#so basically. i Need to find a new job asap so I can hopefully give my body a break lol</3

[noirvette]

kyle and kenny! + sick reader!!

wow two posts in a day.. this is what happens when you pick up no shifts at your job

anyhow next post after this will be the band smau intros methinks... (requests'll get finished and posted throughout the day tomorrow)

cws: none !

♡ KYLE BROFLOVSKI

Notices you aren't in class and shoots a quick text asking where you are, when you respond that you're sick, he's on a scavenger mode for you w/ class homework and notes.

Any class you both have he's got those notes for you and any class you DONT have, he's finding someone to give him notes.

"You don't have this class, Kyle?" "Yeah it's for (Y/N), they're sick Wendy."

Making sure you don't fall behind, it's been just one day but he can't let the idea of you trying to catch up in classes be a thing.

NOW...say what you want...but Kyle can cook..idc..he's got that soup maker in him locked down. (malewife Kyle...)

ANYHOW, he's making butternut squash soup (if you're allergic he's making the good ole standard chicken noodle, he probably's making multiple soups tbh) for you and he's making side dishes. He's literally going all out.

Def learned cooking tips and tricks from his mom

Side dishes are just crackers or almonds LMAO, he's good at cooking but when you're sick your energy tends to be lower so he doesn't want to overwhelm you with too much food, just stuff to power you through <3

Eating and drinking is important when sick and he wants you feeling better asap.

Aside from the food, he's got himself that he's bringing. Like he'll come over with his school work, your school work, whatever else, because he's gonna spend the night with you.

Don't try complaining about him getting sick, he's made up his mind that he's helping you out, won't care if he gets sick at all.

"Kyle..you'll get sick too if you stay with me, go home, I'll be fine." "Nope, I don't care if I get sick, taking care of you is what I have got to do."

Goes over the class work and notes for you if you're feeling up to it, if not, he'll wait until you are, or writes out how to work on the problems so you can learn on your own time if he isn't actually there to help.

Now.. cuddling with you is a weird thing. He'll definitely cuddle, but he's got such a physical germ issue and if you're sneezing a whole bunch, runny nose, anything.. snot related sick, he's helping you while keeping a little distance.

If you're on the drier side of sickness like a dry cough, stuffy nose, fever, things like that, he'll be fine keeping you close distance/cuddling/etc.

No kisses from Kyle though when you're sick :( (boooooo)

Makes up for it with letting you have comfy clothes of his.

Also does chores for you around the house. If you have laundry you needed to do, dishes, house cleaning, etc. he's handling it, you just sleep and rest.

Kyle standing in your room with a feather duster to remove dust because it's an irritant (malewife kyle pt 2)

He does manage to get sick though :(, now it's your turn!!

♡ KENNY MCCORMICK

Didn't know you were sick at first because Kenny was skipping class. Found out because he received a text from Stan like "yo are you and (y/n) both sick?"

Cue him skipping school to take care of you instead, he's got a mission to do and that's operation make (y/n) feel better.

Since he was skipping class he has no idea what happened in your classes or his own, so hopefully you don't have a lot of new material to work on when you both come back.

Kenny can most definitely cook too, he just acts like he can't. (canon bc of that home ec episode, he was definitely good at home ec that teacher was just a hater) but he isn't bringing you food, but he's cooking in your kitchen instead.

Makes you chicken noodle soup because it's easy and he's a lil basic. Gives you the dark blue gatorade to go with it though because that gatorade is the best one.

Also is another one that doesn't care if he gets sick (doesn't care because he can just.. die and then wake up the next day not sick)

He's kissing you because he's never been one to be afraid of germs or sickness. Doesn't want to hear complaints.

"Kenny I am SICK, you can't kiss me." "Oh word? I can't? Still going too though." and he swoops in for a kiss.

Tries taking your mind off being sick by distracting you. It sucks to be sick and just laying there so he wants to make sure you have at least some fun.

Like I imagine he's turned on those random youtube karaoke vids to try and sing along to them with your back turned but he's either singing the wrong song or the video has a minute left and he just started singing the song.

"ITS ALL ABOUT YOU GIRL ON A 16TH BIRTHDAY" "The song is earfquake by tyler what are you doing??" "What."

Would also do a few house chores like your dishes, but isn't going to go into a whole bunch of effort. He'd rather spend his time directly with you.

Lets you snuggle into his bright ass orange parka and he's holding you against his chest as you snooze. Places kisses at the top of your head as you sleep, also rubs circles into your waist/hips as you sleep. He's so content with you in his arms.

Decides to do a movie marathon with you since being sick is simply the best time to do a movie marathon.

I could imagine you guys watching the barbie movies tbh.

Cue Kenny dancing the same as those dancing dogs from barbie and the diamond castle

Let's you pick the movie though, Kenny is just there for the ride and to be with you while you're sick.

[museum-spaces]

Hey nerds,

I am queuing this up to post at a normal time as it is getting quite late here in Camel Town.

I have some pretty big news. I will be leaving Camel Town asap - at least a month but hopefully not much more than that. Y'all know that I find Camel town... frustrating to put it mildly. Well I have managed to get pretty much all the way through the process of becoming an Executive Director for a museum in Vancouver. It is still a small community museum, not anything like the Museum of Anthropology or anything like that, but they want me. And I want to be in Vancouver.

I had 4 [3.5] interviews with them, they are now checking my references and I just got the ball rolling on a police background check. I found a place for Ianto and I to live and its basically around the corner from where my brother lives and works.

Obviously, I could still not get the job. BUT I was told that I am the only candidate they are running a background check on or whose references are being spoken to so far.

The 'ideal' start date is 24 June 2023, but they recognize that that is very soon so are flexible on that front. They also want a long term employee. If it works out to be a better working environment I might stay but I wouldn't hold my breath. I have come to realize that museums and I do not mesh well since 2020 and I am prepared to move on once I have a place to land.

That's part of why being in Vancouver is such a blessing; I will be more able to enrol in a few classes a semester at UBC or SFU. SFU actually has a campus within.... a bit of a hike... of the museum.

Camel Town is a hard place to live for me. I have some really good friends who love it to death - they just got chickens. He wanted 2, they got 12 lol. But I need the city. Even if I have to go back to wearing ear plugs 24/7 the ability to get around will be life changing. Also fewer deer. And proximity to Ocean.

Ianto and I are also on the waitlist for a 'little' sibling for him. More details of that to come.

So, yeah.

Big changes coming for me.

I don't know where Ianto and I will end up, but I am looking forward to finding out.

Also, I have been having serious thoughts about deleting this blog. Given how museums are tied intrinsically to my mental well being, it may not be healthy for me to maintain this blog in the long run. I will let you lovely nerds know with lots of advanced warning and shepherd you as best I can to other museum-y blogs. But just wanted to give you a heads up.

The deactivation of the blog would probably happen if/when I leave the sector. But there is a chance that I will need to step back again like in 2021.

Its something that has been cooking in the back of my mind for a long time. Most of my time in Camel Town tbh. It just took me until about 2 weeks ago to verbalize it... or whatever you'd call having a realization via tumblr messenger with a friend. Some day I might share the art I made to help me work through the amorphous emotions... Probably not though. soz.

[dragonji]

apparently I cant go 2 days without a moderate-to-severe injury now huh :|

[jrueships]

Bestie almost all of the clothes I tried on in the fitting room didn’t fit please tell me something cute about any of your ships before I start spiraling LMAO 😭

The universe really SO jealous of us for being so that hot that it doesn't give us the clothes that'll make us look even hotter man!! Smh bruh we all have those days where the universe is our jealous ho bro 😔 sorry bout that but HOPEFULLY I can help!!!!

SINCE I believe ure a marcus/giannis enjoyer (what good taste) ... so. Like. Think about THIS photo but it's marcus/giannis

Giannis brings all his trophies with him in bed and he sleeps hugging the giant championship trophy the first night after the win like it's a teddy bear. Marcus just has to deal with this man sleeping with like... ten pounds of metal or whatever in their bed JNWJF randomly giannis will wake up and shake marcus awake all panicked like "I STILL HAVE THEM, YES?? IT WAS NO DREAM???!!" And marcus groans but can't hide his laughter as he has to find the smaller conference trophy and place it into Giannis's arms as well so he'll calm down and go back to bed. Sometimes he won't go back to bed until Marcus reminds him that Yes, you ARE my champion now go the fuck back to sleep, man.

So yeah. Marcus has to deal with giannis adopting two new metal offspring now LMFAO that giannis constantly reminds him are His. Not Marcus's. JAJND but it's all playful tease so it's okay !!!

Another idea I have for them is a retro diner Cafe au.... giannis is helping at his family's diner by being a bus boy. Of course he goes around cleaning on a pair of skates and he knows all the customers by name!! Even the biker gang who wears four leaf clovers on their sleeves and stylish greaser gelled hair. Well- he's befriended Almost all the members of the funny four leafed clover biker gang... there's a new edition to the little entourage that visits, and he doesn't seem keen on chatting with anyone except for the members in his gang. He hangs around the old jukebox that only giannis knows how to work, his arms either crossed or down at his sides with the fingers hanging around his belt loops. Sometimes he lights a cigarette. Sometimes he squints angry at the jukebox. Either way, this stranger was going to be giannis's friend whether he wants to be or not.

Asking around for his name is too easy, no, giannis declines one of the waiter's(Jrue) offer to find out. He ignores Thanasis's annoyed suggestion that he needs to stop bothering the customers and go back to cleaning or at least help him cook. Who he Does listen to is another cook, a lot less bossy one, telling him good luck on the mystery. Pj was always a cool dude.

SO YEAH... there's the funsized expo for the story. Basically giannis tries to get marcus to open up to him by acting a clown each different Saturday he shows up to the diner. One day he tries to teach Marcus how to skate. Another day he helps him turn on the jukebox (that Marcus Really wanted on but was too stubborn to ask for help or look like he didn't know how to use it) , and another day he dances with him to the jukebox play!! One day Marcus even orders a milkshake but it 'mistakenly' came with two straws and they share it (despite thanasis scolding giannis for not doing his job LMFAO)

OVERALL it's just a bunch of fun retro based softness and tropes, but eventually Giannis does figure out Marcus's name and he laughs at how basic it is LMAO.

But YEAH!!! There's some of the quick ideas I can tell off the top of my head!!! I tried to answer this asap but I just opened the ask so 😭 if I'm too late I'm sorry LANNDJS ALSO if this wasn't really the ship u wanted to hear stuff about, just lemme know!!!! I am free to jabber about anything !!!!

[uservillanelle]

Killing Eve ― 3x03 (Review)

Alriiight clowns, who’s ready for some 3x03 discussion? I don’t even remember how many times I’ve seen the episode already, but there are still some points I’d like to point out/talk about. So let’s get started!

Andalusia

As bad as it sounds, I enjoy seeing Villanelle do her job. It’s exactly where the show can show off some really incredible places in the world and of course explore different, creative ways of killing someone. However, this time in particular I don’t think it was realistic enough the way they did it. I mean, what kind of strength does Villanelle need to have in order to throw the tuning fork like that and instantly kill a person? You’d think it would take a lot more effort to have the tuning fork pierce human skull. No? 

Anyways, another thing is the nanny that Villanelle also killed. I believe only the pianist was her target, since she appeared to be rather taken aback by hearing the baby’s cries through the baby monitor. She didn’t expect anyone else to be in the house. She could’ve easily left without anyone seeing her, but she didn’t. “You really like that baby, huh? It’s not even yours.” So this kind of explains why she killed the nanny, since the baby wasn’t hers? But then again... I think this scene was needed for her to be able to take the baby and eventually this thing would escalate into her need to find her family. 

The Bathroom

Carolyn and Mo are analysing the circumstances of Kenny’s death. And what’s better way to do it than in a bathtub? Classic Carolyn. This reminds me of Villanelle’s “I have a thing for bathrooms, actually.” One of the recurring themes that the show expresses in such a natural way. 

The fact that the head of MPS still claims that it was suicide despite the lack of note or motivation. Makes me wonder just how many more cases like these are marked as ‘suicide’ when in reality there’s a lot more to the story to uncover. KE is really into all this shady stuff, hm?

Eve is SO done with Carolyn this season. She deserves it though, after betraying Eve but it is just so satisfying for me, at least, to watch them interact with this new formed dynamic. It’s refreshing that Eve was in a way replaced by Mo, who now is basically Carolyn’s assistent and not Eve. She did make her point for not wanting to work for Carolyn anymore, so she found someone else, while Eve is still active and in the game, just in her own way. Gotta love independent Eve Polastri.

Meetings Have Biscuits

Eve is really taking charge this season, not gonna lie. She basically set up this whole meeting, invited Jamie (whose name I constantly keep forgetting) and even ordered everybody on what they should be doing since neither Carolyn nor Jamie showed the initiative to work with one another. “You can have a biscuit when you tell me what the point of you is.” GOLDEN LINE!! I don’t usually agree with Carolyn, but YES! I’m not really sure what is Jamie’s role here. You can have Bear, who already helped to solve the rubbik cube’s puzzle while Jamie did what, exactly? I have a bad feeling about him but I’m not going to say it just yet... in case I’m wrong and do I hope I am.

Young mother with baby and grandma

I absolutely ADORED this scene in all ways. We got to see Villanelle interact with an actual baby without her doing any harm to him! That’s a rare gem we might not get to see again, so let’s appreciate it! Not only that but we got to see A BABY interact with A BABY. Villanelle’s a literal child and I love her to pieces. 

Ever since Villanelle found out that Eve’s alive she’s been back on her BS just like Dasha said and apparently it’s been DAYS. “What got into you?” So.. Dasha doesn’t know that Villanelle knows about Eve. Meaning Dasha is not communicating with Konstantin and probably doesn’t know about Eve. Then again, last episode she and Villanelle did have a talk about how she can’t go down the same road again. So is Dasha pretending not to know what’s going on or she truly isn’t aware?

Villanelle gets her next postcard. It’s London. She freaks out and we all know exactly why. Yeah, it’s like, WE also should be freaking out about it because Villanelle will be going to London in episode 3. Eve and Villanelle usually got her first reunion in episode 5 in previous seasons. So it does feel too soon and that’s exactly what Villanelle says next. “I’m not ready! How about that?” Of course she needs to prepare first. She’s extra like that. Not only she says it but she is actually nervous and her body language is TOO loud about it. 

This brings me to my next point... Dasha sees just how much of a mess Villanelle is and proceeds to “encourage” her once she hears that she’s not ready. “All you need is anorak and a face like cheese”. Okay, hear me out. Last episode Dasha and Villanelle were having a conversation about Felix and how Villanelle will have to “guide” him, encourage him and make him believe that he “can be good”. This is exactly what she’s doing with Villanelle now, or am I seeing things? Last time Villanelle picked up on that, this time she doesn’t because she’s too invested in thinking about Eve and preparation. Then she agrees with Dasha and we see her give this sort of satisfying look which only indicates just how twisted she is. I mean she can’t be that stupid to not realize why Villanelle is the way she is... and STILL encourage her to go to London. Like.. I’m sure The Twelve has many more assassins up their sleeve so why not send someone else to London instead? No. It has to be Villanelle for the show’s sake. It has to be Villanelle because EVE is there and the idea of the Twelve possibly wanting to recruit Eve keeps appealing to me more and more... this might not be the case at all but why would both sides keep setting Eve and Villanelle up even after they seemed to be “over” one another?

On a lighter note, Dasha placing the baby in the trash bin is the most hilarious thing I’ve seen. INCLUDING Villanelle’s reaction. Sooo damn good, but it didn’t seem like anyone saw Dasha do it at first. It’s only later when someone heard the baby crying, people showed up. This show man.. there’s nothing else like KE in television and it’s a fact.

Eve

Let me just start with “But before I go on, you have to understand that once I tell you about them, your lives are in danger.” “Then don’t tell us.” “They’re called The Twelve.” Eve’s really not giving a shit about anything as it seems LMAO! I mean, at least she gave them a warning beforehand? This is yet another recurring trait of Eve’s. She doesn’t care about other’s needs except her own. It happened plenty of times back in S2 and it happened in this season. For example when she called Kenny and asked about the drinks and as soon as she got the answer she needed from him, she hung up not giving a chance for Kenny to say anything. Then now, and the way she treated Mo once she asked if he could trace the Geneva account for them. This reminds me of a scene in S2 where Eve basically ordered Kenny to help her find Villanelle by saying “you work for me.” This is exactly what she’s doing with Mo now. “Did you take this job thinking it would be easier? If you did. quit now. Cause it’s only getting tougher.” This is her own way of manipulation and getting what SHE wants. She even did it with Villanelle back in 2x05 when she asked for her help while interrogating the ghost. She did it and basically had to ASK Eve for a ‘thank you’ which wasn’t even genuine from Eve’s part. It’s not the best thing to have or do... yet I’m not sure if Eve is even aware of what she’s doing or when she does it. Hopefully it won’t cause major trouble further into the story. Hopefully.

The time has finally come. Eve is finally beginning to realize and hopefully accept her feelings for Villanelle. I’m not saying she was in denial before, but more like avoiding the topic in general. Until this episode. I mean the sexual tension between her and Villanelle whenever they meet and especially in this episode was WAY too strong for her to handle and she went for it. She went for the kiss which, can mean a million things, like Sandra mentioned in one recent interview. It can mean she went for it to catch Villanelle off guard, it can mean that she simply gave into the temptation... and accepted the fact that yes, she IS attracted to the assassin and this way unlocked this very personal character journey we are about to see. After meeting Villanelle she still went to the office and all she said was “I don’t want to talk about it.” Clearly it all was too much for her, as it was FOR US, so it’s understandable. But when she came back home and got instantly paranoid, thinking Villanelle was there just got me thinking of just how big of an effect does Villanelle have on Eve. She definitely caught Villanelle’s strong scent there... and then the recording. Sure, she was scared and angry and at first turned it off ASAP. But something changed soon afterwards... something that made her turn the recording back on and bring it to her ear... and close her eyes while taking in Villanelle’s voice. She IS admitting and she DOES wish Villanelle was there. This was a moment where she had time to process everything on her own without anyone else around her. She needed this... and the reveal is just so delicious. I’m sure we all know how the episode really ended, huh?

Now that the reunion happened and Eve found out that Niko apparently discharged himself from the fascility and moved back to Poland, I’m very intrigued to see just how much will Eve and Niko’s dynamic change. Will she still try to get Niko to come back? Try to convince him that there is still a chance for the two of them? Or is she only going to visit him to tie the loose ends and be done with the guy? I do think that the kiss and the meeting itself changed things for her so I cannot wait to see just how her and Niko’s relationship will escalate/end. Niko, on the other hand, is still pretty much UNSTABLE and he’ll cause trouble. I’m telling right now. This is no good so I hope Eve will leave him as soon as she comes and be done with him since she DOES deserve better than him, too.

The Accountant

First, I’m actually glad Suzanne decided to dive deeper into the core of The Twelve. Last season we didn’t really get enough of information about them and this one seems to be way more focused on it. Meaning the story is moving forward. And by story I mean the actual plot. 

Sergei Korchmarev. AKA Charles Kruger. As far as I understood he was the one to stole 6 million euros from the Twelve WHILE working for them? He did that and then asked Konstantin to get him the money to “buy him some time” to find the “scoundrel”. So 6 million wasn’t enough for him, hm? Why do I have a feeling he’s been stealing the money for something bigger than his own greed? It has to be for something “bigger” but then again, guess we won’t be able to find out as Villanelle blew his brains out. 

Again, both Konstantin and Carolyn knew him so that makes me even more suspicious. They seem to be working on different sides now but who knows really? This whole thing just keeps me on my toes, as it should but I want to know a bit more of this whole situation. We are left in the dark and we’ve been there for the past two seasons.

Villanelle

Villanelle in the perfume shop is the definition of a drama queen. Period. The way she described the custom scent she’d like was so captivating and telling. Like, she knew exactly what she wanted and that’s power. Smelling like Roman centurion means smelling like power. “I want to make people gag with it.” It has to be THAT strong, she wants people to know just how much strength she’s carrying, but most importantly Eve. “Well, we have some lovely floral fragrances for ladies over here.” “Maybe I should describe to you what I’m thinking.” OF COURSE he had to suggest some “lovely floral fragnance for LADIES” which is the complete opposite of what Villanelle describes next. So the overly too big suit that she chose to dress to meet Eve should have that very scent sshe was talking about. After all, she does see herself as a warrior.

I wonder if them throwing a baby in this episode is the only reason for Villanelle to have this need to find her family. Sure, Konstantin hinted last season that some members of her family are still alive and right now he doesn’t seem too keen on helping Villanelle find them. Though, knowing that she will be going to Russia in 3x05 means that Konstantin, or someone else, will find out about the location of her family memebers in next episode. It should really be interesting because we haven’t seen Villanelle interact with ANY family members before. Plus... I have a feeling they will force for OKSANA to come to the surface yet again and I am here for it. 

I can’t help but point out, yet again, that after receiving the postcard, Villanelle went to London to buy perfume in preparation for the reunion with Eve, then went to the toy’s shop where she bought a talking bear and a very adorable bear shirt for herself and THEN went to meet Eve. Only afterwards all that she actually went after her target, which should be the main reason why she was in London in the first place. Love comes first for Villanelle. Job after. That’s ironic, because the previous two seasons everything was about JOB for Eve. She let her marriage fall into pieces but she didn’t stop working and obsessing over Villanelle.

Can we just appreciate Villanelle in police officer’s uniform? I mean... she can kill whoever the hell she wants if she will be wearing that. Almost makes me want to be arrested by a cop lmao!!

The bus scene

It’s been over 4 days since the episode came out and I STILL cannot believe we got a villaneve reunion AND A KISS!! Like... I was worried the scene would be too random and I didn’t want that. It was random. That’s why it was so surprising for all of us, because we couldn’t expect them to meet so soon and on a bus. There were no indications we will see them meet and that worked really well.

At the same time I feel like if we cut out the bus scene from the episode, the main plot wouldn’t be affected. This scene could easily be replaced with another one while this one could be thrown in next episode or have them meet in second episode if they found out about each other during the premiere. That’s why I don’t like that aspect... I wish the scene was there because it was NEEDED to be in that episode at that time, you know? It’s only about the placement. I wonder why they decided to include it in this particular episode. 

Other than that the scene itself was PERFECT!! I made a separate in depth post/anaylsis of the scene HERE in case you haven’t read it yet! 

Carolyn

I’m soo glad that we’re finally seeing more of Carolyn investigating things openly for us, viewers. The previous two seasons we barely saw anything she did because she was THAT private and had so many secrets we could only wonder what the hell she’s thinking or doing. Now, though... we can see she’s working on Kenny’s case and is actually trying to solve this mystery surrounding his death. That includes her setting up the meeting with one of her former lovers, Henrik, to find out about the Geneva account. 

Now, I was soo sure Villanelle would go after her so I kind of was prepared to lose Carolyn or have her escape somehow. None of that happened, though they did make us worry for a minute or two during which Carolyn wasn’t moving and had blood/bruises on one side of her head. Again, Villanelle is THAT extra to go through the trouble to nearly shoot Carolyn only to get to the accountant. And we actually got to see Carolyn fearing for her life despite having met Villanelle several times. She knew what Villanelle was capable of so the aftermath of this helped us see that she indeed had feelings but often decided to ignore/avoid them and this way stay in denial. “I’m fine” says a woman who looks like a mess and is shaking at the same time. It’s okay to admit things, Carolyn. 

Overall Thoughts

The first two episodes were there to set the entire plot up, including Eve and Villanelle find out about one another and now that they know... shit’s going down and this episode was definitely the strongest one this season so far. This is very promising since the episode was written by Laura Neal, who will be the showrunner for S4! 

We got to see plenty of action, funny moments, AT LEAST 6 different Villanelle outfits and we got a moment with her and actual baby. PLUS VILLANEVE KISS!! What else could we want?! 

As always, if any of you guys have any predictions/thoughts on previous or future episodes don’t hesitate to ask/message me about them so we could chat and discuss our favorite show together! Thank you guys for reading and see during the review for 3x04 next week!!!

[eleonorebirk]

Definitions of Family

Nathan’s gaze drifted around the sheriff station, trying to make sense of how things had gone from bad to worse so quickly. He had been happy to see Callister, relieved to see that he was well and seemed happy.

Only he was not as well as he had seemed at first. Somehow, he must have come across a virus somewhere that could affect his systems. He had hoped that changing his primary microprocessor could help but it had not been enough. His son was still dying.

And now Carter and Allison had found out that Callister was not human and his boy had ran off in his car, with no trace where he might have gone.

“Shouldn’t we call the DoD?” Allison asked. “We would have found the car already if it was still in Eureka. They can help if they know an experiment has -”

“Allison!” Carter interrupted sharply.

Nathan clenched his jaw, biting back his reply. Carter’s interruption was too late. He realized what she’d been about to say. She no longer considered Callister to be a person, just an experiment. The thought of what they might do to his boy, what he might have to suffer in his final moments in the hands of the DoD...

“We can find him on our own, I’m sure,” Carter said to Allison. “I was a Marshall, that was my job. We’ve reported the car as stolen, it will be seen somewhere sooner or later.”

Nathan absently noticed the stress he put on ‘him’. He was grateful for his understanding but too distracted calculating the best way to go on. “My brother can help.”

“Your brother?” Carter asked.

“You have a brother?” Allison asked.

“Half-brother,” Nathan elaborated. “We’re not really talking.” He pulled out his phone, gathering all the information on Callister’s condition and the readings he’d taken before he had ran off, and sent it along. Hopefully it would be enough to catch his attention, enough for him to listen. He rang the number he had memorized years ago.

He breathed a sign of relief when the call connected. “Doctor Stark.”

“JARVIS, hello. May I talk to Tony? It’s about the information I have just sent.” He ignored Carter and Allison for now. Their reaction to his being related to Tony Stark could wait. All that counted now was protecting his son.

“Nathan, what do you want?”

Nathan closed his eyes briefly. He had never been so happy to hear his voice. “I need your help.”

“What about? Have your scientists caused a disaster they need Iron Man to solve?”

Nathan winced. Right, Tony was all for taking responsibility since he’d returned from Afghanistan. He’d get along well with Carter there. “I need your help to save my son.” He could not prevent his voice from shaking. It was the first time he had said out loud what Callister was for him. “I sent JARVIS the information.”

Tony was silent for a moment but he could practically hear the gears shifting in his head. “Your son, huh?” His voice was softer now. “I’m taking the suit. Luckily for you, I’m in Malibu, so I should be there in an hour at most. JARVIS will get started on locating him.”

“Callister. His name is Callister.”

“Callister,” Tony repeated gently. “Well, I’m curious to meet my nephew, so let’s find him quickly.”

“Thank you, Tony.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll see you in an hour or so.”

“Your brother is Tony Stark?” Allison demanded as soon as he ended the call.

“Like I said, half-brother. Howard Stark was not exactly faithful. Nor careful.” He snorted. “I’m actually surprised we don’t have more half-brothers running around.”

“You never mentioned him.”

“I told you, we are not really talking.” He shook his head. “Tony found out he has a younger brother when he was 17 and his parents died.”

He saw Carter wince. Nice to see that at least one of them seemed to understand.

Allison did not seem to. “With Stark’s – Tony Stark’s – means and assistance we could -”

“He’s not interested. If he did, he would already be working at GD or at least consulting.” Nathan shook his head. “I’m not going to leverage Howard not being able to keep it in his pants.”

“We have the car,” Lupo cut in. Nathan could swear he heard Carter sigh in relief. “They found it at a gas station off Interstate 17.” He looked from Nathan to Carter. “The attendant said that there was a red-headed girl in the passenger seat.”

Carter’s eyes widened. “Zoe.”

Nathan watched and listened as Carter and Lupo checked if they had switched to public transport, first under their own names, then under Ajeet Gandhavadi.

“Two tickets on an International Stageline bus leaving out of Summerville. It departs in less than an hour.”

Carter looked to Nathan. “That might be cutting it close with your brother.”

“I’ll call JARVIS. Perhaps he can delay the bus.”

Carter nodded to him. “Okay, do that.” He looked at Allison and Lupo. “You two stay here. Stark, you’re with me.”

 Tony looked around after he’d landed at the bus terminal. “JARVIS?” He followed his directions towards...well, his nephew. And wasn’t that a surprise. Not so much that he had a nephew – he knew his brother had been married – but that Nathan had also managed to create an AI.

“I have managed to contact him. He has agreed not to get on the bus,” JARVIS said.

“Thank you.” He turned a corner, then stopped when he caught sight of the two. His let his faceplate lift out of the way so they could see his face. “Hey, kids,” he said gently.

“You’re Tony Stark,” the girl said.

“Yep.” He looked at the boy, Callister. “Didn’t JARVIS tell you I was coming?”

“He did,” he confirmed, still leaning heavily against the girl and the bus. “I’m not sure why though.”

“Because you’re family and I told your dad I would.”

“He’s... Nathan’s...”

“He’s your dad,” Tony interrupted. “He told me so himself when he called me. He’s on his way.”

“He’s coming?”

Tony’s heart broke at the soft question. The way he sounded like a scared, little boy. “Yes, he should be here soon. Will you let me take a look at you? JARVIS and I have been discussing how we can help you on the way here.”

“And have you found a way?” Callister asked.

“We have but we’ll have to take you to New York. I need access to my resources there.” His lab in Malibu was good but not enough to help Callister.

“I don’t think I have that long.”

“Callister, no! Don’t say that!” the girl protested.

“Listen to...”

“Zoe, Zoe Carter.”

“Listen to Zoe, Callister, don’t just give up. JARVIS and I can put you in what’s basically a kind of medical coma. That will buy us time.”

“Callister!”

“Zoe!”

Tony turned, seeing Nathan and a man in sheriff uniform coming running.

“Dad!” Zoe threw herself at the sheriff. He led her away a few steps, giving Tony, Nathan and Callister some privacy.

“Nathan, I can help him but I need to put him in medical coma ASAP,” Tony said. He had questions but there was no time now.

“Right, you hear that, Callister? You’ll be okay,” Nathan told him, kneeling down beside him. Tony glanced at the sheriff. They silently agreed not to draw attention to the way Nathan’s voice was shaking.

“I’m scared, Dad.”

Nathan cupped his cheek. “You’ll be fine. Your Uncle Tony will help.”

Callister looked at him, then turned his head slightly so he could see Tony as well. “Okay, I’m ready.”

“Okay. Your... your cousin JARVIS is going to help me make you... sleep now.” They all watched carefully as his eyes slipped close and he went lax. Nathan stayed beside him, running his hand through his hair even after they knew he was no longer awake.

“JARVIS is sending a second suit,” Tony said quietly. “I’ll take him to New York in it, to protect him during the flight. It will probably be a while before we can wake him again. We’ll have to make sure first that we’ve found all traces of the virus.”

“Thank you for your help.” The sheriff had joined them again and held out his hand for Tony to shake. “I’m Jack Carter.”

“Tony Stark.” He carefully shook his hand, remembering just in time that he was still in the suit. “You’re welcome.”

“Do you want us to wait with you?” Carter offered.

“You don’t have to. It’s ready nearby.”

“Then I’ll take Stark – Nathan – back to Eureka.” He rested a hand on Nathan’s shoulder. “Come on, scientist. Let’s go home. Your boy’s in good hands.”

Pet names? Now Tony had even more questions. But he could also see that Nathan was in no state to answer them now. “I’ll keep you informed,” he promised.

“Thank you, Tony.”

 Nathan shuffled the papers on his desk, preparing to leave the office for the day. Only two weeks had passed since Callister had returned to Eureka and yet so much had changed. He had been talking to Tony more in the past two weeks than in the whole past twenty years.

He had also signed the divorce papers at last. Allison did not seem to understand that, to him, Callister was his son and that he wanted and needed to be there for him when he woke up, the same way Allison would always want to put Kevin first. It was better for both of them to put an end to their romantic relationship and admit that they were only friends now.

“Hey, Nathan, are you ready to go?” Jack asked from the doorway.

Their relationship had changed as well. The understanding and compassion Jack had shown him had finally opened his eyes about the good sheriff. He might not have as high an IQ as the other inhabitants of Eureka but he brought something they had been missing without even being aware of it.

He put the divorce papers in the envelope he had prepared already. “Yes, I’m ready. Café Diem?” They tried to manage dinner together at least twice a week.

“Sounds good.”

“Do you and Zoe have plans for the weekend?” Nathan asked as they walked the corridors together.

“No, nothing yet.”

“Would the two of you like to come to New York with me? Tony called, he’s ready to wake up Callister.” It was not just that Nathan wanted a buffer between him and his brother, he wanted to share the moment with them and to just spend time with them.

“We’ll come.” Jack grinned. “Though I’m not sure Eureka will survive if we’re both gone.”

“I’m sure we can convince Henry to keep an eye on Eureka for us.”

“Even Fargo?”

“You could always arrest him.”

“I don’t think Jo would forgive me.”

They kept bickering as they made their way to their cars, content to relax and ignore the stares they were still getting from the people at GD.

[bamby0304]

The Hart III: Secrets

Chapter 17: Not So Supernatural

Series Masterlist

Summary: Three months… Dean was gone for three months and now he’s back. He’s back and he truly has no idea how much things have changed. Life moved on while Dean was in Hell, and now things are complicated. With new faces and troubles right around the corner, will the trio find a way to come back together? Or has all hope been lost?

Warnings: Angst. Violence.

Bamby

DPOV

Sam was fast asleep, laid out on the back seat, while Liz was curled up beside me, leaning against her door. I sat behind the wheel, parked off the road and behind some bushes, looking over some papers in front of me, using a torch to help me see what I was reading.

Sam stirred. "What are you doing?"

"What's it look like I'm doing?" I asked without looking away from my work.

"Like you're looking for a job."

"Yahtzee."

Sitting up and rubbing his eyes, he looked over at me. "We just finished a job like two hours ago."

I shrugged. "Adrenaline's still pumping, I guess. So, what do you think..." I showed him the papers. "Cedar Rapids, Tulsa, or Chi-Town?"

He let out a frustrated sigh. "I am all for working. I really am. But you got us chasing cases nonstop for like a month now. We need sleep."

"Yeah, we can sleep when we're dead," I mumbled, getting back to reading.

"You're exhausted, Dean."

"I'm good," I insisted.

"No, you're not. You're running on fumes, and you can't run forever."

Putting the torch and papers down, I turned to him. "And what am I running from?"

"From what you told Lizzie and me," he answered shortly. "Or are we pretending that never happened?"

Ignoring his question, I picked a case myself. "Stratton, Nebraska. Farm town. A man gets hacked to death in a locked room inside a locked house. No signs of forced entry."

Sighing, knowing there was no way he was going to get an answer from me, he shrugged. "Sounds like a ghost."

"Yes, it does."

With yet another sigh, he flopped back down to get back to sleep.

EPOV

I couldn't wipe the smile off my face as I hurried up the porch stairs of the large farmhouse, lifting my hand to open the door with my mind effortlessly. Entering the house, I came to a stop in the foyer as I took it all in.

As Sam and Dean came to stand beside me Sam looked down at me, confused and amused. "How can you be excited so excited? It's like you're addicted to hunting lately."

I gave a short and simple shrug. "You don't get it, Sam. Things were slow before. Now there's constant action. I love it."

We'd been busy for the last few weeks since I'd joined the Winchesters again. Tristan hadn't come back from Canada yet, so I'd spent all my time with the brothers. We'd gone from case to case, hardly stopping for breaks. Hell, we'd only just finished a job less than twenty-four hours ago.

Sam did have a point though. I knew he was running on fumes, and Dean was barely keeping up his I'm-perfectly-fine-there's-nothing-to-see-here bullshit. But I was fine. Give me a couple of hours sleep here and there, a few decent meals, and I was as energetic as ever. Of course, I had a secret weapon...

My pills.

When Tristan had given them to me, it was because I'd been dealing with the loss of Dean. Since then, I'd kind of become dependent on them. They helped me focus my attention, energy, emotions, everything. They made me feel good.

The fact I'd started taking more of them... well that helped too. Before I would take one or two a day. Now, it was more like five or six. They just made me feel so much better about everything.

Walking into the living room, I ran my finger over the mantle above the fireplace.

"Boy, three bedrooms, two baths, and one homicide. This place is gonna sell like hotcakes," Dean joked.

Continuing through, we headed for the kitchen, each of us moving to check the cupboards. As I opened a few, I found nothing. Literally. Not even a speck of dust.

"Hey, check this out." Dean caught Sam's and my attention as he knocked on the wall where there appeared to once have been a hole which was now covered.

I moved over to it, running my hand over the painted drywall covering the old hole. "We thinking a dumbwaiter?" I asked, turning to Sam.

He nodded. "All these old houses had them."

Dean looked between the two of us, mumbling something under his breath that I didn't quite catch.

"What?" Sam asked him.

"What?" Dean repeated, playing dumb.

"You said-" Sam started, but cut himself short. "Never mind." Shaking his head, he left the room, Dean and I following him.

We looked in all the rooms, finding nothing in all of them. When we finally reached the bedroom where the murder had taken place, we were surprised to see how perfectly clean it was.

"Well, no bloodstains, fresh coat of paint, it's a bunch of bubkes," Dean noted.

Sam- with his EMF reader out- nodded to the machine in his hand. "Needle's all over the place."

Heading over to the window, Dean took a look outside. "Yeah. Power lines."

"Great," Sam sighed, putting the EMF reader away.

I walked over to the closet, smiling at the brothers as I opened it. Turning to take a look inside, I let out a startled gasp at what I found.

"What is it?" Dean hurried over, followed by Sam. They looked over my shoulders and into the closet, seeing the doll head on the floor. "Well, that's super-disturbing," Dean noted, stating the obvious.

"Think it got left behind?" Sam asked.

Dean and I looked at him questioningly, but it was Dean who spoke. "By who? Unless Bill Gibson likes to play with doll heads."

The sound of a car approaching the house caught our attention. The three of us moved to the window to see a car and a moving truck headed this way, coming down the driveway.

"Uh-oh." Sam basically covered how I was feeling.

"I thought you said this place was still for sale," Dean commented as we watched the vehicles park.

Sam shook his head. "Apparently, it's not."

DPOV

Liz, Sam and I hurried down the porch steps and moved over to the man who was stepping up to us. It was obvious he and the woman were married, the two kids theirs. As for the other guy, my money was on uncle.

"Can I help you?" the father asked us.

"Hi. Are you the new owner?" I smiled.

"Yeah." the father nodded. "You guys are...?"

"This is Mr Stanwyk and Miss Walker. I'm Mr Babar," I introduced as the three of us pulled out some badges. "County code enforcement."

The father looked at the badges, confused. "We had the building inspected last week. Is there a problem?"

"Asbestos in the walls, a gas leak," Sam answered shortly. "Yeah, I'd say we got a problem."

"Asbestos?" The mum stopped unpacking the car as she stood with her daughter and the uncle. "Meaning what?"

"Meaning until this house is up to code, it's uninhabitable," Sam explained.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." The father shook his head, not liking that answer. "You're saying we can't stay here?" He gestured to the house.

"It's a health hazard." I shook my head at him. "You don't want to."

The uncle stepped forward then, just as unhappy and disappointed as everyone else. "Hold up. We just drove four hundred miles."

"There's a motel just down the road," I noted. "Till this gets cleaned up, I suggest you stay there."

The father crossed his arms over his chest defiantly. "All right, and what if we don't?"

"Well, you get a fine or you go to jail." I shrugged. "Pick your poison."

Looking up at me, shaking her head, Liz took a step closer to the father. "Look, I understand that this is an inconvenience and that you and your family want to get settled into your new home. But this place isn't safe right now, and if you stay, you'll be putting them in danger."

I didn't know how she did it. She could be the biggest bad-ass I knew one moment, outsmart Sam the next, and to top it off, she could be gentle and understanding. It didn't matter what the circumstances were, chances are she could empathise with people and get on their good side.

Looking from Liz to Sam and I, and then to the house, the father sighed. "One night." He turned to his family. "One night, and I'll take care of everything, ASAP, I promise."

"Yeah, you do that," I mumbled to myself.

The daughter's jaw dropped at her father's decision. "Another motel? Awesome, Dad. I hope this one has hooker sheets, like the last one."

Wow, harsh.

SPOV

We stood at the front door of Mrs Curry's trailer. She used to be the victim's- Mr Gibson's- cleaner. She had apparently found the body, so if there was ever anyone to go talk to, she was it. Hopefully, she could shed some light on what we might be dealing with.

"What did the room look like when you found it, Mrs Curry?" I asked as Lizzie, Dean and I stood outside the trailer home, looking at Mrs Curry through the security door.

"I already told the local boys, there was blood everywhere."

"And Mr Gibson?" Dean questioned. "Where was he?"

"Everywhere."

Dean, Lizzie and I shared a look before I turned back to Mrs Curry, going on with the questioning. "How long have you been cleaning Mr Gibson's house?"

"About five years."

"So, you knew him pretty well," Dean commented.

But Mrs Curry corrected him. "Well, not really well. He was real private. Not the easiest man. Not that I blame him."

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

"His wife dies in childbirth. Daughter hangs herself in the attic twenty years later. I'd be bitter, too," she explained. "I think I got some pictures." Pushing off the wall by the door, she disappeared around the corner for a moment before coming back. "Here." She opened the door and handed the two pictures over to Dean.

"Thanks." Dean nodded to her as Lizzie and I leaned to take a look. One of the pictures was of a schoolgirl, and the other was of a man and woman in front of the farmhouse. "Can we keep these?"

Mrs Curry shrugged. "Suit yourself."

Looking away from the pictures, I turned back to Mrs Curry. "Now, why'd the daughter kill herself?"

"I don't know. That was before my time."

"Did you ever notice anything odd in the house when you were cleaning it?" Dean asked as he tucked the photos into the pocket of his suit.

"Like what?"

"Did any of the lights flicker? Things move around? Did you feel like you were being watched?" Lizzie elaborated. "Anything out of the ordinary."

"No." Mrs Curry shook her head. But after a moment she frowned as if remembering something. "Well, maybe there was one thing."

"What's that?" I asked, hoping she might have something that will help with the case. So far, we didn't have much.

"Well, sometimes, I thought I heard like a... rustling in the walls."

"Like a rat?"

She gave a short nod at Dean's question. "Yeah."

"Must have been some big sons of guns out there, huh?" he chuckled lightly.

Mrs Curry shrugged. "Wouldn't know. Never saw any."

"Do you happen to know where Mrs Gibson and her daughter were buried?" I asked.

"They were both cremated."

EPOV

We were headed back to the farmhouse. After talking to Mrs Curry, we couldn't decide who's ghost we were dealing with. Only way to actually get rid of this ghost then, was to search the house and find whatever was keeping it back.

"Crap." Dean sighed as he pulled up on the road, looking over at the house. The lights were on. The family had stayed. "So, what now?

Sam shrugged. "We could tell them the truth."

Both Dean and I turned to him, surprised. "Really?" we asked at the same time.

Sam gave a short laughing, shaking his head. "No, not really."

"Well, then we wait." Dean turned to look over at the house again. "Once the lights are out... we'll do as much as we can. But there's no way we can just leave them on their own."

Sighing, I leaned into the seat, resting my head back as I pulled out my pills and took two. If we had to wait, I wasn't going to do it with nothing in my system.

It wasn't long after that when we all heard a scream.

Before I even had the chance to sit up again, Dean had Baby running, and speeding for the driveway.

...

Dean pounded his fist on the door. A moment later the uncle opened it. We didn't even wait before we barged past him and into the house, heading for the living room where the rest of the family were. The daughter was freaking out while everyone else was freaking out.

"We heard screams," Dean explained as we came to a stop in the room. "What's going on?"

The father turned on us. "Oh, you three! Did you touch my daughter?!"

"What?" Dean frowned- as did Sam and I. "No."

"Who are you guys?" the father demanded, clearly not believing him.

"Relax, please," Sam told them. "You have a ghost."

The father rolled his eyes. "A ghost."

"I told you!" the daughter exclaimed.

"It's the girl!" the son added.

But the dad clearly wasn't having any of it. "Both of you, relax." He turned back to Sam, Dean and I. "What are you guys playing?"

"Your family's in danger," Dean tried to explain. "You need to get out of the house now."

As if on cue, all the lights in the house turned off, leaving us in the dark.

"What the hell?" the uncle spoke from behind the brothers and me.

"Nobody move!" Dean yelled, needing to keep everyone together.

But at the sound of a dog crying out in pain, the son called out. "Buster!"

Then, without hesitation, the dad ran off, headed for the front door.

"Does no one understand the meaning of, 'Nobody move'?" I rolled my eyes, following as everyone else ran after the father.

Listening out for the dog's cries, calling out his names, all of us run down the porch steps and around the house, only to come to a halt as we neared the vehicles. On the ground as a dark, wet trail that led to the truck. On the back of the truck, in big, bold, bloody letters were the words, 'Too Late'.

"Buster!" the little boy cried out again.

The father turned to his family. "Go back inside. Go!" Once his family were gone, he turned to Dean, Sam and I.

"We are not the bad guys, but you're in danger," Dean tried to explain once again.

Sam nodded. "First thing's first. You got to get your family out of here."

DPOV

We'd gathered the family from inside the house and brought them back out, headed for the cars as I told them what to do. "Head to the motel I was talking about. You'll be safe there."

"What are you two gonna do?" Brian- the father- asked.

But before I could answer, we reached Baby and came to a stop. "Oh, no! Oh, come on! Oh, come on!" All her tires had been slashed.

Sam hurried around to look in the trunk. "Dude, the guns are gone. So is the... basically, everything is gone."

Ted- the uncle- came around from checking the truck. "Truck's no good."

Brian moved to take a look at his car as well. "Both tires slashed."

Frustrated and pissed, I yelled out. "What kind of ghost messes with a man's wheels?!"

The daughter- Kate- was freaking out. "What's going on? What's going on?" she asked, looking around frantically before she suddenly screamed. "She's there! She's there!"

Susan- the mother- hurried over to Kate. "Where?!"

"She was right there in the woods!" Kate pointed out at the tree line surrounding the house.

Sam and Liz came over to stand with me, my voice low. "What's a ghost doing outside?"

"I don't know." Liz shook her head.

"You want to stay and find out?" Sam had a good point.

"Everybody inside," I ordered.

Ted turned to me, the look on his face telling me he thought I was nuts. "Are you crazy? We need to get the hell out of here!"

"In what?! This ghost is hunting us! Everybody back inside now! Move!"

EPOV

In the dining room, Sam and I moved around the family on opposite sides, pouring salt down to make a circle, to keep everyone safe.

"Whatever's outside, it can't get in this circle," Dean explained as he crouched down by the fire in the fireplace, iron rod in hand. "As long as the salt line is unbroken, this is the safest place to be."

"Safe from ghosts?" Brian still didn't believe us.

"Yes, as a matter of fact," Dean answered shortly, getting annoyed.

I didn't blame him really, but it's not like we didn't deal with non-believers like this all the time.

"Okay, I'm not listening to this anymore." Brian moved to grab his family and leave. "Come on. I got to get my family out of here. Let's go."

Dean stood with a frustrated sigh. "Nobody's going anywhere until we kill this thing."

"Sir, please." Sam got in Brian's way. "This is what we do. Just... trust us."

"You hunt ghosts?" Danny- the son- asked, a small smile playing on the corner of his lips.

As much as I could relate to the excitement he felt, I also felt the need to do whatever it takes to keep the kid from thinking this is a way to live. Sam and Dean, they were pulled into the life just like me. Through tragedy. Living like this was hard, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

"That's right." Dean nodded. The look on his face told me he felt the same way.

Danny's smile widened. "Like Scooby-Doo?"

Dean chuckled lightly. "Better."

"You saw her outside, right?" Sam asked Kate as he pulled out the photos we got from Mrs Curry. "Okay. Does she look like either one of the girls?"

Kate took a quick look before pointing to one of the pictures. "Her. She was paler and a lot dirtier, but that was her."

Danny took gave the pictures a glance as well. "That's the girl in the walls."

Sam turned to Dean and I. "So it's the daughter?"

"That girl in the picture... she- she's dead?" Susan asked.

"She, um... she killed herself. In this house." I explained. It's not like you can give that kind of news gently. Looking behind me, I noticed the brothers talking in hushed tones a few steps away.

As I moved over to join them, I heard Sam. "Unless her spirits just attached to something inside the house."

"She hung herself in the attic, right?" Dean asked, looking from his brother to me.

I nodded. "Yeah."

"You two want to babysit? I'll check it out," Sam offered.

Before Dean or I could answer, Ted came over to us. "Look, I don't care who hung themselves where. Maybe something is going on here, but-"

Dean cut him off, "It's a spirit, man."

"No, it's just some backwoods hillbilly bitch, and I'm not about to sit around here waiting for her to go all Deliverance on my ass."

"Well, nobody's leaving the house."

"Stop me." Turning, Ted started to leave.

Dean grabbed Ted and pushed him against the wall. "Listen, man. I've got a gun. You don't get your ass back in that circle, you're gonna have yourself a third hole," he warned before letting him go and stepping back to Sam and me.

"Dude, you don't have a gun," Sam noted, voice low so no one else heard.

"And?" Dean shrugged. "I'm not letting that bastard or anyone else die tonight."

Sam looked a little concerned for his brother. "You cool?"

Dean gave a short nod. "Go."

With one last look at his brother, Sam then left to head for the attic.

Once Sam was gone, I stepped forward to rest a hand on Dean's shoulder. "You sure you okay?"

"I'm fine, Liz," he assured me.

...

Dean and I were pacing in the circle while Brian, Susan, Kate and Danny were huddled together, and Ted was playing with the salt. I was watching him though, making sure he didn't ruin the line. If he did, I'd make sure he regretted it. There was no way I was letting his family get hurt.

"Hey, Fonzie." Ted stood and turned to Dean, a smile playing on his lips. "Question for you." He gestured to the circle. "This indestructible force field made out of salt... have to be kosher stuff, or what?"

Susan rolled her eyes. "Knock it off, Ted."

A moment later, we all heard the sound of something rattling and moving...

"What was that?" Kate asked, voice shaking with fear.

All eyes were scanning the room, waiting and watching until we saw it. A door opened as a girl stepped out of the shadows. She was practically skin and bones, skin grey, hair a tattered mess.

"All right, everybody stay calm," Dean told the family as he and I stood in front of them protectively. "She's a ghost. She can't come in the circle."

We watched as the ghost continued to move closer, step by step, taking her time. As she neared the salt, I waited for her to stop. But when she didn't, when she crossed the line, even I started freaking out a little.

"I thought you said ghosts couldn't cross the circle," Kate cried out.

"They can't." Dean lifted his arm to pull me behind him protectively. "She's not a ghost."

"Shoot her!" Ted yelled. "Shoot her!"

"Yeah, about that..." Dean turned to me as the girl screamed and lunged for us. "Go, go, go!" He turned back to her in time, grabbing her arm and keeping her at bay. "Take them! Move!" he yelled.

I didn't hesitate, knowing Dean had a better chance of fighting the girl off than the family did. While he dealt with her, I took the family to the porch. "Split up, into groups. Hide and don't move until we come find you," I ordered before turning and running back into the house.

Dean was fighting with the girl, who apparently had a knife I hadn't noticed before. She pushed him to the ground and lifted the weapon, going for the kill.

"No!" I screamed, throwing her across the room.

"Lizzie?!" Sam hurried down the stairs, catching my attention for the briefest of seconds, but it was long enough for the girl to disappear.

Bamby

[ineedrelationshipadvice]

I'm in a fight with my new girlfriend. It's mostly about my mental health (bad anxiety and depression) which is starting to bring her down and negatively affecting my communication (I struggle to have conversations, speak out loud, my body language is wack, etc). I'm giving her space rn but I don't want to lose her because of that. I've sent a brief goodnight text last night and it's clear shes still upset with me. I want to make this work but idk what to do. I feel god awful for being a dick

Let's just be clear of what's occurring in this relationship right now: your girlfriend is UPSET AT YOU for your mental health struggles. I repeat, your girlfriend is UPSET at YOU for something you functionally cannot control.

Sounds nice.

Listen, I completely understand her situation. Having had friendships and relationships with many people who had many mental health disorders that made communication incredibly difficult, it totally is a struggle. However, at the same time, I completely understand your situation, in that many of my own mental health struggles are the exact same ones as yours.

What does NOT help anything regarding this situation at all is limiting conversation with the person who has mental health (that's just a shitty thing to do at the best of times (USE YOUR WORDS), and dangerous at the worst of times). What also does not help is getting upset at something someone can't handle on their own, which they have no control over. This is how people react sometimes, and that's understandable. But understand this, here and now: YOU should not have to deal with this shit. You are not a dick because you have a chemical imbalance in your brain; your girlfriend is being a dick to you because she is completely lacking in empathy due to her selfish reactions.

What to do? First, before anything, I think it's time you sit down and have an honest to goodness thought about whether this relationship is working out. I'm not suggesting that you should break up or anything, but I do think that considering that as a reasonable possibility at this point - however distant - is valuable at this stage. Why go to that extreme as a first option? Largely because of her reaction to all of this. People dealing with mental health struggles are doing just that: struggling. You're already dealing with a lot, you have a lot on your plate. Your girlfriend is not your therapist, but you also (at least from what you told me) are not putting undue pressure on her in any sort of way. You're just being yourself around her. You, by yourself, tend to be less conversational, and there is NOTHING wrong with that.

Except there is something major wrong with that for her, or else she wouldn't be reacting in such an overdramatic way to you just dealing with your symptoms. And that is why we need to begin to consider whether this relationship is the best option for everyone involved. Are you happy in this relationship? Besides these particular instances of her throwing a temper tantrum, is everything else okay in the relationship? Or is this behaviour common, and has she reacted this way about your mental health or communication issues before in the past?

Let's be clear, if this behaviour is normal, it shouldn't be. This is not how you deserve to be treated; you deserve someone who cares about you, and is willing to show it, and not judge or "punish" you for your conditions. That, by my standards and especially as someone who again suffers very similarly with my depression and anxiety, is not acceptable behaviour, and you should take that into account with basically everything that is going on in your relationship moving forward. If this is just a momentary thing, and this has never happened before, good; hopefully it never happens again. If this is the second, or third, or nineteenth time this has happened... you should sincerely consider leaving.

Okay, but enough about potentially breaking up. We're trying to make this work, so how do we make this work? I think largely you've done the best that you can do. The shitty thing about people not being willing to sit down and talk with you about a problem is that the problems get worse over time the longer the couple doesn't speak on the issue. So really, she's the cause of all the problems by actively giving you the silent treatment, and there's no real way for you to fix that.

Whenever all of this ends though - I assume she'll get over her immature tantrum eventually - you need to have a really important, honest, sit-down talk with her. I assume you've already spoken about your anxiety and depression before, but it might be time for a reminder. Sit her down, and tell it like it is to her. Explain to her that you have anxiety and depression. Apologize for this. You don't need to apologize, because you've done nothing wrong, but it'll make her feel better, so just do it for the sake of pleasantries.

Explain what living with depression and anxiety means to you, and how it affects both you and your relationships with people because of your communication issues. Tell her the kind of issues you struggle with especially, and how they'd effect her specifically. Then, explain that her reacting the way she did in reaction to what you cannot stop yourself from doing is both unfair and not okay, and that if she wants this relationship to work, she's going to need to be more aware of how to take care of you. Ask her if she has any questions for you, and answer as  best as you can. She'll likely be very cranky, because she apparently is not used to handling people who are not neurotypical. But placate her needs as best as you can, because you're trying to make this work. Even if she's rude and offensive, just keep your cool, answer any questions, and hear out any of her concerns.

But just make clear and set your ground rules. What does she need to do so YOU don't end up writing me again telling me about how shitty your girlfriend is treating you. Because again, for emphasis, you are the victim here, not her; she is the problem here, not you. The best outcome to this blog is that you are not here talking to me, because that means you're happy and healthy and don't need help, which is exactly how I want you to be; the second best option is me being here to help you. Make sure you know what is needed for you to be happy and healthy in your relationship with her, and when you know, tell her exactly what that is, and hold her to that standard. If she cannot do that, it may be time to leave her and find someone who can.

And here's the boring part at the end where I remind you that, if your depression and anxiety truly is affecting your life and relationships with people, you should see a therapist about this ASAP. If you already are, GOOD JOB! Relate to them about recent events and get advice from them. If you're not, seek out the resources available for you; don't rest on your laurels. You are not in control of the chemicals in your brain, but doctors are there to help you gain that control, and if you're not seeking out that aid, then the aid will not come to you.

[peterstanslizzie]

Re-watching Lizzie Mcguire: Episode 1.14 (Random Acts of Miranda)

A Miranda-Centric Episode

- The episode starts off with Gordo spewing out random facts about Trinidad and Tobago to Lizzie but she’s laser focused on finishing an article she’s writing for their school’s web-zine and doesn’t want to be interrupted. 

- She hands over a soft-copy of her article about the film, ‘The Mummy’ to her teacher Mr. Lang and mentions to him she’s planning to write about the upcoming school play written by their drama teacher, Mr. Escobar. Unfortunately for Lizzie, her teacher is too busy doing his crossword puzzle and didn’t listen to anything she said. 

- Side note: It’s sad watching this episode and knowing how the actor who played Mr. Escobar, Daniel Escobar had already passed on due to complications from diabetes. 

Miranda Gets The Starring Role

- At the school cafeteria, Gordo is talking to Lizzie about possibly working with her as a photographer one day when she becomes a famous reporter. Aww, he’s already planning out his future with her but Lizzie doesn’t see it happening lol. 

- Miranda runs into the cafeteria all excited and without realizing, she pushes Larry Tudgeman out of her way when he’s picking up something off the floor. Poor Larry! Miranda should have helped him up and get a new plate of Brussel Sprouts for him. 

Not cool Miranda! 

- Anyways, Miranda reveals to her friends that she got the lead role for the school play. But she only got it because there wasn’t much competition and the drama kids wanted to act in something cooler. Lizzie is especially excited for Miranda because none of them has ever been in a school play before. Well, except for Gordo:

3rd Grade Gordo looks really adorable here

Eddie Thomas?! What are you doing here?

Another recognizable guest star on the show. Neat!

- Mr. Escobar is conducting a rehearsal session in the school theatre and Miranda is running her lines with a boy who is played by Orlando Brown of ‘That’s So Raven’. I’ve completely forgotten he guest starred on Lizzie Mcguire before. I think his appearance here predates That’s So Raven because that show only premiered 2 years later, after Lizzie Mcguire in 2003. 

- Miranda is actually doing a terrible job rehearsing because she seems to be over-acting everything and she also doesn’t understand the concept of ‘stage directions’ either. 

This is a funny frame to stop on 

- She then rehearses a scene with Larry’s character and does a poor job again. I am surprised to see Larry also being cast for the play. Mr. Escobar must be quite desperate to fill in the roles.

The Big Night is Here

- We skip to opening night, specifically the moment the play is about to start and Lizzie gives Miranda a stuffed cow toy for good luck. It was first given to Lizzie by Miranda to act as a good luck charm for her soccer playoffs and it actually worked. 

- Lizzie’s family and Lanny are also present in the audience but both Matt and Lanny are clearly disinterested to be there. Matt is busy playing a video game and Lanny is just sleeping on Matt’s arm. 

How cute is that?

- The play starts and I gotta to tell you, Larry is a pretty good actor. The same cannot be said about Miranda, however, because the moment she steps (I mean, runs) onto the stage, the stumbles and hits her toe. She proceeds to limp towards the front of the stage and even manages to mess up her lines again. 

- As the show continues, she seems to get even worse because people are now getting up and leaving the theatre. Yikes! She’s also written some of the lines she couldn’t remember on her arm and to top it all off, she manages to destroy some of the props along the way. Even Lizzie cannot defend Miranda’s bad performance. 

A Bad Review and Miranda Acts Up

- The next day or maybe a few days later, Lizzie is writing her review of the recent play in her living room and she is joined by Gordo. She’s struggling to write anything down because she just can’t bear to give her best friend a bad review. Gordo thinks she should be honest and write what she thinks. Lizzie decides to meet him in the middle and write an honest review that is hopefully worded positively.   

- Lizzie’s fears come true and Miranda is offended by her review because she wrote that her “best effort comes up short”. Oh, here we go again; Another ‘fight’ between Lizzie and Miranda. No shade to the writers but it seems like most of the arguments on this show are always girl vs girl, mainly involving Miranda. 

Miranda really needs to stop throwing the word, ‘jealous’ around so much. It’s so aggravating to watch

- Lizzie tries to make amends with her at the cafeteria but Miranda is giving her the silent treatment. Lizzie tells her that she was trying to do her job as an honest reporter but this triggers Miranda to accuse Lizzie of being jealous (AGAIN?!) that she’s the star of the play. Girl, bye. This is the second time in the season she accuses Lizzie of being jealous; The first episode being episode 1.10, ‘I Do, I Don’t’. 

Again, poor Larry has to suffer again from Miranda’s rage

- Gordo catches up to Miranda and hands over Lizzie’s full review and a tape of her performance to her; He basically wants her to watch back her performance in the school play and to understand that her acting was terrible that night. Gordo is the real MVP here; He knows how to handle situations like this, especially ones that involve bickering between best friends. 

- Miranda watches back her performance in her room and based on her expression, she finally realizes she stinks lol.

Parallels

- Jo is in the kitchen packing lunch for her husband’s softball game tomorrow and she tells Lizzie that she’s going to go with him to support his team. Lizzie is surprised and confused about this because her dad isn’t very good at the sport and her mom doesn’t even like softball. 

- Jo explains to Lizzie that it doesn’t matter if she hates softball or the fact that her husband is bad at it, all that matters is that she comes out to support him no matter what. This strikes a chord with Lizzie and she now thinks she should be a better friend to Miranda. Really? I think Lizzie was absolutely in the right when she’s being honest but reasonable when reviewing her friend’s performance. In fact, Miranda should be the one apologizing to her. 

- In the next scene, Lizzie is walking up to Mr. Escobar and the other students plus Miranda and her drama teacher is reading Lizzie’s review of his play out loud. Knowing now that Lizzie wrote this in her review, “The entire play is dragged down by Miranda Sanchez’s performance”, I found her review to be a little harsh actually. So, I kinda understand Miranda’s anger towards Lizzie.

- Lizzie hands over an alternate version of her review to Miranda, one that is very positive and apologizes to her. Miranda surprises Lizzie and admits how terrible she was in the play after seeing the tape Gordo gave her. She doesn’t want Lizzie to throw away her journalistic integrity just because Miranda is her best friend. And Lizzie tells her that she wouldn’t have written a review of Miranda’s performance knowing how much it had affected her emotionally. 

- Miranda apologizes to Lizzie (thank goodness) for being so mad at her. She randomly comes up with the idea that if she’s a bad actress, she has to be a good singer. I never came across this correlation before but sure, Miranda..whatever floats your boat. 

- I believe this is the second night of Mr. Escobar’s play and Miranda is so pre-occupied by her conversation with Lizzie, she forgets that she has a scene that she needs to act in asap.

Miranda Sings ‘Reflection’ for Glee Club

- We fast forward to Miranda’s glee club recital and she starts to perform ‘Reflection’ by Lea Salonga from the movie, Mulan. Luckily for her and the audience members, she gives the audience an incredible performance.

It’s only fitting Lalaine (the actress who plays Miranda) sings this song not only because she’s an actual singer but she’s Filipino like Lea herself.

B-Plot: Matt and Lanny Want Walkie Talkies

They are definitely plotting something here

- Matt and Lanny enter the kitchen in the Mcguire home and Matt asks his mom, Jo if she can give him $90 to buy Walkie-Talkies by using the “Start High, Go Low” method. She doesn’t give in to his request and suggests they should earn the money themselves.

- They begin to start fishing for spare change all over the living room and the payphones outside but it isn’t enough. Lanny comes up with an idea to hold a mini garage sale and sell most of Matt’s things like his toys, books and clothes in his room and communicates this mentally into Matt’s brain.  

- In the second half of the episode, we see Matt playing with his newly purchased Walkie-Talkie. Jo and Sam notices him playing with it and questions him how he got the Walkie-Talkie to which he responds he earned it. Well, they are about to find out how he earned it soon.

They are just...shocked lol

- They enter his room and immediately notice how empty it is. Well, I don’t mean to question you both but how on Earth did you not notice Matt moving most of his things out of his room and out of the house? Anyways, they are just dumb-founded at the whole thing and Matt just nonchalantly walks out of his room like nothing weird happened. I really hope Matt didn’t sell all of his stuff just to only get back $90 in total because that would be such a rip off.

Overall Thoughts

- This episode was a bit strange to me; It might be the pacing or the actual story-lines. First of all, this is a very Miranda-centric episode, which I don’t mind. I think for Lalaine, who is a very good actress to act as someone who is in turn, a bad actress is very hard to do and she manages it so well.

- I didn’t like how Miranda accused Lizzie again of being jealous in this episode; It makes me think that Miranda has some underlying issues with Lizzie that she needs to address in my opinion. But I’m glad she apologized to her friend. However, I have a problem with Lizzie trying to always be the pacifist in the sense that at the end, she was ready to retract her initial review just to make Miranda happy. If my friend is bad at something, I’m not going to lie and say he/she is good at it. I will be honest but kind about it. 

- The B-plot with Matt and Lanny is just another waste of space to me. It’s weird how no resolution was shown by the end of the episode. I at least wanted to see how Matt was punished or at least being taught a lesson by his parents on screen.  

[islandwanderlust-blog]

#1

I moved to Texas for a job almost 3 years ago.  I was excited to get out of Idaho after my last real relationship didn’t work out.  I was a Detroit chick stuck in a hick town where everyone new that I met made a joke about “potatoes”.

Unexpectedly, I ended up in the gun related field and thats how I ended up in the gun-friendly state of Texas (go figure). Its not my perfect cup of tea, but it got me out of I-Duh-hoe and I happily packed my shit and drove 3 days to (yet again) start a new life in a new state.  

Its been almost 3 years and I’m antsy again, and to be honest, I’ve been like this for over a year now.

In April, while abroad on a vacation to Ireland, my employer decided to do the asshole thing and fire me while I was on my trip.  ... in an email.  I always knew that the workplace was toxic, but I didn’t expect them to stoop so low and be that shitty to an employee.  But then again, I didn’t really expect much else from a company where the owner would be completely lost if all the employees up and left - he knew nothing about our positions.  We had to fight for vacation time and when I finally got to take a REAL vacation, it ended up with me on unemployment.  

Awesome.

But maybe its for the best.   I’m now applying to jobs in the US Virgin Islands and this blog will be my struggles with, well, all of it.  The searching, the bitching, the research, the learning, the dreams and wishes, and hopefully the move.

So I’ve been unemployed since the end of April and its now the end of July.  Since July rolled around, I’ve started to search for jobs on Craigslist, Facebook, and then I was lucky enough to find the Virgin Islands Dept of Labor, where a ton of jobs are listed. Take note!  Jobs do legally have to be advertised there, so its a great spot to upload your resume and also apply.  

Facebook also has quite a few groups for those looking for jobs and apartments.

Speaking of....

Apartments are hell to find.  Won’t lie.

Everything is super expensive and the lack of selection is alarming, but Facebook is a great spot for looking... and SeaGlass, which is especially great if you have the option to buy.  But buying isn’t on the top of my list, and it really never is.  I move so much that purchasing a home has never been something that I WANT to do in life.  Everyone grows up wanting to get married, have kids, and buy a home.  I just want to find someone to settle down with and travel.  

In Texas, I finally had to purchase actual furniture.  Now, I’m hoping to move and will basically start all over again, fresh, and sell all that I’ve accumulated - because I’m sick of talking about living a stress free life.  Sick of dreaming of living in the islands, away from the bullshit, and crap jobs.

I’ll be 39 next weekend and I’m back to looking for a roomate, how funny is that?

St Thomas is first on my list.  St John being second due to the close proximity to Thomas.  St Croix being third as its the furthest away from anything else and less touristy.   I rather love the idea of always meeting new people, them asking “So where do you live?” as they assume I’m also on vacation.  I want to wake up to a gorgeous view (preferrably in the hills as I have a paranoia of some Tsunami blasting thru and flooding the lower beaches) and have a job where it pays the bills but lets me just wear flip flops and see the beach on a daily basis.

So.... the job hunt has started.  I received 1 reply asking about my (now expired) knowledge of CPR and water activities, and then received 1 reply today, inquiring on my living situation and if moving, when.  I tried to sound upbeat, as me and a friend are currently planning on taking a short 4/5 day trip down in the next couple weeks, but things are obviously dependent on if I can find employment.   Employment while stateside, not the easiest.  Some employers are expecting you to -come- fill out applications while there, so even if I fill out one during my trip, the finding out IF I got a job offer seems almost impossible unless they can fit me into an interview within those few days.

Scams, I’m finding, area also popular with sites like FB And Craigslist.  I received the same reply from two different job postings, asking for my information.  Both were from different names, but they stated the same stuff.  I looked up the companies they listed but were no where to be found on Google so if you think theres a red flag - 99% of the time, listen to your instinct.  It probably IS a scam.  This goes with apartments and places to rent also.  I placed a Craigslist ad for a room/apt but did NOT state I was a single female and DID state that I would like to see a website, if not that, I’ll need references to speak to in order to make sure its legitimate.

People post in forums that its expensive to live down there, so I’ve got my Google spreadsheet started with what I’ll need to make in order to pay what bills I’ll still have, a list of items to take and what I’ll need to buy, a list of what I’ve read I’ll need (from other expats and reading about their learning curves) and possibly what vehicle payment I can afford after I’m over the whole taxi/bus situation.

Honestly, my biggest obstacle is everything thats here in Texas. I still have an apartment, lease is not up until March.   I still have my car, lease is not up until April. The apartment complex will not let me out of my lease early for any reason, so subletting will be my only choice.  The car, well, I can give the lease up to someone most likely, if a friend would like to take over payments.   Otherwise, I have no issue selling everything I own and taking whats just needed with me, shipping the larger important things.  I figure selling things would also give me a bit of money to pay bills or get to USVI in the meantime.

.... thats it for my first blog post and rambling.  I’ll try and keep everyone posted and up to date on this insane move if I can keep the momentum going and get out there asap :)

[pagesofivy]

The Downfall of Thought

Warnings: Angst, panic attacks, dark thoughts

Prompt: Fluffy supportive Loki. Body positive, mental health support

Commission by @redlipstickandplaid

Summary: You’re battling a silent battle with anxiety and depression, and finally hitting rock bottom is the wake-up call you need.

Beta: @winchester-with-wings

A/N: This one was something I felt I needed to tackle, and it just sort of grew around itself. It isn’t shameful to be hurting, and it isn’t shameful to ask for help. I’ve slowly learned that, still struggle with it, and feel like it’s an important lesson for many people.

W.C. 2461

Tags are at the bottom!

You stare down at your phone and chew your lip as you deliberate what you’re going to do about the text on the screen:

“Hey, are you coming out with us tonight?”

Your fingers mindlessly tap the edges of the screen, not actually typing your answer. Are you going? Can you handle going? Can you get away with not going? Do you have an excuse that’s believable? Maybe. Here goes nothing.

“Sorry, I can’t tonight, work has me swamped.”

It’s a lame excuse, but nobody ever questions it, you don’t use the work excuse often. A few “take care!” and “We miss you!” texts come through the group thread and you feel grateful they’re so understanding, but at the same time, there’s that whisper of doubt: They’re tired of you never being around. They see through your excuses and they’re going to stop asking you to hang out. And then you’ll lose them for good. And you know Loki will follow. And then work.

Work. Oh shit. Sure, you usually work from home, but you haven’t sat down and actually done work in quite a while now; you’re too far behind on your responsibilities. Pulling out your laptop from its bag, you open your email inbox and stare in blank panic at the increasingly threatening subject lines from your boss:

“New Assignment” “Progress Check” “Due ASAP” “Due TODAY” “PAST DUE” “Meeting Needed” “CALL ME”

You can’t catch your breath, feel simultaneously like the walls are falling in and like you’re drowning, flailing and getting nowhere, pushed further down by the weight of responsibility you can’t handle anymore, and the voice is back:

Lost your friends, lost your job, just wait until you lose Loki! It won’t be long until you’re alone and have to admit to your parents you fucked up your life and have to move in with them. What a failure, you really screwed up this time!

“Stop!” The word is shrieked out loud and then the world is quiet, the voice silent. You open the emails, scan them for important details and quell your panic, shutting it in an emotional box for later. You reply to the last email, give a long explanation that’s half a lie, and shut the computer, taking multiple deep breaths and trying to strengthen your mental walls to be able to handle the stress you’re drowning in. You grab your anxiety pills and take one, then open a notebook and start a to-do list, feeling like maybe this time you’ll get your shit together and be a successful adult. The list fills up the whole page, but it’s mostly baby steps or basics that need accomplished, things like “Do the dishes. Shower. Order dinner. Read the first chapter of the story (to be edited).”

You stare at the list, trying to decide what to do first and finally land on ordering pizza. It’s an easy task, considering the shop has an app, so the task is done in seconds, and you scratch it off with a sense of relief. Deciding you can tackle something a little more, you start the dishes, filling up the sink with water and soap and placing some plates and silverware in to soak, but then Loki comes in using the key you had given him, and everything is forgotten. “Loki!” You exclaim, drying your hands and throwing your arms around him as he steps up to you and kisses your forehead.

“Hello there my love. How was your day? I hope it’s okay I stopped by?” He looks at you with his signature playful grin and you can’t help but smile back, nodding enthusiastically.

“It’s always okay when you stop by, Loki. Having you around is a blessing.” You wince at how needy that sounds, but he doesn’t seem to notice. Instead, his eyes lock on the pill bottle and concern paints his face.

“How are you feeling, (Y/N)?” He asks cautiously, and you flush, embarrassed knowing he caught sight of your meds.

“I-I’m fine, Loki. I had a moment, but I’m good now.” You give him a tumultuous smile, lying through your teeth because you’re still shaky on the inside, and he smiles softly at you, pressing a kiss to your forehead and giving your waist a squeeze.

“If you need me, you can always call, you know that,” Loki murmurs, and you nod, even though you have your doubts. If you called him as often as you needed him to calm you down or give reassurances, you’d be calling him nearly every day, if not more frequently, and you know that’s something you can’t do, not without being seen as too fragile and weak, so it won’t happen. You can’t look weak.

Someone knocks on the door and you extract yourself from Loki’s hold, grabbing your wallet and sending him a guilty smile. “I got a pizza , I was hungry. You’re welcome to some if you want!” You offer before opening the door and exchanging the money for the food, your stomach growling as the delicious smell wafts under your nose.  

You then shut the door and return to the couch, setting the pizza box on the coffee table in front of you. Loki grabs a slice out and picks up the television remote, queueing up your regular show on Netflix. He settles in, smiling as you relax with your own slice and cuddle up to him.

~~~

A few weeks pass, and your mental health has only gotten worse.

Your apartment has become a mess with laundry, trash, and dishes piled everywhere. You rarely leave unless absolutely necessary; and you haven’t been in touch with much of anyone lately. You’ve texted Loki a few times, and your friends even less, leaving them all worried about you. Loki has fielded concerns and complaints from your friends, and he knows your behavior isn’t healthy, knows that it’s time to confront you.

Knocking on you door, he waits patiently, but there’s no answer. He knocks again, waits again, and finally, after ten minutes of waiting, lets himself in, picking his way through the mess on the floor to you, who is sitting in a chair in the kitchen, staring at the blank computer in front of you, not seeing a thing.

“(Y/N)? Princess? What’s going on?” He asks quietly, kneeling down beside you, and it takes you a few moments to acknowledge him, turning your head towards him, your red-rimmed eyes meeting his.

“I… I just had a bad day, that’s all.” Your voice is hoarse, cried-out and rusty from days of non-use. Loki, frowning, takes your hands in his firmly, pulling you from your seat and over onto the couch. You can feel the nerves and panic churn in your belly, feel your palms start to sweat; this is definitely about to be a serious talk. Dread mixes with the concoction of fear already there, and you fight down the panic attack as Loki begins to talk.

“(Y/N), sweetheart, you’ve been having a lot of really bad days lately, and… Well, I think you need to get some professional help, go see a therapist. Me and your friends, we love you and we want to help you, but…” he lifts your hands and presses a gentle kiss to them, “there’s only so much we can do, so much we can shoulder, and we’re reaching our limit. It hurts me to do this, to say this, but you need to hear it. I… I really hope it’s the wake-up call you need.”

When Loki looks up at you, tears are in your eyes, as they are in his, and he has to look away, the pain from seeing you hurting too strong for him to face. The saying goes that the truth hurts, but hurting you is the last thing he ever wanted to do. However, you’re hurting far too much, and like he had said, you need more help than he and your friends can offer. Confronting you like this was a good decision, one that will hopefully benefit everyone.

“Oh Loki, I… I’m so sorry!” You sob out the words, and it cracks Loki’s heart to hear, but he doesn’t say anything, staying quiet to let you continue. “I’ll try to better, I really will! I’ll go see a therapist, talk to someone. I’ll do whatever it takes, so long as you don’t abandon me.” The idea wracks your body with another round of shuddering sobs, and Loki pulls you to him, holding you tightly.

“I couldn’t abandon you, my love. I promise,” he murmurs as you cry, your body shaking. Absently he marks surprise that you’re still producing tears, but he banishes that thought almost immediately, rubbing slow circles across your back in an attempt to comfort you.

When your crying slows to a stop and you compose yourself, you pull away from him and grab your laptop. “Will you help me look for a good therapist?” You ask hesitantly, and he agrees without a thought, settling in for a long night of research.

~~~

The therapist you find has some unconventional ideas and ‘treatments,’ but they actually help, according to reviews, at least a little. And she has an emergency 24-hour line that you can call if things get really bad. Loki even comes with you as encouragement when you go in for a meeting, to see if she’s someone you’d want to work with in the future. You aren’t sure at first if you can regularly go, if you want to admit to yourself that you need to go, but one night it feels like rock bottom and you know it’s time to start doing something about your mental health.

Staring at the mirror, mascara streaked down your face, you sit by an inbox full of unopened emails and a phone full of unanswered texts, knowing you can’t go on like this. You feel so alone, so abandoned, so lied to. Loki said he’d never leave, never abandon you, but he’s gone, off on some Asgardian responsibility trip, and you can’t bother him, not with this, not now. Your friends? Gone, stopped talking to you what feels like a long time ago, unable to handle the dramatic failure you are becoming, so you can’t turn to any of them now. There was only so much they could do to help, that’s what Loki had said. It seems like they’ve given up on you. Scrolling through your phone, your eyes land on the emergency number for a therapist you’ve visited and talked to only once, and in a desperate attempt for some connection, some acknowledgment, you call.

The conversation is nothing short of hysteria on your part, full of pain and little hope, and it’s a complete blur in your mind, the words lost in the haze of panic and despair that had taken over before you had called.

~~~

It’s been a few weeks since you had called the therapist, Dr. Engleton, and things are looking up, thanks to weekly meetings with the doctor.  As prescribed, you take your meds and constantly stick Post-It notes everywhere in the house with messages like “It’s just one day, you can do it” and “Life is too short to spend another day at war with yourself,” sayings that are meant to encourage and strengthen, especially when you’re struggling. Your life is by no means perfect, you are by no means perfect, but life feels more manageable, and you’re slowly mending your life and relationships.

The first person you apologize to is Loki. Meeting him in a coffee shop once he’s back from Asgard, you hand over a letter you wrote, a plea for forgiveness, an admission of guilt and weakness and fear that you feel covers only a fraction of what he deserves. He forgives you immediately, saying he’s just glad you’re finally getting the help you need. The two of you return to your house, where you pull him to the couch for your own serious talk.

“Loki, I need your help. Again. I will need you to keep me accountable, keep me going to sessions and doing the work Dr. Engleton has me doing. Right now though, mostly, I need you to help me be strong enough to write these apologies, explain what happened and what is happening.” You take a deep, shaky breath, and look him in the eyes. “I need people to know that I’m struggling, that I’m thankful for all they’ve done, and that I am working on getting better.” Loki’s smile is wide and he nods enthusiastically, committing himself to you all over again.

“Of course I’ll help sweetheart. Anything you need,” he promises, and you both let out nervous chuckles when your stomach growls. “Maybe my first contribution will be pizza.” He jokes, but then pulls out his phone and places your usual order anyway, before you can really protest.  Order placed, Loki stands and presses a kiss to your forehead. “I’m going to get the food, get us some drinks, and grab some snacks for later. If you feel like it, go ahead and start writing, but if you can’t, don’t force yourself. I’ll be back soon. I love you. And maybe when I’m back, you can explain the sticky notes around the house.” He grins and points at a few of the aforementioned sticky notes, presses another kiss to your forehead, then walks out the door, leaving you to face down your fears as you pull out blank sheets of paper to start apologizing to everyone you’ve hurt.

You stare long and hard at the piece of paper in front of you, debating on what to say, then get to work, writing out your apology:

“To everyone I’ve hurt, to everyone who’s stuck beside me even when I’ve disappeared:

I’m sorry.

The good news is, I’m getting help. I’m going to therapy. I’m working towards getting better. It’s not complete, it’s not perfect, and I’ll never truly be okay, but that’s okay. I’m never going to stop getting panic attacks, or going through depressive, isolating periods, but I will know how to deal with them, how to let someone know I’m struggling, and I’m even starting medication that is supposed to help…”

The letter continues and once it’s done, you set it aside and look over at Loki, who has just walked in with the pizza. He smiles at you and you return the smile, then hold up the papers before you, indicating you started writing the letters. You glance at the sticky notes stuck around the room, knowing there are more throughout the rest of the apartment, and a fond smile flits across your face.

Things aren’t perfect, but they’re getting better, and that’s what matters.

@calmjoon @quilliamfears @winchester-with-wings @mrswhozeewhatsis @myfand0msandm0re @feelmyroarrrr @danijimenezv @mogaruke @aikibriarrose @sea040561 @becs-bunker @meganwinchester1999 @letsdisneythings @gone-to-fight-the-fairies @autoblocked @ashengem @mysticalhood-main @haven-in-writing @emoryhemsworth @sassy-losechester @enthusiastic-french-toast @nochillphd

[mysweetserendiipity]

3 more weeks

Hopefully

And then I get to see H again.

It's exciting and nerve wracking.

It wasn't so bad when Matt was at Basic. Or at least, thinking back on it, it wasn't. Idk. I was around family more. I had friends I spent time with. I enjoyed work because of my coworkers. I had school and homework. And occasionally would receive a letter from him and preemptively write stuff to him that I wanted to make sure I didn't forget. I also knew where we stood.

This is so different!

H said he didn't care to write letters if that meant cutting into his sleep time (which tbh I totally understand. Sleep is #1 for me 😂). Im finished with school, so I'm not busy with classes, homework, or finals. My job was dull AF & now I'm waiting to start a new one that is just making my anxiety like, YIKES! I don't have any friends here to hang out with. So, I'm doing literally the opposite of what everyone suggests, which is to stay busy.

I wanted to get H a Christmas gift because he did say he'd see me when he comes home for Christmas leave. Whilst looking for a gift, I remembered how terrible I am at gifts! I always know I'm bad at it, but then I actually try, and I'm like "woah, I'm not just bad...I'm literally so awful!". Not only that, but we barely know each other. I'm not really sure everything he likes, dislikes, his style, etc. I picked out a shirt. If he doesn't like it, oh well 🤷 I tried. It wasn't expensive, so it's not a big deal. I just want to do something that shows my affection since apparently I've been told I can come off as though I don't care despite me saying otherwise (not by H). I still have to get him some lip balm and razors.

Shirt: something he can use, practical, who doesn't like new clothes? Although he won't be able to wear it until April.

Razors: because well, he's gotta shave 🤷 and that's something he'll be able to use asap. I just have to go get them, and find some that aren't ridiculously $$$ but aren't cheap & crappy. Would be good to know if he'd had a razor preference 😂

Lipbalm: the boy is all about keeping his lips hydrated and smooth. (I need to do that more honestly). Plus, makes kissing much better 😏

A small notepad: friends bf suggested this one. Also a practical gift he can use in basic or afterwards.

Pens: You can never have enough pens. And what good is a notebook without something to write with. If he doesn't use it in basic, he'll definitely need them in AIT.

I was gonna get some gum, but he can only have that while he's home 🤔 so idk if maybe I should give the gifts to him asap when I see him so he can utilize the gum, or wait & not give the gum? Or give him gum as a pre-present? Is that...weird? That feels like a weird thing to do...which is whatever, I'm odd. And I would be fine with it if we had more solid ground & he knew this & expected nothing less lol.

I feel like the whole Christmas gift thing is a bit too soon as is, but I just want to because I do like him & hope to continue seeing him. So it seems appropriate to get him a gift. And gifts are ways people show affection. I don't expect he'll have time to get me anything, if he even thinks about doing so lol. But I'll at least come off with some brownie points & seem like a sweetheart & a keeper😏

And if it doesn't work out, it wasn't a huge dent to my budget.

[fullservicegame-blog]

Hi everyone, we have some fullservice news updates. It's been awhile since we posted any updates at all and we owe you an explanation for what happened during the last two months.  

1. Payment Problems - Kickstarter payment. We hate to admit that we had several delays with the kickstarter payment system. The problem is, It took more than 3 months to get the funds from an American Bank. One of our project admins in US had to transfer the funds to fix this problem. It took until August 2017 to finally get the money deposited into his account. Unfortunately, my Paypal has been reported for R18 transactions so he was unable to send all the money through my account. We had to send the funds separately across many days to complete this task.  

2. Solving the Funding Problems - Before the Kickstarter was funded the FullService project was fully funded by me. I took alot of my money which I earned from Patreon to create the new company as well as hiring the outsources and crew. As I thought I could handle the project fully, I left my original work as Patreon Artist on Hiatus officially since January. So far everything was going well, but I left my Patron's hanging as a result which is bad. I promised that I would be back to Patreon again in June, (finished or not with fullservice). The basic (sex) CGs and sketches for fullservice were completely done but unfortunately we still have more workload because of all of the strech goals the project reached. By May 2017, I had no funds left to outsource staff for our Project since the Kickstarter fund had not arriving yet. So I had to fund this in a hard way, I got permission from my crew to return to Patreon again so I could pay of the debts I owed and to secure funds while we waited for the KS funds to clear. This paused FS progress starting June when I focused on getting Patreon caught up. Thank god that KS fund finally cleared in August so now I have no excuse anymore but to return to FS as soon as possible. in short, Funds problem have been solved. 3. Resignation of our Co-Founder & New Recruitment - One of our main crew; our co-founder, Kaen (KS admin, programmer, and crew management) left us for private matters. We lost our support wing, it's really hard to work without him but we had to move on and find a replacement. It took time for us to find for replacement (You probably noticed that our KS admin was not responding to questions anymore) but recently we found a new programmer that can replace him. Hopefully he can do better for us!  

4. Storywriting progress - After that, Our storywriter (and also twitter admin) got hospitalized for more than 3 weeks and is still heavily medicated now ><. Though he already did a great job by finishing mostll of the stories before he got sick the only thing missing are the dialogue for the scenes which he does all by himself. He is recovering now and should be able to resume with his work, asap. Please wish him well!  

5. Resuming our Progress - October has arrived and it took almost 2 month for us to resume progress on FS. We are now progressing with the 3rd or Final demo for our beloved funders that will include voice acting (english first), mini games, and polished basic content that fullservice needs. We hope to have it completed this month! Please give us any feedback once it's out!  

6. FullService released date was expected by the end of this year but due to the rearrangement of crew and staff we are having a second thoughts about if we can achieve that goal. We apologize that we have to take down our release date up until the we're completely sure about it. We learned our lesson from this experience and will do a better job in the future. It is my fault for thinking optimistically to finish this project by summer 2017. Without considering the success of our kickstarter goals we misplanned for such huge amounts of content in the game. So, for this matter, I really really apologize.  

I will be in charge and will do our best to update the pages whenever we made any progress without spoiling (much) of the content. You can find the updates on the KS, facebook, or twitter, (and sometime on my private twitter @mazjojomania too!)  

We're so grateful that everyone still expecting the game progress even though we took a year already. I'm sure all of us want the best for the game. Thank you and see you on the next update!

[nkossovan]

8 Radical Suggestions to Jump Start Canada’s Job Growth After COVID19

With all the free time you now find yourself with, I am sure you have been scrolling through social media feeds. Have you noticed posts asking along the line of, How much longer can we keep our economy shutdown? Last moth #EndTheShutdown was trending on Twitter.

People are starting to get unnerved by the economic fallout; especially when it comes to their personal finances.

COVID19, and the resulting rapid economic downturn, is being compared to the 1918 Spanish flu, the Great Depression, SARS and the 2008 financial crisis. While comparisons can be made, the fact is the world is navigating uncharted waters. Our reaction to COVID19 has created a double edge sword… shutting down the economy, with the exception of what is deemed to be “essential”, in an attempt to control the spreading of a virus. Health vs. money.

If the shutdown goes on much longer, the economic damage, if not so already, will be irreparable in the short-term. We already have globalization, automation, robotics, AI eating away at jobs. Now COVID19 comes along and for better or for worse we bring the entire economy to a crawl, even decimating entire industries such as hospitality, food service and retail.

When we talk about economic recovery we are talking about reversing the enormous increase in unemployment created by shutting down Canada’s economy. Hoping, with crossed-fingers Canada’s economic recovery will be as fast as the fall is wishful thinking. Imagine you fell off a steep cliff. Climbing out, if you are uninjured and physically in shape to do so, will take much longer than it took you to fall in.

To be expected, post-COVID19 business models will be leaner. Employees will need to work harder, be more engaged in their employer’s success and keep their sense of entitlement in check.

So far, there is no date when the shutdown of non-essential businesses will be lifted. When this happens, we will see what businesses remain standing. It will not be pretty. Discussions how to kick start Canada’s post-COVID19 economy should be happening now. It is not too early to talk about how the Canadian government, and our individual consumerism, will be instrumental in restarting Canada’s economy (READ: Get unemployed Canadians back to work ASAP.), which just five weeks ago was robust.

To start the discussion here are eight radical suggestions (suggestions some will find politically incorrect or be offended by), or maybe not so radical, to jump-start Canada’s job growth after COVID19:

1. Mandatory retirement at 65.

I will begin with my most radical suggestion, mandatory retirement at 65.

According to Statistics Canada, in 2015, 1 in 5 Canadians, over the age of 65, reported working during the year. That is almost 1.1 million Canadian seniors!

We need to make room for younger workers, especially recent graduates. Youth unemployment has always been on the higher side of the national average, According to Trading Economics, the youth unemployment rate in Canada increased to 16.80% in March, from 10.30% in February of 2020. You can expect youth unemployment to skyrocket unless steps are taken now.

Making retirement at 65 mandatory for those who are on a company payroll (business owners, those self-employed, contractors, would be exempt, as would be certain professions such as doctors and nurses) would immediately open up jobs. I see this as a low hanging fruit. This will come across as being harsh, but someone who has worked 35 – 40 years has had their chance to earn a living, to create their financial future. The number of jobs available is finite. By default when someone retires they are giving another person the same opportunity they had. With unemployment now at the height it is this make makes economic and social sense.

As a caveat Canada’s Old Age Security (OAS) pension should not be taxable.

2. Consumer tax on items that can be manufactured or grown in Canada.

When applied strategically taxes can guide consumer spending.

Jobs are created when demand for a business’s products or services supports the requirement for employees. The more demand a company has for its offerings, the more employees needed. Bottom-line: Canadians supporting Canadian businesses, via their spending, creates jobs.

Consumers purchasing foreign-made goods because it is “cheaper” is the reason Canada imports so many products that can be manufactured or grown in Canada. Consumers paying a nominal tax upon purchasing imported goods that can be produced or grown in Canada would create revenue for the government. However, the core purpose of this tax would be to have Canadian consumers gravitate towards “Grown in Canada” and “Made in Canada.” Of course, there would be exceptions. Fruits such as oranges, bananas and pineapples would be exempt from this tax, while garlic from China, or blueberries from Chile, would have an import tax consumers would pay upon purchasing..

3. Cross border tax.

Canadians travelling within Canada, thus spending their money within the country supporting local businesses, creates jobs.

A nominal cross border tax, for non-essential travel, creates revenue for the government and makes Canadians think twice about which economy they are supporting. Imagine if just 30% of Canadians deferred their travel from outside the country to within Canada how much of an economic boost that would be to Canadian businesses.

4. No income tax on the first $35K earned.

The more money Canadians have in their pocket, the more they will spend (hopefully locally). Since purchases are taxed, the income tax not collected would be made up via the increased taxes collected on the increased spending.

5. Lower payroll tax.

An employer’s most significant expense is their payroll. Make it as inexpensive as possible to hire employees.

6. Long-term interest-free business loans.

Businesses hire employees. They spend money on supplies, rent, and utilities. Upon providing a solid business plan, and a passing a credit check, offer a business loan of up to $250K to be paid back, interest-free, in monthly installment starting in 5 years. Canadians starting businesses inevitably will lead to job creation.

7. Those currently employed cannot apply for a new job outside their company.

When COVID19 finally passes the objective should be to have unemployed Canadian get back to work as fast as possible. Those who were fortunate enough to have kept their job throughout the pandemic should remain in their current job/company (you can move within your organization) until January 1, 2022. Finding work in the best of times is difficult. To apply for a position post-COVID19, you need to show you are currently unemployed. Removing the added competition from candidates who are employed, which employers end to gravitate towards, will go a long way helping those who are unemployed find work quickly.

8. Offer tax incentives to industries (sectors of the economy).

In 2009 Jim Flaherty, Canada’s federal Minister of Finance (2006 – 2014), introduced in the Federal Budget a temporary Home Renovation Tax Credit for eligible home renovations and alterations. Basically the HRTC provided a 15% tax credit to individuals for eligible expenditures in excess of $1,000 but not more than $10,000 made in respect of eligible dwellings. I often wondered why this type of tax credit was not continued. To assist various industries a tax credit similar to the HRTC could be implemented with various industries. One year there’s a tax credit for home renovations, the next year for automobiles, the following for appliances, and so forth. Such a tax credit, the eligibility requirement focusing as much as possible on “Made in Canada”, would stimulate spending which inevitably would create jobs.

All I have offered here are rough suggestions, which can be temporary with a hard stop date, can be adjusted to consider seasons (Importing strawberries in January has merit to warrant not having an import tax.) and resources constraints.

The objective is to start the discussions around how will we get back as many Canadians to work. There will inevitably be business closures. Sectors of the economy, which depend on discretionary spending ( Sports, entertainment and the hospitality sector rely on people going out and spending what disposable income they have.) will not be recovering in the near future. There will be opportunities for new businesses to start up.

How do you envision Canada’s employment recovery post-COVID19?

[ilkkijangege]

123

Chad Chronicles is on hold while we work from home.

I'll keep updating this post if anything does happen to us.

Basically, I was telling Jacqui how J*ck told me I should join Tinder, use it during work to find out of he is there and if we would match. But Jacqui was like "what if you don't see him there but his friends see you??" So I was like "Then good na he's not on it 😂 as if he's ever talked about me to his friends 😂"

Then, nearly an hour later, I looked at my "Friends You May Know" on FB (there's a rumor that that is a list of people who's viewed your profile) then I saw that one of his friends are on it!!! I was shook, if the algorithm theory is right, then his friend was stalking me which means he has talked about me to his friends. LOL AYAN NANAMAN OVERTHINKING BES EH 😂

Then Jacqui told me how she asked her bf: if you offer a lift to a girl, does that mean he's interested? Her bf said yes but I shouldn't overthink and wait for another big sign.

Anyways, my Mandalorian plan is still going ahead. 😂

20/3/2020

Well, we didn't really talk online, he welcomed one of the guy on our team because he just got his access sorted today but I did not get the same treatment yesterday 😭

It's G tho 😂 Seems like he really is super smart because I looked into one of his chats and he used the word "futile". I'm just....wow big word 😂

Lol anyways, we're out for the weekend, Disney+ comes out on Tuesday, will try to binge it as soon I can so I can message him by Thursday or something 😂 really hope our conversation can flow naturally. Like I will just say "oh I've finished it and I am now obsessed with Baby Yoda or I can see why you are obsessed with Baby Yoda, he is adorable!" Then hopefully he can be like "What did you think of it?" Etc etc and we live happily ever after. CHOS.

.

21/03/2020

Swear everyone is telling me to either text him or to keep my feet on the ground and let the connection grow.

I REALLY DO NOT KNOW. He keeps doing all these things to me and I am always overthinking it. My friends have told me not to but it is sooo hard. They told me to wait for other signs.

I really want to take a risk and tell him but I really do not want to ruin our new found friendship. I mean I really hope he's just waiting to make more signs because he doesn't think it's time yet or something but I just don't want to give give give and not have anything in return. Haaaay Lord, please help me!

.

22/03/2020

This morning, I told my mom about the fact that he drove me home. At first, I couldn't tell her immediately, I was just staring at her the whole time and she asked "Anong kailangan mo sakin?" I said "nothing." "Bakit naka tingin ka sakin?" Then finally, I said, "Wala lang, may update lang ako sayo." Then she was like "ano may date ka???" I replied, "No update!!! Hinatid nya ako kila tita nung last time kaming pumasok.." and she was just like "ayie, hinahatid ka na ha." Then she told me, "yan dapat, cool ka lang. Pero tapusin mo muna.." She didn't complete her sentence but I knew she was talking about my FE1s but then she was probably thinking that I am nearly 25 and she should let me be. Hahaha. Then she asks "nag offer ba xa?" Sabi ko oo 😂

Then she asks me if he texts me and I told her no, we only talk in work. Then she replied, "ganun talaga" 😂 hay mother, if she had asked more details, I would have told her how I am getting mixed signals from him kaya di ko tlga sure kung gusto nya din ako 😂 but she didn't, so let's leave that for another time. 😂

Lord, pleaseee I trust you. If he doesn't reach out to me, ako na tlga mag rereach out. Need to binge The Mandalorian asap.

.

23/03

He keeps reading my messages on our GC immediately but does not with other people

ANO BA GUSTO MO PARAMDAM KA NAMAN PLS

Happened again at 16;09 ANO BA HUHU

.

24/03

STOP SEEN ZONING MY MESSAGES AS SOON AS I POST THEM AND START TALKING TO ME

.

25/03

No sign of Chad life anywhere, he was pretty much quiet today, not reading/replying to messages etc

.

26/03

I FINISHED THE MANDALORIAN YOU GUYS.

I took a risk and messaged him. It took me a whileeeeee but I just took the plunge.

Basically, I asked him how he was and how working from home has been coming along. It took him like 6 mins to reply, which was fine, we were in work so understandable.

He told me he is relaxed but about to get boring. He asked me ‘how about you?’ So I sent him this quite long response how I’ve been relaxed working in my jammies and binged watch Mandalorian, bummed about 2 eps so illegally streamed the rest. Told him that I am now also obsessed with Baby Yoda (he laughed react to this). Then he said how it was dumb for Disney not to release everything at once. (Was upset he didnt ask me what I thought of the show)

Then I told him if Netflix can do it, so can they. But he said people would just sign up for trial, watch it then cancel. Thennnn he asked if I liked it. I said yes except for Ch.6′s characters. He said he thinks you were not meant to like them.

Then I asked him if he thinks Fennec Shand is still alive. He was like which one was HE again? So I told him correction she* (laugh emoji) then explained her character. He was like ‘Oh yeaaahhh. Then boba fett was supposedly the one who found her” I replied ‘yup that’s the theory but I feel like she was pretty much lifeless already and maybe just a teaser for boba fett then?'

Then nearly 3 hours later, I go check our workplace chat and he seenzoned me. Okur. He read the message at 20.27. He better reply tomorrow or I’ll take it a sign that he really just isn’t interested in me.

On a side note, he went on lunch at 6pm, came back at around 7ish but didn't change his Status xD it's either he forgot or na distract na sya sakin CHOS sige laaaangg.

I swear I hope we can talk more tho. Since he seenzoned me, I will not message him again cos I don't want to look eager/desperate so yeah. Byeeeeee.

.

30/03

STOP READING MY MESSAGES, dear heart and head, STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM.

I know you get notifications that "Bianca messaged..." Does your heart flutter when my name appears? STOP OVERTHINKING BIANCA.

Ayan nnmn tayo sa seenzone eh 14:55. Ano ba?

.

1/04/20

I had a dream that he messaged me. He asked me how I was and for some reason, he told me to go to Google Music because they were having a sale and that I should make a track for him. (Like what?)

Also dreamt that he took me home again. When we got to our house, he told me we needed to talk. I think he confessed.

Ay ayoko na.

.

5/4/20

Why do I keep dreaming about him? I dreamt that he messaged me on FB, really long paragraphs of him confessing his feelings.

Urgh.

Oh and I also paid for a tarot reading of how he really sees me. I mean idk if it's real but there are feelings there but there may be a third party but the reader could not 100% confirm it. It is highly probable, he's a single man who could totally date around. The reading also mention how he finds me attractive and sees a long term energy with me. It also says how he may not be ready for a serious romantic relationship but he can see it progressing down the line. But honestly, I do not see him as someone who longs for sex, yknow? I am nearly sure that he could still be a virgin but the fact that he frequented Krystle in college, makes me question it. I mean, he is a white male, it is something I am not super pressed about.

I've just been thinking, if I were to get with a Filipino guy, is there anyone out there who has never had a girlfriend or who has even dated anyone?

Chad really gives me the vibe of never having a girlfriend before but I really see him as not looking for anything at the moment to focus on his dream job.

.

6/4/20

Okay, why did I have a dream that he proposed to me??

I think we argued over something and then a few days later, he proposed. Wtf.

From what I remember, he only proposed in his car. lol

.

8/4/20

So we had a team call today. He has not been working since like Thursday last week because he could not get his VPN to work.

But dang. I heard his voice after 3 weeks. He sounds the same as in real life but his American accent is more prominent 😂

Then our TL said we might still be working from home for the next 3-4 months and I'm just like. HUHUHU.

Will I be over you by then?

.

10/04/20

Had a dream we were back in the office and we were having banters again like nothing has changed.

I think he also messaged me on Facebook one of these isolation days...

I swear I know it was probably unintentional for him to ghost me like that.

.

11/04/20

So I've been searching his Gamer tag on Google, even before I decided to let go of him and there is this one file I keep noticing, it is League of Legends and it seems his password is Yugioh246 😂 it is actually hilarious 😂 I didn't know he is that big of a nerd. I don't see it as a bad thing because I like nerds and I am drawn to them but I hope he is not an incel because that is a major turn off.

Yes, I am not wishing for us to be together anymore but I really hope he finds the woman of his dreams. He deserves to have someone who will understand him for who he is.

.

13/04/20

Another thing, how do I listen to songs without thinking of him?? It is getting frustrating. I used to listen to these songs without thinking of him and now all I do is associate these songs to him. Nakakainis.

.

14/04/20

Why do you keep reading my messages then stop reading others' after mine??

.

18/04/20

Argh why did I dream of him again?

We were back in the office daw and I sat in a different computer because I was avoiding him as in. For some reason, the coat rack was behind him so when it was home time, I grabbed my coat as fast as I could so he would not talk to me. He was slouched in his seat and looked really tired. His hair was long like mid length sufer dude hair, he was not wearing his hat. But then he saw me and called me and said "Bianca, I'll give you a ride home." I replied, gaga naman ate nyo, "If it's not raining, I can walk but if it is, I'll take the bus." He replied, "What time is your bus?" I replied, "In an hour." He replied, "Okay, if it's raining, I'll wait for you here, let me know." Then I grabbed my stuff from my locker, I went out the office and it was raining. I went back into the office and told him that it was raining. So he got up from his seat and we walked to his car. On the way, I noticed he looked really tired and his eyes were red so I asked him, "Did you not sleep?" His reply was: "Yeah I came to work with no sleep." So we just walked to his car and he opened the door for me. He even adjusted my seat.

Then for some weird reason, we ended up in Dolphins Barn, like the flats and around Tesco. Then there were billboards for Book of Mormons and he saw it he said or read "What about the Mormons?" Then I was confused at first so he pointed at the ads for the Book of Mormons. Then I told him: "Oh I really wanna see that! I heard it's meant to be one of the best Broadway shows." He then tells me he is not a big play fan but there is something he likes. I asked him but he saw another Book of Mormons billboard and pointed to it. Then we reached Reilly's Ave and idk why but my whole family and our old neighbors were all outside. Bsta ang weird talaga na he dropped me off in our old house. Dreams are weird.

So I just thanked him and watched him leave.

Aish why did I dream of you again???

.

20/4/20

Had another dream about him. Just why oh why? What are these dreams trying to tell me? I haven't been thinking about him seriously so idk.

Basically in this dream, we were all back in the office. So we got a few newbies who joined our team. And management/TL thought it was a good idea to blend the newbies with the senior agents so there was a complete seat change again. Chad and the guy beside him moved to my old area, as in Chad moved to my old seat. While I was stayed in my current seat. Of course I felt sad that I won't be able to see him face to face as often anymore and that I felt like our friendship will drift apart again.

Basta ano baaa I don't understand this. Do I still have feelings for him deep down?

Oh and he read my message on the group chat again. 10:18am. I mean ok he's been active on the UKI chat today so here's me overthinking again.

.

23/04/20

Another day, another Chad dream.

So in this dream, I was in Tesco with my mom or Aldi, anyways a supermarket.

I wanted to make Tacos so I was at the spice aisle, looking for a taco spice mix. Then out of nowhere, he pops up and sees me. Says hello and asked how I was etc, while I was grabbing the taco spice mix.

Then I told him goodbye but I still kept seeing him everywhere in the store even though I purposely was avoiding him.

WHY DO I KEEP DREAMING OF HIM.

It is honestly annoying. 😭

I just wanna move on.

.

27/04/20

Been a while since my last dream but I dreamt that he drove me home, yet again, but I only remember the part where we entered Cherrywood and then I just got out of the car and don't even remember saying thanks. I stood at the front door, until he left.

.

28/04/20

Arghhh he read my messages again on the office chat almost instantly at 2.37pm 😩😩😩😩 Whereas our own team's chat has been active all day, yet he has not read the messages on there since yesterday morning!!

Were you expecting that I messaged you or something??? CMON IF YOU WANNA TALK TO ME JUST MESSAGE ME. I already messaged you first, it's your turn.

Ugh I hate overthinking this!!

Also, 26th of April marked the 1st month since we last talked. Hmmmm have I fully moved on? I really don't think I have but I am just trying to live my life. Why must you be an introvert Chad, we'll be waiting for each other forever.

.

6/05/20

Hmmmm... Beginning to think he actually has 3 siblings contrary to the fact that I thought he said there are 3 of them in the family, him being the eldest, followed by his sister then his younger brother.

If it is his brother that I saw on FB then it makes sense now because remember when he gave out chocolates for Christmas? I heard him say "my brother's work had them on sale" or something along the lines. And the other brother I was aware of was only a kid. This person I saw matches the bill, from Chicago and went to the same secondary school as him. (AND LOOKS LIKE HIM!!! We may be the same age or a year younger because he graduated secondary school in 2014) [yup he is older than me by 6 months and just like his older brother, he is also very much into Star Wars and video games. But he seems more social than his bro. Haha xa na lang date ko 😂 Chad 2.0 chosss Chad introduce me to your bro para di tayo awkward sa work 😂 They are actually only 10 months apart, I wonder if they are close.]

Hmmmmm why am I such a stalker 😂

(7.6 update: nah saw his bro's IG and he seems like a fckboi, his DP is a mirror selfie of him shirtless, showing off his v line abs 😂)

.

13/05/20

It's been a while. As of yesterday, he is fully back to work. We had a team meeting on Monday and he was on it. He said they gave him a laptop to work on. I had myself on mute so I was just listening to him. Yes I wanted to join in on the convo but I needed to stop myself. I need to distance myself until I fully move on from him.

Anyways, today, a case was assigned to me at around 8.30 in the morning. I didn't action it because the office was going mad with chats so I said I was gonna action it when I had a chance later on.

Then I noticed that it disappeared from my queue. I went to my closed cases and I saw that he had actioned it. I mean, I am not saying that he did it on his own free will, our TL may have asked him to go through our team's response received internal queue. Which is aight but this case was not originally mine, but one of his office broskis, na mean? So it's either he did not read the email thread at all or he just decided to close it in MY name. I mean he had to type my name and I wonder if he felt something. CHOSSSSSS 😂

But I'm telling you guys, ever since he got access again, my heart started fluttering again just like when I was still crushing on him, before I moved in front of him and he started giving me all these attention that made me fall in love with him.

I have been trying to move on. I even wrote a 7 page journal entry about my feelings. I've been super distracting myself by watching Kim Possible and staying away from sappy romantic shows 😂

I need more time to heal but it will be okay!

Update 14/5:

I got another case from the same broski, which he actioned yesterday and closed it under his broski's name but he closed the other one on mine.

Ugh why am I overthinking this again!!!

Chad please go away from my feelings 😩

15/5

Today, I helped him out with one of his cases.

He said 'thanks!' whereas the past few days, he's only been replying to people on our team with 'ty!'.

Made me overthink again but I was just being ridiculous 😂 'ty' tapos today sakin 'thanks', special ako chos 😂 honestly wasn't that bothered but okay! Stop giving me special treatment please 😂 don't treat me differently from others if you don't feel the same way because it's unhealthy for me 😂

Helped him again with another one and he said 'thanks!' again urgh. Swear tho, I was hesitating a bit when I was helping him. My heart was thumping again like it did before we started getting comfortable with each other 😭😭😭

.

17/5/20

Exactly 2 months since I saw him and when he dropped me home.

Oh Chad. Will I ever be over you.

.

18/5/20

Helped him with another case because no one was helping him so I was just being nice.

Bianca don't be marupok pls. You've been making progress. Don't relapse now.

.

20/5/20

Another day of helping him out....

Basically he asked our group chat for help, no one replied for like 5 minutes so I said I'll help him.

Then he private messaged me about the case. He told me there were a lot and said "ahah". I should have joked around but I didn't or even asked him how he was 😭

But after I helped him, this was his reply:

Huhuhu parang ang happy nya na may tumulong sa kanya. Chad naman, don't do this to me! I am trying to move on 😭

.

21/05/20

Haaaayy... Reading my messages again as soon as I post them. Chad Chad Chad ....

.

26/05/20

He legit have not read messages on our office GC since 10.30 this morning. I messaged a few times around 3pm and he kept reading them. Ano ba kasi Chad.

Don't be scared of rejection, I know I may not be showing real signs but I am an awkward turtle, just talk to me.

.

27/05/20

As usual no one was helping him again so I private messaged him and asked if anyone was helping yet.

His response:

Hahaha cute 😂 so I told him 'give me the deets, I'll send it up'.

He said 'ty!!', gave me the deets.

Then when I completed it, this was his reply:

Hahaha naloka na xa, double a. Choss. I replied with "anytime 😊" 😂 para konti landi to let him know na I am here to help anytime HAHAHAHAHAHAHA chos

BAKIT HIRAP MAG MOVE ON MGA BESH

.

5/6/20

So I've been hesitating about posting this but about 2 days ago? I had a dream about him again. It wasn't just him in it but the dream mostly centered about him and I.

Basically, we there was a party in the office and for some reason, I was getting ready at my desk as in curling my hair (so weird 😂😂😂).

Then Chad decided to go out of the computer area, probs was on a break or something. Then my team decided it was a good idea to hide his baby yoda plushie so I hid it in my locker and when he came back, he kept looking for it and we were just laughing at him. 😂

That was it haha.

But you guys, I've been diligently praying for my vocation and I've been getting signs about marriage etc. What if he's the one? God, please give me more signs.

.

15/06/20

So it's been a while. I've been helping him here and there over the last few weeks.

Today's response was "awesome, thanks!"

And that made me kilig inside. 😂

I am awesome, chos! 😂

.

16/06/20

Just saw the July Schedule and he is taking 2 weeks holidays 😂

Lol fam watchu gonna do? 😂

Tara let's go on a date chos 😂

.

24/06/20

I miss him ☹️ But I've been good with not thinking about him a lot but I just really can't wait to be able to ask him out in person hahaayyyy

Hmmmm I also suddenly wondered if he still has the card I gave him for Christmas. That was a cute card, €4 din un ha hahaha

.

3/07/20

Yo wassup.

I had a dream, so we were back in the office. We were on the weekend shift and for some reason, I decided I was staying back for a bit more so he left before me.

Basically, from this dream, it seems that we were on minimal speaking terms. So like as he was leaving, at the computer area door, he said bye to me and idk why, I asked him to have dessert with me on Monday 😂 it was weird 😂

.

12/07/20

Okur, I had a dream that he dropped me off again in Cherrywood, like just out of nowhere. Like all I remember was that we were walking to his car together.

He even opened my door and carried my bag and walked me to the front door. Haaayyy....

.

14/07/20

So today, I was overthinking again.

Basically there was a post in work where an SME asked him to tag his team. He tagged me first over his broskis and that made me quite overthink again. Like the way he tagged our team was not as if it was alphabetical order. So why did he tag me first?

Hahah ako ung unang pumasok sa isip nya

Huhuhu ayoko naaaaa

.

19/07/2020

So he is on his 2 weeks PTO from tomorrow.

Haaaaayyyyy miss ko na xa, bakit ba kasi ako ganito. Pero as long as he has not said that he is not interested in me, may chance pa rin tlga kami eh.

Wag lang tlaga xang umalis ng company and it will be grand.

.

08/08/20

Been a while since this was updated, nothing's been happening between us so there is nothing to report. But anyways, lately I've been having (r-rated) fantasies about him 😂 argh I just want to be with him 😂

He's also started playing Fall Guys on the PS4, we have something in common na chos 😂

Also, there's an SME position in work and I have a feeling he might apply huhu if he gets it, he'll be level 12 and I won't be able to date him 😭😂

Honestly still think may something sila ng QA namin huhuhu

.

16/08/20

So I told MF on the 14th of August about everything that has happened, like how I was getting mixed signals that made me overthink alot to me messaging him twice and being left on read, also how I plan on asking him out when we get to the office. (Also how he dropped me home.)

I told her how it's been very hard for me in the last 5 months, trying to move on from someone I don't even talk to. She was very understanding and told me that she also has not talked to Chad since WFH, as she was also left on read. She said he may not be the texty type because he's quite shy.

I was honestly shook. I thought they talk, even on our workplace chat because they are close in work. Cause I asked her if it was even a good idea for me to ask him out or if she knows if he's seeing someone because I don't want to intrude. I told her I want to take a risk with him but a part of me fears rejection.

She asked me if I ever thought about asking him out for coffee since things are opening up. I told her, yes but I don't think we are in that level where I could just ask him randomly.

So her plan is to build up a rapport with him again and find out the goss. I really hope she can build something up with him and that if ever, this time, there will be progress.

Until I know I have a chance with him, I can't move on. If he's seeing someone, then okay at least I'll know where I stand.

I'll let you know if there's progress.

.

19/08/2020

So today, I helped him out with a case.

One of the internal tools was not working for him so he asked for help. I was the first to reply so I told him to send me the details and I'll do it.

When I did it for him, he said 'Perfect thank you!' and I just replied, "No worries 😊" landi landi with that emoji 😂 Wish we kinda had a conversation going though 😭 Wish I asked him how he was but it wasn't appropriate okay 😂

Haaayy can't wait to find out if he's dating anyone or when I'll see him again so I can ask him out. HAAAAAYYYYSSSS.

.

9/9/20

So yesterday, I asked our group chat for help on a case. I didn't really expect that he would be the one to respond but he did and that was cute. Awww. ❤️

Looool I wish I could've thanked him personally but other people started helping me out so yeah. But for a brief moment, I was kilig haha

Really wanna ask him out already! But cases are rising again and I don't want him to use Covid as an excuse so I'll wait again until cases have slowed down.

.

13/09/20

So today, I had a video call with MF. She told me that she got a new job 😭 meaning, she won't be able to be my wingwoman now 😭

I am happy for her but this cuts down all my chances with Chad 😭

But she did talk to Chad and he applied to the SME role apparently, I think he may have already been interviewed but he didn't hear back from them yet.

MF also said that we should meet up for a coffee date "with Bianca" and he said we should hahaha cmon MF make this a reality please so I can talk to him 😭

[fadedtoblue]

Recap of the Defenders panel at SDCC, pt. 2 (aka just a beat by beat recap of episode 1...)

If you missed, it you can catch part 1 here. I’m sure you can find videos of the panel out now, but if you wanted my additional commentary, there you go, haha :).

I’ve been writing bits and pieces of this since Friday night, so needless to say, I’m starting to get a little fuzzy on the order of the scenes and specifics b/c I was in such a state of shock while watching (and I don’t get the benefit of rewatching it right away 10 times in a row, lol), but I’ll try to recollect as much as possible, as best I can. I’ll also share some of my opinions and theories at the very end.

Some brief, non-spoilery thoughts: This was definitely a set up episode for everything that is to come, so as much as I know everyone wants answers to certain questions, you’re just not going to get to them right away. The show doesn’t hesitate to pick up the threads left from each individual series though, so don’t expect it to be slow at all. They also did a lovely job making each Defenders’ scenes look and feel like their own shows, while still bringing them all together into a new kind of feel and style for The Defenders. I was impressed by that. Anyway, if you have any more general questions, feel free to send me an ask or note.

And now...I shouldn’t have to say this, but just in case...HUGE SPOILERS FOR THE FIRST EPISODE OF THE DEFENDERS UNDER THE CUT! (Apologies for any mistakes, I wrote too much and just want to get it posted rather than spending even more time editing!)

Opening scene:

Very first scene opens in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. An unnamed man is being chased by a woman in black wielding double katanas and shrouded in darkness down some sort of sewer-like corridor, exchanging blows, and the man is clearly getting overwhelmed in the fight. Before she can land the killing stroke, Danny appears out of the darkness and jumps into the fight to draw the woman away. Danny is holding his own, but the woman is clearly a superior fighter, and lands a nice slice across Danny’s tattoo; in his shock, the woman gets the opening she needs and stabs the mystery man to death. Danny tries to chase down the woman, who is running away, and manages to land one Iron fist-packed punch on her, which sends her flying, but she disappears as quickly as she appeared. When Danny returns to the man, Colleen is with him, and we see that he’s clearly dying. After a bit of back and forth, the man tells them that their fight is not there, it’s in New York. Very mysterious, and Danny is extremely frustrated. This has apparently been one of their biggest leads in their search for the Hand, and just like that, he’s gone. Also, it’s pretty obvious this woman is Elektra, and the most impressive thing was how much her fighting skills had supernaturally improved. A small hint at the power of the Black Sky! (Note: there’s really no hint as to who this guy could be, and I originally assumed maybe he was affiliated with the Hand, like Bakuto’s faction or something? But the end credits mention Shaft, who was announced as a character on the show, and plays a big role in the Chaste, so that’s an interesting tie in!)

Opening credit sequence:

New song and graphic styles, I really can’t recall now, but think the instrumental had a kind of synth-y vibe. The backgrounds are basically outlined, lit up, 3-D maps of New York, but they form each of the different characters in their main color palette. It’s super cool. The names on the credits also utilize an effect on certain letters to make it look like a subway line design (i.e. Charlie Cox’s name has a C in a circle). It’s a cute touch and really drives the whole “New York is the fifth Defender!” thing home.

Okay, this is where the order of these scenes gets a little iffy in my head, not to mention we do switch between the characters pretty often this episode...I think I’m fairly clear on the details themselves though! I’ll basically try to summarize everyone’s scenes in one go and then summarize the closing act on its own!

Jessica Jones:

Jessica is (surprise, surprise!) passed out drunk in an empty bar and gets rudely awakened by the bartender, who helpfully informs her that it’s morning and she should probably get out of his bar. Next, we see Trish is running across the street to keep her car from getting towed, but the cop is an ass and refuses to unhook it. Suddenly, we see the car get pulled off by an inexplainable force! Turns out it’s Jessica, who snarkily asks the cop if he has a problem, and Trish has trouble holding back a smile. Now we see Trish and Jessica walking down the street with coffee cups and fighting over Jessica’s life state post-Kilgrave, one that involves a lot of drinking and zero working, which greatly concerns Trish. Trish lets Jessica know that she’s been getting a lot of interest in her story and wants Jessica to take some interviews, if only to make some extra money while she’s not working. Trish says something to the affect of, only you (Jessica) could take a personal triumph and turn it into despair, or something like that. Jessica tries to tell her not to worry. Trish takes a sip of her coffee and nearly spits it out -- turns out Jesica had handed her coffee to Trish and Trish finds out the coffee has whiskey. This got a pretty good laugh during the screening :). Jessica is then shown walking down the hallway to her apartment -- the window is boarded up and clearly hasn’t been fixed since JJ S1. There are two people standing outside the door as she approaches, a woman who seems well-dressed and pulled together, and her teenage daughter, who is snarky and disdainful toward Jessica. The mom heard about what Jessica did and wants her to take a case -- her husband has been missing for a week -- and Jessica flat out says no. As the woman presses her case, Jessica goes into mocking mode, and suggests that everyone thinks THEIR partner would never do anything like this, but usually they’re always cheating. The daughter lobs a few snarky comments at Jessica and the mom, and finally the two of them leave. Jessica seems to have a moment of remorse as she��s opening the door, turns around, and calls out to them. The woman turns around hopefully but Jessica only says that she hopes they can find him soon. The inside of Jessica’s apartment is still absolutely trashed from all of the Luke / Kilgrave stuff from S1 -- part of the scenes are shot through the hole in the wall, which is hilarious. She gets a phone call, and someone using a voice scrambler warns her not to take the case. Dun dun dun! We know what that means!!

Later on, you see Jessica sitting at her desk with her laptop open, using her expert Googling skills to learn more about missing mystery man. At this point, Malcolm strolls in, which pisses Jessica off -- she’s already told him to stop coming into her apartment, he says she gave him a key, she counters that he made himself his own copy of the key, he helpfully clarifies because he was helping her get her locks changed, banter banter banter. I want to know that Malcolm has beefed up a lot for this show. It was noticeable lol. He immediately notices she’s on her computer and absolutely lights up, asking whether she’s taken on a case? She insists she hasn’t taken it...yet, and he’s basically celebrating that she’s totally taken the case and runs over to hover over her shoulder while she’s researching, which pisses her off. They talk briefly about the guy who’s missing, and Jessica mentions that the only reason why she’s even doing this is because she got a call from someone using a voice scrambler who doesn’t want her to look into it, but surely they covered their tracks and won’t want to be found. At which point Malcolm posits the possibility that the guy is actually an amateur, and what if she could track the call back? So Jessica pulls a Jessica and calls the operator, pretending that she received a call from her grandfather who is missing from dementia and gets the number. They find the address the number is connected to, which Malcolm immediately recognizes as a super shady neighborhood that people generally used to get off the grid to use drugs, etc.

Jessica shows up at the building Malcolm helped her identify. Inside, it looks and sounds sketchy as hell -- flickering lights, sounds of people fighting and/or having sex, a real ball. She heads up the stairs to the specific apartment she seems to have identified as the exact location of the call. She bangs on the door, telling him (I assume she thinks it’s James -- the husband -- hiding out in there) that the landlord / someone already told her he’s inside. After getting no response, she does her patented doorknob breaking move (the scene we saw in the first trailer) and goes in. There’s a TV on, but the place is otherwise dim and abandoned. She slowly walks through, peeking into the bedroom and rounding back out to the living area. She spots some boxes, opens one up and inside is either weapons or explosives (I’m leaning toward the latter) -- the camera paused on it for a quick few seconds and I didn’t absorb the writing as thoroughly as I’d like, but it’s obviously something really bad.

Luke Cage:

We start out with the scene of him walking down the jail corridor, while the inmates cheer him on. It’s not super clear in the beginning, but we soon discover that Luke had his charges cleared, thanks to the excellent lawyering provided by one MR. FOGGY NELSON, who is clean shaven and sporting a very short haircut (gotta look the part at those big firms I guess!). Luke asks for Claire, but Foggy tells him only lawyers are allowed. Luke decides it’s time to hop on a bus and get back to New York ASAP. Before he leaves, Foggy gives him his business card and lets him know he can always reach out if he ever needs help starting over. Luke assures him he doesn’t need to start over, just need to move forward. Foggy helpfully lets him know that most people call him Foggy, to which Luke quips: “And you let them?” which earns a great laugh from the room :).

Now you see Luke on his bus ride back to NYC, and this scene is basically just the same scene in the first trailer with him looking out the window and seeing things like Pop’s barbershop as he drives by. He gets off the bus (which is plastered with a New Harlem Renaissance ad, so you can assume Mariah is still going at it) somewhere in Harlem and as the camera pans out, you see Ms. Claire Temple looking like her damn fine self, leaning against the wall, waiting for his return. They end up back at her apartment and immediately rock that cup of coffee, like wow, it was...physical hahaha. Think overturning furniture, going at it all over the place, I’ll admit to being slightly concerned for Claire b/c damn Luke is a strong guy, but she seemed like she was having a good time lol. In the trailer I thought they were leaning against a headboard - nope, it’s a table turned over on its side on the floor, haha. They have a nice chat afterwards, mostly focusing on what Luke might do now that he’s back in New York. He calls Claire out a little bit, saying that he knows she kept some things from him in the letters they exchanged while he was away. She confesses a lot of things happened and are still going on in the city, and she’s concerned about Luke trying to be a hero (cue the dialogue from trailer #1). At this point, there’s a knock on the door, and it’s...Misty! She’s bemused to see Luke at Claire’s place so quickly after being let out, and asks if he can take a walk down the street with her.

They exchange some small talk, apparently Misty has been made head of some sort of city-wide initiative, which is probably how they’ll take her out of Harlem and into some of the other neighborhoods in the Netflix Marvel world. They end up at a burnt out car that’s decorated with flowers, and Misty explains: there’s been a rash of somewhat unexplained deaths that bear striking similarities -- all young men from Harlem, who were recently employed at some sort of mystery job, moved their moms out of Harlem and into nice houses in what I presume is a more gentrified neighborhood of New York, but end up dead under mysterious circumstances. It could be drug running or it could be something more nefarious -- Misty doesn’t know. Luke wants to help, which Misty reacts to with skepticism (she makes a “Really? I’m going to send the guy who just got out of lockup?” kind of joke) but she mentions that this particular memorial is actually for the brother of Candace Miller, who died in LC S1. Apparently she had two brothers, so Misty tasks Luke to track down the last brother, who she last heard wasn’t exactly on the right side of the law, and talk some sense into him before the mother of that family loses her last child.

Luke heads over to the apartment building of the third brother, another interior with flashing lights, except this time with loud music. Luke encounters a group of guys in front of an apartment and asks them where he can find “insert brother’s name here b/c I honestly can’t remember it out” -- they’re about to snap at him for interrupting them and realize it’s Luke Cage, at which points their jaws snap shut and they direct him one floor up. Luke lets himself into the apartment, sees the brother, and walks up to an expensive looking speaker set up to turn down / off the music. The brother angrily exclaims, thinking that his friends are messing with his equipment and is surprised to see it’s Luke. Luke says he’s here to pay his respects, and the two have a conversation in which the brother pretty much stubbornly refuses to listen or provide any information on his brother who just died. Luke notices that for a kid between jobs, he seems to have some pretty nice things (the music / speaker system, spacious apartment, really nice shoe collection) and asks if he might have taken on the same job his brother had before he died. The boy is silent, Luke says something wise, and then leaves.

Matt Murdock:

His scene opens in his apartment, focused on some sort of Braille printer? Matt is practicing an argument for an upcoming case as the pages print off. Suddenly, he catches on the sound of someone getting mugged and you see him going into Daredevil mode and hearing the situation unfold -- Matt is visibly tensing and literally willing his body not to rush off. As he’s listening, he also hears the police approaching and containing the situation. He untenses his body and resumes practicing his speech. At this point, we switch immediately to the courtroom, where Matt is grilling a man on the stand. I couldn’t exactly follow what the incident was and what product the man’s company made, but whatever it was, it was responsible for injuring a young boy, putting him in a wheelchair. Matt is really in his element and manages to pin the executive on the stand into a corner and goes in for the kill. Then we are suddenly outside the courtroom, actually in the same courthouse we were in for the Castle trial, and the news media is there -- Matt won the case and the family of the boy who was injured were awarded $11 mil. The parents of the boy walk ahead to talk to the reporters, while the boy, sitting in the wheelchair, hangs back. Matt has a really lovely scene here when he steps back to talk to the boy, who is clearly having a hard time adjusting to his new circumstances, and gives him a Matt Murdock pep talk about handling adversity and very specifically, coming to terms with a life changing injury (wish I could share more of what he says, but I just can’t remember it and don’t want to butcher it!! It was good though). It does seem to get through to the kid, who then goes back to join his family during their little hallway press conference.

Matt turns around, and we see Karen, who was in the courtroom covering the case for the Bulletin. Karen congratulates Matt on winning the case and is complimentary toward him and what he did in the room. I think Matt also mentions Karen’s work as a journalist and she does her aw shucks Karen thing. She mentions that she needs a quote from him for the story she’s writing, and suggests that maybe they do it over a drink or a bite to eat, which Matt seems surprised at, but agrees to. (This suggests to me that they really haven’t spoken much, since the end of S2 reveal, though they’ve likely crossed paths politely since then.)

Matt and Karen are sitting in a diner, and while the atmosphere is a little awkward, it’s still friendly. They exchange some small talk about their jobs -- Karen asks Matt about his lawyering and I think this is where Matt reveals he’s doing pro bono work, although it’s possible he mentions it at the courthouse, and Karen talks about how she really feels like this is what she’s meant to do. She lowers her voice a bit and asks Matt whether he’s missed being Daredevil. He basically lies and says no. That he doesn’t regret it, but he doesn’t miss it either. Karen seems to be satisfied with that response. She has a whole line about how she really feels like they needed some time to figure themselves out and it sounds like she believes that both her and Matt are in better places now than they were before. She mentions she’s been covering the police beat and she really thinks the police are doing a good job handling the crime, at which Matt cracks a bit of a cynical smile, so maybe he actually did it...he was the hero this city needed and now they don’t need him anymore. But she thinks that right now the city needs more of Matt Murdock, and btw, she still needs that quote, and that’s just about how the scene ends. Very friendly.

EDIT!!! Didn’t realize a huge chunk of Matt’s section was missing from this recap. Damn it Tumblr, you’ve eaten parts of this post like 5 times already. This re-recap will be a bit of a rush job, sorry! Anyway, after the meeting with Karen, Matt goes to find Father Lanthom for confession. He says it’s been three days since his last confession, which suggests to me that he’s been going consistently, and often. He initially brings up the meeting with Karen, and talks about feeling bad about lying to her about not missing being Daredevil. In order to remain transparent, I will say he did use language to refer to Karen as someone he loves, but the impression didn’t come off as romantic, but more out of friendship / deeply caring for her. I really do believe he is sincere in wanting to become friends again. And nothing about the diner meeting or the conversation here feels like it’s moving toward anything more than trust building, which Matt already kind of fails at since he lies to her face there. Anyway, this part of the conversation didn’t last for very long since Lanthom takes the temperature on the situation and immediately gets to the heart of what’s bothering Matt, which I won’t bother recapping b/c you can see it in the scene below:

Danny Rand:

Since Danny was such a big part of the opening scene, he doesn’t get a traditional intro scene like the rest of the defenders in the first act of the episode, so after we’ve touched base with all of the Defenders, we bounce back into his story and find him flying back to New York on his jet with Colleen. It starts with him, alone in the bathroom, and this is where we get that dramatic scene of him wiping the mirror from the trailer. There’s little bit of editing trickery here, as he notices some weird blood splatters on the wall behind him, and he goes from the mirror to tearing off a piece of the wall? Or pushing aside some sort of curtain? And we segue seamlessly into Danny walking into some sort of eerie, abandoned hallway, all torn and tattered. We quickly notice the hallway floor is covered in bloody bodies, bodies of the dead K’un Lun monks. He passes through another doorway and there’s a whole group of them, standing in formation, covered in blood and staring down at him accusingly. He is clearly overwhelmed and confused, and turns around, only to see himself, dressed in robes and looking serious. He says something to real Danny (again, sorry about being spotty on the actually lines), which prompts real Danny to basically breakdown screaming. At this point we hear Colleen in the background, shaking him awake from what’s obviously a nightmare. She tries to get him to talk about the screaming, which he tries to shrug off as turbulence terrors, but she’s not buying it. They talk about the man they hunted down in Cambodia and it’s clear that he’s feeling guilty about his death, and is still feeling guilty about the not being at K’un Lun to protect his city. Colleen insists that it’s not his fault, but Danny remains unconvinced. Danny and Colleen return to the city and are taking a helicopter ride over the city. They’re holding hands. She’s marveling at the view and they’re discussing home -- New York is basically Colleen’s home but for Danny, even though he grew up here, he still doesn’t know if this is his home.

Alexandra:

Our introduction to Sigourney’s antagonist Alexandra lacks any bombast or fanfare, but you definitely feel...unsettled in a lot of her scenes. We first see her in some sort of nondescript building, and she’s waiting for an appointment, looking classy af. A person comes up and leads her to a really bare, empty room, and asks Alexandra to change into a patient’s gown. The nurse brings her out of the room and to a larger room with a CAT scan machine. The doctor greets her warmly but has bad news for her, which she seems to be expecting -- her red? white? blood cell count is precipitously low and her body’s organs are starting to shut down. She asks what the doctor is going to do about it, and he says there isn’t anything they can really do, which is an answer that clearly doesn’t satisfy her (“That’s not what I asked.”). When she asks how long she has, he guesstimates around a few months.

Edit: Embedded the released preview clip that corresponds with the below scene :)

We see Alexandra again in what I assume is Central Park (sorry guys, I don’t know NY!), sitting on a bench and feeding the pigeons. Again, she looks amazing. Madame Gao (woohoo!) comes into frame and says she thought she’d find her here, it’s always been her favorite spot. Alexandra muses about how surprised she is this place hasn’t already been razed to the ground and replaced with high rise buildings, she remembers when it used to be forest. She starts into a mini history lesson about New York City and how the Dutch bought it for 24 dollars -- then she drops a burn -- it was 24 dollars too much. She delivers it with such classy disdain, I love it. There’s also a hint of “Hey I was here when this happened” which tracks nicely with the hints Gao has given about her longevity / immortality...clearly Alexandra has quite a history herself. Anyway, they move onto discussion of more important things, like nefarious evil plans? Madame Gao updates Alexandra about some part of this plan and says in a few months they should be ready to make their move. Alexandra quickly shuts this down, which seems to take Madame Gao by surprise. Instead, Alexandra wants to make her move now, which Gao tries to talk her out of -- she doesn’t think it’s a good idea, they still need more time, etc etc -- but knowing what we know about Alexandra’s updated life expectancy, she obviously can’t afford to wait to make her move. At the very end of this scene, Alexandra quite flippantly tosses her bag of bird seed at Gao and orders her to finish feeding the birds. So there’s a really obvious and interesting power dynamic here...whoever Alexandra is, she’s quite used to calling the shots!

The last scene we have with Alexandra takes place after all of the scenes from the other characters, and on some sort of fancy rooftop -- it’s the one from the trailer, and I think it might be the same one Gao met with Fisk in S1? I’m not 100%. Gao lets her know that things have begun, which seems to please Alexandra greatly. And at this point, we start to see what exactly that plan is.

Closing scene:

It starts out with a rumble, almost like mild earthquake tremors. Matt is back at home after his confession with Lanthom, and his apartment is bathed in red. When the shaking starts, he freezes almost seems like he’s not sure what to do. The shaking intensifies, dust and debris flying off, and he seems actually scared at this point, kind of crouching over and covering his head. Jessica, in the mystery apartment she’s tracked down, is also looking around in a mixture of confusion, fear, and WTF as everything shakes around her. In the streets, you see huge tremors and rows of cars being propelled upwards with some sort of strange force before slamming back into the ground. At the memorial for Candace’s mother, you see her standing outside of the car and looking around in shock as the city shakes around her. A streetlamp breaks and starts to fall, but Luke appears and immediately bears the weight of the falling lamp and pushes it back up and away from her. Danny and Colleen have just gotten off the helicopter, unaware of what’s going on on the ground, but in just a few moments as they walk off the landing pad, the ground cracks beneath them and between them.

As everything crumbles outside, Alexandra calmly turns from the edge of the rooftop and walks over to Elektra in the black cloak, and says that iconic line, “It’s just a city. You’ll get used to watching them fall.”

And basically while the city is falling apart and all of our heroes are like WTF, the episode ends. I know, we were really disappointed lol.

Interesting things of note:

There’s a little scene transition device they employed, at least for the first episode, as you go into a scene for a specific character -- it was sort of a quick-cut style with visual snippets and ambient sounds and slightly colorized for each Defender. I haven’t watched Jessica Jones since it first aired, but it reminded me of that show. Not too surprising because the director for the first 2 episodes of Defenders is the same director who did JJ!

I wrote the heading for this section 2 days ago so while I may have had interesting thoughts then, I certainly don’t now, sorry lol!