#nobody else contributes to this tag so i have to work twice as hard

[makaronypoflotskiofficial]

[maxbernini]

skamfr is so much more fun when you ignore the plot, steal the characters from the show, and instead come up with headcanons about them. so therefore important scientific question: what type of music do we think la mif listens to?? here is my contribution to that below the cut. (my knowledge of french music is limited so this is english-based; apologies if the read more doesn’t work & you have to see all of this, im tagging it as “long post” so).

sekou: i feel like it’s been established that sekou is kind & empathetic in very “quiet” but important ways. he does things where you’re like, oh yeah that’s nice. but thinking about them beyond a surface level, they’re actually very meaningful: for example, hacking the account. that was second nature for him, an immediate reaction! but he took the lead from lola on what she wanted to do with it, and then took it down when she was ready, no questions asked, giving her agency (something she craves; also “maybe you’re just a good person” FIRST person all season to say that). so this is me saying i think he likes music where the emotion is...carefully constructed, but still powerful, still gut-punching. like classical/orchestral? or soundtrack music!! hello we KNOW he’s a future oscar winner (perhaps eliott would’ve been too had he listened to sekou's advice). he likes analysing films & their sound design, he loves the one for interstellar since the entire film is just science stuff + the power of love. he also likes beyonce and rihanna; songs like “xo”, “cheers to the weekend”, “bitch better have my money” and “countdown” remind him of dumb nights out with his friends. he also loves classic artists like whitney & tina turner: people you can dance to! videos on their insta + samedi 6:43 prove this (remember when he was going wild in the background when mayla were trying to flirt? legend).

lola: canonically didn’t like the music playing @ that bar (hip-hop i believe?). also canonically a dramatic teen: she has used music in her insta stories TWICE to call maya out, so i think she just listens to whatever she likes that happens to match her mood, and stares out the window pretending to be in a music video when she does so. but perhaps secretly prefers pop? or music she can jump and scream her lungs out to, like “i wanna get better” by bleachers or “shake it out” by florence and the machine? also if no one else is going to say it....she's a swiftie. she heard “love story” when she was eight and her heart ACHED with the forbidden romance of it all because when you're eight you somehow relate to lyrics you've never experienced irl, and she's sworn allegiance to taylor ever since. also definitely a paramore fan; she had a crush on hayley williams (“hard times”, “ain’t it fun”, and “the only exception” are her anthems, depending on the mood).

max: okay according to their insta he plays the guitar and SINGS so i think he probably listens to a lot of folksy/indie acoustic stuff, or at least plays a lot of them, and when la mif go camping he whips out the guitar and they have a sing-a-long. sometimes he leads; sometimes he'll fade into the background because he wants to listen to his friends or gets super into the strumming. either way he takes a bow at the end. sufjan stevens maybe when he's yearning over sekou (“i can’t explain the state that i’m in / the state of my heart, he was my best friend.”) also fleetwood mac (“the chain” when he’s angsty; “landslide” when it’s quiet & he hums it). but also rap and r&b? specifically stuff that hypes him up when he goes jogging or is urbex-ing by himself / when it's a somber, quiet group session. 100% a raleigh ritchie stan (they play "the greatest" in the car when they're driving at night; i think it's an anthem for them, max drums it on the wheel).

maya: canonically loves harry styles (she follows him on insta), but i am yet to decide whether this means she was one of those lesbians who Just Thought One Direction Were Neat, projected comphet crushes on them, or simply watched the music video for “watermelon sugar” and was like...i see the vision harry i see it!!! hayley kiyoko was important to her as a japanese lesbian teen girl but i think she's branched out to listen to other lgbt artists of colour now, like the internet (she vibes to “girl” when cleaning the apartment), frank ocean (she listens to his cover of “moon river” when she misses lola), and rina sawayama (“stfu!” when she’s having a bad day and/or dealing with racists @ work). however as a maya apologist i think it's important we also recognize that she has been known to canonically have, uh, questionable taste sometimes...so let's all accept that she unironically loves the glee cast version of “don't stop believin'” and move on! (we can discuss who the gleeks in la mif are later).

jo: ok this is the hardest one imo bc i think she’s most likely to follow in eliott’s footsteps and enjoy dubstep or something equally left field / cringey we can bully her for. but she canonically also likes reality shows and hates documentaries per their insta which seems like a more (for lack of better words) “mainstream” and "basic" thing to do, so to combine both feelings...electronic pop maybe? she definitely streamed charli xcx’s newest album & prefers her experimental stuff to her earlier pop stuff, but she mostly likes bouncing up and down. actually wait i want jo to stan, fucking...100 gecs or someone equally terrible. i want nobody in la mif to ever hand her the aux cord for that exact reason, but lola doesn't know she's unofficially banned from having it yet, so the first time they’re driving to urbex together she's like hey lola can you pass me that :D and lola does and la mif just FREEZE having realised too late and lola's very ???? but before they can do anything, the intro to “money machine” is being blasted, jo’s going feral, and lola is like. ok understood.

[jooheongif]

it's theory anon,hi!!how are YOU?i'm really good rn thanks:)) thank you for your kindness again,i'm really happy i could somehow help to help you feel even a tiny bit better and hope you're doing well now,too(and it's ok to not rest on your day off but it's also ok to do so if that's what you feel is right for you atm!).about the mf(ilm), i thought the same thing, it felt like a parallel universe type of story!i also really love plotlines about friendship, (again cont.i'll try to be briefer!)

(i’m so sorry i wrote a rly long reply so i’m gonna put this under read more !!)

2. friendship is beautiful and i feel oftentimes underappreciated(but not mx!there they go again being amazing) so i love the concept. personally i like not knowing what exactly the producers were thinking because having my own interpretation of something and seeing other ppl have their own fills me with wonder,like,that's art!so many people think so many different things and no one's wrong i love it!!your thoughts about them appreciating everything they've done so far,you're absolutely right(cont) 3. i hope they are able to bc everything's so hectic for the.i get lost just looking at their official schedule,i don't know how they do it but i also hope they are aware of all these things bc those are all mindblowingly huge accomplishments in my opinion and i just want them to feel like their hard work is worth it,yknow?(is this comprehensible?)and i know they feel pressure because as you said the business is nasty but yea i hope at the end of the day they can feel like (cont.???again 4. everything they've put so much of themselves into is worth it,i love their energy and fierce determination and i just don't want them to lose it but maybe as you said feel less pressured..but then the only way would realistically be to make sure they get awarded in the Real World so we're all doing our best in the system&hating it as you said:/ they just mean so much to so many people i want them to feel that too!i try to contain myself but here i go again! sorry it's so long AND i have more(con 5. also!thank you for your big reply and sharing your thoughts i mostly just agreed with (but you're right so what else can i do),i don't have mbb friends to vent to and fanperson(is there a gender neutral term for fanboy/fangirl?) over mx with and this is really nice and fulfilling(again,if i'm boring you,you can just delete the messages and not reply!) so THANKS!it's great to strive to be a better person but i feel like one(you) should also acknowledge the good things they're already doing(cont?) 6. you showed such pure kindness and really melted someone's(my) heart and that's a Big Deal!djkghddgwe can agree that we both inspired each other :') also please i feel like you're such a wonderful soul and you really deserve every bit of gratitude and appreciation i managed to express(i feel a lot moreprobably) so!yeah!reminder that you're lovely and deserve to be appreciated and i'm also very,very happy you're here!you made my day brighter for the 2nd time now wow!thanks! i hope you and(cont.:() 7. your gorgeous heart are taking good care and enjoying your day/night! and this cb!i really like it i haven't had time to listen to the entire album but jealousy!is a bop honestly it's my type of jam and the choreo is stunning and so are their voices!iwas so skeptical about the lyrics(they could've been like hero or stuck and those made me a bit >:/ honestly) but i really should've known they wouldn't fail me in any way ever!i can't wait to hear the rest of the songs i hope you enjoy them too!bye

hi theory anon, it's nice to hear from u again ! firstly, i am so sorry for the slow reply to this ! but im rly glad to know that u are doing good :-) i'm doing ok too thank u !! how are u ? kfjjfdsjfdf sorry that u had to read my tags but thank u for saying that !! i just feel so guilty when i do nothing bc im absolutely terrified of time passing too quickly ? just the thought of letting a few minutes go to waste is overwhelming ? even though i know it's not rational to think like this but ??? theres just this constant feeling that im running out of time so i try to get rid of it by always doing smth ?? and feel bad when i dont ? idk ?? but anyway im working on it and ill be ok ! sorry..not to be dramatic and tmi and all that kjdfdj istg this blog gives me too much freedom to say...too much :( (hope the internet folks that collect metadata never read the garbage i write bc..yikes they aren't gonna hav the best time) anyway..yea. what a paragraph to start off this reply :( sorry for the honesty and saying so much all the time btw :( not that being honest is necessarily a bad thing but ! idk every time i write smth i suddenly feel extra self conscious and feel like deleting it bc im rly embarrassed and always end up having big regret later when i reread anything ive typed up !! but i just keep writing them anyway bc...idk ?? i'd rly hate it if someone got discouraged from sharing their thoughts/worries/feelings which i think is a rly important human thing :( so  yea im rly embarrassed w anything i write but i'll keep doing it anyway bc i'm all for that kind of stuff and sometimes i know its not easy and it takes someone a lot to share that and its a good thing and i dont ever want anyone to feel discouraged from doing that ! anyway i just felt like i rly needed to say all of this..but pls dont feel obliged to reply to this mess !! anyway back to mx ! you are right :( i also hope mx feel like what they've done is worth smth w/e their definition or standard of that is :( like.. all of the hard work they've put into being mx it certainly means so much to fans but i hope all the hard work they've put into being mx also means smth to them at the end of the day and they are happy w what they're doing and what they've achieved so far :( and yes we'd love mx to always be rewarded in the real world :( though we love them and we want to get them a win, i know that everyone has their commitments, means and different circumstances and we can only do so much :( but even if u think its just a small contribution, everything adds up and counts and i know that all mbb hav contributed in some way in helping them get another win for this cb ! there are some mbb who can't buy albums or streaming passes and things and i hope they don't feel bad for this :( even if all you can do is watch the mv once or twice, even if you could only vote, i hope you know that it all counts and matters !! abt mx's schedule, i get tired just by looking at their weekly one idk how they can even put up w it all ?? after this they'll hav their japanese album and things and then they'll have their concerts and on top of all that apparently [some of them are also studying] ????? they are so hardworking :( HOW do they do it !! just..thinking abt their schedule is overwhelming !!! also pls dont think that you're boring me or anything like that :( im so thankful for any msg i receive and the fact that u actually took the time to type out smth to send to me ?? im so grateful ?? u are never boring !! honestly even if u sent me a stainless steel dishwasher manual w the page length of like..23 bibles, i'd still love u for it and i'd prob read all of it :( btw thank u sm for saying all those kind things !!! receiving kindness for the 3rd time is rly !!!!!!! and once again i've done nothing to deserve it :( i dont even know what i can say to you that will ever be enough to thank u again or to top what u hav already said ! if there was like a...maslows hierarchy of kindness of smth, ur at the very top of that triangle and anything i say will never be as kind as what you have said !! for you, i can agree that we both inspired each other :-) but really thank u so much from the bottom of my heart :( i hope you know how kind and lovely u are too ! if nobody told u this today, i wanted to say that im rly grateful to know u and i'm happy that you're here !! thank u again for being so kind and thoughtful and for making me smile !! :( same, i havent properly listened to the whole album either bc ive just been letting it stream in the background (but i dont count that as a proper listen unless i listen w headphones tbh) ill give it a good listen one day ! also im a repeat 1 kind of garbage person until i feel the need to listen to a new song ?? and rn jealousy to me is a song that gets better w every listen ??? shes too powerful atm :( one day ill listen to another song but today is not that day ! Actually.....I think jealousy is my fav mx song ???? before this cb i didnt hav a fav bc i couldnt pick the song i liked most out of blue moon/blind/fighter/incomparable. i was just gonna base it off the one w the most play count out of those 4 but now i know its jealousy ! what are ur fav mx songs ?? btw i know im always saying that anything mx releases is always a masterpiece no matter what, but in all seriousness its ok if u didn't like smth they released. i don't think it makes u any less of a mbb if u didn't enjoy a certain release or if u only liked one aspect of a thing but not so much the rest of the thing. anyway not to sound so...stale and commonplace but for lack of a better word/sentence, at the end of the day your own reactions and feelings to a piece of art like music...it's all just subjective isnt it ?? not liking that thing doesnt mean that its not a masterpiece or its any less of a masterpiece to someone else either so !! it's ok !! anyway this is rly....ive written a lot and its all over the place and incoherent probably :( i'm sorry !! feel free to reply whenever u feel like it, or no pressure on never replying at all btw ! also feel free to disagree w anything i say ! thank u sm for talking to me abt mx bc ive also got no mbb friends so !!! thank you :( theres so many times where i rly want to start a conversation w someone but im too scared and also i've got no clue abt how to initiate conversation ! and the times when i do manage to...i get stuck on how to keep the conversation going ? but when i figure smth out then im coming for u @ friendship !! i hope u had a good weekend and that you got some rest and that ur doing ok wherever u are !! until next time, take care ❤️❤️❤️

[goron-king-darunia]

Tagged (by vague gesture of “if you wanna do it, TAG!”) by @biophilie like, 2 years ago, so I’m finally doing it. Rules: Choose any three fandoms and answer the questions, then tag 10 people you want to know better.

My Three Fandoms: Legend of Zelda, Tales of Symphonia DotNW, and One Piece since those 3 have taken up big chunks of my attention over the years. Would do Darkwood since it’s a current interest but since there are so few characters, it would make the meme here harder so... Darkwood will have to wait.

The first character you loved: LoZ: I was a slut for Link as a kid, TBF I liked most protagonists, but I liked Link a LOT. DotNW: I actually liked Ratatosk a lot at first because he was cool and mysterious and tough! My first impulse was really liking Richter’s design but the first character I loved/really liked based on gameplay and actual characterization was Ratatosk. One Piece: I really liked Red Haired Shanks and was sad when he didn’t really show up again for a LONG time.

The character you never expected to love so much: Loz: There’s a few so I’m gonna cheat a bit. In OoT and MM, Ruto and Skull Kid were just kind of characters that existed but I didn’t like much. Didn’t actively dislike them but didn’t really bother taking an interest in them. But I like them a lot more now, especially with how they’re characterized in “non-canon” material like the Manga and Hyrule Warriors. The only other character I can recall from the game series that I was surprised that I liked was Peatrice from Skyward Sword. At first it was just like “Oh, yeah, she’s just the girl who stores your items, whatever. She’s neat I guess.” But then she started changing. She got more cheerful when Link came around more and showed an interest in him and when she asked if he liked her I just couldn’t say no! And then she just became so obnoxiously bubbly and happy about it and I LOVED THAT SO MUCH. Unironically I ship Peatrice and SS Link because, like, Link and Zelda are great friends but they don’t interact much since Link has to try to save her and Zelda has goddess things to worry about. Peatrice is just always there and unlike Zelda who already has a good rapport with Link at the start of the game, you get to SEE Peatrice warming up to him and I am SO soft for that! SO SOFT! Actually, one more also from SS. Groose. He’s an obnoxious, selfish, gloating bastard man, but by the end of the game with all the changes he went through, he totally grew on me as a cool dude. Especially with how he and Impa got along.  DotNW: Slight cheat here too since the character didn’t debut in the game but... Colette. I honestly didn’t like her that much in Symphonia. I just kind of viewed her as an object that motivated Lloyd for a while and the impetus for everything happening in the game and it wasn’t until the end of Symphonia that I really started thinking of her as more than just a ditz that Lloyd happens to like. I’m not really sure when it happened but I started really appreciating her after DotNW, and not really because of anything she did. I guess I just eventually noticed a lot of her finer points and all the ways she contributed and how her kindness is actually super refreshing and hopeful and how soft that is considering what she’d gone through. See also my next point on Nami because hooo boy I was kind of a shitlord kid and needed to get through some things... One Piece: Nami. I HAAAATED her when I was young. Partially because of internalized sexism (probably shit I learned from sexist media, my dad, and just the lack of trust I had for any girl that wasn’t my friend because of massive bullying as a kid, but I digress.) and partially because one of the biggest parts of Nami’s arc early on was her utter betrayal of the crew. Like, we find out WHY later, and obviously I TOTALLY get where she was coming from now and all but as a kid that was just UNCALLED FOR. I also HEAVILY viewed her as the “no fun allowed” type that was actively impeding my new fave, Luffy, from having all the fun he could want because that shit costs money and the money is HERS. As a broke Millenial, I now 10000000% get where Nami is coming from and her financial responsibility is honestly hella impressive because she absolutely DOES NOT withhold the treasure from the rest of the crew, she fucking BUDGETS it. In general, I tended to dislike a lot of leading females for being catty or killjoys or a lot of other things when honestly, they were just being completely normal humans. Glad I grew out of that shit because while Nami still isn’t my fave, she’s fucking amazing.

The character you relate to the most: Loz: It’s changed over the years. I relate to Ruto a lot more now because yo, I would also just fuck off into the gut of my people’s patron Deity if my dad was being a pain and trying to marry me off (okay, so this is Manga exclusive, sue me) and 10/10 would give a precious family heirloom to a cute boy that rescued me. But more than that, IDK, she’s just... a lil’ spoiled but in a cute way, a lil’ tomboyish, but overall, for a Princess, she’s just kind of doing her thing, she’s responsible when it matters. But for OoT, y’all KNOW Darunia is my patronus because DAYUM. Chunky but strong (I’m a wuss but shut up), Grumpy butt but cares about his people, actually totes a fun dude when he’s not stressed about a food crisis, says “fuck you” directly to a fucking evil asshole despite the consequences, treats a fucking 11 year old kid like a full human being (I do not agree with leveraging a kid to fucking fight a dragon but... Link could handle it so...) names his own kid after Link because why the fuck not, befriends anyone that does him a favor and treats them like family. Dude’s just got chill old man vibes and I dig that shit. 10/10 relate to just being a fat dude that is grumpy but also wants to befriend everyone. HOWEVER, I think my top tier relatable character is Midna from Twilight Princess because that bitch is just me. Cursed to be a hot bitch trapped in a cute chunky body (I am working on myself. XD) 10/10 spoiled and bitchy as fuck, cheeky lil’ asshole who’s actually very sweet, think’s Link is dumb but also cute, cares about her world but ALSO cares about Link’s world, a lil’ selfish but also HELLA selfless because she cared more about Link and Zelda than her own life and cared more about her people than her own safety because she just fucking WENT TO FIX THAT SHIT when Zant started causing trouble, even though she didn’t have to. She’s everything I am or aspire to be. 10/10 one of the best Zelda characters. DotNW: Hard to say. I identify a lot with aspects of Richter, Aster, and Emil. I don’t have a lot of self confidence and am a bit of a shy bean, lil’ grumpy, but also a complete goober and an idealist, 10/10 would walk into hell for someone I love without thinking twice and would make deals with demons to try to save someone I care about because I am a dumbass. I love the DotNW boys because the DotNW boys are me. One Piece: Chopper. I just really fucking vibe with the whole “nobody likes me EXCEPT HOLY SHIT SOME PEOPLE SOMEHOW LIKE ME, WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE THAT?” thing he has going on, as well as the whole glutton for praise but telling people to shut up when they praise me thing he has. I for real wanted to be a doctor when I was younger BECAUSE of Chopper. I’m just a weird little bean that doesn’t fit in anywhere very well while also being a slut for praise and wanting to take care of others and help them because other people have cared for me. Low key also vibe with Usopp because dude absolutely gels with kids, is a huge fucking wuss but deals with it anyway, will literally fight someone over petty shit and then come back and fight side by side with his bud’s again.

The character you’d slap: LoZ: Mmmmm. Hard to say. Like, obvs the villains but IDK who else I’d really want to slap? Does it count if I want to slap Anjuu/the Cucco Lady but, like... gentle and on the butt and in a sexy way? IDK, man. I’d feel bad but maybe Slap Mido? He looks like a kid so I’d feel REALLY bad for it, but aren’t Kokiri literally just kids forever? Asshole could be 100 years old, man... Either way he’s kinda a brat. 10/10 would slap early-game Groose from Skyward Sword also, but I’d feel bad about it because he ends up being a decen guy later. Also would slap Ghirahim for being both sexy and evil. DotNW: Alice for deciding that “never being weak again” means treating everyone else like garbage, even though I 1000% get where she’s coming from. Richter for being a fucking dumbass and not asking for help and deciding that demons were a good option and manipulating a child older dude with a magic core was a great idea even though I would do the exact same thing in his shoes. Ratatosk for being a murderous prick and starting the whole thing even though I absolutely understand where he’s coming from and I would also probably accidentally smite someone if I was a fucking spirit and in a shit mood because the only thing I really cared about was fucking ripped away from me. Honestly, mostly just me slapping people that remind me of me for doing exactly what I would do. Sensible me slapping actual me because actual me is a fucking dumbass emotional bitch with violent tendencies. One Piece: The fucking villains, obviously, Dr. Hililuck/Hiriluck for being a fucking bastard in the manga, holy shit was he an asshole! And also FUCKING SANJI. Jesus fuck, I am not over the pervy shit he does, what a creep.

Three favourite characters (in order of preference): LoZ: This is gonna be REAL hard because I love a lot of characters so... Midna, Link, and Darunia? It’s hard man. I love a lot of characters SO MUCH and it’s really hard to pick faves! DotNW: Richter, Emil, Aster. Emil and Aster share the same level of favoritism, but Richter is my number one. One Piece: Chopper, Zoro, Luffy. I used to like Luffy way more than I do now, but he’s still a fucking dork and I still like him tons.

A character you liked at first but don’t anymore: LoZ: I can’t really think of any, but I guess the character I waffle on a bit is Malon. Sometimes she’s like “Heck yeah! FAVE!” and sometimes I’m like “Eh, she exists...” IDK, I really like most of the characters. DotNW: I used to like Zelos a lot, but not anymore. Yeah this is kinda cheating since he ALSO didn’t debut in DotNW, but he’s in it so... TBF I like him in DotNW BETTER than in the first Symphonia, but not as much as I used to like him overall. One Piece: Fucking Sanji. I used to like him before the creepy factor set in. What really hit home for me was the Thriller Bark arc where he outright says he wanted the power of invisibility to creep on girls. Fucking nasty. The womanizing thing was just a quirk before that. I don’t think I’m ever gonna be over it. So gross and creepy now knowing he actively thought about creeping on girls using a special power. I know guys say this is a common thing and just how dudes are but no. That’s fucking sick. It’s one thing to say “yeah, I want to oggle women because tiddies are sexy” or whatever. It’s another thing to say “I WANT TO SPY ON WOMEN WITHOUT THEM KNOWING SO I CAN SEE TIDDY.” and it’s a third thing to say that IN A WORLD WHERE IT IS PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE TO BE INVISIBLE that you WOULD USE THAT POWER TO STARE AT WOMEN WITHOUT THEM KNOWING.

Three otps: LoZ: Link and basically everyone, but let’s narrow that. Link and Zelda is a classic, Link and Ruto is a guilty pleasure, Link and Peatrice is the underdog ship that I dig a lot. DotNW: Every combo of Richter, Emil, and Aster, enough said. One Piece: Luffy and food because he’s Ace, just let him fucking eat. Zoro and whoever he ends up liking. Tashigi maybe. Chopper and Milky.

Tagging: Anyone that wants to do it~

[juicy-cookie]

Through The Valley - Chapter 18

AO3 Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10075958/chapters/29103918

Tags: @luke-vaughn @embracetheapocalypsewithme @kinkozan @lupienne @theblack-wolf @lovingzombiechaos @jmackie1983 @dragonracer @miiraal @negans-network

Pairing: Negan X OFC

Chapter Summary: Something to Fear

A big thanks to @originalwinchestervamp for having a look at this chapter and giving me feedback!

Word Count: 4780

A/N: With this chapter, we arrive in the comics. Issue 97 to be exact. I will try to keep the story as canon as possible, but I might have to change some details. I’m very grateful for your reviews and I’d love to read what you thought of this chapter.

 I, I will be king

And you, you will be queen

Though nothing, will drive them away

We can beat them, just for one day

We can be heroes, just for one day

  Negan didn’t know when the last time was that he had felt this way. Content. Not since the world had ended. Excited, yes. Satisfied. But truly content, without any problems bothering him, without any potential conflicts haunting the back of his mind? If he thought long and hard, he could think of a time right after getting married, when he had been perfectly happy. But that had soon turned to shit, too, after he and Lucille had bought the house and their lives had been overrun with mortgages, job troubles and both their unfulfilled desire for children.

It wasn’t perfect by any means right now. There was still the threat of the undead fuckers outside. But that didn’t trouble him all that much. Those were predictable and could usually be dealt with with one swing of his trusted bat.

There was apparently still some conflict with the Hilltop. But he had given instructions to Andrei and Jax to be passed on to Rob. They were outside right now, with Gavin and Marv, being seen off by Lilly and Connor. Rob and the others at the outpost were supposed to take one of the Hilltop’s runners hostage until they could come up with a satisfying tribute. Nothing too brutal, just a small additional fee to show them that they had to work for the Saviors’ protection. Negan actually didn’t care that much for their supplies, what with the Sanctuary’s greenhouses having yielded enough crops to be canned for the upcoming winter. But rules were rules and the rules kept them alive.

The only thing that was keeping his current situation from being perfect was the fact that his testicles were about to fall off soon. He could feel it. Spending so much time with Lilly, working out with her, having her by his side while running the Sanctuary, he couldn’t remember wanting anything, or anyone, so much in his entire life. And he didn’t have the option of emptying into one of his wives anymore. Not that he wanted to, of course.

Lilly had made incredible progress, both physically and mentally. She had taken up her bow again and spent hours outside every day training so she could go hunting again. Not that he would let her any time soon, at least not alone. The fear of something happening to her again was still too strong.

She was back to being his second-in-command and it almost felt as if she had never left. She had even told him that her sleep had improved and she had given credit to both their workouts and their daily talks.

He had learned a lot about her in the past couple of weeks. That she loved fantasy novels and Italian food and the smell of a rainy forest and that her dad had taught her how to drive a tractor when she was twelve. He had told her about his favorite kids at his job and about his man cave at home and how he had found solace in the arms of another woman when Lucille had become too sad to sleep with him after being told that they would never have children. Lilly had frowned at that, but any other sign of disapproval had been kept to herself and for that he was eternally grateful.

But it all contributed to the ridiculous level of his sexual frustration. The touches, the laughter and the trust they shared every day had made him about ready to pop. But he had sworn to himself that he would wait for her to make the first move this time. She had to heal and she had to be absolutely sure that she wanted this. Wanted him.

“Hey, scoot your big ass over a little!”

Negan looked up to the object of his musings. He had been so deep in thoughts that he hadn’t noticed Lilly coming back inside to stand next to the rec room couch that he was, admittedly, occupying in its entirety.

“Who are you calling a big ass?” He frowned, but made room for her and spread out his arms.

“You’re right. Sorry. You don’t have an ass.”

“What?!” He clutched his chest in fake outrage. “You are really hurting my fucking feelings, baby.”

“Aww, poor Negan.” Lilly stroked his cheek and then squealed when he pretended to take a bite out of her hand.

“Just so you know, all the mass that should have gone into my ass went into my dick instead.” He could feel more than see the people around him rolling their eyes. He didn’t give a shit. All he cared about was the woman in front of him leaning into him in a fit of giggles. It made the corners of her eyes crease ever so slightly and it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

He lowered his arm to wrap it her around her, but when he grasped her shoulder he audibly and visibly winced. Lilly immediately stopped laughing and looked at him concerned.

“What's wrong?”

“Nothing. Just tendonitis or some shit in my wrist.”

Lilly got up and walked to one of the cupboards surrounding the seating area to get a first aid kit. She sat back down next to him, took out a bandage and proceeded to wrap it firmly around his wrist.

“Thanks. All that fucking weight lifting. It probably doesn't help that I jack off at least twice a day.” Lilly snorted while the rest of his lieutenants rolled their eyes so far back, they looked like biters for a moment. Laura even groaned.

“You masturbate with your left hand? Aren't you right-handed?” Lilly asked while taping off the bandage.

“I like to spice things up. It feels more foreign with your left hand. Almost like someone else is doing it.” He winked at her and rolled his wrist around a couple of times to see if it was comfortable.

“A true connoisseur,” Lilly chuckled and repacked the first aid kid to put it away again.

“Did Andrei say when they're going to be back from the outpost? We still need to make that tour before the first snow hits.” Dwight tried to change the subject.

“About three days. Jax wants to visit every outpost while they're already on the road. See if there's more to repair.” Lilly sat back against Negan’s chest with her feet propped up on the coffee table.

“Did you make sure to tell him at least another seven times to wear his helmet?” Laura teased. Lilly’s neurosis when it came to motorcycle safety was legendary by now.

She stuck out her tongue at her friend. “You can never be too careful.”

Negan lost track of their conversation while he played with Lilly’s hair, his knuckles brushing over the nape of her neck occasionally. He merely noticed that she was much more affectionate than usual when she laid a hand on his thigh and pressed into him more. He smiled, wishing that things could always be this way.

The day was slow and exceptionally lazy. There wasn't much to do in terms of organization and so Negan and his lieutenants spent the morning playing ping pong, or talking, or reading.

“And fucking game point! Babe, did you see that?” Negan grinned and walked over to where Lilly was sitting on a table next to Laura, both their feet on the bench below. “I motherfucking destroyed him.”

“Yeah, well done. I’m so proud of you.”

“Do I detect a flicker of sarcasm here?” He kneeled on the bench between her legs and pouted at her, which was apparently the cue for Laura to scoff and flee to where Seth and some others were playing cards.

“Sorry. You know I’m not a huge fan of competitive sports.”

“Well, I guess nobody’s fucking perfect. Except for me, of course.” He winked and Lilly chuckled. He happily noticed that she didn’t protest. “So what are you up to for the rest of the day?”

“Well, I thought about doing some reading or maybe a nap. But my room is so cold.”

“Remember to ask Marv to have a look at that fucking stove when he gets back.”

“Yeah, I will.” She took his hands and looked up at him, blushing ever so slightly. “I was thinking… your room has this huge fireplace and I noticed in the past that I sleep much better with you around. So, maybe I could sleep over at your place tonight? My ribs are totally fine now, by the way. Good as new.”

Negan gaped at her for a moment and gripped her hands a little harder without even noticing. “I… uhm… Yes! Yes, of fucking course.” A wave of excitement rushed through his body and straight to his groin.

Lilly smiled sweetly at him and they were both so busy looking into each other's eyes that they didn’t notice the commotion and the murmur going through the cafeteria at first.

“Andrei is back.”

Negan stood and frowned slightly. Somehow, the statement sounded wrong, somewhere deep inside of him. Andrei and the others had only just left this morning. Why were they back already?

He felt Lilly standing up slowly beside him. Absentmindedly, he reached for Lucille. The doors opened and Andrei staggered in. He was white as a sheet, his eyes wide, his whole body shaking. He found Negan and Lilly and ran over the metal catwalk and down into the cafeteria where they met him. Lilly put a hand on Andrei’s shoulder, who took a raspy breath before looking first at her and then at Negan.

“We were attacked.”

“What do you mean, attacked?” Negan asked and then held back Lilly who had already turned to run upstairs and out the door, no doubt to get to a car.

“We saw this van driving between the western outpost and DC. With the tributes being so light lately we thought we’d stop them and take their shit.”

“You stopped some stranger’s car in the middle of fucking nowhere to steal whatever the fuck they had on them?” Negan felt the rage boiling deep inside of him, but he was busy trying to keep a level head while wrestling a panicking Lilly with one hand.

“I didn’t want this winter to be such a fucking disaster as the last one!”

“Shut the fuck up Andrei with your piss poor fucking decision making skills. Jesus fuck!”

“What happened when you stopped them? Where are the others?” Connor asked from next to Lilly. He had taken her other arm to keep her from running off.

Andrei looked as if he was close to crying. “They just opened fire at us. I couldn’t do anything…”

Connor and Lilly both jerked themselves free and were up the stairs in mere seconds, with Laura and Seth at their heels. Negan now gripped Andrei by his arm, more out of concern that he might break down than out of anger. Hauling both of them up to the catwalk and then outside, he yelled instructions to the people around him.

“Seth, get the cars! Two plus the truck. Dwight, take the radio and go ahead to the western outpost. Get Rob and ten others. Big guys. Weapons, too. Carson, same here. Don’t forget the radios. You’ve got five fucking minutes and then we’ll roll out. Go!”

The courtyard fell into a flurry of activity with cars being moved and people yelling instructions and then Negan was in a car with Lilly next to him in the passenger seat and Connor in the back. They followed Seth, Laura and Andrei who were leading the way. The truck with a small army of Saviors was behind them, all on their way to where someone had attacked four of their own, seemingly out of nowhere.

Lilly held his right hand in a vice grip, her whole body tense as if she was about to jump out of the moving car any second.

“Jax will be fine,” Connor mumbled from the back seat.

“We’ll see when we fucking get there.”

“How long?”

“About an hour.”

Lilly kept quiet, staring straight ahead with her jaw set and her fingernails boring painfully into his palm. Negan didn’t care. It distracted him from the thoughts running wild in his head. Outside, the countryside was replaced by the outskirts of Washington, where the buildings and the undead were more numerous, only to go back to small towns and empty streets in between fields.

Soon, their silent trip came to an end in a suburban street lined with trees. The three of them jumped out of the car and met up with Seth, Laura and Andrei. Negan looked around to take in the situation. Three motorcycles were on their sides on the ground. Two biters were crouching over two figures and a third one was lying further back. Seth drew his knife to take care of the undead and Negan stepped forward to take a closer look at the bodies. The first one was large enough that he could tell that it was Marv, even with his face having been eaten. The second was Gavin, who stared unblinking towards the sky, his eyes as wide open as his ribcage.

Negan nodded grimly to Seth who stepped towards the bodies, knife in hand. The Saviors that had come in the truck formed a circle around the motorcycles. He wanted to tell them to look out for any signs of more undead or even living, when the sound of Lilly running and crying out made him spun around.

“No! No no no no no! Jax!” She dropped to her knees beside the third person lying in a pool of their own blood and tried taking of their helmet. Negan made his way towards her, but Connor was faster and joined her on Jax’s other side, helping her freeing his head. Negan got down on one knee next to Lilly, one hand on his knife in case he had already turned. Unlike the other two, his body didn’t bear any signs of having served as lunch for the biters. His eyes were clear and moving between Lilly and Connor when they finally took off his helmet.

“I… they…” Jax’s voice was too weak and it ended in a sickening gurgle.

“Shhhh.” Lilly stroked his forehead and over his hair. “Don’t talk now. Keep your strength. We’re gonna get you out of here and back home to Fisher.” She turned her head to address Seth and Dwight. Negan hadn’t noticed him and the outpost guys arriving. “Go get a stretcher. Or a blanket. Something to transport him.”

But Seth and Dwight merely looked at each other and then at Negan, their faces grim. Negan closed his eyes for a moment and gently put his hand on Lilly’s shoulder while she looked back down at Jax. His face was gray, almost devoid of all life. Negan saw him holding his left side, but he was already too weak to stem the blood seeping out of the wound there. Connor noticed and slipped his hand into Jax’s, tears streaming down his face.

Jax smiled at his lover for a moment before slowly turning back to Lilly.

“Please,” he whispered.

“No,” Lilly sobbed, “No, you can do this Jax. You’ll be fine. Please! Please don’t leave me.”

“You promised.”

“No…” she wailed again, her hand still in his hair.

“Please,” his lips formed the word again, but no sound came from him anymore.

Negan took out his knife, gently grabbed Lilly’s free hand and handed it to her. Her whole body was heaving with sobs as she bent over Jax and placed a kiss on his forehead. Negan heard her whispering a soft “I love you” before her hand found his and she held onto him as if he was a lifeline. Negan squeezed and hoped he didn’t hurt her, but he didn’t know how else to be there for her right now.

Lilly placed the knife over one of Jax’s now closed eyes. Connor turned his face away. A cry, a squelch and the knife fell to the ground.

Lilly’s shoulders were shaking and she cried out like a wounded animal. She seemed to be in so much pain that it hurt Negan, too. She spun around and he caught her in his arms, holding her tight and stroking her back, letting her sob into the red scarf she had given him almost a year ago.

Seth and Laura both held Connor and Negan saw that all of his Saviors looked stricken, if they weren’t crying openly.

He looked around for Andrei, who seemed close to fainting.

“Tell me what the fuck happened here,” Negan demanded, still trying to keep Lilly from falling apart.

“Like I said, boss, we were on our way to the outpost and saw them coming from a distance and decided to have a look. Jax didn’t want to at first, but Gavin and Marv were all for it. God, I’m so sorry. Please, Lilly, I didn’t-”

“You stop your fucking blubbering right now!” Negan didn’t want to raise his voice too much with Lilly still clutching at his shirt, crying into his chest. But he was quickly losing his patience with his scout. Andrei took a couple of steadying breaths before he continued.

“Right. Okay. Sorry, I mean, right… We stopped their van and told them to give us their stuff and they, uhm… oh yeah, they mentioned something about the Hilltop? How they were going to protect the Hilltop from now on?”

“If they had the fucking firepower to do this, they ain’t from the fucking Hilltop.”

“That’s what I told them. And then they just opened fire. Shot Gavin and Marv right through the head. And Jax, well… he was wearing his helmet, so I guess they aimed for the stomach.”

“Why the fuck did they leave you alive?”

“To give you a message. That they would protect the Hilltop from now on. That we won’t get anything from them anymore. And that they offer us the same deal… their protection in exchange for half of our supplies.”

Negan couldn’t help but laugh at that. He felt like the whole world had gone mad. Again.

“And who, pray tell, were these fucking fuckers who so graciously offered to save our community from the fucking undead?”

“That’s the thing, Negan, I don’t know. The guy didn’t give me his name.”

“Think real fucking hard, Andrei. Anything that could help us find these assholes. Looks, weapons, license plates, anything?”

“Okay, well there were three of them. I mean, there might have been more inside the van, but-”

“So three fuckers that shot at you. What else?”

“One guy and two women. And only one of them shot at us. The other had some kind of sword? Oh and she was black. And... oh yeah! The guy was missing a hand.”

Negan suddenly realized that Lilly had stopped crying and had become very still in his arms. She raised her head and all tears were gone from her face as she stared into the distance somewhere behind Negan, her eyes unblinking.

“Rick Grimes.”

Negan took her face into his hands and tried to meet her gaze. The name rang a bell somewhere in his subconscious.

“Lil…?”

She blinked and then looked at him. Her eyes and nostrils were wide as if she was about to scream. Before Negan could say anything, she had jumped up. She leaned over Seth, took the keys that were dangling from his jeans pocket and broke into a run towards the cars.

Negan scrambled to his feet as fast as he could and went after her. Lilly had just torn open the car door when he caught up with her and slammed it back shut. He wrangled the keys from her and threw them to the nearest Savior. She turned around and tried to duck away, but he grasped her shoulders and sent her back crashing into the car. She didn’t even wince, but started to struggle against his grip.

“Let me go!”

“No.”

“LET ME GO NEGAN! He killed them! They killed them all! I’m gonna kill them! I’m gonna…”

All her fighting stopped and she would have sank to the ground if Negan hadn’t caught her in his arms. She sobbed and coughed and trembled in his arms for what felt like hours. He merely held her again until she calmed down and wrapped her arms around his waist.

“Where are they, Lilly?”

“Alexandria. I can show you.”

“Dwight? Go get us a fucking map!”

Negan gently untangled himself from Lilly and took her face between his hands again. She looked up at him with red eyes and tears and snot running down her nose, but she didn’t seem to care and neither did he.

“Baby, I know you want to tear their fucking walls down right fucking now and kill every single one of those motherfuckers. But I can’t let you do that. You understand that, right?”

She sniffed and nodded. Another tear ran down her cheek. He caught it with his thumb and smiled down at her.

“That’s my girl. I promise that we’ll make them fucking pay for what they’ve done. But we need to be fucking smart about it. You told me that they’re big and that this Rick fucker ain’t like Gregory or Ezekiel. So I need you to tell me everything. Everything you know, about their community, their defenses, their habits. Who needs to go first? Who is dangerous? Who do I need to kill to fucking break them.”

She frowned slightly at that and Negan could almost see the gears turning in her head.

“You won’t wipe them out,” she whispered. It wasn’t a question so much as a statement. He hoped that she knew him well enough by now to understand.

“No.”

“And you won’t kill Rick.”

“No, Lilly.”

“Because you want to make him suffer?”

“That, too. I’m gonna take something from him. To show him who he fucked with. But if they’re as capable as you told me… then we can use that to our advantage. They’re too big to attack, right? I know it’s fucking hard for you to think clearly right now, but please try. Think about it, Lil.”

She stared at the zipper of his leather jacket for a while before she shook her head slightly as if to let go of something. Then she closed her eyes tightly for a moment and cleared her throat.

“They have walls. Huge metal walls, reinforced with steel beams. They can be manned in all directions. You can’t tear them down with a car. The only way in or out is through the gate. It’s guarded at all times. They have water and electricity and weapons and probably more than enough supplies. There’s no way to lay siege to them.”

Dwight stepped forward at that, a map in his hand. Seth, Laura and Connor joined them, the latter still looking shaken, but all of them determined.

“What about the surroundings? Are there any places where we could watch them?” Dwight asked.

“It’s a suburban place. The gate opens to some shops, a school and there’s a tower from where you can overlook the area. But they were constantly expanding. I don’t think they would relocate the gate, but I can’t say for sure how the community layout is right now. Let me see that map.”

They opened the map over the hood of the car and positioned themselves around it with Lilly in the middle. It was of an area south of DC. Negan vaguely remembered wondering why they had never sent scavenging teams there, but now he realized that Lilly had wanted to keep the Saviors away from Alexandria.

“Here. Someone give me a pen.” She pointed at a cluster of houses in the western part of the town. Seth handed her a pen and she circled it. “The gate is here. And there’s the school,” she marked it with an S, “with lots of hiding spots. The tower is across from it.”

“I’m gonna take a team there. Watch them, maybe scare them a bit.” Dwight’s grin was made even nastier by the scar stretching over the left side of his face. “Seth, you in?”

“Fuck yeah! They’re gonna rue the day they decided to fuck with us. Anyone we need to look out for, Lil?”

Lilly bit her lip in concentration. “There’s one guy. Ginger, huge, former military. Be careful around him.”

“Alright, let’s make one thing perfectly fucking clear. You just go there to watch those fuckers and then report back to the Sanctuary. I know you’re all fucking bloodthirsty after this shitshow here, but let’s just pretend for one fucking second that we’re reasonable fucking human beings and not rabid fucking dogs and calm. the fuck. down.”

“They killed Jax, Negan. And Marv. And Gavin.”

“And they will kill more of us if we don’t go about this at least a little fucking levelheaded. I’m not gonna lose any more people to these psychos if I can fucking help it.”

“Lilly, what do you say about all this?” Seth turned to Lilly, who wrapped her arms around herself and frowned. Fresh tears ran down her cheeks. Negan was sure that it would take some time until she would stop crying.

“Negan is right. Rick WILL fight back. And as much as I want to see his head on a pike, his people would stop at nothing to avenge him. He’s a tough bastard. He once ripped out a guy’s throat with his bare teeth for threatening his son.”

“He’s got a kid? Interesting…” Negan mused.

“Yeah, but you won’t touch him!”

“Of course not. What the fuck do you take me for, some fucking monster?”

“Okay, okay,” Seth intervened before tempers could flare too high. They were all on edge and ready to fight, no matter with whom. “What about you, Connor?”

“Jax wouldn’t have wanted us to start a massacre. And I want those bastards to suffer for what they’ve done to him. Can’t possibly do that if they’re dead, now can you?”

“So you want us to spy on them and then what?” Dwight still seemed unconvinced.

“And then tell us when they leave their compound again. I’m gonna make that prick my personal bitch, but we need to make an example out of one of them. Show them who’s the King Dick Motherfucker around here.”

“I’ll think of someone. Someone whose death will make an impact. Someone worthy of Lucille.” Lilly’s eyes were full of steel when they found Negan’s.

“And we’ll come up with a plan while you do that.” Laura put an arm around Lilly’s shoulders and squeezed her friend tightly. “They won’t know what hit ‘em.”

The Saviors got busy loading up the bikes and bodies and splitting up into teams. Lilly and Negan watched together as Dwight and Seth said their goodbyes and departed for Alexandria with their men. He grabbed her hand and intertwined his fingers with hers.

“I know you’re fucking broken right now. I just want you to know that I’m here. And I’m not gonna go anywhere. We’re gonna fucking fuck these fuckers up. Together.”

“I’m not broken.” She turned to him and wrapped her arm around his waist. “But you have to promise me that you’re gonna throw Rick into the mud and keep him there. He can’t get up ever again, or we won’t survive this.”

“I fucking promise, Lilly.”

He held her and kissed the top of her head, hoping that she wouldn’t notice his heart racing as if it wanted to jump out of his chest. This wasn’t the time to show any weaknesses.

Not when he was about to face Rick motherfucking Grimes.

[shanghai-dublin-blog1]

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