#norwnt

[totaly-obsessed]

Frida Maanum Appreciation

woso appreciation masterlist | with @alotofpockets

Sending all our well wishes your way - hope for a speedy recovery! ❤️

[pelova4president]

Little soulmates

Mapi León x Ingrid Engen x pregnant!Reader

summary~ After going through IVF with the loves of your life you get pregnant. They are nothing but supportive, helping you with everything. When the boys are born they look just like your lovers.

The three of you have always had a baby wish. Looking at Mapi playing with the kids of your friends and Ingrid sitting with a sleeping baby in her arms made your heart warm. They would be perfect mothers.

Both Ingrid and Mapi played football but you didn’t. They were in their prime time so the most logical thing was for you to carry the baby. You were still young, you 21, Ingrid 25 and Mapi 28. You didn’t want to wait. You’ve found your soulmates. Luckily you didn’t want to do anything but that, carrying a child of your lovers was something magical.

You agreed to do IVF, choosing a donor that looked a bit like both of them. Brown hair like the Spaniard, green eyes like the Norwegian and freckles like both of your lovers.

The doctors said that you shouldn’t get your hopes up, the first try almost always doesn’t work. But that was hard. Both of your girlfriends were there when they did indeed told you that the first attempt had failed.

They were there when you cried in the doctors office, when you were silent on the ride home and even when you cried yourself to sleep between the two of them.

Ofcourse they were heartbroken too but they needed to be there for you. You were going through hormonal changes and that made you feel things. The only thing they could do for you was be there. So when the morning came and you woke up, they were there. When you tried again, they were there.

And eventually, when you got pregnant, they were there. Mapi was absolutely over the moon, hugging you and kissing all over your face. Ingrid couldn’t help but smile at the silliness of Mapi and kissed you on your head. “We’re gonna have a baby!” Mapi cried and ran across the room to her phone, calling her mom.

While Mapi was telling her mom the news Ingrid kissed you over and over again. “I can’t believe we’re gonna be moms, y/n i love you so much. I can’t believe it.. A mini Mapi or you!!” she hugged you. “Or a mini Ingrid.” you laughed.

Just when you thought Mapi couldn’t get more excited you got the news that you were having twins. She was switching between jumping around the room and kissing you stomach all while Ingrid hugged you from behind and kissed your cheek.

Later on you got the news that it was twin boys. You didn’t really prefer one sex over the other so the three of you were happy. Ingrid started searching for names immediately.

She really liked Noah and Theodore while Mapi loved the Spanish names Mateo and Hugo. You still had a few months to go so you didn’t really got into the whole name thing, you decided that that was up to your lovers unless you thought the names were ugly.

When you reach your second trimester the three of you decided to tell the team. Ingrid and Mapi couldn’t wait to tell them so when they finally could they were beyond excited.

It was a Tuesday afternoon, just after training when the team got called into the canteen. Mapi took it as her responsibility to tell everyone. “Hola chicas! Both of my pretty girlfriends are here as you can see. The reason for that is because one of them is carrying my two sons!” she yelled. “Our two sons!” Ingrid corrected.

The whole team came flying towards you. But before anyone could get near you Mapi stopped them protectively. “She’s carrying our bebés so be careful!” she warned them.

You knew it was time share the news with the rest of the world, you couldn’t hide your pregnant belly much longer.

marialeonn16, ingrid_engen, y/n_y/l/n

liked by leahwilliamsonn and 217.381 others

kicking like your mamas already

comments

alexiaputellas can’t wait to babysit them

↳ y/n_y/l/n tía ale 🥹

greiten gratulerer❤️❤️

aitanabonmati dos pequeños futbolistas

maanum99 can’t wait to meet them

esmeebrugts i’ll take on babysitting duties

↳ ingrid_engen learn to cook first

fembarcaforevr THEY ARE SO PERFECT

footballengen23 she’s pregnant with twins??!

Halfway through the pregnancy you really started to feel the effects that it had on your body. Your whole body was sore, the cravings you had were just weird and those moodswings… Both of your girlfriends tried to help you in any way possible. Mapi massaged your feet while Ingrid tried to massage the knots away in your shoulders. When you were craving something again, even at night or very early in the morning Ingrid would drive to the store to get it to you as soon as possible.

The moodswings however were harder. Whenever you were watching a movie, your head on Ingrids chest while Mapi traced paterns on your stomach. You couldn’t help but cry at the sad scene on your television. “Hey hey.. amor, why are you crying?” Mapi would ask you. You shook you head and answered “I don’t know, i just can’t stop crying.”. Ingrid and Mapi would share a smile and comfort you until you felt better.

y/n_y/l/n

liked by alexiaputellas and 169.839 others

i guess i’m the only one who has to do the whole mom body kinda thing

comments

marialeonn16 but you’re a milf 😋

↳ y/n_y/l/n MARIA PILAR LEON

↳ marialeonn16 what can’t i just compliment my girl?

ingrid_engen you’re my beautiful girl ❤️

alexgreenwood5 enjoy your vacation 😍

wosofannn1 they’re literally so fit

marialeonn16 posted on their story

Mapi was so proud and wanted to show you off to everyone while Ingrid just wanted you to herself. Ingrid knew that it wasn’t long before everyone wanted to see you and their baby’s so she wanted to enjoy every single moment.

While Ingrid cherished every moment and every bit of you, Mapi couldn’t keep her hands off you. She had always loved your ass and tits but now that you’re pregnant she loved them even more. When you walked next to her she made sure to have a hand on the small of your back and eventually a little lower so it rested on your ass. The Spaniard also loved to cuddle you from behind, taking your tits into her hands.

Ingrid loved your stomach, the idea of one of her girlfriends carrying her babies made her so proud and happy. Your taller girlfriend also loved to hug you from behind, taking your belly into her hands, lifting it up for you and holding some of the weight. She knew you liked it so it only made her happy to do it for you, even when her arms started to cramp.

You were 37 weeks pregnant pregnant when your water broke. It wasn’t the most ideal moment. Your girlfriend were playing the el classico, one of the most important games of the season.

It was the 76th minute, you were talking to Alexia, Jana and Frido, since they were injured. It was then that you felt the wetness. You looked down but couldn’t really see anything because of your round belly.

Jana was the first one to notice and went straight into stress mode. “Oh my god! Y/n your fucking water just broke, what are we doing?” she asked you. You looked up at Alexia who was sat with wide eyes. She needed a moment to process it all but came to her senses eventually.

“Jana you need to find Jonatan. Frido and I will take y/n to my car and drive her to the hospital.” she ordered. Jana went running onto the field and told Jonatan the news.

Both of your lovers had joked about you delivering the twins while they were playing a game but you told them that that wouldn’t happen. But you were wrong. Ofcourse they wanted to come out now.

Alexia carried you to her car and went straight to the hospital. She sped through traffic and you’re impressed that she didn’t cause a crash on the way.

Arriving at the hospital Alexia and Frido ran out of her car and into the hospital. You thought that they’d forgotten you and they probably did. But Frido came back with a wheelchair. She put you, still dressed in your Barca jersey and soaked trousers, in the wheelchair.

Before you knew it you were in a hospital room already. The doctors were asking you questions you couldn’t even answer, you needed your girlfriends. Where were they?

The door flew open and there they were, the two stressed faces of your lovers. Ingrid ran to you and kissed your head, asking you if you were okay. Mapi just stood there, in complete shock. You could see the sweat on her forehead, she looked like she’d just seen a ghost.

“Maria Pilar Leon, i’m pushing your kids out so help me out here!” you yelled. That took her out of her trance and she stood next to you, holding your hand.

It was painful and hard but with Ingrid and Mapi by your side it was a little better. Ingrid kissed your forehead and combed through your hair with her hands. She was whispering encouraging words and telling you it would be alright, like she always did.

Mapi was another story, the women was beyond stressed. The colour had drained from her face and she was shaking, you were not sure if that was because you were gripping her hand so tightly or if it was just that she was about to see her boys.

It was about five hours later when your first baby decided to arrive. Mapi fainted and Ingrid started crying happy tears. They placed the first boy in Ingrids arms since Mapi wasn’t really available.

Minutes later, when your Spanish lover was with you again, the second boy arrived. The baby was placed in Mapi’s arms and you couldn’t help but smile at the sight. There they were, it was perfect. The loves of your life holding your babies.

Later when everyone was a bit more stable Alexia, Jana and Frido came in. Alexia started crying and hugged Mapi telling her how happy she was for all of you. Jana sat next to you and told you all about the game and how Mapi and Ingrid reacted to the news. Frido walked over to Ingrid who handed her one of your sons.

marialeonn16, ingrid_engen

liked by viviannemiedema and 281.829 others

Theo Hugo Leon-Engen

Mateo Noah Leon-Engen

vår verden - nuestro mundo

comments

leahwilliamsonn they’re the cutest!!

fridolinarolfo the luckiest auntie

brunavilamala pequeños monstruos 🦖

janafernandez3 i hope they’re good at football

y/n_y/l/n they better be perfect since i’ve had them in me for 9 months

↳ ingrid_engen små engler 😇

After two days in the hospital you finally got to go home. Mapi was driving, you in the passenger seat and Ingrid in the back with the boys. You’ve never seen Mapi drive so slow. You giggled at the memory of Mapi driving way over the speed limit just months ago. The brown eyed women noticed this and asked you what you were thinking about. “Just how you’re so careful ever since i got pregnant. You’ve really gone full mom mode.” Ingrid laughed at your remark. Mapi looked in one of the many mirrors she installed over the last few months “I’ll never let anything happen to any of you.”.

Your two footballers got a few weeks off and spent every moment with you and the boys. They loved walking the boys around the city, showing them everything even though they didn’t really pay attention.

ingrid_engen posted on their story

Theo was a little angel, just like your Norwegian lover. He was always sleeping, even smiling now and then. Mateo on the other hand was just like his other mommy. He didn’t want to sleep, was very clingy and loved to roll his eyes. Even though the two of them were complete opposites they were really attached to each other.

marialeonn16 posted on their story

Even though you had carried them for almost a year, the twins started to look more like your lovers by the day. Not only on the outside but on the inside too. They were surprisingly tall for their age, just like Ingrid, they have Mapi’s hair and their faces were just the two faces of your football players combined.

When they were two they really started to get into football, always kicking a ball around the house, even when you told them not to. They ran onto the field after every game, wanting to play with their tías. They were destined to be footballers.

y/n_y/l/n

liked by janafernandez3 and 211.422 others

they look more like their other mommies than me :(

comments

marialeonn16 they act like you though

↳ y/n_y/l/n they don’t! Mateo is crazy like you and Theo is a mini Ingrid

↳ fridolinarolfo true

lucybronze my little babiesss

esmeebrugts Theo can dribble already ⚽️

↳ brunavilamala i taught Mateo to shoot on goal

fan4woso66 are they gonna play for Norway of Spain?

↳ barcaisbest probably Spain

↳ l9veingrid i hope they’ll play for Norway

ingrid_engen, marialeonn16, y/n_y/l/n

liked by aitanabonmati and 269.174 others

los chicos 👦🏻👦🏻

comments

fridolinarolfo Theo is a mini Ingrid

↳ marialeonn16 Mateo is a mini me though!!

alexiaputellas big boys already 🥹

keirawalsh they’re little monsters

lucybronze my little ballers ⚽️

ona.batlle i miss themmm

↳ y/n_y/l/n they miss their tia too

leahwilliamsonn golden boys

fann437woso THE MATCHING SHOESS 🥹🥹

backheelrusso99 i just know mapi got them those little adidas samba’s

[talkingwoso]

Bona diada de Sant Jordi 🌹📚

[thinkingaboutjaedyn]

never expected to like you this much [i.engen x reader]

prompt: who would have thought ingrid and you would make it this far?

author notes: this is my peace offering for my like week long hiatus. my writing is a bit rusty so spare me 🙏🏾 hope y'all like it!

when you first got into a relationship with ingrid you thought it would be just a casual thing. nothing too serious, nothing too deep. you were only twenty one at the time while ingrid was twenty three. the people around you have always instilled in you that your twenties was for discovery, partying, and finding out what you liked in a relationship. not the time to be tied down to one person. you use to agree to that, but it was hard when you started to associate the norwegian with home.

when you started to miss her when she wasn't around and wait around for her texts when she went off for international games. can you really be blamed? ingrid was so charming in such a calm way. she was this comforting presence who was just enough of everything somehow.

now it has been two years, you being twenty three and ingrid being twenty five. she was way more than something casual now and truly you can't be blamed for it.

how could you two be anything casual when ingrid's hands rub on your back so gently as you complain about your shitty day. she finds your exaggeration and dramatic flair so interesting as you dig into how annoying your co worker was today.

something about having to share a project with complete idiots escape your lips as well, but ingrid can't really tell. she is trying to pay attention, she swears, but you're just so gorgeous. and your skin is so soft against her hands. it's hard to focus.

"and you know what else? one of those bastards ate my lunch today. that you packed for me right before you left for practice! isn't that so heartbreaking, babe? like ugh.." you groan out.

"totally, baby. i'll make sure to put something they're allergic to in the lunch tomorrow so you don't even have to worry about it," ingrid says with that adorable small smile on her lips. you turn your head a bit to get more of a view of her. "really?" you say in a tone that sounds way too serious

ingrid laughs at your genuine seriousness, "what? god no. i'll just pack you something dry so you don't have to put it in the fridge. all fixed babe."

you groan and turn your head away from her. your girlfriend was too nice for her own good in your opinion, but it's a good look on her so you let it slide this time around.

nothing is casual is about the way you reassure ingrid before a big game. you two's bodies pressed against each other you slowly sway back and forth. your head resting on her chest, her head resting on top of yours.

"you are a great footballer. that's why you're in this position, playing at one of the best clubs in women's football, in front of such a large crowd. you will do great babes" you say softly. ingrid hums in response. placing a kiss on the top of your head in thanks. the worry in the norwegian player's heart before a big game always bothered her. would she do well enough? how good would her playing be today? it was hard to push away such thoughts when she remembers what position she is in. however hearing about it from your mouth makes it seem way less stressful and better than it feels. your reassurance is definitely her lucky charm now.

and you definitely knew it wasn't casual when you started to imagine how it would be like to start a family with the norwegian.

ingrid is holding up your little sister, grace, making airplanes with the toddler who is giggling. "who's the cutest babygirl in the world? you are," ingrid says as she starts to kiss all over grace's face. the sigh was adorable and feeding your baby fever so bad. ingrid is still playing around with grace while you're already thinking about what clinics to visit after this.

yeah, this is nowhere near casual.

[wileys-russo]

she’s gonna be okay ❤️

[glimmerofawesome]

[midnight-ramblingswfc]

Nice to see Frida up being just as gay in love as always ❤️🤍

[Frida, my everything in life, how I love you❤️ Grateful for all the support and messengers. Thank you🫶🏼]

[skipper1331]

Hard to get // Guro Reiten

Guro had a massive crush on you. The moment she saw you, she knew. It was the way you smiled that made her heart race, the sound of your laugh that made her stomach flip, the kindness you shared.

The two of you went on a few dates already but nothing more than that happened. After every date Guro wouldn‘t answer your messages for at least two days. It annoyed you. She was a lovely girl and going out with her was amazing, she treated you right but her behaviour afterwards? You didn‘t like it at all. It sent mixed signals. Did she want you or not?

Unknown to you Sam Kerr and Erin Cuthbert, her Chelsea teammates, told her to act tough, hard to get. She didn‘t know why but her experience with dating someone wasn‘t the greatest so she just listened and did so. It was a strategy that should make her more interesting, more likable for you.

But you had enough. You wanted to know if it was something serious because in your eyes it was. So you made up a plan. Maybe it was unnecessary, maybe even childish but two can play a game.

Guro 💞

I‘ll pick you up at six;)

That was it. Guro always sent messages like that and it was perfect for your plan. She didn‘t respond to your previous message so you didn‘t respond to hers.

Exactly at 6 pm, your door bell rang. You made yourself pretty, dressed up. You had the perfect date outfit but just not for her. Opening the door, you saw the norse standing there with a smile "Hey, pretty lady" she grinned as she shamlessly checked you out. You tried to hide it but your cheeks were burning red. Anyways, "You have 30 seconds to apologize" you stated, looking at your watch.

"What for?"

"I‘m not stupid, darling", you smiled, secretly enjoying the way 'darling' rolled over the tip of your tongue. "I know you‘re playing hard to get" her whole face fell. "I- i… you-.. um" she was a stuttering mess "ding ding ding, 30 seconds are over" you stepped beside her and started walking towards the road where a woman was waiting at her car. The woman smiled brightly the same as you did. Guro could only watch. The winger had to watch you hug someone else all dressed up while she was standing at your door like a lost puppy.

As soon as you were out of sight (driving away with the woman) Guro texted her friends.

Guro

you shitheads.

Sam

??

Erin

?!

When Guro didn‘t reply Sam started a group call "you okay?" Erin started "aren‘t you supposed to be on a date?" Sam chipped in. "Yes but thanks to you guys she just drove away with another woman" they heard how the norse inhaled sharply "play hard to get. Don‘t reply to her" she mimicked their voices. "Wanna start from the beginning?" and that‘s what she did. She told them everything from the moment the door was opened "Damn" - "Wow"

"We need to fix this"

The next day, Guro was standing in front of your house with her hands full of flowers. She stood in front of the door for about 10 minutes before she finally rang the bell. She felt many things; excitement, tension, nervousness. "Hello?" You weren't expecting anyone when you opened the door, thinking it was the mail man. "H-hi, my pretty lady" the winger said shyly. "Can we talk?" you stepped aside, giving her the hint that she can step into your home. As she went in, she looked around. She‘s never been in your home before and was amazed. It was so much like you. "These are for you" smiling, she gave you the flowers. You nodded as a thank you. "I‘m sorry.. for being an ass" she began as you searched for a vase. "I‘ve never done something like- like us. Some friends told me to play hard to get. Not reply to your texts and that stuff." you hummed as responds. "I like you," she looked down, not meeting your eyes "and if you let me, i‘ll reply to every text from you as soon as i can. I’ll show you that i want you"

When you didn‘t answer, she had her answer. Her heart hurt as she realized she messed up being with you. "You like that woman, don‘t you?"

"I do"

Peng, ouch that hurt.

You took a step towards her, cupping her cheeks "but as a sister because she is" within a second the wingers head snapped up "that was your sister?"

"Yes" you grinned, playing with her baby hair which made her melt. "Thank God"

"I like you, too"

While her hands went around your waist she looked deeply in your eyes. You always got lost in the beauty of her orbs.

And just like that the world around stopped. It was only the two of you. Looking down at her lips you asked for consent. You wanted to kiss her since the first date but it was never the right time. Well, maybe it was - you couldn’t tell because you also were inexperienced. As an answer she pressed her lips against yours. The kiss wasn‘t rushed, it was sweet and lovely, almost innocent.

Later that evening, she sent a quick text in the group chat.

Guro

Got the girl.

—————————

[outsideratheart]

AITANA BONMATI X CAROLINE GRAHAM HANSEN🙌🏼

[alotofpockets]

Guro Reiten Appreciation

woso appreciation masterlist | with @totaly-obsessed

[totaly-obsessed]

Ingrid Engen Appreciation

woso appreciation masterlist | with @alotofpockets

[wosowrites]

I Had To (Guro Reiten x Reader)

warnings: none

prompt: in which during your last training session before the world cup, the nerves get to you. But Guro is there

a/n: based off this request here. Also I never proof read so sorry guys

The last training session before the World Cup opener was the most chill one and the most stressful one all at once. It was your first ever world cup, having missed the last one with a torn ACL. You had never been so terrified. Your heart was pounding and your mind was full of what ifs.

"What if I tore it again?"

"What if I cost the girls the tournament?"

"What if-"

Your thought was cut off by Caroline coming up to you and placing her hand on your shoulder. You were all lined up with a coach placed to receive a ball to lay off to the player to take a shot but you had just froze. The ball at your feet, the coach looking at you with expecting eyes and all your teammates staring into your back.

Your head snapped towards Caroline and your breathing got heavy. "I’m sorry. I can’t do this," you said.

You left your ball where it was and rushed towards your bag which your picked up and walked out of the training facility with.

The entire Norwegian team and staff watched as you made your escape, and then they’re heads turned to Guro. "Go get her back," Ada said to the young winger.

Guro didn’t have to be begged. She broke into a run, trying to follow you even though you were now out of her sight. Eventually she found you in the parking lot. Training didn’t end for another twenty minutes so the bus wasn’t there yet. You were sitting on a bench, staring at a Mustang. "Y/n?" Guro said gently.

You head turned to look at her and your heart momentarily swelled with joy that she had come to find you. But it was quickly replaced with the pain and doubts once again. "What’s going on ganske," Guro said softly.

"It shouldn’t be me. I shouldn’t be here. Other girls deserve it just as much as I do. I- I should not be on this roster. What sets me apart? Nothing. I miss shots, I score goals, I make passes, I miss passes. Im average. I’m fucking average and I don’t get why I’m here," you rambled. "What makes me different then the girls who aren’t here today? Nothing. I mean-"

You really didn’t expect Guro to kiss you. You didn’t expect her lips to come crashing into yours, or her hand to make it’s away under your shirt and onto your lower back. It took you a while to react, but once you did, you dropped your bag to the floor and pushed your body onto hers. Your legs straddling her waist, you grinded your hips onto her, tugged at her ponytail and moaned into her mouth at the touch of her hands on your ass. But then it seemed like she snapped.

She gently pushed you off of her and looked stunned. "I had to do that. You deserve yk be here," she said quickly. And then she was rushing back to the training ground and you were left wanting more.

Norway vs New Zealand didn’t go well for you. You started, which shocked you but no one else. And although you took shots and tried your very best, New Zealand scored and there was nothing you could do about it. You were frustrated, tired and a little heartbroken. And yet your mind trailed back to that kiss the second the final whistle blew.

So, you signed a couple things, your gaze going back to Guro every second you weren't talking with a fan or being congratulated for your work by Kiwis. Every single time you got close to Guro she would cross the field, head towards Ingrid, Caroline or anyone else but you. Eventually, you got tired of her doing so so you snuck up on her as she was deep in conversation with Ali Riley. "Guro," you said, tapping her shoulder.

The winger quickly spun towards you, excusing herself from the Kiwi captain. "Talk to me," you said. "Here? Really?" she spat, saying it in a tone a little harsher than she had wanted.

You scowled at her, eyes hard and mad before grabbing her face and pressing your lips to hers. You were a little off to the side, close to the New Zealand bench and the eyes of both teams widened as fans started yelling loudly. The kiss was short enough to be appropriate but long enough to let Guro know you wanted her too. You didn't say much to the blue, only the words "I had to do this". You then turn your back to her and walk into the tunnel, your heart racing.

Part of you knew your actions on the field were slightly inappropriate but the adrenaline had you without a care in the world. You were the first in the changing room, quickly followed by Ingrid who started squealing and yelling in Norwegian. She asked a ton of questions and dint give you any time to answer, instead leaping from one interrogation to the other. Your head coach ignored you as he walked in, he was still mad about the game, and clearly partially mad at you, but that didnt matter because Guro had a smile on her face despite the loss. And if Guro was smiling then the world was good.

He then sent you off to the showers and you grabbed your sweatsuit to put on after. You corner Guro as she was about to enter her stall. "Are you mad?" you asked her with wide eyes, worried that maybe kissing her on the biggest stage of the world wasn't the best idea. "Would I be smiling like a dork if I was?" she teased and you blushed. "I wish you could join me," Guro added, nodding towards her shower. "At the hotel," you winked and then went into your stall.

[talkingwoso]

Ingrid on her 100th game being in Norway:

“It's been very special to play my 100th game here in Norway. It's been fun too, with everything that has surrounded it. I feel great here and it's really nice to be able to play in the quarter-finals in Norway” 🇳🇴

via @MarcAndres95 on X/Twitter

[thinkingaboutjaedyn]

good days [i.engen x reader]

prompt: moving on from someone you loved after they hurt you is hard, but you do it anyways.

author notes: part three and technically the last part finally! i have been so busy lately which was so annoying, but i can now sit down and write long form fics so yippie for me. enjoy it everyone!

part one: nights like this part two: could've been

GOOD DAY IN MY MIND, SAFE TO

TAKE A STEP OUT

GET SOME AIR NOW, LET YOUR EDGE OUT

TOO SOON, I SPOKE, YOU BE

HEAVY ON MY MIND

CAN YOU GET THE HECK OUT?

I NEED REST NOW, GOT ME BUMMED OUT

YOU SO, YOU SO, YOU, BABY, BABY, BABE

I'VE BEEN ON MY EMPTY MIND SHIT

the moment you landed in san diego and got into your apartment, you cried. relief and guilt washes over you as you sit on the floor (in your haste to leave, you didn't furnish the place just yet). you finally did the one thing you never thought you would be able to pull off; leaving ingrid. the weight of her lies are now off your back, but now a different weight sits there now. how could you? how could you just up and leave her with no warning. deep down you know you don't owe her anything after all the bullshit she pulled, but it's hard to think about that when you leave someone you love so deeply. it feels like you dumped her even though you two were hardly together.

ingrid's guilt tripping really has done a number on you. it's funny really, you always was the one telling her to go to therapy and now you definitely need it. maybe if you left sooner, you wouldn't be looking at different therapists in the san diego area. none look appealing to you or maybe it's just the refusal in your mind to be grouped into any type of group as your ex. it was always ingrid needs therapy, not you. now you realize having her around has impacted your mental way more than you thought. moving on is going to be a mess.

you decide to push away all these messy thoughts as you slip on your jacket; having never taken off your clothes or shoes. getting some air and looking at the new city you will be living in for an indefinite period of time is better than trying to fight against the emotions floating around your mind.

it's windy today, your hair flies around a bit as the wind hits you. the slight chill of it makes you shiver, but it's refreshing. ingrid is still weighing in on your mind as you walk around. heading to the park near your apartment building.

how was she feeling right now? what was she doing right now? has she already tried to reach you?

all these questions make you feel a bit lightheaded. how you wish you could just turn off your mind for an hour or two; get a break away from the anxiety that ingrid gifted you. it can't be helped really. you love her and that won't change for a while. you refuse to make yourself move on faster just because the relationship was a bunch of nothing; the right to dwell or not belongs to you. nobody else can dictate if you should do it faster or slower. not even the words of ingrid in your head that you can imagine her saying.

why would you do this to me?

don't you love me?

you threw everything away..

that's the ingrid that exists in your mind. all her bad moments cloud over the happy ones. you wish it was different, but it isn't.

your lips curl up into a small smile as you look at the sunset. it's beautiful with the sky being a mix of orange, pink, and blue. you use to call ingrid your sunset because just like the sunset she's gorgeous, but is only there for a bit before leaving completely. it was an endearing nickname based off feelings of annoyance and love.

this time around, the sunset is not about ingrid to you. it's about this moment. you have finally left her for good and once that sun sets fully and the moon rises, you promise to yourself to close this chapter of your life. your focus is on taking care of yourself and moving on at your pace.

once you circle back around and reach your apartment, the sun has already set. your head is feeling more empty than from before you left. is this dissociation? or is this just the feelings leaving you right now? you don't really care about it at the moment as you slip off your shoes and jacket. going into your bedroom to go lay on one of the only pieces of furniture in your apartment.

no sheets (you have to go shopping tomorrow), just a pillow. just like the blank mattress, your life is now a blank canvas for you to paint any way you want. how freeing is that.

I TRY TO KEEP FROM LOSIN'

THE REST OF ME

I WORRY I WASTED THE BEST

OF ME ON YOU, BABY

YOU DON'T CARE

SAID, NOT TRYA BE A NUISANCE,

IT'S JUST URGENT

TRYA MAKE SENSE OF LOOSE CHANGE

GOT ME A WAR IN MY MIND

GOTTA LET GO OF WEIGHT, CAN'T

KEEP WHAT'S HOLDING ME

CHOOSE TO WATCH

WHILE THE WORLD BREAK UP

AND FALL ON ME

you have a long list of worries that you carry with you throughout the day; when are you going to finally set up a therapy appointment? when is the next time you're going to see ingrid? have you lost your mind? are you ruined forever?

before you ever got involved with ingrid, you never thought about these things. it wasn't until she started to treat you like shit that all these thoughts started to invade your mind. you hate her. that you know for certain.

the fear of being forever ruined makes you contact a therapist in your area and make an appointment. refusing to be stuck in a pitiful, constantly thinking about your ex state.

you are tired of letting yourself down again and again. the mistake of not leaving ingrid the moment she showed how toxic she could be was the first of many, but now it's different. you have to do this; get some help so all these feelings can be let out somewhere.

you deserve this; this is the start of your new beginning. it won't be tainted by ingrid this time, this is all about you.

the first therapy session was exhausting. not because your therapist, ms. wright, wasn't great. the complete opposite. she was so good that suddenly all the emotions that have been building up inside of you spilled out the moment she asked what's wrong?

the internal desire to just not tell anything and be difficult was strong; a bad habit you have to shake. it's hard when in the past every time you bought up an issue to ingrid she would dismiss and deflect from it, so you just stopped trying. now you have to learn how to communicate your feelings in a healthy manner again. that they aren't miniscule, but important aspects of your being.

in the first session it's a lot of crying and not being able to say what you wanted because the words wouldn't flow out of your mouth. but still ms. wright listens and takes in every word and lets you go at your pace; this is all about you and she lets you know it.

you leave out of the modern styled clinic building with a different feeling from before. the lack of emotional weight is so freeing you want to cry again, but you have already cried enough so no tears come out as you get into your car. still there is a fight within your mind as you drive that distracts you slightly. half of your mind is still feeling guilty for just up and leaving ingrid. the other half is reminding you that she technically left you first and not once, but over and over again. why are you expected to stay, but she is free to run away from you at any moment?

you reach your apartment building after a few minutes, pulling into the parking lot. the light breeze of the san diego evening makes you smile as you get out of the vehicle. walking into the building with a small smile on your face.

healing will be a long process, but you are willing to do it. you have already taken the first step, more than ingrid has ever done for you, so it's a start. the moment your head hits the pillow you're out. for the first time in months you sleep peacefully.

ALL THE WHILE, I'LL AWAIT MY

ARMORED FATE WITH A SMILE

STILL WANNA TRY, STILL BELIEVE

IN (GOOD DAYS)

GOOD DAYS, ALWAYS (GOOD DAYS)

ALWAYS INSIDE (ALWAYS IN MY MIND,

ALWAYS IN MY MIND, MIND)

GOOD DAY LIVING IN MY MIND

TELL ME I'M NOT MY FEARS, MY LIMITATIONS

I DISAPPEAR, IF YOU LET ME

FEELING LIKE (ON YOUR OWN)

FEELING LIKE JERICHO

FEELING LIKE JOB WHEN HE LOSE HIS SHIT

GOTTA HOLD MY OWN, MY CROSS TO BEAR ALONE, I

OOH, PAID A DEAL, WAY TO KILL THE MOOD

KNOW YOU LIKE THAT SHIT, YEAH, GROOVY BABY, BABY

HEAVY ON MY EMPTY MIND SHIT

you constantly have to remind yourself that healing is a process. one that takes time, energy, and willingness. that's so hard to remember on the nights where the only image in your mind is of ingrid every time she left you to dry. the endless times she refused to make you two's relationship work, the fear that always lingers in her eyes when you would open your apartment door to let her inside. the norwegian's biggest fear was someone "catching" you two. whatever that means because at the end of the day what you two were wasn't illegal. she just made it seem like it was. perhaps for ingrid, in her mind for herself, something like that is wrong; is illegal. in the court of the public, it was worthy of punishment is probably what she thought whenever you two kissed. whenever you two cuddled. whenever you two acted like any other couple, was ingrid worrying about how it would look to others?

oh, god and every word she has spoken to you is imprinted into your mind at this point.

you know i can't

if you loved me, you would wait

i swear i love you but i just can't..

ingrid always had a thousand excuses and a thousand more lies to cover up all her problems. it didn't matter if her actions heavily affected you because it was all about her and what she feared and what she needed. what about you? you weren't a fucking robot. fears and worries clung to your conscience too. there were needs that needed to be taken care of too. but did you run and deflect at every turn? no, you wanted to sit down and talk them out like a normal couple would. too bad nothing about you two's arrangement was normal. sneaking around like romeo and juliet wasn't as thrilling as it sounded. and just like those two, you two's story ended in death. ingrid was the first to stab it and you were the one to send another stab straight into it's heart. ripping it apart into shreds until it was unreadable.

however, those nights were just moments in your new life where the past got the better of you; and that's all they would be, moments. those haunting thoughts don't push you into a corner anymore like before. outside of therapy and those late nights, ingrid is the last thing in your mind.

being around your teammates at san diego wave lightens up your day so much. a group of goofballs who refuse to let you be sad for even a second. the times after practice when you all just decide to go to dinner make all the worry in your body leave. transferring from barcelona was possibly the best decision ever for you.

you would have probably isolated yourself back in spain, not wanting to be around ingrid anymore than you have to be.

outside of your teammates, there was something else making the move to the wave worth it; someone else. a pretty journalist who you met at an interview. she wasn't even the one who was interviewing you.

you have bumped into her while looking for the bathroom. saying a quick apology after realizing you bumped into a really pretty woman. she gives you a warm smile, "it's fine" comes from her lips. why do her words sound so satisfying? before you could completely gay panic, you excused yourself and eventually found the bathroom. suddenly feeling too shy to ask that pretty brunette about where to find it.

you thought that would be the end of it. one small interaction that you forget about after a while, but no. the universe for some reason was pushing you and this woman together. she became a regular journalist for the san diego wave. you come to find out her name is julianna; how gorgeous. even when you kept seeing her around, the reminder that you needed to heal and work on your trust issues was constant in the back of your mind. but you couldn't really help it, could you? eventually you started to spend more and more time around her whenever she came around to training or at games. being the first to volunteer for an interview after a good match. it was honestly sorta embarrassing; why were you feeling all giddy like a teenager again? still julianna was still so pretty and kind and many other positive adjectives that you could think of. the woman spoke with such a tone like she was deeply interested in whoever she was talking to. strong eye contact and always having something to say that would lead the conversation to be more interesting.

soon enough the time spent around her bled into spending time outside of soccer. you took the first step one day after asking her out for coffee after a short interview. julianna laughed softly as she asked, "is this a date?" the bashful smile on your lips answered her question. she said yes; leading to one of the best dates you have ever had.

you two spent a good hour at a cafe just talking. getting to know each other outside of y'all's work personalities. the conversation was so good, you two didn't want to end so julianna suggested going to a nearby board walk; and that's exactly what you two did.

sitting beside each other on a bench on the boardwalk, overlooking the ocean. talking for hours until the sun set. it took all the resolve inside of you to not invite her over to your place. you didn't want the date to end, but that was okay as you weren't going to let it be the last.

after dropping off julianna off at her house you headed back to your apartment. a light feeling in your chest as you changed into your pajamas before laying on the couch to find a show to watch. the moments from the date replaying in your mind. you couldn't believe you have been missing out on stuff like this for so long. with ingrid a simple date like that would have never happened. it was too risky because "what if someone sees us" was always her answer whenever you asked to go anywhere outside of your or her's apartment.

it seems like it will be another one of those nights where you think about ingrid. a soft sigh escapes your lips as you reminisce. nothing could ruin how good your day was, but these thoughts were definitely darkening it. you remember the first time you built up the courage to ask ingrid out on a date.

it was around new years, spain was electric with celebration. this was around the early stages of the relationship and still you two have never been out on a proper date; and that bothered you.

you thought it was just because of the busy schedule you both had. being too tired to do anything else but a few cuddles before bed or a hug after practice before going to your two separate apartments. so as you sit next to ingrid on your couch, cuddling up to her, you ask her; "shouldn't we go for dinner. to celebrate the new year?"

the way ingrid tensed up didn't go unnoticed. you look at her confused as she says, "how about we just stay in and cook? that's more romantic, right?" the words sounded forced like that option wasn't even that appealing in all honesty. just a cover up, so she didn't have to say what she actually wanted which was no.

that moment was one that stuck with you throughout the relationship. every lie, broken promise, and lack of attention weighed heavily on you. that should have been the first sign that ingrid was ready to be in a relationship with you, but no. out of pure blind love you moved past that and agreed.

now the fear that julianna might be the same way settles in your mind. she might not have said no to a date, but what about bigger commitments? would she run just like ingrid has.

a string of anger hangs in your heart; this is so unfair. even with ingrid not around she ruins your day in a way only she can. it was fucking frustrating, you wish you didn't have to deal with all the left over baggage she left you.

an annoyed sigh leaves your lips as the sound of all american plays in the background. you decide to push your feelings away and to just indulge in a night full of watching a meaningless tv show; wanting to get annoyed at the problems in the characters lives, not your own.

and that's exactly what you did. watching random shows back to back until you drifted off to sleep.

I GOTTA KEEP FROM LOSIN'

THE REST OF ME (LOSIN' THE REST OF ME)

STILL WORRY THAT I WASTED

THE BEST OF ME ON YOU, BABE

YOU DON'T CARE

SAID, NOT TRYNA BE A NUISANCE,

IT'S JUST URGENT (IT'S URGENT)

TRYNA MAKE SENSE OF LOOSE CHANGE

GOT ME A WAR IN MY MIND (MY MIND)

GOTTA LET GO OF WEIGHT,

CAN'T KEEP WHAT'S HOLDING ME

CHOOSE TO WATCH

WHILE THE WORLD BREAK UP AND FALL ON ME

ALL THE WHILE, I'LL AWAIT MY

ARMORED FATE WITH A SMILE

STILL WANNA TRY, STILL BELIEVE IN

(GOOD DAYS, GOOD DAYS ON MY MIND)

GOOD DAYS (GOOD DAYS ON MY MIND)

ALWAYS SUNNY INSIDE (ALWAYS IN

MY MIND, ALWAYS IN MY MIND, MIND)

GOOD DAY LIVING IN MY MIND

therapy was getting better. ms. wright knew the exact words to say and the exact ways to help you with your mental state. you have started to journal at her request, at first thinking it's slightly childish. writing down all your feelings like some type of diary? you left that in highschool ages ago, but somehow that method still works when it comes to your emotions. whenever your mind felt clouded with ingrid you would write your feelings out.

not only that, but you started to run. outside of your usual workout routine and the training sessions you had as a professional footballer, you never was one to be interested in exercise. most workouts were just ways for you to keep up your physic for games; nothing more. however, running was freeing. not only mentally but physically.

just like how ms. wright has said, mental stress weighs heavily on the body. causing tension and discomfort even though it's all mental. you knew this of course but never wanted to admit how your mental health has been causing your body to feel like it's tight enough to burst at any moment. in your mind it didn't make any sense, but ms. wright reassured you that it was natural. the mind and body are undeniably connected, one will always follow the other. anyways back to running, the feeling of your body being sore as you pant was exhilarating. your chest feeling so light after each run.

you take one in the morning and one at night. making sure not to miss the run at night because that's when your emotions always get the best of you.

not only did you work on finding healthy coping mechanisms to let out your emotions, but you worked on your trust issues.

the process was dreadful.

when people say the path to healing is linear, it's true. some days you felt like you could trust anyone with anything and on others you wished you could isolate yourself from the world so you wouldn't be hurt ever again.

your therapist was there at every step. guiding you and also sometimes letting you figure out some thoughts on your own.

"why do you think i couldn't just, you know, up and leave her?" you asked one day as you sit in front of ms. wright. the tall woman smiles at you. staying silent for a moment before saying, "why do you think so?"

getting a question back for your own questions makes you frown. how were you supposed to know? the whole reason you're in therapy was for your therapist to help you out, not make you figure out issues on your own. that was your mind process at first but after leaving the appointment, you really sorta understood why ms. wright didn't just give you some answer.

there are some things in life that only you know and can answer; this is one of them. you didn't want to sit around or even journal about the why. instead you go for a run. it was around time for your evening run anyways, so why now kill two birds with one stone?

the thoughts flow easily as you step out onto the trail. ready to go down your usual path. the why doesn't come immediately, but you think about your feelings for ingrid again.

it wasn't a lie to say that you loved ingrid. that you were in love with her. why else would you fight for her so badly? not even in just a romantic sense. before you two dated, you were obviously teammates and had a sorta close relationship. hanging out outside of practice with the other barcelona players often. talking about current shows and books that you both liked. it wasn't your fault that you fell in love with the friend version of ingrid. who would have thought she would be so different as a girlfriend?

perhaps that's why you clung on. you hoped, no, begged that that version of ingrid that you knew in the past would come back. that it was deep inside of her and just needed some pulling to come out. you just had to fight for it and throughout all that effort, it would appear. which wasn't true in the slightest. the ingrid from before wasn't the one you knew throughout that time where you two hid and snuck around; you should had known.

well, you just found your why. you smile as you finish your run, turning back around to walk to your car.

did you just realize you were chasing after someone who didn't exist, to you at least, anymore? yeah.

would this realization haunt you for the rest of your life? maybe so..

but still you felt lighter. not just physically, but mentally. the sun looked brighter as it set low in the sky.

god, how gorgeous life is when you aren't chasing after broken dreams. after something that doesn't and will never exist again.

why do you feel so free?

GOTTA GET RIGHT, TRYNA FREE

MY MIND BEFORE THE END OF THE WORLD

I DON'T MISS NO EX, I DON'T MISS NO TEXT

I CHOOSE NOT TO RESPOND

I DON'T REGRET, JUST PRETEND

SHIT NEVER HAPPENED

HALF OF US LAYIN' WASTE TO OUR YOUTH,

IS IN THE PRESENT

HALF OF US CHASIN' FOUNTAINS OF

YOUTH AND IT'S IN THE PRESENT NOW

ALWAYS IN MY MIND, ALWAYS IN MY MIND, MIND

YOU'VE BEEN MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I'M

ALWAYS IN MY MIND, ALWAYS IN MY MIND, MIND

you post julianna on your instagram after four months of being together. she has asked you after a nice dinner date that ended in a walk near the beach. you remember feeling so special, like a priority when she pulled you close by the waist. her hand gently caressing the skin that was exposed there. a warm look in her eyes as she smiles at you. "can i be your girlfriend?" the brunette asked. giggling once you just pulled her into a kiss. no words needed.

back to hard launching you two's relationship, it was a whole new feeling. a mix of uncertainty and happiness was floating around in your heart. what if julianna changed her mind? that she didn't want to publicly claim you? that would definitely drive you insane, but it was the complete opposite. julianna was fine with you posting a picture of you two; the picture is from one of the earlier dates y'all went on. you're holding her face as you kiss the tip of her nose. she's smiling, her hands holding onto your waist.

you could finally do normal couple things like post about cute dates and funny off guard photos and walk around in public while holding hands. there was no risk attached to it. no "we can't let them know" coming from julianna. she was happy to hold your hand and give you a small peck on the cheek while out. the lack of shame was refreshing.

the teasing comments from your teammates on how you charmed the team's journalist away were slightly annoying, but it was all in good fun.

life was truly looking up. your therapy sessions were centered around just ingrid based issues anymore, but others you have been needing help with. ms. wright was one stable support pillar in your life who consoled you for everything; especially the pressure from being a footballer in the limelight. san diego was really shaping up to be your home.

the day you heard about ingrid's new relationship was a day that you wish you could forget. it was a late saturday night, you had just got off a facetime call with julianna who was away in france for some press work. scrolling through instagram, seeing a post about ingrid and mapi dating on your feed. it wasn't some speculation post but one that was completely official. a photo that was obviously posted on one of their instagrams.

that single photo almost made you throw your phone against the wall.

after all the fighting and struggle.

all the begging and trying to help her face her fears.

all it took for ingrid to be open was for her to date someone else? that's all it was? so was it really just an "afraid of being open" thing or a you thing?

a sense of anger hits you. the audacity for her to move on after everything she put you through was laughable. of course you didn't expect her to sit around, crying over the relationship forever. that wasn't realistic or healthy, but you just didn't get it.

what was wrong with you? why couldn't she do that for you?

then came the rush of guilt; you had no reason to be angry. you had moved on, so why couldn't she? it was a double standard that you didn't want to touch on.

it took two hours of journaling to get your feelings sorted out. that sense of anger was just from feeling like this whole situation is unfair. ingrid refused to be public with you; claiming to be afraid, but pops out with mapi? you should be happy for her. that obviously means the norwegian went and got help like you always told her to. she had finally faced her fears.

but you are healing, not healed so you allow yourself to fully stick with your emotions. watching trashy rom coms while thinking about that post.

the next day, you slowly but surely got over it. once you talked to julianna in the morning your feelings were quite small about that lil reveal post. who cares if ingrid moves on? you have moved on too! this is for the best, so you shouldn't care so much about it. at least you wouldn't have to see her any time soon.

or so you thought.

you became a puma athlete only recently after your partnership with adidas ended. puma had the bigger offer, so you went ahead and signed the deal. the athletic brand wanted you to come to an event for their new campaign and you obviously didn't refuse. throwing on a gorgeous dress along with having julianna help you do your hair; keep cute giggles still in your mind as you sat at one of the tables in the large room.

there were many other athletes here, not just footballers. some you knew and others you didn't. it was nice to see players you haven't seen in forever. expect for one in particular.

you were daydreaming about what to do when you went back home. already about to grab your phone to text julianna when you looked up and saw her.

ingrid was sitting at a table across from yours; enjoying some pasta. she looked just the same as when you left her. just as pretty. hopefully not as toxic. your eyes must have been burning her hole through her as she finally looks up and sees you. her eyes dilating slightly as you two hold eye contract.

you're the first to break it. not being able to stand looking into her eyes for any longer. those same eyes that always held fear in them were different now. beside the opposite panic in the norwegian's eyes, there was something else. sprinkles of happiness in her eyes. the sound of a chair moving and steps passing your table snap you out of your thoughts.

ingrid was heading towards the bathroom. should you follow her or would that be weird? with how she looked back at you, maybe she had something to say. did you want to listen? you don't know, so you stand up and follow after her. of course letting a few minutes pass before following; no one could know, right?

once you walk into the bathroom you can hear the water running. ingrid is putting some water on her face. you had to say something to get her attention since she definitely didn't think you would go after her.

"i didn't expect to see you again," you say softly. she gives you a glance, obviously about to say something. the surprise that comes into your mind once she starts apologizing is hard hitting. you never thought she would apologize; that wasn't the type of closure you thought you would ever get.

hearing her apologize and put all the blame on her should be satisfying. finally should be sitting in your mind in bold letters, but it wasn't. after all the therapy and finding someone else, an apology wasn't something you wanted anymore.

"i don't forgive you," the words come out of your mouth easily. you never thought you would ever be able to say that to her; in the past you always ran to forgive her and just forget. not this time around. the small disappointment in her eyes makes you almost reconsider, but no. you have a right to not accept an apology. "but i'm glad you got help. finally," you say genuinely.

you two just stare at each other before you turn and leave out of the bathroom. not wanting to deal with the awkward silence anymore.

ingrid has done it; gave you the thing you needed and wanted from her. and you didn't even accept it.

why was that so freeing to do?

the apology wasn't the closure, being able to give ingrid the rejection and disappointment you experienced from her countless times before was the closure.

you're officially over ingrid engen.

© thinkingaboutjaedyn

[chaosqueen1998]

They are so cute. I can't 😭😍