#normal back pains problems in my right shoulder and neck rib pains from bending wrong constant-

[dragonji]

apparently I cant go 2 days without a moderate-to-severe injury now huh :|

[fevers-and-flus-blog]

(A very late) Day 2 of @voltronwhumpweek2017​

Hypothermia! AKA Keith and Lance get lost in the woods

This a day late and a dollar short and I’m so sorry. I could NOT get this fic done done. It haunted me. It’s still haunting me. I lowkey hate it, but it’s mostly written and I think it would feel worse to just abandon so: TADA enjoy this clusterfuck.

“It’s getting dark,” Lance says.

“I know.”

“And we haven’t even heard her barking.”

“I know.” Keith repeats, snarling his words. He’s tired - they both are. They’ve been out searching for a half hour now and still, no sign of Blake.

Shiro’s going to kill me, Keith thinks. I lost his dog, and he’s going to kill me.

“I’m not going back until we find her.” Keith says, pulling his coat tighter.

“Yeah, no shit, me either.” Lance says, scuffing dirt up with the front of his sneakers. “But we didn’t bring a flashlight. And unless you happen to just carry one around like some sort of paranoid Bear Grylls wannabe…”

Lance takes a beat. “Which actually wouldn’t surprise me. In fact, it would really come in handy right now. Keith please, please tell me you carry around a flashlight.”

“No.”

“No you won’t tell me, or no you don’t carry around a flashlight, because–”

“No, Lance.”

“Well that sucks.” Lance says, trying to problem solve. “Okay, it’ll drain the battery but why don’t you use the flashlight on your phone.”

“Why don’t you,” Keith says tightly. He pushes a tree branch out of the way and it snaps back, just narrowly missing his eye. “Fuck!” 

Lance shuffles behind Keith and hums nervously. So much so that Keith stops in his tracks and turns around.

“Well…” Lance starts.

“You’re kidding me.”

“I didn’t exactly bring it out. We were in a rush!! You were yelling at me!”

“Jesus Christ.”

“It was on the charging cable! It wasn’t high on my priority list!”

Keith stares at Lance. And stares and stares. Because…

“Oh no, Keith. No. Don’t even say what I think you’re going to say.”

“When have I EVER-”

“No no no”

“Carried my phone on me.”

They look at each other for a long time. The whole forest seems still and somber. Keith kicks a tree trunk, hard. Hard enough that it shoots pain up his foot and into his ankle.

It helps clear his head though so he does it again and again and again until Lance grabs Keith’s arm and tugs him back.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Lance yells, pressing a finger to Keith’s chest. “You’re going to break your foot and I’m not carrying you back.”

Keith takes a long breath in. The cold air crackles through his lungs.

“You’re right.”

“Yeah, I know I’m right.” Lance says, back ramrod straight, brimming with bravado. It’s only a few seconds later that he slumps like someone’s poked a hole in his rib cage. “Any chance you know how to get back.”

Keith’s first instinct is to snap, ‘of course I know how to get back, I’m not an idiot.’ But Keith doesn’t have his phone. He doesn’t have a compass, or a flashlight. He looks around and his entire body tingles with dread. He has no idea where they are.

“I - I’m not sure.”

Lance tugs at his hair and spins around a few times. “Okay. Okay. We can figure this out.”

Keith nods and tries to orient himself.

“We can figure this out, right?!” Lance asks urgently, rubbing his hands together.

Keith doesn’t answer. He’s processing.

They’ve been walking for at least an hour. The sun’s almost set, they maybe have 20-30 minutes left of natural light. And it’s already cold. Without the sun, it’ll drop 15 degrees, easy. Probably more.

“Keith? You’re not inspiring a lot of confidence, man!”

“I’m thinking,” he says, looking around.

They need to get back to Shiro’s.

They can’t start a fire. Tree branches are damp from yesterday’s rain. They’re wearing coats but nothing insulated. No gloves, no hats, no boots – and thin socks, Keith adds to himself, wiggling his toes which are already aching and numb.

A jolt of panic cracks down his spine.

“Zip up your coat,” Keith says.

“What?”

“Zip up your coat.” He repeats, searching his pockets.

There’s a receipt and a pack of gum, Shiro’s house keys, a quarter. His stomach gurgles with a sickly sweet nausea.

Lance zips up and puts his hands in his pockets instinctively.

“What do you have on you? Anything we can use?” Keith asks.

“No,” Lance says, voice low.

“We should keep moving,” Keith says. “Back - the direction we came from.”

“I thought you weren’t going back without Blake.” Lance says. He can tell something’s wrong – Keith’s posture has completely changed. His voice too: it’s lower than normal, and richer, in a way that commands attention.

“I..” Keith presses his lips together and debates the merits of honesty. “I think we have to go back without her.”

Lance’s spit goes sour. Keith isn’t just worried, he’s scared.

They walk for another half hour in relative silence, Keith marking tree trunks with the keys, making a jagged line at eye level, one deep enough that he can feel the gauges if he lays a hand down against the bark.

“This isn’t the right way, is it?” Lance asks.

It takes a while for Keith to answer. “I don’t think so.”

“I spy,” Lance says between chattering teeth. “With my little eye, something that is green.”

“Is it a leaf.”

Lance huffs. “Maybe. But which leaf is it.”

Keith snarls, “It’s dark, how am I supposed to know.”

“You’re bad at this game.”

After another hour and a half of walking in contained circles, trying to find the right path, Keith admits (at least to himself) that they have to stop.

Keith’s shivering. Lance is too - Keith can see him shaking.

He knows they should keep moving, keep their bodies in motion, but the more they walk, the farther away they could be trekking into the woods. Keith doesn’t know the right answer. His hands wring together with guilt.

“I’m sorry.” He says quietly.

“Why are you apologizing.”

“You know why. Because we’re stuck out here.”

“I’m the one who let the dog escape.”

Keith laughs. “Now you admit it.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Lance says.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“It kind of was.”

“It wasn’t.” Keith says, and he lets the air settle between them.

“Either way. We’re still lost.”

Keith’s teeth are clacking together and it sounds like Morse code. He clamps his mouth shut. His jaw bone aches.

“I’m so fucking cold,” Lance says.

“C’mere,” Keith tugs Lance closer.

“If you wanted to take me on a date Keith, all you had to do was ask.”

“Shut up.” Keith says, and pulls Lance between his legs. They’re both trembling. Keith tries to rub Lance’s hands, but his own fingers are slow to respond.  

“Uh…we’re gonna be okay, right? It’s not even winter. It’s not cold enough to - to…I mean we’ll be okay right?” Lance asks.

Keith’s breath comes in small pants. I don’t know, he thinks. I’m scared, he thinks.

“We’ll be okay,” Keith says, instead.

“Cool, yeah.” Lance says. His body is vibrating against Keith’s. “I spy, with - with my little eye. Something that is brown.”

They stop talking.

Keith doesn’t even realize at first. His mind is drifting. Things have gone soft around the edges.

It reminds Keith of being high. It’s easy and nauseating. He feels once-removed, like everything is only real if he concentrates.

I’m Schrödinger’s cat, Keith thinks. Things are only real if I can see them.

Lance’s head falls onto his shoulder, and it jolts Keith back to the present.

“Lance,” he says.

Lance doesn’t respond.

“Lance,” Keith says again, louder this time. He goes to pat Lance’s cheek but his hands are heavy and uncooperative. His fingers will barely bend. “You gotta stay awake.”

Keith can hear his own voice slurring, consonants and vowels softening around his tongue.

“Mmm ‘m tired.” Lance says, eyes blinking awake slowly and drifting closed almost immediately after.

“Lance please,” Keith says, desperation clearing some of the fog that’s wrapped around him.

“Where are we, we still…? We’re still in the woods?”

“We’re still in the woods,” Keith says. Lance isn’t shivering anymore. He’s confused. That’s - not good. That’s - Keith’s entire body floods with panic. It makes every part of him tingle. He pushes Lance to sit.

“We have to get up. We have to move.”

Lance smacks his lips together once, twice, and frowns. He tries to stand up, but can’t get his arms and legs to move properly.

“I don’t think I can do it,” he says, head cocked.

“You have to.”

Keith is more afraid than he’s ever been. His voice is ragged with it.

“My legs. They don’t wanna move.” Lance says mildly, his words mushing into each other.

“Okay. Okay. I’ll fix this. I’ll fix it, okay Lance?”

“Mm, okay.” Lance says, sloppily patting Keith. “I trust you.”

Keith’s eyes sting.

“I got you,” Keith says. “Can you - can you hold onto me?”

“Think so.”

Keith crouches down, and Lance grasps onto him around the neck.

I can do this, Keith thinks. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. His legs tremble, but he stands. He’s breathing shallowly, white puffs of smoke bursting in front of his lips. Keith’s entire body aches and pulses with cold. But he’s standing.

And then he walks.

Keith walks and walks and walks until his knees buckle under him and both he and Lance hit the ground.

“I’m sorry,” Keith chokes out. “I can’t - I can’t keep going.”

“It’s okay,” Lance says. And then “ ‘m not that cold anymore.”

It’s so stupid, Keith thinks, this is so fucking stupid. This can’t be happening. It can’t it can’t it can’t.

Keith unzips his coat. It takes five tries. He can barely feel his fingers - he tries to grab the metal zipper but it keeps slipping. When he finally gets his coat off, he clumsily lays it on top of Lance.

He doesn’t know what to do. He - he can’t do anything. He closes his eyes.

There’s a noise and it won’t stop.

It’s loud. It’s loud and it hurts.

Keith can’t open his eyes. He can’t move.

It’s barking.

Blake, Keith thinks.

There’s something wet on on his face and neck.

It’s Blake, Keith thinks again. We found her.

And then Keith slips away again, into the warm, dark place behind his eyes.

“-eith can you he - Ke - please op - eyes.”

Keith thinks he’s awake. It’s hard to tell.

He can’t feel - he can’t feel anything. He can’t feel.

“Keith.”

There’s a voice.

“Please, please - please buddy I need you to - I need you to open your eyes. I need you to wake up. Can you hear me?”

Keith tries but his eyes won’t budge.

“C’mon Keith. C’mon, you can do it. I know you can do it.”

It’s - Shiro? But how? He’s away. He’s supposed to be away.

There’s someone else calling Lance’s name. It’s familiar. All the voices are familiar. Hunk?

He tries and tries and finally cracks his eyes open enough to see painful slashes of light.

“Oh thank god. Thank god - that’s it, you got it.”

But everything is sliding away again.

“No no no no no, Keith. C’mon stay with me. Keep your eyes open. Please, Keith.”

But he’s already gone.

Keith wakes up and everything is bright.

He’s gasping. It hurts his eyes and - where is he? Where’s Lance? What’s…?

“It’s okay! You’re safe, I’m right here.”

“Shiro?” The sound of his own voice is surprising. It’s ground glass and gravel.

“Yeah it’s me.”

“What..?”

“You’re in the hospital. You’re okay. You had –” “Lance!!” Keith’s entire body sings with panic as he sits up. The room wobbles in front of him. His stomach swoops.

Shiro presses a hand to his shoulder and lowers Keith back to the bed.

“Lance is fine. He’s here too. You’re both going to be fine.” “Where is he?” Keith asks, struggling against Shiro’s grip. Each movement is like fighting through wet cement. It’s hard to keep his eyes open.

“Keith, hey. Relax. Relax. He’s in the bed next to you. He’s fine, see?”

Keith looks to his left and sees Lance curled up, chest rising and falling evenly.

“He’s okay?” Keith asks. He sounds very young.

“Yeah,” Shiro says. “He is.”

“Oh my god,” Relief shudders through Keith, so much that his body jolts. Something wet drips down his cheek and over his nose. He’s crying.

“How did - how did you find us? How long were we..” Keith has to fight for each breath. He has to think, breathe breathe breathe, or he might just pass out.

“Shhh, alright,” Shiro puts a hand on Keith’s forehead and pushes his brother’s hair back. “You need to rest.”

Keith wants to argue, wants to demand answers, but he can barely keep his thoughts tied together.

“I’m so tired,” Keith says, and his eyes blink, slow and swollen.

“Go to sleep, I’m right here. Lance is right here. It’s okay.”

Keith closes his eyes.

[biologicalengineer]

hardest of hearts // sara + alex

summary: the waverider ends up crash-landing on earth 38 after a major, catastrophic malfunction. the deo swoops in to rescue sara @fullcfheart​ and the crew from the wreckage. sara lost her spleen and broke a some bones but still has time to chat an incredulous alex up, of course.

ALEX.

it's an unusual predicament but extra-normal nevertheless. a time-traveling ship with a distress call had reached out to them ... from another earth. so, j'onn tasked a team to navigate them as best they could while alex was given the order to lead a squad for recovery. the medical team is present, along with throngs of other agents, all preparing for the worst. alex waits for the all clear to head out, hearing the ship crash in the distance. she calls for move out, and then spearheads the mission, giving orders quickly and dividing her task force. approaching the ship, she found a door which several people help pry open, and then she calls out for those inside. "this is special agent alex danvers," she says as she gives a few more commands before meandering her way inside. "my team and i are here to help. captain lance?" she begins to search for the woman her sister had indicated, while dictating her squad members to collect sara's team.

SARA.

things were going wrong, okay maybe they were going a lot wrong. no one on the team knew what had happened. not even gideon. somehow they had managed to travel to a different earth while in the process of traveling through time. someone or something had shot at them just before they entered the time stream, having hit their engines sara had no one way of controlling the ship. or not enough for it to be helpful in any way. with jax's help they managed to send out a distress message to anyone who would be listening. luckily it just so happened to be the deo. once they made contact sara ordered the rest of the team to the back of the ship. it would give them the best rate of survival with the nosedive they were currently in. staying to pilot as much as she is able sara guides the waverider to the desert like instructed. moments later they crash into the ground and everything goes black. she is fully prepared for what comes next after all this isn't the first time that sara has died. a voice in the distance wakes her up but she still doesn't quite know what's going on. "here...in here..." sara makes a motion in order to get up but finds a rather large beam laying across her body.

ALEX.

while the majority of alex's unit goes to the back of the ship to tend to the majority of the passengers, alex takes a few agents with her to meet sara.  as soon as she arrives, she masks her concern.  "captain lance," she bends down to sara's level, remembering her sister's fondness for the vigilante turned time master. "sara," her name is spoken with the same degree of respect, though it's softer, encouraging. "we're going to get you out of here. your team's being taken care of, too," she smiles a little and reaches out to touch sara's shoulder. nodding the three men and one woman she's brought with her over, she eyes the beam. "try to lift that," she instructs them, hoping that they can muscle just enough of it off of sara so that alex can get to her. "carefully," comes her terse demand, to which they begin to do just that. "what hurts?" she begins to check what vitals she can (mostly her pulse and breathing). "i'm going to have to carry you out to the med team, but i need you to try not to move in the event of a neck or spine injury, okay? i've got you."

SARA.

eyes attempt to follow the agent though sara is having a bit of a tough time focusing. no it's not the pain something that she is very much used to. it's probably from whatever hit her in the head when they crashed. though if this turns out to be a hallucination sara is definitely going to try and dream of agent danvers again. focus lance now is not the time. a chuckle escapes her lips though it is strained. "so you're the sister i'm supposed to have a drink with. you've got a good wingman there danvers. i'm sure your team will take good care of them and if they don't well i'll hear about it later. best to keep them distracted." she smirks before a sharp intake of breath. well aware of what will happen when the beam is removed sara prepares herself for what is about to occur. most likely a good amount of internal bleeding but they have to be careful of her broken ribs as they could puncture one or both of her lungs. "there are a few broken bones and a nice bump on the head but i'm fine. the pain is manageable." for someone without her training they would most definitely be passed out currently. her breathing is a little ragged but that's to be expected. nothing can stop her though, not even death. "bold move danvers...." she pauses to catch her breath.  "trying to sweep me...off my feet already. did someone tell you i wanted my own knight?"

ALEX.

despite the severity of the situation, alex finds herself marveling at sara's words. had kara seriously mentioned alex when she'd hopped worlds to help another earth fend off invaders? she draws her bottom lip briefly between her teeth and lets out a humorous scoff. "incredible," though she's genuinely amused at kara's apparent off-world matchmaking, now isn't the time to reflect on it. they'll rehash that later, when sara isn't in danger of dying. "you're a tough one," she teases her lightly, knowing full well not to underestimate her. "if you weren't half conscious i don't think you'd even need me," alex assures her, keeping her talking while her team lifted the beam just enough. as soon as she can, she very carefully takes sara into her arms and lifts her, making sure to do so with the muscles of her legs. "something tells me you don't need a knight, captain," she maintains, nodding her team off to convene with medical as alex herself begins to very painstakingly follow with sara in her arms. "easy," she soothes, stepping out with sara to the waiting squad of doctors. "kara and i will be waiting back at the deo. hang in there."

SARA.

it isn't long before sara passes out from her injuries. sure she thinks that she is fine but no matter how much she can ignore the pain the fact remains she is seriously injured. luckily everyone else on the team isn't too badly injured. sara knows she made the right choice no matter what happens. hours later she wakes up in the deo after surgery, several stitches later and down a spleen. still groggy from the anaesthesia and pain medication her eyelids flutter open and closed a few times before sara comes to completely. blinking a few more times as she looks around the room the lights are super bright and it hurts a little. "special...agent danvers...my hero..." sara chuckles as she finally lays eyes on the woman.

ALEX.

kara is practically beside herself knowing that sara is injured, but alex keeps her calm---tells her that her vitals are stabilized, and the emergency surgery is going well.  truthfully, alex is a little concerned herself.  that had been quite the crash.  as tough as sara lance is, she wonders just how much stress her body can take. which is why alex hangs around the OR in scrubs and gear, but only as an observer.  she's there for the entirety of sara's procedure and, ultimately, when she wakes up.  alex is tasked with sara's post-op care by her (and, in some part, her sister's) request. so, when sara finally stirs, still affected by the cocktail of drugs she's been given, alex can't help but smile a little. "we'll see if you still think that after the medication wears off," she moves to stand at sara's bedside. "welcome back to earth 38, captain."

SARA.

"pain and i came to an understanding years ago agent. i'll be just as charming once they wear off. if not more." a wink and a smile. placing her hands at her sides on the bed sara pushes herself up into a sitting position. there's a brief flicker of pain as she does so, one deep breath and she is through it. "has your team been able to figure out what caused our crash yet? besides the obvious." kara had told sara a little bit about the deo's capabilities and also her sister's interest in all things science driven. a women with brains and brawn, how could sara not be interested. "or how we ended up on earth 38 for that matter. not that i'm complaining, you're definitely a sight for sore eyes."

ALEX.

"alex," she offers the name to her, feeling little need for formalities. kara insists that sara is a friend, and where alex is standing, it seems like she is. still, there's a comment in there somewhere to be said about pain being the one constant no one can escape, but it gets lost as sara sits up. "whoa, whoa... i get it; you're a badass, but please, i'm going to have to ask that you lie down, sara," her tone is a balance of seriousness and lightheartedness, as she goes to gently grasp sara's arm. "the easier you take it, the faster you'll bounce back," she reminds her, lightly rubbing her arm in a comforting gesture. "winn schott and a few others are working on it. they're on the right track. we should know any time now," alex is confident, though she's somewhat distracted by sara's inebriated flirting. it's cute... and hilarious. "they gave you the good stuff, huh?"

SARA.

"i take it kara didn't tell you how stubborn i am huh." she states matter of factly. "i was killed and was back at it within hours so this little problem here is merely a small inconvenience. i have to check on my team." sara doesn't miss that alex is now holding her arm, she just chooses not to scare the woman off. while alex is very much in charge here something about her gives sara a different feeling. while she is letting herself trust the deo to some extent sara needs to see everyone for herself. "i'm sure you understand alex." the iv and oxygen have to go. of course her actions will be met with resistance but sara will push through it. she is the captain after all and that comes with a rather large amount of responsibility. "i think they're probably giving me more than they should, not that i'm complaining but i've dealt with way worse with no meds at all. so yes you could say i am a badass. which is apparently your type." of course she has to slip that in there, it's necessary and sara wouldn't be living up to her reputation if she hadn't.

ALEX.

alex understands, probably more than sara realizes. truthfully, it would be hypocritical for alex to do anything short of sara's request. even so,  she does make a point to give sara a look before she walks around to begin the process of unhooking all of the tubes. "all right," she relents with a sigh. "lie back, then. at least let me remove your IV properly," once she's sure sara will comply, she unhooks her oxygen and then starts on her IV. though, she quirks an eyebrow at sara's remark. "my type?" she laughs, withdrawing the needle from the crook of sara's arm before placing a cotton ball and some tape on top of it. "was my sister playing inter-dimensional matchmaker?" alex plays it cool despite the fact that her heart rate has already skipped into a quickened pace. "there. i can take you to them."

SARA.

"see i knew i was gonna like you." with a casual smirk sara lays back as she is told though she can't help but admire alex as she does. "yes ma'am." truthfully this is the best news she has heard all day. her surviving was neither here nor there. making sure everyone is alright is much higher on her list of priorities. that and getting a drink with her new found hero. sara doesn't even flinch as the iv comes out though it is a relief not to be hooked up to all of these machines. "she may have mentioned you once or twice. or maybe you were all she could talk about when we were together." sara pauses before reaching out for alex's arm. she can overcome the pain but her body is still weak. "you're her hero you know."

ALEX.

"don't push it," it's mostly a false threat, but there's a bit of truth in the undertow of the assertion.  while alex certainly has her weaknesses for pretty girls, she also can't be bought when it comes down to the wire.  sara's charm can only get her so far. the sympathy points only come from being j'onn's second-in-command for so long. she knows what it feels like to be tasked with the lives of a squad of people, and she knows, too, the need that comes with wanting to see all of her team return home safe and mostly intact. "incredible," she decides at the mention of her sister, making a point to roll her eyes good-naturedly. "she did tell you i'm 'fresh off the boat,' right?" there's a bit of bitterness in her tone, though she knows it's largely unwarranted. "apparently that's a huge turn-off," she lets the subject drop on her end as she leads sara out of the exam room and in the direction of where her team's being held. most only had minor scrapes and bruises. her attention focuses mostly on helping sara navigate without too much pain. "don't all younger sisters have idealized views of their older sisters?" she diverts the compliment, if only because she's never been good at accepting emotionally charged ones.

SARA.

"yes ma'am." sara isn't dumb, she knows when to back off. plus she is slowly getting a read on the agent which is important. seeing where her boundaries are, how she acts under pressure. all of which have been very good so far. each step forward feels like a bit of a mistake, her stitches pulling at a fleshly opened wound. not that she'll admit that alex was right but she was right in this case. though sara has a duty which she has to carry out first. "she did but who cares? we were all fresh off the boat at some point. it doesn't bother me like it apparently bothers you." an eyebrow raises as she picks up on alex's bitterness. "but my coming out wasn't exactly by the book either and i'm a little more sexually fluid. which comes with its' own set of bullshit." judged for not being lesbian enough, judged for now being bisexual enough. sara knew the drill all too well. slowly shuffling along they eventually make it there. sara is pleased with everyone's condition, best outcome for a terrible situation. "to some extent maybe but that's kind of our jobs." she pauses then corrects herself. "her job." shaking it off sara looks back at alex. "but i'm starting to see her side of things."

ALEX.

alex continues to support sara, shouldering as much weight as she can to keep her stitches intact. she shouldn't be walking at all, but that point is moot. so, she does what she can to make it easier for her. "it didn't bother me, actually. it doesn't," alex seems a little bit reluctant to divulge the truth, but she figures why the fuck not? "i really liked this girl, and so i kissed her, and i told her, and she was really nice about it, but said that relationships with people like me don't work out. it's... fine." it more than bruised her ego, but she's slowly getting over it. her mind races ahead of the subject; anything to divert it from herself. "obviously i don't have a lot of experience with... the community, or whatever, but i've never understood that," she frowns. "for what it's worth, i've seen how kara acts around certain girls, and i'm pretty sure she likes girls and boys," alex smiled a little then and lets sara check on her friends. while she notices sara's slip-up, she doesn't take it too much to heart. "if only you knew me when i was younger. you'd probably disagree," she gives sara a humored look and begins to take her back to her hospital bed for the time being. "but thanks."

SARA.

she is in definite need of sitting down, not that sara would say anything though. taught to always push through whatever pain or anything else she was feeling. though there is only so much sara can control and she momentarily sways before steadying herself. "well first off screw her, if you want to make it work then you will. doesn't really matter if you've recently found out who you are or not. she obviously wasn't willing to take the chance which is stupid." she shrugs, sara does have some experience in this area. "i've been with women who are experienced but i've also been with women who are just finding out that maybe dudes aren't all they're cracked up to be. or as some have called it i've liberated quite a few women. all over time." there's a definite smirk at that thought. "eh fuck the community, they can be just as bad as everyone else. ya just gotta try and find the good ones." sara doesn't say what else she is thinking seeing as she agreed to take a step back. "she does, i just don't think she has quite realized it yet. she'll get there though. and if you're tryin' to make me feel better about it you don't have to. i am very okay with who i am when it comes to my sexuality. never been an issue really. there has always been more pressing shit to deal with." like trying not to die being a big one on that list. a sly grin appears on her face despite the pain in her side. "i think we have a lot more in common then i originally thought danvers. you've got some troublemaker in you don't you."

ALEX.

alex is finely attuned to physical injuries and their more vague symptoms.  she knows full well that sara is in no condition to be doing what they're doing, and yet, now that they are finished with the assessment of her team, she knows she can get her lying down. "liberated a few women?" alex laughs, because it's a hilarious thought. "i guess you can say this girl liberated me, in a way. we're still friends, emphasis on the friends," alex isn't as bitter as before. she really does like maggie, after all. better to have her as something than lose her entirely. though she does smile a little at sara's suggestion. "let's just say i've been arrested. more than once. and leave it at that," a sly look passes from alex to sara as she helps sara to sit and ultimately lie on her hospital bed. a moment goes by with alex hesitating, then she decides to just go for it. "i'm glad you're alive, and that your team made it out okay."

SARA.

"that's what some people called it, i just helped women realize that lesbian isn't a bad word. though i probably should have been a little more discreet back in salem. but where's the fun in that." a casual smirk plays on her face to hide the anger she still felt towards rip for sending her there. getting deemed a witch and then almost getting hanged was a bit of a sore spot for her. once in bed she can finally relax a little knowing that everyone is alright. sara waits as she is hooked back up to the many machines much to her dismay. small price to pay for surviving the crash though dying wouldn't have been the worst thing either. "you're not the only one who broke the law danvers but i've been doing it longer than you." a light chuckle escapes her lips while technically she isn't exactly on the right side of the law now she was much worse when she was younger. "i'm glad they're alive too. as much as we fight i kinda like having them around."

ALEX.

hearing sara say the word 'lesbian' with such ease made alex a little envious. she had only just gotten comfortable calling herself gay. she wonders idly if she'll ever be able to call herself a lesbian. she smiles a little to herself as she begins the process of setting up sara's IV and the rest of her vitals. "you're, what? two years older than me?" it's just a guess, because sara doesn't look that much older than alex. "but i'll take your word for it. i was just a directionless alcoholic," the past tense is a bit shaky, if only because alcohol is still a bit of an issue. but, she doesn't want to dwell on that. "i have a few of those myself," she says, winn and james coming to mind specifically. "they're a pain in the ass, but unfortunately it looks like i'm not just kara's older sister anymore." she rolls her eyes humorously, finishing her rewiring of sara's vital sign monitors and her IV. "can i get you anything? food, water?"

SARA.

sara isn't an idiot she is able to see the change in alex's demeanour when she says the word lesbian. "you'll get there danvers, just takes some time." it's an off hand comment, not meant to be dwelled upon. sara brushes it off and then attempts to get comfortable in the bed. which is quite a stretch for her. seeing as there are people everywhere. glass walls and all doesn't exactly lend itself to privacy. it's the fishbowl effect. "depending on how old you are that's probably a good guess. my dad was a cop at the time so he made a few charges go away when i was a teenager. minor things of course." for now she'll leave out the whole being assassin thing, murder isn't exactly the best first meeting talk. especially when trying to flirt with a beautiful woman. "i have some experience with alcoholics, looks like you're on the other side of it though. that's good, it can take a lot of work to get there." while she didn't have to deal with her father's alcoholism first hand there was laurel. another time sara didn't like thinking about. "i would much rather work alone but here we are." small chuckle leaves her lips. "water maybe? feelin' a little dry." plus it's an excuse to keep the agent around for longer.

ALEX.

alex doesn't really respond by way of sara's reassurance, but silently, she does appreciate it. "minor things," she smiles to herself and gives sara a look. by no means is alex judging but she has some questions about what constitutes 'minor' in sara's book. "i like to think so," she considers her assessment of her sobriety; it seems fair enough. "i probably still drink more than i should but everyone has their vices," alex shrugs. she likes alcohol---everything in moderation, after all. at sara's request for water, she nods, "all right." she leaves and ultimately returns with a cup of cold water and a separate cup of ice chips. "on the off chance that you and i share another bad habit," alex draws up a chair and sits in it backward, resting her arms on the back of it. "so, time traveling... what's that like?"

SARA.

"yes minor things agent danvers." a playful smirk plays on her lips. "let's just say i had an affinity for honing my skills as a vigilante long before i ever became one." best to leave it there. if alex doesn't know about her past sara would much rather leave it that way for as long as she can. "we all have our vices, i have one for booze too. but should probably try and keep it in check consider my family history." there's a small chuckle to cover up her sadness. "thanks." sara takes the cup from alex and then has a small sip. "it's full of surprises, turns out guinevere has a thing for the ladies but is totally badass too. and the fifties aren't all they're cracked up to be."

ALEX.

"hey," she holds up her hands in a playful, defensive gesture. "i'm not here to judge." she can think of a lot worse that she's done since joining the deo alone, but she purposefully doesn't linger on the subject. instead, she finds herself watching sara, a definite curiosity acting like a magnet.  there's something different about sara, something captivating that she doesn't quite know how to define.  in an effort not to stare too long, she lets her eyes move to her vitals and to activity outside the room every now and then. "wait... guinevere? as in, knights of the round table guinevere?" alex's mouth falls open in disbelief. "i thought she was just a fairy tale character," her eyebrows furrow as she smiles. "...and you... did you?" she catches her bottom lip again, eyes narrowing while she studies sara.

SARA.

normally she isn't so happy to share anything about herself really. sara keeps herself locked up tighter than fort knox but something about alex feels safe. even if she doesn't trust the woman yet, now that would be jumping the gun. can never be too careful even if she is supergirl's sister. having been betrayed one too many times sara keeps everything close to the vest. "that same guinevere, how do you think sir lancelot came about?" okay maybe this pushing her ego a little too much but it's always in the realm of possibility considering everything that happened. "behind every strong woman is another strong woman danvers. while king arthur had many positive attributes sometimes you just need a woman who can look like a princess but throw down better than any man."

ALEX.

alex had to think for a second, leading her eyes to narrow as she attempts to process what sara is telling her. sara lance... lance... lancelot. there's no way. there's honestly no way. her eyes shift back to sara, still narrowed. "did you... wait. are you lancelot or is there actually a lancelot but you upstaged him?" she grins, unable to stop the almost inhuman spread of the expression. alex smiles, certainly, but never this much. "i don't know that i'd have the wherewithal to time travel. i have enough problems in the present," she shakes her head, rests her chin on one of her hands. "i really respect what you do, what little i know. you fix time aberrations and other problems in the timeline, right?"

SARA.

sara can't help the smirk that starts forming as alex whether or not she is telling the truth. "well he wasn't there with king arthur but who knows. i haven't met him yet if he does exist." just keep stroking her ego and sara will never shut up. her smile is cute, definitely need to keep that going for as long as she can. "i thought the same but i was chosen because i was insignificant to history. that's why we are all chosen. pretty humbling experience." sara had long since gotten over it but a part of her still wishes that laurel had been chosen instead then she'd still be alive now. "yeah we fix the aberrations caused by the legion of doom. yes i hate the name but this is what happens when you leave a bunch of men in charge."

ALEX.

alex is pretty impressed, but she's loathe to admit that forthright. so, she just keeps that furtive smile going, rolls her lips together pensively. there's so much that sara must be capable of. the sheer magnitude of the science required to do what she does has alex's mind spinning excitedly trying to decipher or even comprehend it. "yeah, that's pretty bad," she laughs, unable to get past the cheesiness of the name. alex combs her teeth over her bottom lip, eyebrows knitting together briefly as she glances between sara and the people behind the glass. reluctantly, she knows she'll have to get back to work. standing the chair, she turns it around and puts it back in place, dusting her black pants off with her palms. "i guess i've taken up more than enough of your time," she confessed with a self-effacing look. "i have to get back to work. i know kara wants to visit you later today, so..." she started for the door. "i'll see you around."

SARA.

it really is an awful name and sara still refuses to say it as much as possible but when you're working with a bunch of nerds it's all you hear. exhaling softly sara leans back against the pillow, letting her eyes close just for a moment. though they open again so that she can quietly study alex and her little quirks. the way her nose scrunches when she is trying to figure something out. and with sara's line of work there is a lot to figure out. or the light in her eyes when she smiles which is often, it's something sara misses doing. "leaving so soon danvers? i thought we had a good thing goin'." the signature fake pout appears of course. "ah yes sunshine, it'll be good to see her again. at least this time she won't be kicking my ass. i really got to get on the metahuman train at least." sighing softly she nods. "alright danvers, see ya. you know where to find me when you're bored."

ALEX.

"unfortunately, there's a world out there to save and bad guys to catch," she leans against the door frame seeming at least somewhat genuinely apologetic. sara is fascinating and wildly charismatic. she could talk to her for hours, probably, bombarding her with questions and curiosity, but she knows sara doesn't have time for that. "she kicked your ass?" pride floods through alex, making her smile even brighter. "i guess it helps to have a big sister who knows a thing or two about hand to hand combat," her look morphs into one of suggestion, and then she stood straight again, preparing to leave in earnest this time. "please remind her not to hug you too hard," she mentions over her shoulder, disappearing toward the lab.

[ END. ]

[beet-rootesoupevodkabanya]

Nightmare (I'm not good at giving names to writings X₽)

Warning: this is exactly for my dear Feli and other [sane] readers who completely hate seeing Vitya being hurt. Contains references to certain AU I’m fucking sick from.

He didn’t jump up. Didn’t scream. (Old habit to be over cautious.) Just realized that he’s now laying on the bed and it’s night instead of a day. And it’s painful. To breath, to think, to move. To exist. Countless mirroring splinters are stabbed everywhere. And go deeper with every move. Snow King silently raises into sitting position. Pillow is absolutely wet. Tears still stream down over white skin. Warmth of Yuuri’s body is close. It’s enough to lean to it to be healed. But nightmare stubbornly doesn’t let go. Silver-haired Lord of winter tries to inhale deeper. Impossible. It still hurts too much. And doesn’t go away. It was that rare kind of nightmare which won’t disappear at day time but will stay stuck deep into heart and mind. And any detail accidentally similar to it will tear the soul apart with that very familiar glassy splinters. And it’s impossible to talk about it to anyone.

- Vitenka? - soft hand lays on his shoulder. Yuuri reaches for husband’s cheek, feels tears and forcefully turns Victor to face him: - Vitenka, what’s wrong? Again nightmares? It’s been less then a minute since he woke up. But it feels so long already. Warm Yuuri’s fingers are so comforting. What if to fall into his arms and leave all fears behind?… But… Is he real? What’s real here? What if THIS is a dream? And previous vision was a reality? He shivers not even realizing it as well as how tears are still falling. Yuuri’s embrace is not soft anymore. It’s firm and a bit painful. His fingers sink into silver tightly pressing Victor's head to the curve of neck. He rubs with a cheek over winter silk: - Tell me, please… Share it with me… Мой мальчик… Малыш… / My boy… Baby… Let me comfort U… He remembers these words?… In foreign language? Just because he was called like this by his Snow King so often?

But… It didn’t happen in a nightmare… Does it mean it’s for real now?…

Tight embrace is awakening. As well as surprising soft words. And desperate kisses into ear and back of the neck. Finally waking up completely Victor returns the hug holding to Yuuri like to dear life and bursts into tears.

After some minutes of wordless embrace and sobs Yuuri carefully lays his Snow King on the pillow still holding him tight. Soft kisses slowly wipe away tears from pale cheeks. Boy’s fingers go through silver locks, trace sharp cheek bones, lips, neck. Without special purpose. Just sharing sympathy through physical warmth. - Please… Tell me. U won’t feel better if U don’t voice it out. Snow King turns away and tries to smile but lips just childishly tremble instead. Yuuri caresses the corner of his mouth with a soft kiss. Warming it up with breath. Victor turns to him again tightening grip on boy’s ribs. - I saw… That U don’t love me. - Snow King leans to his Kay. Yuuri cups pale face: - Impossible. U’re my everything. My heart, my world, my reason to exist.

Black abyss glitters with reflections of Northern lights. One more kiss caresses bitten lips of Snow King with a soft question. He’d like not to answer. Not to talk about this nightmare at all. But to lean to this milky skin and forget everything being lulled by Yuuri’s heartbeat. But… Some splinters can be left in wound and it’ll still be healed. But some must be taken out whatever it costs… He pulls Yuuri into embrace, buries face into his neck and begins to talk. Chocking with words and sobs. As if being scared to get numb again before telling it all to him.

********************* Actuality Snow King was used to be hated. This nickname he got not for nothing after all… He was glorified, desired but still hated. Same people always wanted him and wanted to see him suffering. Just… As a part of a show… But he never cared about it for real. At first - because he had more serious problems, later - because in comparison with his previous life it didn’t really matter. Lord of Ice and Snow got used to be always alone. Absolutely alone. Physically. Emotionally. Sharing all joys and sorrows only with Makkachin. It stopped bothering long time ago the same way as after unbearable pain minor isn’t felt at all. But Yuuri… It was only a matter of time when happiness from his love will show off it’s other side - the fear to be abandoned. Even stupid fairytale reminded of it. And made things even worse. Normally Snow King was able not to think about stupid things. But being successfully suppressed at day time they returned as nightmares. As a vision of Yuuri who desired for his body but still hated him. And didn’t even hide it.

************************

- There… There… I’m here for U. My boy, my sunshine… - Yuuri whispers it all caressing husband’s face. - My beloved, darling baby… I love U. Love U so much it’s unspeakable. It can’t be changed. I loved U from early childhood, I stepped to ice only for U. To become closer to U. And I won’t stop loving U even after death, ok?..

He kisses Victor’s forehead. No. Words aren’t enough to heal his Snow King… Bright spots on pale cheeks, insane eyes, shivering with a kind of nervous fever body, cold lips and fingers. He doesn’t cry anymore but shivers and clenches teeth. Even Snow King can have a breakdown. And the least of all Yuuri wants the reason of it to stay unfixed.

- Vitenka… How exactly it was? - he takes silver bangs, a bit wet from cold sweat, away from husband’s eyes. - Lay us the way it happened in your dream.

Expression of Northern Sky changes with countless emotions. From pure fear to perplexity and even embarrassment. But he does as his Kay asked. Strong hands lay Yuuri on his back. Snow King bends to him supporting himself with straightened arms. - Like this?… - makes sure Yuuri, thinks for a second and, after getting a nod, twines hands round Victor’s neck. Everything. Just. Like. In. That. Nightmare. Black abyss stares into icy-blue eyes. With such tenderness Snow King even forgets what they’ve just talked about. Every Yuuri’s touch is loving. Caressing. Darkness envelopes from everywhere. Comforting. Healing. Lulling. Polar night of his eyes which is the love itself. Boy cups Victor’s face, stroking cheeks: - I hate U. Now fuck me. That. Very. Phrase. But from real Yuuri it sounds differently. Like a tender, playful joke. Northern sky frosts. Puzzled. Almost scared. That very words. But… It’s not painful?… Not painful at all. Yuuri’s smile is soft. It drags into black depth of Arctic Ocean where doubts don’t exist. He pokes Victors nose and traces silver locks: - U see? U’ve just heard it from me and nothing bad happened. My little sunshine. My love. Nightmares. Words. They can change nothing. I love U so much…

Snow King listens to his Kay almost without breathing and tries to smile. But lips still tremble. Although now for different reason. Heart aches. To take away old splinters is still painful. Yuuri pulls him closer, kisses shivering lips and presses his head to the chest.

- Listen to me. And never forget whatever nightmare it is… - warm fingers wonders over porcelain skin in soothing caress. - I love U since childhood. Literally from the first sight. U’re my only love and my only Kami. And there’s nothing I desire more then to be your home. Kami needs a world belongs to him. I always wanted to be the world in your hands…. I always thought… If only… If only I could be by your side… U could treat me the way U want. It’s still so. U can beat me, hurt me, use me… I don’t mind. As long as I can at least look at U in person… Any pain from U is welcomed… And…

- No!!! I’d never!!!! - Victor jumps up shocked completely but firm embrace pulls him back. Yuuri’s lips touch his face: - I know, I know, baby… U gave me so much… Much more then I could dream about or simply imagine. U’re my happiness. My God. My everything. But still… I love U not for what U gave me. And even not for your beauty. I just… I looked at U and felt winter. My Yuki no Kami. Snow is a kind of mystical thing in my country. Like a flowing dream. U know… I suffocate without U. If U wasn’t a skater but… I don’t know… Killer? I’d join this sphere to be closer to U.

Yuuri tightens the embrace kissing silver hair. Porcelain body feels still stiff under his hands. But breathing of his King becomes more steady now. Victor raises head to look in black Arctic depth. Northern sky is still clouded with unsure perplexity. But pale cheeks are slightly colored not with feverish bright spots but with polar dawn. Yuuri smiles, stroking his face: - U know what I really hate? I hate that words can’t express how much I love U. Literally nothing can contain all my love to U. If only I could kiss right to your heart…

- Then go to the mirror and kiss the reflection. - mutters Snow King burring face into Yuuri’s chest. And finally his lips drop a weak and short but sincere smile.