alex-nephilim-tribute

[emily-prentits]

i want to rage about the lack of quality in the meddison tag rn. when will we learn media literacy because i'm real FUCKING tired.

[doc-pickles]

maybe I don't quite know what to say

Hey so uhhhhhh ✨I just did a bad thing✨ no but really I woke up out of a dead sleep to type up a brief summary of this in my phone notes because I dreamed this up. And I already hurt Lay so I’m sorry about that. But uhhhhh enjoy this little S13 AU. Or don’t.

I didn't know if you'd care if I came back

I have a lot of regrets about that

Pulled the car off the road to the lookout

Could've followed my fears all the way down

TW// Discussion of Abortion

He doesn’t mean to look at it, he’s looking for labs for his own patient when he sees the file. The folder is taunting him as his fingers hover over it, the bolded name being the final straw.

Trying to rationalize his actions, he tells himself that his sentencing this morning is what makes him open her test results. He was curious and worried, why the hell was she getting labs done on herself? It could’ve been a system error, but as soon as he opens the file and sees her birthday printed under her full name he knows it’s not. He scans the papers, looking for anything out of the ordinary. He almost misses it, the spike in her hCG levels so high that there’s no doubt in his mind what they mean.

He makes quick work of gathering his own test results before he barricades himself in the nearest supply closet. Chest constricting tightly he knows he’s in the middle of a panic attack as soon as he struggles to pull in a complete breath. The feeling is foreign, something that hasn’t plagued him since he was a young boy huddling underneath the dining table praying his dad wouldn’t hear him shushing his siblings' cries.

The thought of his dad made his heart clench, fear ripping through him like a hurricane as he entertained the idea that he might end up being just as crappy as his own father. If his head was screwed on right he’d know that he could never treat any child of his the way he had been treated, but he’s not thinking logically as he hyperventilates in a closet thinking about his impending fatherhood.

He was going to be a father. A dad. There was going to be another human that depended on him. He’d created another life with a woman he loved more than he could say and who currently wasn’t speaking to him and he might be going to jail. Before he can process it he’s leaning over an empty bin and puking, the fear and anxiety coursing through his body winning out.

Eventually he goes back to work, though he can hardly remember it. His body is on autopilot as he finishes his shift and drives back to Meredith’s house. When his brain finally decides to let him process everything that’s been spinning through it for the past few hours he finds himself standing in the shower under a cold spray of water with tears streaming down his face.

How had he fucked up this badly? How had he ruined things so utterly and completely between them? He should be at home with her, celebrating this unexpected surprise with their favorite takeout as they laid across the couch talking about their future. Instead there were miles of Seattle between them and even more distance between their hearts as they both struggled with their new realities. He with the prospect of facing jail time for his rash actions, her with the potential that she could end up a single mother because of what he’d done.

At the end of the day he knew it all fell on his shoulders, he knew he was to blame for fucking them up so royally. Despite knowing that he was to blame for the disaster their relationship had become, all Alex wanted was to hold Jo close and not let go.

-

It’s later that same day when he approaches Amelia and Owen’s new home that he sees her again. He doesn’t want to upset her, but the knowledge of their impending parenthood spurs him forward. Her eyes dart up to meet his as she tries to avoid answering his questions. She’s mad, he knows she has every right to be but he can’t help but want to talk about it.

“Jo... I don't want to go in there. I want to be home with you,” her expression is telling, they��re not on the same page. She doesn’t want him home. “And I messed that up, and I know that, and I'm sorry.”

“You can't just say that, Alex,” there’s tears shining in her eyes as she looks at him. “It doesn't fix anything. Sorry doesn't fix all of this.”

He knows he needs to bring it up, that he needs to ask her about it because it’s burning through him like a hot coal, “I’m trying to fix this, to fix us Jo. I want to... I want to because I know.”

“Know what?”

“That you’re pregnant,” he takes a step forward and she takes one back, tears welling up and threatening to spill over onto her cheeks. “Please, I want to fix this so we can move on and work together. We’re having a-“

“That doesn’t matter,” her voice is hoarse, she clears it quickly before she speaks again. “It’s not going to matter by this time tomorrow.”

It takes him a moment to process what she’s saying but when he does his knees almost give out. She’s not keeping their baby. They’re staring at each other, both of them crumbling inside as they try to hold back their true feelings.

“Jo, please-“

“Please don’t make this harder than it has to be. I’m trying so hard not to involve my emotions because I just... I can’t do this right now Alex,” she looks away from him, eyes falling to her feet as the emotion she claimed to be pushing aside spewed out of her like a rupturing volcano. “We can’t do this right now and I need you not to try and talk me out of it.”

“Jo, baby, come on. We can work this out,” his voice is verging on desperate as he reaches for her, their fingers brushing for only a moment before she takes another step back and presses her hand against her mouth. “You know I’ll let you do whatever you need to but we can work this out. Please. I don’t want to-“

“No! We’re barely speaking and I screwed everything up, I can’t bring a baby into that! I can’t be selfish and screw up another life no matter how much I... I can’t do that, I’ve been here before and I’ve made this choice before. I can do it again I just need you to leave,” sobs interject her words as one hand presses against her still flat stomach. Her words aren’t making sense, he doesn’t understand what she’s trying to say but his heart is breaking as he realizes just how terrible things between them have gotten. “I need you to walk away because if you look at me one more time I won’t be able to do it and I need to, I have to do this.”

He realizes then that she doesn’t want to do this, she doesn’t want to go through with an abortion but she think it’s the only way out. His heart breaks as he lets her walk away, letting her leave with the knowledge that tomorrow there wouldn't be any hope of a future between them.

Alex sits with his guilt and tears and the overwhelming pain building in his heart until his pager beeps and sends him back to the hospital. He wants more than anything to drive to the loft and hold Jo and tell her things will be okay but he knows he has to let her go. He has to let her do this because he’s the one that got her there.

-

The night is hell. Bailey has shunned him and basically fired him, his career is slowly dwindling away to nothing, and any hope he held for his relationship is now gone. Alex stays within the walls of the hospital as long as he can, but when the morning light seeps in and his exhaustion comes with it he knows he needs to drag himself into his own bed before he collapses.

When he walks up the steps to the frat house, he’s shocked to see Jo sitting on the porch swing. Her body is almost curled in on itself, Alex’s heart sinking as he realizes she had probably already done it. He drops his bag by the door, her eyes moving up immediately at the sound.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” Jo’s voice is incredibly quiet as she picks at a thread on her sweatshirt. A quiet sob breaks through as she wraps her arms around herself. “I’m sorry for showing up here, I didn’t know where to go.”

Alex sighs, leaning against the door as he stares at her with an aching in his chest, “It’s okay, you’re probably in pain. I get it.”

She shakes her head, a few curls falling out of her loose bun as tears build up again and she begins to cry in earnest now. Alex takes a step forward, wanting to wrap her up in his arms and comfort her, but not knowing if he should.

“I’m not mad at you, you don’t have to cry,” his voice is quiet as he kneels in front of her, one hand settling on her knee. “It’s okay, I get why you did it.”

“I didn’t... I couldn’t do it,” Jo’s cries get louder as she tries to force out the words, Alex’s heart stopping as he listens intently. “I just sat in the parking lot and couldn’t move because I kept thinking... about us and how this, this baby didn’t do anything wrong. And how loved they would be, how many people they would have to hold them and worry about them and make sure they were okay. So I left and I came here and I... I couldn’t do it. I know we’re both so fucked up right now but I want this. And I’m so sorry.”

Her body slips off the swing and into his embrace, Alex’s arms moving to cradle Jo against him as she desperately sobs against his chest. His heart is beating wildly now, relief coursing through him as he realizes that Jo had chosen them and their baby. The little life that they’d made out of love and that was still growing steadily inside of her.

His eyes close as his own tears begin to fall, his lips brushing against her forehead as he realizes how much they have to work through. He wants to though, for her, for them, he’d do anything. He knows that much.

[ivyhanlon-blog]

Is that ELIZABETH OLSEN walking down Old Town Front Street? Nah, IVY HANLON  just looks like their identical twin! The THIRTY YEAR OLD AQUARIUS has been a NATIVE for THIRTY YEARS. On their good days, IVY is ARTISTIC AND ACCEPTING, but if you catch them on a bad day, they may be HYPERVIGILANT AND FLIPPANT. Keep your eyes on this MUSICAL BUDTENDER/DRUGDEALER. Wonder what they’ve been up to lately in Sunnymead!

PINTEREST [ x ]

CHARACTER INFLUENCES: Meredith Grey ( Grey’s Anatomy ), Phoebe Buffay ( FRIENDS ), Liv Moore ( iZombie ), Fiona Gallagher ( Shameless ), Marissa Cooper ( The OC ), Lorelai Gilmore ( Gilmore Girls )

Ivy grew up privileged and lucky, besides the fact that she was white, she was also upper middle class. Her father is an architect, her mother a pediatrician running a relatively successful practice with the other pediatricians/family doctors in Sunnymead. She grew up going into Mammoth & other ski resorts closer to Sunnymead , having a ski pass and premium benefits. Her parents loved each other, she had a few younger siblings who came after her – they all wanted for nothing. Everything they wanted, they got. While this would’ve made some people bratty and even stuck up, Ivy was always so appreciative and in awe of it all. She was born with a wonder for the world, a curiosity for it and a love for the nature she grew up in. It was no surprise when she got into the arts.

At first it was all painting, dancing, and ice skating but the minute she got her hands on a piano – it was her calling. Ivy first love was the piano and the music of Chopin ( Tchaikovsky came next ), she quickly practiced, practiced and practiced. Their large home in the mountains was filled with Ivy’s mistakes & music. She was getting good, it was easy to see, and even easier to nurture. Her father especially sat with her, helping her work out the kinks in her technique or tips to get through a piece that was particularly difficult. He always cheered her on. They had dreams of Julliard, they had dreams that Ivy was more than determined to fufill.

In Highschool, she was known as an artsy kid, outgoing and fun, a little out there sometimes. Ivy came out to her school and parents as bisexual and growing up in a progressive household, she was accepted. Ivy refused to be ashamed of who she was and what she loved, she loved and loved and gave and gave. Friends who didn’t have money would be paid for, people who didn’t have lift passes or couldn’t afford meals, would always be fed and taken care of. Ivy still had that laser focus for school and for her music, because all that mattered after it was Julliard. Was becoming a pianist. Was doing what she loved and learning how to do it better.

( illness tw ) Her mother started getting sick when she was 16. At first, it was little things, like her memory fading, her sleeping in – something she never did, especially on weekdays when she had work. Then came the pain, hours she would hear her mother sob, she would sit at the foot of her parents bed. Sleep next to her but not cuddle her out of the fear of her mother causing her mother more pain. Ivy missed her second round of Julliard auditions in New York to be by her mother while she screamed, as doctors struggled to find what was wrong with her. As her mother couldn’t work, they drained through their savings looking for treatments and trying them, her father missed work being there for her mother, as well losing income.

They assured her, she could still go to school. She could still go to music school. While Ivy got into several prestigious music schools, including the Berklee College of Music and the Jacobs School of Music at the University of Indiana – she decided to stay in state. Even though her ambition was great, even though her music was everything – her family was always more important. She had to make sure her siblings were taken care of and pick up the slack her father seemed to be letting go. Still, her parents, her father, assured her it was just a rough patch. That they’d get her treatment, that they’d land on their feet okay. That money wouldn’t be an issue, that they’d take care of each other.

( gender dysphoria mention ) Ivy believed it, why wouldn’t she? Her family had been there for each other for the past two years, it had been more than hard, but they had made it. Off to college she went. College was an amazing time for her, while she wished to be at one of the better music schools, again Ivy was happy with what she had. It was in college she learned more about herself, her gender, how it all came together and clicked. While Ivy had always had body image issues, they never were the same as her friends who were girls talked about – at least not all of them. Nonbinary, femme, the words rolled off her tongue and felt right, and she fit in the definitions as well much better than she ever had when she had labeled herself a woman. Ivy started to shape the sort of person she was, and it felt amazing, she felt that maybe it was a blessing in disguise not going to music school as maybe she wouldn’t have found what she did in San Francisco At the same time, she always wondered what if. Still, being at school was wonderful, around other trans & non-binary people, around people who knew more than her & could educate her out of her bubble. The world felt infinite, she didn’t feel as tied to California & Sunnymead anymore, and thought maybe when her mother got better, when they found proper treatment for her – she could reapply to music school and go then.

It’s why when her father left her mother, sick & disabled, during her junior year of college that Ivy’s world fell apart. Everything she knew about her family – gone. Ivy went into action immediately, letting her anger & sadness be turned into fuel. Ivy adapted to her circumstances, taking on the role of caretaker for her mother and her siblings.  It was by the grace of generous friends, selling their beautiful home, and Ivy taking a job as a pianist at Snowfall, dropping out of college, that they weren’t left homeless and hungry. She didn’t give herself time to grieve, she didn’t give herself time to cry. Ivy learned about her mothers condition, learned about CRPS, learned her mothers medical history back and front. Learned how to deal with insurance companies. Learned how to go to parent teacher conferences and go to her sibling’s  IEP meetings. Ivy got guardianship of her underage siblings just to help her mother out, who had become bedridden due to the pain.

Deep down, Ivy was crestfallen, angry, in disbelief, angry again. How could her father do this? Just leave? Her may have sent child support, but there was no contact. He left them ALL. All because her mother’s illness became too much for him. As the bills started to pile up as the family wasn’t as good at downsizing as they needed to be ( Ivy included, sometimes ) and Ivy didn’t have the heart to tell them half of the time, she got another job as a Budtender in the best ( and only ) Dispensary in Sunnymead. The job was perfect for a variety of reasons – despite the good pay and tips, it would allow her access to cannabis that helped ease her mothers pain at a discounted price. Before the interview she had prepared, thoroughly, everything depended on it and when she got in she almost cried. It was then, at 22, her love for cannabis wasn’t just recreational but a true appreciation. She watched as her job helped get her mom medication that seemed to be the only thing that actually eased some of the consuming pain. That was everything.

Her mother always pushed her to continue pursuing piano, and while they had sold almost everything else valuable to rake in money for the family – the one thing Ivy kept for herself was her piano. The beautiful black Steinway they could barely fit into their now single family home, Ivy will play for her mother to lull her to sleep when she asks. Her relationship with the piano is complicated now as it sometimes reminds her of her father, but she wants nothing more to reclaim it for herself. Ivy immerses herself in other arts as well, oil painting being one of her favorite mediums when she can get her hands on it.

( drugs tw ) Something Ivy did to generate more income as her siblings need money for college is drug deal. While Ivy has a kind, generous heart, she does what she has to do and tries to scam richer families & people passing through from out of town, by selling them weed at an extremely high price. She scams them, shamelessly, and sometimes also sells LSD, Adderall, and/or cocaine.  If her work knew she was doing this, she’d get fired, but at this point Ivy needs to do it as her work hours sometimes still don’t pay all of the bills. 

Ivy may come off as childish, sometimes too impulsive or even wild, but truly she picks and chooses her moments to be this way. They’re limited and while she can be a kindred soul, Ivy in other elements away from people her age is a completely different person. At least, it’s a different facet of her personality. She’s still generous, she’s still kind, but she’s also rather blunt but private about her own issues. She’ll be honest about some things, but other things, she keeps to herself. Ivy comes off rather composed though excited about life, intrigued about the people around, and she is because reality hits her way too often. Seeming carefree and having a very hippie like mentality about some things as well as being vocal about her support for cannabis, gender expression & sexuality but Ivy doesn’t let herself lose herself completely in anything like she used to. She missed her old life, nostalgia often being an emotion that keeps her up at night, because she misses being able to actually breathe and take in everything around her without worrying about the next thing that’ll happen. A human who wants to desperately live in the moment, like she used to, who constantly feels anchored to Sunnymead. It’s a feeling that she’s trying to come to terms with because she knows she’ll have to endure it until her mother has either passed away or gotten a proper caretaker. Some days she still feels like wasted potential and on those days, she does anything she can to distract from her own mind. The question of what if is always hanging on her tongue, but she does her best to just find beauty & comfort in the now. In her surroundings and the people around her.

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

 Ride or die best friends!!!! THey’ve been best friends they’re whole lives and they’re basically family at this point!!

Coworkers!!!!

Hookups/Friends with Benefits

Other LGBTQ people in town wanna link up for a JAM SESH Or just smoke Sesh!!

Other musicians!!

Enemies since Day one. They see each other and it’s ON SIGHT they’re ready to RUMBLE

People she sells drugs to!!

People who know her family/knew her dad 

Hiking / roadtripping buddies

Ivy’s always down to babysit so she could babysit your characters kids or cousins or something!!

EXES!!! 

someone give me a brotp THANKS idc what it is 

[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 15X7

This episode was an emotional one. The episode starts off with Webber having a rough start to his morning and the audience finding out that he’ll be providing the voice over for this episode. Maggie and Jackson are in bed together and she hilariously and clumsily breaks a wine glass! That made me laugh! Maggie’s style was on point in this episode. Her navy blue robe with multi-coloured poppies was gorgeous! I also loved her navy blue matching bra and panties set! Maggie’s pink off the shoulder top was also on fire! Cudos to the wardrobe department in this episode!

And then we find out that Jackson has been lying to Maggie and texting other women. One of those women, Kate, is texting Jackson back with ‘I miss yous’ and heart emojis! Dun dun duh! Maggie calls him out on it, rightly so, and has some hilarious one liners! Jackson tells Maggie that she never opens up to him and so he doesn’t feel he can open up to her. So he’s been opening up to Kate and April it turns out instead and not telling her about it. Maggie counters that she’s a great friend, sister, and aunt and that she’s not the spewing feelings type. Meredith and Maggie are not the feeling spewing type. That’s Amelia’s Dept. Jackson. Seriously get it together.

Also how is it Jackson’s bedroom is all windows and has no curtains? Only on TV. Maggie makes a great speech on how she never really learned to fight or to love and encourages Jackson to open up to her. To which Jackson admits that he’s mourning the loss of his and April’s marriage, Samuel, and what Harriet doesn’t get to have and that if April wasn’t happily married to Matthew he’d want to get back together with her. To his current girlfriend. Nice.

There’s nothing wrong with mourning these losses or needing to talk to April about it. There is however an issue with the fact that Jackson didn’t tell Maggie how that he was talking to April about this along the way and that he’s having an emotional affair with Kate. Which is Maggie’s entire point which is totally valid. At this point Maggie has had enough of Jackson’s BS and walks out. Maggie is no one’s sloppy seconds! Nor should she be.

And then I freaked out immediately because Why is Meredith in a tiny plane?!?! Her and Koracick wind up having to fly via tiny plane to a VIP consult at Catherine’s request. Koracick once again proves himself to be someone who’s more than meets the eye. I liked how Koracick changed the subject smoothly when he realized that Meredith was upset. It’s subtle and shows off some really great acting from Greg Germann.

Nurse Frankie once again proves herself to be both hilarious and stellar at her job. She’s really growing on me which obviously means that something bad is going to happen to her. I love her line, “You’ll always be my Chief.” Awwwww! The board reveals that Potential Baby Names Include: Ben (!), Minty, Adrien, Alex (!), Albus (!), Coco, Chicken, L’il Pancake, Charlie, and Richard! I love the inclusion of three character’s names and the Harry Potter reference! Iselda is later added to the list. Another one of my favourite lines was, “If you name it Alex it goes both ways!” True! I loved it when Ginger gave Richard the blue thank you cupcake!

At which point Frankie doubles over in pain and Richard rushes to her side and she has to be admitted! Ginger is my hero and I love Frankie’s village! It turns out the cause of her pain is a wandering spleen! Who knew that was a thing? The 41K baby explanation really got me. After the problem seems to have corrected itself Frankie goes into distress again and they are forced to take her into surgery.

There’s a lot of blood and Alex is forced to take the baby out early in order to try and save its life, which he does because Alex is awesome. Richard and Alex than try desperately to get Frankie’s bleeding under control. When we cut back to them the OR floor is soaked in blood. There’s no way she’s going to make it.

Webber can’t bear to call time of death so Alex steps in and calls it for him. Richard goes and tells the nurses who hug each other and cry for the loss of their friend. This pushes Webber to finally go to an AA meeting. There he finds out about this horrible bar that rewards people for breaking their sobriety and walks out to find the place. He calls out the owner and yells at him and then uses the baseball bat behind the counter to smash the bar bottles to pieces in righteous rage. So stellar acting her by James Pickens Jr. We find out that the baby made it okay and see Alex and the nurses taking care of them. Lil’ Pancake has a village! I wonder what they’ll actually name it?

I loved Meredith and Koracick joking about operating on Bono! Also you can see that Koracick has calmed Meredith down by distracting her. That’s a really nice thing for him to do considering that he doesn’t have to and is kind of an ass. We also learn that Meredith and Koracick are U2 fans! We also learn that Catherine calls Koracick Tommy and when she reveals the patient with the stubborn invasive tumour is her Koracick seems genuinely concerned, floored, and upset. He’s actually at a loss for words which is rare for him. After a biopsy Koracick and Catherine sing together and it’s adorable! They can also sing really well which helps.

Catherine brings them to a really amazing underground restaurant full of crystal chandeliers and candelabras that I really want to visit. They discuss the realities of what they are dealing with here. I love how Meredith stands up for Richard. And then coming in with that sass! Koracick reveals that he’s legitimately worried because Catherine does indeed have cancer, the bad kind, and he honestly doesn’t know how to fix it and Catherine is his friend who he loves dearly and really wants to help and see get better. Catherine overhears them and is upset. She tells them to get back to work. Poor Catherine.

We also see that Catherine has a leopard print phone case! It’s awesome and totally fits her character. Again, cudos to the wardrobe and props departments this week! We then cut to a scene of Maggie coming home to Mer’s house and see the kids and Meredith’s nanny in the background. Maggie texts Meredith and tells her that she and Jackson might be over and that she feels like the world is ending.

Meredith then gets a call from an Unknown Number. She thinks it’s Maggie, but it’s in fact Richard calling from the Police Station because he’s been arrested. He asks her not to tell Catherine as he doesn’t want to worry her. Meredith looks on as Catherine talks to people about the opening of the Medical Centre unaware of what Meredith has just learned. Catherine tried to call Richard earlier and tell him about her diagnosis, but it went to voicemail.

So by the end of the episode here’s where we stand. Catherine has a very stubborn, painful, and hard to treat form of cancer. Richard and Jackson don’t know yet. Only Meredith and Koracick do. Richard has been arrested. Catherine, Jackson, and Maggie don’t know yet. Only Meredith does. Jackson and Maggie have broken up. Catherine, Richard, and Amelia don’t know yet. Only Meredith does. Meredith is keeping a whole lot of secrets for a whole lot of people. And that’s not including Teddy’s secret.

Next is the mid-season finale! This episode brings a windstorm and the first major disaster we’ve seen this season! I’m surprised they haven’t done a snowstorm yet. Judging from the promo Bailey, Dahlia, and Helm are all over it and Levi is not. Meredith is wearing a pink scrub cap this time continuing her trend of wearing a different one each episode.

Meredith tells Maggie what appears to be bad news. I’m guessing Mer is telling Maggie about Richard (and possibly Catherine). There’s more Levi and Nico action it looks like. It looks like Teddy finally tells Owen as well (fingers crossed). Meredith and DeLuca are also shown in a sexy situation in which DeLuca is being all seductive in the tech room and Meredith is pulling away because while she’s attracted to him, he’s her student and she’s been down this road before. Ugh. I’m so NOT into it.

That’s all for now folks! Tune in next week when I review the mid-season finale! Au revoir!