#not that its her fault. it just doesnt work
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im not immune to Salvis (platonic or romantic? up to you) bonus because yeah
#theres smth wrong with both of them#idk if theyre worse off in a relationship mentally than salash?#i feel like they have a better chance as long as travis gets like. professional help. not from sal that is Not his responsibility#i dont think ash Or sal would be okay in a relationship just because sal avoids his issues and ash is. not prepared to deal with them#not that its her fault. it just doesnt work#travis and sal are both fucked up so i mean like listen.#listen. they either 1. make eachother worse or 2. realise theyre both mentally ill and through their own effort in betterment are prepared-#to deal with eachother#if we're talking in theory theyre both sweet ships#theyre also both good platonic#if only (any sf character) could get anything but tragedy#sorry cringe in the tags </3#sally face#travis phelps#sal fisher
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He wonders who this is.
#forsaken#john doe#jane doe#homicidal porkchops#ghrrggrgrgrgr#my headcanon is that yes john still has little to no memory of jane#but somehow hes still able to faintly instinctually recognize this person in front of him as someone positively significant to him.#he doesnt know why though and it kind of aches at him so just#cue a bunch of moments of john displaying so much curiosity and attempts to not appear threatening toward this person as he follows her.#also yes i headcanon john as very much feral/animalistic and incapable of normal speech when hes in his “corrupted state”.#a state where he regains his senses does exist in my headcanons just currently not sure how or when or why or for how long it happens.#jane meanwhile i like to think#shes a little distrusting of john. she knows its him but she also knows that he isnt himself anymore and can snap any moment.#painfully aware of the fact that whatevers happening isnt his fault but also aware that either way hes been harming people in this realm.#she notices how gentle john is with his curiosity but she isnt going to let her guard down that easily.#i like to think she had once made attempts to help john regain his memories after realizing his passiveness. and it has worked before.#but the corruption and the spectres influence would kick in every time and hed end up lashing out even more violently than he usually did.#even getting aggressive toward jane as if she were just like any other survivor.#john would go back eventually to being calmer with jane after but then hed also go back to not remembering anything about her too.#jane also tries to take advantage of johns passiveness toward her to help other survivors.#if shes around when john is hunting down anyone else shell try to intervene and johns usually able to calm down.#survivors know janes shop has a chance of john lurking but they also know he wont attack or get aggressive if shes there.#i feel like some survivors have made a remark on john being janes guard dog now. jane shut them up quickly though.#she understands the others need to do what it takes to survive but that doesnt mean they can disrespect her husband.
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that may have been a little bitchy of me but there was something truly satisfying about watching my therapist struggle when she said i have atypical anorexia and i asked 'why atypical? :)'
#i know why#she knows i know why#i just wanted her to say it <3#she didn't lol she ended up just pointing at the Mental Fuck Uppery book and said it doesnt fulfill all criteria#and that it's 'stupid but that's how it works'#yeah honey i know dw about it#no but i really do like her its not her fault i know
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aouuugh my uterus......
#long long day at work codeine wasnt helping with cramps and my meds are less effective on my period :(#ive been doing okay most of the day tho just starting feeling kind of miserable omw home bc such a long wait at the bus stop in pain#and im kind of lonely at the moment but wont be able to climb tomorrow bc of cramps so thats my main social source gone :(#and it always feels worse at home bc if im having a hard time like in physical pain or feeling down my roommate cant rly handle it#like she cant rly be in the room with me the headphones go straight on. which is ok im realising its just how her type of autism works#so im trying not to get as upset at her abt it. with varying degrees of success but it just takes time#i mean i dont get upset AT her like ik its not her fault and i dont want her feeling like it is. I keep it internal + cry once im alone#just different social needs n boundaries innit. we're a bit incompatible is all#but its still hard. I'd like support from other ppl when I'm struggling i mean i think thats a fairly normal thing to want#but of the friends I would be comfortable talking to abt how i feel none of them have that kind of emotional availability#which again is ok like its not on them. and im very capable of dealing w my shit myself one way or another so its not a Need#but idk. it would just be nice. I feel like I've had to be so independent most of my teenage and adult life and I wish I could take a#break from that sometimes. even just a hug would be nice man#sorry i always come on here and talk abt the same problems... well youll see me do it again no doubt abt that 🫠#ughh and i feel so guilty for wanting things ppl cant give even though i know its not really my fault either and im allowed to want things#and i dont cross boundaries or make them feel bad abt it. i really hope i dont anyway. but still ahhh...#its so hard for me to feel connected to anyone if they cant rly engage w me emotionally at all like its a non negotiable#factor into closeness and trust for me and i get so frustrated bc i feel so distant and alienated from the ppl i care abt most#and ik i overreact bc of my rsd so maybe its just that its probably not even a real issue. but its real to me bc im the one who gets upset#man. anyway its okay just a really really long day. im gonna wash my dishes and then shower#and finish my book. maybe i should play some dead cells i miss it. i dont really want to think abt how i feel anymore#maybe ill see if anyones free to hang out tmr evening so i dont have to feel as lonely even if i cant leave the house after work#all good nice to have a plan anyway. done sniffling. my hot water bottle is helping thr cramps a littlr i think#.diaries#oh i dont think its helping actually ow. i took more codeine an hour ago why doesnt it do anything. not fairrr 😭
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In my world oak isn't a malicious abusive bastard. But he is unintentionally greens villain origin story. And I don't think I will write about green being the bigger person and forgiving oak for constantly being obtuse and seeing the worst in green for no good reason. Sometimes people write their conflict as "maybe we were both wrong...you made me miserable during my developing years but....I WAS rude as an 11 year old with no parents and a grandpa who was always scolding me and telling me he's dissapointed in me so...I guess is deserved it..." Especially when oak never actually apologizes or realizes how he hurt green. But it's just like "okay we're good now :)" I refuse. That said I think I am obligated to write them eventually having some sort of heart to heart and good relationship once green is an adult. I don't want him to be miserable forever and in pokemas green gets excited when you bring him up so i don't want to make their relationship seem worse than it actually is. Granted this is also a fanfic where green is an autistic she/him lesbian so canon doesn't matter THAT much but y'know. Still.
#not to be a hater. truly really not to#i just hate when that happens in any media with ant relationship#and by that i mean i hate when a characters parental/authority figure makes them miserable but it's not actually addressed but waved off#famously ill never forgive zeldas dad. and i hate that he treated her so so so horriblt just for the game to be like#yeah but he acrually did care about her and only made her miserable and feel worthless and ruin jer self esteem on accident#and she instantly forgives hkm and knows he loved her#like yeah. parental figures make mistakes especially inexperienced ones#but that doesnt lessen hkw those accidentally hurtful actions impact the child#i knkw its more complicated than that. but i just dislike the typical lack of accountability or blame the adult takes on kn thkse situations#ive seen the king roham defenders saying its hars to be a king and a dad. yeah well idgaf#HE didnt have to watch zelda collapse in exhaution from overworking berself praying to gods who ignored her desperate pleas#or hold her when she completely broke down sobbing about how useless she js and kts her fault evrryone is dead#like....#anyways.#thats gkt notbing to dk sith oak and green#i jist think oak is out of touch and too focused on work and didnt take the tkme to learn about and help manage greens autistic traits#Green oak#blue oak
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TaTr is real and good. <- have a whole story in its head that would NOT fucking happen in canon.
#show doesnt give us anything my brain fills in the gaps#itd I GUESS be an AU but in my heart and mind its real jus lemme have this#Tenn gets re encoded as a service drone after the incident with the SIR units. tallests would rather put the blame on her than admit fault.#They get sent to moo ping 10 not as a prisoner just to work there (i go back on forth on what her specific job is. BUT its low profile.)#something like a custodian. tenn takes it as best she can but she DOES have a bit of that dramatic i want to get revenge feels.#like they've just lost their mission through no fault of her own. its a difficult time for her as she starts to kinda...question things.#like the way the world (or the only one she knows) works around her. but she also knows there isnt much they can do yk.#eventually she meets Tak there. who IS there as a prisoner.#i think theyd bond over the way theyre both victims of circumstance. and how they couldnt do anything to get where they were when meeting.#but hey. maybe being at your own rock bottom isnt too bad if someone's on the same level.#one thing leads to another they start their own “resistance” BUT really it is just them chilling in space.#theres lots of gaps BUT. but....shhh lemme have this i know its corny and would NOT fucking happen but they make me giggle happy smile.#ZIM SPEAKS#oh also mimi is included too. mimi is their emotional support kitty.#kitty mimi is forever i luv her FOREVER.#also i use they/she for tenn jst so theres no confusion ^_^!
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We're both absolutely zonked after this weekend. I have some thoughts on it that I'll have to write up later but it was very good for me to see a completely different group of dog trainers with completely different training methods than my usual training group. I do fully plan to integrate things between the two because both do things I like and both do things I don't but I'm pleased to see that I actually do not intend to change how I started Tassie when it comes to next puppy but I also do intend to go into more than what my normal group will allow.
For her, the first day was kind of a wash because this group trains so different than I do, so Tassie didn't understand the rules of the game and the instructor here didn't allow me to help her on day one so it wasn't entirely fair to her. He did change his opinion on her entirely between the two days, once I was allowed to work my dog the way I work my dog. We went from "she doesn't have it" to "okay she actually has a lot we just need to do foundational work with her". But we did a TON of work with social pressure on day two and actually put some stress on her and I think he was very surprised that my socially anxious dog that refused to engage with him for an entire day was willing to work through a ton of pressure just because I asked, including him actually getting on her other side during a sit and leaning on her so strong I was almost falling over. And through that she was still watching me and taking food and doing her absolute best to pretend he didn't exist which is exactly what I wanted. I think if I do another seminar with him after going back to some foundational work she's going to really surprise him.
#i was a little annoyed day one not going to lie#also our first run on day two#but after that first run i informed him what i wanted to do for the last run and once he saw it he was a bit thoughtful#not entirely his fault he doesnt know her and like i said our training methods are entirely different#but he did refuse to really try her and that bothered me#because i think if we had done day two stuff the day one we could have really branches out by day two#its okay though he plans to come back and in the meantime ill do more foundation work#try to get back out there to work with that other group at least a few times if i can#its just a long drive and shes kind of out of my budget for regular private sessions#which is not her fault but a fault of my own situation#anyways longer writeup coming later
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you CUNT. what the fuck.
#this is abt my new supervisor at work#i changed teams a couple weeks back cuz i didnt have enough to do anymore on my old team#and my new team supervisor??? seemed nice enough but shes literally just being a dick for no reason#shes just being fucking passive aggressive as shit#i sent her an email last week like 'hey im outta stuff to work on already n i just wanted to see if there was anything else i could do?'#esp bc. i literally transferred over bc of insufficient workload yk?#and she gets back to me being like 'well there is actually lots to do but since you havent been trained yet you cant do it'#and then proceeded to Not tell me who i should talk to abt doing said training#and there was a general vibe of 'its YOUR fault that you dont have enough work to do bc of your limited availability' like...#and TODAY????? today i clocked in n checked my email and she had#1) re-assigned work that i ALREADY FUCKING DID to another person on a flimsy fucking excuse#(she said that all emails to a given client should be from the same person so the client doesnt get confused????)#and 2) she sent me ANOTHER email being like#'umm you should have sent me an updated version of this draft with the issued invoice. why havent you done that already'#'also just fyi sweaty you have to actually track these matters until the email is sent. bc you are stupid and clearly dont know that'#'someone else handled while you were out bc you SUCK'#you wanna know why i didnt follow up??? bc i was OUT on monday (when the invoice was issued)#and it wasnt unplanned or anything. i communicated my planned absence HEAVILY in advance#and yet its still my fault that i like. didnt respond to emails that day?? bitch???#anyways. rip to me ig <3#whatever the fuck
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I never wanna hear a man talk about how hard it is to go without sex ever again
#reading too much r/aitah threads#average reddit post: hi my wife doesnt wanna have sex anymore after having 3 kids i have never tried talking about sex without initiating i#i never touch her unless were having sex (eww cooties) and idk wbat foreplay is it sounds boring also i underatand house work is stressful#for her so thats why i would never help her :// pls reddit tell me whats wrong with my wife!! im about to cheat :'(( its all her fault!!#personal#ovi the wives should communicate but its probably easier to just stay quiet
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#thinking. i fucking hate when people go snooping around in my shit without my permission💀#like public things are public n its my fault if im caught lacking but like#dude i had a feeling if i left my pc on my homework my bro would have peek bc he doesnt give a shit what i think#and likes giving advice when nobody gives a fuck and just likes reading other ppls work which is fine except i always tell him#to fuck off and gtfo when im doing work bc i dont wanna hear a damn word he says#but i left it on for a reason and ofc when i come back i can see my page isnt where i left it. then my bro asks some questions#abt my work n says it looks good. no shit bro its the most basic hw ive ever done in my life 😭#but anyway whenever this happens it reminds me when one of my bestest friends ever was looking at the drawings#ON THE PAGE I SHOWED HER AND OFC I DIDNT EXPECT HER TO LOOK ANYWHERE ELSE so i went to the bathroom#wow same situation as w my brother! anyway turns out she went through all the fucking pages after and saw some other shit#that i def didnt want her or anyone else to fjcking see but ok! bitch i was so embarrassed but i was also internally like.#what the fuck is wrong w this bitch😭 (AFFECTIONATE BUT GIRL WHY!)#anyway. love her to bits but im never leaving anything w this bitch ever again💔#like i was lucky bc thst was just pages of drawings..#BUT GIRL I PROBS WROTE POEM AND FANFIC BITS IN THE SAME NOTEBOOK... probably? it mightve been mostly homework#bc it was highschool or before. so i just used whatever paper was infront of me#but like. well i know she doesnt gaf whatever she sees but girl I DO!! that was too fucking much but im glad#she thought they were p cool at the time#but she did see smn that used kpop idol names bc it was fROM A TWITTER AU so THATS why it was embarrassing. the rest of it was fine idk#but like. can ppl never snoop through my stuff ever again pls </3#like even if i saw my brothers work on his pc i would never EVER snoop through it without asking first. even if he left it on his pc for#DAYS i wouldnt. or id ask permission through text or smn but like fuck bro is this not basic decency for u fuckers </3#44597
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Jujutsu Kaisen Observation #4:
i do not like how well i can understand Mai. geez.
#imagine giving everything you have and doing your best to break past barriers that you dont know HOW to break#seeing other people do what you're ALWAYS short of doing no matter how hard you try must feel like a personal fault and punishment#especially when you dont feel like theyre working HALF as hard as you. not you: who is ALWAYS struggling#not you: who digs your fingers in the dirt and drags your own body forward like dead weight#not you: who has NEVER taken a break NEVER made an excuse and still the blame for your weakness crashes down on you anyway#not you: with SO MUCH POTENTIAL all this power bubbling underneath your skin and NO WAY TO LET IT OUT#and it stays and it stays and it boils you alive#and you hate yourself for letting it but what else could you have done?#what else could you have done#and the only thing you can do is let go but how can Mai let go? shes a kid. shes hopeful. shes hurt. shes angry.#she wants to go home. she wants to HAVE a home.#what else is she supposed to do? how can she ever ever let go?#that would never be peace for her. it would be death.#fork big brain moment. i think me and gege just synchronized for one magical second#so like. yeah. i get how having that person ALSO be the ONLY one you could look up to and the one who always kept YOU the weakling safe#could just. lead to a seething mass of raw and tangled emotions. and its so- so PERSONAL.#thats the kind of thing that doesnt ever just go away. no matter how much time passes.#ugh. i knew i would end up sympathizing with mai. and shes such an a-hole too. *silently sheds a tear for meself*#and the self-pitying thing shes got going on. and the helplessness. always so forking helpless.#you rage in an effort to change and look. youre still exactly where you started. you'll never be anything but this. pathetic.#OUGH#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen spoilers#jjk thoughts#Jujutsu Kaisen Observations#Observation Series#Im gonna make this a Thing#for the amusement of absolutely no one by myself#i must derive pleasure from something okay I Am Going Insane
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if the first thing my mom says to me after she comes back from work tomorrow is related to job searching again im blowing my brains out
#whatever happened to hello...#its not her fault actually but its soooooo ughhh bc i AM doing what i can its just not working in my favor but she doesnt understand
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this is so fucking annoying lol
#the classroom in the phone doesnt work and that is not my fault but the office lady seems annoyed at me and sighed lmao#and i got confused abt one student and what the office lady was telling me <3 i hate it here so much#and its fucking annoying when this teacher leaves me absolutely nothing and its like w.e i just have to figure it out but like#on top of her room being a mess with papers everywhere on her desk lol!
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Called the oral surgeon's office to finally schedule the extraction, receptionist is decidedly unhelpful and caused an rsd emotional crash :( And when my mom (after getting home) cajoled me into calling back once I was able to pick out which days I could make the appointment for, the receptionist almost hung up without telling me what time. So that's frustrating. I did scramble and go wait, what time?? So. One tooth is all set. I prooobably should have asked to make TWO appointments, one for the top and one for the bottom tooth, but eh. I can always call again closer to the appointment or make it when I'm there probably. The top tooth is the worse according to the xray, so.
Also 'all four?' No, one tooth. Also I don't have 4 wisdom teeth lmao I only have 2. My sister doesn't have any at all, my other sister has two like me i think. (and my dad had an extra regular tooth, his dad as well iirc).
Anyway so. Not fun times but whatever. Just glad she's such a good doctor/oral surgeon. The receptionists that were there last time were pretty good, too, but it is the end of the day I guess and maybe this person is new or tired or whatever. Still. Bleh.
#not entieely her fault but also. if the person ur talking 2 cant decide if they should take an appointment date u offered and isnt sure abt#the open-ended 'week of the 10th' (its vday wk i cant take 2 days off fhat wk to - unless i quit b4 then)#like maybe consider. offering/suggesting what days have available appointments??#like 'how about the week after?' or 'we have appointments mondays thursdays and fridays' which she finally told me on the 2nd call.#like if she had said that from the start i wouldve been like oh ok then how abt x day#but i got caught up in the indecision bc she offered the 27th- cant do but felt like i ought to take it but rlly it doesnt work at all#and then was like dr is away till the 10th. and thats all she said. and like. that was not helpful#when i said oh i cant do that week hm she was like oh call us back when youre ready to make the appointment :)))#like I'm trying to right now what do you mean????? i called because i am ready! youre just not giving me any useful info to help me out!!!!#if i wasnt ready you wouldnt have heard from me OK#like. i was supposed to call and make this appointment MONTHS AGO. literally like. months ans months and months#i put it off to do a crown for a molar first. and then kept procrastinating#so i called bc i was ready but i couldnt say hold on. ia there anything the wk after that?#like...if id known what days she does appointments then id be able to make a decision!#ffs. shitty receptionist imo
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what to do when u have a 68 in ur college class cuz every single assignment needed u to upload a picture of ur written work but 24 hours before the semester ends u find out all of ur imported assignments were on an unsupported file type
#2 am bro im tweaking out#i am sosos confused i hate canvas so much. my high school classes and assignments work just fine when i upload pictures from my phone#my freshman comp class works just fine when i upload files from my phone#out of the 60 something file upload assignments for my humanities class only like 4 worked#which doesnt make any sense because i upload all of my files the exact same way#and its my fault that i dont check my grades but i legit thought i was fine#cuz the 4 assignments that actually went through the teacher commented on and the remainder of my assignments were discussion posts so#i dont get it bruh the one semester im burnt out and seemingly doing fine in im actually about to fail.#its sunday 2 am im gonna email this woman right when i wake up and see if i can work something out#cuz her class locks monday at 11:59 and ill be damned if i did all this research and writing just for it to not count#worst case scenario im gonna pour my heart out and tell this women im gonna down a pill bottle or some bs idk#but for real since july ive been on the verge of something drastic and now its like. sign after sign after sign#it hasnt even hit that i might fail this class but i dont think i care anymore. i will update a la mañana tho so wish me luck#l speaks#shut up l#ranting in the tags because i can#ranting in tags because i can
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Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
#this is honestly a really minor thing in the whole of everything#but goddamn my coworker is annoying ke sobmuch more than she ever has#and it shouldnt annoy me this much i try to like reallly deal with it when i know their reasons are valid#but goddamn#she has complained so many times about her hours and i know shes also mentioned wanting more#and those can coexist and obviously iverride the other#but im trying to get more hours next week and i guess nick is right i shouldnt have gone to her first but honestly this still probably would#have been a pain jn the ass#i expected her to agree or not agree like i get it she likes the extra time#but not try and like#swap days with me#like i either thought shed like the extra time off or not#but in response i did not think she would insist on still working just either the normal hours orbnot#and naybe its not complicated things asbmuch as i think#but its still pissing me off#its fucking stupid#shes gottenbso so pissy to the point of nears tears before complaining about never getting extra days off#and not having days off next to each other and alllll this other fucking shit#and even if shes not like that Now with her extra hours shes picked upbthe moment she goes back to that and i am certain she will#this will flair up again because fuck off#shes gonna complain about all this fucking holiday traffic in the store and its gonna piss ne off#it would regardless but itsbjust gonna do it kore#she is so shit with money and its gucking hypocritical of me i know but i am too focused on her fucking#bullahit with things she doesnt need to act how she does about money cause she does fucking fine#shes just so damn irresponsible with it and thats her fucking fault#she gets all these fucking ideas on how to budget and save better and she doesnt follow through#and it just i am sobfucking tired this is so fucking stupid and my fucking boss left work to go do some fucking shopping#so i cant even talk with him about it right now cause he just fuvking lesves while hes still clocked in and i usually care but like barely#but its so fucking annoying today#tag rambles
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