've sat out of hnnng. but i'm glad Rhys won instead of Mo woo for that. it's seeming like it's gonna be a final 2 after all so womp. according to Mo, Rhys says he's voting for either him or Scott so ig I'm sitting in a good spot... although is it bad i was hoping to get another vote to rack up more than 11 overall? lol whatever so yay. i don't have high hopes of winning this game but regardless i'm happy i was able to survive all this time especially w my bae scott <3

Ok so I have a lot of hope right now. I’ll share the messages I sent Rhys because they’ll explain why I’m hopeful. “I just got some info This vote is either going to end in a fire making challenge between Scott and I or with me going home Cus Ryan just said him and Scott have had a tight Final 2 since the beginning so he can’t vote Scott (If you don’t believe me I’m sure he’ll tell you himself if you ask) So I respect your decision of voting for me if you do but I’d be insanely grateful if I was given the opportunity of a fire making challenge I see it like this. If I get to stay, then it’s us two vs Ryan or Scott because I think both Ryan and Scott have played insanely good games So we would have a higher chance of winning immunity But if it’s Scott, Ryan and you in the final three then it’s 1/3 odds. Where as if I stayed it would be 2/3 and if I somehow miraculously won individual immunity I’d take you to the end. It would be the smartest decision for me after hearing what Dani said But then if you win you can take Ryan with you to the end and I’ll end up 3rd Since Ryan and Scott have their final 2 thing” and Rhys agreed to it so tomorrow is going to be a firemaking challenge between me and Scott.

rhys is actually driving me fucking crazy lol... like. its right to vote me out yes. but his reasoning is so FUCKING DUMB. HE GENIUNELY HAS CONVINCED HIMSELF THAT THE JUROR HE CHOSE TO TALK TO LIED TO HIM. LIKE. RLY BITCH? im not getting 4th off of the back of ur fucking goaty ass losing to mo @ ftc ew lmao..

actually ya im not done like rhys is geniunely losing against anyone left for good reason hes been a goat this entire game and thats the entire fucking tea LAMJFBHFG.

i just dont want mo to win... imagine someone who voted wrong like 7/9 times in merge winning. fucking ew. if i leave ryan better win ftc bc hes the only good winner left if i leave like fr. i didnt control this game 4 a goat to win.. LAMNFNFG just ew ew ew ew ew ew..

im not going down tho america... ill pull every trick out of the bag if i have to. if i gotta lie to get a 2-1-1 vote i will. i aint bothered. id rather get 3rd knowing i was gunna win than fucking 4th. i aint knife!!

So like i Won immunity again which is insane. 3rd immunity.

I’ve been thinking about my call with Dani. I realised that if she telling the truth I have no chance. So might as well assume she is lying and have a chance. So I’m being optimistic.

So taking Scott out is my best choice right now. He may have bad jury management but he had played the best game. So I’m voting with Mo against Scott. Realistically Scott is probably going to win. But that gives me a possible vote on the jury.

I told scott that I’m Voting him as there isn’t any point in lying but he is working to stay. But like he needs to go. I can’t fuck up and have him win immunity. So yeah my game could be a shit show it could be nothing I don’t know. Wish me luck I guess.

I’m like legit so sad rn. I know I’ve had literally no chance at winning this game. So I’ve been optimistic trying to take the best road. Which in my mind is voting Scott out. I told him because he like legit my best friend I’ve made in this game and In a lot of games recently.

Now he hates me and has been really aggressive with trying to get me to stay. Like I’ve told him my reasoning and he just still thinks I’m being stupid. Like yeah I just hate this. Can’t wait for tribal for him to attack me more.

Rhys gettin a lil brave this round after being asleep the whole merge omg. Whatever he heard from Danielle has seriously gone to his head and he's now considering going to the end with Mo ???? i have to laugh... i dont think him tying the vote and making me or Scott firemake is a terrible idea at all, but honey pls dont make me have to vote Mo to win this game flkadsas. It will be such a travesty if Scott and I go out 4th and 3rd god i dont even wanna think about that

god I really didn't expect this jury reward thing to have an actual impact on things??? ugh lol. Rhys a mess PERIODTTTTTT

After a 2-2 vote resulting in a firemaking challenge, Mo loses and gets 4th place.

#royallyyours #episode

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