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#not that its me gojng to school but still
abysswalkersknight · 8 months
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Well this is a bloody nice wake up call, having your cat supposedly vomiting worms at 6 in the bloody morning!
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:p
#hhhh ughhhh ughhhhh im so !!!! mad at myself !!!!!!#ive been isolating myself like i havent felt like talking to a majority of the people that i talk to#which leads to a bunchhhhh of unanswered messages for a long period of time#and they build up which makes it even harder for me to respond because it gets so overwhelming and responding to so many people makes me#tired like even thinking about it makes me exhausted#and i feel bad because i don't want people to think that i dont want to talk to them im just tired and bad st talking#and also like. seeing other mutuals talk and bond so strongly with each other makes me so ? upset ? which shouldnt ? it should make me happy#but then i start to feel !!! insecure ablut myself !!! because i feel like theyll like each other more than theyll like me and its just :///#and adding thst to the whole isolation thing makes me feel !! worse !!#and then its like even if i do get it together like no matter whwt ill never be as liked. ill never be near anyone's favorite becahse im#boring !! not as interestimg !!! and theres this mutual who im friends with who befriends so many of the same mutuals im friends with and.#it makes me so sad because i know they all like them more than theyll ever like me and i dont even know why thats something to even compare#but my mind does it anyway and its so damn upsetting and I really hate it#))))))):#and im feelimg like im starting to get behind on school fuck i have an essay due thurs but i havent even started it#and i have other work like i had a lot of work due today in lkke two hours but i havent done ANY of it like i knoe i have to get jt done but#i cant push myself and it sucks i wish i had solid motivation and determination#all of my friends are doing well like five have transferred already and the rest are goint to transfer by next year and im still goiny to be#stucj and everyone is going to judge me and my one friend is gojng to fucking yell at me because she thinks she can fuck that im still upset#at her but i dont want to talk to her even tjough i should but im upset and so tired of her bs like she called me todsy for the stupidest#fucking thing and i was just so angry and i tried to end the convo as quickly as possible but she kept dragginf it out. like she was trying#to get me to make a decision for her and when i suggested something she said no and its lkke WHAT do yoj want me to do why are you wasting#my tjme !! lkke if it was anyone else itd be okay but im just. so mad at her rihjt now. anyway i wish transferring and school wasn't so#pressurey god why cant i go at my own pace without being judged and scrutinized. and im missing work on tues to catch up and i feel so bad#bc if!! i had done ny work at a proper psce this wouldnt have happened ! iwouldnt have haf yo put extra work on my manager to find a cover#yet (: god im just really sad actually st thid point and im paranoid thst oje of my co workers is annoyed by me and i get so nervous just#thinking about workjng with her.#and i miss my friend but she hasnt come on here in half a year and i didnt ask her for other sns and im so mad at myself i rewlly miss her#anf she was alwayd so warm and comforting and patient even not @ me and i miss her a lot everything is terrible anf too much right now#sun texts
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oh-for-fic-sake · 4 years
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Undercooked Popcorn
Masterlist
You and Konner have a mini training session in the barn and get in trouble with Clark.
Warnings: fluff, Swearing,
A/n: Here is a small fluff piece I have been working on enjoy XX
Taglist: @iloveyouyen​
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After the initial move to Mrs Kent's house they had given you a week to settle in before getting stuck in to your school work. Not only you but konner as well letting you both bond which you had, the both of you had become close...konner had opened up quicker than you had, already secure about his place in the family you on the other hand was less sure. You had a trouble with it you wanted to believe that you was here permanently , that this was it where you belonged but you couldnt help holdingnyour breath still waiting for something to happen. Currently you and konner was in the old barn, you'd both unconsciously decided that it was your hang out, the place you go to escape the adults and get to know one another without the eagle eyes of the others. Somewhere to get away from an overbearing Clark who seemed to take the term mother hen to a whole new level, it wasnt necessarily bad but it was hard for you to go from no one gives a shit to holy shit this guy is consistently fussing over you. You knew he was trying to be inclusive and trying to solidify your place in the family reassuring you, wanting to show you he cared. Which was good youll admit you liked the attention in a way, you'd not had this type of parental guidance for a long long time but you'd didn't realoze how suffocating it was. You also suspected that your injuries had something to do with it aswell, you couldn't exactly fault him for it.
So here you were hiding out in the barn with konner as Clark flitted about the place doing odd chores here and there .Martha had gone out to work and would be home after the lunch rush at work.  You rolled across the blanket that covered the hay pile your lime green cast glowing in the noon sun you winced as the light reflected off of it and shuffled moving it into a shadowed area. Currently you and konner were shareing details about your abilities, something the both of you had avoided and danced around until you got more comfortable with each other.
"Soo you don't make things? You just stretch'em" you nodded at him as he sat above you cross legged on one of the wooden cross beams that spanned the large space.
"Yeah pretty much..I can't touch living things tho, no plants or animals or people" you said glancing at your arm sighing it would have been nice to just fix it but no  you had to wait it out.
"That sucks..." you nodded mournfully but then tilted your head back to get a better look at him.
"So what about you? Your an ET wannabe right?" He laughed flipping you the bird"Fuck you" you giggled as he shook his head jumping down from the beam landing just before you.
"Kryptonian is the politically correct term I think....Well hybrid... I'm half Clarks and... Half human" he said dusting off a little to sit on the hay across from you. You noticed the hesitation and the way he swerved around his own comments. Deciding to leave it be you opted to ignore it, much to Konners relief.
"So can you do all the stuff he can?" Konner smiled and shrugged
"You mean dad? Yeah sort of, I can do most...We are still waiting to see if we're exactly alike but I've got the strength speed and flight....I can do the lazer thing to which is cool but I havent found a practical use for it yet...Or a way to practice that shit is hot." You hummed at him then looked out of the open barn doors to the corn field.
"Corn?" He tilted his head following your gaze confused
"What?" You smiled at him Sitting up letting your arms fall into your lap
"Pop some corn...I mean theres a field right there...." he looked at the rows of corn catiously.
"Popcorn...You want me to use my laser eyes to...Get you a snack? How is that gojng to help me?" You rolled your eyes at him grunting."Oh for fuck sake...get unpopped popcorn and I will throw them in the air and you pop'em with your melty eyes.... you know target practice...And if I happen to catch some with my mouth its a bonus!" He sat up a little it wasn't a bad idea but Clark wouldn't like it.He doesnt like him practicing without him here.
"What about dad? Won't he be pissed?" You laughed and shook your head.
"Not really not like anyone can see us out hear and Clark did say we can practice around the place" Konner's grin fell he was worried that you hadn't really...Adapted? well you had...But you wont refer to the others as Dad and Grandma. As far as he was concered you were his sister already but he just really wanted you to know it was okay...That you really did have a family now. His dad and Grandma had told him not to push but he got the feeling you wanted to...Somethjng was holding you back.
"..You do know he is technically your dad now to right... You can call him dad and you can call Grandma, Grandma they wont be mad....I think they would like that." you sighed looking down, you knew that but it just... You didn't know, was it disrespectful to your real parents? You'd only been here a week? Surely it was to early...Even if it felt right, natural. He waved a hand at you
"You dont have to...I just didn't want you not to.. you know..Incase you thought they didn't want you to thats all, don't want you to have stupid thoughts like that holding you back" you blinked at him smiling sadly
"I-I do but...I still dont think I will be here long...I'm gonna slip up, if I ever accidentally hurt Martha I'm gone"  he frowned at you
"No...If that happens; which I don't think it will, but if it does then we deal with it togethet...you wont get very far if you do run...Me and dad will bring you back home and we talk things out .Thats what family is, we stay together and help each other, your my little sister, the first person my age I don't have to worry about hurting so much. I can relax more around you because you can protect yourself if thing get to much, you think im gonna let you leave over an accident? Fuck no like Dad keeps saying your here now, your a kent and your stuck with us...I hope you see that sooner rather then later it can't be nice always being ready to run" your lip quivered eyes filling with tears as he explained this, the conviction in his voice how he spoke with absolute certainty. Unwilling to cry in front of him you simply nodded to him. Getting the message he patted your arm then disappeared for what seemed like seconds with a small bag of unpopped corn cernals.
"Show off" you sniffed moving to wipe your eyes only to hiss when you cracked yourself on the head with your cast you whined rubbing to sore spot and froze when Konner held out some tissues to you
"I grabbed them inside" you smiled at him meekly. He gave you a soft look, he hated seeing you struggle but he had said what needed to be said, said what he had needed to hear when it was him all those years ago. Quickly he changed his expression and smirked tossing you the bag of popcorn cernals you opened them swiftly still fighting a few tears back then looked around deciding on the safest area to throw them.
"So... Just to clarify if this falls down you will save me right?" he smiled nodding"Of course I will, you will be out of here before it even started falling down" you nodded then took two cernals in hand.
"so one or two?" he smiled and held up a finger. One. you threw it up and shreiked as he tried to ignite it missing ...well you only noticed he missed when you heard the little tap of it hitting the floor you both laughed seeing two tiny holes in the side of the barn. You grabbed another and threw it up he missed again, but he ws closer than before.This carried on for another few minutes with you oth getting excited as he got closer just skimming one, the heat from his vision making it partially pop.
"Oh no that one dont count you didnt hit the fuckjng thing!" He argued
"It popped tho!"  You blinked at him.
"Okay half a point ready to go again?" He fist pumped then nodded readying himslef to go agajn.Finally thirty six cernals later he got it. You both jumped up.
"FUCK YEAH WOO!" You quickly moved to the popped popcorn on the floor dusting it off then ate it, you held up your hands to him chewing slowly as if you was a food critic then shook our head.
"Yep no under cooked" you both stared then burst out into hysterics crying with laughter.
"Lets try two this time!" You nodded moving to the bag pulling two more cernals out of the bag when you turned back round you froze. Shit.
"Why are there singe holes all over this barn?" Konner jumped turning around faceing an unamused Clark, who stood frowning at the both of you with his arms crossed. You and konner shared a look then peered around the barn...There was lots of them.. Some were just peep holes others longer and had charred lines around them. In all the fun youd both forgot where you were, and the barn now looked like it had taken a spray of bullets from a firing squad.
"Well? Konner? Y/n?" You cleared your throat and smoved to stand beside Konner
"Konner was...practicing, training" Clark raised an eyebrow shifti g his weight to one foot.
"Hmm? what exactly? See how he could burn the barn down without setting it on fire?" You both winced at his tone...He really wasnt impressed.
"You know this barn is older then me? It survived me growing up playing in it, yet an afternoon with the both of you and it looks about ready  to keel over?....What were you both doing?" You moved to open your mouth but Clark stopped you holding up a hand.
"And if you try to get smart with me and say training again your going to be grounded for much longer then you already are young lady!" You flinched back. Wow. He had never spoke to you like that...Well not since you met him, he was always so laid back and fun, the type of adult you listened to because they were so chill but who knew he could switch over to no nonsense stern dad so effortlessly... You wavered uncertain how to approach him like this, it had been a while since youd cared about an adults opinion of you and you really didn't want Clark to hate you turning you looked to konner for help.
"Well...we were seeing how accurate my aim was...So y/n was throwing popcorn cernals and I was trying to pop them....I did miss a few times." Clark blinked then scanned the barn. He sighed shaking his head at his son exasperated.
"Konner... We've spoke about this I will take you to the fortress to train, but not here you could hurt yourself!" Clark stopped his scolding when he saw you take a large step infront of konner
"It was my fault I wanted to see so I came up with the idea...He was just trying to cheer me up." You stood firm shaking a little, you didn't like Clark raising his voice, he didn't shout but it was enough to make you nervous of him. He fixed you with a look making you cower from him slightly then sighed shaking his head, he didn't want you to be scared of him.
"Thank you y/n. But even if it was your idea he still knows how I feel about it I'm disappointed in both of you. Your both grounded for the rest of the week, this was very reckless and I don't want to catch either of you doing this again are we clear?" You both nodded to him solonmly resigning yourself to a few days being stuck indoors. He sighed then smiled a little to tell you the truh he was happy in a way, you'd become close and were up to mischief, which was good? You could both be a little reckless and act your age. You both had someone to let loose with. But he couldn't help worrying over the two of you. Had you got to carried away the barn could have collapsed,  yes konner would have most likely got you both out but you were already hurt, already vulnerable and fragile.  He really didn't want to risk anything. Luckily it hadn't come to that and the damage to the barm wasn't that bad... A few new boards and a new cross beam at the top, regular humans would need to dismantle the roof to sort it out but him and konner could have it done in an afternoon, he would also have you help as he had no doubt that you'd encouraged your brother. He smiled chuckling catching the two teens by surprise.
"Popcorn...I mean it was obvious right?..Wish I'd thought of that one...Any way lets start sorting this out befor Ma gets home shouldn't take to long not like the time I-" he caught him slef noticing the looks he was getting.
"What did you do to the barn?" You asked breaking the silence as konner waited both eager to hear what Clark had gotten up to when he was little. He cleared his throat
"Never you mind, now come on get to it, start picking up all that corn the we can see about plugging some of those holes" you shared a look with konner moving slowly collecting the corn as Clark moved to the back of the barn inspecting the damage.
"What do you think he did?" Konner shrugged
"Not sure apparently according to Grandma he was a little goody two shoes so... it couldn't have been that bad"
"Im gonna ask her when she gets back" konner froze and shook his head.
"No dont! Do not do that! We don't wana be in trouble with Grandma ever, dads a piece of piss to deal with but Grandma? She is a different beast altogether...To clever with punishments I mean she perfected her methods on him... She knows what shes doing" you blinked at him.
"We? You mean you I wont get in to much trouble...I mean evidence points to you, your the one with laser eyes." You smirked impishly at him as he looked shocked.
"You'd throw me under the bus? Just like that?" You nodded
"To avoid Martha's wrath abso-fucking-lutly sorry dude but Im not getting sucked into that shit show...Actually....Dont worry I got this she will never know." Befor Either on them could ask you'd closed your eyes then opened. Konner took a step back as they glowed bright. And sure enough the small holed were closeing, you coiled the fibres of the wood around in tight circles until the holes were all coveres feeljng aroh d the planks looking for them all. Konner gasped watching the way you manipulated the planks hearing a slight tiny creaking of the wood as it bended around itself.  You moved to the side looking at the damaged beam quickly knitting it back together filling in the two deep burns that ran across it. Slowly you looked back down to the other two and smiled.
"All done...The beam should hold I made the grain tighter where it was." Clark smiled as he made his way towards you patting your shoulder and giving a sweet kiss to your hair.
"Thank you y/n now I think we shouldall head inside dont you?" You stuttered as he continued past you and Konner. Who was gaping at you.
"That was so fucking awsome! You made that look so easy...Is it? Whats else can you dowith it? And your eyes shit! Even I was scared for a second..." you flushed fidgeting going all bashfull.
"Oh haha sorry for scaring you...And that was easythey were tiny holes to plug." You moved slowly following Konner and Clark to the house.
"You still gonna ask Grandma about what he did?" You nodded at him laughing.
"You bet! I wana hear about all the dumb shit he did" he smiled at you as you both made it to the kitchen. Clark had entered and was already sitting down at the table with a drink.
"Your both still grounded by the way" you pouted at him
"No fair I fixed it!" He rose a brow at you
"It wasn't about the damage, I want you both to be carefull, you were reckless and both put yourselves at risk unnecessarily so rest of the week. No phones, games or tv. No leaving the farm and you can help your Grandma and me with the chores..." you sighed and looked to konner defeated he only shrugged in responseas if to say 'nothing you can you do' you slumped down into the chair pouring yourself a glass of juice from the pitcher Konner following suit grumbling to yourselves Clark shook his head getting up placing his glass in the sink. Teenagers.
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noisyhideoutdeer · 4 years
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WELCOME TO MY CBFUL
OKAY, I AM GOING CRAZY. I HAVEN’T LEFT THE HOUSE IN 3 DAYS. FOR GOOD REASON BUT STILL.... I AM GOING CRAZY.
NOW BEFORE I SOUND LIKE A CRAZY PERSON, I HAVE BEEN A STAY AT HOME MOM FOR THE PAST 3 YEARS.
I AM ALSO A MILITARY WIFE.
MY HUSBAND IS CURRENTLY DEPLOYED AND I HAVE RECENTLY JUST WENT BACK TO WORK FULL TIME AND PUT THE KIDS IN SCHOOL.
IT WAS BEST FOR MY SANITY AND THE KIDS SANITY AS WELL.
WELL WITH THE COVID-19 STUFF GOING AROUND I HAVE LOST MY JOB UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE, AND THE KIDS ARE OUT OF SCHOOL UNTIL... WELL WE DON’T KNOW.
NOW, I LOVE MY CHILDREN WITH EVERYTHING I HAVE IN ME, BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY I AM HUMANH JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.
I MOVED CLOSER TO MY HUSBANDS FAMILY BECAUSE THEY WERE “GOING TO PROVIDE HELP” DURING THIS DEPLOYMENT..... THAT HAS YET TO HAPPEN. I MEAN I REALLY SHOULDN’T HAVE EXPECTED TO MUCH OUT OF THE PEOPLE WHOM ONLY GAVE MY MARRIAGE 6 MONTHS TO LAST. THAT WAS 4 YEARS AGO BTW.
BUT ANYWHO, I HAD THE CHANCE TO WORK 3 DAYS A WEEK FOR 10-12 HRS A DAY JUST TO KEEP MY JOB, AND WHEN ASKING THE ONE PERSON WHOM IS RETIRED IN THE FAMILY FOR SOME HELP SO I DIDN’T LOSE MY JOB I WAS PRETTY MUCH TOLD OH WELL TO BAD AND I ENED UP LOSING MY JOB.
AND THATS WHERE I COME INTO PLAY TODAY.... TRYING NOT TO LOSE MY MIND AND HAVE A MENTAL BREAKDOWN HERE AT HOME WITH MY TWO YOUNG CHILDREN.
ONE OF WHICH IS TO SMART FOR HER OWN GOOD AND GETS BOARD WAY WAY WAY TO EASILY AND WILL TEST ME TO THE BIGGEST EXTENT. SHE IS 4 GOING ON 14... I CALL HER MY PAYBACK CHILD.
NOW I CALL HER THAT DUE TO THE FACT THAT SHE WAS SO EASY AS AN INFENT, BUT COME TWO SHE HAS BEEN A TERROR. SHE DOESN’T SLEEP... EVER AND HER ATTITUDE IS THAT OF AT 14 YEAR OLD.... I LOVE HER TO DEATH BUT IF I HEAR THE WORD WHY OR NO ONE MORE TIME.... I MAY LOSE IT
MY YOUNGEST IS 2.5 YEARS OLD.... YES, MY HUSBAND AND I ARE MENTALLY INSANE I KNOW....
SHE IS AMAZING BUT SHE IS IN THAT TERRIBLE 2 STAGE AND I AM GOJNG CRAZY. TWO KIDS WHO ARE UNSURE ABOUT WHY THEY CANT GO TO SCHOOL AND YET THEY DONT WANT TO BE STUCK HERE WITH ME EITHER.
I AM ACTING AS A SINGLE MOTHER WITH MY HUSBAND IS GONE AND SOMETIMES ANY PARENT OUT THERE NEEDS A BRAKE... ITS NORMAL... OR SO I THINK IT IS, AND I HAVEN’T HAD A BRAKE IN OVER 7 MONTHS. AND I AM SLOWLY LOSING IT.
RIGHT WHEN I WAS GAINING MY INDEPENDENCE BACK FROM BEING A STAY AT HOME MOM FOR 3 YEARS I LOSE IT YET AGAIN.... AND I AM SO VERY UNSURE ABOUT HOW I FEEL BACK IT.
AND AT THIS POINT IN THE GAME ALL MY KIDS HAVE DONE IS CRY, AND BE CRANKY AND JUST YELL AND FIGHT AND I JUST.... I AM AT MY BREAKING POINT... I HAVEN’T BEEN IN THIS DARK OF A PLACE IN A VERY LONG TIME.
THROUGH OUT THIS BLOG I AM GOING TO BE NOTHING BUT TRANSPARENT AS I POSSIBLY CAN. I AM GOING TO BE OPEN AND HONEST AND PROBABLY AN EXTREME SCATTER BRAIN, BUT THATS OKAY BECAUSE I AM BEING OPEN AND HONEST ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT IS GOING ON IN MY LIFE.... SO WELCOME  TO MY CRAZY FUCKED UP BEAUTIFUL LIFE
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